Chris Distefano (2:53)

Yeah. It doesn't really paint me out in the best light. Like, first thing I tell you.

Rachel Feinstein (2:57)

I remember feeling jealous of the girls that were bulimic because it was exciting. It was like something happening to them. Yeah.

Chris Distefano (3:03)

And it, like, I just wanted the attention of my peers. And not really my cause. My teacher took me for a walk down the hall during class once.

Rachel Feinstein (3:13)

Really?

Chris Distefano (3:14)

Yeah. And she was like, I've had troubles before. And I was like, oh, oh, the

Rachel Feinstein (3:19)

teacher talked to you about her bulimia to make you feel better about your fake bulimia? Are we on right now? Getting this? This is incredible.

Chris Distefano (3:29)

So I was just telling Rachel that I faked bulimia. Welcome. In

Rachel Feinstein (3:34)

which I find very charming.

Chris Distefano (3:36)

I just. I can't believe that's, like, one of the first things I just said to you. That's a bummer for.

Rachel Feinstein (3:41)

I overshared. As soon as I sat down, I was like, alarmingly. Yeah. Whenever I see another person that I like, like, I have more in common with than the people in my neighborhood. Yeah. I just overshare. Like a hostile, alarming amount up front.

Chris Distefano (3:54)

Are you, like, a crazy neighbor?

Rachel Feinstein (3:56)

I mean, I just live, like, you know, besides Liam, a friend of ours, a comedian.

Chris Distefano (4:00)

Yes. Shout out. Liam.

Rachel Feinstein (4:01)

Yes. Liam Dalton. I feel like everybody else in my neighborhood, it's just like an old school neighborhood of a lot of cops and firemen. You know, I talk about on stage, but it's like. It's like if the 911 memorial gift shop were a neighborhood. That's where I live. Inside of an Irish bar with Rudy Giuliani in the window.

Chris Distefano (4:16)

See, that is home sweet home. It sounds like to me that's, like, perfect.

Rachel Feinstein (4:20)

No, I mean, the guys are hot, but I just feel like the women, like, a lot of the women there, I just can't catch a wave with. And I just, like, my neighbor saw me, like, weeping outside my house, like, crouched, smoking a cigarette. And it was just like right after we trick or treated like, you know, and I'm just like.

Chris Distefano (4:35)

It's part of the costume. Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (4:38)

I was just like, Crouching like a control. And I just had done like a good mom. Like a clean mom debut. I was like, wow, you nailed that lie today. And then she just saw me sitting there all rancid.

Chris Distefano (4:50)

He's like, spit on the ground. Off.

Rachel Feinstein (4:52)

I was a real wolf out there. I don't remember what I was weeping about, but she. She's never really looked at me the same since then, but. Yeah, her.

Chris Distefano (5:01)

But was this, like, an old lady?

Rachel Feinstein (5:03)

No, actually, she's. She's Actually, She's a very lovely person. I just. I. In my mind, I think she. She must think that I'm pretty alarming. She always just sees me taking Ubers at, like, weird hours.

Chris Distefano (5:12)

Like, everyone I know, this. This job doesn't make much sense for the. Would you call Queens the suburbs? No, I was gonna say kind of

Rachel Feinstein (5:20)

a suburban where because there's no train anywhere nearby. It's like old school New York. Like, everything is like, kish.

Chris Distefano (5:26)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (5:26)

You know, and there's like. Like when my husband had all our construction done was like, by local firemen, and he just, like, put money in, like, a hole in the basement. They would just go get it in the hole. Like some guy named Dino would just go get his 10 grand in a hole.

Chris Distefano (5:40)

What does that even mean?

Rachel Feinstein (5:41)

I don't know. He put it. There was some sort of hole in the basement. He would just stuff the cash in there for them.

Chris Distefano (5:45)

That's. I thought you meant, like, you would throw in money into a hole by doing the renovation. No, you. Like, there was a hole of cash.

Rachel Feinstein (5:51)

Yes. There was like a. Some sort of natural hole because they destroyed. I'm sorry, but, I mean, it was a disaster. Yeah. We had like, all our renovations are done by, like, firefighter. Yeah. So it's just like.

Chris Distefano (6:00)

So it's like it got dug some

Rachel Feinstein (6:02)

sort of hole within, like, concrete. Yeah. Some kind of asbestos concrete hole or something. Yeah, Drywall hole. And they would just stuff the cash in there and some guy would pick it up

Chris Distefano (6:14)

actually. In the mob.

Rachel Feinstein (6:15)

Yeah, he might be in the mob.

Chris Distefano (6:16)

I think that's actually.

Rachel Feinstein (6:17)

That would definitely track because he doesn't emote at all. And like. Yeah, there's nothing that I'd be surprised to find out about my husband. I assume all men are doing something extra foul and gangrenous, like it beyond whatever vile porn they're watching in the bathroom. I'm assume there's just some other.

Chris Distefano (6:35)

It's got to be something else.

Rachel Feinstein (6:36)

Yeah, Yeah.

Chris Distefano (6:38)

I like. Have you ever met a guy who says he doesn't have any Vices, Yes.

Rachel Feinstein (6:41)

I don't trust. No way. And by the way, it's always those guys, those squeaky clean guys that are the sickest fucks. And it's the same on the road when I am opening for some. When I used to like feature whenever I'd open for a guy that was filthy, they'd be lovely. Norton was always so nice to me. Ital was just like the a darling to open for.

Chris Distefano (7:00)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (7:01)

And whenever it was like those super squeaky clean family acts and they'd have be like, please make sure you don't curse. I have a Christian crowd.

Chris Distefano (7:11)

How do you even do that? And also, when do they tell you not to curse?

Rachel Feinstein (7:14)

I hope I'm not gonna obviously say the person I open for. It's like, nobody's asking.

Chris Distefano (7:19)

No, I really want to know.

Rachel Feinstein (7:21)

Actually. Nobody's hitting on you.

Chris Distefano (7:23)

I don't believe any women.

Rachel Feinstein (7:26)

No. But I would just get. And I would just get like a lot of foul late night, like text from, you know, like just. Yeah, gross. And in terms of the cursing, he had a little talk with me at the beginning of a kind of some stretch of dates about just remembering to keep it clean and keep it family. He's got a Christian crowd out there. The fuck do you say that at night? Guess who is fucking lathering himself up, firing off some of the most demented texts.

Chris Distefano (7:53)

Yeah, I want to guess and I want it to be this guy I'm thinking of because I did something up with him in my head. But yeah, well, we'll just have to move on. I suppose I can. I met a guy, also a comic, and we were going around, it was like me and Liam and really like, like I have. I feel like I have too many vices. Like, I feel like everyone needs one. Yes, I have too many. This guy goes, I don't have any vices.

Rachel Feinstein (8:19)

Yeah, that's not a trustworthy sentence. Nobody doesn't have any vices.

Chris Distefano (8:22)

You don't do anything that's a little bit wrong.

Rachel Feinstein (8:24)

Say that because I was talking to my friend who we were out to eat with her, her boyfriend, and she's sober. And I was like, you know, it's so impressive that you're doing so much in your career and you're doing so well and you have no, like real vices. And she was just kind of like glaring at me like this. And I was like, I think I'm saying something like, relatively flattering.

Chris Distefano (8:44)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (8:45)

And then after the lunch, she was like, oh, yeah, my. My boyfriend didn't know that I was on like, four edibles during that lunch. Yeah. She's like, yeah. I'm like, california, sober, everybody needs something. It's so true.

Chris Distefano (8:59)

This guy, it was like the craziest thing. So he said he didn't have any vices. Then he goes, I guess I work a lot. I'm like, no, it doesn't count. Your vice.

Rachel Feinstein (9:08)

No, shut up. You're just bragging. He's bragging when he says that.

Chris Distefano (9:10)

By the way, we went to a

Rachel Feinstein (9:11)

strip club after successful. That's my vice.

Chris Distefano (9:14)

Oh, sorry. I just worked too hard. You should get like me. So we went to strip club after. He's wearing his hoodie in there, and he leaves with one of the girls.

Rachel Feinstein (9:23)

So I knew it.

Chris Distefano (9:25)

It's like you're just lying to yourself because we all. We all saw what you're doing. That's like that. You don't just leave from a strip club with someone willy nilly. Like, I love your first hoodie up.

Rachel Feinstein (9:36)

What a fucking idiot.

Chris Distefano (9:37)

You didn't want to get recognized.

Rachel Feinstein (9:39)

Oh, that infuriates me.

Chris Distefano (9:40)

I know.

Rachel Feinstein (9:41)

Who was he hoodieing from? From you guys. I mean, we're all together. Putting a hoodie on in a strip club is, first of all, anywhere inside. Like, if you're not aggressively famous, like, you're fucking asshole.

Chris Distefano (9:53)

Yeah, I mean, he's a nice enough guy, this guy, but I.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (9:56)

You're a tool.

Chris Distefano (9:57)

I mean, like. And I don't even use that word. It's like that sometimes it's the only way you can describe someone is like, you're a tool.

