
Stop playing whack-a-mole with your self-improvement journey! Join Sean Kelly on the Digital Social Hour as he sits down with hypnosis expert Ryan to uncover the truth about breaking free from limiting beliefs and emotional baggage. Discover how...
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Ryan
Head to bluehost.com to start now. The other thing that's possible is that your mind is kind of using that as a metaphor to help you understand a particular principle. It's like, okay, maybe it's not necessarily safe for you to understand what really happened in this life. So we're going to put it in this other context to give you the same kind of general idea of what was happening so it's easier to understand and deal with because your mind is only going to show you things that it feels is safe.
Podcast Host
All right, guys, we are going to talk hypnosis today. Excited for this one. We got Ryan here today, hypnosis expert. Thanks for coming on today.
Ryan
Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be here.
Podcast Host
Absolutely. When did you get into all this?
Ryan
Back in 2019. 2020. I was doing a lot of work on myself back in 2019. Got some friends groups. One of the guys there was talking about emotional baggage and that sort of thing. And it's like, you know, raised Catholic. Got some of that, so went and did a session with him. Just kind of felt lighter. I was like, if you're carrying around £50 of stuff. Get rid of £30, everything's easier. I was at that point in my career where it's time for the next big thing, thinking about becoming a psychologist. But I was going to take about six years and a half a million to get done, and that's unappealing in your 40s. So I got certified as a hypnotist. Took about six weeks and two grand. And that was in February 2020. So right after I got certified, everything shut down.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
And I was working intelligence work at the time, so I couldn't work from home because everything I did was classified. And I worked with a bunch of guys online, found out I kind of had a talent for it. Got some more training, started my business in April of 2020, went full time in October.
Podcast Host
Nice. So pretty Recent, though.
Ryan
Yeah, 24 and a half, five years.
Podcast Host
Nice. And were you able to use it on yourself or how did it develop for your personal development?
Ryan
Well, it's kind of interesting is that when you're talking about personal change and working on yourself, if you're kind of at war with yourself, your mind doesn't really let you do a lot of changes on its own because it doesn't actually trust you in a lot of ways.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
If you're at war, then it's not doing what you say it, what you say it should for a reason. A lot of the changes you want to make are to allow you to do stuff that thinks are bad or dangerous. So in my own journey, it was really kind of frustrating because I know exactly what was wrong, exactly how to fix it, not be able to do it. So I had to hire somebody else to fix it for me. But a lot of things in that journey, I was working about three or four years there, trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I was talking about before the show. Turns out of autism didn't get diagnosed until last year. So, you know, growing up autistic in Kansas, really kind of hard. Knew the world worked for everybody else and not for me. So for a very long time, the way I kind of kept myself going in life, kind of make life worth living, was to be in service of that greater good. Kind of worked for that night in shining armor, kind of that kind of stuff, trying to save the world. That worked up until 2020, realized the world, rather suddenly does not want to be saved, which is kind of when I started to work with people one on one. But that still put me in a position where I couldn't get what I needed in life. Sort of started that whole personal development journey to try and figure out how to get that done. And along the way I kind of realized that I tried everything. Psychology and CBT and psychedelics and spiritual stuff, energy, healing and all that kind of stuff. All of it helped, but none of it really fixed the problem. So I kind of had to dig in deeper and figure out why that was and kind of figure out what things actually worked on. How things actually worked in the back of your head. Or find out a way to kind of fix myself.
Podcast Host
Yeah, you got to get it to the root cause. And a lot of times you don't even know what that is.
Ryan
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Podcast Host
You're forming these thought patterns from ages 0 to 6 for the most. Most.
Ryan
And the other thing is, is very much a rational mind, like sort of left brain versus right brain issue.
Co-Host
Okay.
Ryan
When you're going through that space of like 0 to 6 years old, really don't have your intellectual capacity online, the rationality. So you're doing everything from a very emotional kind of perspective. The emotional mind is looking at things kind of like from a series of events, patterns over time, looking at that force rather than the individual trees. But as you grow older, we tend to focus so much on that left brain sort of perspective because this is what we can identify. It makes a lot of sense, it's rational, understand we can reach out and touch it. It means we leave behind those emotional. That's kind of what I realized that we had to do is we have to understand where these emotional high level beliefs come from and fix those because they're creating the context that we interpret all of this stuff from. So it's kind of like, I'm not good enough being applied to individual situations. Something wrong with me being applied to individual situations. If we're always focusing on this, we're basically playing whack a mole for the rest of our lives. But if we fix these things up here now, all this stuff changes. So if you think about having like a big box in your head, label on it says I'm not good enough. There's a million different events in that box, million different things that made you believe that. This typical way to do is take stuff out, put it in a different box. That takes forever because there's millions of stuff in there and more stuff gets added every day. That's why we kind of get stuck in this process of always self improving and fixing trauma and so forth and so on. But there's a label on the box, so why not just take the label off. Put a new one on change. I'm not good enough to. I am good enough now. Everything in there means I'm good enough. And you don't have to deal with it anymore.
Podcast Host
That's a good point. Because a lot of stuff happens to people and it's on them how they want to interpret it. Right.
Ryan
Exactly.
Podcast Host
So they could say that's. That's a bad incident. Or they can reframe that mindset.
Ryan
Exactly. Exactly. But it's not a conscious thing.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Because all those emotional responses happen before you become consciously aware of them. So the judgments being made in the back of the head based on those processes. So you have to fix those things in the back of your head in the first place.
Podcast Host
Got it. So that's where hypnosis comes in.
Ryan
Exactly.
Podcast Host
So you're not able to consciously say these millions of things that happen to me. Maybe I should look at it differently. It's got to be sub.
