Transcript

A (0:00)

I just typed out the Good dad project. That was it. And that was, like, the surrender of the ego. That was like, I'm done trying to wing this. I'm done trying to, like, figure this out as I go. What if I learned it? What if I actually learned marriage? What if I learned communication? What if I learned connection? What if I even learned patience? Can I learn those things? Because anything that I think we're ever good at, anything, we have to learn it.

B (0:30)

Okay, guys, got Larry here from St. Louis. We're going to talk about fatherhood today. I'm really excited about this one. It's a pretty deep topic for me, and I know it is for you. You based your whole show and life around it now. So thanks for hopping on, man.

A (0:41)

Thanks for having me. This is an honor.

B (0:42)

Yeah. You're 1400 episodes in. That's incredible. And it's all around fatherhood, all around.

A (0:48)

Fatherhood, marriage, men's work, you know, pretty much all that.

B (0:51)

Yeah. So growing up, I know your parents got split, right?

A (0:55)

My story is kind of odd, and I'm happy to share it if you want me to go for it. Yeah. So I was. My mom and biological father were married in 71. They got married really young, 21 years old. They had me four years later in 1975. And then about nine months later, they got divorced. And I got to be honest with you, Sean, I don't know much about their divorce. All I know is it was bad. And then as soon as, like, he was gone, like, I. I have no recollection of my dad.

B (1:21)

You were four?

A (1:22)

No, I was one. And then I was about. I was four when I kind of realized I didn't have a dad.

B (1:27)

Oh, wow.

A (1:27)

So it was just me and my mom, but. But here's the funny story. I was in preschool, kindergarten age. That's kind of when the audio video kind of comes on. And I remember, like, dads coming to pick up my friends. So I knew what a dad was like. Some dads wore suits and some dads wore jeans, and I knew I didn't have one, but it didn't really bother me because I thought, actually, moms go out and find dads, so. And my mom hadn't found my dad yet. So I'll never forget this one time was five, and my mom told me. She was like, hey, I'm gonna have a friend over for dinner tonight, and I'm really excited for you to meet him. I've known him for a little bit, and I'm really excited for you to meet him and we work together. So like that was basically my mom telling me, like, I've been dating somebody I work with, it's time for you to meet. And dude, my thought right away was, oh my gosh, that's the dad. She found the dad. So this guy comes walking in my house. I'll never forget it. I'm like five years old, like 45 years ago. He's wearing a trench coat, three piece suit, double Windsor tie, mustache, feathered hair, 1979, whole nine yards.

Summary

Digital Social Hour — "Larry Hagner: The Night I Realized I Was Becoming My Father" (DSH #1743)

Podcast: Digital Social Hour
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Larry Hagner (Host of "The Dad Edge," Author, Coach)
Date: January 9, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Digital Social Hour features a poignant and deeply honest conversation between Sean Kelly and Larry Hagner, founder of The Dad Edge and host of a long-running podcast on fatherhood, marriage, and men's personal development. Larry shares his tumultuous upbringing, the generational cycles of fatherhood and trauma he’s worked to break, and the pivotal moment he realized he needed to become a student of “good dad” skills. This episode is rich with raw stories, actionable insights on parenting and relationships, and hopeful advice for men seeking connection, purpose, and personal growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Larry’s Upbringing and Fatherhood Journey

Early Childhood Turmoil ([00:51]–[10:00])
- Larry details his parents’ divorce and absence of his biological father: "I was one. And then I was about— I was four when I kind of realized I didn't have a dad." ([01:22])
- His mother’s string of marriages/relationships, adoption by his first stepfather, and exposure to domestic abuse: "There was a lot of fighting, there was a lot of beatings." ([03:08])
- Discovery of his biological father at age 12 by chance: “I walk right up to her, 12 years old, I'm like, hey, what's your name?... I think your husband is my dad.” ([05:14])
Repeated Loss and the Impact on Self-Esteem
- After briefly reconnecting with his biological father, the relationship falls apart again, causing Larry to “give up” and suffer in adolescence: “As a kid, I just kind of gave up. I gained a bunch of weight. I failed the 8th grade... I think at one point I was like, man, I'm done with fathers.” ([06:40])
Chance Reunion and Long-Term Healing
- As an adult, Larry runs into his biological father at Starbucks after 18 years: "I look up, and this guy comes walking in, and it's my dad. Hadn't seen him since I was 12." ([07:57])
- They reconcile and rebuild a relationship, finally addressing the pain and reasons for the past: “It was the worst decision I ever made... I actually thought when I signed over parental rights to your adopted father, I was giving you a better shot.” ([10:11])

