← Decoded | Unlock The Secrets of Human Behavior, Emotion and Motivation
Decoded | Unlock The Secrets of Human Behavior, Emotion and Motivation
Your Brain is a Filthy Liar: Decoding Self-Deception
00:33:46
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- [00:00]
Izzy Gold
Your brain is a filthy liar. And in an effort to keep you safe, we loop, we justify, we avoid facing the underlying drivers. Many of you want to live longer, love more deeply. But I'll tell you this right now, every single one of those endeavors becomes easier to attain when you finally understand how your brain tries to deceive you and hold you back. The mental health establishment has treated psychology and mental health like this art form. Psychology and mental health outcomes are math. And I'm sure many of you here have done extensive work. You might have a whole wall full of self help books. When you know your brain pattern type, your self deceptive patterns become easy to observe and dismantle. My question is, are you ready to be free?
- [00:50]
Carson Meyer
There's something controlling you, something hidden, operating beneath your awareness, dictating your decision, your emotions, your relationships. You think you're in control, but you're not. Your thoughts aren't random. They follow a pattern, a script. And that script was written a long.
- [01:14]
Izzy Gold
Time before you even knew you had a choice.
- [01:18]
Carson Meyer
Why do you keep making the same mistakes, chasing the same people, ruining the things you claim to want? Your brain is wired for deception. It builds stories, rationalizes, defends, and it does it so well, you stopped questioning it. But here's the truth. Patterns can be broken, the code can be rewritten, and once you see it.
- [01:44]
Izzy Gold
You'Ll never unsee it.
- [01:46]
Carson Meyer
Decoded dismantles the hidden programming that's been running your life so you can finally take it back. Once you hear the truth, you can't go back. So the only question is, are you ready to listen? Subscribe to Decoded because you deserve to know what's really running your mind.
- [02:11]
Izzy Gold
Hey everybody. Welcome to the very first episode of Decoded. Unlocking the secrets of human behavior, emotion and motivation.
- [02:21]
Unknown
Deception.
- [02:22]
Izzy Gold
Today's episode is all about self deception. It is the core premise of all of my work and it is a widely contested topic that is certainly treated as taboo in many aspects of the mental health paradigm. Your brain lies to you every single day, and it's been doing it to your entire life. But here's the twist. Self deception thinks that it's protecting you. Each week we'll be pulling a thread through mental health conversations, societal and cultural phenomenon, even history, to seek the answers to these questions. Why are we so broken? And why is awareness not nearly enough? And why is our mental health crisis actually worse than ever? And are we actually capable of healing? I'll fast forward a bit here because I do think healing is possible and this show will always remain solutions focused. We aren't here to complain or wallow in what's broken. And we will always actively take steps to move from a cycle of healing to being truly healed. I'm grateful to be on this journey with you and I'm excited to get into this first episode. I am here to remind people that healing is possible and that in our culture today, it's an absolute act of rebellion. This work that we're doing on Decoded is about the truth. It is not about comfort. But I will tell you, it is absolutely the most freeing work you will ever do. Throughout the season of the show, you're going to learn that the show is not about quick fixes or toxic positivity or certainly not fluffy mantras. It's for people who are hungry to learn, ready to challenge the way their brain works and are actually willing to show up and do the work. I'll be assigning homework. We'll be watching shows together and offering real time audience interaction throughout the season. We're going to have eight theme based episodes that will rotate weekly. Today's is going to be a core teaching and these will typically happen once a month. I want to present a core teaching so that we can building block on top of that and I'll take it deeper. One of my other favorite topics will be pop psychology, myth busting. These are prevalent throughout all aspects of our media culture and are certainly doing damage in our relationships and our identity. And one of my favorite concepts is called the Other side of. So frequently we hear terms like narcissist or gaslighting or toxic relationship thrown around wildly. And nowadays people tend to get on bandwagons with how they're describing these terms. My entire body of work is examining underlying motivations. So this is not what somebody's presenting to you or pitching or wants you to see what's really going on under the hood. The Other side will explore what's happening on the other side of these widely labeled and I think misunderstood patterns. We're also going to be doing character and media analysis during these sections. I'm going to assign homework. We're going to have watch parties, watch movies, watch TV shows and actually break down the detail of how a character is presenting and how we're starting to piece together how, how their history, their inputs are influencing the outputs in their behavior or their personality. We're also going to be doing cultural and industry exposes. I think it's very important for us to be willing to take a very open, very critical look at some of the industries