Podcast Summary: Decisions, Decisions – EP 449: Drink Water & Mind Your Business (feat. Dr. Donna Oriowo)

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B & WeezyWTF
Guest: Dr. Donna Oriowo
Release Date: December 1, 2025
Duration: ~1 hour (main content: 02:37–67:59)
Theme: Challenging societal beauty standards, self-esteem in Black women, boundaries, and self-liberation in relationships, featuring insights from Dr. Donna Oriowo, author of "Drink Water and Mind Yo Business: A Black Woman’s Guide to Unlearning the BS and Healing Your Self-Esteem."

Episode Overview

This candid episode explores how systems like colorism, texturism, fatphobia, and traditional relationship norms uniquely impact Black women's self-esteem and self-expression. With humor and realness, Mandii, Weezy, and Dr. Donna Oriowo unpack the intersections of hair, body, societal expectations, and sexual empowerment. Dr. Oriowo’s insights, drawn from her clinical work, her personal life, and her new book, offer tangible steps for reclaiming self-worth and joy in love, sex, and self-care.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing Dr. Donna Oriowo & Her Work

(02:55–04:40)

• Dr. Donna is celebrated as an award-winning DEI advocate, speaker, and certified sex & relationship therapist.
• Her book, "Drink Water and Mind Yo Business," is a love letter to Black women and focuses on unlearning societal BS and healing self-esteem.
• Dr. Donna’s work centers Black women, helping them heal from colorism and texturism.

2. Texturism and the Politics of Black Hair

Key Timestamp: 05:44–10:48

• Texturism Defined: “Basically, it’s colorism but about your hair...The hair textures that are most desired are the ones they get shown.” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 05:57)
• Explores how European beauty standards shape perceptions of "good hair" and the emotional experience of hair maintenance, length, and identity.
• Stories of vulnerability around cutting hair and the deep embeddedness of hair in self-esteem.

3. Self-Esteem, Body Image, and Comparison

Key Timestamp: 09:53–16:51

• Discussion about fluctuating self-esteem linked to hair, skin, and body size.
• Mandii shares her journey with body image and cultural differences in beauty standards.
• The panel critiques how perfection is idolized and how unhealthy comparisons are fueled by social media.
• Quote: “You cannot inherit somebody else’s body. You can give up pieces of yourself to work for something that doesn’t belong to you...look at your perfect body, not somebody else’s.” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 12:09)
• Critique of diet culture and “healthism”; Dr. Oriowo calls intermittent fasting “intermittent starving” (14:12–14:52).

4. How Systems Shape Self-Worth (Colorism, Fatphobia, etc.)

Key Timestamp: 15:33–20:07

• Dr. Donna reframes self-esteem as a systemic, not just an individual, challenge.
• Body standards, BBL trends, and the performance of body positivity in pop culture (i.e., Lizzo) are critiqued and contextualized.
• “If you don’t have [self-esteem], it’s a we problem...At what point does it stop being an individual problem and start being a systemic one?” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 15:27)

5. Body Positivity vs. Real Health & Moral Judgment

Key Timestamp: 22:28–25:37

• Analyses public backlash against celebrities’ body changes (e.g., Lizzo) and health as another tool for judgment.
• Quote: “We live in a culture of healthism; we’ve turned it into another ism, another thing to judge people by...” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 25:23)

6. Sexual Boundaries and Communication

Key Timestamp: 25:38–33:33

• A frank discussion about negotiating condom use and boundaries in casual sexual relationships.
• Dr. Donna champions clear, early communication: “No one can ever read your mind...those are some of the seeds that sprout these types of relationships that everyone says they don’t want.” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 32:13)
• The role of self-talk and personal boundaries in sexual health decisions.

7. Dr. Donna’s Vulnerability: Dating Insecurities and Self-Perception

Key Timestamp: 33:58–38:58

• Dr. Donna shares about feeling pigeonholed as “the marrying kind” and not knowing how to “have fun.”
• She discusses personal evolution, her relationship with her husband (“Mr. Boo Thang”), and navigating family/cultural pressures.
• Candid anecdote: a date gone awry when a man proposed to her womb on the first date.

