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Dating App Secrets: What 99% of Entrepreneurs Get Wrong | Blaine Anderson DSH #1004
00:29:12
Discover the dating app secrets that most entrepreneurs are missing! 🎯 Dating coach Blaine Anderson shares game-changing insights on navigating modern relationships, from dating apps to real-world connections.
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- [00:00]
Blaine Anderson
And you don't want to get the rap of, like, this guy's at the gym just asking girls out left and right. That's a bad.
- [00:05]
Host
Every gym has that guy.
- [00:06]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. You don't want to be that guy. So you really want to make sure. Because if you're speaking to her over multiple interactions, you might realize, hey, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have that much in common. She's not that smart. You know, like, whatever it is, and then you can nix it, and then maybe you ask somebody else out at a later time. You don't, like, blow your one chance at the gym.
- [00:23]
Marketing Voice
Absolutely.
- [00:27]
Host
All right, guys, got Blaine Anderson here today. Dating expert. Thanks for coming on.
- [00:31]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, thanks for having me.
- [00:32]
Host
Yeah. Dating market's pretty interesting right now, right?
- [00:34]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, it is.
- [00:36]
Host
There's a lot of. A lot of complaints. I see.
- [00:39]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. I'm curious, you know, if you go back 50 years, if people complained about dating as much? I feel like probably not.
- [00:45]
Host
I don't think so.
- [00:46]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, but everyone is having trouble now, and everyone thinks their city's the worst for dating.
- [00:50]
Host
Right. What other troubles you're seeing?
- [00:52]
Blaine Anderson
A lot of different things, but trouble navigating social media and apps, which is very understandable. Trouble creating connection and flirting. That's a big one I see from men. Finding somebody that they feel is on their level or that they connect with. I hear that all the time.
- [01:13]
Host
Yeah.
- [01:14]
Blaine Anderson
And, yeah, there's a lot of things that contribute to that, but those are some of the problems I see frequently.
- [01:18]
Host
Yeah. Do you think flirting can be acquired, like, if you suck at it?
- [01:22]
Blaine Anderson
Absolutely. It is absolutely a learnable skill. Some people are naturally better at it than others, and some people learned it or practiced it more growing up because of their environment. They had a brother or dad who was really good at it, but it's absolutely a learnable skill and something you can get better at.
- [01:37]
Host
Okay. Yeah. Some people are really bad. Right. I just see girls, like, screenshotting the messages and putting them on blast.
- [01:44]
Blaine Anderson
And there's different styles of flirting, too. Like this once. That this one style isn't going to work for every guy. You have to kind of figure out what works for you based on what you're comfortable with, your personality, your strengths. So it's not one size fits all.
- [01:57]
Host
Right. There's no one pickup line that can work 100% of the time.
- [02:00]
Blaine Anderson
No. And that's like, you know, sometimes people want that. They want, like, the secret code. What's the cheat code? And that. That's just not how dating works.
- [02:06]
Host
Right? Yeah. Cuz every girl's different. Right. Some girls might not like that line. So you got to be adaptable.
- [02:11]
Blaine Anderson
And the most important thing when you're saying something or using a line is that it's authentic to you. If it doesn't sound like something that is authentic or you sound like you're. You're reciting a rehearsed line, that's going to be the biggest turnoff of all. You're way better off skipping a line, being your authentic self, being confident than trying to have the perfect, funny, witty, charismatic thing to say every time. That's not realistic.
- [02:36]
Host
Yeah. How intimidated are guys to date you since you're a dating coach?
- [02:39]
Blaine Anderson
Well, I'm married, but before that. Yeah. Well, I've actually. So I've been a dating coach full time since 2020. I. When I met my husband, I worked in a different industry.
- [02:50]
Host
Oh, got it.
- [02:50]
Blaine Anderson
Ye. He was. He didn't have that aspect to be intimidated by.
- [02:54]
Host
That's funny. What does he think of what you're doing?
- [02:56]
Blaine Anderson
He loves it. He loves it.
- [02:57]
Host
He probably had friends struggling with it. So.
- [02:59]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. And I mean, I, I talk to him often. All the time or I talk to him all the time about it. And a lot of the things that my clients and the guys I work with are struggling with are things he struggled with in his 20s and when he was younger.
