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Digital Islamic Reminder
The Attachment Theory | Sheikh Belal Assad | The Divine Book Al-Qur aan
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My brothers and sisters, lets first of all begin with a dua for our brothers and sisters in Palestine. This is how I would like to begin the talk today. Allahumma Innna ikal husna wasifaati kala'ula ikhwana Nafi razza wafi philistine wafi kulimak. We ask you, O Allah, with all your glorious attributes and your lofty names, to bless and protect our brothers and sisters in Gaza and Philistine and everywhere around the world. I ask Allah to change their fear into security and to protect them inside and out and to relieve them from their hardship very soon I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to unite their martyred ones with the martyrs, the prophets at Nashuhada. O Allah, make their children who were slain awaiting for them at the fountain and make them intercessors for them at the doors of paradise. Oh Allah, do not let their struggles and sacrifice go in vain. O Allah, return the Muslims to your religion in a good way. O Allah, unite the people against injustice. Oh Allah, forgive us for our shortcomings. O Allah, change the hearts and allow justice to prevail. Ameen ya rabbalameen. My brothers and sisters, thank you for having me here. I want to begin with a verse of the Quran that is very appropriate for this theme. The theme is the Quran. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said. Allah says in chapter 10, verse 57 and 58. O people, now here has come to you an exhortation, a reminder from your Lord, a healing for the ailments of the heart and a guidance and mercy for those who believe. Tell them, O Prophet, tell them. Let them rejoice and celebrate in Allah's grace and mercy through which this book, the Quran has come to you. It is better than all the riches that they accumulate. Have you heard that verse in the Quran before? Have you come across it? This is a reason for every believer to celebrate. In fact every non believer in the world, if they understood the meaning and the gift of the Quran, the words of Allah to our hearts. It is a gift which we celebrate night and day. This Quran which has not changed even with a letter for 1400 years. The challenge remains. Bring one chapter like it. The shortest chapter is which? Which is the shortest? Surah, brothers and sisters, which one? Inna athayna kal kauthar. How many verses? How many verses? Three. How many lines? If we were to write it less than two lines. One and a half lines. A little preppy roll, you know? Preppy Grade one. If you Tell them to write one line and a half. They can write it. The Quran says, bring one line and a half like the Quran. And no one has been able to even bring one line and a half. Brothers and sisters rejoice over the Quran, which Allah has sent as a healing for the heart. In a book which I read, a study which is called Maternal Care and Maternal Health by John Bowlby. He's a very famous psychiatrist, psychologist, a British psychologist, and he's a great reference. He's also a psychoanalyst who is often referenced in scientific studies. He said he made the term called the attachment theory. Hands up if you've heard of that. The attachment theory. Good. We have a few of our sisters, none of our brothers. The attachment theory makes sense with sisters knowing about it. Actually, maybe brothers and husbands and fathers should know about it too. That humans are born with a natural, innate psychological nature and a system which is called the attachment behavioral system. In the Quran, this is very similar to the word fitra, or natural inclination to be attached to someone you love to give you this sense of security and belonging that motivates them to seek proximity to significant others. And he believed that the earliest bond formed by infants in their mother's womb and early childhood with their mothers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout their life and on their survival. He said, and he makes the link. Thus attachment to God would lead to better psychological functioning. And he suggested that the closer the attachment to God is, the more reduced the mental illnesses are and the less likely that a person or commit suicide. Many, many, many more studies have been done and found the same comparison. That when you attach yourself to God and you have faith in God, it gives you security and your mental illness is much less than others. And he likened it to the womb. When the infant is inside of its mother, it has this attachment and it makes it feel this connection. And that is why people who don't know who their parents are, they live a life of this emptiness. They're on a search. Where did I come from? Where are my parents and my instinct of security? Why did I bring this up? You see, brothers and sisters. Interestingly, he says the reason why the baby finds an attachment with its mother is because the child wants to know who its caregiver is. Caregiver. And I'll give you one more thing. Those who are mothers who've had babies before, you'll understand what I'm saying. And those husbands who are invested in their families and in their wife during that time, you'll understand this as well. It is now confirmed through extensive studies that when a new mother, a woman becomes a new mother, when she hears her baby crying, a hormone in her brain is released called oxytocin and it releases milk. She lactates automatically. In fact, studies show that if she hears any baby cry, she lactates. I have a cousin in Lebanon. She is hearing impaired, deaf, and so is her husband. And they've got three babies. And she said to my sister, in the night I wake up for my baby to breastfeed it. My sister asked her, but how do you hear? And she said, I feel. I feel. Why is Sheikh Bilal mentioning all of this? Well, there is a connection in the Quran. This same connection, the caregiver, this feeling of security, the feeling of feeling safe from childbirth. We have this