You've Got Decisons: Am I Moving on Too Fast?

Summary

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Decisions, Decisions – Episode Summary

Episode Title: You’ve Got Decisions: Am I Moving on Too Fast?
Podcast: Decisions, Decisions
Hosts: Mandii B and WeezyWTF
Date: September 3, 2025
Producer: The Black Effect & iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

In this candid episode, Mandii B and WeezyWTF explore the complexities of moving on after a long-term relationship, challenging social norms and personal guilt often associated with dating, sex, and new beginnings. Using real listener questions, personal anecdotes, and their signature blend of unfiltered advice and humor, the hosts dive into themes of sexual exploration, friendship boundaries, and emotional clarity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing New Experiences in Relationships

[00:06 – 02:10]

• Weezy sparks discussion around introducing new sexual experiences:

  "How do you do it? Mandii and I are always saying, through porn. Set the scene..." (00:06)

• Des, a guest, offers an alternative:

  "Lately I’ve been using clips from my podcast... just, you know, testing the waters." (00:23)

• The hosts discuss the value of communication and creative methods (like sharing podcast clips) for broaching sexual kinks with partners.

2. Navigating Sexual Performance Anxiety & Finding Validation

[01:29 – 06:10]

• Des shares a deeply personal account of overcoming sexual performance anxiety after a toxic relationship:

  "I developed sexual performance anxiety. Wasn’t confident about my body... I use my podcast to learn about my sexual needs and how to communicate better." (01:29)

• Des segments experiences for the podcast ("Try it for the Podcast") and seeks professional sexual empowerment by hiring renowned sex worker King Noir.

3. The Logistics (and Costs) of Professional Dom Sessions

[03:45 – 05:36]

• Des details the consultation process, exploring his own kinks and desired experiences (flogging, sensory play).
• The group discusses financial realities:

  "It was from $2500 to $2000." – Des (04:33) "Anyone we’ve had on this podcast and talked to... they not cheap." – Mandii B. (04:45)

4. Describing the Session: Safety, Trust, and Affirmation

[06:10 – 10:12]

• Des offers a vivid, step-by-step retelling of the session, including booking logistics, vulnerability around nudity, and the power dynamic:

  "He was like, from here on out, every time you talk to me, you have to say, 'yes, King, sir.'" – Des (08:09)

• The importance of safe words is underscored with a real-life example:

  "Red means you stop everything. I was like, all right, yellow." (08:40)

• The host panel praises the way boundaries, communication, and aftercare are handled:

  "Now we know what a safeword really should be. Looking like everything, including music. The lights back on, too..." — Mandy B. (09:28)

• Emotional affirmations are given during the session to rebuild confidence:

  "Your body's beautiful. Whatever your ex put into you is poison." – Recalled by Des (09:59)

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Listener Letter: "Am I Moving On Too Fast?"

[15:37 – 27:00]

Context

• Listener Des (not to be confused with the guest above), recently out of an 11-year relationship (with two kids), wonders if having started casual sex about 10-11 months post-breakup is "too fast," especially as her ex wants reconciliation and her best friend is critical.

Key Points

Mandii B. on Friend Boundaries

"I just say, if you like it, I love it, sis... I normally come to my friends and share the dirt after I already did it. Cause, bitch, I wasn't gonna care what you said anyways." (16:41)

• You aren’t obligated to process or share every relationship move with friends, especially critical ones.
• Establish boundaries: It's okay to ask friends to be supportive or refrain from unsolicited negativity.

