Self-Sabotage, Nervous System Hacks & The Real Work of Growth | Rachel Gibler DSH #1204

Summary

Digital Social Hour - Episode #1204: Self-Sabotage, Nervous System Hacks & The Real Work of Growth with Rachel Gibler

Release Date: February 26, 2025

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Introduction

In episode #1204 of Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly engages in a profound conversation with Rachel Gibler, a renowned somatic therapist and inner child healing expert. This episode delves deep into the intricacies of self-sabotage, the pivotal role of the nervous system in personal growth, and the authentic path to meaningful healing. Skipping the initial advertisements, the discussion begins at [01:00], focusing directly on the core topics.

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Rachel Gibler's Personal Healing Journey

Rachel opens up about her transformative journey over the past few years, highlighting how deep healing has revolutionized both her personal life and professional endeavors.

• Finding the Root of Healing:
  "[01:00] I've gotten to the core and the root of what actually heals and not just get the things you want on your vision board..."
  Rachel emphasizes the importance of addressing foundational healing rather than solely focusing on manifesting desires.

• Saturn Return and Its Impact:
  "[01:52] ...I'm just getting out of my Saturn return. So if any of your listeners know about that, that is when your life blows up."
  She references her Saturn return—a period of significant personal upheaval and transformation.

• Initial Skepticism and Awakening:
  Rachel candidly shares her skepticism towards spiritual practices in her youth, which shifted dramatically after personal tragedies and near-death experiences.
  "[02:45] ...I grew up as someone who was not into this work at all. I was a huge skeptic."
  "[03:40] ...I shattered my leg. But it basically started where I was."
  These experiences propelled her into a deep healing journey, prompting her to seek and eventually embrace spiritual and somatic modalities.

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Understanding Self-Sabotage and the Nervous System

A central theme of the conversation revolves around self-sabotage and the underlying role of the nervous system in perpetuating these behaviors.

• Beyond Vision Boards:
  "[07:08] ...the state of our body and the state of our nervous system is the thing that's actually driving us and driving our patterns and driving anything that's self sabotaging."
  Rachel critiques the common reliance on vision boards and mindset shifts, arguing that without addressing bodily states, true healing remains elusive.

• Somatic Work as a Solution:
  "[06:17] ...getting into nervous system and somatic work and inner child healing and healing from the inside out."
  She advocates for somatic therapy—a method that integrates body and mind to process and heal deep-seated emotional wounds.

• Personal Reflections on Burnout:
  "[05:05] ...I was never actually good enough. It was ... I was constantly chasing a place that I could never even actually get to until I started to learn."
  Rachel reflects on her own experiences with burnout despite achieving her goals, attributing it to a dysregulated nervous system state rooted in feelings of inadequacy.

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Healing Techniques: Breath, Movement, and Sound

Rachel elaborates on the specific techniques that have been instrumental in her healing process.

• Breath Work:
  "[08:57] Podcast Host: But breath work has helped me with that."
  "[09:09] Rachel Gibler: And that's what I teach is breath, movement, and sound..."
  Emphasizing the power of breath work, Rachel explains how conscious breathing can swiftly regulate the nervous system, often yielding immediate improvements.

• Internal Family Systems (IFS):
  "[24:00] Rachel Gibler: Internal family systems is essentially this modality that says that we all have many parts of ourselves, so we're all multiple personalities..."
  She introduces IFS, a therapeutic approach that identifies and harmonizes the various "parts" within us, addressing protective mechanisms developed during childhood trauma.

• Emotional Processing:
  "[27:27] Rachel Gibler: Emotions only last for 90 seconds. Anything beyond 90 seconds, you're in your mind, you're in a story."
  Rachel highlights the transient nature of emotions and the importance of allowing oneself to fully feel and process emotions to prevent them from being stuck in the body.

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Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies

A significant portion of the discussion centers on the interplay between masculine and feminine energies within individuals and how balancing these can lead to holistic healing.

• Masculine vs. Feminine Work:
  "[13:14] Rachel Gibler: I think it's about a balance. ... what's . What's happened a lot in our industry is there's so much talk about polarity."
  Rachel argues for an inner union—integrating healthy masculine traits like discipline and structure with feminine qualities like creativity and love.

• Soft Girl Era Concept:
  "[16:47] Podcast Host: Talk to me about the soft girl era. What's that about?"
  "[16:49] Rachel Gibler: ...I'm learning how to surrender, I'm learning how to let men lead..."
  She introduces the idea of the "soft girl era," where individuals embrace their feminine side without relinquishing power, fostering a balanced and magnetic presence.

• Challenging Cultural Extremes:
  "[22:02] Rachel Gibler: Anything in extreme,... we have to move through those emotions, but then we get to like, come back to an equilibrium..."
  Rachel critiques both hyper-masculine and hyper-feminine extremes, advocating for a balanced approach that honors both energies.

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Retreats and Community Building

Rachel discusses her retreats, designed to provide a safe and transformative space for women to engage in deep healing.

• Purpose of Retreats:
  "[42:24] Rachel Gibler: ...they are women only retreats... to create safety for the women."
  Her retreats focus on somatic work, feminine embodiment, and deep ceremonies, fostering a sisterhood among participants.

• Benefits of In-Person Work:
  "[42:53] Rachel Gibler: ...when you take yourself out of your environment and you are in a safe container that allows you to go really deep within yourself..."
  Rachel emphasizes the profound transformations that occur when individuals immerse themselves in a supportive, in-person setting.

• Creating Lasting Connections:
  "[43:06] Rachel Gibler: ...the retreat is all rooted in feminine embodiment work, somatic work... Progressive friendships and a lasting sisterhood form during these retreats."
  Participants often leave with enduring relationships and a renewed sense of self.

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Overcoming Fears and Personal Growth

The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about conquering fears and the impact of self-development on everyday life.

• Facing Personal Fears:
  "[46:55] Podcast Host: ...the first one was heights. So I cliff jumped in Jamaica. ... now I could fly and I'm good."
  Both Rachel and Sean share their experiences of overcoming significant fears, illustrating the practical applications of their healing work.

• Ego Deaths and Spiritual Awakenings:
  "[34:28] Podcast Host: I've also had a few ego deaths which really helped. ... I lost like all my money and stuff."
  They discuss the concept of ego death—profound personal transformations that often result from deep spiritual or emotional upheavals.

