You've Got Decisions: My Boyfriend is Homophobic

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You've Got Decisions: My Boyfriend is Homophobic"

Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
Date: January 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of "Decisions, Decisions," hosts Mandii B and WeezyWTF dive into the complexities of navigating relationships where cultural and personal beliefs clash—specifically, what to do if your partner holds homophobic views. The main discussion centers on a listener's dilemma: her boyfriend, raised in Nigeria and living in London, expressed discomfort with the idea of his future son being gay. Mandii and Weezy explore whether such attitudes can change, the nuances of cultural upbringing versus personal growth, and how to evaluate if it's worth waiting for a partner to evolve their mindset.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Drama & Cultural Clashes (03:16–13:21)

• Mandii shares a humorous and chaotic story involving family misunderstandings about drug use, highlighting how cultural contexts shape perspectives and can cause confusion or overreaction (crack vs. coke).
  • Quote: “She could not understand the difference between fucking crack and coke. ... I sent her memes—this is coke, this is crack...” (11:39, Mandii)
• This segment illustrates the theme of miscommunication and the ways families react to perceived taboos, setting the tone for the episode's focus on challenging ingrained beliefs.

2. Catching Up: Listeners Write Back (14:13–20:16)

• The hosts read a follow-up from a listener previously involved in a "side chick" situation, defending her non-traditional relationship.
  • This segment reinforces the podcast's commitment to honesty and making space for uncomfortable truths in relationships.
  • Weezy: “This, of course, is a safe space, which is why you felt comfortable enough to share. But it also could be room to tell you about yourself.” (17:28)

3. Main Dilemma: My Boyfriend is Homophobic (20:16–38:00)

The Listener’s Dilemma (20:16–21:35)

• Context: The listener, European and progressive, is dating a Nigerian man who admitted he'd have a problem if his son were gay. She wonders if she should give him time to unlearn these beliefs or reconsider the relationship.
• Key question: Can someone outgrow homophobia that is tied to cultural and religious upbringing?

Weezy & Mandii Reflect: Personal Experiences (21:35–25:08)

• Weezy admits she’s dated men with homophobic leanings, noting a difference between disliking the idea of a gay child vs. treating queer people badly in real life.
  • Quote: “Do you believe gay people in my life are equal? Do you believe that gay people deserve the same rights as us, even if you wouldn't want it for your own kid?” (23:11, Weezy)
• They discuss the influence of cultural background (Nigeria, Jamaica) on attitudes toward LGBTQ+ issues.

Cultural Attitudes & Changing Beliefs (25:08–32:37)

• Mandii points out the double standards in how society views female sexuality vs. male sexuality and the persistent stigma in Black communities.
• They analyze different "levels" of homophobia in relationships—casual ignorance, passive disapproval, or outright bigotry.
  • Mandii: “Knowledge is the quickest way to realize your biases, realize how ignorant you sound, and move forward unlearning.” (30:13)
• Both hosts emphasize the weirdness of being preoccupied with their child's hypothetical sexuality.

Should You Stick Around for Growth? (32:37–37:44)

• Weezy shares a story of her father’s journey from implicit bias to acceptance after a personal experience with a trans surgeon, illustrating that change is possible.
  • Quote: “Everything I used to think just doesn’t matter, because you never know who will save your life. ... It just doesn’t matter.” (31:26, Weezy, recalling her father)
• Mandii advises caution: Six months into dating, beliefs may shift, but homophobic behaviors in daily life are red flags.
  • “If he's showing homophobia out in public, if he's not nice to a gay server ... I think that that's telling of the type of person you’re with.” (33:48, Mandii)
• Both encourage the listener: Assess the severity of the beliefs and whether actions match the rhetoric, rather than basing decisions solely on words.

Breaking Down Homophobia in Partners (34:12–37:44)

• The hosts rate varying degrees of homophobia—from “old grandpa” microaggressions to the open hostility of figures like Lil Boosie.
• Weezy: “There’s probably levels. Level 1—old grandpa homophobia. Level 2—I don’t care what you do, couldn’t be me. And then you have Lil Boosie...” (34:18)
• They recount positive examples of male partners being excited about, or supportive of, queer friends and community events.

