Ex-Bachelorette Reveals Social Media's Hidden Toll | Kaitlyn Bristowe DSH #959

Summary

Digital Social Hour Podcast: Ex-Bachelorette Reveals Social Media's Hidden Toll | Kaitlyn Bristowe DSH #959

Release Date: December 7, 2024
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Kaitlyn Bristowe

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Introduction

In episode #959 of the Digital Social Hour podcast, host Sean Kelly welcomes Kaitlyn Bristowe, best known as an ex-Bachelorette, for an insightful and candid conversation. The episode delves deep into Kaitlyn's personal journey, exploring the profound effects of social media, mental health challenges, and her path to self-discovery and healing.

Mental Health and Anxiety

Kaitlyn opens up about her struggles with anxiety, sharing her experiences with panic attacks and the impact they've had on her life. She recounts a particularly harrowing episode when she experienced a panic attack on an airplane, describing it as "one of the top three worst moments of my life" (04:16). Kaitlyn explains how these attacks often felt indistinguishable from a heart attack, leaving her feeling terrified and isolated.

Sean relates by discussing his own battle with anxiety, revealing, "I collapsed on my college dorm room floor... It was just a panic attack" (04:19). The conversation highlights the pervasive nature of anxiety and the common misconception that it always stems from external stressors or overthinking.

Coping Mechanisms and Therapy

Both Kaitlyn and Sean discuss various coping mechanisms they've employed to manage their anxiety. Kaitlyn shares her journey through therapy, including a transformative week of inner child retreat and inner child therapy, which she describes as a version of "10 years of therapy" condensed into one week (12:56). This intense self-reflection allowed her to uncover deep-seated issues rooted in her upbringing and societal pressures.

Sean talks about his use of Xanax during emergencies, noting, "I used to carry it in my pocket... It just helps knowing it's there" (25:19). They discuss the nuances of different therapies, including talk therapy, hypnotherapy, and the challenges of finding the right therapeutic approach.

Impact of Social Media on Self-Image

A significant portion of the episode focuses on how social media affects self-perception and mental health. Kaitlyn expresses concern for the younger generation, stating, "I worry about the younger generation so much" (16:24). She discusses how social media fosters unrealistic beauty standards and constant comparison, leading to issues like body dysmorphia and diminished self-esteem.

Kaitlyn reflects on her own experiences with body image, influenced by her mother's career as a professional ballerina: "I grew up in the ballet studio... I learned that looks are all that matters" (14:40). She emphasizes the destructive nature of media consumption, especially for teenagers, who are still developing their identities and self-worth.

Experiences with Bullying and Public Scrutiny

Kaitlyn shares her traumatic experiences with bullying following her appearance on The Bachelorette. As a non-traditional contestant who was openly sexual and edgy, she faced severe slut-shaming and online harassment. She recounts receiving death threats and derogatory messages, highlighting the darker side of fame and public exposure: "I got slut-shamed like you wouldn't believe... people were photoshopping me in dumpsters" (19:41).

Sean empathizes, relating it to his own experiences with online negativity, and together they explore the psychological toll of constant public scrutiny and the challenges of maintaining self-worth amidst widespread criticism.

Personal Growth and Inner Therapy

The dialogue shifts towards personal growth and the importance of self-awareness. Kaitlyn discusses her journey through inner child therapy, where she realized the generational patterns and unconscious behaviors inherited from her parents: "I learned so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize" (13:13). This awareness has been pivotal in her healing process, allowing her to "surrender to certain times" and manage hormonal depression and anxiety more effectively (10:35).

Sean and Kaitlyn emphasize the necessity of taking time for self-reflection and the benefits of practices like saunas and cold plunges in improving mental health. Kaitlyn shares, "My mental health is actually really improving because I got a sauna and a cold plunge" (09:36).

Spirituality and Dreams

The conversation delves into spirituality, with both hosts expressing a deep interest in the metaphysical aspects of life. Kaitlyn describes her fascination with mentalism, past life regression, and the significance of dreams: "I think dreams have different meanings for different people" (32:32). She shares anecdotes about her spiritual practices, including full moon ceremonies and dream interpretations, which provide her with a sense of connection and understanding of her inner self.

Sean adds his perspective, discussing his engagement with psychic consultations and the mysterious nature of dreams, further enriching the dialogue on the intersection of spirituality and mental health.

Passion for Wine and Current Projects

Beyond mental health and spirituality, Kaitlyn reveals her passion for wine, detailing her creation of her own wine label, "Spade and Sparrows." She explains how her upbringing in the restaurant business and her love for wine led her to this venture: "Creating my own wine label... I fell in love with the history of wine and how it's made" (37:04). Kaitlyn highlights her dedication to quality and her personal enjoyment of her own creations, making "Spade and Sparrows" the only wine she drinks.

Conclusion

The episode concludes with mutual appreciation between Sean and Kaitlyn, underscoring the importance of self-care, mental health awareness, and personal growth. Kaitlyn invites listeners to follow her podcast "Off the Vine" and connect with her on social media, while Sean expresses enthusiasm for supporting her endeavors.

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Notable Quotes:

• Kaitlyn Bristowe (04:16): "Panic attacks sound just like if you've experienced one then I feel like it is just as scary as a heart attack."

• Sean Kelly (04:19): "I collapsed on my college dorm room floor. It was just a panic attack."

• Kaitlyn Bristowe (12:56): "I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy that week. Did about 10 years of therapy for me."

