Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dear Chelsea – Episode: Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky

Release Date: July 10, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Dear Chelsea, host Chelsea Handler teams up with co-host Catherine Law and special guest Monica Lewinsky to delve into deep and personal topics surrounding reclaiming one’s life and identity. Monica, renowned for her candid discussions on her podcast Reclaiming, brings her unique perspective on personal growth, healing, and navigating complex emotions.

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Main Discussion

Understanding "Reclaiming"

Monica Lewinsky introduces the core concept of her podcast, Reclaiming, emphasizing the multifaceted nature of reclaiming one's voice and narrative. She explains:

“In many ways, it's both personal to me, and I think the way that I see the world... It's like one of those things that we're gonna be thinking about and seeing our world through that lens a bit more...” [03:29]

Monica likens reclaiming to modern trauma, highlighting its significance in everyday life and personal development. She discusses how reclaiming encompasses both significant life events and smaller, daily moments where one strives to regain control and maintain composure.

Personal Anecdotes on Managing Rage

The conversation takes a light-hearted yet insightful turn as Monica and Catherine share their struggles with different types of rage:

• Monica on Road Rage:

  “I have really bad road rage. So, like, it's a reclaiming for me when I call someone a fuck face, but then I don't flip them off. I'm like, I pulled my calm back.” [04:07]

• Catherine on Temperature Rage:

  “I have rage about temperature. I have rage about, like, the temperatures of, like, refrigerated items... I just did this here in this podcast studio. It was a fudgeing medium warm, like a tiny bit cold Diet Coke.” [05:06]

These anecdotes not only provide humor but also shed light on the daily challenges of maintaining emotional balance.

Relationships with Family and Friends

Monica and Catherine explore the dynamics of familial relationships, particularly focusing on aunts and their influence:

• Monica’s Relationship with Her Aunts: Monica recounts memories of her aunts, highlighting the support and unique bonds they share.

  “I have a very close relationship with one of my aunts, my mom's sister... I see parts of them in me from that and in my formative memories.” [21:47]

• Catherine’s Experiences: Catherine shares her experiences with her aunt and cousins in California, emphasizing the importance of diverse familial relationships.

  “I have an aunt that I'm pretty close to. She lives in California... she explained to me why you never have overhead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier.” [22:32]

Anecdote: The Lighting Incident

A memorable part of the episode is Monica’s humorous yet relatable story about how poor lighting affected a date:

“I wanted to do that confident girl thing where I'm gonna, like, walk him to the door naked... I saw the look on his face change. And the invitation for him to cook me dinner never materialized.” [14:28]

This story underscores the impact of environment on personal interactions and relationships.

Nurturing Relationships with Children Without Parenthood

Catherine shares insights from her book about fostering non-judgmental relationships with nieces and nephews, emphasizing the importance of being a safe space for children.

“They will come to me with anything, whether it's drug related, guy related, sex... I never... can reserve judgment with regard to these three people in my life.” [19:13]

Monica echoes the sentiment, discussing her close relationship with her own aunts and the nurturing environment they provide.

Advice to Callers

The heart of Dear Chelsea lies in its interactive segment where Chelsea, Catherine, and Monica provide thoughtful advice to listeners' heartfelt questions.

Caller 1: Jules from D.C. – Coping with Professional and Personal Stress [29:03]

Jules's Situation: Jules, a federal government employee, expresses overwhelming stress due to political uncertainties, a demanding commute, financial strains, and fear of job termination.

Advice Provided:

• Catherine emphasizes creating boundaries between work and personal life, suggesting activities like meditation, exercise, and reading to cultivate a positive mindset.

  “Whatever it takes to get you there... you just need a break from the constant.” [32:17]

• Monica encourages finding compassion for herself and possibly understanding the other person's perspective, advocating for self-care and surrounding oneself with supportive friends.

  “Maybe holding some space for what she might be experiencing... open up about your feelings with no judgment.” [54:32]

• Chelsea suggests maintaining a cheerful demeanor when reaching out and not assuming negative intentions.

  “If you do reach out, I would just kinda be cheerful and say, hey, and how are ya?” [55:42]

Caller 2: Jeremy – Navigating Multiple Losses [37:10]

Jeremy's Situation: A 43-year-old gay man grappling with the loss of his dog, mother, and partner within a single year, leading to profound feelings of emptiness and questioning the purpose of continuing.

Advice Provided:

• Catherine advises viewing the difficult period as a transition and an opportunity for rebirth, encouraging Jeremy to honor his grief while looking forward to new beginnings.

  “This is a transition. And so just honor the transition you're going through...” [41:44]

• Monica highlights the importance of connecting with loved ones and finding ways to remember and honor the deceased, suggesting that their energy remains with him.

  “Feel free to speak to her. Feel free to talk to her. Feel free to know that she's coming to Greece with you.” [42:32]

• Chelsea recommends maintaining a gratitude journal to focus on daily joys and acknowledging small positive moments.

  “Writing down one thing, even if it's only one thing, every day that brings you a small amount of joy...” [44:29]

Caller 3: Jen – Being Ghosted During Pregnancy [50:04]

Jen's Situation: Jen shares her hurt over a long-term friendship that dwindled during her pregnancy, leading to feelings of abandonment and questioning whether to seek closure.

Advice Provided:

• Catherine advises letting the friendship go, focusing on current supportive friendships, and not seeking answers that may not be forthcoming.

  “I would really just focus on your friends that you have and just move on.” [52:07]

• Monica suggests approaching the situation with compassion, considering the other person's possible unawareness of their actions, and maintaining a friendly outreach without heavy expectations.

  “Try to step into maybe a little bit of compassion for her.” [53:01]

• Chelsea encourages reaching out in a cheerful and non-confrontational manner if Jen feels the need for closure.

  “Maybe reach out in a general friendly way. Like, hey, was thinking about you, how are you?” [55:42]

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Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with Monica Lewinsky reiterating the importance of nurturing current relationships while understanding that friendships can ebb and flow over time. Catherine announces her upcoming performances in Las Vegas, and Chelsea reminds listeners to reach out via email for future advice queries.

Monica also promotes her podcast Reclaiming, emphasizing its availability on major platforms including YouTube and Wondery.

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Notable Quotes

• Monica Lewinsky on Reclaiming:

  “Reclaiming is like modern trauma. It’s one of those things that we’re gonna be thinking about and seeing our world through that lens a bit more.” [03:29]

• Catherine on Temperature Rage:

  “There's nothing grosser than that. You know what I mean?” [05:36]

• Monica on Aesthetic Impact:

  “I will get some new mugs. I have one that says, don't be a dick. It makes me laugh.” [33:38]

• Catherine on Moving Forward:

  “Don't be a victim. You can lift yourself up out of it.” [41:44]

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Conclusion

This episode of Dear Chelsea offers a blend of humor, heartfelt advice, and personal anecdotes, all underscored by Monica Lewinsky's insightful perspectives on reclaiming one's life. Listeners are encouraged to navigate their personal challenges with resilience, compassion, and a supportive community.

Transcript

[Chelsea Handler]

This is an I Heart podcast.

