[encore] David Sedaris

Summary

Podcast Summary: Don't Ask Tig – [Encore] David Sedaris
Release Date: May 8, 2024
Host: Tig Notaro
Guest: David Sedaris
Produced by: American Public Media

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Introduction

In this encore episode of Don't Ask Tig, host Tig Notaro welcomes the acclaimed writer and public radio personality David Sedaris. The episode delves into their dynamic interaction, where Tig and David tackle a series of listener questions, offering humorous and insightful advice. The conversation is both engaging and candid, showcasing the unique chemistry between the host and her guest.

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Host and Guest Banter

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted exchange about the frequent mispronunciation of Tig’s last name, a relatable topic that sets a warm tone for the conversation.

• David Sedaris [00:43]: "I have a program on the BBC called Meet David Sedaris. They mispronounced my name on my own radio show."

• Tig Notaro [00:51]: "That happens to me all the time with. I get notero a lot."

David humorously suggests a nickname, emphasizing the playful rapport between them.

• David Sedaris [01:02]: "Tignatero, yeah. It's just to kind of join the words together and then put the emphasis on the wrong syllables."

This camaraderie continues as Tig reflects on their shared experiences being on This American Life.

• Tig Notaro [02:10]: "Well, I feel like anywhere you go, you're kind of the big shot, so I'm going to hand that over to you."

David shares a memorable (though fictional) moment from his stand-up experience, illustrating his knack for storytelling.

• David Sedaris [02:36]: "I told a woman who was pregnant that she needed to get an abortion, and the next day, her husband was killed in a car accident. And the audience went, like, made that really sullen."

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Listener Questions and Advice

The core of the episode revolves around Tig and David addressing listener-submitted questions. Each segment features thoughtful advice, interspersed with humor and personal anecdotes.

1. Expired Chocolate Gift (Question from Barry) [08:40]

Question: Barry feels hurt receiving expired chocolates and wines from his sister-in-law and seeks advice on handling this situation without offending her.

Discussion:

• David initially misunderstands wine's shelf life, leading to a humorous moment where technical issues interrupt his advice (see [09:26] - [10:14]).

• David Sedaris [12:02]: Suggests a tit-for-tat approach by gifting expired items back, adding levity to the strained relationship.

• Hugh [12:24]: Elaborates on the idea of a "gift closet" and reflects on the lack of personal connection in such gifts.

Tig's Input [12:02]: Proposes a more direct approach, such as declining food gifts politely.

Notable Quote:

• David Sedaris [12:02]: "I think you need to just go tit for tat, really. And give her expired things as well."

2. Believing in Santa (Question from Susanna) [15:20]

Question: Susanna is unsure whether to tell her 12-year-old son the truth about Santa, especially after extended homeschooling.

Discussion:

• Hugh [15:21]: Shares a charming childhood anecdote about a friend’s belief in invisibility when naked, drawing a parallel to magical beliefs like Santa.

• David Sedaris [17:29]: Reflects on his own innocent belief in Santa, contrasting it with the shattering realization sparked by the movie Psycho.

Advice:

• Both agree that maintaining belief in Santa is harmless and can preserve a sense of wonder in children.

Notable Quote:

• Hugh [15:21]: "I wouldn't tell your son that Santa doesn't exist. I mean, I think that's beautiful that he's 12 and still believes in Santa."

3. Coping with Career Setbacks Due to Coronavirus [18:11]

Question: Vex feels devastated from career milestones being halted by the coronavirus, leading to unemployment and grief.

Discussion:

• Hugh [19:24]: Encourages Vex to find solace in helping others, suggesting volunteering as a means to combat depression.

• Tig Notaro [19:53]: Shares her thoughts on maintaining momentum post-pandemic, emphasizing the importance of collective resilience.

Advice:

• Hugh [19:24]: "The best way to get out of it is by helping people. You know, by volunteering, by doing something that can improve the life of somebody else."

Notable Quote:

• Hugh [19:24]: "People are just gonna think you're Christ. Like, when you talk about it, when you say, you know, I didn't even have the subway fare, So I walked 200 blocks."

