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DISGRACELAND
Merle Haggard (Pt. 2): Surviving Christmas, Cosmic American Aliens, and Cocaine Clarity
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Foreign double Elvis. Heading up to Boston in a couple weeks for the holidays. See my family. Happy to report that I will be rocking my responsible down hooded parka from Quince. This is the perfect parka for that whipping winter wind. It's going to keep the cold weather off me. It's going to keep me nice and cozy, going to give me those holiday vibes to take care of me while I'm in New England. And I'm going to look good while I'm doing it. You know, I didn't have to take out a loan to buy this parka like you do with some other parkas because as I've been saying to you guys, Quint's pieces are crafted from premium materials and built to hold up without the luxury markup. Now, I'm one of these guys who historically spends days, weeks, months looking for a winter jacket. I don't know why it feels like such a commitment to me. Like I'm going to buy a winter jacket and then I'm not going to buy a winter jacket for a couple years. 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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com Disgraceland free shipping and 365 day returns quints.com Disgraceland holidays are coming up and who among us can't relate to, you know, you get super busy and you go into the holidays and you're, you're being healthy, you've got, you know, you're exercising, you're eating right, you're, you're taking whatever you need to take to give yourself the right, right balance and boost and then it just kind of all starts to fall apart. You know, the holiday parties start. There's all this, you know, food that wasn't available before. You're busier, so you're not exercising as much. For me, the first thing to go is the task of having to mix together some sort of shake that's gonna make me feel better with, you know, powders and all. Forget that ain't happening. If you haven't heard me talk about Groons before, there's a reason I. I'm such a fan. Groons are a convenient, comprehensive formula packed into a snack pack of gummies per day. Okay? This isn't just a multivitamin. It's not a greens, gummy or prebiotic. It's all of those things and then some at a fraction of the price. And bonus, it tastes great. Again, I'm not having to mix anything up. I'm not having to really add anything else to my day. I just grab one of these packs and I'm good to go. And it's a daily snack pack of gummies because you can't fit the amount of nutrients that Groons offers into just one gummy. Plus, it's like this cool little treat that I've got. You know, I don't feel guilty about it in any way. Groons is vegan, nut free, gluten free, dairy free, no artificial colors, no artificial flavors, 6 grams of prebiotic fiber, which is three times the amount of dietary fiber compared to the lean greens powders, and more than two cups of broccoli. So if you don't want to eat your broccoli, guys, get with the groons. My routine is simple. I grab my pack of groons after lunch every day. If I miss the gym that day, if I eat like crap that day, whatever the issue, I've got my groons, got my gummies. I know they're going to taste great, super convenient. And for me, I swear I look better when I'm taking my groons. I feel vital. My gut health is in shape. I've got energy. It's helping me with immunity recovery. Groons ingredients are backed by over 35,000 research publications. So you don't have to take just my word for it. Get up to 52% off with code DISGRACELAND at GROONS CO. That's code DISGRACELAND at G R U N S DOT CO. Guys, it's the silly season right now, the holidays. I'm spending way too much money spending money on travel, spending money on gifts, spending money on alcohol and food, and just way more than I normally spend. And I'm sure that you guys can relate. It's easy to lose sight of your money and financial responsibility during this time of year. So if you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season, you need to be using Monarch rated Wall Street Journal's Best Budgeting App of 2025, Monarch is the all in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your laptop or your phone. And right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year. We are just at the beginning of the holiday season. I've already used Monarch to successfully help me rein in mine and my wife's spending. But I can see everything clearly and cleanly with the Monarch interface. And I can align what I'm spending on holiday gifts against my regular monthly expenses, my savings. I can see everything. It's your own little financial Millennium Falcon. You're just sitting there in control. The last thing I want to do is be digging out of a financial hole at the beginning of the new year. That is not something I want. So Monarch is helping me keep it tight. Monarch is built for people like me, for people like you with busy lives. Monarch is going to link all of your accounts in minutes. You're going to get clear data, visuals, smart categorization of your spending. Like I said, in real control over your money. No messing around with spreadsheets, okay? Don't leave money on the table. When you're making good money, it's easy to get complacent. Monarch is going to help you stay informed so nothing slips through the cracks. Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks, guys. Use code disgraceland@monarch.com in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first. First year@monarch.com with code disgraceland. Disgraceland is a production of Double Elvis. This is a story about survival. It's about a branded man with a guitar in one hand and a pistol in the other. About a joke that was taken seriously and a country poet whose sense of humor was taken the wrong way. A story about death threats and unexpected pardons. And it's also a story about losers. About houseboats and hedonism, cocaine and come to Jesus, clarity. It's about wanting a girl named Dolly and needing a guy named Willie. And about a friend who didn't make it through the night. This is a story about Merle Haggard. So of course it's about great music. Some of the greatest, most authentic country music of all time. Unlike that clip I played for you at the top of the show, that wasn't great music. That was a preset loop from my melotron called Love Boat Blues Mk 2. I played you that loop because I can't afford the rights to Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips. And why would I play you that specific slice of that nitty gritty Red Eyed cheese? Could I afford it? Because that was the number one song in America on October 27, 1973. And that was the day that Merle Haggard released if We Make It Through December. An unorthodox Christmas song on an otherwise unorthodox Christmas album. A song that would become his 16th single to climb to the top of the country charts. And a song whose bleak outlook would soon come dangerously close to mirroring Merle's own life on this, a special two part episode. Cocaine Pistols, Death Threats, Houseboats, Hedonists and Merle Haggard. I'm Jake Brennan and this is Disgrace. Graham Parsons is a pussy. Merle Haggard was pissed off. He paced angrily around his room at the Los Angeles Holiday Inn, his dark sunglasses barely masking the rage that was burning behind them. He was pissed that this kid, this flying burrito bird or whatever the hell he was, this Graham Parsons, was too drunk to meet and finalize the paperwork for Merle to produce his debut solo album. But he was equally upset at himself. He'd been had duped into thinking that the kid was the real deal, an authentic country star in the making. And furthermore, the idea that through some kind of musical osmosis, Merle taking Graham under his wing and all that, that somehow Merle could bridge the gap between his own traditional country audience and the longhairs. But Graham was green and Graham couldn't hold his liquor. Graham in Merle's eyes, was not a serious person. And Merle Haggard took this shit very seriously. Sure, bottoms up. Smoke em if you got em. But you gotta be able to tie one on and still make the meeting on time. There would be no Graham Parsons record produced by Merle Haggard. And you can be sure that as soon as word reached Graham over in his room at the Roosevelt Hotel, Merle's ears would start booming as that 20 something cosmic cowboy called 35 year old Merle every name under the sun. A lot of people have called Merle Haggard a lot of things. Bob Dylan once said that Merle was Shakespeare in cowboy boots. Chris Kristofferson called him the poet of the common man. And Merle himself said he was the guy who stood up for the people who didn't have the nerve to stand up for themselves. The losers, as he put it. And when it came to losers, it took one to know one. Merle had done the loser thing when he was younger. He'd even done hard time at San Quentin. So a year or so after the Snafu with Graham Parsons In 1973, when Merle set out to write a song for a new Christmas album, Murrell wasn't thinking about sugar plums and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Instead, he chose to write about a loser, a guy who'd been laid off around the holidays and couldn't afford to provide for his family during what was supposed to be the happiest month of the year. If We Make It Through December became Merle's 16th number one country single in just seven years time. Because Merle Haggard was no longer the losing