Podcast Summary: Don't Listen To Us with Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody

Episode: "Is Time Apart Healthy in a Relationship? We Weigh In"

Publish Date: December 3, 2025 | Host: Lemonada Media

Overview

This episode of "Don't Listen To Us" dives into the complexities and realities of time apart in relationships—including marriages that span decades—while covering listener questions on empathy in male-dominated careers, heartbreak and timing after breakups, and foundational family sayings. Mandy Patinkin, Kathryn Grody, and their son Gideon blend their signature warmth, candor, humor, and off-the-cuff banter to explore what strengthens coupledom and individual identity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Family Dynamics and Humor

• The show kicks off (00:28) with a playful, irreverent discussion of family boundaries, joke limits (butt/fart jokes), and classic parental expressions.
• Kathryn observes the importance of boundaries—even jokingly likening them to fences:
  • "The fence of boundaries with families is made of reason, respect, and rational investment in everyone's future to survive each other.” (06:05, Kathryn)

2. Main Listener Question: Time Apart in Marriage

Listener Alison from Austin asks: “What are things y’all love to do apart from each other? And do you think it’s important to have separate time, hobby, interests?”

Key Answers:

• Both Mandy and Kathryn agree that separate time is not just non-threatening, but crucial:
  • “No, it’s essential. I think it’s really—we’re apart a lot.” (07:34, Mandy)
• Kathryn highlights how different interests aren’t a betrayal, but a sign of grown partnership:
  • “Some couples find it threatening if they have different interests because of this incorrect idea that you have to have everything in common.… I like driving to visit friends in different places and exploring new towns… My husband… can’t stand that. The idea of that is just really awful to him.” (07:39-08:23, Kathryn)
• Time apart is described as the “magic sauce” for long relationships:
  • “I think it’s the magic sauce of a relationship. I really do. Being separated. Being apart. Not separated, like, you know, now we’re not married anymore. No. Just being apart.” (08:57, Mandy)
• They describe parallel activities (hiking together, then splitting up) and the comfort of presence—not constant interaction.
• Kathryn discusses the need for new hobbies as they age; Mandy craves more time to collage.

3. Listener Question: Professional Empathy and Assertiveness (from Julia, a college student)

Julia asks how to balance empathy and professionalism as a woman in a male-dominated field like forensics.

• Gideon’s advice:
  • “Be yourself 100%. Do what you need to do, say what you need to say. ... Please, please, please just find ways to be yourself.” (15:55)
  • Offers practical strategies: quiet the mind, listen inwardly, and be okay with not always having the answer.
• Kathryn reframes the question:
  • “That’s not your problem, that’s men’s problem. If they have a hard time with smart women, powerful women... these are questions that men do not ask themselves at a new job...” (18:17)
  • Kathryn notes women often second-guess themselves, apologizing for “taking up space,” a phenomenon less common in men.
• Mandy adds:
  • “I don’t see any reason why your empathy can’t be viewed as strength and as confidence and as a gift.” (17:09)
• Gideon shares an analogy: Negative space and the value of being “lost” to find new solutions.
• Kathryn’s experience: The theater offered more freedom—valuing connection, conversation, and self-authenticity.

4. Listener Question: Timing, Heartbreak & Waiting (from Emily, age 26)

Emily reconnects with a high school friend post-breakup and wonders: ‘How long does it take to heal—and how long should I wait for someone?’

• Mandy’s perspective:
  • “Well, you’ve got all the time in the world.” (26:03)
• Gideon reflects on patience:
  • “If I thought you were the person for me... that there was any possibility that person might be free in their heart to one day say hello to me, I’d wait a lifetime.” (26:06)
  • "...You get infinity chances, you know?... As long as you can wait, you’ll know if you can keep waiting or not.” (28:36)
• They all debunk “the myth of the one soulmate”:
  • “I think different people need different kinds of relationships.… The myth of finding that one person is not a very helpful thing.” (28:48, Mandy)
  • Kathryn and Mandy encourage patience and openness, seeing where things develop naturally.

