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- [00:00]
Chelsea Handler
You're listening to an iHeart podcast.
- [00:06]
Kathryn
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- [00:35]
Chelsea Handler
All right, listen up people, it's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important and they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic Magic Wand to we Vibes, Couples Toys to the game changing Womanizer, pink to pinkCherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone, feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe Love starts with you Celebrate your unique story with Pandora jewelry. Crafted with meaning, love and exquisite artistry. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamels, personalized engravings and iconic charms, Pandora offers endless ways to express what's in your heart. Style your favorites with hand finished designs and playful cuts that reflect your individuality, Pandora is more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or online@pandora.net every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora Jewelry remind you that love starts with you. Love a good deal? How about a great smelling one? Pura is giving you a free Pura plus smart home diffuser when you subscribe to 2 cents. That's right, your home gets smarter and smells amazing. Choose from over 200 cents from your favorite brands and customize every room with the touch of a button. But hurry, this offer won't last. Pura Life is better when it smells good. Snag your free diffuser@pura.com hi Kathryn.
- [02:19]
Jay Shetty
Hi Chelsea. Should we get right into it?
- [02:21]
Chelsea Handler
Sure. I don't see why not.
- [02:23]
Jay Shetty
Jay Shetty's back.
- [02:24]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, okay.
- [02:25]
Jay Shetty
Oh, Jay Shetty is here. He's on his first live tour with the podcast the On Purpose Tour and he'll be telling us all about it.
- [02:33]
Chelsea Handler
Hi, Jay Shetty.
- [02:34]
Michelle
Hello. Hello. How are you?
- [02:36]
Chelsea Handler
Top of the morning to you. Where are you?
- [02:39]
Michelle
I am at home in la.
- [02:40]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, you're always at home in la. Well, you're not always at home in la, but whenever I see you on podcasts, which is primarily where I see you, you're at home in la.
- [02:49]
Michelle
Yes, yes, exactly. How are you? Where are you?
- [02:52]
Chelsea Handler
I'm in Whistler, Canada, enjoying the very last days of ski season, which are.
- [02:57]
Michelle
Wow, that's amazing. Oh my gosh, that's incredible.
- [03:00]
Chelsea Handler
It's my happy place. I, I wrote about it in my book that investing my time and learning how to ski and buying a place up in Whistler was the best medicine I could have ever given myself to achieve the next level of joyfulness in my life.
- [03:15]
Michelle
I love that. Good for you.
- [03:16]
Chelsea Handler
So, Jay, well, we have a lot to talk about. You're start, you're, you're launching a tour, your first in person tour on purpose.
- [03:22]
Michelle
Yeah, first time I'm ever doing a podcast tour.
- [03:25]
Chelsea Handler
So you're going to do live tapings of the podcast?
- [03:28]
Michelle
Exactly, yeah.
- [03:29]
Chelsea Handler
And will the audience be able to participate?
- [03:32]
Michelle
Yeah, I want the audience to ask questions. It's going to be highly interactive. I'm going to go out into the audience, we're going to bring them up on stage. There's a lot of exciting experiential stuff planned, so I can't wait.
- [03:42]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, that's very exciting. I'm glad for you. Congrats on all of your success. You're everywhere. I know you've been working with lots of celebs from Jada Pinkett Smith to Michelle Obama to all of these inspiring people. I want to ask you, how has your experience now, now that you like live in Hollywood, I mean, you know, so to speak, you're a big presence in the healing meditation, self help space and just kind of working on yourself. How has being exposed to all of these celebrities, how has that impacted your life? And how do you think our industry works with like benefiting from the work that you do?
- [04:25]
Michelle
That's such an interesting question. I mean, I think the first thing it's made me realize is just how human everyone is and how no matter what our career paths are, trajectories are, or how successful or famous someone is, that we're all dealing with the same challenges. You know, everyone is living in the same world, is stressed and anxious about being their family, about what's happening outside of what they can't control. And so there's a Real humanity that comes with it, which I. Which I really, really love. I think that what I found is there are far more people who also want to use their platform for a higher purpose and may just not know how. And a lot of people kind of found themselves into these very influential, pivotal positions. And a lot of people will say, I want to do something purposeful. I want to do something meaningful. I just don't know how to do that. I don't know what that looks. Because this is what my life has looked like for the past few decades. And so I find that there is quite an earnest, genuine desire to want to do good things and want to make a change, but not necessarily know what the vehicle for that is. And that's a really interesting conversation. And I think the other side of it is. I mean, how it's impacted my life is it's also challenged me to be really clear about what am I pursuing and what am I building. And so it's almost been a challenge for me, in a healthy sense, of being really clear about my purpose. I'm reminded of how valuable it is. I'll tell you a story. I remember talking to my monk teacher who's been a monk for the last four decades. He's 75 years old. And when I first moved to L. A. He said, you've got to be really cautious because you're moving to the capital of illusion. Those were his words. And. And I was really excited to move to L. A. Me and. Me and my wife loved L. A. And we were really looking forward to it, and we just love the sunshine and the nature. And I said to him, I'm working with a couple of people I mentioned to him, and he had no idea who they were because he hasn't watched TV or movies in, like, you know, decades. And he said to me, he said, you're so lucky that you get to coach them on all your future challenges. And I love that statement because it was this really beautiful way of reminding me that my life would not be free of those challenges and issues and, you know, dichotomies. And I think that that connection has always kept me focused on making sure that I keep doing the work while I'm trying to help people do the work. And so it's been a beautiful, constant reminder as well. I don't know if that makes sense.
- [07:02]
Chelsea Handler
No, it totally makes sense, because I always find it more grounding to help other people that are. Like, when you're involved with someone whose situation is dissimilar than your own, it's always like a nice salve on your soul to be able to step out of yourself in order in service of another person. Like whenever I'm feeling down, I'm like, okay, go pay attention to someone else's life. Help somebody else. Like that's going through something because that is a spirit lifter as well.
- [07:30]
Michelle
Absolutely. And you expand your radius of compassion with anyone you work with. Because I think a lot of us have this. It's like we all feel like our problems are the worst, which they are when you're feeling them. But guess what? Everyone else is feeling that way about their problems. And when you start to learn about how intricate the human mind is and how emotions work and how they're created, you start to recognize how everyone looks at their set of problems as really difficult and really challenging. Even if for you it'd be a walk in the park. And so it's really fascinating. Expanding your radius of compassion and because you start to be able to take on more, understand people more. And I think that's what I'm excited about is I get to travel across the world and work with people from all different backgrounds and all different walks of life. It's not just Hollywood. And to me, when I get to see people in different spaces and places, it kind of just allows me to recognize how much I don't understand about the human condition, how much more there still is to learn how judgmental I can be, how critical I can be, how how small minded I can be. And I love challenging all of that because I think it's really easy to think, oh, I have all the answers and I have the solutions. And then actually when you start working with more people, you realize you don't. And the most human thing, you know to do is to sit with someone and hold their hands and look into their eyes and just be present with them. And then you start realizing that that is the realest thing that people need and the truest wisdom. So it's like this counterintuitive idea of that. I mean, we've heard this for ages, but it's true. The more you know, the more you realize you don't know and how much more there is to learn and also.
