Divergent Conversations
Episode 132 (Season 4): "Is Everyone a Little Bit Autistic?"
Hosts: Dr. Megan Anna Neff & Patrick Casale
Release Date: November 14, 2025
Episode Overview
In this episode, Dr. Megan Anna Neff and Patrick Casale engage in a nuanced conversation about the popular—yet controversial—phrase, “Everyone is a little bit autistic.” The hosts dissect the intentions and impacts behind this statement, discuss the difference between having autistic traits and being autistic, and reflect on their personal and clinical experiences as neurodivergent therapists. Throughout, they model respectful disagreement and provide affirming, relatable insight into the complexity of autistic identity and self-disclosure.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Setting the Stage: Unpacking the Phrase
- [01:17–02:41] Patrick introduces the topic as one of his least favorite myths, noting that even mental health professionals sometimes utter this phrase.
- Megan and Patrick agree on the importance of modeling respectful disagreement and set the tone for a nuanced discussion.
2. Intention vs. Impact
- Intentions behind “Everyone is a little bit autistic”:
- Often meant to be comforting or to express camaraderie.
- Sometimes used as a way to minimize another’s struggles (“Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s not that big of a deal.”) [03:08–03:54]
- Patrick: “It’s almost like tantalizing in a way of, like, calm down. It’s like patting your head.” [03:51]
- Impact on recipients:
- Leads to invalidation, even if empathy was the goal.
- Can feel patronizing or dismissive, especially for those struggling with self-acceptance or recent disclosure.
- Megan: “We get them a lot from people who are close to us too.” [05:03]
3. Empathic Misattunement and Invalidation
- [04:54–06:14] Megan: Describes how such comments often represent “empathic misattunement” (an empathetic miss), which accumulates over time—“death by a thousand splinters.”
- Quote: “It can be such a mind split to be disclosing this and then to be getting and receiving invalidating feedback.” – Megan [06:08]
- Self-doubt and self-invalidation often follow repeated micro-invalidations.
4. Real-Life Examples of Invalidation and Masking
- [06:14–07:23] Patrick: Shares experiences about being told “You don’t look autistic”; describes learning to mask by swinging his arms because coworkers commented on his walking style.
- Megan: Relates to being told she always looks serious, noting that people police autistic presentation in various ways.
- Humor: “Because I’m autistic!” (Megan’s suggested T-shirt for quick comebacks) [08:16]
5. The Role of Social Media and Misidentification
- [08:21–10:13] Patrick: Expresses frustration that social media sometimes conflates OCD, social anxiety, and autism, fueling the misconception that “everyone” is a bit autistic.
- Both clarify their support for self-identification while acknowledging the nuance: similar traits can be present in people with other conditions, but that doesn’t make them autistic.
6. Context Sensitivity as a Core Autistic Experience
- [11:33–19:26] In-depth Explanation (Megan):
- Introduces the concept formerly called “context blindness,” now more affirmatively discussed as “context insensitivity” or “context independence.”
- Key Point: Autistic people often process social context analytically rather than intuitively.
- Example: Responding to “What’s your favorite book?”—a neurotypical might adapt their answer based on social context, while an autistic person seeks more precise categories or struggles with filtering.
- Quote: “If someone doesn’t have context insensitivity... Are you autistic or not? If you intuitively perceive context, I don’t think you’re autistic.” – Megan [13:02]
- Patrick: Relates these differences to difficulties autistic people face in forming reciprocal workplace friendships.
- Megan: “We are just us no matter what context we're in... there's deep authenticity with it.” [18:19]
7. Autistic Traits vs. The Autistic Experience
- [20:50–23:08]
- Consensus: “Everyone has autistic traits” is valid; “Everyone is a little bit autistic” is not.
- Patrick: “Everyone is a little bit autistic... kind of feels like you... stop meaning what it means and it becomes so much more generalized... It kind of feels dismissive...” [21:05–22:15]
- Megan: Expresses concern that devaluing the term “autistic” erases the need for accommodations and minimizes lived experience, especially for those with higher support needs.
8. What Distinguishes Autism from “Autistic Traits”
- [23:31–25:49]
- Not everyone with some traits is experiencing disabling levels of autism.
- The autistic experience is pervasive—encompasses nervous system, brain-body interaction, sensory processing, comorbidities, and distress navigating neurotypical spaces.
- For diagnosis, impact and disability (including emotional distress) are key.
9. Nuance: The Broader Autistic Phenotype & Black-and-White Thinking
- [25:56–29:52]
- Megan explains her concern with claims like “You either are autistic or you aren’t”: This risks alienating people with subclinical (yet impactful) traits or those within the broader autistic phenotype.
- The autistic community grapples with how to protect the integrity of diagnosis while validating all lived experiences.
- Patrick: Recognizes the tension between protecting autistic identity and acknowledging gradients of experience.
10. How to Respond to “Everyone is a Little Autistic”
- [30:45–31:51] Megan: Suggests a possible response—affirming that while everyone has some traits, the full autistic experience is unique and not universally shared.
- Both hosts agree: The phrase erases significant struggle; language matters.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Patrick: “It’s almost like tantalizing in a way of, like, calm down. It’s like patting your head.” [03:51]
- Megan: “We get them a lot from people who are close to us too.” [05:03]
- Megan: “We so easily start invalidating ourselves, especially because I think a lot of us tend to invalidate ourselves as baseline.” [06:05]
- Patrick: “Am I swinging my arms because that’s natural or am I swinging my arms because I’ve really gone deep in the masking of, like, now I have to fit in and present this way?” [07:16]
- Megan: “If someone doesn’t have context insensitivity... I don’t think you’re autistic.” [13:02]
- Megan: “We are just us no matter what context we’re in. Which I also like... there’s deep authenticity with it.” [18:19]
- Patrick: “Everyone is a little bit autistic... feels dismissive of the experience. Minimizing it. Does that make sense?” [22:15]
- Megan: “I do feel protective that that word continues to mean something.” [22:35]
Timestamps for Key Topics
- [01:17] – Introduction to episode theme: Deconstructing the “everyone is a little bit autistic” myth
- [03:31] – Dissecting intentions and impacts of the phrase
- [06:14] – Personal anecdotes on disclosure and invalidation
- [09:44] – Social media’s role in conflating traits and misidentification
- [11:33] – Deep dive into “context sensitivity/insensitivity” and its importance
- [19:26] – Friendship, social context, and authenticity in autistic experience
- [20:50] – Differentiating having autistic traits from having the autistic experience
- [25:56] – Nuances of identification: spectrum, thresholds, and gradients
- [30:45] – Crafting an accurate, affirming response to “everyone is a little bit autistic”
Tone & Language
The conversation is frank, vulnerable, supportive, and sometimes humorously self-deprecating. Both hosts maintain an affirming, validating approach toward neurodivergent experiences, while not shying away from difficult truths and disagreements. Megan’s language is thoughtful and precise, balancing theory and real-life impact; Patrick brings personal anecdotes and practical observations, often conveying the emotional resonance these issues have.
Summary Takeaways
- “Everyone is a little bit autistic” is a pervasive, well-intentioned but ultimately invalidating myth that conflates common human traits with the lived, disabling, and pervasive experience of being autistic.
- There is a crucial difference between possessing a few traits and having an identity/experience that deeply impacts daily functioning, social understanding, and sense of self.
- Understanding and affirming language matters, both for self-advocacy and collective empowerment in neurodivergent communities.
- A more nuanced and respectful approach: Acknowledge that while all humans may share some traits, being autistic is a distinct, valid, and meaningful identity that shouldn’t be diluted by generalizing language.