Podcast Host (1:53)

Yeah.

Nick J. Freitas (1:54)

And so many of the fights are becoming some very interesting litmus tests, and we're focusing so much on what we're against, and we're not focusing enough on what we're for. And that sounds simple, but Charlie was brilliant at reminding everybody that, yeah, there's opposition out there, but we're fighting for the things we love. We're fighting for Christ. We're fighting for our marriages. We're fighting for our families. We're fighting for our children. We're fighting. That's the stuff that inspires courage. That's the stuff that inspires bravery. And we got to get back to that. Not that we can't talk about the opposition or talk about our internal differences, but a nation of godly men and women who become godly husbands and wives, who become godly mothers and fathers, and who raise children to do the same. That's a nation whose politics you don't got to worry about.

Podcast Host (2:41)

Absolutely. I know you take a lot of pride in talking about fatherhood, parenting, families, kids. I think it's important, right?

Nick J. Freitas (2:48)

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, it's. I mean, so many just asking me, like, what's the greatest, like, compliment or the greatest, like, moment I've ever had in my life? And I was like, you know, people always, like, rush to the professional or the political or whatever else it is, and there's things in there that I'm proud of, but if you. None of them compare to random compliments my wife has given me or my children have given me.

Announcer (3:09)

Wow.

Nick J. Freitas (3:10)

And. And I think that speaks volumes about where our priorities need to be.

Podcast Host (3:13)

Yeah. What made you want to become such a good father? Was it something growing up that you thought about?

Nick J. Freitas (3:18)

Well, my wife and I both grew up in broken homes. Now I was blessed. I love my father. He's a great man. I love my mother. She's a great woman. But both of us were very determined that our kids were going to grow up with a mother and a father in the house. And so a lot of it was just striving to do that and, again, screwing up along the way. Man. I can write books on my mistakes, but I think it's a testament to God's mercy that flawed attempts faithfully executed are blessed exponentially.

Podcast Host (3:48)

I love that.

Nick J. Freitas (3:49)

So, yeah.

Podcast Host (3:50)

Yeah. I grew up in a divorced household. I think half the country is experiencing that right now. Right. 50 divorce rate. And it really affects people.

Nick J. Freitas (3:58)

Oh, yeah.

Podcast Host (3:58)

I didn't realize it at the time, but now I'm going through all the trauma I dealt with growing up as an adult. It stays with you.

Nick J. Freitas (4:04)

Yeah, yeah. Ends up affecting the way you View the world in ways you don't even recognize because it just seems so natural.

Podcast Host (4:11)

Right.

Nick J. Freitas (4:11)

And it's only when you become into contact with something else that you're like, oh, this. This is how it was supposed to be.

Podcast Host (4:17)

Yeah.

Nick J. Freitas (4:17)

So. But I think the wonderful thing is, because I've talked to young men before that I'll talk about legacy, and they'll say something like, dude, I don't have a legacy. And I'm like, no, no, you do. It just starts with you. Right? And there's something truly powerful about being the first man in your family to change the entire direction of your family going forward. And I'm always excited for guys that embrace that. Like, yeah, I'm going to be the one. I'm going to be the one to make sure that my kids didn't go through that. That, you know, my grandkids don't go through that.

Podcast Host (4:47)

And I love it. You probably get thousands of guys asking you, young men asking you for advice. What. What are the biggest issues you're seeing with young men right now?

Nick J. Freitas (4:54)

Oh, gosh. The big issue with young men is they've spent the last two decades being told that they're garbage.

Podcast Host (4:58)

Right?

Nick J. Freitas (4:59)

That every instinct that they have to protect or provide is. Is bad and toxic. And then they've been starved for actual, like, strong discipleship and mentorship. And then a lot of the men that have been willing to give them mentorship have not always had the best motives, in my opinion. They might have been able to properly diagnose the problem, and they might have been able to give men advice on how to be stronger, how to be more capable, how to be more competent. But they didn't give them good advice on why you want to be those things. Because if you're doing all those things for hedonistic end states, well, then the worst form of depression is not getting what you think you want. The worst form of depression is getting it and realizing it leaves you unfulfilled.