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Ryan
Exactly. Exactly. The problem is that we have this thing called talk about in hypnosis being the critical factor, kind of the barrier between the conscious and the unconscious mind. What that means is in your waking state, when you're conscious, your unconscious mind judges true and false based on what it already believes. So if that's the case that anything that doesn't match what you already believe is false by definition, gets ignored. So how do you prove it wrong if it's ignoring all evidence to the contrary?
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So you can consciously say this is the way it should be, but if it doesn't match this, that part doesn't change. Hypnosis gives you access directly to that unconscious mind, kind of lets you bypass that.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Which means I can now have that conversation directly with that part of your mind. Do that persuasion work and that reframing to get it to see things from a different perspective.
Podcast Host
That's so interesting. What are the more common issues people are coming to you trying to solve?
Ryan
What I do is very sort of programmatic and kind of like total transformation. A lot of times people are coming to me because of one of two reasons, either number one, they're just kind.
Co-Host
Of blocked in life, right?
Ryan
They're, they know what they want to do, they've got this big vision, they know they have a lot of potential, but they're here and they should be here.
Co-Host
Right?
Ryan
So there's a lot of stuff that's just simply off limits for them. All this talked about this in my book, Being the Cage, right? Things are good, there's a roof over your head, lights are on, food's on the table, but everything's kind of like relatively mediocre compared to where you should be. The second one is actually trickier. It's called the treadmill.
Co-Host
Okay.
Ryan
These are people who are typically highly successful, highly performing, but they're stuck in this like constant cycle of chasing goal after Goal after goal, comparing themselves to the next guy higher up on the ladder.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Those people, it's a situation where they're not able to actually be satisfied what they're doing. They never actually get to feel that reward.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
They never actually get to enjoy their full life. Quite often, that's the only part of your life is really working.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
The rest of your life happens to be, as usually, master relationships and their health and so forth and so on. So for them people, for those kind of people, it's about being able to step off that treadmill, still be able to perform and do really cool things, but live a more full life.
Podcast Host
That's so interesting. Yeah. A lot of people just get stagnant in life, whether it's business, dating, you know, health.
Ryan
Exactly.
Podcast Host
And it's probably these blocks that they don't even know about.
Ryan
Yeah, well, it's a. It's a. It's like when you're growing up and your things are bad, it's almost like you're playing a game that can't be won.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
The rules are always changing, goalposts always moving, never seem to be able to win. At a certain point in life, we hit a point where it's like, okay, now I have some agency. I'll start getting high school. Able to do some of your stuff on your own, get into college. Okay, great. You started to build your life. So essentially, select a game to play that you can win. Find something you're good at. Start cranking down that road. Start cranking up the wins. At a certain point in life, that kind of stops working for you.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Because it's not actually delivering the real satisfaction you want. Yeah, I'm a successful entrepreneur. I've got millions of dollars, but I still don't feel like I'm good enough. Still don't have that, you know, that insecurity, anxiety is still there. That's. At what point where we realize this isn't working. It's not actually solving the problem.
Podcast Host
Right.
Ryan
That's when you have to start digging deeper, figuring out, okay, what exactly is that problem and how do I need to really solve it?
Podcast Host
Absolutely. Have you ever had a client that was immune to being hypnotized?
Ryan
Not exactly. People talk about suggestibility and people are harder and easier to hypnotize. And that's kind of based upon a bunch of academic studies. And the way they do it in, like, Stanford and Oxford, when they're studying hypnosis, the way they do it is they kind of run people through a standard hypnosis induction, and see how they respond. But hypnosis is kind of a very voluntary process.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
I'm leading you through a series of steps, kind of like a guided meditation, just taking you mind.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So if you want to follow along, get you there, you don't want to follow along, Nothing I can do to get you there. So if I'm sitting there trying to do a test on you and you don't want to play the game, you're going to come across as not suggestible, not able to be hypnotized. Whereas if you want to play the game, it's easy to get you there. So it's more a question of willingness, capability.
Podcast Host
Right.
Ryan
If you're talking about people who are like schizophrenic or psychotic kind of out on that, or you just don't have that intellectual capability, I mean, that's obviously a different story. But for the mass majority of people, it's more a question of willingness than capability.
Podcast Host
Yeah. Because you see those magic shows or whatever and they're on stage and some people knock out like they're so they're just super open to it.
Ryan
Yeah. They've decided they want to play the game, so they're going to play the game.
Podcast Host
Right. And I've seen them tell them to do whatever and they'll do it. It's crazy.
Ryan
Yeah, it's hilarious.
Podcast Host
Yeah. But that's for sure. What you do is completely different.
Co-Host
Right.
Podcast Host
I like what you do. I've also tried past life hypnosis. I'd love to hear your, your theory on that. What do you think's going on there, man?
Ryan
Could be a number of things. Like, could be that there are past lives. You're actually being able to go back and experience those. The other thing that's possible is that your mind is kind of using that as a metaphor to help you understand particular principle. It's like, okay, maybe it's not necessarily safe for you to understand what really happened in this life. So we're going to put it in this other context to give you the same kind of general idea of what was happening so it's easier to understand and deal with.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Because your mind is only going to show you things that it feels is safe for you to see. So if you've been through something really traumatic, it's like, okay, this is too much. Okay, let me give you this other story over here. This happened to somebody else, it happened to you in a different life. It's not really happening to you. That makes it easier for you to Be able to understand and experience it and still get the gist of what's happening and the understanding that you need without actually having to push all those traumatic buttons.
Podcast Host
Interesting. Have you ever tried that form of hypnosis would. Are you opposed to it or.
Ryan
No, it's just not something that's really interested me.
Podcast Host
Okay. Because you've tried psychedelics, you've tried other energy healing and stuff.