4. Defining a New Relationship (Question from Viv) [25:06]

Question: Viv, a 56-year-old widow, seeks advice on how to introduce her new 54-year-old boyfriend without using terms like "boyfriend" or "significant other."

Discussion:

• Hugh [25:49]: Advocates for the straightforward term "boyfriend," dismissing more formal alternatives like "gentleman friend."

• Tig Notaro [26:35]: Shares her own uncomfortable experience with pronoun usage, highlighting the challenges of modern relationship terminologies.

Advice:

• Use clear and direct language such as "boyfriend" or "my boyfriend Timothy" to introduce a new partner, avoiding overly formal or vague terms.

Notable Quote:

• Hugh [27:35]: "This is my Timothy. Don't you dare sleep with him, he's taken."

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Special Segment: Advice of Yesteryear [28:48]

Tig and David explore an old advice column from 1927, addressing a young man's concerns about his relationship with a flapper who demands money without reciprocation.

Analysis:

• Hugh [30:14]: Breaks down the historical context, suggesting that the man's partner is a gold digger and advising him to seek a more compatible relationship.

• Tig Notaro [32:52]: Contrasts past and present perspectives on relationships and financial dynamics.

Dorothy Dix's Advice:

• Tig humorously interprets the likely advice from Dorothy Dix, emphasizing the importance of recognizing superficial relationships.

Notable Quote:

• Hugh [31:56]: "She's just a gold digger. I mean, Dorothy Dick sniffed this one out years ago."

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Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Tig expresses her admiration for David's insightful and humorous advice.

• Tig Notaro [34:26]: Praises David's talent, stating, "he's such a busy guy," and appreciates his contributions throughout the episode.

David modestly humors Tig's compliments, and Tig provides information on how listeners can submit their own questions for future episodes.

Final Remarks:

• Tig encourages listeners to engage with the show via email or voicemail and highlights where to purchase David's book, The Best of Me.

Notable Quote:

• Tig Notaro [34:48]: "He is just really inspiring. I, I'm jealous of your brain and, and I'm thankful for your time."

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Key Takeaways

• Humor and Honesty: Both Tig and David utilize humor to address and diffuse potentially sensitive or awkward situations.

• Relatability: Listener questions touch on universal themes such as gift-giving, belief systems, career struggles, and defining relationships, making the advice widely applicable.

• Support and Encouragement: Emphasis on helping others and maintaining personal connections as strategies to navigate personal and professional challenges.

• Timeless Advice: The special segment on historical advice underscores that many relationship dynamics remain consistent across generations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. David Sedaris [00:43]: "I have a program on the BBC called Meet David Sedaris. They mispronounced my name on my own radio show."
2. David Sedaris [02:36]: "I told a woman who was pregnant that she needed to get an abortion, and the next day, her husband was killed in a car accident."
3. David Sedaris [12:02]: "I think you need to just go tit for tat, really. And give her expired things as well."
4. Hugh [15:21]: "I wouldn't tell your son that Santa doesn't exist. I mean, I think that's beautiful that he's 12 and still believes in Santa."
5. Hugh [19:24]: "The best way to get out of it is by helping people."
6. Hugh [25:49]: "I'm a firm believer in boyfriend."
7. Tig Notaro [34:26]: "he's such a busy guy."

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This episode of Don't Ask Tig offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and practical advice, making it a valuable listen for anyone seeking guidance on life's myriad challenges. Tig Notaro and David Sedaris deliver their insights with warmth and wit, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and enlightened.

Transcript

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[Tig Notaro]

Hey, Danas and Beckys. What you're about to hear is an encore presentation of one of our favorite episodes from the Don't Ask Tig archives. Please enjoy.

[David Sedaris]

I have a program on the BBC called Meet David Sedaris. They mispronounced my name on my own radio show.

[Tig Notaro]

That happens to me all the time with. I get notero a lot.

[David Sedaris]

Well, I would call you Tignatero.

[Tig Notaro]

You call me Tignatero?

[David Sedaris]

Tignatero, yeah. It's just to kind of join the words together and then put the emphasis on the wrong syllables. So to me, you're Tignatero. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, let's get started.

[David Sedaris]

Okay.