- [09:08]
Chelsea Handler
To meet everything with love. Right? When you can come from a place of love, even when you're dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things that don't make you feel good, to just return it with love is a beautiful lesson that's not always easy to practice with every single person, but it's a great thing to remember not to meet anger with anger, not to meet resistance with more resistance. It's like treating. I always think about how you're supposed treat children. You know, when they're having a temper tantrum, you don't scream and yell at them. That doesn't get results. You have to sit there and, like, be patient and love them up, you know, I don't. This whole punishment and argument, arguing like that doesn't lead anywhere. It's just like this air. It's like hot air that goes nowhere.
- [09:49]
Michelle
Yeah, you've reminded me of this beautiful, beautiful thought from Russell Barkley. Russell Barkley once said that the people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. And so when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is, how is that a plea for love? How is that a pledge for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, whether it's anger, whether it's frustration, whether it's judgment, whether it's criticism, whether it's fear, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum or on the floor, like crying and bashing their feet and hands, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection. That's what they're looking for. And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace. And the sad thing is we don't get it. And because we don't get it, we retaliate even further. So I love what you said, and that's what I try and always imagine is what. When I sit with someone and I look at them, I try to look at them as the child that was neglected, mistreated, lost, confused, stuck, because that allows me to have the compassion for them that I might not have now that you assume they're an adult. As soon as you assume someone's an adult, you assume they should have certain behaviors, manners, traits. As soon as you recognize, well, they're just a kid in an adult's body, and you start thinking differently about problems and challenges. So that always helps me for sure.
- [11:22]
Chelsea Handler
And then how do you frame, like, accountability with people who are doing the work, who are adults. But obviously we can. We can take that framework and that attitude that everyone's a little kid, but then say you have a long friendship with somebody and their intention is to spiritually grow. They're having conversations and they're. But they don't seem to be making any movement or making better decisions for themselves. They keep getting themselves in the same situation. It's just like a, you know, a cyclical behavior. And, like, I have somebody in my life that I struggle with because I'm like, I can't help you anymore. Like, I don't know what to do. And I. I honestly don't have the bandwidth. And it's not that I don't love you. I do. But I don't know how to help you move towards what you think you want. You know what I mean? And so how do you handle those people who just kind of keep hitting a wall at an age where, like, I went to therapy, I learned my. I got my shit together and I made huge improvements. So I don't wanna be a spiritual narcissist and say, I'm better than anyone. But I. I did the work, I learned, I absorbed it, and then my output is different. So when someone can't get that ball rolling, how would you handle that?
- [12:31]
Michelle
The first thing I do, and I think you've already done this, but I think it's important to point it out. The first thing I do is I think about how many steps forward I took and how many steps back I took and how often I did that on my own spiritual journey. So I think about the time when I was that person who had all these grand ambitions and grand aspirations but still fell short. And I know in my spiritual journey it was plenty cyclical and plenty two steps forward, three steps back. And that allows me to have a expansion of my compassion again and empathy to be like. Actually, when I was on that transition and that journey, that's exactly what it looked like for me. I just forgot it because I'm somewhat on the other side now, and I've got better at those habits. So that definitely is what avoids being a spiritual narcissist. Because, you know, I think that's such an important part. The second part is this. I really look at it. If I don't have a professional relationship with someone, I try not to force accountability on them. I look at my relationship as being one of patience, of being one of encouragement, of being one of support. And. And what I found is that those people who aren't accountable, who are cyclical. There's this amazing meme I saw the other day, and I loved it. And on the top, it had five water cups and they were all perfectly filled at the same level, so they were all half full. And it said, this is not consistency. And on the Second tier, it had one water cup that was full, one that was little, one that was half one, one that was three quarters, one that was a quarter. And it said, this is what consistency looks like. And I thought to myself, that's so true. We think consistency is. I worked out five days a week, every day, every week of the year, 52 weeks of year. And the truth is, for all of us who work out or try and stay healthy, it's like, this week I've worked out five days a week. Next week I might do three. The next week I might do seven. The next week I might do four. And so I think recognizing that consistency on a machine looks perfect, but consistency and accountability on a human looks sporadic. And then the third thing, when it comes to you feeling exhausted and by the way, I relate to you. I have friends who I've given the same piece of advice to for seven years. And after seven years, I have stopped giving that advice because I realized that it is wasted, because that advice is not changing their life. And they don't have the capacity, the emotional availability or the intention to change or the attraction to change. And again, I focus on what I can control. I realized that often I was giving that advice because it sounded right, but they didn't really ask for it. They didn't really want it. They never told me they were accountable. And so I've started. I've stopped giving unsolicited advice unless someone tells me, jay, I am accountable to you for 30 days. Tell me what to do, and I will do it. Unless someone says that to me and commits that way, I just keep it as a casual friendship. I'm happy for them to have the same problems. Of course, I may not talk to them as often, and I'm okay with the fact that my life's going to move on because I don't want to take on keeping you accountable when you haven't committed to that. And I think that's on us to make sure that we create that clarification.
- [15:42]
Chelsea Handler
Because, like, okay, so that leads me to the next question, which is people who are not doing the work, which I think you kind of answered just now, like, how do you deal? And especially I think right now, you know, with the political landscape the way it is, and people are so frustrated and angry and scared, and people are dealing with, you know, people in their family who've voted differently politically and having to kind of maintain relationships in the name of being a bigger person. Like, not just cutting off relationships because someone voted for the person that you didn't want to win. But how do you advise people to handle this in the times we're living in? Because it is really obviously divisive and really scary for all of us.
