Dating App Secrets: What 99% of Entrepreneurs Get Wrong | Blaine Anderson DSH #1004

Summary

Summary of "Digital Social Hour Episode #1004: Blaine Anderson on Dating App Secrets"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Digital Social Hour
• Host: Sean Kelly
• Episode: Dating App Secrets: What 99% of Entrepreneurs Get Wrong | Blaine Anderson DSH #1004
• Release Date: December 22, 2024

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1. Introduction

In episode #1004 of the Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly welcomes Blaine Anderson, a seasoned dating coach, to discuss the intricacies of modern dating, particularly focusing on the pitfalls entrepreneurs often encounter. The conversation delves into the challenges of navigating dating apps, the importance of authentic connections, and strategies for building meaningful relationships in today’s digital age.

2. Current Challenges in the Dating Landscape

Navigating Social Media and Dating Apps Blaine highlights the predominant issues individuals face today, emphasizing the difficulty in creating genuine connections and effective flirting, especially among men striving to find partners on their level.

Blaine Anderson [01:35]: “Trouble navigating social media and apps, which is very understandable. Trouble creating connection and flirting. That's a big one I see from men.”

Proliferation of Options Leading to Superficial Connections The abundance of choices on dating platforms often leads to the "grass is greener" mentality, where individuals may not give potential partners a fair chance, leading to superficial engagements and frustration.

Blaine Anderson [14:58]: “People are struggling more to get into relationships initially. And I think part of that is due to just having so many options.”

3. The Learnability of Flirting

Blaine asserts that flirting is a skill that can be developed with practice and self-awareness. He encourages individuals to find a style that aligns with their personality rather than relying on generic pickup lines.

Blaine Anderson [02:06]: “Absolutely. It is absolutely a learnable skill.”

4. Insights on Dating Apps

Effectiveness of Different Platforms While Blaine acknowledges the utility of dating apps like Bumble and Hinge, he cautions against over-reliance on platforms perceived as lower intent, such as Tinder, which may cater more to casual hookups rather than serious relationships.

Blaine Anderson [04:20]: “Tinder, I would say, is one of the lower intent dating apps. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but there are more people looking for hookups.”

Challenges with AI Bots and Fake Profiles The rise of AI-generated bots poses a significant challenge, leading to skepticism and difficulties in establishing authentic connections. Blaine shares personal experiences of receiving fake messages mimicking his voice, underscoring the importance of vigilance online.

Blaine Anderson [05:05]: “If you send me money, I will give you advice. I'm like, no, don't do that. That's not me.”

5. The Role of Location in Meeting Potential Partners

Selecting the Right Venues Blaine emphasizes the importance of choosing environments that align with one’s interests and strengths. He advises against common pitfalls like bars and clubs for those seeking meaningful relationships, advocating for more conducive settings such as hobby classes or social sports.

Blaine Anderson [11:22]: “Where is a good place to meet women is very dependent on the person. Like, whether or not a bar or a club is a good place for you personally.”

Gym as a Viable Option Contrary to popular belief, Blaine argues that the gym can be an effective place to meet potential partners if approached thoughtfully, focusing on building connections over multiple interactions rather than immediate advances.

Blaine Anderson [12:33]: “The gym absolutely is a safe space for a lot of people, so you need to be able to read the room a little bit.”

6. Dealing with AI and Bots in Online Dating

The integration of AI in dating apps has intensified the challenge of distinguishing genuine profiles from automated bots. Blaine discusses the implications of this trend, urging users to remain cautious and verify the authenticity of interactions.

Blaine Anderson [07:32]: “Anywhere online or social media now you have that risk.”

7. Blaine's Experience on Shark Tank

Blaine shares her exhilarating experience appearing on Shark Tank, detailing the nervousness and the eventual offer from Mark Cuban, which, although not finalized, provided valuable exposure for her dating coaching business.

Blaine Anderson [22:12]: “It was definitely a big moment for me and I'm really happy I did it.”

8. Relationship Dynamics and Breakups

Initiating Breakups Across Age Groups Blaine presents a nuanced perspective on who typically initiates breakups, suggesting that younger women may end relationships more frequently due to greater options and evolving personal goals, whereas men in their 30s might lead more breakups as they assess long-term compatibility.

Blaine Anderson [24:08]: “I think relationships that are in their 20s, the woman tends to be the one who breaks up more.”