Rachel Feinstein (10:03)

I feel like Mateo said this. I cannot. Mateo, I cannot take credit for this insight, but I was just telling him something about, like, somebody that was just lying to me about something that I caught. And he was like, everybody's lying there. People are wild liars.

Chris Distefano (10:16)

Yeah, there are crazy liars.

Rachel Feinstein (10:18)

Yeah, there's a lot of crazy. Because I feel like our job is kind of like we're supposed to say the most gangrenous things openly, and it's very satisfying for us to release these. But most people are just perfecting some demented facade. And they're out killing hookers, you guys.

Chris Distefano (10:31)

They're out killing hookers. But, yeah, it's like you're supposed to, like, elaborate things, which is a slippery slope, because then you just elaborate everything in your life, I suppose.

Rachel Feinstein (10:41)

Yeah. Yeah, it is a slippery slope.

Chris Distefano (10:43)

I don't know, but I feel.

Rachel Feinstein (10:45)

I feel like my life has been jacked up enough, and I'm jacked up enough that I Can tell the truth. And it's still pretty appalling.

Chris Distefano (10:51)

Yeah, that's. It's safe for me. I. Like, I did this other podcast and, like, our friends from home would be like, you guys fucked up part of that story. Like, well, pretty sure that's how it happened. But, like, we would never throw anyone under the bus. Like, it would just be like, they know who we're talking about from, like, people. We're talking about people from home, and they're like, I didn't do that. I never said you did, but I think you did that. Like, I don't know. People. People forget what. What the truth is, you know?

Rachel Feinstein (11:19)

Yeah, people have a hard time keeping up with their bullshit. I would. I used to lie a lot when I was a kid.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (11:25)

Like, you.

Rachel Feinstein (11:26)

Like when you're saying making up all that other stuff. But I feel like once I started, I even lied about doing stand up before I did it. I would tell everybody that I was doing stand ups, and then. And then it kind of caused me to do it, but it was really strange.

Chris Distefano (11:37)

Wait, so like, what. How does that work?

Rachel Feinstein (11:39)

But once I did stand up, I stopped lying because I was able to spew things everywhere.

Chris Distefano (11:44)

Yeah, Honestly, I think that's like. That's almost like manifesting.

Rachel Feinstein (11:47)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (11:48)

I don't know. This is like a gaslighting way of thinking of things. But, like, if you're telling people that you do stand up and you don't do it, it's just like, no, but I want to do it, so I just got to do it. So I stopped being a liar.

Rachel Feinstein (12:00)

That's kind of what happened.

Chris Distefano (12:01)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (12:01)

I probably told myself I was doing it because I was hanging around open mics and trying to get on stage or something. I don't know what.

Chris Distefano (12:07)

I guess technically that's me too, then.

Rachel Feinstein (12:10)

I mean, you were going up something. I was like. I think I was just, like, walking it out. Lurking. Yeah, I think I was just lurking here.

Chris Distefano (12:19)

Were you hanging out with people or you just kind of putty on? Like, in the strip club, I used

Rachel Feinstein (12:23)

to go

Chris Distefano (12:27)

at open mics with five people. I would go.

Rachel Feinstein (12:30)

I would go and stare at people like they were friends. I was so aggressively lonely when I moved here. I mean, I still am in. In many ways, but when I first moved to New York, I was so throbbingly lonely. Yeah, I'm. I. Yeah, I feel like I am pretty lonely.

Chris Distefano (12:44)

I. I kind of. I kind of feel that too. Like, last night I was like, I haven't left my house in three days. That's Kind of fucked up.

Rachel Feinstein (12:51)

I don't know if I should say that on podcasts as well.

Chris Distefano (12:55)

I'm really lonely.

Rachel Feinstein (12:56)

That clip it

Chris Distefano (12:59)

Lonely Ladies Gather. That's the title.

Rachel Feinstein (13:03)

I like it. But I. When I first. What the. Was I going to talk about my loneliness? Oh, yeah.

Chris Distefano (13:08)

Sorry about your loneliness. I don't really know what to say about the loneliness other than, like, let's fix that. Yeah, no, I'm down to chill. Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (13:18)

But part of that is where I live because there's not, like, a lot of people nearby that I can. And I think we work so much that I. It's like, not like I can. I don't, like, schedule social plans enough, so.

Chris Distefano (13:27)

Yeah, you're also a mom. Like, that's, like, impossible to juggle.

Rachel Feinstein (13:31)

Yeah. Like, how old you daughter? She's five.

Chris Distefano (13:33)

She's five. Oh, that's a fun age, right?

Rachel Feinstein (13:35)

Yeah, it's the most fun age. Yeah, she's hilarious.

Chris Distefano (13:37)

She's, like, finally starting to, like, be mini you.

Rachel Feinstein (13:40)

Yeah, she's hilarious. Like, she tries to do stand up. I mean, it's ridiculous now. Now it's like the height of it. I know things are going to turn and. But right now is a five is such a fun eight.

Chris Distefano (13:49)

Yeah. I think from, like, five to seven, they rock.

Rachel Feinstein (13:52)

Yeah, she's hilarious. And. And she's just, like, saying, you know, crazy all day, and she tries to do stand like she was laying in bed. And she's like, I'm gonna go on stage, and I'm gonna go, this is what I'm gonna open with. And she goes, I'm gonna go, you guys, I pick my nose, like, all the time. Bang. A solid opener. Solid opener.

Chris Distefano (14:12)

I want to know more. I want to know what's up there. That's a hook.

Rachel Feinstein (14:17)

Yeah, she's funny as. And she's also, like, old enough to know I'm a mess. Like, she just looks at my room and she's like, g. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, her big. Her thing she's been saying lately is, that's not a thing. She doesn't know what's a thing. But yeah, she, like, walked past my room and it. And she goes, what are you doing here? Like that. Like, she's suspicious. Like, what are you doing? You're filling an imaginary purse with bullshit toys on fake errands. You're not up to anything real. But I still got defensive. I was like, oh, I'm just organizing. I mean. And then she got. She looked at my room, and she goes, that's not a thing. And I'm like, yeah, organizing is a thing. But I guess she meant that I wasn't, you know, organized.

Chris Distefano (14:54)

Oh, dude. Actually, I don't know. I don't know if I could have like a little kid running around being like, oh, she sasses me, like invalidating me.

Rachel Feinstein (15:02)

I was always laughing because she's always like, she's always trying to do crunch the numbers and everything that's happening. She's like, didn't you say this before?

Chris Distefano (15:09)

She's picking up.

Rachel Feinstein (15:10)

Yeah, again with a bag full of literally just like patch from one of my jackets that she found in my drawer. You know what I mean? Like two earrings and like dollhouse figures. Yeah. And she's like, she's looking at me like, you need to go to rehab.

Chris Distefano (15:22)

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Rachel Feinstein (17:21)

it's a weird mixture of that. And then just like. Because she's very affectionate, you know, so she's like, I brought her on the road with me last weekend, and I just woke up, and she'd written I love you all over, like, all these little cards all over the hotel, the little hotel pads. But then she also wrot. I had brought in this box with this. I did, like, this thing for this fashion brand, and they gifted me in their bag, you know, those things called bombas. It's like, basically like bra inserts. Just like, tit gel inserts.

Chris Distefano (17:50)

Yes.

Rachel Feinstein (17:50)

So you don't have to wear a bra and they just hold your rack up.

Chris Distefano (17:52)

Yeah, yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (17:53)

So I had these dumb gel tits in a bomb.

Chris Distefano (17:55)

You didn't add for those?

Rachel Feinstein (17:56)

No, no, I just did, like, a few.

Chris Distefano (17:57)

I was gonna say. How does that work? That's like lingerie.

Rachel Feinstein (18:02)

I wore it. I don't care. I'm going above it. Hey, nobody's asking. Why not?

Chris Distefano (18:06)

I just, I think, aren't they look like chicken cutlets? Yes, those kind of things. That would be like, a really funny ad because it's like, those things are so, like, unattractive.

Rachel Feinstein (18:15)

Yeah, they're very disgusting. How do you unveil your tits? They kind of cancel out the tits. If you're taking, you're, like, taking some kind of gel fucking.

Chris Distefano (18:22)

I was just finding, like, our. Our friend's moms one time were like, dude, it literally looks like chicken. We could grill this. Like, y', all, those are my chicken cutlets.

Rachel Feinstein (18:32)

It's even such a gross name. I, I, I'm sorry that you're probably learning. He's not listening to me, but I'm sorry you're learning what this is right now. But, yeah, they're called chicken cutlets, and they stick onto the sides of your rack, and they're supposed to hoist up. They're really made for, like, anorexic women with the tiniest tits, but they're supposed to, like, hoist up and, like, organize your, you know, rack for you so that you don't have to wear a bra. But I brought them with me because I thought I was gonna try to figure them out. You know how you do that on a trip? You're like, I put everything in there, dude. Every book. I'm like, you're not reading any of this shit.

Chris Distefano (19:01)

I brought an alarm clock, thinking I was gonna start a routine. I had it in my suitcase for, like, two months.

