Allie Harding: How She Built a Massive Following Without Losing Herself | DSH #1681

Summary

Podcast Summary: Digital Social Hour

Episode: Allie Harding: How She Built a Massive Following Without Losing Herself (DSH #1681)

Date: December 13, 2025
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Allie Harding

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Episode Overview

In this candid and richly personal episode, Sean Kelly sits down with Allie Harding, a digital creator known for her vulnerable approach to social media, to discuss the realities of building a massive online presence while maintaining authenticity and protecting mental health. Allie reflects on her self-discovery journey, confronting online scrutiny, the nuances of dating dynamics, and her ongoing process of self-improvement. Together, Sean and Allie explore social pressures, evolving attitudes toward relationships, and the broader impact of social media on young people.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Intentional Social Media Use and Personal Growth

• Allie curates her timeline for positivity and self-growth, intentionally avoiding negativity and drama.
  • "I curate my timeline to things that are healthy. I don't pay attention to like, the stupid politics that people are into... that’s not what I’ve curated my life to look like." – Allie [00:08]
• She emphasizes living authentically and continually evaluating and improving herself by facing personal shortcomings.

2. Vulnerability, Safety, and Parasocial Dynamics

• Allie describes how sharing personal stories online led to safety concerns (e.g., attempted break-in), prompting her to keep more of her life private.
• Discusses parasocial relationships:
  • "People have a relationship with you, but you have no relationship with them – parasocial, I think they call it." – Sean [02:42]
  • Allie describes uncomfortable public interactions, particularly as a woman.

3. Financial Success, Dating, and Changing Relationship Standards

• Allie shares her unique dating experiences as a young, successful woman, sometimes being the provider and finding many men intimidated by her independence.
  • "The weak ones are always intimidated." – Allie [04:27]
• Reflects on how her own perspectives have matured:
  • "I used to have this mentality of if he doesn't do this, this and this, and then I started getting into relationships... being open minded about things." – Allie [04:42]
• The podcast discusses the divide and friction about relationship advice online and evolving one’s standards.

4. Growth, Accountability, and Digital Footprints

• Both Sean and Allie admit to cringing at their past content and discuss cancel culture.
  • "People that are getting canceled, they're just people that made mistakes, but it was in front of people." – Allie [05:59]
• Allie describes her history with mental health challenges and the transformative power of radical self-examination.
  • "I journaled everything. I wrote down every bad thing I've ever done...then make sure to not make the mistake again." – Allie [07:07–07:59]

5. Letting Go of Victimhood

• Both discuss overcoming the “victim mindset,” taking responsibility, and how that shift leads to real change.
  • "It's so much easier to just blame the hard times on other people...But how are you showing up...to yourself?" – Allie [08:26]

6. Procrastination, Routine, and Self-Discipline

• Allie and Sean talk about strategies for beating procrastination.
  • Allie’s advice: "Do it anyway. Everything. Do it regardless if you want to or not." [10:31]
• Both utilize daily checklists to maintain motivation and accountability.

7. Curation of Digital Environments

• Allie and Sean reinforce the importance of curating your digital environment to support mental health and goals.
  • "Curating what you see every day is an important thing because it can really hurt your brain." – Allie [12:17]

8. Ego, Success, and Humbling Moments

• Both recall “ego deaths” tied to financial loss or psychedelics, emphasizing the importance of humility and learning who your true friends are in hard times.

9. Boundaries and People-Pleasing

• Allie discusses the boundary shift required when her platform grew:
  • "Once my following started growing, I'm like, I can't sit here and DM people ...I had to draw a boundary that once the video's over, the video's over." [14:04]

10. Building an Online Brand: Consistency & Burnout

• Both describe the grind of posting content daily and the need to shift approaches as life evolves.
  • "I used to post four times a day, every single day. Did not take a day off." – Allie [15:11]
  • "People ask me how to grow too. I’m like, dude, I post 10 times a day for two years straight. There’s no magic formula." – Sean [17:00]

11. Mental Health Diagnoses and Healing Beyond Medication

• Allie details her (and general) experiences with ADHD, anxiety, depression, and medication.
  • “I just didn’t like how I felt on it. I felt like I wasn’t being my full self. But I also think that I’ve done the work to manage the mental health side of things so that I don’t really have to be.” [21:02]
  • Stresses self-work, boundaries, and routine as critical to her healing process.

12. Tough Love & Motivation Styles

• Allie’s motivational style is direct but compassionate:
  • "My style of motivation, it always ends in an 'I love you.'...but like, I'm not gonna sit here and walk your hands through life." [22:30]
  • Critiques therapeutic approaches that don’t foster real change.

13. Social Media’s Effects on Mental Health & Identity

• Both assert social media’s role in increasing identity issues and compare its impact across genders.
  • "We have access to so many other people's brains...you're not...thinking for yourself anymore." – Allie [23:17]
  • Conversation on sameness among influencers and superficiality in LA and online.

14. Perfectionism in Upbringing & Its Challenges

• Allie grew up in Utah's perfection-driven environment, influenced by Mormon culture.
  • "Perfectionism...it's all based off of, like, the Mormon culture...everyone's competing with each other to be the best." – Allie [29:41]

15. Gender Roles, Red Pill/Feminism, and Relationship Dynamics

• Allie distances herself from both extremist ideologies, instead choosing traditional values blended with independence.
  • "I think the feminist movement is stupid. And I think, I guess [the red pill movement], whatever...Any extreme is not a good thing." – Allie [33:11]
• Acknowledges gender differences as complementary in relationships.
  • “I can’t do what a man can do flat out...and he can’t do what I can do...That’s why relationships...are so beautiful.” – Allie [34:07]
• Sean expresses gratitude for Allie’s research and advocacy regarding men’s mental health needs.

16. Changing Dating Culture and Expectations

• The hosts discuss the challenges of dating in modern cities, being friends with exes, and maintaining standards.
  • "I won’t do it...Once it’s done, it’s done though. I’m not even gonna continue. There’s no second chances with me." – Allie [27:23–28:19]
• Discuss the "delusion calculator” (salary/height expectations) and how most women’s standards exclude 99% of men, which can lead to overlooked but compatible partners.
  • “You’re passing off people that would treat you so well...just because you have this vision...” – Allie [41:04]
• Allie encourages building your own life rather than depending on a partner for fulfillment or stability.

17. Masculine/Feminine Energy and Independence

• Allie admits that her work ethic often puts her in her masculine energy, but being with the right person can bring out her softer side.

