Digital Social Hour – Ep. 1599

Polyamory vs. Monogamy: Are We Doing Relationships Wrong?

Guest: Ariana Throne (Therapist, Las Vegas)
Host: Sean Kelly
Date: November 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features a candid and wide-ranging conversation between host Sean Kelly and therapist Ariana Throne, centering on the big question: Are we doing relationships wrong? The discussion dives into polyamory, monogamy, sex and relationship therapy, shame in sexuality, social conditioning, challenges of modern dating, and societal debates around birth control, porn, and parenting in various relationship structures. Ariana offers both professional and personal insights into ethical non-monogamy, cultural scripts about love and jealousy, and the importance of open communication and holistic approaches in therapy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Therapy Stigma, Accessibility, and Holistic Approaches

• Sean’s Therapeutic Journey: Sean acknowledges negative stigma around men seeking therapy, noting, “some guys would bully me over that, you know what I mean?” (01:20).
• Ariana’s Philosophy: Ariana describes herself as “a talk therapist who doesn’t believe in talk therapy on its own,” emphasizing trauma-informed, body-based, and holistic modalities (02:36).
  • She advocates blending science (brain chemistry, somatic practices) and the “art form” of therapy, tailoring interventions to each client.
• Therapeutic Readiness: She notes, “Most of what makes therapy work is the client's readiness for change... But expecting it to be a magic pill? No.” (03:33–04:27).

2. Polyamory, Monogamy, and the Nature of Love

• Definitions: Ariana clarifies distinctions—“Polygamy is marriage. Polyamory…is the theory that you can love more than one person” (06:02).
• Core Beliefs on Love:
  • “If you have a best friend, that doesn’t mean you get rid of all your other friends. Right? People offer different things.” (06:32)
  • “If you love your mom and your brother, it’s not competitive love…So why is it different when we add in sexuality?” (06:34)
  • “My body’s mine to say yes with, but also no with. And it’s important to own your yes just as much as your no.” (06:51)
• Monogamy Scripts vs. Open Communication: She argues for making relationship boundaries explicit: “...so why don’t we talk about it? Why don’t we open it up and have a conversation...do we want to include [attraction] in our relationship or not?” (07:51)
• Human Nature: “It does feel like it's human nature to be attracted to multiple people.” (08:05, Sean)

3. Healthy Non-Monogamy & Communication (or Its Limits)

• Beyond Communication: “Communication is one of those buzzwords...But I think people get lost in that and don’t necessarily see the attachment wounds that might be at play...” (08:45)
• Relationship Definitions Differ: Both agree many couples never truly define “cheating”—it could mean anything from physical encounters to messaging someone or following on Instagram (09:42–09:55).
• Swinger/Polyamory Differences: Ariana notes the differences in emotional boundaries—“You can sleep with someone, but is that a realistic expectation [not to fall in love]?...Polyamory says, well, biologically, we’re attracted to more than one person.” (10:10–11:21)
• Challenges of Polyamory: “It’s not really a lifestyle for the faint of heart. It's a growth mindset over comfort. You're gonna be uncomfortable a lot of the time…” (11:37)

4. Sexuality, Shame, and Sex Education

• Shame Rooted in History & Religion: Ariana ties shame in sexuality to “a world that’s very overshadowed by religion and [by] demonizing sexuality...because before we had modern medicine and could protect against STDs, it was the way a lot of people were dying.” (11:55–12:21)
• Failures of Sex Education: “My sex ed...was very much not enough...I was sexually assaulted my first month of college.” (13:06–13:18). She highlights the lack of consent education and the shame-based approach of traditional curricula.
• Openness at Home: “My mom was very open with me and I'm so grateful because when I was sexually assaulted, I had someone to turn to. My first reaction, unlike most women, was not shame, it was not feeling blame…” (14:20)

5. Society Debates: Birth Control, Porn, and Men’s Sexual Health

• Birth Control and Women’s Rights: “Birth control is one of the most major inventions for women’s liberation in our current history...Going backwards on that is something that I am very, very against.” (15:18)
• Porn and Addiction Debates:
  • On banning: “Banning things historically has not gone well...People are not going to stop finding and getting just because it’s banned.” (17:57–18:26)
  • On effects: Porn can reinforce scripts and shame; “There is a feedback response and it’s Pavlovian to our pleasure centers.” (19:18)
  • On addiction/ED: Ariana lists possible causes beyond porn itself, including sedentary lifestyles, diet, estrogen-mimicking chemicals, and social anxiety: “Pointing it to just [porn], I think, would be an overreach.” (20:42)
• Impact of Technology & Dating Apps: “There’s a very different culture than our parents grew up with around dating...dating apps are owned by the same parent company...They’re actually paying people in India to make fake profiles…” (22:44–23:21)

6. Modern Dating Challenges

• Struggles for Connection: Changes in courtship have left “nice guys” hesitant to approach women in public. “It’s a scary world for men at the moment. However, when women make the first move...then men need to be now the sayer of no.” (23:50–24:11)
• Social Media Barriers: “It’s like it’s a lot easier to see the world through your phone and feel a little safer...It can be really scary and vulnerable to be in the present moment and actually aware and accountable for that moment.” (26:54)
• Festival Culture as Exception: Ariana draws contrasts between in-person connection at festivals/Burning Man and the constant documentation endemic to social media (25:19–26:30).

