EXCLUSIVE improv preview of all 12 tracks of ‘The Life of a Show Girl’ sung by Toni | #11

Summary

Decoding Taylor Swift: A Storytelling Revolution

Episode 11 – EXCLUSIVE Improv Preview of All 12 Tracks of ‘The Life of a Show Girl’ Sung by Toni

Hosts: Joe Romm & Toni Romm
Date: September 9, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this special, playful episode, Joe and his daughter Toni preview Taylor Swift’s much-anticipated fictional album, The Life of a Show Girl, through speculation, witty banter, and Toni’s energetic musical improv. They dissect all 12 track titles recently announced by Taylor herself and interpret, analyze, and—sometimes hilariously—attempt to sing what each might sound like.

The goal is twofold: to showcase how Taylor Swift’s songwriting tools can revolutionize the way we tell stories, and to deliver swift, smart entertainment by embodying the exuberance of Swift’s creativity through improvisation. Along the way, they demonstrate communication and content crafting skills that can help anyone connect and lead—Swiftie or not.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Inspiration for the Episode and Improv Concept

• Following the tracklist reveal on Taylor’s viral New Heights podcast appearance (with Travis and Jason Kelce), the hosts decide to brainstorm what each of the 12 tracks might sound like.
• Toni channels the TikTok/YouTube trend of fans predicting pre-release songs: “If you put me in a room… and said it was okay for me to just start improving songs by Taylor Swift, I would do that.” (02:20, Toni)
• Joe frames Toni as an “understudy gone wild,” likening her improv to a Broadway show where the star is replaced by someone with “lewds” in their system: “It’s like the greatest hits of improv from my daughter, Toni.” (03:25, Joe)

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2. Introduction to the Album’s Storytelling Potential

• Taylor Swift reportedly described the new album as “matching the way my life felt during the Eras tour,” with an overarching narrative and a “Folklore but with 1989 sounds” vibe.
• Partners include Max Martin and Shellback: “These guys are hit makers… she wanted to drop an album just of hits. 12 songs, they're all bangers.” (06:34, Joe)
• Notably, every song is positioned as essential—a “no skips” tracklist.

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3. Track-by-Track Analysis & Improv Previews

(Discussion of each song’s possible meaning, influences, and Toni’s sung improv. Timestamps below correspond to discussion starts.)

1. The Fate of Ophelia (07:24)

• Literary allusion to Shakespeare’s Hamlet and symbolic victimhood.
  • “She became a symbol of being victimized by the patriarchy in modern psychological books.” (20:58, Joe)
• Expect tragic, orchestral tones: “I think we’re gonna do [a song] after every song now. And you can check back in once it’s released, but I’m pretty sure that’s what the song is going to be.” (23:22, Toni sings)
• Improv lyric: “Drowning in a bathtub after every show. The fate of Ophelia… Oh, I’m alive, something like that.” (22:55, Toni)

2. Elizabeth Taylor (26:00)

• A nod to the glamorous yet scandal-prone Hollywood legend.
  • “Elizabeth Taylor’s social life was widely criticized… so Elizabeth Taylor, there’s a lot of ways for Taylor to relate to [her].” (26:57, Joe)
• Toni’s song: “And like Elizabeth Taylor, I shimmer… and we have Taylor in our name.” (28:06, Toni, improv)

3. Opalite (30:02)

• References Travis Kelce’s October birthstone; opalite as a soothing, healing stone.
• Playful, loving improv: "You're my opalite, every day with you is a delight / Travis, Travis, you're my opalite, we will never fight." (30:36, Toni)

4. Father Figure (32:30)

• Discussion of fathers in Swift’s lyrics and analytical dive into line choices and connotations.
  • “These are songs and the person in the song... is not [always] Taylor Swift.” (33:19, Joe)
• Speculation that it could be about the media or a mentor figure—even Max Martin.
• Toni’s rap-like improv: “Father figure, you’re not bigger than me... you’re spinning on me, oh my god.” (41:59, Toni)

5. Eldest Daughter (46:14)

• Explores the classic Swift motif of burdened eldest daughter (also track 5 tradition).
  • “Track five on all of her albums is usually the slow tempoed, sad, kind of like ballad song…” (46:21, Toni)
• Soaring, string-laden ballad: “Oh, I’m running through the night, I’m chasing all the lights… because I’m the eldest daughter.” (48:53, Toni, improv)

6. Ruin the Friendship (49:44)

• Possibly a Blake Lively diss or “more than friends” song.
  • “You want to diss someone in your number one song… if you can write a number one song, you should do it.” (50:38, Joe)
• Toni’s bridge, cheekily: “Another one bit the dust because it ends with us… you’re such a bitch, Blake.” (52:42, Toni)

7. Actually Romantic (53:13)

• Might invert Swift’s ironic relationship narratives or genuinely appreciate romance.
• Possibly sounds like “Paper Rings” or “Thank U, Next”: “Walks in the park / Fights in the dark / Showers at night / Singing la la light / I love you, you love me, we’re having good times and we don’t have to be actually romantic.” (55:08, Toni)

8. Wishlist (56:00)

• Speculated as a boastful track, referencing wealth or re-claiming masters, with dollar sign S’s.
  • “Some people also think that this could be about her master recordings.” (56:10, Joe)
• Ariana Grande “7 rings” inspiration: “I wish it, I list it... You like my master recordings, gee, thanks, just bished it…” (56:28, Toni)

9. Wood (57:03)

• Allusions to The Beatles’ cryptic “Norwegian Wood,” and the metaphor of wood as growth/weapons/vulnerability.
  • “She’s gonna use the word ‘would’ (W-O-U-L-D) in this song a lot.” (60:19, Toni)
• Folklore/Evermore mystical vibe: “Up in the wood, living life how it should, Travis on my arm, breathing in the parm, a genre of the villa…” (62:00, Toni, improv)

10. Cancelled (with UK spelling: "Cancelled!" and exclamation) (63:10)

• Examines cancel culture, Matt Healy references, and British/American relationships.
  • “I think it's going to be one of the more transparent songs… the vibe is, ‘Calm Down.’” (63:46, 64:03, Joe/Toni)
• Improv: “I should have cancelled you when I had the chance... now I’m up on Twitter… Musk is so hard… I’m canceling you because you are the most disgusting being…” (65:52, Toni)

11. Honey (67:12)

• Possibly a bittersweet or cryptic track—“never just sweet with Taylor.”
  • “People thought she was the bear in Happy Gilmore... She wants people… to keep it veiled and cryptic.” (68:17, Toni)
• Breathy, Ariana-inspired improv: “You’re making me cry like I really wanna die, like honey, you’re dripping down my tongue…” (68:38, Toni)

12. The Life of a Show Girl (feat. Sabrina Carpenter) (70:01)

• Culminating Broadway stage show finale, “Hello, Dolly!” inspiration, features Sabrina’s playful vocals.
  • “This is the thing that people are left walking, singing out of the theater… that’s the point of this final showstopper.” (73:07, Joe)
• Big brassy intro, call-outs to musical theater: “The life of a showgirl, living fast and dying young / The life of a showgirl, ho, girl, watch me move…” with a Sabrina Carpenter “talk-singing” verse. (73:20, Toni)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I have a theory because I've seen a few videos during The Tortured Poets Department and Midnights era where people were predicting what the songs would sound like… I just saw a video of somebody predicting what the title track, the Life of a Showgirl, would sound like. And I was like, I just—if you, like, put me in a room… I'd do that.” —Toni, 02:20
• “Imagine where there’s the star and then there’s the understudy… and the star gets injured on opening night… and the understudy accidentally takes lewds. That’s pretty much what it was like.” —Joe, 03:17
• “Alliteration, assonance, consonance—this is how you write song titles… like Dunkin Donuts!” —Joe, 37:58
• “I'm the Italian Jewish version of Wednesday Adams.” —Toni, 51:14
• “No, no, no, you don’t—Jesus Christ, Hamlet is an insane… what?!” —Joe (on teaching ‘Hamlet’ in middle school), 16:29
• “You’re my opalite, that’s gonna be the song.” —Toni, 30:36
• “Another one bit the dust because it ends with us… you’re such a bitch, Blake.” —Toni improv, Ruin the Friendship, 52:42
• “If this were a studio… we could cut some of that.” —Joe, 67:12
• “[Track] five on all of Taylor’s albums is usually the, you know, slow tempoed, sad, kind of like ballad song.” —Toni, 46:21

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Episode concept & intro: 00:43–04:35
• Swift’s album creation process: 06:25–07:29
• Track rundown & backstory: 08:13–13:17
• The Fate of Ophelia (full analysis & improv): 13:37–24:49
• Elizabeth Taylor: 26:00–28:53
• Opalite: 30:02–31:31
• Father Figure: 32:30–43:00
• Eldest Daughter: 46:14–49:44
• Ruin the Friendship: 49:44–53:13
• Actually Romantic: 53:13–56:00
• Wishlist (and puns): 56:00–57:03; pun riffs 31:56–32:30
• Wood: 57:03–63:09
• Cancelled: 63:10–67:05
• Honey: 67:12–69:20
• The Life of a Show Girl: 70:01–74:37

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Tone, Humor, & Dynamics

• The episode’s language and tone thrive on friendly teasing, stream-of-consciousness humor, meta-jokes about podcasting and the creative process, and genuinely knowledgeable storytelling analysis.
• Toni’s improve is both self-deprecating and confidently performed, leading to many moments where the hosts break into laughter over particularly absurd song predictions or accidental rhymes.
• The meta-awareness—that this is both an earnest exercise in creativity and a tongue-in-cheek send-up of the entire “Taylor Swift industrial complex”—makes for an engaging listen.