18. Learning & Communication in Relationships

• Both stress the importance of willingness to grow, take feedback, and have difficult conversations.
  • “I like things being pointed out that I’m doing wrong so that I can [improve]. Most people don't. A lot of guys are scared to point out flaws.” – Allie [48:05]
• Allie encourages seeing flaws as opportunities for improvement, not shame.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Improvement:
  "I journaled everything. I wrote down every bad thing I've ever done...every time I had a negative thought about myself, I'd sit in the mirror for hours and try and rewrite these ideas that I have of myself." – Allie [07:07–07:59]

• On Social Media Culture:
  "I think curating what you see every day is an important thing because it can really hurt your brain." – Allie [12:17]

• On Empathy for Men:
  “There's a lot of men haters in the...I'm like, I would do anything for a man that just wants to fix the drains in my house.” – Allie [36:44–37:07]

• On Relationship Standards:
  "If you’re able to give everything that you’re asking for, then sure, you can ask for it. But if you’re...expect him to pay for everything...I just don’t think then it’s like...What do you bring to the table? That was always a question that would piss me off, but then I started really looking at it. I get it." – Allie [38:43]

• On Tradition & Independence:
  "I built the life that I wanted...But also, like, I'm just looking for...a counterpart that meets me there. As long as you can take care of yourself. That's all I ask for." – Allie [42:20–42:34]

• On Feedback in Relationships:
  "I like things being pointed out that I’m doing wrong so that I can [improve]...Most people don't." – Allie [48:29]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |------------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 00:08 | Allie on curating social media for positivity | | 01:47 | Growing up vulnerable online and adjusting boundaries | | 04:03 | Dating dynamics as a young, successful woman | | 07:07–07:59| Overcoming rock bottom through radical self-reflection | | 10:31 | Advice on procrastination: “Do it anyway” | | 15:11 | Content grind: four videos a day, every day | | 21:02 | Allie on medication vs. self-healing | | 22:30 | Motivation: tough love with compassion | | 29:41 | Perfectionist culture in Utah and its roots | | 33:11 | Rejecting extremes: feminism and red pill commentary | | 34:07 | Complementary gender differences in relationships | | 38:43 | On relationship standards and “what you bring to the table” | | 41:04 | Warning against overlooking good partners | | 42:20–42:34| Traditional values blended with independence | | 48:29 | Value of feedback and communication in relationships |

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Conclusion

This Digital Social Hour episode offers a candid exploration of authenticity, growth, and boundaries in the digital era. Allie Harding’s journey is one of self-discovery, resilience, and evolving wisdom—touching on mental health, gender roles, relationship dynamics, and the responsibility that comes with influence. Anyone navigating social media, young adulthood, or modern relationships will find both reassurance and challenge in Allie’s story.

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Find Allie Harding at:

• TikTok: @allieharding
• Instagram: @alliehardingg

Upcoming Project:
Allie is working on a unique self-improvement journal/workbook to empower others on their journeys.

Transcript

[A]

I also am always doing something to further, like, my career. A lot of it is, like, even if I'm scrolling on TikTok or like Instagram, my feed is all quotes. Yeah. It's always giving me, like, I don't follow Instagram models that are going to make me feel insecure. I'm not, like, following. You know what I'm saying? So I curate my timeline to things that are healthy. I don't pay attention to, like, the stupid politics that people are into and, like, they want to fight about all the time. Like, that's not what I've curated my life to look like.

[B]

Wow. So no drama on your feedback.

[A]

I mean, every once in a while, obviously it'll pop up.

[B]

Okay, guys, we got Allie here today making her comeback tour.

[A]

I know, we're back.

[B]

Been traveling and doing self discovery the past couple years, you said, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Lots of good stuff. Just living my life as I'm young.

[B]

So did you feel like a burnout and you wanted to just get away for a bit?

[A]

I think I had a lot of, like, self discovering to do before I kind of came back. I was kind of recycling the same kind of content, same advice, and I wanted to go live a little bit more. One of my biggest critiques is that I haven't had enough life experience. And so I wanted to make sure that I got it in with the life experience so that I had more to talk about.

[B]

But I can relate to that because when I started the show, it was just about marketing and business. And after like 100 episodes of that, you kind of just hear the same story over and over.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I started branching off.

[A]

Yeah. Finding new experiences, new stories, and kind of being able to like. And my whole thing is just kind of living and experiencing life and being self aware and trying to figure out, like, my faults and things and also what I need to improve on. And a lot of that is like, recognizing the parts of myself that I don't like. And so it was just a lot of doing that. And kind of growing up in front of millions of people is never easy. And especially talking so intimately about my life. I've learned a lot and have kind of had to adjust respect.

[B]

Yeah. You were really vulnerable. You shared your darkest stuff. You know, 6 million followers. You know, you were very open with everyone. I feel like there's a give and take with that, right?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So I've learned a lot because I used to be super open to the point where everyone knew everything about me. And there was a couple of things that happened. My house got broken into. Well, a guy tried to break into my house last year. And so it's just. I don't know. And living in Vegas is so different than where I grew up in Utah, because it was just like, nothing bad happens in Utah. So it was a big culture shock. And I moved out of state. I moved away from my family, and I wanted to go explore the world. So I've done, like, Europe, and I've just been focusing on, like, living nicely. So.

[B]

Yeah, it's a dark truth, but if you have a follower count, you're a target for these robberies, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They'll see if you're on vacation and pull up to your house.

[A]

Yeah. And a lot of it is like. I don't know if you get this a lot, but, like, the dynamic between social media and just, like, people because they have a relationship with you, but.

[B]

You have no relationship with parasocial, I think they call it.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm like, I've had a lot of experiences with that. Or like, I had a guy come up and grab me in a bar one time, and I was like. And he was just trying to be nice, where it's like, oh, I came up and gave you a hug. You're cool, whatever. Like. But I was like, you're some dude grabbing me in a bar. So, like, I've had a lot of kind of interactions like that where I just had to, you know, separate myself and not give so many personal details anymore.

[B]

I think it's different as a girl, but I can relate a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Definitely get some weirdos, some. Some interesting people, but as a girl, it's probably even harder, I'd imagine.

[A]

Yeah. And I think that just females, we live in fear all the time, but, like, we just kind of adjust to it because we have to. So. Yeah, it's an interesting.

[B]

Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, I'm like, knock on wood. I haven't been, like, pulled up on or anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think since I'm kind of tall, it's a bit of. People don't mess with me as much, but. Yeah, that sucks for sure.

[A]

Social media is a scary spot to me.

[B]

Yeah. So you took a step back. How was Europe? Any. Any big things you did there?

[A]

It was good. No, I just did Amsterdam. I did Paris for a day, which was one of my, like, life goals. I wanted to go there, and so I was able to achieve that. And I've been really lucky with the past couple of years with, like, the financial and time freedom that I do have at such a young age. And I'm like, I was single and didn't have kids and didn't have like any big responsibility. So I was like, I'm going to use the time that I have now and kind of use it while I can.

[B]

So yeah. Having financial success at a young age as a woman must have made the dating dynamics difficult. Right?

[A]

A lot of intimidating things for sure. But I was also usually the sole provider for my relationships and I, which I was, I'm totally fine with. And I believe that if I'm in a spot where I have it and you don't like, I don't know, I just go based so off of like if I care about you, I care about you.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So that's just how I viewed it. So I feel like my dynamics in dating have been a little bit different. But the weak ones are always intimidated.

[B]

Yeah, well, respect. I don't know if a lot of people think that way to be honest these days. And I don't blame them because it's hard to live.

[A]

Oh. And I think I used to think a little bit differently. Like when I used to give relations, I mean I used to get, I've been giving advice since I was 20 and I had this mental mentality of if he doesn't do this, this and this. And then I started getting into relationships where I'm like, okay. But I started kind of seeing and understanding a little bit different and being open minded about things. And so I'm not going to throw away a relationship with someone that I really enjoy just because they don't provide. And financially for me when I'm perfectly fine doing it by myself.

[B]

Yeah. You know, were you seeing a lot of divide with men and women when you were giving advice a few years ago?

[A]

Yeah, for sure. And it was always like I could make, I could make a million videos for women and then I make one in support of men. And then they're like, well, it goes both way. And that's always what they say on my videos. Is that it? Well, it goes both ways. If I'm like women, you have to do this in order to make men happy. Then women are like, okay, but I'm not going to give them peace if they don't give me peace. I'm like, this is not the video. Like this isn't the one for you. I don't know. And a lot of people disagree with my videos, which I think is fine. You know, it's either. I feel like I'm not here to claim that I'm the smartest person in the world. It's just the things that I've learned and what work for me, and people can disagree with me, and that's fine. And I also disagree with a lot of the stuff that I made when I was 20, and I'm still learning and evolving.