• Handling Judgment and Criticism:
  "[47:07] Podcast Host: ...well, I went through those comments, but I have such high boundaries now."
  Rachel and Sean reflect on their experiences with judgment, emphasizing the importance of maintaining strong personal boundaries and staying true to one’s path despite external criticism.

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The Interplay of Light and Darkness

Rachel explores a philosophical perspective on the coexistence of light and darkness, asserting that both are essential for growth.

• Law of Polarity:
  "[37:11] Rachel Gibler: ...the laws of the universe and there's the law of polarity... the law correspondence of these different laws that govern us..."
  She explains that for every aspect of light, there exists an equal and opposite darkness, emphasizing that both are necessary for balance and evolution.

• Serving the Light:
  "[39:36] Rachel Gibler: ...everything is actually serving the light because anything that we consider to be darkness is actually creating contrast..."
  Rachel posits that challenging experiences and perceived darkness ultimately contribute to personal and collective illumination.

• Navigating Through Adversity:
  "[41:28] Podcast Host: Right? Yeah. When you zoom out, you could see it. ... it's about feeling your emotions on a human 3D level."
  While acknowledging the harsh realities of trauma and war, Rachel clarifies that her perspective is not about minimizing suffering but understanding its role in the broader journey of healing.

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Final Thoughts and Moving Forward

As the episode winds down, Rachel shares her vision for the future and offers practical advice for listeners embarking on their own healing journeys.

• Embracing Continuous Growth:
  "[29:37] Rachel Gibler: It doesn't end. Although I will say I do think there is a there to get to..."
  She reinforces the idea that self-development is an ongoing process, with each step leading to deeper understanding and liberation.

• The Power of Intuition:
  "[32:18] Podcast Host: It's insane. It's night and day. ... I can meet someone within two minutes. I know their intentions."
  Rachel highlights how reconnecting with one's intuition enhances interpersonal relationships and personal decision-making.

• Encouraging Self-Healing:
  "[36:47] Rachel Gibler: ...I realized actually I'm my own healer. ... going into full isolation."
  She advocates for self-reliance in the healing process, sharing her experiences of overcoming reliance on external modalities and embracing inner empowerment.

• Call to Action - Join the Journey:
  "[49:55] Rachel Gibler: ...you can find me. It's spiritual on Spotify, Apple, YouTube... If you love the show, please send me a message."
  Rachel invites listeners to engage further with her work through various platforms and encourages participation in her upcoming retreats for a transformative experience.

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Conclusion

Episode #1204 of Digital Social Hour offers listeners an in-depth exploration of the mechanisms behind self-sabotage and the profound impact of nervous system regulation on personal growth. Rachel Gibler provides invaluable insights into somatic therapy, the balance of masculine and feminine energies, and the continuous journey of self-healing. Her candid sharing of personal experiences serves as both inspiration and a roadmap for those seeking authentic and lasting transformation.

For more insights and to connect with Rachel Gibler, visit her platforms on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and Instagram. Don’t miss her transformative retreats, with the next one scheduled in May in Costa Rica.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• "[01:00] Rachel Gibler: I've gotten to the core and the root of what actually heals and not just get the things you want on your vision board..."

• "[07:08] Rachel Gibler: ...the state of our body and the state of our nervous system is the thing that's actually driving us and driving our patterns and driving anything that's self sabotaging."

• "[27:27] Rachel Gibler: Emotions only last for 90 seconds. Anything beyond 90 seconds, you're in your mind, you're in a story."

• "[39:36] Rachel Gibler: ...everything is actually serving the light because anything that we consider to be darkness is actually creating contrast..."

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By providing a structured and comprehensive overview, this summary captures the essence of Rachel Gibler's insights and the dynamic exchange between her and Sean Kelly, offering valuable takeaways for both new and returning listeners.

Transcript

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[Rachel Gibler]

I've gotten to the core and the root of what actually heals and not just get the things you want on your vision board and manifest your dream life. It's like, okay, well you're going to do that and if you get what you want, you're not going to be able to feel it and then you're going to be burnt out.

[Podcast Host]

Right? Yeah, yeah. I do vision boards every year. They're fun, but it shouldn't be the main focus.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right? Exactly. Or future scripting or doing the things that so many people teach from the top down, which is, you know, change your mindset, change your life. Not realizing that the state of our body and the state of our nervous system is the thing that's actually driving us and driving our patterns and driving anything that's self sabotaging. And until we get that on board, we're not going to be able to feel the thing that we created or we're going to continue to self sabotage ourselves out of it.

[Podcast Host]

Right? All right guys, got Rachel here today. It's fucking spiritual podcast. What a name. Thanks for coming on.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

[Podcast Host]

What's been new with you this year?

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh my gosh, so much. I feel like I have been on such a deep healing journey over the past two years. It has completely changed my life and my business and my work and I know we'll go into it, but yeah, I've. Yeah, I feel like I have been reborn. I'm just getting out of my Saturn return. So if any of your listeners know about that, that is when your life blows up. So I've been on quite the journey over the last two years.

[Podcast Host]

How to heal some of that childhood trauma.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yes, exactly.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I didn't even know I had any. And then I started healing it. I was like, damn that a lot.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And it, and it keeps going. There are layers of the onion. And I've been doing this work for seven years and just realize that it, it continues to peel back the layers.

[Podcast Host]

What was the first healing thing you tried out?

[Rachel Gibler]

I've done so many different things and modalities, but I mean, I guess to kind of tell you, just to understand kind of where I started, I guess I can start with my story.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

So your listeners kind of get to know me a bit. And I, I grew up as someone who was not into this work at all. I don't know about you if you were.

[Podcast Host]

I was skeptical.

[Rachel Gibler]

Okay. I was a huge skeptic. I thought a lot of this was bullshit, to be honest, growing up. And I would have considered myself atheist and I wasn't spiritual. I didn't have any belief outside of myself or anything. And When I was 16 years old, my dad was killed in a freak accident. And it completely started my journey. And it started with an eight year downward spiral until my early 20s. And I was deep in partying and you know, going out and drinking and tumultuous relationships. And yet I had this like nagging internal feeling that everything I'd been through, like this can't be all for nothing, you know? Yeah, there has to be something else out there. And When I was 23, I had a spiritual awakening after I was in a freak accident.

[Podcast Host]

You had a near death experience?