• Kaitlyn Bristowe (14:40): "I grew up in the ballet studio... I learned that looks are all that matters."

• Kaitlyn Bristowe (19:41): "I got slut-shamed like you wouldn't believe... people were photoshopping me in dumpsters."

• Kaitlyn Bristowe (16:24): "I worry about the younger generation so much."

• Sean Kelly (25:19): "I used to carry Xanax in my pocket... It just helps knowing it's there."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Digital Social Hour offers a raw and honest exploration of the hidden toll social media can take on individuals, especially those in the public eye. Kaitlyn Bristowe's vulnerability and insights provide valuable lessons on resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of mental health care. Listeners gain a deeper understanding of the complexities behind fame and the relentless pressures of maintaining a public persona in the digital age.

For more information on Kaitlyn Bristowe and her projects, including her podcast "Off the Vine" and her wine label "Spade and Sparrows," listeners are encouraged to connect with her through her social media channels.

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Timestamp references are based on the provided transcript and indicate the approximate points in the episode where the quotes occur.

Transcript

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[Caitlin Bristow]

Cordell.com I have found this out to be true as well. I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy that week. Did about 10 years of therapy for me because like you just said, you learned from your mom. We all learned so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize. Like think about social media, what we consume, how it warps our brain and that's as adults. So as children think of like that's all you know.

[Host]

All right guys, Digital social hour, last episode of the day. Caitlin Bristow, thanks for coming on.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Thank you for having me. I saw your Instagram and I was like what? I would like to get there with my podcast. Congratulations to you.

[Host]

Been a work in progress.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Well, you've been working hard.

[Host]

Yeah, well when you film, I don't know, 20 episodes a week could get there quicker than most.

[Caitlin Bristow]

That's bananas. That's bananas. I wouldn't even be able to Talk. I'd be like, by the end.

[Host]

Yeah. You said you were doing four a day. Some days. All right.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Some days. And literally they had to cut me off at 5 because they're like, your podcast sucks. If it's the fifth one of the day, I'm like, okay, humbled. Thank you.

[Host]

That's still way more than most people.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Though, so that's a lot. I do love it, though.

[Host]

Are you drinking on them or.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Depends. If it's like 10am I'll stay away because otherwise I'll be sleeping by the end. But if it's like, I've got maybe two or one and it's a little later, then absolutely.

[Host]

Yeah. I drank on my first one last week.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You did?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

First time ever.

[Host]

On a podcast?

[Caitlin Bristow]

On a podcast. How was it?

[Host]

I felt better.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

I know now that sounds messed up to say, but I know questions float out.

[Caitlin Bristow]

This. I. I say that with my guests because I have a wine label. So having a glass of wine with them, I'm like, not only am I promoting the wine, but I'm like, lubing up my guests to get comfortable. And, like, I always get. Make my guests tell me an embarrassing story. And I do it towards the end. And there's a reason.

[Host]

Yeah. Because some guests are a little nervous. Have you gotten that?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Yeah, some guests get nervous. I had David Arquette on. I don't know if you know who that is. How old are you?

[Host]

27.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Okay, so David Arquette was, like, really big into the Scream movies. He was a big actor in the screen movies, and he was.

[Host]

Oh, which guy was he?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Dewey.

[Host]

Oh, he was Dewey. Yeah, that's the guy.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. And I think he's very much an introvert and very shy and. But those are my favorite kind of people.

[Host]

Really?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Cuz I like making them feel comfortable and seeing them warm up. I don't know.

[Host]

You'll have fun with me. I'm actually a massive introvert.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Are you really? Yeah, I'm both. We were talking about this downstairs. I like, right now, I don't feel like an introvert. I love meeting people. I love talking on podcasts. I like hanging out, but I love being alone. I need to recharge alone. Crowds of people give me anxiety. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. I've had a. I didn't know I had anxiety.

[Caitlin Bristow]

So how did you discover it?

[Host]

I collapsed. No. Yeah. I collapsed on my college dorm room floor. Had to crawl to my bed and I was like. Thought it was a heart attack, honestly. But it was just a panic attack.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Pan panic attacks. Sound just like if you've experienced one then I feel like it is just as scary as a heart attack. Like I, I, the first time I ever had one was on an airplane and I thought I was dying.

[Host]

That's terrible.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It was probably top three worst moments of my life.

[Host]

I bet. Cuz there's people around you, you don't know what to do.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. And I, there's two very. A sweet older couple and I like liter stepped on them to get out and was like clawing to get in the bathroom. It was bad. Yeah.

[Host]

What caused it?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Honestly, no idea. Same really.

[Host]

I didn't know what happened because I.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Think a lot of people think with anxiety like it something has happened or you're overthinking about something. And I truly, I don't know if it was like altitude. I was in Aspen and I don't know, it just, I, I started panicking and then I couldn't catch my breath and then I just started overheating and then it sound, it felt like all the sound went like whoosh past my ears and then I just started like I actually thought I was having heart attack. Same thing. Wow. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. I feel like it's just a compilation of just bad, like I was sleeping terrible. Eating terrible.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, that'll do.

[Host]

Going through some mental stuff.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

I was in college, stressed.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

So just a compilation of everything and.

[Caitlin Bristow]

We'Ve never been taught till lately what anxiety is like. I, I had it as a child and now looking back I'm like, oh, that was anxiety. But back then I didn't know what was wrong with me. And I remember trying to explain it to my mom and she would be so confused. Then we thought I had OCD or something, but it was just total anxiety. My parents had no idea, no nothing.