[B]

That's life, right? We're growing and evolving constantly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I cringe at the videos I made even. Even, like a year ago, honestly, some of them, like, that's how fast we're changing.

[A]

Yeah. And we all do, which I think is the good thing. You know, we just have a digital track of it, so people. I mean, we're doing it on a bigger scale, but I think it's all just growth, and that's why it's so hard to judge people when they make a mistake. And, like, a lot of these people that are getting canceled, they're just people that made mistakes, but it was in front of people.

[B]

Exactly. Yeah. I'm not a fan of getting canceled for stuff you did five, 10 years ago. Like, I'm sure if we pulled up my Twitter right now and went to my high school and college tweets, you could find something to cancel me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

About.

[A]

Yeah. But that's the thing is being open about it and being like, yo, like, I have made mistakes because I'm a human being, but I'm, like, learning every day to try and evolve from that and grow from that, I think, is. I mean, just having the accountability before. A lot of these people go around and act like they're perfect and that they're saints, but in reality, there's a lot of.

[B]

That's the biggest red flag to me.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, what? No one's perfect? And how are you going to sit here and pretend? And then you get, like, sad when people kind of call you out on things if you just don't give the opportunity. I've talked about a millions of times that I was a piece of shit for a long time, that I was not a great person. So, yeah.

[B]

Was it a specific moment that just changed overnight or was it, like a gradual.

[A]

A lot of it was a change overnight. I mean, I've talked about the fact that I was a suicidal teenager. I mean, I struggled with my mental health for a long time, and a lot of it was me just feeling bad for myself and kind of poor me mentality. It was easier to be sad than it was to look at the bad parts of myself. And so I never chose to. Two days. It's my, like, Eight year anniversary of my last attempt. And something happened that I've kind of stopped talking about because it's an intimate story, but I've kind of flipped my mentality that day. And I took six months by myself and I journaled everything. I wrote down every bad thing I've ever done, how I felt, and every time I had a negative thought about myself, I'd sit in the mirror for hours and try and rewrite these ideas that I have of myself. So it was a lot of internal work that I had to do and a lot of facing the bad parts of myself to. To realize what I needed to work on.

[B]

Yes, I want to do that exercise, writing down every bad thing I've done. I feel like that's important because we kind of just put in the back of our head.

[A]

Yeah. Because you don't want to look at it. I mean, that's a bad part of yourself. It's a part that you're not proud of. But the more you face it, the more comfortable you get with it and you can realize why you did it and then make sure to not make the mistake again. You know, a lot of people will just be like, oh, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault. But I'm like, then you're never going to get better. You're still going to have that, like, feeling that you've had that you're not proud of and you're going to continue it until you finally.

[B]

Yeah, that victim mindset. Right. That's a dangerous one.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I had that for. For the longest.

[A]

So did I.

[B]

So bad. Like, I could literally mess up in front of your eyes and still find something to blame it on.

[A]

Yeah. Yep. It's not my fault. Not my fault. And I feel like that's why a lot of people have the mental health issues that they do, is because it's so much easier to just blame the hard times on other people and the way that they handled and went about things. And I deserve better. And. But how are you showing up, you know, in your relationships, friendships, and to yourself? I mean, you don't talk nicely to yourself. How are you going to expect anyone else to want to do the same thing?

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know?

[B]

Yeah. A lot of people talk badly about other people also. That's a red flag to me.

[A]

Yep. Yep. And it should be.

[B]

Yeah. I used to have a bunch of friends that did that, but I had to cut them off. It's not positive.

[A]

Yeah. And the sacrifices of making that decision for yourself are hard. Like, it puts you in a position where it's like, okay, do I do this? But it's always beneficial. I feel like as soon as you weed out the weak people and the people that are always in that, your life becomes a lot better.

[B]

Well, I just see what they're doing now and they're like the same spot as five years ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you're so focused on other people, you need to lock in on yourself. Right.

[A]

But it's always the people that talk about how much they want to do. They want to do all of these things. They want to have the, like, kingdom, but they don't know how to build it. So it's like. And I talk about how life is a video game all the time. And you start at level one and you move up because there's skills that you need to learn in order. Like there's skills from level four that you need in level five in order to beat it. So it'll keep putting you back in the same situation over and over again until you learn the necessary skill to. To actually complete the next one. So people want this big, extravagant empire and they talk about how they're going to get it, but what are you doing? Like, you need to face your procrastination, face your spending, face your ego. I mean, there's so many things that you have to do before you can have the success that you want. And I think that that's something that I've had to learn personally. And that is a big open your eyes to kind of what you need to do in order to get what you want.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I've had my battles with that. Procrastination was a big one for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think a lot of people in school learn how to do that from homework or whatever, like a project, and it just carries over after that.

[A]

Yep. There's always a more exciting thing to do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's why I always say the best piece of advice is do it anyway. Everything. Do it regardless if you want to or not.

[B]

I have a list every day.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Checklist. Yeah. That keeps me not procrastinating. I have to do this.

[A]

Do you feel like you have, like, a routine that you follow?

[B]

Kind of. It's not like by the minute, like Rob Dyrdek, like, every five minutes is planned. But yeah, like, there's things I want to get accomplished on this day.

[A]

Yeah. That's good.

[B]

I feel like that keeps me motivated.

[A]

Yeah. And accountable. Because then if you don't do it, you just have a list of things you didn't do that Day.

[B]

Right. I've actually never struggled with laziness. I know a lot of people do, but I've never had that issue.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's my issue is I like to be lazy. But I built my life around the fact that now I can be lazy. Respect, you know?

[B]

So you actually enjoy, like, just chilling all day? Like, my mind goes crazy.

[A]

Yeah, I do. But I also am always doing something to further, like, my career. So a lot of it is like, even if I'm scrolling on Tick Tock or like Instagram, my own. My feed is all quotes. It's like, yeah. So it all. It's always giving me, like, I don't follow Instagram models that are gonna make me feel insecure. I'm not like falling. You know what I'm saying? So I curate my timeline to things that are healthy. I don't pay attention to, like, the stupid politics that people are into and, like, they want to fight about all the time. Like, that's not what I've curated my life to look like.

[B]

Wow. So no drama on your feed.

[A]

I mean, every once in a while, obviously it'll pop up. And I like my fair share of reality tv, so I watch that. So I get my dose for sure. But yeah, if I'm. If I'm on social media, it's. It's for a reason.

[B]

Yeah. Most people are doom scrolling for no intention.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. They're just brain rotting, they call it. And every three seconds, new video. Yeah, but I'm scrolling with intention too. I'm looking for podcast guests. I'm looking to learn information, looking for book recommendations, whatever advice, business advice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think curating what you see every day is an important thing because it can. It can really hurt your brain.

[B]

Ego. Yeah, you brought that one up earlier. Ego deaths are no joke. Yeah, I had a major one.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How so?

[B]

Well, I've had two. But the first one, I lost all my money, and that rocked me because my whole identity was tied to money at the time. Because when you're young and you make a bunch of money, you think you're just hot shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that happened. And then second one was on a psychedelic trip. But I think they're needed.

[A]

Yeah, they're important, I think, because you can see what rock bottom feels like and not ever want to be there again. Some people learn that very early on in life and they're like, I don't want to be in this place ever again. And I want to take care of my family and do what I do and that's their motivating factor. I mean, whatever it is that gets you out of bed and gets you working, I mean, do it, you know? But, yeah, ego deaths are a big thing. I've had a couple of them where it was. You just face rock bottom and you don't really have another choice but to figure it out.