Rachel Feinstein (19:09)

The saddest thing is unpacking Your suitcase with all your dreams in it.

Chris Distefano (19:14)

Oh, I. I was like, dude, I really this. I was gonna change.

Rachel Feinstein (19:19)

Also the fact that I even just referred to gel tit inserts as a goal. Your goals are dreams. My cans and a strapless Strat to get my degree. I was trying to do it all. And then. Yeah. She wrote I love you all over that box. And it was just so sad. Just the title. I know, it was. No, it's lovely. I just couldn't bring it home. I was too ashamed that that's what she had as a tool to write

Chris Distefano (19:45)

and those would be her fondest memories. It is really cool though. Like, your daughter will always remember, like at this time in her life where she was like bopping around to different hotels.

Rachel Feinstein (19:54)

Probably think she does love it. She loves being on the road.

Chris Distefano (19:57)

She probably thinks you guys have royalty.

Rachel Feinstein (19:58)

Yeah, she's into it.

Chris Distefano (20:00)

Hotels when you're a kid is like,

Rachel Feinstein (20:01)

so is that so fun. I still. I still love hotels. Like, I do too. Airports. But isn't it your favorite part of like traveling?

Chris Distefano (20:07)

It really is. It's awesome. It's like a made bed. I've never had a made bed.

Rachel Feinstein (20:12)

Me too. I never had a made bed. I've never ever made my bed.

Chris Distefano (20:15)

No. And it's supposed to be the first start of your day for a successful day. Shut up. I hate in the military.

Rachel Feinstein (20:21)

Fuck off.

Chris Distefano (20:22)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (20:22)

Yeah. I don't fucking. I'm not gonna make my goddamn. It's never gonna happen ever. And my mother in law is so disgusted with me because I'm such a pig. And my. I'm a lonely pig.

Chris Distefano (20:33)

My pig daughter in law doesn't clean. His

Rachel Feinstein (20:37)

mother in law gives him cleaning magazines to give to me.

Chris Distefano (20:42)

I'd shoot her in the face. I couldn't deal with that at all. That's crazy.

Rachel Feinstein (20:47)

Also, the fact that there's a cleaning magazine is so funny to me. Like, what? Isn't that the saddest in the world that's just sitting there like, wake up. Guess it's time to read my cleaning mag.

Chris Distefano (20:57)

Like, oh, what new organization skills will I learn today?

Rachel Feinstein (21:03)

Yeah. With a fucking on Zack screening. Like fucking. Fucking Windex weekly. Fucking kill yourself.

Chris Distefano (21:11)

No streaks. And he won't strike me.

Rachel Feinstein (21:16)

You know what I'll do? I'll just keep circling that cloth right in that same spot. And then he won't be sticking his dick in his secretary anymore. Then he'll stop getting sucked off at the office. If I can just whisk this right. I've got it.

Chris Distefano (21:30)

I just have to learn how to read.

Rachel Feinstein (21:34)

Just reading the paper upside down. She can't. Not even gotten through first grade. All they taught her was just how to sew and wipe things down. Just reading a newspaper upside down and wiping the same spot. Reading. Fucking the Windex Tattler.

Chris Distefano (21:50)

Those pictures are beautiful.

Rachel Feinstein (21:53)

Oh, I'll never have a countertop like Gertrude. Just a pointless, disgusting little piggy hole.

Chris Distefano (22:01)

I need a new apron. I must make one.

Rachel Feinstein (22:04)

She sent me pictures before of my infractions around the house. Like, she'll be like, remember, put this. This shouldn't be like that. Yeah.

Chris Distefano (22:10)

Oh, like a. Like a crazy king with a butler. Like Mr. Spot.

Rachel Feinstein (22:15)

Yes. Yeah. She's always cleaning. Always.

Chris Distefano (22:18)

Well, that's kind of nice.

Rachel Feinstein (22:18)

That I appreciate, but it'll kind of

Chris Distefano (22:20)

drive you crazy when you're standing right there.

Rachel Feinstein (22:22)

Yeah, it's definitely a judgment. But also, I am such. I don't. I don't in any world tell myself that I'm a good cleaner, so. And she's not really worked. I mean, I'm really talking a lot of shit. She worked at, like, Pier 1 for, like, a summer.

Chris Distefano (22:35)

She's actually a huge fan of this show, so that. Fucking. See this?

Rachel Feinstein (22:43)

No. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that's probably her way of, like, mothering, like, just. Just cleaning and helping. She figures that my husband will punch walls less if he asks.

Chris Distefano (22:52)

You got a lot of. You got a lot of patched up drywall going on at your house.

Rachel Feinstein (22:56)

Yeah. He's got some anger. Yeah. There's always some dents. There's always some dead.

Chris Distefano (23:01)

Where's the anger come from? The fire enrages you. She.

Rachel Feinstein (23:04)

I don't know. I think it was way before the fire that there was a rumble in him because that's why he runs into the fire.

Chris Distefano (23:12)

Oh, yeah. This. Yeah. I mean, the sanus of sane. If I am in.

Rachel Feinstein (23:16)

Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that's why. But she does. She is for therapy. She's my alliance in a lot of ways. Like, she's like. She always says, peter needs to get to know Peter in his therapist.

Chris Distefano (23:26)

What is this accent? Where is she from?

Rachel Feinstein (23:28)

Colombia.

Chris Distefano (23:29)

Oh, wow.

Rachel Feinstein (23:30)

She's always like, peter needs to get to know Peter.

Chris Distefano (23:33)

Oh, that's dark.

Rachel Feinstein (23:36)

I think she. I appreciate that.

Chris Distefano (23:38)

That's really good. But that's. That's saying a lot.

Rachel Feinstein (23:42)

Speaking of loneliness, I've never felt as throbbingly lonely as I was up in the stands of a minor league baseball game.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (23:48)

I'm like.

Rachel Feinstein (23:48)

Like, it was a rough Saturday.

Chris Distefano (23:51)

Those are brutal.

Rachel Feinstein (23:52)

Those are not Fun.

Chris Distefano (23:53)

Those are not fun. Cuz even as a kid, you know, it's sad.

Rachel Feinstein (23:57)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (23:57)

Cuz once you've tasted the real thing, like if you went to like a real ball game and then you went go saw the minor league, you're like, yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (24:05)

Do you like baseball? Do you like know it's, I'm, I'm,

Chris Distefano (24:07)

I'm in on it. Yeah, I like it. I, I, I'm, I'm not going to watch it on TV so much unless it's like we're at like a cookout.

Rachel Feinstein (24:14)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (24:15)

Like I don't know if it's on.

Rachel Feinstein (24:16)

But you do you get like emotional if your team loses and that kind of stuff?

Chris Distefano (24:20)

No, no, no, it's not like that. I used to be like really all in on football. Do you, do you have a sport?

Rachel Feinstein (24:25)

Not really. I like the fanfare around like I like the trash talking around basketball a lot, but I can't really follow basketball. But I used to watch like inside the NBA and I love.

Chris Distefano (24:35)

Oh, so you were like in. What got you out?

Rachel Feinstein (24:37)

Well, I loved the trash talking around it. I just thought it was a funny show. To me it was like comics sitting around a table, you know, it kind of is. Right.

Chris Distefano (24:44)

I thought you were talking about like the, the commentary that they do like before.

Rachel Feinstein (24:47)

Oh no, there was like a TV show when I was a little kid that was on inside the NBA and it was like I used to watch it because it was, I thought it was hilarious. It was like Shaq and Barclay trash talking. And then, you know, they would make fun of each other. Like Shaq would be like, oh, you wear tube socks with your dumb. Like he would make fun of like Barclays outfits and stuff. He'd be like, oh, you got tube socks on with a suit stink.

Chris Distefano (25:09)

And then Barkley without being canceled.

Rachel Feinstein (25:13)

I actually did. I, I co hosted a show. Shaq on True tv. No, like years ago. And he let me take his phone and text Barkley and it was like the most fun I've ever had.

Chris Distefano (25:23)

Do you remember what you said?

Rachel Feinstein (25:24)

I would just be like, you know, I feel like we don't do enough together. Like I try to act like a needy friend. I'm like, I feel like we, we y' all want to spend more time with you. We should go to Pottery Barn or Dude, that's. And Barkley wrote back, I'd rather get a pedicure with Dwight Howard. They go to Pottery Bar with you. He was pretty funny. Yeah, Shaq was actually very fun and silly. Like exactly everything he's Just. There's no difference between on camera and off camera. Shotgun. He was a goddamn delight.

Chris Distefano (25:48)

Have you met DJ Diesel, though?

Rachel Feinstein (25:50)

No, that's a whole different guy.

Chris Distefano (25:52)

Really? I think so.

Rachel Feinstein (25:53)

Tell it. Talk to me, dude.

Chris Distefano (25:55)

I don't know. We. I did, like, I was weirdly with him one time and my friend went to go get a picture. I was taking the picture, and I was like, yo, smile, DJ Diesel. And he was like, no. I was like, all right. He's in his own. I suppose. I don't know. Oh, DJ Diesel. Yes.