[Host]

That would happen to me. When I smoked weed in high school, I thought that was what being hot felt like.

[Caitlin Bristow]

But I was having sucks.

[Host]

I was having anxiety attacks every time I got high.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Did you keep going?

[Host]

Yeah, because I was trying to fit in with people.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I did the same thing. I did the same thing. I, Are we the same person? I literally would smoke weed to try and fit in and I would have full, full blown panic every time and.

[Host]

Thought that's I'd be in my basement doing the gravity bongs and I would have to go to my bed after like two hits.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You're like, this is fun guys.

[Host]

I'd just be like, I'm out. Like you guys can keep smoking. I feel like.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And then I went through a phase of I lived in Vancouver for 11 years where I actually enjoyed smoking weed once in a while, but the problem was I would line up snacks in front of me munchies and I would.

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[Caitlin Bristow]

I would just eat and eat and not stop and I wouldn't. I didn't understand like full cues when I was high. So I now I don't smoke anymore.

[Host]

I don't smoke. I had do you have a bad edible story?

[Caitlin Bristow]

No, I have great edible stories.

[Host]

Oh, you do? That's shocking. Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You have a bad edible story.

[Host]

I thought everyone did. Oh, so you never had a bad experience on an edible?

[Caitlin Bristow]

No, I. I think I got. I've been too scared to overdo it. I've had funny stories taking edibles. But like the other night I took half of an edible.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And it's usually the kind that I'll take if I just want to get. It's like mostly CBD and barely any thc. And I was like I'll just do half. And usually I do a full. And I was so high and I was writing myself text messages as a joke. Like, I was having a full. This is. I was having a full conversation because in my head I was like, this is a really funny joke. And so I was writing it. Sometimes I think I'm a comedian. I'm not. I was writing myself text, being like, this is. And then in the morning I'm like, that's not funny, Caitlyn.

[Host]

Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

That's not even.

[Host]

Yeah. Sometimes I'll be stoned and I find myself deep conversation with myself for like 10 minutes. I'm like, what the hell?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Which is sometimes kind of nice for an introvert because you're like, you're getting your feelings out and your thoughts out.

[Host]

But that's true.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Because I live such a fast paced life, I never have time to reflect.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, that is the biggest thing. After nine years of nonstop go, go, go. I am really making time for myself to reflect and marinate in all the hard work I've done. It's not easy, but I'm trying really hard to do that and slow down. And my mental health is actually really improving because I got a sauna and a cold plunge, which I'm sure Michael Chandler talked to you about that, but it's done wonders for my mental health.

[Host]

Yeah, Saunas are a game changer.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Game changer.

[Host]

Started using that like three, four times a week.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, it's the best. Like, I. Last night I got out of my cold plunge after doing a sauna and I was like, I, I love being alive. I said that to my girlfriend. I said, I love being alive. And she was like, what is happening? I'm like, cold plunge.

[Host]

I'll do that to you, man. Rethinking everything in there.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, we wish we had that when we were smoking weed. Been like, let's get high on plunging.

[Host]

Yeah. Yeah, that should be a new thing.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You want to hit the plunge later. Yeah, I love that.

[Host]

Yeah. That's cool to hear, though, that you've overcome your anxiety and.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Well, I don't know about overcome or.

[Host]

At least mitigated it.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I think I've learned to surrender to certain times of like, for example, I'm a woman, so certain times of the month is when I actually suffer really bad from hormonal depression and anxiety. So now I at least know to plan for it.

[Host]

Right.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Which really helps me and my assistant will actually schedule things around that time for me because otherwise I just go dark. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. My fiance just Told me that your Woman's cycle is 30 days, right?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

And IT guys is 24 hours.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Yes.

[Host]

Which is crazy.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It is crazy. And it's. It. It really feels like there's about five days. It's clockwork, which is really sad. Five days where I'm like, I don't feel good. I feel depressed, I'm anxious. I'm so irritable. I'm so moody, I could make terrible. I could ruin relationships and, like, business decisions in those five days. Wow. It's.

[Host]

It's that bad?

[Caitlin Bristow]

It's really bad.

[Host]

Damn.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. So I just. In those days now, I cold plunge. I say, nobody talk to me. Give me my five days to recharge the old bats, and we go again.

[Host]

See, that's important to know, though, as.

[Caitlin Bristow]

A guy, I mean. Yeah. Oh. Honestly, it took me. I'm 39, and it probably took me till I was 38 to figure out what the hell is going on with me.

[Host]

Really? Oh, so you didn't even know?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Not. I didn't realize it was attached to hormones.

[Host]

Oh.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Until recently. And now I'm like, how did I not notice this before? It's like, I could, like, get irritated at. And I'm like, you are breathing and I want to throw chop you. And then I'm like, oh, duh, it's that time. Like, it's. Yeah, it's. It's clockwork at this point. Yeah.

[Host]

Do mouth chewers annoy you?

[Caitlin Bristow]

I. You saying mouth chewers annoys me? Yes. I have severe misophonia, and it kicks up.

[Host]

Wow. There's a word for this.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Misophonia.

[Host]

I didn't know that.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, I have a whole Instagram page for it. No, you're called misophonia. Misery for the community. Thoughts and prayers to the misophonia community. It's a rough life. We get very angry and irritable, and it's. It seems so unreasonable because you're like, I'm just chewing my food. And I'm like, but it's a thing. It's a thing. Yeah.

