Rude Animals and What Happens After Death

Summary

---

Don't Listen To Us – Episode Summary

Podcast: Don't Listen To Us with Mandy Patinkin and Kathryn Grody

Episode: Rude Animals and What Happens After Death

Date: October 29, 2025

---

Main Theme & Overview

This episode explores a vibrant assortment of listener questions with the loving, chaotic energy of the Patinkin-Grody family. The big themes include grandparenting wisdom, the enigma of what happens after death, the imagined rudeness of talking animals, and even practical home and garden advice. Mandy, Kathryn, and their son Gideon mix heartfelt insight, comedy, generational storytelling, and gentle debates, staying true to their podcast’s ethos of advice for skeptics and wisdom-lovers alike.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Silence and Family Banter (00:11–03:15)

• The episode playfully starts with a “meditation” of silence initiated by Gideon, punctuated quickly by jokes and faux complaints (“That was just 30 seconds.” – Gideon, 00:29).
• The trio jokes about being “a mess” as a family and sets up a lighthearted, self-aware tone.

---

2. Halloween: Love It or Hate It? (02:05–03:43)

• Kathryn confesses hating Halloween despite pretending otherwise as a parent.
  • “It's the one thing I do not miss at all from your childhood. I hated that.” – Kathryn, 02:12
• Mandy recalls a disastrous costume story involving aluminum foil, a “computer” costume, and a traumatized child (“I hate the fucking holiday.” – Mandy, 03:09).
• Favorite candies are discussed: Mandy likes Junior Mints and Three Musketeers, but no longer indulges.
• Concerns about Halloween safety (razor blades in apples!) highlight generational anxieties about parenting.

---

3. Listener Question: How to Be a Great Grandparent (Bonnie) (04:17–11:12)

Kathryn’s Grandparenting Philosophy

• “The challenge of being a grandparent really quite surprising because we are the grandparents, we are not the parents...that really has to be deeply respected.” (05:21)
• Shares advice from a cousin: “…here’s the advice I’m going to give you. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.” (06:00)
  • Kathryn and Gideon comically dissect which is better: duct tape or silence.

Mandy’s Perspective

• Lavishes praise on Kathryn’s energy as a grandmother:
  • “She has a gift that is off the charts. I’m now gonna shut up for the rest of this question and let her give you all the advice.” (07:27)
• Emphasizes the value of simply observing and responding to grandchildren:
  • “Watch them and listen to them. They will tell you what they need and you will just respond…” (10:03)
  • Shares a piece of acting (and life) advice: “Go out there, listen to the words and see where they take you. Go out there, listen to your grandchild, watch your grandchild and see where it takes you.” (10:17)

Practical Tips

• Less is more: “Sometimes the best time we have with them is doing nothing. Just like literally sitting around using your imagination, cultivating that.” – Gideon (09:27)
• Physical affection and play, e.g. “Roly Poly” game, passed down from family tradition (13:08–13:43)

---

4. How Grandparenting Has Changed (11:17–13:43)

• Both Mandy and Kathryn recount their own grandparents, whose relationships were much more distant and hands-off, influenced by immigrant hardship, language barriers, and generational change.
• A sense of gratitude for being active, present grandparents now.

---

5. Quick Question: The Rudest Animal (17:44–20:38)

• Listener Miriam asks, “If animals could talk, which would be the rudest?”
  • “Humans.” – first response from Mandy (18:10)
  • Kathryn nominates hyenas: “Because I’ve never heard anything really wonderfully generous or kind about the way hyenas behave.” (18:25)
  • Mandy rails against coyotes for threatening his dog, calling them “heinous.” (18:45)
  • Discussion acknowledges animal behavior myths, and segues into mutual admiration for elephants and whales, with Kathryn noting, “I’m very down on our species right now, Miriam, so I’m really up on the animal kingdom being superior.” (18:12)
  • Kathryn shares that elephants call each other by individual names – a sign of animal intelligence. (21:05)

---

6. What Happens After Death? (Listener Email from Heather) (21:33–31:44)

• Heather’s moving note: She recounts her pregnancy coinciding with her father’s passing, dreams of her grandmother “waiting” for her dad, and feelings of connection across generations.

Kathryn’s Response

• Frames herself as spiritual more than religious:
  • “I have come to believe that we transform when we die, that this body is just a temporary container for our energy which doesn’t get destroyed, but it does transform into who knows what.” (23:32)
  • She finds comfort in the mystery, referencing physics and her reading: “We don't understand 95% of the universe… it seems to me we really can't come to any conclusions about the energy that we possess.”
  • Spends more time contemplating mortality as she ages.

Mandy’s Take

• He values memory as a form of keeping loved ones close:
  • “As long as there’s one person on earth who remembers you, it isn’t over.” – referencing Oscar Hammerstein (25:47)
  • Mandy describes actively recalling and “talking” to deceased loved ones, in dreams and even onstage.
  • “There are times I’m on stage and… I see people, I don’t know, generations that have disappeared from acts of violence or hatred… that I believe have all come to sit with us for a while, everyone in the audience, keep us company or my loved ones, and it’s incredibly comforting.” (27:04)
  • Relates his belief to Einstein’s theory: “Energy never dies.” (27:56)

Dreams as a Doorway

• Discussion affirms dreams as a meaningful way of spending time with departed people:
  • “Are you going to sit here… and tell me that my brain… is any less or more real to my brain and my mind than my part of my brain… that’s having that dream, that those don’t have equal weight and value to my existence?” – Mandy (30:44)
• Kathryn tells a story of a friend who dreamt of her deceased parents and requests, “Next time they visit you, would you ask them to please drop by my house?” (31:08)
• Ultimately, both express a need for connection, whether literal, dream-based, or metaphorical: “You will see your dad and your baby and everybody else in some way, some feeling, somehow.” – Kathryn (31:44)