- [16:24]
Michelle
Yeah, no, you're so right. And the amount of phone calls I get about that topic is high. I genuinely believe there's two ways this goes, right? You either have someone in your life who's willing to have an open and honest conversation, and this is probably rare, and someone who's actually willing to hold space for your perspective. I think that's actually become quite rare. And the problem is that's what we actually need. On the other hand, every time the topic comes up, someone's fuse flips, someone starts being derogatory, someone starts being combative, someone starts being judgmental, someone starts being a debater. And no one wants to have a professional and unprofessional debate at the dining table. And so I think the challenge is that's what we're dealing with. We have lost the ability to have healthy conversations where we have disagreements. There's a beautiful statement that I love from F. Scott Fitzgerald where he said that the sign of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two ideas, two opposing ideas at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. So the fact that you could actually hold two ideas that are completely opposite, that's actually what he calls a first rate intelligence. I think we've lost that completely. And the second part he says to that statement, which I love, is he says one should therefore be able to see that everything is hopeless, but be determined to make it otherwise. In other words, you also able to hold the idea that the world is in a mess, it's chaotic, it's crazy, this is insane, and we can still do something about it. And so I think now we've got very good at picking aside, even in hope. So you're either hopeless, the world's a mess, it's all over, or you're full of hope and optimistic. But we don't need either of them. We need to lean into the dark as much as the light in order to actually deal with the darkness. And so what I would suggest is if you don't have someone in your life who's willing to open up and have that conversation, sadly that is a disconnect. It is someone you have to distance from and it's not worth engaging because it's just going to create more turmoil, more stress, more ignorance, and more pain in both of your lives. And that's just the real. That's just the truth. I wish it wasn't that, but it is that. On the other hand, I would encourage the individual to find those people they can have those conversations with because that's just healthy for us as humans. Because guess what? When you wake up, you may be in a really positive mood, but it starts raining outside. That's what life is. Accepting that you can be in a positive mood and. And it can be raining outside at the same time. That's what we're trying to get to. We're not trying to get into a positive mood all the time, and we're not trying to be negative all the time. We're trying to accept that I can see both these things coexist, and I'm going to coexist in reality with them. And so I think, sadly, the reality is that a lot of people can't talk to the people in their life because that person will turn it into an argument and a debate, not a healthy disagreement.
- [19:27]
Chelsea Handler
But.
- [19:27]
Michelle
But I would challenge each person listening to say, can you be that person? To have healthy conversations, to see other sides, to see other opinions without making it a debate, because that's the kind of world we need to live in.
- [19:39]
Chelsea Handler
And also, if it's not. And if it's not a relationship that's gonna work for you, how do you feel about putting a pause on a relationship or cutting someone off if it's not affecting you in a positive way or if it's just proven to be too exhaustive?
- [19:51]
Michelle
Yeah. If something's always stressing you out and draining you and triggering you, you don't belong there. That's what I'd like to remind people. You don't belong in places that constantly drain and trigger you. Now you start there. Over time, as you strengthen and as you grow, you actually are open to the challenge. So the same environment that used to drain and trigger you when you grow and strengthen spiritually, now you're welcoming the challenge, you're welcoming the discomfort because you recognize you can hold space for it. And finally, you can actually find a way to even thrive in environments that originally used to drain you. And that's what spiritual growth is. Spiritual growth is not running away from painful places. Spiritual growth is strengthening yourself so much that something that used to drain you now challenges you and now actually helps you thrive. In the Gita, which is the ancient text of India, around 5,000 years old, the language that's used when translated from Sanskrit is relishing the battle. This idea that you relish the battle because you recognize the battle makes you more alert, the battle makes you more conscious, the battle makes you more present. It's the old adage from Buddhism that says better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war. And that idea that it's always good to train like a warrior to be able to be able to battle when you need to, but live in a peaceful garden than it is to be a gardener in a war who doesn't know how to deal with that stress and pressure. And so I love to remind people that spiritual growth is strengthening yourself to the point that what used to drain you now actually helps you thrive.
- [21:33]
Chelsea Handler
I love it. Love it. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with Jay Shetty.
- [21:37]
Jay Shetty
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, write into us@dearchelseapodcastmail.com. we'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on, but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues. If you have an issue with a family member or you need advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in@dearchelseapodcastmail.com.
- [21:58]
Chelsea Handler
All right, listen up people. It's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to We Vibe's couples toys to the game changing Womanizer, pinkcherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone, feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it. If you know you owe you see the world differently.
- [22:37]
Libby
Where others see empty lots, you see blueprints. Where others sit in lecture halls. Where future leaders choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action, Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential. With paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents. At Ferris State, students don't just study. They build. They lead. They succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build champions.
- [23:05]
Chelsea Handler
Love starts with you. So celebrate your personal style with new Pandora pieces that set a shining example for the world to see. Celebrate your unique story with Pandora jewelry crafted with meaning, love and exquisite artistry. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamels, personalized engravings and iconic charms, Pandora offers endless ways to express what's in your heart. Style your favorites with hand finished designs and playful cuts that reflect your individuality. Each Pandora piece is your blank canvas. At the heart of every piece of Pandora jewelry is love. Captured in the beauty of exquisite craftsmanship, artfully hand painted enamel and beautiful hand finished designs. Treat yourself to a Pandora gift that shines from within. Because true love starts with you. Pandora is more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or online@pandora.net Every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora jewelry remind you that love starts with you.
- [24:08]
James
Ready for another dose of mystery, mind games and psychological intrigue? The Hulu Original series nine Perfect Strangers starring Nicole Kidman is back for an all new season. This season, a new group of visitors with mysterious connections to each other journey to an exotic healing retreat set high in the Swiss Alps. In this opulent winter wonderland, the group is subjected to a unique vision of therapy that takes them to the very edge of sanity. As they peel back the layers in a series of shocking twists and character revelations, the retreat's leader reveals her own complex motives. As the strangers unravel before our eyes, everything is revealed in a visually stunning and intoxicating finale that will leave you breathless. Starring Nicole Kidman and with an all star cast including Christine Baranski, Murray Bartlett, Henry Golding, Annie Murphy, Mark Strong and King Princess, Nine Perfect Strangers is your next must watch drama. The season premiere of Nine Perfect Strangers premieres May 21, streaming on Hulu.
- [25:14]
Chelsea Handler
And we're back with Jay Shetty. This is off topic, Jay, but you look yoked. Very nice. Have you been working out?
- [25:20]
Michelle
I have been working out. That's the best. I love. I appreciate that. That's very sweet. I love that.
- [25:25]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, great. We're going to take some callers. Catherine, what do we got?
- [25:28]
Jay Shetty
We have some tricky ones today. So Jay, I know you'll bring your A game. So our first caller is Michelle. She's calling in from the Midwest. She says, dear Chelsea, my husband and I have two adult children living at home, 25 and 23, a daughter and a son respectively. Both my kids, who are really adults, are paying very minimal rent. Our daughter is working full time, planning her future and saving money while paying off her school loan. She has a significant other and plans on moving eventually when the right opportunity presents itself, hopefully soon. Meanwhile, our son, who is on the autism spectrum, is working a part time job, about 20 hours a week maximum and has absolutely no plan to try and better himself or get any kind of Schooling, training, even though it has all been offered to him countless times. We've tried our best to encourage him his whole life and have given him all the tools he needs to launch himself into adulthood, but he simply refuses. We've set boundaries for behaviors and expectations in regards to his computer gaming and taught him how to look after himself and the pets in the house when we sometimes travel. But we worry that with everything we've given him, why would he ever want to leave? Is it cruel to want him out of the house? There seem to be lots of state programs for people who fall on different places on the spectrum than him, but he doesn't want to explore anything past his current situation. He's just stuck and we don't know what to do to move him forward. Any suggestions? Michelle?
