Why Trauma Could Be Costing You Millions in Business | Brian Yang DSH #743

Summary

Digital Social Hour: Why Trauma Could Be Costing You Millions in Business | Brian Yang DSH #743

Release Date: September 21, 2024
Host: Sean Kelly
Guest: Brian Yang

In episode #743 of Digital Social Hour, host Sean Kelly engages in a deep and transformative conversation with Brian Yang, exploring the profound ways childhood trauma can impact both personal relationships and business success. This episode delves into the intricate dynamics of how unresolved emotional wounds from the past can cost individuals millions in their entrepreneurial endeavors and hinder meaningful relationships.

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1. Understanding the Three Stages of Relationships

Brian Yang begins by outlining his framework for relationships, which he categorizes into three distinct stages:

• Stage One: The Honeymoon Phase ([00:01] - [01:02])

  • “This is where you're having the most fun. This is where you're having the most sex, the most dates. It's a good time. It's like the best high.” ([00:01] Brian Yang)
  • During this initial phase, relationships are characterized by excitement, novelty, and low expectations. Individuals present their best selves, fostering a deep connection without significant perceived threats.

• Stage Two: The Loop of Doom ([01:02] - [17:52])

  • As commitment deepens—moving in together, marriage, or expressing significant love—the relationship enters Stage Two. Higher expectations and increased dependency on each other’s well-being bring underlying issues to the surface.
  • Brian describes this phase as the "relationship loop of doom," where childhood traumas and insecurities emerge, often leading to negative coping mechanisms like withdrawal or people-pleasing.

• Stage Three: Transcendence and Healing ([17:52] - [18:48])

  • Successfully navigating Stage Two allows couples to transcend their initial struggles. This stage is marked by mutual understanding, inner healing, and the ability to support each other’s growth.
  • “This is a spiritual awakening. That puts you into a spiritual partnership. You can both do that. It's incredible.” ([18:06] Brian Yang)

2. The Deep Impact of Childhood Trauma

Brian and Sean delve into how early life experiences shape adult behaviors and relationship dynamics. Brian emphasizes that any relationship where there's a perceived threat to one’s well-being can trigger emotional responses rooted in childhood trauma.

• Personal Reflections and Shared Experiences ([02:14] - [04:36])
  • Sean shares his realization about childhood trauma affecting his relationships, supported by a brain scan that confirmed his experiences.
  • “I have one that's I guess you could say is mixed actually. He's my executive coach.” ([01:20] Brian Yang)
  • Both discuss how early experiences, such as parental conflict and lack of emotional support, translate into adult relationship challenges.

3. Coping Mechanisms and the Vicious Cycle

The conversation highlights how individuals develop coping mechanisms to manage deep-seated pain, which inadvertently create a cycle of dysfunction in relationships.

• Avoidance and People-Pleasing ([03:03] - [10:01])
  • Brian identifies classic avoidant behaviors: “Super suppressed, disconnected from my emotions, my feelings, even my fears.” ([03:06] Brian Yang)
  • Sean recounts his tendency to distance himself during conflicts: “I would just distance myself during fights.” ([02:47] Sean)
  • These behaviors lead to misunderstandings and heightened insecurities, perpetuating the "loop of doom."

4. Overcoming Trauma in Relationships

Brian offers strategies for breaking free from destructive cycles, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and inner work.

• Inner Child Healing ([17:44] - [24:31])

  • “You can connect to that part and you learn to feel and face it and explore it and renegotiate reparent it, it starts to feel safer, it starts to heal.” ([22:25] Brian Yang)
  • Techniques include trauma work, somatic practices, and compassionate self-reflection to address and heal the wounds from childhood.

• Compassionate Self-Accountability ([32:19] - [39:45])

  • “No one is just stupidly doing anything, no matter how terrible it is, no matter how ridiculous it is. They're not just doing it because they're a fool.” ([39:56] Brian Yang)
  • Emphasizing self-accountability, Brian encourages listeners to understand the root causes of their behaviors rather than blaming partners, fostering a compassionate approach to personal growth.

5. Cultural Dynamics: The Mother-Son Relationship

A significant portion of the discussion focuses on the mother-son dynamic, particularly within Asian cultures, and its long-term effects on relationships and business.

• Emotional Incest and Control ([33:15] - [37:58])
  • “Emotional incest is where the parent is basically turning their child into a surrogate partner emotionally.” ([35:12] Brian Yang)
  • The pressure to please domineering mothers leads to issues like people-pleasing and fear of abandonment in adulthood, affecting both personal relationships and professional decisions.

6. Trauma’s Effect on Business Success

Brian connects unresolved trauma with business performance, explaining that while many successful individuals may achieve financial milestones, they often lack sustainable success due to unhealed emotional wounds.

• Sustainable vs. Superficial Success ([40:53] - [41:35])
  • “You can be successful, not heal the pain, right? You can be very successful without the healing, but it's not sustainable.” ([40:53] Brian Yang)
  • Without addressing trauma, business success is often driven by fear and avoidance, leading to burnout and eventual collapse.

7. Personal Stories and Insights

Throughout the episode, Brian and Sean share personal anecdotes that illustrate the pervasive impact of childhood trauma on their lives.

• Sean’s Rebellious Phase ([37:00] - [38:28])
  • Sean discusses his transition from being a people-pleaser to rebelling against his mother’s strict academic expectations, highlighting how these early experiences shaped his adult behaviors.
  • “I have lost millions of dollars in business. Because I'm just trying to please everyone and put others before me.” ([38:24] Sean)

8. Moving Forward: Embracing Healing and Sustainability

Brian concludes with a hopeful perspective, encouraging listeners to engage in continuous inner work to achieve lasting healing and sustainable success.