Rachel Feinstein (26:15)

Oh, I didn't know that.

Chris Distefano (26:15)

Oh, sorry. My apologies. My apologies. DJ Diesel.

Rachel Feinstein (26:19)

Sister like you.

Chris Distefano (26:21)

Yeah, I'm sorry. I just assume everybody knows.

Rachel Feinstein (26:23)

No, I should have known that Shaq's

Chris Distefano (26:24)

alter ego, where he's.

Rachel Feinstein (26:26)

Oh, I definitely don't remember that. I knew that he was an. I knew that he was a cop, like, that he was like, arrests people as an auxiliary street cop that I didn't know. I think it's amazing. Yeah. This. Look it up, caller. Tammy from Des Moines. Jack was a day cop.

Chris Distefano (26:42)

Tammy, what do you know about Jack being a day cop?

Rachel Feinstein (26:44)

And he would arrest people for, like, minor offenses and that the most hilarious. What would be funnier than getting arrested by Shaq? He'd just take you by your corner for, like, jaywalk.

Chris Distefano (26:53)

Top of the car.

Rachel Feinstein (26:54)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (26:55)

Like a claw machine.

Rachel Feinstein (26:56)

And by the way, he did do that a lot. He used to pick people up, like, when they pissed him off. We actually had a sketch where we both played Cocktail Cops, me and Shaq, on this show that nobody watched. But anyway, so. But yeah, he would just go up and arrest people, like. Yeah. And he told me that one day he's like, you know, arrest people. Right?

Chris Distefano (27:13)

Like, for funsies, I think.

Rachel Feinstein (27:14)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (27:15)

It's like a. It's so funny because this.

Rachel Feinstein (27:16)

I'll be like, what's it about? He'd be like, it's about justice. But he would just say it with a silly little, like, shack, like, trick in his eyes. Like, it's about justice. It's always about justice. That's so funny.

Chris Distefano (27:27)

Funny.

Rachel Feinstein (27:27)

And then he. But speaking of picking people up, that's

Chris Distefano (27:30)

what he would do.

Rachel Feinstein (27:31)

And not when he would arrest them, but when the. The showrunner would. We would be. Get in trouble sometimes because we would, you know, be talking or doing something we weren't supposed to do. And I would.

Chris Distefano (27:40)

I'm so sorry. What's the concept of the show?

Rachel Feinstein (27:42)

Oh, was it sketches?

Chris Distefano (27:43)

And I'm sorry, I didn't see it.

Rachel Feinstein (27:45)

I just. It sounds awesome. No one Saw it.

Chris Distefano (27:47)

It sounds awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (27:48)

Like, I was like, I'm co hosting a show with Shaq. This is it. Like, I'm not gonna have to work again. Goddamn national sensation. Me and Shaq having fun, loving. But I feel like it was edited terribly because we did the funniest stuff, but they would only take their, like, really written pieces that were, like, not, you know, like. And it was called Upload with Shaquille o'. Neal. So we did like, a little talking heads up front, and then we would do little sketches and then where me and Shaq played like a. Basically, I was a cop and Shaq took credit for everything. Like, I did all the hard work at the office that Jack would just come in with, like, a catchphrase at the end.

Chris Distefano (28:18)

That's awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (28:19)

You would just be like, justice.

Chris Distefano (28:20)

Am I right? Sexism, That's. I mean, that's the best duo of all time.

Rachel Feinstein (28:28)

I was so delighted. I had so much fun. But yeah, impractical joke.

Chris Distefano (28:32)

Took over the whole network of true tv.

Rachel Feinstein (28:34)

I know. God damn it. God damn it.

Chris Distefano (28:36)

Damn.

Rachel Feinstein (28:37)

But yeah, but he would. The showrunner used to come over and scold us. One time he scolded me for not, like, chewing my gum. I mean, for chewing my gum when I was supposed to not have in my mouth, which was fair. Again, I shouldn't be chewing gum. What a dumb. I am smacking on gum like a

Chris Distefano (28:53)

pig into his hand. Like, I thought, you're in trouble at school.

Rachel Feinstein (28:58)

You obviously don't know who my father is. I'll chew as much bubble yum as I want, you little.

Chris Distefano (29:04)

He's popping in his face like Baruch salt.

Rachel Feinstein (29:08)

That I was chewing gum in the first place is so outrageous. And I call it being in trouble. Like, clearly you're not supposed to smack gum, you trash. Well, you.

Chris Distefano (29:16)

You want bad breath in front of Shaq.

Rachel Feinstein (29:19)

Well, that's kind of what would really reach him, though.

Chris Distefano (29:22)

That's a long distance to carry bad breath.

Rachel Feinstein (29:24)

That was the best thing about it is I always felt so tiny and little sweet. Cuz he's so giant.

Chris Distefano (29:29)

Pick me up with your little thumb. Spit me around like a basketball. Let me clean your house.

Rachel Feinstein (29:39)

But then he would pick up the showrunner. Whenever the showrunner was to, you know, say something he didn't like or disagree with, he'd be like, I'm gonna put you in a baby hold. And he used to pick him up like a baby. Is that the best way? And so this showrunner who was, like, in charge of everything on a clipboard in his hand all of a sudden, he's being baby rocked by Shaq.

Chris Distefano (29:58)

That is so funny.

Rachel Feinstein (29:59)

Isn't it the best way.

Chris Distefano (30:00)

And he really would do it. Oh, my God.

Rachel Feinstein (30:03)

Pick him up and like, gently rock him and put him back down. It was incredible.

Chris Distefano (30:08)

Oh, my God. So emasculating.

Rachel Feinstein (30:10)

I know. It's so emasculating. Although truly, any man is already, like, rendered a worthless next to him because he's so giant. Every man looks so irrelevant and absurd. They all look like little doll house figures or something.

Chris Distefano (30:22)

Oh, my gosh.

Rachel Feinstein (30:23)

Every man looks like Tinkerbell next to him. Like, it's. Any guy comes up to Shaq and makes a point, she's like, you just punt him. It's ridiculous.

Chris Distefano (30:32)

Oh, it's so good.

Rachel Feinstein (30:33)

If I was a guy trying to secure, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near Shaq's body, because your body just looks silly next to his. I look at Shaq and I think, that's gonna hurt.

Chris Distefano (30:44)

I just. I so. I don't know. I think the average man compared. It's like, yeah, you're not too bad.

Rachel Feinstein (30:48)

Okay. I actually have quite right in half.

Chris Distefano (30:53)

And thus your baby girl was born.

Rachel Feinstein (30:56)

Oh, he's. No, Shaq did not.

Chris Distefano (31:02)

That's actually why the show was canceled.

Rachel Feinstein (31:05)

That's why the show is. No, he never even. I don't even remember him looking at my thigh. I would have appreciated. Speaking of being pursued at night. No Shaq, nothing.

Chris Distefano (31:15)

So how did. How does that come about, you two coming together?

Rachel Feinstein (31:17)

I just did this. That show, World's Dumbest on True tv. And then it was like a really old show when True TV was a network and it was like a talking head show where we make fun of, like, video clips.

Chris Distefano (31:27)

Oh, no, I remember. Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (31:28)

I don't know Know. I don't know what people.

Chris Distefano (31:30)

No, I totally. I'm a TV junkie.

Rachel Feinstein (31:32)

Okay. Yeah. So then after that they saw me from that and then they were. And then they were auditioning co hosts for this thing that was on for about four episodes, but.

Chris Distefano (31:41)

But that sounds awesome. Are there clips online? I want to check that out.

Rachel Feinstein (31:44)

Ah, maybe somewhere. I haven't been able to find it. Oh, wait, yeah, there are. No. There's like a few. There's like at least a commercial on YouTube and stuff.

Chris Distefano (31:51)

You know what I tried to find is your.

Rachel Feinstein (31:53)

What if you found out. What if I read Google? I was just lying and I made the whole thing. Speaking of lying, wouldn't that be hilarious?

Chris Distefano (31:58)

That's fucking awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (32:00)

You won't be able to find them

Chris Distefano (32:01)

I kind of wanna. The whole show's on crime.

Rachel Feinstein (32:03)

Oh, it is. Yeah. Okay.

Chris Distefano (32:05)

That's a great move. That's like telling people.

Rachel Feinstein (32:06)

I'm gonna ask you guys to not watch it because I don't think it was very good, but. No, but watch the. The cop sketch, but nothing else, I think.

Chris Distefano (32:13)

I think it's like, really funny to like, like, you. Like you said you. You told people you were doing stand up before you did it. Yeah, I, like, I. I don't. I can't get an acting gig to save my life. And so I'll just go around and be like, yeah, I was in a couple small things. You never. You'd never be able to find them. Yeah, no, you should find some stuff.

Rachel Feinstein (32:31)

Yeah. Say you're an independent film. I do think.

Chris Distefano (32:33)

Independent film.