On Moving on and Guilt Toward an Ex

• Nearly a year out makes it entirely reasonable to be dating or having sex with someone new.
• Guilt about hurting an ex’s feelings is natural but shouldn’t impede your progress:

  "I do not believe at all that you are 'moving too fast.' I also don't think at this point personally you should be considering the feelings of your baby daddy. If you have not been with him for 10 or 11 months... it's called manipulation." (25:34)

Advice on Emotional Clarity

• Mandii points out that if the only tie left is co-parenting, that's what you owe your ex–not romantic consideration.
• If guilt continues, it may signal some unresolved feelings and the need for self-reflection.
• Cut the emotional ties; don't double-dip sexually or emotionally if you intend to move forward:

  "You either move the fuck on, or you don't… Stand firm on business." (27:00)

On Friend Criticism

• Two approaches for handling negative friends:
  • Kind: Kindly ask for support or no commentary.
  • Toxic/Real: "Call out where they fucked up, but you let them... live in their fuckery." (21:04)
  • Panelist Court chimes in: "That's just how I 100% keep it real... don't lecture me on accountability when you can't take it.” (23:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Weezy, on non-traditional introductions:

  "Not porn, but you're just showing conversations just like." (00:35)

• Des, on confidence after toxic relationships:

  "I was insecure about my body, and I just want to build that confidence back." (07:23)

• On the impact of safe words:

  "Red means you stop everything. I was like, all right, yellow." (08:40)

• Mandii B., on living your truth:

  "You either move the fuck on, or you don't… Stand firm on business." (27:00)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06 – 02:10: Introducing sexual experiences to partners
• 01:29 – 06:10: Sexual performance anxiety and seeking professional guidance
• 03:45 – 05:36: Logistics (and financial aspects) of hiring a professional
• 06:10 – 10:12: Describes session, boundaries, and positive affirmation
• 15:37 – 27:00: Listener letter: "Am I moving on too fast?" – Deep dive discussion

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Tone and Language

The episode stays true to Mandii B and Weezy’s signature style: raw, humorous, vulnerable, and explicit. They balance comedic banter with deeply honest reflections, normalizing adult conversations about sex, self-worth, and relationship boundaries.

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Summary & Takeaways

• Moving on from a long-term relationship is highly individual. There is no universal "too soon."
• Surround yourself with supportive people; build boundaries as needed.
• Guilt for pursuing your happiness after a breakup is common but shouldn't control your choices.
• Affirming sexual exploration and consulting professionals can be a path to reclaiming self-confidence and healing.
• Open, direct communication (with partners, friends, and oneself) is key to navigating messy, transitional periods post-breakup.

If you’re considering new beginnings after a breakup, recognize your agency, set clear boundaries—with friends and exes alike—and center your decisions on your well-being and joy.

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Transcript

[Mandy B.]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Weezy]

I want to know when you want to introduce a sexual experience to your partner. How do you do it? Mandy and I are always saying, through porn. Set the scene. Let's just say tonight, you really want to chew on your niggas balls. You want to take your teeth and chew on them. How are you introducing new sexual shit?

[Des]

Something that I've been doing lately is using clips from my podcast. I'm like, oh, I had a $6 or so, and they told me about this. Or I'll use a clip from Horrible, and I'll be like, oh, I saw this on this podcast.

[Weezy]

Not porn, but you're just showing conversations just like.

[Des]

Because it's a new relationship. I'm just, you know, testing the waters. So I was like, do you know what compression is? He was like, no. I thought, let me show you this clip I saw. And then it was Luis explaining what compression was or if it was like, oh, what do you think about what's another clip? Oh, I showed him golden showers. So what do you think about going to showers? And he was like, yeah, I'm not into that. He was like, you ever did it before?

[Mandy B.]

And here we go, y'. All.

[Weezy]

Billy, not saying he was never gonna come on again, but it really amped it up when that nigga said, this is how I found out about King Noir. I went on, need to be studied. But we were trying to schedule. He's like, oh, well, I have a session with King Noir, but it's okay. I can push it. I said, oh, no, nigga, we could push our thing. You go get that and then come on here. Now, normally, I thought King Noir wasn't seeing male clients, but he said that he was open for you to talk about it. So tell us how you got to the point where you finally hire a sex worker.

[Des]

All right, so this is where I had to do this. So I was in a toxic relationship, and I developed sexual performance anxiety. So I wasn't confident about my body. He wasn't, like, wasn't pouring into me. So I'm like, am I even good at sex?

