Why Desire Is Judged Differently For Men And Women... | Nadege | DSH #2005

Summary

Podcast Summary: Digital Social Hour with Nadege – "Why Desire Is Judged Differently For Men And Women..."

Episode: DSH #2005 | June 7, 2026
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Nadege (Sex Scholar, Author, Dominatrix)

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Episode Overview

In this rich and unfiltered conversation, host Sean Kelly welcomes sex scholar and dominatrix Nadege to explore how desire, sexuality, shame, and gender are shaped by social conditioning. The discussion delves into routine and scheduling in intimacy, societal double standards, polyamory, the impact of media (porn vs. romantic comedies), matriarchal vs. patriarchal cultures, and how astrology and science intersect in dating. Nadege shares both scholarly insight and personal anecdotes, with an emphasis on destigmatizing open, healthy sexuality for all genders.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sex, Shame, and Social Conditioning

[00:00–02:41]

• Desire & Shame: Nadege opens with the assertion that all humans desire physical intimacy, but socialization shapes how men and women navigate that desire and attached shame.
  • Quote: “All humans do want physicality, but social conditioning makes us navigate shame differently...women are just as horny. But in a world where women are taught that if you're sexual, you're a slut...women will learn to satiate sexual needs through [other means].” – Nadege [00:00]
• Routine and Timing: They question traditional “acceptable” times for sex—most people default to weekends or evenings, but that may not align with energy or genuine desire.
  • Nadege prefers afternoon sex for practicality, and advocates for asking couples: “What’s your sex routine, and is it really working for you?”
  • Quote: “If you have sex in the evening and you have the energy for it, that's great. But most adults don't...maybe you just want to have a massage and go to bed and then you can wake up in the morning and have a good, you know, pound town.” – Nadege [01:50]

2. Scheduling Sex vs. Scheduling Intimacy

[02:43–04:46]

• Scheduling Can Help or Hurt: Scheduling sex can ensure intimacy isn’t neglected, but rigid schedules can create pressure and guilt.
• Play Dates, Not Pressure: Nadege recommends intimacy “play dates”—scheduled time with no expectation of sex, just being erotic or vulnerable together.
  • Quote: “An intimacy play date is just an allotted, scheduled set of time where we can be naked together...no expectation or pressure for sex.” – Nadege [03:17]
• Paradox of Planning: Counterintuitively, making room for intimacy can lead to more spontaneous sex.
  • Quote: “Studies show you have more spontaneous sex when you schedule sex or intimacy...with less pressure comes more pleasure.” – Nadege [04:46]

3. Mismatched Sex Drives and Non-Monogamy

[05:09–08:01]

• Communication First: When libidos differ, the first step is to communicate and broaden definitions of sex (more than just penetration).
• Openness as Solution: For persistent mismatches, non-monogamy or use of sex work can ethically fulfill unmet needs.
  • Quote: “If opening up a relationship made the relationship end, it was probably because of something else, and opening your relationship made the problem unable to not be seen.” – Nadege [08:04]

4. Society’s Double Standard: Men vs. Women

[09:15–12:19]

• Societal Judgment: Both agree society views male and female promiscuity differently, with women harshly judged for visible desire.
  • Quote: “I don't personally [judge], but I do believe society does very heavily.” – Nadege [09:20]
• Orgasm Gap: The “orgasm gap” in heterosexual relationships leads many women to initiate open relationships for their own pleasure, contrary to stereotype.

5. Media’s Influence: Porn vs. Romantic Comedies

[12:19–14:43]

• Porn & Shame: Nadege, who works with many incels, says porn is often a symptom rather than the problem; social media and romantic comedies create unrealistic scripts for connection.
  • Quote: “Romantic comedies create a dopamine [rush] like the way men flock to porn...other genders flock to romantic comedy, romantic novels.” – Nadege [13:19]
• Sex Work Safer Than Stereotypes: Sex work industries often have stricter safeguards (and less harassment) than general industries, due to direct communication and boundary setting.

6. Dating, Cultural Scripts, and Attachment

[17:36–20:48]

• US vs. France: Nadege contrasts American rigid courtship (“step-by-step dating”) with France’s more organic approach.
  • Quote: “In France, they think dating is weird. My father has said...the way that people date in America is so weird to him.” – Nadege [17:36]
• Single Empowerment: She loves working with singles, as culture is overly couple-oriented. Her goal is to reframe singlehood as empowered, not as a lack.

7. Historic Shifts: From Matriarchy to Patriarchy

[20:23–28:57]

• Matriarchal Origins: Societies once centered children and allowed sexual fluidity—matriarchies focused on children (not women), with non-monogamy as the norm.
• Property and Patriarchy: The rise of monogamy/marriage was tied to property/inheritance—knowing paternity meant men could safely pass down wealth.
• Religion and Sex: Organized religion, especially with the advent of the Bible and anti-witchcraft tracts, pushed goddess culture and sexually empowered women to the margins.
  • Quote: “When Christianity rose and monotheism rose, we saw a complete decline in any type of goddess worship...power grab and a narrative.” – Nadege [26:23]

8. Gender and Sexuality History

[20:48–24:14]

• Trans and Nonbinary Identities Have Deep Roots: Trans history is ancient, not modern—a 1700s English innkeeper lived as a man until forcibly “detransitioned” by law; Hatshepsut ruled Egypt as a “mixed gender being.”
• Sexual Fluidity in History: In ancient matriarchal societies, sexuality was considered magical, open, and not formally linked to paternity.

9. Manosphere, Red Pill, and Jealousy

[30:15–35:00]

• Critical of the Red Pill: Nadege finds the manosphere disempowers men, creating “drones” rather than self-actualized individuals.
  • Quote: “Society profits off of weak men, just the way society profits off of women's bodies. A patriarchy literally profits off of keeping men weak...The manosphere creates more of that.” – Nadege [35:00]
• Jealousy as Compass: Jealousy isn’t inherently bad; it highlights what we desire.
  • Quote: “You only get jealous when someone has what you want…jealousy is actually telling you what you want...are you going to take the action so you can become the man who gets what he wants?” – Nadege [32:47]

10. On Simps and Masculinity

[38:20–43:45]

• Redefining "Simp": There’s a difference between genuine submissiveness and people-pleasing for validation.
  • Quote: "If you're naturally a submissive and that's how you enjoy showing up to the world, live your best life. If you are a people pleaser and you're shrinking for validation, then no, this isn't healthy." – Nadege [39:19]
• Masculinity is Personal: Being masculine is self-defined; visual cues can mislead.
  • Quote: "Masculinity is what you define it as. The biggest lie…is letting other people tell you what masculinity is and what a good life is." – Nadege [41:47]

11. Science, Astrology, and Dating

[44:40–50:17]

• Integrating Modalities: Nadege’s book ties astrology, psychology, and neuroscience together for relationship insight.
  • Quote: “Astrology is like my spiritual practice...I'm constantly weaving in: astrology says this, but your brain also does this. They overlap.” – Nadege [44:54]
• Astrological Compatibility: She observes social patterns but is cautious about scientific “studies” on astrology; her audience is disproportionately Scorpio, the sign connected with sexuality and transformation.