Ryan
Yeah, yeah. And every single thing that tried is fascinating at all kinds of interesting.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But I'm worried about what's happening in this life, what I'm doing now.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
I don't really care what happened then unless it actually applies to us now. I find that focusing on what's happening in this lifetime has given me so much more information, understanding, and agency to change how I'm living this life.
Podcast Host
Yeah. Because you're getting down to what's actually exactly. Running, running the shots, you know? Yeah. Energy healing feels good. I agree. I've tried it. But then a week later I'm back to the same problems.
Ryan
Well, it's kind of like I'll often ask my questions, my clients, this question of like, okay, what part of you is you?
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
You got your conscious mind, your rational mind, your emotional mind, your instinctive mind, got your neurochemistry, got your physical body. Start talking about like the body keeps a score. Now you've got an emotional body. Talk about energy healing.
Co-Host
Great.
Ryan
You've got an energetic body. Are you getting a little more esoteric? You got astro body, you got a soul. So what showed that as you and to me, I'm all of that and probably more. And you can see a problem in your life as originating in any one of those aspects of self.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So a lot of the stuff that's happening is in your unconscious mind. That's your emotional, instinctive and your rational pieces.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But if you got a problem in your energetic body, trying to fix it there exactly what you want to do. But trying to fix a psychological problem from the energetic space is probably not going to be effective.
Podcast Host
Right.
Ryan
So it's actually the first step is trying to figure out where the problem really is, where you can address it, where it actually is.
Podcast Host
I saw some article yesterday, they're getting close to proving that there is a soul.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
I wouldn't be surprised.
Podcast Host
Which is exciting.
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
That's been a huge debate like forever between religions, Right?
Co-Host
Absolutely.
Podcast Host
That could be major.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
And it kind of comes down to your concept of reality is like three dimensions plus time material around all there is or is there more to it. If there's more to it, then soul isn't actually material.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
It's probably reflected in some way. But how do you measure something?
Co-Host
It's not here.
Ryan
Right, right.
Podcast Host
What's been your belief of all that?
Ryan
Oh, I 100% believe that there's a soul, that the divine exists, that there is more to life and reality than three dimensions plus time. Now, my personal opinion, I'm not entirely sure that consciousness exists in three dimensional.
Podcast Host
Really?
Ryan
Yeah. Well, you can't touch it, see it, hear it, taste it, smell it, can't measure it.
Podcast Host
So how do we act like if we're making a decision? Isn't that the conscious mind, though?
Ryan
Yes.
Podcast Host
So you don't think that exists?
Ryan
I don't think it exists in material reality. I think that everything's connected.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
And so things are sort of reflected into material reality from some of those other places.
Podcast Host
Interesting.
Ryan
It's more like this physical body is translating stuff for that part of us to be able to understand. And it's kind of being translated back and forth. Yeah, that's my idea.
Podcast Host
No, there is a theory of everything's just light.
Co-Host
Right.
Podcast Host
And we're kind of manifesting the. Like this microphone right here, it's just light.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
Yeah, I have heard that. Yeah. Because third dimension, everything is different here.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
That's interesting.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
I want to talk about addictions. I saw a lot of addictions growing up. Mainly my father, alcohol. He was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Then once he got off that, he was on the vapes and the nicotine. It was just constant addiction after addiction. So have you seen hypnosis help with addictions?
Ryan
Yeah, it's not something I specialize in personally, but yes, hypnosis is incredibly effective for addictions, especially like smoking. And it's usually quit smoking, like one hypnosis session.
Podcast Host
Wow.
Ryan
It's one of the most effective ones that's on the American Lung Association. They actually have a list of hypnotists to actually help you quit smoking. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Side effect. Now, in terms of addiction in general, the way I kind of look at it is that the addiction that you have is kind of like the tool you're using to make a miserable life worth living.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Life sucks, everything's terrible. But this gives you some kind of hope, gives you some kind of out.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So to me, there's kind of two pieces that you need to do. There's a physical, actual addiction piece, but there's also the psychological and all that other stuff you need to do to actually make life, life worth living on its own. Because until it is. And it still needs some kind of crutch, whatever that happens to be.
Podcast Host
Yeah, that's interesting. I. I wish I could have just told him to try hypnosis out. He spent so much money on those nicotine, those gum things.
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
Oh my gosh, they smell like.
Ryan
Yeah, yeah.
Podcast Host
Just hopped one addiction to another. It seems like a lot of people these days have social media addiction, porn addiction. It's more digital now.
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
You know, even cannabis, I would say you could be. Some people think you can't get addicted to it, but I think you can.
Ryan
Oh, 100%. 100%.
Podcast Host
Yeah. We're straying away from alcohol, luckily, but I feel like there's always going to be something people are addicted to.
Ryan
Yeah. And I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Because when you look at like something like social media addiction or like porn addiction, you're talking about like poor identity stuff.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
You know, alcohol is a physical addiction, cannabis is physical.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But when you're talking about things like information environment, you're consuming the world, you're kind of comparing yourself against like, that gets really dangerous because that's actually like psychological impacting.
Co-Host
Review of.
Podcast Host
Oh, yeah, you are. When I was first on social media, the first few years, I. I just compared myself to everyone else. It was really bad.
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
Really bad.
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
I had to get out of that mindset. And even just like watching likes and views like that, that's pretty bad too.
Ryan
100%.
Podcast Host
Tie your identity to that.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
A lot of that kind of comes down to self esteem.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
If you're kind of coming into the world, if you got this idea of like, I'm not good enough or there's something wrong with me, that's not an answer we can accept.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So we try and find a way to prove it wrong. And metrics like likes and views and everything else are a nice little scoreboard to use to prove that, okay, I'm good enough, I measure up, and so forth and so on. Go back to that whole idea that the unconscious mind only believes what it already believes. And it's hard to prove that from the outside in. That book never changes, which is why that comparison is so toxic, because that never ends. You can never get enough points.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Co-Host
Right.