that we're surrounded by some of the paradigms that we're surrounded by and be willing to ask thoughtful questions rather than just accept the status quo without question. We're also, of course, going to be focusing on integration and lifestyle. There will be at least one of these episodes every couple of months. Months, you'll see in our very first season, one of these integration and lifestyle episodes is with my dear friend Carson Meyer, who is a celebrity doula and she wrote a book called Growing Together. So in these cultural or integration pieces, we're going to be looking at ways that you can take this work into a specific facet of your life. In this case, the process of childbirth and raising children. And the last concept that we'll have woven throughout a season is a celebrity decode, where I will actually break down what I think the brain pattern type is of a specific celebrity by actually cataloging, collecting all of the data from their history that we can find on the Internet and taking a look at some of the behaviors that they present to the world. So if those things felt exciting to you, good. I'm glad. We're going to be in for a wild ride. I'm excited as well. This show has been something that has been on my heart for a long time and I can't wait to share it with all of you. So we're always going to be framing everything we do around this concept of decoding. Not looking at what somebody's trying to pitch to you, but what's actually really happening at the level of intention and underlying motivation. And to really understand those things, you do have to understand the core of self deception, which is most certainly what my book your Brain is a filthy liar is all about. So getting back to what this show is all about, we know what it's not going to do, but this show is for you. If you've outgrown surface level self help, you're tired of being stuck in patterns that you can explain but not stop. And I see this happening all over the mental health and self help space. People have an awareness of their issues and they can even use therapy speak to justify their issues, but they haven't been able to meaningfully stop their issues. Do the full blown rewire process that sustainably changes who you are and how you see the world. And that's what we do on this show. You want real emotional freedom and the ability to change, but you want that to be efficient and sustainable. I don't think that healing should be this long, drawn out, looping process. I have said many times before, and I will stand by this, that the mental health establishment has treated psychology and mental health like this art form, this phenomena that we just don't understand, when the reality is that psychology and mental health outcomes are math. And we have to stop pretending that one plus one doesn't equal two. We do know what causes mental health outcomes to decline, and we have to stop tiptoeing around the issue and face self deception head on, which is precisely what we do in this show. So if you're ready to be challenged and actually put in the work, you're absolutely in the right place, and I can't wait to be with you on this journey. Throughout the process of Break Method, which is the program that I have created and that I lead, there's a moment that I call reality vertigo. When we're experiencing reality vertigo, it's when new information comes into our field that challenges much of what we've built our entire paradigm around. For many, this can cause cognitive dissonance. They decide to push it away, or maybe even subconsciously. They don't realize that what they're doing is pushing it away, but they turn it on the other person. They feel victimized by the incoming information. I think it's very important to start off your dip of the toe into this season knowing that moment will come, and it will come at a different place for each one of you. And it is a sign that you are about to radically rewire and bust your world wide open. And I encourage you not to shy away from that. When we accept new information that challenges our current paradigm or status quo, it can have a temporary feeling of destabilization. But I want you to know that that is in pursuit of something. So don't stop fighting for the pursuit of emotional and mental freedom. It is possible, and I will do everything in my power to bring you there with me on this show. So let's jump into today's episode on self deception. This is how we actually trick ourselves into repeating patterns of toxicity, instability, heartbreak, pain, self sabotage, you name it, all of the things that you technically know not to do, but you keep doing it anyways. And the premise of all of this is that every single one of us, me, you, your mom, your dad, siblings, friends, co workers, we all lie to ourselves. So absolutely nobody gets excused from this conversation without some level of healing or accountability. And I want to make it clear that some lies we are aware of and others actually operate beneath the surface, shifting our perception of reality and actions, and we have no idea they are happening. Much of my Work is to help people understand the self deceptive patterns that are hidden even from their own conscious awareness, because they are there for each one of us. Your self deceptive tendencies are a byproduct of something called a brain pattern. This is a unique distortion filter that becomes part of your perception of reality. And over time, you start to confuse it with self. This brain pattern gets hardwired between the ages of 2 and 5 from the repetitive adversely