[Weezy]

Not getting hard or just getting anxious?

[Des]

Just getting anxious, like, thinking, like, am I taking dick the right way or am I sucking his dick properly? Because he was just like, it was I like, I. And then made me call other, like, yo, isn't my dick game? Like, can I suck? Like, I'm good. They're like, yeah. I'm like, so this is bugging. But he was just a toxic. So I was like, you know What? Before I go into this. And that's the point of my podcast. Like, I use it to make sure, like, I'm learning stuff needs to be studied. So I'm learning about my sexual needs and how to communicate better relationships. So I was like, you know what? I have to do it. I have a segment called Try it for the podcast. So I was like, you know what?

[Weezy]

Such a good segment name.

[Des]

Yeah.

[Mandy B.]

I mean, we say we do stuff for research.

[Des]

We do research.

[Mandy B.]

We do it for research over here.

[Des]

So I'm like. So I hit him up. And I was like, do you work with male clients? Because I always was trying to figure out who works with male clients. I know Quinoir. I know, sir. Marvelous. But I'm like. So I'm like, well, Keen Noir, I got to do it if I see him suck a couple of dicks, so.

[Mandy B.]

But he sucked. Let's be very clear to separate only because I'm very adamant in drawing the line between. I've only seen King Noir are actively publicly suck trans women dicks.

[Des]

Right.

[Mandy B.]

That's different than men dicks.

[Des]

Yes.

[Mandy B.]

So when you hit them up, not on. No. Like I said, you suck a dick. Those were attached to women. So what was your question to him about dealing with male clients? Because outside of, like, threesomes, I've never seen him deal with male clients.

[Des]

So I basically was like, oh, I'm interested in learning my kinks and fetishes, but I. I don't know anybody that work with male clients. Can you point me to a direction? Who would you know?

[Mandy B.]

Okay. He said. He said, I'll take your money. He said, I'll take care what he was doing. He said, oh, I'm not sure.

[Des]

Can you guide me? Can you give me guidance on where to go? And he said, I handle male colleagues. I was like, oh, let's talk about this. So he told me. He was like, download telegram. I have telegram. So he gave me his number, and then, smart. We started speaking about it.

[Weezy]

So did he send you his boundaries too, on what he does with.

[Des]

Yeah. So at first we did a consultation. He's asking me what I like, and.

[Mandy B.]

I'm like, yeah, what were you hiring him for?

[Des]

I just want to know. Like, I wanted to do stuff that I never explored. So I was like, let's do this session based off a sensory play. Like, I. I want to. I want to see what flogging feels like. I want to. I want to feel different things. I want to do. I want to do a professional. And I was like, okay, so Then he gave me a list of stuff to fill out. Am I to see what I'm into? Am I into chains? Am I into whips? I'm like, all right, I'm into this. I'm into that. And then he was like, I'll be back in New York at this time. Let's follow up. But then he followed up, and then that's when, like, we start speaking. The money, I think it's pricey, but.

[Mandy B.]

It was worth expensive.

[Des]

It was worth it.

[Weezy]

Was it under was 500 to a thousand or a thousand to 1500 or what?

[Des]

I would say it was from 2500 to 2000.

[Mandy B.]

I was gonna say some artless is like 1500 for two hours. Like, I have friends that have. Books are marvelous. Hold on. These motherfuckers.

[Des]

I can't tell you.

[Mandy B.]

He said, I saved it. He can't tell on camera. I have friends that have booked, sir Marvelous. For over two grand, plus flights for like two to three hours. Like, I will say for anyone listening sessions, solo sessions, I will say for anyone listening, anyone that we've come on this podcast and kind of talk to, they not cheap.

[Des]

No, no.

[Mandy B.]

Price of that girl, listen. She said 666. She said. She said, if y' all listen to the dominatrix Jacks, she's the episode that you heard last week. She shared her rate.

[Weezy]

She did.

