From Anxiety to Success: Raising Unshakeable Kids | Scott Donnell DSH #934

November 29, 202400:46:13

From Anxiety to Success: Learn powerful strategies for raising unshakeable kids in today's challenging world! 🌟 Scott Donnell shares game-changing insights on building lasting family legacy and preventing anxiety in children.

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[00:00]
A
Blow by them in every way. And if you do that three or four generations in a row, you have what I call legacy. See, legacy is not like the Vanderbilts and the, you know, the Rothschilds and all that kind of stuff. There's crazy in those families. But legacy is raising kids to blow by you and all the values and skills and mindsets and beliefs, right? That's that. That's what we all want.
[00:26]
B
All right, guys, we got Scott here from Gravy Stack revolutionizing the. The game, right?
[00:31]
A
Yeah, man.
[00:32]
B
Love it, man.
[00:33]
A
It's been fun.
[00:33]
B
What you're doing is really important, I think. So. I really appreciate someone like you doing. Could you explain, actually, for people that don't know you.
[00:39]
A
Yeah, yeah. Financial literacy, actually, I call it financial competency because you can't read money like a book, right? Literacy is a game that you shouldn't even play because that's why everyone's mad at schools, right? They think the education. Why aren't they teaching our kids critical thinking and practical skills and financial, you know, literacy? I'm like, because you can't homework money. You got to do it, right? Like, you have to do it in the real world, and you actually got to earn to learn something. So Gravy Stack was the app that we built to teach kids and adults, really, how to be financially competent. And now it's evolved into what we call Dinner Table. So we changed the name, so now it's Dinner Table, and basically, it's like coaching for families on how to raise kids to blow by you.
[01:24]
B
Nice.
[01:24]
A
Like, financial skills, family values, mindsets, the value they create in the world and the depth of relationship in the family.
[01:31]
B
Right?
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A
So now it's this whole coaching program and licensing and the app, and it's been crazy, man.
[01:36]
B
That's cool. That should be the goal for every parent, though. The kids should surpass you, you know?
[01:40]
A
That's right. That's the key. I mean, one of the things we teach is heritage over inheritance. This is. This is fascinating because I've spent my most of my career studying the best families in the world, okay? Many of these families, you'll never know. There's some billionaire families. There's, like, you know, 100 million. But there's a ton of families that just. They raise kids, grandkids and great grandkids, to blow by them in every way. And if you do that three or four generations in a row, you have what I call legacy. See, legacy is not like the Vanderbilts and the, you know, the Rothschilds and all that kind of stuff. There's crazy in those families. Legacy is raising kids to blow by you and all the values and skills and mindsets and beliefs and.
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B
Right.
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A
That's that. That's what we all want.
[02:28]
B
Yeah.
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A
With kids, that's what you want.
[02:29]
B
Absolutely. Because if you can do that three generations straight, I mean, they're going to be DECA millionaires, they're going to be super knowledgeable.
[02:36]
A
And so heritage over inheritance, like if you just die with millions of dollars to give to your kids and you didn't prepare them for the wealth, you didn't prepare them with the mindsets and the ways to create value in the world. You just ruined them.
[02:52]
B
Wow.
[02:53]
A
See, under 90% of generational wealth is gone by the grandkids. And really the next generation spends a lot, then the rest spends what's left, and it creates entitlement, victimhood, anxiety. It's like lottery ticket syndrome. Right. Like participation trophies. You get something you didn't earn, and every time you give your kids something they didn't earn, you're robbing them of something in the future. That's the point. So heritage before inheritance to us is one of the main things we coach on. It's like building a last name that means something. The relationships with your kids, the values you instill, the mindsets, like the skills to go crush it. Right. Then the inheritance is like as a sidebar. Right, Right. Because you've. You've basically carried on a legacy that matters.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So that's really what we try to teach families. And we have tools and processes for the home to actually prepare the kids.
[03:44]
B
Yeah. It's pretty ironic because when you, you pass away, you think you're doing a service by leaving money to your kids. Right?
[03:50]
A
Yeah.
[03:51]
B
But like you said, 90 of them by the grandkids generation lose it all.
[03:54]
A
Yeah. And. And the more you leave them, the more destruction you cause. So divorce, estrangement, you know, addiction, like anxiety and mental health, depression, because the kids know and earn that stuff.
[04:07]
B
Right.
[04:08]
A
And they have all the resources, but not the skills to back it up. Like, that's something you got to be really careful about.
[04:14]
B
Yeah.
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A
So that's, you know, to us, heritage is take the inheritance of your kids and put it into heritage experiences and coaching and learning and like building an incredible family. Then it doesn't matter what you leave them.
[04:28]
B
Right.
[04:28]
A
They'll be fine.
[04:29]
B
Yeah.
[04:29]
A
But. But the point is it's more about what you leave in your kids than to them. Right. So that's the key. And I see a lot of influence, like my, my Day job is like financial expert for families. Like, we teach legacy. We've helped like 7 million families.
[04:44]
B
Damn.
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A
Throughout all my companies. Like 7 companies. IPOs and exits and failures. I've had it all, man. Mm. But that, that's such a critical piece. Like if you just spend your whole life like accumulating crap just to like hand down. Because that, that's what the whole financial industry teaches. Like, let's. I don't want to piss everyone off for a second here, but the whole financial world is like, let's protect, diversify and grow your wealth steadily over time so that you can have a legacy.
[05:15]
B
My.
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A
I'm like, you're missing the boat, man. That's not actually going to create long term legacy.
[05:21]
B
Yeah.
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A
The hard work is doing the stuff in the home with your kids and your grandkids. If you don't get that right, you'll ruin them with this. With the stuff.
[05:30]
B
I agree. Just because you have hundreds of millions doesn't mean you have a legacy.
[05:33]
A
No. And I see all these influencers out there with kids, they're like, I just bought my kid a duplex and they're four years old and they'll be a millionaire by the time they're 18. I'm like, okay, so you just basically gave them more entitlement. So now they're going to make 15 grand a month playing video games and goofing off smoking weed throughout their 20s. Bad idea.
[05:56]
B
Right.
[05:57]
A
A better idea, why don't you buy a duplex with them that they pay off as a loan and they do all the enhancements. They do the deal, they sign it, they learn how to manage a property. Give them the skills. Right. And then they'll be able to do that a hundred times over. Now, you did pass on heritage. See? Yep. We need to do more things with our kids instead of for them.
[06:21]
B
Right.
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A
That's the point of what we teach.
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B
I think a lot of parents want to save time and they take the easy road.
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A
We outsource parenting.
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B
Right. They Dr. Yeah.
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A
You know, in business, you and I, tons of business. Automate, eliminate, delegate, Create a self managing company.
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B
That's how we think.
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A
Yeah, that's how we think. Dan Sullivan's my, one of my closest mentors in the world with strategic coach. Self managing company. Self multiplying company. That's unbelievable. It's a freeing thing. It frees you. It's an incredible thing to do in any business. It's the holy grail. You can't do that in your family. You can't outsource parenting, you can put the tools in place, right. To automate, eliminate and delegate things that don't fit for that. But you can't outsource your parenting.
[07:03]
B
What do you think about nannies, though?
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A
Oh, I think that's fine. What I'm talking about is the values. Like. Like, here's a good example. We don't do chores in our house.
[07:12]
B
Really?
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A
Chores is a bad word. Kids see it as negative. They see it like homework. They see it as. It always creates conflict. You're reminding your kids all the time, we don't do allowance either. Allowance is socialism.
[07:24]
B
Really?
[07:25]
A
Oh, yeah. You're giving kids money for existing. It's entitlement. Yeah, it's codependency. So instead of chores, we build skills. So my buddy Chris Baden talks about all the time, like, we build skills in the home. So our kids are learning capabilities. Yeah, they're doing what some people would call chores, but they're doing a whole host of other things to create value in the home, in the community, in the neighborhood. They're building, like a whole tool belt of capabilities. So when they go off into the world, they got zero fear, zero anxiety. Like they'll be unshaken by anything that hits them as adults.
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B
Right.
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A
That's the key. And entitlement. Everyone's worried about entitlement. Right. Like, I was. I just spoke on Tony Robbins stage, right?
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B
Yeah.
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A
At Day with Destiny, and he had me come up and talk about our mission and our goal is to help 50 million families succeed, create kids that have a life of success and a deep legacy. And after I finished talking, he goes, everyone needs to listen to what Scott and his team are doing because kids today are day trading entitlement and victimhood as their currency.
[08:32]
B
Wow. What do you mean by that?
[08:34]
A
Think about social media. Fastest way to grow, like, engagement and followers and likes is by complaining about something. Yeah, the victim.
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B
That's true.
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A
Identity politics, entitlement. It's always someone else's fault if you complain about stuff people say, yeah, me too. That's what kids day trade. Amazon Prime. Most all the families in America have Amazon Prime. One click, anything you want to your doorstep. How does that teach a child? Delayed gratification? Social media. You get anything you want. Chat, apps, gaming. You get whatever you want. Entertainment, Dopamine. Hit instant, instant. How does that prepare them for a life of going through healthy struggles to create value for others? Building good businesses, building great families. Those are decades, not seconds. That's why we have to be really, really strategic about how we raise our kids. And really buck these crazy cultural trends out there.
[09:35]
B
Right.
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A
That they breed entitlement and victimhood. And my definition of entitlement is a little bit different. You know, we've helped all these millions of families. I see it. Entitlement is basically solving your kids problems for them their whole life. That's what creates entitlement. So parents that pay for everything, buy everything for their kids without the kids earning anything, Fixing their homework the night before school so they never get a bad grade. Fighting the teacher for better grades, fighting the coach for more playing time, Bringing them anything that they forget whenever they do. Like making their lunch, making their lunch, doing all the laundry, getting everything they need. Giving them a comfortable bubble wrapped childhood. Anytime you, you will do everything for your kids until they learn to do it themselves. Right. So so much of this is like, we need to move as families, those with kids, we need to move from caretaker to coach.
[10:30]
B
Yeah.
[10:31]
A
Much earlier. So many families are the caretaker for their kids until they're 18. And then they go off into the world, hit the real world immediately, go into debt immediately, get angry about it, feel like a victim, blame everybody else. But if you move to coach earlier and you don't solve all your kids problems for them, then they start to learn all these capabilities and they get confidence, inner confidence. And that helps them create value everywhere they go.
[10:57]
B
Absolutely.
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A
That's the point is like value creation. Thinking is like one of the core pillars of what we teach.
[11:02]
B
I love it. I grew up in a middle upper class town and I remember junior in high school, every kid, they got a car, their parents bought them like a forty thousand dollar car. And I remember being so pissed at the time because my mom didn't.
[11:13]
A
Yep.
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B
And now I'm actually grateful because it taught me like the real world. Basically.
[11:18]
A
My dad and my grandpa sold a billion dollar company.
[11:21]
B
Wow.
[11:22]
A
It was Inner west bank grew it to 90 branches from the early 60s all the way to like 2001. And they put the whole thing, almost a whole thing, into a charitable trust.
[11:34]
B
Whoa.
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A
For widows and orphans all over the world. And they sat us down. I was like 15, 16 years old. They're like, look, this isn't for you. If we gave this to you, we would ruin you. We want to teach you to fish. So my whole life, man, like I was shredding papers at 6 years old, like building businesses. In third grade, I got suspended because the whole class was making bead gecko keychains for me. Like, like they taught us to create value and it actually protected the relationships and the Legacy of our family.
[12:03]
B
Wow.
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A
Like, I couldn't be more thankful for that.
[12:04]
B
Were you pissed at the time, though?
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A
No.
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B
Really?
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A
No. I was like, I didn't, I didn't earn this.
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B
Wow.
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A
I know how to create value. I want to be the power mover in my generation. If they just handed me crazy millions, I would not be standing here, sitting here with you. I wouldn't be. I had to go through those healthy struggles and learn the leadership and the financial competencies and how to create value and how to train people and grow. And that's why, again, like, I see all these people, they're like, I know how to, you know, set up this multi generational legacy where my kids are going to be so rich by X age.
[12:38]
B
The waterfall system.
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A
Waterfall system, the whole life insurance system. It's like time out. Unless you do these core pieces first, then that becomes a weapon for evil. Right. But if you set up this stuff in the heritage and the things in the home and the training the right way, then it can become a tool for good.
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B
Right?
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A
Right. But so many people miss that first step. So that's why we're doing what we're doing.
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B
I'm glad I'm talking to you now because I'm in the middle of setting up a trust. I don't have kids yet, but I'm just planning ahead and, you know, millions of dollars on the line, so well.
[13:10]
A
And, and even, you know, I was just listening to an Interview with Patrick bet David. Okay. Um, brilliant guy. Like, I 99 of the things he says. I'm like, yep, let's go. But he said something about his kids the other day. And I love so many things he does with his kids. Makes him read books to earn stuff.
[13:26]
B
I saw that. Yeah.
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A
Like, that's 20 books. That's 30. Like, brilliant. My daughter read 50 books this summer.
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B
Wow.
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A
She got paid five bucks a pop and she read all the Tuttle Twins books. All these books on, like, civil duty and liberty and the government and entrepreneurship. All the stuff she's not getting in school.
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B
Nice.
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A
And all she had to do to earn that. We call it a gig. It's a brain gig. And we have action gigs. No more chores. It's the gigs. And all she had to do to earn it was tell us two things she learned and one thing she's going to apply to her life right now. And then, bang, you get the pay. Next one. Let's go.