- [03:12]
Host
Yeah, I used to be terrible at it. I think it's like a confidence thing too because.
- [03:16]
Blaine Anderson
Absolutely.
- [03:16]
Host
I didn't have the best confidence. So translating that into dating, obviously you're going to get in your own head.
- [03:21]
Blaine Anderson
Are you dating now or you.
- [03:22]
Host
Yeah. Fiance. Say we're getting married next year.
- [03:24]
Blaine Anderson
Congrats.
- [03:25]
Host
But prior to that, had no game, no confidence.
- [03:27]
Blaine Anderson
Where did you meet her?
- [03:29]
Host
We met on a dating app. So I want to get your opinion on this, but like, because I've actually seen you talk about Tinder, but. Yeah, we met on Tinder.
- [03:35]
Blaine Anderson
Oh, wow.
- [03:35]
Host
Which is pretty rare, I feel like.
- [03:37]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, it is. I mean, not rare to meet online, but Tinder, I would say is a. Is one of the lower intent dating apps. It doesn't mean it's impossible, but there are more people looking for hookups and you could use an app with what I call higher intent, like maybe Bumble or Hinge, where it's more relationship focused. That being said, there's millions of users on all of the apps. You can find someone who's looking for what you're looking for on any of them.
- [04:02]
Host
Yeah. And I was on that app before the Bots started coming in. So now there's these. Of bots. These AI bots.
- [04:07]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [04:08]
Host
And I heard there's a lot of them.
- [04:10]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. Anywhere online or social media now you have that risk. Like, I've seen bots made of me that are, like, using my voice and stuff, which is really scary. Scary. Yeah, it's creepy.
- [04:19]
Host
So they have your voice.
- [04:20]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, Because I have so many reels out there and so much video online. It still sounds fairly robotic, but I've had people send it to me that, like, someone has DM them and it's like a robot version of me being, like, sending a voice note, being like, this is Blaine dating coach. Like, if you send me money, I will give you advice. I'm like, no, don't do that. That's not me.
- [04:39]
Host
No way.
- [04:39]
Blaine Anderson
I'll never send you a DM and a voice note.
- [04:41]
Host
I mean, eventually they'll be so good where it'll be one on one.
- [04:44]
Blaine Anderson
It's really scary. Yeah. And, like, have video too.
- [04:47]
Host
People have done that with my pod. They've had my guest say all this crazy stuff for their product, and they do this with Rogan show too. And then they run ads on it and they're getting tens of millions of views on these fake AI videos.
- [05:00]
Blaine Anderson
That's so scary.
- [05:01]
Host
It is really scary.
- [05:02]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [05:03]
Host
So those apps, Bumble. What about Raya?
- [05:06]
Blaine Anderson
So, right. I don't have a problem with Raya. I would say from my experience using Raya and even what I see my clients and my friends on Raya, it, it because it is global. You're oftentimes seeing people all over, not just in your location, which inherently meets. It makes it harder to meet up. And then oftentimes the type of people who are on Raya aren't necessarily, you know, it's more exclusive. There's a lot of, like, celebrities. There's a lot of Instagram influencers there. They don't necessarily need dating apps to date. They're meeting a lot of people without that. They have a lot of people approaching them, asking them out in other places. So they don't necessarily use it as a way to actually go on dates. So even though you might match with people on Riot, the conversion to actually being on a date is much lower than other dating apps in my experience.
- [05:53]
Host
I could see that. I see it more of like a networking thing.
- [05:56]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [05:56]
Host
Honest.
- [05:57]
Blaine Anderson
And people use it for that.
- [05:58]
Host
Yeah.
- [05:58]
Blaine Anderson
It's like kind of like seeing who else is there.
- [06:00]
Host
Right. And now these apps have, like, a friend option, right?
- [06:03]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, Raya does. Oh, they do here. Just for friends.
- [06:06]
Host
Okay. I'm going to have to talk to my fiance because I'm always down to network. But yeah, she never liked those apps. Like, Tinder has it too, and.
- [06:13]
Blaine Anderson
Oh, really?
- [06:13]
Host
Yeah, but it's like Bumble bff.
