
Ex-Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe reveals the hidden toll of social media in this eye-opening episode! 🎭 Watch as she shares her journey from reality TV stardom to navigating the complexities of online fame. 📱
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Caitlin Bristow
Cordell.com I have found this out to be true as well. I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy that week. Did about 10 years of therapy for me because like you just said, you learned from your mom. We all learned so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize. Like think about social media, what we consume, how it warps our brain and that's as adults. So as children think of like that's all you know.
Host
All right guys, Digital social hour, last episode of the day. Caitlin Bristow, thanks for coming on.
Caitlin Bristow
Thank you for having me. I saw your Instagram and I was like what? I would like to get there with my podcast. Congratulations to you.
Host
Been a work in progress.
Caitlin Bristow
Well, you've been working hard.
Host
Yeah, well when you film, I don't know, 20 episodes a week could get there quicker than most.
Caitlin Bristow
That's bananas. That's bananas. I wouldn't even be able to Talk. I'd be like, by the end.
Host
Yeah. You said you were doing four a day. Some days. All right.
Caitlin Bristow
Some days. And literally they had to cut me off at 5 because they're like, your podcast sucks. If it's the fifth one of the day, I'm like, okay, humbled. Thank you.
Host
That's still way more than most people.
Caitlin Bristow
Though, so that's a lot. I do love it, though.
Host
Are you drinking on them or.
Caitlin Bristow
Depends. If it's like 10am I'll stay away because otherwise I'll be sleeping by the end. But if it's like, I've got maybe two or one and it's a little later, then absolutely.
Host
Yeah. I drank on my first one last week.
Caitlin Bristow
You did?
Host
Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
First time ever.
Host
On a podcast?
Caitlin Bristow
On a podcast. How was it?
Host
I felt better.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
I know now that sounds messed up to say, but I know questions float out.
Caitlin Bristow
This. I. I say that with my guests because I have a wine label. So having a glass of wine with them, I'm like, not only am I promoting the wine, but I'm like, lubing up my guests to get comfortable. And, like, I always get. Make my guests tell me an embarrassing story. And I do it towards the end. And there's a reason.
Host
Yeah. Because some guests are a little nervous. Have you gotten that?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Yeah, some guests get nervous. I had David Arquette on. I don't know if you know who that is. How old are you?
Host
27.
Caitlin Bristow
Okay, so David Arquette was, like, really big into the Scream movies. He was a big actor in the screen movies, and he was.
Host
Oh, which guy was he?
Caitlin Bristow
Dewey.
Host
Oh, he was Dewey. Yeah, that's the guy.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. And I think he's very much an introvert and very shy and. But those are my favorite kind of people.
Host
Really?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Cuz I like making them feel comfortable and seeing them warm up. I don't know.
Host
You'll have fun with me. I'm actually a massive introvert.
Caitlin Bristow
Are you really? Yeah, I'm both. We were talking about this downstairs. I like, right now, I don't feel like an introvert. I love meeting people. I love talking on podcasts. I like hanging out, but I love being alone. I need to recharge alone. Crowds of people give me anxiety. Yeah.
Host
Yeah. I've had a. I didn't know I had anxiety.
Caitlin Bristow
So how did you discover it?
Host
I collapsed. No. Yeah. I collapsed on my college dorm room floor. Had to crawl to my bed and I was like. Thought it was a heart attack, honestly. But it was just a panic attack.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Pan panic attacks. Sound just like if you've experienced one then I feel like it is just as scary as a heart attack. Like I, I, the first time I ever had one was on an airplane and I thought I was dying.
Host
That's terrible.
Caitlin Bristow
It was probably top three worst moments of my life.
Host
I bet. Cuz there's people around you, you don't know what to do.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. And I, there's two very. A sweet older couple and I like liter stepped on them to get out and was like clawing to get in the bathroom. It was bad. Yeah.
Host
What caused it?
Caitlin Bristow
Honestly, no idea. Same really.
Host
I didn't know what happened because I.
Caitlin Bristow
Think a lot of people think with anxiety like it something has happened or you're overthinking about something. And I truly, I don't know if it was like altitude. I was in Aspen and I don't know, it just, I, I started panicking and then I couldn't catch my breath and then I just started overheating and then it sound, it felt like all the sound went like whoosh past my ears and then I just started like I actually thought I was having heart attack. Same thing. Wow. Yeah.
Host
Yeah. I feel like it's just a compilation of just bad, like I was sleeping terrible. Eating terrible.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, that'll do.
Host
Going through some mental stuff.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
I was in college, stressed.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
So just a compilation of everything and.
Caitlin Bristow
We'Ve never been taught till lately what anxiety is like. I, I had it as a child and now looking back I'm like, oh, that was anxiety. But back then I didn't know what was wrong with me. And I remember trying to explain it to my mom and she would be so confused. Then we thought I had OCD or something, but it was just total anxiety. My parents had no idea, no nothing.
Host
That would happen to me. When I smoked weed in high school, I thought that was what being hot felt like.
Caitlin Bristow
But I was having sucks.
Host
I was having anxiety attacks every time I got high.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Did you keep going?
Host
Yeah, because I was trying to fit in with people.
Caitlin Bristow
I did the same thing. I did the same thing. I, Are we the same person? I literally would smoke weed to try and fit in and I would have full, full blown panic every time and.
Host
Thought that's I'd be in my basement doing the gravity bongs and I would have to go to my bed after like two hits.
Caitlin Bristow
You're like, this is fun guys.
Host
I'd just be like, I'm out. Like you guys can keep smoking. I feel like.