instinct. And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala constantly reminds us of two things. Number one, what do we recite every time in salat? Five times a day, each Raka, we begin with what? How do we begin our Quran? Then what do we say? Bismillahirra rahmanir rahim. Then what does the fatiha start off with? Alhamdulillahi. I've got a young man over. He's going to become inshaallah something in the future. What is the word Ruby? No, Rab does not mean God. What is rab? My Brothers and sisters, 9,000 people here. Come on. What is rab? Not God. What did you say? Lord. And what does Lord mean in Arabic? Rab. What is rab? Lord. What's the difference between Lord and God? What is the difference between ilah and rabbit? The provider. The provider, the caregiver, the maintainer, the creator, the responder, the protector. They are all the actions of Allah. But when you say God, it means the one I worship. So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala always tells us to begin when we pray. Alhamdulillah Rabbil Alameen. All praise and gratitude to Allah. It doesn't say. Well, it says Allah Rabbil Alameen. The Lord, the caregiver, the maintainer, the protector, the provider of the entire world. Allah begins by telling us he is our caregiver. Meaning now you should respond if you want to be, feel close, you want to feel protected. Any problem, in any hardship you go through, turn to your rabbit. That's the first connection and the second connection. Every verse in the Quran which talks about your parents. If you read any verse that talks about your parents, what does Allah also talk about in that verse? It talks about himself. Always connects the relationship between us and our Parents, because they are where we came from and our connection with Allah. It doesn't mean your parents are like gods. It means that the reason why we connect with our parents is because that is our origin and that is part of us. And that is why when we connect with our parents, we feel safe. And when we are disconnected from our parents or they are disconnected from us, we feel all sorts of problems and mental illnesses. And that is why Allah tells us the way you are connected to your parents and you feel your security and your identity strong and you feel safe. Always remember the one who gave you your parents. Connect with him because that is exactly where you came from. From the beginning, did you not hear the Quranic verse where Allah says, Allah always tells us. And if my servants ask you about me, I am always close. I respond to the caller whenever they need me and call out to me. So let them respond to me and let them connect with me. Let them secure their iman in me in that they will find their security and guidance by knowing me. Brothers and sisters, how does Allah connect to us? And how do we connect to him? Through the ibadah. What is ibadah? Ibadah means worship. How does Allah speak to us through the Quran? The Quran is Allah's language to us, just like the mother's language to her child. Allah's language to us is through the Quran, like the father speaks to his child. Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala speaks to us through the Quran. There must be a connection, a speech, a connection, a language. Now imagine that you cut off yourself from the Quran. Then who have you cut off yourself from? Your Allah, Your caregiver, your Rabb, your Lord. Who is the one who's constantly close to you? Allah, your Lord. So who is the one who needs to come close to him? You and me. That's why Allah says, respond to me. Where are you going? Why are you running away? Why are you running away? Stay connected to me and I will guide you throughout the way. My brothers and sisters. Rasul said to a young boy by the name of Abdullah IBN Abbas. He said to him, I will teach you some words, young man. Do not forget them. He said, tell me. He said to him, always keep Allah in your life and in your world. And Allah will protect you and keep you near him. Keep Allah in your life. You'll always find him in front of you, meaning that you will always find him there for you to call out for, to seek your security with. Inform yourself of Allah. Know him when you are comfortable and at ease. And he will know you at the times of your hardship and discomfort when you need him. If you were to ask anyone, ask Allah, meaning ask Allah first. And if you seek refuge in anyone, seek refuge in Allah first. The pen. Sorry. And the ink has dried. About everything that is to be, meaning nothing can change. Whatever is written will happen. If the entire creation were to be gathered in order to benefit you or harm you in something which Allah had not written to happen. They cannot. And then the Prophet said. He said it again. Know your Lord when you are at ease and comfort. He will know you in times of hardship. And know that everything you hate in life with patience and perseverance. Not giving up in that is so much good, the worship of patience. And know that victory only comes with perseverance and patience. Victory comes with what? Perseverance and patience. Not sitting down and making dua. And the next day you expect the sky to open up and angels flutter down. No, no, no. It comes with perseverance and patience. You have to keep going. Like the palm tree. The Prophet describes the believer. Like the palm tree. It bends with the wind and with the storm. And after the storm is gone, the palm tree is resilient. It stands up again, but doesn't move away from its origin. Then he said, sallallahu alaihi wasallam wa annal faraja ma al karb. And that relief comes. Relief and opening comes with hardships and calamities. I always say this. A baby does not learn how to walk without falling. Forgiveness is not known without being hurt and wronged. Mercy is not understood without rights being taken. Good is not known unless you know the bad. Health is not appreciated without pain. Happiness is not hoped for and attractive without sadness. And love means nothing without loss. The only reason Adam ate from the tree was