• Infinite Sustainability Through Love ([41:06] - [42:03])
  • “Anything that comes from a place of love, not fear, will sustain you forever.” ([41:35] Brian Yang)
  • Emphasizing the shift from fear-based to love-based actions, Brian advocates for creating businesses and relationships rooted in genuine compassion and personal growth.

Key Takeaways and Notable Quotes

• “The stage two provides the foundation to do the inner work to then get you to stage three.” – Brian Yang ([17:44])
• “No one is just stupidly doing anything, no matter how terrible it is, no matter how ridiculous it is.” – Brian Yang ([39:56])
• “Anything that comes from a place of love, not fear, will sustain you forever.” – Brian Yang ([41:35])

Conclusion: Embracing Compassion and Inner Work

This episode of Digital Social Hour underscores the critical importance of addressing and healing childhood trauma to foster healthier relationships and achieve sustainable business success. Brian Yang’s insights offer valuable guidance for listeners seeking to break free from destructive patterns and build a life rooted in authenticity and compassion.

For those interested in furthering their journey toward healing and personal growth, Brian encourages following him on Instagram at @awakeningwithbrian and visiting his website at AwakeningWithBrian.com.

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Note: The episode contains an advertisement for LinkedIn Ads between [05:22] and [06:16], which has been excluded from this summary as per the request to focus solely on content-driven sections.

Transcript

[Brian Yang]

There are three stages to our relationships. This is the easy one. This is where it's fun. The honeymoon stage.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So this is where you're having the most fun. This is where you're having the, the most sex, the most dates. It's a good time. It's like the best high. When you get into stage two, when the expectations are higher, you're, when you're able to, when you feel more like you're, you're threatening each other's well being, what that cycle is going to look like. I call it the relationship loop of doom. All the stuff that you never knew was even there comes boiling up to the surface. The stage two provides the, the foundation to do the inner work to then get you to stage three.

[Host]

All right, guys, got Brian Yang here. We're going to talk relationships.

[Friend 2]

Everyone needs to learn from you, man.

[Host]

Thanks for coming on.

[Friend 1]

Thank you, man.

[Brian Yang]

I'm excited to be here. It's my favorite topic and I think it's quite honestly one of the most important topics of anyone's life.

[Friend 2]

Absolutely. Because we all engage in relationships, whether it's dating, friendship, your parental, there's always something.

[Brian Yang]

Business relationships. Absolutely.

[Friend 2]

And those are, those are a tough one. Business. That's honestly one of the harder ones for me.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. I mean, basically any relationship where there's like a threat to your well being, a perceived threat to your well being, that's when it's going to stir up your emotions and insecurities the most.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

You feel like you're dependent on them for your sense of well being. Oh, yeah.

[Friend 2]

So what's your take on business relationships and friendships? Do you ever mix the two as.

[Brian Yang]

Far as business and friendships? I do have one that's I guess you could say is mixed actually. He's my executive coach.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

He works for me in my, in my, my business. And he's a friend and he, and we spend time. Friend time together and he is an employee, essentially, that works for me. So I think the main reason why it can work though is that we are super conscious of our own insecurities and fears and, and, and traumas because that's what really breaks any relationship down. You're just unconscious to your own insecurities and traumas and you're just dumping on each other.

[Friend 1]

Right, right.

[Brian Yang]

And you're just. And you get into arguments and then you, and you fight and then, you know, you, you are making assumptions and just, it just falls apart. But we're super hyper aware of ourselves and we're willing to communicate that. I think that's exactly why it works.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. The trauma stuff is fascinating because my girl, we were talking before, we've been dating seven years, told me I had childhood trauma, and I would. I would always push it off. I'm like, nah. Like, I grew up middle class. Like, I don't think I did. And then I got a brain scan and it showed up on the scan.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

So I was like, you were right this whole time. I need to work on myself because it's affecting the relationship.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. But what was she. What was she pointing out to that. That. That she was using as exact. As a exact. Sorry. Something through my own words, as an example of the childhood trauma?

[Friend 2]

I think I ran away from my emotions as a child a lot.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

So that would come up in dating. Like, I wouldn't be as affectionate as she wanted. I wouldn't react the way she wanted. Emotionally. Yeah, that's probably the biggest one. And then I would kind of distance myself during fights. Like, that was my style. Instead of, like, embracing it, I would just run away.

[Brian Yang]

Absolutely. I mean, that's very classic, you know, avoidant behavior.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

And I relate directly to you because that was my style as well. Super suppressed, disconnected from my emotions, my feelings, even my fears. And I cope with it by working video games, porn, you know, work, money, all any way to, you know, to. To get away from that. And I wasn't even aware that I was doing that. Well, automatic.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And then when it came to a relationship with my wife, you know, we're obviously, we're dating. Initially, it was just avoiding conflict. I don't want to deal with uncomfortable emotions. Your emotions are too much. And so I pull away, I withdraw, I isolate and try to get away from that perceived threat. And I didn't even know that was a trauma response.

[Friend 2]

Wow.

[Brian Yang]

To my childhood, where first. That's where I first learned it. And it was. It was basically emulating me, my. My relationship that I had with my mother.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And I'm curious, did you find some.

[Friend 2]

Similarities there, now that you're saying it? Yeah. My mom used to yell at me a lot, and I would just go to my room, shut the door. So that was probably a daily occurrence.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, exactly. That's what we do.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So when we. When that becomes our first. Our first interaction with love and relationships, or first. Our first concept of love and relationships is through our parents, mom and dad, or whoever the caregiver was, and how they interact with us, how they communicate with us, and how they communicate with each other.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Mom and dad or whatever. The parental relationship, what you're observing and seeing through them, that becomes your model of the world. You absorb it like a sponge, right? It's not conscious thing, you're just like, oh, this is what, this is how I relate to myself and other people. I'm going to do this thing, I'm going to do what they do. And, and so that becomes imprinted onto us and. But we still think that's love. That's the thing.