Caitlin Bristow
And then I went through a phase of I lived in Vancouver for 11 years where I actually enjoyed smoking weed once in a while, but the problem was I would line up snacks in front of me munchies and I would.
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Caitlin Bristow
I would just eat and eat and not stop and I wouldn't. I didn't understand like full cues when I was high. So I now I don't smoke anymore.
Host
I don't smoke. I had do you have a bad edible story?
Caitlin Bristow
No, I have great edible stories.
Host
Oh, you do? That's shocking. Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
You have a bad edible story.
Host
I thought everyone did. Oh, so you never had a bad experience on an edible?
Caitlin Bristow
No, I. I think I got. I've been too scared to overdo it. I've had funny stories taking edibles. But like the other night I took half of an edible.
Host
Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
And it's usually the kind that I'll take if I just want to get. It's like mostly CBD and barely any thc. And I was like I'll just do half. And usually I do a full. And I was so high and I was writing myself text messages as a joke. Like, I was having a full. This is. I was having a full conversation because in my head I was like, this is a really funny joke. And so I was writing it. Sometimes I think I'm a comedian. I'm not. I was writing myself text, being like, this is. And then in the morning I'm like, that's not funny, Caitlyn.
Host
Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
That's not even.
Host
Yeah. Sometimes I'll be stoned and I find myself deep conversation with myself for like 10 minutes. I'm like, what the hell?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Which is sometimes kind of nice for an introvert because you're like, you're getting your feelings out and your thoughts out.
Host
But that's true.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Because I live such a fast paced life, I never have time to reflect.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, that is the biggest thing. After nine years of nonstop go, go, go. I am really making time for myself to reflect and marinate in all the hard work I've done. It's not easy, but I'm trying really hard to do that and slow down. And my mental health is actually really improving because I got a sauna and a cold plunge, which I'm sure Michael Chandler talked to you about that, but it's done wonders for my mental health.
Host
Yeah, Saunas are a game changer.
Caitlin Bristow
Game changer.
Host
Started using that like three, four times a week.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, it's the best. Like, I. Last night I got out of my cold plunge after doing a sauna and I was like, I, I love being alive. I said that to my girlfriend. I said, I love being alive. And she was like, what is happening? I'm like, cold plunge.
Host
I'll do that to you, man. Rethinking everything in there.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, we wish we had that when we were smoking weed. Been like, let's get high on plunging.
Host
Yeah. Yeah, that should be a new thing.
Caitlin Bristow
You want to hit the plunge later. Yeah, I love that.
Host
Yeah. That's cool to hear, though, that you've overcome your anxiety and.
Caitlin Bristow
Well, I don't know about overcome or.
Host
At least mitigated it.
Caitlin Bristow
I think I've learned to surrender to certain times of like, for example, I'm a woman, so certain times of the month is when I actually suffer really bad from hormonal depression and anxiety. So now I at least know to plan for it.
Host
Right.
Caitlin Bristow
Which really helps me and my assistant will actually schedule things around that time for me because otherwise I just go dark. Yeah.
Host
Yeah. My fiance just Told me that your Woman's cycle is 30 days, right?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
And IT guys is 24 hours.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Yes.
Host
Which is crazy.
Caitlin Bristow
It is crazy. And it's. It. It really feels like there's about five days. It's clockwork, which is really sad. Five days where I'm like, I don't feel good. I feel depressed, I'm anxious. I'm so irritable. I'm so moody, I could make terrible. I could ruin relationships and, like, business decisions in those five days. Wow. It's.
Host
It's that bad?
Caitlin Bristow
It's really bad.
Host
Damn.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. So I just. In those days now, I cold plunge. I say, nobody talk to me. Give me my five days to recharge the old bats, and we go again.
Host
See, that's important to know, though, as.
Caitlin Bristow
A guy, I mean. Yeah. Oh. Honestly, it took me. I'm 39, and it probably took me till I was 38 to figure out what the hell is going on with me.
Host
Really? Oh, so you didn't even know?
Caitlin Bristow
Not. I didn't realize it was attached to hormones.
Host
Oh.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Until recently. And now I'm like, how did I not notice this before? It's like, I could, like, get irritated at. And I'm like, you are breathing and I want to throw chop you. And then I'm like, oh, duh, it's that time. Like, it's. Yeah, it's. It's clockwork at this point. Yeah.
Host
Do mouth chewers annoy you?
Caitlin Bristow
I. You saying mouth chewers annoys me? Yes. I have severe misophonia, and it kicks up.
Host
Wow. There's a word for this.
Caitlin Bristow
Misophonia.
Host
I didn't know that.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, I have a whole Instagram page for it. No, you're called misophonia. Misery for the community. Thoughts and prayers to the misophonia community. It's a rough life. We get very angry and irritable, and it's. It seems so unreasonable because you're like, I'm just chewing my food. And I'm like, but it's a thing. It's a thing. Yeah.
Host
My mom's a big mouth chewer man.
Caitlin Bristow
Really? Does it drive you bonkers?
Host
I realized I started picking it up from her.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh.
Host
So my fiance is the one who told me I was one.
Caitlin Bristow
Got it.
Host
And then once she told me, I saw it in my mother. So now it does a little bit.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Okay. But you would know if you had it. You don't have misophonia. You just. You just are not.
Host
I'm just more aware.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Host
You're aware there's things in life people don't tell me till really late, and.
Caitlin Bristow
I'm like, wow, I have found this out to be true as well. I did a. I did a week inner child retreat of, like, inner child therapy, and that week did about 10 years of therapy for me.