2. The Birth of The Dad Edge Movement

Turning Point — Breaking the Cycle ([16:23]–[21:26])
- Larry confesses to failing his own promises as a new husband and father, including an emotional story about losing his temper with his 4-year-old son: “I swatted him on his butt and unfortunately he face planted...he literally just went like this, like, don't hurt me.” ([18:08])
- "That was it. And even my wife...was like, seriously? Larry, he's four." ([18:47])
- Out of pain and regret, he creates the “Good Dad Project” Facebook page: "That was like the surrender of the ego. What if I actually learned marriage? What if I learned communication? What if I even learned patience?" ([19:24])
- The movement grows organically, leading to a podcast and a full-time career: “Over the past 10 years, I've gotten a front row seat to, I think, one of the best educations I've ever had.” ([21:07])

3. Fatherhood, Marriage, and Personal Growth

The Role of Dads and the Crisis of Fatherlessness ([22:14]–[25:11])
- Larry highlights dire statistics: “I mean, I think it's like 82% of teenage pregnancies happen from fatherless homes. 92% of incarcerated individuals...” ([22:19])
- Emphasizes collaborative, not fear-based, parenting: “I'm more of a fan of let's have a conversation around this and let's learn from it. Versus rule with fear.” ([23:47])
Host Sean’s Parallel Story
- Sean opens up about his own difficult upbringing—absent father after divorce, struggles for closure and reconciling with the past ([13:24-13:44]; [14:16-14:53]).
Common Father Wounds and The Drive to Break Cycles
- Both men discuss how their upbringings shaped their adulthood and relationships. “If you grew up the way you did, the way I did, I think it becomes insanely important ... it's almost like, man, I can't mess this up.” ([34:47])

4. Learning Relationship & Parenting Skills

Larry’s Four Core Elements for a Great Marriage: ([36:32]–[37:53])
- Self-care ("Can't be my best for somebody else unless I'm my best")
- Partnership (chores, roles, management)
- Friendship ("You gotta be friends with your spouse")
- Intimacy ("The physical part of your relationship… the things you share with nobody else")
The Drift and How to Combat It ([37:54]–[41:46])
- The risk of couples getting stuck in "partnership" (logistics) at the expense of friendship and intimacy.
- The importance of male community and “raising your hand” to seek help: “The hardest thing that I've seen is the asking for the help, actually raising your hand and being like, I don't have this one figured out.” ([30:16])
- “I think society kind of puts us in this box—if you don’t know how to be a dad or you’re struggling with it, well, you’re weak.” ([30:26])

5. Skill-Building — Communication & Conflict Resolution

The Conflict Resolution “Cube” Model ([46:56]–[51:47])
- Observations: “Observations are not opinions. She has to see it the way I do, and I have to see it the way she does.”
- Differentiating thoughts (“A sentence”) and feelings (“A word”): “A feeling is one word.”
- Stating wants: “You have to go three layers deep of why you want it... When we are intimate, we're in lockstep, we communicate better, we're better parents.”
- "Most people, when they argue, we are fighting for what we don't want anymore... We never usually ever say what we want." ([50:46])
Host-Guest Relatability — Attachment Styles
- Larry and Sean discuss avoidant and secure attachment styles, and the work needed to feel secure in relationships: “She would always have to chase me down to talk...I'm secure now. That took a ton of work.” ([45:30]–[45:47])