12. Practical Tools & Resources

[51:15]

• Flirt Style Quiz: Nadege promotes a free quiz at pleasurescience.com/flirt to help listeners discover their personal flirt style—a way to bring conscious awareness to their approach to intimacy.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you schedule sex, that doesn't mean spontaneous sex doesn't happen...the reason why scheduling sex is good is…you have more spontaneous sex when you schedule sex.” – Nadege [04:27]
• “The strict dating culture dates back to courtship, for marriage, for ownership…As we shifted from matriarchal cultures to patriarchal cultures.” – Nadege [19:14]
• “The word priestess predates the word king... In these cultures, priestesses were...the top of...well, there wasn't a hierarchy. Children were the top of the hierarchy.” – Nadege [24:55]
• “When Christianity rose...we saw a complete decline in any type of goddess worship...there was a power grab and a narrative.” – Nadege [26:23]
• “In the sex world industry…there’s more consent there than in more bedrooms around America.” – Nadege [14:06]
• “Jealousy is actually telling you what you want, that someone has what you want.” – Nadege [32:47]
• “Masculinity is what you define it as...The biggest lie that will take you away from your power is letting other people tell you what masculinity is..." – Nadege [41:47]

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Timestamps for Major Sections

• [00:00] – Desire, shame, and societal double standards for men and women
• [02:43] – Rethinking sex routines and the benefit of scheduling intimacy
• [05:09] – Approaching mismatched sex drives; open relationships and sex work as solutions
• [09:15] – Judgment of sexual desire by gender
• [12:19] – Porn, romantic comedies, and societal scripts
• [17:36] – Dating scripts: American vs. French perspectives
• [20:23] – Historical transition: matriarchy to patriarchy, impacts on sex norms
• [30:15] – Red pill/manosphere critique; jealousy as a tool
• [38:20] – Simps, masculinity, and self-definition
• [44:40] – Combining astrology, psychology, and science for dating insight
• [51:15] – Free flirt style quiz and closing remarks

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Tone & Style

The conversation is candid yet informed, blending academic references, practical sex therapy advice, and open personal dialogue. Nadege is approachable and witty, moving seamlessly between dense historical context and playful asides about sex, astrology, and modern dating.

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Takeaways

• Societal shame around desire is artificial and harmful.
• Rethinking routines and seeking pleasure intentionally promotes relationship health.
• Non-monogamy, sex work, and broad definitions of intimacy are valid options.
• Media and culture feed unrealistic ideas about sex and relationships for both men and women.
• Empowerment and self-definition—in masculinity, femininity, or sexuality—are vital.
• Ancient cultures offer perspective on sexual fluidity and gender diversity commonly erased from modern narratives.
• Combining science and spiritual modalities like astrology can be useful for self-understanding and dating success.

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Resources Mentioned

• Book: Nadege’s #1 bestseller blending psychology, astrology, and neuroscience ([Amazon link in episode])
• Flirt Style Quiz: pleasurescience.com/flirt

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For anyone seeking both evidence-based and playful insight into desire, dating, and identity, this episode delivers fresh perspective and practical tips without shying away from cultural critique.

Transcript

[Nadesh]

All humans do want physicality, but social conditioning makes us navigate shame differently. So men to experience without shame is less emotionally attached. And then with women, it's a different socialization, but women are just as horny. But in a world where women are taught that if you're sexual, you're a slut, and if you're a slut, you're of lower value, women will learn to satiate sexual needs through.

[Podcast Host]

Okay, guys, Sex Scholar on the show today, which is a first. Rare these days to have a first on the show, 2,000 episodes in. But nadesh, thanks for coming on today.

[Nadesh]

Oh, I'm so happy to be here.

[Podcast Host]

Starting off with a bang.

[Nadesh]

Hey.

[Podcast Host]

Right?

[Nadesh]

That's what we try to do.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Morning sex, huh?

[Nadesh]

Yeah, I love morning. So actually, afternoon sex is my favorite because I'm fed and I've already worked out, so I'm regulated. And I realized this because I've been dating someone new, and we always have sex in the afternoon.

[Podcast Host]

You're the second. Because sex with Emily told me this.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Oh, she likes. I love her. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I gotta get. I gotta get more into that. I'm not into that.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, you're a morning.

[Podcast Host]

I'm working all day in the afternoon.

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah. So morning sex is better for you,

[Podcast Host]

or I do night.

[Nadesh]

Really? You're not tired by the end of the day or you're, like, energized?

[Podcast Host]

Sometimes I am.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

But I feel like night is what most people do. Right.

[Nadesh]

If I had to guess, I. I mean, no, but it's the assumption that that's when we should be intimate. I actually work with a lot of couples where one of the first things we do is it's like, what's your sex routine? Routine? When are you having sex? And a lot of people who are like, oh, well, we have sex in the evening or we have sex after dinner. If you have sex in the evening and you have the energy for it, that's great. But most adults don't have as much energy in the evening. And I actually think it can be a bit of a mistake to. Like, in our culture, the routine is go and have dinner and then go home and have sex.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nadesh]

I like having sex before I eat because I'm not bloated. I don't have to poop. Right. Like, we don't have other things in the body happening that makes. So actually, with a lot of couples, if they're struggling with sex, one of the first things I look at is, what time of the day are you having sex? And if it's evening. Let's give pressure to not have any more evening sex and try to find other times a day or other times of the week. I see a lot of couples also be like the weekend, and it's all this conditioning. Like, who told you to have sex on a Saturday at night or a Friday night? At the end of a long week, maybe you just want to have a massage.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Nadesh]

And go to bed and then you can wake up, wake up in the morning and have a good, you know, pound town. Right? Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I think because growing up, you know, in a school environment, you kind of wait to party on the weekends.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, totally. We wait for pleasure and have it at certain points, and we have to rethink the script in so many ways to have more pleasure.

[Podcast Host]

That makes sense.

[Nadesh]

And to have that pleasure be healthy.

[Podcast Host]

What do you think about scheduling it?

[Nadesh]

I think it can be helpful to a point. So scheduling sex is good. Scheduling intimacy play dates is bad, better. So with scheduling sex, the thing that can happen that makes it not as productive is if we're super busy and we're scheduling sex. That's good because we're devoting time for intimacy and we're not letting that part of our life slide. However, what if it is Tuesday night and it's your scheduled sex time and you're both exhausted and now there's pressure. Oh, we have to. Or we're not doing this right. We have to have maintenance sex.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Nadesh]

And now again, we're not thinking from this point perspective of pleasure. So what I actually think is way better than scheduling sex is scheduling intimacy play dates. An intimacy play date is just an allotted, scheduled set of time where we can be naked together. We could do something fun together. Maybe we're in a jacuzzi. Maybe we give each other massages. Maybe we cook in lingerie or boxers or, you know, and so an intimacy play date is an erotic play date where we're going to be sensual and erotic. It helps to make a list of all the type of activities that you can do. So that way intimacy play date doesn't come around and you're both like, okay, what do we. Who's planning? What do we do? Have a list ahead of time of, oh, you know, it's fun to massage. Let's watch. Together. Let's do something. But there's no expectation or pressure for sex. And that's the big difference. Because if you're scheduling sex and you keep feeling like a failure because you can't get the routine quite right, that's going to impact your sex life. If you schedule intimacy play dates, then it's fine if you two are too tired for sex, but you can still watch a movie naked.

[Podcast Host]

Okay.

