Chelsea (2:36)

Dear Chelsea Day. Dear Chelsea Lately. Dear Chelsea Later.

Unknown (2:38)

It's all the things.

Katherine (2:39)

You know what?

Unknown (2:39)

I always thought that was a brilliant piece of branding that you did. It's like everything you do has your name in it. It's beautiful.

Katherine (2:44)

Well, you know what?

Chelsea (2:46)

It's really hard to come up with titles so I rhyme with just. I'm planning a big tour next year, a big stand up tour and going around with titles. Cause tour names usually don't have my name in them. Okay. They usually are words. So this isn't unusual, but you're right. Everything. I don't know, is it good branding or is it fucking annoying? What did I have to say? Oh, I had something I was gonna say.

Katherine (3:07)

What have you been up to?

Unknown (3:08)

I actually have something to tell you about.

Chelsea (3:09)

Oh, okay, great. Hit me.

Chelsea Handler (3:11)

Dime.

Chelsea (3:12)

I've been taking Spanish lessons three times a week and I almost started crying during my class this morning because I was so frustrated. That's what she's dealing with.

Unknown (3:20)

Was it subjunctive?

Chelsea (3:21)

A 50 year old woman who's getting emot about not understanding certain things. Now she just only speaks Spanish, so.

Unknown (3:28)

Oh, that's tricky.

Chelsea (3:28)

I'm missing half of it. I mean, I'm assuming I'm gonna get it at some time, but whatever.

Unknown (3:33)

Yeah, you just gotta smile and nod sometimes. But I read this article yesterday that I was like, I have to tell Chelsea about this. It was in the cut and the title is this economist crunched the numbers and stopped dating men. And she's never been happier.

Chelsea (3:48)

All I see on social media is.

Katherine (3:50)

How happy women are who are alone.

Chelsea (3:54)

Single and child free.

Unknown (3:55)

Yes.

Chelsea (3:55)

It even goes on to how much longer we live.

Katherine (3:57)

I'm not trying to live longer, but.

Chelsea (3:59)

I know that I fucking will.

Unknown (4:00)

You're gonna live to like 120. But she talks about like she did the research and she was like, I could actually be doing. She was married to a man. She goes, I could actually be doing less domestic labor if I was single than being married to a man. Yeah, of course now she's married to a woman and they are co parenting beautifully and having a great time.

Katherine (4:18)

Yeah.

Chelsea (4:19)

And they get along and they actually can actually into what the other person might need ahead of the person asking. I mean I was just training with Ben Bruno. I went on to say, I'm at 85% from all of my medical issues this year. So I'm now back training with My foot is healing. Everything's good. I'm doing so well. I decided to pop over to Ibiza for the weekend for a friend's birthday celebration. So I'm leaving tomorrow night.

Unknown (4:44)

This weekend?

Chelsea (4:45)

Yes, this weekend. I decided, you know what? Fuck it, I'm just gonna go. I was like, I can't go. And then I was like, I'll kick up for a couple days and then I have to go to New York anyway. Cause, you know, the US Open is starting and I have some show in West Hampton.

Katherine (4:55)

By the way, there's still shows.

Chelsea (4:57)

Tickets for the 22nd, August 22nd, West Hampton. I've been staying with my friend Kat, who is a home. She should be a home health care nurse is what she should be. She is so such a caretaker, you.

Ray (5:09)

Know, and it's that you've needed it.

Chelsea (5:11)

I could take care of people in financial ways only. That is what I. And pep talks, you know what I mean? Like emotionally, philosophically, that kind of thing. But when I started staying there, because of course my house is still not done.

Katherine (5:23)

The new date is August 25th, when.

Chelsea (5:25)

I return from New York. And we'll see about that.

Unknown (5:27)

So anyway.

Katherine (5:31)

I was saying.

Chelsea (5:32)

Oh, when I moved in with her, I was like, listen, she cooks all the time. I was like, I really would like to learn how to do a couple of basic things. Like, I want to be a little bit more self sufficient. So she started out showing me, like, little things to do when you're cooking and how to use an air fryer, how to use an oven properly. Like, you know, I don't have the attention span. Like, my brain just. I found a word that describes me today. This is unrelated to my domesticity or lack thereof. It's called enumerate is somebody who doesn't understand math.

Katherine (6:04)

Okay?

Chelsea (6:05)

Like I. I can multiply, divide very quickly. Like, my cousin Molly can't add.

Katherine (6:09)

She.

Chelsea (6:09)

She. If you go, if, If I say, okay, we, it's three o', clock, we have to be somewhere at six. She uses her fingers.

Katherine (6:15)

She's like, three, four.

Chelsea (6:16)

And I'm like, okay. She's so smart. Yeah, yeah, she's very smart.

Katherine (6:19)

But like, I'm like, what?

Chelsea (6:20)

And I'm like, you know, I want to meddle with the multiplication tables. When I was in like third grade, like any multiplication, I mean, maybe not four digits, but, you know, but anything that's like long division over time, interest rates, anything like that. Fuck a recoup. I don't understand, you know? So anyway, I went and moved into Kat's house. That's who I'm staying with, my friend Kat, and she started showing me little things to cook, like basic recipes that I could make and then some. And within, like, the first week, we just started going out ordering takeout. And then last night she's like, I haven't cooked since you moved in, basically. And I'm like, I know you broke. I've broken you. I've made you into me. Like, I've turned you into me. Like, you know, bring us things, people. And half of the stuff I get delivered, I don't even eat.

Katherine (7:06)

It's so wasteful. Right, right.

Chelsea (7:09)

And so last night, she did cook for us, and I haven't learned anything. I mean, I think I know how to use an air fryer, which will be helpful if I ever move into my actual house. There's actually a shoot at my house on the 25th of August.

Unknown (7:22)

Well, fingers crossed.

Chelsea (7:23)

So, I mean, the construction company just has to know that. But I've tried this move before where I'm like, okay, I'm moving in. Ready or not, here I come.

Unknown (7:34)

So that was six months ago.

Chelsea (7:36)

That was six months ago. And then six months before that. But who's complaining? Because my life is beautiful and fun and I've been writing in my gratitude journal every morning. I have two gratitude journals. You write down, like, three things that you would make today a great day. Then you write down three things you're really appreciative of. And then you write down your mantra, your three, whatever, three things you wanna say to yourself that day. And then at night, you get it, and you're like, what are three highlights of the day? It takes less than five minutes.

Unknown (8:03)

I love that.

Chelsea (8:04)

And then I do my full one where I write down 20 things I'm grateful for or however many that page will fit. And that's helping most days. But today I started off, I did that, and then I took my Spanish all went out the window. It really pissed me off. And then I went to bed and Bruno's, and I got my strength back, and now my hair's wet from sweating because I took a shower before my workout instead of after my workout. I do things a little differently around here, people.

Katherine (8:28)

Okay.

Chelsea (8:29)

I'm working backwards.

Unknown (8:31)

Well, we have a fun guest today. She is all about the psychology of her 20s.

Katherine (8:35)

Oh, yes, yes. This is good.

Chelsea (8:36)

This is. Yes. All about the psychology of your 20s podcast. She is the host of and author.

Katherine (8:41)

Of a new book, person in progress. Please welcome Gemma Spegg. Hi, Gemma. So nice to meet you.

Chelsea Handler (8:49)

Yeah, lovely to Meet you both as well.