[Host]

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[Friend 2]

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[Brian Yang]

And so we find ourselves later on in life as an adult being attracted to, to the same people, places and things that feel familiar to that because we still think that's love even though even even if there was pain involved, we still think that that's how we exist in the world is through, through that lens. And so it's very common that we find ourselves dating especially the people that we find ourselves the most closest and most intimate connected with. We find ourselves connected to the person that reminds us of one of her parents.

[Friend 2]

Right?

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Sometimes both they can switch kind of traits of both. But oftentimes it's the, it's the, it's the, you know, let's say for you is your, your mom. For me, it's my mom.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

My wife. Certain traits and characteristics are so one to one to my mom, it's mind blowing. It's freaky. I'm sure a lot of people, if you just spend some time exploring, it's like it's there. It's. It's totally there. But it's not a bad thing though, because this is natural. It's a natural part of the human experience to kind of reconnect to these early childhood wounding experiences and to reprocess it, to first act it out, play it out. It's a mess, of course, but then to transcend that and then do the inner work to then, okay, here's a fighting that's happening, but it's, it's getting me in touch with the little boy inside, right? Same thing for the little girl inside her. And now I can get defensive and make it about her, or I can try to take a little tiny wiggle room of a moment and then just, if I can, when, when I can catch myself, shift that focus onto myself and just connect to what's happening inside me. Oh, I don't feel safe. I feel unsafe like I did as a child. I could feel it right there in my chest. I feel unworthy. Or she's pointing out what I'm doing wrong. I feel not good enough.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Same I experienced as a little boy. Yeah, Let me feel that and feel the little boy and connect to him directly and reparent him. Teach him to feel, teach him to work through this, which is him, him and me the same, right? That's how you break free one little layer at a time, right? That's the journey. That's the inner work. That's the, that's the journey. And that's the gift of those fights and interpersonal relationships that get you in touch with that stuff, right? So you can break yourself free from it and then, you know, ideal, you're both doing the work and you can trend, you know, transcend it together. It's a beautiful thing.

[Friend 2]

No, it's beautiful, man. Now, I can converse and I can, you know, get in arguments, but it's not really like a heated argument. Yeah, my parents got in some heated ones when I was growing up, so I think that's why I was scared of arguing, because they would yell and sometimes get physical. So it's terrifying. Yeah. I was scared of it.

[Brian Yang]

It's terrifying for a child. And that's one thing I get so often is like, people would say to me, like, oh, my childhood was normal.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Maybe that's what you first thought. Yeah. It's not, you know, it just. It is what it was. But even, like, simple stuff, you know, it doesn't have to be like, terrible stuff like a car crash, someone dying, rape and whatever. You know that. The obvious big T traumas, but a little T traumas of just your parents fighting in front of you. Of course, them yelling at you when you did something wrong, but when they're fighting against each other, no matter what it is, it's so intense for a little child to experience that.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

It's terrifying.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

You don't know if you're gonna be safe.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Friend 2]

I got a vivid memory of one of them. My mom was pulling one arm, my dad was pulling the other, and they were about to get divorced, and they were like, you got to pick who you want to spend the weekend with. And I would just remember thinking, like, this is a cr. Like a pivotal decision in my life right now because they're never going to forget which side I choose.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. What, you. What side did you end up choosing?

[Friend 2]

I went with my mom, which was the safe route. She was trying to say my dad was crazy and all this stuff, so.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

But then he ran away for a year, so I didn't see my dad for like a year.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

And I was only like 10, dude. So I think that was pretty traumatizing.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, I think that's so interesting too, because, like, you know, I think you first mentioned when your girlfriend said that you got childhood trauma, she got issues.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Your first instinct was like, no, I don't.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Friend 2]

Yeah, I didn't think I did.

[Brian Yang]

That was. That is so normal for people to do that. Here's the reason why is because we have to normalize that. As a child, it's my mom and dad. It's my. It's the only thing I got. Of course I'm going to normalize it so I can continue to exist in it.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

To function it. To maintain connection with these people. Even if it's. Even if there's pain, even if there's, you know, their own crap that they're. That they're. That they're dumping onto me. Like, I'm going to normalize that because that's my, like, my one true source of love. Connection, safety, survival, food, shelter. So we do normalize these things. It's very Natural because we have to, as part of our survival instinct to normalize our family environment so we can maintain connection with them and continue to survive.

[Friend 2]

Absolutely sure. So you believe there's three stages of relationships and most fail in stage two. Could you explain the stages?