[Host]

My mom's a big mouth chewer man.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Really? Does it drive you bonkers?

[Host]

I realized I started picking it up from her.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh.

[Host]

So my fiance is the one who told me I was one.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Got it.

[Host]

And then once she told me, I saw it in my mother. So now it does a little bit.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Okay. But you would know if you had it. You don't have misophonia. You just. You just are not.

[Host]

I'm just more aware.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

You're aware there's things in life people don't tell me till really late, and.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I'm like, wow, I have found this out to be true as well. I did a. I did a week inner child retreat of, like, inner child therapy, and that week did about 10 years of therapy for me.

[Host]

Whoa.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. And I learned so much in just. Because, like, you just said, like, you learned from your mom. We all learn so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize. Like, think about social media, what we consume, how it warps our brain, and that's as adults. So as children think of, like, that's all, you know. So it's interesting to learn so much about yourself through how you grew up and why you are the way you are. And. And then it. Not that I was. I. I had actually a great childhood, and my parents are wonderful people, but I still realized, you know, certain things that they did that was generally generational that their parents put on them, that they put on me. But I don't know, it's. It was a beautiful thing. But I also said when I got back that I was in awareness hell because I was like, now I'm aware of everything that, like, other people are doing and my own patterns and why I do this, but you just kind of learn.

[Host]

That's interesting. So what were some things you realized during that?

[Caitlin Bristow]

I definitely over fixate on appearance when I'm anxious. So I will pick myself apart if I'm. If somewhere else in my life is not going right, if I'm feeling sad or depressed about something else, or I'm going through a hard time somewhere else, I'll stare into a mirror and start picking myself apart and be like, oh, I need to. Like, I have severe body dysmorphia. I'll literally sometimes tell myself, I need to get liposuction.

[Host]

Holy, you're skinny.

[Caitlin Bristow]

That's dysmorphia. Like, I. And I can realize it now. So growing up, I grew up. My mom was a professional ballerina, and I grew up in the ballet studio. Dance studio, six days a week. And we would all line up in the mirror and compare our bodies and go, I wish I had your arms. And I would get accepted into this ballet school if my waist was this much smaller. And it was. Yeah. And I. And I learned that. And bless my mom. She's the sweetest angel on planet Earth. But she was a ballerina growing up, so she was body conscious my whole life. She was very worried about aging and I grew up thinking aging is bad, gaining weight is bad, your body has to look like this. I'm reading Cosmopolitan magazines that say, you know, get your body to look like this so this guy likes you. And you know, now we have social media, but back then I had magazines. It's still all the same thing, but it was, it really, it really warped my brain into thinking that looks are all that matters.

[Host]

Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

And now these days women are just overexposed on social media.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh my gosh. And I think about my like 16 year old niece and growing up in that generation where again, it's like all that you're consuming on media is an illusion at this point too. And so I, you know, Even as a 39 year old woman, I can look at social media and be like, okay, this is a highlight reel for people. Like, this isn't real life. But it still does something to my brain that makes me think I'm not doing enough and I don't look good enough.

[Host]

Right.

[Caitlin Bristow]

But then I think about a fragile 16 year old brain looking at that and what that's going to do to them and I just, I, I worry about the younger generation so much.

[Host]

I definitely worry about, I don't even have kids yet, but do you have kids?

[Caitlin Bristow]

I don't. I just, I was joking downstairs that I'm one of those dog moms that believes that my golden retrievers came out of my womb because they're my babies.

[Host]

They're pretty much kids. Right. I treat my dogs like my kids.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, I'm, I'm embarrassingly obsessed with my dogs, but I'm glad you understand. But yeah, I'm, it's, it's scary to think about having children and it's, it's, it's, I feel a little bit of hope because I see my, my best friends do it and they are raising some really incredible children. So I have a little bit of hope. But then, you know, social media, man.

[Host]

Social media is ruthless. You look at the suicide rate in young teenage woman, it's the highest it's ever been.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It's ever been. Yeah. And I mean, obvious reasons, social media.

[Host]

You'Re getting bullied 24 7.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I mean, again, I don't mean to keep bringing it back to me, but I get bullied at this age of my life on social media and it does something to me and I think it's even worse. Like some people are like, oh, you have it on a much larger platform, so you have it coming from all angles. I'm so sorry. And I'm Like, I actually find it tougher if. If it's people you know or people you have to show up at school with as a kid or you have a smaller community. I actually think that bullying might be a bit tougher to take because I'm just like, oh, these people don't know me. Where, you know, young girls are bullying other young girls and they know them and they have to see them every day and they're just. I always use the word fragile because it just feels like that's what it means.

[Host]

Yeah. When you're that young, you think the world's ending.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You really do.

[Host]

And then you got to see them the next day in school.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You really do. And that's. I was thinking about this. A child has a temper tantrum if they drop their cookie, because that is truly the worst thing that's ever happened to them in their life. You know, like, they haven't experienced real life yet. So to them, a cookie falling and them not being able to reach it is the worst thing that's ever. So they have temper tantrums.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

A 16 year old getting bullied at school. You haven't lived life yet. You don't know what else is out there and how. Like, this is nothing in the, you know, grand scheme of things. But that's all they know. And that's the worst thing that's ever happened to them. And that's terrible.

