Podcast Summary: Digital Social Hour – “Why Most Couples Are Having Disappointing S3x (Dr. Emily Morse Explains)” | DSH #1830

Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Dr. Emily Morse
Air date: February 17, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode welcomes Dr. Emily Morse (“Sex with Emily”), a renowned sex educator and long-time podcast host, to explore why so many couples report disappointing sex lives. The candid conversation deconstructs myths, opens up about the "pleasure thieves" preventing sexual fulfillment, and provides pragmatic communication tools for couples to reinvigorate intimacy. The tone is approachable, direct, and demystifies sex, aiming to normalize open dialogue and support lasting, passionate relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Pleasure Thieves": Causes of Disappointing Sex

• Dr. Morse opens by identifying “pleasure thieves”—stress, trauma, and shame—as principal barriers to sexual fulfillment.

  “If we’re living in a state of anxiety and stress… it’s a lot harder to be in a state of arousal. You could be the sexiest person on the planet…But if you grew up in an environment that told you sex was wrong, or you just don’t feel great in your body… it doesn’t matter how much right things you do. It’s going to be hard to live in a…” (00:00)

2. Sex Education is Still Failing Most People

• Dr. Morse notes a persistent lack of quality, realistic sex education, which perpetuates false beliefs and inaccessible standards, even as conversations become more common.

  “Most of what we’ve learned about sex is simply untrue. And so there’s always people who are constantly learning, relearning about sex.” (00:58)

• Over 50% of people report disappointing sex after the “honeymoon” phase ends (01:44).

3. The Biology of Desire and the “Relationship Dip”

• Morse explains the initial burst of sexual energy—driven by dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin—is temporary, and after 6 months to 2 years, desire shifts away from being biologically-driven.

  “From when we meet somebody, we have the…most delicious cocktail of feel-good hormones…But like any drug, what comes up must come down…That can only last so long.” (02:17)

4. Rekindling Desire in Long-Term Relationships

• Morse argues for intentional skill-building after the honeymoon period, especially around communication:

  “We have to learn to communicate about sex. I always say communication is lubrication. The more we talk about sex, the better sex we’re gonna have.” (03:31)

  • Many conversations focus on frequency or complaints, not on pleasure or turn-ons (03:31-04:13).
  • She stresses that talking openly about desires is critical, but often neglected because people wrongly expect mind-reading.

5. Desire Discrepancy (Mismatched Libido)

• “In every relationship, there’s a high desire partner and a low desire partner. The low desire partner actually controls the sexual relationship…” (04:45)
• Morse introduces the concept of “Sexual Intelligence” (Sex IQ), noting:
  • There are two types of desire: Spontaneous (immediate) and Responsive (requires context/stimulation).
  • Many mismatches can be resolved by understanding individual turn-ons and context (05:45).

6. Gender Myths: Who Wants Sex More?

• One of the biggest surviving myths is that men want sex more than women; in reality, it’s just as common for women to have higher libidos (06:33).

  “That’s one of the biggest myths…Men and women are the same. I meet just as many women who are with men who don’t want to have sex as often.” (06:46)

7. Defining Sex and Female Orgasm

• Morse challenges the common definition of sex as “penetration.”

  “For the majority of women, only 20% are going to have an orgasm from anything to do with a penis, including penetration…Foreplay isn’t just like a light suggestion. It’s actually a requirement for a lot of women.” (08:12–08:36)

  • Emphasizes non-penetrative pleasure, use of hands, mouth, toys, and—crucially—the brain as the largest sex organ (09:10).

8. Shame, Anxiety, and Performance Pressure

• Both genders experience shame—men about size and performance, women about pleasing partners or orgasm “failures.”

  “I’ve talked to millions of people…This is not about lasting longer. It’s not about the size…Those are not the factors in which we should measure success.” (12:01)

9. Practical Solutions for Common Sexual Problems

• Premature ejaculation: Train with "stop and go" methods; consider tools like delay sprays (“Promescent”). (13:12–14:04)

  “You could absolutely train your body…There’s so much you can do…” (13:12)

• Warns that porn misrepresents sexual endurance and pleasure realities; real sex is not like what’s depicted onscreen (15:45):

  “Learning to have sex by watching is like learning to drive by watching Fast and the Furious…Learning about sex through porn is a disaster.” (15:45)

10. The Art of Talking about Sex: The “Three T’s”

• Timing: Don’t initiate the conversation when “HALT”—Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (17:45).
• Tone: Approachable, compassionate, and curious.
• Turf: Have important discussions outside the bedroom (18:32).