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B
Love it.
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A
Right? So I love that way of getting the kids to build skills, build mindsets, to create value everywhere. They go. But one of the things Patrick bet David said was, oh, trusts fix everything. You get. You get this certain level of, you know, wealth and net worth, you know, in the tens of millions, hundreds of millions, billions. Then there's these lawyers who come and fix all the trusts for your kids. And I'm like, no, they're not. You can't. You can't create a cage for snakes. No contract is going to fix heritage in the home. So there's. They say things like, oh, well, this trust will. It'll only unlock when the kids do X, Y, Z. And we dictate their behavior and how they act and how they think and who they marry and what business they do. That only works in principle. Because he also said something else in the interview. He said, well, if I'm going to think that all, you know, four of my kids are all going to make it and be like me, I'm crazy. You know, one of them's going to go off the rails. And I'm like, well, if one of them goes off the rails and you've set up that trust and they lose out on millions and the other ones do, and, like, you're gonna cause chaos, and then you're going to be literally nitpicking every decision that your other kids are gonna make for the rest of their life. That's robot parenting. You cannot manipulate kids through contracts. So that's why this heritage piece is so critical. You've got to be able to set up the character building, the values of the home, the stories you tell, the principles that you embody as a family. Like, I bet less than 1% of families have a family identity at all.
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B
Wow.
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A
Values crests, what we stand for, stories we tell, the way that we give our kids roots in our family and wings to Soar. Less than 1% of families even think about that. Most people go into the world rudderless on what it means to have their last name, but the more you build that, now you've got a system.
[15:55]
B
I agree.
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A
That was my issue with him. I was like, okay, I'm with you on 99%. But I've worked with so many millions of families now. I've seen how the trusts fail over time in generations. But if you set up the legacy thinking the right way, then those trusts are almost. They're unneeded. Right? Like, you definitely want to have certain structures for how your family gives how the trusts work. I think it's a terrible idea for any kid to turn 18 and get any crazy amount of money at all.
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B
I agree.
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A
But. But if you manipulate it and you say, well, you'll get. You'll unlock it based on doing XYZ and marrying this type of person and not doing these drugs and you're just. You're creating this, like, I don't know, like this. This corn maze.
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B
Right.
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A
Rather than a ranch where that you want them to come into the family name and have this ranch where they can run free and carry on those values. You see, I'm saying.
[16:42]
B
Absolutely. Have you seen electronics and phones affect the family unit?
[16:46]
A
Yep.
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B
I remember when I would eat dinner growing up. No, it was before iPhones came out and we would actually have to talk to our parents.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Now it's like you're just watching YouTube videos while you're eating.
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A
Yeah. You and I grew up in like the last free generation.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Get those. Get the phones and tech out of there. There's a. There's a book with. By Jonathan Haidt that just came out called the Anxious Generation. Unbelievable book. I love it. It talks about screen time and what it's doing to our kids. And I see it with our kids, like, we. We just took tech out of the house.
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B
Oh, really?
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A
We got four kids.
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B
No phones for them?
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A
No. They're young. They're still in elementary, but we're going to delay that as long as humanly possible.
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B
Wow. And they're going to be seeing all their friends with phones and iPads.
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A
Yeah. But you know what they're going to be doing? Creating value, creating business opportunities, going on experiences with us. Having a blast in the real world. See, if. If you are worried about your kids looking at all their friends and being jealous, then make your family, environment and culture 10 times better. See, I'm gonna have a home, and we're already building it where all the other parents are. Like, what are the Donald kids gonna do? You can do that. If the Donald kids are gonna be there, you can be there. I want you around their kids more because it makes you better.
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B
Nice.
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A
See that? We call it huge. It's a Danish term. Danish. The Danish have. You know, they're known for hospitality. They're known for this, like, the beautiful scent in the home. It's called hygge. It's the scent of what people smell when they hear your family's name when they enter your home. So in. In our whole culture that we train in dinner table, create huge. Create this scent where when people smell like the Donald name, they're like, trust, respect. Those kids are awesome. Like, that's what I want for parents Right, like that you want all the other kids. Parents being like, I just want my kids around your kids because they're better.
[18:36]
B
Absolutely.
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A
So I don't think tech's gonna be an issue, but if you really study what phones. Like, every app on this phone, every game that your kids play, every chat app has a team of thousands behind it working around the clock to make it as addicting as possible. Okay. They're studying child behavior. Here's a crazy story. You wanna know how Apple created the touchscreen?
[19:00]
B
How?
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A
Cause I think, like Steve Jobs and Elon, like, I'm in some of these circles. Like, I'm. I'm a first principles, innovative entrepreneur. So I study them. Like, when I was in first grade, we were playing on an old Macintosh because Microsoft donated all these computers to elementary schools all across America because they were studying how kids interacted with them.
[19:24]
B
Wow.
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A
They were watching us, and they were watching me play the gorilla game, where you chuck the banana at the certain arc and you try to nail the other gorilla before it gets you. Or the tanks.
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B
Oh, I remember the tank one.
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A
They were watching me as a first grader, touch the screen and intuitively try to launch it and swipe the banana and being. And then the teacher being like, no, no, no, that's not how it works. You got to use the computer and the weird, you know, keyboard and try to manipulate and type it in and then try to make it work. They watched that stuff. So this is the product of decades and decades and decades of millions of people trying to create the most addicting, most intuitive thing that you get hooked on. And I don't want my kids anywhere near that until they're responsible enough to handle the weapon.
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B
Yeah, I'm seeing some. Some crazy screen time. Like 10 hours a day with some kids.
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A
6,000 texts a day for teenagers. Holy crap.
[20:19]
B
A day?
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A
Yep. Six to ten hours on screens or phones.
[20:23]
B
Jeez.
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A
When you look at what social media and gaming does to a brain, a child's undeveloped brain, Right. Your prefrontal cortex is not done until you're 26. But when you hijack it with. When you hijack the amygdala with dopamine, it is more intense than cocaine.
[20:44]
B
Holy crap.
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A
And it becomes a third arm for children. Why do you think anxiety gets caused. And one of the ways to addict someone is the dopamine hit of other people's highlight reels and FOMO and a life of missing out or cyberbullying. Right. Or even worse, predatory behavior online. Like, this is what kids are being open to. Why would you give your 10 year old a gun just to walk around with 10 hours a day? Whoa. Careful.
[21:23]
B
Yep.
[21:25]
A
The only difference between a gun and the phone is that this could probably do way more damage long term.
[21:33]
B
Yeah. We don't even know the full effects yet.
[21:35]
A
Not even close.
[21:35]
B
Just came out 10 years ago.
[21:37]
A
That's right.
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B
And I feel like there is a link with the anxiety stuff too.
[21:40]
A
There's a huge link. There's a direct link.
[21:42]
B
When we were in school, maybe a couple kids had anxiety, maybe it wasn't as openly talked about, but now I feel like a lot of kids have it.
[21:49]
A
Yeah. So I see so many teenage girls in this boat where they're extremely anxious, depressed, fearful. And it's because they have incredible gifts and talents and skills, but they lack the confidence to go use it to serve and create value for others. And the reason why they lack the confidence is so much of the body image. Online bullying, perfection mentality, FOMO mentality, clicks popularity. See, you know, if there was gossip going on in school when we were kids, you'd probably hear 100, 1100th of it. Now it's online everywhere for everyone to see.
[22:31]
B
Right.
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A
On a grand scale that just breeds stress and fear. And then all they have to do is scroll a little bit more and see all the politicians and all the economists and all the news crap. Yeah, that, that they make their money through fear.
[22:47]
B
Right.
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A
And pigeonholing echo chambers on two sides of a coin. And they know that clickbait, clickbait comes when you generate a chemical response in somebody. You get them angry, you get them fearful. Right. Pain response. So that just breeds more and more in kids. So for us, we're like, yeah, we're not doing, we're not doing phones till car.
[23:11]
B
I love it.
[23:12]
A
Like, we're, we're not doing game. Like we're not doing gaming. Like our. We, we use technology for education, not entertainment. As much as possible in the home. That doesn't mean we don't have a fun movie night or we watch something with them. Like we do that too. Yeah, they watch shows here and there, but it's not a staple in the home. And so many parents use screen time as a break. I just got to do the dishes. I just got to get dinner cooked. I gotta get some laundry. I need a break. So they just throw on Netflix and put it on the kids section and let the kids run wild.
[23:42]
B
Right. On their iPhones.
[23:44]
A
They give them a phone and I get that, you know, but. But there's so many other things that can happen in the home where the kids are adding value all the time. See, we have a system called the family economy system. And what it does is it gets kids to find ways to create value and be so helpful around the home all the time and they're self motivated to do it. And so there's no more asking for money and stuff all the time. No more conflict over chores. We set up the system where families are free. Right. And we call it the family economy. So you have expectations in the home, expenses that kids are in charge of paying for and extra pay, opportunities for them to go be helpful everywhere. And then they transfer it into the community, in the neighborhood, and then they're starting to make extra money. It cuts the cost of raising your kids in half. Saves like $100,000.
[24:30]
B
Average kids, what, 33k a year? They're saying, yeah, that's a lot. And you got four. So.
[24:34]
A
And we can cut that in half with our system.
[24:37]
B
That's good.
[24:38]
A
And, and then the kids walk out of it afterwards more connected to you because you're not using money to bribe, coerce and buy their love. They are more capable. They're more inner confidence, not outer confidence. Y see, See, outer confidence comes when you pat your kid on the back every day and tell them they're nice, pretty and smart. That's outer confidence. If you want unshaken confidence, they have to earn it. They have to build capabilities and skills and then use it to create value for others. Then they get internal confidence.
[25:07]
B
Right.
[25:08]
A
Okay. So we've been doing these children's business fairs for like 10 years. Every. Every. There's like 2,000 of them now all over the world. Childrensbusiness fair.org it's super fun.
[25:17]
B
Nice.
[25:18]
A
We started it because we wanted to get kids to learn in real life financial skills. Because that's the only way kids learn is fun and real life experience. That's the only way most of us learn anything. Make it intrinsically motivating and fun and put it to real life practical application. Now you're not passively just like listening or learning something you're actively doing. It's like eight, seven to eight times as much retention.
[25:42]
B
Wow.
[25:43]
A
So fun and real life experience is the only way kids learn. And most adults. You think public schools have fun and real life experience?
[25:51]
B
Definitely not, no.
[25:52]
A
So we started these children's business fairs with my mentor, Jeff Sandifer with the Acton. And now there's thousands of them every year. Kids show up at the park. You put up tents and tables and chairs. They each create Products that they want to sell. Soap, slime, T shirts, candles. There was a girl sitting on a stool last year giving advice for $3. She's 7. It was hilarious. They make hundreds of dollars, they invite all their family and friends as customers. So you get like a thousand customers.
[26:19]
B
That's awesome.
[26:20]
A
And these kids walk away with all these capabilities. They learn profit, they learn cost of goods, they learn marketing, they learn salesmanship, they learn how to pitch, they get like empathy, like competition thinking. And it is so much more powerful than like the assembly line education. And now that we've been doing it for so long, I'm getting emails nonstop from parents where their kids are off into the real world. They're like, forget everything else. The business fair taught them so much more for life right now than anything else.
[26:48]
B
Wow. Incredible.
[26:50]
A
The moment a kid makes a dollar by creating value with their hands and feet or their brain, they have confidence for life.
[26:56]
B
Absolutely.
[26:57]
A
Mental health. I've never met an anxious kid who's serving others. I've never met an anxious adult who is living a life of service for other people. It just dissipates. But yet, oh, I don't want to get into it. I'm going to piss off every therapist in psychology. I got to be careful what I'm going to say, but I'll say it. Forget it. If we have a culture now where we try to encourage everyone to just talk about their problems all the time without solutions. Let's unpack this more. Come in three times a week. We'll keep talking about your 17 year old anxiety issue. The more you focus on problems without creating value and solving it. Solve, they grow. Problems grow when focused on and that is what creates so much of this mental health. And so we have to be really driven to turn our pain into like value. Right? You're not a victim, you're a victor. Right. Anything that happens in your life is not a setback, it's a setup to create value for yourself and other people in the future.
[28:04]
B
Love it.
[28:05]
A
That's the mentality that kids have to have. That's how you get self reliance. That's how you get grit. That's how you go into the world unshaken by the things that you see in here.
[28:15]
B
Right?
[28:16]
A
See if you grow up entitled or victim mindset, then the first time you encounter a problem, you know, 18 to 25 range, everyone fails you and I have failed a thousand times. But if you grow up entitled and victimized, then you blame everyone else. The first time a problem happens and you fail, it's my parents fault, it's my employer's fault, it's the government's fault. A whole generation of that is chaos.
[28:43]
B
Yep.
[28:44]
A
And I don't want to say we're there, but just look at the world, man. Did you know that 20, that Gen Z, right? What's the age break for gen Z? Like 27 and under, something like that.
[28:55]
B
I think 26. Yeah. Because I'm, I'm millennial. I'm 27.
[28:58]
A
Okay, so you're like the youngest millennial. I'm on the older end of millennial, yeah. Gen Z. I read something recently and I actually saw it in real life talking to a bunch. Because we mentor all these families. 67% of them think that we are in late stage capitalism. They think this train's going to hit the station.
[29:17]
B
Wow.
[29:18]
A