[Catherine]

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[Monica Lewinsky]

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[Catherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

Hi Chelsea.

[Catherine]

Okay, Catherine, what do we got today?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, today we have a fabulous returning guest. One of our favorites. It's Monica Lewinsky.

[Catherine]

Okay, ladies. Hello. Hi, Monica Lewinsky. Welcome back to the show.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi Chelsea. Thank you so much. So happy to be here.

[Catherine]

Always happy to see your smiling face. I was recently on your podcast, which is called Reclaiming everyone, which is a fabulous new podcast that Monica launched with Wonder, which, by the way, you have the nicest podcast studio that I've ever been in.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, thank you. It is actually the Amazon music studio podcasty thing, so not my design yet, but one day I'll have a set, so.

[Catherine]

Okay, well, whatever. They hooked you up. It was sweet. I was like, this is a nice setup.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, we call that the good room. I'm like, we have to have the good room for Chelsea. I loved having you. Thank you so much for coming on. I've heard from people, friends of mine from around the world, how much they loved your conversation and are big fans of yours, so.

[Catherine]

Oh, well, thank you so much. I mean, I'm really happy for you in this, like, phase of your life that you're in right now, because I think the podcast is so emblematic of who you are from what I know of you. And you're having really meaningful, cool conversations with people. And it is called reclaiming, because why?

[Guest Speaker]

So in many ways, it's both personal to me, and I think the way that I see the world in the sense of, like, the kind of narrow definition of reclaiming is to get back something that was lost or taken from you. And I've had that experience personally. Like, they're big reclaiming. So for me, my reclaiming my voice and my narrative after Having lost it 27 years ago was a big thing. But there are so many ways and so many elastic definition. Or, I guess, what's a better way to say it? It's like, I like to use an elastic definition in the show. So it's really. I feel like I could sit down and have a conversation with anybody, and there will be a thread of reclaiming in there because they're big ones and little ones. And I really see it in some ways as in that wave that mindfulness came in, and we all started to sort of look at our world through a lens of mindfulness. I think reclaiming is like modern trauma. I think reclaiming is sort of one of those things that we're gonna be thinking about and seeing our world through that lens a bit more of this idea of what are the steps to try to pull something back in, whether it's big or for me. I don't know about either of you. I have really bad road rage. So, like, it's a reclaiming for me when I call someone a fuck face, but then I don't flip them off. I'm like, I pulled my calm back. I found my center, you know? Especially la. You have to be careful now. Like someone, I think the other year someone had a gun pulled on them on Sunset and Crescent Heights. That's crazy.

[Catherine]

I have rage about temperature. I have rage about, like, the temperatures of, like, refrigerated items. When I get something out of a refrigerator that's not my own, because all of my refrigerators are set to 34 degrees Fahrenheit. That is as cold as you can pretty much make it. And that's the temperature I like when I go into a refrigerator. I just did this here in this podcast studio. It was a fudgeing medium warm, like a tiny bit cold Diet Coke. There's nothing grosser than that. You know what I mean?

[Guest Speaker]

100.

[Catherine]

If you, if you don't have fully cold beverages, because obviously you have to replenish them, they can't always be cold. Then there has to be ice close by, right? I fucking hate. I have temperature rage. I hate. I hate medium, like, cold drinks that aren't, like, cold. Like, I want condensation on the outside of the glass. You know what I mean? I need to make your teeth hurt, they're so cold. I need to see the cold. I need to see the temperature before I have the drink. Even if someone's bringing me a cocktail in a restaurant, if there's not the right amount of ice in the cocktail, I already know I'm gonna have to send it back. And I mean, I have to be high maintenance in that way because I just need to be pleased just that way. Temperature pleasing. Yes, yes, yes. Same. When I sleep, it has to be at 68 degrees.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, I'm even colder. 68, that's like sweating. I'm boiling at 68, girl.

[Catherine]

What are you. What temperature do you sleep in?

[Guest Speaker]

Like 30 is what I would like. Yeah, that's what I would like. But I mean, as cold as I can have it, I like bundled up cold with blankets.

[Chelsea Handler]

Lots of blankets.

[Catherine]

Yeah, yeah. When I'm in Whistler, sometimes I have. I put, like, even in the dead of winter, I will open the windows and upstairs, you know, part of the house so that I am freezing. And then I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I'm in my bra and underwear and I'm like. Then I get back into that cold, you know, that little den, that snuggle den. And I just love wrapping up myself up in lots of. Lots of blankets. It's the best.

[Guest Speaker]

You know what? Sleeping game changer for me without batteries is a, like a heating pad has been a really big game changer of just, you know, they turn off after two hours. But it's like a little cuddle. You know, you can put it on your tummy, put it on your chest.

[Catherine]

And it doesn't get you too warm. Cause if you like to sleep. Sleeping 30 degrees.

[Guest Speaker]

I know, but I keep it on low, and it just. I don't know the one I have, it just somehow feels nurturing and it calms me down.

[Catherine]

Well, heating pads tend to feel that way. That's true. I got one of those air conditioning mattress pads where basically you can adjust the temperature to heat or cool.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Catherine]

So because Doug, my dog, won't sleep in bed with me because he has so much fur, so he gets so hot. So I was like, maybe if I put this on full blast, he can sleep on the cold next to me. Cause you can do it for either side. So I'm gonna try that when he comes back. Right now he's vacationing in Canada. So once I retrieve. Doug is a jet setter. He's trying to smooth things over with Canada while we are fighting international.

[Guest Speaker]

He did very well with the election. So, you know, thank you.

[Catherine]

Thank you so much. Thank you, Doug.

[Guest Speaker]

It's so funny you mention that, though, because somebody. I've never heard of that air conditioning mattress thing, and someone just mentioned it last night to me, so I think feel like the universe is telling me to get one.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, they have those fans that, like, go right under your covers and, like, blow right at you. I haven't tried one of those, but I'm like, I think maybe I need one of those.

[Catherine]

A fan under your covers. How's that work?

[Chelsea Handler]

It's like got a little nose that goes under your covers and then.

[Catherine]

Oh, I have a ceiling fan, so that helps me too. I need a ceiling fan on. I need multiple. I need rain machine, my sound machine on my phone. Then I need an overhead ceiling fan, and then I need air conditioning or a window open.

[Guest Speaker]

Right. That sounds pretty good.

[Catherine]

What do you fall asleep to? Do you listen to a noise machine at all?

[Guest Speaker]

No. You know, it's funny. So my niece and nephew have now started sleeping over, and they use a sound machine. And I can't sleep with the sound machine. Oh, dang. I don't know what's wrong with me. So.

[Catherine]

So what are you doing? Putting on Beats headphones when you go to sleep?

[Guest Speaker]

No, I just. I basically sleep for 20 minutes and then wake up panicked. Anyway, like, is everybody okay? Is everyone still sleeping? Are they still in bed? You know, so I don't have a sound machine, but I do love. Well, actually, my favorite, my probably best sleep is when I'm at the ocean. So when I can hear the waves crashing all night long.