Advice to Listener (37:44–38:00)

• Mandii and Weezy sum up: Gauge how homophobia actually manifests in your boyfriend’s actions, not just his words about hypothetical futures.
  • “Gauge the homophobic level of your boyfriend to decide whether you should stay with him or not.” (37:44, Mandii)
• If homophobia is deeply embedded in behavior, it’s a valid reason to reconsider the relationship; if he’s willing to grow, give him space and encourage education.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Weezy on partners and homophobia:
  “I think we could have our own little prejudice of what we want. But the reality is, do you believe gay people in my life are equal?” (23:11)
• Mandii on intervention:
  “If I come down and now the whole family has to sit down about this intervention of crack … bitch, I need to show you the memes that I sent her because she could not understand the difference between fucking crack and coke.” (10:30)
• Mandii on the core issue:
  “The idea that you care so much about the sexuality of your child who isn’t even here yet … the whole topic is weird.” (30:04)
• Weezy on parental change:
  “That to me taught me you can change, right?” (32:05)
• Mandii’s advice:
  “I would not be comfortable with this person as my partner if he's showing homophobia out in public ... how homophobic is he?” (33:48)

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Key Timestamps

• Family Drama & Drug Mix-up Story: 03:16–13:21
• Listener Side Chick Letter: 14:13–20:16
• Main Dilemma Introduced ("Boyfriend is Kinda Homophobic"): 20:16–21:35
• Hosts Reflect on Experiences Dating Men with Homophobic Views: 21:35–25:08
• Conversation about Cultural Attitudes and Change: 25:08–32:37
• Advice: Should You Wait for a Partner to Change?: 32:37–37:44
• Final Advice and Episode Wrap: 37:44–38:00

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Conclusion

This episode of "Decisions, Decisions" offers a candid, humorous, and nuanced discussion on how to navigate a relationship with someone holding homophobic beliefs. Mandii and Weezy emphasize assessing both words and actions, recognizing the influence of cultural upbringing, and setting personal boundaries when considering the potential for change. Their signature blend of real talk and wit provides guidance not just for the listener, but anyone grappling with shifting values in love and connection.

Transcript

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[Amanda]

Welcome to another episode of Horrible Decisions.

[Weezy]

It's bonus Bitch and we are not virtual. Aren't you glad?

[Amanda]

Aren't you? Aren't you glad like trump orange? Anyways, we are here in New York and if you guys have been listening to both the regular episodes and the Horrible Decisions episodes, we've just been talking about everyone in our lives. So I mentioned that I had an SOS take place. Now this is a funny SOS kind of not really. And it involves my family, so it's not really about judging a friend, but kind of. So okay, we can still listen and.

[Weezy]

We judge them on yes.

[Amanda]

So I actually judged my sister while also like feeling bad for my cousin, but not really.

[Weezy]

So I'm assuming you're talking about Alex.

[Amanda]

Yes, I'm talking about Alex. Clearly, bitch.

[Weezy]

So no bitch, because I was like, you know what, you were to turn over new leaf shit. I was like maybe you talking to your sister that you don't be fucking too.

[Amanda]

I mean her girlfriend wants me to like come down to Orlando more. But I did buy the Frontier pass so I might go to Orlando because there's literally $16 flights to Orlando. What? So there's like a. This is not an ad, but there's a Go Wild pass on frontier that is only 279 for a whole year. But there's Go Wild options and bitch, literally $16 to Miami to Orlando to DAP. Like the frontier routes. You can only get it within 24 or 48 hours.

[Weezy]

Do you think you'll diamond again on Delta if you're to Orlando?

[Amanda]

Oh, I'm only flying. I would never get on Frontier for more than an hour and a half. No bitch. And I'm diamond. I'm going to say what? My diamonds, you know which I've been diamond for like four years straight.

[Weezy]

Me too.

[Amanda]

And My family said to me the.

[Weezy]

Other day that I need to stop being ridiculous because we saw flights like that to Miami.

[Amanda]

No, no, no.

[Weezy]

You ready?

[Amanda]

We should just go for new. I'm not going to lie for New Year's.