because he thought there's a secret that he's missing out on. But when he ate from it and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala showed him that curiosity for something which Allah had forbidden is not a good thing. Adam still learned something that he would have never learned before had he not accidentally disobeyed. And what is that he learned? Mercy and forgiveness. Adam would have not known what it means, and we inherited it. Mercy and forgiveness is not known without mistakes and without wronging one another. Then we forgive one another and mend and watch, you know, between husband and wife, whenever they're upset with each other and they reconcile, the love is even better. You feel closer with relatives, with friends, anybody. So brothers and sisters. It is necessary for pain. It is necessary for hardships, it is necessary for loss, it is necessary for the negative to know the positive. For the bad to know the good, for the suffering to know the victory, for sickness, to know what health is. Otherwise, how do you have all these amazing, beautiful people who stand up for justice, who stand up to heal, who stand up to protect, who stand up to really, truly live up to the meaning of love and make a shift in the world? Allah has given us the power. Allah has given us the power. Allah did not leave us like a little child who is spoiled. A spoiled child. Have you ever seen those spoiled children? Nobody wants to be around them. They think everything belongs to them because their parents pampered them rotten when they were little kids, they gave them everything until the children grew up and even don't even appreciate their parents, let alone anyone else. Through spoiling and giving someone everything will ruin you. That's why Allah sometimes reminds us by taking away something, he takes away something and then something in here changes. Something in here changes. The only people who don't see the benefit of it are the ones who decide to think negatively about Allah. And not one of the names of Allah, Subhanahu wa ta'ala in the Quran which He has mentioned to us is negative. It's only negative because you think about it that way. But if you don't, and you know that the Prophet said that Allah said, I am as my servant chooses to think of me. Allah is not negative. Every name of Allah that you have ever read about, the 99 names of Allah, none of them is negative. And even if you hear a name that seems negative to you always has a name before it that is positive. An example, when Allah mentions a negative name that appears to us, he mentions a positive name that appears positive to us. For example, Adar. What comes after that? What's after Adar? Al Nafih. Adar means the harmer. Al Nafi'a means the beneferer. Al Khafid, the one who demotes. What comes after that? Arafiya, the one who promotes Al Mani'a. The one who denies. What comes after that? What comes after that? Al Mahdi, the one who gives. In other words, the scholars said, Allah does not give you or allow for you to get sick unless he is going to heal you. He will not allow you to go through suffering unless he is going to give you something. He will not demote you unless he is going to promote you. He will not take something from you unless he is going to give you. When a person hits rock bottom, there's only upwards. The only one who chooses to stay down is you. We all hear those motivational speeches for those of you who've got ambitions and goals in the morning and you switch on YouTube and go to those motivational talkers say, I can. That's what they say, you can do it. And the world is this. And the Quran has already told you, keep Allah in your life and you see all the doors opening. Brothers and sisters, do not be one of those who gives up when you hit rock bottom. For in the story of Musa, his great lessons, you all know the story of Moses. He killed a guy from among the Pharaohs. He was honored, respected. He lived a life of luxury and power with the Pharaoh because of his wife Asiya, among the most beautiful and among the most perfect women of the world, Asya. She looked after him. But when he killed someone accidentally, he became a fugitive and he was going to be caught, arrested and killed. In the story of Musa, in Surat al Qasas, we read that Musa ran away. He ran away to another territory which the Pharaoh had no authority over. He went towards Allah. Subhanahu wa Ta'ala talks about this story. And then he says that he rushed, he ran away with nothing with him. No wealth, no food, no water. He lost all the kingdom and everything. He left his mother behind, his family behind, his brother behind everybody. The Hadith says that he reached a point in the desert that his shoes, they all became broken. And his feet, the skin on his feet became peeled and his stomach almost stuck to his back from hunger. And the only thing he was eating were the leaves of trees. His tongue turned green. Allah says that when he reached. Allah says when he arrived at the spring of Madyan, he found there a crowd of people watering their flocks. And he found, apart from them, two women holding their flocks back. He asked the women, what is it that troubles you? They said, we cannot water our flocks until the shepherds, the men take their flocks away. And our father is a very old man, very smart young ladies. They said to him, our father is a very old man. He is a respected, wise man. So don't get any thoughts. That's what they were telling him at the same time. We need to come out to work. And there's nothing wrong with women working if there is a benefit and a need. And even if she wants to work for her ambition, she can, so long as it's halal and within limits, inshallah. However, the story that I want to point out, the lesson I want to point out in there is not that. The point that I wanted to point out is to focus on Musa and focus on those two girls. These two ladies whose father is an old man, and they are desperately in need of going and doing the stuff that men have to do, and they've got to mix with them, and at