Host
Whoa.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. And I learned so much in just. Because, like, you just said, like, you learned from your mom. We all learn so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize. Like, think about social media, what we consume, how it warps our brain, and that's as adults. So as children think of, like, that's all, you know. So it's interesting to learn so much about yourself through how you grew up and why you are the way you are. And. And then it. Not that I was. I. I had actually a great childhood, and my parents are wonderful people, but I still realized, you know, certain things that they did that was generally generational that their parents put on them, that they put on me. But I don't know, it's. It was a beautiful thing. But I also said when I got back that I was in awareness hell because I was like, now I'm aware of everything that, like, other people are doing and my own patterns and why I do this, but you just kind of learn.
Host
That's interesting. So what were some things you realized during that?
Caitlin Bristow
I definitely over fixate on appearance when I'm anxious. So I will pick myself apart if I'm. If somewhere else in my life is not going right, if I'm feeling sad or depressed about something else, or I'm going through a hard time somewhere else, I'll stare into a mirror and start picking myself apart and be like, oh, I need to. Like, I have severe body dysmorphia. I'll literally sometimes tell myself, I need to get liposuction.
Host
Holy, you're skinny.
Caitlin Bristow
That's dysmorphia. Like, I. And I can realize it now. So growing up, I grew up. My mom was a professional ballerina, and I grew up in the ballet studio. Dance studio, six days a week. And we would all line up in the mirror and compare our bodies and go, I wish I had your arms. And I would get accepted into this ballet school if my waist was this much smaller. And it was. Yeah. And I. And I learned that. And bless my mom. She's the sweetest angel on planet Earth. But she was a ballerina growing up, so she was body conscious my whole life. She was very worried about aging and I grew up thinking aging is bad, gaining weight is bad, your body has to look like this. I'm reading Cosmopolitan magazines that say, you know, get your body to look like this so this guy likes you. And you know, now we have social media, but back then I had magazines. It's still all the same thing, but it was, it really, it really warped my brain into thinking that looks are all that matters.
Host
Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
And now these days women are just overexposed on social media.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh my gosh. And I think about my like 16 year old niece and growing up in that generation where again, it's like all that you're consuming on media is an illusion at this point too. And so I, you know, Even as a 39 year old woman, I can look at social media and be like, okay, this is a highlight reel for people. Like, this isn't real life. But it still does something to my brain that makes me think I'm not doing enough and I don't look good enough.
Host
Right.
Caitlin Bristow
But then I think about a fragile 16 year old brain looking at that and what that's going to do to them and I just, I, I worry about the younger generation so much.
Host
I definitely worry about, I don't even have kids yet, but do you have kids?
Caitlin Bristow
I don't. I just, I was joking downstairs that I'm one of those dog moms that believes that my golden retrievers came out of my womb because they're my babies.
Host
They're pretty much kids. Right. I treat my dogs like my kids.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, I'm, I'm embarrassingly obsessed with my dogs, but I'm glad you understand. But yeah, I'm, it's, it's scary to think about having children and it's, it's, it's, I feel a little bit of hope because I see my, my best friends do it and they are raising some really incredible children. So I have a little bit of hope. But then, you know, social media, man.
Host
Social media is ruthless. You look at the suicide rate in young teenage woman, it's the highest it's ever been.
Caitlin Bristow
It's ever been. Yeah. And I mean, obvious reasons, social media.
Host
You'Re getting bullied 24 7.
Caitlin Bristow
I mean, again, I don't mean to keep bringing it back to me, but I get bullied at this age of my life on social media and it does something to me and I think it's even worse. Like some people are like, oh, you have it on a much larger platform, so you have it coming from all angles. I'm so sorry. And I'm Like, I actually find it tougher if. If it's people you know or people you have to show up at school with as a kid or you have a smaller community. I actually think that bullying might be a bit tougher to take because I'm just like, oh, these people don't know me. Where, you know, young girls are bullying other young girls and they know them and they have to see them every day and they're just. I always use the word fragile because it just feels like that's what it means.
Host
Yeah. When you're that young, you think the world's ending.
Caitlin Bristow
You really do.
Host
And then you got to see them the next day in school.
Caitlin Bristow
You really do. And that's. I was thinking about this. A child has a temper tantrum if they drop their cookie, because that is truly the worst thing that's ever happened to them in their life. You know, like, they haven't experienced real life yet. So to them, a cookie falling and them not being able to reach it is the worst thing that's ever. So they have temper tantrums.
Host
Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
A 16 year old getting bullied at school. You haven't lived life yet. You don't know what else is out there and how. Like, this is nothing in the, you know, grand scheme of things. But that's all they know. And that's the worst thing that's ever happened to them. And that's terrible.
Host
Absolutely. So where does your bullying stem from? Is it from the Bachelorette?
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. It. It was really bad. I. So I was not your typical Bachelorette. I think a lot of times they have picked women who are usually girl. All lovely women. I'm friends with all of them, but, like, girl next door, all American sweetheart. And then I was this edgy Canadian who I came out of the limo and I made jokes about having sex and, like, I have tattoos. And it was. I think America, seeing a Canadian come in there and do that was like, who is this girl? And so I think producers use that, like, okay, let's run with this. Let's have a different season. Let's change things up. And so they really sexualized me as the Bachelorette. I was this sex positive, edgy person that I just talked about sex and I had sex and. And it was so funny to me because I was just treating it like dating in normal, real life. And then, you know, the. The show airs and I got slut shamed like, like you wouldn't believe.
Host
Really? Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, my gosh. Death threats. People were photoshopping me in Dumpsters and saying, that's where I should die.
