Podcast Summary: "When Love Looks Like Sacrifice" – Deepen with Pastor Joby Martin – S24E6

Date: November 24, 2025
Host: Pastor Joby Martin
Special Guest: Gretchen Martin (Joby’s wife)
Theme: Exploring 1 Corinthians 13 – The Depth and Cost of Love

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the biblical concept of love as laid out in 1 Corinthians 13. Pastor Joby Martin is joined by his wife, Gretchen Martin, to reflect on the nature of sacrificial love—especially as it applies to marriage, but also to relationships in general. The conversation weaves together personal anecdotes from 25 years of marriage, reflections on church life, and practical wisdom for living out Christ-like love.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Gretchen’s Devotionals and the Women’s Encounter

• Gretchen wrote the devotionals for the current "Stand Firm and Act Like Men" series (~01:08).
  • Over 20,000 people signed up for these devotionals.
  • She describes her process: “I was basically going on the scripture for the week of his sermons… The content is very challenging, you know, when you're trying to turn something that's for men into women. But it's been a blessing for me. It really has. Like to see the fruit of it.” (01:20–04:20)
• Women’s Encounter Event:
  • Not a “women’s conference” but a church-wide, discipleship-fueled encounter (04:55–06:33).
  • Led by women with deep ties to Eleven22; Pastor Joby emphasizes it’s about digging into the word and discipleship, not just encouragement.
  • “Godly women don’t ask, ‘What about me?’ They say, ‘How can I help?’” – Joby (06:33)

Marriage, Endurance, and the True Meaning of Love

• Reflecting on 25 Years of Marriage (07:12):
  • Gretchen: Progressive sanctification is key; “You don’t ever get to a place where you really fully know someone… you’re constantly learning, and that’s a good thing.” (07:43)
  • Joby: “The idea of love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things… that’s us. Like, we ain’t getting divorced. We better work this thing out, you know?” (08:35)
  • Their foundation is Christ’s unwavering love, which enables honest conversations and forgiveness.
• Love is More Than a Feeling:
  • “The Bible doesn’t say love is handsy... that’s not what it is.” – Joby (09:55)
  • The challenge: Many traits Paul describes as love in 1 Corinthians 13 are not Joby’s natural wiring, and many men struggle with selfishness in marriage (10:46–11:42).
  • “You can figure out all the communication techniques and the love languages and all that stuff only works if you actually love one another because, you know, Jesus loved you first.” – Joby (11:43)
  • "[Song of Solomon]—that’s the normative emotion around love... If you don’t have those feelings in your marriage, that’s an abnormal thing." (12:11–12:46)
• Sacrificial Love:
  • Gretchen: “The feelings that you get, the feelings of love, are a byproduct of the sacrificial love that you pour out… Sacrifice is simply saying today isn’t about me.” (13:41–14:38)

The Posture of Sacrifice in Daily Life & Marriage

• “If I can wake up every morning and just remind myself, today is not about me… how much better… what will that posture do as you walk through your day?” – Host, quoting Gretchen (15:16)
• Jesus as the Model:
  • John 13—Jesus models servant love by washing feet, even when holding all authority. The call: Serve, don’t seek selfishness. (15:24–16:28)
• The Death Spiral vs. the Snowball of Service:
  • Selfishness leads to relational decline, but sacrificial service can snowball, building stronger bonds.

Patience, Irritability, and Forgiveness

• Patience as Spiritual Fruit:
  • “Don’t pray for it.” – Gretchen, joking on patience (18:44)
  • Pastor Joby: “This is not a thing that you can manufacture. It’s a fruit that has to be produced from the inside out... Abide in Jesus and trust him to produce patience in you.” (18:50–20:05)
  • Greek meaning of patience: “To take a punch and not reciprocate… endure suffering.” (20:14)
• Irritability and Blame:
  • Joby warns against excusing irritability (e.g., perimenopause, work stress). “When you blame, you just be lame.” (21:53)
  • “I am easily irritated by everything, and mainly my family… and it’s because I’m not getting what I want or things aren’t done my way.” – Gretchen (23:57)
  • Both admit to struggling with irritability, often at home; love requires letting go of these selfish impulses.