See, they look at the, the S and P and they're like, you know, 35, 40 years ago that thing was at 304, 500. Now it's four to 5,000. Okay. To 10, 20X grow. Like, how the heck is that going to happen? How's it going to go from 5,000 to 50,000 by the time I'm my parents age? See, that's in their mind. That's what they're thinking.
[29:39]
B
Right?
[29:39]
A
Okay. And then they get scammed by all these social media, quick money courses. Yeah, courses. Crypto, you know, day trading, I can get you rich quick kind of stuff because they're everywhere. It's the fastest growing social industry.
[29:52]
B
Yeah.
[29:53]
A
So all these young people, they're like, oh, I'm going to try it out. They put in 500 bucks, a thousand bucks, couple hundred bucks, maybe they double it, then they lose it. And then they throw out everything related to investing. They're like, oh, it's all a scam. I'm not going to go in the markets, I'm not going to do insurance, I'm not going to do real estate, I'm not going to diversify. It's all a scam. I'm just going to live for the moment, live for experiences today and forget the future. I'll never retire, I'll never own a home. Like you get what you think, man. If you got two thirds of an entire generation thinking that this is why we're doing what we're doing, because I don't agree with that at all. I think the next 10 years are going to be wildly abundant. Like, you know, the advances in technology and AI and medicine and all these different incredible opportunities. There will be more incredible entrepreneurs and jobs and industries created in the next decade or two than all of the last hundred years combined. But an entire generation is being tricked that this train's going to reach the station and end. And we're all, what was it? What are you going to go into anarchy and oligarchies and communism again? That's a way worse idea.
[31:02]
B
Right.
[31:03]
A
So you get what you think. And so that's why we're doing what we're doing. It's like we have to think differently as a society. We got to stop outsourcing our parenting. We got to stop trusting public education to raise our kids. And we got to take it back at home. That's why we call it dinner table.
[31:19]
B
Yeah.
[31:20]
A
Right. And it starts at home. This, all this starts at home. Like, you cannot expect school, sports, church, extracurriculars to fix all the issues with your kids. This stuff is at home. So you can't. Maybe you can't change the world tomorrow, but you can definitely have ask some great questions at dinner and set up some simple structures to give your kids a much higher chance for success.
[31:44]
B
Absolutely. Are you homeschooling your kids?
[31:46]
A
We do like a mix. They go to a private school down the street, but they adopt a lot of the innovative education that I've been a proponent of for decades. So it's very Socratic, self paced. Kids are doing a lot of real life exercises. Right. It's fun. There's a lot of that. You know, our kids are five years ahead on the math and the, the reading.
[32:10]
B
Wow.
[32:10]
A
But we do, we do a lot of the in home stuff too. They're constantly learning new things. Like here's a great gig that we gave our daughter. So this summer, she planned our family trip.
[32:20]
B
She planned it like a $50 gig. Wow.
[32:23]
A
She planned where we went this summer and where we ate. She got three flights. What's the best deal? Where are we going to travel? How are we going to do it? Turo? Uber rent. Like, she's getting all that. She's learning all these capabilities. She was seven.
[32:35]
B
Wow.
[32:35]
A
Okay. She planned the whole thing. She saved us like two grand and she owned the summer. It's a core memory. I guarantee you it's gonna be a core memory for the rest of her life.
[32:45]
B
Incredible.
[32:46]
A
It's a gig. It's just one of our hundreds of brilliant ways to get your kids ready for the real world.
[32:52]
B
Do you see a lot of kids struggling to open up emotionally to their parents? Because I struggled with that when I was growing up.
[32:58]
A
Yeah. A lot of this is relationship coaching. A lot of what we teach the families is relationship building, building the values. Right. Like heritage over inheritance. You need to be able to move from caretaker to coach. And when you do that, the relationship grows with your children along the way. Right. They actually want to engage more with you. See, one of the tips that I give families is treat your kids two years older than they are or more and they'll always rise to the occasion. I don't talk to my four year old like he's four. I talk to him like I'm talking to you. I'm calling him up like he's, I'm raising future men and women, I'm not raising future children. So the way that we treat our kids actually changes the relationship dynamic in the home.
[33:50]
B
Wow.
[33:50]
A
You know, if you want to have a great legacy and a great relationship with your kids, spend twice as much time and half as much money on them.
[33:59]
B
That's so interesting.
[34:01]
A
And do more with your kids than for them. So many parents, they take the caretaker hat and they're doing everything for their kids. They bubble wrap them, but you're going to do things for them until they do them on their own. And that actually helps them mature. You see, when a child takes more responsibility and ownership over their life, they actually grow deeper in relation to you. I don't believe in tough love or neglect or abuse or yelling. Like that's not what I'm talking about. I'm setting up a system where we get to help our kids thrive and that actually protects your relationship long term.
[34:38]
B
I love it.
[34:39]
A
And in terms of opening up to your parents, I think a lot of parents struggle with that one. Cause as kids hit that 10 to 13 year old age, it's like they let go of your hand and they're like trying to figure stuff out on their own. Like, I gotta think about this. I'm not gonna tell you everything. This happens all the time. But if you set it up right in those early years, you have an environment of trust, you have an environment of responsibility. And we tell our kids like, hey, if you mess up, I care about you telling the truth more than anything. Like, yeah, there's going to be consequences to your decisions. But you telling the truth matters so much more to us. And if you're ever in an unsafe situation or something scary is going you, you won't get judgment from us. Like, we're here to like love you first.
[35:29]
B
Yeah.
[35:29]
A
Like we and, and our love for you is never going to change. Doesn't matter if you're the worst human on earth or the best. The Love doesn't change. There's going to be consequences for the decisions you make. And I hope to see you grow into the person I believe you can be. But I think a lot of parents bubble wrap the kids, pay for everything, never let them go through healthy struggles and try to dictate everything. Like the robot thinking I gave you earlier.
[35:56]
B
Yeah.
[35:57]
A
They try to make their kids into robots and that just causes rebellion.
[36:01]
B
Yeah.
[36:01]
A
So rules without relationship equals rebellion every time.
[36:07]
B
Yep. Happened to me.
[36:09]
A
Rules with relationship is rocket fuel. That's the key. So, you know, the two best words I. I think for parents are firm and kind for your kids.
[36:20]
B
Yeah. So do you think the kids should respect the parents?
[36:23]
A
Absolutely. Right. I mean, there. There should be a healthy respect. One of my friends was just on Jankos, George Jankos and Charlie talked about they both had a healthy fear of their parents growing up, and it actually made them act in a certain way. Like, I do not want to dis hurt the family name. Right. Like, I'd get a whooping. I'd be terrified of how my mom and dad would respond if I acted in a certain way.
[36:51]
B
Right.
[36:52]
A
Or represented our family in a certain way. But it's because, you know, a parent should spend most of their life giving their kids, like, an understanding of the weight of their last name. Like in our family, our kids know Donald's do hard things. Donalds do the right thing even when no one's watching. Donald's make things, they leave things better. That's what value creation is. You leave things better.
[37:13]
B
Right.
[37:14]
A
Everywhere you go. So they're carrying on our name every time we're not there with them. And they feel it, man. Like we call it roots and wings. Give your kids roots in the home. An anchor of what you stand for, what it means to have your last name, how you do relationships, and then wings to soar. Roots and wings to soar in the world. And kids are five times more likely to carry on the family values if they know exactly where they come from and their heritage than those who just go into adulthood rudderless. Right. Actually, this brings up a weird thing. I haven't really talked about this, but everybody wants their kids to become independent. I don't think I agree.
[37:52]
B
Really.
[37:53]
A
I don't want my kids to turn 18 and just leave forever. Never FaceTime or call or come back for Sunday dinners or, you know, holidays or summers. I want to be the first call if something good or bad happens. I want FaceTimes all the time. I want you to be excited to bring back your girlfriend. Or boyfriend. I want you excited to be back. The grandkids like that. That to me is interdependence, not independence. So we should be focusing more on interdependence. That's what roots and wings are. You want them to be killers in the world, but you want to be deeply rooted in the family. But if you just focus on independence. Independence, Then what? You just. They just leave at 18 and never return?
[38:31]
B
Yeah, that's what happened to me. So I was an only child and I had to grow up pretty fast, I feel like. So that's probably a common issue with only childs.
[38:38]
A
Yeah.
[38:39]
B
You know?
[38:39]
A
Yeah. Well, the good news about all this is you get to heal and learn.
[38:45]
B
Yeah. No, I'm at a great point with my mother now, but we used to have the worst screaming battles you could imagine when I was growing up. And we both had our own issues. But I'm glad we're on good terms now.
[38:54]
A
And all you got to do. You know, the biggest question I used to get was, help me teach my kids about money. The biggest question I get today is, where were you 20 years ago? It's too late. We've had divorce, estrangement fights, issues, problems, business issues, money issues. And I tell people really quickly, I'm like, look, our strategies are a recipe that works at any age. Like, all of the things that have happened in your past, they are not setbacks, they're setups. They prepare you for the future. Because of where you're at with your mom right now, you are going to make a massive impact with so many other people because of it. Like, think of it that way. Like, there's a lot of other people that identify with what you just said. And now you get to show them how to heal, how to grow, how to add value to others because of it. And, and, and what you don't heal from, you pass down.
[39:48]
B
Oh, yeah, it eats at you.
[39:50]
A
It eats you a lot.
[39:51]
B
Saw it with my dad. He never healed with his parents and his whole life just ate at him.
[39:57]
A
Yep. I say it in my family. I mean, if you don't heal from something, you always pass it down. Like, here's a crazy idea. Your parents outer voice to you usually becomes your inner voice to yourself. It's a wild thought.
[40:14]
B
It is. But it's true. Because now that you said that, I used to have a very pessimistic inner thought.
[40:21]
A
Yep.
[40:21]
B
And it was from my parents.
[40:22]
A
Yep. Almost all people realize that that inner voice is coming from the way that you were raised. And that's Again, something you have to heal from or else you're going to pass it down to your kids.
[40:33]
B
Yep. Took me a while. How to get out on my own. You got to leave your parents house at some point and you know, do.
[40:38]
A
Some reflecting and be careful of the teeter totter because the, the, the tough love always coddles and back and forth between generations. So I, I think it's just something we need to be under, like, understanding, like the way we speak to our kids. This is why it's so interesting for me. Like, you know, my, in my faith.
[40:56]
B
Yeah.
[40:57]
A
Like, I didn't realize that my view of how God thought of me was directly related to how my parents treated me.
[41:04]
B
Wow.
[41:04]
A
Your inner voice. A lot of people feel that as like the Holy Spirit or God talking to them. Like, if you think that God is like this magnifying glass kid trying to burn all of us ants here on earth, you better look back on what happened when you were growing up and who said that kind of stuff to you. Right. If you think, you know, same with coddling. Like, you think God's okay with the evil things you're doing and there's not going to be like, consequences to it. Maybe you should look back at what, what you were allowed or what was tolerated in your childhood.
[41:34]
B
Right.
[41:34]
A
Has caused a lot of problems. So inner voice is actually the voice of the Holy Spirit in us. We need to get the right view. That's why I think it's so critical to like, know the word of God, like be clear about the truths of Scripture. And because a lot of people, they reject faith, they reject God because of Christians or people who have spoken to them in certain ways.
[41:57]
B
Yeah. Bad experience.
[41:58]
A
Bad experience. Yeah, man. Like, it's a big deal.
[42:01]
B
I see that you've mentioned tough love a few times. So I'm half Asian and I feel like the Asian community, man, they are tough on academics. Do you agree with that? Yeah, they're crazy.
[42:11]
A
Yeah. I think firm and kind comes back to mind with this. There's a lot of pressure there. A lot, a lot of pressure.
[42:20]
B
And I understand why, because that's how they, they used academics to get to where they're at. But I feel like it's a different generation now.
[42:27]
A
Yeah. I think there's. There should be good standards in a home. There should be good boundaries. But pressure is another thing altogether.
[42:37]
B
Yeah.
[42:37]
A
Right. Like my. I know for a fact, like, not all my kids are going to follow my path, and that's okay. In fact, I want them to live in their own sweet Spot their whole life. And the sweet spot to me is what you love to do, what you're really good at, and what meets the biggest needs in the world. It creates the most value. Stay in that triangle and you're in your sweet spot. And every single human on earth is different in that sweet spot. So I'm very clear with my kids. It's like, hey, look, you don't have to be, like, an entrepreneur like me. I want you to learn entrepreneurial skills. Right? Problem solving, value creation, wants and needs, empathy. All these are really good for any job you do, any relationship you're in. But standards are important. But tough love can move kids to rebellion very quickly. Or not telling you, but rebelling. That happens a lot.
[43:31]
B
Yeah.
[43:31]
A
Where they're just like, okay, fine, I'm just not going to tell you anything. I'm just going to keep it quiet.
[43:35]
B
That's what happened to me.
[43:36]
A
It happens to a lot of people. They're like, I don't want my parents to know. I mean, I'm an adult now. I'm going to make my own decisions. I'm just not going to tell them. Well, that breaks legacy just as much. Like, it's not transparent. Like, there's no accountability and integrity to that in the relationship.
[43:50]
B
Right.
[43:51]
A
Like, nobody wants to be married to someone who is secretly doing the opposite. That's. That's destruction.
[43:57]
B
Yeah, yeah.
[43:58]
A
In a relationship, what if you have your best friend? He's secretly the opposite person you think your best friend is? There's no relationship there. It's a facade.
[44:07]
B
Right?
[44:08]
A
So with our kids, I think, you know, we have to be firm, we have to be kind. This brings up an interesting point. Discipline.
[44:17]
B
Yeah.
[44:18]
A
Okay. I don't say punishment because that's not what it is. Discipline in the home is a good thing.
[44:24]
B
So grounding.
[44:25]
A
Grounding standards, good discipline of your kids. But all discipline in the home usually stems from a lack of training. See, parents go through these cycles of exhaustion. You know, they. Constant behavior issues, the same punishments or whatever, over and over and over again. They're like, why aren't they learning? I've done this a hundred times. Well, if we focused way more on training our kids on how to behave, how to go to the grocery store, how to clean up after dinner, you know, how to pack for a trip, what we do when people come to our house and how we greet them like, these are trainings. And it takes 21 times to build a habit, so we should be training way more. And most of the discipline issues that parents have go away. When you train well.
[45:10]
B
Wow.
[45:10]
A
And you can train and make it fun. We call them, I call them daddy boot camps or mommy boot camps. Like we have fun doing it. I just taught my 4 year old how to tie shoelaces. It's like these are fun things. They're not angry, they're not fights, they're not like controlling suppression. They're fun. And I think training is a big deal and that protects relationship as well.
[45:32]
B
Absolutely. Scott, it's been a pleasure, man. Where can people find you? Find the app and raise kids to be better than them.
[45:39]
A
Yeah, just. I'm Scott Donnell. On social media, our dinner table family is our company and so yeah, dinner table people want to engage with us. We just coach families. Simple program where we give you all of our strategies, help you succeed in the home, cut the cost of raising the kids in half. No more fights over chores.
[45:56]
B
Love it.
[45:57]
A
There you go.
[45:57]
B
I got some dramatic memories from chores, man.
[46:00]
A
Hey, it's good. Hard work is good.
[46:02]
B
Yeah, dude. It's been a pleasure. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for watching, guys. Check out the links below. See you next time.