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. So there are three stages to our relationships. At least the way I broke have breaking it down. The first stage is very obvious. This is the easy one. This is where it's fun. The honeymoon stage, right? So this is where you're having the most fun. This is where you're having the, the most sex, the most dates. It's a good time. It's like the best high, right? That beginning part of a relationship where you're so attracted to them and they're attracted to you and at the same time you're only really sharing a very filtered version of yourself to them. It's not even fully conscious. But you know, you do it when you meet someone new for the first time and anyone, even a business relationship, you're trying to put on your best foot forward. It's just natural instinct because you want that connection so bad, right? And so that's what you're doing for each other. And so you're not really bringing all of you to it in the beginning for one. But also more importantly than that is the threat isn't fully there yet. In the beginning, the threat is not fully there. And what I mean by that is you're not fully committed to each other. You might have not quite said I love you yet, maybe you did. But you're not, you know, you still, you still have your space, you have your life, they have their life. You're not fully committed. You're not talking about crazy long term plan plans. It's just lower expectations, right? Lower expectations, lower threat. And so it's easier to be this, in this more enjoyable state with one another. And also it's new novelty, right? Fresh, new, it's exciting. And then what happens is that that stage eventually fades. And typically what ends that first stage as it, which is very natural and happens for everyone is it's just the progression of relationships is more commitment, right? More expectations of one another. Your, your, your perceived sense of well being becomes more dependent on the other person on how they're going to show up for you and vice versa. And so things like moving in together, things like getting married, right. Could also be like I said before, saying I love you, right? Just that bigger commitment that we're in this longer term that's going to push you into stage two. Natural and when you, when you get into stage two, when the expectations are higher, when you're, when you're able to, when you feel more like you're, you're threatening each other's well being is when your childhood trauma comes up to the surface. All the stuff that you never knew was even there comes boiling up to the surface. And so what that cycle is going to look like, I call it the relationship loop of doom. Stage two is a relationship loop of doom. And what happens is, I give you one example. It doesn't matter who starts it first, could be the man. Either partner, same sex marriages, same thing as well. One partner just say, is stressed at work and they are feeling like maybe they made a mistake or things are just not going according to plan and they're stressed, they're maybe feeling not good enough. Maybe they're just feeling, you know, maybe shame and guilt. Just things are messing up. They're feeling these uncomfortable emotions that come up to the surface and as a result of that, that person is going to cope with that. Every, every human being copes with their pain, right? So he's going to, it's just a hit, it's a. He, he's going to cope with that pain by shutting down, isolating, maybe distracting himself with more work, just working harder. Video games, sports, porn, so many ways to distract, right? To distract, numb, suppress, withdraw, get quiet. He goes into himself, right? He does something that he learned to do from childhood, probably not even aware of it, to cope with those emotional pains. And, and, but he's trying to do that to feel better. He's not trying to hurt anybody, he's just trying to soo those pains. But the thing is, is that when he does that, it's going to have the opposite effect, which is trigger the hell out of his partner, right? His partner is going to perceive that coping mechanism as abandonment. Wow, he's leaving me, he's rejecting me. He doesn't love me, he doesn't care, right? Touching her core wounds and when she feels that pain, of course she's going to cope with her pain in the way that she learned how from her childhood. Unconsciously, it's all unconscious. And so that's going to look like getting, criticizing. That's going to look like, you know, pointing out all the things that he's doing wrong because she's feeling alone, she wants his attention, he's like disconnected. She might get controlling, she might get very emotional, like angry, right? To project emotion, to get attention, right? And so she's not doing that to hurt him. She's not trying to criticize or yell at him or do that to hurt him. She's feeling alone. It's all about the pain that she's trying to soothe. Has nothing to do with, you know, hurting him. But of course, just like him, her coping mechanism is going to do opposite. The more she does it to soo for pain, it's going to trigger his wounds even more. So now he's going to feel even more, not enough, more unsafe, more of the very pain that he's been trying to cope with. He's going to feel that pain even more and then cope with it more. And then the more he copes with it, the more she feels triggered and hurt and then she copes harder. And so it becomes literally this infinite loop of doom, right? It's just like their, their, their pains cause them to cope. Their coping cause each other pain and they cope more. And so they're in this vicious cycle of being hurt, coping and feeling more of the pain, and it becomes like a downward spiral. And relationships can be in this cycle for years, decades. You know, I got, you know, clients that have been together for like 30 years and they've just been doing this entire time, right? They do it, they have a big blowout, they sweep under a rug, pretend didn't happen until like the next fight happens. And they get into this little cycle again, right? Every. This happened. Happening to everybody. There's some, some flavor, some form of this. And so how you get out of that is what I've discovered. What you've discovered in your personal journey as well is like, is to first be aware that you're even in it to begin with. Like, oh, this is more than just, I'm not, this is not real. It's just we're playing out this phantom, you know, game of running away from these old childhood wounds and doing a coping mechanism that we don't have to do, but I learned to do it. That's what's happening, right? It kind of creates some separation. Like, okay, then, okay, I'm aware I'm doing this stuff and what do I do about this stuff, right? Like, okay, I can do some trauma work, I could do some inner child work and can do some somatic work, connect instead of coping, connecting to the pain of not feeling good enough, feeling it instead of coping. And then through that, you can connect to the little boy inside and start to repair that part of yourself, right? To create healing, to allow healing to happen. So you're not just managing the pain, but you're actually dealing with it, and you're healing it. You're going. You're just going to the root of it. And the same thing for the partner. She gets to address her pain of abandonment.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

To feel it connect to the little girl that's there that was abandoned as a child growing up.

[Friend 1]

Right, Right.

[Brian Yang]

So this, the. The. The stage two provides the. The foundation to do the inner work to then get you to stage three.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And so stage three is where, you know, people transcend that loop of doom. They don't see it as like, oh, this guy's, you know, this. This. This partner is some terrible person that's making my life miserable, and they just need to stop doing that.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

It's kind of like the psychology of most people in relationships. It's like, no, they're giving me an opportunity to see myself. This is a moment. Like, literally, they're giving me a moment to look at myself like a mirror, to look at all these. These parts I have, I haven't addressed or didn't know how to address, and now I get to do it.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

That's a spiritual awakening. That. That puts you into a spiritual partnership. You can both do that. It's incredible.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So you're both doing your inner work.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

You're healing. It happens in layers. It's a gradual process. But then you realize the truth of what you're in each other's lives for is for evolution is for growth. To be able to experience more and grow more together than you can individually. That's why you're together.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And it's much deeper, much more fulfilling, and, you know, can last a lifetime. And you're less than these huge roller coasters, Highs and lows. Right. More, More stable, more gradual.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. I always wondered why people are drawn to, like, toxic partners. But you explaining this makes so much sense now because it's on a subconscious level.