Katherine (8:50)

From America to Australia, Doug is coming in to say hello. Doug, say hello. Say hello. Doug. Doug, you have to look the other way. I love every time we feed him, he comes over to thank me. Oh, he comes over to say thank. Oh, no, actually, I think he wants food. Anyway, so Gemma hosts a podcast called the psychology of youf 20s. And you talk about. You have a lot of interesting subject matter and chats about what it is like to be in your 20s today. And first, I want to ask you what you think. Think is the difference between being in your 20s today versus previous periods of times.

Chelsea Handler (9:23)

That's like the million dollar question, right? I feel like if I could answer that in one word, it would be. There is more.

Unknown (9:31)

More.

Chelsea Handler (9:31)

More technology, more opportunities, which is amazing, but then also more competition, more of a choice overload, more pressing threats from the economy, from the climate. I think that there are ups and downs, right? There is. It's kind of giving with one hand, taking with the other. As a generation, you know, we have a lot more freedom. We have more options in terms of who we date, how we express ourselves, what we want to do for work. But that can also come with a lot of downsides and a lot of additional stresses that maybe previous generations didn't have to deal with.

Katherine (10:08)

It always comes back to social media for me. Right. Because that's pretty much the real. The real biggest. The biggest difference in our society is that everyone knows what everyone else is and when they're not invited. Which I think when you're in your 20s, you still care about that stuff. I mean, I think there's a lot of people in their 50s that still care about that stuff. So one of the things that you talked about recently in one of your episodes was about the ability to handle being disliked or the just ability to be disliked. So what did you learn from talking.

Chelsea Handler (10:40)

About that so much? It's kind of scary what you just said, that you still care about that at 50 sometimes. Because I was hoping that I would age out of that conundrum.

Katherine (10:50)

I think many people do and then some people don't. It's just like anything else. I remember growing up and having my friend's parents be so invested in my friend's life. Like, I remember her mom. I had two friends and their moms were just so interested in everything and wanted to orchestrate everything and be involved in every party and wanted to know everyone who had a crush on every. And I was like, these women are reliving out. They're living out their Fantasies vicariously through their own children. Like, how pathetic. But then, you know, you get to be that age. I mean, I don't have that problem because I don't have children. So I'm not, like, trying to live vicariously through them. But I've definitely seen some of my friends be trying to live out their fantasies through their children. Yeah, for sure. So that's a different beast.

Chelsea Handler (11:35)

I think it all comes back to, like, this very human, very instinctual urge to just be accepted and to belong and to feel like you matter. Like, one of my favorite quotes or ideas is that the only thing that anyone wants is for someone else to bear witness to their life. And that doesn't have to be a romantic partner. It could be friends, it could be your colleagues, anyone around you, you want to feel like if you were gone, people would care. And so that fear of missing out and that fear of being disliked, I think comes back to that very primal need. You know, any of those instances where you weren't invited to the party, you know, you weren't invited to your friend's wedding, even though you thought you were really, really close? Those are all instances where you're like, okay, maybe my perception of my social circle wasn't accurate. And that's really scary because that could mean that come the end of my life, come tomorrow, I could be a lonely person. Especially as, like, in your 20s. I think I've noticed this the further along I've gotten into my 20s, you're not quite sure yet how to ride the wave. Like, your first big friendship breakup is, like, huge and, like, life altering because you've never experienced it before. But you know, my mum, such a wise woman, she was like, by the time you get to, like, my age, like, you've had that happen and you know that you're gonna survive. Maybe like in your 20s, you just don't have that experience yet. I don't know if that's something that you found.

Katherine (13:03)

Absolutely. I mean, and the more you experience anything, the more used to it you get. You know, it's just like going to prison and getting anally penetrated every single day. And that didn't happen before you were in prison and you were like, oh, my God. And then all of a sudden, a few months go by and it's 5pm and you're like, okay, my boyfriend's coming over, and that's what's gonna happen in my life. So, I mean, unfortunately, the human condition. What is amazing about the human condition is we can almost acclimate to anything. I Think it's really all about a sense of self and it's about how much inner work you're willing to do between the ages of 20 and 50 to get to a place where you are so confident and secure in who you are that you aren't really swayable or as vulnerable to outside sources as you are to your own self esteem. You know, like how you feel about yourself is more important than how others feel about you. And how you feel about yourself is more important than getting invited to a something. But I know that's, that's more of a, you know, kind of philosophically spiritual way to look at things when you actually have enough experience or, and we've.

Unknown (14:06)

Kind of talked about this before, where it's like that doesn't necessarily just happen cause you get older. It is also something you have to put effort into and work to grow toward.

Katherine (14:15)

Yeah, because we can get upset about really small shit, right? Like you can get upset about the dumbest shit and you can also choose to not get upset about anything. You could get delayed and your flight could, you'd be at an airport for five hours waiting for a plane and be in a perfectly happy mood and read a book and occupy yourself, watch a fun show, whatever. Or you could be a fucking cunt about it and be sitting there screaming and pissing and moaning. You know what I mean? I guess you think sometimes you, you would outgrow that behavior, but it's also your personality and what you're willing. Like I used to have a very rageful, crazy, reactive personality. Now I go, I, you know, if things aren't going well or if I'm upset, I go within. I don't act out. I take my business upstairs and deal with it myself like a big girl. You know, I wish I had those tools when I was younger, but I don't think that's every 20 year old. I mean some 20 year olds are pretty mature and I'm sure you know, because you're doing this podcast so you talk to a lot more people in their 20s.

Chelsea Handler (15:13)

Oh, 100%. And also like we all have our heart, we all have our thing. So I'm gonna like fully call myself out. I really have never had a problem with people not liking me. Like that's a big one for me. And I see it as such a, a blessing also. You kind of have to have that attitude if you're gonna do what we do, right? Like having a somewhat public face, having people know what you're doing. I've just never had a problem with it organically. But when it comes to other parts of my life, I really, really suffer. When it comes to, like, anxiety over the future, overthinking my future, that's something I wish I could turn off. And then there's other people who will be like, oh, you know, I am paralyzed by this idea of people not liking me or whatever it is, But I have, like, no worries that I'm gonna figure it all out. Like, I don't worry about the future. Like, what are you talking about? You know, I don't think about, like, really big questions around, like, where I'm gonna turn up, what's going to happen? Am I gonna be okay? I don't worry about money. So I do also think that it's personality. And then it's just like, whatever your brain. I think the insecurity, like, whatever your big insecurity is, is what it latches onto. So maybe, like, anger is like, oh, am I worried that I'm not gonna be in control? And so I have this, like, very vibrant emotional reaction, because it feels like the biggest thing I could do to bring anything back into my control or any number of things like that, where it's like, it all links back to personality, but also insecurity and individual differences about what is your hard and what is your kind of journey through that as well.

Katherine (16:46)

You're saying heart. Like, heart. Like you're like a. Your organ.

Chelsea Handler (16:50)

Like, you're hard. Like a big, hard rock. Like, what is your hard.

Katherine (16:54)

Oh, yeah. I didn't know if it was the accident or if I was like, okay, she's saying hard. Okay. We don't use it that way. So that's good to know. I'm glad you explained that. You talk about breaking up friendships, which is a good subject matter, because that happens in. At any phase in life to people. And I guess the first time, it is the worst time. Right. It's kind of like it can be very hard to recover from that. So what have you. Did that happen to you?