Podcast Host (5:37)

Wow.

Nick J. Freitas (5:38)

And so I think we need more men that are saying, look, you should be strong, you should be capable, and you shouldn't have had to go through the crap you did. You were owed better from the men that came before you. But the only way through this is through it. You have to choose to be an honorable man. You have to choose to be strong. And the good news is this. The reason why there's been such a concerted effort to. To convince young men that they're worthless and stupid, that they want you lazy and depressed, is not because you don't have power. It's because you're incredibly powerful. As young men go, so too will go the nation.

Podcast Host (6:08)

Wow.

Nick J. Freitas (6:08)

And so the fact that young men and increasingly large numbers are looking for, you know, they're going back to the church, they're more conservative, they want to get married, they want to have families. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but young women are going to follow you into that.

Podcast Host (6:23)

Wow.

Nick J. Freitas (6:23)

It'll take some time, but it will happen. Because God made men to lead. And when you lead, when you lead righteously, everything else follows.

Podcast Host (6:33)

So you have faith in a young woman because I know the feminism movement was. It got kind of out of hand. I think you and I both agree on that.

Nick J. Freitas (6:37)

Oh, it's gotten nuts. I mean, look, I. If you want to know the most, the strongest, most feminine woman I've ever read about, go to Proverbs 31. That is a woman who is. Uplifts her family. She's an incredible wife, incredible mother, but she's also an entrepreneur. She, she's intelligent, she's handy. Right. Like she's all these things. So this idea that to be a conservative woman or to be a Christian woman is to be subservient or to just play a supporting role with nothing out, like. No, it's like there's this incredible plan for women as well. And if you want the truest testament that feminism has failed women is when you look at young, self described liberal women between the ages to 18 to 29, that is the subset of women that are dealing with the most mental health issues. So at a time where feminism has become paramount, liberal women are more depressed than they've ever been. That should tell us something. Right. By contrast, the conservative women that are embracing this idea that, yes, I want to be strong and I want to be capable, but I do want to be a mother and I do want to be a wife and I do want to do powerful, important things in my life. They're the ones that end up being the happiest.

Podcast Host (7:43)

Interesting.

Nick J. Freitas (7:44)

Maybe it's because men and women were never supposed to be competitive with one another. We're supposed to be cooperative with one another.

Podcast Host (7:49)

That's all I see on social media these days. Men and women fighting.

Nick J. Freitas (7:52)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (7:54)

Religions fighting, politics fighting. It's just. You're scrolling and it's just degeneracy, Right?

Nick J. Freitas (7:58)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (7:58)

It's unfortunate.

Nick J. Freitas (7:59)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (7:59)

That's the state of the. And these kids in high school and their brains are so impressionable. It's.

Nick J. Freitas (8:03)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (8:04)

Really easy to manipulate if you want to yeah, absolutely. With your kids, are they of the age to have electronic devices yet?

Nick J. Freitas (8:10)

Yeah. So my. But that was an interesting story. My oldest daughter is 22, married. My son's 20 in the Army. My youngest daughter just turned 18. And Jonathan Hite has done some incredible work.

Podcast Host (8:21)

Yeah.

Nick J. Freitas (8:21)

Great book. Yeah. The screens and everything else. And what does it mean? And specific screens, like the smartphone screens. When our kids started to get to the age where they were driving, we wanted them to have phones to be able to contact us. But one of the things that we did, and we didn't do it perfectly, but I'm happy with what we did. We told our kids, look, you don't own a phone. I own a phone, and I'm letting you use the phone. And because we taught our kids about property rights, they understood that if I want to see your phone, I asking to see my phone, not yours. And so it changed the mindset. Right. Like it's. I don't get to yell at mom and dad for invading my privacy because. No, no, no. My job is to protect you. And so we never really had an issue with our kids and the Internet because we did guard that. And we made sure that they had reached a spiritual, emotional, and intellectual maturity and an awareness before we granted access. Not just before we granted them access to the world, but before we granted the world access to them.

Podcast Host (9:17)

Wow.

