Summary6 min read

Disgraceful with Grace O'Malley

Episode: Self Proclaimed Nice Guy: Pete Lee
Date: September 11, 2025
Guest: Pete Lee

Overview

In this high-energy, laugh-packed episode, Grace O’Malley welcomes stand-up comedian Pete Lee for a rollicking exploration of comedy, travel chaos, weird gigs, people-pleasing, and personal quirks. Pete auditions for “Disgraceful” co-host through insights on his Midwestern “nice guy” energy, tales of adversity on the road, and uninhibited self-mockery. Listeners are treated to outrageous audience voicemails, a deep dive into Pete’s digital footprint, and candid stories about the challenges and absurdities of the comedy world. All along, Grace and Pete’s banter keeps the episode engaging, vulnerable, and full of sharp zingers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Nice Guy (and Midwestern) Energy (06:12–08:53)

People-Pleasing & Stereotypes: Pete reflects on being labeled a “nice guy” and assumptions about his sexuality because of his non-aggressive niceness. He shares bits about boundaries, people-pleasing, and growing up in Wisconsin.
- “I have nice guy energy if that's okay with you.” – Pete Lee (06:12)
Serial Monogamy: Pete admits to rarely being single and describes his new commitment to a “single year,” only to discover that some women don’t want relationships either, which is a revelation for him.
- “I thought, like, we make eye contact, we must get married.” – Pete Lee (07:30)

2. Comedy and Self-Acceptance (08:22–10:00)

Comic Culture & Identity: Pete riffs on how “every comic is now bi” for opportunistic reasons, while insisting on just owning straightforward sensitivity.
- “You can just be straight... you can just be a good man and not be gay.” – Pete Lee (08:53)
Industry Frustrations: Pete discusses his quest to get Netflix’s attention and his candid (and sometimes tongue-in-cheek) strategies.
- “When I fill out the application for that show, they—they're like, why do you want to do this show? And I go, because I want to get on Netflix, and they don’t with me.” – Pete Lee (09:32)

3. Travel Nightmares: Stand-Up on the Road (10:37–21:38)

Worst Gig Ever Story: Pete details a harrowing journey to a cancer fundraiser gig involving sleeplessness, delayed flights, over-caffeinated drives, and showtime adversity. As he battles exhaustion and Adderall jitters, he confronts venue mishaps and an overzealous organizer who tries to cut off his set.
- “If you book a show, don’t provide defense for the comedian. Like, don’t provide an obstacle for the comedian.” – Pete Lee (20:42)
Comedy Taboos & Ownership: The group debates who gets to make jokes on sensitive subjects, underscoring the “if you claim it, you can say it” principle.

4. Audience Voicemails: Travel Woes and Wild Encounters (22:16–35:01)

Blizzards & Unexpected Adoption: A listener recounts getting stranded during a Canadian blizzard and “adopting” a high schooler for days—sparking raucous speculation from Grace and Pete (23:34–30:51).
Dangerous Dates: One call features a woman whose Bumble date in Atlanta turns threatening after he puts a loaded gun in her mouth. Pete and Grace joke darkly about “getting blocked” by near-killers (34:14–35:01).
- “You should block him first. He almost blocked you from life.” – Pete Lee (34:47)
Cancun Chaos: Another story involves food poisoning, lost bracelets, police bribes, and a group of friends in survival mode on spring break in Mexico—eliciting sympathetic tales of foodborne illness from both hosts (52:10–55:40).

5. Stalker Nightmare and Legal Drama (36:01–45:00)

Pete shares a harrowing saga of being stalked by a rich, troubled man whose family uses legal connections to evade justice. He recounts court battles, restraining orders, and a sense of victory as “the universe” eventually delivers karmic retribution.
- “I vowed vengeance… I did two of them through the courts. And then, yeah, the universe burnt down his house and they gave that guy cancer.” – Pete Lee (42:28)

6. Comic Vulnerabilities & Therapy (45:23–47:21)

Both reflect on using humor as a coping mechanism in life and with family grief, sharing moments where only a joke could break the tension.
- “That’s probably why we’re comedians. Like, you know, my mom’s a genius... I would always, like, make her laugh.” – Pete Lee (46:10)
Pete affirms ongoing therapy, commending his psychiatrist for helping him accept his “good guy” nature.

7. Digital Footprint & Comic Confessions (Disgraceful Receipts) (61:36–83:02)

Photo & Tweet Roast: Grace presents Pete with older photos and tweets, prompting stories about headshots, lost jackets, ill-advised texts, and virally dumb social media posts.
- “My beard smells like pancakes.” – Pete Lee, reading his own tweet (76:08)
Merch Mishaps: Pete shares the accidental creation of gay “Circle House” shirts and how the LGBTQ+ community embraced his merch.
Snuggle Storm Origin: Pete’s brush with a “sexy” older woman at Myrtle Beach who inspired the name for his brand.
- "She literally goes, 'don’t be a ... get in there.'” – Pete Lee (82:48)

8. Shout Outs, Sober Resolutions, and Industry Satire (83:43–91:28)

Pete energetically promotes his tour, social accounts, and “Snuggle Storm” merch, before toggling between rapid-fire and reluctant shout outs—ranging from Liquid Death to White Air Force Ones.
The two discuss the weird expectations re: drinking on stage in comedy and how they balance authenticity and performance energy.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On People Pleasing & Kindness:
“Most people consider the imperfections that, like, are a turn on.” – Pete Lee (03:50)
Comic Industry Realities:
“The homophobe is always the victim of the joke and not the gay person. That's the way it should be.” – Pete Lee (57:19)
On Audience Shot Buying and Show Interruptions:
“You stepped on my third punchline on the way to the big one.” – Pete Lee (19:25)
On vulnerable, therapy-heavy upbringing:
“You got to stop trying to make your mom laugh, but, like, do it for a skill like this.” – Pete Lee (46:43)
When Confronting Stalker’s Family:
“What do you… you don’t know who you’re messing with. I go, it’s the law, dude.” – Pete Lee (41:00)
On embracing self-acceptance/comic style:
“By the way, I accept everything about myself.” – Pete Lee (51:02)
Fan favorite line from “Snuggle Storm” origin:
“She literally goes, 'don’t be a ... get in there.'” – Pete Lee (82:48)

Timestamps for Important Segments

Midwestern “Nice Guy” Discussion: 06:12–08:53
Netflix & Comic Identity Riffs: 09:32–10:00
Pete’s Worst Road Gig Story: 10:37–21:38
Audience Travel Voicemail 1 (Blizzard): 22:16–31:04
Audience Voicemail 2 (Gun Date in Atlanta): 33:07–35:01
Stalker Saga & Legal Drama: 36:01–45:00
Comic Self-Therapy & Family Grief: 45:23–47:21
Photo/Tweet Roast (Disgraceful Receipts): 61:36–83:02
Snuggle Storm origin story: 80:21–83:02
Shout Outs & Closing: 83:43–91:28

Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, punchy, and full of sharp, dry wit. Grace’s rapid-fire questions and self-deprecating humor harmonize with Pete’s easygoing Midwestern charm, making the show both intimate and riotously funny. Both aren’t afraid to play with dark comedy or to pivot from laughter to genuine vulnerability and back.

For New Listeners

If you’ve ever wondered what the grind of stand-up looks like behind the curtain and want a blend of chaotic storytelling, earnest self-reflection, and fearless joke-telling, this episode encapsulates it all. Pete Lee proves why he’s more than just a “nice guy”—he’s a resilient, sincerely witty comic who embraces life’s weirdness and finds the joke in every disaster.

Shout Outs

Pete Lee Tour & Merch: PeteLee.net, SnuggleStorm.com
Follow Pete: @peatleepeatleepeatlee
Follow Grace O’Malley: Tour dates & socials announced at top of episode

If you enjoy stand-up world inside jokes, tales of mishap, and honest, joyful comic camaraderie—this is must-listen.