[Nadesh]

Have that intimacy, that oxytocin. Yeah. So I schedule intimacy play dates schedule sex too. And I always remind people, if you schedule sex, that doesn't mean spontaneous sex doesn't happen. The reason why scheduling sex is good is actually, studies show you have more spontaneous sex when you schedule schedule sex or intimacy.

[Podcast Host]

Really?

[Nadesh]

Because you're no longer thinking about it. Right. It's. It's when you schedule something, it's off the to do list. Right. It's not like, oh, I have to take care of my business and drop the kids off and have sex with my wife. It's, oh, we're gonna have intimacy time on Wednesday night, and the babysitter is there, and we'll have time together. And that just takes so much pressure off. And with less pressure comes more pleasure.

[Podcast Host]

Makes sense. What about misaligned sex drives? So if one partner wants to have sex every day, but the other one doesn't really like sex as much, what's the approach to that?

[Nadesh]

There's two approaches that I take. So the first approach is just accepting the situation and leaning on communication and finding all different paths of intimacy, Oftentimes with mismatched libido. Step one is just being like, this is our situation, and that's okay.

[Podcast Host]

Acknowledge it.

[Nadesh]

Acknowledge it. Just surrender to it, you know?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Because if you have a problem that doesn't have an easy solution. So surrendering to the situation is just step one. And then from there you have two questions. One is, what are you defining as sex? Right. So if two people have a high sex drive, but sex is always penetration, well, what if sex is oral? What if sex is fingering? What if sex is mutual masturbation? So now we have a whole appetite of things we can do. And so the person with low desire could be like, you know what? I maybe don't want to get penetrated. I maybe don't want to get touched, But I. I'd watch you masturbate, we could do together. Let's expand our definition of sex so that way there's less pressure for the low libido person and there's opportunity for the high libido person. So that's option one. Option two is, do we want to open up the relationship? If the answer is no, then we focus on option one, and you can still solve that problem. I work with couples all the time with this. But if option two is Available an open relationship. That's really helpful because high libido partner can have sexual experiences without the pressure of low libido partner having to match everything.

[Podcast Host]

Right?

[Nadesh]

Oh, God. Oh, well, I was gonna say, I actually had a client. It was really fascinating. They were married, and the wife became chronically ill, and there was no end in sight to her illness, and there was a lot happening to her body. And her husband was like, well, of course I want to have sex with you, but you don't want sex. You have all of this stuff happening. And so they had this mismatched libido that came when before they did have matched libido. And working with them, what ended up happening was they were okay with sexual openness but no relationships. And what ended up working was he just started seeking out brothels and sex workers, and he was able to get his sexual needs met. And she was able to feel secure because for her, her boundary was, I don't really want you dating someone else, or I don't want you having sex with a woman who's single, who maybe wants more, and that'll create more tension. Right. And so for them, it was opening up, but it was opening up within the safety of sex work, where there's already boundaries. And so another option too, that is one we rarely talk about as well, is sex work. Maybe someone works with a sex worker. And the beauty of that is there's professional boundaries in place. The sex worker doesn't want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend or marry you. They're there to do their job, and you're there to get off, and everyone can be happy.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, that makes sense. Are you seeing more open relationships these days?

[Nadesh]

I am. And I really love that, because I love that people are curious and exploring. And one of the biggest myths I see, people are like, oh, I don't want to open up my relationship. I'll lose my spouse or my partner. And what I actually see happen more is when we open our relationship, we instantly realize the grass is not greener on the other side. Dating is hard. Rejection sucks. And now I miss all the beautiful things about my partner. The way they take care of me, the way they know me, the way they touch me, our history. And so when people open up, oftentimes they end up becoming stronger together as a result. And I always like to say, if opening up a relationship made the relationship end, it was probably because of something else. And opening your relationship made the problem unable to not be seen.

[Podcast Host]

They need to conduct a study on this. I'm curious.

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah, there's. When I was at Berkeley, there was a woman that I was going. She was in my program and she was studying open relationships. And this entire. I should actually reach out to her and see, because that was exactly what she was studying, really. And codependency. How does open relationships, Codependency, breakups, or staying together, how does that all work with the data?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And her book might be out now, so we'll have to.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I have to check that out.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

When men hook up with other women, do you view that differently? When women hook up with other men?

[Nadesh]

I don't personally, but I do believe society does very heavily.

[Podcast Host]

Agreed.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You don't think there's a difference, though?

[Nadesh]

Well, I guess my question to that would be why. Why are you asking that question? What is the difference that you would. Because everyone says there's a difference and then everyone has their story.

[Podcast Host]

The argument I've heard from people on the red pill side is like, men view sex physically.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

And like you said earlier with that woman, you didn't want him in a emotional relationship.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. She didn't want him in a emotional relationship.

[Podcast Host]

Woman view it more like that. Right.

[Nadesh]

You know, it's interesting because when it comes to opening up relationships, I see a lot of the women wanting to open up the relationship because sexual needs are not being met, Especially in heterosexual relationships where there's the orgasm gap. Men orgasm most of the time, and women don't.

[Podcast Host]

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[Nadesh]

So a lot of times I see women wanting to be sluttier, opening up relationships, all of that good stuff. And in terms of the stereotype of like, men want physicality, men want. I think all humans do want physicality, but social conditioning makes us navigate shame differently. So men, to experience sex without shame is less emotionally attached. Right. And then you're being a strong, sexy man according to the stereotype, according to the standard. And then with women, it's a different socialization, but women are just as horny. But in a world where women are taught that if you're sexual, you're a slut, and if you're a slut, you're of lower value. Or women will learn to satiate sexual needs through solo pleasure, masturbation, or simply not having sex and finding pleasure through other means. I see a lot of women, A lot of the women who work with me are high achievers, CEOs, and a lot of them have been single for a long time. And it's because they're just like, I get so much fulfillment with myself. I've learned how to do that. I want to find a relationship. But men are kind of exhausting. How do I, you know, navigate? Because it's really. We're socialized differently. And it's interesting with the red pill and incel movement, I actually work with a lot of incels.

[Podcast Host]

Really?

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah. So when I was studying sex at Berkeley, I started by studying.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And so I instantly came into the sex education world. Very pro sex work, very curious about and trying to look at the positives of it and not all the negative stereotypes. And so being in this industry now for almost 15 years, the majority of men who flock to porn tend to be incels. So because I've been in the sex work and sex education, like, I straddle both. I work with a lot of incels. I meet a lot of incels. I see. I was just at avn. I know you were too. A lot of incels. Oh, totally. I got interviewed by a rage bait content creator, incel. But I'm like, bring it on. Let's talk.

[Podcast Host]

Like, what are you asking?

[Nadesh]

He asked me. It was a lot of very negative questions about porn. And isn't porn the problem? And I was like, no, porn is a symptom, but if you're going to look at the problem, you're missing the whole. You're missing everything.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Because social media is the problem. Romantic comedies are the problem.

[Podcast Host]

Romantic comedies?

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah. Romantic comedies create a dopamine, like the way men Flock to porn in ways that can be addictive.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Other genders flock. Flock to romantic comedy, romantic novels. And of course there's a lot. Like when we compare the two, a lot of feminists, and I'm a feminist, but a lot of feminists will say, oh, well, is exploitative and romantic comedies are not. But we have to look at, well, what is your definition of exploitation? And also, we know in the sex work industry, we actually, I mean, maybe you know this or maybe you don't. Of the top 10 industries in the entire world where sexual harassment happens, porn and sex work doesn't even make the top 10.