Podcast Host
I want to talk confidence too. I had massive confidence issues growing up and I still have some today in certain things. Have you seen hypnosis help with conf. Building confidence?
Ryan
Yeah. But I think that we kind of get confidence wrong in a certain way. We think that confidence is something we gain.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
This idea that confidence comes from competence.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
The more capable you get with a skill or something like that, then the more confident you. And that's true. Like you start out driving, you're really young, nervous, and everything else. And as you drive more and more and more, you get more and more confidence easier.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But if that was the case, confidence comes from competence. Everybody's already a hundred percent competent at being them, so Everybody should be 100% confident in themselves. They're not.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So the way I look at it is confidence is about what you gain. It's about what you lose. Lose the fear and the doubt. Certainty along the way.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So if you don't like who you are, it's really hard to have actual confidence. Parts of you you're doubting, uncertain about that you're afraid of in some ways. So the confidence comes from actually getting to know what you actually are, Understanding it, accepting it, forgiving it, and integrating.
Podcast Host
Wow.
Ryan
But when we don't like who we are, we try and be somebody else. Love that. Gotta be somebody else. So a lot of the ways we improve confidence is by being better at the thing we're trying to become and convincing ourselves that that's who we are. But again, go back to the belief what already believes, which is why there's always that tension.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Got Alex from Mosey talking about having, you know, building a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But if you got one piece of undeniable proof, that should be enough. So why do you need a stack? Why do you keep adding to that stack?
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
That's that trap you get in of constantly having to prove you're something other than who you actually are.
Podcast Host
I love that. That's so spot on. Because when my confidence was at low points, I was pretending to be someone I wasn't 100%. I was trying to fit in with people I wasn't meant to fit in with.
Ryan
Exactly.
Co-Host
Exactly.
Ryan
But once you get to a place where you can accept and own it who you are, then you just get to be you. There's no questions anymore. That's where you get that full confidence.
Podcast Host
Right. That's so cool. Yeah. It's about what you lose. Wow. I never thought of it that way. That's so spot on. Wow. When it comes to dealing with emotions, is that something you think can be trained, like how you react?
Ryan
Maybe, maybe not. Because for one thing, that's a subconscious Process, right. There's a great number of studies back in Germany in the 1970s that prove that we consciously understand something or experience something about a half a second after it happened, right? So there's about a half a second where your unconscious mind is doing all this processing and taking action and so forth and so on. That's the place where the emotion is generated and then you experience it. If you can't train your subconscious mind from the outside in a lot of what this emotional control and so forth, it's almost actually like emotional suppression. I don't want to feel this or I'm not going to react that emotion. But you can't actually change how you feel the emotions or how those emotions are generated as you get in the subconscious mind to figure out how they're being generated in the first place, what they mean, change how that actually works.
Co-Host
Okay.
Ryan
Talk about things like meditation. That's kind of a way of training yourself to distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions. Training disassociation, Okay? I look at that as like a very bad thing, really. Meditation in terms of disassociation.
Podcast Host
Okay.
Ryan
The reason why is because I look at every emotion as basically a signal or a question. Especially negative emotions, right? Fear and anxiety and so forth and so on. Each one of those emotions, I kind of go in this, my book, a little bit as has a reason, right? It has a question. It's asking if you're angry, it's because something out there is messing with you and you need to make it go away. Forced to do so, figure out what you'll.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
If you're anxious, that means there's a problem out there in the environment hasn't found you yet. Figure out what that is.
Co-Host
Right?
Ryan
That's that freeze response. From a survival perspective, if you look at depression, basically you're a situation where you're out of options. I just kind of have to endure. That's that flop survival response.
Co-Host
Okay?
Ryan
So each of these negative emotions is trying to tell you what's happening in the world around you and how you need to fix it.
Co-Host
Okay?
Ryan
So to me, the better way to do it is to learn how to engage with your emotions. Because if each emotion is trying to help you navigate the world, it's trying to help you figure things out, trying to help you get to where you want to be, even if it's a negative emotion. The difficulty is we define negative emotions as pain. Something as painful, you have to avoid it more that negative emotions experience, especially when you're young and you're looking at his pain, the bigger that survival response is that survival trigger.
Co-Host
Right, Right.
Ryan
So while emotions are pain, you have to avoid it. You can't actually use them to help you.
Podcast Host
Dang.
Ryan
So one of the things I do with my clients very, very often is to redefine emotions from pain to signal. And once emotions are no longer pain, they become useful signals. So I can engage with them as long as you need to figure things out. Also does an interesting change. If emotions are no longer pain, then they no longer come from emotional wounds. Right now, there's nothing to heal.
Podcast Host
Wow.
Ryan
It also means that trauma takes on a very different perspective. It's not something that happened to you. To me, trauma is a situation where you weren't able to find a way to win. You're stuck in a situation, can't figure it out, your mind is screaming at you for help, and you don't have an answer. That's it.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
But even in those situations, you're still breathing, which means you found a way to navigate it successfully. That's a win. If somebody tries to destroy you, throws everything at you, including the catch you in sink, and you're still standing one. So even in those situations where we define as highly traumatic, they're extremely difficult to navigate. They were extremely painful. From an emotional perspective, we still came out on top. Doesn't mean we didn't take our hits.
Podcast Host
Right.
Ryan
But if you look at guys like Conor McGregor or Mike Tyson to get in the ring, even when they win, they get. They get the snot kicked out of them, right?