- [06:16]
Blaine Anderson
That's like one to make friends.
- [06:18]
Host
Oh, yeah, Bumble. Yeah, Bumble's. Is it still where the girl asked a message first or.
- [06:23]
Blaine Anderson
No, now they have changed it a little bit. That's actually a recent update where the girl can put a prompt or a question on her profile so then the guy can message her first. So, I mean, and that's not surprising, you know, when you think about women want to be approached. If you think about it, like, evolutionarily, like, it is usually the man who is the one physically approaching and doing the initial legwork to get the attention from the woman. So it's not surprising that, like, oh, this app that, like, made the women do the first move, realized, like, women don't actually want to make the first move, and then made this update so to put the onus back on the guy.
- [06:59]
Host
Yeah. So do you coach mainly men or women?
- [07:01]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, my business is primarily men. I have worked with women in the past and, like, a lot of the advice is the same. Same. But even from a business standpoint, when I got started, I knew it was important to pick Elaine and pick a segment, and I chose men.
- [07:14]
Host
Right. I mean, men probably would rather listen to you than another man about dating.
- [07:18]
Blaine Anderson
You'd be surprised. I get a lot of, you know, like, why would you ask a fish how to fish? Type comments. And like, girls don't actually know what they want. Like, some men would definitely rather listen to a woman. And like, my clients, the men I work with want to hear from a woman. But there's also a lot of guys out there who, for whatever reason, aren't comfortable learning from a woman. Don't believe women. But those. I'm not. I'm not trying to convince those people that I'm right.
- [07:43]
Host
You know, like, that's more of an ego thing, I think.
- [07:45]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [07:46]
Host
How. How has the red pill movement treated you? Probably terribly. Right.
- [07:48]
Blaine Anderson
I don't pay a lot of attention to it, frankly. It's just, like, not my sphere. We have differing approaches to dating and what we think makes sense for men and women. Right. But I wouldn't say I'm, like, overly bullied online that I know of. Maybe. I just don't know.
- [08:04]
Host
Yeah. Um, do you put. How much emphasis do you put on the location, like, where. Where you meet the. The woman.
- [08:11]
Blaine Anderson
So that's very important where you are spending time and trying to meet women. A woman or women generally can be to. Can determine whether you are successful dating or not. If you're trying to meet women in the wrong places, you're not going to get women on dates with you. So you. And where is a good place to meet women is very dependent on the person. Like, you know, whether or not a bar or a club is a good place for you personally, I mean, a woman depends a lot on your personality and what your strengths are. And quite frankly, bars and clubs, in my opinion, aren't great places to meet women if you're looking for a girlfriend.
- [08:45]
Host
Agreed.
- [08:46]
Blaine Anderson
Because it's loud, you have nothing in common except that you're both at that bar. Alcohol is involved, which makes people act differently, be more inclined to like, be rude oftentimes and if especially. A lot of the clients I work with would identify as shy or introverted or at least in certain settings. So to stand out at a bar, like where it's loud, like you said, where there's a lot of other competition and people, is really tough.
- [09:09]
Host
Yeah. What about a gym?
- [09:11]
Blaine Anderson
So I met my husband at the gym. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's definitely possible. And I People. There's definitely people in both camps. I hear people say, like, no, it's like a safe space. You can't meet people there. But I actually don't think that's true if you handle it correctly. So the key thing is knowing what to do. The gym absolutely is a safe space for a lot of people. So you need to be able to read the room a little bit. It's what I call a high stigma environment, which means you need to put in more upfront work before you ask her out. You're not just going to approach a woman and ask her out immediately. You need to qualify her first. You need to understand, like, is it believable that she's single? Is she showing interest back in me? That's a very important one. If she like has one headphone out and is like trying to get back to her workout, that's not a good signal that you should ask her out.
- [09:55]
Host
Right.
- [09:56]
Blaine Anderson
If she's asking you questions back, if she's talking to you, if she's holding eye contact, then, you know, that could mean green light. But before I would ask her out, I would say you should actually get to know her over multiple interactions in the gym. For example, when I met my husband, he introduced himself the first time, but he didn't Ask him me out that time. But because he'd introduced himself, we had a short conversation. Then when we'd see each other at the gym moving forward, we would talk again. So we were able to get to know each other lightly over multiple interactions before he asked me out.