[Catherine]

Yeah, yeah, that was my sound machine for a while. Were waves crashing. And then I moved to rain and then I moved to thunder. An actual thunderstorm. I like it to be as. I like to have it be as disturbing as possible while I'm sleeping.

[Chelsea Handler]

Slightly afraid.

[Catherine]

So, Monica, what are some of the things, I mean, you've had some really interesting people on that you've interviewed on Reclaiming, your new podcast. So what are some of the things that you've learned that have been inspiring to you from some of these guests?

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, my gosh. Every conversation I think I have had a moment where I've either said out loud or thought inside. Wow. You know, whether it's a moment of someone sharing a moment of vulnerability that I think I hadn't expected to see or feel. I interviewed someone yesterday who told me a story of how they had torn a muscle performing on stage. And there was an article the next day saying they were drunk on stage. Oh, my God. Instead of like, even understanding that she was in pain. And so those kinds of stories that people have to, even though that doesn't sound like a quote unquote, reclaiming story, they're part of these, I think, bigger narratives that we're seeing of what people go through and how they just sort of get back up the next day, you know, and move through something. So not sure that I haven't had enough coffee yet, but.

[Catherine]

No, no, no, no, no, no, I understand. I mean, it's a large qu. It's a broad question and it's hard to always, like, pinpoint everything, but it is an interesting medium to kind of be in, right? Like interviewing people, learning how to interview people, learning, like, the conversations that you're having and like, the meaningfulness behind those conversations, you know, what people are revealing. And I think, like, obviously podcasts right now are one of, like, the biggest, number one ways people are listening and getting their information, you know, especially if they want to, like, bow out from the news. So what are some of the podcasts that you listen to?

[Guest Speaker]

Well, I love your podcast, but I wanted to go back to something for a second from when you were on cuz I had a question for you. We had what felt like a really meaningful exchange around motherhood, not wanting motherhood. I was asking about if you thought from you were sharing about with your brother and stuff. And later on I realized that was I doing to you. The thing that just in a different version of trying to find a way that, yes, you actually maybe secretly did want kids, but here was this reason. There was this reason why you didn't. Did that feel that. Did it feel that way to you after?

[Catherine]

No, not at all.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay, so I don't owe you an apology?

[Catherine]

No, please. Are you kidding me? Not at all. I'm not like that at all. Things go in one ear and out the other, and I take very little personally. Even if it's personally directed on me, I still don't take it personally. I'm pretty good at that. Yeah. No, I mean, I think we all have to get a little bit better at that. It would be a nice, much more sane. A much more sane way to live. I know that I'm saner when I pay attention less to what people are saying, but I think it's always very interesting. Like, you know, it's such a privilege, right, to be able to have these kinds of conversations, to be making a living and, you know, talking to people about things that are interesting to you. So, I mean, what better platform to be able to get up every day and bitch about the temperature of ice or bitch about the temperature of my Diet Coke, you know, that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place. I was just thinking about the gym at my hotel that I stay in in New York. Like, I walked in this morning, and the lights were so br. Right? And I was like, oh, God. And so I texted my contact at the hotel, and I'm like, is there any way we could just dim the lights in the gym? Like, it's part of a. There's a hotel part, and then there's a residency part.

[Guest Speaker]

Okay.

[Catherine]

And they're like, so it's used for both, right? And I was like, it's just very fluorescent and very early. It's like, I don't think anybody likes this. And there's like, 15 people in the gym. And then manager text me back. She goes, actually, we've had requests to turn the light up. And I'm like, well, is there a time where I can go in where the fucking light is off? Like, these are the. These are the things that I'm sitting here. And I was like, I can't wait to get on a podcast today and bitch about all these things I always forget. And I want to know who's with me and who's not with me. So I thank you for the audience today, Monica, because you've.

[Guest Speaker]

You get to hear this I'm with you, girl. I am with you. It's so funny because. Probably a big overshare, but I don't know why I was randomly thinking about someone I had dated a long time ago. Then it was. We reconnected after probably over a. Like, he'd been married and had kids and everything in between. And it was great. Cause the tables had sort of turned where I was kind of more into him before, and now he was more into me on this date. And we ended up, you know, spending part of the night together. And when he was leaving, I was like, oh, I'm gonna do that confident girl thing where I'm gonna, like, walk him to the door naked. And I totally forgot that. The lighting in the entryway in this little studio I was living in in New York at the time was terrible, horrendous. And I literally saw the look on his face change. And the invitation for him to cook me dinner when I got back from my trip, like, never materialized.

[Catherine]

Oh, no.

[Guest Speaker]

I mean, it was that bad. Where I.

[Catherine]

Because of overhead lighting.

[Guest Speaker]

Overhead lighting. But it was also kind of fluorescenty. And it was just the worst.

[Catherine]

It's the worst. I've seen cellulite on my forehead under overhead lighting. Literally. I've seen things that I'm like. That can't possibly true. Truly exist on my body. There's no way that exists. I mean, whoever came up with overhead lighting? I dated a hotelier once, Andre Bellage. And he explained to me, yeah, Andre, who doesn't? He explained to me the Ben. I mean, he's a sprezzatura, a tastemaker. He knows how to make every place really warm. And, like, he makes good hangs, you know, hangout spots. But he explained to me why you never have overhead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier. You don't ever. You always have side lighting. Always have side lighting. So at my new house, there is very little overhead lighting. It's all on the side.

[Guest Speaker]

Oh, interesting. Yeah. I was told if you have overhead lighting that the light needs to go up. That there sort of needs to. The sconce needs to kind of hold the bulb in a way so that it doesn't.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's not putting down, like, a can light. It's like.

[Guest Speaker]

Or it's diffused somehow.

[Catherine]

That's a really disappointing story, though, that you just shared from someone. I mean, that really sucks. Sorry.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's horror movie lighting.

[Guest Speaker]

I've had way worse, you know, but it was one of those. It's just so. I mean, it's just random because I think that happened maybe 10 years ago and I was just thinking about it this morning.

[Chelsea Handler]

So it haunts you.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah. All the ways when we try, I think as women to try to heal and grow and mature and evolve all those things. It's like, at least for me, I find I try things on like, oh, okay, I read about this thing or so and so told me this story. And so I'm going to see if that works for me. And it's like I'm going to be the confident girl who just, you know, walks over to the door naked and it, you know, didn't work.

[Catherine]

It didn't quite pan out. No. That's okay, though. It's good to know. It's good to edit those people out of your life, no matter how they get edited out. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's okay. What we did talk about when I was on your podcast was it felt like you were really curious about my relationship with my nieces and nephews and how to kind of not replicate that, but how to have that be more of. I mean, it is a pretty big character in your life already, your niece and nephew, right?

[Guest Speaker]

Mm, yeah. Yeah.

[Catherine]

But you, unlike we discussed that, I'm someone who's never wanted children. You actually did want children and you don't have children. But we were talking about focusing and what it does, what it means to be present in children's lives without being a mother. So how is that working for you with your niece and your nephew? How do you see your role in their life?