[B]

Yeah. You find out your real ones, though. That's the one good thing about them, too.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Like, I. I look back at when I had them and who stuck with me, and they're still with me right now.

[A]

That's good. Yeah. Those are the people that you keep around.

[B]

Those are the best people. Best man at my wedding, like, type people. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I always tell people, keep it on one hand. Your best friends.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Because I used to try to please everyone. I was a big people pleaser.

[A]

Yeah, I've struggled with that one, too.

[B]

I was the most miserable I've been.

[A]

I think, trying to keep everyone happy when they don't want to be happy themselves. It's. It's a tough one.

[B]

I would put their happiness before mine, even if I barely knew them. Yeah, it was so weird.

[A]

Yep. I've been there, too.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know what that. What caused that, but I don't know either.

[A]

We could chop it up to being there for people. We never had someone there. I mean, I don't know the psychological stuff, but, yeah, I've struggled with that too. I think a lot of people do.

[B]

How'd you get over that one?

[A]

I'm still not over it, to be honest. Yeah, that's. That's one that I struggle with. I think it's just because, I mean, it's my job to help people, and that's, like, what I was put on the planet to do, and I want to continue to do that. And I think that showing up in real life and also showing up on social media, there was a lot of times where it was like, I wanted to help everyone that DM'd me. But then once my following started growing, I'm like, I can't sit here and DM people. And for 2 million people every day, like, I can't. So I had to draw a boundary that once the video's over, the video's over. And, like, that was a tough one for me because I built my platform wanting to be that person that was like, I'll answer every dm, like, I'll stay up all night. But I also don't think that I had the, like, mental capacity to be doing things that I'm doing now to the degree that I am. So I was never anticipating actually having the following that I do. But, yeah, live and you learn.

[B]

Yeah. Building a following of 6 million. That's just on TikTok. You got.

[A]

Well, TikTok, I'm 2.1 million.

[B]

Oh, 2.1. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

But I've kind of taken a break from posting. I don't know, two years. The past years have been a little weird with social media for me, but.

[B]

Well, back. The algorithm is way harder on Tik Tok now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I used to post and get 100k on every video.

[A]

Yeah. Which I feel like my. Mine actually has stayed pretty good. Really, for me, not posting, but I used to post four times a day, every single day. Did not take a day off. And so that's what I was doing because it was just like I was 20. I didn't have anything else going on. It's like, yeah, of course I'm just gonna sit here and make videos. But then once real life started kind of kicking in and there was other things that I had to do in order to, like, maintain my life and also kind of losing the motivation and trying to find where I wanted to be on social media now and how much of my life I wanted to share, it kind of pushed me back to a spot where I'm like, I'm scared of it now. Like, I'm scared of the following that I built.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And it's all supportive stuff. I mean, I don't get hate. I don't get, like. I. I really don't struggle with a lot of the things that other people do, for sure. But it's. Social media is a scary place. It's terrifying to have a following, I think. I mean, you could probably relate.

[B]

I can relate. When I was living in la, I posted, I flexed, I was dumb. I was like 21. I flexed on my story, posted some cash.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The next day, almost got robbed. And they stalked me for a week in my apartment. So that's the game we play on social media.

[A]

Yeah. You got to be so careful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's just millions of eyes looking at you, you know, and all it.

[B]

Takes is a few bad apples, you know?

[A]

Yeah. It's a tough spot to be in, for sure. But I mean, we're also so like, privileged to be able to do what we do for a living. And I think that it obviously does take hard work. I mean, like. Like, you're talking to me about the. What goes into even just producing your shows, and I'm like, That's something I can't do. Like, I'm not doing that many shows a week. But also like, I mean, so there's just different elements. I think it takes a lot of work to get here. Once I tell people I posted four times a day every single day to get my following, they're like, oh, couldn't do that. I'm like, you know, so it does take work to kind of get to where we're at. And if it didn't, everyone would do it. And I think that. I love that other people are now trying to. Because I feel like we definitely need some new faces and deserving people in the space. But yeah, I don't know. Social media is a tough one.

[B]

Consistency. People ask me how to grow too. I'm like, dude, I post 10 times a day for two years straight. Like there's no magic formula.

[A]

That is the formula. Post everything and anything. I. And you're going to think it's cringy a year later. I mean, that's just something that we all deal with.

[B]

Oh my God. I can't even watch my first like hundred episodes either. So bad either.

[A]

It's awful. But that's. I mean, you learn and you grow and you're going to think the same thing next year. About your videos now. I mean, we all kind of go through it.

[B]

Yeah. Just accept it now. Like even if you get hate. That's why I waited so long to post content. I was scared of the hate and the judgment. It doesn't matter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, those people aren't going to resonate with it no matter what.

[A]

Yeah. Which I think is relatable for a lot of people.

[B]

Yeah. I want to talk about the mental stuff because you got diagnosed with all sorts of things.

[A]

Yeah. I have a few things that I like, don't quite know, but I'm pretty sure that I do have. But a lot of it. I fully. I've been diagnosed with adhd, anxiety, depression, ocd.

[B]

Was bipolar one of them too?

[A]

Bipolar is one that I'm pretty sure that I have. But from a standpoint of month to month, which is what my psychologist told me bipolar was. But I've heard mixed opinions.

[B]

I thought it was day to day.

[A]

That's what I thought too. So I was like, I definitely don't have bipolar. But then when she was telling me about it, it was. She said, no, it goes from month to month. I don't know how true that is. I haven't really done my research on it. But that it's like, you're you're on a high for a month and then you're down for a month and it kind of just goes based off timeline.

[B]

Interesting, because I've heard of like seasonal, like depression and stuff, so that's. That kind of makes sense, I guess.

[A]

I have a theory on seasonal depression.

[B]

What?

[A]

I think it's because we have less hours in the day. This is so stupid. This is my point. But I think it's because we have less hours in the day, like less daylight. And so we feel like we're not progressing as much, we're not being as productive. And so that naturally will just make you more depressed.

[B]

I can see that.

[A]

That's my own theory. I made it up.

[B]

It might be part of it. I definitely think the weather is something also.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because if you walk out and it's freezing, like. Yeah, you're not going to be happy.

[A]

Yep. I agree.

[B]

But yeah. All those diagnosis, were they all at.

[A]

Once or like a couple of them? I think we're all at once. I should have brought my paperwork. I have paperwork that I just found like two days ago. But yeah, they. So they did like a test on me for adhd and it was. They had told me, I don't know, the whole scoring system, but basically they score you, they put you through this, like, mental. I'd walked out three times. It was like awful. Like I couldn't handle it. My brain was like, done. But I can't remember if it was like numbers. So you had a headset on and then you were looking at a computer and there was numbers on the screen, but you had to hear the numbers and it would tell you whether to pay attention to the ones that you were hearing or the ones that you were seeing. And you had to memorize them and it would give you like a five second thing where you had to memorize them. And it was so overwhelming for me. And then after they had done that, she said that you're supposed to be medicated if you're at a level 40. So if your score is 40, you're supposed to be medicated. If you score a 90, then you're supposed to be hospitalized because you're a danger to yourself or others. And I scored 111 and this was at a time where I was unmedicated.

[B]

Holy crap.

[A]

Yeah. She literally said that I was a walking miracle. And I was like, well, what? So, yeah, it was crazy. I don't know. I'm still fuzzy on that whole thing, but that's what I remember.