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Conclusions

• Joe and Toni not only entertain but dissect the storytelling DNA of Taylor Swift’s work, providing aspiring communicators and fans with tools for writing, branding, and creative thinking.
• Their playful, improv-based approach underlines the argument that even viral, culturally dominant content can (and should) be fun, insightful, and inclusive—a “Swiftian” method for building narrative that’s both personal and universally resonant.

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Homework for listeners:
“Think up your own ideas as to what the songs will be, because I find that makes it more enjoyable when you listen to the album later.” (74:40, Toni)

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End of summary.

Transcript

[A]

Hi, I'm Joe Rome and I'm his daughter, Toni.

[B]

Welcome to Decoding Taylor Swift, where you'll learn the storytelling tools Swift uses that make her a modern day Shakespeare, but.

[A]

Can make you a better communicator so you can drive your mission and build your tribe.

[B]

Rolling Stone magazine put both me and Swift on its list of 100 people changing America. So I know that the most successful social change makers are the best storytellers.

[A]

This podcast will transform how you think about Swift's songs and give you the life changing tools to lead, connect, and change the world.

[B]

Alrighty.

[A]

Hello and welcome.

[B]

This is episode 11.

[A]

Episode 11. That's what they tell me.

[B]

Unexpected.

[A]

I had no idea we'd get this far. Oh, my God.

[B]

And this is a very, very special episode.

[A]

This is a very special episode you're.

[B]

Gonna get to hear.

[A]

Oh, my God. You guys are in for a treat. Oh, God.

[B]

And we got. So my daughter.

[A]

Yeah. You're gonna hear me do probably some of the best musical improv you're gonna hear.

[B]

My daughter was so.

[A]

The audio engineer shrugged when I asked if he could sign me. So that's like.

[B]

I don't think he has a label.

[A]

Well, he has a recording studio with the mic thing that has like this circle in front of it with the felt. And that's professional.

[B]

That is serious. So this, my daughter. This is. This is such inspiration.

[A]

It's genuinely like I was touched by something.

[B]

We did. As you know, in episode 10, we discussed the amazing, you know, maybe one of the most watched podcasts in history.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

With Taylor Swift on a new height with Travis and Jason Kelsey.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

And which broke the Internet. But partly it broke the Internet because she announced her new album, the Life of a Showgirl. And all 10 of the song. 12 songs.

[A]

12 of the songs.

[B]

And we were gonna just go through them.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And just discuss them and then talk about what they might be and then.

[A]

Sing about what they might be.

[B]

And then my daughter had.

[A]

I had an idea because I've seen a few videos during the Tortured Poets Department and Midnight's era where people were predicting what the songs would sound like. And I just saw a video of somebody predicting what the title track, the Life of a Showgirl, would sound like. And I was like, I just. If you, like, put me in a room and then said that it was okay for me to just like start improving songs by Taylor Swift, I would do that. And I.

[B]

She. She was like, this is what I was on Fuego.

[A]

Muchachi.

[B]

She was on Fuego. I Want to describe to the audience. I have to use a metaphor.

[A]

He always does.

[B]

Of so that you can picture what this was like. Imagine one of those famous Broadway musicals. Movies or movie about a musical. And imagine where there's the star and then there's the understudy. And. And the star gets injured on opening night.

[A]

Opening night.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then the understudy accidentally takes lewds before she goes on. And that's pretty much what it was like.

[B]

This is a special understudy who actually thinks that they're going to reimagine, in fact, the entire score of this musical. And we have a. It's like the greatest hits of improv from my daughter, Toni.

[A]

Thank you. And if Groundlings doesn't want to hire me after this, I don't know what'll get them to. I mean, seriously.

[B]

So anyway, that is gonna be just.

[A]

Out of high school.

[B]

We are gonna talk about all 12 of these songs.

[A]

All 12 of them.

[B]

And then my daughter is going to do her imagined improv versions, which possibly will appear on an album released by the studio.

[A]

JoJo Bach, Brandon Bach, and Shel Dilland. These are all your producer names. Those are free. You can use them in your SoundClouds.

[B]

All right, so what is about to follow.

[A]

Yes. What will follow is.

[B]

Is something that no one's ever heard before.

[A]

No one.

[B]

This is. This is. This is. This is really, in some sense, our version of the New Heights podcast. Oh, seriously, Where I'm playing the role of the Kelsey brothers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And Tony is playing the role of Taylor Swift.

[A]

Right. And all of you guys are 100 percenters, because 100% of everybody is gonna love these, so. Right.

[B]

I don't have. She doesn't have a box.

[A]

I don't have a box.

[B]

We don't have a box. We don't have a fish duty vinyl album.

[A]

T.S. no, no. Because the real artists can just whip it out whenever they want.

[B]

Alrighty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think. I think we've got what we need.

[A]

We've got what we need. And now enjoy.

[B]

During the podcast, she tries to come up with the word for what does love of the number 13 mean?

[A]

So, yeah, right.

[B]

And she remembers that. Triskadechaphobia.

[A]

Triskadechaphilia.

[B]

Trichodecaphobia is fear of the number 13.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

And so then she says. Oh, right. And she said, triska decafilia is love of the number 13.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And of course, if you notice anything funny about that word, it's probably because the word Ophelia is in it.

[B]

And that Happens to be the first.

[A]

Song on her new album. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Just kind of head exploding there. And yes, the first song on the album is called the Fate of Ophelia. So kind of amazing. And the key point about this album is that this album is going to be. It matches the way her. She says it matches the way my life felt during the Eras tour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that was the other thing that kind of blew away the Kelsey Brothers.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Was that she put this album together while touring.

[A]

While touring, like, doing probably like three shows every.

[B]

Like three shows every week. And then she would fly to Sweden because she's working with Max Martin and Shellbach and in fact, who she had done some of her greatest songs with. Right. She'd done Blank Space and We're never ever Getting Back Together and those sorts of songs. These guys are hit makers. I mean, they. That's, you know, what they're known for. So, again, because she got criticized for torture poets department, she wanted to drop an album just of hits. 12 songs. They're all bangers. And she said you couldn't take one out or add one in. So these 12 are, like, lined up from beginning to end. And so the first one here is.

[A]

Yes. Apparently there's an overarching narrative, too.

[B]

There's an overarching narrative.

[A]

Kind of like. She described it like it was folklore, but with the sounds of 1984.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

1989, I hope. Not 1984. Oh, my God.

[B]

Because Max Martin, you know, again, they're known for their. Their bangers and their pop hits, but when she came to Max Martin and said she wanted to do this, she said, by the way, I want this album to be as good as the entire Eras tour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was like, well, that's no pressure. But he also said he loved folklore, so he wanted to make sure there was storytelling.

[A]

Yeah, Right.

[B]

So the weird thing is also, I.

[A]

Have a theory about Cancelled.

[B]

Now we'll get to canceled.

[A]

Okay. She spelled it in the British way, which is, like, kind of actually disgusting of her as, like, an American citizen.

[B]

Well, why don't I run through the list and then we can go back and talk a little?

[A]

Yeah, let's run through the list. Number one, the fate of Ophelia. You wouldn't want Ophelia to drown in your backyard pool. Yet sadly, in Hamlet, that appears to be what she does.

[B]

Well, this number two is Elizabeth Taylor.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't want her to drown.

[B]

Number three is Opalite.

[A]

Opalite. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's actually Travis Kelce's birthstone.

[B]

Travis Kelsey's birthstone. This album is dropping on October 3rd. Travis's birthday is the 5th.

[A]

So true.

[B]

So October birth month. Birthstone is Opal. You know what my birthstone is?

[A]

You're born in June.

[B]

It is. Yeah. So it's what I used to call you when you were a little kid.

[A]

Pearl.

[B]

Pearl. You were a Pearl girl.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I called you Pearl girl because the birthstone.

[A]

Because it rhymed. He wasn't very creative.

[B]

Rhyme is creative. That's the whole point of this podcast.

[A]

That's true. It is. Yeah. Yeah. He called me Squirrel girl.

[B]

I did call you Squirrel girl for a while. But then you loved.

[A]

You could say that he was like my father figure. He also would call me eldest daughter. And those are actually two tracks on the track. I just knocked those out, you guys.

[B]

You did. Number four is fox.

[A]

This is what I don't get paid for.

[B]

And five is eldest daughter. And. But she is my eldest daughter.

[A]

I'm his. I'm almost.

[B]

She's also my youngest daughter.

[A]

I am.

[B]

And by the way, how would you say the difference has been.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Between being my eldest daughter and being my youngest daughter?

[A]

It's kind of something that you have to strike kind of a balance. I feel like. I feel like I used to get a lot of attention, but now I kind of have to, like, work and be my own person, you know? It's hard.

[B]

The youngest daughter is always gonna get the attention. She's always gonna be remembered as the. As the baby of the family. The eldest daughter is the one who has the responsibility. I have a lot of. Has to look out for the.

[A]

I have to do this podcast. I don't even get paid. I don't even get paid. We don't make enough money for that. But you can change that. You can change that. I'm looking at you.

[B]

Tell your friends. We keep forgetting to tell people to tell their friends.

[A]

Tell your friends about the podcast if you have friends. I think the people who listen to this podcast have friends.

[B]

I think they do. They're all part of the Taylor nation. They're swifties.

[A]

Pretty cool people.

[B]

Absolutely. But, yes.