Loading summary

Transcript983 lines

[00:00]
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[00:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Hi, guys. Welcome back to Disgraceful. We have a very special episode. As I say every week, but I really mean it. Every week, it's with my new friend, Pete Lee. Very excited. He's a cool guy. Great guy, great banter. I had a lot of fun on this episode. And before we get into that, if you love me, keep on listening. If you hate me, get outta here. And in the middle, if you're somewhere in the middle, I hope I can win you over at one of these shows. This weekend. I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia. So September 11th to 13th at Helium Comedy Club. Then after that, we've got Syracuse, New York, September 26th to the 27th. Toronto, Canada, October 3rd to the 4th. Providence, Rhode Island, October 9th to the 11th. Raleigh, North Carolina. Raleigh, North Carolina, October 16th to the 18th. Albany, New York, November 14th to the 18th. Rochester, New York, November 20th to the 22nd. Grand Rapids, Michigan, December 4th to the 6th. Lexington, Kentucky, December 11th to the 13th. And Portland, Oregon, to wrap it up for the year, December 18th to the 20th. So if you want to come on down, come on down. I'm firing. I'm cooking right now, you guys. I've never been better. I'm not going to lie. It just keeps getting better and better, all these shows. If you've been to one of my first shows, you're going to have to come back because it just keeps on getting better. And I'll give myself that. And I'll also give you a good episode. Enjoy.
[01:48]
Co-Host or Announcer
Coming at you live from a shady.
[01:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Manhattan studio, it's Disgraceful, Featuring your gracious ginger host.
[01:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Hey, watch yourself. Only I can say that. Okay, boss.
[02:00]
Co-Host or Announcer
Whatever you say. You pay my bills. Give it up for Grace o'.
[02:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Malley.
[02:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Hi, guys. Welcome back to Disgraceful. I am very excited for this next guest. He has 63 shows coming up. Did you know that?
[02:17]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I have 63 shows.
[02:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
63 shows coming up. Stand up, comedian Bailey, everybody. Welcome in.
[02:26]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Thank you. We talked about it beforehand. Every. Every podcast. I do Like, I have just. I have a bel right now, and it's so crazy. Like, have you ever seen somebody with a belly and you hated them for their belly?
[02:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No.
[02:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You think that you have a belly?
[02:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I thought you're gonna say you do. I'm like, geez, you're a fucking rotten person.
[02:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, I was just down in Aruba and one of my friends down there was, like, jacked. And every time we'd be at the beach, I'd be like, I hate you. Anybody who's in really good shape at the beach, fuck off.
[02:50]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It really.
[02:51]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna. I'm gonna snuggle. This is the anxiety blanket podcast.
[02:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I actually, speaking of that, I just went on. I just went on a trip with a bunch of people who are really fit and in shape as well.
[03:02]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[03:02]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And anyt out of the water, I was like, look away. And like, I really made them turn around because I kept falling in the rocks.
[03:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I love that. I love that.
[03:12]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
You're.
[03:12]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You're like a. Like a 1940s actress. Look away. Don't look at me between takes.
[03:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You can't see me in my intimates. My intimates.
[03:22]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[03:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know. Like, you know, can I tell you a weird thing? Like. Like, if I watch porn, like, the thing that clicks me over is like, if, like, the girl's on top and then she has some, like, like fat or even like, cellulite, like, right here or somewhere, like, realness.
[03:37]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You love that. You love those. That. That love right there.
[03:39]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[03:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
If a girl's too in shape, I'm like, what? Like, she can't bring a baby to full term.
[03:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, women are perfect. I have to say that. Oh, I have to say that all women are. But I'm with you, bro.
[03:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, I. I mean, I'm telling you that, like, it's the. Whatever you. Most people consider the imperfections that, like, are a turn on.
[03:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah.
[03:57]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[03:58]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That probably would have been a better way to put it.
[04:00]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[04:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Other than por.
[04:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yeah. No, that's. Well, if you believe in second chances.
[04:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah. I mean, that's what this whole podcast is all about.
[04:10]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
The imperfections that turn me on.
[04:15]
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[04:36]
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[04:44]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[05:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[05:20]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[05:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[05:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, yeah, I don't, I don't like anybody that has low body fat.
[06:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[06:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Sorry. I just wanted to turn you on if that's your kink too, man.
[06:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I just want to be agreeable for everyone. I'm a people pleaser.
[06:09]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh my God, me too.
[06:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, whatever you need. I don't know what he's saying.
[06:12]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. Oh my God.
[06:12]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[06:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. I have nice guy energy if that's okay with you.
[06:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh yeah. It actually says it right here. What is the most Wisconsin thing about you, besides one of the things you say in your sets is people thinking you were gay because you're nice?
[06:23]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[06:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I used to have, at the old stand, I used to do a bit where I'd be like, yeah, but everybody thinks I'm gay cause I'm nice. But I'm like, I'm not that nice. Like that's probably my boundary. That's like my one. Like I'm. What did I say? I go, I go. I've never just like, I've never sucked a dick and been like, ah, I have no boundaries. Third time this week.
[06:43]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, oh wow, just such a pleaser.
[06:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, I'm such a please. Oh God, I want to please you so Bad. Yeah, that's probably the one. That's like the one area where I'm like, oh, no. I'm single for the first time in forever.
[06:55]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yippee ki yay, motherfucker.
[06:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Serial monogamous. I realized that in my adult life. I've been single for nine total months. Since I was 15, actually.
[07:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's actually pretty wild.
[07:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, dude, it's like, it was just like, crazy. And so I, like, I'm doing a single year and, like, I've been going on dates and, like, having drinks, and I'll be like, yeah, I'm not gonna be in a relationship for a year. The surprising part is that, like, there are gals that are like, okay, like, yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that. I'm like, whoa. To quote Hamilton, I wasn't aware that was something a person could do.
[07:28]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, you just never thought of it.
[07:30]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I just never. I never realized. I was like, I thought, like, we make eye contact, we must get married.
[07:35]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, no, I do. I'll start journaling about, like, a guy, a waiter. I don't know. Yeah, like, yeah, he just, like, he was really nice to me.
[07:43]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[07:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yeah. And that maybe that's it too, is that I just talked to my psychiatrist with that. She's like, pete, you got to understand that, like, your kindness to women, they think you're, like, the most loving person they've ever met. Probably.
[07:55]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[07:55]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And you're just being you. But they're like, oh, he loves me.
[08:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, oh, yeah, see, that's tricky.
[08:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm like, no, this is just how you be.
[08:03]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[08:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And that's weird, but, yeah, I don't know. So people pleasing wise, it is funny that I could tell a gay guy, like, nah, I don't want to. I don't want to do anything. And I feel very comfortable with that.
[08:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[08:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But, yeah, like, a lady that I just had drinks with, I'm like, I got to marry her.
[08:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
God damn. Well, that's how you know you're straight for sure.
[08:22]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[08:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
The weirdest thing in our current culture, like, because if you notice, like, every male comic now has a bit about, like, well, actually, I'm bi, actually, because. Yeah, because I want. I want to get the Montreal or Netflix festival.
[08:33]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[08:34]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And so I'm gonna pretend to be bi. And there's so many comics that are saying that now that I'm like. I'm like, fuck it, dude. Like, you can just be straight. Like.
[08:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[08:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I'm not trying to sound like a. I don't know, like a newsmax comedian or like a Gutfeld comic or whatever. But, like, as a sensitive, kind guy, like, you can just. You just be a good man and not be gay.
[08:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. I don't know, but I'd say so. I think. Yeah. I think it is. It is something people are. Be like, yeah, well, I could swing the other way if it means Netflix, dude.
[09:02]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[09:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know.
[09:04]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[09:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Old Hollywood.
[09:06]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[09:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Could I suck a dick for a Netflix 15?
[09:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It was a horn outside when I.
[09:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Suck a dick to get on Kevin Hart's new Netflix reality show.
[09:17]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That how you get it?
[09:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Maybe. I don't know. I. Maybe I'd suck his dick. I don't know. He's. He's. He's little.
[09:24]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[09:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
He's a tiny guy, but he probably has a giant. I don't know, but a giant heart. Yeah, giant heart.
[09:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Giant heart.
[09:30]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
He's a giant heart. Kev.
[09:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Kevin. Giant heart.
[09:33]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Please let me. Dude, when I fill out the application for that show, they. They're like, why do you want to do this show? And I go, because I want to get on Netflix, and they don't with me. That's just what I wrote. And my manager, like, had the password to the little site and goes, do you really want to write, like, netflix doesn't fuck with me? And I was like, I don't know how else to say it.
[09:50]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[09:51]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I mean, they fudge with so many people, and they don't fudge with me. And so I'm like, yeah, they don't fudge with me.
[09:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I think. I think that's a good way to get a foot in the door and just be like, hey, why. Why have you guys been fudgeing with me?
[10:00]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah. Yeah.
[10:01]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know. The. I mean, nobody's entitled to that, right?
[10:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No. Yeah.
[10:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But still, I don't know. It's. It's. Yeah, it's. I have the Netflix, and on the corner of my mirror, like. Like. Like a fight that I've taken.
[10:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You go to bed and you just listen to it. Didn't. Yeah.
[10:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God. And then the end materializes and all the colors come. That's. Yeah. When I take mushrooms, that's all I see.
[10:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay. So I thought it would be a good idea to start this pod off by listening to a couple voicemails. The girly Pops. They. They submitted voicemails about their worst travel stories.
[10:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh.
[10:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And I feel like, as a comedian, you travel a lot. We travel a lot. To start us off. Do you have a worst travel story by Chance.
[10:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So have you ever just had a night where you can't sleep before, like, a 5:00am flight?
[10:49]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[10:49]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then you just roll on the plane and you're like, all right, I'm asleep. When there was a. I was going to. I was going from LA to, like, Buffalo, New York, and then I was doing this Buffalo, and I was doing this cancer fundraiser in this town.
[11:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Good guy.
[11:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, Good guy.
[11:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Good guy. There he goes again.
[11:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Good guy. Yeah. You know what? I'm just a guy.
[11:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, he's a good guy.
[11:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm just a guy. I couldn't sleep on the first flight, and then I got delayed, like, six hours in Chicago. And, you know, like, that's. And it wasn't like a. Like. Like where you could, like, take a nap or, like, go to one of those minute suites.
[11:23]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[11:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was like one of those where it just kept getting pushed a half an hour at a time, so you.
[11:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Never knew how long it was going to be.
[11:28]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I was just. I was insane. And then I get there, and I have to drive to this gig in upstate New York, like, two hours from Chicago. From Chicago?
[11:36]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[11:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know from. From Buffalo. I had to, like, drive two hours in. So what do you do when you're like, well, I'm gonna die. So I. I, like, snapped a little bit of my emergency Adderall.
[11:46]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah, of course. I always keep one in my wallet.
[11:48]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Emergency Adderall?
[11:49]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You need an emergency Adderall? You need one as a. As a user of Adderall?
[11:54]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[11:54]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Or not.
[11:55]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, I mean, I just keep a spare. I don't. I don't think I really need one for adhd. I have ocd. I can dial in real quick, but I need it for not dying while driving on the road sometimes. So I. You know, and then I get to the town, like, exactly an hour and a half before the show, and I was like, all right, I'm going to take an hour nap. And then it was one of the things where, like, the person from the venue is like, I just wanted to meet you here, make sure you got checked in, and do you want to tour the town? And I'm like, no.
[12:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. No apple picking. We have the best apples in all of America.
[12:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I was like, I'm dying right now. I was like, I am dying so hard. I finally lay down. I'm just like, I'm going to. I'm going to fall asleep. But the Adderall was still in me. And so I. I just laid there and blinked for, like, 45 minutes. And then I got up and I took a shower and I took more Adderall, which doesn't help.
[12:41]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, no, then you just start shaking.
[12:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, I was just shaky. And then I was like, I need food. And. And luckily the. It was like, almost like a big bed and breakfast kind of hotel. And the lady, like, made me food.
[12:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, wait, so they really do that at a bed and breakfast? I've never been to one.
[12:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, I mean, this one was a real nice, fancy one, but then the lady was like, you can walk to the venue. So I'm walking and, like, I don't know if you've ever taken Adderall and then walked a bunch. But you're sweaty as.
[13:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[13:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You're like 100, like, mowing the lawn sweaty. And she was like, it's walkable. And it was like. It was. I realized it was like 0.9 miles away.
[13:16]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's, like, in a city other than New York. That's. That's. That's a ride.
[13:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's horrible. And it was hot and muggy. And I get to this theater and I figure out that the guy that owns, like, the big car dealerships in town, he funds the. The hospital, basically, and he funds this cancer fundraiser, which is funny that, like, he already pays for everything in the hospital. And then he, like, raises more money to pay himself.
[13:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah, no, he's. That. It's. What's that called? Money laundering money?
[13:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I think so, yeah.
[13:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Washing money. Yeah, Washing money through the good old fashioned hospital.
[13:48]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[13:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Wow, that's brilliant.
[13:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, that's really smart.
[13:52]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, that's all right. Well, I'm glad I didn't say his name.
[13:54]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's that. And then it's like, pretend to have a church. Oh, yeah, those are the two. Should we start a church? I would start a church in a heartbeat.