9. Strategies for Successful Dating

Building Confidence A cornerstone of Blaine's coaching philosophy is the cultivation of self-confidence, essential for attracting and maintaining healthy relationships. She emphasizes being authentic and aligning one’s social endeavors with personal interests to meet like-minded individuals.

Blaine Anderson [30:50]: “If you're not confident, you're not going to attract a confident woman. So that what you want to attract, you need to be yourself.”

Leveraging Social Circles and Shared Interests Engaging in group activities and expanding social circles through hobbies and sports like pickleball can facilitate natural connections. Blaine advocates for meeting people in settings that encourage interaction and shared experiences.

Blaine Anderson [19:07]: “Pickleball is a very social sport. Men and women play it. It's easy to learn and all levels can jump in.”

Avoiding Overreliance on Digital Communication While direct messaging can occasionally lead to successful interactions, Blaine warns against depending solely on DMs, especially with high-profile individuals, due to the saturation and impersonal nature of such communications.

Blaine Anderson [20:14]: “If you are relying on them exclusively for your dating life, you're probably not going to have a thriving dating life.”

10. Conclusion

Sean Kelly and Blaine Anderson wrap up the episode by reinforcing the importance of confidence, authenticity, and strategic social engagement in the dating process. Blaine shares her positive impact through her coaching programs, with over 5,000 men benefiting from her expertise, leading to numerous successful relationships and marriages. Listeners are encouraged to seek personalized advice and leverage both online and offline strategies to enhance their dating experiences.

Blaine Anderson [30:47]: “My goal for my clients is they feel confident. They feel like they know what to do and when and they feel like they have options with women that they are excited about.”

For those seeking further guidance, Blaine directs listeners to her website and social media platforms:

• Website: DatingbyBlaine.com
• Social Media: @DatingByBlaine

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Notable Quotes:

• Blaine Anderson [02:06]: “Absolutely. It is absolutely a learnable skill.”
• Blaine Anderson [16:57]: “You need to work on offline meetings, offline approaches too, which are harder.”
• Blaine Anderson [30:50]: “If you're not confident, you're not going to attract a confident woman. So that what you want to attract, you need to be yourself.”

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This episode provides valuable insights for entrepreneurs and professionals seeking to navigate the complex world of modern dating. Blaine Anderson’s expertise offers actionable strategies to build meaningful connections, both online and offline, fostering personal growth and relationship success.

Transcript

[Blaine Anderson]

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[Blaine Anderson]

To get the rap of like, this guy's at the gym just asking girls out left and right. That's a bad.

[Podcast Host]

Every gym has that guy.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. So you really want to make sure because. And if you're speaking to her over multiple interactions, you might realize, hey, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have that much in common. She's not that smart, you know, like, whatever it is, and then you can nix it and then maybe you ask somebody else out at a later time. You don't like, blow your one chance at the gym.

[Podcast Host]

Absolutely. All right, guys, got Blaine Anderson here today. Dating expert. Thanks for coming on.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, thanks for having me.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Dating market's pretty interesting right now, right?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, it is.

[Podcast Host]

There's a lot of. A lot of complaints. I see.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. I'm curious, you know, if you go back 50 years, if people complained about dating as much? I feel like probably not.

[Podcast Host]

I don't think so.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, but everyone is having trouble now, and everyone thinks their city is the worst for dating.

[Podcast Host]

Right. What other troubles you're seeing?

[Blaine Anderson]

A lot of different things, but trouble navigating social media and apps, which is very understandable. Trouble creating connection and flirting. That's a big one I see from men. Finding somebody that they feel is on their level or that they connect with. I hear that all the time.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

Um. And yeah, there's a lot of things that contribute to that, but those are some of the problems I see frequently.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Do you think flirting can be acquired, like, if you suck at it?

[Blaine Anderson]

Absolutely. It is absolutely a learnable skill. Some people are naturally better at it than others, and some people learned it or practiced it more growing up because of their environment. They had a brother or dad who was really good at It. But it's absolutely a learnable skill and something you can get better at.

[Podcast Host]

Okay. Yeah. Some people are really bad. Right. I just see girls, like screenshot in the messages and putting them on blast.

[Blaine Anderson]

And there's different styles of flirting too. Like this once, that this one style isn't going to work for every guy. You have to kind of figure out what works for you based on what you're comfortable with, your personality, your strengths. So it's not one size fits all.

[Podcast Host]

Right. There's no one pickup line that can work 100% of the time.

[Blaine Anderson]

No. And that's like. So, you know, sometimes people want that. They want, like the secret code. What's the cheat code? And that's just not how dating works, right?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Because every girl's different, Right. Some girls might not like that line. So. Yeah, you gotta be adaptable.

