Digital Social Hour — Episode #1700

Guest: Shelise Ann Sola ("Cults to Consciousness" podcast)

Host: Sean Kelly

Title: What Cult Survivors Know That Outsiders Don’t

Date: December 21, 2025

Episode Overview

This hard-hitting episode of Digital Social Hour delves into the lived realities of cult survivors, focusing on Shelise Ann Sola’s journey out of Mormonism and her broader work advocating for people exiting high-control religious groups. Host Sean Kelly creates space for Sola’s unfiltered truth-telling as they dig into the emotional, social, and institutional impacts of cultic upbringings. Sola shares insider perspectives on shame, community, indoctrination, and the power of supportive online spaces, bringing a blend of candor and empathy to taboo topics rarely broached so openly.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Effect of Cults on Children and Family Structure

• Neglect in High-Control Environments
  Sola begins by referencing Scientology, highlighting how children born into such groups—especially within extreme branches like Sea Org—are often neglected:
  • “When you're born into Scientology, you're not wanted... kids are just, like, dropped into this orphanage situation... severely neglected in every sense. Medical neglect, emotional neglect, education neglect.” (Shelise, 00:45)
  • She notes the similarity across groups—children often lack true familial bonds and safe nurturing environments.

2. Building a Safe Online Space for Survivors

• Audience Composition and Community
  Sola describes her podcast audience as former cult members, true crime enthusiasts, and those curious about cults or wishing to be advocates. The show offers validation and solidarity.
  • “We have people who find solidarity and understanding and validation... And then we have people who are more interested in true crime... people who want to be advocates.” (Shelise, 01:51)
• Notable Quote
  • “We have an amazing community who rallies around our guests... it helps our guests feel supported and willing to come on and share the deepest, darkest parts of their life.” (Shelise, 02:07)

3. Responding to Hate and Defending the Group

• Pushback from Current Members
  Though direct attacks from cult leaders are rare, Sola explains the backlash mostly comes from current, still-involved believers:
  • “I've been there myself where I defended Mormonism to the death... Not realizing that I was the one that was misinformed... lied to by the church itself.” (Shelise, 03:03)
• Empathy for the Indoctrinated
  • “Whenever I see those comments, I can still have compassion for them because I know that they don't have the full story. Right.” (Shelise, 03:19)

4. Unpacking Mormon Rules — Modesty, Garments, and Gender

• Dress Codes and Shame
  The hosts break down Mormon modesty rules, including the requirement to wear special “garments” after temple marriage or missionary service, which dictates what clothes are acceptable.
  • “So this shirt would definitely not be allowed... you have to... it can't be sheer... it's like an undershirt and undershorts that you wear as your underwear, men and women. And so... if they're showing, then your shirt's not modest enough.” (Shelise, 03:47)
• Policy Change Frustrations
  Sola lampoons the recent rule change allowing tank tops, noting the unfairness for those previously shamed for similar choices:
  • “All of us who were shamed and ridiculed for having tank tops are like, are you kidding me? It doesn't even matter anymore... What's going on?” (Shelise, 04:44)

5. Enforcement and Loopholes — Yoga Pants and Temple Access

• Garments and Yoga Pants “Loophole”
  The show discusses a leaked church directive warning bishops not to grant “temple recommends” to women circumventing modesty rules by wearing workout clothes all day.
  • “If they are not wearing their garments and they're doing the yoga pants, you can't give them a temple recommend… that's a really big deal in Mormonism, because if you can't go to the temple, that means you're not gonna be able to go to the highest level of heaven.” (Shelise, 05:18)

6. Missions — Purpose and Risks

• Pressure and Dangers of Missions
  Mormon missions are described as both a spiritual boot camp and an institutional tactic for retention, not conversion:
  • “Missions are to convert the missionary more than to actually get converts outside.” (Shelise, 07:21)
  • “It's like a really intense boot camp situation... by the time they get back, it's the sunk cost fallacy — if I don't believe it, all that was for nothing.” (Shelise, 07:35)
  • Missions can carry serious risk, with recent assignments to dangerous regions, minimal support, and inadequate resources for young missionaries.
• Notable Stories
  • “I had a cousin who had a severe medical situation that was not handled properly. Some missionaries are not given enough money for food... put into a hoarder's basement... so filthy... asthma issues.” (Shelise, 08:15)
• Skepticism of Church Motives
  • “It's a billion dollar corporation, and these kids are paying to go out and be free marketing, free labor for the church to bring in more members who will bring in more tithing money... it's a big MLM scheme.” (Shelise, 08:40)

7. Stigma and Shame Surrounding Early Mission Exits

• Culture of Shame
  Returning home early from a mission is described as a source of public shame for the missionary and their family—even referencing a leader’s infamous statement:
  • “There was a sermon... where one of the prophets... said, ‘I'd rather you come home in a coffin than come home early.’” (Shelise, 09:46)

8. Cycle of Indoctrination and Breaking Free

• Generational Patterns
  Sola explains that many parents are themselves indoctrinated; questioning norms is rare in insular communities.
  • “The parents don't really know any better because they were most likely raised in it, too. You keep following the cycle until you wake up from it, until you do your own research…” (Shelise, 10:16)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We just always... start every show off with encouraging people to leave positive words of encouragement...” (Shelise, 02:35)
• “It’s a harsh punishment when you can’t go to the temple.” (Shelise, 05:55)
• “If you come home early from your mission, your whole family is shamed... I'd rather you come home in a coffin than come home early.” (Shelise, 09:26 & 09:46)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Child Neglect in Cults and Scientology — 00:45
• Audience and Supportive Community — 01:51
• Compassion for Critics Still in the Group — 03:01
• Mormon Modesty Rules and Garments — 03:38 – 04:44
• Temple Access and Yoga Pants “Loophole” — 05:18
• Mormon Missions—the Hidden Goals and Real Dangers — 06:54 – 09:20
• Shame of Early Mission Returns — 09:26
• Breaking the Indoctrination Cycle — 10:16

Tone and Language

Sola blends compassion for strugglers, inside knowledge, and crisp, candid dialogue—never shying from callouts but anchoring them in personal experience and genuine care for those still inside. The conversation is direct but empathetic, making complex, emotional subjects both accessible and resonant.

Summary

This episode stands out for its fearless honesty, deep empathy, and detailed lived insight. Shelise Ann Sola’s reflections make clear what cult survivors understand: the challenges of leaving aren’t just doctrinal, but deeply emotional and social. The conversation covers everything from modesty rules and missionary tactics, to the unique dangers faced by children and the importance of support after leaving. For anyone wanting to understand the mindset of those inside and the struggles of those trying to leave high-control religion, this is essential listening.