[14:01]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Oh, man.
[14:02]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And I would also join any kind of a cult in a heartbeat because I'm very like, you can persuade me into anything.
[14:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I mean, you do have a podcast. So you do. You could start a cult. There is a method to starting a cult with a podcast, where you start out and then you encourage your users to do psilocybin mushrooms a lot, or lsd. And then you move to a central location, like, let's say, like Texas. And then you have other people move there for you.
[14:25]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And then you start getting into politics.
[14:28]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, and then you get into politics. And then you also create a hub where people gather. That's the way to start a cult.
[14:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But I'll join that one, too, if I have to. I'm just trying to get ahead.
[14:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm just trying to not get on that show. No, no. Netflix. I love you. Please have me on Netflix. Oh, my God. But anyway, so during the show, like, imagine the show, like, starts, and my opener has two speakers, and then one of them just, like, the speaker blows, and you know that, like, farty noise. If you ever had headphones that go out.
[15:02]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, I don't know that one.
[15:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It just starts like. Like, this speaker, it just blew, which means usually that, like, the actual cone of the. Of the speaker tore, and so it's just going. And so I was like, hey, can we. Can. Is there, like, an AV person here that could, like, get the speaker? And they're like, we can't. The lady that was like, let me show you around town, she was like. She was like, we can't do anything. And so finally, I just went and unplugged the speaker. My. And so then we had one speaker, and, like, I turned it, and it was like.
[15:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And your skin's crawling because you took so much Adderall.
[15:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, my skin's crawling. I'm just like, I'm awake.
[15:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Let's get cancer.
[15:41]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[15:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You know the cure for cancer? More Adderall.
[15:46]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
This shit's great.
[15:47]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. Imagine somebody that has cancer and you're like, have you tried Adderall? It's pretty great.
[15:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Hey, you just, like, go into the chemo room.
[15:52]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, hey, guys, have you heard about amphetamines?
[15:55]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm still in Adderall.
[15:58]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You should get it in the drip. But anyway, so then, like, imagine I do the show and I contracted for an hour, and I'm at, like, minute 55. And then, like, I'll jokingly do that old thing where I go, do you guys have any questions? You know, like. And I was so happy with how the performance went, given all the circumstances and the travel, to bring it back to the question. And then this lady goes, yeah, do you have any good cancer jokes?
[16:26]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No.
[16:26]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I go, well, that's not a good idea. And I go, but how about this? You sound like somebody that wants to tell me one. I go. I go, if you want it. I go. I go, ma', am, do you. Do you have cancer? She's like, I had it. I'm in remission. And blah, blah, blah. And, like, like. And I had the crowd clap for her. And so, like, it's. We're obviously like, you know, if you're in a group, you can tell a joke about the group.
[16:46]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
[16:47]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I have A bit that I do right now. Where I go. I go, like, if you're Polish, you can tell Pollock jokes. If you're Norwegian, you can be like, you can always tell Norwegian, but you can't tell them much. I go. And that's the end of the examples I'm comfortable giving.
[16:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, that's it. I was going to do it.
[16:57]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[16:58]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And so this lady has cancer. She's about to tell a cancer joke. She can tell the joke.
[17:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[17:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And everyone in the room just clap for her like, yeah, tell the joke, ma'. Am. They're also almost all survivors, so I'm guessing it wouldn't be an anti cancer person joke.
[17:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, I think if you can claim it, you can say it.
[17:16]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
If you can claim it, you can say it. So I was like, you know what this is? This doesn't seem like a bad risk. Well, then the lady from the. The. Let me show you around town. And the. I don't know, the speaker, and she runs to the stage and puts her arm on it like. Like she's leaning, and she goes, hey, it's time for you to get off stage.
[17:35]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Whoa.
[17:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I go, what? I go, what? What? I go, no. I go, just absolutely not into the microphone.
[17:43]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[17:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I go, no. I just said, I go, no. And everybody could hear it. And they go, ooh. And I go, ma', am, could you go back to your seat? And she goes, I booked you on this gig, and I'm telling you the gig's over. And I go, well, no. I go, no. I go, I've been up here for 55 minutes. My show's an hour. I go, I can just have her not tell a joke. But I go, you're not kicking me off stage when I've done a great job with your crappy speaker that you wouldn't fix. And I go, by the way, lady, the guy who owns the Chevy dealership is your boss. I go, chevy, dude, do you want me to get off stage? He goes, hell, no. And he goes, by the way, a town meeting. It was like a South Park. They took our jobs. It was like a South park meeting. He's like, hell, no. And I go. And then she just, like, stood there and. And I. And I go. I go, I'm not gonna have her tell the joke. I go, but can I. I go, can I just justify something? I. I go. I go. She's in the group. She could tell the joke. I go. I go. Clap if you'd be offended by that. And, like, nobody clapped.
[18:43]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[18:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I go. I go, Ma', am, you're. I understand that, you know, as the person that puts the sign you have to be protective of this. You're trying to save your job. You're trying to spare even one person's feelings. I get that. But I go, you suck right now, and you need to get your arm off the stage, and you need to go back to your seat. And she goes, I'm not leaving. And I go, okay, well, I tell jokes, and I've been doing real good, and you're not part of my show.
[19:08]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[19:09]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I, like, have you ever just had, like, you're on your closer, and, like, a waiter comes up, and there's just another person's energy.
[19:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And I'll have girls. Girls will buy me shots.
[19:17]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[19:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Mid show.
[19:18]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[19:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And, like, the bartenders will, like, bring it up, like, hey, this shots from so and so. I'm like, all right. But that kind of sucks right now.
[19:25]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[19:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You stepped on my. My third punchline on the way to the big one.
[19:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[19:29]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And now I can't do this bit with the crescendo because dummy wanted to buy me a shot, and now I have to.
[19:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And it's really sweet, and I appreciate the shots and keep them coming, but, yeah, I can't even put back jamo. I really can't. And they'd be like, oh, Irish bitch. She wants some Jameson right now.
[19:44]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[19:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
On stage.
[19:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Can we just admit that, James? And tastes awful.
[19:48]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, just calms right up.
[19:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Everybody's always like, yeah, j. I'm like, dude, it's the worst whiskey.
[19:54]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's really.
[19:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I. And I drink whiskey straight. Like, I just constantly drink whiskey straight. That's all I do.
[19:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's what you drink.
[19:59]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[20:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And, like, so if I have the palette for whiskey, and I think JMO sucks. It sucks. And, like, I get. I get that you're tough, but, like, you're a tough person that's drinking a shitty liquid. Like, it's. It's the Sutter Home wines of whiskey. And is it really? Yeah, it's just terrible.
[20:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I didn't even know that.
[20:15]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, you know how like. Like, wines are aged? Like, Sutter home says, like, 20 on it.
[20:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. It's like, we made this yesterday.
[20:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. Jameson is like. It's like white whiskey with food coloring.
[20:25]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[20:25]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
They don't even put it in a barrel.
[20:26]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's terrible.
[20:27]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[20:28]
T-Mobile Advertiser
Like.
[20:28]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, when you do a pickle back shot and you do the JMO and then the pickle. I can feel the pickle juice going like, ew. Why'd you hit Me with that.
[20:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's like separates, like oil and vinegar.
[20:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
This is not good. But yeah. Anyway, so I had to finish my show with her, with her arm on the stage.
[20:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh. So she really wouldn't leave.
[20:42]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[20:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And, like, imagine just the day that I had and I didn't need. Like, I'm gonna speak into the camera. If you book a show, don't provide defense for the comedian. Like, don't provide an obstacle for the comedian. Like, have you ever done a college where the student activities board is like, the only people talking in the back and they have your paycheck and you're gonna be like. Literally, you gotta be like, this is a good show. Shut up. Like. Like, you're paying me, but shut up.
[21:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's talking the whole time.
[21:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, they're talking the whole time. And then you're like, ah, I hate them. But they have a check for me that's $10,000.
[21:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, those college gigs, they pay a lot.
[21:17]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
They pay a lot. But anyway, so, yeah, that was the worst gig. But I mean, I do give myself credit that my closing joke went really well and I also controlled my emotions on Hitler amphetamines. So I think that it was a win. But that was. That was probably my hardest travel day ever. Just not sleeping and feeling insane and then still crushing.
[21:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And then you almost have completed the entire day and.
[21:41]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah, bang. Yeah.
[21:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I mean, I did say, ma', am, go back to your seat. Like, I was direct with her, but you know the difference between being assertive and, like, redlining? Like, you never want a red line like, bitch, go back to your seat.
[21:54]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You have, like a slogan. Tell that bitch to sit down.
[22:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
By the way, I sell T shirts and say, tell that bitch to sit down.
[22:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I will say, we do have a good segue. Now we can. Now we can listen to other people's shitty travel stories. And I haven't listened to these yet. They could be bad, they could be good. We'll see.
[22:17]
Voicemail Caller 1
So the year is 2022. The month is December. I am single. This is my Eat, Pray, Love trip. I'm taking myself to New York, a bucket list destination for me after the dissolution of my relationship.
[22:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's a word.
[22:28]
Voicemail Caller 1
I eat the bagels. I see the show on Broadway. I have a fabulous time.
[22:31]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I have a. I don't even know the definition of that word if I'm going to be honest.
[22:34]
Voicemail Caller 1
What's lovely? I go to depart and they say, hey, girl, so you can leave New York, but once you get back home. So for the record, I live in Canada. And I live on the west coast, so it takes two flights to get between where I live and New York. They say, you can go back to Canada, but once you're there, you might be stuck because a blizzard is coming. So they say, you know, you can stay or go. And I'm like, well, I'll just go. Like, let's just. It's almost Christmas, you know, gotta get home to the fam.
[22:59]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I go, wait, will you pause it with all the details? I wonder how long the dissolution of a relationship.
[23:08]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And while she was giving all those details, I looked up dissolution. It just means to break apart. Which I didn't. I didn't know that.
[23:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But, yeah, I feel like a lot of people are like, we need to break up, and this needs to be quick. Let's rip the band aid. I love you. I respect you. You're not the lid for my pot. And, like, this guy was just sitting there, like, he ordered doordash twice. By the way, ma', am, I love you.
[23:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
The details. Makes me picture it. You should write a book. But I. Wow. All right.
[23:34]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[23:35]
Voicemail Caller 1
I go, and they weren't joking. And the blizzard has made her appearance. And not only that, but the blizzard actually is also interested in traveling to the coast. And so for days, no one can fly because this blizzard is traveling and making its way across Canada. So for three or four whole days, like actual, like, 72 to 96 hours, like, actually that long, all I'm doing is going back and forth between the airport and the airport hotel because the phone lines are jacked up with everyone trying to change their flights. And no one in Canada, alas, after three or four excruciating days, in which time, for the record, I also adopted a high school student because she was lost in confused.
[24:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I. I don't care if there's a really great explanation for that.
[24:21]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's trafficking.
[24:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's trafficking.
[24:23]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[24:24]
T-Mobile Advertiser
She.
[24:24]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
She adopted a high school student while.
[24:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You'Re staying at an airport hotel.
[24:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
The. The signs are everywhere, especially in the bathroom at the airport. Do they have them in the men's room?
[24:33]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
They have them in the men's room, too.
[24:35]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I've always wondered that.
[24:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And, yeah, I. If you ever see a man in the bathroom with a child, it's a dad that's pleading for his son to take a poop.
[24:43]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Can you please poop, dad?
[24:46]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Dad, I'm on the. I can please poop. Dude, our flight's boarding. Can you please poop? I don't know if I want to. You don't have to. No, it's there. I just. I don't know. I like the. I don't know.
[24:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Then all of a sudden, you hear, dad, I'm done.
[25:00]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[25:01]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then he gets an M and M.
[25:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Keep throwing it at him like, ET Here.
[25:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Here's your prize for Bo. And I've just never seen a young person in a bathroom where, like, I don't know. I don't know if you're trafficking. Like, imagine. Will you just please poop. I would just give up on the kid. Like, I don't need this money. I couldn't. Traveling with kids. No.
[25:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, gosh. Well, I saw. I saw in the bathroom the other day is there's a signal you can do if you're in. In distress. It's like. Like something like that. Yeah.
[25:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You put it behind your back and.
[25:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You go do something like that or something.
[25:39]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[25:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's just that. But, like, you do it behind your back.
[25:42]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[25:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I don't know, because, like, baby hands.
[25:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like that, you, like, tuck your thumb and you do this. But I like. I travel a lot, and I love. I'm an actual extrovert, and I love people, and I just want to meet people. And so I've been doing that. I just walk close to somebody, and then I do that, and then people talk to me.
[25:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's what I'm saying. I'm like. Like, am I. Like, I just want to act on it. Like, my. Like, my brain's telling me, just try it. Just. Just try it. See what happens if I'm, like, bored alone.
[26:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Just like, what if you.
[26:09]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Nobody's taking you. You're by yourself.
[26:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, that's funny. You're just, like, signaling. Like, I'm easily trafficked.
[26:17]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm like, it's been a while.
[26:19]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[26:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'd like to go somewhere.
[26:21]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. It sounds like a trip.
[26:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You're in the airport, and you're on your way to Indianapolis. But, like, you could go to Mexico.
[26:28]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[26:29]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You're like, I'd like to go to Cabo. It's like.
[26:31]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It is winter. Yeah.
[26:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Let me do the flap thing.
[26:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I thought this meant ca.
[26:38]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Did you see the. It was one of the original videos. I remember Sarah Silverham reposted it. Everybody reposted it. And. But it was a white G wagon, by the way. I know this lady's. She's still talking, but it was a white G wagon. And then this couple, they're like, we saw this. This person being trafficked, and then this person's being trafficked, gets into this white G wagon, and then these People in a white G wagon follow them. I'm like, how is nobody. I read the comments. Nobody in the comments was like, like, like. Like this. There's no way that a white G wagon followed a white G wagon. And it wasn't like, people that, like, knew each other. I think it was a fake video.