[Weezy]

I'm okay.

[Amanda]

I was looking. I was already diamond. So I said, I don't need Delta because I'm already diamond, bitch. The difference was double. So it was $700 from Atlanta to Orlando, bitch. And mind you, I booked first class. Well, first class, $700 on Delta, on Frontier. I even added all the extras. I got two carry ons. I got like. I sat in the front of the plane with the bigger seats, bitch. 3:24. It was literally a little over double if I went on Delta, but it was also like a holiday weekend.

[Weezy]

Now, let me explain something to y'.

[Amanda]

All.

[Weezy]

I wasn't even trying to be bougie.

[Amanda]

You are. You are, though.

[Weezy]

But Spirit is my. No.

[Amanda]

Oh, no, no, no. Spirit is. I think they just filed bankrupt, bitch.

[Weezy]

I ain't going.

[Amanda]

I don't want to fly on nothing in 30,000ft in the air.

[Weezy]

That's going on spirit. I remember I lifted up and my armrest lifted up with me, and it came off. I took a photo with it like a phone.

[Amanda]

I don't know.

[Weezy]

I just don't want to, bruh. So when he's seen him, cheap shit, he's like, damn. He's like, you couldn't do that just for a quick trip. Well, also, I actually don't think New York to Miami is that quick of a trip. And you also.

[Amanda]

No, no, no. New York to Miami is not, bitch. That's three.

[Weezy]

That's three hours or so, nigga. I couldn't afford it, okay? I could only afford Spirit at one point in my life. It still was like, well, someone else will have to buy it.

[Amanda]

Yeah, no, this. It's. It's ridiculous. But anyways, let's get into some family drama. And luckily, I have enough cousins to where it's not the cousins that I talk about often, girla, but it's another very close cousin has become closer to my sister. So it was like a thing. Like, there was a. It was a thing. So I get a call from my sister.

[Weezy]

Our little family drama.

[Amanda]

I get a call from my sister, and she's like, we really need to talk. Like, I don't know what to do. And I was like, okay, I'm busy. I'll call you back. Called her back the next day and was like, okay, I'm free now. What's going on. She was like, no, this is serious. So she brings up that my cousin was in some depressed state because her baby daddy cheated. Okay? It happens. She's like, no, it's serious. And I was like, well, what's serious? She was like, well, she came over and she was acting, like, really strange. Like. And, you know, we've all. We've. A lot of my family has substance abuses, so. And I was like, well, what do you mean, really strange? Like, was she drunk? Was she lit? Like, was she smoking? Did she do an edible? She was like, no. It's, like, really bad. And I was like, what the fuck was she doing? She was like, well, she talked to Shelby, which is the other sister that I don't talk to. And she was like, they ended up opening up. Cause, you know, they. You know Shelby, everyone's cool. Talking about drugs with her. Long story. Anyways. And she did crack. No, seriously. And she was like.

[Weezy]

I don't know why.

[Amanda]

She was like. She was like, we can't have crackheads in the family. Like, and so. But I don't know, because she's been depressed because, like, I'm not supposed to know because Shelby told me that she told her, and I don't want it to be a thing. Like. But I think we need to, like. I think you need to come down here and we need to have an intervention because, like, crack is really serious, and so. Crack is serious? No, crack is fucking serious. So I'm like, well, damn. Like, I mean, are you gonna bring it up? Like, are you gonna tell Shelby that? Like, she was like, no, I think you should come down.

[Weezy]

When does it get out?

[Amanda]

No, no, no. I'm gonna tell you when it gets funny. I'm gonna tell you when it gets funny. Cause I know this is. This is a bad thing, so I.

[Weezy]

Don'T know why I'm laughing.