[Rachel Gibler]

Well, it wasn't a near death experience. I just shattered my leg. But it basically started where I was. 23 years old, I was working a corporate job that I hated in a cubicle under fluorescent lights, just going out, blacking out on the weekends. I just had no direction in my life at all. And one day I was crying out, it was lunchtime and I just thought, oh my gosh, I just want time to stop so I can think for a second. And as I know now, your wish is my command with the universe. And two weeks later I shattered my leg and had to take three months medical leave. So I stopped and I got a chance to think. And yeah, I was really gifted with that time of Healing. And a few weeks into my journey, after my surgery, I was laying in my my bed, a cast from my hip to my ankle, and I just had this knowing, like, if I use this time wisely, everything I been through won't be all for nothing. And I started by Googling how to be happy. Like, I had no idea.

[Podcast Host]

I've done that before too.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, right. Like in. I love telling that part of the story. Because anybody that's listening to this, it's like, it doesn't matter where you are on your journey now. Someone could look at you, right? And be like, oh, you've made it so far. Look at me with my podcast or the things that I've done. And there's like this gap, right. And so people that are at their rock bottom moment, like, I started by Googling how to be happy.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

I had never heard of self development or mindset work or certainly not somatic work, nervous system work, which is what I am into and teach now. But yeah, I started where my feet were and I started by Googling that. And I slowly got into what I call kind of the masculine side of self development, which is like goal setting and waking up at 5am and crushing it and hustling. And it got me pretty far. I went back and I quit my job. I eventually started a podcast. I got really into spirituality and manifestation and was doing all the things they tell you to do in this work, which is journal and future. Script your life and decide what you want and connect to why you want it. And it got me pretty far. I found a lot of success with the podcast and with my coaching business. And I woke up a few years ago and realized I am burnt out, I'm exhausted, and I have all the stuff I wanted on my vision board. And it didn't make me feel any better. And that was the turning point of these last couple of years, which is. Yeah, getting into nervous system and somatic work and inner child healing and healing from the inside out.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I have a very similar journey. Yeah. I worked so hard, you know, 80 hours a week.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And that got me far. But like you said, burnout. You can't avoid that.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You're working so hard, waking up at 5 and sacrificing physical health to get success financially.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And it all comes from a dysregulated nervous system state. If it's coming from a place of not enoughness. And I dove really deep into this over the last few years. I spent three months in complete isolation doing this work. Yeah. A year And a half ago, so we can dive into that too. But I tend to be extreme, so I don't know about you, but that's extreme. Yeah. I went deep into my own healing journey and just worked with a somatic therapist and myself.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Rachel Gibler]

And really it changed everything for me. The level of groundedness, the level of connection that I have with myself. Because when we're dysregulated, we're completely disconnected from our intuition.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And so now it. I feel like I've gotten to the core and the root of what actually heals and not just get the things you want on your vision board and manifest your dream life. It's like, okay, well, you're going to do that and if you get what you want, you're not going to be able to feel it and then you're going to be burnt out.

[Podcast Host]

Right? Yeah, yeah. I do vision boards every year. They're fun. But it shouldn't be the main focus.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right? Exactly. Or future scripting or doing the. The things that so many people teach from the top down, which is, you know, change your mindset, change your life. Not realizing that the state of our body and the state of our nervous system is the thing that's actually driving us and driving our patterns and driving anything that's self sabotaging. And until we get that on board, we're not going to be able to feel the thing that we created or we're going to continue to self sabotage ourself out of it.

[Podcast Host]

Right. Self sabotage, Man. I do that still to this day.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. What are some of the things, if you don't mind me asking?

[Podcast Host]

The biggest one for me that I can recall is friendships. So whenever someone got too close to me, I would push them away and I was like, why am I doing this? Like, they could be my best friend and then I would just push them away.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. The fear of the intimacy.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. It must have been intimacy or something. I don't know. But that to me was the biggest one.

[Rachel Gibler]

What's been your work like?

[Podcast Host]

Have you started to work through now? It's just basically opening up. I would hold emotions back.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And not speak them because my attachment style was avoidant from my childhood trauma. When my parents would yell at me, I would just go to my room, shut down. So I've been working on that.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Well. And to your point, our attachment styles and our trauma or the way that we handle things, they're really smart protection mechanisms that we have. Right. There's like nothing to shame ourselves about or to blame ourselves for. It's just an awareness that we get to have and then we get to start to regulate our nervous system and choose something different, which I've got a whole process around that.

[Podcast Host]

But breath work has helped me with that.

[Rachel Gibler]

Breath works huge.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Wim Hof.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Y. I've literally done breath tests where I'll measure my. My nervous system and it'd be so bad. And then I'll do breath work immediately. Better. So you could change the stuff pretty quick.

[Rachel Gibler]

You can, right? And. And that's what I teach is breath, movement and sound, which is the primordial language. And that's how we actually get connected into the feeling state in our body because we're living. So many people are walking around living dissociated and living in their mind and living in story. Right. And not realizing that there's an internal state. That's dysregulation. That's running the show. That happened when you were a child. So it's like when you were a kid and your parents were yelling at you or something, you probably got really tight. Dysregulated. It sounds like you went into flight. Right. That dysregulated state. Fight or flight. And then when that gets coated in the body and when we don't process that emotion, we don't allow ourselves to feel it, then we can't heal it and actually be connected with the truth of who we are. And then that ends up running our life when we're an adult.

[Podcast Host]

Absolutely. It was affecting my business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because every time there was an argument, I would shut down and then it would affect the revenue, affect the whole business. So you can't just avoid it.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You gotta tackle it head on. So it sounds like somatic work really gets down to the root cause.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. That was the thing that I found was the missing link for me is I had done so much mindset work and maybe anybody that's listening to this too, Right. Like, I've done mindset work and setting goals and trying to crush it. And I realized I was doing that and overriding my feeling body. And then when I reached, quote, unquote, success, the bar was always moving. Right, Right. It was like I was never actually good enough. It was. I would get the thing that I thought I wanted, and then it wasn't good enough and I needed to move to the next thing. And the next thing. I was constantly chasing a place that I could never even actually get to until I started to learn. Oh, this is coming from a dysregulated State and the belief and the part of me that thinks I'm not enough, which is an unhealed inner child wound. Then I started to heal it through somatics, which is simply learning how to feel, learning how to be in the body, and learning how to feel and process emotions as the child. And a lot of that I did in isolation.

[Podcast Host]

Wow. I definitely have that one too. Feeling not enough. I think a lot of entrepreneurs have that one.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, I think a lot of people have that one. I think that's a. We come here, a lot of us. The way that we get coded as a child is the message is often, I'm not enough. I'm not lovable, I'm not capable. It's all rooted in I'm not enough.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

And until we learn how to feel from that child, the impermissible feelings that we didn't actually get to feel, then we just think it's our personality, we think it's who we are, when in reality it's an adaptation to keep us safe.