[27:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, I was gonna say that. They're in on it. Oh, you just tell on yourself. Like, we're gonna get them. So don't worry.
[27:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
We're.
[27:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We'll get. We're on top of this.
[27:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, all right.
[27:20]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[27:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
If this was a movie set in Boston and then you've trafficked somebody and you want to figure out the way out.
[27:25]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[27:26]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's the way that you get out of it.
[27:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But we're all in Lincoln Town Cars.
[27:29]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, definitely town cars 100.
[27:31]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[27:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That was my high school car. Three across in the front. Awesome.
[27:35]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Three across.
[27:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's my grandfather. He passed away, and I was like, all right. Darina Crump.
[27:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God. I don't know if this is too soon, but I love you.
[27:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I love you, man.
[27:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yes. She said it back. Yeah.
[27:48]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Rolls off the tongue.
[27:49]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, it usually doesn't.
[27:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I usually say, much love.
[27:52]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Much love. Do you ever get. You know what I love? I love to make people uncomfortable. Like, Like. Like a guy or a girlfriend will go, like, love ya. And I'll go, I love you. I'm like, don't half ass it. I know you love me.
[28:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Love you.
[28:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Love you.
[28:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Love you too. Let's go back to the voicemail, huh?
[28:11]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[28:12]
Voicemail Caller 1
I got home on Christmas Eve, and Christmas was saved. And I would do it again.
[28:16]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, if only we waited two more seconds.
[28:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That was the end.
[28:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Wait, can we run it back? Like, five more seconds? Because if I'm not mistaken, the way she ended that story was I adopted a high schooler. We never ended up going to New York. That was the best day of my life. I'd do it again.
[28:32]
Voicemail Caller 1
The phone lines are jacked up with everyone trying to change their flights, and no one at the airport can help anybody. But alas, after three or four excruciating days. In which time, for the record, I also adopted a high school student because she was lost and confused amongst all of this. I got home on Christmas Eve and Christmas was saved. And I would do it again, bro.
[28:52]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
In hindsight, her story's too short. We need. We need more details.
[28:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We spoke too soon.
[28:58]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
We definitely spoke too soon. That's.
[29:00]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[29:01]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That. We need more.
[29:02]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
She's kind of the kind of person where they'll they'll go, too, in on the details that don't matter.
[29:06]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[29:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, we skipped over adoption. We skipped over. Christmas was saved.
[29:11]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[29:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We skipped over. What did you do with that high schooler for so many days?
[29:16]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[29:16]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And snowed in, like.
[29:18]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[29:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And that. Oh, that was weird.
[29:21]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right, next one, please.
[29:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Can we be honest, though? Like, I don't. Like, I wanted kids for a while, and now I don't.
[29:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[29:28]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And it feels so freeing to just go, I don't want kids, because for a long time, I was like, yeah, I think I want them. I'm finally at a place where I want them. And. And then it always was. It felt bad inside, like, oh, this is gonna be my life. And then I talked to other parents, and they go, don't do it. Yeah, but I've lived. I've gotten to live my whole 48 years. Years I've got to live without a kid. And now I think I could do it. And they're like, you're gonna be an old dad. And I was like, yeah, but, you know, like, I'm gonna be a dad for a while, you know, and. But I'm gonna.
[29:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm gonna do it for as long as I can.
[29:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
As long as I can. But if I'm being honest, it kind of sounds like it would make. It would be a way harder life, and it was stressful. I'm not saying that having kids sucks or whatever, but everybody that has them keeps telling me that, and it feels like such a relief. But the idea that, like, she didn't have a kid, and then she got this adopted kid. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but that sounds like it would ruin Christmas.
[30:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Literally sounds like it would ruin Christmas. A high schooler at that. High schoolers don't think anything's cool. I'm assuming she brought him to Christmas dinner, because that's just what I'm assuming. And so I'm just picturing the high school kid being like, your house is small.
[30:35]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah. Yeah.
[30:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You know that I. I call it high school daughter on vacation energy, where she's just, like, on her phone, and she's like, I miss Kyle. Like, shut up. Everything you say is stupid.
[30:48]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I wish. I wish I was just locked in the hotel room.
[30:51]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[30:52]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
At least they had a tv. You know, those teenagers are always watching that damn tv. Get off the tube. Oh, that's so funny.
[31:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That was a real good one.
[31:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Thank you.
[31:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That was, like, one where I was trying to search for a tag, but I was. That's just the funniest. Pete, say nothing. That was so good.
[31:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I switch in out of that.
[31:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Whatever the hell this is. Oh, yeah, all the time. You know, the kids are always. They're always watching tv. They're watching the talkies.
[31:23]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Why don't you put on the newsies? Come on now.
[31:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Put on your flapper dress. Your voice is so good.
[31:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Thanks.
[31:33]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[32:02]
T-Mobile Advertiser
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[32:33]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[32:37]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[32:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[32:56]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[32:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[32:59]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[33:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Do we have another? We have three more, right?
[33:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I hope it's the same lady.
[33:10]
Voicemail Caller 2
So anyways, so I was solo traveling and I had a night that I was in Atlanta by myself and I was on Bumble and I'm swiping away, so I want to see the city. I want to go out trying to find a guy to meet up with at a bar, go to dinner with so I can do something other than just sit in my hotel room. And I matched with this guy on Bumble and he was so hot. So we're messaging and I'm like, want to go meet at this bar? Blah blah. And he's like, hey, I actually can't go to a bar because I have my dog with me, and I can't leave my dog alone. But, like, would you want to come over? So I'm like, okay, whatever. We FaceTime for a second before. So I know he's like a real person. He seems super normal, not scary. What'd the dog look like over to the stranger's house? But I did. I walk into his apartment and it's weird. Like, the entire wall is covered in mug shots of celebrities, like, hung up posters. He has this giant dog, and it's in a big cage, and it's like, bark at the top of its lungs. And it's just a weird vibe, but I'm running out of time.
[34:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
So.
[34:15]
Voicemail Caller 2
Moral story. We drink a couple glasses of wine, we start making out. He's super hot. He's like, normal, it seems, and then we're kind of just making out. And he's like, close your eyes. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I close my eyes, and he's like, open your mouth. And so I do, and he sticks a fully loaded gun into my mouth. And I don't really remember much after that. I ran away and he blocked me out everything. And I live to tell the tale.
[34:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay, bye.
[34:40]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God, I love that. A part of our current culture. And he blocked me on everything. He blocked me on everything.
[34:47]
T-Mobile Advertiser
Like.
[34:48]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, you should block him first. He almost blocked you from life. Yeah, with the gun.
[34:52]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, you didn't block her. He glocked her.
[34:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Dude, that's wild.
[34:58]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's crazy. And kind of hot. I'm not gonna lie.
[35:02]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah, I.
[35:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Well, you ever have a gun in your mouth?
[35:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I. I'm a gun owner because I lived in Arizona for a year.
[35:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You don't have to defend it.
[35:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, I. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a Democrat that owns guns because I think we should. Anyway, you want to get into guns right now? Sure. Yeah.
[35:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, I'm just kidding. I can't.
[35:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
They're so fun to go to the range, but it's the only tool you own that you're like, I don't ever want to use this. Yeah, it's the weirdest thing to buy. Imagine, like. Like, I have friends that own, like, the. They're like, dude, I own like 20 guns. And I'm like, that's like owning 20 hammers that you hope you never hammer anything. It's really funny.
[35:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's funny.
[35:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But. All right, I think we got around the gun topic in a playful way. I told you. I tried to say things nice, but. Yeah, that's a gun. You always assume it's loaded. You know, even when you, like. Like when you rack the chamber and you. And you know, you. You click the magazine down and you're like, all right, there's no bullet.
[35:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Bullets.
[35:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You still just assume that somewhere there's a bullet.
[36:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You have to. Yeah.
[36:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I would never. I've never put. I don't know. Yeah, I've, like. Yeah, I had a stalker for a while. So, like, I would just literally, like, go. When I went and sat on the couch and watched a movie, I would, like, sit there with my gun and.
[36:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We kind of brushed over the stalker thing. Do you talk about this?
[36:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I've talked about it.
[36:18]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
He.
[36:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I had two court cases. I have a restraining order and a criminal protection order against him. The last time that I had to go to court to re up my restraining order, he actually brought in an episode of me on the bonfire talking about it. Well, I don't know if you know this, but if you win a court case, you can talk about it. Like, I could literally name him, and I. And I haven't. But, yeah, he's like. He's like a rich, wacky kid. And there's a thing that happens where if you have, like, a rich kid that has mental illness, and by the way, mental illness, great. But if you're a predator on top of that, like, that's the special layer. So this kid's a predator. He's been getting restraining orders against him since he was 16 by women. And I was his first male that he ever tried to go after.
[37:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's kind of honorary.
[37:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's an honor. Yeah, well, he saw, like, my, like, Tonight Show Pete. Like, hey, I'm Pete, and whatever, and, like, that is me. But it's just also, like. I mean, I used to be a fighter. Like, I was in Taekwondo, and I kickboxed and stuff like that. And then this guy just. Yeah, he started. He started talking me and intimidating me, and I was like, oh, no. Everyone else, he had. He had won the court case because they would always, like, you know, when he was going after a woman, like, their dad or their boyfriend would come over and just whoop his ass.
[37:31]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[37:31]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then. Then he. His rich family would sue them.
[37:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, Jesus Christ.
[37:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then so they. They would end up signing. Signing, like, an NDA and, like, a private agreement saying, like, they'll never take him to court. They'll never do anything like that in exchange for not prosecuting the family member. And so I was like. I just made a conscious effort to Never whoop his ass. And I did everything legally and I brought down literally like, so it's him, his rich dad, his lawyer. And then the lawyer's wife was the head judge in Santa Monica. And he admitted on camera during one of the pieces of evidence that his lawyer has. Everything gets channeled to the lawyer's wife, who's the head judge. Judge. And then she dismisses everything that's fucking run around. Imagine this kid, this kid found his mom hanging and she had a restraining order against him. And then our, our neighbor behind us was also hung and he found her and these, these cases got dismissed. And then he's been stalking and beating women. I don't, I don't like to say this word, but like, the worst thing you can do to a woman. Yeah, she ran to my house after it because he, like, it was kind of like the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
[38:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[38:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I paid for her lawyer's fees, at least the initial retainer so that she could take him to court and, you know, prosecute him. So he's like a really bad guy. But imagine that all these cases got funneled to this lady and then she dropped it. Well, one day he was, he tried to break into my house and so he ran into the ocean because it was like right in the ocean. So he was like, cops can't get me, I'm in the ocean. So just two of the cops stayed back.
[39:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What is he thinking? It's international waters.
[39:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, well, I mean, the cops just aren't gonna go in the ocean. And I thought about going in the ocean, just dragging him out. Yeah, but, but they're like, all right, so they dropped off two cops at my house. They're just at my house. Cuz he's going to come back there and. And then the other two partners just drove away in the two cop cars. So he's like, the cops are gone and then he comes up and then they get him. So he's dripping wet in a wetsuit and handcuffs and he just admits the whole thing. He's like, he's like, my lawyer is this guy. Her, his wife is this. They get me out everything and da, da. And I've done this and he's just confessing. So I'm in my first restraining order trial and, and it was crazy because like, my lawyer was like, pete, you don't want to go up against a judge in la. Yeah, that's a bad idea. Like, and then finally the lawyer, his lawyer was pissing us off so much that my lawyer Goes, has he ever threatened you with said lawyer? And I go, yes. I go, I still remember. It's. It was. It was evidence 83. And so. So we played it. And the judge. My. The judge in our case, she puts her heads. Her hand. She goes, Mr. Lee, do you want to do this? And I go, yeah, yeah.
[40:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No.
[40:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I go. I go, I'm dead either way. Yeah, I literally said that. I go, I'm dead either way. And she. She's like, I need to watch it. We watched it three times. And this lawyer was just, like, a week later, he retires from law, because they don't come after former lawyers. And then the head judge in Santa Monica, she retired. She was like, 54. You don't retire.
[40:26]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You don't retire.
[40:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So when I. When I. Originally, when this kid was coming after me, and when I say kid, he was in his 30s when he was first coming after me. He. I talked to the dad, and I go, hey, man, can you just move him out of the neighborhood? Because it's a thing where if you have a kid that's. That's has trouble with the law, you stash them in an HOA. And a lot of times, HOAs are so split on the vote that whoever the dad or parents vote with, they keep the kid.
[40:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[40:51]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And so that's what our HOA did the whole time. So they.
[40:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What does HOA stand for?
[40:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Homeowners Association.
[40:55]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay.
[40:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So we were in this homeowners association, this little community. It's burnt down now.
[40:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Sorry for your loss.
[41:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Sorry for your loss. Well, his house burned down, too, so it was great. I was pretty happy about that. But anyway, so the. So I said to the dad, I go. I go, just. Will you just move him out of here? I could just move him out of here and then let me get the restraining order. I go, there's no reason why you should want him to be able to be around me. And. And he's like, no, I just can't have him have a restraining order on his record. I go, well, he's had 15, so. And, like, including your. Your wife that was found by him, dead. And I go. And I go. And he goes, no. He's like, you don't understand who you're messing with. And I was like. Like, I remember standing there in flip flops after surfing with no shirt on, talking to this frail, like, frail, awful man. And. And I go. And I was, like, jacked at the time. And I was like, what. What do you. You don't know who you're messing with. I go, it's the law, dude. I go, I go, I. This is just. I go, I'm going to take you down the right way. And I. I go, I'm going to take you down. I'm going to take your son down. I go, I'm going to take the lawyer down and I'm going to take your judge down. And. And I didn't. Like, if you're hitting for the cycle in baseball, you don't think you're going to hit the home run first and get to third.
