← DISGRACELAND
DISGRACELAND
Derek & The Dominos: Clapton, A Christmas Shooting, Cocaine, and a Motorcycle Crash
00:39:27
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- [00:00]
Jake Brennan
Foreign Double Elvis.
- [00:08]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Healthcare isn't just about physical health. Healthcare, the act of seeking care impacts our lives in multiple ways. You might have a doctor's appointment and.
- [00:17]
Jake Brennan
Need to take time off from work, and that might raise unwanted questions with co workers.
- [00:21]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Maybe you're in a new relationship and you're not at the point yet where you're sharing every detail of your life. Whatever the reason, RO makes it easy to seek healthcare and to get started with their free Insurance checker. I was able to quickly use Ro's insurance checker to determine if my insurance covered Ro's GLP1 medication. No paperwork, no hassle, no waiting for days on hold. So if you're interested in using Rose GLP1 medication to help you with your weight loss goals, Rose Insurance Checker easily lets you know if you're covered for free. Ro's free Insurance Checker will send you a comprehensive report of your coverage details so you can make a decision that's right for your goals. And if you decide to move forward, RO can help you understand if GLP1s are right for you and for your goals. But that's just the beginning. Join the over 1 million people who've trusted RO to check their coverage for free. Go to Ro Co Disgraceland for your free insurance check. That's Ro Co Disgraceland to see if your insurance covers GLP1s for free. Go to Ro Co Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. You know what time of year it is? It's the holidays. You get a bunch of packages sent to your house, they're piling up outside. You get a lot of people hanging out in your neighborhood, coming and going, dropping stuff out. You know, who, what's, what's happening out there, people taking your stuff. Well, these are things that I don't worry about because I have Simplisafe. I always used to think about home security the same way that I think about insurance. You know, you hope you never need.
- [01:56]
Jake Brennan
It, but when you do, you hope it works, right?
- [01:59]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
And honestly, if you could stop someone from not only stealing the packages off of your porch, if you could stop them from breaking in before they even got inside, why wouldn't you? Most old school security systems only go off after someone's already in your place.
- [02:14]
Jake Brennan
And that's too late.
- [02:15]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
That's why I use Simplisafe and you should too proactive. Okay? Simplisafe stops the crimes before they start. Simplisafe has the first AI powered cameras to spot potential threats outside and then live agents are going to step in, they're going to talk to the person through the camera. You don't have to do it. It's not on you. But that potential thief is going to know that they're on video and that the cops are being dispatched. And then they're going to split and you can go back to having a great holiday. I love how easy Simplisafe was to set up, how reliable the monitoring is and how much peace of mind it gives me when I am away. When I'm going to be traveling for the holidays, I'm not going to have to worry anything. I use Simplisafe and you should too. This month only take 50% off any new system. This is one of the best prices you will ever see for Simplisafe. Do not miss it. Hit simplisafe.com DisgracePod Again, that's simplisafe.com Disgracepod.
- [03:09]
Jake Brennan
And lock in your discount. There's no safe like Simplisafe.
- [03:13]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Heading up to Boston in a couple weeks for the holidays.
- [03:16]
Jake Brennan
See my family.
- [03:17]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Happy to report that I will be rocking my responsible down hooded parka from Quince. This is the perfect parka for that whipping winter wind. It's going to keep the cold weather off me. It's going to keep me nice and cozy, going to give me those holiday vibes, going to take care of me while I'm in New England and I'm going to look good while I'm doing it. You know, I didn't have to take out a loan to buy this parka like you do with some other parkas because as I've been saying to you.
- [03:42]
Jake Brennan
Guys, quince pieces are crafted from premium.
- [03:44]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Materials and and built to hold up without the luxury markup. Now, I'm one of these guys who historically spends days, weeks, months looking for a winter jacket. I don't know why it feels like such a commitment to me. Like I'm going to buy a winter jacket and then I'm not going to buy a winter jacket for a couple years. Quint makes it super easy and it's quint.
- [04:05]
Jake Brennan
So you can trust the fit, you.