kind. At least not when it came to the Billboard country charts. Just like he was no longer an outlaw, thanks to future United States President and current governor of California, Ronald Reagan, who had issued Murl a full pardon for the crimes of his youth. But although Reagan had wiped his slate clean, Merle Haggard was still a branded man. Because Merle Haggard found himself squarely in the crosshairs of the American counterculture. The young folks of the new generation, who at the dawn of the 1970s, were equating Merle's Bakersfield sound with the sound of authority and conformity. Thanks to one of those number one singles of his, the song Okie from Mesc. Muskogee, Okie from Muskogee is one of the most notorious entries in the annals of country music. In it, Merle sings about how they don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee or take trips on lsd. That the men keep their hair short and salute the flag and respect authority. Keep in mind, this was released in 1969, one month after Woodstock. It was embraced by the conservative old guard who kept it at the top of the coast country chart for four straight weeks. But to the so called hippies, it sounded like the first shot across the bow. The ironic thing here is that I think Merle wrote the song as a joke. Just because Merle wrote it and sang it doesn't mean that Merle agreed 100% with the sentiments therein. I mean, this is songwriting 101. But if he's joking, that didn't stop the hippies that the song seemed to vilify from coming after Merle. A horde of them tried to topple his tour bus while he and his family were inside and they wanted to kill him. And there were death threats even deep in country music. Country. Merle Haggard was living that branded man life that he sang about. Every night Merle walked on stage, his butterscotch Telecaster hanging from his shoulder, and a cigarette burning between his fingers. The thunderous applause from the crowd didn't make him feel completely safe. Not here, not in the great state of Texas, not even with his band, the strangers standing up there with him, his songs had made him a lightning rod, and now he feared he could be struck down at any time. He smiled, waved to the crowd, and then turned to look directly behind him. There, just as he'd asked satisfaction, someone from the Rogue crew had placed his tall stool, which had his name engraved on the back. And on top of the stool, also as requested, was his loaded pistol. Seeing the gun calmed him a bit, seeing the gun clawed back at that feeling he got at times like these, a feeling that he was back in San Quentin. Damp floor, rusted steel, the walls closing in, it made him feel like he could keep the crazies at bay. But whether it was some Haight Ashbury loon who wanted his head on a stick or on the flip side, the segregationist presidential candidate George Wallace, or the grand wizard of the fucking kkk, David Duke, who were gravely mistaken when they came calling thinking that Merle was a friend, all of these people had profoundly misinterpreted Okey from Muskokee, just like his buddy Ronald Reagan would misinterpret Born in the USA about a decade later. But I digress. Knowing that the pistol was safely laying there on the stool, hidden in the shadows, Merle was able to pull it together. The fear melted away. He turned to face the audience and took a step forward to the microphone and said, okay, whoever sent me the death threat, come on. And then he motioned to the strangers, counted off the intro and launched into his 1968 hit Mama Tried. It was very likely that Mama Tried was also being performed that very same night somewhere in the US or the UK by the Grateful Dead, who had been including it in their live sets for years. The Dead's Bob Weir was one of the few in the counterculture to get the joke. To know that Merle's true intent with Okie from Muskogee was not to draw a line in the sand, but to simply poke through fun at the divide. Ditto the green Gram Parsons, who would get the Byrdes to cover Merle's life in prison on their excellent 1968 album Sweetheart of the Rodeo. But this was late 1973, which meant that Graham Parsons, who never got to make a record with his hero, was dead. And Merle, with if We Make It Through December now creeping into the top third of the Billboard Hot 100, was pushing past all that Okie paranoia and cementing his reputation as country music's Shakespeare. It was a reputation that wasn't so easily won. First, Merle Haggard had to navigate his way through multiple divorces, potential financial ruin, and a whirlwind romance with drugs that would make one of them Muskogee boys blush. Merle Haggard had to stop himself and become a d. Just another loser. You know what time of year it is? It's the holidays. You