[Amanda]

So I was like, well, when she came around, I said, alex, like, crack is, like, a serious thing. So apparently, how it really got bad. So they share, I guess, my cousin and my mom, they share the lawn man. So apparently, yes. So apparently, she even asked the lawnman for crack. So as my sister's telling me these details and how concerned she is because she's like, bro, we can't have a crackhead in the family. Da, da, da, da. I had to ask her. I was like, alex, she just. Mind you, the lawnman is a Jamaican. And I was like, why would she just ask somebody for crack? Like, crack is, like, something a lot of people just don't have. So Mind you, I'm like, I'm really trying to ask these questions because she wants me to book a flight to come down and have an intervention like a family. And I was like, bitch, I'm kind of busy right now. Like, I got a lot going on. I just don't. And I was like, damn, you're about to involve me, but you haven't had to call. I said, if I come down and now the whole family has a sit down about this intervention of crack. I said, this is serious. But also, as she's telling me the details, I'm like, she just asked the lawnman for crack. So anyways, so we get on the call and I was like, okay, Alex, there's this flight.

[Weezy]

I gotta get a lawnman.

[Amanda]

I'm like, I'm like, there's this. There's. You do have to get a lawnman when you have a house. Serve a lawnman. So I get on my last call before. I'm like, okay, I can come down next week. Money. This is all before the holidays. So I was like, okay, I can get this flight. We can come down, make sure she's off work, and I'll set up like a dinner and we could have an intervention. Literally, right before I'm buying the flight, I get on the phone with her again. She's going. She's going. I was like, okay. I said, have you found a pipe? Have you found anything to like and. Or saying something? She goes, yeah, because she asked for coke. And I was like. I said, wait. I said, alex, is it crack or is it coke? And she's like, it's the same thing, Amanda. Like, what do you mean? Is it crack or is it coke? And I said, is it crack or is it coke? Because crack, you have to do it on a pipe. It smells. You would smell it. They would become this. Coke is a powder. You put it in your nose. She was like, no, it was coke. And I said, oh, girl, I'm not booking a flight. I said, all my friends take coke. I said, coke. She's like, amanda, you're just fine with our cousin taking coke. I said, all my friends take coke. Not intervening if it was just a little bump. And she did it once, maybe twice. I'm not flying down to intervene for coke. So, bitch, I need to show you the memes that I sent her because she could not understand the difference between fucking crack and coke. And so literally, if y' all could see. I don't know if y' all could see it. Hold on. I said, alex, this is coke. This is crack. Y' all can't see it. I have the meme of fucking Scarface and his ranch. Scarface and a fucking snowman. Snowman. And then when I go next, I have fucking Dave Chappelle itching with the fucking white lips, bitch.

[Weezy]

This is why Whitney said crack is whack.

[Amanda]

Literally. And I'm literally like, bro, we don't have to intervene.

[Weezy]

You know, Christmas reminds me just like.

[Amanda]

Dale's moment is so green.

[Weezy]

I was out with Sade and we were at Max Fish years ago and we were flirting with this white boy and he was really fun. And I don't know how cocaine came up, but at some point or maybe someone was doing it, I don't know. But long story short, he was like, oh, the club was over. He was like, do you guys want to go back to my house and do crack? So I started laughing because I thought he's got.

[Amanda]

He's got joking and he looks like.

[Weezy]

A nice looking guy. So then he brought up crack again. I said, you mean coke? He goes, no, I mean crack. So then I said, how do you get there?

[Amanda]

No, but. And you know what's crazy?

[Weezy]

Is it because coke is too expensive. And he goes, no, because I like it. I said, oh, and now I'm just different.

[Amanda]

Did you see? And I had to play it for. For my mom and my sister because I guess they never saw the interview. But of Joe Biden's son saying how he's addicted to crack. Did you not see that on 2020?

[Weezy]

No.

[Amanda]

We'll put a TikTok. There's a whole 2020 thing of of him saying crack is just the most euphoric feeling ever, dog.

[Weezy]

It gotta be good. But I also don't want to know that bad.

[Amanda]

You just got a little taste of the horrible decisions. Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in for the full, uncut and way nastier episodes over on patreon. Go to patreon.com horribledecisions and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's yous've Got Decisions.

[Weezy]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[Amanda]

You've got decisions. You've got decisions.

[Weezy]

Welcome back, y'. All. It's another episode, another hump day, another bitch who got a problem with a nickel. Actually. Oh, I don't know what's on.

[Amanda]

We got somebody that got a problem with you, hon. We got A follow up email from the side chick ship. So if you guys don't remember this one, she was talking about meeting a man on a date on the dating app blk.