[Host]

Absolutely. So where does your bullying stem from? Is it from the Bachelorette?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. It. It was really bad. I. So I was not your typical Bachelorette. I think a lot of times they have picked women who are usually girl. All lovely women. I'm friends with all of them, but, like, girl next door, all American sweetheart. And then I was this edgy Canadian who I came out of the limo and I made jokes about having sex and, like, I have tattoos. And it was. I think America, seeing a Canadian come in there and do that was like, who is this girl? And so I think producers use that, like, okay, let's run with this. Let's have a different season. Let's change things up. And so they really sexualized me as the Bachelorette. I was this sex positive, edgy person that I just talked about sex and I had sex and. And it was so funny to me because I was just treating it like dating in normal, real life. And then, you know, the. The show airs and I got slut shamed like, like you wouldn't believe.

[Host]

Really? Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, my gosh. Death threats. People were photoshopping me in Dumpsters and saying, that's where I should die.

[Host]

Holy crap.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And like, all, like, moms with Bible verses in their. In their bios just telling me that to shut my horror legs. Like it now looking back, I can actually laugh. And I was like, oh, my God. But it was really, like, the start of experiencing bullying for me. Yeah.

[Host]

And prior to that, you never experienced something like that?

[Caitlin Bristow]

I mean, I did a little bit in high school. Like, the girls in high school had to have a meeting once if I was going to come in a limo to the graduation party because they didn't know if they liked me at the time. Like, that's as far as the bullying went for me. But I, you know. Yeah, I didn't really feel severe bullying until I came off television.

[Host]

So you were just talking about sex and you got bullied for that?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't think that was typical. Like, you know, I don't know if you know the bachelor show at all, but they have what they call fantasy suites. And everyone knows what happens at the fantasy suites. But I just happened to talk about it, so people are like, oh, it's too far. I'm like, you're watching a show where one woman is dating 30 men. What's too far? Like, where. It's the line here.

[Host]

What's the fantasy Sweets? I haven't seen that.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Okay. It's where you go to, like. Like, you get to go mosquito flying around my face. Fantasy suites are when you get to a certain point in the show where you're down to three men and you get overnight dates with each one of them off camera. Oh, yeah.

[Host]

Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

You're having sex with three different guys.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Well, you don't have to. You don't have to if you're not feeling it. But you. It's there if you want to, because what a test.

[Host]

Right there. Right?

[Caitlin Bristow]

It really is. I'm like, don't you gotta test drive a car before you buy it?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Imagine marrying someone in the sex socks.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Well, that happens. I mean, there's versions out there. And I'm. I always say, too, I'm like, who care? Who cares what somebody's preference is? You know what I mean? Like, if you decide to be a virgin, I'm gonna celebrate you. If you decide you're gay, I'm gonna celebrate you. If you decide you just want to, like, sleep around and have fun and you want to know what it's like before you get married, I'm going to celebrate you. I just don't. I Don't really. I don't have that big of a judgmental bone in my body for that.

[Host]

Okay, so what year was this?

[Caitlin Bristow]

So that was back in 2015.

[Host]

So it was before the red pill movement really took off.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yes.

[Host]

So it wasn't even, like, the full extent.

[Caitlin Bristow]

No, it was 2015 Bachelor and. No, 2014. 15 Bachelor. 2015, 16. I was the Bachelorette.

[Host]

Got it.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And then. Yeah, that's a long time ago.

[Host]

It is. Because now the red pill movement is ruthless.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Ruthless.

[Host]

Like, if you filmed during that, it would have been even worse, I think.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh. And there's certain things I watch back on my season where I'm like, that does not pass the sniff check anymore. Like, you can't be doing that. Yeah.

[Host]

It's been 10 years, so a lot changes.

[Caitlin Bristow]

A lot. Yeah. It's pretty crazy to watch. I've wanted to start a thing where I rewatch my season and record it and do a podcast and have, like, each guy from whatever date it was on the podcast.

[Host]

Oh, that's funny.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. And so I was kind. Kind of, like digging into to watching it, and I haven't really watched it since, and I was like, oh, see.

[Host]

Where they're at 10 years later.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Well, that. And just to see what I was saying. Ten years ago, do you remember if you were like, you know, doing podcasts 10 years ago, you wouldn't remember what you said?

[Host]

No, I barely remember any from my first year.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Same. And so it was. It's kind of freaky to watch back because I'm like, oh, I'm kind of proud of her.

[Host]

Yeah. No, for real, though. I'm at the point now where I've had on guests where I forgot about.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host]

850 episodes.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And when people ask you, who's your favorite guest?

[Host]

You're like, I never have a good answer.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

There's so many.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I know.

[Host]

I mean, it depends on the stage of life you're at and what you're going through.

[Caitlin Bristow]

That's so true as well. Yeah. Like Jay Shetty, I had on my podcast, and that's probably, like, my top. In my top two for sure. Because I needed him at that time. And Jay Shetty is a wise little man. That monk mode, I really did get.

[Host]

In touch with the spirit.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I did. Yeah.

[Host]

You big on, like, psychedelics and, like.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Spirituality, so I've never. I've. The one time I did mushrooms, it was. I shouldn't have done it. I was at a girlfriend's wedding, and I had already been drinking the whole night, and I took Some that my friends were doing, and the guy that was giving it to us was, like, this breath coach, and he studied all these things. So I was like, okay. And all my girlfriends were like, yeah, he's. We're trust. Like, he's trustworthy. And. And he was. And I still talk to him to this day, but I went. And I forgot I had done it. So I'm sitting at the bar, and I'm like, I'll. I'll have a ro. And the rose comes in front of me, and I was like, I'm gonna throw up. And I was like, no, I'm gonna cry. No, I'm gonna laugh. And then he looked at me, and he was like, your mushrooms are kicking in. And then I panicked because I was like, I forgot I took mushrooms. I don't like this feeling. And I started getting super anxious, and I had to leave the whole party and go down to the water, just be by myself and, like, wait it out. I hated it.