[Mandy B.]

But these niggas is expensive.

[Des]

Yeah, they are. They are. So it was.

[Weezy]

We've seen his dick. We get it.

[Des]

Yeah, it was. It was.

[Mandy B.]

I'm mad at him.

[Des]

A good price for two hours or whatever. So I'm like, okay, so, you know, you send a deposit and then deposit 50%. 50%.

[Mandy B.]

50% deposit.

[Des]

But I was like, why pay for an hour? We're not going to have to pay all this money. Now.

[Weezy]

What did you go in Paying for an experience.

[Des]

So I just. I just want to try something. Like, I watching you guys show you learn what, flogging. Nobody has a flogging it back.

[Mandy B.]

No, I say that all the time. I'd be like, where the fuck these niggas at? Right? So you wanted to experience it, right? Yeah, Flogging, sensory play. What other elements of sensory play?

[Des]

There was no exact reason. I just want experience to say, okay, I did the first round. Now for the next round, I know I want to.

[Weezy]

So basically, you showed up thinking that, like, okay, he's. I said my yes and no. You gonna give me whatever you got.

[Des]

I'm thinking like, we gonna do whatever you got. But he's like, okay, when we get there, I'll show you what type of tools and the equipment that I have, and we'll go through it.

[Weezy]

Ain't his voice crazy? That shit? That's it.

[Mandy B.]

So deep.

[Des]

So now we get there. So you have to book the hotel yourself. And then you tell him where to go.

[Mandy B.]

Wait, you gotta pay him and pay for the room.

[Des]

Mm.

[Mandy B.]

Oh.

[Des]

So I booked a hotel in Times Square.

[Mandy B.]

Okay.

[Des]

And he came over, and then he just came in. He was like. Oh, you know, his voice is so deep and fun and so sexy. I'm talking about him, too.

[Mandy B.]

Is it.

[Des]

No. So he was like. Did he put the. I don't know what radio station? I think it was a Snow Allegra radio station.

[Mandy B.]

First off, that you know of my sex playlist. Nigga, don't point at me when you say snow Legra. You don't know. I think that's my. The Snow label playlist. Is it? Okay.

[Des]

Then he started taking the stuff out, and then he was like, all right, this room is a little small. You know, it's New York City, Times Square. He was like, all right, we're gonna make this work, though. So then he started saying, you want to be butt naked or. And I'm like, I'll keep my clothes on for right now. You know, Like, I just wanna.

[Weezy]

I would have been nervous to get negative.

[Des]

Yeah. So then he's, like, telling me, like, lay out, and then, like, stretch. So I started explaining to him why I want to do it. I was having sex some. Like, I was insecure about my body, and I just want to build that confidence back.

[Mandy B.]

Yeah.

[Des]

He was like, we're gonna get you there. Right? So. And I told him I want to be dominated. Like, I love a good, dominant person. Like, and I love being a little bitch ass up. So he told me, spread out. Arch your back. He said that?

[Weezy]

Wait, you weren't naked?

[Des]

No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't naked yet. He said I have a great arch. And I think every person that needs to know that I have a great arch.

[Mandy B.]

Oh, yeah.

[Weezy]

King Arthur said you had a great arch.

[Des]

Yes, he said my name, Keenan Ross, said I had a great arch.

[Mandy B.]

Who's that? Okay.

[Des]

All right. So he had me, like, spread out, and then he started flogging me. Then he told. He started using ice down my back.

[Mandy B.]

Ooh.

[Des]

And then he told me. He was like, from now here on out, every time you talk to me, you have to say, yes, King, sir. So I'm just like. So he. Smack on my ass. Yes, King. Sir, you like this? Yes, King sir. At one point, I lost my mind. I said, yes, King Daddy.

[Mandy B.]

You said.

[Des]

She said, that's not my name. I said, oh, yes, King sir. That's King sir.

[Mandy B.]

Reminds me of Mandy.

[Weezy]

Says she be saying, fuck my dick.

