Fighting Demons w/ Willie Barcena!

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL PODCAST

Episode: Fighting Demons w/ Willie Barcena!

Hosts: Marty O'Neill & Thomas Araujo

Guest: Willie Barcena

Release Date: April 7, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this vibrant and unfiltered episode, stand-up comedy veteran Willie Barcena sits down with Marty and Thomas (“Dope As Yola”) for a raw, hilarious, and introspective conversation. Willie, known for his brutally honest storytelling, shares wild tales spanning his decades in comedy—from wrestling Mario Lopez to navigating Hollywood’s highs and lows, family struggles, and lessons learned from fighting personal demons. Throughout, the trio riff on everything from childhood trauma and cultural representation to stand-up craft, therapy stigma, the business side of comedy, and the secrets of maintaining happiness and creativity.

---

Major Discussion Topics & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Sex, Vibrators, and Prep Teams

• The conversation opens (00:00) with explicit and humorous advice from Willie about bringing vibrators into the bedroom—“like having a little friend,” setting the tone for frankness and laughter.
• Memorable quote: “The little... your lady never remembers the opener, she remembers the headliner. After [the vibrator] warms up the crowd, you jump in and you... get all the glory.” —Willie (01:16)

2. Wild Industry Tales: Mario Lopez & Beyond

• Willie recounts a tequila-fueled wrestling match outside the Ice House with Mario Lopez, sharing the fallout and Mario blocking him for years (02:58–06:05).
• Discusses being misunderstood on other podcasts (e.g., Be Real), and the misunderstandings that can come from comedic stories (01:53).

3. Latino Representation in Hollywood

• The group laments the scarcity of Latino leads and the cyclical “bone” thrown to Latino stories (“Selena,” “McFarland USA,” “Stand and Deliver”) (08:03–10:55).
• Quote: “Hollywood should have more stories like that of Latinos—not just Stand and Deliver.” —Willie (08:03)

4. Comedy Career Realities: Holding Deals & Heartbreak

• Willie explains the “development deals” (holding deals) of the '90s and losing out to George Lopez at ABC (10:55–12:52).
• Candidly details the pain of almost-makes, drinking, and the battle with self-worth imposed by show business.

5. Therapy, Childhood Trauma, & Intergenerational Healing

• Both hosts and Willie openly discuss strained relationships with their mothers, the lingering impact of childhood (20:17–27:05), and how personal pain can fuel comedic material.
• They touch on the cultural stigma around therapy in Latino families, with Willie challenging this taboo:

  “There’s people who go to college just to study why we behave the way we do... If you get even two good problem-solving skills from therapy, that can change your life.” (27:05)

6. Craft of Comedy: Writing, Failing, and Growing

• Willie stresses the discipline of writing and failing as key to growth (33:10–36:41).
• Advice:

  “The key is failure, bro. You gotta fail and feel it... The next time, just say, ‘I’m gonna suck less.’ If you do, go home like a winner.” (35:34)

• Emphasizes recording every set, detailed self-critiquing, and focusing on telling personal stories rather than fishing for approval (36:41–41:08).

7. Comedy Generations & Social Media

• The generational gap: younger comics lean on crowd work and digital presence over written sets, while Willie advocates for rigorous joke writing—“the phone generation can only focus in 1-minute clips but writing takes hours” (32:02–34:23, 71:33).
• Willie describes his late-career resurgence thanks to his son’s social media savvy (71:53–77:17).

8. Personal Life: Fatherhood, Regrets & Priorities

• Willie describes prioritizing fatherhood over fame, becoming deeply involved in his sons’ athletic careers, and the complexities of having a dad who left (57:36–60:33).
• Quote: “Growing up without a dad, subconsciously, you not only... you feel less. Because this person did not care enough to stay and take care of you.” (58:21)

9. Comedy Club War Stories & Street Fights

• Raw stories about club mishaps: being booed at the Apollo twice, getting a beer bottle thrown at him in a gang-heavy San Diego crowd (49:19, 81:07).
• Recounts a real-life fight record (five wins/five losses) and the lessons from street vs. comedy confrontations (78:57–80:39).

10. Writing Advice & Turning Pain Into Art

• Willie gives actionable writing exercises: list 10 painful or embarrassing childhood memories, write them as simple sentences, then return days later to develop them into bits—“don’t try to write funny; start with what’s real” (54:17–56:54).
• Cites Richard Pryor’s Pryor Convictions as an example of painful authenticity (56:52).