- [10:27]
Host
Smart. He was playing the long game. Yeah.
- [10:28]
Blaine Anderson
And that's really what you have to do at the gym to not. And you don't want to get the rap of like this guy's at the gym just asking girls out left and right. That's a bad.
- [10:36]
Host
Every gym has that guy.
- [10:37]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, you don't want to be that guy. So you really want to make sure. Because if you're speaking to her over multiple interactions, you might realize, hey, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have that much in common. She's not that smart. You know, like whatever it is and then you can nix it and then maybe you ask somebody else out at a later time. You don't like blow your one chance at the job.
- [10:55]
Host
Yeah. To people watch. So I noticed at my gym at Lifetime, like girls seem pretty closed off cuz first of all, they're super outnumbered. Second of all, weird guys are looking at them and yeah, it's just a. It's a tough setting but it worked for you.
- [11:07]
Blaine Anderson
So yeah, I think I. So we were at a workout class, we were at a Barry's Boot Camp class. And classes facilitate it better because before class, after class, there's times that make sense to have a conversation. You're standing around, you're waiting for something, you can talk about the class. Have you done this class before? Like, do you like this instructor? What'd you think of class? There's built in conversation topics where if you're just cold approaching a random girl at the gym, it's a little tougher. And if you can't do it while she's working out, it's a no go if she has her headphones in. So it kind of has to be the perfect storm. Like you're both at the smoothie bar at the same time. You're both at the water fountain at the same time. And that requires a certain amount of luck.
- [11:45]
Host
Right. Are you seeing an increasing amount of breakups these days compared to the past, you think?
- [11:51]
Blaine Anderson
No, I wouldn't say, say an increasing amount of breakups, but I do think people are struggling more to get into relationships initially. And I think part of that is due to just having so many options. This illusion through Instagram and through dating apps and through only fans that you have access to all of these, all of these options, and that's not the case. That's honestly an optical illusion. Like, yes, you in theory can access these people, but creating connections is still very hard. And so people always often have the mindset the grass is greener. So they go on a first date and they don't feel the sparks and the fireworks aren't going. Then they're like, you know, I have like a whole list of these other people on, on the dating app. Like, I'll just explore one of them rather than giving somebody a little bit more of a chance to develop that connection and explore a relationship with them first.
- [12:44]
Host
Yeah, guys call it a roster.
- [12:46]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, girls call it a roster, too. Oh, girls up on the roster next.
- [12:49]
Host
Oh, that's funny. I didn't know that. Yeah, I'd be curious what percentage of people are like, in relationships compared to, like, years prior?
- [12:56]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, I don't know how it compares to years prior, but I think it's, you know, if you're looking at like, dating age, women, something like two thirds of women are already in a relationship, which ties back to needing to be resilient in dating. So I, we, like, we talked about dating apps. I think dating apps are necessary evil. I think they are worth using to get in front of people you might not otherwise meet. But like, if you are relying on them exclusively for your dating app, for your dating life, you're probably not going to have a thriving dating life. You need to work on offline meetings, offline approaches too, which are harder. So people don't want to do it, but. Sorry, I lost my turn. Where was I going with that?
- [13:35]
Host
With meeting offline meetings?
- [13:36]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [13:37]
Host
Dating apps. Yeah. No, I could see that though, because most people rely on dating apps.
- [13:42]
Blaine Anderson
Yes, exactly. And that's. You just, you can only go so far there. And some people just aren't going to do as well on dating apps as others.
- [13:49]
Host
Now, I've heard most of the attractive women don't even use dating apps. Is that true?
- [13:53]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, a lot of women, or they might use them here and there or for fun, but they're not reliant. They're certainly not relying on them. And so guys might see them and they might even match with them, but then it doesn't lead to a date and they get frustrated. Oh, that's what I was saying about approaching. Because so many women are in relationships, guys will approach three girls and be like, it's hopeless. You know, no one is interested. Like, everyone's in a relationship. And the reality is That a lot of people are just in relationships. So it's a numbers game, right? You have to be talking to a lot of women, you have to be approaching a lot of women to find the ones who are single and like the ones that are going to be interested in you.