[Mandy B.]

Literally, I get two. Two of the shit. Instead of pussy, it become dick. Okay, keep going, keep going.

[Des]

So now he. He's doing that. I'm just like, all right, this feels good. So now he tried to use another thing, but it was like a whip. I think it's called, like, a dragon tail. Yeah, that shit hurt. It felt like I was on roots, like, oh. So thank you for mentioning that. So it was red, green, or yellow, Right? So it was at one point when he was using the whips. I said, red. That nigga stopped the music so fast. I was like, what happened? What's that? He said, red means you stop everything. I was like, all right, Yellow.

[Mandy B.]

Leave him kick in. Yellow means.

[Des]

What you mean? I love.

[Weezy]

Stop the mute because he's got to check in with you.

[Mandy B.]

Yeah, okay.

[Des]

That music. I said red. That nigga jumped over so fast. I said, whoa, yellow. I'm sorry.

[Weezy]

Really happy to hear that.

[Mandy B.]

I like that. I would like to clip this because.

[Weezy]

Now we know what a safeword really should be.

[Mandy B.]

Looking like everything, including music. The lights back on, too, that we.

[Weezy]

Are out of scene.

[Mandy B.]

Whoa.

[Des]

I had to look at the. Like, everything okay.

[Mandy B.]

Oh, my God.

[Des]

He said, you said red.

[Mandy B.]

You said red. No, I thought, let me orange.

[Des]

So then, you know, he's a speeding me affirmations. He was like, yo, you did that. He was like, you took three strong wits. I'm like, yeah, that hurt. So he then from there, he's back to the ice play. Then he's telling me, like, your body's beautiful. Whatever your ex put into you is poison. And he was like. I was just like. So now I'm bent over, he's standing over me like this, and I hear a zipper.

[Mandy B.]

You just got a little taste of the horrible decisions Patreon. But why stop there? Tap in for the full, uncut, and way nastier episodes over on patreon. Go to patreon.com horribledecisions and unlock all the messy tea, wild stories and bonus content you won't hear anywhere else. And now here's you've got decisions.

[Weezy]

If you would like to have us answer your questions. If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or a terrible thruffle, guess what?

[Mandy B.]

You've got decisions. Hey, guys, welcome to another. You got decisions. Because if it's one thing we know is we all have the right to make a choice. Now I don't know why it started this week off that way, but I'm in a little Zen mood. I am here to give my solicited advice because you asked for it, bitch. You motherfucking asked for it. Okay, but before we get into the you got decision, listeners submitted Question of the week, I'm gonna read yet another review from Amazon. But also we have an update from a previous yous Got Decisions Listene about not being able to nut. Now if y' all just saw one of our most recent episodes too, we was talking about our favorite nuts. So y' all might wanna go and check that out and see if you like the nut like me or if you like the nut like Weezy. And you know the type of nut we talking about. We not talking about almonds and pecans. Okay? Um, anyways, y' all know we have our book out no holds barred. A dual manifesto of sexual exploration and power. Um, and this book review comes from amaz. So proud of Mandy and Weezy. This book is a must read bestseller. It's titillating, informative, humorous, vulnerable and soul stirring. I identify so much with many of their experiences captured in this book in terms of exploring sexuality, affirming my personal preferences, and remaining open to learning new alternatives. The Whore Hive has been a safe space for so many of us. Can't wait for the masses to get to know the brilliance of these two media mavens. Xoxo oh now I know that's right. I know that's right. We want the world baby. To get with it or get lost. No, really excited about just the journey that we're on with this book. A lot of things have just been so unexpected and I'm just really, really really grateful for the Whorehive and everything. Also keep track of our Instagram page and Patreon Patreon. We kind of let y' all know everything that we got going on. So join us on Patreon to be up to date where we may be coming to a city near you. We are looking to do more intimate spaces within the bookstore, routing and not doing the theaters. But we are looking to bring the podcast back on tour possibly at the top of next year. We're looking to recreate it, but for everything this year we are focused only on no holds barred. If you haven't got it yet, please go out and get that hon. Now I'm going to read an update from a previous letter before we get to this week's question. Now, this one is a follow up from I Can't Get My Nut. If you want to see where that is, you can go to our Instagram feed and literally, it'll most likely be titled I Can't Get My Nut on the YGD portion. So, hey, just wanted to say thank you both for the advice. It really came through after watching I went to the sex store, grabbed a new toy, some lube and lingerie, set the mood with music and body oil per wheezy suggestion, and ended up squirting four times back to back. Now, to go from not getting a nut to squirting back to back four times lets you know we kind of know what we be talking about up here. Now, we are unofficial experts on all things, but, baby, I think we kind of know what we talking when it comes to kind of the bedroom. All right? Ever since, it's been easier and way more consistent, like something finally clicked. I've even caught myself trying to run from it. I know that's right what I picked up. Stop overthinking. Suction Toys work well for me. Moaning makes a difference, Mandy. This sent me over the edge. And number four, no need to rush. Appreciate y'. All. For real. For real. Now, that's always been kind of like my tidbit. And I guess it depends if you actually like verbal sex or not, but moaning, baby, I will ask. I'll be like, I will tell a man. I don't hear you. I don't hear you. Let me hear you signify that what I'm doing is good. And then for me, moaning just.