[B]

That is nuts. So do they put you on a bunch of medication for that.

[A]

They had tried to put me on stuff for adhd, and I think that they had put me on an antidepressant. And then there was just like a couple of things, like, we were just testing. I was guinea pig for a couple years and whatever, but I just. I hated taking all the medications. I felt like a zombie, like ADHD medication. I think now I'd be able to handle it a little bit better, which I think I probably need to get on. But at the same time, I just didn't like how I felt on it. I felt like I wasn't being my full self. But, yeah, I'm not a fan of meds. Yeah. I don't take them anymore. I'm not on anything. And I also think that I've done the work to manage the mental health side of things so that I don't really have to be. Because I've done so much internal work now that I'm kind of comfortable where I'm at.

[B]

And that's important. Right. Because when people get these medications, they don't mention actually healing the issue, too.

[A]

Yeah. Because a lot of it is just based off of your environments and the way that you think, and a lot of it is self esteem, you know, so there was a lot of things that I did. Adhd, I feel, like, a little bit different. So, like, my anxiety, I just had learned different, like, coping tools to kind of keep me out of that. So when I do get anxious, it's like, I know how to calm myself down now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So then, like, I know the words to say to myself to get myself to come back down. And then depression, it's like, just go do something that motivates you, and then that kind of cures it for me. So it's helped me a lot.

[B]

Yeah. Anxiety, I struggled with a lot growing up, but now I have it on unlock. I'd say sometimes I'll feel it creeping up and I'll just do some Wim hof or something, breath work, and it's gone.

[A]

Yeah. There's a lot of things I feel like a lot of people use, and this is controversial, but I feel like a lot of people use their mental health as a crutch as to why they have the behaviors that they do. And so that's why I wanted to do what I do now and talk about things. Because my style of motivation definitely is not for everybody. I'm very like, you can get up, you can do it. And that's because I had someone do that to me, where it was like grown man screaming in my face being like, why do you feel bad for yourself? Like, and that's what I needed. So I'd sit here for weeks talking to these therapists and they're, yeah, I know how you feel. That's okay. And it just didn't work for me. I'm like, bullshit. Like, I don't know. I didn't like it. It wasn't what I needed. And so I needed someone to literally be like, why do you feel bad for yourself? Get up and go do something about it.

[B]

Different learning styles, right? Yeah, That's a little old school, I'd say. Yeah, but it works.

[A]

But that's what I needed. So I'm like, I wanted to be that, but in a more gentle way. So that my style of motivation, it always ends in an I love you. And it's always a. I'm just here for a gentle reminder. But, like, I mean, I'm not gonna sit here and carry. Walk your hands through life.

[B]

It's direct. It's like, yeah, tough love, some people would call it, I guess. Yeah, I'm a fan of tough love. That's how I was raised. But some people would say that's child abuse, like, depending on who you're talking to.

[A]

Yeah. And I think it's situational. I mean, I'm not gonna sit there and look at someone who's crying their eyes out and be like, get up and do something, you know? So it's obviously very situational. But when it comes to my videos, that's just how I kind of like to keep. Keep it.

[B]

But yeah, it's just fascinating because mental health issues are at an all time high right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it seems to be getting worse.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Social media, you think it's social media?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's got to be a big part of it.

[A]

We have access to so many other people's brains. Like, we don't think for ourselves anymore. We just see what's relatable and what everyone else is kind of gravitating towards. And then we go off that. It's like, you're not. People aren't thinking for themselves.

[B]

So that. And a lot of girls look the same now. I'm just gonna say it.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Yeah. I see this take on social media. Like girls just want to copy each other. Like. Yeah. Whether it's their hair or their Botox surgery or whatever. Their lips.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like there's no person. Not as much personality as there used to be.

[A]

It's true. I Fully agree. I've seen it. That's why I don't go to influencer parties anymore. I don't talk to. I, like, I just don't show up.

[B]

You don't go to the Diddy parties anymore?

[A]

Oh, no, no, no. I was a one and done there. Just kidding. Never been to any party.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, those parties, like, because I lived in LA for a bit, it's. It's not genuine connections, unfortunately. People are trying to social climb and I've been there. Yeah, when I moved to la, that was my goal. Like, I wanted to become famous or whatever. So I get it.

[A]

And I don't feel like my face is very recognizable, but I remember walking into places and people wanted nothing to do with me until they heard how many followers I had. And then they were like, okay, that's crazy.

[B]

People think that way. Was that in Utah or in la?

[A]

La, a lot of LA stuff. But that's why I stopped going. I mean, Utah, it was kind of like I was more of a big fish in a small pond. And so coming here, it's been a little bit different. I feel like I kind of am in the middle, but la, it's different.

[B]

Yeah. Vegas doesn't care as much as la.

[A]

They do if you, like, go out in social situations and stuff. But I keep to myself, you know, Like, I don't really do much.

[B]

Are you a big introvert?

[A]

I am now. I didn't used to be. I literally moved here to, like, party. Like, I moved here to, like, get 21 and 22 out of the way and, like, live that life so that I didn't regret it later. I think I did it for a month. And then now I'm like, I don't know. I couldn't tell you the last time I was in a club.

[B]

Clubs are dead, I heard.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, they're. They're really hurting everywhere.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I think our generation is not drinking as much.

[A]

Good, good. I think that's great.

[B]

Yeah, I wasn't the biggest fan. I went to Wynn for a bit, the Encore Beach Club, a couple times, and I was like, dude, I'm spending like thousands. What am I doing?

[A]

Yeah, I'll show up for 15 minutes and remind myself, why don't. But also, girls in Vegas, in the partying scene here, it's like they put you at a table with 50 dudes that are just drunk and trying to hit on you. The whole time I'm like, And I not a nice girl. Like, I'm not gonna sit there and just have you like, touch me and be like, like I'm gonna literally smack your hand and be like, don't, like, don't touch me. So I don't know, it's just not my style, my scene.

[B]

I heard dating stuff out here in Vegas, huh?

[A]

I won't do it.

[B]

Yeah. It's that bad.

[A]

I wouldn't do it. Yeah.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I was here for three years and I didn't date anybody.

[B]

A single guy.

[A]

I like did like flings here and there, but then it's like I'd see these things because a lot of guys out here, like, they've already done the open relationship stuff and I'm just not into that. I'm more traditional. I'm very like, you know, so that's just. I don't even, I don't even want to try and compare to anything that you've like experienced before, you know, and then it's just lazy. I mean, relationships out here are just lazy.

[B]

So it is a full time job if you're in one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You got to dedicate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of time and effort.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, I hear from both guys and girls that dating out here is just impossible. So I'm so glad I came here with a relationship because. Yeah, I would have been screwed, I think.

[A]

Yeah. I. I'm in long distance, so.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's another challenge too.

[A]

Yeah, it is for sure. And he's a touring musician, so he's on tour all the time and doing his thing. So.

[B]

Damn. You need to be really secure about yourself to be in something like that.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a workaholic too, so it's. It's kind of. Actually, I never thought that I wanted to do a long distance relationship, but I think I like it better because I can kind of stick to my goals and because I'm someone who gets really distracted in relationships and I'm not allowed to do that here because it's like not around all the time.

[B]

Respect. So, yeah, you're both just super busy. I saw Mr. Beast talking about this too because I think his girl used to live in like Africa or something. South Africa.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

And they both just worked so hard that it just worked out and now they're getting closer.