[Blaine Anderson]

And the most important thing when you're saying something or using a line is that it's authentic to you. If it doesn't sound like something, something that is authentic, or you sound like you're rehear. You're reciting a rehearsed line, that's going to be the biggest turn off of all. You're way better off skipping a line, being your authentic self, being confident than trying to have the perfect, funny, witty, charismatic thing to say every time. That's not realistic.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. How intimidated are guys to date you since you're a dating coach?

[Blaine Anderson]

Well, I'm married, but before that. Yeah. Well, I'm actually. So I've been a dating coach full time since 2020. Uh, I. When I met my husband, I worked in a different industry, so.

[Podcast Host]

Got it.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, he was. He didn't have that aspect to be intimidated by.

[Podcast Host]

That's funny. What does he think of what you're doing?

[Blaine Anderson]

He loves it. Yeah, he loves it.

[Podcast Host]

He probably had friends struggling with it, so.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. And I mean, I. I talk to him often all the time or I talk to him all the time about it. And a lot of the things that my clients and the guys I work with are struggling with are things he struggled with in his 20s and when he was younger.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I used to be terrible at it. I think it's like a confidence thing too.

[Blaine Anderson]

Cause I absolutely.

[Podcast Host]

I didn't have the best confidence. So.

[Blaine Anderson]

Tr.

[Podcast Host]

Translating that into dating, obviously you're gonna get in your own head.

[Blaine Anderson]

Are you dating now or you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, fiance. We're getting married next year.

[Blaine Anderson]

Congrats.

[Podcast Host]

But prior to that, had no game, no confidence.

[Blaine Anderson]

Where did you meet her?

[Podcast Host]

We met on a dating app. So I want to get your opinion on this, but, like, because I've actually seen you talk about Tinder, but. Yeah, we met on Tinder.

[Blaine Anderson]

Oh, wow.

[Podcast Host]

Which is pretty rare, I feel like.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, it is. I mean, not rare to meet online, but Tinder, I would say, is a. Is one of the lower intent dating apps. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but there are more people looking for hookups. And you could use an app with what I call higher intent, like maybe Bumble or Hinge, where it's more relationship focused. That being said, there's millions of users on all of the apps. You can find someone who's looking for what you're looking for on any of them.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. And I was on that app before the bots started coming in. So now there's these. Of bots. These AI bots.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And I heard there's a lot of them.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. Anywhere online or social media now you have that risk. Like, I've seen bots made of me that are like, using my voice and stuff, which is really scary. Scary. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

That's creepy. So they have your voice?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, because I have so many reels out there and so much video online. It still sounds fairly robotic, but I've had people send it to me that, like, someone has DM them and it's like a robot version of me being like, sending a voice note, being like, this is Blaine dating coach. Like, if you send me money, I will give you advice. I'm like, no, don't do that. That's not me.

[Podcast Host]

No way.

[Blaine Anderson]

I'll never send you a DM and a voice note.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, eventually they'll be so good where it'll be one on one.

[Blaine Anderson]

It's really scary. Yeah. And, like, have video too.

[Podcast Host]

People have done that with my pod. They've had my guest say all this crazy stuff for their product, and they do this with Rogan show too. And then they run ads on it and they're getting tens of millions of views.

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[Blaine Anderson]

That's so scary.

[Podcast Host]

It is really scary.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So those apps bumble. What about Raya?

[Blaine Anderson]

So r I don't have a problem with Raya. I would say from my experience using Raya and even what I see my clients and my friends on Raya, it it because it is global. You're oftentimes seeing people all over, not just in your location, which inherently meets. It makes it harder to meet up. And then oftentimes the type of people who are on Raya aren't necessarily, you know, it's more exclusive. There's a lot of like celebrities, there's a lot of Instagram influencers there. They don't necessarily need dating apps today. They're meeting a lot of people without that. They have a lot of people approaching them, asking them out in other places. So they don't necessarily use it as a way to actually go on dates. So even though you might match with people on Riot, the conversion to actually being on a date is much lower than other dating apps in my experience.

[Podcast Host]

I could see that. I see it more of like a networking thing.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Honest.

[Blaine Anderson]

And people use it for that.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

It's like kind of like seeing who else is there.

[Podcast Host]

Right. And now these apps have like A friend option, right?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, Raya does.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, they do.

[Blaine Anderson]

Here. Just for friends.