- [04:06]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Can trust the quality and the price is right. Also, I want to look good head to toe while I'm up with my family. I hooked myself up at Quints with the cashmere trouser sock. Okay, these are fantastic. Also good for winter. Cannot go wrong. You can lock in your staples at Quints no problem. Whether it's socks, whether it's underwear, whether it's sleepwear, get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quints. Don't wait. Go to quint.com Disgraceland for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Disgraceland free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Disgraceland Disgraceland is a production of Double Elvis.
- [05:07]
Jake Brennan
The story is about Eric Clapton's Derek and the Dominoes are insane. They involve murder, a deadly motorcycle accident and devastating heartbreak and scandal. Eric Clapton was a one of a kind guitarist, seemingly hell bent on self destruction. He was heavily addicted to heroin, cocaine and throughout his stint in Derek and the Dominoes attempted to snort his way through Unrequited Love and in doing so came out on the other end with one of rock's most recognizable guitar riffs. And only one year after Clapton's Derrick and the Dominoes got together, the group disbanded. But a year was all they needed to introduce the world to their white hot strain of blues, which they nailed on their one and only studio album. Because when Eric Clapton, Jim Gordon, Duane Allman, Bobby Whitlock and Carl Rattle were in the same room, they made great music. That music you heard at the top of the show, that wasn't great music. That was a preset loop from my melotron called Palisade Sashay MK1. I played you that loop because I can't afford the rights to the Long and Winding Road by the Beatles. And why would I play you that slice of last gasp of collective creativity? Cheese. Could I afford it because that was the number one song in America on June 14, 1970. And that was the day that Derek and the Dominoes made their live debut and began to make their indelible contribution to rock and roll. On this episode, Murder, Motorcycles, Unrequited Love and Eric Clapton's Derek and the Dominoes. I'm Jake Brennan and this is Disgrace. Christmas, 1929 Germantown, North Carolina. Charlie Lawson had a lot to be grateful for that holiday season. Aside from the death of his third son William back in 1920, the Lawson's lived a good life, all things considered. Their sharecropper neighbors considered them well to do. Two years prior, Charlie Lawson bought the family a tobacco farm out on Brook Cove Road and they lived off of that farm, if not handsomely, then in relative comfort. Charlie Lawson and his wife Fanny and their seven children, Marie, 17, Arthur, 16, Carrie, 12, Mabel, 7, James, 4, Raymond, 2 and Mary Lou, just four months were envied for their new Clothing they wore when they made their trips into town. There was a rumor going around that their father Charlie had even sprung for the cost of a family portrait. A blatant act of ostentation if there ever was one for a modest, God fearing family of farmers back in 1929. Germantown. There was a depression on after all. Hadn't the Lawsons heard? Charlie was hearing a lot. Whispers then, Full on voices. They told him about the rumors they knew, others knew. Peace was impossible with the voices. They weren't always there, but when they were, they weren't to be ignored. Listening to them was the only option. Ignoring them only made them louder. Charlie answered them in hushed tones under his breath. Fanny, his wife, at first thought Charlie was praying, talking to himself, sermonizing to himself to pass the time working the farm. But Charlie's muttering eventually made it into their home. Random, sharp shouts to himself out of nowhere, in the company of the children. Once at the dinner table and then, incredibly in public on a Sunday, seated in their usual pew at church. No one noticed. Everyone thought it was just another touched soul convening with the Holy Ghost. But Fanny noticed something was not right with her husband. He doted on the children as of late, an act that would be welcomed by most wives and mothers if it wasn't so out of character for Charlie Lawson, the stern, hardline tobacco farmer who seldom expressed himself emotionally. Perhaps a smile for his wife on Sunday, sitting in their pew, taking stock of their family, but hardly anything else. The small act of pride he allowed himself was just another reminder that he sinned. Like everybody else, Fanny relished those moments. She was downright petrified by what she was seeing as of late. Charlie laughing with the kids. He even took to telling jokes he'd heard retold in town by a vaudeville stagehand. The