[Podcast Host]

I agree. Yeah. For me, I think it was not enough affection and attention as a kid. My, My parents were pretty hands off, so I just felt like I constantly had to prove myself, you know?

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Yeah, I, I so get it. I. For me, I was coded with, you need to be better. Like, you need to be better than everyone, really. A hyper masculine approach to, like, as a kid, I needed to get straight A's and do all the things that were, you know, proved that I was enough through my achievements.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

And as I've done this work, I've really had. Had to learn to let go that, like, it. The reason I'm loved isn't because of my achievements, because of who I am.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

You know, and I think that it's. It's a journey that we all get to take.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Because a lot of people tie their identity to their achievements.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Right. That's like an easy way of thinking, but that's not the case.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And. And it's also a hyper masculine view. So I've gotten really deep into feminine work. And I know you have so many different kinds of people on the, on the show, but for me, the, the feminine is L. And we all have masculine and feminine within us. Right. But the feminine is loved for who we be, like, who we are. It's just simply our essence in our being. And I started to realize, like, oh, if I can just embody my. The truth of who I am, like, if I can just be kind and loving, it's like, who am I being. And that's actually what's magnetic. It's not the achievements and the things that I can check off of the list that make people love me. Right, right. Or that. That give me confidence.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Do you think more men should embrace feminine energy?

[Rachel Gibler]

I think it's about a balance. And I think. Actually, I think what's. What's happened a lot in our industry is there's so much talk about polarity. I don't know how much. How deep you are.

[Podcast Host]

I've seen that. Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And so I'm really deep into the. The polarity work and polarity space. But I think that oftentimes we overcorrect and swing the pendulum in the opposite direction, which is men need to be hyper masculine and women need to be hyper feminine. And I think what is we need to come into inner union within ourselves, which is masculine and feminine and a balance of the healthy versions of that and recognize where we're out of balance. I was really in my unhealthy masculine for many, many years, which is push, control, force, achieve. But coming from a place of not enough and my unhealthy feminine too, which was. Then I would doubt myself, then I would question, and then I would judge and I would criticize myself. Right. And when we're actually in our healthy masculine and feminine, we are direct. We have structure. That's the healthy masculine for everyone. For men or women. Right. Direct structure. Yeah. Discipline. And then the feminine is creative and loving. And it's the difference of discipline versus devotion. And learning how to balance those two things have completely changed my life.

[Podcast Host]

I bet.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And it's the same for men as well.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I've gone through phases where I've been too feminine, I think, because I grew up in a single mother household, so that that's probably my childhood. And then too masculine as well.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So I'm very aware now that I kind of need both. And my fiance definitely helps me with that too.

[Rachel Gibler]

I love that. Yeah. It. When you're in the right relationship, you can heal so much of this. Like, a relationship I'm in now is. It's so helpful to. Because it's a mirror. Right. Like relationships are a mirror. And so I went through very tumultuous relationships in my early 20s. And when we're in a tumultuous relationship, we're just constantly in pattern. Right. Because the person is continuously dysregulating our nervous system. And it's. We attract people that reminded us of our childhood so that we can heal it. And when we don't realize that we keep going in pattern, you know, attracting the same kinds of people. So people, you know, listening to this, or even myself early on in my journey was like, why do I keep attracting the same kinds of relationships? And it's because I was in an unconscious unhealed pattern.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

When I started to learn how to feel and process my emotions, I attracted someone completely different. And now, you know, I think the right relationships aren't ones that maybe relate to this. They're not ones that have no issue, but they're ones that are a mirror and bring out the unhealed parts of you but can hold you and grow with you.

[Podcast Host]

I agree.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

That's great advice though, for people trying to date right now. Work on yourself first, right?

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh, completely. Yeah. And learn how to regulate in times of stress. Because when we are, when we let our different self sabotaging patterns. Right. We have, we have different parts of ourselves that come to the surface to try to self sabotage, avoidant being the perfect one. Right. When somebody gets too close, I run away. That's a protective mechanism. So instead of running away, it's like, can I breathe into this discomfort and allow myself to feel this discomfort in my body and respond differently? Can I, you know, increase the time of my reaction from reacting to responding?

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

And that'll make all the difference.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And as you start to choose something different, your relationships start to change.

[Podcast Host]

Talk to me about the soft girl era. What's that about?

[Rachel Gibler]

Okay. Yeah, it kind of goes with what we've been talking about, which is I, I'm just going to talk in general about our culture right now. And I think I could get some hate for this.

[Podcast Host]

But we'll, we'll see.

[Rachel Gibler]

We'll sort of think what happens, I think in the feminist movement and in this era of we've gotten programmed of women, like reclaiming their power, which is beautiful. I am all for women getting to work, women getting to provide for themselves, women getting to have a voice and a seat at the table. I am such a stand for that. And what I mentioned earlier on the podcast is like we often overcorrect and swing the pendulum in the opposite direction, which I think we've done as a culture as well. And it has completely flipped the polarity between masculine and feminine. And if we're talking masculine as men and feminine as women. Right. So it ends up. And I, I'll speak from personal experience, being a woman who was so striving to achieve and, yeah, like achieve and prove myself and force and hustle like the boss babe era. Perfect example of this idea that like, I don't need a man. I can, I can provide for myself and I can be a boss babe and I can make all this money and do all these things. And then I looked at my relationships and I realized I'm competing with my relationships. I'm fully in my masculine. And I think people get really triggered by that. But when you really look at, well, how are your relationships? Are you feeling really satisfied? Are you feeling yeah. Or are you competing? Are you butting heads in your relationships? And so I started to do this feminine work and realizing, I think so many women go down that path and overcorrect and then end up feeling burnt out, exhausted, resentful. Resentful in their relationships, resentful with what they've created. And that was certainly my case. And so I kind of started talking about, I'm entering my soft girl era, which is just like a fun way of saying I'm learning to let go of control, I'm learning how to surrender, I'm learning how to let men lead. Which that will probably anger a lot of people. It will, yeah, it will. But. But what I mean by that is it doesn't. It doesn't mean being submissive and doesn't mean giving away my power when I'm in my softness and when I'm in. I. This sounds really cheesy, but embodiment of the queen, right? Like people, when we think of archetypes, people talk about like, I want to manifest my king. Right. You hear that? Or I want to manifest. I want to manifest my queen. Well, what does that actually mean? When we look at archetypes like the queen, she doesn't force, she doesn't hustle, she doesn't have to prove herself, she doesn't have to over explain herself, she doesn't have to. People, please. She receives from the world and she allows men to provide for her. Which. And men, being in their masculine, are naturally providers and protectors. When we are in our natural state, right. A king is direct, a king pursues, a king builds his kingdom, and a queen sits on her throne. So when you think of the energetics of that, I think when we're actually in our divine masculine and divine feminine, we have those counterparts and like we're unstoppable.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And so an avenue to that is, can I learn how to feel? Can I learn how to hold myself in my emotions? Can I learn how to be soft? And soft doesn't mean weak. I feel the most powerful when I'm in my softness. It's, yes, I could do all of this myself, but I don't have to and I don't want to.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And that's the, the seed of my greatest power.