From Anxiety to Success: Raising Unshakeable Kids | Scott Donnell DSH #934

November 29, 202400:46:13

Summary7 min read

Digital Social Hour: From Anxiety to Success – Raising Unshakeable Kids with Scott Donnell (DSH #934)

Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Scott Donnell
Release Date: November 29, 2024
Duration: Approximately 46 minutes
Transcript Provided: Yes

Introduction

In episode #934 of Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly engages in a profound conversation with Scott Donnell, the founder of Dinner Table (formerly Gravy Stack), focusing on raising unshakeable kids. Scott delves into the critical aspects of financial competency, legacy building, and addressing contemporary challenges such as entitlement and anxiety in children.

Legacy vs. Inheritance

Scott Donnell emphasizes the distinction between legacy and inheritance, advocating for the former as the cornerstone of enduring family success.

Legacy Definition: Raising children to surpass their parents in values, skills, mindsets, and beliefs across multiple generations.

“Legacy is not like the Vanderbilts and the, you know, the Rothschilds and all that kind of stuff... legacy is raising kids to blow by you and all the values and skills and mindsets and beliefs.”
— Scott Donnell [00:00]
Inheritance Pitfalls: Simply leaving wealth to children without equipping them with the necessary skills leads to entitlement, anxiety, and eventual squandering of wealth.

“If you just die with millions of dollars to give to your kids and you didn't prepare them for the wealth... you just ruined them.”
— Scott Donnell [02:35]
Heritage Over Inheritance: Prioritizing the transmission of values and skills over material wealth ensures a sustainable and positive legacy.

“Heritage is take the inheritance of your kids and put it into heritage experiences and coaching and learning and like building an incredible family.”
— Scott Donnell [02:28]

Financial Competency: Beyond Literacy

Scott redefines financial education, advocating for financial competency rather than traditional financial literacy.

Practical Application: Teaching children to earn to learn through real-world experiences rather than theoretical knowledge.

“You can't read money like a book... you have to do it in the real world, and you actually got to earn to learn something.”
— Scott Donnell [00:39]
Dinner Table Program: A comprehensive coaching system that incorporates financial skills, family values, and relationship building to prepare children for financial independence and success.

“Dinner Table... it's like coaching for families on how to raise kids to blow by you.”
— Scott Donnell [01:23]

Combating Entitlement and Fostering Responsibility

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around entitlement and its detrimental effects on youth.

Entitlement Defined: Providing children with resources without requiring them to earn or value them leads to codependency and lack of self-reliance.

“You're giving kids money for existing. It's entitlement. Yeah, it's codependency.”
— Scott Donnell [04:14]
Strategies to Mitigate Entitlement:
- Gigs Over Chores: Assigning meaningful tasks that build skills and require effort.
  
  “Instead of chores, we build skills... they're doing a whole host of other things to create value.”
  — Scott Donnell [07:27]
- Family Economy System: Encouraging children to manage expenses and find ways to contribute financially, thereby instilling a sense of responsibility.
  
  “We have a system called the family economy system... it cuts the cost of raising your kids in half.”
  — Scott Donnell [23:42]

Impact of Technology and Screen Time

Scott addresses the negative influence of technology on children's mental health and development.

Screen Time Consequences: Excessive use leads to anxiety, depression, and impaired social skills.

“Six to ten hours on screens or phones... it does way more damage long term.”
— Scott Donnell [20:12]
Proactive Measures: Removing or limiting technology use to foster real-world interactions and value creation.

“We just took tech out of the house... they’re going to be creating value, creating business opportunities, going on experiences with us.”
— Scott Donnell [17:14]
Cultural Shift: Encouraging families to create an environment where children are motivated to add value rather than passively consume content.

“Get the phones and tech out of there... have your kids creating value everywhere they go.”
— Scott Donnell [17:27]

Building Confidence Through Value Creation

Scott highlights how value creation enhances children's internal confidence and reduces anxiety.

Children's Business Fairs: Hands-on events where kids create and sell products, learning essential business skills.

“Kids show up at the park... They get like a thousand customers.”
— Scott Donnell [25:07]
Real-Life Experiences: Engaging children in activities that require problem-solving, marketing, and empathy.

“The moment a kid makes a dollar by creating value... they have confidence for life.”
— Scott Donnell [26:56]
Long-Term Benefits: Children develop resilience and a strong work ethic, making them unshaken by future challenges.

“When they go off into the world, they got zero fear, zero anxiety.”
— Scott Donnell [07:27]

Parenting as Coaching: Strengthening Relationships

Transitioning from a caretaker role to a coach fosters healthier parent-child relationships.