[Guest Speaker]

They bring so much joy, so much joy to my world. And I think it was, I imagine you felt this way. Most people do. It is a shock the moment they're born, even though you haven't birthed them. It was, oh, I will get in front of a bus for this human being, like hour four, you know, or hour 10. That is already now an establishment. There is just this deep love and bond and I hope and I think I am a safe place for them to come and just kind of get loved up, you know, I think that that's. But also, you know, set boundaries in different ways, encourage. They're both so creative and really different and extraordinary children. I just feel so. I feel so lucky. And probably the best thing I did as an auntie is get car seats. So that allowed me to have my own relationship with them. And, you know, I get to help out a little. It makes it a little easier in moments for my brother and sister in law. But more importantly for me Is I think we just developed our own routines, we develop our own experiences together that I know I look forward to and they look forward to too. So it's very special. And now, as I said, they spend the night on occasion and they each have their own little nest in my bedroom. And there's the routine of that, which is great. And then by 8:30 the next morning, I'm like, okay, bye, bye, bye. After pancakes. Bye bye.

[Catherine]

I speak about these three girls in my book. I call them Poopsie, Whoopsie and Oopsie in my book. And I'm able to apply this more to them than I am to my nieces and nephews. Although I do judge my nieces. I'm more my nephews than my nieces. I have a lot of more latitude for women, obviously. But I really think like, the lack of judgment I think is such an important thing to, to bring to the table with relationship to children so that they can come to you with anything. And I know in my experience with the three girls that are in my life that I talk about in my last book, they will and have told me they feel, you know, like they will tell me anything, whether it's drug related, guy related, sex, they will come to me with anything. And I never. And for some reason I'm able to reserve judgment with regard to these three people in my life. And I feel like that is something as a child that every child needs. Right? They need someone that they can tell anything to, that there are no repercussions and there's just no shame put on them. Because it's so important to be able to just share stuff without being judged. And I'm a pretty judgmental person. Like, I have to work very hard on my judgment. I judge people all the time. So when I can really, when like one of them said to me, she wrote me this birthday thing and said, oh, you know, it's so funny. I could tell you anything. I could tell my father. I know I could say she calls me father. She goes, I know I could tell my father anything. I always tell you, you know, there's no judgment, blah, blah, blah. And it just made me feel like, oh, that is okay. That's something to focus on, you know, something that's been pointed out. And I want to get better at that with all of my relationships, children and adults.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, I mean, I have a very, I've always had a very close relationship with one of my aunts, my mom's sister, my aunt Debbie and I. In fact, when I was in my early 20s and was getting going to or needed to get a termination procedure, an abortion, however you wanna call it. I told her before I told my mom. You know, I didn't tell my mom until the night before, but my aunt felt like that safe space between a sister and a mom. And I have had different relationships. I have two other aunts, one of whom passed away, but that I've had, you know, different relationships with and more feel connected to both of them through aspects of myself that I see in myself. The artistic one is an artist and the one who passed made jewelry. And so I think that I see parts of them in me from that and in my formative memories from my formative years, too. Did you have aunts growing up?

[Catherine]

Yeah, I have an aunt that I'm pretty close to. She lives in California. I have a whole set of cousins that live in la.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Catherine]

So I'm very close with that side of my family. And my aunt is my. Yeah, she's who I lived with when I moved out here when I was 19 years old and told me that I would have to lose weight if I ever wanted to become famous. And she then. She denied that she ever said those words. And then we found it on an actual. She. I would say a year after year after year after I became successful, I'd be like, see, you told me that I had to lose weight if I ever wanted to become famous. She was. I never said that. I never said that. And then we found the actual footage on video of her saying it to me and my cousin Molly put it together and send it on our family thread and was like, yeah, here, mom, this is exactly what you said to Chelsea, by the way.

[Chelsea Handler]

The results.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, exactly.

[Catherine]

Oh, I was like, yes, you fudgeing said it.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, it's just. But I think there is something too about the way aunts. Like, I think about when I was in 10th grade and I wanted Doc Martens and people weren't really wearing Doc Martens very much yet, and I wanted to wear them with dresses, and people weren't really doing that yet. And even my mom was like, there's no way I'm buying you those shoes. And my aunt, you know, took me and bought me the shoes on Melrose. You know, I remember. And so it was. She just had a way of. And has a way still. We're still really close. I stay with her often when I'm in New York. And, you know, it's fun, it's great. But, you know, I think just the different ways that I think she would see me, you know, and also stretch those boundaries a bit. I saw my first R rated film with her, you know, so it was best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

[Catherine]

Yeah, that is a special relationship. I remember growing. I had also I had one uncle. I. Well, I had a couple great uncles too actually. But yeah, it is a very special relationship because I think about my nieces and nephews and they all have two aunts between my sisters, the three of us. And we're all so different, you know, we all provide something completely different. And on that note, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Monica Lewinsky.

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[Monica Lewinsky]

They're back and they're funnier than ever. DreamWorks Animation's the Bad Guys 2 is hitting theaters. It's the boldest, wildest, baddest comedy of the summer. I mean, this time everything's bigger. The action, the laughs, the hilariously questionable decisions. Everyone's favorite crew of criminals is trying. Emphasis on trying to go good. Spoiler it's not going well because they get roped into a heist that takes them all over the world by some new rivals. A slick, stylish and seriously bad crew known as the Bad Girls. This movie is packed with outrageous gags, epic action, and so many laugh out loud moments you might spill your popcorn. But here's a tip. See the Bad Guys two In a theater, the energy of the crowd will make every joke hit even harder. Kids will love it. Adults will love it. Your inner bad guy or bad girl will love it. Get tickets now for DreamWorks animations. The bad guys too. In theaters August 1st. Rated PG.

[Catherine]

Let me switch gears for a second and talk about one of our favorite sponsors. Vital Proteins. They're the number one brand of collagen peptides in the U.S. if you're wondering what collagen peptides are, they're essentially the key to maintaining a youthful glow. After 30, your body's natural collagen production starts to dip, and that can lead to lines, saggy skin, and joints that don't move like they used to. In other words, looking older. But Vital Proteins helps fill that gap. A daily serving keeps your skin healthy, hydrated and elastic. It even supports your hair and nails. And because it's unflavored, you can mix it with anything. So your smoothie supports your skin, your coffee helps your skin, and your chocolate milkshake keeps your hair looking thick. Go ahead and get some vital proteins. You can get 20% off by visiting vitalproteins.com and entering promo code Chelsea at checkout. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Fragrance should feel personal, and with Pura it does. Their smart diffusers let you scent your space with premium, clean fragrances you control from the app. Whether you are scenting for summer with PURA 4 or upgrading to the new PURA plus, it is the perfect way to refresh your home. Pura life is better when it smells good. I couldn't agree more. Head to pura.com and use code Chelsea for 20% off site wide. And we're back. We're back with Monica Lewinsky. We're gonna take some emails or callers. Catherine, what do we have?