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
And part of the problem is we're looking at life in survival terms, in terms of fight and flight. Fight something off, you don't get hurt. Successfully running away, you don't get hurt. So there's that underlying assumption that if you got hurt, you're lost, threat to your survival, Right?
Podcast Host
Yeah. Wow, that's a fascinating take because I think as men, we're like running away from emotions. We're suppressing them, we're not dealing with them. But you're saying to use them as a signal and then find out what's going on.
Ryan
Yeah, yeah. They're tools helping you navigate the world. And for men, it's kind of a little bit different because. Because we're built for violence, we have to learn how to not respond emotionally because it's too dangerous to do so. But that tends to express and don't cry, don't be afraid, so forth. So on the suppression, which means you're actually not allowed to even be fully human.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
If you're going down that road, whereas me. The better way to do it is be able to fully experience and engage with those and still control the way you respond.
Podcast Host
I love that. Yeah. My dad had a bipolar disorder, so same here. I. I think I had some trauma from that, to be honest, because I didn't know if you'd yell at me or if you'd be happy. I never knew I said the wrong thing.
Ryan
Exactly. And that's kind of one of the situations I talked about this with my clients a lot is this idea of the game that can't be won.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
You're in a situation, nothing you do seems to get to what you need. Nothing you do really seems to work. So after a while, it's easy to start blaming who you are rather than things doing.
Podcast Host
Right. Victim mindset.
Ryan
Victim mindset.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But at the same time, if you're a kid, you don't really have any choice about the environment you're in and change it.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So you have to find a way to navigate it. Can't do that. Must be you, because you're the common factor in all these situations. But the situation is that your dad is bipolar, doesn't know it, it's uncontrolled, and nothing you do or don't do is matters.
Podcast Host
That's true.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
It's gonna happen regardless.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Doesn't have anything to do with you. The game is rigged. Losing an expected outcome.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So there's nothing wrong with you if you're losing a game that's rigged. But we don't think that way as kids. Most of us don't even think that way as adults.
Podcast Host
No. I will say a little side note. Microdosing mushrooms helped him.
Ryan
Oh, I bet.
Podcast Host
Yeah. In his later years, he was very. Not amazing with his emotions, but a lot better.
Ryan
Yeah. You know, I love psychedelics. I think that those are such amazing tools. You do so many really great things with it. And one of the best things about it, I think, is kind of opening new pathways and opening new possibilities. It's kind of like expanding what's possible for you.
Podcast Host
Right.
Ryan
Just doing that makes a huge difference.
Podcast Host
Yeah. Because there's a lot of limiting beliefs.
Ryan
One billion.
Podcast Host
You know, we attract them growing up.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
Yeah. I remember just aiming for, like. Like when I was growing up, I was like, I want to be a millionaire.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
Like, that's. That's just a belief. And then when you get there, what's next?
Ryan
Well, it's that one. It goes back to that treadmill, those continually moving targets. You say, ah, If I get a million, then I've made it, that'll prove that I'm good enough, so forth and so on. You make a million, that feels good for a minute because you succeeded. That's that accomplishment, right? Got that pride. All of a sudden that fades and now you're back to still not feeling good enough, right? Great. Got to make 2 million. Made that 2, same thing happens, never ends. Meet that 5, still feels that same way. Trying to prove that feeling wrong doesn't work from the outside. And got to do side out.
Podcast Host
All right, so what's the proper goal setting technique then?
Ryan
You think I don't set goals?
Podcast Host
You don't?
Ryan
I don't. I build systems. The reason why I don't is, number one, if I choose a goal, I'm kind of eliminating all that possibility, right? I say this is the thing I'm going for. Which means I'm not going after any other thing. Number one, the goal I set today is based on what I can conceive of today. What if next week or next month I came up with a better idea? So for me it's more about building a system of like, okay, what am I trying to achieve in life? What's my mission? What's my purpose? Let me just figure out ways to do that. Kind of having a North Star and kind of a mission to take you there is a way of navigate. So for me, my North Star is like greatness. I choose greatness, I'm pursuing greatness. And the mission to get me there is to end human suffering and unleash the fullness of human potential to the maximum possible for me to engineer in this lifetime. Figure if I'm starting to do that, it's going to take me to greatness, right? And I don't have to figure out how that looks or feels.
Podcast Host
I love it. Yes. You have a general direction.
Ryan
Exactly.
Podcast Host
Yeah, I like that more than specific number goals.
Ryan
100%.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Because the goals, if you're setting them as specific numbers and so forth and so on, is you're playing that game, you're playing life like a video game, trying to hit I score, trying to measure things, trying to prove to yourself again, right. But if you're at that place where you like who you are, got the self esteem, that value you've created for yourself, don't need anything on the outside in create it. It's going from playing life like Alex Ramosi, trying to make millions and millions of dollars, build that stack of undeniable proof, playing like Elon Musk, he's not trying to make the millions. He's trying to change the course of history. Of course, human development, it's a very, very different game. But you only get to play that when you're not measuring things. Don't have a scoreboard.
Podcast Host
That's interesting. A lot of people have a scoreboard, I'd say.
Ryan
Oh, yeah, so much. So much.
Podcast Host
I mean, they teach it to you growing up as a kid, sports and just social media followers.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
And it comes back to that idea of, I don't like who I am, so I got to be somebody different.
Podcast Host
Yeah, yeah. I got to be aware of that because I even myself, I'm like, I want to climb the podcast rankings and everything, you know?
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
And there's. It's not that that's a bad thing when you go up that mountain and so forth and so on, but there's a difference between doing it because you're trying to prove something to yourself or doing it for the love of the game.
Podcast Host
Good point.
