"Only God Can Judge Me" - Matthew S2E5 - Deepen with Pastor Joby Martin

Podcast Summary: Deepen with Pastor Joby Martin

Episode: "Only God Can Judge Me" - Matthew S2E5
Date: March 9, 2026
Host: Pastor Joby Martin (with Brit and other pastors)

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on Matthew 7 and the oft-quoted phrase, “Only God Can Judge Me,” exploring what Jesus actually meant about judgment, community, and self-examination. The discussion unpacks the biblical call to judge wisely and humbly, addresses judgment's impact on relationships (especially parenting and marriage), and contrasts condemnation with grace. The team dives deep into the dangers of a judgmental spirit, the need for humility, and the pivotal role of grace and prayer.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Cultural Misuse of “Only God Can Judge Me”

The phrase is frequently misunderstood and misapplied as an excuse for unchecked behavior.
[02:56 | Speaker 2]: “The worst way to live your life ever is to think whatever I do is only between the Lord and I, because we were created as image bearers of God... God in and of himself lives in a perfect community and he's called us to live in community. And really cover to cover in the Bible, we are given to each other and for each other for the glory of God.”

2. Different Judgments in Scripture

Distinction between judgment for believers and non-believers:
- Believers will not face eternal condemnation, but are called to self-examination and accountability in community.
- Non-believers are already under judgment; Christians are not called to pile on judgment but to offer grace (cf. Romans 8:1).
[04:08 | Speaker 1]: “And it's not to say only the phrase is actually only God can judge me. But if you took out the word only and can and put in God will judge me, then you're correct...there's difference between the judgment that unbelievers will face, which I think is an important note for believers...”

3. The Full Gospel: Debt, Adoption, and Abundance

Salvation is not just the removal of sin but adoption into God’s family and sharing in his abundance.
[07:48 | Speaker 2]: “The gospel would be, you go to the bank, you're broke, they forgive you of your debt. Then the bank president comes down, adopt you as his own son and gives you his bank card and says, all that I have is yours...that is just the right reaction to receiving the gospel.”

4. Judgment, Discernment, and Authority

There are appropriate contexts for judgment. Spiritual leaders, parents, and those in community have a God-given role to discern, correct, and encourage.
[11:45 | Speaker 2]: “Are you in a place of authority? Has God given you stewardship in the lives of other people? ...to answer that question, you have been given a position of authority to steward, help steward other people's lives towards a relationship with Jesus...”

5. Judgmentalism Robs Joy

Being judgmental is deeply connected to a lack of joy and to broader mental health struggles.
Comparison is a sneaky form of judgmentalism.
[14:09 | Speaker 1]: “If you're judgy, you're going to be joyless...the judgmental spirit or the judgmental heart is completely connected to the mental health desert of our modern culture. It just is.”

6. Judging Motives vs. Actions

We want to be judged by our motives, but often judge others by their actions or appearances—creating hypocrisy.
[17:01 | Speaker 2]: “We judge what we see, we judge activity, but we want to be judged by motive and intent...But we rarely judge other people. Actually, we judge their motive and intent.”

7. Grace and Community: The Antidote to Judgmentalism

Inviting people we trust to speak into our lives is healthy judgment.
Honest feedback from loved ones brings growth; unsolicited, critical feedback is often just pride in disguise.
Asking those closest to us, “Am I judgy?” can expose hidden self-righteousness.
[24:29 | Speaker 2]: “I dare you to ask somebody that loves you enough to be honest, am I judgy? Because they know.”

8. Practical Diagnostics for a Judgmental Heart

Having trouble seeing past people's flaws.
Building your world around “people like me.”
Feeling like others are always against you.
Quickness to jump to conclusions.
[25:48 | Speaker 1]: “Do I have trouble seeing past other people's flaws? … do you struggle with uncertainty?...do we just jump quickly to conclusions?”

9. Prioritizing Local Stewardship Over Distant Outrage

Focus energy on what you can control—your family, home, community—rather than endlessly critiquing global issues from afar.
[31:22 | Speaker 2]: “How about first clean your room? Like, get your world in order....But if all of your opinion is about what's happening all around the world, and you're not, you haven't cultivated the little world that God has actually given you dominion over right here, then you have a misalignment of priorities.”

10. Jesus’ Log and Speck Illustration

Humble self-examination comes before helping others.
[33:21 | Speaker 1]: “There's something coming out of your brain that is in your way and you can't even see it. And not only can't you see it, you don't want to see it because it means you actually have to deal with you and you have to admit weakness and you have to admit sinfulness and you have to admit need.”