[Brian Yang]

It's what was familiar to them. That toxicity is what was familiar to their. To their upbringing. And they saw that as love.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

If anything, you just give them compassion, like, oh, it makes sense. You got a hard tract. Instead of judge someone that has that perpetually does a terrible one, terrible relationship after the next and be like, oh, damn, that person had a hard childhood.

[Friend 2]

They just painted out as a nice guy in high school. It pissed me off. I was that guy. I was there for them. And they always picked the dick or whatever, you know?

[Brian Yang]

Absolutely.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Because they match their trauma. That person matches their trauma in the same way that they also match the other person's trauma. It takes both. It's not one person is the victim of the other. They're just acting out their roles and they're both just coming together. To one person reminding the other person of the mother, the other person reminds the other person of their father. That's literally it.

[Friend 2]

It's pretty crazy. And I'd say a large majority of people never address their traumas, their whole lives, which is insane. I saw with my, with my, with my father.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

His whole life.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. And there's. It's generational, a lot of it. You know, in that time, that generation, you know, the inward exploration is not there. You know, the number one. The number one, you know, prerogative is survival. Make money, get education. You know, I'm not sure if that resonates, but like, just as long as you can function and you can pay the bills, that's. That's it. That's life.

[Friend 1]

Right, Right.

[Brian Yang]

A lot of the previous generations have this psychology and it's really just human. Human. The cycles of human evolution.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

We've been in a state of survival for a very long time where survival was more important. Whoever had the most resources or money or whatever, like, that's what you have to either align yourself with or aspire yourself to become from a place of survival, of emptiness.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And so we're. I believe we're in a very cosmic sort of next level evolution of humanity where we're. We're sick and tired of being in that constant state of survival. It's stressful. The body doesn't like. It breaks down. You see, you know, chronic illness, mystery, chronic illnesses all over the place. Nothing's mysterious about it. It's all stress and trauma.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

And so when you start to. People are getting sick of that because they've seen that. Oh, all these coping mechanisms, the money, the. The people being love addicts and chasing people or chasing money or chasing fame or status and all these different things. It doesn't work. Doesn't work at all.

[Friend 2]

Not long term.

[Brian Yang]

Not long term. You get a dopamine hit, you get a little bit high fun for a little bit, and then boom, you're back down to exactly where you were before.

[Friend 2]

Right. I'm sure you've experienced sometimes lower too.

[Brian Yang]

Sometimes lower. It's more depressed. Like I did this thing. It doesn't even work. Even worse. Yeah, right. More. More hopeless.

[Friend 2]

Got a taste of it.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, exactly. And it's. And it's crazy too, because you see it like you, the stories are there.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Not there for no reason. You know, they they, they have access to everything. There's no, there's no more chasing anything because they have it all. And so all that's left is the pain and the depression and the, and, and the, the, all that crap that's been inside them that hasn't been dealt with.

[Friend 2]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And when it comes up all at once, it's overwhelming as hell.

[Friend 2]

Absolutely.

[Brian Yang]

For some people it can be very devastating for sure. And they'll survive it. But that's what we're here where we're trying to wake up from that.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Which is. Okay, let's just start, stop doing the coping and chasing. Whether it's through relationships, romantic relationships or through material things or whatever. Let's start getting curious about that little boy, little girl inside us.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

That felt the pain of not feeling good enough for their parents or a pain of feeling abandoned or being abused and not feeling safe. Can I start to, you know, connect to that part of myself? Because you can. When you connect to that part and you learn to feel and face it and explore it and renegotiate reparent it, it starts to feel safer, it starts to heal. Is the, the very simple analogy I give people all the time is like imagine a crying baby that is just throwing a tantrum, crying snot down the face. It's just, it is not happy, it's hurt, it's scared, whatever. Most people, what they do, you know, to, to, to them, to them, to their own emotions is what they do to that child is push them away. I can't deal with you right now, right. You be someone else's problem, you're too loud, you're too much. I don't want to deal with you, all that kind of stuff.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And that pushes us away. That child feels more hurt, more scared, more abandoned, more neglected. That's what they're doing to themselves whenever they cope and not deal with their own insecurities even.

[Friend 2]

That's a baby.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. Right. So you just gotta think that that's like what's happening inside them.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

That's what's happening inside them is they're, they're sort of, they're coping and not dealing with that crying baby inside them or the crying 5 year old or the 10 year old.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And it just gets louder and louder and then people are surprised. Oh, 10 years, 10 years from later on they're depressed and don't understand.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Because this is what's been happening inside them. And so the inner work is really bringing that crying that scared her little child close to them.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Bring it right there to the heart. Even though it's making that mess is uncomfortable at first, I'm just going to do. I'm just going to take a risk and bring it close. Go closer to the wound and hold it and give it that safe presence that we didn't get growing up. Right. Obviously, I'm simplifying it, but that's generally the work, what we're trying to do. And as you start to do that, every mother knows this, you knows this. Oh, the child starts to feel safe again.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

It starts to feel loved. And that's the healing and that's the inner work that we really. It's, It's. It's. It's really unavoidable. It's the work that needs to be done if we want to transcend this stuff.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

But. Yeah, yeah.

[Friend 2]

Having abandonment issues. Your love language is probably physical touch, right?

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, Physical touch. Closeness. Yes, specifically closeness.