Host
Holy crap.
Caitlin Bristow
And like, all, like, moms with Bible verses in their. In their bios just telling me that to shut my horror legs. Like it now looking back, I can actually laugh. And I was like, oh, my God. But it was really, like, the start of experiencing bullying for me. Yeah.
Host
And prior to that, you never experienced something like that?
Caitlin Bristow
I mean, I did a little bit in high school. Like, the girls in high school had to have a meeting once if I was going to come in a limo to the graduation party because they didn't know if they liked me at the time. Like, that's as far as the bullying went for me. But I, you know. Yeah, I didn't really feel severe bullying until I came off television.
Host
So you were just talking about sex and you got bullied for that?
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't think that was typical. Like, you know, I don't know if you know the bachelor show at all, but they have what they call fantasy suites. And everyone knows what happens at the fantasy suites. But I just happened to talk about it, so people are like, oh, it's too far. I'm like, you're watching a show where one woman is dating 30 men. What's too far? Like, where. It's the line here.
Host
What's the fantasy Sweets? I haven't seen that.
Caitlin Bristow
Okay. It's where you go to, like. Like, you get to go mosquito flying around my face. Fantasy suites are when you get to a certain point in the show where you're down to three men and you get overnight dates with each one of them off camera. Oh, yeah.
Host
Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
You're having sex with three different guys.
Caitlin Bristow
Well, you don't have to. You don't have to if you're not feeling it. But you. It's there if you want to, because what a test.
Host
Right there. Right?
Caitlin Bristow
It really is. I'm like, don't you gotta test drive a car before you buy it?
Host
Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Imagine marrying someone in the sex socks.
Caitlin Bristow
Well, that happens. I mean, there's versions out there. And I'm. I always say, too, I'm like, who care? Who cares what somebody's preference is? You know what I mean? Like, if you decide to be a virgin, I'm gonna celebrate you. If you decide you're gay, I'm gonna celebrate you. If you decide you just want to, like, sleep around and have fun and you want to know what it's like before you get married, I'm going to celebrate you. I just don't. I Don't really. I don't have that big of a judgmental bone in my body for that.
Host
Okay, so what year was this?
Caitlin Bristow
So that was back in 2015.
Host
So it was before the red pill movement really took off.
Caitlin Bristow
Yes.
Host
So it wasn't even, like, the full extent.
Caitlin Bristow
No, it was 2015 Bachelor and. No, 2014. 15 Bachelor. 2015, 16. I was the Bachelorette.
Host
Got it.
Caitlin Bristow
And then. Yeah, that's a long time ago.
Host
It is. Because now the red pill movement is ruthless.
Caitlin Bristow
Ruthless.
Host
Like, if you filmed during that, it would have been even worse, I think.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh. And there's certain things I watch back on my season where I'm like, that does not pass the sniff check anymore. Like, you can't be doing that. Yeah.
Host
It's been 10 years, so a lot changes.
Caitlin Bristow
A lot. Yeah. It's pretty crazy to watch. I've wanted to start a thing where I rewatch my season and record it and do a podcast and have, like, each guy from whatever date it was on the podcast.
Host
Oh, that's funny.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. And so I was kind. Kind of, like digging into to watching it, and I haven't really watched it since, and I was like, oh, see.
Host
Where they're at 10 years later.
Caitlin Bristow
Well, that. And just to see what I was saying. Ten years ago, do you remember if you were like, you know, doing podcasts 10 years ago, you wouldn't remember what you said?
Host
No, I barely remember any from my first year.
Caitlin Bristow
Same. And so it was. It's kind of freaky to watch back because I'm like, oh, I'm kind of proud of her.
Host
Yeah. No, for real, though. I'm at the point now where I've had on guests where I forgot about.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Yeah.
Host
850 episodes.
Caitlin Bristow
And when people ask you, who's your favorite guest?
Host
You're like, I never have a good answer.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
There's so many.
Caitlin Bristow
I know.
Host
I mean, it depends on the stage of life you're at and what you're going through.
Caitlin Bristow
That's so true as well. Yeah. Like Jay Shetty, I had on my podcast, and that's probably, like, my top. In my top two for sure. Because I needed him at that time. And Jay Shetty is a wise little man. That monk mode, I really did get.
Host
In touch with the spirit.
Caitlin Bristow
I did. Yeah.
Host
You big on, like, psychedelics and, like.
Caitlin Bristow
Spirituality, so I've never. I've. The one time I did mushrooms, it was. I shouldn't have done it. I was at a girlfriend's wedding, and I had already been drinking the whole night, and I took Some that my friends were doing, and the guy that was giving it to us was, like, this breath coach, and he studied all these things. So I was like, okay. And all my girlfriends were like, yeah, he's. We're trust. Like, he's trustworthy. And. And he was. And I still talk to him to this day, but I went. And I forgot I had done it. So I'm sitting at the bar, and I'm like, I'll. I'll have a ro. And the rose comes in front of me, and I was like, I'm gonna throw up. And I was like, no, I'm gonna cry. No, I'm gonna laugh. And then he looked at me, and he was like, your mushrooms are kicking in. And then I panicked because I was like, I forgot I took mushrooms. I don't like this feeling. And I started getting super anxious, and I had to leave the whole party and go down to the water, just be by myself and, like, wait it out. I hated it.
Host
Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
But I'm a very spiritual person, so I love the idea of being like, I want to do a trip and, like, visit my younger self. And, like, I love the idea of all that, but I'm like, I don't know. I try to.
Host
Terrible setting, by the way.
Caitlin Bristow
It was awful.