6. Fatherhood in the Digital Age

On Technology & Parenting ([25:27]–[28:13])
- Larry introduces tools like “bark phones” for monitoring kids online: “I get alerts if there's anything bad happening. So like, text messages, anything on the Internet that he's searching.”
- Talks openly about the importance of being a proactive parent with digital exposure: “You give them a window to the world and be like, go, have fun. I don't think that's being a helicopter parent. I think that's the same thing as hey, put your seat belt on.” ([26:18])

7. The Loneliness Epidemic for Men

The Lone Wolf & Rusty Relationships ([28:25]–[31:17])
- Larry: “Most men have rusty relationships. There’s not a whole lot of depth... We don’t have a place where we can be like ‘Hey, man, I'm really struggling communicating with my wife.’”
- The importance of building community and deeper friendships, especially for men who otherwise default to surface-level connections.

8. Building Legacy and the Importance of Being Present

The Trap of Overwork
- "Don't come home with a wallet full of money in a house full of strangers." ([32:31])
- Larry prioritizes his family even at the cost of business: “Business...just has to suffer. To quote the Godfather.” ([32:31])
Modeling Functional Relationships
- "I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids...is to see a functional relationship in action." ([44:19])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Breaking the Cycle:
“The definition of hell is meeting the man you could have become when you’re on your deathbed.”—Larry [34:58]
On Fatherhood:
"Dads really make an impact." —Larry [22:41]
On Conflict Resolution:
“Most people, when they argue, we are fighting for what we don’t want anymore. But we never usually ever say what we want.”—Larry [50:46]
On Learning Fatherhood:
“That was like the surrender of the ego. I’m done trying to wing this. What if I actually learned marriage?” —Larry [19:24]
On Technology:
“You give them a window to the world and be like, go, have fun. I don't think that's being a helicopter parent. I think that's the same thing as hey, put your seat belt on.” —Larry [26:18]
On Community:
“One of the hardest things for a man to do is ... raise your hand and say, I'd really like some help.” —Larry [41:03]
On Being Present:
“Don't come home with a wallet full of money in a house full of strangers.” —Larry [32:31]
On Fixing the Drift:
“The book talks about how to disrupt that, and to really get into your marriage, to really get involved with your kids… but it starts with us first.” —Larry [40:46]
Funny Childhood Moment:
“My 10-year-old friend...traded his bike for a Playboy.” —Larry [27:40]

Important Timestamps

Larry’s Childhood Story: [00:51]–[10:00]
Reconnecting with Biological Father: [07:57]–[11:45]
The “Night I Realized I Was Becoming My Father” Story: [16:23]–[19:24]
Birth of Good Dad Project/Dad Edge: [19:24]–[21:26]
Fatherless Crisis Stats & Effects: [22:14]–[22:41]
Parenting Approach — Collaboration vs. Fear: [23:20]
Managing Kids and Technology: [25:27]–[28:13]
Loneliness and Men’s Friendships: [28:25]–[31:17]
Marriage & Relationship Skillset: [36:32]–[41:03]
Conflict Resolution Model Explained: [46:56]–[51:47]
Attachment Styles and Personal Growth: [45:20]–[45:47]
Resources and Book Details: [52:33]–[54:01]

Resources & Further Learning

Larry’s Book: Available at thedadedge.com/legendarybook (includes two free courses if purchased direct)
Men’s Communities: Learn more or apply at thedadedge.com/mastermind
Conflict Resolution (The “Cube”): More info at ClearLeadership.com

Tone & Style

The conversation is open, unfiltered, and disarmingly honest. Both Sean and Larry are candid about their pain, shortcomings, and aspirations to build better futures, creating a hopeful and relatable atmosphere for anyone struggling with similar issues.

Summary prepared for listeners seeking the heart of the episode’s content—whether as parents, partners, or individuals grappling with their own generational stories.

wavePod

Larry Hagner: The Night I Realized I Was Becoming My Father | DSH #1743