[Friend 2]

And that was my fiance's and it wasn't mine, so I had to learn to adapt because we have different love languages. Mine is acts of service.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

But for her it's physical touch. So I. I make time to do that for her every day.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. That's beautiful. And that. It's not just for her benefit, but it's for you as well. I. Because I imagine, like, giving her a physical touch is naturally uncomfortable for you. Not. Not you.

[Friend 2]

At first it was. Yeah, yeah. I was like, what is a hug? Like, my parents didn't hug me.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

But it grows you to be able to give that and then to then appreciate it. You expand yourself, you open your heart. But you know, also with like, the five love Love languages, they're usually the. The symptoms of her childhood trauma of what we didn't get.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So what we didn't get becomes her love language of what we crave later on.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Of course. She wants love into. She wants. She wants, you know, physical touch because that's how she soothes the pain of abandonment.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

For you, as acts of service. Someone just being there for you, doing stuff.

[Friend 1]

Priorities. Yeah.

[Friend 2]

When I was a kid, my parents didn't show up to my sports games.

[Brian Yang]

Exactly.

[Friend 2]

You know, so definitely that makes sense.

[Brian Yang]

Just people showing up for you.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And you. The way you can rationalize as, oh, when they're doing stuff for me, they're showing up for me, they're prioritizing me.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

I'm important.

[Friend 2]

No, that's so deep. Because every other kid's parents were at the games, like soccer, basketball, whatever, and mine were Never there.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

Holy crap.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. And. And, you know, part of you too is like, you know, do you have a hard time? Do you. Let me ask you this. Do you have a hard time asking for help? Vulnerable. Yeah, exactly.

[Friend 2]

Very hard.

[Brian Yang]

Which is understandable because when you were counting on people there for your parents didn't show up that hurt like hell.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. I've been in bad financial situations and I won't even ask for help.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

You know.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. Because the pain, the percept, the phantom pain is all. All this is a phantom pain. The phantom pain of what it would mean if you were to ask for help is greater than the pain you're dealing with right now. And that's oftentimes what gets us stuck in suffering and misery is that we have a phantom pain of something that we think is going to be bigger than the pain that we're dealing with right now. And so we rather just put up with this pain right now, forever infinity, practically, to avoid that bigger phantom pain. Whether it's abandonment or being disappointed or shame or whatever that thing not feeling good enough will put with a lot of other. To avoid the bigger thing.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And that's really what you see. And also, you know, really painful relationships.

[Friend 2]

Absolutely. Do you see a lot of trust issues in your clients because of social media and just everything being so easy to access these days?

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, well, for sure. Well, give me an example of trust issues.

[Friend 2]

Just like people, like, cheat on each other so that now they're. They have a trust issue that every other guy or girl is going to cheat on them and it just kind of stalls.

[Brian Yang]

A relationship was a manifestation of what's there before. And so if they've already had trust issues, then they're going to be ultra sensitive to social media or the partner on social media.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So the way trauma works is as we hold it inside us, it's always looking for threats.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So, sure, you could say it's social media. Absolutely. Makes it accessible and easier to be shady and cheat and do all kinds of crap. For sure. But if that wasn't there, the trauma would be looking for the next threat. The next threat. Okay, like, oh, your co workers, are they female?

[Friend 1]

Right. Right.

[Brian Yang]

It was going to start to look around, oh, you haven't texted back in, you know, 20 minutes. What's going on there?

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

See, it's. The threat response is always looking for something and that never stops until it gets addressed. But that's, that's a. Coping is like, oh, I want to control what you're doing on social Media. I want to control what you're doing at work or whatever.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

That's more from the person has more anxious attachment, which we're talking about. The person that has abandonment.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

They're going to have that. Whereas the person that is more avoidant, you know, for them. For them. Like, I want to be trusted, actually. Me. Cut. Cut to that. You brought up trust issues for. For a reason. Do you struggle with being trusted yourself or trusting her? What direction is it?

[Friend 2]

It wasn't mainly at me, I'd say, or my fiance. It was mainly my friends. Just a lot of them just seem to really.

[Brian Yang]

So you have difficulty trusting them?

[Friend 2]

No, I see them have difficulties trusting their potential partners. Okay.

[Brian Yang]

So just what you're observing out there.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

Like very commonly.

[Friend 1]

Okay.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

And a lot of it is from cheating, I'd say, and social media.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. And at the same time, like I said, we come right back to the beginning of a conversation here is that we are drawn towards the environments, the people, places or things that are familiar to what we grew up with. So if we grew up being betrayed, let down, and we have trust issues there, we're going to be drawn to environments where we can't be trusting the people around us. Wow, that's familiar.

[Friend 2]

That's deep.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. And we do it all the time.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. People don't even know.

[Brian Yang]