perceived childhood inputs you experience. So yes, for all of you that have spent the last few years or a few months blaming your genetics for all of your problems, this might even just be that reality vertigo moment. It's going to be a reality check. Because the actual truth is that 70% or more of your subconscious drivers are a byproduct of nurture. And in many cases it's even over 80%. The entire field of epigenetics demonstrates how nurture can be so powerful that it has the ability to turn on or off our genetic expressions. So don't forget that genetic predisposition is not a cause. The repetitive inputs in the environment become outputs in the form of rule sets and formulas that the brain uses to keep you safe. But that genetic predisposition is just a loading of the gun, but it is not the trigger pull of the gun. The the environment ultimately pulls that trigger. So think about it this way. Have you ever been in a conversation with somebody and they say that you said something that you know you didn't say? Self deception. Have you ever told yourself that you're going to fold the laundry, but even when the next day comes, you're still staring at it? Oh, I'll do it later. Self deception. Self deception can come in so many different forms, but ultimately what it does is it distorts our perception of events and in some cases even leading to the way memories are encoded. So self deception can actually cause us to encode a false memory or a memory that is so highly subjective that it doesn't match with the objective record of events. This is something that we'll dig into when we get into an episode later in the season on memory encoding. So let's dissect self deception. Because there are two primary ways that self deception can be carried out. One is positive and one is negative. A positive form of self deception, which by the way, doesn't just mean inherently good, it just means that your brain skews you positive. It highlights the reward that it believes it may get from this sort of interaction or mechanism while minimizing the risks. So an example with athletes would be actually going into, let's say, a very death defying feat or a stunt. And let's say not having trained for it in the gym, maybe they're at home taking bong rips, which if any of you have ever spent any time around the extreme sports community. For the most part, these aren't controlled, methodical people that are diligently working at the gym and taking supplements. They are people that are wild and reckless, full of confidence, charismatic, but are likely taking bong rips and not taking care of themselves. So why would this person walk up to the edge of the cliff and think, I totally can pull off this stunt? It's something like positive self deception. And because they believe that they can, they do until they die, which unfortunately happens in the stunt world. And what I will say is having had a dear friend who died during a stunt like this and heard from many others that particular day, they weren't feeling it. And this happens time and time again. As soon as that positive self deception lens goes away, suddenly an accident takes place. And unfortunately in these cases, often there's money on the line, there's sponsorship dollars, there's, you know, the flight has to take off right now, so there's no room for you to just suddenly not feel it. So a lot of times they push past this place. So in these instances, oftentimes where they are not actually going to survive the stunt, what might actually be preceding that is a lack of positive self deception. So the belief is shattered. So for some of you, you might be thinking like, yeah, busy. How does that apply to me? This example might actually be more fitting. And certainly this is something that happens to me all the time. My brain pattern will skew things in such a positive, optimistic way that I really think that I can figure anything out. And honestly, oftentimes I do. But the key here is I'm often figuring things out at the expense of something. So positive self deception is, yes, I can. Certainly the reward is I can figure that out, I can get that, I can get that done, I can turn that in, I can take that on for you. What's the risk? Oh, the risk is taking away from my kids, the risk is taking away from my husband. The risk is my physical health, chronic conditions, et cetera. So in that moment, even though I'll figure it out sounds inherently good and positive, but what's really happening is that I'm highlighting that reward while mysteriously forgetting all the real life risks that are tied to this that are going to bite me in the butt. Later. So hopefully that one hit home for you. There are so many more examples. Many of these examples I cover in depth in my book. Let's talk about the negative. By contrast, the negative is going to actually highlight the risk and minimize the reward. So this will actually stop the natural progression or flow out of an event. Because your brain is spreading, spending all this time telling you it's not safe. Turn back now or guide or micromanage the entire process and maybe for some of you, again, it's avoided altogether. Don't even do it. It's not safe. So when we are stuck in negative self deception, this is typically where we are testing, seeking reassurance, trying to control somebody else's behavior, or delaying rather than rushing toward the situation itself. As you can imagine, cracking the code on self deception is crucial to healing. Without it, we loop, we justify or avoid. And in doing this, we avoid facing the underlying drivers of our behavior.
