
Master the secrets of YouTube SEO and discover game-changing insights with expert Rebecca Zung! 🎯 In this eye-opening episode, we uncover powerful strategies for dealing with narcissists, building successful digital businesses, and mastering the art of negotiation.
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Sean
You, I was just looking on ebay.
Rebecca Zung
Where I go for all kinds of things I love.
Sean
And there it was, that hologram trading card.
Rebecca Zung
One of the rarest, the last one.
Sean
I needed for my set.
Rebecca Zung
Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind.
Sean
Ebay had it.
Rebecca Zung
And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you.
Sean
Get your windshield wiper?
Rebecca Zung
Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful. Whatever you love, find it on ebay. Ebay. Things people love. But think about this. These are the people that are actually getting diagnosed. I mean, most people who have NPD or even narcissistic traits aren't going to get themselves clinically diagnosed because by definition, there's a lack of self awareness. They think it's everybody else's fault, you know, they're the victim all the time.
Sean
All right, guys, Rebecca Zung here today, fellow podcaster and narcissism expert. Thanks for coming on.
Rebecca Zung
Thank you. It's such a pleasure to meet you.
Sean
Absolutely. Yeah, you've been all over the place lately.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, well, that's this. This work. Right. But it's all about making an impact and doing as much as you can to help people.
Sean
Was the narcissism stuff how you started?
Rebecca Zung
Well, I'm a lawyer by trade, you know, so I was practicing law up until a few years ago when I really started making it big on YouTube and through my courses and now my certification. And so that's really my full time career now. And we also just rolled out a program for corporations and I was actually just approved as a certified government contractor for the US Government.
Sean
Nice.
Rebecca Zung
So now I can actually deliver programming to that armed forces, you know, military to like Department of Defense, Department of Justice, you know, all of that as well.
Sean
That's awesome.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, we'll dive into that conflict resolution. So I'm really excited about that.
Sean
How common is narcissism in lawyers?
Rebecca Zung
Oh, you know, it's interesting. When I did my, when I wrote my book last year, I did find that there are certain professions that have A higher instance of, you know, incidents of narcissism. And of course lawyers was one of the high ones. You know, surgeons, doctors, they were pretty high up there. Also celebrities, definitely celebrities. Professional athletes, you know, so. Sure.
Sean
And entrepreneurs. Right.
Rebecca Zung
I mean that was not specifically singled out, but I'm sure, you know, certain CEOs. Definitely. CEOs.
Sean
CEOs. Yeah. Because I have all my friends take the dark triad test.
Rebecca Zung
Oh yeah? Yeah.
Sean
And a lot of my entrepreneur friends score decently high in narcissism.
Rebecca Zung
Oh yeah. Well, it is a sliding scale. I mean, you know, there's narcissistic personality disorder, which is at the end of the spectrum. I always say it's like there's the end of the spectrum which is npd and then the other end of the spectrum which is, you know, Dalai Lama or Jesus or whoever your person is. Right. And the rest of us fall somewhere in between. And it can actually even fluctuate with, you know, if you feel sick, you're tired, whatever, you're probably a little bit more selfish than you would be, you know, and not seeing other people. But narcissistic personality disorder is just a person who feels the most pain, the most shame, the most emptiness inside, the most insecurities. And because of that they can't have empathy for anybody else.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
And so it's almost like having a toothache. You know, if you have a toothache, all you can think about is that pain. You can't think about anybody else in that moment. It's like that. And they have this complete emptiness feeling inside of them. They don't have any sense of their own self worth. And so they have to get all of that from external sources. And I call it diamond level supply and co level supply because there really are like two levels of it. The first level would be how they look to the world. Image, reputation, and you know, that is where the celebrity piece comes from. Or you know, having a lot of money or having the, you know, if you're this old guy with this 25 year old girlfriend or whatever, like it's all like kind of that. But then there's like the dark underbelly of narcissistic supply, which is what I call coal level supply, which is also very important to them. But in when you go to negotiate, they're going to protect diamond level supply over this kind. But coal level supply is, you know, treating people poorly, pushing other people down to make themselves feel better. So it might be the put downs, it might be the, the gaslighting, it might be the smearing other people, that sort of thing. And so both kinds of supply are very, very important to a narcissist. But when you go to negotiate with a narcissist, how you create leverage is threatening that source of supply that's more important for them to keep than the supply that they get from manipulating you.
Sean
That's so smart.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Wow. Yeah, because you could use that as leverage in a way and actually come up on top.
Rebecca Zung
That's the only way that you can because otherwise they're going to continue to want to get that coal level supply from you, which is, you know, the game playing, the manipulating, the moving, the goalposts. Most people think, oh, narcissists just want to win. Well, they do want to win, but they also want, it's almost like, you know, they like enjoy looking for a.
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Rebecca Zung
They enjoy inflicting the pain, you know, it's a game for them.
Sean
Wow. Are you able to identify if someone is a narcissist now?
Rebecca Zung
I can much more quickly.
Sean
Oh yeah.
Rebecca Zung
I mean, you know, of course, like anything at the school of hard knocks, I learned the hard way, you know. Right. I mean, having to deal with them in different places in my family and my, as a business partner, you know, different people in my life. And then of course as a lawyer, I saw a lot of narcissists come through as either clients or opposing clients or even opposing counsel or judges. But it doesn't necessarily, you know, at the time that most of the time that I was practicing that word wasn't like a buzzword. But in the last few years it's become a buzzword where everybody's a narcissist.
Sean
Yeah. You know, everyone's labeling their friends or their significant other or their ex.
Rebecca Zung
Correct.
Sean
Or their boss.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, yeah.
Sean
It's just thrown around.
Rebecca Zung
Thrown around.
Sean
I wonder what percentage people actually are.