[Podcast Host]

That is interesting. But you see these studies of how top woman CEOs struggle to date, and you start wondering why, you know, and.

[Rachel Gibler]

I actually don't think it has anything to do with the level of success. It doesn't mean women can't be successful. I'm certainly not saying that in any way. I'm just like waiting for the comments to be like, what the hell? It's not that, but it's when you're operating from a being in a hyper masculine state, it. It competes with the natural masculine. Right. Rather than, can you lead from softness? Can you lead from an integrated place? That's not force, control, prove hustle. Can you allow yourself to be in your receptive magnetic energy? That doesn't mean don't be super successful. Right. But it's the energy and the place that it's coming from. And that's the difference.

[Podcast Host]

100%. Yeah. Feminist movement was wild. Red pill is crazy too, though. So I think they're both dangerous. No, like you said, you need both, but the right balance.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Anything in extreme, and when we look at it, it's. It's always looking at the energetic that it's born from. Because the energetic that something's born from is what carries. Carries throughout it. Right. So it. Red pill, or I don't know too much about it, but I know generally, or feminist movement, it, it's yes, it was there to empower women yet. And at the same time, is it coming from a place of like, being combative or like being angry or what? And, and I think it's really, it, it we have to move through those emotions, but then we get to like, come back to an equilibrium and say, actually, is this meme in my power or what energy is? Is it coming from like a fu kind of energy or is it coming from collaborative and from a healed place? And I think both of those movements aren't coming from a fully healed place. I think it was the trajectory that we had to go through to actually get to a more balanced place.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Because you got both perspectives now, and now you can decide.

[Rachel Gibler]

Well, and I think we're on the journey. I think that actually as a culture, we're in an evolutionary place and we're still evolving when it comes to how do we actually, masculine and feminine, how do we work collaborative, Collaboratively. And together and end the battle of the sexes, which is, I think, what kind of happened with the feminist movement.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. Do you believe emotions can get stuck in the body?

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I lived most of my life, but emotions stuck in the body. Yeah. I mean, speaking to what you shared with Inner Child Healing. Right. And your. When you were a kid and when we're kids, right, we don't have the ability to process our emotions. And so something happens. Your parents yell at you. A kid at the playground makes fun of you. You know, some. Something where you get dysregulated and you go into shame. Or that I am not enough wound. Well, as a child, we don't have the ability to process and not take everything personally. And so that dysregulation gets stuck in the body, and then we create an adaptive part, a protective part. A lot of the work that I do is rooted in internal family systems. I don't if you've heard about ifs, but it's ifs. No, it's amazing. And it's basically. Well, I'll go off on a little tangent here for a second. Internal family systems is essentially this modality that says that we all have many parts of ourselves, so we're all multiple personalities. And essentially these parts are adaptive parts of ourselves that protect us. So you might have a part that is a perfectionist. You might have a part that's a procrastinator. You might have a part that's the inner critic or the bully. Right? You might have a part that collapses and. And different parts can come out depending on what's happening. Right? So maybe in work you turn into. I'm not saying you, anybody, Right. I'll speak for myself. In work, like, I've turned into a perfectionist, right. But in relationships, I used to go into collapse. And every single part of us has a different programmed nervous system state. And it is meant to protect us. And what it's protecting us from are these exiled parts that we didn't feel as a child. So it's a wounded inner child that it's protecting us from. So the part that feels I am wrong, I am shameful, I am bad, I am not enough. So that inner child part that you are protective parts are protecting, Right. Is the part that got stuck at that age. So say, you know, your parents yelled at you when you were four years old and you got dysregulated. That emotion gets stuck in the body because you don't ever process it. And you have this story now that, like I am bad or I'm wrong.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

I don't know if you've, you came up with the story that, like if you've identified what that story is for you, but maybe there was something there. Well, then we go throughout our life. It's so there's a protective part that comes online that's like, I don't ever want to feel that again. I don't ever want to feel bad, wrong, broken. So therefore I'm going to become a perfectionist. I'm going to be, you know, there's different, different parts of ourselves collude with each other.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

So you're bully and you're a perfectionist and procrastinator. They all, they all kind of have an alliance with each other often. And then you go throughout your life or the avoidant part. Right, okay, I'm going to avoid that. I don't want to feel that. So I'm not going to let anybody close to me. So that's a part that manages. And until we go back and feel from the place of the four year old, through breath, through getting connected into our feelings. Right. Rather than being an historian in the head, which I think is what mindset work does is like identify your limiting beliefs, it's like, well, yeah, but that's not going to allow you to feel it in the body. So through the primordial language of breath, movement and sound, that can look like crying, that can look like shaking, that can look like screaming, getting connected in with that part and allow it to feel from that age, then it allows it to process through the body. So that's the kind of work that I do at my retreats and that's the work that I did in isolation myself with a somatic therapist.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And it's profound because emotions actually, I don't know if you've ever heard this. I think it's fascinating. Emotions only last for 90 seconds. Anything beyond 90 seconds, you're in your mind, you're in a story.

[Podcast Host]

Interesting.

[Rachel Gibler]

So what that tells me is like when we have an adaptation, it's like we just haven't felt it. Haven't felt the thing that is the shamed part or the wronged part. And so when we create spaciousness and actually go in and allow ourselves to feel, people get so scared. If I open this can of worms, right. If I go there, I'm going to be feeling it forever. It's like, no, actually the depression, you feel, the anxiety, you feel the. Yeah. The part of you that needs to control. Right. All of those you're feeling those now because you haven't gone back and felt the younger version of you have processed it. And once you do, it actually dissipates. It's really wild. It doesn't last forever. It lasts for a few minutes. And when you allow it to actually move through your body and you open to it, people get so scared of it. And like, no. What's on the other side is so much liberation. And then there's space to actually meet your. What they call in ifs, your big S self, which is you can call it your soul, your higher self, your intuition. It's just the part of you that's the truth, which is love. And then the more and more you fill yourself with that, the more and more you're actually connected in with the truth of who you really are.