[42:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[42:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then the kid now is homeless and he. So he. He tried to go live with his dad, and the dad kicked him out, so now he's basically homeless. And then the dad got cancer.
[42:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I was saying the other day, only good people get cancer, but it's nice when the bad ones do.
[42:16]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I got to be honest, like, I'm pretty anti cancer.
[42:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. I mean, as. As.
[42:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Dude, I. When I heard that this man got cancer, I clapped by myself. Oh, my God.
[42:29]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Y.
[42:30]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I did it. I did it. I vowed vengeance. And then, yeah, the. I did two of them through the courts. And then, yeah, the universe burnt down his house and they gave that guy cancer. But. But I mean, think about that. Like. Like the. All of that had to happen so that this person theoretically stopped hurting women.
[42:47]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But that's out of control. That's like. That's the craziest. I. I don't know why I hear stock. I've never really heard a stalker case. Yeah, like. Like someone I know, I guess.
[42:57]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[42:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
So I hear stalker, and I. I think it's. There's gonna be a funny story. I don't know why.
[43:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yeah, that's.
[43:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's just kind of my dumb brain.
[43:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Well, like, I have a friend who's real famous, that she's engaged or married to a real famous person. And when I first met her, they were like, your agent just told us that we have to watch out for your stalker. So, like, in. In like a venue, like a big venue, a lot of times they have a camera and it's facial recognition. So they're making sure that. That, like all the people stalkers aren't there.
[43:25]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh.
[43:26]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So, like, when you walk in, not only is it the metal detector, but it's literally like it's going like, beep. And so I go, is that real?
[43:33]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Really?
[43:33]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's real.
[43:34]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[43:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like most places or most places theaters.
[43:38]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That you're doing like a major show or like a concert or something like that. And I mean, now people can Wear masks. They can cover their face. They can get in. But it was really. It was really funny. And I just don't want to say the celebrities, but they were like, tell me about your stalker. So I told them, and they're like, that's so cute that you. You have one. And then they had binders, literally. Binders. Where Like. Like actual binders of like. Yeah, this lady. This lady put her soap. Her used underwear in soap and sent it to me. And like, this one. And they were mostly like, this person that was stalking me was, like, harmful, but theirs were more like, funny. Creepy.
[44:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Cause I think that's where my head goes. I think of Stan, I think of Eminem, I think of like, hey, man, why don't you wave me back? Like, yeah, that kind of stalker.
[44:21]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah. Yeah.
[44:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I used to have a joke about the stalker. I go. I go, you know, most people's version of a stalker is you're overhearing a girl's brunch, and she's like, oh, my God, this guy, like, texted me. And I didn't text him back, and then he texted me again, and I was like, what? A stalker?
[44:35]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, literally. And that's my other version of it is like, oh, my God, that guy's.
[44:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, such a soccer. And then I. The next line, I go. I go, yeah, this guy would, like, wake me up, like, in my bedroom being like, I'm going to kill you. And I'd be like, what a stalker. Oh, my God, you're such a stalker right now.
[44:52]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Stalker vibes.
[44:53]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm getting real stalker vibes right now. Like, I'm going to post about this.
[44:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Wow.
[45:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So, yeah, I don't know. I mean. And again, I think that was another segment that we did that maybe it's too intense for the show, but we did get out of it with a laugh.
[45:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, I got. I. I mean, I think we can. We could do the webs and the flows.
[45:10]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I think we're know.
[45:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's always a great way. It. That's my thing is, like, I can never stay heavy for too long.
[45:16]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah. Yeah.
[45:17]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And so I. I love finding the. The giggle at the end. That's.
[45:20]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[45:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's our whole lives.
[45:21]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's what we do.
[45:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's like, that's what we do.
[45:24]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
My mom. My mom's. I don't. I'm just gonna say it. My mom's mom passed away. My grandmother loved her, adored her. She's the best. Me and my mom, we were on vacation, and then we. We had a couple drinks, and she's like, I just really miss my mom. She started crying. I started crying. And then it's like I was trying to console her, and I couldn't find the words. And so I was like, okay, just make her laugh, I guess. Make her laugh. And so I took the speaker and I played Dick in a box.
[45:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Step one, cut a hole in the box. She was like, what?
[45:58]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What are you doing? And then I was like, step two.
[46:01]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Put that dick in that box.
[46:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And then. Then we were laughing.
[46:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's really funny.
[46:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. That's the only way I can comfort is.
[46:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I mean, that's probably why we're comedians. Like, you know, my mom. My mom's a genius. And then, like, you know, she went through, I will say, situational depression. You know, like, being a single mom and with three boys that just wanted to destroy everything and fight everyone in the neighborhood and, like, and shoplift and get caught and, like. And so it's. It's not that my mom has depression. She has situational depression. And. But, yeah, I would always, like, make her laugh. And that's. I've talked about it a lot in therapy. Like. Like, you got to stop trying to make your mom laugh, but, like, do it for a skill like this.
[46:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[46:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But you don't have to do it with everybody. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. Do you think therapy is a thing that we just go do and we don't ever get better, and then we go, I'm doing the work.
[46:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Well, you know, at least. At least you're doing the work, because I haven't put any of the work in skin.
[46:56]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Oh, yeah, I have.
[46:58]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I haven't even tried. It seems like that would. That sounds like that's smart. It's, like, smart thing to do.
[47:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know. I'm seeing a really good psychiatrist right now, and she. I do think that she's really helping.
[47:09]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
She sounds awesome. She said, you're such a good boy.
[47:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. She said, yeah.
[47:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Right at the top. You're like, yeah. My third said, I'm just, like, such a good guy.
[47:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. I'm such a good. Yeah, she's a really good guy. I don't know. I am a good guy. I am a good guy.
[47:21]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Damn, street.
[47:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm a good guy. Wait, speaking of the. Like, there was a dude at the Comedy Cellar bar, and Peter De Bruyo goes, man, he's killing. Because he goes, man, are these your. These are glasses. And he had, like, little, like, dick in the box. Circular, like, literally, like, straight off the set of Dick in The box glasses. And he was wearing them, like, unironically.
[47:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Dead ass.
[47:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Dead serious. He was dead serious about these fucking stupid glasses. And, like, he just didn't flinch. And the crowd actually, like. Like, he. He was just, like, stiff about it. And normally a comedy club that would actually, like, if the straight man in a sketch is serious, it makes it even funnier.
[48:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah.
[48:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I would never pick up on anybody about anything that's, like, truly about themselves. I. I feel like people need to laugh and they need to come there, and they. They need that. So, like, I don't disparage people, but that guy needed to be on about those glasses.
[48:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah. 100. He can. He can fix that.
[48:15]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Dude, he can fix it.
[48:16]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Take him off.
[48:16]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And so I got up there and. And I was like. And I just started singing Dick in the box, and the crowd started laughing, and I was like, those are total dick in the box glasses. And this guy. And I go. I go. And you're stone serious. I go, this is funny. I go. I go, oh, my God. You've never been made fun of before. I go, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'm not making fun of you. I'm making fun of, you know, these glasses.
[48:37]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[48:38]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I was like, you can't. You can't. I go, you're here with two friends and they don't talk to you.
[48:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, they're not good friends, dude, you can't.
[48:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You can't wear those. Those glasses. It was so funny. Like, the whole show. He's just.
[48:50]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I. I feel like he was probably, like, a retired rock star. Those are the only guys who wear those glasses.
[48:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, he was like. He was like, 22.
[48:59]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Goof.
[48:59]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
He was 22. And he just. And by the way, like, 22, like, body language wise, just not on the spectrum. Like, just a regular person.
[49:08]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yep.
[49:09]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That had no sense of humor about those glasses. And I was like, oh, my God, dude, dude, life is gonna be terrible for you.
[49:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, well, it's. That sounds like about the age you moved to New York and you're trying on a new Persona. Yeah, you saw right through it.
[49:23]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Oh, yeah.
[49:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
By the way, if the guy, like, the right way to handle that would be like. Be like, yeah, these are. Yeah, these are dumb glasses.
[49:31]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
These are stupid.
[49:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I would actually wear those glasses around, but anybody that would bust on me, I'd be like, yeah, they're stupid glasses, but I'm having so much fun. I'd be like, do you want to try them on? And, dude, if I had those stupid Glasses on. I was like, do you want to try them? You try them on. You'd be like, this is fun.
[49:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Dude, these are the stupidest glasses you have ever seen. Oh, my God, I love these glasses. Someone could on me. Someone said, I. I was like, before you guys on my glasses. I know they're weird. They're like, no, no, they're cool. And whenever someone says, no, no, they're cool, they mean, yeah, they're weird.
[49:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
They are weird glasses. But, like, it makes me want to go to, like the MoMA with you.
[50:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. You know, those are my.
[50:02]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[50:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Make me look a little cool.
[50:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. This is a person made out of.
[50:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Bottle caps and biodegradable and they'll disintegrate in the water.
[50:09]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, but those are. Those look like really designer, expensive glasses though.
[50:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But. But they're like kooky and weird. So it's like. But I know that.
[50:17]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Can I try them on?
[50:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
[50:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I wish I could do a Harry Carey impression. It's the top of the night. Will Ferrell. Yeah, I love those. But wearing crazy glasses is really fun.
[50:33]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But you have to have a sense of humor about it.
[50:35]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You got to think. You just got to walk around going, yeah, these are stupid. And like, that was what surpr. Was that. This person, when I sang Dick in the Box, he wasn't like, yeah, that's why they're stupid. That's why I like them.
[50:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[50:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I think that there's a lot of power in like, loving something that's stupid and wearing it and going, yeah, I work because I love it, because they're stupid. And that makes me happy.
[50:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm finally at that point for forever. I was always like, yeah, no, they are stupid. I'm so stupid.
[51:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Stupid.
[51:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Why can't I be like you guys? I'm so stupid.
[51:02]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[51:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
By the way, I. I accept everything about myself.
[51:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And you know what? This desk.
[51:09]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah.
[51:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You should see how I really sit right now.
[51:12]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Dude, I gotta be honest with you. When I was coming on, when I was watching the clips, I was like, man, she's got a desk. I wish I had a desk to cover my tummy.
[51:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, the desk. I know. It should be two desks.
[51:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, we're. Yeah. Did you ever see the David Letterman where he had Johnny Carson on? And. And Johnny brought.
[51:27]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
He.
[51:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
He brought his own late night desk that folded out and he like unfolded it so that he had a desk.
[51:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's incredible.
[51:33]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was really funny. When we get together, we just laugh.
[51:37]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Nothing but a blast. This is really. And this is. I Say it on every episode. This is a mandatory hangout.
[51:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
This is really good.
[51:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We wouldn't really have spent the afternoon together otherwise, you know?
[51:47]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. This is delightful. By the way, were we still mid call?
[51:52]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah, We've got more voicemail to go. My apologies.
[51:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You're just sitting. You have, like, a wrist and finger cramp.
[52:02]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's like one of those, like, red buttons. Like, this one's called Cancun hot dog sickness.
[52:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's called chlamydia.
[52:11]
Voicemail Caller 3
Okay, so back in college, 10 of my friends and I went to Cancun for, like, an end of the year celebration, and everything was fine. But the first night, Friday night, we went out to the club, and immediately towards the end of the night, one of my friends got super sick, so we had to leave the group. We walked around for a bit outside, but ended up finding all of our friends at a hot dog stand. Later, once we, like, backtracked, my friend was literally projectile vomiting. We got on the bus, she threw up on the bus. We had to move seats while she was clinging on for dear life. Not kidding. 20 people came on the bus. It was a disco rave. Like, all of a sudden, the LED lights were, like, flashing on and people were doing flips. We ended up getting off at the wrong stop, and we had to carry our friend back to the resort, where we were denied entry because she sold her 300 resort bracelet for 20 pesos. She ended up bitching her way back in, so it was fine. Next day, we went out again, and at the end of the night, we ended up at the same exact hot dog stand. After a while, we realized one of our friends was missing. To which another friend responded, oh, he was taking ransom 20 minutes ago. We need to get out of here. While she was just casually waiting at the hot dog stand with me, I guess he got caught by the police peeing on the side of the building. So the police were saying that we had to give him 200 or get arrested. I ended up scamming them to let him go for a hundred dollars.
[53:23]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Fine.
[53:24]
Voicemail Caller 3
Next day, we had to get Covid swabbed, like 48 hours before we left Mexico. Ended up having Covid, so we left. We left her in Mexico. But delicious.
[53:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right, I'll tell you right now, I've had the same experience. After high school, we went on a senior trip. I was the only one who paid for it outright in my own money, and everybody else's parents paid for it. So I was like, gung ho. I'd never been out of the country I was so. Actually, I went one time, but I was so excited. I'd never been anywhere tropical. I was like, fuck yeah, let's go Cancun. So we get there, it's like all inclusive. I'm eating everything, like the whole buffet that stays out there for all day long with all the flies and shit. Long story short, I start getting really sick. And we paid for some excursions, so we went out to a club and I spent the whole night in the bathroom being like toilet paper. I don't know how to say it. Tp. Tp. And I was so sick. It was so bad. And then. Then I ended up spending the rest, like three days in the hotel room. Long story short, when I got back to the motherland of America, Boston, good old fashioned Boston. I almost on my layover, I was like, mom, I gotta go to the hospital. And she was like, no, just take one more flight. And so I took one more flight and I ended up going to the doctor and I had salmonella. Oh, it was fucking awful.
[54:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I got salmonella from milk in Mexico because it's not pasteurized or not all of it is pasteurized.