Chelsea Handler (17:19)

Yeah, and it's happened to me a few times. And I will say there did come a point where it happened, like, maybe three times in a year. And I had to be like, I'm the problem. Like, this is not a. This is a me thing. It. It was especially, like, this very pivotal point in my life when I was leaving university college, and I basically had this huge falling out with my roommates, with this person who had been my best friend throughout my college university days. Like, best friends. We thought we were going to be each Other's bridesmaids. She was going to be the auntie to my children. And I think the reason. It. It was a breakup, but it felt more like a fizzle. It felt like we'd fallen out of love with each other. That there were these things that had always bothered us about each other, almost like relationship that we just kind of swept under the rug because we were friends when maybe if that was in a romantic relationship, it would have ended, decimated the relationship sooner. But because it was a friendship, everything was a little bit less. Just a tiny bit less intense. And it was this fizzle. And then it was this huge break where I just never heard from her again. Never heard from her again almost overnight, and never really knew why. And then you have to kind of go back and examine your behavior. And recently I actually saw her. She lives in Sydney now, which is where I live. And it was actually quite a beautiful moment. I was at. Do you guys have Sushi Train?

Katherine (18:44)

We don't have it, but I know what it is. Yes. Explain what it is.

Chelsea Handler (18:48)

Well, basically, I'm pitching anyone who's listening the Bespeak franchise idea for America, which is basically a tiny train. Like, you sit at, like, a counter, and this train carrying all types of sushi, like, comes around, and you can, like, pick what you want.

Katherine (19:00)

We have. We just don't call it Sushi Train. Right.

Unknown (19:03)

It sounds wonderful, though.

Katherine (19:04)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chelsea (19:05)

We know what you're talking about.

Katherine (19:06)

Yeah, that is wonderful.

Chelsea Handler (19:07)

It's vital for the story. So I'm sitting at one of these, and it's kind of like, onto the street, like, where I'm sitting, you can kind of see out these glass doors, and across the road, I see her and her. Obviously, her new boyfriend. And we haven't seen each other in probably two to three years at this point. And they're standing at the lights, and she's, like, looking at him, and she just looks so happy. So happy. And I had this huge inclination to, like, go out and run to her and be like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, I miss you. Yeah, I know it's been a long time. And I just kind of left it. I was like, she. Everything's worked out for her. She's got this beautiful boyfriend. She's in this beautiful city on this, you know, the main street. Like, she's probably going to get dinner. And I think it's also those moments where you realize how, like, with most breakups, you mature from it. You get something from it. Even when it's really, really painful. And that was just like a beautiful full circle moment for me.

Katherine (20:04)

Oh, that's nice.

Chelsea Handler (20:05)

At the Sushi train.

Unknown (20:06)

Yeah, at the Sushi train.

Chelsea Handler (20:07)

I do.

Unknown (20:08)

I love what you say about like you needed to examine your behavior in that moment because there had been a few relationships that fizzled like that. And I wonder, you know, there are certain times when like, yes, I'm the problem. And other times when you just find yourself outgrowing a friend group or outgrowing a friendship. And what would you say are the ways that someone can tell? Like, am I the problem? Am I the asshole here? Or maybe you just outgrew these folks.

Chelsea Handler (20:31)

That's a really, really great question. I think the best way to tell is, is your life changing? Is there something about your life right now that is causing a transformation or an evolution or, or do you feel like you're the same that you've always been? Maybe that's actually why your friendships are also fizzling. Because you're stagnant, you're unhappy, like you're kind of taking things for granted the other way. I think it's really easy to tell if it is you. That's the problem is the level of like conflict. Now I'm going to say this. For women, conflict does not look the same in their friendships as it does for men. And I was talking to my partner about this, about this like kind of fight that two of my friends are having at the moment. A very light, it was very intricate and he was like, how do you even, how did you even know that they were fighting in the first place? Like when you were in this room with them when you were having dinner. And I was like, it's the, it's the pauses, it's the silence. It's like you've got to remember conflict isn't an all out fight. It's. Are they avoiding you? Like, are these people perhaps excluding you not because they don't like you anymore, but because maybe you're just bringing a really negative bad vibe or because you've done something that's offended someone that you haven't owned up to. Those are some of the more subtle signs, I think, that there's conflict to miss.

Unknown (21:48)

Yeah, I feel like most men just like can't pick up on those subtle things, like just those intricacies at all.

Katherine (21:54)

For sure. Yeah, but, and I think, I think another topic that people are obsessed with and it doesn't, I guess it starts in your 20s, but it probably starts earlier than that is falling in Love. And I know you've talked about this on your podcast, finding love. And the idea that they may not find it, which I find to be just a silly, silly notion because I have never met anybody that's never been in love, you know, unless they're eight. So I find that most people do find love. Do you feel like it's different?

Chelsea Handler (22:25)

It's a really great question. Honestly, I wish that you could come on my show and tell people that, because I perfect. Like, I think they just don't believe it coming from me because I'm not older and wiser.

Unknown (22:34)

We get people writing it all the time.

Katherine (22:35)

I mean, people are constantly asking us this, that on our podcast. But I just always also, I just feel like it's one of those facts of life, like it's going to happen, and the longing and the pressing or pushing for things. It's like it's one thing to have an intention for something, but to be actively, constantly pursuing it almost defeats the intention of what you want. You know what I mean? If you spend so much time almost, it's almost like it becomes like you're begging for something and things happen in a natural way. And like, you have to kind of accept that that's one of the natural things that happen in life and that it will happen. Like it is very likely to happen, more likely than unlikely.

Chelsea Handler (23:15)

Here's the thing though, I think with everything else in our life, right, we're told to be really like, go for it, really proactive and to have like a five year plan, to have all these other things. Like if you want something, if you want the promotion, work for it. If you want the dream house, save for it. And then when it comes to love, you're right, you can put yourself out there, but there's nothing that you can really control. Sometimes that's where I think the fear of never finding anyone comes from, is that it's unpredictable. There's not like a. There's no structure for finding your soulmate the way that there's a kind of a structure for finding all the other things that you really want in life. And I gave this analogy to someone the other day, which is like, you remember when you were in high school and you, you just like couldn't wait to graduate and you thought about it like all the time and you were like, oh my God, I just wish that I could be done with this. And you know it's gonna happen, right? But there is still this like, longing that is filled with time. And it's like within that Time where you wanna make plans, you wanna do fun things that you just want this final closure of. Like, I'm gonna graduate, I'm gonna find the love of my life before the rest of your life kind of starts. Does that make sense?

Katherine (24:30)

It does, but it's just so backwards. When I hear that, it's like, before your life starts. I remember thinking that when I moved out to la, I was like, when my life begins, my life will begin. When I have a career, that's when my life begins. And all those years leading up to getting the career are part of my life too. But for some reason at that time, they didn't feel like it. It was like, when I become successful, that's when everything starts. That's when it begins. And I now realize how silly of a mindset that is, because, yes, I was driven, but I also missed out on a lot of being present and enjoying the time and the ride and the climb and all of those things. It was always a means to an end. It was always a temporary part of my life. And I'm not sure if that attitude got me to become successful or if I could have, or if there was more to be taken out of, like, more of a bite to be taken out of life at that moment. You know, I think when we have our minds so focused on our goals and we can sometimes, like, miss the forest for the trees, it's too much focus sometimes. It's one thing to have an intention and to know, this is what I wanna do with my life and take steps to get there, but it doesn't have to be every facet of your being. Just like finding a love doesn't have to require, like, all of your effort. It can happen in a natural, easygoing way when you have a natural, easygoing attitude about things, which I don't think you get when you're in your 20s. I think that takes time to build.