- [16:42]
Unknown
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- [17:52]
Izzy Gold
Listeners of this podcast get a hundred.
- [17:53]
Unknown
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- [18:15]
Izzy Gold
Over the coming weeks of decoded, you're going to become familiar with the brain pattern spectrum. On this spectrum there is a very spec where people are more present relative to their peers. And in this area people naturally have an easier time being honest with self.
- [18:31]
Unknown
Inquiry.
- [18:32]
Izzy Gold
Accountability is easier and the ability to take feedback and integrate it without taking it personally is also easier. As you can imagine, this is a skill that all human beings need. Yet sadly, many of the people in the population, especially in the United States, are receiving childhood inputs that are actually antagonistic to the development of these brain pattern types. There is good news though. You can rewire and build these skills and ultimately set yourselves free. And that's precisely what we will be unfolding over the seasons of decoded learning to observe and more importantly dismantle patterns of self deception decreases conflict in relationships and it supports collaboration which ultimately helps you become a more adaptable, dynamic person without having to people please or be a chameleon. And of course it helps you stop the patterns of self sabotage that have most likely done a sneak attack on you for the better part of your adult life. Wouldn't we all love to do away with that? So let's shift gears for a moment and talk about why the mental health establishment has treated this word of self deception like such a taboo concept and honestly not acknowledge that this is is the root of mental illness. I was recently at an event at Johns Hopkins University and I was there with 15 other doctors, psychologists, social workers, professors, and my experience was incredibly eye opening throughout the five day event that I was invited to. We were spending time in clinical settings in the field and we were there to discuss the innovations that we had created or had the ideas for to solve the substance use disorder crisis using technology. And we were there to get real time feedback from clinicians, admissions personnel, and even just the marketplace in general. Even meeting with people who were experiencing lived experience living on the streets. And I will tell you, every person that I spoke to for days was extremely excited about brain pattern mapping. Our technology suite and the intervention that we've created for SUD was getting wild feedback and everyone in my group was watching the feedback I was getting and there was a serious level of excitement. This feedback throughout the entire week was definitely positive and I went into the final day feeling very confident about my product. And it never occurred to me that the decision makers which in this case were the academics and the professors who don't actually work in the field could be so disconnected from the needs of the people on the ground, the needs of the people that it claims to serve, that it could actually see what I had created from a completely different perspective. And let me tell you, a few minutes into my pitch, when I saw one of the professor's faces turn bright red and I could feel the anger radiating off of her, and so could the entire audience, I knew this was a moment that would certainly change the course of my life. It would force me to think, think about this complete disconnect between the problem and the people that experience the problem and the gatekeepers or decision makers that ultimately prevent us from solving the problem. She was shaking and completely red in the face. And as soon as I was done, she blurted out in front of everybody, from the moment that you said we all lie to ourselves, I was extremely turned off by anything else that you had to say, and I just couldn't listen to anything else. Now, I will give you context here because literally that statement was the first line of my pitch. So she did not make it very far. For context. My pitch was about 10 minutes. So she made it about 20 seconds of 10 minutes and decided that she can't listen to this anymore. Red in the face, shaking. So why would one tiny line make her feel so enraged that she stopped being able to ethically do her job well? Ironically, self deception, the very thing that she found triggering and shut her down from actually listening to what I had to say, was in fact the core issue. And a short time after my pitch, a wonderful gentleman from the National Institute of Health approached me, and here is what he said. You have a truly novel product, unlike many of the people here, and if what your product claims to do actually works, it will make jobs like hers completely irrelevant. She knows it and we all know it. Don't water down or change your message because of people like her. Double down and tell the entire world the truth. And he handed me his business card. I share all of this because we have a glaring problem in the mental health space, and really any space dominated by big academia. I plan to expose these issues