[Tig Notaro]

This is Don't Ask Tig. I'm Tig Notaro. Who's ask.

[Chick]

We are not alone and nobody is hopeless. Everybody goes to sh. We got a friend in chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Here to help me give advice today is David Sedaris. He's a very funny writer and fellow public radio personality. Maybe one of us is a bigger radio personality than the other, but who's to say, right? David?

[David Sedaris]

Hi, Tig.

[Tig Notaro]

Hi.

[David Sedaris]

Actually, I would say I haven't been. Gee, I haven't been on NPR in a while. I'm mainly on the BBC now.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I feel like anywhere you go, you're kind of the big shot, so I'm going to hand that over to you. All right, David, you and I both have been on this American Life. We actually had Ira on this show earlier this year. Do you think you'll be giving better advice than Ira Glass did?

[David Sedaris]

Yeah, I do.

[Tig Notaro]

I think so, too. I can tell your confidence.

[David Sedaris]

Well, somebody asked me on stage one night. They said, what's the worst advice you've ever given? And I said, I told a woman who was pregnant that she needed to get an abortion, and the next day, her husband was killed in a car accident. And the audience went, like, made that really sullen. Sound and it wasn't true. And I just. During their. During their, like, stunned silence, I wondered what it would be like if it was true. Gee, that would have been bad advice.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, as a comedian, I don't know how you feel doing live performances, but do you. Do you enjoy the. Or the aww or any of that stuff?

[David Sedaris]

Because as a comedian, I don't like an aw.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, that's the one.

[David Sedaris]

Like, I was on this. I had to go on this television program in Chicago a couple. I was on a book tour and so I had to go on this daytime television show. And I don't know anything about daytime television. It was like a local daytime television show hosted by, you know, wildly attractive man and a woman. And they said, so your father is still alive and how old is he? And I said at the time, like, my father was 95. And the audience went, aw. And I said, my sisters and I look at him and like, what are you still doing here? Was horrified. But I just want to. Kind of wanted to punish him for making that sound because I think that's the worst. Getting that sound.

[Tig Notaro]

It's the absolute worst. But. Well, I know, I know you're supposed to be on a 45 city book tour and then the coronavirus obviously took over and I'm assuming you've been in some version of lockdown.

[David Sedaris]

I mean, I can't do what I would normally do. You know, I mean, I went to a warehouse and I signed 12,000 books. You know, I mean, that's not. I like a book tour. I like going to bookstores and meeting people and all that. So I just can't. I hate this. And it feels really weird to have a book out and not be out, you know, in support of it.

[Tig Notaro]

I was going to say, I'm assuming the 12,000 books were your own books. Yeah, I've had a fantasy of doing a. I've had a fantasy of doing a book signing where I just sit next to a stack of random books and just sign them.

[David Sedaris]

It takes 20 hours to sign 12,000 books.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, my God. The level you have reached as a writer. I mean, do you find it difficult to find something new to write about or.

[David Sedaris]

No. I mean. I mean, I don't imagine you find it hard to find things to talk about.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't. But I do have moments where I think, where's that piece that I'll hopefully write again that will really excite me the way that this old piece did? Or I always am scared I'm not going to find that again?

[David Sedaris]

Yeah, I think everybody is.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. They're scared of that for me. And so with your time that you've had during the pandemic, is there anything new, interesting or different you've been doing?

[David Sedaris]

The only thing you know, I don't. It's been years since I've spent this much time with Hugh, you know, my boyfriend. We just had our 30th anniversary.

[Tig Notaro]

Wow.

[David Sedaris]

Like a couple weeks ago. But I hadn't spent this much time with him since probably. Oh. Ever. Because I would be leaving and I would be going on tour. And so we really haven't had more than a few days away from one another since this all happened. And I gotta say, it went a lot better than I thought it would.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, that's nice to hear.

[David Sedaris]

Yeah. I mean, I like him in everything, but I just worried that, you know, we would discover something about one another that we had never seen before and realize that we each made a horrible, horrible mistake. But it didn't happen.