- [14:26]
Host
Yeah. Wow. I didn't know 66% of women were dating.
- [14:29]
Blaine Anderson
I think it's around.
- [14:29]
Host
That's really high. Yeah. So you got. It's a numbers game. So two out of three are dating, so.
- [14:33]
Blaine Anderson
Or like married or in a relationship.
- [14:36]
Host
Yeah, that's super high.
- [14:37]
Blaine Anderson
Actually.
- [14:38]
Host
It's higher than I thought. Yeah. So you got to pretty much approach at least three girls then. Because if you're just putting all your eggs in one basket or two baskets, you know, it could be dating.
- [14:47]
Blaine Anderson
And that's why I say, okay, you can put 20% of your effort online, but then 80% of your effort should be spent offline.
- [14:54]
Host
I love that. And which, which venues are you recommending people to go to?
- [14:57]
Blaine Anderson
So it's very specific to the person. You should be spending time in places that you enjoy, that you thrive, that you feel confident that the type of woman you want to date is going to be at. So I like hobbies, things that you're already doing. Not all hobbies are created equal. Your video game habit is probably not going to lead to you meeting that many women. But hey, if you've always been interested in taking a language course or taking an art class or a writing class or standup or yoga teacher training or the gym, like whatever your interests are, lean into those and spend time each and every week investing in them. And you're going to meet like minded people and even like minded person. You might meet people through those hobbies. Maybe it's not your girlfriend, but it might be a friend who you now, okay, have things in common with, share values with that and friend invites you to a party and that's where you meet your girlfriend. The whole idea is you want to expand your social circle and community offline to meet people like you, who you could have a connection with.
- [15:58]
Host
What do you think of the wingman strategy?
- [16:01]
Blaine Anderson
Like going out together?
- [16:02]
Host
Yeah, like having a guy hype you up or a girl hype you up.
- [16:05]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. I mean, having friends is a great way to leverage improving your dating life. If you are constantly having to go out solo, that's going to be tougher than if you're going out with friends. If you have a friend to talk you up, like, you know, case in point, like I said, you meet a friend at one of your hobbies, Then you go to a party with them. Like, they're going to be more inclined to talk you up to, like, that mutual friend. Like, oh, yeah, he's a great guy. Like, he's the man. As opposed to, like, you showing up someplace by yourself. And then you have to do all the work building the trust, creating a connection.
- [16:34]
Host
It definitely helps. I know people that have, like, a gay best friend, and then they'll use that guy to, like, talk to the gender.
- [16:40]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, that's actually a good one. I also love, as a place, pickleball. I think that's a very. I don't know if it's big in Vegas. It is here. Okay. I feel like it's huge in most major cities at this point. And it's very social. Men and women play it. It's not heavily skewed one way or the other. It's easy to learn. All levels can jump in. So I love that as a way to meet more people.
- [17:00]
Host
Yeah. Pickleball is an equalizer sport for sure. What about D dms? Have you ever seen someone slide in and it actually worked?
- [17:07]
Blaine Anderson
Yes, I've definitely seen it happen. But I would say guys rely on DMS too heavily. Like, if you are struggling on the dating apps, then trying to use Instagram as a dating app is probably just going to be more challenging. And it works a lot of the same way. You need to have decent pictures. You need to look good online. You need to be able to send a message that sticks out. And the mistake guys make is like, they're DMing these girls who have, like, a hundred thousand followers. And it's like, yeah, you and 20 other guys have sent her a DM today. So, like, why you? What's standing out about you? And then the other problem is, are you. Is she even gonna see it? So that's why it's a challenging strategy and definitely not one to rely on.
- [17:45]
Host
Yeah, I've seen some of these girls inbox. Oh, my gosh.
- [17:48]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [17:48]
Host
Literally 100 dms a day. It's nuts.