---

7. Practical Problem Solving: The Kinky Hose (Live Caller Nancy) (33:40–40:29)

• Nancy seeks advice for a persistently kinking garden hose.
• Mandy delivers step-by-step, detailed hardware advice:
  • “Right where the kink is, just give yourself a little extra and cut it out with the box cutter on both sides of the kink… get new male and female hose ends… attach them, tighten with a screw, and cover with duct tape… You then can re-hook those two pieces of hose together and have almost 50ft.” (36:17–37:58)
• Nancy is “astonished” at his practical knowledge; Kathryn admits she’d just give up and buy a new one but admires Nancy and her Depression-era thrift.
• Classic Patinkin family ribbing ensues (“Tell your friends I could use the work.” – Mandy, 40:23), leading to a jokey improvised “Mandy the hose man” jingle.

---

8. Fun and Games: “Scary / Not Scary” (40:58–46:24)

Gideon reads a rapid-fire list, the others declare gut reactions:

• Spiders: “Scary, not scary.” – Kathryn, 41:47
• Orgies: “Scary. Wet and scary.” – Mandy, 42:11
• Black bears: “Scary… Don’t feed them, don’t cuddle them.” – Mandy, 42:27
• Foreign documentaries: “Not scary.”
• Donuts: “Scary.” – Mandy & Kathryn (calories!)
• Dentists: “Not scary.”
• Lawyers: Not scary.
• Scary movies: “Scary. Yeah, I’m not. I hate them.” – Mandy, 43:47
• Being alone: Both “mixed” and “scary/not scary.”
• Depends (diapers): Leads to a comedic riff about advertising, with Mandy offering to be the “face” of the product (“I’ll wear them on camera,” 45:01; “I’ll let my new tits show,” 45:19).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I hate the fucking holiday.” – Mandy, Halloween memories (03:09)
• “Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.” – Kathryn’s cousin (06:00)
• “She has a gift that is off the charts.” – Mandy on Kathryn as a grandma (07:27)
• “Go out there, listen to your grandchild, watch your grandchild and see where it takes you.” – Kathryn/Mandy acting advice adapted (10:17)
• “I’m very down on our species right now, Miriam, so I’m really up on the animal kingdom being superior.” – Kathryn, on rude animals (18:12)
• “As long as there's one person on earth who remembers you, it isn’t over.” – Mandy quoting Carousel (25:47)
• “Are you going to sit here… and tell me that my dream isn’t as real as my waking life?” – Mandy on the reality of dreams (30:44)
• “Just go get a new hose and ask your grandmother from the Depression to forgive you.” – Kathryn, practical thrift (38:44)
• “Mandy the hose man, bring him your hose—not your clothes, but the hose, 'cause he has a nose for hoses!” – Gideon (40:31)

---

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:11–03:15: Family banter & Halloween
• 04:17–11:12: Grandparenting advice (Bonnie)
• 17:44–20:38: Rudest animals
• 21:33–31:44: What happens after death? (Heather)
• 33:40–40:29: Kinky hose problem (Nancy)
• 40:58–46:24: “Scary / Not Scary” rapid-fire game
• Selected memorable quotes: noted with segment locations throughout

---

Tone & Language

• Warm, familial, often irreverent, deeply personal but with a wry, self-aware humor.
• Example exchange:
  • Gideon: “Do you have a burning urge to do a song?”
  • Kathryn: “No.”
  • Mandy: “Great.” (45:54)

---

For New Listeners

You’ll find not just advice, but heartfelt storytelling, genuine vulnerability about death and family, and the feeling of joining a loving, bickering, wise family for an hour. The episode weaves between playfulness and profound life questions, always with affection and humor—even if the advice occasionally veers into farce.

Transcript

[A]

Lemonade.

[B]

You know how dad loves quiet, or he claims he loves quiet? Yeah, until he has a little quiet. I thought we could just offer our listeners just some silence to join. To just join us in some quiet.

[A]

How long does it have to be? Like, 35, 40 minutes.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I'll do a quick one.

[C]

Well, think of that as a meditation.

[B]

Yeah, I'll do it. Three, two. And I'll let you know when it ends. Okay. Three, two, one. There you go. That was just 30 seconds.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It was my favorite podcast so far.

[B]

Mom died, I Died. Five times.

[A]

I'm actually gonna download the packaging now just for that. I can listen to it over and over again. I'll put it on a loop.

[B]

Welcome to Don't Listen to Us, our podcast thing. Who are we? I think we have to say who we are every time.

[A]

No way.

[B]

No, because, people, it might be the first.

[A]

We're the Brody Patinkins. We're a mess.

[B]

We're some of them.

[C]

Yeah, we're a mess. Some of the Grody Patina.

[A]

People love us.

[C]

Well, some people do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, that's the risk. You seem funny. I mean, today, I think, is really a day.

[B]

You know what I thought could be fun?

[C]

I'd like to be in the Himalayas.

[A]

Himalayas.

[B]

So Halloween is coming up. Are you guys. Are you guys big Halloween fans?

[C]

It's the one thing I do not miss at all. From your childhood. I hated that.

[A]

Let's do the silence thing again.

[C]

No, I hated that.

[B]

Do you guys don't dress up on Halloween?

[C]

I did when you were kids and you made me. And I tried to pretend I liked the holiday. I did like it one year when we had a lobby holiday in a lobby at our old rental apartment building.

[B]

What's the last costume dad you can remember wearing for Halloween?

[A]

I just remember the nightmare with Isaac in the elevator. One year, the refrigerator came. He wanted to keep the box to make a robot. Made the robot.