[54:48]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, but like, isn't it pasteurized in Arwan too?
[54:52]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know.
[54:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
They're all eating raw milk over there.
[54:55]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Have you guys been to the part of Mexico that's just every Airwon?
[55:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Mexico's newest club is Erewhon.
[55:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
If you want to drop weight, drink pond water from Erewhon, it's got amoebas in it. Dude, that. That's wild though, that. Because I got salmonella too. And it was. It was. Because it was the last day there and I just was like, man, cereal sounds great. And I ate it.
[55:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It.
[55:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And like, cereal is so sugary. It was like Lucky Charms or something. So the marshmallows just disguise the salmonella taste in the middle. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, man. This salmonella is delicious.
[55:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Creamy.
[55:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It tastes. It tastes like red hearts, green clovers. But yeah, I got salmonella is no joke. That.
[55:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's no joke, man. And Cancun as well.
[55:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was actually in KL was Kazel that trip. So I used to have a joke. So I. The airline lost my luggage and then I. As a joke. So I used to have a bit. It was on my Comedy Central special where I go because I love band T shirts and. And so my friends will always just get like if they go to a band, like, especially like the opening act, like, get me the shirt if it's black or whatever. And so they got the me this little shirt had a, a house with a circle around it. And I was like, oh, circle House, man.
[56:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Circle House.
[56:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
This must be Circle House. And my people would ask me about it and the bit that I had, I'd be like, dude, this was like my lucky shirt. Like, like, do people buy me drinks? It was like the best shirt. Like, they must have been fans of Circle House. And like, is that a band? No, it turned out that the. What it meant was home. O. And like, and, and, and like, and Circle House. Circle House. And I was like, dude, guys were buying me drinks, I had ice cream with a guy and I was like, this is my lucky shirt. And of course the, you know, the tag of the. I still wear it, man. I make so many friends.
[56:47]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You're at the airport wearing that chair, going like this.
[56:49]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[56:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Doing that.
[56:51]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[56:51]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
The gay community will just make me feel like I'm back home in Wisconsin. I'll be like, hi. And they're like, hi. Like, they're just friendly. They're just great. But, but yeah, the.
[56:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I knew you were never nice.
[57:00]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[57:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So actually the, the real shirt that I had. So that was the bit. So I created a merch shirt. And by the way, on my website, I. The gay community bought the out of that.
[57:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh hell yeah.
[57:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was like, it became like, like a pro. Like anything that I've ever done. Like humor wise, gay, like the, the homophobe is always the victim of the joke and not the gay person.
[57:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But that's what it should be.
[57:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's the way it should be.
[57:21]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[57:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And, but anyway, so like the gay community bought the out of their shirts. So on the way down I was just like with. I was with my now ex wife and then a bunch of buddies and so I wore the Circle House shirt and these guys were like, dude, I can't believe it. And I was like. But then I got down there and then lost my luggage. So the only shirt I had.
[57:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, that's hilarious.
[57:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And. And then you're also like, we're staying at this little resort. And then they had these little sailboat trunk trunks that. It just. Just a little sailboat that said Cozumel and they were swim trunks. So I just washed that in my Circle House shirt in the. It was like tub. Yeah, it was like seven out of the ten days. My. So I just wore that everywhere. Like we went to the rehearsal dinner for the wedding and I wore that.
[58:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Wait, what'd you wear for the wedding?
[58:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I wore that.
[58:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, wow.
[58:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I just was like, like it was a beach wedding.
[58:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[58:10]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then everybody got dressed up in clothes that they were so hot and uncomfortable. So by the wedding reception, I was just wearing the sailboat shorts, and then no shirt, and everybody's like, dude, it's so hot. I'm like, I'm not hot.
[58:21]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, you guys should lose your luggage more often.
[58:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah.
[58:23]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Cozumel, baby.
[58:26]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I might say. I think that might have been one of the most comfortable weddings I've ever been to, because I was shirtless, and I was just like, yeah, yeah, whatever.
[58:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And it's not a bad idea. Just any destination wedding just, like, lost my luggage.
[58:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Unless the luggage.
[58:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I could have sworn I saw you in the pool earlier with different trunks. No, no, no. I lost my luggage.
[58:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. The real drunk. You're drunk. The real shirt was a little rooster smoking, and it meant smoker. But I thought that was, like. I thought it was like. I thought it was, like, the rooster band or whatever. That was the real shirt.
[58:54]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, okay. Gotcha.
[58:55]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then the first time that I real. That I realized it, I was on stage at the Omaha Funny Bone, and this girl goes, what does your shirt mean? I go, I don't know. It's a rooster smoking. I think it's a band. I don't know. And. And she goes, I think it means smoker. And I was like. I'm like, I've been wearing this for a year. Like, people are so nice to me and. But then that's when I created the circle house shirt. Oh, I'd wear those all the time. I loved it.
[59:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's. That's the funniest gag of, like, your friends. You think your friends have been buying you band tees, but they're all just like, I am gay shirts.
[59:21]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah. Yeah.
[59:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
20 bucks is 20 bucks or whatever.
[59:24]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[59:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I don't know.
[59:25]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Any shirt in P town ever.
[59:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. Yeah. That's so funn. I've just never thought that, like. Like, for forever people would, like. Yeah. I'm like, that's. Being gay is great. That's like being like. You're a tennis racket. Okay. All right.
[59:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I just thought you're just, like, a thing.
[59:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's just a thing.
[59:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's just a thing.
[59:45]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
It's a thing.
[59:46]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I mean, tennis rackets are awesome.
[59:47]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Rock. I suppose. What, are you going to the Open or something?
[59:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, dude, I want to go on Saturday so bad. Yeah, I want to.
[59:53]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[59:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I have big tennis guy.
[59:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, I just. Just when something. I love energy. I love whenever people are around. Around.
[59:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I just don't know if it's my.
[60:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Vibe Dude, I'm gonna go and take mushrooms. You want to go there with me and take mushrooms?
[60:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yes, and drink a thousand deuces, dude.
[60:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
A thousand deuces. We'll. Yeah, we'll find a rich person that has good cocaine.
[60:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Perfect. That's ideal. And then. Then. Then we're fitting in.
[60:17]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[60:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Because as long as we find the people with the cocaine, then we can act.
[60:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Class act, you know, collars up.
[60:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[60:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Those glasses. Those glasses are meant for the open.
[60:26]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, of course they are. You know, God bless.
[60:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God.
[60:36]
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[60:57]
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[61:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[61:09]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[61:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
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[61:28]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[61:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Tinder. It starts with a swipe.
[61:31]
Commercial Voice / Advertiser
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[61:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Speaking of, there's really no segue there. I do have a segment where I go through your digital footprint.
[61:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, good.
[61:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Which is super scary, right? How do you feel about that so far? Far?
[61:48]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Do I, like, give you my phone?
[61:50]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, no, no, don't worry. We already did our research. So it's called Disgraceful receipts. And I'm gonna show you some pictures, some tweets, and you're gonna explain yourself. How's that sound?
[61:58]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
All right, if you have receipts, I'm gonna clap back.
[62:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, it's big with the girly pops. They love those receipts. All right.
[62:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[62:08]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[62:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I have naturally curly hair, and that's when it was dark. So the waitress at Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis, her boyfriend Tom was like, he just like, I. I just bought a Canon camera.
[62:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh.
[62:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I'm a photographer. So he was like, can I take.
[62:23]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I love when people do that. It's the best. This.
[62:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
He's like, dude, I. You don't have. I won't. You don't have to pay me anything. In my head, I'm like, I'm just pay you.
[62:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm just dying to take a picture.
[62:31]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[62:31]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And so, yeah, that was like my. That was my second head shot. And I think it's still the one that the comedy seller uses.
[62:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, really?
[62:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Because they. I've asked him. I'm like, you should update. So my credits are still like, Last Comic Standing and Letterman. And I'm like, can you. Can you update that? And like, I sent it to them and they're like, like, I've few times. And they're. No, no, no. But yeah, that guy. I was sitting on a green bench. That was very forest gump of me.
[62:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah.
[62:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, that track jacket was like. It was. That was something that. No matter when I wore it, it looked good. And then I went to. What's the bowling place near Union Square? It's not like, bull. Is it Bullmore or something? Like, but I went bowling there, and I left that there, and I went there. Then I took the 6 train down the next day, and I. I. I swear to you, you. This is like a scene in a movie. The guy's wearing it. I go, hey, I left my track jacket here. And he's like, what does it look like? It's that it's exactly what you're wearing. And he goes, no, this is. This is mine. And I. I go, what brand is it? And he goes, I don't know. I just got. I go. I go, I know what brand it is. I know what size it is, God damn it. And, like, it was just such a weird thing because I was like. I was like, am I gonna fight this guy in a bowling alley for my track j. Am I gonna, like, hockey fight him and pull it over his head and then beat him and then take it off? But I was just. Yeah, I was like, I finally just walked out. I was like, I guess I don't know that jacket.
[63:49]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, that sucks, man. Because what do you get? Like, what are you gonna do? You'd have to fight him for it.
[63:53]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was literally. That's the only way you lose a.
[63:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Jacket in the winter in New York City. You lost a jacket forever.
[63:59]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You lost it. I loved that jacket so much.
[64:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay, this is a tweet.
[64:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, no.
[64:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You wanna read that?
[64:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, that's funny. I'm sitting next to a guy on my flight that's wearing a Trump 2020 hair hat. Fine. That's his right. But I told him I'm gay. Gay for Trump. Oh, this is so funny. Oh, there's more to this. Gay for Trump. This guy got so uncomfortable. I keep saying that Trump is so hot, like, delicious. You know what I'm talking about? This guy's getting so uncomfortable. So I took a screen grab, you know, one of those hot pictures of Mateo Lane. I made it my screen background on my iPhone. And then it kept lighting up, because you know that when you charge it on an airplane, it's kind of like intermittent power. Kept lighting up, and it was. It was in that little tray. And so I kept. I was like, yeah, you know, gay. Gay people just love Trump. And, like, we love him. And, like, I used to be an improviser. And, like, there's this. There's this exercise called Premise Lawyer, where even if you're like, cows come from outer space, you have to, like, base it in logic. He's like, why would. He's like, why would gay people. That wasn't his voice. He's like, why would gay people like Trump? And I go, because we don't give a shit about women. And he goes. I go, we have more in common than you thought.
[65:08]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, wow.
[65:09]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
This guy believed it. By the way, I love women.
[65:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Of course you're committing to the bit. This is improv here.
[65:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But, dude, I was like. He really was like, oh, my God. Like, that guy, probably that night at some steak dinner was like, dude, did you know that gay people love Trump? I think, like, I think we're gonna.
[65:26]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Have them in the vote this year.
[65:28]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, it was really funny. But, yeah, that was. That was also when I was tweeting, and I don't do that anymore. I'm like, I did.
[65:35]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And this was also December 11, 2019.
[65:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah.
[65:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
12.
[65:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
11.
[65:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
This still hits today.
[65:40]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, this hits. This hits today. Oh. Oh, my God. Okay, so those are my brothers. Yeah, those are my brothers. And my brother had a sweet stash. And that was. I weighed probably. Gosh, I weighed probably 165 pounds. And that was a 2XL shirt. Like, I actually was a modern girl right now.
[66:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. For real.
[66:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, you know, somebody said the other day that, like, young girls now either dress. Dress in. They dress like, like janitors or like, just, like, they're going through their whole phase and they alternate those.
[66:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, yeah, it's. It's a. It's a picket. Or choose. And there's no middle ground.
[66:21]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[66:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Can I tell you what I think is almost hotter?
[66:23]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What?
[66:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
There's, like, this really cute girl the other night that Was wearing, like, the baggy, like, Billie Eilish kind of a thing, and she's just stunning. And, you know, people go, like, leave something in the imagination. There was, like, a lot to the imagination. I, like, liked it.
[66:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right, Good guy.
[66:38]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah.
[66:39]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[66:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm one of the good ones.
[66:41]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Made you feel like this.
[66:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God. Oh, that's funny. Okay, so that's Julia Rossi, a very funny comedian. Well, Comedy Central had us do this. This segment where we went through each other's phones, and then she was like, I want to just find a dick pic. And I was like, all right, let me help you find it.
[66:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[66:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'd taken one dick pic. I've only sent one dick pic in my life. And those are record numbers.
[67:04]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[67:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I just don't. I. Any girl that I date, they're always like, send me a dick pic. And I'm like. Like, I don't know, like what? Like, I got. I have to be honest. Anytime a girl goes, send me a dick pic, I Google image dick pics, and I send her a really good one.
[67:19]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, that's not a bad.
[67:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's my favorite thing. But I actually sent a girl one dick pic. And then. So Julia found it, and she was like, this was literally her going, oh, not bad.
[67:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And I don't know, you could go like a school girl.
[67:32]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[67:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, I was like, I was.
[67:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Me.
[67:36]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[67:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That was wild. That was another video that, like. So it was on Viacom.