[Podcast Host]

Wow. I actually didn't know that.

[Nadesh]

Oh yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I, I would assume though it would be in there.

[Nadesh]

Oh yeah. It doesn't even make the top 10. But this is because in the sex world industry, in the sex work industry, we're having a lot of communication, we're having a lot of conversation. There's a lot of safeguards in place because we're not ign. Like the whole business is sex. Right. And you have people who are having so much sex that they are way more sexually empowered. Now that doesn't mean that exploitation doesn't happen. That doesn't mean that the industry in the past did not have problems, but the industry as it stands today is more of a creator economy, more of an only fans cam girl economy. So the talent is no longer exploited or it's much less hard.

[Podcast Host]

There's been a power shift.

[Nadesh]

Totally, totally. And so it's really interesting. And then with romantic comedy, while there isn't the same exploitation that is as easy to see as maybe with sex work or porn or sometimes will do the fantasy of being exploited. Right. Like kinky. Some can. Someone can watch that and be like, oh my God, that's horrible. And I'm like, actually there's more consent there than in more bedrooms around America. Right. But with romantic comedies, it's still a very capitalistic, predatory system that wants to get consumers. And once you, you can look at BTS as a really good example, like the way fan girls act with K pop and BTS specifically are so enamored on YouTube. There was, it went viral and it still might be. There were these videos and it was sort of like the girlfriend experience or the boyfriend experience where these very handsome men who were in K pop in the genre would make videos of them talking to a woman off camera as if it's the girlfriend and women, like, if I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to explain this because it's Hard to if you're not seeing. Seeing it. But basically if I was doing it, I would be talking to the camera and being like, I missed you. Okay, I'm so glad you're here. But there's actually no one there. So I'm flirting with the audience and intentionally creating a parasocial relationship. And we see that kind of predatory romantic behavior with romantic comedies and the whole romance industry. So these are two different industries. Exploitation looks different. Manipulation and getting the consumer looks different. But if people, when people say the problem, I'm like, first off, you probably don't know much about the industry, so you don't know how much consent and intention is in this industry more than any other. And two, if the problem, then we need to look at everything else that is the problem and actually look at that. These are all symptoms, right? People getting addicted to romantic stories, people getting addicted to bts, people getting addicted to porn. These are symptoms of a problem, but they're not the problem, you know? Yeah, I interviewed the founder of this. Yeah, I interviewed Philip last year and I was like, could I put my vibrator in this? And he was like, yeah, did a

[Podcast Host]

supercharger with quantum energy.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, yeah, he was like. And he was so funny. He was so European because like they're so like. I'm French American so I know that like Europeans can be completely straight faced.

[Podcast Host]

French people are. Oh, French people just were dead straight.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, yeah. And mean. Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I didn't want to say it.

[Nadesh]

Oh, they are. No, they're. They're like Dom's without the.

[Podcast Host]

We got treated pretty rudely.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. It doesn't surprise they're rude.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. When you're not their ethnicity, I think.

[Nadesh]

Oh, 100. Yeah, yeah. Say you're Canadian.

[Podcast Host]

Yes. Well, the hair is tough, I think.

[Nadesh]

Ah, yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

But wait, so you grew up there or you're just.

[Nadesh]

I grew up back and forth. So I'm a French citizen and an American citizen. I did all my education in America, but was a dual lingual household. And yeah, every vacation we took we went to Europe to see the family because we were the only ones in America. Everyone else in my family is still in France.

[Podcast Host]

And are they as open about talking about this type of stuff over there?

[Nadesh]

Most, yeah, I. Oh yeah, over there in general, I'd say definitely. I mean there's always pockets of people who are like, oh hush, hush, don't talk about that. But sex and dating is very different in France. So in America we have very traditional and kind of strict dating norms of like, oh, if you ask me out, then we go to dinner and you get my phone number and you. Right. Like we have all of these markers of this step, this step, this step. In France, they think dating is weird. My father has said to me many times, the way that people date in America is so weird to him because in France it's like we're hanging out and then maybe we're making out and then maybe we hang out again tomorrow.

[Podcast Host]

So it's not like a title.

[Nadesh]

So it's. No, it's not a title. And it's more organic. Like the expectation, the tradition of it. The courting culture is a little bit more organic versus here. It's very much like we have to do these steps. And if these steps aren't happening, like when I work with a lot of single and dating people, which is actually my favorite people to work with are the singles. Yeah. Cuz we live in a society that's so couple focused. And so whenever I get a single person and they're unhappy and I make them feel empowered and amazing, it's the best thing that I, I love doing that. And I actually was someone who was single for most of my life, mostly because I wouldn't settle and I didn't like the idea of marriage. Ever since I was young, that felt like a trap to me.

[Podcast Host]

Interesting.

[Nadesh]

And so growing up and I had. My mom died when I was young, that created an anxious and avoidant attachment, like a disorganized attachment style. So I would be very attached until someone picked me and then I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And so there was the piece of me kind of being selective and the piece of me healing the trauma. But I love working with singles. And when I work with singles, a big part of that is saying, okay, what is your expectation for D dating? And how can we completely throw that out? Because you can meet someone anywhere, connection can form in so many ways. And the strict dating culture dates back to courtship, for marriage, for ownership. So that way men had they could protect their property and inheritance. That was why the marriage legal system was created. As we shifted from matriarchal cultures to patriarchal cultures, men needed a way to make sure that their inheritance was safe and that they knew who their kids were. In matriarchal cultures and the difference between patriarchy and matriarchy, patriarchy is where men are the center and in matriarchy, children are the center.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, children are not the mother.

[Nadesh]

Not women.

[Podcast Host]

No. That's confusing.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Because it's called a matriarchy. Right. Which are common words that we're attributing to ancient societies that did not use these words. But a matriarchal culture centered children, and in a culture centered around children, non monogamy was really the way. There wasn't monogamy, women and men. And. And actually, there were gender fluid people, too.

[Podcast Host]

Really?

[Nadesh]

Oh, we have. Oh, my God, we have. There's such a rich history.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Nadesh]

And you can trace it all the way back. One of the most famous and successful pharaohs of all time, Hatshepsut, was what scholars believe a transgender person. She trans her gender is. And wore beards and changed how she dressed. And some Egyptian scholars say, oh, well, she did that to establish, like, as a woman who became pharaoh, she had to establish herself through masculinity. But then there are other scholars who are like, well, she literally lived as a man and a mixed gender being, according to the Egyptian gods, many of whom were also mixed gender.

[Podcast Host]

What? The gods?

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, there was.

[Podcast Host]

Because people think trans is like a new thing.

[Nadesh]

I know. Well. And it's not. It like, the language is new. Right. The identity category, the label is new. That's a 21st century creation. But people who have transversed gender. In the 1700s in England, there was a very famous person who transed their gender. They. They passed as a man. They ended up opening a restaurant that turned into a hotel called the White Horse. That was one of, like, a super, super successful. Married a woman, stayed married their entire life, and then their wife passed away. And after their wife passed away, there was a person who discovered that they were not a man, that they were biologically a woman, and exposed them, and they lost everything.