[A]

I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't say anything bad lest I ruin our friendship.

[B]

Ruin our friendship.

[A]

Number six.

[B]

Number six is ruin the friendship, guys. Number seven. Actually romantic.

[A]

Yes. Which is what my date last night was not.

[B]

Well, number eight is wish list.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

With both S's as dollar signs.

[A]

She's like, actually, like, number nine is.

[B]

These are very cryptic because the next three are just one word. Number nine is wood. W, O, O, D. Could mean many things. Could be. Number 10 is canceled in all caps.

[A]

And it's exclamation point spelled the British.

[B]

Way, spelled with two Ls.

[A]

The British way, like trigger. Warning. For real.

[B]

Number 11.

[A]

Well, wait, wait, wait. I have a theory about canceled, but.

[B]

We'Re gonna come back.

[A]

Can I just, like, say that? Can I just say he's literally. He just will do anything to just, like, stop me from talking. Like, genuinely. I'm so serious.

[B]

We said we're gonna.

[A]

I feel like I've been doing, like, the little quips to between, like. Okay. Anyway, canceled. I think it's about Matty Healy because, you know, he's, like, known for being kind of like a dick, like, racist and stuff. I think it's because Matty Haley's British. I'm pretty sure.

[B]

Don't you think he got. She got through taking down Matty Haley in tortured Poets Department.

[A]

I don't think you can ever be through with taking down Matty Healy.

[B]

Well, he was the smallest man who ever lived.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This much is true. Maybe it's just a very short relationship. I mean, how many songs do you need to write about a man like Matty Healy?

[A]

Maybe she's just talking about how she's had so many British exes. Like, most of her exes, I fear, have been British.

[B]

Well, which is some time in London.

[A]

Which is unfortunate as hell.

[B]

Number 11 is honey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And number 12, which presumably gonna be a major hit song.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The Life of a Showgirl featuring Sabrina Carpenter. And she. Sabrina Carpenter, opened the show open for her, and obviously, Sabrina has become a superstar thanks to Mi Espresso, a great song.

[A]

I didn't like that.

[B]

You didn't like the song?

[A]

No, I didn't like what you just did. But, yes, Espresso is a very good song.

[B]

You didn't like what I did?

[A]

No.

[B]

What did I do?

[A]

You appropriated my culture as an Italian.

[B]

I didn't appropriate your comments.

[A]

Yes, you did. Well, you just.

[B]

I was appropriate. I was appropriating.

[A]

And it's really hard to. But you found a way to do it. I mean, like, the me. The me was just. It was a lot for me to hear. But you know what? I'm gonna forgive you, because I think. I think that. I think that I don't want to ruin our friendship as your eldest daughter and you being my father figure. Elizabeth Taylor Opalite. The Fate of Ophelia. Actually Romantic Wishlist Wood canceled. Honey, the Life of A showgirl. So now I've gotten all of them in one sentence.

[B]

That's very impressive.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's very impressive. So there's gonna be a lot of hit songs here. Because now, by the way, first of all, the criticisms of tortured Poet department are wildly overblown. Because after all, this is the first. This is the only album in history that ever landed the top 14 songs on the Billboard Hot 100.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Right? I mean, Midnight's got the top 10.

[A]

Well, people don't understand how to like deal with a bunch of songs that are really good on one album, especially not by a women, you know.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, so look, I will. You know, Taylor holds herself up to a very high standard, but the fact is that no one's ever accomplished that. And I don't know that anyone else but Taylor is, I mean, getting the top 14 songs on the Billboard Hot 100. That's. Is anyone ever gonna do that? Yeah, I mean, it's just kind of crazy. So. But she's like, okay, you folks want proof that I can write a hit song? Yeah, I'm gonna sit down and we're gonna do 12 hit songs. So I expect that these are all like, they say bangers. Bangers and bops. Let's talk a little bit more about some of these songs here. The fate of Ophelia. So obviously she's into Shakespeare. We have talked about how she is into Shakespeare. And one of the points that I've made over and over again is that Taylor Swift is a modern day Shakespeare. And I have a producer out there, some little critical of us talking too much about Shakespeare. But I'm sorry, if you want to become a great writer, he is on the syllabus.

[A]

Gotta do it.

[B]

Now. I spent a lot of time trying to find, figure out ways to make this more accessible because somehow people think that I lecture a lot and get pedantic.

[A]

I know. And I would never say that about you.

[B]

You would never say that about me.

[A]

Other people have said that to me.

[B]

Other people have said that to me.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

I know. So that was the point of, okay, let's find a more accessible way to talk about storytelling. And that's why we got into the lyrics of Taylor Swift. But nonetheless, you know, the greatest, you know, poet, you know, storyteller, playwright of all time is always going to be Shakespeare. And you can get a lot out of that. And clearly she's leading this song off with the Fate of Ophelia. Now, she's written many songs. I mean, she wrote Love Story. She did, famously, about Romeo and Juliet. She quoted Hamlet in But Daddy, I Love him. When she has the line that they protested too much. And that's a line from Hamlet mother in the play. So. And it was interesting because Travis admitted that he hadn't actually. He was supposed to have read Hamlet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did he say middle school?

[A]

Yeah, I think he was just kind of. That was like, a bit he was doing.

[B]

I think he was a bit.

[A]

If you're reading Hamlet in middle school, you did not.

[B]

No one assigns Hamlet.

[A]

Your teacher is getting fired.

[B]

No, no, no, you don't. Jesus Christ. Hamlet is an insane. What?

[A]

You rat.

[B]

It is a very bonkers story, right? I mean, just to, you know, summarize. Hamlet's father dies, and he's in college, and he comes back and. And then his mother quickly remarries his uncle, his father's brother. And then the ghost of Hamlet who's, like, chopped, right? And at the beginning of Hamlet, the ghost of Hamlet's father comes back and tells him, guess what, bro? My brother.

[A]

That was a great addition.

[B]

Yeah. He didn't say the bro part, but he tells this story about how his brother, Hamlet's uncle, murdered him, poured poison in his ear, which, by the way, is metaphorical for what the father's ghost is doing with Hamlet right there. Pouring poison in Hamlet's ear, trying to persuade him to commit murderous revenge against his brother, Hamlet's uncle. So, anyway, this obviously screws the hell up out of Hamlet. I mean, who wouldn't be, like, discombobulated by all that? So Ophelia. I'm sorry, I don't think that's appropriate here. I'm sorry that I don't think it's appropriate because we're talking about the fate of Ophelia. And just to be clear, so Ophelia is Hamlet's love interest, and Ophelia.

[A]

Well, that's a really loose term, I think. I think. And ultimately, I mean, yeah, they used to date, but it's interesting. They start the play where they're not currently. Ophelia's kind of caught between her father and Hamlet.

[B]

Her father is Polonius, who is a Machiavellian figure. Whoa. Not a good guy. And her brother is Laertes, the person who ultimately, in the final duel, dishonorably kills Hamlet in a rapier duel where he takes the ball off the end of the rapier, dips it in poison, right? And he can't even beat Hamlet enough to stab him. And so he has to wait until Hamlet's like, turn the other way and walking away from this duel. But because Hamlet accidentally, sort of accidentally, he kills Ophelia's father, who is behind. Behind the curtain, behind the curtains, listening.

[A]

In, calls him a rat, calls him.

[B]

A rat, stabs him. And it is a very complex thing. The whole play is very complicated. But one thing is clear. Ophelia is devastated by the death of her father and the fact that her boyfriend. Ex boyfriend, or whatever you want to describe it, the guy she thought she might have married, kills her father. This drives her over the edge.

[A]

Right. Well, and also because Hamlet was like, you thought you were gonna marry me? Oh, my God. You belong in a freaking brothel, you freaking skank. Like, get the hell away from me. And he actually says that. Like, I'm not even joking.

[B]

Right? But we don't know. This play is so complic. Complicated that. That by the time he's being that mean to her, we believe that he may know that Polonius is listening to him while she's. So. It's. It's. It's. And of course.

[A]

But of course, Ophelia would know none of this, right? Him. Ophelia, she's just like. She's like, literally, my. She's, like, younger than me. She's, like 16 at this point. She's like a child, basically.

[B]

And we will have a lot.

[A]

Imagine telling a child they're a skank. Lol.

[B]

Well, the whole thing is very devastating to her.

[A]

And, you know, she has, like, probably, like, she has, like, a mental breakdown.

[B]

She has a mental breakdown, and so she ends up getting caught in the. In this. Falls into the water, and her garment gets very heavy.

[A]

Well, first she wanders around singing these weird songs that don't really make sense. They're about like, oh, my gosh, my father's dead. That's so silly.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of.

[A]

And a lot of stage productions will do this thing where there's this scene where she's bringing flowers to Laertes. Like, you know, what is it? Violet for remembrance and stuff like that. But a lot of stage productions will do something where she's holding, like, a stick. Like, it's just like, nothing. It's like screws or bolts or something. Like something that's really not there because she's, like, not attached to reality at this point.

[B]

And ultimately, she drowns and is incapable of realizing that she's drowning. And so the question of whether she commits suicide or whether she simply is out of it becomes discussed in the famous graveyard scene. But the point is, yes, she is a victim of Hamlet and her father, and she became a symbol of being victimized by the patriarchy in modern psychological books. And it's very hard to know what this song is gonna be, except the fate of Ophelia was bad. And it's hard to imagine a song about the fate of Ophelia that isn't like, in a minor key and kind of tragic. Now, these folks know how to take a tragic song and make it upbeat. I mean, after all, Taylor loves to take tragic songs and make them upbeat or.