[Host]

Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

But I'm a very spiritual person, so I love the idea of being like, I want to do a trip and, like, visit my younger self. And, like, I love the idea of all that, but I'm like, I don't know. I try to.

[Host]

Terrible setting, by the way.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It was awful.

[Host]

At a wedding. First of all, I. I think you should do it around people you love.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

At a wedding, there's, like, 100 random people. Second of all, drinking on it.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. No. And I heard that you can't mix it with SSRIs.

[Host]

Oh, really?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Which I. I'm on something for my anxiety, and I don't. I think it almost heightens what makes you anxious.

[Host]

Oh, my gosh. So is it.

[Caitlin Bristow]

That's what I experienced, and it was awful.

[Host]

Wow. Maybe you should try microdosing first.

[Caitlin Bristow]

So that's what I think. I would. If I'm gonna try it again. I would do that. Do you microdose?

[Host]

I do.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. I've. I've heard wonderful things about amazing things.

[Host]

I used to be on Xanax. I'm off it.

[Caitlin Bristow]

See, that's. I don't. I only take Xanax in, like, major emergency. Yeah. But I'm. I'm. I take Celexa.

[Host]

I haven't heard of that.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It's. It's kind of like a. I don't know what's. Kind of like, what, you know, in that category, but it's. I'm just on a very small dosage, and I think. I don't think it's good to do mushrooms while you're on that.

[Host]

I feel that. That's how I was with Xanax. I used to carry it in my pocket.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

And if I needed to take it, I would.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And did it help? Like, sometimes it just helps knowing it's there.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Because once you have one panic attack, I think it really is helpful to just know that there's something there that can actually stop it because it's so terrifying.

[Host]

Yeah. Kicks in quick, too. I remember the first time I ever had a public speak somewhere. I was freaking out.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

And it was only like 100 people, but it was my first time ever. So I'm on the roof of this house, fully laid out. No freaking out. I had to pop his annex. Yeah. Full or. I don't know.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Were you able to talk? And like, that's the thing.

[Host]

I didn't want to do it because I knew that would affect my talk.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

And they ended up pushing my talk back to the next day.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, yeah. Well, see, and sometimes that does help. Even if I've. If I'm feeling very anxious and overwhelmed and say I had to take a Xanax because I was freaking out. I'm actually still better the next day just from. I don't know if it, like stays in your system or if it's mental.

[Host]

But half life's probably crazy on it.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Isn't that interesting that you like 100 people in a room, but then you have over 11 million followers on a. Like, that's crazy. But you can't. They're not all sitting in front of you. Right. You can't see it.

[Host]

I was the biggest introvert. I had agoraphobia.

[Caitlin Bristow]

What is that?

[Host]

Fear of leaving your house.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You did?

[Host]

Yeah. So as soon as I saw Grey's.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Anatomy episode on that.

[Host]

Oh, really?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Wow. How did she overcome it?

[Caitlin Bristow]

She did like a kidney transplant or a blood transfusion or something for a sick kid who needed it. So it like forced her.

[Host]

Yeah. That fly loves you.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. I'm like, do I smell or something?

[Host]

I've never said it hasn't even approached me. I'm like, offended.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. No, don't be. I'm offended. I am offending the. The smell in here or something. But yeah, that. How did you get. Come over it?

[Host]

The dog helped. I got a dog.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

That helped because it forced me to go on walks. But my agoraphobia was so bad that if I walked a certain path, I would have a pain, panic attack. So I had to walk the same exact path. I would leave my house, go right for One block walk home. If I went left, I would collapse. I was 22.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And was that your whole life or did. Was this, like, something.

[Host]

No, thank God. I thought it was going to be the way I was living it, but it was like, a few months. I was dealing with a massive lawsuit that would. Would have put me in bankruptcy.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Wow.

[Host]

While just having terrible mental health at the time. So that combined.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, that'll do it.

[Host]

Wreck me.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, my gosh. And so the dog helped you get over that?

[Host]

Dog helped. My fiance helped.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

And at a certain point, I did therapy, but that. That didn't help, really. Maybe it was the wrong.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Is it just talk therapy?

[Host]

Like, just talk therapy? But it was a guy. I think I should have gone with a girl.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Or more like, I have a hypnosis appointment.

[Host]

I've tried that. Hypnotherapy.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Did it.

[Host]

No, I would say it worked. I've tried two of them out.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Okay.

[Host]

And I've done past life therapy, too.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Did you. Did that interest you?

[Host]

It did.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

That stuff's fascinating.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It is fascinating. I've done that too.

[Host]

Oh, yeah?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. I. I'm really into that stuff. That I had a past life regressor on my podcast.

[Host]

Oh, nice.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. And she said things where I was like, that's literally my reoccurring dream.

[Host]

Yeah. They say stuff that there's no way they would know.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Casually like, that you've never told anyone.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Right?

[Host]

Right.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm, like, obsessed with, like, mediums and mind readers and mentalists and past life readers. I just find that.