[Chelsea Handler]

We actually have three callers. So we're gonna try and get through, get to all three of them today and then if we have two extra minutes. So I have a quickie at the end, just an email. So our first caller is Jules and she is in D.C. she says, Dear Chelsea, thank you for all you do, your advocacy and your light. Seeing you at the Kennedy center will always be one of my highlights. I'm a federal government employee and it's really tough right now. I have lots of anger, uncertainty, and resentment toward the current administration, my agency's leadership, Americans who voted for what's happening right now, and those who are misinformed about how awful it really is. I literally cannot escape the news cycle as I live in dc, I work for the government, and since my agency leadership has been silent, the news and Reddit are the only ways to learn what's happening in my future. I'm tired all the time from my new commute thanks to the return to office mandate. I feel like I'm bleeding money because of all these extra costs. I didn't expect gas lunch as dog walker. And on top of it all, we've been told that, quote, no one is safe from a reduction in force. My boyfriend says I'm getting irritable, which I am. Who wouldn't? I'm on a contract where I can't quit the federal government for another eight months without buying myself out. So I know I'll be here until I'm fired or things settle. The way things look, supposedly my contract will terminate in January. Do you have any advice on how to cope with all this uncertainty and find joy in this chaos? Thanks for being such a light in these wild times, Jules.

[Catherine]

Hi, Jules. Hi, how are you? This is our special guest, Monica Lewinsky today.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi. Oh, hello. How are you doing?

[Caller]

Well, thank you.

[Catherine]

How are your other colleagues dealing with this? Do you work closely with a lot of other people? Like, are there other people who are feeling the same, the same way that you're feeling?

[Caller]

Yes, for sure. I think a lot of us, no matter what, like, organization you're in, it's kind of the same vibe. People are pretty down.

[Catherine]

Yeah, I understand. I feel you. I feel like, you know, we can all relate to feeling pretty down, especially now, regardless of, I mean, obviously you're in a different situation with a government job, but I, I think the way to. So that all of the stuff that you're putting into your brain is not all related to what's happening with this administration is. Is kind of a goal, you know, Like, I start my day either meditating or working out without. Before I listen to any podcast or the Daily or read my Politico. Like, I. I just get up and I'm like, okay, this is gonna be a good day for me. So whatever it takes to get you there, I. I mean, if you have to get up and read a book for an hour, to just put you in a different. Trying to, like, create some different habits so that when you go into. Because work is going to be work, and that there's going to be people around you with that energy, and everyone's going to kind of be commiserating, and that's fine while you're there, but it shouldn't take over you. Like, I always think about negativity as a component of your life, but don't let the negativity run you. You know what I mean? So what are some things that you can do that will make you. You happier as a person? What are some things that, you know, make you happier as a person?

[Caller]

I definitely try to make a separation when I get home. And honestly, one of the silver linings is this is because we can't telework anymore. There now is, like, a distinction of, like, work and home. So when I do get home, since I can't work, I do a workout, try to get my mind off things to, like, have a reset, do, like, walks, things like that. So I do appreciate that. I feel like I wasn't just, like, a slump, especially for the first, you know, months where I was just, like, kind of in my own, like, little cave. So I'm emerging now to, like, do things that bring me more joy, like seeing friends, being more active. It's spring now, so, like, just.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Is that.

[Catherine]

Yeah, totally. No. I mean, the season alone is a reason to be happier. It's like, it's more upbeat. Everything you're saying is great. I think you should really, like, do that for yourself as an assessment. You know, when they're. When an hour or two goes by, when I don't think about the administration or the government, that's a home run. Like, if I can get through an hour or two and go to a dinner and it doesn't come up and I'm not thinking about it, I'm like, okay, mission accomplished. It doesn't need to be 10 hours of the day that you're not thinking about it. You just need a break from the constant.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's a really good point. Thank you.

[Catherine]

And also really try and find some books that you can escape to. Like, books to me are my salve always. Monica, do you feel that? I mean, I think we've spoken about that, right?

[Guest Speaker]

Yes.

[Catherine]

How important it is to have, like. This is a new book that I wanna recommend also. It's called the Mirror and the Palette. My friend gave it to me and it's fucking amazing. It's about female history and it's all about, like. It's just such an inspiring. Like, every time I read that, I choose to read that rather than to watch the news or read the news. I give myself an hour a day to read a book. And since this administration began, when I started to get really just immersed, Immersed, immersed, immersed in it, I was like, okay, you have to do something differently. And that's why I decided to do that every day. I'm like, I have to read for one hour every day. I'm not on my phone, I wanna think about something else. I wanna have my brain stimulated in a different way. So I think you just have to really figure out what those things are. If you're not a reader, force yourself to fucking read. Like, you will get into it. Just find a book that's great and you will get into it. Start with this book. It's gonna be fascinating to any woman. So it's called the Mirror and the Palette. But just really make sure you're getting outside, you're getting in fresh air, you're exercising, doing all. Write down things that you're grateful for. You know, there's a million things you can do to lift your spirits. And those are all mood lifters. Monica, do you have anything that you do to lift your spirits? I do.

[Guest Speaker]

I don't know if this would resonate with you at all, but I am very impacted by the aesthetic of my environment. Or pretty things or cute things. Just things that make me smile. And so I will go out and I'll get some new mugs. I know it sounds so dumb, but it's like one of the things you're doing in the morning is I'm making my coffee when I open the cabinet and there's a mug that makes me laugh. I have one from Lala. What's it called? Lala. It's the yellow coffee place. And they have this mug and it says, don't be a dick. And so, you know, it's like, it makes me laugh. And I Think just even it's such a tiny thing, but laughter in particular, or sparking joy, as they would say of. You know, I was at Disneyland recently, and I got a great mug from there to remind me, you know, so.

[Catherine]

I just got a set of mugs. Someone sent me a set of coffee mugs of me skiing in my bikini with my dog on my back. And I was like, oh, my God, what a great gift. So cute. You know, also writing. If you're a writer, spending an hour a day writing, I would just seriously carve out an hour of your day that's not socializing, that's not with anyone else, that's doing something like, specifically that feeds your soul. And it should be something. Whether it's like. I mean, for me, it's reading a book, but for. Whatever that means for you to just really be diligent about that. Especially now when. When. When so much of our time is taken up and attention is taken up with. You know what?

[Guest Speaker]

I'd also. Do you have a bathtub?

[Caller]

I do, yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

I would. You know something that's maybe a little less having to. To do because I. I might. I'm listening to Chelsea and I'm like, wow, you're so disciplined, Chelsea. I'm so impressed by you. And I'm like, I'm lazy compared to that, or I would figure out a way to not do that. But you. But I take baths a lot as a way to. And I make a ritual of it. And that sometimes can help too. I mean, your mind can wander to the dark places, but.

[Catherine]

And just the idea of. And saying to yourself, repeating to yourself that you wanna be positive, that you wanna be optimistic, you know, finding optimism in the dark is a skill set like that we have to work on and fine tune, but it is an important quality, and it's also contagious, you know, when you can really find optimism within dark times, you can also help other people feel better. So that's something to think about as well.

[Caller]

Thank you. That. That makes a lot of sense. I didn't think of it in that light, so that's. That's a really good perspective. So. Yeah, I appreciate it.

[Catherine]

Okay, cool. Thank you so much for calling in. And stay strong. Stay strong during this fucking fiasco we're living through.