Unknown (25:58)

It does feel like one of the defining feelings of being in your 20s is that feeling of like, well, my life hasn't started yet, or I'm falling behind and, like, am I doing enough? And I'm not where I thought I would be by now. It's almost overwhelming. We get a lot of emails about that as well.

Chelsea Handler (26:13)

Oh, my goodness. I feel that way as well all the time. And. And it's exactly the same. It's like the predominant feeling. I want to say something, though, based on what you were saying, Chelsea, and it's the story of how I met my partner, because I totally believe in your philosophy. I went on like a full dating detox. Like, didn't date for a long time, was just like, I just, I'm gonna not gonna leave space for it. And then I think it was like six months to a year later. I was in like Bali with all my friends and they had all come out of these like terrible breakups and they, they just wanted to, you know, have sex, they just wanted to get laid. Like, they just wanted to have the fun holiday experience. And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna get on, on that. And I redownloaded the apps. The first person I match with, hit it off with it just happened. And we've been together for two years now, almost longer. And I think it's that, like, just let it, just let it be. But actually what your point was is in your 20s, it's kind of like. But when is the, like, when is the letting it be starting? Like, when is the, the chill time starting? Like, can I do that now? Or is that gonna like take away from the planning time later? Is that gonna take away from like the fun successful times? In my 30s, if I like take a time, if I take time off, if I take a break, if I'm not doing everything the way that everyone else is. The thing I always say though is like, what's this finish line we're racing towards?

Katherine (27:40)

Well, right. Cause it's like your life is. If you're, if your life doesn't begin until you 30, like if you're in your 20s, preparing for your life to begin, when does it begin? 25, 30. And then what happens when you're 40, 50, you're dead. Like, what is the cycle of, like the thought of a 20 year old? Cause I know when I was 20, I never thought beyond five years. Like, you know what I mean? It wasn't. Sorry. I never thought beyond five months. You know, I thought about the future, but the future was way beyond five months. And the immediate future was, you know, the real day in, day out of everything. So I don't know, I wonder if more like younger people were able to kind of not be so. I mean, I don't want it. Cause it's, I don't want it to confuse it with the word lazy. I don't mean being lazy. I mean being very clear about what you want in life and knowing it, but without being crazy aggressive about it. I guess what I'm saying, and I think a lot of people would probably disagree with that because a lot of people would say you have to be crazy aggressive to get what you want?

Chelsea Handler (28:41)

Oh, I don't agree at all. I think that like having passion and genuine love for what you're doing is more important than discipline because you actually fall in love with the process. I also think the biggest thing that has sued that anxiety that you were explaining around, like thinking way too far in advance, thinking that life ends at 30 or 40, was having age gap friendships, was being friends with women and men who are a lot older than me. And I have this amazing friend called Emma who I do pottery with and she's in her 50s, she has two kids who are almost my age. The amount of just solid advice that she gives me and just perspective of being like, what are you talking about? My 50s are like the best years of my life. I'm having more fun than I've ever had. I'm more relaxed than I've ever had. It just soothes so much of my anxiety that I think, and I'm saying this and it's gonna like almost I'm gonna stab myself in the back. Like sometimes another 20 something year old can't tell you that because they don't have the experience at that time. Does that make sense? Like, yeah, it's really important.

Katherine (29:45)

I mean, I think, I guess it goes back to what you were saying at the beginning, which is everybody wants to be seen, everybody wants to be, you know, valued and everyone wants to matter. Because if you don't matter, then you feel invisible. And so that's very common. And I think that starts early. You know, that starts like when you're a teenager because that's when that. Cause when you're a kid and you have your parents and if you have an ideal childhood, you're getting all this love and attention. You don't have time to think about anything else. But if you have a single parent or you don't have two parents, or you're not brought up in a loving home, then your circumstances could be different earlier on. You could start to feel alone or I think the feeling people jump to is to is. It's more of a survival, right? It's survivalism. You have to survive whatever circumstances you're in. And I think in your 20s, the idea of survival becomes a little bit more abstract, you know what I mean? It's not real survival, it's like social survival, love, survival. You think everything is the most intense it could ever be and everything is so much more important than it is. Even though certain things are fucking important. It's like kind of the over accent of importance on everything. I think that's what I definitely don't miss from my 20s, is thinking like the end all be all. Like there's one love of my life, there's gonna be one love and he's gonna understand me and he's gonna be my soulmate, you know, which is a pile of garbage there isn't. Who wants one lover in my life.

Unknown (31:15)

And a bunch of soulmates.

Katherine (31:16)

Yeah, exactly. Like my sister's my soulmate, you know the one I'm talking about. And yeah, I think there's just a lot of. I would hate to be 20 years old today. And I don't wanna say that because I'm sure 20 year olds are fine, but when I think back at my 20 year olds, I'm just like, oh my God, there was nothing like this shit that you guys have to deal with.

Unknown (31:37)

Gemma, are the 20 year olds fine?

Chelsea Handler (31:40)

No, no. The amount of like the anxiety levels are just like through the frickin roof.

Katherine (31:46)

I mean, I don't even think I understood what anxiety was until like a few years ago.

Unknown (31:50)

Same.

Katherine (31:51)

And because you know, the over explanation of it in society now almost everyone has anxiety, which is causing me anxiety, you know, so yeah, and you've got.

Chelsea Handler (32:01)

To think about why that is, right? Like I always get these comments from people who are a lot older being like, what do you have to worry about? Like you don't have kids, you don't have, you know, a mortgage, you don't have any of these things. And I'm like, look at the environment that we're living in, look at the context. How could you not be an anxious wreck right now? Like, like nothing about our environment is stable. We're so overstimulated. Everything is constantly changing. Read any newspaper. It's horrific. Like how as a generation that's like now responsible for that future. Guys, we're getting very deep here. But you know, you feel responsible for that future. You are the future. How are you meant to feel sane knowing that everyone thinks it's going to shit, right? Like, I don't know, I just feel like it's, that's a common reason for the anxiety levels. And then you have to worry about like what your dream job is, like, what?

Unknown (32:57)

Well, on that note, should we talk to some people with anxiety?

Katherine (32:59)

Yeah, definitely. Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back with Gemma's beg. This week.

Unknown (33:05)

We'd love to hear from people who perform in drag. If you're a drag performer and have questions or would like some life advice from someone who's an expert on the topic. Please Write in to dearchelseapodcastmail.com the reviews.

Unknown (33:18)

And ratings are in and Ice Cube's Big Three is the surprise hit of the summer. And to cap off the season, iHeart presents the Big Three basketball playoffs this Sunday at 3pm Eastern. The remaining four teams battle it out for the right to make the Big three Championship in the most physical, fierce and competitive basketball league in the world. The action starts with the Big 3 Monster Energy Celebrity game with your favorite favorite stars compete in Big three three on three basketball. Then the first of two semifinal games features Dwight Howard and the LA Riot taking on Montrez Harrell and Dr. J's first place Chicago triplets. The finale will see popular Miami 305 with Stars MVP Michael Beasley and last will make you Dan Stevenson take on Nancy Lieberman's Dallas Power, who finished the season winning five straight weeks to capture second place. Can Glen Rice, Greg Monroe and Paul Millsap stop Miami's physical assault? Or will Miami and Beasley put an end to Dallas's winning ways? Who will make it to the Big Three championship? This no holds barred action starts Sunday at 3pm Eastern, 12 Pacific only on CBS.