Ryan
How far can I go? What can I accomplish? You got the guy like Michael Phelps, Olympic swimmer, crush, like a million different records. Came out, like 30,000 gold medals.
Co-Host
Why?
Ryan
Because I love what he's doing. How far can I go?
Podcast Host
Yeah, I love that. You mentioned purpose earlier. Do you get a lot of people coming to you, struggling to find their purpose?
Ryan
Sometimes. Sometimes. A lot of these guys that do come to me with that kind of thing, it's because they've been on that treadmill. They've been playing life like a video game. They know that that's not what they need.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But my job is to figure. Help them figure that out. My job is to help them become fully them so that the purpose obvious.
Podcast Host
I like that. You served in the military. Did you have a lot of trauma from that?
Ryan
No, not really. So when I was in the Marine Corps, I was a Russian linguist. I never really went anywhere deployed or anything like that. I was there from 97. 02. So right around the time 911 happened was about the time I was getting out from there, I went to the Air National Guard supporting, like, Predators and U2s and working at intel for F16s and F22s. But again, never really saw a lot of stuff. A lot of things that traumatic were from working in the intelligence world where I was working, like counterterrorism and counter proliferation.
Podcast Host
Yeah, I'm sure you saw some stuff there.
Ryan
Saw some stuff there, for sure.
Podcast Host
Yeah. I had Chris Voss on the show. FBI negotiator. He lives here. He's Heard and seen some stuff.
Ryan
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Podcast Host
He said he still sees it daily.
Ryan
Yeah. You're. You're dealing with the worst parts of the world and the worst parts of humanity and some of the worst conditions, you know, so. Yeah, it's gonna. It's gonna affect you.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
That's kind of why I had to get out of that world after a while is just simply.
Podcast Host
Was it too much on you mentally or.
Ryan
Yeah, mentally and emotionally.
Podcast Host
Because you would get late night calls, Right.
Ryan
Well, I was working shift work and things like that. So it's kind of like you roll in and all of a sudden you're dealing with all kinds of horrible stuff. And then after that you get off work and you go hang out at the bar with friends doing a happy hour, and you can't talk about anything.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
There's no support for you. And again, I'm bipolar or, sorry, autistic. I can't lie to myself about what was happening. Was.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So I just had to carry the full weight. I was being involved with.
Podcast Host
And you had no one to talk to. Were you married at the time?
Ryan
I was.
Podcast Host
Okay. Were you talking to your wife at least?
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
Wow. It's that.
Ryan
How are you supposed to talk about classified stuff with your wife? How's the stuff that you work. That was good. Some cool stuff.
Podcast Host
Wow.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
How are you supposed to explain that?
Podcast Host
That's a tough job.
Ryan
Yeah.
Podcast Host
I think any job where there's a lot of secrecy involved and it's just hard. Dramatic.
Ryan
Really hard.
Podcast Host
Damn.
Ryan
That's why you see, like, you know, police, ems, doctors, you know, military a lot. Why? Because you can't talk about it, you can't share it. There's no place to let that out. So you just carry that full weight yourself. And often it just really tears you apart.
Podcast Host
Yeah. Getting married next year. Any advice for that?
Ryan
So I'm looking to get married again myself. And I'm kind of looking at two things in terms of compatibility and alignment.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Compatibility is like being compatible and having that kind of commonality and that ability to communicate around, like intelligence or communicate or consciousness, you know, your emotional state. Sexual compatibility.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But there's also alignment around, like, values and vision and lifestyle. Have to have both.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
Having one without the other is going to be a mess.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
So it's all about making sure that you're on the same page.
Co-Host
Right. Are you.
Ryan
Do you have a shared mission, a shared purpose? Are you heading in the same direction to create something together? If you are, things are probably going to work out two Reasonable people trying to make the same thing happen, moving the same direction, you're going to be able to figure it out. If you're not on the same page, not moving the same direction, you don't have the same vision. Everything's going to be mess.
Podcast Host
That's what happened to you often.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Well, I didn't find out that I was bipolar or autistic until last year. So pretty much every relationship up until then was destined to fail. Like it can't be anything other than a train wreck when you've got somebody with, you know, undiagnosed serious mental health issues that's not being treated, you know?
Podcast Host
Why do you think it took so long to get a diagnosis?
Ryan
Oh, man. For the autism. You know, I was growing up In Kansas, the 70s and 80s, like, nobody really had any idea what that was back then. And I figured out a way to kind of navigate the world with it. I basically turned my brain into a machine that reverse engineer human behavior. And it worked well enough. As far as the bipolar goes, it's kind of combined with the adhd. I've got very low dopamine levels to begin with, so my mood is typically low to begin with. So a lot of the things I was experiencing was depression. I never had that high manic episode until I started getting the ADHD treated since my dopamines came up to normal. Now it opened up the space for that manic episode.
Podcast Host
Holy crap.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
So after about three months of doing like playing around with things like Adderall and Wellbutrin, that's what triggered the manic episode. And because there were no brakes on the trainers, went off the cliff.
Podcast Host
Damn. Are there. Are you on any medication right now?
Co-Host
Yeah.
Podcast Host
So you're still relying on it?
Ryan
Yeah. Well, it's. When you've had a severe episode as that you can't go without because the, the odds and the probability is going to happen again are extremely high.
Podcast Host
Whoa. Yeah, I didn't know that about manic episodes. So once you have one, it kind of opens the floodgates, like getting the first concussion.
Ryan
100%.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Podcast Host
Damn.
Ryan
It took me about 14, 15 months to figure out the right medications that keep me stable and actually allow me to, like, function. So that was a. That was a gauntlet to go through.
Podcast Host
Holy crap. Sorry to hear you went through that, man.