Respect and Communication: Treating children as individuals capable of understanding and contributing meaningfully.

“I don't talk to my four-year-old like he's four. I talk to him like I'm talking to you.”
— Scott Donnell [33:50]
Interdependence Over Independence: Encouraging ongoing connections and mutual support rather than complete separation upon reaching adulthood.

“Interdependence, that's what roots and wings are. You want to be deeply rooted in the family.”
— Scott Donnell [37:53]
Discipline Through Training: Emphasizing training over punishment to build lasting behavioral habits.

“Most of the discipline issues that parents have go away when you train well.”
— Scott Donnell [45:09]

Addressing Mental Health and Anxiety

Scott connects the lack of meaningful engagement and excessive screen time to rising anxiety levels in children.

Mental Health Correlation: Anxious kids are often those who lack the confidence derived from creating and contributing.

“I've never met an anxious kid who's serving others... it just dissipates.”
— Scott Donnell [28:04]
Counteracting Victimhood: Encouraging a mentality of victors over victims by focusing on value creation and problem-solving.

“Anytime you give your kids something they didn't earn, you're robbing them of something in the future.”
— Scott Donnell [02:35]

Educational Innovations and Homeschooling

Scott discusses innovative educational approaches that align with Dinner Table's philosophy.

Socratic and Self-Paced Learning: Allowing children to learn through inquiry and personal accountability.

“They're constantly learning new things... our kids are five years ahead on the math and the reading.”
— Scott Donnell [31:43]
Integrated Family Activities: Assigning meaningful tasks like planning family trips to build practical skills.

“She planned the whole thing. She saved us like two grand and she owned the summer.”
— Scott Donnell [32:22]

Concluding Insights

Scott Donnell wraps up the conversation by reinforcing the importance of proactive parenting focused on value creation, relationship building, and skills training. He urges parents to adopt strategies that foster interdependence, confidence, and resilience in their children, ensuring they grow into unshakeable adults capable of thriving in an ever-evolving world.

Key Takeaway: The foundation of raising successful and mentally resilient children lies in prioritizing heritage over inheritance, limiting technology's negative impact, and fostering an environment of responsibility and value creation.

“Rules with relationship is rocket fuel. That's the key.”
— Scott Donnell [36:07]

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

Legacy vs. Inheritance:

“Legacy is not like the Vanderbilts and the, you know, the Rothschilds and all that kind of stuff... legacy is raising kids to blow by you and all the values and skills and mindsets and beliefs.”
— Scott Donnell [00:00]
Financial Competency:

“You can't read money like a book... you have to do it in the real world, and you actually got to earn to learn something.”
— Scott Donnell [00:39]
Combating Entitlement:

“You're giving kids money for existing. It's entitlement. Yeah, it's codependency.”
— Scott Donnell [04:14]
Impact of Technology:

“Six to ten hours on screens or phones... it does way more damage long term.”
— Scott Donnell [20:12]
Confidence Through Value Creation:

“The moment a kid makes a dollar by creating value... they have confidence for life.”
— Scott Donnell [26:56]
Parenting as Coaching:

“I don't talk to my four-year-old like he's four. I talk to him like I'm talking to you.”
— Scott Donnell [33:50]
Discipline Through Training:

“Most of the discipline issues that parents have go away when you train well.”
— Scott Donnell [45:09]
Rules with Relationship:

“Rules with relationship is rocket fuel. That's the key.”
— Scott Donnell [36:07]

Conclusion

Scott Donnell's insights offer a transformative approach to parenting, emphasizing active engagement, skill-building, and value transmission over mere provision of material wealth. By implementing the strategies discussed, parents can cultivate a robust legacy that ensures their children not only surpass them but also navigate life's challenges with resilience and confidence.

For more information and to engage with Scott's programs, visit the Dinner Table website and follow their social media channels.