joke was clean, but Charlie was blue inside, Fanny could tell. Particularly telling was the extra attention and affection he was paying their 17 year old daughter, Marie. Most nights, the day's hard farm work set Charlie asleep like a rock. He seldom stirred. From 8pm to 4am, Fanny Lawson's husband lay on his back in the small twin bed aside hers stone cold asleep. But on that night before Christmas, what Fanny saw when she awoke in the middle of the night took her breath away with the fear of the devil himself. There at the edge of his bed, sitting up in his pajamas, rubbing his calloused hands together, was her normally restful husband, moving, muttering to her horror, yes, I will be good. I promise I won't no more. I will be better I will be good. But you have to stop. You have to stop and so will I. Yes. Yes, I promise. I promise. Fanny didn't know what scared her more, the subservient tone in her normally strong husband's voice or the fact that he was carrying on a full conversation with himself at the edge of his bed in the middle of the night. She stood up, walked over to his bed, placed her hand on his shoulder and shocked him back into reality. He ignored her, stood, left the room and didn't return for the rest of the night. The voices were in control now and they would remain so well into the next day. Charlie Lawson enjoyed watching his family, especially on that Christmas morning, admiring them, seeing them open their presents and play with their toys. It seemed to make all the hard work worth it. Later that afternoon he sat out by the tobacco barn enjoying the clear winter's day and he watched his daughters, Carrie and Mabel, run across the field and they were off to their aunt and uncle's house down the way. Charlie asked them to go and they were delighted to do so. From where he sat at that moment watching them, they weren't too far. He could see the different colors on the scarves and mittens Fanny had knitted them. He could see the smiles on their faces, the excitement and anticipation for more presents from their relatives and a Christmas feast before the day's end. Charlie saw all this as the voices in his head told him that the time was now. Charlie did what he was told. He lifted his 12 gauge shotgun, aimed, and put a bullet through his daughter Carrie, and then another through his daughter Mabel. The snare drum blasted out like an old Remington drummer. Jim Gordon sat at his kit listening to the voice in his headphones. It was a voice he knew well, even if he didn't know its owner that well personally. It was a famous voice, the voice of a beetle beetle, George Harrison. George was instructing him on the feel he was looking for on this new track they were recording. It was George Harrison's first foray into the studio as a solo artist. Post Beatles, work had commenced on what would become George's masterpiece, All Things Must Pass, and Jim Gordon found himself in the enviable position of drummer in George's new studio band. As Jim listened to George, George kept his finger pressed on the talkback button and continued conversing with another voice in the control room. Jim knew this voice, or it was the voice of God, the voice of Eric Clapton in 1960s London. For young guitar enthusiasts, believing that Clapton is God was practically the 11th Commandment Eric Clapton had perpetually blown minds since he first hit the scene with the Yardbirds and then inexcusably quit the successful UK pop band in search of something more creatively fulfilling. He later took up with John Mayle's Blues breakers and proceeded to turn the London rock scene on its ear with his ingenious applic application of the stylings of Chicago bluesman Muddy Waters harmonica player Little Walter Jacobs through the strings of his Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. The result was a big fat tone that was also wildly expressive and heretofore unheard of in rock music. Eric Clapton added psychedelia to his sonic palette with his late 60s projects Cream and Blind Faith, blowing minds all the way up the charts in both groups. But like most Grapevine bluesman, Eric just couldn't be satisfied and by 1970 was casting about for a new group to lend his big sticky blue tone to. He found that group in Delaney and Bonnie's band. The American singer, songwriter duo fronted a white hot rock and soul review that was lighting up stages across the US and Europe as an opener for Blind Faith. By the turn of the decade, Eric Clapton glommed on until, to the delight of concertgoers, sat in with Delaney and Bonnie on some shows and elevated their sets to new heights. When the tour ended, Delaney and Bonnie's keyboardist Bobby Whitlock, bassist Carl Rattle and drummer Jim Gordon, Americans all retired to Eric's