[C]

The computer.

[A]

Made a computer. Thank you. I'm always wrong. Then he.

[B]

What were you wearing, though, that holiday?

[A]

I was. I was playing. I was pretending to be the father. And he gets in the elevator, gets too hot. It's covered in aluminum foil. And he couldn't do it. He couldn't go up and down the elevator of a New York building. And he had to get out, and he was devastated. And I hate the fucking holiday.

[B]

Wow. So that one. You. Bad experience, wrapping your child in aluminum.

[A]

It upset my kid in a serious way. Forever.

[C]

Yeah, you just.

[A]

No recovery intent. And looking for so what do you do on Halloween? You just.

[C]

You wanted to be something bloody. That was easy.

[A]

I'd like three Musketeers.

[B]

Oh, you like that candy?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Can I. Do you really want to know all my.

[A]

I really like Junior Mints. The little boxes of Junior Mints I think are the best. But I don't even eat that anymore.

[C]

So you have to have kids eating junk, worrying about maniacs, putting razor blades in apples.

[B]

Who chose that?

[C]

Moving right along.

[A]

Great.

[B]

We want to start with our first listener question. Here we've got a voice note from Bonnie. So if you put your headphones in, we will hear a message from Bonnie.

[A]

Lies over the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the sea. My Bonnie lies over the ocean. Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.

[B]

That's probably a public domain.

[A]

I think so. If it's not, throw it in the garbage.

[B]

Okay, here we've got a message from listener Bonnie.

[C]

Hey, Mandy and Catherine. I listened to your interview with the New York Times and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I just absolutely loved it. And near the end, you were talking about your grandchildren and how you kind of keep them out of the limelight for some of the other social media and the things that you do. I am a first time grandmother. My granddaughter Eloise was born at the end of May this year and I'm just so excited. So I was wanting to know what kind of advice do you have for being the very best grandparent that you can be. I am lucky enough to live just a little over an hour away, so access is pretty easy. I have a great relationship with my daughter and son in law, but I'm just trying to find maybe some unique things, some different things, some special things that I could do with my granddaughter as she, as she grows. Best of luck.

[B]

Nice. Thanks, Bonnie.

[C]

I think we're all very lucky to have close access to grandchildren, Bonnie, because it's such a different relationship, know if you see them once a year or twice a year, it is extraordinarily fabulous. And I found the challenge of being a grandparent really quite surprising because we are the grandparents, we are not the parents. And there may be very different ideas of what you did as a parent and what your kids are doing as parents. And that, that really has to be deeply respected. A cousin of mine who got to this point long before me and who has seven grandchildren said to me, here's the advice I'm going to give you. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. And I really think that's.

[B]

Is it opposite? Is duct tape supposed to be Better than silence.

[C]

Yeah, because you can't possibly open silver.

[B]

Duct tape is golden.

[C]

No, honey, this. The duct tape is silver. It's a joke. You don't get that joke.

[B]

Oh, but wasn't she saying that duct tape is even better than silence because you can't say anything?

[C]

Yes, she was. So you're saying duct tape would be gold if it came in gold? Oh, my God. Anyway, Bonnie, I'm just trying to tell you the hardest thing.

[A]

The.

[C]

The thing to do is like.

[A]

Bonnie, Donnie. Never mind.

[C]

I'm done.

[A]

We've had to grow up with this person, Gideon. We've been with him now for 30,000 years. This is what I've dealt with since birth.

[C]

You know what it reminds me of? When he was about seven, he said, I just figured out why they call it the weekend. I said, why? He said, because that's when the weak days end and the strong days begin.

[A]

Here's the key to being a great grandparent, Bonnie. Get Catherine to be you. And the way you can do that is she's available 24 7, 365. She has a quality the likes of which I have never, I don't think I've seen in anybody else. It's greater than the ever ready bunny. A never ending energy. She'll complain about, you know, this aching or that aching or getting out of a car, this or that. When it comes to the grandchild, she's like a 10 month or 11 month old little girl who can just sit down and get up and jump down and get up and with like, no problem, you know, wrap her head, legs around her head. She's just, you know, just unbelievably nimble and energized. I get exhausted watching her. And at the same time, I thank God that she is the grand, the mother of my children and the grandmother of my grandchildren. Because I couldn't keep up with her as a mother and I can't keep up with her as a grandparent. And I'm fine with it. She has a gift that is off the charts. I'm now gonna shut up for the rest of this question and let her give you all the advice. Cause she is a God in this area.

[C]

Thank you, Bonnie.

[B]

Very nice, dad.

[C]

That's really nice, but a huge exaggeration.

[A]

What about not at all.

[B]

What comes up with Bonnie's question of any unique things or different things or special things that she could do with her granddaughter?

[C]

Well, first of all, your granddaughter is just a few months old. So I'd say just pay attention to who she is. Because even babies are different from each other. And I would say really, really. It sounds like you do this automatically, Bonnie, but be very respectful of your granddaughter's parents. I'd say buy some duct tape. Buy duct tape. Be respectful of their ideas. I think in if something is really, really important, from my experience that I think is really essential to share that's different than my daughter in law or son, I will share it to them as respectfully as I can.

[A]

And don't try it out on your husband because he'll say, don't say that.

[B]

I think one thing that's a nice thing I've been noticing with all of us is that, you know, there's lots of toys, there's lots of stuff, there's lots of programs. There's all this stuff to entertain little kids. And sometimes the best time we have with them is doing nothing. Just like literally sitting around using your imagination, cultivating that. Cultivating, like building worlds without stuff.

[C]

Yeah. And I think what Gideon said is really true. You don't need a lot of stuff. You just need an expressive face and a pair of hands that can hug them and tickle them.