[67:43]
T-Mobile Advertiser
Right.
[67:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So Comedy Central, that they have four employees, and one of them is my friend, and I love them, but they were. They used to. It used to be a network on television, and I know that.
[67:52]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[67:53]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But Viacom was, like, really slow to putting their stuff on social media and especially YouTube. They're like, no, our Viacom platform is going to be where people come. And they were.
[68:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I mean, they were really trying to. Hold on.
[68:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You were dead wrong. I was on Best Week Ever. I was on Comedy Central. And, like, they had so much content that would have gone viral.
[68:09]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[68:10]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And it would have made people watch their stuff, and they were just so foolhardy.
[68:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
When you're on a show like that, do you have the rights to ask for it so you can post it?
[68:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I wasn't smart enough to negotiate that. But now, like. Like, I did a Showtime special, another Viacom thing. I did that, but they were so funny. They're like, you can post three clips. And I'm like, why wouldn't you let me promote it with the. We also shot. It didn't make any sense. So I shot, like, like, like, way over the hour. And then there was also a lot of crowd work within the special. And especially the. The second show, there's this drunk lady, and I, like, I roast her so hard. And I was like, we need to take that footage and use. And use the outtakes.
[68:49]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[68:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
As promo. And they're like, no way. We own this. I'm like, you're dumb.
[68:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, that's silly.
[68:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You're so dumb. That's why TV is dying. And. And, like, the Internet is king. It's basically like. Like, Trevor Noah retired, right? Oh, really, people? Yeah, he retired from the Daily Show. He retired from still doing comedy. He's a great comic. I. He's a friend. I love him, but all my friends were like, why would you leave the Daily Show? And I'm like, because a hundred people watched it tonight, and he could go on his Instagram and eat a bowl of soup in his story, and 3 million people will see.
[69:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, it's crazy.
[69:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And it's just like, you know, I think that. Why wouldn't you want to be in the future?
[69:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I don't. I don't want to. I don't want to mess with those damn clankers, though.
[69:30]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, the clank. So it's a clanker.
[69:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay, so that's a slur for robots. Oh, we already. We did. We developed a slur for robots because they are gonna take over all this jazz. So us young people, we're already practicing what we're gonna call them.
[69:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, clankers.
[69:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, because it's like. It's like reverse of our parents. It's like, we're gonna be in trouble with our kids when we're like, those fucking oil junkies.
[69:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Things that. Yeah, that's so funny.
[69:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Those tin lickers.
[69:59]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, that. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. The. The. The words change and this and that. Oh, God. I want to get.
[70:07]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, sorry. I can't say anything bad about a. About a circuit breaker.
[70:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, that's so funny. My opening act on the road right now is Cortland Wiggins. He's from Atlanta. Super. One of the most unique and creative black guys. And he's just so funny. And. And he goes golfing with my dad and his friends in Columbus, Wisconsin. And I was like, just. I go, courtland. He goes, they're going to say something stupid. I know. I go, okay. And he.
[70:33]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And he said that.
[70:34]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[70:34]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
He goes, they're gonna say something stupid. I know. And so all day long, instead of it being like, like, when's the other shoe gonna drop. We were, like, waiting for it.
[70:42]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[70:43]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
The golf game ended. Like, we finished, and we're on our way to the car, and he go. He goes, guess it didn't happen. And then we see this black dude getting his clubs out of his car. And my dad just turns and goes, courtland, I told you there'd be another brother out here today.
[70:57]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
God damn. And.
[70:59]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And Cortland and I. Cortland and I and this man, man, we. We literally, like, had to put our hands on our thighs, and we were like. Like, it was like the other dude knew that we had had a thing all day about it. Cortland went and, like, hugged the dude. It was just like. Like, dude, we've been waiting for this. Like, he told him. He's like, we've been waiting for this. And I was like, dad, you can't. And he's like. But, like, my dad grew up.
[71:24]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
My.
[71:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
My grandmother was. She won a court case that. She's the reason why bongs are legal, illegal. It's. You can. You can Google Pete Lee High times. You can read the whole article. She. She won a court case that set the precedent for that. So imagine my brother or my. My dad, like, his mom was, like, a hippie, and, like, probably at some point in their, like, you know, early marijuana hangs, people will be like, oh, brother. Or whatever. So I think my dad thought that that was the word, but it's like, dad, it's been a lot of years.
[71:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[71:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So many years since that was the word.
[71:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[71:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And like, you. You have a television, you have a phone, you have an iPad.
[72:00]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Even, like. Even. He was just pointing it out. Yeah, it's just like. And you. You made it all the way to the tail end of the day, dude.
[72:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was the last second. Like, we were putting. We were, like, putting bags into the car, and this man was getting his bag out, and we're. I was like, oh, my God. Like, I even thought about it. Like. Like, I stopped just to get a bottle of water. I'm like, if I just didn't have this water, that wouldn't have happened. Cortland went on the show that night because my. My dad has a mason's lodge that he runs. And. And what is.
[72:28]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What does he have?
[72:29]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
My dad is a Mason. It's the Illuminati, I think.
[72:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What's a Mason?
[72:33]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's. It's like, the oldest fraternity of brotherhood. They say that they make good men better, and it's. I don't know. They won't tell me. Okay. Like, it's weird.
[72:46]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Well, you got to be in.
[72:47]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But, like, my dad had a heart attack a few years ago, and then nobody knew. And all of a sudden, just Mason started showing up, and my brother. So my dad had a heart attack in the hospital. My stepmom was getting some tests done on her, and then my brother was with them, and my brother was like, dude, I didn't call anybody. Nobody called anybody. And Mason's just started showing up, like. So the Masons were in the hospital, and they're like, we have brother Bill is down, and we need to, like, get. Get. You know, you need to get here.
[73:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And I think that sounds nice, but it's also kind of scary.
[73:17]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, it's scary.
[73:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay.
[73:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Scary as hell.
[73:19]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah. Yeah.
[73:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But by the way, I did call my dad bro.
[73:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
A movie. Yeah, I caught that.
[73:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
The Masons do call each other brothers.
[73:26]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay. But it's a brotherhood.
[73:28]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[73:28]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And Cortland is a Mason. Still doesn't know.
[73:31]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
This is where it's not clicking. I just. I'm. It's just not clicking for me, because I don't know what that means.
[73:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, but he's. My dad still meant it the other way. I was trying to. I was trying to figure out some way where my dad meant it as Masons.
[73:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I like how you tried to. To help your dad there, but I think it is what it was, and it was very fun. Funny.
[73:49]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Unless that. Unless the. The other guy that got out of his car was wearing, like, one of the little Masons. Shriners hats.
[73:55]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, dude, they wear hats.
[73:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
There's a. Yeah, it's. It's a weird.
[73:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
They're not pointy, are they?
[74:00]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But no, no, no.
[74:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay.
[74:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
No, no. You can see their face.
[74:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right, good, good, good.
[74:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You see their face.
[74:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right, next picture.
[74:08]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah.
[74:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What's that. What's that suitcase say? Thug.
[74:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Thug. That was my luggage for a long time. Time.
[74:16]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, that's why they lost it.
[74:18]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[74:19]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Do you ever perform at, like, a college or. Oh, God. What was it? I think that was, like, Ohio State or something like that. And then they had me at one of these, like, theaters where they had a theatrical production.
[74:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, yeah.
[74:30]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And that was one of the props, and so I just took a picture with it.
[74:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
In what context does that make sense for any kind of a play?
[74:38]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I have no idea. And I'd like to see that production that my dad wrote. That. My dad wrote that, and he created that suitcase, son.
[74:49]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, this one.
[74:50]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I was dating this gal, and she's she's an actress. She's really great. And I just don't. I don't want to name names, but people love her. And we were just, like, in a hotel. Like, I'm trying to guess it was Julia Roberts, but.
[75:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Okay, well, she's fine.
[75:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It was Helen Mirren, but she just was like, what would your hair look like if I straightened it? And she straightened. Straightened it. And you know when you're. When you're just like. Like, really in love, and you're like, you've just been boning all day?
[75:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No. Okay, but that sounds nice. What else?
[75:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Okay, could you give me more examples? That. That feel sad. And then she was like, let me straighten your hair. And then we kept taking these pictures, and they were. They were just like, emo Pete.
[75:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, I can see you, like, rocking out, like, My Chemical Romance. Yeah, that kind of vibe.
[75:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's very. Today is gonna be that day.
[75:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It' a long song in karaoke. Ever. Yeah, that's you right there.
[75:48]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[75:49]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And that was when I was in shape to wear colored shirts. I. I put those to rest. I wear black shirts because I can be a little chubby. And then I think people don't notice, but it's there.
[75:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Hey, man, listen, you. You're perfect the way you are.
[76:01]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. Oh, right, guys. You're perfect. You're perfect.
[76:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right, up next.
[76:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, boy.
[76:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Got another tweet.
[76:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, Anything that's text based, I'm like, this is going to be embarrassing.
[76:08]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
November 9, 2019. My beard smells like pancakes.
[76:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, thank you. Oh, my God. Thank you so much for.
[76:16]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I like to sc.
[76:17]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's. Oh, yeah, I saw a short sentence. I saw. I'm going to out myself. There's one tweet that I had one time where I was just. I was high as hell, and I just tweeted, I love black people.
[76:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Well, you know, it was like, sometimes you just got to get it off your chest.
[76:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
This is like 2011. Like, nobody's being canceled. And by the way, that's all love, but also just. You don't have to say that.
[76:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, no. Well, I would assume, you know, you're a good guy.
[76:43]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[76:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, what's this?
[76:46]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
What is that? Is that a toothbrush in my. Is that like a tongue scraper?
[76:53]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's looking like. Yeah, some kind of.
[76:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I went to Asia and did a documentary with Tom Segura and Chad Daniels, and I think that somebody over there made that, and I posted that. I've actually done two, like, Asian tours, and when I go over to Asia, like, Every. Every, like, every culture over there thinks that I'm an eighth. That because, like, I do look like I'd be an eighth something. So, like, like in Malay, like in Singapore, they're like, oh, you must be an eighth Malay. Or like, in Hong Kong, they're like, you must like, you know, because Hong Kong was British and Chinese in China, and then now China took it back over. But they're like, you might have been one of the British people that just got watered down.
[77:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, interesting. Have you ever done your 23? And me?
[77:37]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[77:38]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm. I'm white. I'm. I'm English, Irish, Scottish. I know this from my family tree. My great great grandmother was a black French woman. And then I have Cherokee Indian. And then my grandmother grew up on the Cherokee land in Oklahoma. They don't have a reservation because they're. They were just kind of the most powerful one. But I did a comedy special on the first nations network, so, you know. But it's funny. Like, the first nations is what you're actually supposed to say instead of like, Indian or American Indian, but also American Indian. First nations people are. They're really cool.
[78:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[78:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And like, like, you've heard about, like, the. The Redskins thing. They're like, we want that back. Because the person. The actual drawing was like a significant person.
[78:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh.
[78:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And it's trademarks that they're like, you dummies took it. It would be like, I like that person. I don't have the facts, but, like, that person. Imagine if that person was like the George Washington of, like, of First Nations. And yeah, they were like, yeah. And then white people were like, things have been bad for minorities. Let's get rid of this.
[78:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, it is. And then it's like deleting history. Just. You could have just changed the name.
[78:43]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[78:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I'm. By the way, I'm not. I'm not giving necessarily my opinion on that. I'm just telling people facts that they don't know. But, yeah, I don't know. So I. But, like, I never claim any of that stuff. I like, I. I did a comedy special on the First Nations Network, and I even talked about that. I was like. I was like, yeah, I feel guilty doing it, doing a special on this network because I'm like, when I was a kid, I participated in it. We'd go down to Oklahoma and, you know, we would participate in the, you know, first nations, you know, ceremonies, activities and whatnot. But I. I just. I hate the Montreal audition. Diversity, where people are like. So I'm Iranian and bisexual. And, like, it's always. It's the first sentence. And, like, I just don't. I don't know. I understand that there's an advantage to that in entertainment, but. But I've never had any difficulty in my life, like, because of that.
[79:32]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[79:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You know, like. Like, my Gregory grandmother was black, but, like, I can't imagine. I did a bit about that. Like, it's the most hateable bit in the world. It's like, I'm trying to be diverse because that's what's.
[79:44]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
No, I'm actually black, so.
[79:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, that will get me on Netflix. Or, like, I'm trying to be first nations, because I'm trying to get a Netflix. That's really what they're saying.
[79:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
There's really something crazy and almost funny if you were to just start saying you're black and just be like, well, I'm black. I should.
[79:58]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[79:58]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Like, you know, suck my black dick. That's the only.
[80:03]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's your slogan?
[80:04]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's the only thing I'd want to say. I just think that's such a cool thing. But. But no, I don't know. I've. I've never, like, walked into a store, been harassed. I've never, like. I don't know. So I feel comedically. I'm like. I'm not.
[80:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I can't.
[80:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm not gonna say that. No, it's. That's trash. That's garbage.
[80:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
It's garbage. All right, we got one more picture here.
[80:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, my God.
[80:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Whose granny is that?