[Tig Notaro]

Now, David, do you. You have gifted me with one of the greatest stories that I get to tell people. And I was performing in Edinburgh, Scotland, maybe five, six, seven years ago, and I got off stage and a woman came up to me and said, david Sedaris is in town. He couldn't make it to your show, but he would like to know if you would meet him for dinner tonight. Yeah, yeah. And. And I didn't know who this person was. I didn't know if I was being lured somewhere to be murdered. And then I took a taxi to the address and I saw you standing outside and I thought, well, I'll be damned, there's David Sedaris. And I went inside and had dinner.

[David Sedaris]

With you because we both had shows on that week.

[Tig Notaro]

We did, but it was a very exciting, flattering moment for me. And it is something that when I tell people that story, I can feel how jealous they are.

[David Sedaris]

Well, the food was good, don't you think?

[Tig Notaro]

It was so good. And we had, I think, a five hour dinner.

[David Sedaris]

It was long. My friend Patsy was there, she happened to be in town, so she was there too.

[Tig Notaro]

Yes. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for that gift where I get to really drop your name and impress people.

[David Sedaris]

Well, I get to do the same.

[Tig Notaro]

All right, David, so are you ready to try and solve some people's problems?

[David Sedaris]

I sure am.

[Tig Notaro]

All right, question one comes from Barry. I suspect my sister in law gifted me expired chocolate for my birthday. The chocolate was pale, whitish, brown dust and the pecans were also disintegrating. It's quite possible that it's been sitting around for years. I would like to make clear that this isn't about money. She can afford to buy a box of chocolates. I feel insulted and hurt when I receive items like this. In the past, I've received expired wine from her. Frankly, I'd rather not receive a gift at all. Any advice on how I should handle this?

[David Sedaris]

Well, I didn't know wine could expire.

[Tig Notaro]

I don't think I knew that either.

[David Sedaris]

I mean, I thought it just got better. But this afternoon we had some. Somebody come over to the house and, and we said, can we get you anything? And he said, I'll have some water. And I said, oh, here, there's that water in the refrigerator. And he said, I think I said water.

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, David, you're cutting out.

[David Sedaris]

Can you hear me? Let me try this right here. Gosh, I'm sorry about that.

[Tig Notaro]

It's not a problem.

[David Sedaris]

Let's see.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Hugh]

Is this okay? Does it sound like a telephone?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I think it's okay that it sounds like a telephone. Right? You were laughing, saying you didn't know wine expired and that Hugh.

[Hugh]

Oh, I didn't know that wine could expire. But then Hugh and I had a guest today and the guy asked for some water. And the people who we bought the apartment for left all this bottled water in the refrigerator. And I said, oh, Hugh, there's that. And he said, I think it might have expired. And I just thought that was so silly that anyone would think that water would exp. I mean, if it was in a, you know, if it was in a canteen, you know, for a number of years I could see how it might have a sour taste to it, but I think that this water was just fine. It's really, really hard to tell somebody you don't like their gifts. But at the same time, most of the people I know who hate Christmas, the problem is that they never set anyone straight. Right. Like when I got together with Hugh, I said to him right away, let me tell you why this is not an acceptable gift, you know. You know, the buttons are hidden on this shirt. I don't like a hidden button. Or the collar is too big, or the collar stands too high, or it's like, you know, it's a yes, I like taxidermy, but I have standards, you know, so I get really, really great gifts. But this is a little bit tricky because you can't tell your sister in law that you'd rather just not get her crummy gifts. I think what you need to do is just go tit for tat, really. And give her expired things as well. You know, like old cans of Hawaiian Punch, you know, from like 1972, or pineapple in a can that's expired. That would.

[Tig Notaro]

You could also take food off the table. I mean, that could just. You could like how you're saying the, the directness that you used with Hugh about buttons and shirt collars. You could say that you're not interested in, in food, but thank you. And well, then she's just gonna give.

[Hugh]

You a candle that the sun melted and it's all, oh yeah, where the wick won't.

[Tig Notaro]

You can't. You have to dig the wick out of there. That's true. I'm so curious what Barry's sister in law, what her financial situation is, because when he says that it's, it has nothing to do with money. I almost wonder if this person is potentially even wealthy.