the same time they're destitute. Musa is so much in need. As soon as they said, our Father is an old man, and so on and so forth, he could have told them, get me some help. Go and talk to him. I need help. But instead, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. He says, on hearing this, Moses watered their flocks for them and then returned in a shaded place and said, my Lord, I am truly in great need of any good that you might send down to me. You know, brothers and sisters, if you look at that image, any one of us will be seeking help. But Allah says that he quietly reversed into the shade and the darkness of the forest. And he sat there alone under a tree, and he lifted his dua to Allah, saying, oh, my Lord, with respect, out of all the goodness that you brought down to me, I'm still in need. This is how we asked Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala. Some of us, when we ask Allah, we say, why hasn't Allah responded to me? I said, oh, Allah, give me money. He hasn't. Give me children. He hasn't. Save me, he hasn't. Cure me. He hasn't. No, no, no, no. The prophets, when they ever asked Allah, they said, oh, Allah, with all the goodness and blessings that you have given me, meaning, have a strong mindset. Always remember the blessings that you still have, because they're going to be your strength. Use them. But at the same time request Allah's assistance, for without him you are nothing. And then when he called out to Allah, he had to hit rock bottom. In other words, yet, brothers and sisters, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Then brought the young ladies to him from places he never expected. And they said, our Father would like to reward you for the good that you did for us. And this shows you modesty in these young ladies. And Allah says that one of them came back with modesty and shyness. Not the shyness that you think it is. Not the shyness where you ask a person, what's their name and they don't know how to answer. It is the shyness of modesty, meaning a modesty that she chooses who will hear her and who will see her and who will get to see her other side. And who doesn't? That type of shyness, a self respect. And she said to him, my father wants to reward you. So when he went there, we know the whole story. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala opened up a whole new world for him. He got married to one of them and she was interested in him and he was interested in her. And her father respected him and held him in high degree. And he was well protected. He was. His self esteem went up, of course, he was never down. But he felt in need. But his need was fulfilled. Number one, through marriage, number two, through a place where he belonged. And number three, through working and earning a living. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala opened up a door for him after he hit rock bottom. And that's what the scholars tell us. With hardship comes relief. I want you to know something. The harder your life gets in something, know that the tougher it gets, the closer it is to relief. The tougher it gets, the closer it is to what? To relief. So don't worry. Don't worry and rely on Allah and keep going. For this is a story and a lesson that Allah brings us in the Quran to comfort our hearts. And a story and a lesson in Ayub. And a story and a lesson in Yunus. Yunus made a mistake, you might say Moses. He was a fugitive, he had to run away. Wasn't his fault. Yunus left his people without permission from Allah. And then when the big fish swallowed him, he said something as Allah says, sam, meaning Allah concludes by telling us and remember the story of the nun, the man of the big fish, Yunus, when he left angrily with his people and he assumed he hadn't done anything wrong and that we will not hold them accountable for what he did. And then he found himself calling out to Allah in his high pitch voice while he is in the darkness. O my Lord, there is no God worthy of worship but you. I have truly become among the wrongdoers to myself, to myself. The way out is to look inwards and say to yourself, what have I done wrong? So that's the other side. You cannot grow unless you are honest with yourself. Allah says, and so we saved him. We saved him from the Ram Gam literally means claustrophobia and that's a metaphor for the claustrophobia of life. You know when you say, I feel the whole world has caved in on me, whether it's from your marriage, whether it's because you're single for so long, whether it's from your children, whether it's from your parents, Your friends, your work, your wealth, your health, it doesn't matter what it is. Minal Gham. We saved him from the claustrophobia. We opened up the world for him and like that we also save and open up the world for the true believers. What does it mean? The true believer Al mu'mineen comes from Amun, which means to secure in your heart the trust and the feeling of safety and trust and reliance upon Allah that He will relieve you. But you have to do your little part as well. My brothers and sisters, with hardship comes ease Innamal Osri Yusra. With every hardship comes many eases. All it needs is sabr Perseverance, perseverance. Continue going, don't give up. Don't just sit there and become a footnote, but work towards it. Rely on Allah, do what needs to be done and say, O Allah, I am with you and you are with me. I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to relieve all of you, my brothers and sisters and all of our brothers and sisters around the world from all their hardships and to assist them with patience and perseverance. I ask Allah subhana wa ta'ala to to change any hardship that you have into comfort and into goodness, any sickness into health, every pain into relief and every fear into protection and security. And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make our eternal and final abode in the most safest and secure and greatest happiness. Jannah al Firdaus Ameen Wasallahu Alabin Muhammad wa ala Ali Wasalamu alaikum Warahmatullah to.