- [17:51]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. So, like, why? How? I think it's more. What is more realistic is using that as a way to get in touch with, like, a mutual friend or someone who, you know isn't an Instagram celebrity, isn't like a random person from the Internet, but is someone you actually are one or two degrees removed from, and you have a reasonable reason to reach out to them. That's going to be a much more successful strategy in the DMs. Like, I get DMs all the time. I literally wear a wedding ring on each hand. I talk about being married on my platform. And if you just spent two minutes, like doing a little recon on my profile, you could skip it. But guys don't. They blindly will slide into women's DMs. And then it's like, oh, I'm discouraged. It's like, okay, what, does she even live where you live? Is she even single? And then like, why you. That's not a good strategy.
- [18:40]
Host
Yeah. For real. The distance thing is tough too.
- [18:42]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, really tough.
- [18:43]
Host
I don't see those working out for the most part.
- [18:45]
Blaine Anderson
Well, especially if you haven't met in person. You know, if you meet in person first, you, like, really hit it off. You happen to live in other places or one person moves away. That's much more realistic than starting a long distance relationship with somebody you've never met in person.
- [18:58]
Host
Yeah. So you went on one of my favorite shows, Shark Tank. I'd love to hear about your experience. I've had a couple of those guys on the pod.
- [19:05]
Blaine Anderson
Amazing. It was a wonderful experience. It was definitely a bucket list item. It was way more nerve wracking than I maybe, like, ever thought it would be. I guess I hadn't spent a lot of time thinking about, like, what would it be like to be on Shark Tank? You know, when you watch the show, you're just like sitting at home on your couch like that idiot, like, whatever. And it was definitely a big moment for me and I'm really happy I did it.
- [19:30]
Host
Nice. Were you trying to get one of them in specific?
- [19:33]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. Mark Cuban was the one I like, really wanted.
- [19:37]
Host
I would have went for him because.
- [19:38]
Blaine Anderson
I feel like he's such an awesome. He is an awesome guy. He is the type of guy a lot of the men I work with want to be. Like, he's successful, he has a family. He's known as a good guy. He does, you know, philanthropic. So I felt like he would be a good shark for me and ended up working out. He made me an offer.
- [19:56]
Host
Nice.
- [19:56]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [19:57]
Host
Oh, you took it.
- [19:58]
Blaine Anderson
We didn't end up closing it after the fact.
- [20:00]
Host
Oh, the dd.
- [20:01]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [20:02]
Host
Yeah. I heard a lot of those deals after. I think it's like, what, 20, 30%?
- [20:06]
Blaine Anderson
It's a lot. He was wonderful. He was amazing to work with. I just. Ultimately, you know, what you see on the show is literally what happens on stage. And to actually take an investment from somebody, there's so much more that has to be discussed, discussed and figured out and agreed upon. And it ultimately Just didn't make sense for us.
- [20:24]
Host
Yeah, well, everything happens for freezing, right?
- [20:25]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. No, he's wonderful. I don't have a bad thing to say about him.
- [20:28]
Host
Yeah. Shout out to Mark. I've been trying to get him on the show. If you're watching this, Mark, I know you're going on a run right now. I just saw him on Theo. I saw him on a couple other ones.
- [20:37]
Blaine Anderson
Nice.
- [20:38]
Host
Yeah. He's going through a lot of hate right now on Twitter.
- [20:41]
Blaine Anderson
So why politics? I don't even know his politics.
- [20:45]
Host
Well, he's not into it, but he's like, talking about, like, he's promoted someone.
- [20:50]
Blaine Anderson
So.
- [20:51]
Host
Yeah, it's a very controversial thing.
- [20:53]
Blaine Anderson
I'm going to have to follow up on that.
- [20:55]
Host
Yeah, look into that. He's been getting torched. Who do you think initiates breakup more, men or women?
- [21:01]
Blaine Anderson
So I'm going to make a very big generalization here. Hot take. I think relationships that are in their 20s, the woman tends to be the one who breaks up more because she has a higher cost on her time, like, and she has more options. And then when you get a bit older, like when people are in their 30s, it tends to be the man who initiates the breakup more often. He's in less of a rush to take that next step to necessarily get married. There's less of a timeline on biologically when he needs to progress relationships. So he's more willing to end something and start anew.
- [21:35]
Host
Yeah. Because in their 20s, girls want to have kids. Right. So they're kind of, or they're at.