[Hugh]

I bet she has a gift closet and she goes to the gift closet and you know, I have a gift closet and it's things. It's a lot of things. Sometimes I just see something and I just buy it and I think I'll figure out who to give it to later. Or sometimes people give me a gift and it's nice and everything. It's just not necessarily me. Right. So I put that in my gift closet as well. So probably the sister in law has a gift closet. She just reaches in there and she says, chocolate flying. And she doesn't know that it was like the pharaoh's chocolate or doesn't care, doesn't check to see. Obviously he doesn't mean that much to her.

[Tig Notaro]

Right?

[Hugh]

That's what her gifts say.

[Tig Notaro]

Barry, I hope your holiday season is full of non expired chocolate. More questions after the break.

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[Franklin Leonard]

I'm Franklin Leonard, founder of the Blacklist. We know what makes a good screenplay, but when it comes to what makes a blockbuster or a box office bomb, the truth is nobody knows anything. Including our star panel of podcast guests.

[Chick]

I was told this was a quiz program. Yeah, just so you know, I just.

[Tig Notaro]

Thought it Was did I know it'd.

[Hugh]

Be writing gripping podcasts?

[Franklin Leonard]

Nobody Knows Anything, presented by fx. Find it wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tig Notaro]

David. Our next question is what I call Hoo Boy Hooboy. That means it's a difficult one. You think you can hang with us?

[Hugh]

Sure.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. Susanna writes, my son is 12 and still believes in Santa. Last year, I thought middle school would straighten him out, but alas, then distant learning happen. Should I tell my son the truth or keep the dream alive?

[Hugh]

I met a woman at a book signing, her godmother. When her godmother was young, her family convinced her that if she was naked, she was invisible. You know, when she was a very little girl. And so they would be sitting in the kitchen, and she would walk into the kitchen naked and climb up on the kitchen counter and get into the candy. Or she would come into the kitchen naked and pull a chair up to the refrigerator and start drinking Coke. And everybody went along with it. Nobody said anything. And that, to me, is such a charming story. And I love to imagine her as a teenager, you know, walking down the front steps of the house and outside naked, you know, sneaking out with her friends, except feeling like she didn't have to sneak. I wouldn't tell your son that Santa doesn't exist. I mean, I think that's beautiful that he's 12 and still believes in Santa.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, there doesn't seem to be a real pressing reason to get in there. I mean, other than, you know, being concerned about bullying or something. But if that hasn't happened, it doesn't seem to be something to. To worry about.

[Hugh]

What are you, in junior high by 12 years old? I think if you're a junior high school and you think, I'm going to ask Santa for a skateboard, I think your friends just assume that you're being ironic.

[Tig Notaro]

That's true.

[Hugh]

I wouldn't even worry about it in a bullying way. I think that's a beautiful thing, and I don't think she should touch it.

[Tig Notaro]

Great.

[Hugh]

And that's damn good advice.

[Tig Notaro]

And what about you, David? Did you ever believe in Santa, or was there a moment that you realized there was no Santa?

[Hugh]

Yeah, no, I believed in Santa. And I don't remember at the moment that it occurred to me that he didn't exist. But it wasn't traumatizing. I was in high school watching Psycho for the first time, and my sister Lisa came into the room and said, it's him dresses and mother the whole time. I couldn't believe it. Like, that was shattering to me. But the Santa thing, I could. I could deal with.

[Tig Notaro]

That's hilarious.

[Hugh]

She was so horrible when she was younger.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, Susanna, all. All will be fine, David. The next question is. It's a corona conundrum.

[David Sedaris]

Are you at all concerned about the coronavirus?

[Chick]

No, not really.

[Tig Notaro]

We know that mandatory masking works.

[David Sedaris]

You literally cannot mandate somebody to wear.

[Greenlight Ad]

A mask must not leave the house for any reason.

[Chick]

Unless, of course, you have a reason.

[Hugh]

And then you may leave the house.

[Tig Notaro]

Vex asks. I finally started to reach huge career milestones when I conducted a Broadway musical in New York City last year. Now I've been unemployed since March, and Broadway will remain closed, possibly for another year because of the virus. I feel sad most days and feel like I'm grieving while I can't work, perform, and support myself. How do I keep myself hopeful for a future? That is, no doubt, what so many people are experiencing.