get a bunch of packages sent to your house, they're piling up outside. You had a lot of people hanging out in your neighborhood, coming and going, dropping stuff. You know what's happening out there, people taking your stuff. Well, these are things that I don't worry about because I have Simplisafe. I always used to think about home security the same way that I think about insurance. You know, you hope you never need it, but when you do, you hope it works, right? And honestly, if you could stop someone from not only stealing the packages off of your porch, if you could stop them from breaking in before they even got inside, why wouldn't you? Most old school security systems only go off after someone's already in your place. And that's too late. That's why I use Simplisafe. And you should too. It's proactive. Okay? Simplisafe stops the crimes before they start. Simplisafe has the first AI powered cameras to spot potential threats outside. And then live agents are going to step in, they're going to talk to the person through the camera. You don't have to do it. It's not on you. But that potential thief is going to know that they're on video and that the cops are being dispatched. And then they're going to split and you can go back to having a great holiday. I love how easy Simplisafe was to set up, how reliable the monitoring is, and how much peace of mind it gives me when I am away. When I'm going to be traveling for the holidays, I'm not going to have to worry about anything. I use Simplisafe and you should too. This month only take 50% off any new system. This is one of the best prices you will ever see for Simplisafe. Do not miss it. Hit simplisafe.com DisgracePod Again, that's simplisafe.com Disgracepod and lock in your discount. There's no safe like Simplisafe. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day. Yeah, give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy taxes and fees extra. See mint mobile.com TikTok for business is helping owners like you reach new customers every day. We saw up to a 10x return on our TikTok shop ads a few years ago. I started sharing my love for fashion on social media media and Willow Boutique was born. We're not just a place to shop, we've really become a community. TikTok allows us to find more people to have that great experience. I cannot imagine my business without TikTok. It's completely changed my life and I could not be happier. Head over to get started.TikTok.com TikTokapps Freddie Powers emerged from his houseboat with a can of beer in his hand and his own poodle, Grandma by his side. She had to grow into that name over the years, and only now, toothless, half blind and with a tongue that hung out of the side of her mouth, did Grandma truly fit her. Just like Lake Shasta here in Northern California now. Truly fit Freddy Shasta was not Reno. Reno was Penthouse Sweets and playing in the house band at the casino, knocking back Cuddy Sark with wise guys like Frank LeFlow Rosenthal and Tony the Ant Spilotro. Reno is TNA 247 here on the lake in Northern California. Life for Freddy Powers was pretty much the same as it had been in the city. Now, however, he had vistas and horizons to look at. Not to mention that big beautiful sky painted by the big man upstairs night after night. On this particular evening, the sun set in dramatic fashion, streaks of red and orange that he couldn't help but look at all dumbfounded like just as Grandma's drooling face was looking at it now. But just because he was no longer in the biggest little city in the world didn't mean that Freddy didn't party any longer. On the contrary, it was then that he heard the familiar sound of women laughing, giggling, teeheeing, accompanied by their excitable footsteps coming down the dock. It was Wednesday night, and like every Wednesday night, once the nearby nightclub shut down, the crowd made their way here to the three story houseboat docked right next to Freddy's. The houseboat that belonged to none other than his songwriting partner, Merle Haggard. And it was on that boat that Merle and Freddie hosted Lake Shasta's most popular weekly event, the wet T shirt contest. It was 1981, the same year that Merle Haggard, at 44 years old, began smoking weed on his doctor's recommendation, even though a lyric from one of his new songs that year longed for a time when, quote, a joint was just a bad place to be. But Merle the man, not Merle the guy in the song was riding high. And I'm talking about more than the stuff they turned their noses up at in Muskogee. Merle was also riding high on the kind of music career that most could only dream of. He just scored his 27th no. 1 one country single in 15 years with the title track to his most excellent album, Big City. The record was