Transcript
A (0:00)
One thing I want to talk to you about is this plan that these extreme Zionists want, which is for everybody to hate Israel because it's prophesied that the world will go to war with Israel and God will step in. So these old crazy people are following a script, a biblical prophecy script, and trying to get everybody to hate Israel.
B (0:32)
Okay, guys, got Sam on the show today. Did you get a speeding ticket on the way here?
A (0:35)
I did not get a speeding ticket.
B (0:37)
Okay, you're 17 and three though.
A (0:38)
I'm 17 and three in traffic court. I cross examine the cops. I. I was telling your friends, I get out tickets all the time. The craziest story ever is in 1999, I was hosting a bikini contest at the Key Club. And this is because I have a problem with drugs and alcohol, and I'm sober now, so they're paying me in drink tickets, and I'm completely and utterly blackout drunk by the time the bikini contest comes. So it's like five hot angry L. A chicks, like, Smoke Show, L.A. hot, and then one cute chick. And the cute chick knows she's in trouble, so she. The hot chicks walk up and down, everyone chairs, and then the cute chick goes and just basically pulls her pants down, shows everybody her magic. And this is in 99, when seeing a girl's magic parts meant something. It was like a spiritual moment. Place goes nuts. I'm so drunk, I don't even read the paper. I just announced that the girl who showed her her privates won. And, well, turns out that the owner of the club had his girlfriend and he rigged it for his girlfriend. So he went nuts on me and he. Security grabbed me and just literally threw me out of the club. So. So I'm blackout drunk. I get in my car, I drive 10ft, I get pulled over by the cops, and the cops are like. So they pulled me out of the car and I'm like, oh, I'm in trouble, dude. I'm gonna get dui. They go, so what happened? What's going on tonight? I go, you wanna know? And they go, yeah. I go, I hosted a bikini contest. A girl showed her her magic and she lost. And they go, hold on, hold on. What? What? They go, a girl showed her magic, her. Her. Her bits and she lost. I go, yeah, In America. They go, that sounds like communism. I go, 100, the hand of God. They put me in my car and they gave me a police escort home.
B (2:21)
No way.
A (2:21)
That's a true story. I just got out of a ticket. I was with a guy named Shane Cashman. And we were in West Virginia. And his plates. Something wrong with his plates or his lights? We get pulled over. He starts freaking out the car. The cop walks up, knocks on my window. I go, I got this. Rolls down the window. He goes, hey, man, what's going on, boys? I go, we're just comedians doing a comedy show. We just got done doing Tim Pool's comedy show. He goes, you're comedians. Tell me a joke. I go, joe Biden was a great president. He starts laughing, and he let us go.