H (34:17)

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Katherine (35:17)

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Unknown (37:16)

We are back. Well, we're gonna start with a couple of callers. Our first caller is Michelle. And Michelle says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 25 years old, and over the past two years, I've questioned my sexuality and recently accepted that I'm gay. I haven't told many people, and I'm not sure when I will fully come out. I live in a small town. It's a cute mountain town where I can do all the things I love like trail running, climbing, and skiing. I've met some great people and have formed some really meaningful relationships. I have also been given a huge career opportunity here. I was recently asked to be a partner in a business that I really believe in and care about. However, since coming to terms with my sexuality, I have struggled with the idea of staying in my small town. I don't have many friends in the queer community here and I've recently realized how important it is to have that. I can't help but think I might be happier living somewhere bigger and more diverse. However, the work opportunity is keeping me here, at least for the time being. We've discussed opening locations in other cities, but I just don't know how well that would go over with my boss. I just don't know if I can stay here long term. Is it crazy to want to try something that I don't even know would be worth it? Should I risk the opportunity that I have now? Any advice is so appreciated. Michelle.

Katherine (38:26)

Hi, Michelle. Hi. Hi. How old are you?

I (38:30)

I'm 25.

Katherine (38:32)

Oh, perfect. This is the perfect age range.

Chelsea Handler (38:34)

This is literally right up my alley.

Katherine (38:36)

Yeah.

Chelsea Handler (38:37)

Do you mind telling what. What mountain town do you live in? Or is that too. Are we going to.

I (38:40)

I live in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

Katherine (38:42)

Oh my God.

Unknown (38:43)

Nice.

Katherine (38:43)

I knew you were going to say that. I thought that's crazy. I was. As soon as you said mountain town, I was like, oh, she's from Jackson Hole. Okay.

I (38:51)

Anyway, funny, I'm not from there, but that's. That's where. Yeah, that's where I live.

Katherine (38:55)

I understand that you live in a small mountain town, but I feel like you're. Do you have any information that leads you to believe that your co workers or your boss is going to have an issue with you being gay? No.

I (39:06)

No, no, no, no.

Katherine (39:08)

So that's.

I (39:08)

That's not the problem.

Katherine (39:10)

What is the problem? You think you're not going to find enough community there.

I (39:14)

Right, Right.

Katherine (39:15)

I see. I feel like you have a great job opportunity. That already sounds like it could bleed into, like going to a different city and opening up different franchises or whatever the business, you know, different outposts in different cities. I wouldn't want you to project what you think is going to be the result of your sexuality before you find that out. Do you know what I'm saying? Have you really given yourself a chance to be out and about in Jackson Hole, in your job, in your community? No.

Gemma Speg (39:49)

Right.

I (39:49)

That's a good point, actually. Yeah. I guess my issue is also I have a gay brother, which is just a coincidence, but I think that I see his community and then I see communities, like in bigger cities about like all of these other people that have friends in the queer community. And Jackson Hole is just so small that it is so accepting. And that's not the issue. Like, acceptance would be fine. The issue would be like just having that community there as opposed to living in a bigger city and having a community.

Katherine (40:20)

I guess I just think that you're 25 years old. We were just talking about this. You have your whole life ahead of you. Even though I'm sure you feel like you're already halfway in the grave because 25 year olds think they're fucking old. But you have your. Like, this is. You have a great job opportunity. I would combine the two things and see how it works out in Jackson Hole with the intention of moving to a bigger city down the road. Like, you don't have to do that this year. You could wait a year, you could maybe wait two years, but you don't have to spend the rest of your life in Jackson Hole. You can stay in this town, develop your job, like, see where that takes you. And maybe that will be the vehicle that takes you to another city. You know, if you give yourself some time to just like chill out and feel the vibe out, you don't know you could fall in love with somebody in Jackson Hole.

Chelsea Handler (41:06)

I'm just gonna say I do really appreciate though, the being young in the queer community, right? It feels like like that's where it really is when you're like in your 20s and that you're young and queer and like in New York, in New Orleans, like in one of those like vibrant places. I do think that sometimes it's like life is sometimes a series of waiting rooms. And you're probably in this waiting room right now where you're like, can I have it all? It's like, yes, you can, just not all at the same time. So you could be in one of those huge cities and being like, I'm so accepted. I'm loved. I've got all these friends and we're going to like Chapel Rowan gigs, like, super fun. And then be like, but my job sucks. So I think, like, right now it's like you're really coming upon like this major problem and conundrum which is like, how come everything in my life isn't perfect at the same time? Like, how come I couldn't have both? So I really think that you kind of have to like, flip the dice here. What's more important to you right now? Knowing that you might not be able to have both? Is it having the community that is brought by like being like gay and like open in like a bigger place, or is it having the career that then you could build that community on in the future. And it's kind of up to you to choose.

Katherine (42:16)

Yeah.

I (42:16)

And I think just, like, it being so new right now or new to, like, me accepting it, that feels like the, like, the bigger part is that, like, it feels crazy to be in a big city where, like, I could just be open and free and, like, I don't know everyone at the store when I go to the grocery store every week. Yeah, like, that feels like a crazy feeling. So I think that's like, the desirable thing right now. But if I were to wait a little while, I think think it would be less exciting.

Unknown (42:41)

I would also encourage you to get involved in some little community that's in your town because there might be folks that you don't know are gay or just aren't really out or maybe they are out and you just didn't know. But also, like, maybe there's some travel opportunities here too. Maybe there's, like, going to Pride in New York City or a smaller town, if that's more your vibe. There are events all over the place all of the time. So maybe this is like getting one friend in your community who maybe you can travel with and do that sort of thing. But I also think, like, just as you begin to come out to more people, you'll start to build that community, even though it's a small town.

I (43:16)

Yeah, I think that's true.

Katherine (43:17)

Is there the potential, did you say, with this job, there's the potential, you said, of possibly opening up different branches or. What was that part?

I (43:24)

Yeah, we've talked a lot about opening different locations, actually. I am also in grad school and having a really hard time finding nurse practitioner clinicals. So we've talked about just like, me moving somewhere for the eight months that I have to do my clinicals to open up another branch. So that's also an option.

Katherine (43:39)

Oh, well, there you go. That's two. Killing two birds with one stone or killing. No. Or killing one bird with two stones. I'm not really sure.

I (43:51)

It's also, I guess, like, also hard. Like little things. Like Jackson Hole housing is horrible. So, like, leaving is kind of scary because then you don't know if you're gonna get housing when you come back. It's just all. But, yeah, I definitely have the opportunity and I'm definitely not, not complaining. I live in, like, the most beautiful place ever.

Katherine (44:08)

Yeah, but you're in grad school. You've got a gig, you've got a job. Like, you're comfortable with your newfound sexuality. Like, all of these things are awesome. To know about yourself. You're ahead of the game. So these are all good things. The future is bright. You just have to figure out what you're gonna do. And it sounds like I think I know exactly what you're gonna do.