[A]

And I'm going to come back into the conversation even though I said I wasn't, because you need to watch them and listen to them. They will tell you what they need and you will just respond, you know, Katherine said to me the greatest acting advice I'd ever gotten. I kept it in my wallet till I knew it and had it etched in my soul. I was worried about opening night. And she said to me once, you know this guy, just go out there, listen to the words and see where they take you. Go out there, listen to your grandchild, watch your grandchild and see where it takes you. There's no wrong or right. There's just you and those children and there's nothing better. It is at a time when we're all going through so much. They bring you back to joy like I have never witnessed in my life. I don't know how we would be breathing at times without them. Grandchildren and dogs.

[B]

Did you guys spend time with your grandparents in a close, playful way when you were kids?

[C]

Oh my God.

[B]

You remember playing with them?

[C]

Well, honey, no. Jenny, our friend in England said our parents weren't involved like we are with. No, my grandparents were immigrants. They were hard working Russian immigrants. They never babysat for us, ever. Yeah, I adored my, my mom's mom in particular, but I was just fascinated with her Russian accent and her difference and where she came from and I was so moved by her story. But never did we play. Yeah, ever or never did they take care of us. It was a whole different dynamic.

[A]

Yeah. Now my. My maternal grandfather left my maternal grandmother, and so he was sort of in the doghouse, although I met him a couple times.

[B]

What was his name again?

[A]

Grandpa Fred. And I remember my mother sort of showed her hand once and as opposed to covering how she felt when we were young, and I came in weeping because my turtle had died. And, you know, I had one of those little turtles and one of those little plastic circular things. And she. Her response was, well, someone else died today. Grandpa Fred. And I remember there was so little talk about Grandpa Fred that my response to Grandma saying that was, yeah, but my turtle died. And that was. That's very bright. But also, my Grandma Celia was there for us, but she was kind of hilarious. Got off the boat, never really bothered to learn English. Knew it, but wouldn't talk it. And she would just go like this, mindy, would you make better television? Channel 2 for Walter Cronkite? And. And then she'd do other things like that.

[B]

Have you ever thought of doing a one man show as your Grandma Celia?

[A]

If I. If I need to put my audience to sleep. But Grandma Ida, my mom's mother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was just incredible. And she would do this, which I do to both my grandchildren. And, well, they have. They. I can't do it, but you can't see me. But it's Roly Poly. Roly Poly. Roly Poly.

[B]

Describe what you're doing.

[A]

I've got Catherine's.

[C]

I've got Catherine. He's got my forearm and he's going Roly Poly. I get why this is so fun.

[A]

I got my forearm.

[B]

Yeah. Is that fun for you?

[C]

No, not really.

[A]

Yeah, but it's. They love it. And I don't. Sometimes I say roly Poly, Roly Poly. But I honor my Grandma Ida, and most often I say Grandma Ayda. Grandma Ayda, Grandma Ayda instead of Roly Poly.

[B]

I remember that. I remember that well. And it's one of my favorites.

[A]

I do. To their legs and their arms. And I recommend it. We know sometimes it's easy to forget just how much a simple thing like a notebook, a clean shirt, or a pair of shoes that fit can change a child's whole day. But for kids living in generational poverty, those small things can be the difference between staying in school or falling behind. That's what Children Incorporated is all about. Removing the barriers that keep kids from getting the education they Deserve. For more than 60 years, Children Incorporated has been quietly doing something remarkable. Connecting caring people like you with children in need all around the world and here in the US as well. Here's how it when you visit childrenincorporated.org you can choose a child to sponsor. Your monthly contribution goes directly toward meeting that child's most urgent needs. Things like clothing, shoes, school supplies, hygiene items, and food. Whatever it takes to help them stay focused, stay confident, and stay in school. And this part is really special. Children Incorporated partners with volunteer coordinators who actually know each child personally. Many are teachers or community leaders who see firsthand what families are struggling with. Because of that, about 85% of every dollar donated goes straight into program support. That's a big deal in the nonprofit world, and it means your help reaches children fast where it matters most. The work that Children Incorporated is doing is very close to my heart. I have two children of my own. I have two grandchildren. And the idea that I might not be able to help them with what they need and knowing that someone out there who cares can pick up the slack that I can't handle because of my economic situation would make my life magic. So lift up a child that maybe isn't your own flesh and blood, but certainly is part of our shared human community. For $35 a month, you not only meet the child's most immediate basic needs, but also provide them with an education that will allow them to pursue higher education or obtain employment in the future, or possibly have a career in the arts, which we need so desperately every moment of our lives. Children Incorporated is an independent charity with no religious or political affiliation. I can tell you for a fact that I'm signing up for Children Incorporated right now. Visit childrenincorporated.org and choose a child to sponsor today.

[B]

Or.

[A]

Or they'll pick the right match for you. That's children incorporated.org help remove the barriers and help change a life.

[B]

This is a great one. This is an email we received from a listener and it's neither a hard hitting existential question about life or. Or even an advice question, but we liked it. This is from Miriam. You don't need to words Mom.

[A]

Miriam. M I R I A. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

This was just a very short question. She wrote in if animals could talk.

[A]

Which would be the rudest.

[B]

Had to ask. Love you guys.

[A]

R U D E. Yeah. The rudest.

[B]

If animals could talk, which would be the rudest.

[A]

Rudest thing they would say, which would.

[B]

Be the rudest animal.

[A]

Oh, oh.

[C]

I know what I think right Away.

[A]

Yeah. Human.

[C]

I would say I'm very down on our species right now, Miriam, so I'm really up on the animal kingdom being superior. But I'd say the rudest animal. My immediate thought was a hyena.

[B]

And why?