[80:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, dude, I can't. That lady. So I had a shirt that I sold that said, oh, my God, that's wild. Okay, so she, like, this lady, like, this was, like, a core memory. So my company is called Snuggle Storm. And so this lady, she was, like, flirting with me in the front row. Well, the comedy club in Myrtle beach, they go. They go, we have a lady that might be a problem. And I go, why? And they go, she brought her own cooler in. And she says that. She's like, I drink Miller laughs. Lights by the six pack, so keep bringing me six packs of them.
[80:58]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's awesome.
[80:59]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And she had them in her cooler, and literally, like a dude that does a party trick, she would go. And then she'd go, oh, my God. And then I was like, what the hell? And. And so I'm talking to her, and I was like. I was like, that's crazy. I'm like, how are. I go, I have a small bladder. And she goes, oh, I have a catheter.
[81:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, my God. That's incredible.
[81:16]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[81:17]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
So she's living my dream, dude.
[81:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
She's just sitting there getting drunk, peeing.
[81:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
The whole time, bringing her own cooler. That is the coolest thing I've ever heard.
[81:23]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I start flirting with her. And. And, like, by the way, she was like, you can see, like, she. She's. She's a semi sexy.
[81:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You know, she's got it going on.
[81:31]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
She's got it going on.
[81:31]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I. I knew she. I knew she. She's had it going on there. She's got it going on her whole life.
[81:35]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[81:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So I was flirting with her, but it wasn't like a. A bit like, I'm flirting with this old lady. Like, she kind of had it.
[81:41]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[81:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Where you're like. You're like, whoa. What?
[81:43]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like, badass. Where was this?
[81:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Myrtle Beach.
[81:45]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Myrtle Beach.
[81:46]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And I was like, so am I going to try something? Am I going to, like, pull out a catheter and put it in? But which. That was a line that I said. And at the end of the show, she goes. She goes, I'll meet you in the lobby. I go, it's going to be a Snuggle Storm. And then that. That word became a thing that I put into a bit that then became a T shirt that I sold, that then became my company name. So that lady is the origin story of Snuggle Storm.
[82:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Wow.
[82:13]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[82:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What a blast. In the past.
[82:15]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[82:15]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah. And that was like, oh, God, that was like 2020. It's like 2007, I want to say. So, yeah, she's dead, but I feel.
[82:24]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Like she's gonna live forever.
[82:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I hope she's still alive. I hope she's still drinking beers and using her.
[82:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But that attitude, that's. That's a lifer.
[82:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
She was awesome.
[82:33]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's. She sounds incredible.
[82:35]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[82:35]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Was that the end of the stack?
[82:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That was the end of the stack. That was the last one.
[82:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, that made me so happy that you found the origin of Snuggle Storm.
[82:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Wow. That's great. I didn't think it was. I didn't think you touching the. The, the, the, the. The bosoms of an older woman would have such a beautiful story.
[82:48]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
She literally goes, don't be a. Get in there.
[82:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, this lady rocks. Oh, my God, I want to shake her hand.
[82:54]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[82:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And like, Like, I, like, I haven't seen a lot of. I'm just gonna say old lady tits, but, like, they felt great.
[83:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah. Well, you know.
[83:03]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, they hanged out. Hers were like, damn, what a missed.
[83:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Opportunity for me not for you, that seemed. That's great. That's good stuff.
[83:10]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's good stuff.
[83:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's good stuff.
[83:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Stuff.
[83:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Well, that's the end of the show.
[83:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
This was awesome.
[83:14]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
So far, so good.
[83:15]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Can we be friends irl?
[83:18]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Absolute.
[83:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Absolutely.
[83:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Totes.
[83:21]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Totes.
[83:22]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I have the receipts. It'll be good.
[83:24]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Clap back. It's our friend Season, like, literally solidified today.
[83:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
This is like our friends iverse3. This is amazing. Well, when you stop giggling, if you want to look right into this camera and you got. Okay, I didn't mean to tell you to stop giggling.
[83:43]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Oh, yeah.
[83:44]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Is that weird? You're like. When you stop giggling as a comedian, you're like, no, keep laughing.
[83:49]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I just meant, like, take your time. Keep enjoying the laugh. But when you're ready, right into this camera, you can shout out anyone, Anything. Anything at all. And you can go for multiple. You could go for one thing. But we just. This is a segment we just call Shout Out.
[84:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Shout Out. All right, go see me on tour. You can go see me. I'm on tour. I have how many dates?
[84:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
64.
[84:13]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I have 64 tour dates. And you can go to Pete Lee.net and then you can buy merch on my website. You can buy a snuggle storm shirt. Go to snugglestorm.com. that's another website that I have f. Most importantly, follow me on social media. Eatley. Petley. Petley. It's my name. Three times in a row. Uh, you can just type in that. Uh, I. I love you.
[84:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I love you, man.
[84:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
If you love her, you love me.
[84:41]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We're the perfect pair. But for real, though, like, we do. This segment was like, shout out, my boy. Shout out.
[84:48]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, you can just shout out anything. Like, that wasn't like, just surdates, like.
[84:51]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Shout out, Liquid death. Shout out.
[84:53]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Shout out to liquid death. I'm one of the owners and I'm sponsored by it.
[84:56]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, for real?
[84:56]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[84:57]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I. I love. Do you want me to hook you up with them? Yeah, you have that other. Absolutely.
[85:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm going silver for a minute and a half.
[85:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, you go. You going sober, kid?
[85:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah, just. I. They said I gotta lay off for a little bit.
[85:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
You know, to be honest, I. I haven't been drinking very much. And I drank last night, Davitel's game show. I drank during it. And then I went to the Cellar and I was like. I, like, specifically try to not be buzzed at the Cellar. And I was like. I just had to go on stage and be like, guys, I'm drunk. I'm not supposed to be. And then I had a killer set being drunk guy. But I was like. I was just like, oh, God, Pete. I. I have no. I just have no tolerance. But I. After last night, I was like. I woke up so hungover this morning, and I was like, I gotta. Yeah, I gotta take a month.
[85:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I gotta. I'm just doing. I'm doing a month and a half from September to my birthday, October 27th. And that. I think it's a good. It'll be a good little break. And I wasn't gonna say it publicly, but they hold you to it.
[85:47]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, well, by the way, you're gonna. I'm gonna drink a lot less, but you're gonna see me. And at the end of the. Lately I've been. I shouldn't say this. A lot of times on stage, people like, I get comments on my online videos, and they'll be like, the comedians drop drunk. And I'm like, I literally have, like, apple juice because I'm just trying not to die.
[86:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[86:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But if I don't take a whiskey on stage, people send shots. And then I'm like, that's how I'm gonna die. And I just want to live a long time. And I am a drinker, but. So after the show, I'll have a drink now.
[86:16]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[86:16]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Or I won't.
[86:17]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I have learned my lesson. I started out just being Blackout, and then I eased it up a little bit. I opened for Whitney Cummings, and she doesn't drink. And so I made it my go. And so I made it like a thing like, I. I won't drink when I'm with Whitney. And then it turned into, I'll have one or two before.
[86:35]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Uhhuh.
[86:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But since I have a beer on stage, everyone's like, she's hammered.
[86:40]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[86:40]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I'm like, no, I'm not.
[86:41]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Well, in your accent. Like, I have a bit where I. I go Wisconsin. People don't have an accent. We just learn how to talk from drunk adults.
[86:47]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
You do, though.
[86:49]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I. Yeah, I do sound like a Canadian. Oh, I do. I do have an accent Again. Tour.
[86:55]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[86:55]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
What's that about, by the way? I have a bit. That's that bit that I just said. It's on it. Like, it went viral recently. But all the Wisconsin people like, nah, this guy must be from Canada. We don't talk like that. And I just wish that, like, there were voice comments so that they could hear how dumb they sound.
[87:12]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I had to post a video of me as a kid to be like, no, I'm not. Everyone thinks I'M faking my accent. I don't want to sound like a losing loser. I sound like a loser. I sound like a.
[87:22]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Do you. I like. I like the Boston accent. I think it sounds tough. It's assertive. Everything I say sounds like a question, you know, like. Like if I was president, I'd be like, I'm president. Like, I would still sound unsure.
[87:34]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
We did this.
[87:35]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Wait, what?
[87:36]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[87:36]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, what's that all about? What's that all about? But. But I. The weirdest thing is that, like, I. So I've been drinking a lot less on stage. And then also there's kind of a thing in comedy. Comedy where people are like, oh, you're drinking on stage. It's very frowned upon now. And yeah. And I. So I'm sober on stage a lot. And it's. My shows aren't as good. Yeah, they're not as good.
[87:59]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
They're like one or two. Get you loose, get you ready. Get your goose.
[88:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's like bowling. I. I don't know, but it's like rolling Bowling.
[88:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, sorry. Oh, no.
[88:06]
T-Mobile Advertiser
Rolling.
[88:06]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Selective hearing.
[88:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Rolling. I love to. I love a music festival.
[88:10]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Sorry about that.
[88:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, we don't. Drugs are bad.
[88:13]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Drugs are so bad.
[88:14]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, wait, I have to. All right, Shout out Liquid Death. I just got to go to the. Their offices the other day. So there's. There's a flav. So I named two flavors Squeezed to death. Which is like Snuggle Storm, because you can't say orange in a product. So our orange flavor is squeezed at the.
[88:28]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Well, you really are like, like locked in on this.
[88:30]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oh, yeah.
[88:30]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I had no idea.
[88:31]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I named Cherry Obituary. Can I tell you one of the funniest things that we did as a Cherry obituary? It was going to be Chernobyl, but too many people are still affected by literally like cancer. There's been a lot of cancer. But anyway, so we couldn't name a Chernobyl. But so Liquid Death, they're half ic, half lemonades. What they. What's that called?
[88:50]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Arnie Parmy.
[88:51]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[88:51]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
So our flavor was called Armless Palmer for a while. And Armless Palmer is funny. It's also public domain because they've allowed so many restaurants and golf courses to name it Arnold Palmer. But then Arizona Iced Tea bought Arnold Palmer.
[89:05]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yes.
[89:05]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And so the. The state of Arnie Palmer and Arizona Iced Tea. They own that. And so when we came out with Armis Palmer, they had a problem with it. They sent a season to system was like, you can't do that.
[89:15]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And the one handers community they didn't mind.
[89:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
They didn't mind. Yeah.
[89:19]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[89:20]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It wasn't.
[89:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
They used. Everyone who's missing a limb for the most part, is really cool about it.
[89:25]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
That's.
[89:25]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
They really got a really great sense of humor about it, I think.
[89:29]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[89:29]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Everyone I've met, they really are. They're like rock. They're like firemen, first responders. Like, they have a really funny sense of humor.
[89:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Yeah.
[89:37]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
But. But so anyway, so we had to change the name of it, and because we're dicks at Liquid Death, we named it Dead Billionaire. And then we recently doubled town, and there's a town in Nebraska called Arizona, Nebraska. And Liquid Death basically came in and got the town to vote that Liquid Death would be the official iced tea of Arizona, Nebraska.
[90:01]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
That's really funny.
[90:02]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
And then I got to do the voiceover for that commercial.
[90:04]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Oh, my God, that's so hilarious.
[90:06]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
They wanted somebody very Midwestern, like. Like, you know, Liquid Death is now the official iced tea of Arizona, Nebraska. And so, yeah, so that's the. I hope I said that all correct legally, but, yeah. Shout out Liquid Death.
[90:20]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Shout out liquid that. Damn. That's. Those are on my rider for when I'm feeling. When I'm feeling like a sober treat.
[90:27]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[90:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I. I take them out. I take them out on stage because.
[90:31]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[90:32]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Oat in a boot trying to shout out. I don't know. Shout out to who?
[90:36]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
But usually people do this pretty rapid firestyle.
[90:39]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Really?
[90:39]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Are those people that my mom. Shout out people with one arm. Shout to. Out. Shout out. You know, that kind of vibe.
[90:45]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, I don't know. My mom's not gonna watch this.
[90:49]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Yeah.
[90:51]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Shout out to people with one arm.
[90:52]
T-Mobile Advertiser
I love you.
[90:54]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
What are my examples?
[90:56]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Well, hey, shout out to Whitney Cummings, straight up. Shout out to Grace o', Malley, first name with. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I met Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis next week. Shout out to that.
[91:11]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Hell, yeah.
[91:12]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Shout out to Go bananas. The week after that shout. I'm just still plugging dates. You can you notice.
[91:17]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Do all 64.
[91:18]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Yeah, all 64. All 64 dates. I don't know. Yeah. Shout out to White Air Force ones. Shout out to. I don't know.
[91:27]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
I don't know.
[91:27]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I'm. I'm having trouble with that.
[91:29]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
All right. Don't hurt yourself. And anything else you want.
[91:33]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Shout out to Michael. Shout out to you, Michael.
[91:38]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
And shout out, you guys. Thank you so much for watching Pete. Any. Any. Any last words.
[91:42]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Love you.
[91:43]
Host (likely a comedian or podcast host)
Love you, man. All right, we'll see you next week. Hell yeah.
[91:54]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
Ever since switching to T Mobile, something weird has been happening.
[91:58]
Voicemail Caller 2
I get to cut lines.
[91:59]
Supporting Speaker / Friend
Oh, right this way.
[92:01]
Voicemail Caller 2
Who me? I can stream shows at 30,000ft and.
[92:07]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
I was able to buy reserve tickets.
[92:08]
Voicemail Caller 2
For my favorite band.
[92:11]
Pete Lee (Guest Comedian)
It's not just you.
[92:12]
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