in an organized way throughout this season so that we can all follow this thread together. But suffice it to say, the line between safeguarding and gatekeeping is razor thin and incredibly easily corrupted. From paradigmatic entrenchment to exorbitant cost that are impressed upon a person to actually run a simple study in the United States, it paints a very clear Picture of what the actual priorities are of the system itself, which plot twist does not put your healing in the top spot. So why are we actually in a mental health crisis? And what is mental illness anyways? Believe it or not, this is actually a question that I get asked on a ton of podcasts. And when I answer, there's usually a moment where they're taken aback because they've never heard it expressed this way. I see mental illness as a byproduct of a distorted perception of reality. The way neurocognition works is that it follows a top down flow. Our perception of reality will turn into a definition and then language, and then that language becomes an assumption, then a conclusion. And once we're at that conclusion phase, it's now triggering a biochemical reaction that runs parallel to our behavior. In other words, perception precedes emotion and behavior. So our perception, unfortunately for all of us, is not only subjective, it is extremely distorted by our early childhood inputs. Each of these inputs creates a unique set of glasses with which we actually view the world and the people around us. The only problem is most people don't know they're wearing glasses and therefore don't know to take them off or how to take them off. So I want everyone for a moment just because it's easy, because I happen to be wearing glasses. If you are not familiar with glasses, if any of you with perfect 2020 vision were to grab my glasses, you'd put them on, you'd be like, whoa, busy, Your eyes are messed up. I can't see any right? But I put them on and this, this correction in the lens with which I see the world actually helps me see things clearly. Our childhood actually creates a glasses prescription that distorts reality. But we start to sync with it and think that this is our baseline objective reality, when the fact is it is not. When we understand what our brain pattern type is, we understand what distortions go into that lens of glass. So then we realize, oh my God, busy or right, I am wearing glasses. And then you actually learn the steps to actionably take them off. And then you look around and you say, oh my God, I can see where I have been assuming and concluding in faulty ways that have gotten me to feel repetitively victimized or like I'm not enough or like everybody leaves me when the reality is I'm actually driving a lot of this behavior from the inside of my mind. And if you're driving it, you can fix it. So each of us has a unique pattern of self deception and that pattern of self deception will influence our underlying motivations, our perception of reality, and how our emotional responses and actions unfold from this place. These patterns can be observed and dismantled with break method. When we learn how to spot these self deceptive tendencies, we start to understand why we keep repeating situations that cause us pain, heartache, conflict, and even when we have learned better. And I'm sure many of you here have done extensive work. You might be a podcast junkie, you might have a whole wall full of self help books. Why didn't that change anything for you? Why are you still here? Why do you keep repeating the things that you actually know in a book not to do? Well, what you're going to find is that often when we're reading something in a book, we're committing that information to our semantic memory. Committing something to semantic memory is unfortunately going to be as helpful as the history facts that you learned in middle school. Just with a show of e hands, how often are you pulling on those history facts about the War of 1812? 0 times. Ultimately, when we read a book and we commit something to memory, sure that may help us, but more likely that is going to help how we're thinking about the issue preemptively. But once we're actually in the situation itself, what ends up happening is our subconscious drivers take over so we can't consciously override it. So I'm sure some of you are frustrated by how hard you have had to work at trying to stop these cycles and nonetheless they persist. This is why understanding the difference between a conscious driver and a subconscious driver becomes extremely important. Conscious drivers are coming from the part of your mind that you're actively aware of. Right? I know. I read this book. It also includes your present thoughts, your intentional decisions, your logical reasoning. You can observe it, direct it, control it, and like choosing what you say or do, like going for a walk, these are the things that were within your conscious control. I could ask you a question about the last three self help books you just read and you could tell me consciously what you remember about those concepts. Now, subconscious drivers, like I mentioned, are actually much more responsible for unfortunately directing your behavior