[Podcast Host]

Tom Must feel amazing. This sounds incredible.

[Rachel Gibler]

It is amazing. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Because people get so used to living, like, with all this trauma and baggage that they don't even know it's there.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right? Yeah. People have no idea and then wake up one day and go, why didn't I follow my dreams? Why am I so burnt out and exhausted? Why am I in a relationship that's so challenging? Like, all of these different pieces. Like, I woke up and said, why am I. Like, what am I doing? And why am I here? And yes, I changed my life at the age of 23, but then I had four or five years of doing the manifestation work and the mindset work and all of this, and it wasn't until this work that I realized this was the missing link to everything.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And I'm still on the journey.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I realized about self development. It never ends.

[Rachel Gibler]

It doesn't. It doesn't end. Although I will say I do think there is a there to get to. And what I mean by that is, with what I just described, when you first are doing this work, and especially somatic work, it feels like there's a lot there to process. Right. Like you and said, like, oh, my gosh, I did so much work and I didn't even realize how much was underneath the surface. Like, same. There was so much there. And as I started to really dive into this, every time that I would process or release and do my inner child healing. Right. Like, feel the thing that I hadn't felt, there was always spaciousness on the other side of that. Right. There's a liberation, There was a freedom. And I would meet, like, the truth of myself. Right. We can't even be connected into our intuition. If we've got all of this stuff in the static, in the way, right? Which is like all of the self sabotaging patterns, it's. People are like, well, I don't know, you know, is my intuition telling you this or this? It's like, well, you were so disconnected from it because there's so much in the way of you actually feeling it.

[Podcast Host]

That's so true. Because my intuition used to be so bad, right. As I've done this work.

[Rachel Gibler]

Isn't it crazy?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it's. I didn't even connect the dots there, but now that you said it, that makes sense.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, it's wild. So, yeah, doing this nervous system work and be becoming more regulated and learning how to feel and all of that, your intuition will open up because you start to connect with your soul or your big ass self more and more and more. And the more you do it. So imagine, say that the wound is this big. I'm just using this for a visual, right? And the more you feel it, that wound, the layer of the onion that you're peeling back is getting smaller and smaller and smaller. Well, that space has to be filled with something and it's filled with the, the. The big S self or the part of you, the. The maturation of you, the adult you. And that's what reparenting is. So the more adult you that you have available, the more you plug into that version, that, that part of you, right? Your soul, your truth, the inner child. It's a relationship. You start to heal that inner child. And the inner child start to. Starts to trust you more and more and says, oh, okay, it actually is safe to show up. It actually is safe for me to be seen. And so yes, will always have an ego. And yes, we will always be human. And yes, things will always be coming up. But I do actually think that the more we do this work, the more we'll be able to move through it. You've probably seen this with your own work that you've done. Like you're more connected to your intuition now than you were before.

[Podcast Host]

It's insane. It's night and day.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like I used to meet people and not sense anything, but now I can meet someone within two minutes. I know their intentions.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, right.

[Podcast Host]

It's that good now.

[Rachel Gibler]

That's amazing.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And what did you do to develop that?

[Podcast Host]

A lot of self work, some psychedelics having conversations, finally opening up. Because I felt like I just bottled in so much over the years, finally letting loose. Podcasting is like a form of therapy, as you know Totally. So, yeah, just a bunch of different stuff. I did reiki healing, did psychic work, past life work.

[Rachel Gibler]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, it all helped, I think.

[Rachel Gibler]

Well, what was the thing that helped you the most, curious?

[Podcast Host]

Oh, probably the. Honestly, the past life psychic work. Even though that's kind of woo woo for some people, that really helped me.

[Rachel Gibler]

I'm so into it.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I'm into it. Like, I know, like people don't have proof of it.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like because you can't prove it exists or whatever. But for me it helped a lot.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Well, I also think the more we go on this journey, the more we can believe in the unseen. I don't know if you relate to that.

[Podcast Host]

I can. Yeah. Because I was super skeptical like we said growing up and now I'm like totally down to learn about stuff.

[Rachel Gibler]

Same. Well, because you have more and more experiences and you get more. What's the word I'm looking for? Like, exposed to different things and concepts and then you try them on. I mean, I. Every single thing in my journey and that's why people listen, listening to this. Like, I. That's why I love saying I was an atheist. Like, I was not somebody that blindly accepted this stuff at all. I was, I had the attitude of prove it.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

You know, prove it. And then I like asking from, of for signs from the universe or I've started with little things like that and then started to realize there was all of these coincidences that were happening and they were small little things, but really they would just blow my mind. Right. I would ask for something and then it would happen. And then I thought, okay, there is something to us creating our reality. There is something here. And yeah, I think the more that you go on this path, the more I've just realized, you know what? The more I know, the more I know I know nothing. And I'm just here to return back to being a loving presence and to share my voice and to hopefully, you know, share what I learn and allow that to grow and change and evolve. I love that helps people.

[Podcast Host]

I've also had a few ego deaths which really helped.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

To be honest, those will fuck you up. Yeah, those will mess me up. I had a spiritual one and then I had an actual one where I lost like all my money and stuff, so.

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh my gosh.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh, I'm so curious.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Well, the spiritual one, I was just on mushrooms in Amsterdam, so that was a great reset.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And came out of that just ready to fire off on life. But then the money one, that messed me up.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. That all.

[Podcast Host]

Because once you get a taste of, like, money, success, fame, and then you lose it all suddenly.

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

That will humble you.

[Rachel Gibler]

That'll be. That's a. That's a big portal, for sure. Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Thankfully, I got out of that one. That was. That was probably a few months of that. Yeah. Has that happened to you?

[Rachel Gibler]

Not the money piece specifically, but I've had some few major ego deaths and massive awakenings, and mainly the one before I entered isolation, I hit a point where I realized that, you know, Sean, I was like, when I got into this work, I think I was looking so much for something to heal me, and I was looking for it outside of myself. Right. So I was constantly searching. So I've done all the different modalities you can think of. I've done psychedelics, I've done ketamine therapy, I've done EMDR therapy. I've done breath work and meditation and somato. Like, I mean, the. All of the different avenues that you could go down. I was constantly searching for an answer, and I would constantly. Let me take another course, let me go to another event and let me. I was. But I was outsourcing my own power of healing to something outside of me and something that I learned about this industry, which I don't speak on too much, but I feel like you are similar to me of, like, you're. You're doing this for, like, a reason greater than yourself.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, for sure.