[C]

Because I've never heard anything really wonderfully generous or kind about the way hyenas behave. But I'm sure a hyena expert would correct me.

[B]

Do you hear a lot of negative things about hyenas in your day to day life?

[C]

Well, not my daily life, but I remember when I was in South Africa, there was quite a lot of talk about hyenas.

[A]

I hate coyotes. Yeah, coyotes. I go in packs. They'll attack my dog if they are in a pack because they're hit by a bigger dog. Rude and horrible and heinous. And heinous. Heinous, heinous, heinous. Hyness, hoenus and.

[B]

Right. They'll kill the weakest one in the pack.

[A]

Yeah, they'll kill the weakest one in the pack. But if they see my dog, who's 90, well, £84 now, but they would kill her because she'd be a threat to them.

[B]

Do you think if you saw coyotes going for your dog or a small pack of coyotes going for Becky and you were there, would you jump into that mix?

[A]

Absolutely. And I'd look for rocks and sticks and beat the hell out of them. Wow.

[B]

Even if. Even if you were feeling you might get.

[A]

Yeah, I go get some shots and everything. They wouldn't kill me. I guarantee you they wouldn't.

[B]

It was like 25.

[A]

Unless they bit me in my neck in the jugular and I bled to death instantly.

[C]

No, we don't have much.

[B]

It would still be worth it.

[A]

Still have been worth it. Yeah. Hear that backstory.

[B]

Did she have a response?

[A]

Did she appreciate it?

[B]

Okay, so hyenas and.

[C]

I just.

[B]

So you guys are more of a domesticated dog.

[C]

Yeah. But elephants are my very favorite. I really wish I could.

[A]

Yeah, that's rude.

[C]

There's going to be interspecies communication just as we've almost done ourselves in. And that might save us.

[A]

I think Flipper. What was Flipper?

[B]

How would being able to talk to a whale save us? What do you think?

[C]

I think just the knowledge that we are not so special, but we're part of a huge community that we're just these weird amoebas that seem to be intent on Earth, our planet. The animals don't. And I think that really learning that they have skills and emotions and talents that we Don't. And communicating them would humble us a bit.

[A]

Whales are musicians. They click and they sing.

[B]

Can I hear, like a conversation between whales.

[C]

And elephants? Call each other by name, Actual individual names. They just discovered that.

[B]

Well, why is that so impressive? We do that. This is an email from Heather, and it's a really beautiful email question, and mom wanted to know if you could read this one for us.

[C]

Dear Mandy, Catherine, and Gideon, my dad was diagnosed with cancer right before Christmas in 2024. At the time of his diagnosis, I was five months pregnant. He kept wanting to know if I'd had dreams or premonitions. He felt like maybe I was more sensitive during that time. The week he died, In March of 2025, when I was eight months pregnant, I had a dream about my grandmother, his mother. She died in 2003. In my dream, she didn't say anything to me. She was just there waiting. I had the feeling she was waiting for her baby, my dad, like I was waiting for mine. And that both of our children were in this in between space, hers exiting this world and mine about to come into it. I told my dad about my dream and he said nothing, just listened. He declined. Days later, I cried a lot in the week following that dream. And as my father entered icu, then palliative care, then hospice, I was not surprised. I had seen my grandmother and I knew she was waiting, that when he did end his journey here, he would not go to that next place alone. Here's my question for you. What do you think happens when we die? Best of luck, Heather. Well, Heather, thank you for sharing that. Obviously, it really moved me. I'm not a particularly religious person. I'm a secular. Is like a lot of my generation. I call myself more of a spiritual person than a religious person. And I have come to believe that we transform when we die, that this body is just a temporary container for our energy which doesn't get destroyed, but it does transform into who knows what. That vague idea has given me comfort, and I sort of feel like just like I didn't. I don't remember anything before I was born. I'm not sure what my consciousness will be when I change out of this body and become part of the greater universe, but that's what I believe happens, is we become part of the greater cosmos.

[B]

Had you felt that way for a long time or did that feeling emerge kind of in your later years?

[C]

No, that's emerged later. I'd say in the last five or six years, I've been thinking a lot more about mortality. And really obsessed with it. Since I became a grandmother, I became obsessed with how long I'll be here, how long will I know my grandchildren, how functional will I be for my grandchildren. I'm really envious of my friends that had shitty first marriages but had their kids when they were 20. So now they know their 30 year old grandchildren and have gone to met their great grandchildren. That wasn't my path, you know, but my rudimentary and I mean baby infantile understanding of physics and the cosmos and reading more and more about it has led me. We don't understand 95% of the universe, we only understand 5% of matter. I checked with a great physicist, Brian Greene, about this, he said it was right. And my brother Stephen, who's also one of my more brilliant people, we don't understand how this universe works. So it seems to me we really can't come to any conclusions about the energy that we possess. Except that I believe it doesn't die, though it's a really hard one because I like the familiar body love that we have in this form. And it's really hard to let go of that.

[B]

Do you ever also in your mind think that when you die you'll get to talk to the other people you've lost in a different way? Or do you not think that way? I mean, even if it's just a creative notion or sort of a play space in the mind, do you spend time thinking that, that you'll be like reunited with past loved ones?