[Hugh]

That's a hard thing, conducting, Right? Like, so that's something you can't just do in your living room, Right? But you know what? And I know this sounds really phony, but nothing feels better than helping people.

[Tig Notaro]

Mm.

[Hugh]

I mean, if you're depressed, I feel like the best way to get out of it is by helping people. You know, by volunteering, by doing something that can improve the life of somebody else. And then people are just gonna think you're Christ. Like, when you talk about it, when you say, you know, I didn't even have the subway fare, So I walked 200 blocks.

[Tig Notaro]

That's true.

[Hugh]

So I could empty someone's colostomy bag.

[Tig Notaro]

I was thinking about this recently, how there's so many comedian friends of mine that are up and coming. They're so concerned about how their career was on the brink of something that felt bigger. And then the pandemic happened, and. And so I. I think that. And of course, Bex knows this, but so many people's lives are on hold, and you can only assume that once it gets going again, that it will likely pick up in a very similar way that it left off. Because nobody's getting ahead of you. Everybody's just frozen in time to some degree. But I feel like if I can give some out there advice, what I would want to do or maybe could see myself doing. I have no idea what Bex's personality is like, but I could see myself, especially since you're in New York City, go on a rooftop somewhere, bring your record player up there, your boombox, and blare your music and conduct just the city of New York. I have no idea what your setup is. But that would be a fun thing, I think, in these times. Does that seem insane to you, David?

[Hugh]

On mushrooms.

[Tig Notaro]

On mushrooms, Yeah.

[Hugh]

I don't think it's going to make sense without the mushrooms.

[Tig Notaro]

I've never done mushrooms.

[Hugh]

So many people. Oh, really? No, you must. Oh, you have to. Yeah. You got to try it. And you just have to be in. In nature and plan for it and go to a beautiful spot in nature. It just changes everything. But so many people. I've heard so many people say people will never go to theaters again. Those days are over. People will never, you know, fill a restaurant again. Those days are over. And I don't believe that for one second. I think this. The moment people are allowed to go back to what they were doing before, they'll do it.

[Tig Notaro]

People already doing it. Even before they're allowed to go back, they're doing it.

[Hugh]

Yeah. But I agree. No one's gonna jump ahead of you, so. But I feel awful for that person, you know, that. I just feel awful for people like that. You know, they just got apart in a Broadway show. Gosh, my heart really goes out to. To that person. But the thing is, when you help people and see, then you. Okay, you help people, but then you got to get somebody else to tell everybody that you help people, because when you tell them yourself, then it doesn't sound good. It kind of takes away the glory of it. So you've got to get somebody else to say that. David, I can't believe it. You know, here he's got so little time, but what little time he does. I saw him give a sack of gold to a harp player because you kind of need everybody to know, or it's like a tree falling in the forest.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, why don't we offer to be that for Bex, Tig and David.

[Hugh]

Oh, sure.

[Tig Notaro]

Will make sure to spread the news. If you keep in touch with us, Bex, let us know about your rooftop musical or symphony, whatever you're conducting, and also the good that you do and the gold that you distribute. And David Sedaris and myself will definitely put the word out that you've been doing good.

[Hugh]

You know how in America you would say, oh, stop blowing your own horn. In England, they say, I can't get him to blow his own trumpet. I like that better. Blow your own trumpet.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, yeah, that's the perfect case of telephone. Right. It starts out, blow your own trumpet, and then it gets to the States and it's, blow your own horn.

[Hugh]

Well, I heard somebody also. I heard somebody Say gee, you can't say anything anymore. You know, everyone's walking on potato chips and I like that so much better than walking on eggshells.

[Tig Notaro]

Walking on, I just immediately picture the potato chips still in the bag and a big pop when you step on them. But Bex, hang in there. I have faith in Bex. I think he's going to come out of it and I also think that the world is going to wait for Bex. DAVID Our next question is about defining the relationship. This is from Viv. I'm a 56 year old widow. I am now in a new relationship with a 54 year old man named Kevin. My question is, how do I introduce him? Boyfriend is ridiculous. At our age, significant other is pompous. My mother's suggestion is gentleman friend, but she's 92 years old.

