Ever feel that low-level hum of annoyance when a friend casually drops your (good or bad) personal news into the conversation? I have my fantastic "Dear Nina" assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, with me this week to crack open a listener's anonymous letter about DISCRETION.

Discretion is that gray zone between gossip and harmless chatter. Rebekah and I discuss how much we can expect friends to know intuitively what stays private and what's OK to share.

We're not talking about friends who gossip incessantly about you or reveal a big secret. That's easier to answer! Keep THAT friend at arm's length.

Discretion is another category entirely and we get to the bottom of it in less than 30 minutes.

IN THIS CONVERSATION

The blurry line between discretion and gossip
Experiencing a friendship “tap on the shoulder vs. smack in the face”: learning from small slip-ups before they become big mess-ups
Nina’s mom’s reminder: Not every friend is a close friend
Practical ways to decide what you can share, what you should share, and when to hit pause
Why “share your truth” and “protect your privacy” don’t have to be opposites
A Jewish teaching on mindful speech that still works in the screenshot age

LINKS & RESOURCES

Ask an anonymous question
Eventbrite tickets to see Nina and Rebekah LIVE in Highland Park, IL: “From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend-Group Challenges from Teens to Mid-Life and Beyond.” Tickets are going fast!
White Lotus Friendship Trio episode with Rebekah
Episodes with my mom as the guest if you want more of Kathy's advice.
Episode #136 with Rebekah about finding your 3-5 closest friends. (Another letter spotlight episode)
Episode #112 about college admissions and friendship
A bit more information about the laws of speech in Judaism

MEET REBEKAH JACOBS

Rebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a golden doodle named Peanut.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

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📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

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