Rebecca Zung
Well, they say that 15% of the population, I did this, the research last year, so about 15% of the population has a personality disorder that lacks empathy. So they say under the DSM 5 that, you know, I think it's like maybe 7% of people have NPD. And then there's another percentage of people that have bipolar or, you know, other personality disorders that lack empathy. But then there's another sect which there's an intersection of, with high conflict personality, which, you know, they may not necessarily be all the way to the end of the spectrum to be diagnosed, but they're people that just enjoy the game of conflict and they just kind of make trouble wherever they go. And almost like a sadistic thing in some ways, I think, or something, I'm not really sure, but I think that there is definitely some overlap there. So if you take that and you say, okay, well, maybe It's. Is it 20%? Is it 25? You know, who knows? But think about this. These are the people that are actually getting diagnosed. I mean, most people who have NPD or even narcissistic traits aren't going to get themselves clinically diagnosed because by definition, there's a lack of self awareness. They think it's everybody else's fault. You know, they're the victim all the time.
Sean
Yeah, that's so interesting. There's definitely people that enjoy conflict. When I was in college, every time this kid got drunk, he would look to fight. Oh, every time.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
And I never even thought that could be narcissism.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. I mean, I knew somebody who would like, get people at a dinner party to the point of, you know, almost in tears or something because he was just like, creating conflict. And then as soon as the person would be, like, upset, then he would go, now we're having a conversation. Now we're into it. Like, he actually was so not aware. Like he actually thought it was sort of fun.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
So they're not even aware of what they're doing?
Rebecca Zung
No, not. Not always. Because, you know, it's actually. I mean, this is something else I learned that you might find fascinating when I was doing my research. And that is where it all comes from. And it comes from trauma in childhood. And when we as humans are in survival mode, as you probably know, then we go into this fight or flight, and adrenaline and cortisol kicks in and it starts to, like, bathe our brain. And then we're in high alert, high alert. And when that happens on a regular or continuous basis as children because of neglect or abuse or witnessing abuse or just, you know, whatever feeling they had where they felt like they had to be in survival mode like that as a kid, then that cortisol actually can cause arrested development in the limbic system part of the brain. And so what happens is you're kind of almost stuck at 5 years old or 6 years or whatever age it is. And so while the prefrontal cortex part of the brain continues to develop, which is your thinking, reasoning, judgment, that limbic brain is not completely developed. And so what happens is when they get to be adults and they're triggered by whatever, but it's usually like a loss of control or they think they're going to be exposed or they're going to look bad, or a loss of their kingdom in some way, then they will immediately be triggered. That limbic system is immediately triggered and now it takes over the prefrontal cortex part of the brain, literally shuts it down.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
And so now you're just dealing with that. And usually the things that they're triggered by aren't necessarily reasonable or, or rational, but it's gonna be, you know, it could be an eye roll, a tone of voice, a, you know, just some perceived slight, whatever that is. And so now you're dealing with this full on emotion person who's whatever age they are, and they don't think from a place of being rational at that point or reasonable. And many times it's not even necessarily to their best interests. I mean, they will self sabotage a lot of times and they'll self sabotage to get that other person. I mean, when I was practicing law, I was so perplexed that why is this guy saying, I'm going to burn my business to the ground so I don't have to pay her alimony? That makes no sense whatsoever. You know, but they would do that.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Yeah, I used to self sabotage too, so I didn't even think that could be narcissism. But yeah, when I would get in trouble growing up, I would, I wouldn't eat.
Rebecca Zung
Oh.
Sean
So I was super skinny.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, my God.
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
And you're already skinny.
Sean
I know, I was already skinny. I was like 140, 150 pounds.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, my God.
Sean
So I was self sabotage. And I'll do that in friendships too.
Rebecca Zung
Oh. I mean, I think, you know, we all have some element of that. I've called my inner sabotager, my saboteur. I figured I'd give her a French name so she's at least like elegant or something.
Sean
Alter ego.
Rebecca Zung
My alter ego. Oh, no, you don't get to talk. I'm in control here.
Sean
Yeah, because we're not doing what's in our best interest. We're just being petty, being stubborn about it.
Rebecca Zung
Exactly.
Sean
A lot of people have that.
Rebecca Zung
A lot of people have that. But it's the narcissist who doesn't realize what they're doing because they just so much want to inflict pain on this other person. And. And, you know, it's all because. And they don't see the impact. And that's one of the things that I really fully believe, and that is that narcissists will always overplay their hand because they don't see the long game. They're only, like, in it right now.
Sean
Right.
Rebecca Zung
And so I've seen it many, many times in negotiations where they end up, you know, self sabotaging. They always end up kind of collapsing, losing control, whatever is going to happen.
Sean
Yeah, I could see that. Growing up, my Asian mother was very argumentative.
Rebecca Zung
Oh.
Sean
And we used to always butt heads. And when I moved out of the house, it rubbed off on me.
Rebecca Zung
Oh.
Sean
It took me a while to get out of that mindset.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
I used to always try to argue with people for no reason.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, that's so funny.
Sean
And even when I knew I was wrong, sometimes I'd catch myself in the argument knowing I was wrong. I wouldn't admit it, but you wouldn't admit it.
Rebecca Zung
And you do now.
Sean
Now I've gotten a lot better.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. And you're engaged, right?
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. So, you know, I mean, I've been married for 24 years and I can just tell you that, you know, you have to. It's like, it's a give and take. You have to learn how to really go. Okay. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You know, I can see your side. I can see your perspective, you know, it helps a lot.
Sean
Oh, it helps a lot. Yeah. But just that awareness, the first step was huge for me because I wasn't aware that.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Combative.
Rebecca Zung
But, you know, just the fact that you're sitting here admitting that is huge took some time.
Sean
I think psychedelics helped.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Kind of reset the brain a little bit.