[Hugh]

I don't know. I'm a firm believer in boyfriend. I don't, you know, I'm, I still say it and I know all these well meaning people want to say partner. You know, like they heard somebody say partner and so then they think, oh, that's the thing to do. Like, like I don't know how you feel about this but you know, we're queer now and I'm not, I mean I'm not queer, I'm gay. And, but everybody, but now you're supposed to say queer. And so people say queer because they think, you know, they're well meaning people and they're trying say the right thing. And so, and, and it's like no one ever asked me, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, somebody asked me on a flight. I was, this was the craziest and I know they meant well, but I was sitting there and the flight attendant came up and asked what pronoun I would like and I was a little thrown off and I, I just said oh, she her. And I said, but also, why aren't you asking everybody else on this flight? It was, it was so uncomfortable and it was, it was a moment of not making an assumption, but making an assumption.

[Hugh]

But well meaning people, someone told them and so they think okay, this is what we should be doing now. And so I say boyfriend and I don't care how old I am, I.

[Tig Notaro]

Like boyfriend because I think that, you know, when you see two, not that these people are in their 90s, they're 56 and 54, but when I see a couple in their 80s or 90s and they say boyfriend and girlfriend, I love that. I get such a kick out of that. I think it's fun.

[Hugh]

Gentleman friend does sound like Actually, it sounds like you're in your hundreds if not passed away. But I mean, that's better than men. See, but partner to me is more like you're living together and you're. But if you're dating, then just either say, this is Timothy, we screw, or this is Timothy. We've been going out for a few years now.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, we're banging.

[Hugh]

This is Timothy. Don't you dare sleep with him, he's taken. Or this is my Timothy. Here's my Timothy. I always like how the British say that. They'll say like, oh, how's our Laura? But when you say my friend, that doesn't. That just sounds like you're trying to hide something.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, it seems unusually suspicious.

[Hugh]

This has always been a person been a problem for decades. Oh, you know what I'm going to say? You know what I'm going to say if it's that much of a problem, Mariam. And then just say, this is my husband if it's that much of a problem for you. And that's good advice.

[Tig Notaro]

All right, Viv. Congratulations on your new gentleman friend that you're screwing. David, those were all of the listener questions we had today. But there is one more person that you and I have to help before you go, and it's okay. Someone named Unlucky in quotes. And it's from almost 100 years ago. This is advice of yesteryear.

[David Sedaris]

When Jerry brags about taking Ginny out, he learns that she dates all the boys. So, as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle. How do you choose a date? Well, one thing you can consider is, look, I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn't asked me to lunch.

[Tig Notaro]

Here we take a real question from an old advice column and we try to give a better answer. This question comes to us from 1927. Here goes. Dear Dorothy Dix, I'm a young man and have been keeping company with a typical flapper for three years. I love this girl very much, but she has an entirely different point of view from myself about life. She knows that I'm saving my money to go into business for myself, but she's always asking me to lend her money to buy clothes. She never returns the money. She's very extravagant. And when I refuse to give her money, she calls me a tightwad and refuses to speak to me. Do you think she really loves me? Do you think that if I marry her, we will be happy and have a peaceful home? Signed, Unlucky. I mean, I personally feel like this flapper doesn't really love unlucky.

[Hugh]

If, you know, if it was a modern question, it would be like, but the sex is great. What do I do? Right? But if it was a hundred years ago, you can't mention that aspect of it. And I'm gonna guess, but when I read between the lines there, I'm thinking, the sex is pretty good. And otherwise he would have cut her loose already. I'm guessing this. The thrill of the sex is wearing off. And now he's like, wait a minute. She always wants money from me. Maybe she doesn't love me.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, at first it was fun to be with this crazy old flapper, and now all of that's worn off and he's just got this gold digger.