- [26:48]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, hi, Michelle.
- [26:49]
G
Hi, Chelsea.
- [26:50]
Chelsea Handler
Hi. This is our special guest. Jay Shetty's here today.
- [26:53]
G
Hi Jay.
- [26:54]
Michelle
Hey, Michelle.
- [26:55]
G
Thank you so much for taking my question.
- [26:57]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, absolutely. Where is he on the spectrum? Is it prohibitive of him? I mean, you said he could do many things but he's able to work, right?
- [27:05]
G
He does work. He has a part time position. It's at a grocery store. He gets a little anxiety, you know, he gets heightened at times. I would consider him high functioning on the spectrum. However, he does have some challenges and he's not building a skill set for himself because I think he's limiting himself.
- [27:25]
Chelsea Handler
Right, right. And he, does he have the right counseling? Does he have the right therapist? Like, does he have a support system in that aspect?
- [27:32]
G
He does have a therapist currently and he's working for the last six years. I think since high school. He's been working with this wonderful person, but he has to want to take the tools from the toolkit and use them. So we're trying to, I mean, it.
- [27:47]
Chelsea Handler
Sounds to me like he's got a pretty good gig. If so, why would he want to le. Which is what you basically said in your letter. Jay, what are your, what are your opening thoughts on this?
- [27:57]
Michelle
Well, Michelle, first of all, thanks, thanks for your question. And I'm sure it's been challenging on both sides. Right. These things are not easy. And when I think about like the question of when's the right time for him to move out, I think the better question is, is, is he aware of what it's going to take? And it sounds like he is. And as you both just said, he seems very comfortable where he is and so he has no need. And I think when I see people in that situation, sadly, what really helps someone move is recognizing that what is comfortable for them right now isn't going to sustain. And that actually allows people to build independence. And as you said, he has the right support. It's not like you're, you know, it seems like he's surrounded by a really great support system which is so important in this scenario. I would encourage you to find ways to do it in smaller doses. Is there the ability for you to travel where he's spending a day on his own with support? Of course. A weekend on his own, at home, even at the house on his own? Right. So he's not moving out yet. How do you kind of get into that middle ground where he's starting to learn to take care of himself in small doses, whether it's a weekend, a week, whatever that may be. So he starts to recognize, A, he gets confidence that he can do it and B, he loses the comfort that he gets to fall back on with you. And I think that is what we're really looking at. It's a confidence and comfort place. Now, of course we want him to be supported, we want him to be surrounded, making sure that he's not, you know, in a position that would compromise him or cause any discomfort to an extreme sense. But at the same time, I think it's doing that you need to go and travel, you need to go and live your life. You need to go and, you know, it sounds like you want to go and experience things and have more freedom for yourself. I think that has to happen first in order to help him recognize that this isn't a sustainable long term position for him and for him to have to build the tools and rather than going through the big leap and the big jump of having his own place, having an apartment, whatever that may mean for him, it's starting to do that at home. And I think if he starts to see that and starts to recognize that you're living your life, he'll then get the conscious independence to go and do the same.
- [30:07]
G
Yes, I agree. We have done that.
- [30:09]
Libby
Actually.
- [30:10]
G
We just returned from a trip. We were gone for a solid week and the house didn't burn down. He's here, of course, his sister's here as well. My daughter was here, so she's a couple years older. So she's here to facilitate some things, you know, problem solving things if needed. But basically we've been able to travel. So I'm grateful for that. It's just the point of moving him to the next step to get him confident enough to and also have the income to support it as well, which is a challenge because he is working a part time position. And I don't know that we're gonna have to like lean into something that's a little bit more sustainable.
- [30:44]
Chelsea Handler
Also, I think include him in the planning. You know, work together with him to come up with a plan so that he is part of his own future. You know what I mean? There's one thing to give somebody else a plan and be like, okay, you have 60 days and we need you to figure it out, which is not what you're suggesting anyway, but to actually give him some agency in his own future so that he can also work with you. Like, we're gonna all sit together and figure out how we're gonna move forward and what our timeframe is, what you wanna do, you know how you're gonna do this, you're gonna have to move out at some point. So let's figure out what the plan is to get you in a space and a spot where you are taken care of and you're making enough money to support yourself and let him be a part of that process. And also when you go away the next time, maybe make sure your daughter does give him more of the responsibility so that he can't depend on her and that she's not like insurance. Let him have two days where he's doing everything and he's not allowed to ask her for stuff and he's not allowed to ask her for backup to start actually demonstrating independence and start acting and living it. And I think that will infuse in him some more kind of self confidence and self, self assuredness. You know, I think that's. You just kind of have to build somebody up before you let them fly away. And that's what it sounds like you guys maybe need to do in addition to, you know, everything you've already done.
- [32:07]
Michelle
Right? Yeah, I would agree with Chelsea. I think there's. It sounds like naturally you've done this for so long and been amazing and been so supportive and been so loving. And it's always hard when it's almost like you've done all of that and then you want it to change. And I think you're in that in between stage and, and when I look at it from his position, I think Chelsea's planning point is spot on. Like, I think he needs to be invested in his future, recognize the value of it, be able to set timelines with you. I think when you set a timeline for someone, it becomes a deadline that puts too much pressure on them. Whereas if they Set the timeline with them. It becomes something they can aspire for and work towards. And for me, for him, confidence is going to come from competence and competence is going to come from discomfort. And so it's the removal of comfort that's going to build competence. And exactly as Chelsea said, that if you can find a way to really set those boundaries with him and his sister so that he's not overly supported beyond what he truly does need, that couldn't be taken away. And it's not a punishment, it's not done in a negative way. It's not like, oh, we're going to take this away. You know, I think it's done in a way to just say, like, we really believe in you. We can see that you have all these amazing skills and you've been working so hard. And I think that tone is so important too. I think when someone feels discouraged, they get disengaged and they start to feel like it's not exciting for them. Whereas this could be a really exciting opportunity for him to really raise to that barrier and raise to that next level. And so I really feel, looking at it from encouragement, excitement, aspiration, rather than like frustration, stress and comfort, if that makes sense.
- [33:48]
G
Definitely. Yeah. So we, we are working on encouraging him all the time. It's just, you know, it's. It's gonna be a process and we're working through it. And I think the first step would be to move the 25 year old out so she wouldn't even be a crutch in the first place. So we're working on that too.