Rebecca Zung
Definitely helps.
Sean
Yeah. Have you dabbled with that?
Rebecca Zung
I did. I did one journey with that. It was. I had what they call a shadow journey.
Sean
Shadow work. Right.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. Because I had to, like, really confront my. The, the control aspect of my personality, which, you know, of course, I'm half Chinese and half German, so I always joke that there's no fun genes whatsoever.
Sean
Yeah, Definitely not with Chinese. Germans are pretty serious too.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, yeah. It's all, like, organized and, you know, very efficient. And so I have this, like, control aspect of my personality, which of course ends up holding you away from love, holding you away from being in your full capacity, you know. And so that was the lesson for me.
Sean
Did you grow up in a controlling household?
Rebecca Zung
Somewhat. I mean, you know, my father was Chinese and he had come here when he was 14. He went to Bronx High School of Science, Columbia Undergrad, medical school, you know, very like academic. Academic and also, you know, he became a doctor, you know, very smart guy. And you know, he raised us the way he knew how to be raised. Right. Which is pretty strict. And you know, if I get a 99, what happened to the other point, you know? Yeah, yeah, I saw I have this Asian grading scale which maybe you might. So I have a lot of cousins and we came up with our Asian grading scale which is A is acceptable, B is below average, C is can't have dinner, D is don't come home, and F is find another family.
Sean
That's so relatable. Yeah, I'm almost pretty tough too.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. But my dad was a great dad. Great dad, I have to say.
Sean
Yeah, no, everything. Cuz they used academics to escape poverty, so I get that perspective.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
But I would purposely fail classes to spite my mom.
Rebecca Zung
That's where it got to self sabotage.
Sean
Self sabotage? Yeah. Did it all the time.
Rebecca Zung
Well, I mean, I kind of did it too. I mean I got married at 19 the first time I had three kids by the time I was 22. I had to go back to law school at night and everything as a single mom because you know, at first marriage it was this guy, I was too young. I mean he's a great guy, but.
Sean
So you did that to spite your parents?
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, it was sort of like my way, my version of, of, of, you know, going, you know, being a teenager or whatever. Right. But how crazy is that? Self sabotage? Total. But I love my kids and I'm not, I don't, you know, regret that, of course, but you know that I met my husband in law school. I mean I was still young, I was still in my 20s, you know.
Sean
Yeah, yeah. Strict parents is like a double edged sword, right?
Rebecca Zung
Totally, totally. I mean it's good in a lot of ways. I mean, look how successful you are. I mean, you know, and, and I have changed a lot as well. But I mean, you know, like what's the balance there?
Sean
Right? Here's what I've realized. Doing 1200 episodes now, almost everyone has some sort of childhood trauma, but it's, it's kind of like on you how you want to.
Rebecca Zung
It's how you respond.
Sean
Right?
Rebecca Zung
It's always how you respond.
Sean
Yeah, 100%. Some people eats them and they don't achieve the success they were destined to. And then some people use it as leverage, get to that next level.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. So Viktor Frankl, who wrote Man Search for Meeting, are you familiar with that book?
Sean
No.
Rebecca Zung
Okay. So he was a Nazi. He was in the encampments, and he. His whole family had been murdered.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
And he wrote this book called Man's Search for Meeting. You definitely need to read it. It's like one of those books, like, it's like in Everybody's, like, top 20 to read. You know what I mean? You gotta read. But he said between every stimulus and response, there's a space. And it's how you respond to that stimulus that makes the difference in your life. Because every single person is going to be who they are. And they all come from whatever perspective they come from. And to them, it's Right. Right. I mean, everybody thinks that what they're doing is correct in that moment. I mean, that's from their perspective. It's from their. You know, because of all the different things that have happened to them in their life. Right. And so. But if you can kind of see, okay, I can see what's happening with this person, and I always say, put this invisible shield down around you, invisible bubble. Become like Teflon. Be like, you know, Superman with the bullets off your chest or Wonder Woman with the bullets off your. Off your wrist. And be like, I can see that, you know, you're angry, you're upset, whatever. We can have this conversation later. Like, I don't need to participate in whatever this is going on over here. You know, observe, don't absorb, respond, don't react. And so that you could just have that space, have that gap. I always say, take an SOS moment, stop, observe, then speak.
Sean
Love it.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, yeah.
Sean
Because a lot of people want to react instantly, right. If someone's angry or upset.
Rebecca Zung
Right. You want to take it personally. And so the other thing I always say is I always wear jade because I'm half Chinese, but never jade. So never justify, argue, defend, or explain.
Sean
So never do that.
Rebecca Zung
Never do that. Because if you're talking to somebody who's high conflict, argumentative, narcissistic, or whatever it is that's going on with them, and you don't even need to diagnose them. Doesn't matter. But if this person is like, in that state, they're not going to listen to you.
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
They're not going to go, oh, you know what? You know what, Sean? I really see your side. I get it. I was totally wrong. You're the best. I really Acknowledge you. They're not doing that. What are you doing over there with trying to justify yourself or defend or explain. What are you doing with that? Or arguing with them? They're not. You're wasting your time and your breath. And time is like the most valuable commodity we have on this planet, Right?
Sean
Yeah. You're not going to change their opinion on the spot.
Rebecca Zung
Never going to change their opinion on the spot.
Sean
Yeah. Certain players, I play basketball, and if someone's coming at me, you know, I try not to fight back, honestly.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Who knows what that will lead to?
Rebecca Zung
Right. I mean, it's like, if there's like this push thing, and if you're pushing back, then, you know, you continue to get that resistance. But if one person just says, you know what? I'm not. Not participating in your anger or your triggers or whatever they are. Your triggers are your responsibility.
Sean
Yeah. Wow. So 15% of people have narcissism.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. Well, some personality disorder that lacks empathy.