[Des]

Oh.

[Mandy B.]

It just made me feel good or whatever. All right, let's get into this week's you Got Decision. If you have a question that you want us to read here on you Got Decisions, please, please, please email us [e-mail] and just so you know, if you'd like to see the full video of the you Got Decisions for the week, head on over, baby, to patreon.com Horrible decisions. All right, let's see this pussy asshole that needs some help. She said, need your advice. Hey, girls, I'm a new fan who loves listening to your podcast and would love to get your advice on my current situation. So I just had to email. I am recently out of an 11 year relationship and we have two young children. We are for sure over and I am ready to move on with my life. Of course, there's a lot more to it, but for the sake of not writing you guys a whole Book. Basically, he just stopped showing me love, and after 11 years, we still weren't married and I just have fallen out of love. He still wants to work things out, but I am 100% done with that relationship for many reasons. We broke up officially in October of last year, and I recently started fucking a new man. My closest friend has told me over and over again that she does not think I should be sleeping with anyone so soon and has made it very clear that she doesn't agree with my choices. And it just makes me kind of second guess what I'm doing. I kind of like this new guy, and I definitely enjoy the casual sex we've been having. So do you guys think I'm moving on too fast? And am I wrong for moving on, knowing it would hurt the father of my children? P.S. i love what you guys are doing and pray you continue to thrive. Love, Des. Now I guess let's start with friends and their opinions on what the fuck you do with your coochie, your dick, and your heart. Okay. For me and how I operate. Let me share how I operate just so that you know where this advice is coming from. I am someone that. And y' all have heard me say this time and time again. I don't think I have one friend whose relationship I envy or that I could look up to or that I'm like, ooh, they got it right. Not one. I think everyone has their ups and downs. I think we all have different ways that we view relationship dynamics, the way that we view looks. Cause, bitch, that's another thing. My friends like medium ugly n. So we never agree on who to talk to, who not to. I just say, if you like it, I love it, sis. And so for me, I normally come to my friends and share the dirt after I already did it. You know why? Cause, bitch, I wasn't gonna care what you said anyways. So let me go through the dirt, the mud, the blood, get my heart broke, feel stupid, feel dumb. And then I'm gonna come to you and be like, bitch, I was a dumb ass bitch. Let me tell you what I did. Like, I literally just did that where I brought somebody back from the past for, like, the fucking 50 11th time that didn't deserve to be in my present. And he showed his ass, embarrassed me again. And I literally came to my friends with the embarrassment, and I was like, let me tell y' all why I really cut this nigga off now. Because I wasn't gonna tell y'. All I was letting him cre. But let me Tell y' all why I don't talk to him no more. And it was because he showed his ass. So to me, I'd rather just get through the shit in silence and then share with my friends the blowup, right? And so when you're talking to your friends constantly about your relationship, by the way, it's August, which means you broke up with your baby daddy and your long standing relationship with this man that didn't want to make you his wife almost a year ago. You are like 11 months, 10, 11 months to the year. I personally think you are currently at a place where it is fine that you have moved on and am having sex and are having sex with someone else now. When it comes to your friend, I think what we as women need to do is learn to create our. Create boundaries, tell our friends to shut the fuck up and still let them feel like they can share their opinions at the same time. So let me tell you what I