- [34:04]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah. And you can motivate her by telling her that you really are trying to get his independence going and that, you know, like. Yeah, like. But that's all you're doing. The Lord's work. Thank you for taking care of your children.
- [34:15]
Michelle
Yeah, thank you.
- [34:16]
Chelsea Handler
In the way it's past the time that you're obligated to, so that's very nice also.
- [34:21]
Jay Shetty
And if you're finding that you're having like a difficult time having these conversations and like, really seeing movement, you could loop in like a counselor, you know, somebody who's a third party or a fourth party in this case with you and your husband or your son, just to sort of like help you set those boundaries, feel out what's appropriate in this really specific situation.
- [34:38]
Chelsea Handler
Yes.
- [34:38]
G
I actually saw a therapist about a year ago and her suggestion to me was to about wait it out and let him make the decisions, which you.
- [34:47]
Jay Shetty
Might be waiting forever. Yeah, we'll.
- [34:48]
Chelsea Handler
Never mind that Advice. Let's move on. These are your new marching orders.
- [34:52]
Jay Shetty
Yes. Yes. Thank you. All right.
- [34:55]
Chelsea Handler
Thanks so much, Michelle.
- [34:56]
Michelle
Nice to meet you, Michelle. All the best.
- [34:58]
G
Thank you, Jay.
- [34:58]
Michelle
All the best, Michelle. All the best.
- [35:00]
Chelsea Handler
Thank you. Bye.
- [35:01]
G
Bye.
- [35:02]
Jay Shetty
I feel like more parents just need to start, like, when they're in that situation and the child is ready, just start raising the rent, like 50 or 100 bucks a month, and soon enough, they'll want to move out.
- [35:10]
Chelsea Handler
This will be too funny. You have children and you're like, this is going to be amazing. And then they're 25 and 26. You're like, why are they still here?
- [35:17]
Jay Shetty
Like, I want to be an empty nester.
- [35:19]
Michelle
It's so hard. I see it's in South Asian culture. It's very prominent as well for people to stay at home until they get married. And I'm not. I'm not for that at all. And, you know, think it's so unhealthy. It's almost like, well, now you get married and you have to become an adult as soon as you get married. And it makes the marriage so much harder. It's. It's really, really tough in so many different circumstances. Of course, this was very specific and challenging for Michelle.
- [35:41]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll check in with her in a couple months and see where she's at. So. Yeah. Yeah.
- [35:47]
Michelle
I love that you do that.
- [35:48]
Jay Shetty
Well, Our next call comes from Libby. She's 31. She says, Dear Chelsea, I was born with a rare medical condition that has required over 50 surgeries over the course of my 31 years. It has to do with my urinary, digestive, and reproductive tracts and continues to present a host of issues. Half my organs are made up of other organs, and most recently, this one's fun. I had to have a vaginal reconstruction using buccal mucosa tissue from my lower lip like the goddamn movie teeth. The surgeon who operated on me was the first physician to understand how to treat people with my condition. Had I been born just a handful of years earlier, who knows what the outcome would have been? This doctor was brilliant, but had an ego the size of King Kong. When I first googled my condition, I found an article in which he was interviewed. The title of the article, the doctor repairs damaged babies. It goes on to describe people with my medical condition as experiencing anatomical anarchy. And the physician is quoted as saying, it's hard not to believe satanic power when looking at bodies ravaged by such a condition. Needless to say, I didn't take it well, especially as an Irish Catholic from Boston. I could go on about my medical trauma, but I'm looking for advice on how to date with such a complicated medical history. I have scars and different medical devices on my body. I have to do several medical procedures every day just to live a somewhat normal life. I've had boyfriends and girlfriends. That's right, 21st century. But for the last three years, I felt stuck. As I got closer to 30, people began talking about marriage and having kids. I shut down because the likelihood of me having a child is low. And even just the idea of letting another person close to the mayhem that is my Jack in the Box body is exhausting. I'm not lonely. I have lots of friends. And I don't even know if I want to get married or have kids. But I'd sure like to at least be at risk of getting pregnant. In my, what feels like hundreds of medical appointments each year. When they ask any chance of pregnancy, sometimes I lie just to make the medical assistant think I'm getting some. But I'm not and haven't for. Well, that's not important. The thing is, I know this is a mental block more than anything. What should I do? How do I let people in, in every sense of the word? Libby.
- [37:53]
Chelsea Handler
Wow. Hi, Libby.
- [37:55]
Michelle
Hi.
- [37:56]
Kathryn
Nice to meet you.
- [37:57]
Chelsea Handler
This is our special guest. Jay Shetty's here today.
- [38:00]
Kathryn
Hello.
- [38:00]
Michelle
Hey, Libby. Nice to meet you.
- [38:03]
Chelsea Handler
Well, Libby, the first thing I would say to you is that you really need to flip this script in your head. So the fact that you have survived all these things makes you a fucking badass. You're a badass. Your body has served you, even though it doesn't feel like that. And the story that you've been telling yourself is one. And I totally get it. You've been through hell, it sounds like. And that doctor, forget about him also. You know what I mean? Who cares about him? He helped you. And who cares what that article said? That's not your problem. Let him go do his thing and you move on to a happy, healthier life. But you're. You're like a survivor. You have survived all of this. That is a superpower. That is not a negative. That is a positive. That means you are resilient. That means you are tough. And that means you are able to probably handle anything that comes your way. And you need to write that down and read it to yourself every morning when you wake up that you are a survivor, that you are strong, that you are resilient, and that you are a badass. Period. That's what you need to be telling yourself and change this whole narrative around because you're sitting here, you're beautiful, you're healthy. Yes. You have contraptions on your body. That doesn't make you any less of a person, in my opinion. That makes you more of a person.
- [39:14]
Kathryn
Yeah, it's definitely an interesting story. It's a good icebreaker when I meet people.
- [39:19]
Chelsea Handler
Absolutely. Absolutely.
- [39:21]
Kathryn
A lot of stories to tell, I guess.
- [39:23]
Chelsea Handler
Well, a lot of stories to tell. But think about how you're telling those stories too. You know, you don't wanna be a victim. You wanna be like a survivor. You wanna be somebody who has experienced the biggest lows or the worst lows that a person can feel physically, emotionally, all of the things that you've experienced. And you're still sitting here. And you're vibrant and you're youthful and you have your whole life ahead of you. So you have your whole life to change this narrative. And it's gonna be much more bountiful for you if you change it right now. Jay, what do you think?