[A]

Well, the Last Great American Dynasty is one that I think of. It's kind of upbeat. It's not in the minor key.

[B]

Well, look, you know, Cruel Summer is a banger, Right. But it's about a pretty tragic relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so. But it's interesting that she opens the this album this way. And the COVID of the album is a photo of her drowning her. Taylor in a basketball.

[A]

There's a very famous painting that if you've ever taken, like, an AP lit course, you'll definitely see. It's like. I mean, if you've read Hamlet, definitely it's just her, like, drowning halfway submerged in water.

[B]

Right. That's a painting of Ophelia's drowning. And the COVID of this new album is a similar type photo, except it's Taylor in the bathtub in a show attire. And she said in the course of the podcast that that was the first thing she would when the show, this four hour, exhausting show was, can I.

[A]

Do an impression of what I think the song is gonna be? You may drowning in a bathtub after every show. The fate of Ophelia. My way goes. Oh, I'm alive. Something like that. I think that. I think we're gonna do that after every song now. And we can. You can check back in once it's released, but I'm pretty sure that's what the song is going to be.

[B]

You. You might be able to retroactively sue her for copyright, right?

[A]

Yes, actually, yeah.

[B]

If you correctly guess one of these songs.

[A]

Wait, actually, Taylor, can I meet you? If I guess one of these, I think I genuinely could be able to.

[B]

Well, look, yes.

[A]

I mean, I have one for Elizabeth Taylor, but we'll get to that.

[B]

The whole point of this 12 songs is. This is what I mean. She says. She says these are really on her inner life during the tour. Right. And so clearly, the minute after this long show is done, she is exhausted. She's gonna be physically exhausted, totally worn out.

[A]

Well, she talks on the. Well, first of all, okay, first of all, there was a speech she gave the commencement speech at NYU where before midnights came out, she put all of the. Like, the speech for NYU was Midnight's the album. Like, every, like most of every lyric was in that speech. And in the podcast, she mentioned specifically how she's in a bathtub or in like an acupuncture thing after the show, which is why I think she's gonna talk a reference, a bathtub or like after the show for the fade of Ophelia. Thank you.

[B]

Yeah. And in fact, no further questions. In the, in the course of the podcast, she ends up getting physical therapy. She gets acupuncture. She does.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Travis, Kelsey mentioned she even gets toe spacers.

[A]

Yeah, she does.

[B]

Like a football player.

[A]

Well, apparently they. Yeah, they like, compared their routines and a famous way that football players and most athletes decompress from stuff is a cold ice water bath. So.

[B]

So, yeah.

[A]

So she doesn't want to admit that my theory is rock solid.

[B]

No, I think the theory is very solid. I don't know if it's a rock solid. It more like a gelatin solid at this point.

[A]

It is as solid as the flowers that Ophelia.

[B]

You know what? It could be as solid as.

[A]

It could be as solid as wood.

[B]

As solid as glass, which is not.

[A]

Perhaps as solid as opalite.

[B]

Did you know that glass isn't exactly a solid?

[A]

It's not. Right. Because it can. It has like a very low melting point.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, so I'll just.

[A]

I've seen glass blowing. It's super cool. You guys should all see it.

[B]

So. Okay, fate of Ophelia. Let's talk number two is Elizabeth Taylor. And by the way, Jason, Kelsey didn't even know, like, so Travis says, oh, I know all about Hamlet. I saw the Lion King. And then Jason's like, wait, the Lion King is based on Hamlet?

[A]

Yeah, he sounded very serious when he said that.

[B]

He did. And then. And then Taylor says, well, you need to expand your. Your use of the Internet beyond Reddit.

[A]

I know, Seriously.

[B]

So, yes, now, I mean, the Lion King is very loosely based on Hamlet. So number two, Elizabeth Taylor, which again, Jason didn't really seem to know who Elizabeth Taylor was.

[A]

She's an actress. She was one of the original Hollywood stars.

[B]

And she was also. She was a child star. She became very famous for the movie National Velvet where she plays a young girl who rides a champion, rides a horse in the championship in. In the US and she, Elizabeth Taylor was considered one of the great beauties, one of the great actresses. She Made very many famous movies. She won Academy Awards.

[A]

She did.

[B]

And she was married, but she also had a tragic life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she was married eight times. Twice to seven guys. Because she married Richard Burton, a very famous actor. Twice. And, you know, so Elizabeth Taylor. There's a lot of ways for Taylor to relate to because Elizabeth Taylor's social life was widely criticized. She broke up. Supposedly, she broke up the marriage between Eddie Fisher and Door can't slip my mind. But this. This was Princess Leia's mother and father. That's why it was Carrie Fisher. Eddie Fisher. And so, yeah, she. She.

[A]

Did she break up a marriage she was accused of.

[B]

Yes. Eddie Fisher left. I can't believe. I can't remember.

[A]

He just hates. He just doesn't remember women. He thinks that they're not worth remembering.

[B]

I remember Carrie Fisher.

[A]

Okay. Only because she's in a movie. Women don't have to do monumental things to be remembered. I have a song for Elizabeth Taylor.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why don't you let me do it?

[B]

Sing the song for Elizabeth Taylor.

[A]

And like Elizabeth Taylor, I shimmer. I'm Elizabeth Taylor riding through the wind I'm Elizabeth Taylor, but I am a singer. So we're kind of the same person. Person. And we have Taylor in our name. And that's gonna be the song.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Nobody in this room is impressed with that. I thought I did a very good job.

[B]

That is. I think. I think you've got Taylor on this one.

[A]

Thank you. I've actually. I have her. I feel like one out of these 12 tracks is going to be very accurate. I saw somebody do this when Midnights was supposed to come out. And they did this with all the songs. And I thought that that was such a great idea. So I'm doing them now.

[B]

That's great. Well, what we should do is release these.

[A]

We should. Can we get these on Spotify as a mashup? Oh, my God.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Say the word.

[B]

I love it. So. And it was Debbie Reynolds.

[A]

How do you not remember Debbie Reynolds?

[B]

I don't know. Singing in the Rain, the classic. Yes. She was in movies.

[A]

You see how it's hard for me to not think that that was sexual deliberately on your part?

[B]

No, I don't, actually.

[A]

Okay, whatever. Just go back to your freaking notes. Such a nerd.

[B]

No, I'm not going back to notes. It's just back to the names of the. And now I've lost them. Oh, no.

[A]

Because.

[B]

No, they were here. Anyway. The. The.

[A]

Oh, yeah. About Blake Lively. Ruin the friendship.

[B]

Right. So what was it? Three Was Ruin the friendship.

[A]

I don't even. I don't get engaged with the Blake lively stuff. All I know is that she's done some questionable things. That's as much as I need to know. You could say that Blake at this moment in time, isn't very lively. Thank you, guys.

[B]

Is this what, your mic drop? Where are you going? You don't have to go off screen to drink the water here.

[A]

I just felt like I needed to leave after I made that joke.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Nobody laughed, but I felt like I needed to do it.

[B]

Track three is Opalite.

[A]

Yes. Travis Kelsey's birthstone.

[B]

Right. But opalite also means Opalite is supposed to be. Is one of those things which is artificial Opal. That. That is supposed to be very relaxing and soothing.

[A]

Yeah. Spiritually it means, like, you know, healing.

[B]

Right. It's a very healing thing. But, yes, obviously it's connected to Travis Kelsey. Yeah.

[A]

Can I sing my song?

[B]

You may sing your song.

[A]

Okay. You're my opalite Every day with you is a delight Travis, Travis, you're my opalite we will never fight Travis, Travis, Travis, you're my opalite that's gonna be the song.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[B]

That's a banger.

[A]

That was. Right? I'm trying my best to do a little shell bachelor.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You could say we're bringing it shell buck.

[B]

We could say that.

[A]

By the way, that doesn't make much sense, but we could say it.

[B]

Taylor loves puns.

[A]

She does.

[B]

Just to segue off of that pun, she was selling these ridiculous puns because she was. One of the things she did in this podcast was talk about. She said doe that she was during the summer, her father having him was brave. Quintipple. Quintuple bypass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she was spending a lot of time at home. Five clots in his arteries taking. You know, being with her parents. And she had a lot of time. And she learned how to cook, to bake sourdough. Sourdough. That became her big thing. She was cooking sourdough bread. And then she came up with all these puns for bread and her. Her various songs, one of which was flower song.

[A]

Flower song.

[B]

Flower song. Which was. Which is a slamming screen door. The. You know, because the song. Our song is a slamming screen door.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then the one from red.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Loafing.

[A]

Loafing you was bread.

[B]

Loafing you was bread. Anyway, it's very silly, but the point is, puns are a figure of speech. And everyone. Those are useful memory tricks, things to stick in there's nothing wrong with puns. You can obviously go overboard with puns.

[A]

You could say they're yeastful memory tricks.

[B]

You could. Song four, Song four. Father Figure.

[A]

Father Figure. I think this is gonna be one of those. Actually, you know what? I think Eldest Daughter is gonna be one of those songs where the name. The title is like, she, like, named it Eldest Daughter, but, like, she's only gonna say the words eldest daughter, like, once. And it's not going to be the chorus. Like, I'll do it for eldest daughter, but Father figure, basically. She has a lot. My dad is obsessed with how she views her father because I think he likes to project a lot of, you know, her songs onto me because he doesn't really understand women, and this is, like, the closest he'll ever get. So he has, like, found and gone through all of her discography to find every mention of Taylor Swift's father in literally every single song. Like mine. Like. Like, like alternate her father.