They never know.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

They hate. It hurts. But some part of them is like pulling them towards these types of people, environments or spaces because there's a familiarity to that. It almost gets him in touch with that childhood part of themselves subconsciously, because it feels. Again, feels like love. Does it feel. This is how I exist in the world is be in this sort of emotional state where I can't trust them. Pulls them in there and they get stuck in it. Because, you know, I guarantee you they price. They stay stuck in it. Even though they can't trust them and the person cheats on them or betrays them, they still stay stuck in it. They don't leave right away. They just, they. They keep trying to convince or control their partner or the person to stop doing that. Or if they do leave, they find themselves in another relationship or another situation where the same thing happens again.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And that's going to be their. That's going to be their. Their future is. It's going to be repeating.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Like Groundhog Day. Keep changing. Relationships changing, certainly whatever that is. If they don't deal with what is inside them that is unresolved, that is also pulling them into these situations, attracting them into These situations, they're going to keep repeating it. There's nothing that you can do or anyone can do to try to convince them otherwise. They have to get to a point where they hit rock bottom and they say like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm doing the same thing over and over again. Let me explore myself. Right? Yeah, that's the work. It's like, okay, what's going on here? Why am I experiencing this? What's this about? And one thing that can, that can help anybody that might be confused on, like, oh, I don't know if I have childhood trauma. What, what's this all about? How do I explore this? If they're confused about, all they got to do is this. Look at, look at what is prevalent in their life, what is. And what is happening in their life consistently. And that's really just showing up in their face. Am I constantly being lied to? Am I constantly being yelled at? Am I constantly being whatever or whoever? Where's that loud threat happening in their life as does dominant? And then ask yourself this question. How early in life do I remember feeling this way? Simple, very simple. And just sit with that for a little bit and see how far back you can go. You might, you might start with like, oh, this was just like my last relationship. Well, keep going further back than that. Right. Acknowledge that and go back. Okay, how about even further than that? Oh, you know, when I was a teenager, When I was 12 years old, 7 years old, 5 years old, my whole entire childhood. Boom, there you go.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

There's your childhood pain. It's manifesting back in your adult life. And now you get to meet that childhood pain.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Instead of trying to soothe that pain through all these people and places, trying to fix the pain through this outside, you know, environment, through whether people, the money, the whatever it is. Can you connect to that lo little that, that young part of you.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

That little boy, that little girl that's still inside you because it's alive inside and it's controlling you until it gets addressed. And so that's the work there.

[Friend 2]

That's a great mindset shift that self accountability. Because you could ask anyone, oh, why did you break up with that person? They're going to put the blame on the partner. Most likely th percent but very rarely are you going to take self accountability for a relationship failing.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. And there's a reason why.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And the reason why is because it hurts like hell to take accountability. Because if I have to, if I were to be accountable, then I would feel less than I Feel shame, I feel guilt. I feel bad about myself. Feel not enough. And again, even that right there. Where did that come from? How. How early back in life do you remember feeling that way? Oh, when my parents blame me and when I did something wrong and they were down on me hard, criticized me, they yelled at me, they shamed the. Out of me, whatever it is. And that's the pain there that makes it hard for someone to become accountable later on in life, because when they were, they made a mistake and it was exposed. There was so much pain associated with that. So they're like, I'm not gonna be accountable.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So same thing. It all comes back to the same place.

[Friend 2]

That's deep. You made a video about the dangers of being a mama's boy. Yeah, I want to talk about that because, yeah, I am one.

[Brian Yang]

Fair enough.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Well, I made that video because I am one. I. I was one I as well. And so, yeah, being a mom is. Boy is okay. So it's the. The mother. The mother f. The mother son dynamic is very interesting. It depends on the culture, but generally speaking, there's a lot of. There's a lot of pressure for kids generally, but especially, like, Asian cultures.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Even more so to be a good son, be a good daughter, be there for the parent.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Now, in this case, in this dynamic, the son being there for the. For the mom. And so typically, the mother is domineering, controlling, uses. Can use either overt or sneaky, covert ways of using guilt and shame on the child to keep the child in line and also subconsciously dependent on the mother. And so the son grows up in life thinking that, I just have a close relationship with my mom.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And maybe even struggles later on in life to figure out, like, okay, well, now I have a partner in life. I got my mom. Who do I prioritize?

[Friend 2]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

The fact that they even asked that shows that mom and boy's dynamic of how the mother has groomed that son to be.

[Friend 2]

Wow.

[Brian Yang]

To prioritize her needs over pretty much everyone else's.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And that's very Asian culture, too. The mother's is the most important because I know better. But really what's happening is that mother has a fear of abandonment, too. She's afraid of being abandoned. She wants to feel important because she's not getting it from her husband. She didn't get growing up.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

She wants to get from her son. You see that?

[Friend 2]

Oh, that makes sense. Culture, it's tough. So they never got that love.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. A lot of pain, a lot of Trauma there. I mean, all cultures got trauma, but, you know, that's. That's the flavor of. Of Asian culture. Is that right? Is that dynamic other things that can happen too? Depends, you know, for me, I'll speak for myself. There was what's called emotional incest. And so what emotional incest is, is it's where the parent is basically turning. Turning their child into a surrogate partner emotionally.

[Friend 2]

Wow.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

It's not conscious.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

They're not saying like, oh, just go be my boyfriend. But they're treating them like one.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

Boyfriend, girlfriend. They're treating that child as their emotional support vehicle to complain about their life. To complain about, you know, Complain. You know, my mom would complain about her husbands to me, right? Oh, she's got a lot of husbands. She complained about all of them to me.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

And I was just sort of like her, her, her.

[Friend 2]

Her.

[Brian Yang]

Her boyfriend, you know, metaphorically, that she would dump all this crap onto, vent on and expect all this emotional support constantly.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And so that creates. That also creates a lot, a lot of this sort of mama's boy dynamic that is actually extremely destructive to a child's development to come into their own, to be able to, you know, have more ownership of their own emotional experience and their own needs because they abandoned themselves for the mother. It's been a lifetime doing that. And so, you know, and then, then they will also do the same thing with their partner. Because again, remember, we date people that are similar to our parents. So you might find yourself date, abandoning, abandoning yourself for your partner. Either people pleasing or when it gets too much, then you go into avoidance.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

So it becomes a slingshot. So mama's boys do this. How does that resonate with you?

[Friend 2]

Dude? I was a massive people pleaser.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, exactly.

[Friend 2]

Even like strangers, like, I would put them over, like, close family.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

It was weird.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. It's groomed. Groomed to do so.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Because what would happen if you didn't please? You know, let me ask you this. Who did you find yourself pleasing the most? Your mother, your father, or who?