when you're in the situation. Not planning, not preparing, but actually in the heat of the moment. These are automated systems that run beneath our conscious awareness. These are coming from past experiences, learned associations, and of course our emotional patterning. These influence how you perceive reality, how you feel and act, and often without realizing what's actually happening. It's fast, it's predictive, and unfortunately it's shaping your behaviors. Through a series of repetitions, not logic. So again, when you read a self help book, this is hitting that semantic memory. And this is why in the heat of the moment, you're not able to consciously recall what you read. Your subconscious drivers are taking over and your face is turning flush, you're fidgeting in your chair, all of the things that you knew not to do on a date, you're suddenly doing. And this is one of the primary reasons that unfortunately awareness isn't even close to enough to completely rewire your behavior. And in fact most people that have spent extensive time in these sort of awareness practices often just become more aware a holes, honestly, they become armed with psychology adjacent language that starts to justify their worst parts rather than actually seek to heal them. So I want to encourage you, the audience, we cannot just stop at awareness. That is not, I'm not going to lie to you, that's not even half the battle. It's like maybe a quarter of the battle. We can't stop there. If we want to radically shift the trajectory of our collective mental health. The only winning process is to decode and rewire. So what does it actually mean to decode? And what exists on the other side? The moment that you decode self deception, actual choice becomes available, right? We learn to take this on, we're like, oh my God, I have all these other choices that I didn't see before. It literally is like being blind and now you can see. You start to respond from the present moment only instead of reacting through a framework of the past and of course fear of the future, your relationships heal, collaboration and compromise become natural and productivity increases and self sabotage falls away. Your intrusive thoughts completely lose their power and you no longer need to manage your emotions consciously because you actually rewired the system that created them. Your brain pattern has nine distinct markers and each of them function in that top down system that accurately predicts your patterns of thought, behavior and decision making. When you know your brain pattern type, your self, deceptive patterns become easy to observe and dismantle. The first step, of course, is to admit to yourself that your brain is a filthy liar. And in an effort to keep you safe, it's actually just going to keep you stuck on a hamster wheel of chaos and chronic stress. Many of you want to live longer, love more deeply, or raise the next generation of badass kids. But, but I'll tell you this right now, every single one of those endeavors becomes easier to attain when you finally understand how your brain tries to deceive you and hold you back. So my question is, are you ready to be free? On the next episode, we're gonna be diving into the pop psychology term of love bombing and we're gonna learn how to decode the subconscious drivers that cause this behavior. And of course because we're solutions focused on how you can learn to work with it instead of against it. If this episode hit home and you're excited to learn more and keep building onto these building blocks, please share this episode with someone who is ready to break the cycle. This is a brand new show so the more people we reach, the more it helps us rise up the charts. So please do leave a 5 star review, rate it, share it with a friend and if you post a screenshot on IG and you tag me izzygold in your handle and tell me your favorite part of today's episode, I've got a special gift for you that I will DM you right away. So if you are ready to decode yourself. I know we talked a lot about brain pattern mapping today. The link will be in the show notes for you to actually do your own brain pattern mapping session takes about 20 minutes. We will walk you through each of your nine distinct markers and teach you exactly how long it will take you to rewire. I have also officially launched a community for my decoded audience so that we can dig deeper in content and just keep the learning going even after episodes are done. This is where I'll be assigning homework where we can do watch parties. So please be sure to check the show notes for free access to my community. I will see you next time. And please don't forget, in a world that has stopped believing that healing is possible, healing is the only true act of rebellion.
- [33:13]
Unknown
Your brain isn't broken, it's running.
- [33:15]
Izzy Gold
An old code break method is a.
- [33:18]
Unknown
System that maps your neurological patterns, decodes your emotional distortions and rewires your behavior fast. No talk therapy spiral, no getting stuck in your feelings, just logic based rewiring. In 20 weeks or less. Head to breakmethod.com and see what your brain is really up to.