Rachel Feinstein (32:33)

Yeah. I do think my algorithm is getting very unhinged and it's all manifesting like witches and stuff like that. It's really dark. Your morning sets the tone for your whole day. Start it with intention, with a new Nespresso Vertuo up machine from zero to brew in just three seconds. A simple press is all it takes to create a moment that's truly yours. Enjoy. Bold espressos or rich lattes made exactly how you like them, hot or over ice. So every morning cup is consistently smooth, flavorful, and made just for you press to explore. Because every coffee is a new world.

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Chris Distefano (34:07)

are you getting tarot readings?

Rachel Feinstein (34:09)

Yes, I'm getting tarot readings.

Chris Distefano (34:10)

Are you stopping for them? Yeah. Are you stopping for them? Only when they appeal to you. When they go, this is for you. Yes, Yes.

Rachel Feinstein (34:20)

I am too lonely next week.

Chris Distefano (34:24)

Last night somebody told me a beautiful witch, she told me that I'm gonna be a star overnight. Today's the day I just gotta start lying about my resume. You are.

Rachel Feinstein (34:35)

You're already a goddamn star. Grace o', Malley, you're a sensation already. And very quickly, too.

Chris Distefano (34:40)

Oh, thank you. I. It's.

Rachel Feinstein (34:42)

You are. But, yeah, you're halfway there. That. That. But. So that makes me feel a lot better that. That this is going on with you.

Chris Distefano (34:47)

Oh, yeah. No, it's. It's a universal thing. How do you feel about. Have you seen the thing about the Bobby Antoff?

Rachel Feinstein (34:54)

I. I should pretend like I know more of what's going on, but I'm deep into these tarot decks, so I don't know.

Chris Distefano (34:59)

That's actually good. You have a. You have a good mental health, dude.

Rachel Feinstein (35:02)

I barely know that somebody. He tried to shoot fucking Trump at the dinner, dude.

Chris Distefano (35:06)

That was crazy. And it was in between shows I was doing in Oklahoma. I was like, not even worth giving the joke a try.

Rachel Feinstein (35:14)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (35:15)

Oklahoma crowd.

Rachel Feinstein (35:16)

What were they doing? Were they, like, deep in it Morning

Chris Distefano (35:19)

that it was breaking news to them. Even though it happened, like, two hours ago. They were like. And even the host was like, all right, never mind.

Rachel Feinstein (35:27)

Did it fuck up the crowd?

Chris Distefano (35:29)

It. They just kind of got, like, weird about it. You could, like, feel it. Yeah, Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (35:34)

I barely. I like it, like, was a blip between my tarot readings online. Again, every video is just like, some lady who looks severely mentally ill telling me that everything's gonna work out for me.

Chris Distefano (35:47)

Yeah. And I trust her.

Rachel Feinstein (35:48)

So some woman who you're like, are you a home attendant or is somebody else? It's supposed to be your home attendant and left you alone. Like, they look like they gave either a home attendant or have one.

Chris Distefano (35:58)

What's a home attendant?

Rachel Feinstein (36:00)

A home attendant is somebody that takes care of you when you're invalid or.

Chris Distefano (36:05)

Oh, gosh.

Rachel Feinstein (36:06)

The medical term is gangrenous.

Chris Distefano (36:08)

These are great words. I'm. I'm in the business of asking for a definition.

Rachel Feinstein (36:14)

It's like a home health care worker. Don't y' all seem like they're. They look like kind of home healthcare workers that aren't quite making enough money, but they have, like, a smock type top on. And you're like, oh, is that like your own outfit? Because you can't afford to go to the U uniform store.

Chris Distefano (36:28)

Yes. And they're also probably have, like, a little side hustle on Etsy where they sell moon water. Yeah. Whatever that may be. That's my holy water now. Just shower in it when I wake

Rachel Feinstein (36:41)

up, by the way. I got holy water from Liam. I. I need. I.

Chris Distefano (36:45)

Because why did he have that?

Rachel Feinstein (36:46)

We thought we had a ghost in our house. And I mean, not we. Me, but I was in. Good. I was hearing some crazy noises, and I. And then I. I texted the owner of the house, and they confirmed that they were like, oh, we do have one. I'm not all in on ghosts, you guys. I'm not that crazy. I kind of thought it was all. Yeah, but my housekeeper. This story is getting worse and worse. I'm regretting it. Told me to get.

Chris Distefano (37:09)

Oh, you mean a tarot card reader?

Rachel Feinstein (37:15)

You have to put it in the corners. I'm a June. I'm gonna get my mitts on holy water. So I asked Bleed for it.

Chris Distefano (37:20)

Oh, you. Because if you go into church, you'll burn alive.

Rachel Feinstein (37:23)

I don't know. I don't think they give it to Jews. I don't think they. I don't know how they Ass.

Chris Distefano (37:27)

I think they're happy to see a new face. Really? I think they're losing people day by day. Maybe not in Queens. But

Rachel Feinstein (37:35)

not in Queens. Everybody's lined up outside. Our lady of Perpetual Suffering in Queens.

Chris Distefano (37:40)

Wait, that's what it's called?

Rachel Feinstein (37:41)

No, I just made that up.

Chris Distefano (37:42)

Oh, my God.

Rachel Feinstein (37:43)

You know, our church is not called Our lady of Perpetual Loneliness. That would be great. Our Lady Perpetual Zoloft. It's our leader.

Chris Distefano (37:52)

Well, they always have some crazy names. My. My. The church my dad went to as a kid was called Immaculate Conception.

Rachel Feinstein (37:59)

That's a hot name.

Chris Distefano (38:00)

Isn't that nuts?

Rachel Feinstein (38:02)

That just got me rock hard.

Chris Distefano (38:04)

I'm like, this is where he. Like, this is where the kids are learning.

Rachel Feinstein (38:08)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (38:08)

It's basically. It's. It's basically. You could just. The synonym there is, like, fake sex. Welcome to Fake sex. Shirt.

Rachel Feinstein (38:16)

Fake sex. Church is the best name ever.

Chris Distefano (38:18)

And that's basically. That's Mormon Church, though.

Rachel Feinstein (38:20)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (38:21)

Because they're soaking.

Rachel Feinstein (38:22)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (38:24)

The Mormon writes itself. It's like. It's so hacky.

Rachel Feinstein (38:28)

I tried to, like, name my tour last year, Soaking up the Summer. And, like, I had me as, like, one of the Mormon wives.

Chris Distefano (38:35)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (38:35)

And it really, like, it wasn't really getting many hits. I had to, like, rename it. You renamed it? Yes. My. The only risk response to. To it was my mom calling me, being like, I happen to know what that term means.

Chris Distefano (38:47)

She did, though.

Rachel Feinstein (38:48)

Foul.

Chris Distefano (38:48)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (38:49)

How would you know what soaking means?

Chris Distefano (38:50)

I love when you do your mom's voice. It's like, my favorite thing of all time. Put that in your acts. Put that in your talent show that is like, I. I quote that. If I'm gonna be honest with you, like, that is like the funniest I've like, ever heard. I love it so much.

Rachel Feinstein (39:05)

My mom, I can't believe she's like a real. I mean, she's. Yeah, she is like a cartoon in many ways.

Chris Distefano (39:12)

Does she really sound like that?

Rachel Feinstein (39:13)

Yeah, she said my mom. Everything I've ever said about my mom on stage is not just true, but so much more where that came from. But she. I use the voice I use for her is more a blend of her and her best friend Susan Friedman, who does a little bit more of this. But everything is true. And my mom, I joke about her being so liberal, she's racist or aggressive or whatever, but it is true. She has pictures all over our house of just random sort of beige, frightened looking children in frames. Like National Geographic. Like sort of framed photos of just like strangers. Like, it looks like she just stole a black person's house or something. I mean, they're basically their national.

Chris Distefano (39:53)

Is it you as a kid?

Rachel Feinstein (39:54)

No, my picture's like on a desk about to fall behind it, right under picture of like Obama hugging Willie Mays. No, she. It's all just framed pictures. They're like National Geographic pictures. They're not just like, like from like, you know, an adoption website or something? Yeah, yeah, but there. But it's still alarming. What's your type?

Chris Distefano (40:11)

Blue collar?

Rachel Feinstein (40:12)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chris Distefano (40:13)

It's like the daddy issues thing, I think. Yeah, yeah, but I, I've only been on three dates my whole life, so that's not really, really why. Why Two of them made videos about me.

Rachel Feinstein (40:23)

What?

Chris Distefano (40:23)

Yeah, so I was like, I'm all set.

Rachel Feinstein (40:26)

But by the way, you have the. Your accent is so cute.

Chris Distefano (40:28)

Oh, thank you. It's God awful. Really?

Rachel Feinstein (40:31)

No, it's. It's very. It's like so it's a sexy accent. It's cute.

Chris Distefano (40:35)

That's what most people say.

Rachel Feinstein (40:36)

No, it's like a hot girl in a movie. That's a girl in the movie that teaches the other innocent, boring one how to be like. Yeah, a badass, you know?

Chris Distefano (40:44)

Yeah. That's why my childhood best friend, they didn't want me hanging out with her.