I (44:28)

Yeah, I think. Yeah, I guess I do, too. Talking it out is definitely beneficial, too.

Katherine (44:33)

Yeah. And the most important thing, like, the biggest takeaway is so important to identify what you want out of life. You know what I mean? It's so important to hear you say, like, this is who I am. This is my sexuality. This is what I want. All of those things. Saying that out loud is just so valuable. Like, these things will all come true for you.

I (44:54)

Yeah.

Katherine (44:55)

So great. Have a great life, Michelle. It's gonna be awesome.

Unknown (44:59)

Yeah. This is all really exciting for you so much.

I (45:01)

Yeah. Thank you so much for all the advice.

Katherine (45:04)

Yeah, for sure. And enjoy the town you live in while you're there. Yeah.

I (45:08)

Yeah.

Katherine (45:09)

Okay.

Unknown (45:09)

Thank you so much, Michelle.

I (45:12)

Okay. Thank you.

Katherine (45:13)

Take care.

Unknown (45:14)

I have so many friends who didn't come out, which, by the way, this is also fine, but, like, didn't come out until they were in their 30s or even in their 40s in some cases. And, like, this is so great for her. I'm so excited for her.

Katherine (45:27)

What about Will Ferrell? Harper. Harper. What's Harper's last name?

Unknown (45:30)

I don't know Harper's last name.

Katherine (45:32)

I always. I want to say Harper Lee every time. And then that's the author. But she. I mean, she just came out when she was in her 50s.

Chelsea Handler (45:40)

Yeah. It's so hard, though. Cause it's like, there's this whole thing of, like, being young and queer and, like, having all those opportunities, like, living in Sydney. I say it all the time. And I live in, like, Newtown, which is, like, the, like, gay capital of Australia. And you see that. And I'm sure she's seeing that and being like, that looks so fun and, like, exactly what we were saying before. It's like, that's where my life is gonna start. When that happens, like, I don't want to wait. I don't want to wait. But I think she's gonna. I think everything's gonna turn out so perfectly for her.

Unknown (46:09)

Yeah. Yeah. And she'll expand her community when it's the right time.

Chelsea Handler (46:13)

Yeah. Yeah.

Unknown (46:14)

Well, our next caller is Ray. And she says, dear Chelsea, I need your advice on being homesick, but also on being too emotionally exhausted to go home. Here's the situation. What about five years ago, I moved a little over 1400 miles away from My family. And honestly, the distance worked wonders for us.

Katherine (46:32)

Us.

Unknown (46:32)

It's given us the space we've needed to heal our relationships and we're all closer than ever. I miss them dearly, but every time I visit, the goodbyes are Oscar worthy tear jerkers. I've tried every family member for the airport drop off, trying to find the one that won't make a scene. And spoiler alert, they all do. It's gotten to the point where my return flights are filled with dissociation, panic attacks, going through security, and I spiral into a post visit funk that lasts weeks. After returning, every time I get back to my life, which, I might add, is going great. It takes forever to remember that homesickness doesn't mean I need to sell everything and move back. It just means, well, I miss my people. And that's not a bad thing. It's not just airport drop off either. Oftentimes I'll visit for a full seven days and we barely make it to night two before someone's tearing up over the impending farewell. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the love, but I am so tired, exhausted, spent. I'm torn between wanting to visit more and wanting to avoid the emotional Olympics. And by the time I recover, it's time for another visit and we do this all over again. I do want to hold space for everyone's emotions and all that jazz, but I'd love to be honest and just say, y', all, I need you to be okay. Please. Am I the asshole here for feeling like I need to manage everyone's emotions? Please. Give it to me straight, Ray.

Katherine (47:47)

Hi, Ray. Hello. Why is your family crying? Your. What's up? How many people are there and what's their problem?

Ray (47:56)

It's like four of us in total, including my niece now who's starting to be old enough to like, feed into all of this emotion that's around her.

Chelsea Handler (48:05)

A baby crying is gonna be. That would be so hard. It's like you've got the adults and then you got the child. The child, absolutely.

Ray (48:12)

Yeah. No, it's. It's not. It's like I get phone calls every now and then saying, like, we miss you. When are you coming back? And they'll be like, they'll put her on the phone and now she's the one who's like, when are you coming back? So it's a lot. I don't know.

Katherine (48:25)

And do you feel emotionally depleted because of their emotions or are you also emotionally. Is it emotionally difficult for you to leave?

Ray (48:33)

It is emotionally challenging for Me, but the times that I've had a friend, like a non biased party, like, drop me off at the airport, it's all fine. Yeah, like the flight's fine. Coming back here is fine. Not a big deal. But yeah, anytime I've had family members drop me off, it's waterworks. It's so awful.

Katherine (48:50)

Do you know how to take a fucking Uber?

Ray (48:54)

Yes, But I'm saying, like, during the times that, like, you know, we're sitting down for family dinner on night two out of seven, and my dad's just looking at me, tearing up and stuff, thinking about how I'm gonna leave already, you know, it's like, I want to be kind of like, guys, get your shit together. But I talked to my therapist about this and she's like, you need to be grateful that they love you so much. And I'm like, I get that, but I also want to.

Unknown (49:19)

But both, both can be true.

Katherine (49:21)

Right?

Unknown (49:22)

You can be grateful and also be like, get your shit together.

Katherine (49:25)

It's not productive and it's clearly not helpful to you when you're leaving and who knows what's going? I mean, it's not productive for any of you together in your family to be crying about leaving when you've just got somewhere. That doesn't make any sense, so.

Ray (49:41)

Absolutely.

Katherine (49:42)

And you've never broached the subject with your family?

Ray (49:45)

No, I'm really trying to, like, let them have their feelings and I'm not trying to like, make them feel any type of way, but it, it's just getting to a point where it's making me want to move back. It makes me forget about how good my life is here. And it's not really like me to want to just like, give up everything just to go back and like, coddle everybody. But it. That's the way it makes me feel.

Katherine (50:08)

But that's guilt. That's guilt. Yeah. So they're making you feel guilty by their behavior and they're not intentionally making you feel guilty. Or maybe they are, I don't know. But that's neither here nor there. What you're feeling is guilt. And that's not a reason to do anything. Do you know what I mean? You didn't do anything wrong. You're living your life. You can't go back and live with your parents because it'll make them feel better. Then you're sacrificing yourself. And there's a way to have like a healthy, balanced visitation with them whenever you choose to go home and also live your fullest, best life. And they kind of have to get on board with that. What do you think, Gemma?

Chelsea Handler (50:45)

All right, I totally agree. I totally agree. I've got some solutions. I think that, Chelsea, you've. You've put nail on the head. It's guilt. I really think that they should be coming to visit you a little bit more as well. I know it's hard with, like, little kids, but if the main thing for you is, like, coming back and the homesickness and the disruption to your routine and your, like, sense of joy with your current life, maybe it would work better if it's like, they're in your home, they're in your place. Your return. Return after they've left is less of a comedown. Also loved the advice. Get, like, a friend to drop you off. I have this problem with my family as well, and it's exhausting, right? It's exhausting. And sometimes I'm like, I don't really, oh, can I come home for Christmas? I don't want to deal with that. And it's like, love them. Yeah, you love them so much, but you're like, I. I want to move forward with my life, but I also don't want to lose this relationship that we have that is so beautiful. What am I going to do? And I think the way I've really dealt with that is, like, we're going to meet in neutral places. So now we go on family holidays together where the experience is like, oh, I'm so sad that we're leaving this beautiful place. Or they come and visit me 50% of the time, so it's not as jolting. And also they appreciate that, like, my life is really lovely. And if I was to move home, I'm gonna give that up. If I was to move back to Melbourne, like, I'm not gonna have this. And surely that's what they want for me more than they want my presents. See if they take the bait. See if you can do Christmas wherever you are.