[Weezy]

And the wife knew him.

[Amanda]

Fast forward. Yes, she's now dating this guy who's married, but she done found herself in a three way group chat. And she said, girl, we go out of town two weekends a month. This my man, my man, my man, my man. So we had our, you know, things that we had to say about her. And so this is the email that she decided to send back after hearing our email to her.

[Weezy]

Oh, this is fun.

[Amanda]

She said, woo y' all in parentheses. Weezy read the absolute fuck out of me. You didn't even ask for context. But I feel like in my efforts to not bombard you all with details, some things were misconstrued. But after listening, it doesn't seem like it would even make a difference.

[Weezy]

Okay, Mr. Wayne, hold on.

[Amanda]

She said, thanks for answering, I guess. Side note, there's absolutely no place in the world that a woman can say I'm a mistress, side chick or whatever without being read for filth on. Oh, for out. Without being read for filth. On some level. On some level, I get it. Here's what else she had to say though, which I didn't like this part that was like mandate, I've always liked you two since the original horrible podcast and thought this was at least a safe ish space. For whatever reason, she decided to drop her Instagram in there and here we go. So this is a safe space. But baby, we be honest. And you was. You're, you're. You're first off, that's the end of it. By the way, your, yeah, you first subject subscription, like whatever the subject line.

[Weezy]

Of your email wasn't it, am I a side chick?

[Amanda]

Was side chick ship. So, bitch, you are dating a married man. And I don't care how many trips you go on with this nigga, I don't care how many nights a week he with you on some motherfucking sza I got him for the weekend type shit, bro, he's married to someone else. So cool you're in a relationship, but you are in the hierarchy of even a polyamorous relationship. You're not number one sis. And that's all we were telling you. And we just want you to want better for yourself. That's it.

[Weezy]

Well, as someone whose card can be pulled, I'm sure at one point in my life Mandy's got a chapter about do married men treat you better, Andy. This is probably why we had the reaction we did.

[Amanda]

Right?

[Weezy]

This, of course, is a safe space. Right? This, of course is a safe space, which is why you felt comfortable enough to share. But it also could be room to tell you about yourself.

[Amanda]

A safe space can also be an honest one.

[Weezy]

Like, I don't. I don't know why, unless you just wanted to be like, I'm getting my leg back, I'm doing this, or I'm getting whatever I want out of it. I honestly felt like from your initial email, it just gave a little bit to Lulu. And the reason I felt that way is because you put yourself in this position of being cared about more. And, oh, she knows about me and I meet his family. So when you say things like that is to let us know you're important, but at the end of the day, no one is saying you aren't important. We're just saying that his wife also is. So it carries come off as delusional when you're trying to fight this case of he's mine or I'm better or I'm this or I'm that. Keep in mind the beginning of every relationship is heaven. And I think two to three years is a beginning. I don't know how long he's been married to his wife, but I know that probably the hot new girlfriend side chick, according to your words and subject, right? I'm going to be something that feel better, lighter. You also have to think one and.

[Amanda]

You'Re new, like a shiny toy.

[Weezy]

He leaves the wife to come spend time with you. So it's like, oh, well, she complains about this or that or whatever. Like, of course everything is better when you're always on vacation and having limited time together.

[Amanda]

And I say that in the chapter. Like, I didn't have to worry about splitting bills or raising kids or even sleeping next to a nigga all the time if he snores. Like, I got the best parts of the men that I dealt with when they were married because I didn't really have to deal with real life with them. So even if he is venting to you about his wife, bro, they have to deal with real shit together. So anyway, if y' all want to hear more about what we had to say, y' all could go listen to that episode. It. It was the side chick ship.

[Weezy]

I kind of want to re reread that letter, but this is what I would say. To me, there's really not a world where either of us is gonna stick with you when you're Basically saying, should I be with him? Is it more xyz? You wrote into a show about a married nigga, bruh.

[Amanda]

Ended up and you in a group.

[Weezy]

Chat with the wife, dating niggas like.

[Amanda]

This, like, have fun, sis.