Sean
That's pretty high.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
And that's just. What is that based off of?
Rebecca Zung
That's the DSM 5.
Sean
DSM 5.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. And that's what psychologists use to diagnose.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
That's pretty high. I wonder if that's a. Is that just in America or is that a worldwide thing?
Rebecca Zung
I believe that's worldwide. I mean, you know, I think the DSM 5 is used. I don't know if it's only used in the United States or everywhere, but I believe it's worldwide.
Sean
Do you see, since you were younger, do you see the rates going up in narcissism?
Rebecca Zung
And so. Yeah, so actually there's a study that Harvard Business Review just cited, and that is that there's been an increase in NPD by 30% since the 1970s. Between the 1970s and the mid 2000s, it was an increase in cases of NPD by 30%.
Sean
I wonder if social media played a role in that.
Rebecca Zung
I definitely think it's so.
Sean
I think so, too.
Rebecca Zung
Totally.
Sean
Because people are. That's like your second life these days.
Rebecca Zung
Right.
Sean
Like your social media profiles.
Rebecca Zung
Right. You have to post everything and you have to, you know, get a certain number of likes. You have to.
Sean
I've fallen for that, too. Like, even now, like, when I don't get the views I want, I definitely feel upset. It's hard to fight that. Right.
Rebecca Zung
Well, I mean, I know for me, like, Having grown my YouTube channel as quickly as I have, it's like if I put out a video now and, you know, two hours later, it only has like, 2700 views or whatever. I'm like. Or I'm like, what's going on? This is a really great topic.
Sean
First world problems.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, exactly.
Sean
Yeah. No, they. They've made those so, like, engaging. I'm on my phone eight hours a day. It's really bad.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, my goodness.
Sean
I use it for work, so I kind of justify it for that. But still, like, it's so addicting.
Rebecca Zung
It is. Well, it's that dopamine hit as you get a dopamine hit from it. And that's, you know, what the most addictive hormone is. Dopamine is the hormone of addiction. And so that's why, you know, people want to play Angry Birds or they want to. Like, it's the slot machine thing. You know, where people sit here in Vegas, right, with the slot machine. Oh, my. I might get my, you know, three things in a row or whatever it is. So. But it's, you know, narcissists are actually have the same effect on humans, and it's because of the hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. So with a narcissist, you know, they are either in love with you and you're the best thing that ever happened to them or your soulmates, or you're amazing or whatever. Even at work, if they're your boss or your colleague or whatever, whatever, one day you're their best friend or their best person or whoever, and then the next day it's, who the heck are you? Why are you so needy? Or I never said that. I never said I was going to pay that money back. Or I never said I was going to do whatever the promise is. And trying to make you think that you're crazy. And so what that does to your brain is dopamine. Cortisol. Dopamine. Cortisol, Dopamine. Because you're stressed. Stressed. Dopamine. Oh, my God. Okay, this person loves me again. Oh, no, they hate me, you know, and so that causes actually an addiction to that person. And that's what actually causes the trauma bond.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
It's actually physiological. So there was a psychologist out of Stanford named Robert Sapolsky who did a study on monkeys and had, like, play this game and hit this lever, you know, and if they. If they got it right every single time and they got a reward every single time, then the dopamine levels in their brains remained flat. Like, it didn't. There was nothing. But if they didn't know when they were going to get the reward and they would, like, push nothing. Oh, sometimes I do get it just the Anticipation that they might get the reward caused the dopamine levels in their brain to rise to the level of cocaine.
Sean
Whoa.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Just the anticipation.
Rebecca Zung
Just the anticipation.
Sean
Holy crap. Yeah, that's just how powerful the mind is.
Rebecca Zung
It's how powerful it is. And that's why narcissists have such an effect on people.
Sean
They do. I used to, when I was in high school and college, I would see these girls just go after these narcissists, and I always wondered why. Yeah, they got that effect on them. Huh?
Rebecca Zung
You have that effect.
Sean
Yeah. They used to love those toxic relationships, right? Going after the. The cool kids and stuff.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Damn. Yeah. And all those guys are narcissists. It's like they draw you in, almost.
Rebecca Zung
Draw you in with, you know, the biggest. And they use mirror neurons to draw you in, and so they kind of mirror what you are. Like, your body language, your tone of voice, the way you speak, the things you like, everything they like. You like, oh, my God, you like eggnog ice cream. That's my favorite. You know, it's like something super random. Right. But that's. That's what they do.
Sean
No, they'll say whatever to get laid. Honestly.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. Yeah. You know, and then they want to get you to that next level as soon as possible to lock you down so that they can, you know, because all of that is just a deposit. They want the withdrawal, and it better be more so than what they're depositing in.
Sean
Damn. So were you dating a narcissist in the past?
Rebecca Zung
Oh, yeah. I definitely had, you know, the experiences with them and, you know, and certainly in my family and. And, you know, friendship. I mean, I'm trying to keep. Keep my culture and my business clean, but, you know, every once in a while, narcissist still slips in there.
Sean
Yeah. You know, it's one of those things, because good salespeople, you know, they tend to kind of have those traits, unfortunately. Yeah, it's like a catch 22.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
But if they're really good at closing, it's common to have some narcissism in there, I feel like. So it's like, damn, I want to keep this company culture intact. But it's tough because one bad egg can.
Rebecca Zung
Can totally, totally poison the whole thing.
Sean
Yeah, sure. But they're everywhere. Yeah. Family, friends, business. It's almost unavoidable. So knowing your methods on how to deal with them is actually really valuable for people.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, well, it's helped me so much, and it's now helped, you know, through my programs, you know, I have digital courses that are online, so I have a lower ticket one that's like $500. We've sold that to like 10,000 people in the world or more probably. That's crazy. And then I have a certification which I just launched last year, which we've Certified more than 200 coaches so far on that. And then you know what's great about that is I now have all these high conflict negotiation certified coaches who I can take with me on my team to do the corporate consulting.