[A]

Yeah, it's good, I think. And we honestly see each other more than probably most do because we have such open schedules.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's like on our downtime, it's really easy to just go back and forth.

[B]

So what do you think about being friends with an ex partner?

[A]

I won't do it. I Don't know, I just. I. For some people it could work, but I think that there needs to be some sort of distance first. And I don't think that being in a relationship afterwards that that should be a thing. But I also don't know. I'm not here to like.

[B]

I agree. I think there's exceptions if you have kids, obviously.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like if you're just dating. I'm not a fan of it. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If my girl was talking to her ex all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, why? Because I know how guys think. Like they're thinking like as soon as they break up, I'm going to get back with her.

[A]

Yeah. It's the. Like the back pocket exist. Things don't work out. It's like a just in case insurance.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think that that's fair respect.

[B]

Because a lot of girls disagree with me on that.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. A lot of girls are friends with their ex. Well, the ones I talk to at least. I don't know. Yeah.

[A]

That just means that they're still.

[B]

Well, friend is a strong word. I would say. They still talk to them or text them.

[A]

Yeah. Couldn't be me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm kind of a. Once it's done, it's done though. Like I'm not even gonna continue. There's no second chances with me.

[B]

Damn, you're ruthless, huh? Yeah.

[A]

Because I will give it 400% and if I decide that I can't do it anymore, then I've decided.

[B]

Are you like that with friends too?

[A]

Kind of. I've given chances in the past. It has to be, you gotta do something pretty major or just lose complete trust in me. But I also just don't care to have like people in my life that don't make me feel good. So I'd be willing to do life alone if it meant like, I don't know. I'm content with what I've got.

[B]

So it sounds like you're. You're really at peace with yourself. Yeah, you know, that's.

[A]

That's cool, this taking work. And there's definitely times where I'm not. But you know, learning and I'm finding what works and what doesn't.

[B]

Yeah. Because I just see so many young people struggling with identity issues. Imposter syndrome, like fitting in and it's like. Nah, like you need to work on yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Before trying to do to all that.

[A]

Yeah. I also think that it's just because I grew up in Utah and the perfectionism there is crazy. So I. I am a perfectionist. For sure. I have to do everything. I have to be good at everything. And that's like something that I've tried to work on with myself and accepting the fact that not everything's going to be perfect. But I grew up in an environment where perfection was the ultimate win.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and so I've had to let go of it a little bit. But I do strive for it and I strive for happiness, mainly because I lived so long not being happy. I don't. I don't want to do it for another second.

[B]

So I've heard that with Utah, that people are obsessed with perfectionism out there. Is it the Mormon thing? Like, what's causing that?

[A]

I think they're number one in plastic surgery and Utah. Yeah, I think they're number one in America. But yeah, it's all perfectionism. But I think it's all based off of, like, the Mormon culture where they have to be the best Mormon, they have to be the best wife, they have to be the best, like, at everything. And so everyone's competing with each other to be the best. And so you just see all of these people. It's the white picket fence. It's the sit with your legs crossed. It's like, it's crazy out there. So then I move out here and I'm like, oh, this is the real world. There's people out here struggling and you can see it on the side of the roads. That does not happen in Utah.

[B]

No homeless out there.

[A]

There is, but they, like, built apartments for them to like. Like, you don't see it unless you're in downtown.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So I never experienced it. And so when I moved out here, I was like, don't drive down the street with your windows down. And I. It was terrifying. My first, like, two days living here, there was a guy that tried to jump in front of me on the freeway.

[B]

She.

[A]

I was like. So it was a big wake up call when I first moved here.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

That is interesting. Yeah. I think it's good to have high standards, but there's definitely a limit, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where you start going crazy.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

I mean, I've always been hard on myself and I think that's why I'm successful. But perfectionism is like a whole nother level.

[A]

I'd say it's something you'll never achieve.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's what I think. A lot of people, me included, like, needed to realize and face that I'm searching for a goal that doesn't exist.

[B]

Yep. And then that's where you start losing authenticity too, when you're chasing that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which I don't like.

[A]

Yep. I fully agree.

[B]

Yeah. That's a lot of. A lot of trauma in that culture, man. I've had on a few guests that have been exposing what, how they grew up. It's like, holy crap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you grow up in that like, Mormon environment?

[A]

I didn't. I was kind of away from it, but I saw my friends in it. And I also grew up in like a thing where certain people's parents didn't like their kids hanging out with me because I wasn't a part of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, not too bad, but there were definitely a couple that felt some type of way about me not being Mormon, but.

[B]

Yeah. I know some kids that have been kicked out of their parents house for questioning.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Even if you have a question about it where you're like, this doesn't really make that much sense. They won't explain it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They will just cut you off.

[B]

They'll kick their own kids out at 17, 16.

[A]

Yeah. The LDS is worse. Alflds like FLDS. So I think it's the fundamentalist.

[B]

Oh, that's a polygamy one.

[A]

Yeah, they're like, they'll send you away for no reason. They'll break up families for no reason.

[B]

Jeez.

[A]

They marry people off at 12.

[B]

Is that one still around?

[A]

Yeah, it's down in. I think the majority of them are in like Colorado city, down by St. George.

[B]

Okay. Cuz the main guy got arrested, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I'm friends with his son.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But yeah, that whole. There's a documentary on Netflix about it.

[B]

I think I saw that one. Yeah. Yeah. That was nuts.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Polygamy, man.

[A]

So I'm like, I didn't see too much of that side of things. That's like, not really in the city, but yeah, down south you see it a little bit more.

[B]

It's coming back a little bit with the red pill movement. I don't know how much you follow that movement.

[A]

Everyone talks about red pill blue. I don't know what it means, to be honest.

[B]

Basically it's like guys dating. It's like polygamy, but it's closed on the girl's end. So like the guy dates multiple females and the girl can't date anyone other than the guy.

[A]

Okay, I see.

[B]

That's like a big movement right now.

[A]

Interesting. Not anything I'll ever be a part of.

[B]

Yeah, it's like the. I guess it's the counter to like the extreme feminism Movement.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because, like, girls wanted a bunch of power, and then they. They're still debating it to this day.

[A]

I think it's also stupid, to be honest.

[B]

Any extreme is going to be, yes, not good.

[A]

Well. And I'm like, you're gonna fault the other person for having, like, their thoughts. Whatever. I'm like, it's just a bunch of crazy people running around in my mind, too extreme of something is not a good thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think the feminist movement is stupid. And I think, I guess, whatever.

[B]

Yeah. That's a hot take home from a woman.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've always talked about the fact that I'm not a feminist and people got mad at me for it. I'm like, they're like, you just don't know what a feminist is. I'm like, I do. I just don't agree with it. I don't know. But I'm also very traditional, and I think I've become more traditional, but also, like, my opinions have changed. I used to be the girl on the Internet that was like, don't settle for less. And, like, that's all I was about. But now I'm like, I kind of get it. I think we're perfect for separate reasons. And I think that that's why relationships like that are so beautiful is because they complement each other. Like, I can't do what a man can do flat out. Like, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend like I can and he can't do what I can do. I've seen it firsthand.

[B]

I totally agree. My girl can read any person. Get good at good reading on them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm not locked in like that on the spiritual, emotional side. Like, I don't have that ability.

[A]

Yeah. Well. And we're just so nurturing. And I think that men really struggle with their emotions, and that's why they need a nurturing woman to kind of pull that out of them. And men don't really like it because it forces them out of their comfort zone. But at the same time, it's like, that's where you learn to have better emotions and learn how to talk about them. But you need the safe place in order to do that. If you have a woman that's going to sit there and, like, just bitch at you all the time and tell you that you're doing things, like, wrong and, like, just hound you all the time. Yeah. You're not going to feel like it's a safe place to, like, actually be that soft version of yourself. That it would really help if you had that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Side, you know, 100.