[Friend 2]

O. I really liked my dad. My mom was tough on me academically. She was the Asian one. My dad's the white one. I'd want to please my. I. I rebelled against my mother in high school. I started failing classes on purpose. So it got really kind of toxic.

[Brian Yang]

Before that, though, how do you remember being before?

[Friend 2]

I wanted to please my mother, but then I had that rebellious phase.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

So before the rebellion. Rebellious phase. It was the strong drive to please.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. Whether it was piano, whatever. You wanted me to do. Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

That's still your core programming there.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

And as it was for me, because there's. And then let me ask you this. If you made a mistake, if you didn't do what she wanted, what would she do?

[Friend 2]

Oh, she would scream.

[Brian Yang]

Exactly.

[Friend 2]

When I was younger, she would slap.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. A lot of pain.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

A lot of pain.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

And so that's why people pleasing is so strong. It's trying to cope with that pain. Wow.

[Friend 2]

I never realized why I was like that.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah. It's a phantom pain of, I don't want to be punished. I didn't want to be, you know, like, I did something bad. I want to be yelled at or screamed at or criticized or I don't want that negative, unsafe feelings. So I'm just going to people please.

[Friend 2]

And because of that trauma, I have lost millions of dollars in business.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah.

[Friend 2]

Because I'm just trying to please everyone and put others before me.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, exactly.

[Friend 2]

Crazy. And I never realized it was from that. Holy crap.

[Brian Yang]

Well, it's not natural.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

It's the most. That's what we do. Every human's doing that. They're just playing out their.

[Friend 1]

Their.

[Brian Yang]

Their childhood conditioning and programming. It's unconscious. And quite honestly, we got to meet it with compassion.

[Friend 2]

Mm.

[Brian Yang]

It's easy to judge it, but, oh, that's so stupid to do this. These things. But there's a reason why, and we understand the reason why. It's like, oh, it's just compassion. Like, that child is so fucking scared. That's why he did those things. Or he or she did those things.

[Friend 1]

Wow.

[Brian Yang]

And so you just want to meet that with compassion. That, of course you did those things because of how much pain you experienced as a child. Same thing for me, my wife, everyone I worked with, and, you know, just people out there. Of course you did those coping mechanisms with the people pleasing, that withdrawing, the shutting down because you experience so much pain. That was the only way you could figure out how to intelligently avoid more of that pain. From your mother example.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

That compassionate piece is so important because that's what allows that part of yourself to feel understood and loved. And then you can do some, obviously go deeper and do, you know, inner work to process more of that pain, which then frees you up to be able to stop people pleasing or shutting down or hiding the emotions or not expressing yourself, whatever those things are.

[Friend 2]

I love this way of thinking because when I see my friends do stupid things, I'm like, that's stupid. Like, but now I'm Gonna start thinking, okay, why is he doing that? Like, what caused that? You know what I mean? Because we think so service level as humans. But there's deeper meaning.

[Brian Yang]

There's deeper mean to everything. There's a cause and effect for everything. No one's just stupidly doing something. I think that's the biggest thing that I want people to understand. No one is just stupidly doing anything, no matter how terrible it is, no matter how ridiculous it is. They're not just doing it because they're a fool. They're doing it because they're avoiding a phantom pain that was so excruciating. That's why the, the, the, the behavior is so extreme or so repetitive.

[Friend 1]

Wow, right?

[Brian Yang]

To see that, oh, that person's in pain, so much pain. And the only way you can help someone like that is just give them compassion. Like, oh, I can see you're struggling. Probably see where it might come from. That's, that's really hard. That's probably maybe a pain I can't even fathom myself.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

If anything, what a powerful soul to have that and function of that pain. And I wish them the best. Yeah, I wish some healing.

[Friend 2]

It can be a gift if you.

[Brian Yang]

Heal from it a thousand percent.

[Friend 2]

A lot of top successful people in the world have had deep traumas.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Brian Yang]

Well, here's the thing. You know, you can be successful, not heal the pain, right? You see in celebrities, you see it in business moguls. You can be very successful without the healing, but it's not sustainable. That's the thing, right?

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

You're going to crash and burn, right. Either going to be depressed, shit's going to fall apart.

[Friend 1]

Right.

[Brian Yang]

If you don't address it, even though you have the success now, if you do heal, then you can retain the success or move the success or the, you know what, you've developed into a way that is more from the heart as opposed from the fear. You know, the fear is if I don't have the success, I'm not going to be good enough. If you don't have this success, I'm not going to feel important or seen or heard by the world or whatever.

[Friend 1]

Right?

[Brian Yang]

Because you can try and cope with that. That is a constant hamster wheel of running away from pain. It's a very stressful state to be in and it's not sustainable. Everyone crashes. But you do something that you, you, you create something beautiful from the heart that's of service. That just something that, just from the heart, from a place of love that has so much sustainability, it's infinite, actually. Infinite sustainability. You can keep on going and going and going. Anything that comes from a place of love, not fear, will sustain you forever.

[Friend 2]

I love that. Yeah, Frequency, right?

[Brian Yang]

Frequency. Yeah, I'm all about that.

[Host]

Brian, where can people learn from you?

[Friend 2]

Find out your site and everything.

[Brian Yang]

They can follow me on Instagram. Awakening with Brian is the handle. But they can also follow my website, Awakening with Brian Dot com.

[Friend 2]

Perfect. We'll link below. Thanks for coming on, man.

[Brian Yang]

Yeah, absolutely awesome.

[Host]

Super valuable lessons there, guys.

[Friend 2]

Check them out and I'll see you guys tomorrow.