[Podcast Host]

Damn.

[Nadesh]

Because laws only support men at that time, 1700s. So this, you know, trans person, this trans man had to detransition. And essentially, I believe they got some sort of, like, payoff in the courts of, like, the court wasn't going to leave them destitute, but they could no longer run the inner. No longer run the restaurant that went to the state. There's a really great book called Before We Were Trans. And it's this historian who traces back all of these stories and also explains why it was so easy for scholars to. Again, transgender is a new term. So if we're thinking 30 years ago and you're studying history and you see Hatshepsut, the pharaoh, for example, who's transing their gender, you don't even have the language or thought to be like, oh, this is a transgender story. It's just the Story of a woman who in power.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Right. And so. So it's really interesting stuff. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So do you think it was the same proportion as today?

[Nadesh]

Like there's like 1% of the population,

[Podcast Host]

I think was the same bucket.

[Nadesh]

That's such a good question. I mean, it's. We can't really say.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, because that's what I wonder with the gay stuff too, because like now they're saying one out of. I don't know the exact number now, but it's really high.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Well, I do think sexuality is such a spectrum and going back to matriarchal cultures, so the way that those societies were organized, they were non monogamous people freely had sex. Sex was considered the sacred union and it was considered a spiritual thing. And whenever women got pregnant, it was considered very magical because there was, you know, they don't have science.

[Podcast Host]

12, 15, you wouldn't know the father back then.

[Nadesh]

No. There are speculation that they didn't even know that your sperm would flower my child. Right. So humans would have sex and women would get pregnant and it would look like magic. Where is this, wow, she's just giving life.

[Podcast Host]

They didn't know that's why they got pregnant.

[Nadesh]

Well, that's what some scholars believe. Some scholars believe that they did not know that sex created children because they didn't really have science and there was no way to connect sperm and the

[Podcast Host]

uterus and all of this prove it physically.

[Nadesh]

Right. But I don't know that I fully believe that theory because if you think about it like there are women who have children and it's like, oh, that child looks just like the dad.

[Podcast Host]

Right.

[Nadesh]

So if you're in a tribe and this woman gives birth and baby number one looks just like, you know, John, I think that they might have been able to put two and two together. You know what I mean? I think that sometimes when we look to the past, we make these theories that make people less intelligent than I believe they were. But one thing is for sure is that sex was free and open and everyone had sex with everybody else. And being sexually active was considered a part of your own intelligence. It was actually odd if you did not have sexual experience.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Nadesh]

And priestesses, the word priestess predates the word king or any other title by about a thousand years. And so what's interesting is back in these cultures, priestesses were sort of the kings. They were the top of. Well, there wasn't a hierarchy. Children were the top of the hierarchy. But women were very rever. Sex was free. Because if children are the center and our focus is healthy children. Why do we care? But then as patriarchy rose, what happened was patriarchy rose. Colonization began with regards to agriculture. Men started to take over lands and create borders and create agriculture to feed their people. But in a society that was shifting from free sex and children to men being in charge now that men had property, if sex is free and open, how are you going to know who your child is? How are you going to know who to give your inheritance to? And so as patriarchy rose, monogamy and marriage rose as well, because you needed monogamy and you needed a legal marriage system where a man owned his wife and owned the children she gave birth to to make sure that his property was safe. But then we can see how this creates such a shitty system for sex and many other things. But if we're just going to leave, you know, politics out of it for a second, that creates such shitty sex lives. Because now it's all about money, product ownership, and not in the hot, kinky way.

[Podcast Host]

Right. Did the rise of organized religion, specifically Christianity, affect this as well?

[Nadesh]

Big time. Big time. We saw in about 2,000 years ago, when Christianity rose and monotheism rose, we saw a complete decline in any type of goddess worship. And in the 1400s, when the printing press was invented, this was a big moment in history because before everything was oral history, so we could still keep the goddess alive. We could still keep medicine woman and women in power, priestesses alive. But then when the printing press was invented, we went from the oral word to the written word, being the authority. And the first book that was printed was the Bible. And one of the second or third books that was printed was a witch hunting manual that essentially taught people how to find medicine, women and healers, discredit them, call them witches and. And, you know, steal their.

[Podcast Host]

It was weaponized pretty quickly.

[Nadesh]

Oh, huge. Yeah. And it was over like. Like a long period of Christianity rising and. And like, I don't think any religion is evil or. Or they try to be. And I think spirituality can be so beautiful. And sex is spiritual.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, for sure.

[Nadesh]

But, yeah, it was a huge. There was a power grab and a narrative. And that narrative made sure that goddesses and women and priestesses, all these people in power, lost their power and that we now only have a male God, we have a hierarchy system, even religion. Right. Because patriarchy in its toxic form really lives on hierarchies. Because here's the thing, patriarchy actually isn't bad. We're doing it in a toxic way. I do think we need societies centered around children. We need societies where women, men, non binary people, trans people, where we can all feel powerful. And. And in a matriarchal culture, they're what's called partnership models of society. And a partnership model is one where not just children are centered, but everyone gets a voice. So in a patriarchy, we create hierarchies and the person at the top of the hierarchy has a voice that speaks for everyone else. In a partnership model or a matriarchy, everything is about like, how do we create good children? A society surrounded by good children, but let's say most of our majority is able bodied, but we have a thousand disabled people in our community. A patriarchy would say, well, they're an outlier and not a priority. And a matriarchy partnership model says, oh, we're going to create a society and they also have a voice. And that contributes to. Because again, if children are at the center, it's not harmful for everyone to have a voice. But if we're operating in a system of hierarchies, it does become dangerous for outliers to have voices.

[Podcast Host]

And, you know, isn't that what democracy was supposed to be?

[Nadesh]

It was. Yeah. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

We supposedly live in one, but we

[Nadesh]

live in a representative democracy. So it's democracy with added hierarchies and

[Podcast Host]

gatekeeping and it's been compromised.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, did you see the Cash Patel link?

[Nadesh]

No.

[Podcast Host]

Oh my God. His account got leaked.

[Nadesh]

Oh, good.

[Podcast Host]

Cash Patel.

[Nadesh]

Okay, well, yeah, I'll have to look into that.

[Podcast Host]

I was all over Twitter.

[Nadesh]

Oh, man.

[Podcast Host]

His email got hacked. So, like they found his account, his telegram, like everything. It was bad. Well, he was in like 20 Russian telegram chats, allegedly, weirdly.

[Nadesh]

Ah.

[Podcast Host]

So who knows what. What's going on?

[Nadesh]

Yeah, Well, I can't wait. Yeah. Next episode we can, we can talk about the cabal.

[Podcast Host]

No, I love how you know all the history of this though. It's impressive.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, it's. That's what's fun for me. I love, I actually love talking to all different people. I, I'm very liberal and feminist, but a lot of my friends, I grew up Jewish, so a lot of my friends are very conservative. And I have a big bandwidth for just lots of different ideas. And one of my favorite things is to kind of go into conversations where people have very specific ideas or rigid ideas or they think they know. And I'm like, oh, let me gently leave a little pleasure science here for you to think about, because I always say, I'm not here as a sex scholar. I don't want to change your mind. I just want to make you think and give you the tools to think. You know, that's what's fun for me.