surrey estate to get some downtime. Downtime for musicians of this caliber, however, meant constant jamming blues, blues and more blues powered by cocaine Mandrex in some sort of deep seated heartache that was propelling Eric Clapton. When George Harrison called Eric Clapton to come down to Abbey Road to play on his new album, Eric showed up with a fully formed band, spoiling for recession. And they did not disappoint. All Things Must Pass was the first Ex Beatle record to fully connect with audiences, allowing George to step out of the shadow of John Lennon and Paul McCartney in the process. All Things Must Pass sat atop the charts in the US for seven weeks and in the UK for eight weeks, far outselling McCartney and John Lennon. Plastic Ono Band, the first LP solo efforts by his former bandmates. Eric Clapton couldn't ignore the power of the band. They quickly played a show, a benefit they were asked to contribute to, and they needed a name. Someone suggested maybe it was George, and who the hell knows why, at literally the last minute, like moments before they were to go on stage, that they call themselves Derek and the Dominoes sounded good enough to them. So Eric Clapton's new band was born and Jim Gordon was in a group, Derek and the Dominoes. And on stage, not in the studio listening to the voices in his headphones, but instead to that voice in his head, the one that told him he could do better. Jim, you can always do better. But it was hard for Jim Gordon to do better. He was literally the best. Try finding a rock Drummer up until 1970 that played with more groups of consequence than Jim Gordon and you'll be looking for a long time because there simply isn't one. Jim Gordon's list of credits is long and mighty impressive. By the time he had hooked up with Eric Clapton, he had already drummed for the Everly Brothers, the Righteous Brothers, the Byrds on the Notorious Bird Brothers, Judy Collins, Gordon Lightfoot, Glen Campbell on Wichita Lineman, the Beach Boys on Pet Sounds, and the list went on. In the future, he'd perform with Joe Cocker, Dave Mason, Traffic, Frank Zappa, Steely Dan, Alice Cooper, and on Carly Simon's yous're so Vain, and on John Lennon's Imagine. To give you some idea of how prevalent Jim Gordon was as a working professional drummer, you know that amazing scene from Martin Scorsese's Goodfellas, the one where Ray Liotta's character Henry Hill is coked out of his mind and paranoid, trying to outrun run helicopters. The one with the incredible musical montage with back to back to back bangers heightening the intensity of what is probably the greatest film of all time. Songs like the All Things Must Pass track what Is Life By George Harrison and Harry Nilsson's Jump into the Fire, which is used three times, climaxing in Jim Gordon's drum solo just as Henry Hill is about to be arrested. Of the eight music cues in that montage, Jim Gordon plays on half of them. To give you some some idea of how influential Jim Gordon was as a drummer. That's him playing on the incredible bongo bands Apache. You know the song. Even if you don't know the song right now, trust me, you know the song because more than 700 hip hop songs have sampled it. Because of Jim Gordon's incredible drumming. Beginning in 1981 with the Sugarhill Gang in their hit also called Apache. Grandmaster Flash, LL Cool J, Nos, Aphex Twin, Missy Elliott, Kanye west and Jay Z. And Cool Herc himself, who called it, quote, the national anthem of hip hop music in oh yeah. Drummer Jim Gordon co wrote Eric Clapton's most recognizable hit, Derek and the Dominoes. Layla.
- [18:49]
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- [19:18]
Ryan Reynolds
Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday. Because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means half day. Yeah, give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront.
- [19:41]
Jake Brennan
Payment of $45 for a three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow 135 gigabytes of networks busy taxes and fees extra. See mint mobile.com welcome to our ugly home.
- [19:50]
HGTV Show Promoter
Reddit is back for a historically hideous season.
- [19:54]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
It's our 100th ugly house.
- [19:56]
Jake Brennan
This place is mayhem. That is impressive.
- [20:00]
HGTV Show Promoter
And if these walls could could talk.
- [20:02]
Jake Brennan
Do you cry a lot? I do.
- [20:05]
HGTV Show Promoter
They'd have a lot to say.
- [20:07]
Jake Brennan
What in God's name is this pit? Don't get too close.
- [20:11]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
No, you've seen the show.
- [20:12]
HGTV Show Promoter
I'm scared of Cat Ugliest house in America Season Premiere Wednesday, January 7th at 8 on HGTV.