Rachel Feinstein (40:49)

Yeah. Like, if we were to sleep over, I'd be like, well, I don't understand what you're supposed to do with the penis. And you'd be like, I'll tell you.

Chris Distefano (40:54)

I'll tell you. Don't worry, kid. I went to summer school. I figured that out.

Rachel Feinstein (40:59)

What do men and want?

Chris Distefano (41:01)

Yeah, take this Reuben off.

Rachel Feinstein (41:03)

But wait, so what? So what? What kind of video can I ask about this?

Chris Distefano (41:06)

Oh, so I. I had another podcast and I would talk about how the date went if I. If I had to. Like, it was just about like our lives and like around. And I never said their name on the podcast, but their boys knew that they went on. But like their boys knew.

Rachel Feinstein (41:23)

But also if you go out with somebody now, they know you don't have a dating pod like there. Nothing should, should stop you from going out with somebody now. But maybe you're just busy and successful career.

Chris Distefano (41:31)

I think, I think as soon as I get this Ozempic, I'll be, I'll be ready to get back on the scene.

Rachel Feinstein (41:36)

You're ready for it now. Look at those eyes. Look at those sky blue eyes.

Chris Distefano (41:40)

Oh, no, man.

Rachel Feinstein (41:41)

Oh, I queer off with you today and tomorrow.

Chris Distefano (41:44)

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Rachel Feinstein (41:45)

What the fuck am I talking about?

Chris Distefano (41:46)

I have a little, A little game we play here. It's called Disgraceful Receipts. Okay. And it is your digital footprint. And right off the bat, thank God I got a visual. Oh, my God.

Rachel Feinstein (41:59)

How did that just happen?

Chris Distefano (42:01)

These are a surprise to me too. So this is fun. The name of this game is just kind of explain these pictures especially.

Rachel Feinstein (42:09)

That was called Shaq Twos and it was a sketch that I did with Shaq. Oh, by the way, the wig they put me on for me in that sketch, I was like, when they put on the wig, they cut the wig when it's on you. And here's what a people pleaser I am. The lady was like, cutting the wig and I'm like, it feels like you're cutting my hair. And then she was like, we would know if we were cutting your hair.

Chris Distefano (42:31)

Well, there's nothing you can really say to that as a people pleaser. Like, it just puts you in a corner like, yeah, you're cutting my hair. Okay, fine.

Rachel Feinstein (42:38)

Exactly. That's what I did. I was like. I wasn't like, well, my own nervous system is telling me that my hair's being cut actually. And then she took off the wig and I just had these tiny bangs, like, all across my forehead. Yeah, it looked fucking nuts. And I was like, in la, like, just pinning my bob, trying to bobby pin up my weird, insane looking. Yeah. And I just let her keep doing it because I didn't want to, like, reassert my point.

Chris Distefano (43:01)

He could have auditioned for Girls after that. That's the Brooklyn cut if I ever heard of it. Ooh, that's you being the black dildo on the floor.

Rachel Feinstein (43:14)

That was for a magazine shoot that I did with.

Chris Distefano (43:16)

For a cleaning magazine.

Rachel Feinstein (43:17)

For a cleaning magazine. I can't. Natalie Brazington took that photo. She's a brilliant photographer. And, yeah, she just filled up my. My, like, every grocery bag just full of black dildos and a hostile amount of pills. I love that.

Chris Distefano (43:34)

Yeah, this one's dark.

Rachel Feinstein (43:36)

Oh, this is. I'm not proud of that. I used to always bring, like, I have a problem where I always bring presents for people, like, too much. Where I'm like. Like, today, I was like, oh, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Now I'm late. I'm not gonna be able to bring her, like, lucky sevens. And it's like. Like, you don't have to bring something. Just show up. Yeah.

Chris Distefano (43:53)

I can't help myself, though.

Rachel Feinstein (43:55)

Do you do that, too?

Chris Distefano (43:56)

I. I do it too.

Rachel Feinstein (43:57)

Like, I wanted to get you a bunch of lucky sevens, but because I put First Avenue in, I'm like, no, I can't even bring your lucky sevens.

Chris Distefano (44:02)

Well, I. I get so bad about it that I'll just grab something random from my house.

Rachel Feinstein (44:07)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (44:07)

Like, I went to a podcast the other day, and I grabbed, like, a. A record that I got sent to me of, like, this wicked, random band that nobody knows, and I was like, brought you this.

Rachel Feinstein (44:16)

This.

Chris Distefano (44:19)

Yeah. I didn't want to come empty.

Rachel Feinstein (44:20)

I do that too. Like, so I had bought, like, a Dolce and Gabon, like, a. A little perfume set that I was gonna give to this, like, club manager because they were, like, nice to me that weekend. Yeah, that's really weird.

Chris Distefano (44:32)

That's really sweet.

Rachel Feinstein (44:34)

And then I was like, oh, I'll just bring.

Chris Distefano (44:35)

Oh, it's great.

Rachel Feinstein (44:36)

And I was like, I'll bring it to Grace today. And I'm like, it's too weird. It's too much.

Chris Distefano (44:40)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (44:40)

To bring her perfume. Like, it's a lot. It looks like you're seducing her.

Chris Distefano (44:44)

That is a little bit of a. Yeah. I don't know.

Rachel Feinstein (44:46)

And then. Yeah, I would.

Chris Distefano (44:48)

I would probably talk about that for a little bit.

Rachel Feinstein (44:50)

Yeah, I think that out.

Chris Distefano (44:52)

Perfume. What does you mean?

Rachel Feinstein (44:53)

I know she's married. Yeah. It does seem like I'm trying to hook up.

Chris Distefano (44:59)

I think I want to, like, a handy swap or something.

Rachel Feinstein (45:03)

That is. And I used to bring do rags to everybody.

Chris Distefano (45:05)

Oh, this is a durag. A wig?

Rachel Feinstein (45:08)

No, no, that's a durag.

Chris Distefano (45:09)

Oh, that's awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (45:10)

Yeah, I like durags, and I used to bring them around everywhere, but it was kind of weird. Stop doing that. Passing out Durag. Some fucking white bitch from Bethesda. It's strange.

Chris Distefano (45:18)

Is this. Is this another Durag on there?

Rachel Feinstein (45:21)

Yes, that's a character that I used to do that I couldn't really get off the ground, unfortunately. But her name was Ice Cold Rhoda. She was an old Jewish lady that reviewed hip hop based on the Star of David rating system.

Chris Distefano (45:36)

That is awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (45:37)

And she was the world's oldest hater. And so, Rhoda, I had an assistant named Trey, and I was always like, trey, let me talk to you about Mobb Deep's first album. She's very obsessed with 90s hip hop, Rhoda. And she never really gave. She was a hater, so she barely ever gave anything a single star besides Genuine's pony. And so that's me as Ice Cold Rota with Genuine. Genuine. And we got that. We were able to nail that. By the way, I did Ice cold Roda on Hot 97. I used to come on there and, like, review hip hop.

Chris Distefano (46:10)

Oh, that's awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (46:12)

Yeah, with Cypher. Cypher.

Chris Distefano (46:13)

Oh, no.

Rachel Feinstein (46:13)

She is a supporter of Ice Cold Rota. I have. I have the saddest Twitter page for her with, like, 300 followers.

Chris Distefano (46:19)

Dude, that's awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (46:20)

But I would always. Anyway, so we got. We got this interview with Genuine, and I rode him like a pony. I reviewed his album, and look how I'm leaning into him. Look how I'm cuddling with him. I was so attracted to him. Again, I think it was just because of my throbbing loneliness.

Chris Distefano (46:36)

You're so comfortable.

Rachel Feinstein (46:37)

I just. Just anybody. He clearly could have been anybody, but just that. And I looked so violently heinous. That's always happened to me where I go, I do a character, and then I'm with a guy that's kind of, like, appealing. Yeah.

Chris Distefano (46:49)

Well, here's the thing. For me, personally, I'd rather be in costume because I feel like I'm not. Not fully presenting as myself, so I feel more comfortable. It's crazy.

Rachel Feinstein (46:56)

No, that makes sense, obviously. Yeah, I understand that. Because you're, like, kind of. You can say more when you have

Chris Distefano (47:02)

a character, like, totally. And it's like. Yeah, especially if I'm dressed like. Like, I was dressed like a frat boy one time. I was like, this is comfortable. Then I'm like, am I gay? So who's to say? I was like, dude, I just, like, feel like I could finally be me, man.

Rachel Feinstein (47:17)

As a frat boy. Wait, what would you dress like a frat boy for?

Chris Distefano (47:20)

Her because I was. We did a video where I was getting initiated into a real frat. So we were at a frat in Auburn.

Rachel Feinstein (47:27)

Now I want to watch that at Auburn in Alabama.

Chris Distefano (47:29)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (47:30)

Oh, that's incredible.

Chris Distefano (47:31)

Is that a. I think they all got deleted, which is too bad. Oh, this looks like Logan Paul, but I know it's not. Speaking of frat boys or gay boys, I can't tell.