Nick J. Freitas (9:17)

And so, again, I think we were able to navigate that fairly successfully. There's things I'd do different now, but. Yeah.

Podcast Host (9:26)

And now video games, you got to keep an eye on. I just saw on Sean Ryan's podcast. Yeah. Ryan Montgomery exposed this. It's mind blowing stuff with Fortnite and Roblox specifically.

Nick J. Freitas (9:35)

Yeah, yeah. I think, you know, we look at areas where predators go to and, you know, sometimes we get shocked when it's like, oh, my gosh, a predator in the school or the church we have predators go to where there's high trust and there's lots of kids. And gaming is this world where all of a sudden it's kind of apart from you. And so, yeah, you're absolutely right. Ryan has done, I think, a tremendous job of really kind of pulling the veil back and showing children what. Or showing parents what's going on so that they can be guarded. And look, I'm not trying to.

Announcer (10:04)

There's this new technology floating around that people cannot stop talking about. It's called the light system. Before you roll your eyes, it's not some gadget you strap on or supplement that promises the world every once in a while, I come across actually stops me in my tracks. And the light system is one of those things. This isn't a supplement. It's not a biohack. It's a full on energy environment built to help your mind and body synchronize, recharge, and operate at a higher level. It uses light patterns, color frequencies, and coherent energy fields, all the stuff that your body naturally responds to to create a coherent, energetic field around you. People are saying they feel more clear, more centered, more alive in their environment. And honestly, the science behind it is fascinating as I've seen a lot of wellness tech. But the numbers coming out on this new study of the light system are actually insane. Researchers measured human sheik cells before and after sitting in front of the system. And get this, a 30 minute session boosted cellular conductivity by 61%. The study even showed increased conductivity in isolated DNA, which is associated with stronger structure and better repair pathways. The result? More clarity, more balance, and more alignment. You can save $500 now if you go to thelightsystems.com and use discount code.

Nick J. Freitas (11:14)

Shawn, Alter my kids from everything, but I am trying to do this in a, in a responsible manner where they have access to things at a level where they have the maturity to deal with this and then they're also aware of the potential pitfalls and that I'm involved too. Right.

Podcast Host (11:27)

So, yeah, I'm ready for the challenge. Man. I just got married. I want to have kids.

Nick J. Freitas (11:31)

Oh, dude, congratulations, man. That is awesome.

Podcast Host (11:34)

I'm excited.

Nick J. Freitas (11:34)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (11:35)

So I'm just getting ready. I'm asking dads for advice. I know it's going to be a challenge, especially in the digital era we're in now.

Nick J. Freitas (11:41)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (11:41)

And it's so easy to want to distract your kids with like phones and.

Nick J. Freitas (11:45)

You know, can I just encourage you in this? Yeah. It's not as hard as you would think.

Podcast Host (11:50)

Really.

Nick J. Freitas (11:50)

And the only reason I say it, like, we homeschooled our kids, okay. That was huge. Because now my kids aren't going to school and surrounded by a bunch of people that have smartphones. Right. Because you can say, I'm gonna keep my kids away from the digital world. Okay. But you just put them into a classroom with 19 other kids that felt such restraint. Right. The other thing that you gain back with that time that you have with your kids in like a homeschool environment is you get to walk them through and again, expose them to things in a safe way so that they can have a mature approach to it. But man, being married is awesome. Having kids Is incredible. So, yeah, I would encourage you, man.

Podcast Host (12:26)

Thank you.

Nick J. Freitas (12:27)

So much of this stuff. My wife and I followed kind of a biblical model for raising our kids. And the thing I always go back to is, again, it's a testament to God's grace that as much as we screwed it up because we were at least trying to be faithful, the results really spoke for themselves. Because I have three kids right now where they're strong in their faith, they're strong in who they are and what they believe, and I want to hang out with them.

Podcast Host (12:52)

I love it, man.

Nick J. Freitas (12:52)

And the other thing I'll tell you is anybody that tells you the teenage years are the hardest, that's a lie. It does not have to be that way.

Podcast Host (12:59)

I always hear that.