- [20:19]
Jake Brennan
Christmas morning rabbit hunting was a tradition in Germantown, NC. Which is in part why Charles Lawson sent his oldest son, 16 year old Arthur, into town to purchase shotgun shells. The other reason was that he didn't want Arthur around. The voices in his head warned him that Arthur, being big for 16 and bigger now than his father, Charles, might stop him from doing what needed to be done. When the shots rang out from Charles's shotgun, the ones that he fired to kill his two daughters, Carrie and Mabel, they were heard. But no one, not Charles's neighbors, not the rest of his family in his home, thought anything of the sound of gunfire. This was, after all, Christmas morning. This was Germantown and this was Stokes county, which meant rabbits were being hunted and shot for sport. With shotguns blasting from all over from Winston Salem to the county seat in Danbury, the sound of gunfire on that particular morning was not a surprise. In fact, it was to be expected. The sounds of screaming children, on the other hand, that wasn't to be expected. Which is why Charles Lawson shot his daughters before bludgeoning them out in the field where Their prone bodies lay partially submerged in deep, freshly fallen snow. Charles Lawson gazed down at his dead daughters, and for a moment there was quiet. At long last, no voices, no gunshots, just the wind quietly moving across the field, gently sifting the top level of snow, but then burbling up from somewhere deep inside, rushing forward into his consciousness like a gathering storm. A tornado of whispers turned to a violent vortex of demands, and the voices all said one finish them. Charles pounced, straddling Carrie's body. He raised his fist and pummeled, bashing her young face until it was unrecognizable. But when he was done, he moved over to Maybelle and did the same. And then he grabbed both girls by the collars, one in each arm, and dragged their bodies toward the tobacco barn. The voices were quieter, but no less insistent. Finish them. Charles moved on from the tobacco farm toward the house, shotgun in hand, trudging heavily through the snow. His wife, Fanny, was was on their porch. She saw Charles walking toward her. Immediately she knew something was very wrong. His gait was all off. His head was hung low, chin down, pressed to his chest, his eyes pitched up to his brow, his shoulders hunched. He was lumbering. He was determined. He was all menace. The shotgun at his side was not a good sign. Fanny feared the worst. Charles saw the look, the recognition, the fucking judgment. Her eyes and the voices wouldn't allow it. Charles raised his shotgun, took quick aim, and blasted his wife away with one shot. Immediately, with the sound of the shotgun from such close range, Charles Lawson's daughter Marie, from inside the house, let out a violent scream. Miami, 1970 Criteria Studios Derek and the Dominoes were stuck. The blast of brief inspiration provided by the recent studio edition of Allman Brothers guitarist, the sublime bluesman Duane Allman had momentarily come to a halt. The drugs had taken over. Cocaine, loads of it, and even more heroin. The band simply did not stop. Eric Clapton was lower than he'd ever been. He was completely and totally hung up on the wife of his best friend, George Harrison, and Patty Boyd. Harrison wasn't having it. The heartache was all consuming for Eric. He attempted to outrun it through his playing. When the inspiration dried up or plain old fatigue set in, the only plan B was drugs. And In Miami in 1970, the kind of drugs, adult drugs, that Eric Clapton needed, were plentiful. When he didn't have a guitar in hand, he chopped up lines and leaned into into the switchblade shoved under his nose, snorting cocaine and heroin. And then, of course, he and the rest of his Band would nod out, music making would stop the promise. Derek and the dominoes displayed in the studio with George Harrison had become a mess of drug induced false starts, brought to life momentarily by the outside influence of Dwayne Allman, who at the moment was losing to his own demons like the rest of the band. And to this point they'd actually made decentralized progress on a blistering new track. Of course, another send up of unrequited love to Patty Harrison, this one based on a book by the Persian poet Nizami called the Story of Layla and Majnum. It is of course a tragic love story where the protagonist Majnum is destined to a loveless life of solitude after having been spurned by the love of his life, Layla. Needless to say, Eric Clapton could relate to and Duane Allman could