Rachel Feinstein (47:39)

Oh my God. That was such a delightful.

Chris Distefano (47:41)

That's got to be gay.

Rachel Feinstein (47:42)

It was. I wish, I wish they weren't. But it was. I think that was Gay pride parade. And I was interviewing the. These, this underwear models from around the world. I don't know if they were all gay, but it was still a terrific feeling. Just in the middle of a gaggle of men with my clipboard that was no doubt full of just the dumbest questions in the world.

Chris Distefano (47:58)

It's just bullet points like filth and hole. Like there's nothing real actually really is

Rachel Feinstein (48:04)

great to have on a clipboard.

Chris Distefano (48:06)

Oh no, I want to talk to you about the hole.

Rachel Feinstein (48:10)

That's the real me.

Chris Distefano (48:10)

That's curly girl.

Rachel Feinstein (48:12)

That's my real jufro.

Chris Distefano (48:13)

So you do. You, you don't. You don't rock that. I've never seen you.

Rachel Feinstein (48:17)

I had a full Jerry curl when I started and I would wear oh natural every day. Yeah, no, I now I, I iron it out and I I d. You my hair. But I had a real queens wild deep. That was my hair. Yeah. And I used to wear overalls all the time. And this comic, DC Benny, really funny comedian. I wear the same overalls a lot. And I remember him being like, why do you wear those overalls every day? Like because I was wearing them every day. Like it was a lot I think was just easy. He kind of asked me about it because I was wearing them so much and I think he was kind of wondering if I was like homeless or something like that.

Chris Distefano (48:51)

Oh, damn. Homeless.

Rachel Feinstein (48:54)

Homeless. Yeah. Like I just looked like I was in some kind of gray garden situation. And I was on stage once and somebody was like, get off the stage, Super Mario Brothers. And after that I think I threw him in a trash. But yeah, I was that hair and overalls. Most, most days. I probably on like a dickies like uniform shirt there.

Chris Distefano (49:13)

But that's, that's like, that's a one piece suit. It's like a, it's so great for

Rachel Feinstein (49:18)

I guess overall are coming back. Yeah, I mean the old school, old school comic clips on them but yeah, but you're right, they are coming back. The jumpsuit is coming back.

Chris Distefano (49:25)

Jumpsuit's all in.

Rachel Feinstein (49:26)

Yeah, that. All right. I stand by it.

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Rachel Feinstein (50:22)

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Chris Distefano (50:53)

you're in the Cash Cap.

Rachel Feinstein (50:54)

Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, I was in Arizona and I saw Ben Bailey on the road. We were both in the same like sad town in the middle of nowhere comic. He's a comic. He's a really funny comic. And he also hosted Cash Cab.

Chris Distefano (51:06)

So I only knew him as Cash Cab.

Rachel Feinstein (51:08)

Yeah, he's a really funny standup and, and I think we met at the same university or some green room somewhere. You know when you see a comic on the road, you're like comic?

Chris Distefano (51:17)

Yeah, yeah. Like, dude, we know each other through somebody. Just please chill with me, please.

Rachel Feinstein (51:23)

Yeah, that was like, like so satisfying to see him there just hanging with the girls. Oh yes, that's me and Anne Harris, I think is that she used to work at Comedy Central. She produces all kinds of stuff now. She was one of the people that gave me my first like spot on tv. I think we might have been at Michelle Bouto's premiere there. I'm not sure.

Chris Distefano (51:44)

It's adorable. But what, what's this?

Rachel Feinstein (51:47)

That's little Frankie Liz from the comedy Cell manager of the comedy. Liz Furioti, Good friend of mine. For I was. I had my daughter during COVID in May 2020. So when I had Frankie, she got all these little burp cloths made with all the comics faces on them, including Norton's headshot.

Chris Distefano (52:03)

My God, that is so funny.

Rachel Feinstein (52:05)

I was always just, like, burping her with Colin Quinn's face or like, Sam Morrell.

Chris Distefano (52:09)

Oh, my God. Even when you're like, yeah, it's so awesome.

Rachel Feinstein (52:14)

She gave me all the comics and then just little onesies of all. All the comedians. So that's Colin Quinn, and I was just burping her with her little Colin Quinn onesie. Yeah. That was, like, one of the best guests I've ever gotten.

Chris Distefano (52:25)

That's really funny. I like that a lot. Real wedding.

Rachel Feinstein (52:28)

Oh, no, no, that was. I got dressed in a wedding dress and went around to see. I was doing, like, a sketch for this pilot that never went anywhere where I. I think it was for a pilot. But I was going to see what red flags men would go. Would zoom through to get laid.

Chris Distefano (52:44)

Ooh.

Rachel Feinstein (52:44)

So I would basic. So I tried to pick up guys in a wedding dress, and then I would drop just different. Like, really dark. Like, I had a. A doll that I blacked out her eyes and put cigarette burns on her, and I just, like, had it fall out of my purse. I was like, do you want to

Chris Distefano (52:58)

go to a bar?

Rachel Feinstein (52:59)

And then he's like, what is this? And I'm like, that's Dolly.

Chris Distefano (53:02)

Oh, my God. Wait. That's so funny.

Rachel Feinstein (53:05)

Bad today. Yeah, I did that. And then how often would they go? A lot of pills. Almost every time.

Chris Distefano (53:11)

That's fucking nuts.

Rachel Feinstein (53:12)

And the wedding dress. Actually, speaking practical jokers, Brian Quinn from Impractical Jokers came out with me when I was in the wedding dress, and he pretended to be my. I think it was my groom that I ran away from or something. And we got, like, in a fight in the middle of the street, and then he, like, ran off, you know, And I'm like. And fuck you and fuck this. And I just walked up to this guy, and I'm like, you want to get a beer?

Chris Distefano (53:34)

You know, Dressed in a wedding dress.

Rachel Feinstein (53:36)

Wedding dress. And they all went. We. I think we had a little.

Chris Distefano (53:39)

They all went.

Rachel Feinstein (53:40)

We had a little ticker at the end. It was like, 1, 2, 3, 4. Like, of all the guys. I mean, I had. Oh, I. I made fake book covers of, like, really alarming book titles, you know, just like, you know, all the way to Assault and back again, like, skiing back from yet another. One of the books was called How Many Abortions Could One Woman have? Like, as if that would be the knit title of an actual book.

Chris Distefano (54:01)

That is hilarious. And what would it even say?

Rachel Feinstein (54:04)

I know. And then I wrote like, dot, dot, dot seven. I was like, we should say the name, the number.

Chris Distefano (54:09)

And.

Rachel Feinstein (54:10)

And then, yeah, just like all my. My things were falling out of my red flag purse.

Chris Distefano (54:14)

Oh, my God.

Rachel Feinstein (54:15)

And the guys.

Chris Distefano (54:16)

What the.

Rachel Feinstein (54:17)

I know. Yeah, I didn't want it.

Chris Distefano (54:19)

Can you watch it somewhere?

Rachel Feinstein (54:20)

No, I think just. I put some of the stuff on YouTube, but I don't have any. Oh. You know what else I did in the show that was so fun is I. I went as a stripper. And for this bachelorette bachelor party. So one of the guys on the show, his buddy was getting promoted. So not bachelor party. His buddy was getting promoted, so they were gonna have a party for him. So I pretended to be a stripper that was coming to strip for him for the party. And they rigged the whole house with cameras. It was me's like, Soder and Giannis. And I brought them back for their, like, private lab dances. And when I would go back for the lab dance, I was start playing really speaking of abortion, really disturbing tapes. And some of them be like, you've made the decision to deter, you know, terminate your ninth pregnancy. You need to own and cherish your choice. It is your choice. And I'd be like, oh, I'm so sorry, it's a mistake.

Chris Distefano (55:09)

I put on something more sexy for you. And with that accent, it makes it so much funnier.

Rachel Feinstein (55:15)

I had fun doing a Russian. Nobody asked me to do that Russian accent.

Chris Distefano (55:18)

Oh, no, that makes it even way better.

Rachel Feinstein (55:20)

I was like, oh, you're so sexy. Like, to me, he'll figure sexy. I bet you have American Express black card. Let me do good titty dance for you. And then I would play the next thing and each one would be some sort of self help thing would be more alarming. And, you know, and then Dan Soder pretended to call as my father. And I was like, daddy, I'm working, please, I can talk. And I was like, I told you, I'm working at bank final. Here's my boss. And I. And I was like, can you just pretend to be my boss? My father, he worries, you know, the city, you never know what could happen. You talk to him. And so I made a guy get on the phone with Dan Soder pretending to be my daughter in a Russian accent. And him being like, no, it's fine. She's fine. She's safe. She's at the bank.

Chris Distefano (56:01)

You know guys like at the bank,

Rachel Feinstein (56:04)

semi fucking waiting for his lap dance. And then finally I do lap dance.

Chris Distefano (56:08)

Gets. Gets fucked up. And you have to. You have to pretend you're the bank boss.