[A]

I honestly don't think that I haven't. But I do it in my dreams and I do it on my walks when I'm awake. And I do it to my dog. I talk to her about others that I wish were here with me. Seeing you, my grandchildren, and telling Becky about them. And then I believe they're there with us. I also say everyone, she's always sensitive, but. But I, as you well know, I say every single person's name that I was connected with, who's passed on. And I do it because of the line from Oscar Hammerstein wrote in Carousel. As long as there's one person on earth who remembers you, it isn't over. And I do it also so that all of them are with me and available, like therapy. And sometimes, you know, you talk about an idea, so that little string of that idea is right here, so you in front of your eyes so you can grab it. And so that when my difficult moments come, or just my peaceful moments, there are times I'm on stage and I'm Looking out into the blackness because the lights are in my eyes and I see everyone out there. I see people, I don't know, generations that have disappeared from acts of violence or hatred, you know, that I believe have all come to sit with us for a while, everyone in the audience, keep us company or my loved ones, and it's incredibly comforting. And I believe that when the moment comes, I'm not somebody who, you know, if I'm on a plane and the. And the turbulence happens, I don't dig my nails into Mom's thigh, really. No, not at all. I'm completely relaxed. My eyes go wide open, because if this is it, I'm not excited. But if this is it, I want to see it. I'm really curious. I want to see it. And. And I'm not afraid of it, and I don't want to miss the last seconds, but I believe there is something beyond this that I have no understanding of, but it has to do with energy. And. And I'm quite certain of that because I believe in science and I believe in Einstein's theory of relativity, that energy never dies.

[C]

I mean, it is interesting, ged, I think this is my experience, but your brother is so much like his namesake. He's named after my dad. And there have been times in my life where I just go. I look into Isaac's eyes and I go, oh, my God, Dad. Hi. You came back in such a direct way because he reminds me so much of my dad. And I love that idea. And I have. I love imagining, you know, seeing my brother welcoming me somewhere, but I don't really, really believe that will happen, other than a feeling, maybe. Do you know? And I think evoking them and having them still be with you is certainly a way of making that gap less excruciating.

[B]

And I know you've said you're jealous of other people in our family or friends who've been dreaming about Mike. You're like, when do I get my. I mean, it's pretty wild how the dream space is sort of the closest thing we have to heaven.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

May I also just add something about her?

[C]

Is that happening with you, though? A lot.

[B]

I think I've had some dreams about him, but I haven't. You know, I'd really like to go there. And I'm jealous.

[C]

I know. Me, too. I'm so jealous.

[A]

Keep thinking about it. Keep talking about it, because I'll just like to posit this to you and to our listeners. If I'm awake in this moment right now, which is defined as me being awake speaking to you. You consider that normal, real, realistic behavior, appropriate if I'm dreaming and I see Uncle Mike in my dream, or my dad or my mom or my sister, and are you going to sit here, or is anybody in the planet going to sit here and tell me that my brain, which is sitting here looking and talking to you and holding mom right now, that image of you and mom and being here, is any less or more real to my brain and my mind than my part of my brain, unconscious, conscious, whatever that's having that dream, that those don't have equal weight and value to my existence. They have 100% equal weight and value. And I believe that my brain gives them 100% equal weight, presence and value to the moment.

[B]

Yeah, that's cool.

[C]

My friend Barbara, whose last name I can't remember, which is freaking me out.

[B]

A really close friend, huh?

[C]

She was a really close friend in high school. It's the Brave.

[B]

Oh, it's high school. Well, that's a lot.

[C]

No, but she ran something. She ran something called Saint Martin de Porres in San Francisco for people with AIDS or homeless people. She was an extraordinary person. And when we were very young, in our 20s, she called me up. She had a funny voice. She said, kathy, she said, listen, your parents keep visiting me, and under the circumstances, it feels really weird calling them Mr. And Mrs. Grody. And I can't remember the first names. I said, barb, their names were Hattie and Irv. And the next time they visit you, would you ask them to please drop by my house? Yeah, but she said she saw them all the time.

[B]

That's amazing.

[C]

Can I just say. Oh, never. Yeah, Heather, thank you. And you will see your dad and your baby and everybody else in some.

[B]

Way, some feeling, somehow.

[A]

Or not. Or not foreign.

[D]

Hi, everybody. It's Julia Louis Dreyfus from the Wiser Than Me podcast. And I'm not going to talk about food waste this time. I'm going to talk about food resources. All that uneaten food rotting in the landfill. It could be enriching our soil or food feeding our chickens, because it's still food. And the easiest, and frankly, way coolest way to put all its nutrients to work is with the mill food recycler. It looks like an art house garbage can. You can just toss your scraps in it like a garbage can. But it is definitely not a garbage can. I mean, it's true. I'm pretty obsessed with this thing. I even invested in this thing. But I'm not alone. I Any mill owner just might corner you at a party and rhapsodize about how it's completely odorless and it's fully automated and how you can keep filling it for weeks. But the clincher is that you can depend on it for years. Mill is a serious machine. Think about a dishwasher, not a toaster. It's built by hand in North America and it's engineered by the guy who did your iPhone. But you have to kind of live with mill to understand all the love. That's why they offer a risk free trial. Go to mill.com wiser for an exclusive offer.

[B]

Okay, this time we've got a live caller. Her name is Nancy. And I'm pretty sure this will be dad's favorite question in the whole season. You don't need. I'm gonna read her email question for us and then we'll talk to her. Hello. As a single mother who raised two daughters, I've learned to do many, many things. But every now and then, even YouTube won't help. I have this garden hose, which is very long and serves its purpose very well, except it has this kink in it which can be very annoying when I'm pulling said hose around the yard and all of a sudden the water flow just stops. I have tried various fixes, the most effective being leaving the hose stretched out in the sun to warm and then handling it, twisting it, massaging it, and speaking to it kindly. This works until I turn the water on and then, voila, it bends and kinks itself back into a lovely V shape. I have inherited a family curse from my grandmother who raised 12 kids during the depression that won't let me ever throw anything away until it is literally dust to dust. Please help me. Thank you. Nancy Boyd.

[C]

Hi, Nancy.

[A]

Hey, Nancy.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Hello. Yes. How's your hose doing today?