[Host]

So I love that stuff.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

I've done a few of those. I have a psychic that I pay just for consulting.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, yeah, same. Wait, have you ever heard of O's Perlman?

[Host]

He's been on my show.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Okay. I was going to say. He came on my podcast, too. I was going to say, you should have him on. But you already did.

[Host]

Oh, my God. So before we started, he's like, think of the craziest name you've ever heard of. Right. So I think of this wild name that you've never heard of.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Her name's Darius.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Or never.

[Host]

End of the episode. He says it on the podcast.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I don't understand.

[Host]

It was crazy.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. He guessed my bank PIN code.

[Host]

What?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

No way.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, I was like, I don't understand, like. But I like not understanding. It makes me feel like I'm a kid again. Because it's like the feeling of magic.

[Host]

Right.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Like, you. It's you feel so young, and you're like, oh, there's still things out there I don't understand. And it just feels like Christmas morning.

[Host]

Yeah. I don't want to understand mentalism, because I feel like I don't use the wrong way well.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And I also feel like it would ruin the magic for me. Yeah. Because what if he's like, oh, I just went through your phone while you. Like, I have a. I have a software on my computer that just. I don't know. I don't know.

[Host]

Beast, though.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

He said he talks during marathons. I mean, he's a beast.

[Caitlin Bristow]

He. He really is a beast.

[Host]

Yeah. He's won the New Jersey marathon, I think eight times.

[Caitlin Bristow]

What?

[Host]

And he's not even the tallest runner. Like, runners are supposed to be tall.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, he is a runner, isn't he?

[Host]

But he said he'll pass the guy in first place, not even be breathing heavily and compliment him. And he gets in his head. He uses mentalism during the race.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, man. In another lifetime. In another lifetime, I'll come back as a mentalist.

[Host]

Yeah. It'd be a cool skill to have.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It'd be really cool skill to have.

[Host]

What's your weirdest talent that you have? Are you weirdly good at anything?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Rapping.

[Host]

Rapping.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Don't make me do it, though. But, like, I love styling. No, I write my own raps.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Nice.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I feel like a lot of people probably wouldn't know that.

[Host]

I would never guess that. That's cool.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, I used to. When I. I went through a really hard time in my life were I. It's. It always sounds silly to say out loud, but heartbreak like this one heartbreak that I had in my life was, like, the hardest thing I've ever been through. But I started writing wraps instead because I got. This is going to sound like I'm just glossing over this casually, but I got addicted to Valium.

[Host]

Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And I knew I needed to get out of that, and so my friend had me sleep on his couch because I had nowhere to live. And we just started writing raps, and I loved it.

[Host]

No way.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

That's cool.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

What a character arc that is.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. It's very interesting rap music. I. Yeah.

[Host]

I used to get high and free. Hot box. The car.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Freestyle. Oh, those are some of my best memories.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Just innocent.

[Caitlin Bristow]

There's that fly he just got you. Yes.

[Host]

Wow. I wonder if it's a spirit trying to get in contact.

[Caitlin Bristow]

It is, for sure.

[Host]

You think so?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

When I see random animals sometimes I'm like, is that a loved one?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, that's part of going to this inner child work retreat I did was very. It was very spiritual. Very. We did a lot of visualizations and I went to Hawaii after for two days. And every, like, a turtle would come up to me, I'd be like, it's my ancestor. And like a whale, like, breached out of the water. And I was like, I had a dream about a whale last night. Like, I was like, so connected to everything. It was funny.

[Host]

Well, you mentioned dreams, like, have meanings earlier. I. I believe that you have.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You had dream experts on your podcast.

[Host]

I have.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Okay. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. I've had a couple. Plus, I have a dream journal.

[Caitlin Bristow]

You do?

[Host]

I reflect on my dreams every night. Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And do they ever, like, do you ever go back and be like, oh my gosh. Or like, what do you think dreams are?

[Host]

I think it's different for different people.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

So my. My fiance is like a psychic. She has spiritual powers. So her dreams are really scary because those events happen. Whoa. So whenever she has a crazy dream, I take it super serious.

[Caitlin Bristow]

No kidding.

[Host]

Cuz I know there's a possibility it's going to happen. Happen. It's happened almost every time. But my dreams aren't like that. Like, I've never had something happen, like, in the future in my dream. Yeah, they're just like hidden meanings.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Mine are such a production. Like, they're like, I will have a full choreographed, like, theater presentation. Yeah. It's crazy, but I always wonder, like, I saw one time on whatever it is. Like, we were joking about this earlier. Like a meme that you see, but it said, are we all just ignoring the fact that we close our eyes, go into a coma, hallucinate all night, and then just wake up and pretend that that never happened? Like, where did we just go? Like, are we entering another realm? Like, and we're all just like, dude, had a great sleep. I was a crazy dream.

[Host]

And no one talks about it, but it's wild. Wild.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

But there's a lot of meanings. Like, if you just remember parts of your dream and look it up on Google.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, it's not on. I have an actual book right beside my bed.

[Host]

Wow.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I think it's like. Like I can't remember how many. But dream meanings. I do it all the time. I do the same thing. Like, if I think about it, I'll make a voice note to myself of the dreams that I had, and they're just. Are yours really, like, detailed?

[Host]

Pretty much, yeah. Last night I had whenever I travel. I have nightmares.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Really?

[Host]

Because I pick up on the energy of the previous tenants or whatever.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. So no way.