[Rachel Gibler]

Like, I feel like I can't not do this work. I have no choice. Like, I have to share it. And I think I naively believed that a lot of people in the spiritual industry, I thought. I thought everybody felt that way. Like, we're all doing this for a good reason. And what led to my, like, deep spiritual death was realizing that there's a difference. There's two different paths that we can take, I think, as individuals. You had Aaron Abkey on. I don't know if he. So I'm friends with Aaron back in Austin. He came on my show as well. He's amazing.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

And we talked about this on my episode with him. And he talks about your soul can choose two different paths. Service to self or service to other. And what essentially that is, is service to fear and service to love.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Rachel Gibler]

And I saw that contrast. Deeply putting. Giving my power away to people I thought would heal me and realizing that actually I'm my own healer. And having to go through such a deep, deep breakdown of everything that I knew and everything I thought this industry was and everything I thought the spiritual work, all of that stuff, I almost, like, had to go through almost rejecting it for a moment and going into full isolation. And that was probably my biggest.

[Podcast Host]

Dang.

[Rachel Gibler]

My biggest breakdown.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. There are some bad actors in every industry, right?

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, exactly.

[Podcast Host]

Whenever there's money involved, there's gonna be naturally some people that are selfish. Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

When. You know what I've thought about, too, and the conclusion that I had is, you know, when we think of the laws of the universe and there's the law of polarity. Right. And as above, so below, like the law correspondence of these different laws that govern us, and by law, there has to always be the equal and the opposite. So where there is the most light will also have the most darkness. Wow, that's deep. Right. So. So this is light work, Right. It's like spreading work of, like coming back onto into your own power and healing yourself and you being your own healer and you doing your work and then spreading that out in the world. And it's, like, so important. I, like, want to cry every time I talk about it. And that's always going to hold the equal of the opposite. So the darkness is also going to be here. Like, we could be in grayscale, you know, we could not. Not be doing work. And then it's all kind of like, duh. Okay, Right.

[Podcast Host]

That's a selfish route, though, right?

[Rachel Gibler]

Well, I mean, I think grayscale is when we're not developing in either direction.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

At all. Right. And what I'll say even, too, is you talk about bad apples. Right. When we actually get to the core of it, like, we as humans label things as good and bad, but this is something I talked about with Aaron as well, is that in reality, everything is serving the light because anything that we consider to be darkness is actually creating contrast for people who are embodying the light to go their first farther.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Rachel Gibler]

So everything is actually serving the light.

[Podcast Host]

Dang. That's a crazy way to think about it, but I could see it.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

See that.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. So there's no good and bad. I've heard that tape. Yeah. I'm leaning towards believing in that these days.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Well, in on a 3D perspective. Right. But I. I know people will. When I say this kind of stuff on my show, people will say, well, you know, but, like, what about all of the war? Like, what about the things that are so awful here or the trauma that people go through? And I'm not negating that. This is not about, like, spiritually bypassing anything. Right. When. Because we're not feeling it, and we're not feeling our anger. We're not feeling our right. We have to feel those things on a human 3D level. But when we can actually get in connected with the truth of our soul, which I believe is love, then we have to realize that everything from a spiritual perspective is actually serving the light. Perfect example. Because I know people will think this is like, I was in a very abusive relationship a decade ago before I got into this work, and I'm very open about it. On my. On my channel, people will say, like, oh, I didn't bring that on myself. Or, oh, like, that's really awful. Or that's really bad. And from a 3D human perspective, no, don't ever. Like, I don't blame my younger self for getting into that. I would never look at somebody that is in a tumultuous relationship and say, you attracted that. You manifested that to yourself. Right. Like, that's not healing. That's not healing. Right. Somebody has to get out of that kind of scenario before they start to do their healing work. But as we start to do our own healing work and we look at everything as a mirror for ourselves, and everything that we are attracting is actually showing us where there are wounds and where there are cracks in our foundation, and that's where we can let in the light, and it's actually serving the light. That relationship served me because we wouldn't be sitting here today if that hadn't happened.

[Podcast Host]

Right? Yeah. When you zoom out, you could see it.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

But in the moment, it's obviously hard to spot.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Well, in the moment. Feel it, you know, in the moment, have your emotion, have your human experience. And for that example, or anybody that's in a relationship like that, in the moment, your only job in that moment is to create safety for yourself. Right. Because we can't be doing all this spiritual work if we don't have physical safety and then if our nervous system isn't safe. Right. So there's. There's levels and layers to this. And so, you know, the level at which you speak, in the layer at which you speak, depending on where someone is in their journey, in the moment matters. Yeah, right. You can't look at somebody that's in a. In a challenging circumstance in the moment. Be like you manifested that. That's how. But. And also, we can look from a spiritual perspective when we're outside of that.

[Podcast Host]

Right?

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I love that. So I know you got a retreat coming up. What's kind of your goal when you host These retreats.

[Rachel Gibler]

So they're women only retreats? Women only, yeah, including the guys. I know, I know. We do. To create safety for the women. And I work primarily with women. Men go through my online programs in my course only editions. But I have a course actually that explains this entire process. It's like a six part process of kind of what I was talking about today with the inner child stuff. But we do this on a very condensed scale in retreats, in person. And I don't know if you. Have you gone to retreats yourself?

[Podcast Host]

No, I want to go to Matthias Distefano next one. But I really want to go to some retreats.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, they are amazing. When I say, like you talk about collapsing timelines, it is crazy what you can do in four or five days. And that's why I'm so passionate about this in person work. Because when, when I've gone to retreats myself, like as an attendee, a student, they have been profound. It has been the entire reason why I have the life I have today. Because when you take yourself out of your environment and you are in a safe container that allows you to go really deep within yourself and you're held in a really safe way, it's just phenomenal, the things that can happen. But yeah, the retreat is all rooted in feminine embodiment work, somatic work. We do a lot of deep ceremonies. Not plant, medic medicine. It's all sober. Sober retreat. The one in May is in Costa Rica. And yeah, and just the power of getting to be witnessed with other people who speak the same language as you. You know, a lot of people. I mean, you and I are in this industry, right? So pretty much everyone I'm around is doing this work or in some way. But it wasn't that way when I was at the beginning of my journey and it certainly wasn't that way before I started to podcast. And, you know, I was, I was the only one doing this work. And so I find that for a lot of people and for the women that come to my retreats is they are looking for people that speak the same language as them. They're looking for people that can hold their big visions and their dreams and they don't have people around them that are like that. And so, yeah, we create just a really safe, beautiful environment for these women to go really deep within themselves and to witness each other. And at every retreat I've ever done, all the women are just their lifelong friends and they take trips with each other and, you know, they now have this sisterhood that they get to lean on when they go back home. And, yeah, it's profound. It's beautiful. It's my favorite thing that I do.