[C]

Oh, not well. In fact, it's worse. Not only now do I have a V, it looks more like the end of a Tootsie Roll wrapper where it's all twisted and I barely get a trickle. This is 50ft of hose, and I barely get a trickle out of it. And it's, you know, two inches of it is the problem. And like I said, I. I have this problem with, you know, not fixing things so well. My husband is the only one that can address you, Nancy, because I have no knowledge.

[A]

This is really easy.

[C]

This is really. For him.

[A]

You go, what do you. Box cutter. Get a box cutter from the hardware store. Get a female and a. Let's see. Which is the end that's kinked. Female or male?

[C]

Well, it's right in the middle of the hose.

[B]

It's right in the middle.

[C]

It's right.

[A]

Oh, it's in the middle of the hose. Okay.

[C]

It's in the middle of the hose.

[A]

You're gonna end up having two hoses. Okay. You're gonna end up having two hoses. So already you've really succeeded here. So right where the kink is, just give yourself a little extra and cut it out with the. What did I just call it? The box cutter on both sides of the kink. And then whatever side of the other end is, if it has a male, then you put a female on that end. If the other end that you've cut off, if the opposite end of that is female or male, you put the opposite on the virgin new part that you've just created. And then it has a little screw. You need a screwdriver. And there's a screw in the. In the piece. The hose fits in it and then it tightens around the hose so that it makes. It makes you salvage the problematic hose. Some hoses have holes in it or whatever.

[B]

Have you done this?

[A]

You can absolutely. Those hoses right over there are like that. And. And then you might want to get some. The best gaffer tape you have. Duct tape is solid. And then wrap it around it because the edges can sometimes get sharp. So when you're taking the hose and attaching it to the spigot or to another hose to have greater length, you don't want to cut your fingers. So you just wrap the screw and the metal edges of the bracket with duct tape so it's nice and smooth. And let's say you cut out a 2 inch, a 1 inch, a 4 inch, a 5 inch piece. You then can re hook those two pieces of hose together and have almost 50ft. Wow.

[B]

You know, I gotta say, I really was expecting my dad to just say, buy a new hose.

[A]

No way. This is really fun to do.

[B]

Well, it sounds like you do have a lot of feet to work with. This could work.

[C]

Yeah. Well, I might have to hear.

[A]

You said this is in the middle of the hose, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes, it is. You kind of lost me there.

[A]

You know what you do go. You go to YouTube and put in repairing broken hose with new male and female head.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Heads.

[C]

Heads.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Well, that's how you refer to it.

[A]

And you'll see a YouTube video and it'll make it crystal clear to you.

[B]

And what would have been your advice, Mom?

[C]

Oh, just really? How Expensive is a new hose. Just go get a new hose and ask your grandmother from the Depression to please forgive you. That you really tried. That would be my thing. But, Nancy, I must say I'm astonished with the knowledge of these practicalities that my husband has. So I very much enjoyed your question and his answer. But I admire you, Nancy, for wanting to fix things and not just throw everything out. There was an incredible exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art some years ago with a Chinese artist, replicated his family's home and everything in it. They had never thrown anything away in, like, 60, 70 years because they lived like the Depression during the Cultural Revolution, and every plastic bag was folded in, and it just reminded me of how wasteful we could be. So congratulations on you not being.

[A]

And thank you so much for calling me Nancy. I will never forget you, because my family will not listen to me about anything to do with this subject. They run from me like, I've got a squirt gun and filled with, like, vinegar and not acid. I wouldn't put acid in the squirt gun, but I would put vinegar, and then I'm chasing.

[B]

I was just very.

[A]

You really gave me a gift.

[B]

I was very impressed that you had a confident answer, dad. Yeah, I really. I didn't know you had that.

[A]

I can go. I can run right outside to the shed and get you the hose.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to see.

[C]

Well, yeah, send me a picture.

[A]

That'd be great.

[C]

Yeah. Well, I appreciate it very much. Thank you so much. You really have been very helpful, and I appreciate that. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

All right. Thank you. Tell your friends I could use the work.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Be well.

[B]

Thanks, Nancy.

[C]

All right, thank you. Bye.

[A]

Have fun.

[B]

Oh, Mandy the hose man, bring him your hose Mandy the hose man bring.

[A]

Him him your hose not your clothes, but the hose because he has a nose for hoes Mandy, the hose for a Mandy not your clothes, not your clothes he has a nose for the hose, Hose, hose Bring your hose to.

[B]

The Mandy's hose Bring your hoses to Mandy he's got the noses for your hoses. You know, some podcasts out there are, like, five and a half hours long. Ours could be, like, 30 minutes of tight conversation and then just really horrible songs. Jesus, I'd listen to that. We're at our fun and games section. So this is a thing, just, you know, hanging out, taking a little break from the intensity of the world. This week, we're playing scary. Not scary. Okay. So just gut reactions. I'm gonna read out a word. You tell me if it's scary or not scary. Okay, spiders.

[C]

Scary, not scary.

[A]

What?

[C]

What are you talking about? I like spiders, Charlotte's web, etc. Just if it's a black widow, I'm scared of it.

[A]

The bottle's up.

[B]

Oh, explain the bottle. Soda.

[A]

People don't know what the bottle means. Soda, soda.

[B]

Fizzy, scary. Fizzy or fizzy.

[C]

It's not scary.

[A]

Not scary.

[B]

Not scary. Orgies.

[A]

Scary, wet and scary.

[B]

Black bears.

[A]

Or as my children would say, do orgies again.

[B]

Orgies.

[C]

Black bears.

[A]

A black bears.

[C]

I know they. They're not grizzlies.

[B]

Just gut reaction.

[C]

Yes, scary, Scary.