[Caller]

Well, thank you. Thank you for your time and the advice. I really appreciate it.

[Catherine]

And if you want to cheer yourself up, you know, all these judges are ruling against every left right. Every time we turn around. So there's. That's joyful. George Santos is going to prison for six years. That's fun. You know what I mean? There's some good news happening.

[Guest Speaker]

I didn't hear that news. When did that come out?

[Catherine]

Oh, yeah, it came out the other day. He's got it. Sentenced to seven, Six or seven years in prison. Yes. I did a little PSA about it because I was so excited about the good news. I was like, I could use some. So, I mean, sure, Trump will probably end up pardoning him, but who gives a shit, you know what I mean? At this point?

[Chelsea Handler]

You know what? There is a gal who's on TikTok. It's Amanda Mild takes, which I think is a hilarious name on TikTok, but she talks about, like, all the things that are actually going right, so, like, take a look there. She's got some good stuff to say. Yeah, Amanda's mild takes.

[Catherine]

Great.

[Chelsea Handler]

So. All right, thank you so much, Jules.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Catherine]

Bye, Jules.

[Caller]

Bye.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's also a good reminder to sort of like, leave work at work. Like, these are the sorts of things I think that probably are keeping her up at night and she's roiling about them. But, you know, something that helps me sometimes, if there's like something stressful or I'm like worried about something is saying like, oh, I'm off the clock for that right now. Whether it's like a work thing, a family thing, whatever. Like, I actually don't need to be thinking about that right now. I'm off the clock. I'm like, in bed, it's four in the morning.

[Catherine]

Yeah. There is something nice to be, like, said about being so divorced from your work like that. You really just don't care anymore about your job. It's just a paycheck. You know what I mean? It's better than having to bring your work home with you, you know, because at this point, that's what it is, is a paycheck. How can she be passionate about something that's being threatened, you know?

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right.

[Catherine]

Well, hopefully we were some help to her. I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no, I think that was very helpful.

[Catherine]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

All right, well, our next caller is Jeremy. He says, dear Chelsea, he's having a really tough time. I'm a 43 year old gay man and I've recently had the hardest year of my life. A year ago, I lost my dog of 16 years. Two months ago, I lost my mother, who was my best friend. And three weeks later, my partner of three years left me. I feel like I've lost everything this year. I have no kids and no parents. How Do I keep going? What's the fucking point? Jeremy. Hi, how are you?

[Catherine]

Hi, Jeremy. Hey.

[Jeremy]

Not too bad. How are you?

[Catherine]

Oh, hi. This is our special guest. Monica Lewinsky is here with us today.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi, Jeremy.

[Catherine]

Monica.

[Jeremy]

Hi.

[Guest Speaker]

Hi.

[Catherine]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of the things that you've lost.

[Jeremy]

Thank you.

[Catherine]

While you want to honor, obviously, losing your mother, losing your dog, losing your relationship, but I would say a, you got a good run out of that dog for 16 years. That's pretty incredible.

[Jeremy]

Yeah.

[Catherine]

And how old was your mom when she passed away?

[Jeremy]

She was only 65, so she was.

[Catherine]

On the younger side. Okay. And were you able to be with her when she died?

[Jeremy]

No. And I think that's the hardest thing for me is not being able to say goodbye.

[Catherine]

Right. Okay. Well, on that front, everything you're describing with what's happening, I know you probably feel. I know how you feel. Cause you just said it in your letter. But I want you to think about this as like a rebirth. You know what I mean? Monica has a podcast called Reclaiming. We've been talking a little bit about reclaiming before we got on the phone with you. And anytime something like this happens where there's a run of events in your life that leave you feeling more and more alone, I truly believe it is a sign for you to wake up and have a rebirth and reclaiming your life. And it doesn't feel like that you wanna do that right now, but that's what this opportunity is. You're at not your rock bottom, because I don't really like that term, but I know that's how you probably feel. Is that an accurate assessment?

[Jeremy]

Yes, it's pretty accurate.

[Catherine]

Yeah. And I wanna tell you, this is not like, this is a huge opportunity for you to grow and for you to heal and for you to grieve, and all of those things can happen at the same time. Yeah. And so what are you doing to take care of yourself during this situation, during this time? And like, how are you getting through? Do you have a therapist? Like, what's your process?

[Jeremy]

Okay, yeah, yeah, I've been meeting with my therapist. I've been connecting with nature as much as possible, which seems to be helping. I'm going to Greece in a week for two weeks.

[Guest Speaker]

Great.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's really great.

[Catherine]

That's really awesome. I'm trying.

[Jeremy]

It's just you have these moments where you just feel so lost and empty, you know, without my mom. That's the hardest part.

[Catherine]

Well, I also want you to look at your mother in a different way. Like, your mother's energy is not gone. Your mother's energy is around you. Feel free to speak to her. Feel free to talk to her. Feel free to know that she's coming to Greece with you. You know what I mean? Engage with her like she's around you, because she is. I firmly believe that I didn't feel my mother's presence. I felt my mother's presence more after she died than I did when she was alive, when we were separated, like, when I was living in LA and New Jersey. Like, I cultivated a relationship with her when she died. That has been so meaningful to me. And you can do the same exact thing.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Catherine]

I'm really trying to allow yourself to grieve. It's okay. It's absolutely okay. You've lost three really important people in your life. That is massive. But it's also. So it's also an opportunity for you to, like, look ahead and see how you want to go through this grief and what you want to do on the other side of it. What do you want to accomplish? What do you want your life to look like? Can you answer a couple of those questions?

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I mean, I. I want to be in a loving relationship. I want to travel more.

[Catherine]

You're already doing that by going to Greece for two weeks.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

You know, one of the things I was. I didn't tell you, too, is, you know, my mom had. Had had a couple strokes that left her paralyzed for the past eight years, and I was also her caretaker, which I think was also hard for me because, you know, I don't have children and I don't want children, and it was like the universe gave me a child taking care of my mom. And I'm so grateful I had that time with her for the past eight years. But, yeah, that was hard, too. Is, you know, that's also a huge loss, you know, taking care of somebody for that long, and now I don't have.

[Guest Speaker]

Right.

[Catherine]

So. But these are all things that you did that you were wonderful to do. Being able to take care of your mother is like, that's a privilege, and you were able to experience that. So instead of focusing on the fact that you weren't there when she actually died, focus on the fact that you were there so many times before that. And saying goodbye doesn't mean anything because you necessarily don't need to say good. You don't necessarily need to say goodbye. If you subscribe to the theory that she's around you and she's with you. You know what I mean? Say Hello. And bring her with you. Talk to her all day long, especially during this breakup that you're experiencing. You can talk to your mother about this and assume that she's listening, because I really believe she is. And know that this is a period of time in your life and this is not permanent. Yeah, you're right.

[Jeremy]

You're absolutely right.