  “Leave that for sleeping and…sex…do it again when you’re on a walk, a road trip…just start.” (18:32)

11. Case in Point: Using the Conversation to Deepen Intimacy

• Dr. Morse provides actionable conversation starters:
  • “What would make our sex incredible?”
  • “What’s your biggest turn-on?”
  • “What were the three most memorable times we had sex?” (19:14–20:05)
• Example: Dissecting why sex in a cabin was memorable to reveal context, mindset, and environmental factors (19:25–20:05).

12. Timing and Conditions for Sex

• There’s no universal “best” time for sex; women may prefer afternoons (study cited), while men often prefer mornings (22:23–22:52).

  “Women’s prime time for sex is like two o’clock in the afternoon…a lot of us are working from home now. That’s totally doable.” (22:52)

13. The “30 Days of Sex” Challenge

• Morse recommends making sex intentional and creative rather than repeatedly checking a box (24:01).
  • Suggests using the “Yes, No, Maybe” list: partners independently note interests/preferences, then compare. (24:19)

  “So in these 30 days of having sex, you can choose things on this list to make it more worthwhile and more intentional…” (24:19)

14. Masturbation, Porn, and Relationship Boundaries

• Masturbation isn’t inherently cheating, but every couple should define boundaries and communicate expectations (26:54–27:27).
• Dr. Morse shares a personal anecdote about feeling threatened by her then-boyfriend’s porn use, ultimately separating sex, masturbation, and intimacy as distinct, healthy experiences (27:29–29:14).
• Healthy use: “The goal is to have that spiritual connection with a partner…When we reduce sex just to an act…that’s when I think sex really becomes a problem.” (31:14–32:05)

15. Sex and Wellness

• Dr. Morse emphasizes that sexual health is inseparable from overall wellness.

  “Sex is wellness. Sexual health is wellness…If we’re not feeling sexually well, it’s going to impact our overall health for sure, and vice versa.” (32:08–32:54)

Memorable Quotes

• On the “Pleasure Thieves”

  “Stress, trauma, and shame are the three things that are getting in the way of us having the sex lives that we want and the pleasure that we want.” — Dr. Morse (00:00, 09:10, 10:53)

• Communication as Lubrication

  “I always say communication is a lubrication. The more we talk about sex, the better sex we’re gonna have.” — Dr. Morse (03:31)

• Myth Busting

  “Men and women are…the same. I meet just as many women who are with men who don’t want to have sex as often.” — Dr. Morse (06:46)

• On Sex Ed & Misinformation

  “Most of what we’ve learned about sex is simply untrue.” — Dr. Morse (00:58)

• On Porn and Unrealistic Expectations

  “Learning to have sex by watching is like learning to drive by watching Fast and the Furious…Learning about sex through porn is a disaster.” — Dr. Morse (15:45)

• On the Purpose of Sex

  “When we reduce sex just to an act or genitals rubbing against each other or even just orgasm, I think…that’s when sex really becomes a problem…” — Dr. Morse (31:14)

• Sex & Wellness

  “Sex is wellness…Sexual health is wellness. For many years, sex was like the stepchild of the wellness industry.” — Dr. Morse (32:08)

Notable Timestamps

• 00:00: Introduction—The “Pleasure Thieves”
• 01:44: 50% of couples have disappointing sex after the honeymoon
• 02:17: The biology behind the “relationship dip” in desire
• 03:31: Communication as the key to better sex
• 04:45: Mismatched desire in relationships explained
• 06:33: Busting the “men want sex more” myth
• 08:12: Only 20% of women orgasm from penetration
• 09:10: The brain as the primary sex organ
• 13:12: Practical tips to last longer in bed
• 15:45: The dangers of learning from porn
• 17:45: Best practices for starting “the talk” (the Three T’s)
• 19:14-20:05: Using conversations to uncover turn-ons
• 22:52: Afternoon is “prime time” for women’s sexual desire
• 24:01: The 30-day sex challenge and “Yes, No, Maybe” list
• 26:54–29:14: Is masturbation cheating? Setting relationship boundaries
• 31:14: The true (relational) purpose of sex
• 32:08–32:54: Sexual health as a pillar of overall wellness

Actionable Takeaways

• Prioritize open, shame-free communication about sex with your partner.
• Recognize and actively address “pleasure thieves”: stress, trauma, and shame.
• Use tools like the “Yes, No, Maybe” list to discover and explore turn-ons.
• Re-examine definitions of “sex” and focus on pleasure, not just performance or penetration.
• Schedule discussions about sex at the right time, with a positive tone, and in neutral locations.
• Remember: Sex is an emotional, physical, and spiritual connector in relationships—a foundational component of overall health and wellness.

Dr. Emily Morse can be found at:

• Sex With Emily – Podcast and resources
• Social: @sexwithemily

Host: Sean Kelly, Digital Social Hour