[Podcast Host]

Okay. I'm going to have to talk to my fiance because I'm always down to network. But yeah, she never liked those apps like, cuz Tinder has it too. And Bumble.

[Blaine Anderson]

Really?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, but it's like Bumble bff.

[Blaine Anderson]

That's like one to make friends.

[Podcast Host]

Oh yeah, Bumble. Yeah, Bumble's. Is it still where the girl asked to message first or did she?

[Blaine Anderson]

No, now they have changed it a little bit. That's actually a recent update where the girl can put a prompt or a question on her profile so then the guy can message her first. So I mean, and that's not surprising. You know, when you think about women want to be approached, if you think about it like evolutionarily, like it is usually the man who is the one physically approaching and doing the initial legwork to get the attention from the woman. So it's not surprising that like, oh, this app that like made the women do the first move, realized, like women don't actually want to make the first move, and then made this update so to put the onus back on the guy.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So do you coach mainly men or women?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, my business is primarily men. I have worked with women in the past and like a lot of the advice is the same. Same. But even from a business standpoint, when I got started, I knew it was important to pick Elaine and pick a segment and I chose men.

[Podcast Host]

Right. I mean, men probably would rather listen to you than another man about dating.

[Blaine Anderson]

You'd be surprised. I get a lot of, you know, like, why would you ask a fish how to fish? Type comments. And like, girls don't actually know what they want. Like some men would definitely rather listen to a woman. And like my clients, the men I work with want to hear from a woman. But there's also a lot of guys out there who, for whatever reason, aren't comfortable learning from a woman. Don't believe women. But those. I'm not. I'm not trying to convince those people that I'm right.

[Podcast Host]

You know, like, that's more of an ego thing, I think.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How. How has the red pill movement treated you? Probably terribly. Right.

[Blaine Anderson]

I don't pay a lot of attention to it, frankly. It's just like, not my sphere. We have differing approaches to dating and what we think makes sense for men and women. Right. But I wouldn't say I'm like, overly bullied online that I know of. Maybe. I just don't know.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Do you put how Much emphasis do you put on the location, like where. Where you meet the. The woman.

[Blaine Anderson]

So that's very important where you. You are spending time and trying to meet women. A woman or women generally can be to. Can determine whether you are successful dating or not. If you're trying to meet women in the wrong places, you're not going to get women on dates with you. So you. And where is a good place to meet women is very dependent on the person. Like, you know, whether or not a bar or a club is a good place for you personally, I mean, a woman depends a lot on your personality and what your strengths are. And quite frankly, bars and clubs, in my opinion, aren't great places to meet women if you're looking for a girlfriend.

[Podcast Host]

Agreed.

[Blaine Anderson]

Because it's loud, you have nothing in common except that you're both at that bar. Alcohol is involved, which makes people act differently. Be more inclined to, like, be rude oftentimes and if especially. A lot of the clients I work with would identify as shy or introverted or at least in certain settings. So to stand out at a bar, like where it's loud, like you said, where there's a lot of other competition and people is really tough.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. What about a gym?

[Blaine Anderson]

So I met my husband at the gym. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's definitely possible. And I. People. There's definitely people in both camps. I hear people say, like, no, it's like a safe space. You can't meet people there. But I actually don't think that's true if you handle it correctly. So the key thing is knowing what to do. The gym absolutely is a safe space for a lot of people, so you need to be able to read the room a little bit. It's what I call a high stigma environment, which means you need to put in more upfront work before you ask her out. You're not just going to approach a woman and ask her out immediately. You need to qualify her first. You need to understand, like, is it believable that she's single? Is she showing interest back in me? That's a very important one. If she has one headphone out and is like trying to get back to her workout, that's not a good signal that you should ask her out.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Blaine Anderson]

If she's asking you questions back, if she's talking to you, if she.

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[Blaine Anderson]

He's holding eye contact. Then, you know, that could mean green light. But before I would ask her out, I would say, you should actually get to know her over multiple interactions in the gym. For example, when I met my husband, he introduced himself the first time, but he didn't ask him me out that time. But because he'd introduced himself, we had a short conversation. Then when we'd see each other at the gym moving forward, we would talk again. So we were able to get to know each other lightly over multiple interactions before he asked me out.

[Podcast Host]

Smart. He's playing the long game.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. And that's like, really what you have to do at the gym to not. And you don't want to get the rap of, like, this guy's at the gym just asking girls out left and right. That's a bad.