Host
At a wedding. First of all, I. I think you should do it around people you love.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
At a wedding, there's, like, 100 random people. Second of all, drinking on it.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. No. And I heard that you can't mix it with SSRIs.
Host
Oh, really?
Caitlin Bristow
Which I. I'm on something for my anxiety, and I don't. I think it almost heightens what makes you anxious.
Host
Oh, my gosh. So is it.
Caitlin Bristow
That's what I experienced, and it was awful.
Host
Wow. Maybe you should try microdosing first.
Caitlin Bristow
So that's what I think. I would. If I'm gonna try it again. I would do that. Do you microdose?
Host
I do.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. I've. I've heard wonderful things about amazing things.
Host
I used to be on Xanax. I'm off it.
Caitlin Bristow
See, that's. I don't. I only take Xanax in, like, major emergency. Yeah. But I'm. I'm. I take Celexa.
Host
I haven't heard of that.
Caitlin Bristow
It's. It's kind of like a. I don't know what's. Kind of like, what, you know, in that category, but it's. I'm just on a very small dosage, and I think. I don't think it's good to do mushrooms while you're on that.
Host
I feel that. That's how I was with Xanax. I used to carry it in my pocket.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
And if I needed to take it, I would.
Caitlin Bristow
And did it help? Like, sometimes it just helps knowing it's there.
Host
Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
Because once you have one panic attack, I think it really is helpful to just know that there's something there that can actually stop it because it's so terrifying.
Host
Yeah. Kicks in quick, too. I remember the first time I ever had a public speak somewhere. I was freaking out.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
And it was only like 100 people, but it was my first time ever. So I'm on the roof of this house, fully laid out. No freaking out. I had to pop his annex. Yeah. Full or. I don't know.
Caitlin Bristow
Were you able to talk? And like, that's the thing.
Host
I didn't want to do it because I knew that would affect my talk.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
And they ended up pushing my talk back to the next day.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, yeah. Well, see, and sometimes that does help. Even if I've. If I'm feeling very anxious and overwhelmed and say I had to take a Xanax because I was freaking out. I'm actually still better the next day just from. I don't know if it, like stays in your system or if it's mental.
Host
But half life's probably crazy on it.
Caitlin Bristow
Isn't that interesting that you like 100 people in a room, but then you have over 11 million followers on a. Like, that's crazy. But you can't. They're not all sitting in front of you. Right. You can't see it.
Host
I was the biggest introvert. I had agoraphobia.
Caitlin Bristow
What is that?
Host
Fear of leaving your house.
Caitlin Bristow
You did?
Host
Yeah. So as soon as I saw Grey's.
Caitlin Bristow
Anatomy episode on that.
Host
Oh, really?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Wow. How did she overcome it?
Caitlin Bristow
She did like a kidney transplant or a blood transfusion or something for a sick kid who needed it. So it like forced her.
Host
Yeah. That fly loves you.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. I'm like, do I smell or something?
Host
I've never said it hasn't even approached me. I'm like, offended.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. No, don't be. I'm offended. I am offending the. The smell in here or something. But yeah, that. How did you get. Come over it?
Host
The dog helped. I got a dog.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
That helped because it forced me to go on walks. But my agoraphobia was so bad that if I walked a certain path, I would have a pain, panic attack. So I had to walk the same exact path. I would leave my house, go right for One block walk home. If I went left, I would collapse. I was 22.
Caitlin Bristow
And was that your whole life or did. Was this, like, something.
Host
No, thank God. I thought it was going to be the way I was living it, but it was like, a few months. I was dealing with a massive lawsuit that would. Would have put me in bankruptcy.
Caitlin Bristow
Wow.
Host
While just having terrible mental health at the time. So that combined.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, that'll do it.
Host
Wreck me.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, my gosh. And so the dog helped you get over that?
Host
Dog helped. My fiance helped.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
And at a certain point, I did therapy, but that. That didn't help, really. Maybe it was the wrong.
Caitlin Bristow
Is it just talk therapy?
Host
Like, just talk therapy? But it was a guy. I think I should have gone with a girl.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Or more like, I have a hypnosis appointment.
Host
I've tried that. Hypnotherapy.
Caitlin Bristow
Did it.
Host
No, I would say it worked. I've tried two of them out.
Caitlin Bristow
Okay.
Host
And I've done past life therapy, too.
Caitlin Bristow
Did you. Did that interest you?
Host
It did.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
That stuff's fascinating.
Caitlin Bristow
It is fascinating. I've done that too.
Host
Oh, yeah?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. I. I'm really into that stuff. That I had a past life regressor on my podcast.
Host
Oh, nice.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. And she said things where I was like, that's literally my reoccurring dream.
Host
Yeah. They say stuff that there's no way they would know.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Casually like, that you've never told anyone.
Caitlin Bristow
Right?
Host
Right.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's how I feel. I'm, like, obsessed with, like, mediums and mind readers and mentalists and past life readers. I just find that.
Host
So I love that stuff.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
I've done a few of those. I have a psychic that I pay just for consulting.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, yeah, same. Wait, have you ever heard of O's Perlman?
Host
He's been on my show.
Caitlin Bristow
Okay. I was going to say. He came on my podcast, too. I was going to say, you should have him on. But you already did.
Host
Oh, my God. So before we started, he's like, think of the craziest name you've ever heard of. Right. So I think of this wild name that you've never heard of.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Her name's Darius.
Caitlin Bristow
Or never.
Host
End of the episode. He says it on the podcast.
Caitlin Bristow
I don't understand.
Host
It was crazy.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. He guessed my bank PIN code.
