I’m honored to welcome Steve Lavapies, a devoted son and a thoughtful member of one of our UCLA caregiver support groups. Steve shares the deeply personal journey of caring for his mother, a brilliant and resilient woman who immigrated to the U.S., became a physician, and faced a long and complex decline due to physical illness and dementia.

In this episode, Steve opens up about the realities of caregiving as an only child, the emotional and logistical weight of moving his mom through assisted living, memory care, and ultimately hospice. We talk about guilt, grief, resilience, and the hard but beautiful truth that connection, even in decline, is possible.

Episode Highlights:

[1:20] - Introducing Steve, a fellow UCLA support group member and caregiver for his mom
[2:31] - A portrait of Steve’s mom before dementia—her bold immigration story and medical career
[4:33] - Moving to LA to be closer to family and transitioning into assisted living
[6:27] - Early physical decline and recognizing the signs of needing more care
[8:39] - The beginning signs of cognitive decline during the pandemic
[12:10] - A shocking moment during cognitive testing and a mindset shift in caregiving
[14:15] - Navigating caregiving solo as an only child
[18:59] - Dealing with facility limitations, caregiver compatibility, and daily oversight
[20:46] - When her sharp personality began to fade, and what Steve missed about it
[25:06] - The transition to memory care—logistics, emotion, and adaptation
[29:46] - Watching physical abilities diminish, and the bittersweetness of presence
[33:28] - The parallels between dementia care and parenting, and giving yourself permission to rest
[35:49] - The fall that changed everything and led to hospice care
[41:46] - Experiencing grief, guilt, and—eventually—relief
[44:15] - The value of support groups and shared stories in the caregiving journey
[47:18] - The moment of recognition in community—“We had the same mother!”
[48:13] - Reflecting on Steve’s strength, his mother’s legacy, and the healing power of story

Links & Resources:

Visit the podcast website: https://dementiadiscussions.net
Call Barbara directly at 310-362-8232

If this episode touched you or helped you feel a little less alone, please consider rating, following, sharing, and reviewing the podcast. Your support makes a world of difference, and helps this community of caregivers continue to grow. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time on Dementia Discussions. 💙

A Son’s Devotion — Steve Lavapies on Navigating Caregiving, Decline, and Connection