[Podcast Host]

Every gym has that guy.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. So you really want to make sure, because. And if you're speaking to her over multiple interactions, you might realize, hey, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have that much in common. She's not that smart, you know, like, whatever it is. And then you can nix it, and then maybe you ask somebody else out at a later time. You don't, like, blow your one chance at the gym?

[Podcast Host]

Absolutely. Yeah. I like to. People watch. So I noticed at my gym at Lifetime, like, girls seem pretty closed off because first of all, they're super outnumbered. Second of all, weird guys are looking at them and, yeah, it's just a. It's a tough setting, but it worked for you.

[Blaine Anderson]

So, yeah, I think I. So we were at a workout class. We were at a Barry's Boot Camp class. And classes facilitate it better because before class, after class, there's times that make sense to have a conversation. You're standing around, you're waiting for something, you can talk about the class. Have you done this class before? Like, do you like this instructor? What'd you think of class? There's built in conversation topics where if you're just cold approaching a random girl at the gym, it's a little tougher. And if you can't do it while she's working out It's a no go if she has her headphones in. So it kind of has to be the perfect storm. Like, you're both at the smoothie bar at the same time. You're both at the water fountain at the same time. And that requires a certain amount of luck.

[Podcast Host]

Right. Are you seeing an increasing amount of breakups these days compared to the past, you think?

[Blaine Anderson]

No, I wouldn't say an increasing amount of breakups, but I do think people are struggling more to get into relationships initially. And I think part of that is due to just having so many options. This illusion through Instagram and through dating apps and through only fans, that you have access to all of these, all of these options. And that's not the case. That's honestly an optical illusion. Like, yes, you in theory can access these people, but creating connections is still very hard. And so people always often have the mindset the grass is greener. So they go on a first date and they don't feel the sparks and the fireworks aren't going. Then they're like, you know, I have like a whole list of these other people on, on the dating app. Like, I'll just explore one of them rather than giving somebody a little bit more of a chance to develop that connection and explore a relationship with them first.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, guys call it a roster.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. Girls call it a roster too. Oh, girls up on the roster next.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, that's funny. I didn't know that. Yeah. I'd be curious what percentage of people are like, in relationships compared to like years prior.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, I don't know how it compares to years prior, but I think it's, you know, if you're looking at like dating age, women, something like 2/3 of women are already in a relationship, which ties back to needing to be resilient in dating. So I, we, like, we talked about dating apps. I think dating apps are necessary evil. I think they are worth using to get in front of people you might not otherwise meet. But like, if you are relying on them exclusively for your dating app, for your dating life, you're probably not going to have a thriving dating life. You need to work on offline meetings, offline approaches too, which are harder. So people don't want to do it, but. Sorry, I lost my turn. Where was I going with that? With meeting.

[Podcast Host]

Offline meetings.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Dating apps. Yeah, No, I could see that though, because most people rely on dating apps.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yes, exactly. And that's. You just, you can only go so far there. And some people just aren't going to do as well on dating Apps as others.

[Podcast Host]

Now, I've heard most of the attractive woman don't even use dating apps. Is that true?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, a lot of women, or they might use them here and there or for fun, but they're not relying. They're certainly not relying on them. And so guys might see them and they might even match with them, but then it doesn't lead to a date and they get frustrated. Oh, that's what I was saying about approaching. Because so many women are in relationships. Guys will approach three girls and be like, it's hopeless. You know, no one is interested. Like everyone's in a relationship. And the reality is that a lot of people are just in relationships. So it's a numbers game, right? You have to be talking to a lot of women. You have to be approaching a lot of women to find the ones who are single and like the ones that are going to be interested in you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Wow. I didn't know 66% of women were dating.

[Blaine Anderson]

I think it's around that really high.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So you got. It's a numbers game. So two out of three are dating, so.

[Blaine Anderson]

Or like married or in a relationship.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, that's super high. Actually. It's higher than I thought. Yeah. So you got to pretty much approach at least three girls then. Because if you're just putting all your eggs in one basket or two baskets, you know, they could be dating.

[Blaine Anderson]

And that's why I say, okay, you can put 20 of your effort online, but then 80 of your effort should be spent offline.

[Podcast Host]

I love that. And which, which venues are you recommending people to go to?

