Mandy (3:02)

That was really nice.

Weezy (3:03)

So, yeah, thank you for that. I really love that. Really, really love that. And also, if you're listening to this and you haven't gotten your book no holds barred yet, if you go to the Simon and Schuster site, you can now get an exclusive signed edition of that book. So head on over to Simonand Schuster.com you'll be able to get the signed version over there on their website.

Mandy (3:28)

You know, I never really think of a podcast as a place where I could find hope in things like that, but I find most of it in books. Like, for me, like, reading a book and, like, that's just, like, my consumption of, like, new information. And honestly, I feel like I could go up to three authors right now and, like, say the same thing. It's really important, though, for us to hear these and for you to let us know. Like, I love when people write me about a situation they overcame. Like, it just feels really sure and knowing that we're authors, too. So, like, you even feeling that impact from the book and the podcast, it just means a lot because while we were writing it, it definitely was feeling like, ooh, juicy tea fun. But knowing that we had to put some lessons learned in there was very important as well.

Weezy (4:11)

I agree. Well, this letter comes from a trusted patron member. Again, if you want to watch this full video or have your letters boosted up to the top for us to read and give you our advice, head over to patreon.com backslash horrible decisions. And if you want to send in your letter, Send it to decisionspodmail.com all right, follow me here. It's a little chunky, but we'll get through it. This one is asking for advice on learning to trust again, as they provided background. Hi, Mandy and Wheezy. Sorry, this is long. I'm writing this in hopes that you guys maybe have some advice for me. So for background, I'm 26 years old, I live in Atlanta, and I lost my virginity at 22. I had never even kissed a guy until earlier that year. Growing up, I was very sheltered and hadn't had a lot of opportunities to become experienced. I'm a longtime listener, so trust me, I had the urges, just not the right chances. The guy I lost my virginity to was great. He understood my goal was to lose the infamous V card. He did it the first time and never did it again. This isn't about him, it's about the guy after him. We met at work and I was maybe 21 or 22 at the time, and he was 41, working the same job, same position. Big red flag. He pursued me for months, spending money on me, offering to help me, showing me attention I had never experienced before. So I fell for it after months of fighting it. The sexual tension could be felt in the room, and I saw him as an opportunity to have some fun and experience the things I had only played out in my mind. I was blinded by lust.

Mandy (6:03)

Girl.

Weezy (6:04)

He was where I really started to explore what sex could be. I naively trusted him with my body and my health, and he ended up giving me herpes. I was very careful, but there was some slips. I didn't find out until a year later and I hadn't been with anyone else. We had ended it by then, but to say I was devastated is an understatement. My trust was broken because he knew he had it and didn't tell me.

Mandy (6:36)

She knew he. Oof.

Weezy (6:37)

He knew he had it and didn't tell and didn't tell her.

Mandy (6:40)

Oh, bitch, where I'm going with this?

Weezy (6:43)

Here we go. My heart was broken because I thought I loved him. The delusion got me and I was scared of what this meant for my future. It took me a long time to open up and I'm still afraid of trusting men sexually. I started dating someone else casually maybe two years after. I didn't want anything. He was just very persistent, so I gave him a chance. We never had sex, just fooled around. And I never intended on having sex with him, so just wanted to be around a man. I didn't want to do anything until I told him about the HSV we were playing. I'm curious to know. Oh, come on. Shout out cocktails. When the question came up about STDs, I didn't tell him in that moment because I never intended on having sex with him. And I was scared of the judgment that would come with it, which is why we didn't go all the way. A few days after I felt so bad, I called him over and I told him. He called me a liar and told me he Was disgusted by the way. I've never had an outbreak. This was about nine months ago and I haven't been with anyone since. And I recently hear he's been telling people about me and what happened. How do I navigate dating when trust was broken for me really early and I haven't had a lot of positive experiences since. I'm scared to trust and I'm scared no one will want me the same way. It's like I was tainted before I ever got the chance. I've also told no one about my diagnosis except for him. My friends and family are always asking, what, am I going to get serious and bring someone home? I really don't date. I'm scared to be vulnerable again. Hopefully you can help. Sincerely, a lonely Lover Girl.