[Weezy]

Have fun. I'm gonna be honest with you. If you were single and that nigga had a girlfriend, I probably would have had the same energy.

[Amanda]

Nah, girlfriends don't matter.

[Weezy]

I ain't gonna hold you.

[Amanda]

It ain't.

[Weezy]

It's a little different if there's something that comes before you that's a bit scary. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Well, this is an interesting one, especially being at the top of the year and people wanting to know how they can continue on. This is also a patron member and they've been listening to the pod since 2020. So glad they found us in the pandemic. If you want to send a letter over to us, make sure you email it to us decisionspodmail.com now, this is really interesting and I feel like you may have some good insight on this. And I also want to play some hypotheticals. The subject line for this letter is, boyfriend is kinda homophobic. Hi, Mandy and Weezy. My question for you relates to my boyfriend's beliefs and acceptance. We have been together for six months and we have a healthy relationship. No arguments, smooth sailing. However, he has recently told me that he would have an issue if his son turns out to be gay. I grew up in Europe and he grew up in Nigeria with a religious and Christian family. Most of his friends are Nigerian. He knows I'm progressive and with open parents. I would love my child regardless of sexuality, gender, disability, etc.

[Weezy]

Oh, that's nice.

[Amanda]

I don't know if I should give him time as he only moved to London in 2022 and. And it's still, quote, and is still quite quote, unquote, new to anything non Nigerian. He says I need to give him time, but I'm not sure how long that is. Can a man outgrow being this way? Thank you for everything you're doing. Been listening to the pot since 2020 and as well as a patron. So I guess I want to start off first by asking you if at any point in the past you've felt like you've dated or entertained or even committed into a relationship with someone that was homophobic. Knowing that a lot of your friends are gay, your mom, you know, you kind of grew up in that community. Has that ever been a conversation with you, with anybody that you've dated?

[Weezy]

Um, absolutely. To be honest, it's like kind of number one. Right. So I'm not a girl that has gay bestie. Like my best friend just happens to be a gay man. And I think a lot of women have like gay neglects in their life. But are they really that important? And also we're queer. So I gotta like put that right. I can go into my own experience and actually something that my boyfriend and I discussed recently. So one Old Bay wasn't homophobic by any means. But and especially because I would say he spent a lot of time with my gay friends. But I just remembered him rejecting a lot having a gay kid or a gay son, which a lot of men might do. So you can't. They can't all be perfect super liberal Zoran out here. Right? But I remember having slight issues about it and ignoring it. And maybe because I didn't really think we'd end up together. I have dated people that had homophobic parents. I've dated scissors. She had religious family. For me it's more so just about. Do you believe gay people in my life are equal? Do you believe that gay people deserve the same rights as us, even if you wouldn't want it for your own kid? I think that's okay because I think we could have our own little prejudice of what we want. But the reality is.

[Amanda]

You know what's crazy? On selective ignorance. I had the conversation and I asked. I had the class assembly, kind of like a town hall. And I asked them. I said the same question that Zwe asked Kevin Hart and was like, would you rather have a gay son or a thought daughter?

[Weezy]

Yeah. So Alex put that up.

[Amanda]

The men said a gay son.

[Weezy]

That's great.

[Amanda]

Over a thought daughter. I would really.

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[Amanda]

What makes it wrong that a woman. See, we got this whole sex positive platform. And I was like, what? Really?

[Weezy]

As a gay thought myself, here's why is this answer. I've been treated worse for the assumption that I could be a whore rather than being a lesbian.

[Amanda]

But women is different than men.

[Weezy]

I still think a gay man can walk through society be an upstanding citizen. I think when you're a woman, that's a hoe. Yeah.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Weezy]

And what's a thought, bruh? Because I just fucking fucked a few niggas. You telling me to bitch out here in the trenches, Then it really might be scary. Right? It's like imagine if she's a dot in college and has to wear that scarlet A like we. What if she's so much of a thought is where the bitch comes home with a baby.

[Amanda]

Okay, okay. It was a good conversation.

[Weezy]

So.

[Amanda]

But okay, okay.