[Catherine]

This is a transition. And so just honor the transition you're going through, but keep your eyes up towards the sky. Don't be a victim. Like, don't lay down and go, I can't take anymore. You can. You've taken all of this on, and now it's time to move through it and kind of lift yourself up out of it. And I think this vacation to Greece for two weeks is gonna be exactly what you need. You know, I think that's gonna be like. Use that as a starting point. Like, okay, this trip is the beginning of the rest of my life, so how do I wanna live the rest of my life? And write down all the things that you want out of life. Write them down. Read them every single day. Make sure, you know, make this stuff happen. But, you know, you just want to change the channel and you want to pick up the vibe a little bit. And that's going to happen on this vacation. I know what's going to happen for you.

[Jeremy]

I really hope so.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

To use another tool from Chelsea's toolbox. Maybe you don't call it a gratitude journal, but, like, writing down one thing, even if it's only one thing, every day that brings you a small amount of joy can help you remember that. Like, in every day there is some joy. Even if it's like, this cup of coffee is so good, you know, as many things as you come to throughout the day, writing those down so that you. You have that to look back on and have that present in your mind. Like, here are things that bring me joy on a daily basis.

[Catherine]

Another fun. Another not fun. Sorry, wrong word. But another nice thing to do about someone when they've passed away is to take time each day to honor that person and to think of. Write down one of your favorite memories or your most meaningful interactions with your mom, either when she was dying or when you were young or something that happened growing up, whatever is meaningful. Like, if you take that time in the morning and do that to honor her. And it's kind of a nice way to help you get through losing someone, you know, and reestablishing what they meant to you and why your relationship was so powerful and meaningful, you know, And I think that's a great way to honor someone. And that way, you're kind of taking care of that first thing in the morning, you know, or whatever time of day you want to do it. You don't have to spend your whole day grieving if you can really properly grieve for, like, 10 or 15 minutes a day. Do you know what I mean?

[Jeremy]

Yeah, I totally agree with that.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Guest Speaker]

Jeremy, is there a reason. Is Greece significant for you, or did you have this trip planned? For a long time, I've been wanting.

[Jeremy]

To go, and me and my partner were gonna go, and when the day after we broke up, I was like, you know, fuck it. I am going to Greece. The next morning, I was like, I booked the trip. I planned everything out. It was a good distraction for me for a week, just planning all the detail. I also. I direct high school theater, too, and I. We did Mamma Mia this year, and Greece was, you know, mamma Mia. Takes place.

[Catherine]

Yeah.

[Jeremy]

Yeah. So we. I was like, why not go to Greece?

[Guest Speaker]

Fun.

[Catherine]

Where are you going in Greece?

[Jeremy]

I fly into Athens, and then I'm going to Mykonos for two nights, Paros for two nights, and then Crete for six nights.

[Catherine]

Oh, fun. I'm going to all those places, too. Really? No way. Set the stage for me, will you?

[Jeremy]

I definitely will, for sure.

[Catherine]

Set the stage for my arrival. But I'm glad you're taking this trip, and I can hear the sadness in your voice, and I just remember this is not a permanent situation. This is a moment in time in your life, and you're handling it well. I'm glad you called in, and I have very high hopes for your future, as you should, too.

[Jeremy]

Thanks, Chelsea. I really appreciate it.

[Catherine]

Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. Have the best trip.

[Jeremy]

Thank you.

[Catherine]

And go hook up with some random guys. Okay.

[Jeremy]

Yeah, that sounds good.

[Catherine]

Okay. Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

All right, thanks again.

[Guest Speaker]

Bye.

[Jeremy]

Okay, take care. Bye.

[Caller]

Bye.

[Catherine]

Bye. There's no better answer to when you're with someone and they break up with you or your relationship ends and you take the trip anyway. That's always the answer, is to go on the trip anyway.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, let's take a break and we'll come back with one more caller.

[Catherine]

Okay, great. We'll be right back.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Remember, the Bad Guys, they're back and they're funnier than ever. Dreamworks Animations, The Bad Guys 2 is hitting theaters. It's the boldest, wildest, baddest comedy of the summer. I mean, this time, everything's bigger. The action, the laughs, the hilariously questionable decisions. Everyone's favorite crew of criminals is trying. Emphasis on trying to go good. SPOILER it's not going well because they get roped into a heist that takes them all over the world by some new rivals. A slick, stylish and seriously bad crew known as the Bad Girls. This movie is packed with outrageous gags, epic action, and so many laugh out loud moments you might spill your popcorn. But here's a tip. See the Bad Guys two in a theater. The energy of the crowd will make every joke hit even harder. Kids will love it. Adults will love it. Your inner bad guy or bad girl will love it. Get tickets now for DreamWorks animations. The bad guys too. In theaters August 1st. Rated PG.

[Catherine]

Let me switch gears for a second and talk about one of our favorite sponsors, Vital Proteins. They're the number one brand of collagen peptides in the U.S. if you're wondering what collagen peptides are, they're essentially the key to maintaining a youthful glow. After 30, your body's natural collagen production starts to dip, and that can lead to lines, saggy skin, and joints that don't move like they used to. In other words, looking older. But vital proteins helps fill that gap. A daily serving keeps your skin healthy, hydrated and elastic. It even supports your hair and nails. And because it's unflavored, you can mix it with anything. So your smoothie supports your skin, your coffee helps your skin, and your chocolate milkshake keeps your hair looking thick. Go ahead and get some vital proteins. You can get 20% off by visiting vitalproteins.com and entering promo code Chelsea at checkout. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Do you want a home that smells as good as it looks? With Pura, you can customize your scent experience right from your phone. Choose from premium long lasting fragrances and let Pura plus and Pura4 elevate your space. It's scenting made smart just in time for summer. Pura life is better when it smells good. Head to pura.com and use code Chelsea for 20% off. Sitewide, Sonesta Travel Pass is the most rewarding way to travel. Sign [e-mail] for instant savings, bonus points and perks like early check in, late check out, room upgrades and free stays. Choose from 1100 hotels across 13 brands and unlock the best rates when you book with Sinesta Travel Pass Here today, Rome tomorrow. Join [e-mail] Terms and conditions apply. And we're back with Monica Lewinsky, who is the host of her new podcast called Reclaiming.

[Chelsea Handler]

So Jen is writing in the subject of her email is ghosted for being pregnant. Dear Chelsea, I worked with a woman for nearly seven years in a very grueling and demanding workplace. Over the years we became best friends. She hung out with me and my husband, became an aunt to our puppies, and was one of my closest confidants. Once I left that workplace and she moved to another state, we remained close friends. Instead of daily interactions, we had monthly facetimes and visits every few months where we'd talk for hours and catch up on life. I always felt a bit like I was the one instigating the communication. At the time. She had a much larger circle of friends than I did, so her time was definitely in high demand. But we maintained a close friendship. Then last year I got pregnant. She was so happy for me and even said she'd be an aunt to my child. We had two planned visits early that year that I had to cancel due to a first bout of COVID and then an emergency vet stay for my pup. She said she understood and we continued our facetimes. I sent her an invite to my baby shower and she replied that she couldn't make it but would be sending something. Well, nothing ever came and I never heard from her again. I also didn't reach out because I was late in my second trimester and had a scary car accident that complicated my pregnancy. I was pretty hurt that she stopped talking to me, especially knowing I was pregnant and dealing with a lot. Now over a year has passed and I have a beautiful baby girl. I still think about this friend and wonder why she stopped talking to me. I'm tempted to reach out sometimes to express my hurt and seek an explanation. But then I think that a friend who would ghost me during my pregnancy isn't a friend worth having. I have since created a close knit circle of friends locally that were so supportive during my pregnancy and now my life as a new moment. But my mind does come back to this friend frequently. Should I reach out at least for closure or just move on completely and leave this former friend in the past?