Mandy (8:24)

Okay, I'm about to give you this advice based off of something that is actually currently happening in my life. Friend of mine who realized she had HSV during her pregnancy and it was so fucking sad, okay? And she was like really going through it because she basically figured out she had. She had been tested a few months before pregnancy in her relationship and then figured out she had HSV during the pregnancy. And so that just already led to issues with trust being emotional. She joined a support group in New York and there's one in each city. But also you need guidance on how to tell somebody you have HSV. There's a national STD hotline. It's 800-227-8922. It's 24 hours a day, all day.

Weezy (9:12)

Okay.

Mandy (9:13)

You can get on that line and basically role play with the person.

Weezy (9:18)

Oh, wow.

Mandy (9:19)

On how you tell somebody what you have. On how to have better language around transmission about your own safety. Like, hey, if you have sex with me, XYZ won't happen. Like, I feel so bad for this person because I can't imagine to know you fucked somebody that had it and knew they had it and just ain't good.

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Weezy (10:14)

So here's the other part that I want to share too, because transmission becomes a tricky conversation. You said that he slipped. You slipped up a couple times with him. And I assume that Means that you had sex unprotected, you can transfer it skin to skin contact. So if there's any sort of like skin cells even like on his balls or something, like, if there's anything that touches skin to skin, you could literally get it. You can get herpes with the use of a condom. Also something that's really interesting and I hope that you have looked into it. There's HSV1, there's HSV2. Those are the main ones. But there's like eight different forms of HSV. But you could get. You could have HSV in your fudgeing armpit. Little do you know, I guess girl, HSV can be in different places on your body where you can get outbreaks.

Mandy (11:03)

So do you have to fuck in the armpit?

Weezy (11:05)

Oh, it's because, bro, it's a skin disease. That's where you're out, like. So the other thing that's really interesting and what most people don't realize is, is a rebrand. Guess what? Got a rebrand. HSB1, which is a cold sore. And so even though people may feel like, oh, I'm just gonna go get some, you know, abreva for this cold sore, if you actually allow someone to give you oral sex while they're offering for an orchid sore in their mouth, you could then get HSV2, because now you've been exposed in your vaginal region for that. So I think that's the other interesting thing. It's a skin disease. There's a rebrand around it with HSB1. And everyone just says, oh, cold sore. Oh, my immune system is down. But that's another thing too. With outbreaks, a lot of it is tied to your immune system. So I would be interested in. That's why I tell everybody, if you're going to go down and suck some dick, you better look underneath, look in and around all that thing. Because an outbreak could be really, really small, or it can look nasty. Like, it's really hard to tell. Also, one of the things that I suggest you to do is find someone who is mature and having conversations around sex in general. Let me ask you this. I think, what?

Mandy (12:29)

Could you date somebody? Yes, you could?

Weezy (12:33)

Yeah, I get cold sores. So to me, like, my sister had cold sores before she even started. Like, people get cold sores.

Mandy (12:42)

What about HSV too now?

Weezy (12:44)

Bumps on the dick? I don't know.

Mandy (12:46)

But I'm assuming she has HSV too.

Weezy (12:48)

That's what I'm assuming too now. I don't know, because that's not something Where I want to risk me getting outbreaks. However, it is also only transferable during an outbreak. So to me, this kind of conversation leads you to be with someone who is sexually intelligent, emotionally intelligent, and has no fear in communicating about what's happening with their bodies. And so for me, bro, you know, if you have an outbreak, don't have sex while you have an outbreak. Like, I don't think herpes is transferable. Let me ask my husband. Hold on. Is herpes transferable without an outbreak?

Mandy (13:29)

Sorry, y'.

Weezy (13:29)

All. Because to me, I don't want to deal with a bumpy dick, but if it's something that is like, goes undetected or, or what's it called? Like, what's it called when it doesn't, like, flare up when it's just dormant? If it's something that's dormant and you're not getting constant outbreaks, then I, I don't think anything's wrong with it.