- [39:54]
Michelle
Yeah. Libby, I so agree with Chelsea. When we were reading your submission just now, I was like, libby's funny, she's clever, she's witty, she's smart. I mean, and that was just your description of what you've experienced. And now getting to meet you, really, what you've been through makes you stronger than pretty much anyone I know. And I actually think that that's what relationships really need is strength, is power, is empathy, is compassion. You must have the amount you've been through. You must have so much grit compared to anyone I know. And that, to me, makes you incredible. Like an incredible, incredible person to me. And here's the reality about dating. Dating is tough for everyone, and it's the worst and it's challenging and everything else. Right? We know that. We've heard that. Everyone talks about it. But what's beautiful about love and what we often forget is we think that we say, like, things like, oh, I don't think I'm going to find someone. Well, the truth is, love is rare. Real love is rare. If it wasn't rare, A, would we want it? And B, if we could be with anyone, then why would this person be special? The fact that love is rare means you're going to find someone who sees all of this and has the reaction that me and Chelsea have, where they go, libby, you are the strongest person I know. Like, I am in awe of you and I admire you deeply. That's the reaction you want. And by the way, that's not going to be an easy process. But that person does exist. That person does exist. There is someone out there who may have been through their own stuff, whether it be emotionally or physically. There's someone out there who's been through their own challenges, and there's someone out there who sees you for your truth. Now, when you decide to share the stories, which stories you decide to share is totally up to you. Never feel pressured, never feel stressed. The pacing has to be at your own time. It has to be when you feel comfortable. But the reality is that these stories will keep the right person close. And that's what I say to anyone who has any challenge like yours is something that you've been through that's really difficult. Even someone who has a particular anxiety about something. The truth is that just disconnects the wrong people. It just, you know, it attracts the right people and it distracts the wrong people. And that's how I look at it, where it's like you're just trying to attract the rare love that has the ability to understand. Be in awe. Be loving and compassionate and recognize what you've been through. And, you know, I was inspired hearing your story. I'm amazed that you're sitting here smiling and laughing with us and telling jokes in your submission. And to me, that's spectacular. So, honestly, you've inspired me today, and I think you're gonna inspire a lot of people, and I really, really, truly am rooting for you.
- [42:48]
Chelsea Handler
Thank you.
- [42:49]
Kathryn
Yeah, I definitely. It's a vetting process, for sure. I have a lot of really, really good friends who, you know, it's funny because I'm very open with them, and I work in healthcare. I tell my disability story all the time. It's interesting, too, because it's an invisible disability. Like, unless I'm naked, basically, you can't see anything different about me. So there's always kind of this shock factor when I reveal it because it's not obvious. So I'm very, very open about it in my professional life because it's, you know, I'm an advocate and with my friends, very open about it. And, you know, people have fallen to the wayside in the way that you're describing, even just platonically. People were jerks about whatever surgery I had or whatever thing that went on, or just people just not showing up for me, you know? Right. Like, this surgery that I had in. In December was, again, a weird one, a very interesting one, using mouth tissue in a vaginal reconstruction. And, you know, it was funny with my Friends. I was excited to tell them, in a sense, because I.
- [43:44]
Chelsea Handler
Isn't that fucking sick?
- [43:44]
Kathryn
Is that weird that they can do that and I can be open about it with them? But it's hard with somebody you want to be sexual with, you know, because you're like, this is weird. You know, you're going to see this up close and personal. It doesn't look different. I had a gynecology appointment the other day. Got top reviews. Looks amazing. But, you know, it's just hard. It's hard.
- [44:03]
Chelsea Handler
It's also something that you don't have to share until you want to share. You know what I mean? It's not like you have to. It's not like a resume where you have to be like, this is everything that I've been through. And now, okay, do you want to have sex with me or do you want to date me? It's not like that. As you learn and you grow with someone and you start to trust them, then you are able to tell them. And only when you feel like it. It's not. You know, obviously there are certain things on your body that you're going to want to, like, identify because of your letter that you have to address. But, like what you just mentioned and your vaginal reconstruction with your, like, who cares? Nobody's gonna know about that anyway. I mean, it's a good story, so save it for somebody who deserves to hear it. And also, you have a huge advantage also, that you're not. You don't know if you want children. You don't know if you want a husband. So the pressure also isn't there in that sense. So you have all of these great things going. So please write those first things down that I mentioned to you as a reminder every single morning when you get up, what you've survived, how strong you are.
- [44:59]
Jay Shetty
I want to recognize, too, you know, some of these, like, joking terms that you use, like the Jack in the box body and that sort of thing, like, that is hard won for you. I know, because you've been through so much. So in order to have, like, lightness and levity around this, that probably is something you've had to, like, cultivate and, like, it's. It's a lifesaver for you. But I also want for you to be able to rename some of the tougher stuff and be able to, like, send some gratitude and kindness to your body, even if that's just like doing a breathing exercise. I'm sure Jay can give us one. But putting your hand on your heart and Thanking your body every day, even if it's just for a couple seconds, like really recognizing that, like your, your body is doing wonderful things for you, even though it's, you know, it might feel like a betrayal at times. I'm sure it does. But, you know, some of the tougher stuff, maybe renaming that with something that feels kinder to, to your body.
- [45:53]
Michelle
That's beautiful.
- [45:54]
Kathryn
I, I'm really grateful some days because I do feel more in touch with my body than other people. And even, you know, I'm still very young, but even as my friends get older, they come to me when there's weird things happening in their body and, and they know that I have kind of greater awareness of. Yeah, I've just had to listen to my body, but now I need thanking it.
- [46:14]
Chelsea Handler
Yes.
- [46:15]
Kathryn
You know, that's right in touch with it in a different way.
- [46:16]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah, exactly. Okay. I love it. I love it. Thank you so much for calling in today.
- [46:21]
Michelle
So nice to meet you.
- [46:22]
Kathryn
Yeah, thank you so much. This is really sweet. Very cool to meet you.
- [46:26]
Chelsea Handler
Oh, great.
- [46:26]
Michelle
Aww, you're the best.
- [46:28]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna come back and wrap it up with. We'll take one more caller and we'll wrap up with Jay Shetty. Please tag me for the special because I get so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as many about my special. And my special is the newest thing out, so I wanna make sure all my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me. And I'll repost you. And yes, it's called the feeling. All right, listen up, people. It's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress, and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to We Vibe's couples toys, to the game changing womanizer, pinkcherry.com, has everything you need. Solo or with someone, feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe.
- [47:26]
Libby
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- [47:56]
Chelsea Handler
Love starts with you. So celebrate your personal style with new Pandora pieces that set a shining example for the world to see. Celebrate your unique story with Pandora jewelry. Crafted with meaning, love and express exquisite artistry. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamels, personalized engravings and iconic charms, Pandora offers endless ways to express what's in your heart. Style your favorites with hand finished designs and playful cuts that reflect your individuality. Each Pandora piece is your blank canvas. At the heart of every piece of Pandora jewelry is love. Captured in the beauty of exquisite craftsmanship. Artfully hand painted enamel and beautiful hand finished designs. Treat yourself to a Pandora gift that shines from within. Because true love starts with you. Pandora is more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or online@pandora.net every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora jewelry remind you that love starts with you.