[Podcast Host]

Did you watch the Manosphere documentary?

[Nadesh]

I'm halfway through it.

[Podcast Host]

Okay. Yeah, you're about when they showed Myron

[Nadesh]

Gaines, which one is Myron Danes.

[Podcast Host]

He's the one that was in a relationship with that girl where it's open on his end but closed.

[Nadesh]

Right. And he was like, I want multiple wives. And she's like, we're never gonna do that. Yeah, that was exactly where I. I stopped.

[Podcast Host]

A lot of the red pill likes that model.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people in general, if you tell someone, hey, a bunch of people are gonna love you and you're not, you know, then who's gonna say no? Yeah. And yeah, I mean, I think a lot of incels red pill people like that model in theory and in practice. Do you really have the time to talk to three different girlfriends and make sure they're all okay and be there for their. No.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, like a full time job.

[Nadesh]

It's a full. It truly is. I remember my first polyamorous relationship, actually. No, my second. My first when I was in college and I had the bandwidth for it and it was really fun and great.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Back then. You've got more time.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, I've got more time and whatnot. And then a couple of years ago, I dated someone and we were poly and it was. It turned into that model where he had more girlfriends and I just didn't because I didn't have time. And that was when, for me, I was like, you know, maybe 10 or years from now or something when my company is very established, like, maybe that would be something I personally could do. Yeah, it literally has nothing to do with judgment or anything. It's like bandwidth. I'm running a business, you know, I have all these other things going on. And I also just love to travel and like, be a. And live my life. You know what I mean? So it's like I have all these things going on. And so I think a lot of people in the red pill movement, they're like, oh, I love this. This idea. And it's like, well, it's great in theory, but most of us do not have the time or the bandwidth. Most of us don't even have the skills to maintain with one partner. And I think with the red pill, a lot of that. When I work with incel men and they find me and they just want to date and get Laid? Yeah, it's like you need to. You didn't get skills in socializing, in dating, in connecting, relating, you know, so it's just teaching someone the skills. And then once they learn all those skills of emotional intelligence and how to connect with someone, it's like, damn, do I really want two girlfriends? And if you do, then like, bless. I love it for you, you know? Get it. Yeah, yeah, right? I know. Same. It's like, yeah, one and done. Happy life over here. But we love the poly people. And I work with a lot of non monogamous people because I've been in many different relationship styles and I've loved them all. I am ambarous.

[Podcast Host]

If you got good boundaries set up and you don't get jealous.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, that's the key. And dealing with your jealousy. Jealousy happens regardless. It happens in monogamy. Do you know how to deal with it? Is the question.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I feel like when it comes to jealousy, isn't that subconscious?

[Nadesh]

It's. It's a little bit of both. You can become more aware of your jealousy. I love thinking of jealousy as a compass. You only get jealous when someone has what you want. So jealousy is actually super intelligent. When you feel jealous, the first thing I say is, oh, why? I remember I was at one of my friend's homes in San Diego and her and her husband had just like rebuilt the whole thing. It was so beautiful. And I walked in and I was like, fudge her. Fuck her in this beautiful house. I'm so, you know, like. And I had to catch myself. And I'm like, oh, it's because I want a house like this.

[Podcast Host]

Right?

[Nadesh]

She built my dream house. And. And then I caught myself. And then I was able to move out of the jealousy, be completely happy for her. Yeah, we had an amazing time. And then I got to stay in the guest house. So it's like, why am I complaining? I get to go whenever.

[Podcast Host]

So relatable.

[Nadesh]

But yeah, it's like jealousy is actually telling you what you want, that someone has what you want. And that's why if you're a chef and your friend gets a book deal, you're like, great. But if your other friend gets a chef show, you're like, fuck her. Right, right. But that. And it happens in love and relationships too, you know, when you get jealous of your friend's boyfriend, you're probably just jealous that they're in love. You're jealous of their relationship. Maybe you're jealous of the type of man she has attracted that you're not attracting. Right. And vice versa with men or with incels, you know, feeling a lot of jealousy and resentment. It's like, oh, this is pointing you to what you want. And are you going to take the action so you can become the man who gets what he wants.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Instead of the man who, who complains. Right. And. And is weaker, is shrinking, you know?

[Podcast Host]

Absolutely. Yeah. I've seen it destroy people, but I, I've seen it the way you said too, where it could be like a tool and it guys.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Podcast Host]

I feel like for me, I've. I used to let it consume me because, like, with social media, it's so easy to compare yourself, whether it's money, followers, and when I was younger, I definitely did that, but now it's like more of a tool.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I'm like, why am I feeling like that?

[Nadesh]

Absolutely. And even with the red pill movement and like the, The. My biggest critique of the red pill movement isn't how anti feminist it is, even though it can be pretty awful and shocking. My biggest critique is that the men at the top of the manosphere are just creating drones out of these men who are weak. And they're not weak because they're weak. They're weak because society profits off of weak men. Right. Just the way society profits off of women's bodies.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And a patriarchy literally profits off of keeping men weak, making them drones, turning them into these robots. Right. And then the manosphere creates more of that because these men make money by activating these drones of men who will buy their products or whatnot. And like we see in the documentary, at least. What I've seen so far is that so many of these men in the manosphere at the top of the game aren't actually practicing what they preach. Right. They are one person in front of the screen and one person behind which we all are as influencers.

[Podcast Host]

To a certain degree.

[Nadesh]

To a certain degree. I'm different and like, behind screen, but I'm still consistently, congruently me and authentic.

[Podcast Host]

That's the difference.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You can't be a totally different person.

[Nadesh]

No. And so some of these people are living a lifestyle or they're. They're portraying a lifestyle they don't actually live. Like, the guy who's like, I want multiple wives, and his girlfriend's like, oh, no, that would. That's never going to happen here. Right.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Not to spoil it, but yeah, they broke.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Well, that's. Oh, did they?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, he shows it at the end, but yeah.

[Nadesh]

Dang, I can't wait to finish. I thought the documentary was really good

[Podcast Host]

from a production point of view. Phenomenal.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. What did you think of it?

[Podcast Host]

So I've had all of the guys, they featured on the show and have like. Like they've been on multiple times, but it was good. Yeah, it was good. I mean, they're saying it was a hit piece.

[Nadesh]

Hit pieces, and it was designed to take them out.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. That's a strong.

[Nadesh]

I don't think it was. I think it was a. It was. It's such a shocking subculture, the manosphere, that when a light is shed on it, I can totally see how it feels like a hit. But I thought that Louis Theroux was kind of being generous and gentle to a degree.

[Podcast Host]

You know, he could have definitely went harder. I think naturally, when you're filming something like that, a lot gets cut.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

You know what I mean?

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Like, they can only show one hour and a half.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Four people while they're filming all day with them. So.

[Nadesh]

And they're probably going to show the most scandalous thing. Like the guy I remember at the beginning of that documentary with the first influencer they were following Tiki Talky. Yeah. He was like, oh, I got my dick sucked in the bathroom and I filmed it. And that was interesting to me because the day before. What was the Tiki Talky? Is that his name? The day before he was like, oh, you know, I'm like, the girl in his apartment was a star. She's an only fans girl. But he's like, I would never date girls like that. If my daughter was like that, I'd disown her. And then the next day, he's making his own porn. But I'm like, is he thinking like that? Is he realizing, like, those pieces, he's young? I think he is. I think he's 22 or something.