Mandy (13:55)

So, I mean, there's a, there's a thing like that I've been realizing too, women that have HPV and it's turning up as genital warts.

Weezy (14:05)

Like, okay, by the way, hold on, I didn't want to add this real quick. So it can be transmitted, but the risk is much lower when there isn't an outbreak. And that's because of asymptomatic shedding. So presence of it being in the skin. So it can be present on the skin or the mucosa without causing sores during this time, it can still spread through skin to skin contact. Bro, I feel like, bro, if you go out to a goddamn diner and your server got God damn and you.

Mandy (14:37)

Shake, I mean, that's not necessary too. But you can get herpes through condoms. Like, that's the one you can get.

Weezy (14:42)

You can get them through condoms. You can, right?

Mandy (14:45)

I'm not going to front. I know how you feel because I'm here to say, and I don't want to make you feel worse, I don't know if I could do it.

Weezy (14:55)

Well, here is some reassurance. While herpes is very common, it's often mild and many people who have it don't know they have it. But transmission risk is manageable. And many couples with one HSV positive partner can never transmit it to the other. It's possible that you could have it and not transmit it to your partner. And I think that that's just going to take again, the maturity of having conversations around it and making sure you're following whatever steps you need to.

Mandy (15:30)

That's Great news to the person that I know that recently contracted hsv, who's still pregnant, told me that she had absolutely seen no signs. She's been sleeping with the same partner for two years and to this day does not see any kind of warts or signs of hsv. So there were even moments where he was like, oh, maybe you around, because she had it and he didn't. So I think it just comes down to being able to manage and know your own body's symptoms. So most of the times when people are, you know, getting an outbreak or a reaction, they can feel it. They can feel it being.

Weezy (16:07)

It literally says that here. It says that you want to avoid contact during warning signs. So warning signs. And maybe since you're new to this, maybe you're unaware. Warning signs include tingling, itching, and pain. So even if there's no sores, if you have a little tingly itching sensation, it could be, you know, a sign that you're about to have an outbreak. Also, I think, again, it's important to know that there are daily antiviral medications that you can take that significantly lower viral shedding. So again, there's medicine that you could take. I hate that you feel like you're like trash now, like that no one's gonna want you. Cause that's just not. That's. That's just not true. And I think they said, like 80% of the fucking global population has. Has some form of herpes. So maybe just find a who gets it in his armpits girl. I don't know what the advice was.

Mandy (17:07)

Good. You don't need to find another.

Weezy (17:08)

I mean, you could. No. Why not? Two people with herpes should maybe be together.

Mandy (17:12)

Well, I. I mean, the arms fit. Fit specific. But look up the support roots whenever you're feeling down, because they're going to literally, like my home girl was like, they're in there showing off their kids, their family, celebrating living life, and I'm worried about myself right now. So I think it's really just figuring out, like, once you. Anybody with any kind of infection or something that's incurable, they need to know.

Weezy (17:34)

Life goes on, that their support life goes on. And if you want to go all the way back to our first year of having horrible decisions, we had a girl come on and talk about sharing and being open about her herpes diagnosis, and she was really just open about living with it. I think she talked about how she communicated with her partners.

Mandy (17:59)

Yeah.

Weezy (17:59)

Listening to maybe that episode, I think, would really help you quite a bit. So I hope that you. I hope that you know that you are love. You're deserving of love. And herpes ain't gonna stop it. There's. There's a lot of niggas that'll still fuck through the herpes.

Mandy (18:13)

Believe getting tonight. You getting faggy.

Weezy (18:17)

And you are. Okay. You. You are. I'm sorry that this man did that. And I do have faith that you will find trust in a partner where you can be open and they can be, you know, open with you.

Mandy (18:33)

Agreed. Best of luck to you, girly.

Weezy (18:36)

Best of luck. If you want to send your letter in, send it to decisionspodmail.com and also if you want to watch the full video to our you got decisions episodes, head on over to Patreon. That's patreon.com Horrible decisions. Bye, you guys. Next week.

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