Loading summary

Transcript284 lines

[00:00]
A
Blow by them in every way. And if you do that three or four generations in a row, you have what I call legacy. See, legacy is not like the Vanderbilts and the, you know, the Rothschilds and all that kind of stuff. There's crazy in those families. But legacy is raising kids to blow by you and all the values and skills and mindsets and beliefs, right? That's that. That's what we all want.
[00:26]
B
All right, guys, we got Scott here from Gravy Stack revolutionizing the. The game, right?
[00:31]
A
Yeah, man.
[00:32]
B
Love it, man.
[00:33]
A
It's been fun.
[00:33]
B
What you're doing is really important, I think. So. I really appreciate someone like you doing. Could you explain, actually, for people that don't know you.
[00:39]
A
Yeah, yeah. Financial literacy, actually, I call it financial competency because you can't read money like a book, right? Literacy is a game that you shouldn't even play because that's why everyone's mad at schools, right? They think the education. Why aren't they teaching our kids critical thinking and practical skills and financial, you know, literacy? I'm like, because you can't homework money. You got to do it, right? Like, you have to do it in the real world, and you actually got to earn to learn something. So Gravy Stack was the app that we built to teach kids and adults, really, how to be financially competent. And now it's evolved into what we call Dinner Table. So we changed the name, so now it's Dinner Table, and basically, it's like coaching for families on how to raise kids to blow by you.
[01:24]
B
Nice.
[01:24]
A
Like, financial skills, family values, mindsets, the value they create in the world and the depth of relationship in the family.
[01:31]
B
Right?
[01:31]
A
So now it's this whole coaching program and licensing and the app, and it's been crazy, man.
[01:36]
B
That's cool. That should be the goal for every parent, though. The kids should surpass you, you know?
[01:40]
A
That's right. That's the key. I mean, one of the things we teach is heritage over inheritance. This is. This is fascinating because I've spent my most of my career studying the best families in the world, okay? Many of these families, you'll never know. There's some billionaire families. There's, like, you know, 100 million. But there's a ton of families that just. They raise kids, grandkids and great grandkids, to blow by them in every way. And if you do that three or four generations in a row, you have what I call legacy. See, legacy is not like the Vanderbilts and the, you know, the Rothschilds and all that kind of stuff. There's crazy in those families. Legacy is raising kids to blow by you and all the values and skills and mindsets and beliefs and.
[02:25]
B
Right.
[02:26]
A
That's that. That's what we all want.
[02:28]
B
Yeah.
[02:28]
A
With kids, that's what you want.
[02:29]
B
Absolutely. Because if you can do that three generations straight, I mean, they're going to be DECA millionaires, they're going to be super knowledgeable.
[02:36]
A
And so heritage over inheritance, like if you just die with millions of dollars to give to your kids and you didn't prepare them for the wealth, you didn't prepare them with the mindsets and the ways to create value in the world. You just ruined them.
[02:52]
B
Wow.
[02:53]
A
See, under 90% of generational wealth is gone by the grandkids. And really the next generation spends a lot, then the rest spends what's left, and it creates entitlement, victimhood, anxiety. It's like lottery ticket syndrome. Right. Like participation trophies. You get something you didn't earn, and every time you give your kids something they didn't earn, you're robbing them of something in the future. That's the point. So heritage before inheritance to us is one of the main things we coach on. It's like building a last name that means something. The relationships with your kids, the values you instill, the mindsets, like the skills to go crush it. Right. Then the inheritance is like as a sidebar. Right, Right. Because you've. You've basically carried on a legacy that matters.
[03:38]
B
Yeah.
[03:39]
A
So that's really what we try to teach families. And we have tools and processes for the home to actually prepare the kids.
[03:44]
B
Yeah. It's pretty ironic because when you, you pass away, you think you're doing a service by leaving money to your kids. Right?
[03:50]
A
Yeah.
[03:51]
B
But like you said, 90 of them by the grandkids generation lose it all.
[03:54]
A
Yeah. And. And the more you leave them, the more destruction you cause. So divorce, estrangement, you know, addiction, like anxiety and mental health, depression, because the kids know and earn that stuff.
[04:07]
B
Right.
[04:08]
A
And they have all the resources, but not the skills to back it up. Like, that's something you got to be really careful about.
[04:14]
B
Yeah.
[04:15]
A
So that's, you know, to us, heritage is take the inheritance of your kids and put it into heritage experiences and coaching and learning and like building an incredible family. Then it doesn't matter what you leave them.
[04:28]
B
Right.
[04:28]
A
They'll be fine.
[04:29]
B
Yeah.
[04:29]
A
But. But the point is it's more about what you leave in your kids than to them. Right. So that's the key. And I see a lot of influence, like my, my Day job is like financial expert for families. Like, we teach legacy. We've helped like 7 million families.
[04:44]
B
Damn.
[04:44]
A
Throughout all my companies. Like 7 companies. IPOs and exits and failures. I've had it all, man. Mm. But that, that's such a critical piece. Like if you just spend your whole life like accumulating crap just to like hand down. Because that, that's what the whole financial industry teaches. Like, let's. I don't want to piss everyone off for a second here, but the whole financial world is like, let's protect, diversify and grow your wealth steadily over time so that you can have a legacy.
[05:15]
B
My.
[05:16]
A
I'm like, you're missing the boat, man. That's not actually going to create long term legacy.
[05:21]
B
Yeah.
[05:22]
A
The hard work is doing the stuff in the home with your kids and your grandkids. If you don't get that right, you'll ruin them with this. With the stuff.
[05:30]
B
I agree. Just because you have hundreds of millions doesn't mean you have a legacy.
[05:33]
A
No. And I see all these influencers out there with kids, they're like, I just bought my kid a duplex and they're four years old and they'll be a millionaire by the time they're 18. I'm like, okay, so you just basically gave them more entitlement. So now they're going to make 15 grand a month playing video games and goofing off smoking weed throughout their 20s. Bad idea.
[05:56]
B
Right.
[05:57]
A
A better idea, why don't you buy a duplex with them that they pay off as a loan and they do all the enhancements. They do the deal, they sign it, they learn how to manage a property. Give them the skills. Right. And then they'll be able to do that a hundred times over. Now, you did pass on heritage. See? Yep. We need to do more things with our kids instead of for them.
[06:21]
B
Right.
[06:22]
A
That's the point of what we teach.
[06:23]
B
I think a lot of parents want to save time and they take the easy road.
[06:26]
A
We outsource parenting.
[06:28]
B
Right. They Dr. Yeah.
[06:29]
A
You know, in business, you and I, tons of business. Automate, eliminate, delegate, Create a self managing company.
[06:36]
B
That's how we think.
[06:37]
A
Yeah, that's how we think. Dan Sullivan's my, one of my closest mentors in the world with strategic coach. Self managing company. Self multiplying company. That's unbelievable. It's a freeing thing. It frees you. It's an incredible thing to do in any business. It's the holy grail. You can't do that in your family. You can't outsource parenting, you can put the tools in place, right. To automate, eliminate and delegate things that don't fit for that. But you can't outsource your parenting.
[07:03]
B
What do you think about nannies, though?
[07:05]
A
Oh, I think that's fine. What I'm talking about is the values. Like. Like, here's a good example. We don't do chores in our house.
[07:12]
B
Really?
[07:13]
A
Chores is a bad word. Kids see it as negative. They see it like homework. They see it as. It always creates conflict. You're reminding your kids all the time, we don't do allowance either. Allowance is socialism.
[07:24]
B
Really?
[07:25]
A
Oh, yeah. You're giving kids money for existing. It's entitlement. Yeah, it's codependency. So instead of chores, we build skills. So my buddy Chris Baden talks about all the time, like, we build skills in the home. So our kids are learning capabilities. Yeah, they're doing what some people would call chores, but they're doing a whole host of other things to create value in the home, in the community, in the neighborhood. They're building, like a whole tool belt of capabilities. So when they go off into the world, they got zero fear, zero anxiety. Like they'll be unshaken by anything that hits them as adults.
[08:01]
B
Right.
[08:02]
A
That's the key. And entitlement. Everyone's worried about entitlement. Right. Like, I was. I just spoke on Tony Robbins stage, right?
[08:09]
B
Yeah.
[08:10]
A
At Day with Destiny, and he had me come up and talk about our mission and our goal is to help 50 million families succeed, create kids that have a life of success and a deep legacy. And after I finished talking, he goes, everyone needs to listen to what Scott and his team are doing because kids today are day trading entitlement and victimhood as their currency.
[08:32]
B
Wow. What do you mean by that?
[08:34]
A
Think about social media. Fastest way to grow, like, engagement and followers and likes is by complaining about something. Yeah, the victim.
[08:42]
B
That's true.
[08:43]
A
Identity politics, entitlement. It's always someone else's fault if you complain about stuff people say, yeah, me too. That's what kids day trade. Amazon Prime. Most all the families in America have Amazon Prime. One click, anything you want to your doorstep. How does that teach a child? Delayed gratification? Social media. You get anything you want. Chat, apps, gaming. You get whatever you want. Entertainment, Dopamine. Hit instant, instant. How does that prepare them for a life of going through healthy struggles to create value for others? Building good businesses, building great families. Those are decades, not seconds. That's why we have to be really, really strategic about how we raise our kids. And really buck these crazy cultural trends out there.
[09:35]
B
Right.
[09:35]
A
That they breed entitlement and victimhood. And my definition of entitlement is a little bit different. You know, we've helped all these millions of families. I see it. Entitlement is basically solving your kids problems for them their whole life. That's what creates entitlement. So parents that pay for everything, buy everything for their kids without the kids earning anything, Fixing their homework the night before school so they never get a bad grade. Fighting the teacher for better grades, fighting the coach for more playing time, Bringing them anything that they forget whenever they do. Like making their lunch, making their lunch, doing all the laundry, getting everything they need. Giving them a comfortable bubble wrapped childhood. Anytime you, you will do everything for your kids until they learn to do it themselves. Right. So so much of this is like, we need to move as families, those with kids, we need to move from caretaker to coach.
[10:30]
B
Yeah.
[10:31]
A
Much earlier. So many families are the caretaker for their kids until they're 18. And then they go off into the world, hit the real world immediately, go into debt immediately, get angry about it, feel like a victim, blame everybody else. But if you move to coach earlier and you don't solve all your kids problems for them, then they start to learn all these capabilities and they get confidence, inner confidence. And that helps them create value everywhere they go.
[10:57]
B
Absolutely.
[10:58]
A
That's the point is like value creation. Thinking is like one of the core pillars of what we teach.
[11:02]
B
I love it. I grew up in a middle upper class town and I remember junior in high school, every kid, they got a car, their parents bought them like a forty thousand dollar car. And I remember being so pissed at the time because my mom didn't.
[11:13]
A
Yep.
[11:13]
B
And now I'm actually grateful because it taught me like the real world. Basically.
[11:18]
A
My dad and my grandpa sold a billion dollar company.
[11:21]
B
Wow.
[11:22]
A
It was Inner west bank grew it to 90 branches from the early 60s all the way to like 2001. And they put the whole thing, almost a whole thing, into a charitable trust.
[11:34]
B
Whoa.
[11:34]
A
For widows and orphans all over the world. And they sat us down. I was like 15, 16 years old. They're like, look, this isn't for you. If we gave this to you, we would ruin you. We want to teach you to fish. So my whole life, man, like I was shredding papers at 6 years old, like building businesses. In third grade, I got suspended because the whole class was making bead gecko keychains for me. Like, like they taught us to create value and it actually protected the relationships and the Legacy of our family.
[12:03]
B
Wow.
[12:03]
A
Like, I couldn't be more thankful for that.
[12:04]
B
Were you pissed at the time, though?
[12:06]
A
No.
[12:06]
B
Really?
[12:06]
A
No. I was like, I didn't, I didn't earn this.
[12:08]
B
Wow.
[12:09]
A
I know how to create value. I want to be the power mover in my generation. If they just handed me crazy millions, I would not be standing here, sitting here with you. I wouldn't be. I had to go through those healthy struggles and learn the leadership and the financial competencies and how to create value and how to train people and grow. And that's why, again, like, I see all these people, they're like, I know how to, you know, set up this multi generational legacy where my kids are going to be so rich by X age.
[12:38]
B
The waterfall system.
[12:39]
A
Waterfall system, the whole life insurance system. It's like time out. Unless you do these core pieces first, then that becomes a weapon for evil. Right. But if you set up this stuff in the heritage and the things in the home and the training the right way, then it can become a tool for good.
[12:57]
B
Right?
[12:57]
A
Right. But so many people miss that first step. So that's why we're doing what we're doing.
[13:02]
B
I'm glad I'm talking to you now because I'm in the middle of setting up a trust. I don't have kids yet, but I'm just planning ahead and, you know, millions of dollars on the line, so well.
[13:10]
A
And, and even, you know, I was just listening to an Interview with Patrick bet David. Okay. Um, brilliant guy. Like, I 99 of the things he says. I'm like, yep, let's go. But he said something about his kids the other day. And I love so many things he does with his kids. Makes him read books to earn stuff.
[13:26]
B
I saw that. Yeah.
[13:26]
A
Like, that's 20 books. That's 30. Like, brilliant. My daughter read 50 books this summer.
[13:30]
B
Wow.
[13:30]
A
She got paid five bucks a pop and she read all the Tuttle Twins books. All these books on, like, civil duty and liberty and the government and entrepreneurship. All the stuff she's not getting in school.
[13:40]
B
Nice.
[13:41]
A
And all she had to do to earn that. We call it a gig. It's a brain gig. And we have action gigs. No more chores. It's the gigs. And all she had to do to earn it was tell us two things she learned and one thing she's going to apply to her life right now. And then, bang, you get the pay. Next one. Let's go.
[13:57]
B
Love it.
[13:57]
A
Right? So I love that way of getting the kids to build skills, build mindsets, to create value everywhere. They go. But one of the things Patrick bet David said was, oh, trusts fix everything. You get. You get this certain level of, you know, wealth and net worth, you know, in the tens of millions, hundreds of millions, billions. Then there's these lawyers who come and fix all the trusts for your kids. And I'm like, no, they're not. You can't. You can't create a cage for snakes. No contract is going to fix heritage in the home. So there's. They say things like, oh, well, this trust will. It'll only unlock when the kids do X, Y, Z. And we dictate their behavior and how they act and how they think and who they marry and what business they do. That only works in principle. Because he also said something else in the interview. He said, well, if I'm going to think that all, you know, four of my kids are all going to make it and be like me, I'm crazy. You know, one of them's going to go off the rails. And I'm like, well, if one of them goes off the rails and you've set up that trust and they lose out on millions and the other ones do, and, like, you're gonna cause chaos, and then you're going to be literally nitpicking every decision that your other kids are gonna make for the rest of their life. That's robot parenting. You cannot manipulate kids through contracts. So that's why this heritage piece is so critical. You've got to be able to set up the character building, the values of the home, the stories you tell, the principles that you embody as a family. Like, I bet less than 1% of families have a family identity at all.