[B]

I was taught growing up, like, not directly, but I guess indirectly, like, not to show emotions. Like, it was a sign of weakness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I saw my dad cry once, and I was, like, shocked. Like, he fell down the stairs and cried. I was like, what?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, that's the environment I grew up.

[A]

In, but that's how it is. And, like, that's sad. And then I've heard, because I started diving a lot into, like, men's mental health. Because I feel like. I mean, I talk about mental health. I wanted to dive into an aspect that I haven't experienced before. And so I started asking. I think I had made a video. It did really well. And there was a lot of men just, like, telling me kind of their experiences. And some of the biggest things were that it gets used against them, like, a lot of their emotions, which was something I had never really.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Realized. And I started kind of comparing. Like, I typed up my why does my husband yell at me? And it gives the DV hotline immediately at the top. And then you search, why does my wife yell at me? And a lot of it is, like, what you can do to, like, help her out. And, wow. I'd seen stuff like that. And I don't know. So even down to men's mental health quotes, you try and look up men's empowering mental health quotes, it's nearly impossible to find, like, a couple good ones. You look up women empowerment. It's like, pages and pages.

[B]

That is fascinating.

[A]

And if anything, there was actually more about toxic masculinity. When you look up, like, positive. And I'm like. It comes down to those small little details that you don't even pay attention to. But I'm like, I wanted to do the research and really look into it, and so I did the work to kind of look at the little things like that. I'm like, down to every aspect. It's harder.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

When it comes to emotions for men. And so that's when I really wanted to start kind of diving into it and, like, understand a little bit better. I obviously will never have the same perspective. I've never lived through it. But I can sit here and empathize and also do my part as a woman to kind of be like, ladies, go easy, like, and help them kind of understand, at least from what I'm able to.

[B]

Thank you for doing that. Because most women would not take the time out of the day to even look that up. You know what I mean?

[A]

Or even give A shit enough. I mean, it's a bunch of men haters in the.

[B]

There's a lot of them, right.

[A]

I'm like, I would do anything for, like, a man that just wants to sit here and fix the drains in my house. Like, I'm like, oh, my God. So. And that's something I don't want to even learn about, you know? But it's like, that's why we compliment each other so much, is because that could be fascinating to someone that me, I'm like, I don't even want to touch it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of shame and guilt around expressing emotions as a man. It's. I don't know if it's like, evolutionary or something, but just doesn't feel natural.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, for women, it's just secondhand, you guys, right. To like, bend and talk to each other about your problems.

[A]

But that's because that's how we're built. That's why we're different. You know, women don't lead with logic. We lead with emotion. And sometimes we need to be corrected in that where it's like, okay, be logical about what it is. We're actually like, are you feeling too much here? But that's why we compliment each other so much, is because it's brain and heart.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Constantly going back and forth, and if you lead too much with one of them, you're going to be off track.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's why women get in their feelings and they start going crazy and throwing glitter in men's apartments when they cheat on them. I'm like, dude, play the long game. No glitter. Just leave.

[B]

And you even saying that women lead with emotion is like a hot take these days.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Women just want to be girl bosses.

[A]

And, yeah, I think you can be both. I think respect yourself, have the standards that you do, have the dignity that you do. But, like, don't sit here and expect that someone's going to meet your standards if they clearly can't. Like, I feel like women want men to meet them where they're at and. But if that's just not who they are, that's not who they are. You picked wrong.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and it's. There's no shame in admitting that you picked wrong. I've done it a million times, you know, but it's like, I'm also. I'm willing to see the signs for what they are in the beginning and leave when I know that it's not going to work. Rather than stick around and villainize someone who Wasn't actually bad. I just stuck around too long to the point where I didn't like them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I don't think that that's like. Right, you know?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Now, you've given advice to thousands of women. Do you feel like their standards are, are too high, too low, or do you feel like they're just about right?

[A]

I feel like whatever they want, they, they're allowed to have. I feel like some women, I mean, match meet what you expect. You know, if you're able to give everything that you're asking for, then sure, you can ask for it. But if you're gonna sit there and slack and you just want to be a little housewife, but you don't want to do anything, and you expect him to pay for everything and do everything, I just don't think then it's like. And I used to get the question a lot where it's like, what do you bring to the table? You know, and that was always a question that would piss me off. But then I started really looking at it. I'm like, I get it, you know, like, what are you bringing? And so I, I tried to make it into. I wanted to be the partner that I wanted, you know, So I built myself into a person and took three years to do it where it was like, I knew there was certain times that I, I needed to work on things in order to be the best partner that I could be. And I believe that where I'm at right now, I'm doing my best, but also, I'm not going to be able to practice being in a relationship until I'm in one. And so I've faced a lot of challenges I didn't know that I needed to work on since being in one. And. But I think that that's just part of being human. And every relationship comes with different things. So standards, I mean, set them, but don't be mad when people can't meet them. If you're not also meeting the standards that you expect.

[B]

Respect. Respect. Because there's this calculator, this delusion calculator. Have you seen this? Okay, so it's like average salary or like salary you want in a man, and then height, and then I think it's those two. Yeah, it might be those two. So basically, if you want someone that's over 6 foot 2 and makes over 150k a year, I think that's like 1% of men in the US really. So, like, most women aren't even aware of that.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't Know that?

[B]

Yeah. Like, it's Slim Pickens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's like an argument I see on the red pill where it's like, all these women are fighting for these men, but there's just not enough.

[A]

Yeah. You know that. Yeah. That's crazy. I didn't even.

[B]

Yeah. I'll send you the calculator. It's nuts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You. You obviously don't struggle with this issue, but, like, finding guys, like, top 1% guys, it's. It's kind of hard.

[A]

Yeah. But it's like, also, how are you going to have all of these expectations to find, I mean, the top 1%, but then, like, what are you. That. That's where it brings up the question where it's like, yeah, what do you bring to the table? Like, why do you deserve that? What kind of person are you that deserves that?

[B]

Exactly. And that. That, to me is important because if you're already making that and you're successful, you don't want someone making that worse, you know?

[A]

Well, and I'm like, you're really brushing off all of the people that could potentially be really good for you just because you want it a certain way. I mean, that's just hard. Reality check to some, like, girls that I'm like, you're. You're passing off people that would treat you so well and that would actually end up making you really happy just because you have this vision in your mind of what it is that you need out of life, you know, Sometimes.

[B]

You got to build with them. I met my girl when I was broke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I don't know if most girls would take that chance these days, because this was eight years ago before, like, all the dating apps and social media took off. And I feel like now they just want it right away, you know?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

It's tough. It's tough. I hear all these. I got a lot of single friends, and they just tell me the craziest stories. I'm sure you hear some, too.

[A]

Yeah, well, and I'm just like, why don't you. Instead of expect to get the life out of somebody else, why don't you just build it yourself? I mean, that's just kind of where I'm at. You have more controversial, but you have.

[B]

More control that way.

[A]

Yeah. I don't ever want to be in a position where somebody else has control over where I live, how much I'm able to spend. I don't. God forbid. Because then you're stuck. I don't ever want to feel stuck in a relationship where I Can't leave because what am I. What am I going to have, you know? So it's like everything that I've built is something that I get to take with me whether I'm in a relationship or not.

[B]

Interesting. See, so you're traditional mixed with entrepreneurship and independence.

