Digital Social Hour – “Standard Over Feelings: The Mindset That Built Champions”
Guest: Ben Newman (Top Mindset Coach)
Host: Sean Kelly
Episode: #1594 (October 30, 2025)
Episode Overview
In this high-energy episode, Sean Kelly sits down with renowned mindset coach Ben Newman. Together, they explore the mentality that separates champions from the pack: living by standards instead of emotions. Ben dives deep into lessons learned coaching elite athletes, shares transformative leadership and self-talk strategies, and unpacks universal insights applicable beyond sports—into business, relationships, and personal growth. The conversation flows authentically with vulnerability, practical tips, and motivational storytelling.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Authentic Energy & Building Small, Loyal Circles
- Energy as a Tool:
- Ben Newman [01:07]: “Energy is probably one of the most authentic tools for engagement that people overlook and they don't realize the importance of it.”
- Staying Authentic:
- Sean [01:53]: Describes how living authentically changed his trajectory after years of “trying to fit in and be friends with people that don’t care.”
- ‘Small Circles Create Big Damage’:
- Ben Newman (quoting Tyron Woodley) [02:06]: “There’s probably just a very small circle of people who are going to love you, support you, and truly care about you through the ups and the downs…Small circles create big damage.”
- Athletes and Distractions:
- Ben discusses how high-performers are flooded with attention and distractions when successful—whether from endorsements, family, or social media—which can divert focus from top performance.
2. Overcoming Distractions & The Power of Mentality
- Key Athlete Distractions:
- Ben [03:20]: Social media’s negativity and “the ninth cousin who all of a sudden wants to come to the Super Bowl” are cited as major drains.
- “Distractions are going to keep you from identifying your highest level of performance.”
- Power of Belief & Self-Talk:
- Ben [04:46]: “The way we speak to ourselves determines the action that we take.”
- Discusses how many “minimize their own action through their self talk” due to limiting beliefs.
3. Accountability, Trust, and Growth
- Victim Mindset:
- Sean [06:11]: “The victim mindset was dangerous for me…it was never my fault. You can’t grow like that.”
- Ownership Enables Trust:
- Ben [06:47]: “If somebody has an inability to take ownership, you can never have trust with that individual.”
- Work-Life Balance vs Discipline:
- Ben [07:06]: Challenges the idea that “balance doesn’t exist,” advocating instead for intentional discipline and valuing time at home.
- “If you’re not leaning into doing the things that take care of you, you’ll never understand what your highest level of peak performance is.”
4. Turning Darkness into Fuel: Personal Stories & Inner Child Work
- Harnessing Early Pain:
- Ben opens up about the loss of his mother at age 7 and subsequent verbal abuse from his father [11:26 - 12:46].
- “There’s a fuel that I’ve been able to find in my darkness. And when an individual understands how to pull strength from their darkness, it’s amazing what they can achieve.”
- Advice to Sean:
- Ben [13:12]: Suggests a “burn journal”—daily writing to acknowledge and harness the strength of your childhood self.
- “I remind myself how strong that little fucking boy is and how when I tap into the strength of that little boy, anything becomes possible as I try to help other people find the best in themselves.”
- Sean Reflects:
- [15:20]: “That inner child, people call it, right? I think we all have that.”
5. Working with Elite Performers and Teams
- Choosing Opportunities Selectively:
- Ben [15:31]: Now chooses which teams/events to work with after 20 years in coaching.
- Currently mental conditioning coach for Kansas State Wildcats, Indiana Fever (WNBA), Nebraska Cornhuskers, Miami Dolphins, and 25+ NFL players.
- Lessons from the WNBA & Caitlin Clark:
- Ben [17:48]: Praises energy and unity of the Indiana Fever, learning as much from players like Caitlin Clark as he teaches.
- Staying Neutral Amidst Criticism:
- Ben [18:00]: “The most important thing is to stay neutral. And I think this is for any athlete, any sport, any business owner…when you’re really successful, people are going to try to attack you.”
- Key: Respond with discipline, not emotion.
6. Standard Over Feelings: The Championship Mindset
- Meeting Nick Saban & The Alabama Standard:
- Ben [19:15-21:39]: Recounts his job interview with Nick Saban.