Nick J. Freitas (12:59)

It does not have to be that way. Everyone that told me, like, oh, wait until this. Wait until this, Wait until this. I'm like, dude, I don't know what you're talking about. Like, we had a time with our children. We grew up when our kids became teenagers. Like, no, they were more capable. They could do more stuff.

Podcast Host (13:13)

Wow. So I hear that's the rebellious phase. Quote, unquote.

Nick J. Freitas (13:16)

It doesn't have to be right. It's. You know what it is? It's not the rebellious phase. It's the phase where they're seeking greater independence and challenges. They're trying to seek out their own capabilities and find their own way and their. Their purpose and their direction. And if you. If you're. Yeah, if you're trying to hold them all in, then, yeah, they're going to rebel.

Podcast Host (13:33)

Right.

Nick J. Freitas (13:33)

Or if you send them out into the world and now all of a sudden, they're not prepared to deal with it, well, they're going to challenge things. But I had somebody ask me once. He goes, do you think that strict parents make sneaky children? And I said, no, I think arbitrary rules invite rebellion.

Podcast Host (13:49)

Interesting.

Nick J. Freitas (13:50)

So if I just give my kids rules without explaining why they're there, yeah, of course they're gonna rebel.

Podcast Host (13:55)

Right.

Nick J. Freitas (13:55)

In fact, if I give my kids rules and all I tell them is it's to make them safe, they might still rebel because they want to see if it's really that dangerous.

Podcast Host (14:03)

Interesting.

Nick J. Freitas (14:03)

But if you give your kids sound direction, if you're giving your kids a path to get what they want. Dude, if you give me a rule and you don't tell me the reason why, like, I am. I want to break it. If you give me a rule and you say, well, this will keep you safe, I'm like, dude, I can handle myself. I don't need your advice. But if you say, hey, Nick, if you follow these directions, it'll get you to where you want to go, well, now I'm paying attention.

Podcast Host (14:23)

Right.

Nick J. Freitas (14:23)

I don't want to stray off the path because it's going to get me to where I want to go.

Podcast Host (14:26)

I love that.

Nick J. Freitas (14:27)

And so what I found is with our kids is when we had built that trust with them and we exposed them to age appropriate challenges and we let them fail and get back up. And then when we provided direction for mom and dad, they looked like, well, mom and dad love each other and mom and dad love us, and mom and dad seem to be having their crap together. If mom and dad tell us, hey, follow this, it'll get you what you want, I'm going to follow that.

Podcast Host (14:47)

Yeah.

Nick J. Freitas (14:48)

So no, none of that. It doesn't have to be the rebellious years. It's the years that they're preparing to be on their own. And if you set them up for success, that. And they believe you're setting up for success, then listen.

Podcast Host (15:00)

Great advice. I grew up in a fear based household. I think a lot of people can relate to that. Where I feared my parents.

Nick J. Freitas (15:05)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (15:05)

With your parenting approach, would you say it was like a friendship kind of style or how would you describe it?

Nick J. Freitas (15:10)

It was, what it was is what we were shooting for is respected leadership. So it's that thing where it's like, I'm not your friend, I love you and I like you, but I'm an authority figure. One day I want to be friends with you.

Podcast Host (15:21)

Okay.

Nick J. Freitas (15:21)

And that's when you become an adult and you move out and you establish yourself. And at that point, I'm still your parent, but I'm not parenting you anymore.

Podcast Host (15:28)

Got it?

Nick J. Freitas (15:28)

I move more into kind of a mentorship phase of life. And so the way that we did it with our kids was, well, no, if I have to bring correction, I'm going to bring correction because I'm going to direct your steps. But then as they get a little bit older, you give them more challenges to face. And I think the other thing that they believed is that we really wanted the best for them. We wanted to help them accomplish their goals and the mission that God had for them.

Podcast Host (15:53)

Right.

Nick J. Freitas (15:53)

And so there was times where they needed to be aware of danger, but everything was rooted on how do we prepare, how do we set you up for success in life. That's a very different conversation approach. Yeah. So that's, that's what we, that's what we strove for. And there was times we. We didn't do it well. Right. But. But I think they knew that's what we wanted for them, and so they trusted us.