11. Dogs, Pigs, and the Limits of Correction

Sometimes, correction is wasted on those not open to it—our energy is best spent in prayer and trust.
[35:42 | Speaker 2]: “If they aren't convicted that they are outside of God, there's nothing I can do to convict them...now we're perfectly positioned for the Spirit of God to do his work in their life and for the good news to enter that need.”

12. Judgment and Parenting – Especially Among Moms

Parenting draws out comparison and judgment, often from insecurity or a loud inner critic.
[38:10 | Brit]: “I think one group of people that we struggle a lot with judgment is moms...there are a thousand ways to cut the cake and your kids are going to turn out pretty good...we get so caught up in the nuances between what you're doing, what I'm doing...it can be a real pitfall.”

13. The Role of Prayer in Overcoming Judgmentalism

Replace judgmental thoughts with intercession for others.
[42:11 | Speaker 2]: “The opposite of judgment is praying for people. Instead of thinking about them with you as the judge, what if you went to the judge on behalf of them?”

14. Grace Amnesia: the Roots of Self-Righteousness

We forget how much we've been forgiven—grace humility reframes how we see others.
[50:27 | Speaker 2]: “A lead foot of judgmentalism is we just get grace amnesia. I mean, we think we brought merit to our salvation... As opposed to yet but by the grace of God, there go I.”

15. Marriage, Communication, and Expectations

Much marital conflict is rooted in judgmental assumptions, lack of communication, and unmet expectations.
[57:58 | Speaker 2]: “Nobody talks about how important the art of negotiation in a marriage is. And if you automatically think negotiation is about getting what you want, then you're screwed with the whole thing.”

16. The Narrow Way: Final Encouragement

The “narrow gate” is not just heaven but the path to transformed living now; walking it is challenging but possible through Jesus.
[60:53 | Speaker 1]: “There is also only one way to joy in this life. There's only one way...when we surrender our life to Jesus, our eternal life begins in that moment...the way is hard. That leads to life.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Misapplying “Only God Can Judge Me”
- “It's really dumb. It's just not what the Bible says. And it's certainly not what Matthew 7 says.” — Speaker 1 [03:43]
On Christian Community’s Purpose in Judgment:
- “A part of God's great gift to us is friends, brothers and sisters, other believers that judge us before we stand in judgment before God...” — Speaker 2 [02:56]
On the Danger of Self-Righteousness:
- “You don't have to live slave to your own missed expectations, to your own spirit of judgmentalism...you can live free from that. And that's only done through the gospel and through the hard work of humility unto holiness.” — Speaker 1 [59:16]
On Parenting & Comparison:
- “If I spent that time on my kids in my house, how much more fruitful would that be?” — Brit [41:36]
On Redirecting Judgment to Intercession:
- “The opposite of judgment is praying for people. Instead of thinking about them with you as the judge, what if you went to the judge on behalf of them?” — Speaker 2 [42:11]
On Judgmentalism and Mental Health:
- “If you're judgy, you're going to be joyless...the judgmental spirit...is completely connected to the mental health desert of our modern culture.” — Speaker 1 [14:09]
On Grace Amnesia:
- “The moment you think you bring merit, you are...before the Lord that he treats as filthy rags.” — Speaker 2 [51:17]

Timestamps for Key Segments

Judgment Houses and Church Culture: 00:30–02:21
“Only God Can Judge Me” Discussion: 02:21–04:08
Believer vs. Unbeliever Judgment: 04:08–07:48
Gospel Analogy—Bank Account: 07:48–10:03
Who Should Judge? Discernment in Roles: 11:39–14:09
The Joyless Outcomes of Judgment: 14:09–17:00
Motive-Judging and Biases: 17:01–20:05
Diagnosing Judgmentalism: 24:29–28:42
Clean Your Room: Priorities in Influence: 31:22–32:57
Log & Speck Parable: 32:58–35:41
Pearls Before Swine – When Correction is Futile: 35:41–37:23
Moms, Parenting, and Judgment: 38:10–42:11
Prayer as the Alternative to Judging: 42:11–43:17
Grace Amnesia and Perspective: 50:27–51:17
Marriage, Communication, and Defensiveness: 56:21–59:46
Narrow Gate and Joyful Living: 60:53–62:59

Final Encouragement & Takeaways

Judgment in Christian community should be about loving accountability and helping one another grow, not about superiority or condemnation.
We must continually examine whether our critiques spring from love or personal insecurity.
Redirect judgmental energy toward intercession and encouragement.
Trust in grace—freely received, freely offered—is foundational to living joyfully and avoiding the pitfalls of judgmentalism.

This rich, honest, and humorous conversation offers both practical tools and spiritual wisdom for living humbly, joyfully, and graciously in the context of Christian community, relationships, marriage, and parenting.