Host
What?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
No way.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, I was like, I don't understand, like. But I like not understanding. It makes me feel like I'm a kid again. Because it's like the feeling of magic.
Host
Right.
Caitlin Bristow
Like, you. It's you feel so young, and you're like, oh, there's still things out there I don't understand. And it just feels like Christmas morning.
Host
Yeah. I don't want to understand mentalism, because I feel like I don't use the wrong way well.
Caitlin Bristow
And I also feel like it would ruin the magic for me. Yeah. Because what if he's like, oh, I just went through your phone while you. Like, I have a. I have a software on my computer that just. I don't know. I don't know.
Host
Beast, though.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
He said he talks during marathons. I mean, he's a beast.
Caitlin Bristow
He. He really is a beast.
Host
Yeah. He's won the New Jersey marathon, I think eight times.
Caitlin Bristow
What?
Host
And he's not even the tallest runner. Like, runners are supposed to be tall.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, he is a runner, isn't he?
Host
But he said he'll pass the guy in first place, not even be breathing heavily and compliment him. And he gets in his head. He uses mentalism during the race.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, man. In another lifetime. In another lifetime, I'll come back as a mentalist.
Host
Yeah. It'd be a cool skill to have.
Caitlin Bristow
It'd be really cool skill to have.
Host
What's your weirdest talent that you have? Are you weirdly good at anything?
Caitlin Bristow
Rapping.
Host
Rapping.
Caitlin Bristow
Don't make me do it, though. But, like, I love styling. No, I write my own raps.
Host
Oh, okay.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Nice.
Caitlin Bristow
I feel like a lot of people probably wouldn't know that.
Host
I would never guess that. That's cool.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, I used to. When I. I went through a really hard time in my life were I. It's. It always sounds silly to say out loud, but heartbreak like this one heartbreak that I had in my life was, like, the hardest thing I've ever been through. But I started writing wraps instead because I got. This is going to sound like I'm just glossing over this casually, but I got addicted to Valium.
Host
Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
And I knew I needed to get out of that, and so my friend had me sleep on his couch because I had nowhere to live. And we just started writing raps, and I loved it.
Host
No way.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
That's cool.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
What a character arc that is.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. It's very interesting rap music. I. Yeah.
Host
I used to get high and free. Hot box. The car.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Freestyle. Oh, those are some of my best memories.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Just innocent.
Caitlin Bristow
There's that fly he just got you. Yes.
Host
Wow. I wonder if it's a spirit trying to get in contact.
Caitlin Bristow
It is, for sure.
Host
You think so?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
When I see random animals sometimes I'm like, is that a loved one?
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, that's part of going to this inner child work retreat I did was very. It was very spiritual. Very. We did a lot of visualizations and I went to Hawaii after for two days. And every, like, a turtle would come up to me, I'd be like, it's my ancestor. And like a whale, like, breached out of the water. And I was like, I had a dream about a whale last night. Like, I was like, so connected to everything. It was funny.
Host
Well, you mentioned dreams, like, have meanings earlier. I. I believe that you have.
Caitlin Bristow
You had dream experts on your podcast.
Host
I have.
Caitlin Bristow
Okay. Yeah.
Host
Yeah. I've had a couple. Plus, I have a dream journal.
Caitlin Bristow
You do?
Host
I reflect on my dreams every night. Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
And do they ever, like, do you ever go back and be like, oh my gosh. Or like, what do you think dreams are?
Host
I think it's different for different people.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
So my. My fiance is like a psychic. She has spiritual powers. So her dreams are really scary because those events happen. Whoa. So whenever she has a crazy dream, I take it super serious.
Caitlin Bristow
No kidding.
Host
Cuz I know there's a possibility it's going to happen. Happen. It's happened almost every time. But my dreams aren't like that. Like, I've never had something happen, like, in the future in my dream. Yeah, they're just like hidden meanings.
Caitlin Bristow
Mine are such a production. Like, they're like, I will have a full choreographed, like, theater presentation. Yeah. It's crazy, but I always wonder, like, I saw one time on whatever it is. Like, we were joking about this earlier. Like a meme that you see, but it said, are we all just ignoring the fact that we close our eyes, go into a coma, hallucinate all night, and then just wake up and pretend that that never happened? Like, where did we just go? Like, are we entering another realm? Like, and we're all just like, dude, had a great sleep. I was a crazy dream.
Host
And no one talks about it, but it's wild. Wild.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
But there's a lot of meanings. Like, if you just remember parts of your dream and look it up on Google.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, it's not on. I have an actual book right beside my bed.
Host
Wow.
Caitlin Bristow
I think it's like. Like I can't remember how many. But dream meanings. I do it all the time. I do the same thing. Like, if I think about it, I'll make a voice note to myself of the dreams that I had, and they're just. Are yours really, like, detailed?
Host
Pretty much, yeah. Last night I had whenever I travel. I have nightmares.
Caitlin Bristow
Really?
Host
Because I pick up on the energy of the previous tenants or whatever.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. So no way.
Host
I'm pretty sensitive to that. Like, last night I had the classic one where I'm naked in school.
Caitlin Bristow
Yep.
Host
So I was like, all right, that sucks.
Caitlin Bristow
Wait, that's so interesting that you pick up is that. Did you learn a lot of this from your fiance?
Host
From her and my psychic, yeah. Because every time I'm in a hotel, even a brand new five star hotel, I'll have nightmares.
Caitlin Bristow
I got to start paying attention to that because I have the craziest dreams when I'm traveling.