relate to Eric Clapton. As guitar players, they were instant soulmates. Eric was introduced to Duane by producer Tom Dowd in Miami at an Allman Brothers concert. Duane was soon after hurried to Criteria Studios to jam. The connection between the two guitarists was instant, inspiring and indelible. Duane effortlessly drove Eric's already stellar playing to new heights and set Eric off deeper into the depths of his depression to mind for lyrics that were raw and undeniably real. The story of Leila and Majnum paired with Duane Allman's unforgettable seven note riff and stellar bottleneck slide playing became Eric Clapton's most memorable pop hit. Layla. Half of it anyway, in a separate room away from his bandmates who were at the moment funked out on the floor, nodded off after running into a wall with Layla, unable to finish the song to bring it home, to make it anything more than a three minute verse, chorus, verse, romp with soaring slide guitar. Derek and the Domino's drummer Jim Gordon was sitting at a piano. The riff he was playing was a melody he and his ex girlfriend Rita Coolidge used to mess with up in the John Garfield guest house they stayed at in Hollywood. It was moody, dramatic. Rita used to hum it and then play it on the upright in the guest house. It was an earworm of the highest magnitude in the best possible way. Jim taught himself the chords on the piano and added to the progression in melody and was now secretly off recording it in the studio's B room for what he hoped would be his solo record while the rest of his drugged out bandmates slept off their dough pies. Those piano notes rang out. Eric Clapton heard them. He discovered his drummer at the piano. What he wanted to know was this. Jim Gordon told him it was his. It was going on his record. This riff, this melody, this piece was too good for any sideman. Hustle. Eric Clapton wanted the piano piece. He needed it. He made Jim play it for Duane Allman. Dwayne nodded in agreement with Eric and called in producer Tom Dowd, whose jaw hit the floor. The rest of the band agreed. They needed this piece. Jim didn't want to give it up. The band pleaded. It was the missing piece, the piece of music that would complete Layla. The piece of music that would make the song better. You can do better, Jim. That's what the voices always said. And they were right. He knew it, so he gave the piece up. Derek and the Dominoes quickly recorded Jim Gordon's and his ex girlfriend's majestic melody on piano as the coda to Layla. Jim plinked out the notes. Keyboardist Bobby Whitlock recorded his own track to steady the ship. Eric Clapton and Duane Allman went to work applying their dual guitar genius over the heavy emotional melody. What they came up with is as close to symphonic as rock instrumentation can get. The finished piece directly resembles the heartbreaking emotion at the core of Eric Clapton's lyrics. The song Layla, now with Jim Gordon's piano contribution, is, in a word, a masterpiece. Jim Gordon allowed himself a moment of satisfaction upon listening to the playback of Layla. Despite all this success to that point, he couldn't actually believe where he was at, what he was accomplishing. This was different. This wasn't just drumming. This was composing. Conducting a symphony with God himself, Eric Clapton and his disciple, Duane Allman. But deep down, Jim Gordon heard the whispers. He knew he wasn't done and they wouldn't let him finish. There was more for him to do. And the voices kept telling him, you can do better.
- [29:04]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
We'll be right back after this.
- [29:06]
Ryan Reynolds
Word, word, word.
- [29:11]
HGTV Show Promoter
On January 9, Greenland 2 is making an impact across the globe. Audiences rave. It's deeply emotional and better than the first. You'll be holding your breath from start to finish.
- [29:23]
Jake Brennan
On to something.
- [29:24]
HGTV Show Promoter
Migration Rated PG 13 Want a secret.
- [29:27]
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- [29:57]
Blue Apron Advertiser
This episode is brought to you by McAfee.
- [30:00]
TikTok Advertiser
I got a message that our flight was canceled, but they can put us.
- [30:05]
Jake Brennan
On another flight and we just need.
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TikTok Advertiser
To confirm our credit card info.
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Jake Brennan
Wait.
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Blue Apron Advertiser
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Jake Brennan
It flagged that message as a scam.