[15:33]
B
Wow.
[15:34]
A
Values crests, what we stand for, stories we tell, the way that we give our kids roots in our family and wings to Soar. Less than 1% of families even think about that. Most people go into the world rudderless on what it means to have their last name, but the more you build that, now you've got a system.
[15:55]
B
I agree.
[15:55]
A
That was my issue with him. I was like, okay, I'm with you on 99%. But I've worked with so many millions of families now. I've seen how the trusts fail over time in generations. But if you set up the legacy thinking the right way, then those trusts are almost. They're unneeded. Right? Like, you definitely want to have certain structures for how your family gives how the trusts work. I think it's a terrible idea for any kid to turn 18 and get any crazy amount of money at all.
[16:20]
B
I agree.
[16:21]
A
But. But if you manipulate it and you say, well, you'll get. You'll unlock it based on doing XYZ and marrying this type of person and not doing these drugs and you're just. You're creating this, like, I don't know, like this. This corn maze.
[16:33]
B
Right.
[16:33]
A
Rather than a ranch where that you want them to come into the family name and have this ranch where they can run free and carry on those values. You see, I'm saying.
[16:42]
B
Absolutely. Have you seen electronics and phones affect the family unit?
[16:46]
A
Yep.
[16:48]
B
I remember when I would eat dinner growing up. No, it was before iPhones came out and we would actually have to talk to our parents.
[16:53]
A
Yeah.
[16:53]
B
Now it's like you're just watching YouTube videos while you're eating.
[16:56]
A
Yeah. You and I grew up in like the last free generation.
[16:59]
B
Yeah.
[16:59]
A
Get those. Get the phones and tech out of there. There's a. There's a book with. By Jonathan Haidt that just came out called the Anxious Generation. Unbelievable book. I love it. It talks about screen time and what it's doing to our kids. And I see it with our kids, like, we. We just took tech out of the house.
[17:15]
B
Oh, really?
[17:15]
A
We got four kids.
[17:16]
B
No phones for them?
[17:17]
A
No. They're young. They're still in elementary, but we're going to delay that as long as humanly possible.
[17:24]
B
Wow. And they're going to be seeing all their friends with phones and iPads.
[17:28]
A
Yeah. But you know what they're going to be doing? Creating value, creating business opportunities, going on experiences with us. Having a blast in the real world. See, if. If you are worried about your kids looking at all their friends and being jealous, then make your family, environment and culture 10 times better. See, I'm gonna have a home, and we're already building it where all the other parents are. Like, what are the Donald kids gonna do? You can do that. If the Donald kids are gonna be there, you can be there. I want you around their kids more because it makes you better.
[17:56]
B
Nice.
[17:57]
A
See that? We call it huge. It's a Danish term. Danish. The Danish have. You know, they're known for hospitality. They're known for this, like, the beautiful scent in the home. It's called hygge. It's the scent of what people smell when they hear your family's name when they enter your home. So in. In our whole culture that we train in dinner table, create huge. Create this scent where when people smell like the Donald name, they're like, trust, respect. Those kids are awesome. Like, that's what I want for parents Right, like that you want all the other kids. Parents being like, I just want my kids around your kids because they're better.
[18:36]
B
Absolutely.
[18:37]
A
So I don't think tech's gonna be an issue, but if you really study what phones. Like, every app on this phone, every game that your kids play, every chat app has a team of thousands behind it working around the clock to make it as addicting as possible. Okay. They're studying child behavior. Here's a crazy story. You wanna know how Apple created the touchscreen?
[19:00]
B
How?
[19:02]
A
Cause I think, like Steve Jobs and Elon, like, I'm in some of these circles. Like, I'm. I'm a first principles, innovative entrepreneur. So I study them. Like, when I was in first grade, we were playing on an old Macintosh because Microsoft donated all these computers to elementary schools all across America because they were studying how kids interacted with them.
[19:24]
B
Wow.
[19:24]
A
They were watching us, and they were watching me play the gorilla game, where you chuck the banana at the certain arc and you try to nail the other gorilla before it gets you. Or the tanks.
[19:34]
B
Oh, I remember the tank one.
[19:35]
A
They were watching me as a first grader, touch the screen and intuitively try to launch it and swipe the banana and being. And then the teacher being like, no, no, no, that's not how it works. You got to use the computer and the weird, you know, keyboard and try to manipulate and type it in and then try to make it work. They watched that stuff. So this is the product of decades and decades and decades of millions of people trying to create the most addicting, most intuitive thing that you get hooked on. And I don't want my kids anywhere near that until they're responsible enough to handle the weapon.
[20:12]
B
Yeah, I'm seeing some. Some crazy screen time. Like 10 hours a day with some kids.
[20:17]
A
6,000 texts a day for teenagers. Holy crap.
[20:19]
B
A day?
[20:20]
A
Yep. Six to ten hours on screens or phones.
[20:23]
B
Jeez.
[20:23]
A
When you look at what social media and gaming does to a brain, a child's undeveloped brain, Right. Your prefrontal cortex is not done until you're 26. But when you hijack it with. When you hijack the amygdala with dopamine, it is more intense than cocaine.
[20:44]
B
Holy crap.
[20:45]
A
And it becomes a third arm for children. Why do you think anxiety gets caused. And one of the ways to addict someone is the dopamine hit of other people's highlight reels and FOMO and a life of missing out or cyberbullying. Right. Or even worse, predatory behavior online. Like, this is what kids are being open to. Why would you give your 10 year old a gun just to walk around with 10 hours a day? Whoa. Careful.
[21:23]
B
Yep.
[21:25]
A
The only difference between a gun and the phone is that this could probably do way more damage long term.
[21:33]
B
Yeah. We don't even know the full effects yet.
[21:35]
A
Not even close.
[21:35]
B
Just came out 10 years ago.
[21:37]
A
That's right.
[21:38]
B
And I feel like there is a link with the anxiety stuff too.
[21:40]
A
There's a huge link. There's a direct link.
[21:42]
B
When we were in school, maybe a couple kids had anxiety, maybe it wasn't as openly talked about, but now I feel like a lot of kids have it.
[21:49]
A
Yeah. So I see so many teenage girls in this boat where they're extremely anxious, depressed, fearful. And it's because they have incredible gifts and talents and skills, but they lack the confidence to go use it to serve and create value for others. And the reason why they lack the confidence is so much of the body image. Online bullying, perfection mentality, FOMO mentality, clicks popularity. See, you know, if there was gossip going on in school when we were kids, you'd probably hear 100, 1100th of it. Now it's online everywhere for everyone to see.
[22:31]
B
Right.
[22:31]
A
On a grand scale that just breeds stress and fear. And then all they have to do is scroll a little bit more and see all the politicians and all the economists and all the news crap. Yeah, that, that they make their money through fear.
[22:47]
B
Right.
[22:48]
A
And pigeonholing echo chambers on two sides of a coin. And they know that clickbait, clickbait comes when you generate a chemical response in somebody. You get them angry, you get them fearful. Right. Pain response. So that just breeds more and more in kids. So for us, we're like, yeah, we're not doing, we're not doing phones till car.
[23:11]
B
I love it.
[23:12]
A
Like, we're, we're not doing game. Like we're not doing gaming. Like our. We, we use technology for education, not entertainment. As much as possible in the home. That doesn't mean we don't have a fun movie night or we watch something with them. Like we do that too. Yeah, they watch shows here and there, but it's not a staple in the home. And so many parents use screen time as a break. I just got to do the dishes. I just got to get dinner cooked. I gotta get some laundry. I need a break. So they just throw on Netflix and put it on the kids section and let the kids run wild.
[23:42]
B
Right. On their iPhones.
[23:44]
A
They give them a phone and I get that, you know, but. But there's so many other things that can happen in the home where the kids are adding value all the time. See, we have a system called the family economy system. And what it does is it gets kids to find ways to create value and be so helpful around the home all the time and they're self motivated to do it. And so there's no more asking for money and stuff all the time. No more conflict over chores. We set up the system where families are free. Right. And we call it the family economy. So you have expectations in the home, expenses that kids are in charge of paying for and extra pay, opportunities for them to go be helpful everywhere. And then they transfer it into the community, in the neighborhood, and then they're starting to make extra money. It cuts the cost of raising your kids in half. Saves like $100,000.
[24:30]
B
Average kids, what, 33k a year? They're saying, yeah, that's a lot. And you got four. So.
[24:34]
A
And we can cut that in half with our system.
[24:37]
B
That's good.
[24:38]
A
And, and then the kids walk out of it afterwards more connected to you because you're not using money to bribe, coerce and buy their love. They are more capable. They're more inner confidence, not outer confidence. Y see, See, outer confidence comes when you pat your kid on the back every day and tell them they're nice, pretty and smart. That's outer confidence. If you want unshaken confidence, they have to earn it. They have to build capabilities and skills and then use it to create value for others. Then they get internal confidence.
[25:07]
B
Right.
[25:08]
A
Okay. So we've been doing these children's business fairs for like 10 years. Every. Every. There's like 2,000 of them now all over the world. Childrensbusiness fair.org it's super fun.
[25:17]
B
Nice.
[25:18]
A
We started it because we wanted to get kids to learn in real life financial skills. Because that's the only way kids learn is fun and real life experience. That's the only way most of us learn anything. Make it intrinsically motivating and fun and put it to real life practical application. Now you're not passively just like listening or learning something you're actively doing. It's like eight, seven to eight times as much retention.
[25:42]
B
Wow.
[25:43]
A
So fun and real life experience is the only way kids learn. And most adults. You think public schools have fun and real life experience?
[25:51]
B
Definitely not, no.
[25:52]
A
So we started these children's business fairs with my mentor, Jeff Sandifer with the Acton. And now there's thousands of them every year. Kids show up at the park. You put up tents and tables and chairs. They each create Products that they want to sell. Soap, slime, T shirts, candles. There was a girl sitting on a stool last year giving advice for $3. She's 7. It was hilarious. They make hundreds of dollars, they invite all their family and friends as customers. So you get like a thousand customers.
[26:19]
B
That's awesome.
[26:20]
A
And these kids walk away with all these capabilities. They learn profit, they learn cost of goods, they learn marketing, they learn salesmanship, they learn how to pitch, they get like empathy, like competition thinking. And it is so much more powerful than like the assembly line education. And now that we've been doing it for so long, I'm getting emails nonstop from parents where their kids are off into the real world. They're like, forget everything else. The business fair taught them so much more for life right now than anything else.
[26:48]
B
Wow. Incredible.
[26:50]
A
The moment a kid makes a dollar by creating value with their hands and feet or their brain, they have confidence for life.
[26:56]
B
Absolutely.
[26:57]
A
Mental health. I've never met an anxious kid who's serving others. I've never met an anxious adult who is living a life of service for other people. It just dissipates. But yet, oh, I don't want to get into it. I'm going to piss off every therapist in psychology. I got to be careful what I'm going to say, but I'll say it. Forget it. If we have a culture now where we try to encourage everyone to just talk about their problems all the time without solutions. Let's unpack this more. Come in three times a week. We'll keep talking about your 17 year old anxiety issue. The more you focus on problems without creating value and solving it. Solve, they grow. Problems grow when focused on and that is what creates so much of this mental health. And so we have to be really driven to turn our pain into like value. Right? You're not a victim, you're a victor. Right. Anything that happens in your life is not a setback, it's a setup to create value for yourself and other people in the future.
[28:04]
B
Love it.
[28:05]
A
That's the mentality that kids have to have. That's how you get self reliance. That's how you get grit. That's how you go into the world unshaken by the things that you see in here.
[28:15]
B
Right?
[28:16]
A
See if you grow up entitled or victim mindset, then the first time you encounter a problem, you know, 18 to 25 range, everyone fails you and I have failed a thousand times. But if you grow up entitled and victimized, then you blame everyone else. The first time a problem happens and you fail, it's my parents fault, it's my employer's fault, it's the government's fault. A whole generation of that is chaos.
[28:43]
B
Yep.
[28:44]
A
And I don't want to say we're there, but just look at the world, man. Did you know that 20, that Gen Z, right? What's the age break for gen Z? Like 27 and under, something like that.
[28:55]
B
I think 26. Yeah. Because I'm, I'm millennial. I'm 27.
[28:58]
A
Okay, so you're like the youngest millennial. I'm on the older end of millennial, yeah. Gen Z. I read something recently and I actually saw it in real life talking to a bunch. Because we mentor all these families. 67% of them think that we are in late stage capitalism. They think this train's going to hit the station.
[29:17]
B
Wow.
[29:18]
A
See, they look at the, the S and P and they're like, you know, 35, 40 years ago that thing was at 304, 500. Now it's four to 5,000. Okay. To 10, 20X grow. Like, how the heck is that going to happen? How's it going to go from 5,000 to 50,000 by the time I'm my parents age? See, that's in their mind. That's what they're thinking.
[29:39]
B
Right?
[29:39]
A
Okay. And then they get scammed by all these social media, quick money courses. Yeah, courses. Crypto, you know, day trading, I can get you rich quick kind of stuff because they're everywhere. It's the fastest growing social industry.
[29:52]
B
Yeah.
[29:53]
A
So all these young people, they're like, oh, I'm going to try it out. They put in 500 bucks, a thousand bucks, couple hundred bucks, maybe they double it, then they lose it. And then they throw out everything related to investing. They're like, oh, it's all a scam. I'm not going to go in the markets, I'm not going to do insurance, I'm not going to do real estate, I'm not going to diversify. It's all a scam. I'm just going to live for the moment, live for experiences today and forget the future. I'll never retire, I'll never own a home. Like you get what you think, man. If you got two thirds of an entire generation thinking that this is why we're doing what we're doing, because I don't agree with that at all. I think the next 10 years are going to be wildly abundant. Like, you know, the advances in technology and AI and medicine and all these different incredible opportunities. There will be more incredible entrepreneurs and jobs and industries created in the next decade or two than all of the last hundred years combined. But an entire generation is being tricked that this train's going to reach the station and end. And we're all, what was it? What are you going to go into anarchy and oligarchies and communism again? That's a way worse idea.