Notable Analogy

• Gretchen likens living with irritability to toddlers hiding with a messy diaper: “You would feel so much better if you’d just come to me… But they get comfortable in their mess.” (23:39)

• Bitterness and Resentment:

  • Joby: “Unforgiveness festers to bitterness, bitterness ferments to resentment… If something ferments, it stinks, and you get drunk on it.” (28:28)
  • “Nobody can make you feel those things. There are just circumstances that reveal those things are inside of you, and that's undealt with.” (29:16)

Love in the Culture: Feelings vs. Gospel

• Gretchen: “We live in a world that worships feelings… It's not about sacrificial love. It's about what's in it for me.” (30:26)
• Pastor Joby: “God is love but love is not God. The world wants to say love is God.” (30:57)

The Center: God’s Love Precedes Ours

• Why keep God at the center? “The verdict comes before the performance… God’s already placed his approval upon us. When you know that… it positions you to then love because he first loved us.” – Joby (31:46)

Memorable Quotes

• “Sacrifice is simply saying, today isn’t about me.”
  – Gretchen Martin (14:38)
• “Godly women don’t ask, ‘What about me?’ They say, ‘How can I help?’”
  – Pastor Joby Martin (06:33)
• “If it doesn’t cost you anything, then it’s not sacrificial love.”
  – Pastor Joby Martin (38:13)
• “When you blame, you just be lame.”
  – Pastor Joby Martin quoting Doug Field (22:15)
• “Unforgiveness festers to bitterness, bitterness ferments to resentment… If you think about somebody that lives in resentment, it looks like they’re smelling something that stinks all the time, you know, and they get drunk on their emotions and feel like they deserve to feel these feels.”
  – Pastor Joby Martin (28:28)
• “The feelings of love are a byproduct of the sacrificial love that you pour out.”
  – Gretchen Martin (13:41)
• “The verdict comes before the performance.”
  – Pastor Joby Martin (31:46)

Important Timestamps & Segments

| Time | Topic | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:08 | Gretchen discusses writing devotionals and the reach of this ministry | | 04:55 | The Women’s Encounter: Discipleship over feel-good events | | 07:12 | 25 years of marriage; enduring love and sanctification | | 13:41 | Sacrificial love as the core of a flourishing marriage | | 18:44 | Wrestling with patience and dependence on Christ | | 21:49 | Irritability, blame, and the challenge of selfless love | | 28:28 | Dealing with bitterness and the roots of resentment | | 31:46 | Making God the center: verdict before performance, love before acts | | 38:39 | Love looks like “showing up”: Sacrificing for your spouse | | 41:43 | Divorce, grace, and moving forward in God’s love | | 47:00 | Childish vs. mature love: “When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” | | 51:43 | On being fully known and fully loved by God | | 55:49 | Gretchen’s prayer for sacrificial love |

Final Reflections

• Love is learned and lived out primarily through sacrificial, daily choices—empowered by abiding in Christ.
• Marriage and all relationships benefit from actively choosing service and self-sacrifice, rather than selfishness or blame.
• Being “fully known and fully loved” by God is both the foundation and the fuel for loving others well, even when it hurts or costs us.
• Our cultural narrative about love (feelings above all) is challenged by biblical love, which is rooted in God’s character and demonstrated through action.

Closing Prayer

Gretchen:
“Thank you so much for your sacrificial love for us, God. We don't deserve it yet. Over and over again you show us your love… Help us to see your love in everything in this world, Lord, and help us to love like you loved.” (55:49)

This episode provides rich, practical wisdom for anyone seeking to deepen their capacity for sacrificial love—whether in marriage, friendships, or everyday encounters—with the reminder that God’s perfect love is the starting point and the sustaining force.