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- [30:31]
Jake Brennan
The scream from Marie, Charles Lawson's daughter, cut through the tiny farmhouse. Her two younger brothers, James and Raymond, darted off to hide. Within seconds, their deranged father burst through the front door. Marie took one look at him and knew this was it. She was all too familiar with what her father, Charles Lawson, was capable of. Charles stood in the front of the doorway, frozen, his eyes fixed on his oldest, prettiest daughter. He clenched his lips, focused his eyes, waited for her to say something, waited for further instruction. Marie accepted what was about to happen. She put one hand on the bottom of her belly, breathed a sigh of relief. And there would be no more pain, no more shame, loosened suddenly from these constantly oppressive twin emotions. Marie's body slackened as she began to walk, to almost saunter slowly toward her father, who stood stone still like a rabbit out in the field, caught in the sights of its hunter, frozen briefly before making its next move. Marie's approach taunted Charles, like most everything his attractive 17 year old daughter did. And then the voices did what they always did. They rose up quick from within their host and gave Charles that familiar party line. Do it. Charles quickly raised his shotgun and fired a round off into Marie at close range. After the shot echoed out, Charles heard the whimpering. He quickly located his two hiding sons, James and Martin Raymond, and pumped one bowl into each of them. Then he heard the crying Mary Lou, his lone surviving daughter, just four months old. The voices in his head had gathered again and they were screaming and following the lead of the loudest voice among them, the voice of a stern, domineering, judgmental woman. No loose ends. Finish the job. Be better. Charles Lawson murdered his baby girl on cross Christmas morning with his bare hands. Be better. Be better. Be better. It was all Charles Lawson heard. Five decades later, it was all Jim Gordon heard too. The voice of Jim's mother was in his head. His mother, who by all accounts was a loving mother, a maternity ward nurse who along with his father, an accountant, raised Jim in Sherman Oaks, California, and what was an upper middle class upbringing. Her son, Jim Gordon, Drummer For Eric Clapton's early 70s disappearing act, Derek and the Dominoes, perhaps the greatest living professional drummer on the planet at the time, was caught in the grip of drug and alcohol abuse and undiagnosed Schizophrenia and fast spinning out of control. Just like the wheels on Duane Allman's 1970 Harley Davidson Sportster spinning out of control down Macon George's Hillcrest Avenue. Duane's head was spinning too. Freedom was in the southern boy's DNA, which meant he was not averse to rolling his powerful Harley down the highway exactly as he wanted, at whatever speed he wanted, cruising down the road, his long hair trailing behind him, off into a blessed musical future, one that Duane Allman's youth and immense talent all but guaranteed. Eric Clapton's one time domino, Jim Gordon's one time bandmate, had little to worry about. And then the flatbed semi tractor trailer up ahead stopped suddenly as it took a wide turn. Duane, on his Sportster moving at top speed, swerved to avoid hitting the truck. But his reaction came too late. He hit the semi and was thrown from his bike. And the momentum rocketed his body down the paved highway. And the bike rocketed into the air upon impact with the truck. And when it came down, it came down hard on top of Duane. The force and momentum of the bike dragged Duane underneath it on the pavement for a full 50ft before coming to a stop. Duane Allman died later that evening at Middle Georgia Hospital of massive internal damage to his heart, liver and other organs from a collapsed chest. Upon hearing the news, Jim Gordon was sunk. Derek and the Dominoes had broken up earlier that year in 1971, but who was to say it was final? Jim half expected a reunion, but with Duane Allman, their part time lightning rod of true blues inspiration now gone, and Eric Clapton's drug, alcohol and heartbreak freefall now speeded by grief over Dwayne's loss, any hopes of a reunion quickly faded. Jim Gordon, drummer for Derek and the Dominoes, co writer of God's Coda, Eric Clapton's Layla, was sunk. He quickly spiraled into his own drug and alcohol funk. He tried playing through it on sessions with Jackson Brown, but by the time Bob Dylan came calling, Jim was in too rough a shape and had to pass. Throughout the 70s, Jim's behavior grew increasingly erratic. And for the first time in his professional life, life, the steadiness of his gig started to slip. But the voices never dropped the beat. The voices were steady, the voices got loud. The drugs and alcohol helped drown them out. Jim graduated from snorting heroin to shooting heroin. It was self medication for the undiagnosed schizophrenic because the voices were becoming unbearable. One in particular with every day grew louder, more persistent, more insistent. It was a familiar voice. The Voice of his mother imploring him to always be better. But how could he? He tried that. He'd done that. There was no one better by any quantifiable standard. Jim Gordon was the best at his chosen profession, rock drummer. But his mother's voice in his head gave him no quarter, no credit, no relief. Day and night. Be better. Be better. Be better. Better. Be better. Something. Someone had to make the voice stop. By the time Stokes county authorities had found the bodies, Charles Lawson was long gone. But not before he had arranged the bodies of the Lawson children and their mother neatly within the blood soaked walls of the family home. Charles placed them gently