- [21:38]
Blaine Anderson
Least like, thinking about like, that as a possibility. And women in their twenties are highly desirable. They can meet, they can date men in their twenties, they can date men in their thirties, they can date men in their forties or and up or. Everyone is going to be interested in women in their 20s. They're in their prime, they're in their most, like, evolutionarily, they're in their most fertile time.
- [21:55]
Host
Right.
- [21:56]
Blaine Anderson
So that's going to be. They are in high demand. They are sought after and desired. So they have more options.
- [22:02]
Host
Yeah. And I see that with some. Some woman friends of mine. They're really trying to rush it almost, you know, trying to find a guy to have kids with. But I don't think relationships should be rushed.
- [22:11]
Blaine Anderson
No, I think they can't. And I think, I mean, there's a lot of different types of relationships. And some people meet and get married immediately and have kids and it works out they're married for 50 years and other people are, you know together for 10 years before they get married and then get divorced within a year. So I think, you know, rushing is less in my mind about exact timing and more about how deeply you're connecting. And while you're knowing each other and you're talking about, like the big picture, important things. So that's what really needs to happen before taking a next step, is making sure you're aligned on what the future should look like for both of you.
- [22:44]
Host
And when do you think the appropriate time to have that conversation?
- [22:47]
Blaine Anderson
Like around being exclusive?
- [22:48]
Host
Yeah.
- [22:49]
Blaine Anderson
So I get this question a lot and there's no right answer for every relationship because every relationship is different. I think I see men and women both trying to rush this, and usually the underlying reason is because they want to lock it down. They feel fearful that the person is gonna find somebody else. And that is the wrong reason to want to be in an exclusive relationship. I say you should not want to be exclusive with someone until you are aware of their flaws and want to be with them anyway. Because if you're still in the honeymoon phase where you think they're perfect and everything is hunky dory, then you actually don't know them well enough to want to be exclusive with them. So at the very, very minimum, I would say like four or five dates. But that seems very soon. And I think a more reasonable timeline is a few months of dating, two to three months of dating. It depends. Obviously it also depends on how often you're hanging out and seeing each other and having the conversations that should be had before being exclusive but respectable.
- [23:50]
Host
So you're not a fan of sex on the first date?
- [23:52]
Blaine Anderson
Again, I think, like, there are definitely people who had sex on the first date and are happily married and there's plenty of people who that didn't work out for them. My opinion is that you are better off forming some sort of emotional connection before having the physical connection if you want a long term relationship with this person. If you're just looking to have fun and you just want to hook up, like, and both parties are into that, like, go for it. But if you want things to progress further or you want to explore that possibility, I recommend getting the emotional connection going first. Sex can be awkward. Sex can be weird, especially the first time. So if it's like kind of awkward and you don't have an emotional connection yet, it's very easy for either party to be like, like, I don't think they're the one. Like, I'm just going to move on. Whereas if you already have an emotional connection. You've built some amount of trust. Like the sex is more likely to be good, especially for the girl. And then if it is kind of weird or there's like, you know, that awkward moment, it's like, okay, well, I still really like this person. We can like move past that, Right?
- [24:49]
Host
I agree. And that's where I differ from most guys. I want that emotional conn before I ever do that with someone.
- [24:54]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [24:54]
Host
You know, but there's guys racking up hundreds of bodies.
- [24:56]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. I think that's a very different. I mean, it's just a different strategy.
- [25:00]
Host
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm friends with them, but.
- [25:03]
Blaine Anderson
You nod to somebody else off screen.
- [25:06]
Host
Oh, man. People close to us know who I'm talking about. So a lot of your clients are coming out of a divorce or a long term relationship, so they, they don't know how to pretty much flirt or talk to girls, right?
- [25:18]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. I think the problem oftentimes if you're coming out of a divorce or a long term relationship is that so much has changed. The dating landscape has changed so rapidly. Sure, dating apps existed 10 years ago, but they weren't. It's not like every single person was on them. It wasn't so important to your dating life. It wasn't so competitive.
- [25:37]
Host
Yeah.