[Blaine Anderson]

So it's very specific to the person. You should be spending time in places that you enjoy, that you thrive, that you feel confident that the type of woman you want to date is going to be at. So I like hobbies, things that you're already doing. Not all hobbies are created equal. Your video game habit is probably not going to lead to you meeting that many women. But hey, if you've always been interested in taking a language course or taking an art class or a writing class or stand up or yoga teacher training or the gym, like whatever your interests are, lean into those and spend time each and every week investing in them. And you're going to meet like minded people and that like minded person, you might meet people through those hobbies. Maybe it's not your girlfriend, but it might be a friend who you now, okay, have things in common with, share values with that and friend invites you to a party and that's where you meet your Girlfriend. The whole idea is you want to expand your social circle and community offline to meet people like you who you could have a connection with.

[Podcast Host]

What do you think of the wingman strategy?

[Blaine Anderson]

Like going out together?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, like having a guy hype you up or a girl hype you up.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. I mean, having friends is a great way to leverage improving your dating life. If you are constantly having to go out solo, that's going to be tougher than if you're going out with friends. If you have a friend to talk you up, like, you know, case in point, like I said, you meet a friend at one of your hobbies, then you go to a party with them. Like, they're going to be more inclined to talk you up to, like, that mutual friend. Like, oh, yeah, he's a great guy. Like, he's the man. As opposed to, like, you showing up someplace by yourself. And then you have to do all the work building the trust, creating the connection.

[Podcast Host]

It definitely helps. I know people that have, like a gay best friend and then they'll use that guy to, like, talk to the gender.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, that's actually a good one. I also love as a place, pickleball. I think that's a very. I don't know if it's big in Vegas. It is here. Okay. I feel like it's huge in most major cities at this point. And it's very social. Men and women play it. It's not heavily skewed one way or the other. It's easy to learn. All levels can jump in. So I love that as a way to meet more people.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, Pickleball is an equalizer sport for sure. What about deep dms? Have you ever seen someone slide in and it actually worked?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yes, I've definitely seen it happen. But I would say guys rely on DMS too heavily. Like, if you are struggling on the dating apps, then trying to use Instagram as a dating app is probably just going to be more challenging. And it works a lot of the same way. You need to have decent pictures, you need to look good online. You need to be able to send a message that sticks out. And the mistake guys make is like, they're DMing these girls who have like a hundred thousand followers. And it's like, yeah, you and 20 other guys have sent her a DM today. So, like, why you? What's standing out about you? And then the other problem is, are you. Is she even gonna see it? So that's why it's a challenging strategy and definitely not one to rely on.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I've seen some of these girls inbox. Oh, my gosh.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Literally 100 dms a day. It's nuts.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. So, like, why? How? I think it's more. What is more realistic is using that as a way to get in touch with like a mutual friend or someone who, you know isn't an Instagram celebrity, isn't like a random person from the Internet, but is someone you actually are one or two degrees removed from and you have a reasonable reason to reach out to them. That's going to be a much more successful strategy in the dms. Like, I get DMS all the time. I literally wear a wedding ring on each hand. I talk about being married on my platform, and if you just spent two minutes, like doing a little recon on my profile, you could skip it. But guys don't. They blindly will slide into women's DMs and then it's like, oh, I'm discouraged. It's like, okay, what? Does she even live where you live? Is she even single? And then like, why you? That's not a good strategy.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, for real. The distance thing is tough too.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, really tough.

[Podcast Host]

I don't see those working out for the most part.

[Blaine Anderson]

Well, especially if you haven't met in person. You know, if you meet in person first, you, like, really hit it off. You happen to leave, live in other places, or one person moves away. That's much more realistic than starting a long distance relationship with somebody you've never met in person.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So you went on one of my favorite shows, Shark Tank. I'd love to hear about your experience. I've had a couple of those guys on the pod.

[Blaine Anderson]

Amazing. It was a wonderful experience. It was definitely a bucket list item. It was way more nerve wracking than I maybe, like, ever thought it would be. I guess I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about, like, what would it be like to be on Shark Tank? You know, when you watch the show, you're just like sitting at home on your couch like, that idiot. Like, whatever. And it was definitely a big moment for me and I'm really happy I did it.

[Podcast Host]

Nice. Were you trying to get one of them in specifically?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. Mark Cuban was the one I like, really wanted. I would have went because I feel like he's such an awesome. He is an awesome guy. He is the type of guy a lot of the men I work with want to be. Like, he's successful, he has a family. He's known as a good guy. He does, you know, philanthropic. So I felt like he Would be a good shark for me. And ended up working out. He made me an offer.

[Podcast Host]

Nice.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, you took it.