[Podcast Host]

Super young. Yeah. I think he's just chasing money right now. And he doesn't.

[Nadesh]

But. Exactly. Right. It's like, it's, you know, you're chasing money, so you create a Persona that works and it's working. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

In terms of making money, I guess.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, exactly. No, the manosphere definitely makes money, but it. It makes money because it creates drones. And then the second men want to actually have a relationship and feel empowered.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Well, you need to take action to just become a better man yourself and figure out what it actually means to be a strong man. And I don't believe that a lot of these influencers actually give people the tools to do that. Like Andrew Tate, for example, often gatekeeps the Very thing that will help people be empowered.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And men be empowered. Right. And so when I see these men, it's so. It's too easy to be like, they're terrible because they're not feminist in the way they treat women. Like. I do agree with that, but more so, I'm like, the real critique is, what kind of men are you guys creating? You're creating drones. You're not creating empowering men. You're capitalizing off of weak men just the way patriarchy does. But you're making a bad problem worse.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. On the other side, what about sims? Because you're a dominatrix, right?

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So, like, you probably like them, but do you think a lot of guys like to roast them? What do you think about simps?

[Nadesh]

It's so interesting because when I first heard the term simp, my understanding was it's a guy who treats women well and, like, does things for women. So when I heard the word simp, I got really sad because I was like, really? It's a bad thing to cook for your girlfriend or whatnot. But now, as I've seen the word tossed around more, it sounds like it's weak. People pleaser. Men are simps.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And if that's the definition we're going off of, then, yeah, let's heal the simps. I don't want you to be a people pleaser. If you're submissive and you like giving, I want that to be genuine. I don't want that to be for validation. And a lot of men are not aware of how much they're seeking validation from women. Or maybe they are and that's why they're so frustrated that they don't get the validation back. But when it comes to simps, I have two opinions. One, if you are genuinely a submissive, then rock out with your out. Keep going.

[Podcast Host]

You don't see an issue with that?

[Nadesh]

No, not at all. Because submissives come in all shapes and forms. Some women are, some trans folk are, some queer people are. Some men are. If you're naturally a submissive and that's how you enjoy showing up to the world, live your best life. If you are a people pleaser and you're shrinking for validation, then no, this isn't healthy, this isn't good. Let's get you back in your power. Stop people pleasing. Stop seeking validation through women and sex and whatnot or acts of service that are not reciprocated, because that's not good for anybody.

[Podcast Host]

That was me.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I was younger people.

[Nadesh]

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. And now I'm sure it's way nicer that you're not. Right.

[Podcast Host]

I still am to a certain degree. But I've had to make boundaries clear because I used to please even people that were dicks to me. Like, I would please my bully school. I was just trying to fit in with everyone.

[Nadesh]

And I feel like the manosphere movement creates simps because Andrew Tate and all of these big guys are kind of like magnetic bullies, and then they kind of bully their audience.

[Podcast Host]

Some of them do. Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I've seen Fuentes doing that.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. And so it's. It's interesting because I actually think some of them kind of create the simp, too.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

But no, if you're simping because you're people pleasing, no bueno. Whatever label we're going to use on it, let's make you have an empowered life. If you're a simp because you genuinely enjoy it, you're submissive, you want to give to someone else, then, yeah, go for it.

[Podcast Host]

Do you think you could still be a simp with masculinity?

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Really?

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah. Masculinity is what you define. You create your own masculinity, just like you create your own femininity, just like sex should be what you define it as. Not a penis going into a vagina. But sex is what makes you orgasm. Masculinity is what makes you feel in your masculinity. I am very deeply masculine. I really connect with my masculinity. But I'm the most feminine little peach you'll find. Right? Yeah. And. And as a trained dominatrix, I can be so masculine.

[Podcast Host]

You can turn it on. It's like a switch.

[Nadesh]

Oh, it's so fun. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I don't get any masculinity off you right now.

[Nadesh]

Oh, I know people don't, but it's. I also think that's because what you see is going to tell your brain what I am, and you're not using other senses that we write, like feeling, like energy. And also, if you see me Dom, you'd probably see that, right? Like, you'll see that part, but. But yeah, you can be a simp and you can be a masculine man. Masculinity is what you define it as. And the biggest lie that will take you away from your power is letting other people tell you what masculinity is and what a good life is.

[Podcast Host]

Because I see the argument when it comes to girl bosses, which I know you have a lot of clients there, that they're too masculine. Like, they're too much in their masculine energy.

[Nadesh]

You know, they can be. Yeah. But that's a survival tactic to survive in a patriarchy where the only way to be seen as valuable is to be in your masculinity in some shape or way. And making money has been defined as masculine and all of these things. And what's interesting, I always like to think of the brain as a way to step away from these tropes of masculinity and femininity, because half of your brain is masculine, half of your brain is feminine. But then the center, the corpus callosum is. Is the androgynous part of your brain that bridges it together. All humans in our brain and the way our body functions have masculine, feminine, and androgyny, we are all feminine, masculine, and a little non binary, a little fluid, a little whatever you want to call it, whatever label that wants to be. And that's your brain, and then that's also your body. Right. Like, your body has a masculine and feminine side too. So in our very essence, as. As biological humans, we have both. And then we have created a culture that assigns visual markers that will say, oh, you're a masculine man because you got muscles, you've got a truck, you've got a girl. You're a feminine girl because you're wearing dresses, but you're a masculine girl if you're wearing a power suit. These are visual markers that don't tell me anything about how you actually show up to the world. And I've seen the most masculine people be, like, super butch dykes. Right? Like, I. I used to go to this. It's wonderful. It's this retreat called Women of Drummer, and it's a BDSM kinky queer women's weekend. And I. Every time I go, I'm just like, God, these are the most hardcore BDSM dominatrix bull dykes that are, like, way more masculine than, I think a lot of men, even in general. It's just what you make of it and what you define it as. And I think we do ourselves way more favors when masculinity gets to be expansive.

[Podcast Host]

You know, don't judge it just visually done.

[Nadesh]

No, because you're. If you judge anything visually. Right. Like, if someone were to look at you and judge you visually, maybe they'd see a college student, not someone who,

[Podcast Host]

I guess I get id'd all the time.

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah, right. It's like, you might, like, walking down the street. Someone might not think you're this successful podcast or a millions of views and followers. Right. They might be like, oh, is he going to usc? Is he just some, you know, little.

[Podcast Host]

For sure.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Right.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

So we have to be careful with our eyes, tell lies.

[Podcast Host]

Wow. I like that one. I'm save that one. Hey, don't judge a book by its cover.

[Nadesh]

Right? Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Classic.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Easier said than done.

[Nadesh]

It is. It's way easier. And I do it, too.

[Podcast Host]

Are you conscious of.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. I'll see people and I'll be like, oh, he looks like a douchebag guy. And he'd be the nicest guy I'd ever know.

[Podcast Host]

Right. I have a G wagon. So, Like.

[Nadesh]

Like, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

People will say you're a dick. And then I'll talk to them and they'll be like, wait, you're not a dick.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Really? Just for having a car.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

G wagon.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I don't know. Stereotype you mentioned. Okay. I did want to mention your book. Did you bring it?

[Nadesh]

Yeah, I didn't bring it.