[Weezy]

I was thinking about that too. So the other thing that happened recently when my partner and I is we were watching a movie or hearing a conversation of someone being super weird and super homophobic about a girl's gay bestie. And he was like, can you imagine if I did that to you and how undercover that would make me look? He's like, every time I see niggas get like this.

[Amanda]

Oh, yeah, no, it screams. It's projection. It's project, for sure.

[Weezy]

There's almost not a world where, you know. So whatever the conversation was, the person that was doing it was also African. And my boyfriend's Nigerian. And he was like, I've seen this myself.

[Amanda]

Like, I've seen it.

[Weezy]

Like, he's like, I've seen my cousin, a homeboy, act like this. And I'm just like, what the fuck? He's like, sometimes if I want to lose in the house music, niggas be like, if you gay niggas in there. And I'm like, don't know. Because I'll be looking for, like, the fuck? They get obsessive about that shit. This is not the olden times, okay? No overdraft fees, no monthly fees. Because Chime is not just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay giving you up to $500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit.

[Amanda]

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[Weezy]

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[Amanda]

I always think it's weird that anybody sits around and thinks about who their kids may end up fucking. That's where I find it weird. The idea that you care so much about the sexuality of your child who isn't even here yet. The idea that your mind is going to who your kid may fuck one day, just. It's weird. The whole topic is weird. The whole conversation is weird. Now in this case, then clearly, knowledge is the quickest way to realize your biases, realize how ignorant you sound, and move forward unlearning. However, I understand, just like from coming from a Jamaican background, how this could be in Nigeria. So if he's saying it's gonna take him some time, do you believe that her boyfriend can change his mindset? And how long do you realistically think that may take him? And should she stay in this relationship with a man who's homophobic if it disaligns with her beliefs as a progressive?

[Weezy]

So I do think it could take time. I don't know if I've ever shared that. I think my father used to be homophobic. There was an interaction, maybe I've talked about it on Patreon or a regular episode, but I'll try to make the story quick. My aunt had cancer and cervical cancer and her surgeon was trans. Now, my mom growing up always had gay friends. I was born in San Francisco, so when the surgeon came out, it was only me and my dad. My mom was away and my dad was really nervous about my aunt. And he sat down after talking to this woman, the surgeon, and said to me everything I used to think just doesn't matter because you never know who will save your life. You never know who will help you. And he just kept saying this. Nobody was asking my dad anything. He was talking out loud on the drive home. He was like, you just never know who you will need in your life. You never know who will be there to help you. Like, it just doesn't matter. At the end of the day he's like, it's just like different races. It doesn't matter who we're around. And I knew as a fucking kid. I was maybe 17 when this happened, like, oh wow, he's talking about this trans lady. And that to me taught me you can change, right? Okay, now granted, my dad was more open minded. I grew up with a gay godfather, so he was already kind of there. But I do believe people can change as they Learn and they grow. I just don't know if I'd be willing to stick it out.

[Amanda]

Okay.

[Weezy]

Like, my parents got together in the 80s where homophobia was a little different. It was expected.

[Amanda]

Yeah. I think. I think it's interesting to be. Yeah. Dating someone today with all of the access to conversations and knowledge and clearly, you know right from wrong, especially as an adult. And so to sit here and be any sort of prejudice to a group of people because of their choice of living. I think it's also weird how rampant it runs in our own community as being someone who's black, knowing all the prejudice and racism that is instilled within our history, I find it to be weird. I kind of agree with you. However, it's not really going to be an actual conversation unless you guys are family planning. You said you've only been with him for six months. His idea of what he doesn't want his son to be. I think it becomes really interesting when you actually have the opportunity to just have a kid. And at the end of the day, whether it's a girl or a boy, a lot of people, once they actually reach that, just want a healthy baby. And again, I think the conversation around who their kid may fuck eventually is also an insane conversation to have. I would, however, not be comfortable with this person as my partner if he's showing homophobia out in public, if he's not nice to a gay slobber that y' all have or doesn't want to be served by a gay bartender or.

[Weezy]

Yeah, I think that's.

[Amanda]

You know what I mean? Like, okay, he mentioned he doesn't want a gay slump, but how homophobic is he?