produced by his good friend Louis Talley, one of the first to take a chance on Merle, way back when he was nothing but an ex con with a guitar and a laundry list of offenses. These days, Lewis wasn't just Merle's producer and close confidant. He was the guy in charge of spraying the chests of young women with water every Wednesday night on Murrell's houseboat. Merle had moved up north from Bakersfield to a ranch house in nearby Reading a few years prior, but these days he spent most of his time living on the lake. He'd invested some of that country music money in the Silverthorne Resort, a marina there on Lake Shasta that had been a bait shop, a restaurant and a nightclub. They said it was a risky financial move, but then Merle had been taking risks ever since the first time he hopped a train bound for nowhere. Back when he was just a kid, everything he did was a risk. Like that one time when he walked into Hurrahs in Reno and immediately lost over 100 grand gambling while Freddy's old friends Tony the Ant and Lefty Rosenthal sucked down Paul Mall somewhere in the shadows. But when he went on a tour with Dolly parton back in 1974, I mean, have you seen any photos of Dolly Parton in 1974? She was Marilyn Monroe with a guitar. Quote, Merle. He knew the risk he was taking when he asked her to tour with him. He knew better. Just one year earlier, he was working on a song about Dolly called Always Wanting you. He finished writing it at three in the morning and then called her right then. Woke Dolly up. Woke up Dolly's husband, too. While Merle's own Wife Bonnie was sleeping next to Merle in their bed so that Merle could sing the song he just wrote for Dolly over the phone, a song called Always Wanting youg. Merle Haggard just shooting his shot in the middle of the night. Like he and Dolly were the only two people in the world. So you won't be surprised to learn that Merle pursued Dolly so much that she eventually left the tour early. Nor will you be surprised to know that it wasn't long before Bonnie, who was Merle's second wife, left him and took the kids, the ones from his first marriage, the ones that Bonnie helped take care of. However, you might be surprised to learn that Bonnie was then a bridesmaid in Merle's next marriage, his third, to a woman named Leona. His second. Leona, that is. I know this is super confusing and look, as much as I'm curious how that conversation went down, like, hey, honey, you know who should be in our wedding party? The woman I just divorced. The fact that. The fact of the matter is we just don't have time to get into all that here. Suffice it to say that Merle Haggard had an eye that wandered about as far and wide as his tour bus wandered the lonesome highways of America. Back on Lake Shasta. That roving eye didn't have far to wander just the distance from the Silverthorns nightclub back to Merle's houseboat, which at 18ft wide, was 3ft wider than was legally allowed on the lake and which boasted a lover's lair down in the bottom deck, which is where Merle and Freddie had given a private tour to some of those wet T shirt winners throughout the years. And Merle Haggard led a completely hedonistic lifestyle on Lake Shasta. A lifestyle of weed smoking, beer drinking and routine philandering while simultaneously cashing in on a meat and potatoes rule following above board American male image that made him more money than any table or slot handle ever had in Reno. But it wasn't all winning hands. All these soaking wet women running around his and Freddie's houseboats were now posing a similar threat to Merle's domestic bliss, as Dolly Parton once had. And so it wasn't long before Merle's third marriage ended. Leona no. 2 left and she hired the notorious lawyer Melvin Belly, one time attorney for Mickey Cohen, and Jack Ruby, who was able to get her alimony before the ink was even dry on their divorce papers. So in 1983, Merle was coughing up $25,000 a month to Leona this on top of whatever alimony he was already paying to his first two wives. And then Bonnie, his second wife, announced that she was getting remarried. And for some reason that new piece of information just hit Mercury. Merle like a knife twisted deep into his gut. Merle sat in his houseboat, the clouds gathering outside and the rain just starting to pitter patter on the boat's roof. He'd lost Leona, Bonnie, and Dolly, and he was losing money like water down a wide drain. He was beginning to wonder if his Christmas song, if We Make It Through December, had suddenly and unexpectedly become relevant to his personal life. Losing money, losing women, losing face. These were all familiar pains, pains he once thought he wouldn't have to experience again. But here he was just plain losing. And losing sucked. He needed