- Quote [21:11]: “We cannot allow our feelings to dictate how we show up. We have to choose to live to the standard that’s going to cause us to continue to win even after we win.”
- Ben credits this philosophy for his 5 years and two national championships with Alabama.
- Living by Standards, Not Passions:
- “If you live to your feelings, you’re going to show up a certain way. If we live to our standards, we go and figure out how great we can be.”
7. Can Confidence Be Taught? (And How Champions Build It)
- Not from Talent, But Discipline:
- Ben (referencing Erwin McManus) [22:21]: “Confidence comes from discipline, not from talent...When your confidence comes from discipline, you start to tap into how great you can be.”
- Cites Kobe Bryant: “He never got bored with the basics.”
- Mindset Amplifies Skill:
- Stories about Tom Brady, Spurs, Lakers—legendary teams won not just because of talent, but due to discipline, self-mastery, and routines like meditation or daily motivational texts.
- Ben [24:57]: “Every day he [Brady] would send messages teaching the players how to think about becoming a champion…text messages was the difference.”
8. Leadership Lessons from the Best
- The Way You Do One Thing:
- Ben (on Nick Saban) [27:18]: “The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. Many leaders don’t realize that Sean can only lead somebody to the level of discipline in which he lives.”
- Find Your Edge in the Details:
- Ben (on Chris Klieman) [27:43]: “Real hungry champions are never finished. They’re always going to try to find that edge, that extra that they can attack.”
- Relentless Learning:
- Even as a top coach, Ben invests in learning: “I still have two coaches who are helping me see the things that maybe I don’t see because we all get moving too fast.” [28:09]
9. Motivating at Scale & The Power of Intentional Touches
- Big Goals:
- Ben’s mission has doubled: once aiming to impact 1 billion people, now 2 billion [28:32].
- Corporate Lessons from Microsoft:
- Ben worked with a large Microsoft team, who cited his “unexpected intentional touches”—small, purposeful notes of appreciation—as the key to their world-leading leadership health score [31:15-31:46].
- Ben [31:46]: “Sometimes as leaders, I think we have to slow down and remember it’s the little things that make the difference…reminding people you’re important, you’re appreciated, and I love the energy you bring to our team.”
10. Looking Forward: The Process
- Upcoming Book:
- Next book: “The Process” (currently being written, no release date yet) [32:41].
- Will help readers “break down that process of what it is that makes them grow great.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Harnessing Pain:
- Ben Newman [12:46]: “There’s a fuel that I’ve been able to find in my darkness. And when an individual understands how to pull strength from their darkness, it’s amazing what they can achieve.”
-
On Living By Standard:
- Ben Newman [21:11]: “We cannot allow our feelings to dictate how we show up. We have to choose to live to the standard that’s going to cause us to continue to win even after we win.”
-
On Confidence:
- Ben Newman [22:21]: “Confidence comes from discipline, not from talent. When your confidence comes from discipline, you start to tap into how great you can be.”
-
On Leadership:
- Ben Newman [27:18]: “The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.”
-
On Intentional Leadership Touches:
- Ben Newman [31:46]: “Sometimes as leaders, we have to slow down and remember it’s the little things that make the difference.”
Important Segment Timestamps
- Energy, Authenticity, and Inner Circles: [00:42] – [02:45]
- Self-Talk and Limiting Beliefs: [04:46] – [06:10]
- Overcoming Victim Mindset, Trust, and Accountability: [06:11] – [07:00]
- Personal Stories: Pain, Darkness, and Fuel: [11:06] – [15:06]
- Athlete Mentality, Mindset Coaching, and Staying Neutral: [15:24] – [19:07]
- Nick Saban & Standard Over Feelings: [19:15] – [22:12]
- On Teaching Confidence & Championship Habits: [22:12] – [24:52]
- Leadership Lessons: Saban, Klieman, and Microsoft: [26:50] – [32:26]
Summary Takeaway
Ben Newman brings a rare blend of tough love, actionable wisdom, and vulnerability. Whether speaking to pro athletes or industry leaders, his message echoes: Build your life on standards—not moods. Trust, discipline, intentional touchpoints, and channeling your pain shape elite success. Listeners are left with inspiration and tactical takeaways for leading teams, nurturing relationships, and conquering personal challenges.