[Catherine]

Sincerely, Jen hi Jen, how are you?

[Guest Speaker]

Hi.

[Catherine]

Hi. Good. How are you guys? Hi. That's our special guest. Monica Lewinsky is with us today.

[Caller]

Yeah, nice to meet you.

[Guest Speaker]

Nice to meet you.

[Catherine]

I would let it go. I would let the friendship go. I would say you kind of have your answer. You know, some People don't really. Does this woman have any children? Sounds like she's single and child free, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, she's single.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Catherine]

Yeah. Some people just don't respond or react well when their friends get pregnant. Like they don't want to be in that scene. Like I, I've seen it happen. I, you know, and I've. I've seen it happen to friends and stuff. Like some people just don't want to be involved in that. And if she really did care or was interested, you would have heard from her at this point. Also, because you said you have a nice circle of friends, I would focus on that. I always like to focus where the light is not. You know, you're not going to get the answer that you're looking for. No one's gonna say I didn't wanna be friends with you. Cause you were pregnant. If that's even the reason. You know what I mean? No one's gonna say that. So you're kind of asking for something that you're not gonna get and you're just gonna further your disappointment. I would really just focus on your friends that you have and just move on. And if you ever hear from her, great. But it's also not worth a confrontation. That's what I think. Monica, what do you think?

[Guest Speaker]

Well, where I agree with you is on the focusing on your circle of friends that you have now. Which is great because friends are so important. And I think as we get older it can be harder and harder to cultivate new friends. So, you know, that's an important place to put your focus. I think what came up for me were my own experiences of difficulty when I. Some of my closest friends got pregnant. And not that I necessarily disappeared, but what it meant to be confronted with watching someone I cared about get something that I didn't have and that I really wanted. And that watching someone's life move forward. And so I just. What I kind of wanted to interject into this is maybe holding some space for what she might be experiencing because it may have. And I know you're hurt. I hear that's what you're saying. You clearly really care still about this person because you took the time to write this note. And so I just. I wonder what happens if you just sort of open it up about. Not to dismiss your feelings of having been hurt by what happened, but by opening the perspective of if you try to step into maybe a little bit of compassion for her. And maybe, I don't know, this person, maybe she's not very self aware. Maybe she isn't in therapy, I don't know. So I don't know how much she might be able to see her own behavior as connected to that.

[Catherine]

Good point, Monica. Very good point.

[Guest Speaker]

I forgot about that. You know, so it just. Cause I've been that person. I don't know that I ghosted someone per se, but I certainly pulled back and sometimes it even felt embarrassing, like I couldn't even say to that person, well, I'm jealous, you know, that's all. I'm happy for you, but I'm jealous. And so I also feel like it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Could just be, you know, with a couple of canceled visits, maybe she felt like, oh, maybe Jen doesn't have enough time for me at, at this point in her life. I almost feel like, like you said, maybe she's not super self aware. I could see myself in this position just not having reached out and like not realizing the hurt that I had caused. You know, so maybe there, I mean, if you do reach out, I wouldn't necessarily assume that she's upset with you or doesn't wanna talk to you ever again. I mean, if you do feel like you need to reach out, I would just kinda be cheerful and say, hey, and how are ya?

[Catherine]

Maybe for her birthday, without saying like, where have you been from something a year ago, just reach out in a general friendly way. Like, hey, was thinking about you, how are you? What's going on? That's kind of more, you know, I.

[Guest Speaker]

Don'T know about everyone else here, but. And I don't know how old you are, you look quite young. But I'm 51 and at this point in my life I've now had friendships that ebb and flow and I've had everything across the spectrum from you sort of have to have the conversation in order to move forward. And also one of my closest friends right now, we had a year or two where we didn't talk and my perspective of whatever it was, her perspective, we've never really even had a long conversation about it. Like we just re met each other in new spaces as evolved people and you know, so I think all those things are possible. The older you get, you just realize these things ebb and flow and.

[Catherine]

Yeah, yeah, no, that's helpful.

[Caller]

I think. I, you know, I am curious and also at the time it was such a meaningful friendship. Now that I have so much, my.

[Catherine]

Life is so full.

[Caller]

It's just overflowing with good things. I don't necessarily feel like it has.

[Catherine]

To be that same thing. If we were to reconnect it doesn't need to be this huge, tremendous, this meaningful friendship, but there is still value and care there for me.

[Caller]

Clearly that the hurt is still showing up.

[Catherine]

So, yeah, that's. That's helpful to just reach out and do it friendly. And then I guess also I worry.

[Caller]

If, if she responds in a way.

[Catherine]

Of, yeah, let's pick things back up. I think I'm a little more guarded now, you know, not kind of jumping in feet first and throwing myself fully back into a friendship.

[Chelsea Handler]

You also don't need as much from her at this point, you know.

[Catherine]

Right.

[Guest Speaker]

Well, do you feel like you have.

[Chelsea Handler]

A path forward, Jen?

[Catherine]

Yeah, I think that's helpful.

[Caller]

Thank you, guys.

[Catherine]

Oh, thanks, Jen. Thanks for calling in.

[Caller]

Yeah, thanks for having me.

[Catherine]

Thanks.

[Guest Speaker]

Have a good day.

[Catherine]

Take care.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bye.

[Catherine]

Okay, girls, we did it again. Another episode of Dear Chelsea wrapped up, problem solved. Left, right and center. Some serious phone calls today. I think we handled it well, girls. Monica, thank you. Everyone can tune in to Monica's podcast, Reclaiming anywhere you listen to your podcast. It's a wondery podcast, though I do wanna shout out wondery.

[Chelsea Handler]

And it's on YouTube too, right?

[Guest Speaker]

And it's on YouTube. Exactly.

[Catherine]

Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. Nice lighting on that podcast, I have to say, Monica. Very nice lighting. I saw myself. I was like, ooh, how dewy.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah, you looked gorgeous, darling.

[Catherine]

No overhead. Okay. Thanks for coming into studio. Even though I wasn't cute.

[Guest Speaker]

I know you owe me, girl. No.

[Chelsea Handler]

Same time next year, Chelsea. You'll be somewhere else.

[Guest Speaker]

We'll be here. We'll all wear pink and.

[Caller]

Perfect.

[Guest Speaker]

Much love to you.

[Catherine]

Love you. Love you. Take care.

[Guest Speaker]

Bye.

[Catherine]

Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August 30th. And then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself Golf at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelsea podcastmail.com find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching earchelseapod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

[Catherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Catherine]

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[Chelsea Handler]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Catherine]

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[Guest Speaker]

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[Catherine]

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