[A]

But I'm not going to hold it over someone's head. Like, I built the life that I wanted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But also, like, I'm just looking for, like, not looking for. I have counterpart that just, like, is meets me there.

[B]

Right.

[A]

As long as you can take care of yourself. That's all I ask for. You know? So I'm like, I've got me handled. I've had me handled. But it's like, just, you know, I'm not gonna pass up someone that I really like just because, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They don't make seven figures a year. It's like that. That's silly to me.

[B]

Since you work so hard and long, do you find yourself in your masculine energy a lot?

[A]

Yes, I think that I am for sure. But I also. The right people can pull it out of me, you know, so it just depends. I'm more just like, goofy. I don't feel like a girl very often, to be honest. I would like to. I don't know. But I just. I'm the goofball that just like.

[B]

Yeah. I think because you work so long. Honestly, I think when you're just grinding, it's like a masculine energy type thing.

[A]

Yeah. Which I don't know if I like or not. I think it's cool. I think I've built the life that I have and it's been amazing. But at the same time, I'm like. I don't know. I've just always kind of been on my own. So I'm not like. I've never been the one that's been taken care of. Which I love.

[B]

Which is crazy to say as a girl.

[A]

Yeah. But I just don't like having. I think it was just because my dad used to hold shit over my head all the time, and I just didn't like that feeling. And so I don't ever want to be in that position again where someone said that they did something for me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I just avoid it.

[B]

Yeah. That is an interesting dynamic for you to deal with. Never being the one to be taken care of. Yeah.

[A]

Which I'm like. I would like that to obviously change. And, you know, I am now. I'm like, keep talking past sense because it's a new relationship. Sorry. So I'm like, no, he's great, but I'm not. He's not broke. He's not, like, awful. He just. Yeah. Talking from, like, just my past, it's just. That's never been the dynamic, so it's a little bit different. And I like the fact that it's kind of. I take care of me here, he takes care of him there. When we're together, it's great, you know, but it's just like. That's just never. It's foreign to me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Be taken care of.

[B]

A lot of guys these days judge the woman's past heavily. How much do you think that really matters about, like, all their partners and everything?

[A]

I don't know. I feel like I'm kind of mixed on it, but I don't know if it necessarily matters. I think every relationship is going to be different, so I think you can kind of pull parts that you like and what works for you. And, I mean, I'm in a dynamic that works for me, and I. I wouldn't personally ever want someone to take care of me, I think in certain ways, obviously, but I don't know, I see both sides.

[B]

I see the argument where it's like, slept with 500 people. Like, obviously that's not the best sign.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think people can change.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I kind of see. I think it's case by case. I think a lot of people make these broad, like, I don't know, quotes or whatever about it.

[A]

Yeah, I could see that. I just. I'm not too far one way. I. I don't know. I lead with a clear mind. And so I'm like, I'm not gonna sit here and tell anyone what they should and shouldn't do and what works and what doesn't. I'm just talking about the things that have worked for me and what I would personally like. But I understand that my dynamic of what I would want isn't what everyone else wants either.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I'm like, it works for me, and I don't know, it might change. It might not. It definitely has over the years. And I've learned different things about relationships that work and that don't work. I've realized that I have to give a lot more than I thought that I did. And so a lot more emotional things, even when I don't want to. I believe that I. I give respect in a relationship regardless of how I feel, and I don't stop giving respect until I'm out of it.

[B]

So it's an ongoing thing, man. I'm still learning. You know, I just had a deep conversation last night with my partner. Like, there's a lot I still need to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like that.

[A]

And it's never when they point it out to you and you're like, oh, my gosh, it was so uncomfortable, honestly.

[B]

But it was needed.

[A]

Yeah. And I see a lot of people where they're like, oh, well, you're expecting me to change. Like, you want me to change myself. I'm like, if your partner is asking you to change something, that is only going to improve your life. I had a conversation with, like, one of my friends the other night. She was like, he just wants me to cook for him. I'm like, then do it. She's like, I don't know how to cook. I'm like, he's asking you to learn a skill that is only going to better your life. Why wouldn't you do that? Like, why wouldn't you want to find more reasons to, like, expand what you know in life, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think it's important. If your partner's asking you to only change to be better. They're not asking you to change who you are, change, like, certain parts about yourself. Why wouldn't you want to do that? It's only going to improve you.

[B]

I think it's a very important skill to have cooking. Like, it really brings you together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, you feel the love and the food, and it's like a bonding experience for sure. So I'm a fan of your girl being able to cook.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. So she's like, I don't want to. Whatever. She's. So she's gonna try it. But I'm like, if that's. I mean, just do what your partner wants. Especially if it's something so stupid. Like, don't ruin a relationship over a petty thing that you just don't feel like doing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, it's like, just do it. Do the thing. And I used to not be like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Until.

[B]

So you were a feminist.

[A]

I. I don't think I was ever, like, feminist. I was more. It's less about, like, the cooking. It was more just like a. Like, I wanted. I thought that me just, like, being nurturing and loving and showing up as. That was enough. But, like, I didn't ever take the time to really understand. Like, I. When I'd get in arguments, I'm like, listen to me and then shut up, you know? And I've learned. And, like, this one, like, that's just not the case, and I care about it. So much that I'm willing to do the uncomfortable things. And. And I don't know. That was just something that I never really looked at that I needed to do. And flaws. My flaws were never pointed out to me.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So I didn't know what they were in a relationship. And so it's like, now that I have someone that's so open and honest about this doesn't work for me. I'm like, okay, it's just a lot of adjusting, but I just never really heard it before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so now it makes me look back on past relationships where I'm like, these were things that I've always done. I didn't know that would spark something in them. But why didn't they feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it, you know? And I'm like, I might not have been that safe place for them. So I can see two sides. And I, like, I always love to see my faults and things, because then I have a target of what I need to fix. And so I like things being pointed out that I'm doing wrong. I love hearing the parts that I do wrong so that I can.

[B]

Most people don't. Yeah. A lot of guys are scared to point out flaws, you know, So I can definitely relate to that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even eight years in now, I'm scared to, like, say the wrong thing and then they get upset, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And it's tough, especially females and their emotions and. I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think just being a safe place to fall. I mean, I tell him all the time. I'm like, just saying, my bad. Didn't mean to do that. I'm like, that does everything for me. So. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's hard to understand the other person's like, men, female brains. It's just like, we'll never understand fully.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because we. We're on two different operating systems.

[B]

But I think just having conversations are important, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Instead of avoiding them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was my issue because I grew up avoidant. I saw a lot of conflict growing up, so I would shut down, and now it's forced me to, like, talk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is super uncomfortable. But it's. That's how I need to grow.

[A]

It's the comfort zones that are always the things that are going to make things better. But you have to face them first. It's the parts of yourself that you don't like that you have to face, which is my biggest thing that helped me get to where I am now.

[B]

So I love that. Well, Ali, this has been fun. I had a really good time. What are you doing next? Where can people find you? Let them know. Right here.

[A]

I'm working on a self improvement journal, workbook thing. I. There's no reference to kind of what it's like because it doesn't exist. But I'm working on it right now. It should help a lot of people and then that should be soon. And then Tik Tok is just Ali Harding. Instagram is Ali Harding. Two GS. I think those are the main things.

[B]

Perfect. We'll link it below. Thanks for coming on.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Check her out, guys. I'll see you next time. Peace. I hope you guys are enjoying the show. Please don't forget to like and subscribe. It helps the show a lot with the algorithm. Thank you.