Sean
Yeah, you're like the female Chris Voss.
Rebecca Zung
Well, he actually wrote the foreword to my book.
Sean
Oh, he did, wow. Yeah, that's cool.
Rebecca Zung
Small.
Sean
He's one of my favorite guests that have been on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he is impressive.
Rebecca Zung
So we did podcast swaps for each other and he wrote the forward for my book. He's the big supporter and believer in what I do.
Sean
So yeah, he's. He's awesome. I mean, this stuff is. Can save business owners a lot of money. I could see the value in it.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, because it's the risk mitigation, but it's also the sales side of things. So, you know, I teach people how some sales techniques. I was just talking to one of your team members over there about. About that.
Sean
Yeah, the psychology is super important. If you got the right product or service, it just comes down to this stuff. Sales process. Right.
Rebecca Zung
Totally. I mean, you know, to be. You want to be the most powerful, persuasive, influential person in the room, but you want to be from a heart centered place. And the more you can be heart centered and really deeply care about the person that you are working with or your community or the people at large, and you just really focus on results for them and making sure that they have the best experience possible or whatever it is. I mean, that's really one of the most important aspects of selling, to be honest with you, because like, I truly believe that what I'm doing as a service and helping and you know, that I'm just a conduit from the universe to provide and you know, if you just do the right thing by the client, your customer, your community, the abundance will come for you.
Sean
Absolutely. Yeah, I'm very aware of that too. I've only had two refunds in the past two years.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, yeah.
Sean
And I gave it to them right away.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, I had. So funny that you just brought that up because I just had my first one last week or something and it was because I had a salesperson who had to leave and so this person had like a little bit of a gap after she purchased between that and when the client service manager ended up contacting her.
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
And so she felt like the service here isn't very good or whatever. And I was like, like, oh, my gosh, that's not how it is. Of course.
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
But.
Sean
But that just shows the quality of your product. You sold tens of thousands and only one refund.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
And it wasn't even your fault.
Rebecca Zung
No. I mean, and I really tried to get her back and, you know, we even offered her extra. Extra time, you know, extra services or whatever, but she was just like, super spooked. And I was like, just give her a refund, it's fine. You know, maybe we can get her back down the road.
Sean
It's better to do that because of the chargeback potential.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, yeah.
Sean
Then you lose the process.
Rebecca Zung
Exactly.
Sean
Yeah. I've come a long way. I used to get a lot of chargebacks when I was in E. Commerce Drop shipping.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, that's a totally.
Sean
And I was neglecting customer service.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
So I've learned not to do that.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. Stripe will drop you in like a hammer.
Sean
Yeah. And then you're on a match list.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Process anywhere.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. I mean, I use a different processor now, which we can talk about offline and all of that. But I was telling him, I'm like, become a total expert on funnels.
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
And how to build a digital business. And so I'm going to be dropping a course for women entrepreneurs who want access to that.
Sean
Nice.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Yeah. Funnels used to be everywhere. Do they still work?
Rebecca Zung
Oh, of course they do. Because, you know, if you bring somebody in either at a free level or a $7 level or $47 level, and. And they've already opened their wallet then psychologically now they feel like tied to you. They feel like they trust you.
Sean
Right. Especially if the product or service is good.
Rebecca Zung
Exactly.
Sean
That's actually where people neglect. I feel like, though, a lot of people will get you in, but maybe it's not the best product or service. So.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. I mean, most people aren't going to go and spend 6,000, 10,000, 20,000 with somebody that they really don't know at all.
Sean
Right. It's a tough sell.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. I mean, the one thing I can say for me is a lot of my audience has been organic. I mean, all of my audience has been organic, but my purchasers have been organic. And so they've watched like thousands of hours of my YouTube videos already. And, you know, so they feel like they know me they feel like they trust me already, and so that helps. But, you know, if you're going to try to run cold traffic, which we just literally started doing recently, and the person gets on and they're like, oh, I don't know who she is. I've never heard of her. You know, like, you gotta warm them up a little bit.
Sean
It's a way harder sell. Yeah. That's why I think podcasting and content helps a lot with creators.
Rebecca Zung
Tremendously. Yeah, tremendously. And I selected YouTube because YouTube is, you know, an SEO engine. Really. I mean, most. Most people think of YouTube as like, oh, it's the other social media. There's Facebook, there's Instagram, there's LinkedIn, there's YouTube. But YouTube is actually a search engine. It's actually the second largest search engine owned by the first largest search engine in the world.
Sean
Wow.
Rebecca Zung
And so if you really master YouTube, you get free SEO. And that's all of my Instagram, my Facebook, all of that's completely organic. Because of my YouTube and my podcast, I was only just sort of like repurposing my interviews over there. Wasn't really paying much attention to it. And then somebody said, oh, look on. I think it's Lipson or something like that. I can't remember which one it was. But there's one of those podcast websites where you can look up to see where you stand. Oh, I'm in the top point 1% of podcasts. It's crazy. How did that happen? Because of the SEO.
Sean
Nice. Yeah, yeah, I. I read Mr. Beast SEO Guide. It got leaked. Did you see this now? A month ago, his guide on when he hires employees gives him a guide. Oh, so that got leaked.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, my God.
Sean
And it's like how to rank your YouTube videos higher and get more views.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, I would definitely need to check that out.
Sean
I'll send you it. But yeah, I've implemented some of the things. It's. It's been really helpful.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, yeah.
Sean
So watch time is really important.
Rebecca Zung
Watch time is king.
Sean
So I've been lowering or shortening my episodes.