on the floor, taking care to cross their arms, and propped their heads up for eternal comfort by placing large rocks from his tobacco barn under their heads. Once the coda to the Christmas massacre was near complete, Charles Lawson set out to the woods. He stopped at a nearby creek to wash the blood from his hands. Clean hands were better than bloody hands. And there was always room to be better. The source of his shame was now gone. His 17 year old daughter was would taunt him no more. His other children would whisper about him no more. His judgmental wife would judge him no more. And the voices were at long last quiet. Charles Lawson paced around the poplar tree, satisfied now that he was free of the voices. And he sat down on the wooded ground and propped himself up against the poplar's trunk. He turned his shotgun toward his face, reached down and pulled the trigger. 53 years later, Jim Gordon, like Charles Lawson, had reached the end of his rope. Unlike Charles Lawson, Jim Gordon had no family. He had driven away two wives and a daughter with his career and then his erratic behavior. He wasn't close with his older sibling and his father had died in 1973. Throughout his life, music, music, not family, centered him. The sessions, the tours, and even his brief stint in a band in Eric Clapton's Derek and the Dominoes. But now all of that was gone. Jim's state of mind was too shot to perform consistently, to work with others, and his addiction to alcohol and drugs too consuming. By the time 1983 rolled around, all Jim Gordon had was his 72 year old mother. Mother. Jim's mother worried about her son and cared for him, helping him kick drugs and alcohol at various times. But Jim would always find his way back to his addictions. And then the voices would get real loud, admonishing him for his vices, guilting him for squandering his talent, taunting him for his inability to live a normal life, pushing him Always to do the impossible. To do what he'd been trying to do his whole life. To do what he knew he could not do. Be better. Destined to fail. The shame of it was unbearable. The voices, all of them a chorus of disapproval inside of his head, were conducted by the voice of his mother. The woman who in reality took care of him, who worried about him, who helped him get on the wagon when he tried to stop the drinking and drugs. Who visited him those times when he checked himself into the hospital for when the voices were too much. His mother was the only one left in the world who actually cared about Jim Gordon. But that was reality. In his head, Jim Gordon knew there was no reality where he could actually be better. So his mother needed to be silenced. She wouldn't stop. She wouldn't shut the fuck up. She wanted to control him. She wanted to own him. She wanted him to be something he wasn't. Didn't she know he was a real rock and roller and outlaw of free spirit? There was no controlling him. There was no owning him. There was no making him be better. He was the best. He was Jim Gordon. And he had finally snapped. On June 1, 1983, Jim Gordon's mother answered her telephone. On the other end was her son. He told her, you're bugging me again. I'm going to kill you. Despite the warning, when Jim showed up at her apartment, his 72 year old mother opened the door to let him in. Most likely to calm him down. To do what mothers do for their children. To take care of him. But there was no taking care of Jim Gordon. Like Charles Lawson, the voices were in control. The voices in Charles head had told him to kill. But Jim was at war with the voices in his head. When his mother opened her apartment door, her son brought a hammer down onto her head and bashed her skull open. He then grabbed a butcher's knife and savagely stabbed her violently, ending her life. The neighbors could hear her screaming. And the voices in Jim Gordon's head had gone silent. For a moment anyway. But they'd be back. Jim Gordon, murderer, undiagnosed schizophrenic. One of the best drummers of all time. Drummer for Eric Clapton. Stark in the Dominoes. Now spends his days rehearsing with the inmate band in California's State Prison medical facility. Because one can always be better. I'm Jake Brennan and this is Disgrace. Disgraceland was created by yours truly and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. Credits for this episode can be found on the show notes page@gracelandpod.com if you're.
- [42:16]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Listening as a Disgraceland All Access member.
- [42:19]
Jake Brennan
Thank you for supporting the show.
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Podcast Host/Advertiser
We really appreciate it. And if not, you can become a member right now by going to Disgracelandpod.com.
- [42:27]
Jake Brennan
Membership members can listen to every episode.
- [42:30]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
Of Disgraceland ad free. Plus you'll get one brand new exclusive episode every month, weekly unscripted bonus episodes, special audio collections, and early access to merchandise and events. Visit disgracelandpod.com membership for details, rate and review the show and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook and on.
- [42:52]
Jake Brennan
YouTube@YouTube.com Disgracelandpod Rocka Rolla.
- [42:59]
Podcast Host/Advertiser
He's a bad, bad man.
- [43:04]
Jake Brennan
And Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
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Podcast Host/Advertiser
Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us.
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Jake Brennan
Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.
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HGTV Show Promoter
Excludes Massachusetts.