[Blaine Anderson]

We didn't end up closing it after the fact.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, the dd.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I heard a lot of those deals after. I think it's like, what, 20, 30%?

[Blaine Anderson]

It's a lot. He was wonderful. He was amazing to work with. I just. Ultimately, you know, what you see on the show is literally what happens on stage. And to actually take an investment from somebody, there is so much more that has to be discussed and figured out and agreed upon, and it ultimately just didn't make sense for us.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, well, everything happens for a reason, right?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. No, he's wonderful. I don't have a bad thing to say about him.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Shout out to Mark. I've been trying to get him on the show. If you're watching this, Mark, I know you're going on a run right now. I just saw him on Theo. I saw him on a couple other ones.

[Blaine Anderson]

Nice.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. He's going through a lot of hate right now on Twitter.

[Blaine Anderson]

So why politics? I don't even know his politics.

[Podcast Host]

Well, he's not into it, but he's, like, talking about, like, he's promoted someone.

[Blaine Anderson]

So.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it's a very controversial thing.

[Blaine Anderson]

I'm gonna have to follow up on that after this.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Looking at. He's been getting torched. Who do you think initiates breakup more, men or woman?

[Blaine Anderson]

So I'm gonna make a very big generalization here. Hot take. I think relationships that are in their 20s, the woman tends to be the one who breaks up more because she has a higher cost on her time, like, and she has more options. And then when you get a bit older, like, when people are in their 30s, it tends to be the man who initiates the breakup more often. He's in less of a rush to take that next step to necessarily get married. There's less of a timeline on biologically when he needs to progress relationships so he's more willing to end something and start anew.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Because in their 20s, girls want to have kids. Right. So they're kind of.

[Blaine Anderson]

Or they're at least, like, thinking about, like, that as a possibility. And women in their twenties are highly desirable. They can meet. They can date men in their 20s, they can date men in their 30s. They can date men in their 40s or and up or. Everyone is going to be interested in women in their 20s. They're in their prime. They're in their most, like, evolutionarily. They're in their most fertile time.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Blaine Anderson]

So that's going to be. They are in high demand. They are sought after and desired, so they have more options.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, and I see that with some, some woman friends of mine. They're really trying to rush it almost, you know, trying to find a guy to have kids with. But I don't think relationships should be rushed.

[Blaine Anderson]

No, I think they can't. And I think, I mean, there's a lot of different types of relationships. And some people meet and get married immediately and have kids and it works out and they're married for 50 years and other people are, you know, together for 10 years before they get married and then get divorced within a year. So I think, you know, rushing is less in my mind about exact timing and more about how deeply you're connecting and while you're knowing each other and you're talking about like the big picture, important things. So that's what really needs to happen before taking a next step, is making sure you're aligned on what the future should look like for both of you.

[Podcast Host]

And when do you think is the appropriate time to have that conversation?

[Blaine Anderson]

Like around being exclusive?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

So I get this question a lot and there's no right answer for every relationship because every relationship is different. I think I see men and women both trying to rush this, and usually the underlying reason is because they want to lock it down. They feel fearful that the person is gonna find somebody else and that is the wrong reason to want to be in an exclusive relationship. I say you should not want to be exclusive with someone until you are aware of their flaws and want to be with them anyway. Because if you're still in the honeymoon phase where you think they're perfect and everything is hunky dory, then you actually don't know them well enough to want to be exclusive with them. So at the very, very minimum, I would say like four or five dates. But that seems very soon. And I think a more reasonable timeline is a few months of dating, two to three months of dating. It depends. Obviously it also depends on how often you're hanging out and seeing each other and having the conversations that should be had before being exclusive but respectable.

[Podcast Host]

So you're not a fan of sex on the first date.

[Blaine Anderson]

Again, I think like, there are definitely people who had sex on the first date and are happily married, and there's plenty of people who that didn't work out for them. My opinion is that you are better off forming some sort of emotional connection before having the physical connection. If you want a long term relationship with this person if you're just looking to have fun and you just want to hook up, like, and both parties are into that, like, go for it. But if you want things to progress further, you want to explore that possibility, I recommend getting the emotional connection going first. Sex can be awkward. Sex can be weird, especially the first time. So if it's like kind of awkward and you don't have an emotional connection yet, it's very easy for either party to be like, like, I don't think they're the one. Like, I'm just going to move on. Whereas if you already have an emotional connection, you've built some amount of trust. Like, the sex is more likely to be good, especially for the girl. And then if it is kind of weird or there's like, you know, that awkward moment, it's like, okay, well, I still really like this person. We can like move past that, Right?