Rebecca Zung
Watch time is king. So two times a week we actually release something called a mashup, which is where we take a lot of episodes and we push them together, like the top quotes of it or whatever. And we create a content on around that. So it's like, it might be, you know, how to win in court against a narcissist or something, but there's like, I've already done like six episodes on something similar. So what they do is they Take like the most highly viewed sections of those. You know, how you can look and see, and then they push them together and make it like an hour and a half.
Sean
Wow, that's brilliant. I've seen Evan Carmichael, I think.
Rebecca Zung
Well, that's. I was coached by Evan for two years.
Sean
I used to watch all his videos. Yes, those compilations of the top 10 things this guy said.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. So Evan is the one who helps me with creating mashups that still works.
Sean
Wow. Yeah, he's been doing that forever.
Rebecca Zung
Oh my God. I mean, it's probably half my revenue the past year because of the mashups.
Sean
So I need to start doing that because I got so many episodes.
Rebecca Zung
Totally. So just take like, you know, if you have several people who've talked about how to build a business online or people about negotiating or whatever it is, then you take those episodes and you pull. Pull them all together and make one viral title. You know, stop doing this and negotiating or this is the only way to win or whatever it is. You know what I mean?
Sean
Yeah.
Rebecca Zung
And then you will just create a bunch of episodes together. Like, you know, push a bunch together, we call it a mashup. And then make it at least 90 minutes. I mean, you can see Lewis Howes does it and he's got like three hour ones on there. Yeah. But people will sit there and watch, they'll listen. And that increases your watch time and that helps your algorithm and it also helps your revenue.
Sean
That's good to know. I'll definitely do that. Yeah. Those motivational videos you could watch for hours straight.
Rebecca Zung
100%. And if you take like the most viral sections of all of your interviews and put them together into one subject, it'll do so well for you.
Sean
That's so smart. How much do the titles matter, you think of the video?
Rebecca Zung
Everything really. Yeah, I'm really good at that. As you can tell.
Sean
I need to learn from you about that.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Yeah. I use AI right now, but I don't feel like it hits, you know.
Rebecca Zung
You know, it's okay. Like sometimes, you know, I'll use some of that just to kind of give me some, like some ideas.
Sean
But you manually do it for the most part.
Rebecca Zung
Well, I, I always massage it. Cuz, you know, I've been doing this for years now, so I have a good sense of what's going to work and what's not.
Sean
That makes sense. And how quick does the video rank once you upload it on the search engine?
Rebecca Zung
Always, like as soon as I upload.
Sean
It'Ll show up as at the Top.
Rebecca Zung
It's like one or two always.
Sean
Whoa, that's really impressive because I. When I. I'll look up my guest and then podcast and I'm never in the top. Like four.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, I'll show you how to rank. You have to use the right keywords. How to like. So I use tubebuddy. I use keywords everywhere. And then there's a new one that we just started using. I can't remember the name of it.
Sean
But do you use those keywords in the tags or in the description?
Rebecca Zung
Both.
Sean
Oh, both. Okay, so that's probably where I'm. Yeah, I'm not doing either. So. Yeah, my team uploads it and I don't instruct them.
Rebecca Zung
I'll show you how to do it. I'll show you how to do it.
Sean
Yeah, that'll probably help a lot.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Because I feel like we're also. We upload a lot, so that's affecting the views, but I just got to catch up, so.
Rebecca Zung
No, no, upload. YouTube wants you to upload. Yeah, they do, but they're just. They're trying to figure out who you are. So, you know, you want to make sure, like, okay, this is my niche, you know, so it's digital, social hours. So what is your niche? Is it, you know, how to create digital courses, digital programs, how to negotiate, you know, like, is it. Like, what's your sort of niche? Is it lifestyle? Is it for entrepreneurs? You know, and so once YouTube kind of figures out who you are, then it'll start showing your content. So you want to show up both in search and suggested. So search is like your original one, but suggested is like somebody's watched something similar and then now you show up on the side.
Sean
Got it.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. So you want to show up in both.
Sean
That makes sense. Yeah. I really love YouTube. I think it's probably the most important social media platform right now.
Rebecca Zung
To me, it's a. I built a multimillion dollar business off of it.
Sean
Right. Same. I think Instagram is great for DMs.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. So we just started a DM strategy with that because, you know, I have two setters now on my team, and so they've really been using that. And, you know, and I have like a chat feature, you know, so if people comment certain words, then it'll go to the DM and they'll get automatic messages and things like that. Because, I mean, as you can imagine, just like you.
Sean
You get hundreds. Yeah, yeah. Especially when you've got a viral video.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Thousands of comments.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. Or I do A really good interview. You know, like when I did Mel Robbins or at my lead or whatever, like, it was like, oh, my God, my team could not keep up.
Sean
Yeah. You know, how'd you prepare for those? Those are some big ones.
Rebecca Zung
Um, you know, I feel like I've been preparing for this my whole life. I love that. I've been a trial lawyer for 20 years. You know, I had to think of my feet a lot in court. So I just think that, you know, the funny thing about Ed Mylett is when I did him, I didn't really realize who he was.
Sean
Oh, you didn't know him?
Rebecca Zung
No. I mean, but friends of ours are really good friends of his, and so they introduced me and he had me on, and, you know, I saw that he had a lot of followers, but, you know, you never know. Like, are they real? Are they bot.
Sean
Everyone's got bots.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
It's part of the game.
Rebecca Zung
Right?
Sean
And so Kardashian has half. Crazy.
Rebecca Zung
It's crazy. Yeah. So I didn't know. And so it was really only after I did the episode and, you know, everything was, like, coming in that I realized, oh, okay, this is pretty crazy.
Sean
He's got a great show. I used to watch every episode growing up.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. And, you know, now I've met him since, and everything's a great guy.