Host
That's what I mean. You're picking up on the energies of all the previous people that are sleeping there. So you got to cleanse the room. I just learned this. I had on an Akashic record girl today, so she sent me some sprays to buy. I'll send you them.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, my gosh, I would love that.
Host
You should use it on your podcast set too.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, that's such a good idea. I'm all about. Like, the other night, I did a full moon ceremony, and I, like, did all my crystals and the. The zoom link that I was on where I was attending this ceremony. She said to put this glass of water, and I said all of my, like, hopes and dreams into this glass of water. Put it outside in the full moon with all my crystals, and then you drink the water in the morning. And I don't. I don't know. I am, like, so connected to. Not. Not that. I mean, you have a fiance, so you understand girl talk. But, like, my period will come around the moon. It'll be like, full moon, and I'll be like, there it is. Like, I'm so connected. And there have been certain times where I literally have just stared at the moon and had full conversations, and those things come true.
Host
Whoa.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah, that's fascinating. Yeah.
Host
Water holds memory. They're. They're finding out now too.
Caitlin Bristow
See? Well, then that makes sense. I felt so crazy, but I was like, I don't care. I'm doing it.
Host
No, they've done studies on it now.
Caitlin Bristow
Whoa. What is life? Where are we? Who are we?
Host
It's wild. The one. One study I've seen was people talk negatively to water. And then water, plants. The plants die. And then other studies talk positively to the water. The plants stay alive.
Caitlin Bristow
I should just. Here's my lesson. I need to drink more water and speak positively to it.
Host
Yeah, yeah, you gotta drink the right type of water, not tap water.
Caitlin Bristow
Well, my whole House is on a filtered water system.
Host
Same.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Nice reverse osmosis.
Caitlin Bristow
Yes.
Host
You know what's up?
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Yeah. This is my type of podcast right here.
Caitlin Bristow
I want to get more knowledgeable about this stuff just because I'm. I'm just starting to, like, learn and care and, like, understand.
Host
Yeah. You got the shower filter, too. Yeah, yeah, that's needed.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Especially because I'm. I'm even weird about the. Like, I used to just give my dogs boss water. Like, you're not. You're not having that tap water. And then I got on a filtered system.
Host
But, yeah, no, tap water is killing dogs.
Caitlin Bristow
I know. I. I totally believe that. Like, it's. I. I do way too much. One of my. The girl that I rescued the dogs from, she is very holistic and, like, knows everything about everything for dogs and the amount of information she'll send me, and I'll be like, well, just throw that out the window. Like, yeah, it's. Yeah, it's fascinating.
Host
I mean, they're living way less than normal. One out of two of them is getting cancer now.
Caitlin Bristow
I know.
Host
And I'm thinking about pulling mine out of, like, Banfield because, like, I don't want any more vaccines going in them.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, Banfield. Yeah. No, I go to any vaccines. I forget you don't live here. I was going to give you mine. I. My vet does a more holistic approach, and it's really cool.
Host
I love that. Yeah. I want to go more holistic with them.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah.
Host
Because, like, 25 vaccines.
Caitlin Bristow
25.
Host
Yeah. Over the years. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Because they give a few a year, and it just adds up.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. I don't even. Yeah. I don't know what my. I should probably know more, but I'm like, I don't know how many vaccines. I know mine have had some.
Host
You and I have gotten more than 25.
Caitlin Bristow
We have.
Host
Yeah.
Caitlin Bristow
Vaccines.
Host
We've gotten like, 50.
Caitlin Bristow
From what?
Host
Just over the years, you had to get. Get them to go to school.
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Host
Now kids are on about 100. Isn't that crazy?
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, my God. Now, I just have so many questions for you. But this is good. You're coming on my podcast tomorrow because I'm gonna ask on it tomorrow. Yeah. I'm like, I have questions for you because I don't have answers to this.
Host
Kaylin, it's been fun. Where can people find you?
Caitlin Bristow
Oh, gosh. So I have a podcast that comes out twice a week called off the vine, which you will be on. And I also. My Social media is at Caitlin Bristow on pretty much everything.
Host
Perfect.
Caitlin Bristow
And my wine label is at Spade and Sparrows, and you can try it tomorrow. Oh, my gosh. Yes. It's so I. I'm like, I grew up. My mom drank wine with every meal, and she, like, was. She really, like, enjoyed pairing it with food. So then I got into the restaurant business, and I was in for 11 years, and I worked under a sommelier, and then I got into a management position where I had to train servers on wine knowledge. So I fell in love with, like, the history of wine and how it's made and where it comes from and all these things that come along with wine. And then so creating my own wine label. This is truly the only wine that I drink because I enjoy it so much.
Host
Yeah, I can't wait. So 9:30 is a bit early, but I'll drink it for you.
Caitlin Bristow
Yeah. Thank you.
Host
I got you.
Caitlin Bristow
We'll just give you a little glass. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate your time.
Host
Yeah, that was fun. Thanks for watching, guys.
Caitlin Bristow
As always.
Host
We'll link our stuff below. Check her out. See you next time.
Digital Social Hour Podcast: Ex-Bachelorette Reveals Social Media's Hidden Toll | Kaitlyn Bristowe DSH #959
Release Date: December 7, 2024
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Kaitlyn Bristowe
In episode #959 of the Digital Social Hour podcast, host Sean Kelly welcomes Kaitlyn Bristowe, best known as an ex-Bachelorette, for an insightful and candid conversation. The episode delves deep into Kaitlyn's personal journey, exploring the profound effects of social media, mental health challenges, and her path to self-discovery and healing.