[Host]

I'm pretty sensitive to that. Like, last night I had the classic one where I'm naked in school.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yep.

[Host]

So I was like, all right, that sucks.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Wait, that's so interesting that you pick up is that. Did you learn a lot of this from your fiance?

[Host]

From her and my psychic, yeah. Because every time I'm in a hotel, even a brand new five star hotel, I'll have nightmares.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I got to start paying attention to that because I have the craziest dreams when I'm traveling.

[Host]

That's what I mean. You're picking up on the energies of all the previous people that are sleeping there. So you got to cleanse the room. I just learned this. I had on an Akashic record girl today, so she sent me some sprays to buy. I'll send you them.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, my gosh, I would love that.

[Host]

You should use it on your podcast set too.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, that's such a good idea. I'm all about. Like, the other night, I did a full moon ceremony, and I, like, did all my crystals and the. The zoom link that I was on where I was attending this ceremony. She said to put this glass of water, and I said all of my, like, hopes and dreams into this glass of water. Put it outside in the full moon with all my crystals, and then you drink the water in the morning. And I don't. I don't know. I am, like, so connected to. Not. Not that. I mean, you have a fiance, so you understand girl talk. But, like, my period will come around the moon. It'll be like, full moon, and I'll be like, there it is. Like, I'm so connected. And there have been certain times where I literally have just stared at the moon and had full conversations, and those things come true.

[Host]

Whoa.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah, that's fascinating. Yeah.

[Host]

Water holds memory. They're. They're finding out now too.

[Caitlin Bristow]

See? Well, then that makes sense. I felt so crazy, but I was like, I don't care. I'm doing it.

[Host]

No, they've done studies on it now.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Whoa. What is life? Where are we? Who are we?

[Host]

It's wild. The one. One study I've seen was people talk negatively to water. And then water, plants. The plants die. And then other studies talk positively to the water. The plants stay alive.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I should just. Here's my lesson. I need to drink more water and speak positively to it.

[Host]

Yeah, yeah, you gotta drink the right type of water, not tap water.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Well, my whole House is on a filtered water system.

[Host]

Same.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Nice reverse osmosis.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yes.

[Host]

You know what's up?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. This is my type of podcast right here.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I want to get more knowledgeable about this stuff just because I'm. I'm just starting to, like, learn and care and, like, understand.

[Host]

Yeah. You got the shower filter, too. Yeah, yeah, that's needed.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Especially because I'm. I'm even weird about the. Like, I used to just give my dogs boss water. Like, you're not. You're not having that tap water. And then I got on a filtered system.

[Host]

But, yeah, no, tap water is killing dogs.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I know. I. I totally believe that. Like, it's. I. I do way too much. One of my. The girl that I rescued the dogs from, she is very holistic and, like, knows everything about everything for dogs and the amount of information she'll send me, and I'll be like, well, just throw that out the window. Like, yeah, it's. Yeah, it's fascinating.

[Host]

I mean, they're living way less than normal. One out of two of them is getting cancer now.

[Caitlin Bristow]

I know.

[Host]

And I'm thinking about pulling mine out of, like, Banfield because, like, I don't want any more vaccines going in them.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, Banfield. Yeah. No, I go to any vaccines. I forget you don't live here. I was going to give you mine. I. My vet does a more holistic approach, and it's really cool.

[Host]

I love that. Yeah. I want to go more holistic with them.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah.

[Host]

Because, like, 25 vaccines.

[Caitlin Bristow]

25.

[Host]

Yeah. Over the years. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Because they give a few a year, and it just adds up.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. I don't even. Yeah. I don't know what my. I should probably know more, but I'm like, I don't know how many vaccines. I know mine have had some.

[Host]

You and I have gotten more than 25.

[Caitlin Bristow]

We have.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Vaccines.

[Host]

We've gotten like, 50.

[Caitlin Bristow]

From what?

[Host]

Just over the years, you had to get. Get them to go to school.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah.

[Host]

Now kids are on about 100. Isn't that crazy?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, my God. Now, I just have so many questions for you. But this is good. You're coming on my podcast tomorrow because I'm gonna ask on it tomorrow. Yeah. I'm like, I have questions for you because I don't have answers to this.

[Host]

Kaylin, it's been fun. Where can people find you?

[Caitlin Bristow]

Oh, gosh. So I have a podcast that comes out twice a week called off the vine, which you will be on. And I also. My Social media is at Caitlin Bristow on pretty much everything.

[Host]

Perfect.

[Caitlin Bristow]

And my wine label is at Spade and Sparrows, and you can try it tomorrow. Oh, my gosh. Yes. It's so I. I'm like, I grew up. My mom drank wine with every meal, and she, like, was. She really, like, enjoyed pairing it with food. So then I got into the restaurant business, and I was in for 11 years, and I worked under a sommelier, and then I got into a management position where I had to train servers on wine knowledge. So I fell in love with, like, the history of wine and how it's made and where it comes from and all these things that come along with wine. And then so creating my own wine label. This is truly the only wine that I drink because I enjoy it so much.

[Host]

Yeah, I can't wait. So 9:30 is a bit early, but I'll drink it for you.

[Caitlin Bristow]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Host]

I got you.

[Caitlin Bristow]

We'll just give you a little glass. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate your time.

[Host]

Yeah, that was fun. Thanks for watching, guys.

[Caitlin Bristow]

As always.

[Host]

We'll link our stuff below. Check her out. See you next time.