Sean
Yeah. And Mel, too. I think she's number one in her category, if I believe.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, I know that for sure. And I. You know, my episode was so. It came out at the end of November last year, and it was the top one already for the year.
Sean
Whoa.
Rebecca Zung
And so she made it in her, like, New Year's, Things to do, things to Watch or whatever as her top eight episodes. I was in there again.
Sean
I love that.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
I need to make that list for my audience. Top eight episodes. Yeah, maybe top 10, since I have so many.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. And so she, like, recommended it for her, like, the New Year's, like, these are the things you need to do for your life. And so I got another hit from that. And then she, like, started, like, chopping it up into, like, 10 minute segments and using it that way as well.
Sean
Smart.
Rebecca Zung
So I actually just started doing that, like the 10 minute segment or 12 minute segments from a long interview. Because. Because that definitely helps.
Sean
I see Patrick B. David doing that too. And Tom Bilyeu.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, yeah.
Sean
10. 10 to, like, 15 minute segments.
Rebecca Zung
Exactly.
Sean
As people's attention span to watch a full podcast. Front to end is pretty rare.
Rebecca Zung
Right. But then if they like it, they'll go back and Watch the whole things you put in the comments, you know, I mean, in the description. Go back and watch the full episode here or whatever.
Sean
Yeah. Because if you want to send someone a piece of the podcast, it's hard to send them the full thing and then tell them where to go to. But if you send them a clip, it's more digestible.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Yeah, I love that. I'm really excited about the future of podcasting.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, I mean, it's, it's really interesting. I mean, you're doing, you're killing it over here. I feel like I need to spend more time on really being purposeful about my podcast.
Sean
I mean, you're getting 80,000 downloads that you're already killing it.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, I'm doing well. But you know, I feel like I should need to be more purposeful about. Okay, let me bring on really high level gas. I mean, I've had a lot of high level gas.
Sean
Yeah. But with those numbers you could get almost whoever. So you just need the right team person on your team to do some outreach with the right script.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah, I definitely do.
Sean
Yeah. Because 80K, that's, that's more than top point 1%. That's got to be point 01%.
Rebecca Zung
Well, it may be now. Yeah. I mean, it went up a lot. You know, I got. Got up to that number because, I mean, we took a hit. Like Apple did something.
Sean
Yeah, everyone took a big hit this year.
Rebecca Zung
I took a massive hit at one point and then I'm. But I'm back up now. Like I went down to like 40 or something. I was like.
Sean
Which is still good.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. But I was like, what the heck is going on over here?
Sean
I'm getting like 40k a day right now.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. That's really great.
Sean
Yeah. 500K a month, which.
Rebecca Zung
That's huge.
Sean
It's good because you could get a lot of sponsors, a lot of guests.
Rebecca Zung
Yes. Oh, I have good sponsors. So it. When I went to this particular agency to help me get sponsors, you know, I have quite a few good sponsors now.
Sean
Is it Libson ads or.
Rebecca Zung
No, it's Hala.
Sean
Y Y. Oh, Hala. Yeah, I know her.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Yeah, she's great. I'm going to get her on the show actually soon.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah. So I'm with her and she has a lot of big names on her roster as well. But you know, because of that, I, I do have pretty good sponsors now.
Sean
Well, what's next for you, Rebecca?
Rebecca Zung
I just continuing to grow the programming for women entrepreneurs and also for corporations and for all people who are feeling like they want to negotiate in a higher level. It's really about your own feeling of self worth. That's what it is for me. And it's empowering people to take back their power and take back their agency and not be at the effect of whatever's going on because there's always going to be difficult people in the world. They're not going away.
Sean
Absolutely. Yeah. We'll link below your course and everything and your social media profile.
Rebecca Zung
Oh, thank you.
Sean
Absolutely.
Rebecca Zung
Yeah.
Sean
Check it out, guys. If you feel like you're dealing with.
Rebecca Zung
A narcissist in your life or anybody, you want to negotiate more powerfully, you know, you want to just be in your own power, your own feeling of self worth. And it's really about becoming the best version of you. The. The. The you that was meant to be, not the you with all your trauma, you know, don't let your trauma do the picking. Don't let your trauma do the talking.
Sean
I love it.
Rebecca Zung
Something I always say all the time, you know, you and you alone define your value and people will think what you tell them to think. People will be enrolled in how you tell them to be enrolled. You create, you design.
Sean
It's powerful. Yeah. Check out the link below, guys. Thanks for coming on.
Rebecca Zung
Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Sean
Thanks for watching, guys. See you next time.
Digital Social Hour Podcast Episode Summary
Title: Master YouTube SEO: Insider Secrets Exposed | Rebecca Zung DSH #1031
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Rebecca Zung
Release Date: December 29, 2024
Sean Kelly welcomes Rebecca Zung, a renowned podcaster and narcissism expert, to the "Digital Social Hour." Rebecca shares her transition from a legal career to becoming a prominent figure on YouTube, offering courses, and obtaining certification to deliver programming to corporations and the U.S. Government. She proudly mentions her recent approval as a certified government contractor, enabling her to work with the Department of Defense and Department of Justice.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [02:15]: "We also just rolled out a program for corporations and I was actually just approved as a certified government contractor for the US Government."
Rebecca discusses her research findings on the prevalence of narcissism across different professions. She highlights that lawyers, surgeons, doctors, celebrities, professional athletes, and CEOs exhibit higher instances of narcissistic traits. Sean adds that entrepreneurs often score high on narcissism scales, noting that many of his entrepreneur friends perform well on the "dark triad" test.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [03:00]: "There are certain professions that have a higher instance of incidents of narcissism... lawyers was one of the high ones."