Rachel Feinstein (56:15)

And then Dan Soder came by. This is one of the funniest. I've never laughed harder at Dan. This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. That Dan Soda pretended he was my boyfriend and stopped by with a child actor that interrupted the lap dance. He's like, babe, I gotta go to work. And I'm like, please, I'm in the middle of Disney dance.

Chris Distefano (56:31)

Oh, you do this to me.

Rachel Feinstein (56:33)

I'm like, get out. Bring him to construction site. What are you thinking right now? He's already moist. And then they. They dropped a child actor off in the corner of the room. And I was like, listen, he can draw in the corner. Every guy left except for one. God bless him. I said, don't worry. He'll be in the corner facing the wall. It's like having a cat watch you.

Chris Distefano (56:56)

Like, that's so good.

Rachel Feinstein (56:57)

And I'm like, did you bring his EpiPen? And he's like, His EpiPen's in there. I got a Covid. And then the kid would run up to us with different drawings that we got pre wrote before. Oh, my God, again, I never actually did the lap dance. I just started reading up for my dumb horseshit. And then the kid would come up and it would be like a picture of me with needles in my arm, like a stick drawing.

Chris Distefano (57:20)

That's you, mama.

Rachel Feinstein (57:21)

Yeah.

Chris Distefano (57:21)

That was so fun.

Rachel Feinstein (57:23)

Dan Soder was so funny on that pilot. He also played Stephen Avery, and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Dan playing Stephen Avery. But anyway, yeah, all the. All the wedding dress thing is on YouTube, but they all went.

Chris Distefano (57:36)

The wedding dress. How do you get it? How do you do. To buy the rights or something? How's that work?

Rachel Feinstein (57:40)

Oh, the pilot itself. I don't know. I don't think I get it. I don't think I do get it, which sucks, because that's one of my favorite things I've ever done. I want to redo that. The lap dance thing, who did was Jack's Media. Yeah, I probably could find it and just put it up.

Chris Distefano (57:54)

Yeah, I want to. I really want to watch that. It's hilarious.

Rachel Feinstein (57:57)

Yeah, actually, I should just put it up. It. What do they do sue me? Yeah, he's actually going to sue you, right?

Chris Distefano (58:03)

Yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (58:03)

I'm gonna put my lap dance thing up.

Chris Distefano (58:05)

That's really funny. And oh, then you can make a big fuss. It's like, that's my body.

Rachel Feinstein (58:09)

And then I started doing the Charleston towards him. Like I put on Clesbian. I was like, I mean the guy was so exhausted.

Chris Distefano (58:15)

It's crazy to me though, because when you're doing like a bachelor trip thing, like that's. That was the vibe, right? Yeah, it was like a bunch of friends. So usually all the friends will leave as a collective. There was just one guy who's like, I'll meet you you later.

Rachel Feinstein (58:30)

No, what happened was I brought him back for his private lepton. Six years in the back and. And I would like. I had a cowgirl hat. I look like such a dumb. I'm like, come on, let's go for like American boy lip dance. And that of course had a camera in it. But what we actually did was cowboy hat. Did. Yeah.

Chris Distefano (58:46)

So what was that? Of course, to me, that's hilarious.

Rachel Feinstein (58:49)

Cowgirl hat that I had for my non strip dance. What we actually did, because we knew that the rest of the guys waiting in the main room were gonna. Gonna get antsy is I got a stripper. I hired actual stripper for them. So they were special one for like special side piece private lap dance show when I play abortion motivational tape. And so. And of course all the guys loved it. Like all the writers on the set were like, yeah, you up coming that day? Because then they just got like lap dances while I was teasing some guy who eventually finished anyway because he went back to a proper stripper.

Chris Distefano (59:22)

Yeah, no, of course he had to get his rocks off.

Rachel Feinstein (59:25)

He had to get his rocks off. That's for sure.

Chris Distefano (59:28)

And back it up.

Rachel Feinstein (59:29)

Yeah, I still stand by that pose. That's what I usually do on a. On a red carpet. Why?

Chris Distefano (59:33)

What else are you supposed to do?

Rachel Feinstein (59:35)

I always dress like a. Speaking of over medicated housewives.

Chris Distefano (59:39)

Got it going on right now.

Rachel Feinstein (59:41)

Oh, thank you. I'm trying to pull it off.

Chris Distefano (59:42)

This. This does look a little Easter Sunday. A little. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's. Why was I wearing too far below the knee? But it's not fully to the ankle, so it's kind of like I so

Rachel Feinstein (59:55)

want to be like a Catholic wife that I dress like that. Like an aging Catholic wife. I just think Catholic stuff is so like, I like that, like virginal, but that's too much.

Chris Distefano (60:04)

Yeah, yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (60:05)

Yeah, that's a fun to throw that dress right.

Chris Distefano (60:07)

You look great, though.

Rachel Feinstein (60:08)

I can throw it in the trash.

Chris Distefano (60:09)

Then we've got this.

Rachel Feinstein (60:10)

Oh, that was just a shoot that I did. Where hour that's on. On was on Comedy Central. Now it's on YouTube or only horrors wear purple and.

Chris Distefano (60:18)

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Rachel Feinstein (60:19)

And I was pretending to flee a guy's house. The rest of the pictures, everything's kind of falling out. But yeah, I actually was about to, like, leave a guy at the time. And I think that's why I designed that whole photo shoot.

Chris Distefano (60:31)

That's awesome. I was like a. I was always

Rachel Feinstein (60:33)

fleeing in the night because he was always raging or doing something alarming. And so then I would flee and then I'd be like, I put on, you know, whatever. So. And I'm like, oh, I'm gonna do it out. Something where I wear like a hot fleeing costume since I have to flee. Alcoholics with rage issues. Red flags.

Chris Distefano (60:51)

It's actually purple flags, I suppose. Only whores wear purple. I. I see Division. It's busting out the suitcase.

Rachel Feinstein (60:59)

I love those 70s coats.

Chris Distefano (61:00)

I. I like.

Rachel Feinstein (61:01)

I miss that.

Chris Distefano (61:02)

They're back too.

Rachel Feinstein (61:02)

I got you.

Chris Distefano (61:03)

Everything's back.

Rachel Feinstein (61:03)

Everything is back. 70 is in now, right?

Chris Distefano (61:05)

It's so in.

Rachel Feinstein (61:06)

I'm gonna go thrift shopping after this. Cause there's a little vintage shop near here before I pick up my daughter and get myself a special frock.

Chris Distefano (61:12)

Oh, hell yeah. Is it something to wear around the house while you're cleaning the one corner for over and over and over

Rachel Feinstein (61:21)

snacking on pills? I may as well slip into something more casual.

Chris Distefano (61:26)

I have held you hostage here. I could talk all day. I am told that people only listen to podcasts for about an hour.

Rachel Feinstein (61:32)

So thank you so much.

Chris Distefano (61:34)

Thank you so much for coming on. I'm a huge fan of yours and sick. We have a mutual friend because, yes,

Rachel Feinstein (61:40)

I had to live closer to you. So I was so excited that I got a chance to do this. And I'm a big fan of you too.

Chris Distefano (61:46)

Thank you, guys. Seriously, I'm a huge fan. I quote like a lot of your. A lot of the times. And I shouldn't say that, but I always credit where credit.

Rachel Feinstein (61:54)

Liam just pushed you to do this for some reason.

Chris Distefano (61:56)

Not. Not at all. What the fuck? Is there any. Usually I have.

Rachel Feinstein (62:01)

He's like, I know you're promoting your tour where you just tell people that you're lonely.

Chris Distefano (62:05)

Is it called lonely?

Rachel Feinstein (62:07)

No, my tour is going to be called American Desperation Tour.

Chris Distefano (62:11)

You know, second best Alone.

Rachel Feinstein (62:12)

Like, I'M always hurling myself everywhere. Yes, it's the same as lonely. I'm on a throbbingly. I'm on the throbbingly lonely tour. Come see me on the road, man.

Chris Distefano (62:20)

Is there any, any shadows you want to make about anything? Oh, so actually, sorry, first we have you do like a rapid fire shout out. Like I'll do one real quick. Shout out baseball. Shout out Russian ladies shout out getting a lap dance Shout out Anyone who wants to fuck me, call me. Thank you so much.

Rachel Feinstein (62:39)

Shout out abused dolls Shout out drywall. Shout out alcoholics with rage issues. Shout out fleeing men Shout out lap dances that turn into slow Charleston.

Chris Distefano (62:55)

There it is, a slow Charleston. And then anything else you want to oh yes.

Rachel Feinstein (63:02)

All right. I'll be in Washington State this weekend and then after that I'll be at Mothership in Austin. Netflix is a joke. On the 7th I have. I'm doing a show there with Sam and Jordan and and you can go to my website or my punch up page. Rachel, find Einstein backslash punch up or watch my Netflix special which is called Big Guy and it's still streaming now on Netflix.

Chris Distefano (63:27)

Hell yeah. Thank you so much for coming on, dude. Appreciate it.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (63:34)

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Rachel Feinstein (65:12)

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Rachel Feinstein (65:26)

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