Katherine (52:20)

See, that's a great idea. That's a great idea to switch it up so you're not going to their house all the time. And how frequently do you see them?

Ray (52:28)

It's like once a quarter, kind of.

Katherine (52:31)

Once a fiscal quarter. Yeah. Break it up. But I also don't. I think you should. I think there's a way to have a conversation, like, with your family and not necessarily face to face, like maybe in an email or a text ahead of time. Not a text that seems maybe like a family email, to be like, listen, you guys, I know it's emotional when I come home. I feel the same way about you guys that you feel about me, but it really weighs heavily on me every time I leave and I have this. This overwhelming guilt. And I know you're not intentionally just let them off the hook right away. Like, I know you're not trying to make me feel guilty, but it's becoming more difficult for me to visit you if this is how I have to leave. Like, I don't want all these tears, you know, it makes. It pulls at me. And I don't wanna stop visiting you. So isn't there a way we can figure out, you know, a more like, pleasant way to spend our time enjoying each other's presence rather than fearing each other's absence?

Ray (53:36)

Absolutely.

Katherine (53:37)

Write that down.

Ray (53:37)

I love the idea of an email. Oh, I'm taking it.

Unknown (53:39)

I was gonna say Ray is actually, like, our first caller ever who's actually writing things down.

Katherine (53:44)

Because it's true.

Chelsea Handler (53:45)

Like, I saw the pen.

Katherine (53:47)

Your family, Your family. That's true. That you're. The time spent should just be loving and joyous and a reunion, not foreboding. And, oh, no, she's gonna have to leave again. That's like very fearful, very guilty behavior. And there's so many nice ways to say that without making, you know, making it something like, you know, it doesn't have to be cantankerous or vitriolic. You're just saying out of love. Like, it's getting harder for me to deal with leaving. And, you know, I have a full life here. I'm very happy. I, you know, so, I mean, do they actually put it on the table for you to come move back? Do they suggest that a lot? Oh, yeah.

Ray (54:24)

They're always like, we have a bedroom for you. We have some land. We can put you something on. Like, you know, if you ever need to come back, you know, we've got spare funds for you to get you back here soon.

Katherine (54:34)

So that's all. I mean, so you should definitely be clear as an adult woman, you should just be clear being like, I also would rather you guys not keep saying that every time I come home. It's almost like you're ignoring my life and the presence, you know, Like, I have a life. I'm happy. Don't you want me to be happy? I'm your daughter. You must want me to be happy. I am happy. So can you please let me be happy so we can all be happy together? Yeah, I think you should, like, say. Say that too and let them know, you know. Cause that's all. It's all very manipulative. And even though they're your family and they love you, that's who you manipulate the people that are closest to you.

Unknown (55:09)

That's true. Have any of them been to visit you yet or not yet?

Ray (55:13)

They've all been out here once.

Gemma Speg (55:15)

Okay.

Chelsea Handler (55:16)

Okay.

Ray (55:16)

They've come out here separately in the five years that I've been here. So there's definitely some opportunity for some more visitation on their end.

Katherine (55:23)

For sure. Yeah. And then maybe you guys can find somewhere to go away for one of the holidays. Like Christmas one year. That'd be fun.

Ray (55:30)

I really love that. I love the idea of meeting in, like, a neutral place.

Chelsea Handler (55:33)

It's really good. And then you do activities rather than just sitting at the home that you go out and do stuff, rather than just being like, oh, let's go through the baby album. Like, yeah, your old room. It's like, no, like, let's go see. Let's go to the zoo. Let's go, like, go get coffee.

Katherine (55:52)

Yeah, yeah. And make sure you. You don't forget to mention, you know, how lucky you are to have such a loving family and how lucky, you know, you are. You know?

Ray (56:01)

Absolutely.

Katherine (56:02)

Because you are.

Ray (56:03)

Thank you so much for not making me feel delusional because, you know, like I said, I'm getting a second opinion here because the first time around, my advice was like, be grateful. I'm like, wait, I am.

Chelsea Handler (56:13)

Your therapist sucks. Just gonna tell you that. Sorry, I know that's probably not right, but you should get a new one.

Ray (56:20)

It might be time for a switch up for sure.

Chelsea Handler (56:22)

Yeah.

Unknown (56:23)

It's never a bad thing. All right, Ray, thank you so much.

Katherine (56:25)

For calling to this pod.

Unknown (56:27)

So we'll just send this to her. It's fine.

Ray (56:31)

Well, I see her tomorrow, so I'll check in. I'm sure we'll find out.

Chelsea Handler (56:34)

Bad day for her.

Katherine (56:36)

All right, thanks for calling and good luck with everything.

Ray (56:38)

Thank you so much. Nice to meet you all.

Chelsea Handler (56:41)

Bye.

I (56:41)

Bye.

Katherine (56:43)

Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back with Gemma zveg.

Unknown (56:48)

The reviews and ratings are in and Ice Cube's Big Three is the surprise hit of the summer. And to cap off the season, I heart presents the the big three basketball playoffs. This Sunday at 3pm Eastern. The remaining four teams battle it out for the right to make the Big Three championship in the most physical, fierce and competitive basketball league in the world. The action starts with the Big 3 Monster Energy Celebrity game where your favorite stars compete in Big 33 on 3 basketball then the first of two semifinal games features Dwight Howard and the LA Riot taking on Montrez Harrell and Dr. J's first place Chicago triplets. The first finale will see popular Miami 305 with stars MVP Michael Beasley and Lance will make you Dan Stevenson take on Nancy Lieberman's Dallas power, who finished the season winning five straight weeks to capture second place. Can Glenn Rice, Greg Monroe and Paul Millsap stop Miami's physical assault? Or will Miami and Beasley put an end to Dallas winning ways? Who will make it to the Big Three championship? This no holds barred action starts Sunday at 3pm Eastern, 12pm Pacific only on CBS.

H (57:50)

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Katherine (58:48)

Let me switch gears for a second and talk about one of our favorite sponsors, vital Proteins. They're the number one brand of collagen peptides in the U.S. if you're wondering what collagen peptides are, they're essentially the key to maintaining a youthful glow. After 30, your body's natural collagen production starts to dip, and that can lead to lines, saggy skin and joints that don't move like they used to. In other words, looking older. But vital proteins helps fill that gap. A daily serving keeps your skin healthy, hydrated and elastic. It even supports your hair and nails. And because it's unflavored, you can mix it with anything. So your smoothie supports your skin, your coffee helps your skin, and your chocolate milkshake keeps your hair looking thick. Go ahead and get some vital proteins. You can get 20% off by visiting vitalproteins.com and entering promo code Chelsea at checkout. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. I want to talk about something deeply personal. My feet. Are you excited yet? I've been wearing Ultra running shoes lately and honestly, life changing. They're now my go to for everything from runs to high hikes to dog walks to airport sprints, you name it. They've got extra room up front so your toes can actually spread out and move the way that they're supposed to, which is way better than most running shoes that cram my toes together. Plus the lower heel drop means your stride feels more natural. It's like my body finally went, oh, this is how we're supposed to move. They are crazy comfortable and yes, they help me chase that runner's high. You know Mama loves her dopamine and feeling strong and actually wanting to work out. So if you're getting into running, running, getting back into it, or just want healthier feet so you can get on a feed finder, Altra is where it's at. Find them@altrunning.com and use code Chelsea for 10% off your order. That's a L T R a running.com. stay out there. And we're back with Gemma's back.