Rebecca explains the spectrum of narcissism, distinguishing between narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and narcissistic traits. She likens the spectrum to a range where the Dalai Lama or Jesus represent minimal narcissistic traits, while NPD is at the extreme end. Rebecca elaborates on the internal struggles of individuals with NPD, comparing their focus on external validation to being overwhelmed by a toothache.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [03:15]: "Narcissistic personality disorder is just a person who feels the most pain, the most shame, the most emptiness inside, the most insecurities."
The conversation delves into effective negotiation strategies when dealing with narcissists. Rebecca introduces the concepts of "diamond level supply" (external validation like image and reputation) and "coal level supply" (manipulative behaviors such as gaslighting and smearing). She advises that leveraging threats to a narcissist's primary source of supply can create negotiation leverage.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [04:01]: "When you go to negotiate with a narcissist, how you create leverage is threatening that source of supply that's more important for them to keep."
Rebecca shares insights on recognizing narcissistic behaviors, emphasizing that many individuals with narcissistic traits do not seek clinical diagnosis due to a lack of self-awareness. She notes that around 15% of the population may exhibit personality disorders lacking empathy, with NPD specifically affecting approximately 7%.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [07:34]: "These are the people that are actually getting diagnosed. Most people who have NPD or even narcissistic traits aren't going to get themselves clinically diagnosed because by definition, there's a lack of self-awareness."
Rebecca connects childhood trauma and continuous stress to the development of narcissistic traits. She explains how chronic exposure to stress hormones like cortisol can arrest the development of the limbic system, leaving individuals stuck at an emotional development stage while their rational prefrontal cortex continues to mature. This imbalance leads to uncontrollable emotional responses in adult interactions.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [10:03]: "Cortisol actually can cause arrested development in the limbic system part of the brain... When they get triggered, the limbic system takes over the prefrontal cortex part of the brain."
Both Sean and Rebecca discuss the concept of self-sabotage, sharing personal anecdotes about manipulating situations or relationships in ways that are counterproductive. Rebecca relates her early marriage and parenting experiences as forms of self-sabotage, while Sean reflects on his past behaviors influenced by a combative upbringing.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [17:00]: "I did that too. I got married at 19 the first time I had three kids by the time I was 22."
Rebecca offers strategies for dealing with high-conflict or narcissistic individuals. She emphasizes the importance of creating emotional distance, observing without absorbing the negativity, and refraining from justifying or arguing. Techniques such as "Stop, Observe, Speak" (SOS) and maintaining an "invisible shield" are recommended to preserve one's self-worth and reduce engagement with toxic behavior.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [20:07]: "Become like Teflon... observe, don't absorb, respond, don't react."
The discussion covers the correlation between the rise of social media and increased narcissistic behavior. Rebecca references a Harvard Business Review study indicating a 30% increase in NPD cases since the 1970s, attributing part of this rise to the demands and validation mechanisms inherent in social media platforms. Both agree that social media fosters a need for external validation through likes and views, which can exacerbate narcissistic tendencies.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [22:19]: "There's been an increase in NPD by 30% since the 1970s. I definitely think it's so [social media]."
Transitioning to the core topic of YouTube SEO, Rebecca emphasizes YouTube's role as a powerful search engine, second only to Google. She outlines effective SEO strategies, including the use of relevant keywords in both tags and descriptions, leveraging tools like TubeBuddy and Keywords Everywhere, and optimizing video titles to enhance discoverability. Rebecca also shares her successful tactics of creating "mashups"—compilations of top quotes and highly viewed segments from multiple episodes—to boost watch time and algorithm favorability.
Notable Quotes:
Rebecca Zung [33:22]: "YouTube is actually a search engine. It's actually the second largest search engine owned by the first largest search engine in the world."
Rebecca Zung [35:34]: "Mashups... takes the most highly viewed sections... increases your watch time and helps your algorithm."
Rebecca discusses her approach to podcast growth, highlighting the importance of repurposing content into engaging formats. By creating shorter segments from longer interviews, she caters to listeners' shorter attention spans while encouraging them to explore full episodes. This strategy not only enhances visibility but also drives higher engagement and revenue through increased watch time.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [36:01]: "If you take like, you know, the most viral sections of all of your interviews and put them together into one subject, it'll do so well for you."
The conversation shifts to sales and customer service strategies. Rebecca underscores the significance of a heart-centered approach in sales, focusing on genuine care for clients' results and experiences. She also shares her experience with handling refunds, emphasizing promptness to maintain trust and reduce chargeback risks. Sean relates this to his own journey in e-commerce, highlighting the evolution of his customer service practices.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [29:06]: "It's the risk mitigation, but it's also the sales side of things."
Looking ahead, Rebecca outlines her plans to expand programs for women entrepreneurs and corporations, aiming to empower individuals to negotiate more effectively and reclaim their self-worth. She emphasizes the importance of not letting trauma dictate one's actions and fostering a strong sense of personal agency.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [44:22]: "It's really about empowering people to take back their power and take back their agency."
Sean and Rebecca wrap up the episode by reiterating the importance of mastering YouTube SEO for content creators and the value of understanding and managing narcissistic traits in both personal and professional settings. Rebecca encourages listeners to define their own value and not let external negativity influence their self-worth.
Notable Quote:
Rebecca Zung [45:07]: "Don't let your trauma do the talking."
This episode of "Digital Social Hour" provides a comprehensive exploration of narcissism, its prevalence in various professions, and effective strategies for negotiation and personal empowerment. Additionally, Rebecca Zung offers invaluable insights into mastering YouTube SEO and optimizing content for greater visibility and engagement. Whether you're an entrepreneur, professional, or aspiring content creator, the discussions and strategies shared in this episode are poised to enhance your personal and professional endeavors in today's digital landscape.
For more insights and actionable strategies, tune into the full episode of Digital Social Hour with Rebecca Zung on your preferred podcast platform.