[B]

Let's. Let's. Let's step back and realize these are songs and the person in the song we've established is not Taylor Swift. Sure it is. It is. Sometimes it's like an alter ego of Taylor Swift.

[A]

I've clocked him, so he just wants to.

[B]

There's no clock here. You have not hit me with a clock.

[A]

That's true. That means that. That means that I've caught on to your little skill, your schemes of trying to understand women. And I think that it's beautiful that you're making an effort to do that. And so Father Figure, I think, will probably be a song that will tell us a lot about her relationship with her father, because she talks about how her mother is her best friend. She does a lot of that. She doesn't really talk about her father, except that her parents are currently divorced. Well, look, we know that father samesies.

[B]

She has a lot of negative comments about fathers in her songs.

[A]

She does. Yeah, she does.

[B]

Right now, again, not all those fathers are her father, but she has one line, leave like a father, leave me like a father.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So that's pretty brutal. Not her father. But they did get divorced, right? We talked about it happens. But Daddy, I love him. Clearly a song addressed to her father. In fact, she was screaming, but Daddy, I love him. So, you know, clearly that song is about her father. She gives her father a line in all too well, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And in fact, the line, supposed to.

[A]

Be fun turning 21.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Just kind of like, what the hell? If you say that to me on my 21st birthday, you're getting reversed.

[B]

Well, as I said to you, that was the line that got me very obsessed with that song. Because she says, you know, so Snake Jake Gyllenhaal or Rake Jake or fake Jake, whichever one you like is. Said she, he was going to come to her 21st birthday and he doesn't come, he doesn't come, he doesn't come. And her father, instead of saying, oh, he's a loser, you should, you know, and by the way she was pining away, she says, I stood there all night long looking, waiting for this guy to serve. Right?

[A]

And so in some sense, I stood there waiting all night long, waiting for him to come. And my father said, it's supposed to be fun turning 21. Right? Something like that.

[B]

Right. And this is the only line she gives her father in any song. And it's not a line I realize it's not a line I would ever say to my daughter under those circumstances. Because if my daughter had just had her birthday ruined by this loser guy.

[A]

I wouldn't ever date a punk ass looser.

[B]

I would just say, he's a punk ass loser. Right. You shouldn't feel bad about this. But the line she gives her father is, it's supposed to be fun turning 21.

[A]

He's like obsessed with.

[B]

Which means she's kind of. He's kind of blaming her. Yeah, he is kind of blaming the victim. Well, you know, you screwed up your birthday, right?

[A]

So I'm glad you're woke. I'm really glad you're woke about stuff like this.

[B]

Well, that was the line that got me rethinking that whole song. And we are gonna do an episode because watch out. The underlying meaning of that song is so crazy.

[A]

There's a lot.

[B]

There is about the patriarchy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, but hey, we're teasing that it.

[A]

Is about the patriarchy.

[B]

And as you say, there's a line in. In mine. Right. Which. And maybe we'll talk about mine too, because in mine she has this. I was the.

[A]

Yeah, you. Something Something of a. What is it?

[B]

I was. I was the. The careful daughter of a careless father.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And.

[A]

Of a careless man's careful daughter.

[B]

A careless man's careful daughter. That's how she described herself. And she also says at one point, we're not gonna make my parents mistakes.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

So the song mine, which coincidentally was written about the time her parents were getting divorced, has this stuff, right? So, you know, she has a song titled Father Figure. And by the way, step back. Father figure alliteration. Alliteration Father figure. In fact, it's also got the consonants because it picks up the R. Father figure. And in fact, it's also got the assonance because, er. Father figure. Okay, so this is a classic song title of hers. It's got all three.

[A]

Well, I mean, father figure is also one of the famous sayings, right? That's. Or like a, you know, kind of a pairing of two phrases. So same with eldest daughter, actually, because eldest daughter, it also picks up some.

[B]

E's and the T. Yeah, the eldest daughter. Right, so two Ds.

[A]

A D and a T. This is.

[B]

How you write song titles. And by the way, like I said, a lot of. A lot of Dunkin Donuts. Right? Again, we've been through that. If you want to name something, please use alliteration. Please use assonance, which is the internal rhyme or the internal vowel. And consonant. Which is the internal consonant. So again, this is. We had a whole discussion of this when we were discussing. We will never, ever, ever, ever get in.

[A]

I was wondering if you were together.

[B]

No, the ever. The three evers.

[A]

There's only three, Right.

[B]

In the chorus of the song. There's two evers, two evers. And then there's two evers. And then the final line of the chorus is, we are never, ever, ever.

[A]

Ever getting back together. Three evers, three evers.

[B]

But again, that's all. That was her first number one song. And again, a brilliant, brilliant title. And that also had Max Martin.

[A]

It did so. And Shell Drake. I believe not Shellbach.

[B]

Well, Shell Drake is a bird. There's a bird called a Shell Drake.

[A]

Why did he name himself Shell Drake then?

[B]

He didn't.

[A]

Was that just a mistake that you made?

[B]

Yes, it was.

[A]

I think I was confused as to why Swedish people were naming their kids Shells so much.

[B]

And I was wondering why. I had the name Shell Drake in my head. And then I Googled, what's a Shell Drake? It's. Oh, it's a type of bird.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I thought you knew that. I just like.

[B]

No, I didn't. I didn't remember that. I knew it.

[A]

You know, I feel like a lot in my life is just. Is really. That's. I just like, this is just such a time of change for me. I'm going into college and I really didn't need this inconsistency because now there's. You're telling me that there's only Shell bok and there's not shell.

[B]

There's only Shell bok.

[A]

Well, no, Shell Drake has never Shell Drake. Is a bird a Swedish singer? It's only been a bird.

[B]

It's possible that they're hiring.

[A]

That's why at the beginning I said Shell Kendrick and Shell Front are coming out. Because that's the opposite of Shell Bok and Shell Drake.

[B]

I see.

[A]

I thought I did something, but Shell Drake has always just been a bird.

[B]

Shell Drake has always been Swedish.

[A]

People need to be just really cleaning up their names. Just like, figure it out. Oh, my God. If you can get confused with a.

[B]

Bird, as you know, Max Martin is not his name, right? Yeah, it's.

[A]

It's the poet, Shell something. Shel Silverstein.

[B]

Shel Silverstein. It is Shel Silverstein. So, yeah, the father figure song.

[A]

Oh, I know what you're talking about, though. The poet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Brian Carl.

[B]

Carl Sandberg.

[A]

Sandberg. Yeah, Carl Sandberg.

[B]

Carl Sandberg.

[A]

But not that Carlton.

[B]

His name is what, Carl Sandberg Martin.

[A]

Yeah, something like that.

[B]

Something like that.

[A]

Anyway, it's like, Max, I don't get that we have.

[B]

Not exactly. Who is the father figure here? Because I don't think that Travis is a father figure.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

He's not. They're not. They're similar ages.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And he doesn't act like a father figure, I think. And she's smarter than he is, by the way. I mean, he. I think he would probably concede that point.

[A]

It's true. Well, it's hard to be smarter than Taylor Swift. She's a very intelligent person. Like, she's. She's. Yes.

[B]

In fact, by the way, she's already.

[A]

She's, like, way smarter than I've ever seen. That's like, this is some crazy.

[B]

She's already. And she's already talking, like, sophisticated football language. And she says, give me. She says. And he says, give me 16 months.

[A]

I can be a commentator.

[B]

Right? And he says, like, you're not quite ready to be a commentator. And he says, give me 16 months and I can be a commentator. And she could be.

[A]

Because she really could.

[B]

Sees everything. She does and she figures stuff out.

[A]

Oh, my God, she's so crazy smart.

[B]

She could be a color commentator because she knows how to use that language that that person's supposed to do. Right. I would, like. She'd crush, like, whoever. What's his name?

[A]

It's true. So that's why.

[B]

Okay, so you have a song.

[A]

I'm concocting a song. So father figure. I feel like, based on what she said, you know, knowing that she views. She likes to put fathers as kind of A more negative character in her life. I think that Father figure. And I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and say it. I think Father Figure might be about critics in the media about kind of being overbearing and about, you know, you know, touting how they just want what's best for her. She's already said in but, Daddy, I love him. Like, God bless the most judgmental creature. You say they won't. What's best for me. I think that's what Father Figure is going to be about. So without further ado, let me give you. Let me drop a beat. Drop a beat, Joe, Drop a beat.

[B]

Drop a beat.

[A]

Hell, yes, Father figure. You're not bigger than me. Father figure. They're ragging all over me. You're spinning on me. Oh, my God.

[B]

Sorry about that. By the way, I have an alternative theory of what the song is about. I meant to tell you. It just popped in my head.

[A]

Okay. Because remember to just say it and not spray it.

[B]

These are. These are about.

[A]

But that was a sick beat, though.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Dropped the sickest beat.

[B]

She said this is about the tour.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

So maybe now the.

[A]

Did she say that that was about Father Figures? About the tour?

[B]

Well, she said the whole thing is how she felt during the tour.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Now, what I didn't know was when she said that she considered Max Martin her mentor.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

[B]

So it's possible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I don't know if she would write a song about Max Martin.

[A]

That seems, like, weird.

[B]

It does seem very weird.

[A]

Like, what's his name? Carl Sandberg. You're the iceberg to my land Berg I love you. That would be the song if she did that.

[B]

You don't know. We don't know.