7. Relationship and Sexual Health Therapy

• Common Therapy Issues: Different libidos between partners is a top issue, as is being “sexless or like one a month, which I consider pretty much sexless. Like they're stuck there, you know?” (29:28, Sean).
• Possibility for Change: “Desire can be grown...but it takes hard work, and it takes a lot of that looking inward that I think makes men very afraid.” (29:38)
• Women’s Sex Drive and Parenthood: It’s “less about a biological dip and more about what’s going on in our lifetime. Is there a life stressor that is preventing us from this? So if guys really want to get laid more after having kids, help with the baby, help with the chores...” (31:39–32:46)
• Scripted Gender Roles: Ariana stresses, “There's all these scripts that we've been brought up with...to think that anyone is free of that, it's like, I'm sorry, you're not.” (30:37–31:18)

8. Polyamory and Parenting

• Feasibility and Outcomes: “There are tons of people raising kids in happy polyamorous relationships...no ill effects beyond...other types of relationships, [with] the same outcomes.” (33:51–34:32)
• Stigma Is Harmful, Not the Relationship Structure: Harm comes more from societal stigma than the relationship model itself—kids often benefit from “more healthy adults loving them in their life...financially, three or four incomes...” (34:32–35:48)

9. Polyamory vs. Monogamy in Practice

• Media Representations and Reality: Ariana advocates for more healthy, nuanced depictions of polyamory in media, noting “a lot of people are trying [it] on, but a lot...are not getting the guidance and education...so they're not doing it ethically.” (36:05–37:06)
• Success and Failure Exist in All Models: “You can have unhealthy monogamy as well. That doesn’t mean you turn around and say monogamy is the problem, right?” (37:06)
• Monogamy’s Success Rates: “If we look at the statistics on monogamy, 60% of marriages...admit to cheating...and 50 to 60% end in divorce. So mathematically, do we think monogamy is working based on those numbers?” (37:37–37:57)
• One-Sided “Open” Relationships: “Unfortunately...one-sidedness [often] comes from patriarchy and misogyny...that’s not an equitable relationship. That's something I would really explore and look at consent issues and power dynamics...” (40:23–41:11)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Sex Positivity and Shame:

  • “We still live in a world that's very overshadowed by religion and by demonizing sexuality.” (11:55, Ariana)
  • “Before we had modern medicine and could protect against STDs, it was the way a lot of people were dying. So I believe that that had a lot to do with how religion demonized sexuality.” (12:21, Ariana)

• On Dating Apps & Capitalism:

  • “90% of dating apps are owned by the same parent company...they have the same business plan. And it’s not trying to find you the love of your life, unfortunately.” (22:44–23:44, Ariana)

• On Polyamorous Parenting:

  • “If you have four parents to share those stressful duties...having time to yourself to take that shower might make it so that you have the patience to actually really be present with your child and love them.” (34:32–35:48, Ariana)

• On Gendered Double Standards:

  • “Unfortunately, most of what we see is this one-sidedness coming from patriarchy and misogyny. Right. Where the guy has a higher sex drive, the girl kind of gets pressured into, well, fine, you can do it. But when it comes to her freedom of her body, the man feels threatened and says absolutely not.” (40:23, Ariana)

• On Relationship Communication:

  • “You have to be someone who’s willing to get creative and have those hard conversations and really define everything. But that's good communication in any relationship.” (38:25–39:40, Ariana)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Therapy Philosophy & Approaches – 01:06–05:59
• Explaining Polyamory vs. Monogamy – 06:02–08:10
• Healthy Relationships & Defining Cheating – 08:38–10:09
• Polyamory: Pros, Cons, and Challenges – 11:21–13:05
• Sexuality, Shame & Education Failings – 13:05–15:08
• Birth Control and Reproductive Rights – 15:08–17:04
• Porn Debates, Addiction, & Masculine Health – 17:04–21:43
• Modern Dating and Technology Challenges – 21:54–26:45
• Sex Therapy, Libidos & Parenting – 28:05–33:47
• Polyamory and Parenting Outcomes – 33:47–36:05
• Stereotypes & Media on Polyamory – 36:05–37:57
• Success/Failure Rates, Open Relationships – 37:57–41:11
• Outro & Contact Info – 41:22–42:06

Conclusion

Ariana Throne delivers a nuanced, compassionate, and evidence-based take on the many facets of modern relationships—whether polyamorous or monogamous. She underscores the importance of honest introspection, communication, critical thinking about societal scripts, and the acceptance of diversity in relationship models. For listeners, the episode is both an invitation and a resource for re-examining assumptions about love, intimacy, and what truly makes a healthy partnership.

[To contact Ariana Throne, email arianathronemft@gmail.com]