somehow to dull the hurt, the regret. The wacky tobacco he was so fond of these days wasn't going to do the trick. Not even close. So Merle Haggard withdrew $2,000 from his bank account and got himself as much cocaine as that amount of money could buy. And then he found one of those able and willing Lake Shasta girls and took her down below sea level on his houseboat and didn't come up for air for the next five months. We'll be right back after this. Word. Word. Word. Holiday PSA from dsw. This is a reminder that shoes are a gift. Literally. So unwrap something good, like boots that inspire your next big adventure. Or cozy slippers that give you an excuse to stay in. Or sneakers that feel like pure joy. Because shoes aren't just shoes. They're exactly what you wanted. Let us surprise you so you can surprise them. Find shoes that get you and everyone on your list at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or dsw.comkraft Mac and cheese is the best thing ever. It's even better than pop music. You look just as natural enjoying us at age 13 as you do 55. Kraft Mac and Cheese BEST THING Ever this episode is brought to you by McAfee swimsuit passport phone with VPN activated VPN cell phone service is going to be spotty on vacation, so we'll be using public Wi fi. Sounds sketchy. Exactly. The networks can leave your personal info, like credit card numbers exposed to hackers. McAfee's secure VPN lets you browse and bank safely from wherever, whenever. Learn more@mcafee.com Online Protection the White powder that lay at the feet of Merle Haggard was Machu Picchu. It was Kilimanjaro. It was a Mountain of dust that had to be conquered. Step by step, hour by hour, day by day. This was a challenge. It spoke to Merle, taunting him. You man enough to make this all disappear? Just like your money, Just like your wives. Merle Haggard accepted that challenge. He was up to his eyeballs and cocaine. The Lake Shasta chick keeping him company down here in the lovers lair area of his oversized houseboat rolled over in the bed. He grabbed the rolled up dollar bill and did another line. She threw her head back, her wide bloodshot eyes meeting Merle's. They laughed and swayed to the sounds coming from the cassette deck. Lefty Frizzell, Hank Williams, Bob Wills and Willie Nelson. And Johnny Cash. It was Johnny who once sang Let the Cocaine Be. But you know what? Fuck off, Johnny Cash. This stuff worked for Waylon. Besides, Cash had a head full of amphetamines around the clock. So what did he know about it? Merle didn't want to know nothing. He didn't want to contemplate the world or his place in it. If an alien reached down from the sky above and tried to make contact, he wouldn't even notice. Not right now. He just wanted to snort and fuck his way into oblivion. He heard screams of ecstasy coming from Freddy's boat docked next door and figured his good friend was doing the same. But Merle set the pace. Everyone else just locked in with him as the sound of a fiddle and then a pedal steal came crying from the stereo speakers. Merle got a finger full of blow on his digit and rubbed it all over his gums. Pulled back the sheets and jumped into bed. The Lake Shasta girl was writhing around, talking that dirty talk in his ear. He closed his eyes and thought of Dolly Parton. Thought of her breath, hot and sweet, and the bandana in her buoyant blonde hair. The big hoop earrings, the denim shirt, the smile that lay waste to his weak heart. And then everything went black. A few months earlier, in the fall of 1982, Merle Haggard was passed out on his tour bus, which was parked right outside Willie Nelson's recording studio in Pedernales, Texas. He was sleeping like a dead man. He felt like one, too. Merle and Willie have been up for five days and five nights, chasing weed and booze with shots of maple syrup, lemon juice and cayenne pepper. Some yin and yang, like the good would balance out the bad. Or so on the thinking. Merle and Willie were working on a new album together with the legendary producer Chips Moman, best known for his work with Elvis Presley, Tammy Wynette and Bobby Womack. Now, Merle was no stranger to the charts, but he wanted some of that Willie and Chips juice, the kind that had recently sent Willie's cover of Always On My Mind not just to number one on the country chart but to number five on the mainstream Billboard top 100. So Merle and Willie got down to business recording a bunch of each other's songs they did Merle's reason to quit and Willie's half a man and opportunity to cry, among others. But as strong as the material was, Chips didn't hear a hit along the lines of Always on My Mind, which at this point, after being up for five days straight, Merle didn't think he could point out a hit song in a