- [25:37]
Blaine Anderson
And so they just like, aren't sure how to text and appropriately communicate there. Like, how much should they be texting? They don't know how to make their dating apps. They're just out of practice, really. And so it's helpful for them to have someone, like, give them the blueprint of like, okay, here's what, here's what is acceptable expected of you. Here's how I recommend implementing it. Here's what you should be doing when you jump back into the dating pool.
- [25:56]
Host
Right. I love how personalized your advice is because a lot of these coaches give such broad things to follow and then people follow it and it doesn't work.
- [26:03]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, I think that's a mistake. I see a lot of coaches making and like, people following one piece of advice isn't probably going to work for everybody. Even advice I give online, I might say something and people are in the comments like, well, that doesn't work for this type of person. It's like, yeah, that might not be like the system that is going to work for you based on your strengths or based on who you're looking to attract.
- [26:24]
Host
Right.
- [26:25]
Blaine Anderson
So dating is personalized and thriving in dating is even more personalized, but there are definitely blanket rules that apply across the board as well.
- [26:34]
Host
Absolutely. So you're four years into coaching now. Any of your clients get married yet?
- [26:37]
Blaine Anderson
Oh, yeah.
- [26:38]
Host
Oh, yeah.
- [26:38]
Blaine Anderson
I've been invited to tons of weddings. I've had baby announcements.
- [26:41]
Host
Nice.
- [26:42]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah.
- [26:42]
Host
Things are moving quick.
- [26:43]
Blaine Anderson
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've. I think I've had at this point, over 5,000 men go through my programs.
- [26:49]
Host
Wow.
- [26:49]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, so I've had actually like a good number of weddings.
- [26:53]
Host
Yeah. I'd be curious. Over time, we'll see how your results, like, yeah, maybe like what percentage of people are like, succeeding.
- [26:59]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, people have different goals. You know, a lot of my clients are looking for long term relationships and looking for marriage. But I also have plenty of clients who are in their 20s and they don't have a lot of experience with women. And sure, one day they want to get married, but right now they're just looking to have more options with women they're excited about.
- [27:15]
Host
Right.
- [27:15]
Blaine Anderson
And have fun with it and that's okay too. So it's like I don't count getting married as like my. The ultimate success. Like, for some people it is. If that's your goal.
- [27:23]
Host
Yeah.
- [27:24]
Blaine Anderson
There's a lot of other ways to be successful.
- [27:26]
Host
Good point. Yeah. Some guys just want to hook up. Maybe they don't want kids.
- [27:29]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. So, yeah.
- [27:30]
Host
Yeah. I guess success is different when it comes to dating.
- [27:32]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. My goal for my clients is they feel confident. They feel like they know what to do and when, and they feel like they have options with women that they are excited about.
- [27:40]
Host
Yeah. That confidence can be learned.
- [27:42]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, definitely.
- [27:43]
Host
I think a big part of my issue was I didn't have a father figure, so just that my confidence wasn't there. Girls told me I was ugly growing up, so yeah, I had to rebuild that.
- [27:52]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think confidence is really a baseline if you want to date attractive women. When I say attractive, I mean that more holistically. Like women who are also confident, women who are secure with themselves. You know, you often will attract somebody at the same level, sort of across any spectrum that you are. So if you're a super needy guy, you're probably going to date and attract super needy women. If you're not confident, you're not going to attract a confident woman. So that what you want to attract, you need to be yourself.
- [28:20]
Host
Agreed. Yeah. Because in high school, like, there was all sorts of people. There was nerds, there was athletes. And now 10 years later, I see them getting married and stuff. And yeah, there's a, there's a person out there for everyone. Like, you know what I mean?
- [28:30]
Blaine Anderson
And I think that's an important call out. Like, no matter how niche your interests or even like your sexual desires are, the world is vast. The Internet is big. You can find that person. Like, no matter what you're into, there is somebody else who is also into that and will be into you if you start doing the right stuff. If you put yourself out there 100%.
- [28:51]
Host
Blaine, where can people get lessons from you and keep up with your social media?
- [28:55]
Blaine Anderson
Yeah. Datingbyblane.com Dating by Blaine across social media. Get in touch and I would love to help you.
- [29:01]
Host
Cool. We'll link it below. Guys, if you need help dating, check out the links and we'll see you next time. Peace.
- [29:12]
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