mean in terms of creating boundaries. I think that you, if you feel like she's now having you second guess someone, you should create your boundary by saying, hey, I really love sharing, you know, what's happening in my life with you. However, if you're gonna keep being negative about something that is currently bringing me joy, I'm not gonna feel comfortable sharing these things. I would love for you to either respond differently or if you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all. There's a boundary where you're giving her the right to still be privy to the things in your life on the precedence that she doesn't come to you with some negative shit, telling you you not supposed to be doing what you're doing, right? The other part is kindly telling a bitch to shut the fuck up. Now I'm gonna tell you the toxic way to do it, and then I'm gonna tell you. Let me tell you the nice way to do it first. Then I'm gonna tell you the toxic. Because I've done it the toxic way a few times, and, baby, it shuts them the fuck up. So the nice way to do it would literally be to just say that like, girl, every time I bring this up to you and I'm talking about my happiness, you have something negative to say. I really wish you wouldn't do that. That would be the nice way, right? To just be like, damn, you negative Nancy pussy ass ho. Shut the fuck up. I'm happy and you raining on my motherfucking prayer. Here's the toxic way. Here's the Toxic way to check a friend who giving you the unsolicited advice on what you doing, especially when they shit not together. Now, girl, you telling me all these things, but when you left Craig, your baby daddy, and when it started fucking Darius, and you went through all that shit, I supported your decisions to make that right. What you do in the toxic way to get a bitch to shut up is to call out where they fucked up, call out where they did some shit that you didn't agree with, but you let them continue to find their way. That's the toxic way. And, Kourtney, you shaking your head. Y', all, I'm in the studio. I'm in need to Know Studios right now, and the engineer court is, like, shaking his head. That would be the toxic way. Like, bitch, hold up the mirror to your friend and tell her how she did some fuckery and you allowed her to just live in her fuckery for as long as she lived in it. Ain't that the right way to do a court?

[Court]

To be honest, I wouldn't even call that a toxic woman. My book, that's just. That's just how I. That's just how I 100% keep it real with men.

[Mandy B.]

Let's be very clear. This is why my friends know there are certain stories and inklings where once they start giving me, they advice on what I'm doing. Oh, bitch, at this point, girl, you not serious. Cause the way your baby daddy is set up, the way you not getting, the way a nigga ain't never gave you the.

[Court]

Facts.

[Mandy B.]

You feel me? Like, it's so weird because we do normally have all of this, like, rah, you know what I mean? For someone doing some shit that we think is some doo doo, but then we expect them to kind of be supportive when we doing that same shit. And I think it's the hypocritical nature of that. You know what I mean? Like, there's a lot of people who could give advice that can't take they advice.

[Court]

So also, too, it's like, don't lecture me on accountability when you can't take it. Like, audacity is a thing.

[Mandy B.]

But also, it's interesting to me, and I want to go back to the letter. This is the father of two children. They were together for 11 years. She mentions, like, he stopped showing up for her. She fell out of love for him. And let's be very clear, when a woman's fed up, y' all know I love referencing that. I know. I don't care. One of the best Songs ever. So knowing that she stuck around this long, she said she never got a ring, they never got married, you know, and now she's moving on to someone that, and mind you, she identified this person as casual sex. So it's not like she's fully stepping out there to like start dating someone else. You know what I mean?