- [48:58]
James
Ready for another dose of mystery, mind games and psychological intrigue? The Hulu Original Series Nine Perfect Strangers starring Nicole Kidman is back for an all new season. This season, a new group of visitors with mysterious connections to each other journey to an exotic healing retreat set high in the Swiss Alps. In this opulent winter wonderland, the group is subjected to a unique vision of therapy that takes them to the very edge of sanity. As they peel back the layers in a series of shocking twists and character revelations, the retreat's leader reveals her own complex motives. As the strangers unravel before our eyes, everything is revealed in a visually stunning and intoxicating finale that will leave you breathless. Starring Nicole Kidman and with an all star cast including Christine Baranski, Murray Bartlett, Henry Golding, Annie Murphy, Mark Strong and King Princess. Nine Perfect Strangers Is yous Next Must Watch Drama. The season premiere of Nine Perfect Strangers premieres May 21, streaming on Hulu.
- [50:04]
Chelsea Handler
And we're back with Jay Shetty who's going on tour. You guys, you can see him live. Or is it Jay Shetty.com where people can get tickets? Jshetty.me forward/tour jshetty me forward/tour jshetti me forward/ Tour okay, great. Okay Katherine, let's what do we have for our last caller?
- [50:24]
Jay Shetty
All right, our last caller is James. He says, dear Chelsea, I'm a 33 year old gay man and I'm the youngest of four and I have two sisters and a brother. My sisters have kids ranging from 3 to 10 years old, six total. Between the two of them, for all of our lives, we've been severely emotionally abused by my narcissist dad, who also doesn't acknowledge that I'm gay. Because he's so conservative, he recently had one of his. His explosions. This time in front of the grandkids. My whole family was crying and emotional, but I was sitting there stoic. I accepted a long time ago there's no point in trying to tame a monster. My family always seems to let him back in after some time has passed. And I'm getting to my breaking point with what I should do if we all continue to allow this behavior. My mom recently made an appointment with a divorce attorney, but I'm skeptical of the follow through. I've been a vocal advocate for separation and I love my mom more than anything. So I don't see a scenario where I can leave her behind yet. It seems clear that we all need to leave him behind. How do I navigate this if not everyone is on board? Sincerely, James.
- [51:26]
Chelsea Handler
Hi, cutie. How are you?
- [51:28]
H
Good, how are you?
- [51:29]
Chelsea Handler
Good. Your cute little dog is there. This is Jay Shetty, our special guest today.
- [51:34]
H
Oh, hi. This is the coolest therapy session I've ever had.
- [51:38]
Michelle
Hey, James. It's so nice to meet you.
- [51:40]
H
You too. Thank you.
- [51:41]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, Jay, I'm gonna let you start this. What are your thoughts initially?
- [51:45]
Michelle
Well, James, first of all, I'm sorry you're having to go through that because it's the worst when you're in a family setup where you're not accepted, you're not seen for who you are, especially, you know, by your father. And of course, it's really, really challenging when I find that everyone else is able to look beyond someone's flaws because it may not affect them directly or it does, but not as deeply as it's affecting you. I think the really big challenge here, having worked with many people in similar setups, even. Even been through similar things on my own for myself, I found that it's really, really tough to push someone in a certain direction or to want other people to make decisions that then benefit us better. So I'm sure, and I agree with you, I'm sure you'd want everyone around you to treat your dad in a particular way so that it would be better for you. And I get why. I understand it. The challenge is all of those people are not going to change completely. And even if they change, they're not going to change sustainably. They're not going to be Consistent, as you said, they'll push him out, let him back in, push him out, let him back in. And so if I was you, I'd really, really be focused on what you can control and what you can solve for yourself. That allows to be. Allows you to be around people who are empowering of you, encouraging of you, supportive of you that are not draining you, that are not, you know, denouncing who you are, that are not taking away parts of your identity. But I don't think wanting and wishing and waiting for all of them to change and see what's happening is going to do the job. And I think you could waste a lot of your time and energy trying to convince them to get them there. And you're just going to be exhausted by it. And I'd rather you use all of that energy not to be exhausted, but to be engaged in things you love, to move forward with your life, to build a beautiful life. Because I think a lot of us waste a lot of time trying to fix something than we do trying to move forward. And when you're trying to fix something, especially when you're trying to fix people and their responses and their behaviors and their loyalties and their affinities, you will literally waste years of your life. And I don't want to see you waste years of your life because it seems like you want to have a good life and build a good one and build a great one. And I can see that from your face right now. And I'd rather you be focusing all your energy on that, because that will leave you in a place where you'll be able to feel fulfilled, have the life that you desire. And now whether everyone here gets you, understands you or not, it really doesn't matter. It really truly doesn't matter. So that's where I'd like to start.
- [54:16]
Chelsea Handler
What do you think about that, James?
- [54:18]
H
That's kind of where it's, like, gone. Since I wrote in, boundaries have been set. And it's really. It's just really hard because I'm like, I'm just disappointed in my sister, specifically because I'm like, we have all had the same shared experience of my dad, and, like, why aren't we all rallying around my mom like we should be? But they're not because of the grandkids and stuff. And so I'm just, you know, I've started investing more of my time in, like, my neighbors and friends and stuff that support me for all these things. And my mom, like, I've just been inviting her to more Things. I'm trying to just invest a lot of my time and can we just start doing things, me and you, you know?
- [54:58]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah, I think that's great. I think that's great. There's no reason that you need to have any further exposure to your father. And you can't control what anyone else in your family's gonna do. But you can set an example by extricating yourself from the situation. You know, you love your mom. You could spend time with your mom. That doesn't mean you have to spend time with your father. It doesn't mean you have to have exposure to his abusive behavior, his outbursts, any of that. Like you taking care of yourself is setting the best example that you can set for your family. Because you don't change people by asking them to change. You actually change by changing. You know, you changing your behavior is going to have more of an impact on them than telling them what they can do. So it sounds like you're halfway there. And so double down on all of that love and happiness and your friends and your neighbors and spending time with your mom alone and making sure that you show up for her. And it's not your fault to actually usher in their separation or divorce either. Just show up with love and compassion and be there for her. And that is the best way for you to like, move through this and just really take care of yourself. Boundaries have been set. Great. That's the healthiest thing you can do. You don't have to have exposure to someone who's abusive to you.
- [56:03]
H
That's the hardest part because like when we have these family get togethers and stuff, I feel like I am forced to be exposed to him. And I'm like, I am exposed to him, but at the same time, like the mental boundaries are there where I'm like, I can be around you, but I just, I have zero respect for you. I don't like you at all. Like, I wish you would go away because we get together like every week. So it's hard, constantly exposed.