5. Family Sayings and Parental Wisdom (from Anne Marie)

Listener shares: Her dad’s classic advice was “shake the mustard before you squeeze.”

• Mandy remembers, “I'm okay, you’re okay” from his parents (31:38).
• Classic Mandy sayings remembered by family: “Did you have a good time?”, “Wash under your penis”—which becomes a recurring playful reference (32:40).
• Mandy reflects on his parents’ support in pursuing the arts against community pressure (“March to your own drum,” 36:35).
• Gideon shares both the encouragement and the wounds from parental comments—recalling times when praise or support was withheld, but also how that shaped his artistic drive.

6. Music for a Desert Island

Which song would you pick if you could only have one (or two) on a desert island?

• Mandy: “We Shall Overcome” (“Just kills me because when I first learned it, I believed it…”) (43:26)
• Kathryn: Joni Mitchell’s “Blue.”
• They reminisce about cherished home recordings, and Kathryn reflects on family archiving as a way of dealing with mortality and for her own entertainment.

7. Final Reflections: The (Not So) Seriousness of Advice

• Kathryn closes with the classic family irony—“Do you guys find it satisfying that all these people are asking you for advice when your children would never ask?”
• Mandy: “Not only would they not ask us, if we accidentally mention something... we get smacked.” (46:06)
• Gideon: “It just proves my theory that human beings are the stupidest species on the planet. They’re asking us for advice.” (46:13)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On separate interests in marriage:
  • “Some couples find it threatening if they have different interests because of this incorrect idea that you have to have everything in common… I think it’s really interesting if you have the freedom to just be whoever you are.” (07:39, Kathryn)
• On waiting for love:
  • “I’d wait a lifetime... As long as you can wait, you’ll know if you can keep waiting or not.” (26:06/28:36, Mandy & Gideon)
• On authenticity at work:
  • “Be yourself 100%. Do what you need to do, say what you need to say. That is the greatest gift you can give yourself, the world, and any colleague who’s around you.” (15:55, Gideon)
• On empathy as power:
  • “I don’t see any reason why your empathy can’t be viewed as strength and as confidence and as a gift.” (17:09, Mandy)
• Family catchphrase:
  • “Shake the mustard before you squeeze.” (32:22, Listener Anne Marie’s dad)
  • “Wash under your penis.” (32:40, repeated through 33:13, Gideon about Mandy)
• On parental support:
  • “March to your own drum... Not going with the herd.” (36:35, Mandy)
• On advice-giving reality:
  • “Do you guys find it satisfying that all these people are asking you for advice when your children would never ask you for advice?” (45:52, Kathryn)
  • “Really don’t listen to us, particularly today.” (46:33, Mandy)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:28: Family boundaries, favorite rude words, and classic parental exclamations.
• 06:26: Listener question about separate interests and habits in a marriage.
• 07:34–09:36: Discussion on necessary time apart and how the couple navigates it.
• 14:51–20:08: Advice for a young woman entering a male-dominated field.
• 24:48–30:17: Heartbreak, new love, and the patience of waiting for someone to heal.
• 30:42–38:21: Listener shares cherished family sayings; the value of parental support.
• 42:38–44:26: “Desert Island Discs”—family music favorites and what they’d take with them.
• 46:06: Reflection on the irony of giving advice to strangers when children don't listen!
• Throughout: Interlaced with the warm, comedic bickering and heartfelt stories that define the Patinkin-Grody family dynamic.

Summary Tone & Language

The episode is playful, frank, and compassionate—filled with dry humor, genuine affection, and thoughtful musings. Mandy’s theatricality, Kathryn’s empathy, and Gideon’s slightly exasperated moderation create an atmosphere both wise and irreverent. Listeners walk away with nuanced, compassionate advice, laughter, and a sense of belonging to a loving, if chaotic, family.

Perfect for anyone seeking real talk about relationships (romantic or familial), the challenges of professional identity, and the gentle strength of being true to yourself.