[Court]

Yeah, she knew what it was in.

[Mandy B.]

Her mind type thing. You feel me. And so to me, I genuinely feel like a, you need to tell your friend. You either show up for me in support or you. Secondly, since you called and asked, I do not believe at all that you are quote unquote moving too fast. I also don't think at this point personally you should be considering the feelings of your baby daddy. If you have not been with him for 10 or 11 months, you quote unquote making him mad, which is what you referenced in this letter. I'll tell you, it's a little toxic. It's a little toxic. Do you want to be with this man or do you not? I think you should not be considering your ex partner's feelings if the only relationship currently is going to be co parenting. Now, if you genuinely feel guilty that you're sleeping with someone else, if you genuinely feel like you are doing something wrong, if you're not feeling like you can express any sort of love intimacy with another man because your baby daddy in this 11 year relationship is still in the back of your mind, you may need to sit with yourself to figure out if you are actually 100% done. Because you said you were 100% over this man. But the last sentence in this letter literally brings up hurting his feelings. It said, and am I wrong for moving on knowing it would hurt the father of my children? Girl.

[Court]

You a good person. But he ain't worried about that.

[Mandy B.]

Obviously he's not. I mean, but you know what? And if he is, if he's making you guilty for moving on, baby, it's called manipulation. Because if he wanted to, he would, right? So if he wanted to within those 11 years, put a ring on your finger, make you his wife, show up for you in a way that didn't make you want to step out or leave or break up or end the relationship, he would have. And so this one foot in, one foot out, whatever he's doing right now to you, making you feel guilty, baby, you have to stand true in what you want to do. And if you said you're 100% done, it looks like only considering the feelings of the father of your children in terms of the Children, not what you doing with another man, not how you sleeping with another man or moving on. You're. It's funny because you referenced him as the father of your child, but you're to me considering his feelings as an ex, as a lover, as a partner. And so those have to be now separated. He is the father of your child and an ex. Two different things. The father of your children can't make you feel guilty for moving on in a relationship when y' all are no longer in a relationship. Now, an ex who might still just be trying to keep in and has the emotional lingering ties to you as a lover and a partner, those are the strings that you need to break free of. Because if you're saying he didn't show up for you, Y' all spent 11 years together. You're saying you've moved on. You gots to move on. And moving on looks like cutting those emotional ties and specifically any guilt around how you're enjoying yourself outside of being with him. So those would be my two tidbits. I don't think you're moving too fast. You're almost a year out of that relationship. I think you are. Okay. An orgasm, a nut intimacy company. You're owed that. All people are like, we're owed that. I would also make sure that you are cutting those sexual and intimate ties with your baby daddy because you can't be double dipping and then telling him you 100% done with him. You either move the fuck on or you don't. You stay or you don't. Like, you can't be on both sides of the coin and so stand firm on business. If you 100% over, talk to your friend in either the nice way or the real ass bitch way and figure out how much you want or need your friend's input on how you handle your love life. That would be my advice to you. Let me see where we at with this. We good on this. We good on this, y'. All. This one was a quick one this week, but make sure you hit us up. Send us an email. That's decisionspodmail.com Also in the comments, make sure you go on over to our Instagram decisionsdecisions. Leave your comments engaged. Let me know would you think this person should do. And also you get to see the full video over on our patreon. So that's patreon.com horrible decisions where you could go ahead and give your advice, get into the community, join our discord talk, do all the things and thank you guys for constantly supporting listening to us. Rocking with us. If you want to listen to more of me as well. Y' all know I got Selective Ignorance every Tuesday and Friday. So just go on over to Selective Ignorance wherever you listen to Decisions Decisions, I'm there. And you can also go watch all of period says Selective ignorance and everything. Mandy B. Over on my YouTube channel, itmandyb. Search that. And thank you guys so much for tuning in. It's another your Got Decisions. We will see you next hump day, baby. Bye. This is an I Heart podcast.