- [56:28]
Chelsea Handler
But do you have to, do you have to go and expose yourself? Like, can't you skip those and spend separate time with your family where your dad's not there?
- [56:36]
H
I would love to. Like, that's kind of where I would like to be. But I feel like the family dynamic of it, especially with my sisters and stuff, they would start kind of hounding me like, you don't want to be part of our kids lives. Like, why are you skipping this and that?
- [56:50]
Chelsea Handler
But I mean, I, but no, that's not fair. That's not fair. They can't expect you to show up in a situation that doesn't make you feel good. You can foster a relationship with all of these kids without your dad. You can go over there when he's not there, so you can do all of those things. And I would encourage you to do so. Just say, I actually am setting a boundary for my mental health. I'm happy to see your kids. I want to see your kids, but not with our dad there. I'll do my own thing with them. I'll make my own plans with them.
- [57:17]
Michelle
Exactly. And I think setting that intention and making it aware that actually I love, you know, I love the kids. I want to spend time with my niece and nephews. I'm going to make memories with them. We're going to set experiences with them. Like, I think you can be incredible in that area. And actually being in that group dynamic is probably stopping you from being your whole self with them. And so they're probably not even getting the best version of you. They're not getting the most loving, most beautiful, abundant version of you, because you don't get to show that there because you're too busy having to keep your walls up and your guards up and, of course, protect yourself. And so I really think that it's also explaining to them that, hey, actually, this is going to be better for everyone. And because I get to be my whole self when I'm with you all, I don't get to be my whole self there. And I want more spaces. I can be my whole self with my niece and my nephew, with, you know, with your sisters, with your mom, as you said. And that's just going to bring so much more light and joy. And actually, they're going to see it. And the truth is, James, this is probably going to remind them of the courage that they know they don't have, because chances are, they feel the same way. Chances are they'd love to set the same boundaries. But it's really hard to do what you're doing. And so, if anything, as time goes on, I wouldn't be surprised if someone said to you privately, james, well done for doing that. I've been wanting to do that my whole life. You know, it's of. And that goes back to what Chelsea was saying, is that when you're setting the example and doing it not with bitterness, not with this, like, you know, anger, but you're doing it to say, I'm going to be my whole self. I want to be my best self. Right. I don't want to be my bitter self. And that's going to create so much more joy and love in your family than they're even used to. And so that will be a really, really beautiful experience for everyone.
- [58:55]
H
Thank you. That's. That's where again, I want to get to. And I feel like I'm on the way there, but it's just hard with seeing them every single week.
- [59:03]
Chelsea Handler
Yeah, no, no, that's too much. It's too much. You're not doing that anymore. Just take little steps in the right direction of everything that we've said and you're going to be in a better, healthier space and you're going to actually be more emotionally available for your family and friends once you're have less exposure to your father. So. Okay, well, will you touch base with us in a couple months and let us know how everything's going?
- [59:23]
H
Yes. Thank you.
- [59:24]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, cutie.
- [59:25]
H
This was so great. Thank you so much.
- [59:26]
Chelsea Handler
You're so welcome. Thanks for calling in.
- [59:29]
H
Bye.
- [59:30]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, Jay, we have to get you out of here now. Everyone can go see Jay on tour. It's his on purpose tour. You can listen to his on purpose podcast, which is an award winning podcast. He has a best selling book. I mean, he's everywhere. You can follow him on Instagram, Shenny. And if you want Tickets, it's Jay Shetty.com forward/tour. Right? Wait, Jay Shetty Shetty Mercury Jay.
- [59:54]
Michelle
Because Jay Shetty won't sell it to me. Jay Shetty won't sell me the dot com. Whoever.
- [59:59]
Chelsea Handler
I know. I had that problem once too, but I got my name back.
- [60:02]
Jay Shetty
The link in the show notes.
- [60:03]
Chelsea Handler
Sorry that you did it, Jay.
- [60:05]
Michelle
Sorry. I'm trying, I'm trying.
- [60:08]
Chelsea Handler
Okay, have a great day, Jay. It was so wonderful to see.
- [60:11]
Michelle
Enjoy the rest of your time skiing and I hope I get to see you soon in person.
- [60:14]
Chelsea Handler
I do too.
- [60:15]
Michelle
So much fun. Thanks for having me. You're the best.
- [60:17]
Chelsea Handler
Bye bye. Thank you.
- [60:17]
Michelle
Thank you guys. Thank you so much. It was so much fun.
- [60:21]
Chelsea Handler
Do do do do do do. Drum roll. Catherine, please. And abroad Broad is my European tour. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the hell out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.
- [60:56]
Jay Shetty
That sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad.
- [60:59]
Chelsea Handler
I know. I want to go see me abroad and there I'll be there. I'll be excellent. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo. Doing my residency on July 5th will be the next date that I'm there. July 5th, August 30th and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing inside myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.
- [61:38]
Jay Shetty
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into dearchelseapodcastmail.com Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching ear ChelseaPod Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive Producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.
- [61:58]
Chelsea Handler
All right, listen up people. It's Chelsea Handler and we need to talk about something really important. And they're called orgasms. If you're not making them a priority, PinkCherry.com is here to fix that. Orgasms boost your mood, lower stress and help you sleep. And let's be honest, we could all use a little release these days. From the iconic magic wand to We Vibe's couples toys to the game changing Womanizer, pinkcherry.com has everything you need. Solo or with someone. Feeling good is the goal. So go to pinkcherry.com and save up to 80% off site wide. You deserve it if you know you owe okay, let's talk about your liver. I know it's not the most glamorous organ, but it does a lot of heavy lifting from digestion to detox, detoxification even keeping you energized after those weekend wine nights. We all love a good cocktail, but let's be real, our liver needs a little help. And that's where LiverMD comes in. It is formulated by one MD Nutrition's team of scientists and doctors. Backed by clinical research and trusted by over 3.5 million people, 80% of LiverMD users saw improvements in their liver test results, plus more energy, less bloating and better digestion. Visit onemd.org and use code Chelsea to save 15% on your first order.
- [63:19]
Libby
You see the world differently. Where others see empty lots, you see blueprints where others sit in lecture halls. Future leaders choose Ferris State University to build something real. Ready to dig in and learn through action, Ferris State gives you the tools, the team and training to unleash your potential with paths to high demand careers and in state tuition for non residents at Ferris State, students don't just study, they build. They lead. They succeed. Visit ferris. Edu Ferris State University we build Champions.
- [63:48]
Chelsea Handler
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- [64:50]
Michelle
You're listening to an I Heart podcast.