[31:02]
B
Right.
[31:03]
A
So you get what you think. And so that's why we're doing what we're doing. It's like we have to think differently as a society. We got to stop outsourcing our parenting. We got to stop trusting public education to raise our kids. And we got to take it back at home. That's why we call it dinner table.
[31:19]
B
Yeah.
[31:20]
A
Right. And it starts at home. This, all this starts at home. Like, you cannot expect school, sports, church, extracurriculars to fix all the issues with your kids. This stuff is at home. So you can't. Maybe you can't change the world tomorrow, but you can definitely have ask some great questions at dinner and set up some simple structures to give your kids a much higher chance for success.
[31:44]
B
Absolutely. Are you homeschooling your kids?
[31:46]
A
We do like a mix. They go to a private school down the street, but they adopt a lot of the innovative education that I've been a proponent of for decades. So it's very Socratic, self paced. Kids are doing a lot of real life exercises. Right. It's fun. There's a lot of that. You know, our kids are five years ahead on the math and the, the reading.
[32:10]
B
Wow.
[32:10]
A
But we do, we do a lot of the in home stuff too. They're constantly learning new things. Like here's a great gig that we gave our daughter. So this summer, she planned our family trip.
[32:20]
B
She planned it like a $50 gig. Wow.
[32:23]
A
She planned where we went this summer and where we ate. She got three flights. What's the best deal? Where are we going to travel? How are we going to do it? Turo? Uber rent. Like, she's getting all that. She's learning all these capabilities. She was seven.
[32:35]
B
Wow.
[32:35]
A
Okay. She planned the whole thing. She saved us like two grand and she owned the summer. It's a core memory. I guarantee you it's gonna be a core memory for the rest of her life.
[32:45]
B
Incredible.
[32:46]
A
It's a gig. It's just one of our hundreds of brilliant ways to get your kids ready for the real world.
[32:52]
B
Do you see a lot of kids struggling to open up emotionally to their parents? Because I struggled with that when I was growing up.
[32:58]
A
Yeah. A lot of this is relationship coaching. A lot of what we teach the families is relationship building, building the values. Right. Like heritage over inheritance. You need to be able to move from caretaker to coach. And when you do that, the relationship grows with your children along the way. Right. They actually want to engage more with you. See, one of the tips that I give families is treat your kids two years older than they are or more and they'll always rise to the occasion. I don't talk to my four year old like he's four. I talk to him like I'm talking to you. I'm calling him up like he's, I'm raising future men and women, I'm not raising future children. So the way that we treat our kids actually changes the relationship dynamic in the home.
[33:50]
B
Wow.
[33:50]
A
You know, if you want to have a great legacy and a great relationship with your kids, spend twice as much time and half as much money on them.
[33:59]
B
That's so interesting.
[34:01]
A
And do more with your kids than for them. So many parents, they take the caretaker hat and they're doing everything for their kids. They bubble wrap them, but you're going to do things for them until they do them on their own. And that actually helps them mature. You see, when a child takes more responsibility and ownership over their life, they actually grow deeper in relation to you. I don't believe in tough love or neglect or abuse or yelling. Like that's not what I'm talking about. I'm setting up a system where we get to help our kids thrive and that actually protects your relationship long term.
[34:38]
B
I love it.
[34:39]
A
And in terms of opening up to your parents, I think a lot of parents struggle with that one. Cause as kids hit that 10 to 13 year old age, it's like they let go of your hand and they're like trying to figure stuff out on their own. Like, I gotta think about this. I'm not gonna tell you everything. This happens all the time. But if you set it up right in those early years, you have an environment of trust, you have an environment of responsibility. And we tell our kids like, hey, if you mess up, I care about you telling the truth more than anything. Like, yeah, there's going to be consequences to your decisions. But you telling the truth matters so much more to us. And if you're ever in an unsafe situation or something scary is going you, you won't get judgment from us. Like, we're here to like love you first.
[35:29]
B
Yeah.
[35:29]
A
Like we and, and our love for you is never going to change. Doesn't matter if you're the worst human on earth or the best. The Love doesn't change. There's going to be consequences for the decisions you make. And I hope to see you grow into the person I believe you can be. But I think a lot of parents bubble wrap the kids, pay for everything, never let them go through healthy struggles and try to dictate everything. Like the robot thinking I gave you earlier.
[35:56]
B
Yeah.
[35:57]
A
They try to make their kids into robots and that just causes rebellion.
[36:01]
B
Yeah.
[36:01]
A
So rules without relationship equals rebellion every time.
[36:07]
B
Yep. Happened to me.
[36:09]
A
Rules with relationship is rocket fuel. That's the key. So, you know, the two best words I. I think for parents are firm and kind for your kids.
[36:20]
B
Yeah. So do you think the kids should respect the parents?
[36:23]
A
Absolutely. Right. I mean, there. There should be a healthy respect. One of my friends was just on Jankos, George Jankos and Charlie talked about they both had a healthy fear of their parents growing up, and it actually made them act in a certain way. Like, I do not want to dis hurt the family name. Right. Like, I'd get a whooping. I'd be terrified of how my mom and dad would respond if I acted in a certain way.
[36:51]
B
Right.
[36:52]
A
Or represented our family in a certain way. But it's because, you know, a parent should spend most of their life giving their kids, like, an understanding of the weight of their last name. Like in our family, our kids know Donald's do hard things. Donalds do the right thing even when no one's watching. Donald's make things, they leave things better. That's what value creation is. You leave things better.
[37:13]
B
Right.
[37:14]
A
Everywhere you go. So they're carrying on our name every time we're not there with them. And they feel it, man. Like we call it roots and wings. Give your kids roots in the home. An anchor of what you stand for, what it means to have your last name, how you do relationships, and then wings to soar. Roots and wings to soar in the world. And kids are five times more likely to carry on the family values if they know exactly where they come from and their heritage than those who just go into adulthood rudderless. Right. Actually, this brings up a weird thing. I haven't really talked about this, but everybody wants their kids to become independent. I don't think I agree.
[37:52]
B
Really.
[37:53]
A
I don't want my kids to turn 18 and just leave forever. Never FaceTime or call or come back for Sunday dinners or, you know, holidays or summers. I want to be the first call if something good or bad happens. I want FaceTimes all the time. I want you to be excited to bring back your girlfriend. Or boyfriend. I want you excited to be back. The grandkids like that. That to me is interdependence, not independence. So we should be focusing more on interdependence. That's what roots and wings are. You want them to be killers in the world, but you want to be deeply rooted in the family. But if you just focus on independence. Independence, Then what? You just. They just leave at 18 and never return?
[38:31]
B
Yeah, that's what happened to me. So I was an only child and I had to grow up pretty fast, I feel like. So that's probably a common issue with only childs.
[38:38]
A
Yeah.
[38:39]
B
You know?
[38:39]
A
Yeah. Well, the good news about all this is you get to heal and learn.
[38:45]
B
Yeah. No, I'm at a great point with my mother now, but we used to have the worst screaming battles you could imagine when I was growing up. And we both had our own issues. But I'm glad we're on good terms now.
[38:54]
A
And all you got to do. You know, the biggest question I used to get was, help me teach my kids about money. The biggest question I get today is, where were you 20 years ago? It's too late. We've had divorce, estrangement fights, issues, problems, business issues, money issues. And I tell people really quickly, I'm like, look, our strategies are a recipe that works at any age. Like, all of the things that have happened in your past, they are not setbacks, they're setups. They prepare you for the future. Because of where you're at with your mom right now, you are going to make a massive impact with so many other people because of it. Like, think of it that way. Like, there's a lot of other people that identify with what you just said. And now you get to show them how to heal, how to grow, how to add value to others because of it. And, and, and what you don't heal from, you pass down.
[39:48]
B
Oh, yeah, it eats at you.
[39:50]
A
It eats you a lot.
[39:51]
B
Saw it with my dad. He never healed with his parents and his whole life just ate at him.
[39:57]
A
Yep. I say it in my family. I mean, if you don't heal from something, you always pass it down. Like, here's a crazy idea. Your parents outer voice to you usually becomes your inner voice to yourself. It's a wild thought.
[40:14]
B
It is. But it's true. Because now that you said that, I used to have a very pessimistic inner thought.
[40:21]
A
Yep.
[40:21]
B
And it was from my parents.
[40:22]
A
Yep. Almost all people realize that that inner voice is coming from the way that you were raised. And that's Again, something you have to heal from or else you're going to pass it down to your kids.
[40:33]
B
Yep. Took me a while. How to get out on my own. You got to leave your parents house at some point and you know, do.
[40:38]
A
Some reflecting and be careful of the teeter totter because the, the, the tough love always coddles and back and forth between generations. So I, I think it's just something we need to be under, like, understanding, like the way we speak to our kids. This is why it's so interesting for me. Like, you know, my, in my faith.
[40:56]
B
Yeah.
[40:57]
A
Like, I didn't realize that my view of how God thought of me was directly related to how my parents treated me.
[41:04]
B
Wow.
[41:04]
A
Your inner voice. A lot of people feel that as like the Holy Spirit or God talking to them. Like, if you think that God is like this magnifying glass kid trying to burn all of us ants here on earth, you better look back on what happened when you were growing up and who said that kind of stuff to you. Right. If you think, you know, same with coddling. Like, you think God's okay with the evil things you're doing and there's not going to be like, consequences to it. Maybe you should look back at what, what you were allowed or what was tolerated in your childhood.
[41:34]
B
Right.
[41:34]
A
Has caused a lot of problems. So inner voice is actually the voice of the Holy Spirit in us. We need to get the right view. That's why I think it's so critical to like, know the word of God, like be clear about the truths of Scripture. And because a lot of people, they reject faith, they reject God because of Christians or people who have spoken to them in certain ways.
[41:57]
B
Yeah. Bad experience.
[41:58]
A
Bad experience. Yeah, man. Like, it's a big deal.
[42:01]
B
I see that you've mentioned tough love a few times. So I'm half Asian and I feel like the Asian community, man, they are tough on academics. Do you agree with that? Yeah, they're crazy.
[42:11]
A
Yeah. I think firm and kind comes back to mind with this. There's a lot of pressure there. A lot, a lot of pressure.
[42:20]
B
And I understand why, because that's how they, they used academics to get to where they're at. But I feel like it's a different generation now.
[42:27]
A
Yeah. I think there's. There should be good standards in a home. There should be good boundaries. But pressure is another thing altogether.
[42:37]
B
Yeah.
[42:37]
A
Right. Like my. I know for a fact, like, not all my kids are going to follow my path, and that's okay. In fact, I want them to live in their own sweet Spot their whole life. And the sweet spot to me is what you love to do, what you're really good at, and what meets the biggest needs in the world. It creates the most value. Stay in that triangle and you're in your sweet spot. And every single human on earth is different in that sweet spot. So I'm very clear with my kids. It's like, hey, look, you don't have to be, like, an entrepreneur like me. I want you to learn entrepreneurial skills. Right? Problem solving, value creation, wants and needs, empathy. All these are really good for any job you do, any relationship you're in. But standards are important. But tough love can move kids to rebellion very quickly. Or not telling you, but rebelling. That happens a lot.
[43:31]
B
Yeah.
[43:31]
A
Where they're just like, okay, fine, I'm just not going to tell you anything. I'm just going to keep it quiet.
[43:35]
B
That's what happened to me.
[43:36]
A
It happens to a lot of people. They're like, I don't want my parents to know. I mean, I'm an adult now. I'm going to make my own decisions. I'm just not going to tell them. Well, that breaks legacy just as much. Like, it's not transparent. Like, there's no accountability and integrity to that in the relationship.
[43:50]
B
Right.
[43:51]
A
Like, nobody wants to be married to someone who is secretly doing the opposite. That's. That's destruction.
[43:57]
B
Yeah, yeah.
[43:58]
A
In a relationship, what if you have your best friend? He's secretly the opposite person you think your best friend is? There's no relationship there. It's a facade.
[44:07]
B
Right?
[44:08]
A
So with our kids, I think, you know, we have to be firm, we have to be kind. This brings up an interesting point. Discipline.
[44:17]
B
Yeah.
[44:18]
A
Okay. I don't say punishment because that's not what it is. Discipline in the home is a good thing.
[44:24]
B
So grounding.
[44:25]
A
Grounding standards, good discipline of your kids. But all discipline in the home usually stems from a lack of training. See, parents go through these cycles of exhaustion. You know, they. Constant behavior issues, the same punishments or whatever, over and over and over again. They're like, why aren't they learning? I've done this a hundred times. Well, if we focused way more on training our kids on how to behave, how to go to the grocery store, how to clean up after dinner, you know, how to pack for a trip, what we do when people come to our house and how we greet them like, these are trainings. And it takes 21 times to build a habit, so we should be training way more. And most of the discipline issues that parents have go away. When you train well.
[45:10]
B
Wow.
[45:10]
A
And you can train and make it fun. We call them, I call them daddy boot camps or mommy boot camps. Like we have fun doing it. I just taught my 4 year old how to tie shoelaces. It's like these are fun things. They're not angry, they're not fights, they're not like controlling suppression. They're fun. And I think training is a big deal and that protects relationship as well.
[45:32]
B
Absolutely. Scott, it's been a pleasure, man. Where can people find you? Find the app and raise kids to be better than them.
[45:39]
A
Yeah, just. I'm Scott Donnell. On social media, our dinner table family is our company and so yeah, dinner table people want to engage with us. We just coach families. Simple program where we give you all of our strategies, help you succeed in the home, cut the cost of raising the kids in half. No more fights over chores.
[45:56]
B
Love it.
[45:57]
A
There you go.
[45:57]
B
I got some dramatic memories from chores, man.
[46:00]
A
Hey, it's good. Hard work is good.
[46:02]
B
Yeah, dude. It's been a pleasure. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for watching, guys. Check out the links below. See you next time.