Kaitlyn opens up about her struggles with anxiety, sharing her experiences with panic attacks and the impact they've had on her life. She recounts a particularly harrowing episode when she experienced a panic attack on an airplane, describing it as "one of the top three worst moments of my life" (04:16). Kaitlyn explains how these attacks often felt indistinguishable from a heart attack, leaving her feeling terrified and isolated.
Sean relates by discussing his own battle with anxiety, revealing, "I collapsed on my college dorm room floor... It was just a panic attack" (04:19). The conversation highlights the pervasive nature of anxiety and the common misconception that it always stems from external stressors or overthinking.
Both Kaitlyn and Sean discuss various coping mechanisms they've employed to manage their anxiety. Kaitlyn shares her journey through therapy, including a transformative week of inner child retreat and inner child therapy, which she describes as a version of "10 years of therapy" condensed into one week (12:56). This intense self-reflection allowed her to uncover deep-seated issues rooted in her upbringing and societal pressures.
Sean talks about his use of Xanax during emergencies, noting, "I used to carry it in my pocket... It just helps knowing it's there" (25:19). They discuss the nuances of different therapies, including talk therapy, hypnotherapy, and the challenges of finding the right therapeutic approach.
A significant portion of the episode focuses on how social media affects self-perception and mental health. Kaitlyn expresses concern for the younger generation, stating, "I worry about the younger generation so much" (16:24). She discusses how social media fosters unrealistic beauty standards and constant comparison, leading to issues like body dysmorphia and diminished self-esteem.
Kaitlyn reflects on her own experiences with body image, influenced by her mother's career as a professional ballerina: "I grew up in the ballet studio... I learned that looks are all that matters" (14:40). She emphasizes the destructive nature of media consumption, especially for teenagers, who are still developing their identities and self-worth.
Kaitlyn shares her traumatic experiences with bullying following her appearance on The Bachelorette. As a non-traditional contestant who was openly sexual and edgy, she faced severe slut-shaming and online harassment. She recounts receiving death threats and derogatory messages, highlighting the darker side of fame and public exposure: "I got slut-shamed like you wouldn't believe... people were photoshopping me in dumpsters" (19:41).
Sean empathizes, relating it to his own experiences with online negativity, and together they explore the psychological toll of constant public scrutiny and the challenges of maintaining self-worth amidst widespread criticism.
The dialogue shifts towards personal growth and the importance of self-awareness. Kaitlyn discusses her journey through inner child therapy, where she realized the generational patterns and unconscious behaviors inherited from her parents: "I learned so many things from our parents that are just in our brains that we don't even realize" (13:13). This awareness has been pivotal in her healing process, allowing her to "surrender to certain times" and manage hormonal depression and anxiety more effectively (10:35).
Sean and Kaitlyn emphasize the necessity of taking time for self-reflection and the benefits of practices like saunas and cold plunges in improving mental health. Kaitlyn shares, "My mental health is actually really improving because I got a sauna and a cold plunge" (09:36).
The conversation delves into spirituality, with both hosts expressing a deep interest in the metaphysical aspects of life. Kaitlyn describes her fascination with mentalism, past life regression, and the significance of dreams: "I think dreams have different meanings for different people" (32:32). She shares anecdotes about her spiritual practices, including full moon ceremonies and dream interpretations, which provide her with a sense of connection and understanding of her inner self.
Sean adds his perspective, discussing his engagement with psychic consultations and the mysterious nature of dreams, further enriching the dialogue on the intersection of spirituality and mental health.
Beyond mental health and spirituality, Kaitlyn reveals her passion for wine, detailing her creation of her own wine label, "Spade and Sparrows." She explains how her upbringing in the restaurant business and her love for wine led her to this venture: "Creating my own wine label... I fell in love with the history of wine and how it's made" (37:04). Kaitlyn highlights her dedication to quality and her personal enjoyment of her own creations, making "Spade and Sparrows" the only wine she drinks.
The episode concludes with mutual appreciation between Sean and Kaitlyn, underscoring the importance of self-care, mental health awareness, and personal growth. Kaitlyn invites listeners to follow her podcast "Off the Vine" and connect with her on social media, while Sean expresses enthusiasm for supporting her endeavors.
Notable Quotes:
Kaitlyn Bristowe (04:16): "Panic attacks sound just like if you've experienced one then I feel like it is just as scary as a heart attack."
Sean Kelly (04:19): "I collapsed on my college dorm room floor. It was just a panic attack."
Kaitlyn Bristowe (12:56): "I did a week inner child retreat of like inner child therapy that week. Did about 10 years of therapy for me."
Kaitlyn Bristowe (14:40): "I grew up in the ballet studio... I learned that looks are all that matters."
Kaitlyn Bristowe (19:41): "I got slut-shamed like you wouldn't believe... people were photoshopping me in dumpsters."
Kaitlyn Bristowe (16:24): "I worry about the younger generation so much."
Sean Kelly (25:19): "I used to carry Xanax in my pocket... It just helps knowing it's there."
This episode of Digital Social Hour offers a raw and honest exploration of the hidden toll social media can take on individuals, especially those in the public eye. Kaitlyn Bristowe's vulnerability and insights provide valuable lessons on resilience, self-awareness, and the importance of mental health care. Listeners gain a deeper understanding of the complexities behind fame and the relentless pressures of maintaining a public persona in the digital age.
For more information on Kaitlyn Bristowe and her projects, including her podcast "Off the Vine" and her wine label "Spade and Sparrows," listeners are encouraged to connect with her through her social media channels.
Timestamp references are based on the provided transcript and indicate the approximate points in the episode where the quotes occur.