Ryan
You know, it sucks, but at the same time, it's just kind of cranking through and trying stuff out until you find something that works.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Luckily for me, I'd done all this work on myself Beforehand to get myself to an extremely solid state. So it was just a situation of like, okay, this is frustrating. It's annoying. There's nothing I can do but go through it. So why feel bad about it? It's more about the frustration. It's like, why am I there? Why am I out of there? The hope of having it work for a few weeks, and then all the side effects kick in. Trying to figure out what's next.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
But it wasn't a terribly stressful or difficult situation. You know, obviously, like, my. My business took a big hit.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Lost my girlfriend. All this kinds of stuff happened. But just something you're going through, all you have to do is just keep on going. One day you're gonna figure it out. Soon as you do, you're off to the races again.
Podcast Host
Yeah.
Ryan
So I finally hit that point where I'm about 100% about two, three months ago. So now I've been back on that track, rebuilding things, getting things back up and running, get myself out there, and it's been fun.
Podcast Host
Let's go. How aware of you are you with the bipolar stuff? Like, was that a shock to you when you got the diagnosis?
Ryan
Yeah, it was. Yeah. I had no idea that was done.
Podcast Host
Whoa.
Ryan
No idea. Because, again, I'd never really had that high manic episode that in a way that I recognized. Kind of looking back at my life now, it's like, okay, like, yeah, probably there. Yeah, probably there. Yeah, probably there.
Podcast Host
You get in a lot of fights growing up?
Ryan
No, never been in a fight in my life.
Podcast Host
Oh, well, not really. That's interesting.
Co-Host
Yeah.
Ryan
Well, I've never really put myself in a position where I had to.
Podcast Host
Okay.
Ryan
You know, and after I got through, like, the Marine Corps and so forth and so on, I've got a certain presence.
Co-Host
Right.
Ryan
You don't look like a victim, so people tend not to mess with you.
Podcast Host
Yeah. What are you working on next?
Ryan
Ooh. Well, there's a lot of different things based on what I've kind of understood about how the mind works and focusing on that kind of emotional belief set and so forth and so on. There's a lot of things I'm working on to try and get that out there and explore a lot of different ways to apply it. One of the things I'm doing these days is working with a lot of veterans groups kind of locally as well as around the country to sort of see how we can apply this to things like PTSD and stress disorders and things like that, because a lot of that is correlated with high Neuroticism trait, your tendency towards negative thinking and negative self image. So if we can correct that negative self image and that negative worldview, that makes all that other stuff a lot easier to deal with. Kind of the techniques I use make that pretty quick.
Podcast Host
I love it. I'll put you in touch with some veteran groups.
Ryan
That'd be great.
Podcast Host
Yeah, absolutely. Are you working with any right now?
Ryan
There's a entrepreneur group in Austin that I'm working with and I'm kind of putting those failures out with a couple other groups nationwide and one in the uk. So I'm still in the initial stages.
Podcast Host
That's needed, man. I'm learning about all the trauma these veterans are going through right now. Having them on the show, it's absolutely crazy.
Ryan
Yeah, it's brutal. And there's just not the support from. They do not get taken care of the way they.
Podcast Host
Not at all. I mean, maybe money wise, but not mentally.
Ryan
Not even money wise, really.
Podcast Host
Disability.
Ryan
Disability.
Podcast Host
Like, not enough.
Ryan
It's so hard. Yes. Not nearly enough. Yeah.
Podcast Host
I mean, with inflation these days. Yeah, definitely not, man. A million. A million today is not what it used to be.
Ryan
No, not even close.
Podcast Host
Like, you used to be able to make a million live off it.
Co-Host
Yep.
Podcast Host
Now it's like, that's a house with interest.
Ryan
Yep.
Podcast Host
Crazy times, man. Well, dude, we'll link your socials below. Anything else you want to close off with?
Ryan
Yeah, I wrote a book called Winter Piece. How to end in Conflict, make success inevitable. It's kind of this whole process that I developed, start to finish, all the theory behind it, as much as I can give you the benefit, working from one on one book format, as much as I can.
Co-Host
Perfect.
Podcast Host
We'll link up below. It's on audible design.
Ryan
Auditable as well.
Podcast Host
Awesome. I'll check it out. Thanks for not sending.
Ryan
Thank you so much for having me.
Podcast Host
Yep. Thanks for watching, guys. See you next time.
Co-Host
Cheers.
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Digital Social Hour: Stop Playing Whack-a-Mole with Self-Improvement | Ryan Christensen DSH #1164
Release Date: February 6, 2025
Introduction
In this compelling episode of Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly engages in an in-depth conversation with Ryan Christensen, a renowned hypnosis expert. The episode, titled "Stop Playing Whack-a-Mole with Self-Improvement," delves into the intricacies of personal development, the limitations of conventional self-improvement methods, and the transformative power of hypnosis. Ryan shares his personal journey, professional insights, and actionable strategies to help listeners break free from ineffective self-improvement cycles.
I. Ryan Christensen’s Background
Ryan Christensen begins by recounting his transition from aspiring psychologist to certified hypnotist. In February 2020, facing the daunting prospect of a lengthy and expensive psychology education, Ryan opted for hypnosis certification, completing it in six weeks at a cost of two thousand dollars. However, the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic shortly after certification forced him to pivot professionally.
"I got certified as a hypnotist. Took about six weeks and two grand. And that was in February 2020. So right after I got certified, everything shut down." [02:08]
Despite working in classified intelligence roles that limited his ability to practice from home, Ryan discovered a natural talent for hypnosis through online collaborations. By October 2020, he had established his full-time hypnosis business, leveraging his skills to assist others in overcoming personal challenges.