Podcast Host (16:15)

Did you ever use timeouts for them?

Nick J. Freitas (16:18)

Yeah, there. I mean, there was go to your room or something like that, but we usually tried to keep it in conjunction with like, and activity. Like, I don't want. You just go to your room. Like, go clean your room or go do this, or you don't want to pay attention. Well, I'm going to give you something productive to do to take your attention. And I also don't want to pretend like there wasn't. For instance, when my daughter was 13, she was kind of. Her and my wife were having an argument again. It's part of that figuring out pains and roles. And she made this kind of like, smart alecky face toward my wife, and she turned the corner and she didn't realize that I saw it.

Podcast Host (16:51)

Oh.

Nick J. Freitas (16:51)

And she looked at me and I looked at her and I said, don't you ever talk to my wife that way again. So she felt that, oh, dad's mad. She felt that. Dad's angry. Why? Because you disrespected his wife? Not your mother, my wife. Now, in that moment, I'm not doing that because I want to be a big, tough guy that's making my daughter feel small. What I want to demonstrate to her is that there is an order of things. And part of that order is I protect my wife. I protect my wife from insult. I protect my wife from danger. And if you insult my wife, I'm going to protect her from you.

Podcast Host (17:23)

Doesn't matter who it is.

Nick J. Freitas (17:23)

Doesn't matter who it is. And what I'm telling you, it's not that I don't love her. I'm also responsible for protecting her, but it's teaching her also what to expect from her own husband. One day, her husband should be protecting her and that her husband will have her back when there's disagreements with the children. And so there has to be that element to that authority. Element. So I'm. I'm an authority. I'm not a tyrant. And I.

Podcast Host (17:47)

There's a difference. Yeah.

Nick J. Freitas (17:48)

Kids are looking for direction. They're looking for structure.

Podcast Host (17:51)

Yeah.

Nick J. Freitas (17:51)

So.

Podcast Host (17:51)

And a lot of kids learn love from their parents.

Nick J. Freitas (17:53)

Yes.

Podcast Host (17:54)

They say subconsciously, you're actually attracted to people like your mother as a guy. Right.

Nick J. Freitas (17:58)

Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that's true. It's. They're learning love in a couple of ways. One, they're learning the love that you have for them. But they're also learning what relationships look like by watching how mom and dad interact. That's why I always tell people, like, when you start having kids, it becomes really easy to put the focus away from the marriage and onto the children. And there is a certain level of shift that has to take place. But the marriage was necessary to have the children. Right? And so never forget the marriage, because what your kids need far more than 14 different soccer practices is they need to know that they're growing up in an environment where mom and dad love each other. And so if you want to. You want to model the marriage you want your kids to be able to have. And so my wife and I would like. Oh, we would flirt in front of the kids and the whole deal. And we would discuss things, too. We would have disagreements in front of our kids to show them how to effectively work through a disagreement. And then when they get older, the trash talk becomes even more fun. My son and I'll be at the gym. He'll be like, oh, what's up, little man? I'm like, I'm gonna make out with your mom later. How about that?

Podcast Host (18:58)

The fact that you're comfortable enough to have these combos with your kid is.

Nick J. Freitas (19:01)

Yeah.

Podcast Host (19:02)

That shows the parenting you did. You know, a lot of parents would never make jokes like that. You know, Nick, thanks for the advice, man. I can't wait to be a father one day.

Nick J. Freitas (19:10)

So, gosh, man, congratulations.

Podcast Host (19:11)

Great. Where could people find your show and everything?

Nick J. Freitas (19:13)

We. We try to make it easy. If you just look at Nick J. Freitas, that'll take you to our YouTube, our Instagram, Facebook, everything. So it's all in one, one place.

Podcast Host (19:20)

Cool. Check them out, guys. Peace.

Announcer (19:22)

I hope you guys are enjoying the show. Please don't forget to like and subscribe. It helps the show a lot with the algorithm.

Podcast Host (19:27)

Thank you.