[Podcast Host]

That's so cool. I might call my fiance about it.

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh, yeah. Please connect us.

[Podcast Host]

What are the most common issues you're seeing with these women that are coming to something like this?

[Rachel Gibler]

Oh, my gosh. Well, talk about the protective part that keep us, you know, from our truest potential. Keep us from our like. Like who we can be and our most creative expression. And so many of these women often come to my retreats and they're saying, like, I feel stuck. I feel stagnant. I know I'm meant for more. I want to start my own podcast. Or, you know, they say they have a dream and they're living so outside of what is truly designed for them.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Rachel Gibler]

Because they've got so many fears of I'm not enough or people are going to judge me or, you know, I'm stuck in. Some of them are stuck in relationships that are feeling stagnant for them, or they're stuck in their masculine. And they've been trying to crush corporate. Right. And they're burnt out and they're exhausted. And, yeah, they just realize a lot of times realize at the retreat, like, whoa, I've had so much armor protecting me from my greatness and from who I can actually be. And so we. We take a lot of that armor off and have them feel really like the expanded version. It's called the Expanded Women Retreat, and it's about, like, can you expand your capacity for more? Can you expand your capacity to feel? And my goal with the retreat, or my desire with the retreat is to create such a safe container for these women that they can actually feel that, like, expanded, lit up, free, alive, liberated version of themselves in that moment. Because once you have that felt feeling, that becomes now a code. Right. Of like, you've. Now.

[Podcast Host]

That's a new baseline.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yes. The ceiling becomes the new floor.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

So, yeah, creating an environment where women can do that, because that was created for me.

[Podcast Host]

I love that you mentioned fears earlier. It's hard to grow when you have fear. Right?

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So I've. I've been aware of that and I conquered two of mine. Now, what were the two? First one was heights.

[Rachel Gibler]

Okay.

[Podcast Host]

So I cliff jumped in Jamaica. I was.

[Rachel Gibler]

Good for you.

[Podcast Host]

I'm not going to look down. I'm getting over this.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right, John? I'm not there yet.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, you still have your heights.

[Rachel Gibler]

I don't love heights. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

If you cliff jump Will go away.

[Rachel Gibler]

Seriously?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I don't. I don't fear heights anymore.

[Rachel Gibler]

Okay. I love that the. The fears that I have almost, like, I used to have the fear of being seen and the fear.

[Podcast Host]

All of the.

[Rachel Gibler]

Now with the podcast, it's like.

[Podcast Host]

Right. I had that one, too.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Fear being judged.

[Rachel Gibler]

And then you have to just go into the fire.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Go straight into it. And as soon as I started the pod, it went away. Like, I realized no one really cares.

[Rachel Gibler]

No one gets.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I thought people would judge me and stuff.

[Rachel Gibler]

Same people did judge me. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I was so scared. And I hear this from people that, like, reach out and say that they want to start their own show and stuff. I was so scared that people from high school that followed me in college that followed me, like, you know, who I didn't even talk to anymore. It's, like, so funny. The people that we care about in our head. Right. Um, and a lot of them judged me. Yeah. I. I actually did get some judgment of people, like, telling me it was stupid and.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, wow.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. And telling me, just making nasty comments. And I had to be so rooted in my own. Yes. And my belief to do it. And, like, it sucked and it hurt. But what I'll say is it cleared the way. Like, I don't have those people in my life anymore.

[Podcast Host]

And it probably fueled you, too.

[Rachel Gibler]

It. Yeah. And. And, you know, I would say it fueled me a bit, but that also came from an odd enoughness and a place to prove now that I can see. But look who I get to sit across the table with and have really cool conversations. And had I let that stop me, I wouldn't have the life I have now, you know, and so now I have so much proof that, like, it really doesn't matter. And now no one would, you know?

[Podcast Host]

Exactly.

[Rachel Gibler]

That is, in my circle, obviously, it's different than comments on the Internet, but. Yeah, in my circle, nobody would ever say that because I don't tolerate that anymore because I've such high boundaries. It's, like, not even in my awareness.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I don't give a time. And most hate is projection, so it doesn't even concern me. Because they're not hating on you.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right.

[Podcast Host]

They hate themselves. Right?

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Podcast Host]

But, yeah, flying was another one. I used to have to take CBD and, like, hold a banana for some reason. I don't know what the banana thing was.

[Rachel Gibler]

Hold on. That's funny. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I had to buy a banana in the airport every time and, like, keep it nearby. But now I could fly and I'm good.

[Rachel Gibler]

Wait, I love that I'm still stuck on the banana. That's awesome.

[Podcast Host]

I think bananas must have been some childhood thing. I used to eat a lot. It made me safe.

[Rachel Gibler]

It's a comfort.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I don't know exactly why I did that, but, yeah, I've been trying to conquer them because it's hard to grow. Because without flying, I mean, I wouldn't have been able to film certain episodes.

[Rachel Gibler]

Right. Do you fly to go interview people?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, once a month.

[Rachel Gibler]

Okay, that's great.

[Podcast Host]

So, like, I'll go to, like, Austin, film like a few episodes and come home.

[Rachel Gibler]

Let me know when you're in Austin.

[Podcast Host]

Austin's got it. Great.

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, well, I film in person there. We only film in person.

[Podcast Host]

Same. Yeah, only in person. But Austin's like the podcast capital right now. There's a lot of big shows out there. Well, Rachel, it's been awesome. Where can people find you, your show and everything?

[Rachel Gibler]

Yeah, you can find me. It's spiritual on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, all the things. And then at Rachel Gibler, which I'm sure you'll put in the show notes on all platforms. I mainly hang out on Instagram and yeah, if you love the show, please send me a message. I love to hear from people and yeah, definitely tune into. It's spiritual too.

[Podcast Host]

I love it. Check her out, guys. See you next time.

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