police lineup. Thus he found himself snoring away what was left of the night on the bed inside his big bus. At 4 in the morning, he woke to a loud banging on the bus's door and then more banging, just this incessant knocking that would not quit. Jesus, Merle thought as he peeled his face away from his pillow, his head pounding and the taste of cayenne still burning in the back of his throat. What was waking him up at this hour? He stumbled to the door and threw it open in dramatic fashion. And there was Willie, smiling, stoned, holding a brown paper bag in his hand. On the bag were scribbled the lyrics to a song by another Texas songwriter named Townes Van Zandt, a song called Poncho and Lefty. It was Willie's daughter who had brought the tune to his attention through an Emmylou Harris album, of all things. But God damn Merle, if this isn't the perfect song for the two of us to sing, I don't know what is. Merle rubbed his eyes. That's what this was about? A song? Merle just nodded his head, his eyes half closed, told Willie he'd see him later, and began to shut the door. Willie put his hand up and stopped the door from closing all the way. You don't understand, Willie, willie said. Chips, the band, everybody, they're all set up in the studio waiting for us. We're doing this now, Merle. The next day, as Merle and Willie played a round of golf on Willie's course, Merle couldn't get Pancho and Lefty out of his head. The song was incredible. But the thing was, he had no memory of recording it that previous morning, even though Willie said they had. In fact, Willie said they did it in one take. Oh God, Merle thought, how fucked up was he and how fucked up did he sound on the track? He asked Willie if they could head back to the studio and take one more pass at it. Not possible, Willie responded. Epic Records already has it. Then they love it. When it was released in January 1983, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson's album Poncho and Lefty was hailed by the press as a career highlight for Blue, both artists, it reached number one on the country albums chart and even cracked the top 40 of the pop chart. On the title track especially, Merle Haggard sounded like peak Merle Haggard, which is to say, warm, weathered and laid back, even though Merle couldn't remember singing a word. But peak Merle Haggard, the authentic Merle Haggard, that guy soon became bizarro Merle Haggard. And it happened as 1983 dragged on and he found himself holed up on his houseboat for months on end, making his way through what felt like a bottomless pile of cocaine. For all of his life, Merle felt most at home on the open road. He had to keep moving, going from one town to another, watching America pass him by. It reminded him of his childhood hopping trains, which, despite his many run ins with the law, was a simpler time. A time of absolute freedom. The opposite of freedom was being stuck in one house, one room, the same four walls and roof, all conspiring to close in on you, suffocate you and kill you slowly. That wasn't living out there, somewhere, anywhere. That was living. So down here, in his lover's lair, hidden from the natural beauty of Lake Shasta outside, hidden from his family, his exes, Merle was slowly dying the death of a man deprived of that freedom. One day passed. And then another. And another. And soon Merle realized he'd spent five days straight doing cocaine non stop with a young, hot, naked woman. Woman at his side the entire time. And they hadn't had sex once. Was it Waylon who said this shit would turn his crank? Merle's crank wasn't just not turning, it was broken. It took until the coke ran out for Merle to have this epiphany. But when he did, everything was so clear. Fuck these drugs. Fuck feeling sorry for yourself hidden away in a hole. After five months, Merl Haggard walked up the steps to the main deck of his houseboat and out into the California sunshine and started winning. Hey, guys. Earlier in this episode, I made this tossed off comment about how Merle was so focused on getting wasted that he would even ignore attempted contact by aliens. Well, here's the thing that wasn't exactly Just a tossed off comment. Because not only did Merle Haggar believe in the existence of aliens, he had his own story about an alien encounter. And I want to tell you this story, and I will, but to hear it, you gotta be a member of Disgraceland. All access. Just go to disgraceandpod.com to sign up and hear the rest of that one. All right, now back to our Merle Haggard episode. In the winter of 1985, two years after Merle Haggard swore off cocaine for the first time, Lewis Talley, Merle's old friend, producer, press officer and official T shirt soaker in those notorious Wednesday night contests, led