[Podcast Host]

I thought it was really interesting how you combined psychology, astrology, and neuroscience.

[Nadesh]

Yep.

[Podcast Host]

Because I'm into all that.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I've never seen someone morph it all together.

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah. Yes. Astrology is, like my spiritual practice. And it's funny because my background. I'm a Berkeley sex scholar. Right. I did an academic residency at one of the biggest sex libraries in the world when I. I've loved astrology since I was a teenager, and I was like, I can't talk about it. It'll make me lose all my credibility. And then I was sort of like, well, let me do this my way, and let me bring everything I know about astrology. I. I love that practice. It just helps me understand people, and it's fun for me. And I naturally gravitate towards neuroscience, psychology, and just the science and logic in general. And so with the book, it. It has the stereotypical kind of, like, compatibility, and this is your sign. But I'm constantly weaving in, like, oh, astrology says this, but your brain also does this. They overlap. And what's so interesting is in any spiritual practice, we see an overlap with science. Right. Like, the deeper you go into science, we have things we can't explain. The deeper you go into spirituality, you have things of, like. Wait, science explains this. A perfect example is the chakra system.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

And the endocrine system. So the endocrine system is the medical term. And I don't even know if I'm pronouncing it right. I'm not a doctor. And then the tantric. The tantric Side is the spiritual side. All of the centers that the chakras are aligned in in the tantra practice are the hot spots in the endocrine system to a T. Perfectly. If you were to take this like very medical and it's the body and it's all the lines and. And you were to put that next to the chakra system, they're identical.

[Podcast Host]

That's crazy.

[Nadesh]

And so it's really cool. So with astrology, you know, if you believe in it or not, that's fine. I do. Oh, good. What's your sign?

[Podcast Host]

I'm an Aquarius.

[Nadesh]

Oh, Valentine's Day. Oh yeah. How is that for you?

[Podcast Host]

It sucked growing up. Now it's. Now it's good. But when I was single it sucked.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, you know. Yeah, absolutely.

[Podcast Host]

But yeah, Aquarius. And then. Are you in a numerology too?

[Nadesh]

I. I am a little.

[Podcast Host]

A little bit.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. I'm a number one in numerology. That's my life. Yeah. What about you?

[Podcast Host]

33.

[Nadesh]

Oh, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

I'm into all that stuff though.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, I love all of that stuff too because I mean, again, science actually guided me towards like, oh, there's gaps in knowledge and spiritual practices date back thousands of years and have a lot of patterns and congruencies and it's so interesting.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, that's cool you're open minded about both because I know sometimes there's some.

[Nadesh]

I know people can be very closed and. But no, and the book took off. It's a number one bestseller. People love it. So I was like, wow, I should have done this sooner. I should have gotten over my ego and my fears.

[Podcast Host]

I mean, you're helping solve a big issue dating, right?

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Finding the right partner.

[Nadesh]

Oh yeah.

[Podcast Host]

So many people struggle with that.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. And sextrology really helps because even if you don't believe in it, it takes pressure off of you.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

You know, gives meaning.

[Podcast Host]

Did you notice certain signs attract each other?

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Is there any studies on that or.

[Nadesh]

I mean I. Studies is like that, that, that's hard to do because you're taking the science method and attributing it to astrology and they're two completely different modalities. I feel like science isn't even able to prove a lot of spiritual stuff right. By the very nature of how science is conducted. But I do find that air signs like Aquarius get along really well with other air signs. Gemini. Gemini is a really good match. And not a lot of astrology signs match well with their like, you know.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, really? You would think they would, right?

[Nadesh]

Yeah, sometimes it's like too much of a good thing, and we need the polarity. But Geminis have a lot going on, so they can do it. Yeah, I see a lot of, you know, Scorpios are really fun. I'm a Sagittarius. I can get along with pretty much anyone. But there's. Yeah, there's a lot of. I see trends. I'd say more than. I stay away from studies when it comes to astrology, because I'm sort of like, who's. How are you? Yeah. Who's funding it? How are you doing that? But I do look at trends and I do look at what I see, and I pull my audience, and I'm always asking them questions. My audience is more Scorpio than any other sign, which is interesting. And more Scorpios by my book than any other.

[Podcast Host]

Astrologers love to learn.

[Nadesh]

They do love to learn. And they are attracted to sex because they rule the reproductive system.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, yeah. They have the most sex.

[Nadesh]

They have a affinity to. I wouldn't say they have the most sex, actually. They're called the sex sign. But they. Every astrology sign rules a different body part.

[Podcast Host]

Okay.

[Nadesh]

And they rule the excretory system, how we poop, pee, get all the toxins out, and the reproductive system.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Nadesh]

So their. Their hot zones are the genitals, but it isn't because they're these hypersexual beings, even though they can have great instincts with sex and often do with touch. But actually they are the transformer. So the excretory system, how we poop and pee, that's how we get rid of toxins and then the reproductive system giving birth. So Scorpio actually rules the cycle of life and death and transformation and getting toxins out and giving birth to new realities.

[Podcast Host]

What part is Aquarius connected to?

[Nadesh]

What part Aquarius is what? Oh, that's a. I would imagine, brain

[Podcast Host]

or something because it's.

[Nadesh]

I don't think you're the brain. And I actually need to look in my book too, because I don't remember that offhand, which I should. Aquarius. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Is there one connected to the breast area?

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Because cancer.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. We'll talk off camera about that.

[Nadesh]

Sounds good.

[Podcast Host]

I know girls that have breast spasms and their cancer.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Big time. For sure.

[Podcast Host]

So that makes sense.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Podcast Host]

Wow.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. No, I'll have to look up and I'll. I'll tell you later about Aquarius.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I'm curious where my hot spot is. I should know it.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, yeah. Well, you guys are definitely very cerebral. Like, you're not wrong about that. But Gemini actually rules the mind. Gemini Aquarius is the archetype of humanitarianism, friendship, and community. You're actually here in this lifetime to be in community with people, be a friend to the planet and be a rebel. Reject authority.

[Podcast Host]

That's always been me.

[Nadesh]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I would get suspended in school and always try to go against my parents.

[Nadesh]

Yeah. Hey, Aquarius.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Well, we'll link the book in the video. It's on Amazon.

[Nadesh]

Yes, we'll link that below.

[Podcast Host]

Anything else you want to close off with here?

[Nadesh]

Oh, if you want to flirt, better go to pleasurescience.com flirt. That is my free flirt quiz. You could discover your flirt style, which shows you how you connect to other people, the best social situations for you to be in, and if you're single, it's so helpful because you can figure out how you flirt and look out for people who are compatible with you. If you're in a relationship, it's amazing because you probably don't know how you and your lover actually flirt. It's a love language you're completely illiterate about. And simply knowing each other's flirt styles completely changes intimacy.

[Podcast Host]

Take that.

[Nadesh]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Podcast Host]

Flirt style.

[Nadesh]

Only three questions.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Nadesh]

Try to make it nice and easy. Quick, little orgasm.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. Little quickie. Right?

[Nadesh]

Little quickie.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, check. Check the quiz out. And the book out. See you guys. Thanks for watching to the end, guys. Please comment below your thoughts on the episode if you agree. If you disagree, I'd love to hear it. I read every single comment. Means a lot to me. Thank you so much.