Digital Social Hour – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Sharay Hayes: Why Older Rich Men Secretly Hire Younger Guys for Their Wives
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Sharay Hayes
Air Date: December 19, 2025
Episode #: DSH #1690

Episode Overview

In this unfiltered and revealing conversation, Sean Kelly sits down with Sharay Hayes—a former male stripper, author, and key witness in the high-profile Diddy and Cassie trial. The episode delves into the hidden world of elite sexual dynamics, performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction among men, what it’s really like working in the adult entertainment industry, as well as inside perspectives on celebrity scandals and the legal system. Sharay discusses why older wealthy men sometimes hire younger men for their wives, breaks down the psychological and biological roots of male sexual health challenges, and recounts the media fallout and courtroom drama stemming from the Diddy trial. The exchange is raw, honest, and peppered with humor, making taboo subjects relatable and informative.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Elite Men Hire Younger Men for Their Wives

• Sharay explains it’s "super common for guys to hire other dudes to sleep with their girlfriend" when there’s a significant age gap and the older partner can't keep up with the younger woman's sexual peak. (00:00, 19:13)
• Control is central: husbands prefer to orchestrate these arrangements themselves to avoid emotional complications or the threat of infidelity outside the marriage. (20:04–20:33)
• Quote:

  “If you just send your 45-year-old hot wife out to find a lover right now... she can catch feelings, they can fall in love... So these guys say, well, I can't keep up but if I find the guys to keep her happy... she's happy and I don't have to worry about the divorce.” — Sharay Hayes (20:04–20:33)

2. Male Sexual Health: Myths, Realities & Solutions

• Erectile Dysfunction: Over 50% of ED cases are mental, not physical. Anxiety-induced cortisol constricts blood vessels, making pills ineffective if the real cause is psychological. (01:53–03:10)
• Testosterone: Free testosterone, not total testosterone, drives libido. Diets like keto, fasting, or under-eating can tank free T, impacting sex drive even if total T is normal. (04:20–05:59)
• Stigma & Solutions:
  • Most men won't seek help, so Sharay wrote his book to be "the conversation you don't want to have with anybody else." (03:55)
  • Last-resort fixes like implants exist but the industry pushes expensive pills and products over addressing root causes. (06:42–06:59)
• Quote:

  “If I think failure, then I’m gonna experience failure.” — Sharay Hayes (08:56)

3. Life as a Male Stripper: Ego, Economics, and Reality Checks

• Sharay started stripping at 22, turning it from a side hustle into a 30-year career, now mostly running events. (09:39–11:06)
• The allure isn't just financial—ego boosts from crowds of women shouting are unmatched:

  “You can give me 450 grandmothers. If they’re screaming I’m hot, I’m happy to be there.” (13:19)

• Attractive female ratios at shows mirror real life more than the 'every girl is hot' fantasy; out of 500 women, maybe 50 are "extremely attractive." (12:14–13:19)
• Regular club life disappoints after the pedestal effect of being on stage:

  “Now you put me in a regular club and I’m like, this sucks.” (14:57)

4. Behind the Curtain: Celebrity Parties & Secret Arrangements

• The internet massively changed the industry—requests now come via Google searches rather than word of mouth for male entertainers. (16:03–16:53)
• The “Diddy and Cassie” scenario: Sharay only realized who the clients were much later, piecing it together after seeing a hotel welcome screen. (18:00–18:21)
• High-profile clients go to great lengths for secrecy with NDAs, veils, and careful vetting. (17:07–17:34)

5. The Diddy & Cassie Trial: Testimony, Public Perception & Personal Fallout

• Sharay discusses how being a key witness affected his life and business. There’s supportive public opinion, but also negative PR and confusion about his involvement. (21:30–22:55)
• Trial outcomes: He didn’t expect convictions for racketeering or trafficking, given the level of consent involved, but saw that transporting men for prostitution was “clear.” (23:15–24:10)
• Settlement details: Sharay breaks down how lawsuits often target business entities because settlements are easier through insurance than personal assets. (26:05–27:32)
• Legal system pressure:

  “Law is a fraternity... [attorneys will] protect their relationship before doing the absolute best [for you].” (29:07)

• Federal witness prep expects witnesses to answer questions “in a way that could seem like there was abuse,” but Sharay resisted broad or misleading testimony. (30:15–32:36)

6. Legal Risks & The Modern Male: Evidence, Consent, and Protection

• Recording encounters is vital for successful men facing potential allegations. Sharay shares how even an audio from an Apple Watch could protect against false claims. (45:35–47:50)
• NDAs are not enough; once things go criminal, they’re void. (46:26)
• On famous assault cases (Tyson, Tupac):

  “If he was recording it... could be a completely different scenario. And as a man, I want every scenario to prove my innocence 100%.” (48:20)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On the psychological roots of ED:

  “Nothing outweighs the mind... you might struggle, and then two hours later, I’m watching Sportscenter with like the boner of life.” — Sharay Hayes (02:55–03:11)

• On ego and male entertainers:

  “You walk into a place with 500 women... could be 450 like Saint Bernards... if they’re screaming I’m hot, I’m happy.” (13:15–13:19)

• On elite party invitations:

  “In terms of getting propositioned for these exclusive parties... those are constant... Google search.” (15:48–16:10)

• On dealing with the pressure of testifying:

  “By the time I got to stand, I was shaking. Like, I kept it cool, but I was like, yo, this is, yeah. Crazy.” (33:19)

• On the high-profile culture:

  “Here it is, right? I’m somebody that, because I’m part of this... I’m possibly infamously famous for the rest of my life out of association.” (43:40–43:53)

• Advice for men:

  “Every successful man should record just about every encounter... What would you rather be? The rich guy who has the video, or the guy on the stand?” (45:35–46:33)

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• The hiring of men for wives: 00:00, 19:13–20:33
• ED is mostly mental, not physical: 01:49–03:29
• Breakdown of testosterone, libido, and diet: 04:20–06:05
• Life as a male stripper, ego, and economic realities: 09:39–14:45
• Celebrity clients and exclusive parties: 15:40–18:28
• Diddy and Cassie trial mechanics: 21:15–30:12
• On legal strategy, settlements, and witness prep: 26:03–32:36
• Recording as self-protection strategy: 45:35–47:50

Where to Find Sharay Hayes

• Book: In Search of Freezer Me ("available on Amazon, all major platforms") (49:10)
• Instagram & TikTok: @getpunished

Tone & Concluding Thought

Unapologetically candid, the conversation blends humor, hard-hitting truths, and Sharay’s first-hand insight into taboo topics—offering both entertainment and valuable knowledge for men about sex, relationships, fame, legal pitfalls, and modern masculinity.

Final advice: "If you're struggling with anything, [my book] will help you out." (49:12)