II. The Concept of Whack-a-Mole Self-Improvement
A central theme of the episode is the metaphor Ryan uses to describe traditional self-improvement efforts as "playing whack-a-mole." He explains that many individuals focus on addressing symptoms or surface-level issues without tackling the underlying beliefs that perpetuate their struggles.
"If you fix these things up here now, all this stuff changes. So if you think about having like a big box in your head, label on it says I'm not good enough... Why not just take the label off. Put a new one on change. I'm not good enough to. I am good enough now." [06:00]
Ryan criticizes the endless cycle of self-improvement tasks that fail to produce lasting change, emphasizing the need to address core beliefs and emotional frameworks.
III. Hypnosis: Accessing the Unconscious Mind
Ryan details how hypnosis serves as a tool to bypass the conscious mind's resistance and access the unconscious, where deep-seated beliefs reside. Unlike traditional methods that rely on conscious effort and rational thought, hypnosis allows direct communication with the subconscious, facilitating more profound and lasting changes.
"Hypnosis gives you access directly to that unconscious mind, kind of lets you bypass that... I can now have that conversation directly with that part of your mind." [08:44]
This approach enables individuals to reframe their beliefs at a fundamental level, eliminating the need for constant self-improvement measures.
IV. Common Issues Ryan Addresses
Ryan categorizes the primary challenges his clients face into two groups:
Being Blocked in Life: Individuals with grand visions and high potential but feel stuck or unable to achieve their goals.
"They know what they want to do, they've got this big vision, they know they have a lot of potential, but they're here and they shouldn't be here." [09:35]
The Treadmill of Success: Highly successful individuals who continuously chase new goals but never feel satisfied or fully accomplished.
"These people, it's about being able to step off that treadmill, still be able to perform and do really cool things, but live a more full life." [10:31]
Ryan's solutions focus on dismantling the limiting beliefs that hinder progress and fostering a fulfilling, balanced life.
V. Personal Struggles and Diagnosis
Ryan opens up about his personal battles with undiagnosed autism and bipolar disorder, which significantly impacted his relationships and professional life. Growing up in Kansas during the 70s and 80s, autism was scarcely understood, leading Ryan to develop strategies to navigate a world not tailored to his neurodiversity.
"Growing up autistic in Kansas, really kind of hard. Knew the world worked for everybody else and not for me." [03:13]
His bipolar disorder diagnosis came much later, triggered by ADHD treatment that unveiled manic episodes he hadn't previously recognized. This revelation forced him to reassess his life and seek stability through medication and continued self-work.
"It took me about 14, 15 months to figure out the right medications that keep me stable and actually allow me to, like, function." [33:43]
Ryan’s transparency about his mental health struggles adds depth to his professional expertise, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and targeted interventions.
VI. Purpose and Goal-Setting Techniques
Rejecting traditional goal-setting, Ryan advocates for system-based approaches aligned with one's mission and purpose. He emphasizes the importance of having a "North Star" that guides actions without the constraints of specific, often limiting objectives.
"I don't set goals. I build systems." [27:19]
For Ryan, focusing on a grand mission—such as ending human suffering and unleashing human potential—provides direction and flexibility, allowing for growth and adaptation without the pressure of meeting predefined targets.
VII. Emotional Intelligence and Handling Emotions
A significant portion of the discussion centers on redefining emotions as signals rather than sources of pain. Ryan argues that emotions serve as valuable indicators of our environment and internal states, guiding us to address underlying issues.
"Each emotion is trying to help you figure things out, trying to help you get to where you want to be, even if it's a negative emotion." [22:05]
By engaging with emotions constructively, individuals can transform their responses from reactive to proactive, leading to better emotional regulation and mental well-being.
VIII. Hypnosis in Treating Addictions and Building Confidence
Ryan highlights hypnosis as an effective method for overcoming addictions and building genuine confidence. He explains that hypnosis can address the root psychological causes of addiction, such as the need to use substances as coping mechanisms for an unsatisfactory life.
"Hypnosis is incredibly effective for addictions, especially like smoking. And it's usually quit smoking, like one hypnosis session." [16:34]
Regarding confidence, Ryan challenges the notion that it solely stems from competence. Instead, he posits that true confidence arises from self-acceptance and the elimination of fear and doubt.
"Confidence is about what you gain. It's about what you lose. Lose the fear and the doubt." [19:11]
IX. Current Projects and Future Endeavors
Ryan is actively expanding his work to support veterans dealing with PTSD and stress disorders. By addressing negative self-images and worldviews, he aims to alleviate the mental burdens that exacerbate these conditions.
"One of the things I'm doing these days is working with a lot of veterans groups... the techniques I use make that pretty quick." [35:16]
Additionally, Ryan is authoring a book, Winter Piece: How to End in Conflict, Make Success Inevitable, which encapsulates his methodologies and theoretical frameworks for personal transformation.
X. Conclusion
Throughout the episode, Ryan Christensen provides a nuanced perspective on personal development, emphasizing the necessity of addressing core beliefs and emotional frameworks. His approach, grounded in hypnosis and supported by personal experience, offers listeners a pathway to meaningful and lasting change.
As Sean Kelly wraps up the conversation, listeners are encouraged to explore Ryan’s work further, including his upcoming book and ongoing projects aimed at healing and empowerment.
"Thank you so much for having me." [37:10]
Notable Quotes
Closing Remarks
Digital Social Hour offers an eye-opening exploration of self-improvement through the lens of hypnosis and deep psychological work. Ryan Christensen’s insights challenge conventional approaches, encouraging a shift towards addressing the fundamental beliefs that shape our lives. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking authentic and sustainable personal growth.
For more information on Ryan Christensen’s services and his book Winter Piece, visit his audible design page or follow his social media channels linked below.
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