[Weezy]

That's actually a good question because there's probably levels. Yeah, there's levels to homophobic or do. Like, okay, now we.

[Amanda]

You know what I mean? Like, this was just a conversation.

[Weezy]

Your old grandpa, homophobia. Like, the other day we were watching Coming to America, there's an old family member that said, you know, I always thought Eddie Murphy was a little fruitcake. Don't he give you fruitcake? And I'm like, I don't know. Does he like Robin Williams wore dresses? But that to me is the type of, like, level one, you know what I'm saying? Then you got level two. I don't care what you do. Couldn't be me. It's shit like that. It said little passive aggressiveness. And then to me.

[Amanda]

And then you have Lil Boosie.

[Weezy]

Who.

[Amanda]

Finds a way any chance he can, even though he just sat down with.

[Weezy]

Jason Lee he's transphobic though. Is he homophobic?

[Amanda]

No, he's homophobic, bruh. He don't even talk to his daughter. Cause she lesbian. And he hired strippers for his 14 year old sons to make sure they liked women.

[Weezy]

Oh, well, you're not gonna stop him there.

[Amanda]

That's real homophobic. So.

[Weezy]

Okay, wait, y' all might be yelling at me through the damn headphones you got on right now. I might have up with the boosie. I might have. I. Now I remember. All I remember specifically very homophobic was there was a big thing with Planet Fitness and then Dwayne Wade's daughter. Like, I just remember those things were like super mad. That's what I'm saying.

[Amanda]

He just, he cared too much about how other people want to live their lives. And baby, he did some time in jail. So it's giving projection because you ain't gonna tell him you ain't get your little dick sucked or saw him in the jail while you was in there. He was in there for some time.

[Weezy]

You know, in my relationship, we went to a queer wedding and I remember the conversation that we had in the car and he was like, man, because it was in Orlando, he was like, you, you really like this? Because we flew down to Orlando for this.

[Amanda]

He's like, this ain't even New York.

[Weezy]

He's like, I don't know if I've been seen that many trans people in a fucking New York wedding. He's like, this is really your tribe? I'm like, it is, baby. Okay.

[Amanda]

And my mom, I love that.

[Weezy]

And I think the other thing that was cool about that moment too was, yeah, people do put on like they're cool with some shit. But when we were at the wedding and just seeing him be a little bit wowed by it, you got to think a lot of us have never even been to a gay wedding, let alone sitting amongst, you know, things that are just non traditional. Two lesbians reading the. What was I going to say? Not ordaining the wedding, just shit like that. It's something that can be a bit jarring. And so all I want and appreciate in a relationship and have the expectation of my partner is to be open about it and never say no to anything.

[Amanda]

Yeah, same. I love that like my ex was able to hang around Asante and Dustin and just.

[Weezy]

That's important.

[Amanda]

It was very important. It was very important. Well, basically we're telling you to gauge the homophobic level of your boyfriend to decide whether you should stay with him or not. But him, him voicing that wouldn't be something that I would break up with someone for. But again, if his behaviors and actions lead to not being a good person and as someone who's so homophobic that he treats people wrong because of their sexuality, I think that that's telling of the type of person that you're with and you should reconsider.

[Weezy]

I think it's very sweet though, that you really were like, oh, can I fudge with this nigga?

[Amanda]

And how long should I give them you sister?

[Weezy]

Okay.

[Amanda]

I love it. Well, thank you for being a patronage.

[Weezy]

Turning on her bar.

[Amanda]

We not even. I feel like we got to bleep her name now. I don't even want her mention on anything. She's so embarrassing.

[Weezy]

I was literally sitting on the plane watching it.

[Amanda]

She's embarrassed.

[Weezy]

And I said to myself, can any. Is anybody. Are white people understanding what the fuck going on?

[Amanda]

She's embarrassing. She's embarrassing. Anyway, if you have a letter, send it on over to us decisionspodmail.com and if you're a patron, you get boosted right up to the front because baby, the inbox is full. So again, join us on Patreon, that's patreon.com horrible decisions. And if you have a you got decision letter to send into us, make sure you send it to decisionspod gmail.com until next week. Bye bye everybody.

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[Amanda]

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[Amanda]

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