[A]

I like. What is it? What's the song? Oh, Goodbye, Carl Sandberg. You are. And then it's just gonna be. It's just gonna be a candle in the wind, but it's gonna be about how Max Martin changed his name from Carl Sandberg to.

[B]

It could be. So let's get. We're. We're. We're. This have to be a long. Well, we'll just blame this on the audio engineer because as you know, we've been here for six hours.

[A]

There's one here named Brandon, and I can't lie. That seems like the.

[B]

He kept making. He keeps. He's the guy. He's doing the.

[A]

The photo shoot and he keeps making us do takes. Like, doesn't.

[B]

We're on, like, take 30.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Now We've been here for.

[A]

We've actually been here for hours. The cables broke, which is why we started playing Nicki Minaj, because the vibe was genuinely plummeting in this room because these freaking cables were just being so horrible to us. And I honestly think maybe it was Brandon.

[B]

This is exactly what.

[A]

He's the only unknown variable. Like, literally. We've never recorded with him. Him before. He could have sabotaged us. But maybe I'm saying that he sabotaged us because I sabotaged us. And I wanted to listen to Nicki Minaj.

[B]

Well, I wanted to listen to Nicki Minaj because, by the way, my new sitcom. I like to watch sitcoms, and the new one I'm listening to is Platonic.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Which is quite good.

[A]

Does it have a lot of Nicki in.

[B]

Had Nicki in the last episode that I watched.

[A]

Oh, wait, she was on it.

[B]

No, no, no. They played this song, and a bunch.

[A]

Of people danced to it as they should. Which song?

[B]

Starship. Oh. In fact, now I realize I heard it twice because Starship was also played in the finale for Resident Alien.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I started Resident Alien.

[B]

You do?

[A]

I actually did because I love Alan Tudjack, and he's, like, really funny to me. But I also. I just, like, couldn't get behind it. I feel like maybe I need to keep watching it.

[B]

Watch it a little more. Yeah, watch it a little more.

[A]

But Resident Alien, my friend that I met on Hinge who just became my friend, she recommended that I watch shrinking.

[B]

Oh, you gotta watch Shrink.

[A]

She said that it was really good. So now I'm kind of gonna be confused.

[B]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[A]

I just wanted a woman my age to tell me to watch it.

[B]

I have to give my.

[A]

Can't always trust his opinion.

[B]

Something actionable for the audience here.

[A]

When a woman that you meet who's your age tells you to watch something.

[B]

You should watch it shrinking. Look, you want to be a good writer, you have to watch the best written shows.

[A]

You do. You should watch Community. Get through the first nine episodes. And the writing is really good because Dan Harmon uses his storytelling technique. His. The story circle. I love the story circle, man. Oh, my God, I'm such a nerd about the story circle. I can talk about it all day. Dan Harmon hit me up. But not like that, because, you know, you never know with showrunners these days. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Well, all I'm saying is, Justin Royn, what a disappointment. Probably the best sitcom currently running, I would say, in terms of acting, I Think Abbott Elementary.

[A]

Scott.

[B]

Harrison Ford.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I'm not knocking Abbott Elementary.

[A]

Abbott elementary is also very different. You guys should watch that too.

[B]

Yeah, but you got Harrison Ford playing. Doing comic role.

[A]

Yeah, that's why I should watch it. Loki. I really like Harrison Ford. He's pretty sure. Yeah.

[B]

Let's move on here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Eldest Daughter. My song number five is eldest daughter. Now Taylor is the eldest daughter.

[A]

Well, she is. And the other thing about this is that track five on all of Taylor's albums is usually the really, you know, slow tempoed, sad, kind of like ballad song. Like a.

[B]

Well, it's an intense song for sure. It's an intense song.

[A]

All of them. Well, that's like a thing. Which she does. Yeah, all of them are like that. So. Yeah, I mean, I know what I'm doing for eldest daughter, but you can continue. I'm just like thinking of my song, how I'm gonna interpret this.

[B]

Presumably this. I mean, eldest daughter is well known to be the person who has responsibility, so there's a lot of pressure on that. And. Okay, you, you, you have. You haven't worked out what eldest daughter is going to be.

[A]

Yeah, as I said before, it's just going to be one of those songs where she doesn't say the name eldest daughter. Either that or father figure. She's just not going to say the word eldest. It's going to be one of those, like, artsy songs where she names it eldest Daughter. But it's not going to be like, ooh, oh.

[B]

And let me just say, just because I just wanted to look it up before you start so people get this in their head. So All Too well was a track five. Right. Her masterpiece, the original five and a half minute. Then it became the masterpiece ten and a half minute. And then it went to number one. The Archer Delicate. My Tears Ricochet. Dear John.

[A]

Yeah, Dear John.

[B]

Another banger about John Mayer, which we'll have to do just because it's so.

[A]

Mayor of poopy Town. More like Got him.

[B]

Don't date John Mayer. If you're out there, just don't do it. So anyway, it's that type of song. I mean, these are some of her most intense songs and arguably All Too well. I don't think arguably all too well is her greatest also.

[A]

I think so. Okay, getting. Sorry, I just had another idea about Eldest Daughter. It's gonna have like a swell at the chorus. It's gonna be one of those songs that starts off really slow and then there's gonna be like A bunch of violins. In my mind there's gonna be a violin, there's gonna be a cello. I think there's probably. Honestly, there could be a viola. Maybe there's gonna be a flute. We're gonna see. But this is. It's gonna be like chamber orchestra type thing. Also, Lord just released a song called Favorite Daughter. So that's kind of a similar, kind of content. She doesn't. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm gonna. So imagine that the. The chorus is like, just like done. And it's singing. She's gonna be singing softly like this. And then all of a sudden there's gonna be a swell at the chorus. Oh, I'm running through the night I'm chasing all the lights and fame and stardom and I'm feeling sad and something in boredom and oh, I'm something, something running and oh, I feel this need and I feel pain. And then the very last line is gonna be like, because I'm the eldest daughter. And that's the song.

[B]

All right. That's. That's something.

[A]

Yeah. My. My talent. Let me tell you something about. About my songwriting abilities is I have. The reason that I haven't released tracks is because I don't think the world would be ready for my music. I think of instruments all the time in my mind. There are sounds in my mind. You couldn't even invent those instruments.

[B]

We had someone talk to her about this too.

[A]

Yeah, a therapist came over. It was crazy. Yeah, she's insane.

[B]

Voices in her head type of thing. By the way, one of these. I want what I want you to do for one of these. And maybe the next one is the bridge.

[A]

The bridge.

[B]

I want you to. A bridge of one of these songs.

[A]

I'll do a bridge, man.

[B]

So. So number six is Ruin the Friendship, which everybody online seems to think is about Blake Lively, but I don't know that it is. I mean, it could be.

[A]

Could be. That seems like really petty. But she did do. Thank you, Amy. About Kim Kardashian.

[B]

Well, look, she did bad blood, right? Look what you made me do. So she does that. And as we've discussed, by the way, Paul McCartney did the same thing.

[A]

So there's nothing wrong with like, oh, my gosh.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you know, he did, you know, silly love songs. That was his, you know, fuck you to John Lennon. Like, you want to make your. You want to make your imagines. I want to make my silly love songs. And that ended up being the record breaking, whatever number 27, number one song that McCartney Co authored that put him at the top of the list of the greatest songwriters of all time. So, as I said. Then say it now. If you can write a number one song, you should do it. You do it about whatever you want. You want to diss someone in your number one song. You want to diss Rake Jake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's gonna be your number one song if Rake Jake wants to try to drop a number one song. So. But, you know, I will also say about Ruin youn Friendship, there's another meaning to the term ruin your friendship.

[A]

Yeah. Because you want to be more than friends.

[B]

Right. It means you want to be more than friends. So could it be a song about. About that? Yeah, I think. I think it could be a song about that. There's just no way of knowing here. But. But except for my, you know, daughter who has precognition like in the movie I do Minority Report.

[A]

Yeah. Or as Wednesday. Wednesday.

[B]

Wednesday Addams. Yes.

[A]

Just like her, I'm the Italian Jewish version of Wednesday Adams.

[B]

And as I think we said. Did we mention this, that you should be watching this show Wednesday, by the way.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

It is so good. But one of the things about the song Wednesday is that the writers have given. Have made Wednesday's line stand out from everyone else.

[A]

Yeah. They're all using figures of speech.

[B]

They're all using metaphors and hyperbole.

[A]

And all of her pet names are, like, crazy. Like, her parents are like, oh, my little guillotine. You know, normal parent stuff. I can do father. I can do Ruin the Friendship. Okay. So in my mind, this is gonna be like. The beats are gonna be similar to Get Him Back by Olivia Rodrigo. And so it's kind of. I think the lyrics in general are gonna be kind of reminiscent of. Of. Because what is it now? We don't talk. It's the 1989 song now that We don't Talk, I think it's gonna be kind of like, oh, my gosh, like, you're off on your. Ya, ya na. But I don't have to worry about that shit now. And so here's the bridge of Ruin the Friendship. Another one bit the dust because. Because it ends with us. Oh, I'm feeling so fake. You're such a bitch, Blake. Oh, I'm feeling fine. Oh, I'm so divine and I never needed you and I never need to, because I actually want to ruin the friendship. Yeah, that's gonna be the song.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. It ends with us. I slipped that in there. That's the movie that she came out with that, she got, like, sued over. I don't know anything about Blake Lively. I'm gonna be honest. She's married to Ryan Reynolds. She might slip a line in that. About there. You're dead in a pool. That's gonna be the line. I'm gonna call it right now.