[Hugh]

Well, I think he's kind of a square, too. I get the idea that he's kind of a square. And that would be the same thing, like, you know, if the question was, was from 100 years ago. She's, like, exciting, you know, she's like a hippie chick, you know, in the 1960s. She's like new and now and vibrant. And, you know, when he's kind of saving his money up to go into business, and he doesn't say what the business is, but it, I don't know, doesn't sound like it's going to be too terribly exciting, and she's young and he's, you know, she's probably thinking, well, you know, I might as well get something out of it. No, she doesn't love him.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Hugh]

And he needs to go and find someone. You know, there are plenty of women out there who, you know, oh, that's great. He's saving his money to go into business, and I'll just wear this sack dress until, you know, his business gets off the ground, and I'll just, just, you know, I'll just eat one meal a day instead of two. But I wish that he, he would included more detail of their relationship because it sounds in the, in his letter, like, like we just go out and while we go to restaurants, and sometimes we hold hands and we go dancing sometimes. And now she wants this money from me. And I think every generation thinks they invented sex. You know, my mother said that to me once, you kids think you invented sex. And it was so shocking to hear that from my mom because I thought, didn't we. Didn't we invent it? And now, of course, we did.

[Tig Notaro]

In this segment about yesteryear, I'm always. I. I'm always reminded that we're basically essentially talking about corpses because this is so long ago, nearly a hundred years ago. And but here, here, here's what Dorothy Dix said. The chances are that your guardian angel will save you and that this girl will leave you for some man who is easier to work. She's just a gold digger. Ah. See, as I said, and the only thing about any man that she is capable of loving is his pocketbook. I mean, Dorothy Dick sniffed this one out years ago.

[Hugh]

You don't really hear the term gold digger anymore though, do you?

[Tig Notaro]

David, thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I was going to say, I know you're a busy guy, but it sounds like maybe you're not busy.

[Hugh]

I'm not busy. But I will say I think I dispensed some damn good advice.

[Tig Notaro]

You jumped in and really answered every single question with such confidence and like you know what you're talking about. It's, it's as if you're a writer or something.

[Hugh]

As if.

[Tig Notaro]

But hearing your voice and hearing your thoughts is just such a really incredible reminder of raw, raw, amazing talent. You are. And it's just really inspiring. I, I, I'm, I'm jealous of your brain and, and I'm thankful for your time.

[Hugh]

I'm blushing.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Thank you so much. And would you like to, to plug your book before we head out of here?

[Hugh]

I don't need to.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, then I'm going to David's book. The Best of Me is available everywhere that books are sold. You can send in your own questions@don't asktig.org and we might try to answer them on a future epis. Or we have a brand new option to send us questions. You can now call 833-275-8444. That's 833-ASK-TIG-4. Leave me a voicemail. That's an option too, these days. And Again, that's don't asktig.org to reach us with your questions. Thank you, David. And I hope to see you again, whether it's Scotland or elsewhere.

[Chick]

Oh, my sweet child there's so much I want you to know oh, my sweet child there's so much I want you to see I wish that I could give you the answer I wish that I could make you believe I wish that I could put you on your path and set you free that's what your heart is for that's what your heart is for that's what your heart is for Listen to your heart.

[Tig Notaro]

Don't Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro. It's produced by Thomas Willette, Mary Knoth and Tracy Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, Executive producer Lauren D. Engineering and sound mixing by Eric Rahmani Digital production by Christina Lopez Talent Booking by Marianne Ways Production assistants by Nancy Hsu. Our theme music is Friend in Tig by Edie Burkel and Kyle Krusham and Listen to youo Heart by Edie Burkel. Special thanks to Hunter Seidman, Lily Kim and Alex Shaffert. Our executive consultant is Dean Cappello and Gobsmack Studios. You can always ask for advice at don't asktig.org just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo. You can also also follow us on social media. Don't asktig Don't Ask. Tig is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thanks Dana and I'll tell Becky.

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The Soul to Story podcast is about how teaching kids to read went wrong. But now we have a story about a school district where things are going very right.

[Tig Notaro]

Let me make sure my friends are.

[David Sedaris]

Sitting crisscross applesauce, hands in their lap. I've never had a child that couldn't read.

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How did they do it?

[Tig Notaro]

When I tell some of my other colleagues that may be at other schools that this is what I do and they would say, you kidding me?

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New episodes of Sold a Story are available now in your podcast. Apparently.