[Podcast Host]

I agree. And that's where I differ from most guys. I want that emotional connection before I ever do that with someone.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You know, but there's guys racking up hundreds of bodies.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. I think that's a very different. I mean, it's just a different strategy.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm friends with them, but.

[Blaine Anderson]

As I nod to somebody else off screen, oh, man.

[Podcast Host]

People close to us know who I'm talking about. So a lot of your clients are coming out of a divorce or a long term relationship, so they, they don't know how to pretty much flirt or talk to girls, right?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. I think the problem oftentimes if you're coming out of a divorce or a long term relationship is that, that so much has changed. The dating landscape has changed so rapidly. Sure. Dating apps existed 10 years ago, but they weren't. It's not like every single person was on them. It wasn't so important to your dating life. It wasn't so competitive.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

And so they just like, aren't sure how to text and appropriately communicate there. Like, how much should they be texting? They don't know how to make their dating apps. They're just out of practice, really. And so it's helpful for them to have someone like, give them the blueprint of like, okay, here's what it's. Here's what is expected of you. Here's how I recommend implementing it. Here's what you should be doing when you jump back into the dating pool.

[Podcast Host]

Right. I love how personalized your advice is because a lot of these coaches give such broad things to follow and then people follow it and it doesn't work.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. I think that's a mistake. I see a lot of coaches making and like, people following one piece of advice isn't probably going to work for everybody. Even advice I give online, I might say something and people are in the comments like, well, that doesn't work for this type of person. It's like, yeah, that might not be like the system that is going to work for you based on your strengths or based on who you're looking to attract.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Blaine Anderson]

So dating is personalized, and thriving in dating is even more personalized. But there are definitely blanket rules that apply across the board as well.

[Podcast Host]

Absolutely. So you're four years into coaching now. Any of your clients get married yet?

[Blaine Anderson]

Oh, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

I've been invited to tons of weddings. I've had baby announcements.

[Podcast Host]

Nice.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Things are moving quick.

[Blaine Anderson]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I've. I think I've had at this point over 5,000 men go through my programs.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. So I've had actually like a good number of weddings.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I'd be curious. Over time we'll see how your results, like, yeah, maybe like what percentage of people are like, succeeding.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yes. People have different goals. You know, a lot of my clients are looking for long term relationships and looking for marriage, but I also have plenty of clients who are in their 20s and they don't have a lot of experience with women. And sure, one day they want to get married, but right now they're just looking to have more options with women they're excited about.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Blaine Anderson]

And have fun with it and that's okay too. So it's like, like I don't count getting married as like my. The ultimate success. Like for some people it is. If that's your goal.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

There's a lot of other ways to be successful dating.

[Podcast Host]

Good point. Yeah. Some guys just want to hook up. Maybe they don't want kids. Yeah.

[Blaine Anderson]

So, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I guess success is different when it comes to dating.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. My goal for my clients is they feel confident. They feel like they know what to do and when and they feel like they have options with women that they are excited about.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. That confidence can be learned.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, definitely.

[Podcast Host]

I think a big part of my issue was I didn't have a father figure, so just that my confidence wasn't there. Girls told me I was ugly, ugly growing up. So yeah, I had to rebuild that.

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think confidence is really a baseline if you want to date attractive women. When I say attractive, I mean that more holistically, like women who are also confident, women who are secure with themselves. You know, you often will attract somebody at the same level, sort of across any spectrum that you are. So if you're a super needy guy, you're probably going to date and attract super needy women. If you're not confident, you're not going to attract a confident woman. So that what you want to attract, you need to be yourself.

[Podcast Host]

Agreed. Yeah, because in high school, like, there was all sorts of people. There was nerds, there was athletes, and now 10 years later I see them getting married and stuff and yeah, there's a, there's a person out there for everyone. Like, you know what I mean?

[Blaine Anderson]

And I think that's an important call out. Like, no matter how niche your interests or even like your sexual desires are, the world is vast, the Internet is big. You can find that person. Like, no matter what you're into, there is somebody else who is also into that and will be into you if you start doing the right stuff. If you put yourself out there 100%.

[Podcast Host]

Blaine, where can people get lessons from you and keep up with your social media?

[Blaine Anderson]

Yeah. Datingbyblane.com Dating by Blaine across social media. Get in touch and I would love to help you.

[Podcast Host]

Cool. We'll link it below. Guys, if you need help dating, check out the links and we'll see you next time. Peace.