[B]

All right, so we're on song seven now of my daughter's new album, actually Romantic.

[A]

It's true. This is my new album.

[B]

This is the new album, which is.

[A]

The life of a show woman.

[B]

Well, I was gonna say, by the way, I didn't make any comment about the fact that Taylor titled the Showgirl.

[A]

Yeah, right. It's kind of like Batgirl versus Batman. Like, why does it Batman.

[B]

Well, I know Supergirl.

[A]

Excuse me? She's a super woman. Well, actually, there is super.

[B]

Exactly. So it's interesting that she chose Showgirl. She certainly knows the implications.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I mean, there is no.

[A]

She's being, like, paraded around. Right. As women often are.

[B]

On the other hand, the show grossed $2 billion. Yeah. Whatever she wants. Ka Ching.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Speaking of wish list, we'll get there.

[A]

But I think actually Romantic is going to be the ironic song, I think.

[B]

Well, no, no.

[A]

She's going to include a lot of elements of stuff that's like. It's going to be kind of like seven rings. Not seven rings. It's going to be like. Thank you. Next by Ariana Grande, in the sense that she's including a lot of stuff about her past relationships, and she's going to kind of use that to kind of turn them on their head, like, walks in the park instead of fights in the park or something like that.

[B]

But wait a minute.

[A]

That didn't count as the song. I'm doing it. I'm gonna do better.

[B]

I'm thinking. I just want to say actually romantic. She sometimes is ironic about romance.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So maybe she's surprised that Travis is actually romantic.

[A]

Yeah. I was also gonna say it could be something. Something where she's like. Yeah, she's talking about, like, it's gonna maybe be like, what is it? Oh, man. So high school, where she just talks about, like, how she's, like, happy, and it's like, Travis and she's kind of, like, shocked, and she kind of pokes fun at him. But yeah.

[B]

All right, so you have a. I.

[A]

Have a new track. It's called actually Romantic and goes a little something like this. I imagine the beat kind of like Paper Rings, which is another one of my songs that I'll share with you later. Walks in the park Fights in the dark showers at night Singing la la light I love you, you love me. We're having good times and we don't have to be actually romantic.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

The wow's in there. Bonus points if the wow's in there.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

I'm really trying my best here. I'm grasping at straws, man. We've been here for seven hours. We've had to do like seven takes of this.

[B]

It's pretty brutal.

[A]

It's really brutal, actually.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The cables didn't work.

[B]

Now, wish list, that could go a lot of ways because they both got the dollar sign.

[A]

This is gonna be like, like village vigilante shit type shit.

[B]

Well, some people also think that. That this could also be about her master recordings. Her getting the master recordings.

[A]

Yeah. I'm just saying that's what the beat is gonna be. It's not gonna be melodic. She's gonna be like, sing talking.

[B]

Well, we know she's a big on sing talking.

[A]

It's gonna be like seven rings, a little bit like by Ariana Grande. Because she's like. She's like, got money?

[B]

Okay, can you do it?

[A]

I wish it, I list it, I wish it, I list it, I wish it, I list it, I list it, I list it. You like my master recordings, G. Thanks. Just bished it, I see it, I like it, I wish it, I list it. That's gonna be the song.

[B]

I think you're gonna have to list Ariana as a co author on that song. Is.

[A]

They're doing a collab. They haven't announced it yet because they're just too big for like.

[B]

No, no, it's you who are doing the collab. You're doing the collab with Ariana Grande.

[A]

No, I don't think so. But that was the song. They're gonna do like a little like. It's gonna be moments. It's gonna be really.

[B]

Okay, so now we come to number nine, which is would. Now, I can assure you there's many.

[A]

But I think she's gonna wait. Okay, just one more thing about Wishlist. I think that when she says wish list in the song, it's gonna be wish list. She's gonna do like a little like. She's gonna say. And that's what's on my wish list. She's gonna say it like that.

[B]

Well, let's be clear.

[A]

She's gonna, like, really go for it.

[B]

Wish list is wish list, wish list. Basically a rhyme. It has the assonance and the consonants. Right? So wish you can pronounce wish List pretty much the same if you want.

[A]

Or mispronounce it as you just said.

[B]

Pseudo rhyme.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a tongue twister. Like toy boat.

[B]

Right. Wish list. Wish list. And then.

[A]

Right, and then. Yeah. Plummet into the depths of.

[B]

So number nine is wood, of which there are so many coarse jokes online about. There are, but I don't think that's what the song is about.

[A]

People are inappropriate.

[B]

Now, she did do a song out of the Woods.

[A]

She did. She also had a thing around her neck that was like a wooden arrow that had like an inscription about an arrow and like wood. And I think it's gonna be like using wood as a metaphor for something where growth can happen, but also something like piercing where you can make weapons out of it. And like, it's gonna talk about how being in a relationship is kind of like. Kind of like something where you can either let it grow or let it pierce and something.

[B]

Well, there's only one really famous song with wood in the title. I mean, I knew what it was, but I googled to see if there were others. No, no. Out of the woods has woods in the title. Well, woods are different than wood because those woods are a forest.

[A]

Are you mansplaining what woods are to me?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm just saying that woods aren't wood. But there is a great song by two of the greatest songwriters of all time. Or mostly one of them.

[A]

Norwegian Wood.

[B]

Norwegian Wood.

[A]

Favorite Beatles song.

[B]

It is my favorite Beatles song because it is a very bizarre song.

[A]

Speaking of Norwegian wood. Shellbach and Sheldrake. Am I right?

[B]

Yeah. Well, they're Swedish and they would get very upset if you confused Swedish people with Norwegian people. I'm sure they probably hate each other and think we're not at all love alike. How could you confuse me, Swedish person?

[A]

Norwegian blondes who like freakin fish.

[B]

I actually looked up Norwegian food. Cause what the frick is this song about? And it's actually written mostly by John Lennon about.

[A]

It seems artsy fartsy, so.

[B]

Right, but it's artsy fartsy. He's actually talking about cheating on his wife.

[A]

Okay. It always strikes me as weird how that talks about kind of like meeting up at night and there's just a whole thing and it's one night, it's one encounter.

[B]

Right. And the Norwegian wood is apparently because John London didn't remember where that phrase come from. McCartney says it came from him because he went somewhere and he was staying at a place that had kind of cheap Norwegian wood. And he kind of viewed it as something kind of cheapish. But, yes. Norwegian wood, you know, isn't it good? Norwegian wood? It's like, what the heck does that even mean? It's never explained in the song. But, you know, the Beatles understood the value of opaque lyrics, right? The value of being cryptic. We haven't talked about this a lot, and we will talk about that in another episode, but I think she's gonna.

[A]

Use the word would, like W O U L D also in this song a lot.

[B]

She could.

[A]

She could.

[B]

She could. Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying that the great songwriters write cryptic songs because then, you know, I am the walrus. Right, okay. Or Bob Dylan, you know, I'm the Wallace.

[A]

It's a metaphor.

[B]

It's a metaphor for capitalism. A lot of Bob Dylan songs are opaque, but he did that intentionally because then people have to think about, we.

[A]

All live in a yellow submarine.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's deep as hell, man.

[B]

So it's all about getting the listener to obsess about, what does this song mean? It must be very profound. And I haven't figured it out yet.

[A]

And that was the fate of Ophelia. That's the other thing that I think she could do is talk about how critics obsess over her and her songs, and they'll drive themselves crazy if they try to figure her out.

[B]

Could be. It could be.

[A]

Maybe it would be.

[B]

So maybe it would be.

[A]

I have an idea for what this song is going to be. Okay. I think this is gonna be the song kind of closest to folklore. And maybe that's just because it's named Wood, but it's gonna be kind of. It's not gonna be slow. It's kind of gonna be like. I think it's gonna be like folklore and Evermore, where it's gonna be like kind of like willow. It's gonna be slightly upbeat, but it's gonna be maybe in the minor key and a little bit mystical. Like, there's gonna be some, like, weird, like, acoustics that are gonna be on this track. Wood. Let's see. It's gonna be good. Up in the wood Living life How should Travis on my arm Breathing in the parm A genre of the villa that we're staying in and that's. That was. That was. I just let the. The music carry me in that one.

[B]

My only. My only note Getting thumbs up. If I can send a student note to you.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was really stupid. Thank you, Dylan. He appreciates my art form. He really does.

[B]

If I can. If I. Well, you're doing this.

[A]

It's hard. Improv is really hard. Second City should hire me for that one. I can't lie. Those were rhymes. They kind of made sense. It wasn't complete nons. It was English.

[B]

If I can. If I can give my daughter a note, because these are great songs.

[A]

Give me a note.

[B]

Is that she doesn't usually use the actual name of the person. Not in a positive song. Like, if you're Dear John. Right. Then it's John Mayer. Right. But in general, she's not dropping the actual guy's name. She doesn't say Jake. You know, I remember this Jake all too well. Right. She doesn't do that. These are. Because she's not trying to get sued or anything.

[A]

Okay, well, let me take two, then. Isn't it good? Up in the wood we are just living life oh, how it should be with my BAE feeling okay. Piercing my heart with the arrow wood. Anyway.

[B]

You could maybe it. Or maybe it should be titled Swedish Wood.

[A]

That was crazy.

[B]

Okay. Cancelled, all capital letters, two Ls and an exclamation point. A banger, obviously.

[A]

Spelled the British way.

[B]

Spelt the British way, obviously. If it's got an exclamation point. This is gonna be a non stop. Is gonna be a banger and it's gonna be cancelled. Yeah.