a woman from Silverthorne Bar in Lake Shasta over to Merle's boat. Merle was out of town preparing to launch another tour and he had graciously allowed Lewis to use his boat in his absence. Because as you now well know, if you got to do something that you don't want your husband or wife to know about, you do it in the privacy of Merle Haggard's 18 foot boat, which is exactly the sort of thing Lewis had in mind. On this night, he led the woman below deck and this then, while she was making herself a little more comfortable, Lewis poured the remaining contents of one of Merle's bottles of Smirnoff into some glasses. Next he pulled the ten dollar bill from his pocket and attached it to the side of the empty bottle with a rubber band. Louis didn't take advantage of his friends and he repaid his debts. And then he walked toward the bed and got busy doing the things he came here to do. Only he didn't finish what he started. Because at some point in the evening during this clandestine colonel rendezvous down in Merle Haggard's lover's lair on Merle Haggard's houseboat, Lewis Talley had a heart attack and died. By the time anyone found his body and found the empty bottle of smirnoff with a 10 spot stuck to it, the woman, whoever she was, was long gone. Merle was devastated. And one of the last things Lewis had shared with Merle was a tune by the great country songwriter Blaise Foley called if I Could Only Fly. Lewis told him, merle, if this ain't the best damn song I've heard in about 15 years. So Merle played it at Lewis's funeral and then again on the TV show Nashville. Now the following year, and then 14 years later in the year 2000, when it became the title track of Merle's 50th album, one of the best reviewed albums of his entire career, released when Merle was a clean and sober 63 years old. It wasn't one of Merle's songs, but it sounded like one. It had that deceptive simplicity to it, as well as that existential longing found in so many of his own songs, just like his Christmas song for the ages, if We Make It Through December. But Merle knew that particular cartoon wasn't really about Christmas. It was about endurance. It was about the busted, the broke, the branded, the outlawed. It was about anyone who had ever felt left behind. And that's why Merle mattered. Not because he made it through many more Decembers, including the one where he put all the blow and booze behind him for real this time, but because he gave the rest of us losers reason to believe that we could. Two to listen to if we make it through December is to be reminded that life is sometimes just a string of bad months strung together with hope, survival itself. That's the holiday miracle. And though Merle Haggard was no saint and he certainly was no angel, not on that houseboat, not with that bottle, and certainly not while high on cocaine, he lived long enough to sing his way through one big December after another, until at last the longing he felt in that Blaze Foley tune could be felt no more. Until another loser outlaw was recast as a legend free from all disgrace. I'm Jake Brennan and this is Disgrace. All right, thanks for riding with me and Merle on his houseboat in this episode. Question of the Week simple one who is your favorite country singer of all time? Man, tough to top Merle George Jones? Johnny Cash? Who are we talking about? As far as it doesn't be songwriter, just your favorite. The guy kind of gets in there with his voice and just really makes you feel feel everything. 617906-6638 voicemail and text to get me your answers and you might hear yourself on the After Party bonus episode coming up right after this. Guys, if you want more stories from music history, more crime grime, the dirty details that don't make the algorithm or the biopics, become an all access member of Disgraceland on Patreon or Apple Podcasts and get bonus and exclusive content along with ad free listening and access to music. Me and your fellow discos in the Patreon community chat. Go to www.gracelandpod.com to sign up. All right, here comes some credits. Disgraceland was created by yours truly and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. Credits for this episode can be found on the show notes page@gracelandpod.com if you're listening, as a Disgraceland All Access member, thank you for supporting the show. We really appreciate it. And if not, you can become a member right now by going to Disgracelandpod.com Rate and review the show and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook Disgracelandpod and on YouTube@YouTube.com Disgracelandpod Rocka Rolla He's a bad, bad man. Limu Emu and Doug Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need at libertymutual. Com. Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.