[A]

Don't feed them.

[B]

Don't feed them. Don't cuddle them.

[A]

Don't engage anything of them. And put your bird seed away. Put your other food away. Don't leave food on the screened in porch. They'll tear through it. Yeah, get a really good bear proof can from Barracuda. My friend Kevin makes these and they work great. Free advertising for Kevin.

[B]

Documentaries in a foreign language.

[C]

Not scary.

[A]

Not scary.

[B]

Donuts.

[A]

Scary.

[C]

Scary.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Calories.

[C]

You just eat too many and they're horrible for you.

[B]

Do you have a feeling about donuts? Like are you a cake donut or a dough donut or cronut or.

[C]

I'm a donut hole with lots of dipping things.

[B]

A donut hole with dipping things?

[C]

Yeah. They have. At some restaurants they have a hole of a donut and you dip it in donut holes.

[B]

You're describing some super bougie. Fancy bougie.

[C]

Fancy nuts.

[A]

I like the Dunkin Donuts. Chocolate orange glaze.

[B]

Okay, excellent. Bikinis.

[A]

Great. Scary, not scary.

[B]

Contortionists?

[A]

Not scary.

[C]

Not scary.

[B]

Dentists?

[A]

Not scary.

[C]

Not really.

[B]

Lawyers?

[A]

Not scary.

[B]

Scary movies?

[A]

Scary. Yeah, I'm not. I hate them.

[B]

Pumpkins?

[A]

Not scary.

[B]

Varicose veins.

[A]

Scary.

[B]

Vacuum cleaners.

[A]

Not scary.

[B]

Porcelain Victorian dolls?

[A]

Not scary.

[C]

They can be scary.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Well, one. They can break if they're valuable. They have a very serious, odd haunted look about them.

[A]

Not scary to me.

[B]

Being alone, scary.

[A]

I love it. But also scary.

[C]

Mixed. Both. Both scary. Anon.

[B]

What does it feel like today?

[C]

The notion of heaven as we sit here together?

[B]

Skydiving.

[C]

Scary. Fucking scary.

[A]

Stupid scary. Stupid.

[B]

Idiot parties.

[A]

Scary.

[C]

Depends.

[A]

Never depends. Depends is what you wear when you're my age, what you wear.

[C]

Don't wear that. And don't even mention that.

[A]

I don't need depends yet. But you know I'm okay when I do. But you wear.

[B]

Mom's doing everything she can to fight the cliche of all my people in diapers.

[A]

And here you are banging the drum for it, asking for them to call me and be one of our sponsors on don't listen to us. I'll make people buy your Depends. I can sell. I will wear them on camera.

[C]

I will not have anything to do with.

[A]

I want that to be our number one advertiser.

[C]

No, forget it.

[A]

I'm telling you. And we'll advertise it in arp. And I'll be on the COVID of ARP wearing a Depends.

[C]

Oh, God, man. You're so disgusting.

[A]

Only the Depends. I'll let my new tits show. I have beautiful new breasts.

[C]

Everything's coming. Oh, my God. Help.

[A]

I'm gonna put it all out there.

[B]

I hate this kinky hose.

[A]

I don't know what that is. Scary.

[B]

Not scary. A hose with a kink in it.

[A]

Oh, hoses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not scary.

[C]

No.

[A]

Repairable.

[C]

Scary.

[B]

Great. Well, thanks for coming to listen.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Listen to us.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

And do you guys.

[A]

I got excited with that last game.

[B]

I know. It's a fun game.

[A]

We could return to that game. Yeah.

[C]

We could do that game in life.

[B]

No, no, we just did it in life. What was that? We're living. We're here. We're not talking about in life.

[A]

No longer.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Do you guys. Do you. Do you have a burning urge to do a song? No.

[C]

No.

[A]

Great.

[C]

No. Zero.

[B]

Well, we want to hear from you more questions, stories, advice for us. You know, what's going on with your hoses and what do you find scary? Not scary. You can send an email to ask mandy and catherinemail.com. check out Socials for an easy way to send us a voice note. Thank you so much for joining us. What was this, episode four or 4,000?

[C]

No, is this four?

[A]

I think this is four. That's my lucky number. This is probably.

[B]

Why is that your lucky number?

[A]

Gonna win awards.

[B]

Why is it your lucky number?

[A]

I just chose it. I just. I chose four.

[B]

So 44 was your lucky number.

[A]

I chose it. I can't remember.

[B]

She was a lucky number.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Missed your lucky number.

[B]

Something happened. Am a lucky number expert. You don't know everything about me, dad. I'm a fucking lucky number expert.

[C]

What's your lucky number?

[B]

I haven't chosen one yet.

[A]

Get at it.

[B]

I bet you thought that was the end.

[A]

Here we are. Bye, everybody.

[B]

See you next next week. Don't Listen to Us is a Lemonada Media original hosted by Mandy Patinkin, Katherine Grody and Gideon Grody Patinkin, created by Katrina Onstad, Debbie Pacheco and Gideon Grody Patinkin. Executive producers are Kathryn Grody, Gideon Grody Pitinkin, Mandy Padinkin, Katrina Onstadt, Debbie Pacheco, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Whittles Wax. Our engineer is Ryan Derringer of Welterweight Sound. Video and audio production by Mark Whiteway of Bellows Media. If you haven't subscribed to Lemonada Media Premium yet, now's the perfect time. You can hear don't listen to us completely ad free. Plus you'll unlock exclusive bonus content like behind the scenes conversations, questions so weird they didn't make it on air, Becky the Dog shenanigans, and more. Just tap the subscribe button on Apple podcasts. Head to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe on any other app, or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. That's lemonadapremium.com don't miss out.

[A]

It.