Unknown (60:47)

We are back. So we have one final question. This comes from Briana. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 26 year old woman and I've recently started a new job as a marketing coordinator for a small company. I previously worked as a bartender since I was 18 years old. She must be in Canada or something. I bartended through college and always made great money. So after graduating I kind of got stuck in the industry and wasn't thinking about looking for a different job. I started to get sick of it and decided it was time to start a more stable career. And now that I have that, I'm realizing it may not be what I want. At my entry level position. I'm currently making less money working 8 to 5 Monday to Friday than I was working maybe 30 hours a week at a bar. I'm picking up weekend shifts at the bar for extra cash and I'm starting to feel burnt out. I'm also struggling with the lack of freedom that comes with the 8 to 5 and feel like I don't have time for things that I love to do like working out or go to going to a yoga class. I hate sitting at a desk all day and it feels like the company I'm working for doesn't have enough for me to do. So I'm extremely bored and Feeling very unfulfilled.

Katherine (61:48)

Get out of there.

Unknown (61:48)

Yeah. I also have a passion for traveling and scuba diving and I know that working in the corporate world will limit the amount of time I can travel compared to being able to take time off whenever I want while bartending. I'm torn between wanting to stick it out and give it some time to get the experience and hopefully move up to a different position or company that I enjoy more and saying fuck it and going back to bartending. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Bs. Your podcast is currently the only thing getting me through my long boring days at the office. Much love, Brianna.

Katherine (62:18)

Oh, that sounds, that sounds so boring. Honestly, that job sounds awful. I would go back to bartending, honestly. You feel like you're adventurous, you wanna do more things with your life, sitting in a job, hoping that you're gonna get promoted at some point to a different position where you'll still be at a desk, where you'll still be if you're not. Some people are meant to be sitting at desks and some people are not. I'm not. I can't sit behind a desk. I can't even sit on a couch without, you know, like this. I have to sit, crisscross, applesauce. I'm like, I can't even do anything. You know, Like, I get it. I totally feel you. And I would say that's your deep inner self telling you this is not the way you want to go through life. And if you can go through life being a bartender, making probably twice as much money as you're going to make at that entry level office job, and working half as much and have all that extra time to do all of the things that you want to do, like yoga or scuba dive or travel, then I think it's a no brainer. What I would say also is just because this isn't the job doesn't mean that there isn't another job out there for you that can use your creativity or your brain in a way that you would be more attuned to do or better equipped to do. I'll say you should keep thinking about what you are passionate about. Maybe you're so passionate about scuba diving, you want to become a dive master. Maybe you're so passionate about travel, you want to be a flight attendant or you want to be in some sort of, you know, run a travel group. Like, you should look to your areas of interest that are really like that, take up your time and, and look at job opportunities in those areas.

Unknown (64:00)

And you know what is a great side Hustle while you're learning to be a scuba master. What is it? Dive master? Bartending help pay the bills while you're seeking out the thing that you're actually passionate about.

Katherine (64:11)

Yeah. What do you think, Gemma?

Chelsea Handler (64:13)

I agree with everything above. I will say one caveat. I have a six month job rule. So if you're still within that six month period, I know it might sound counter to what you want us to say, but wait out the six months. You don't know whether it's just the adjustment that's scary or whether it's actually the job. I know it sounds like it's pretty boring, so I'm guessing that maybe you get to six months and you still hate it. But then you can say, I gave it a shot. I tried this. It didn't work. Instead of leaving after two to three months and being like, maybe I just didn't give it enough time. And then finding yourself in that cycle of like feeling bad and then going back and then hating it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Also, like, I don't know, I'm someone who hated working a desk job. Worked a desk job for like a long time. Always knew I didn't want to do it, but I use it as my security net to do something else that was more what I wanted to do. So there isn't one way to go through it. You can work the corporate job, get maybe a couple of promotions, start making good enough money to be planning for a new branch to your life. As of right now though, I would say maybe time to get out of there.

Katherine (65:27)

I think the six month rule is good.

Chelsea (65:29)

You know, I think that's a good.

Katherine (65:30)

Kind of barometer too. I don't think it has to happen tomorrow. You know, you can wait a little bit and see, but either way, you're probably leaving. So that's the story.

Unknown (65:42)

All right, well, Branna, let us know how it goes and we can go to wrap, okay?

Katherine (65:46)

Okay. Well, Gemma, thank you so much for coming here with your 20 year old self and giving advice to other 20 year olds. We really needed it.

Chelsea Handler (65:53)

Yeah, I'm glad that you guys learned how absolutely fucked it is for us.

Katherine (65:57)

I know, I know. And I didn't love that part, but I guess I understand it. But I think every generation, every like you know, is dealing with their own ball of bullshit. But it always feels like whatever the youngest generation is right now has it the worst. You know what I mean? Like before that it was the 30 year olds and now. So it's really hard to say if it's just that period of your life or if it really. If the world is really a scarier place than it was. And I am of the belief that the world is a scarier place than it was.

Unknown (66:31)

Sorry, 20 something.

Katherine (66:32)

Innocence is over. There is no longer innocence.

Chelsea Handler (66:36)

Yeah, have to agree with that one.

Unknown (66:37)

And Gemma, where can everyone find you?

Chelsea Handler (66:39)

So I have my own podcast. It's called the psychology of your 20s. We talk about a lot of what we spoke about today. You can also follow me on Instagram at thatpsychology podcast or at Gemma Speg. Gemma with a J. Speg with a B.

Unknown (66:53)

And you can pick up a copy of Gemma's new book, Person in Progress at the link in the description.

Katherine (66:58)

Thank you, Gemma. Have a great rest of your night.

Unknown (67:02)

Morning.

Chelsea Handler (67:02)

Morning.

Katherine (67:03)

Morning. Have a great rest of your morning, Gemma.

Unknown (67:05)

Thank you.

Chelsea Handler (67:06)

Thanks so much.

Katherine (67:07)

Thanks for okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August 30th. And then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing inside myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay, thank you.

Unknown (67:39)

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write in to dearchelseipodcastmail.com find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching eercelseipod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive producer Kathryn Law. And be sure to check out our merch@chelsea handler.com.

Katherine (68:03)

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Gemma Speg (68:45)

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Unknown (69:19)

The big three playoffs this Sunday. The remaining four teams battle to make the championship in the most physical, fierce and competitive basketball league in the world. The action starts with the big three Monster Energy Celebrity Games, then Dwight Howard and his LA Riot take on Montrez Harrell and Dr. J Chicago Triplets. The finale will see popular Miami 305 with stars MVP Michael Beasley and Lance Stevenson take on Nancy Lieberman's Dallas Power who will make it to the Big Three championship. The no holds barred action starts Sunday at 3pm Eastern, 12 Pacific only on CBS.

Katherine (69:48)

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Chelsea Handler (70:17)

This is an I Heart podcast.