8. Self-Esteem and Situationships: Clown Analogies & Boundaries

Key Timestamp: 44:11–55:58

• “From the bedroom to the courtroom” segment: Are women in long-term situationships “guilty” of low self-esteem?
• Dr. Donna breaks self-esteem into a spectrum: secure, fragile, damaged, and vacant.
• “You become a clown when you compromise...the second you become compromised, you wore the red nose at this circus.” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 47:51)
• Differences between casual dating and situationships are explored; being honest with oneself is emphasized as a foundation for healthy connections.

9. Choosing Yourself, Setting Boundaries, and Creating a Pleasure-Filled Life

Key Timestamp: 57:21–62:54

• “They also did not choose themselves. That’s the part that gets lost.” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 57:36)
• Using the story of Penelope to illustrate that self-acceptance—not being chosen by others—is liberating and transformative.
• Boundaries are both “no” and “yes”; prioritizing one’s own pleasure and taking ownership of desires in and outside of relationships.

10. Advice from Dr. Donna & Book Takeaways

Key Timestamp: 63:12–66:43

• "Drink Water and Mind Yo Business" is positioned as a literal and figurative call:
  • Literal: Take care of your body; community is vital for nourishment.
  • Figurative: Mind yourself—focus on what you take in, what you put out, and whose desires you’re fulfilling.
• “Pay attention to the things you say you desire. Do they belong to you? Or do they belong to someone who believes they know you better than you know yourself?” (Dr. Donna Oriowo, 64:32)
• Self-talk is powerful—don't do others’ job of criticizing yourself.

Memorable Quotes

• On Self-Esteem and Systems:
  “If you don’t have [self-esteem], it’s a we problem...At what point does it stop being an individual problem and start being a systemic one?”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (15:27)

• On Body Image:
  “You cannot inherit somebody else’s body. You can give up pieces of yourself to work for something that doesn’t belong to you.”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (12:09)

• On Diet Culture:
  “I feel like anorexia got a remix and we call it intermittent fasting.”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (14:52)

• On Situationships and Compromise:
  “You become a clown when you compromise...the second you become compromised, you wore the red nose at this circus.”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (47:51)

• On Choosing Yourself:
  “They also did not choose themselves. That’s the part that gets lost.”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (57:36)

• On Boundaries and Joy:
  “Boundaries are not just about no—they’re about what you get to say yes to. If you’re saying yes to a pleasure-filled life...you’re going to make different choices.”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (60:17)

• On Community and Self-Liberation:
  “Self-esteem is not the individual’s failing alone. It is the individual and their community. Who taught you your job is to lower everything about you in order to be accessible to somebody who’s not supposed to have access to you?”
  — Dr. Donna Oriowo (56:08)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamps | |----------------------------------------------------|----------------| | Setting the Scene, Guest Intro | 02:37–04:40 | | Defining Texturism, Black Hair Politics | 05:44–10:48 | | Self-Esteem & Body Comparisons | 09:53–16:51 | | Healthism, Bodily Standards, Pop Culture Examples | 15:33–20:07 | | Sexual Boundaries & Communication | 25:38–33:33 | | Dr. Donna on Dating, Insecurities | 33:58–38:58 | | Situationships & Clown Analogy | 44:11–55:58 | | How to Choose Yourself, Penelope Story | 57:21–62:54 | | Book Takeaways & Final Advice | 63:12–66:43 |

Conclusion: Takeaways for Listeners

• Self-esteem for Black women is deeply shaped by systems of oppression, not just “personal issues.”
• Healing and empowerment require unlearning, community, and radical self-acceptance.
• Clear boundaries—both sexual and emotional—should align with what you want, not what others expect.
• Communicate directly, both with yourself and your partners. Don't assume mind-reading.
• Pleasure, fulfillment, and self-knowledge are not selfish—they're essential.

For more, follow Dr. Donna Oriowo on Instagram (@rdonnaoriowo) and pick up “Drink Water and Mind Yo Business” at your local Black-owned bookstore or preferred retailer.

Episode available on all podcast platforms.