[A]

So she's gonna make a quip about Elon Musk in this one. I fear, like, there's gonna be like a kind of a mention. Like how. Like, how in. You need to calm down. There's like a few kind of like. Like Twitter. Like, we see you over there on the Internet. She's just gonna offhandedly mention, like, musk or something. I feel.

[B]

Well, I do. I. I think.

[A]

I think it's gonna be the one of the more kind of like it's gonna be one of the more transparent songs. Like, she's not gonna do too much figurative language or she's gonna do a lot.

[B]

Well, I think.

[A]

I think to cover my faces here.

[B]

Calm down. Yeah, I think it's. I think calm down is. Is the vibe.

[A]

Yeah. Right. See?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm like, onto something with these. Okay, okay. Okay. Let me think. Well, you talk more about why the. You think there's going to be a British spelling for this one?

[B]

Well, that's a good question.

[A]

I was thinking that it could be. Sorry not to interrupt you, but I just feel like it's important for men to experience the patriarchy and what that has affected women. So you're being interrupted. I think that it's going to Be about Matt Healy, the British man that she just dated, who has been criticized for being kind of really racist and also kind of weird around people, like, making fun of, like, indigenous groups and stuff and, like, kind of, like, being. He's just done some weird stuff, and people were mad at her that she was dating him. And I really hope that it's a song that doesn't, like, poke fun at the fact that, like, she was dating some dude that was, like, canceled. I don't think that his stuff that he did was very funny, but I think that it. I think that it might elude to the fact that she's dated a lot of British men, some of whom have been problematic.

[B]

Well, I was thinking if I could sing or even do the improv.

[A]

Can you?

[B]

No, no, no. It's not that.

[A]

You can feed me some ideas. Give me a name, a place, and an object.

[B]

My feeling is that the song is about how she should have canceled him.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Right? It's like, I knew you were trouble when you walked in. Right? See, I should have canceled you before, right? Because you did this, and I should have canceled you, but I kept doing. I stuck with you.

[A]

Oh, my God. I see the vision. Thank you. I was hoping you would say something that would really get my juices flowing, because I didn't want to, like, go into this improv one blind. But now I really feel inspired.

[B]

Call me Shell. Drake.

[A]

Hey, man. Okay. Cancelled. I haven't. Okay, okay. The last time you took my name you stole my heart I let you have the blame I should have cancelled you where you were Instead of standing in the furs of defeat on my feet they were so damn tired because I was alone I. I was soaked in fire I should have cancelled you when I had the chance and now. And now I'm up on Twitter. Yeah. Musk is so hard. I don't know why I said that, but he is getting jars right now. Like, tweet. Like, tweet. Repost. I'm being. I'm canceling you because you are the most disgusting being. You're racist, you're vile, you look like a jerk, and you smell like a pe.

[B]

Alrighty. Here we go.

[A]

I think you're bad.

[B]

We kind of.

[A]

And when. When you're. When we're over, you're gonna be done as fast as a fad.

[B]

All right. Okay.

[A]

That was art.

[B]

I think. I think we. I think we had something there. If this were a studio, we can.

[A]

We can cut some of that.

[B]

We could have. We could have. We could. All right. Honey. That seems a sweet song. People don't know exactly. It's very cryptic. It's hard to know what that could be. A million.

[A]

And nobody knows what honey could be.

[B]

Could Honey could be. Well, it could be about Travis. It could be just something that she.

[A]

Will do sometimes where she makes like. She makes, like, a song title seem like it's gonna be a sweet song and then make it kind of like minor key. So I think Honey might be a song that's in the minor key. I think that it might be a song that she is keeping. I think whenever Taylor Swift keeps things veiled, she knows that she's keeping them veiled and cryptic. And I think with this song, that's very intentional on her part. And I think she's doing that because she wants people. She wants. I think this is gonna be a vague song. Like, I think. Well, the other thing that happened is people thought she was the bear in Happy Gilmore. They thought she was the bear because she used a honey emoji after reviewing the movie. So she said, Happy Gilmore 2. Let me do it in my Taylor voice. Happy Gilmore 2 had me cackling and cheering the whole movie. An absolute must watch. 13 out of 10. Of course, go watch it on Netflix soon as humanly possible. And then there's a honey jar. I think. Yeah, I think this one might be how she's attracted, like, bears to her. Maybe bad men. Like, Honey. I don't know. Who can say?

[B]

I don't know. It could just be flea. This is honey.

[A]

Is. It's never just sweet with Taylor. It's never just sweet. I'm gonna just throw something on the wall. Let me know if it sticks. Drop a beat. You're making me cry like I really wanna die like, honey, you're dripping down my tongue and you're feeling so young Honey, I didn't play the bear in Gilmore, too. Honey. Oh, you're making me cry because you hit me with your shoe.

[B]

Wow. Ouch.

[A]

And that was a collab with Ariana Grande. That's why I did the breathy vocals.

[B]

Okay. All right. Now we're just.

[A]

Okay. The life of a showgirl is really easy to predict because it's Sabrina Carpenter's in it. And she always has, like, a. Like a. Like a verse that's like a talk singing like, hey, boys. Oh, my God. Do you. Are you a showgirl? Well, let's go. That's gonna be in the song. There's gonna be a part where she's, like, talking like that. Or she's gonna Do a little giggle. She's gonna do her little. Or like a hahahaha. Or like maybe like a heh. Maybe as an ad lib.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Well, no. Talk about it first and then I'll do it.

[B]

Well, okay.

[A]

I feel like we've gone through this.

[B]

This has got to be.

[A]

I need to get my juices flowing.

[B]

I think this has got to be.

[A]

It's not easy to do what I do, Jo. Understand that it's not easy to crank out 12 actual hits before the album even comes out.

[B]

Well, look, this is a showgirl, right? So I'm thinking this is a Broadway type thing.

[A]

Yes, she did mention in the actual. Bringing it back to the interview. In the interview that she did with Travis Kelsey, she mentioned that she wanted the Heiress tour not only to feel like kind of like a stage tour, but she wanted it to feel like blending elements from things that inspired her, like ballet, musical theater, you know, jazz, kind of contemporary rock. And that's what she tried to employ. And based on the picks that we've gotten, I think that that's actually a fair assessment. And we're all really lucky to be in this room right now because I'm actually. I specialize in musical theater. As far as songs go. I listen to a lot of show tunes. I'm a really lame person. I was not popular in high school, and that makes me the perfect candidate to sing this song right now for you.

[B]

At home, she was reasonably popular.

[A]

That was pretty cool. There's no way to dim this sparkle slay. I don't know why.

[B]

If you've seen the TV show Glee, it's kind of like that.

[A]

Sure. Except unfortunately, our male teachers did not hang out with us after school. I'm just kidding. I don't know why I said unfortunately. Will Schuster's probably the creepiest televised man I've ever seen. Anyway, bring it back. So imagine trumpets. There's gonna be a trumpet. There's gonna be a sax solo maybe. So it's gonna have, I think, this track. And this is a hot take. It's gonna have like an intro. Like, there's going to be like a musical intro. Kind of like hello, Baltimore, if any of you guys know that, where it's like. And then it builds up. I think this track is going to have an intro that's going to be like. You're going to hear it. You're going to know what I mean when you hear the track. Trust me, I know the track. I'm writing it right now. Okay. Okay. Can you drop Like a kind of a beat. Make it kind of like double time.

[B]

Like how?

[A]

No, I'll do it.

[B]

I'm gonna let you do it. You've exceeded my talent.

[A]

Okay. Or actually, you know what? Maybe it'll be slow. It'll be like.

[B]

No, it's a banger.

[A]

This is slow, comparatively to what I did.

[B]

This is the hello Dolly. This is the show finale. It's gotta be the thing. Let's be clear on this while you're thinking of it, right? So the. The. The first act, final closing song has to be a banger, if you're talking about a theater. And then the final thing has to be something that you walk away humming. In fact, when they were doing hello Dolly, they didn't even know that hello Dolly would be the banger for them, so they ended up reprising it. Right? So, yes, you gotta. This is the thing that people are left walking, singing out of the theater. Right? That's the point of this final showstopper.

[A]

Okay. The life of a showgirl immediately reminds me of the death of a bachelor by Panic at the Disco. Maybe that's why I thought there'd be trumpets. So I think. But I think that it's going to be similar. Whenever there's a song with multiple words in it, it's all like a title with multiple words in it. It's always gonna be in the song, and it's always gonna be big. So I think. I think I'm gonna stake, honestly, this computer on the fact that there is going to be an intro to this song. A, B. I think it's going to, like. Like, the drums are gonna be weird. There's gonna be some weird shit with the drums. And now for the final act. Okay. The life of a show girl Living fast and dying young the life of a show girl Ho, girl, watch me move Watch me move and we are fast and we're crazy we live young we die lazy or we're never lazy we are so good at doing what we do and we never have time for you yeah, that's. And that last part is gonna be Sabrina Carpenter saying that I hope we see the vision in this room. I hope we all see the vision. They all see the vision. They nodded. All right. And you know what? Freaking mic. That was magical. Even the wind picked up after that. Oh, my God. Like, seriously, like, it's, like, loud outside. The wind is, like, loud right now. And that was because it felt the elemental pull.

[B]

Well, that was a mic drop. We are definitely gonna end this episode here.

[A]

End that here. I don't think anything could top that. Wait. Our homework is to kind of think up your own ideas as to what the. The songs will be, because I find that makes it more enjoyable when you listen to the album later.

[B]

Ciao.