11. Comedy as Therapy, Highs & Lows

• The addictive nature of stand-up’s highs and lows (88:00):

  “The highs, man, you skip home… and then those nights where they don’t like you, none of your works, you feel like a loser.” (88:00)

• Willie’s caution to his son (now also a comic) about the challenges and emotional volatility of the industry.

12. 90s Nostalgia: Quick Fire Questions

Segment: “Who Are You In The 90s?” (13:16–101:50, with callbacks)

• McDonald’s or Burger King? (McDonald’s—early consumer programming, comfort food, therapy connections, 13:31–15:47)
• Freddy Krueger or Pennywise? (Neither; not a horror movie fan due to real life “demons” and a rough childhood, 18:11–20:17)
• Tupac or Biggie? (Tupac, with a personal story about meeting him at the Laugh Factory, 66:55–68:45)
• MTV or VH1? (MTV, but soft spot for VH1 for giving him a national TV spot, 98:17–99:59)
• Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? (Jim Carrey, 100:39–101:07)
• Pulp Fiction or Forrest Gump? (Pulp Fiction, with tangents about LA locations and the impact of the film, 113:07–116:27)

13. Mushrooms, Sex Toys, and Real Talk

• Wild asides on drug experiences (Willie’s first mushroom trip: seeing himself as a “100-year-old man,” fearing death), and the value of having a “sex toy arsenal” (94:01–112:13, 109:23).
• Practical sex tip: Keep a vibrator by the bed, let your partner hold it, and “let the B squad warm up the crowd.” (110:22–111:44)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On using personal pain for art
  “The more and the better you get at [comedy], the more the ‘you’ comes out... it takes five years for a comedian to play himself.” —Willie, quoting Sinbad (53:36)

• On Latino stories in Hollywood
  “Every decade, we skip three decades.” —Thomas on Hollywood’s scarcity of Latino representation (08:37)

• On comedy’s emotional volatility
  “The highs, man, you skip home...and then those nights where they don’t like you or none of your sh*t works, you just—you feel like a loser, dude.” —Willie (88:00)

• On therapy and generational change
  “If you even unwillingly go to therapy... and out of those ten things, two things are good, those are two things you didn’t have in your arsenal before.” —Willie (27:05)

• On bombing and learning
  “The key is failure, bro. You gotta fail and feel like sh*t and go home... but the next time just say, ‘I’m gonna suck less.’” —Willie (35:34)

• On mushrooms and mortality
  “I was 100 years old. The voice said, ‘Don’t worry, you’re not gonna live that long.’” —Willie (95:36)

• On using vibrators in relationships
  “Your lady never remembers the opener. She remembers who closed the show.” —Willie (111:16)

---

Episode Flow & Tone

The entire episode pulses with the wild energy and candor typical of comedians who are fearless about taboo topics, trauma, and real-life failings. Willie’s gruff wisdom blends with the hosts’ playful “stoner but sharp” dynamic, resulting in a conversation that's equal parts hilarious, insightful, and deeply personal. The show is peppered with explicit language and sexual humor, balanced by genuine advice and hard-earned perspective on navigating both art and life.

---

Important Segments & Timestamps

• [00:00] – [01:15]: Cold open on sex toy “prep teams”
• [01:47] – [06:05]: Be Real/misc. podcast/weed story / Mario Lopez wrestling tale
• [08:02] – [10:55]: Latino underrepresentation in film and TV
• [10:55] – [12:52]: Comedy development/holding deal heartbreak
• [13:16] – [15:47]: 90s “Who Were You?” segment begins—McDonald’s and childhood programming
• [20:17] – [27:05]: Childhood ghosts, mother-son disconnect, and therapy discussion
• [33:10] – [41:08]: Comedy writing, crowd work, self-improvement, and failure advice
• [49:19]: Booed at the Apollo twice—Sinbad’s advice
• [54:17] – [56:54]: Writing exercise—turning pain into comedy
• [81:07] – [85:54]: Beer bottle incident in San Diego, dealing with hecklers and dangerous clubs
• [94:01] – [97:12]: Mushrooms, creative processes, and psychedelic giggles
• [109:23] – [112:13]: Sex toy “Extendo” talk, practical relationship advice—keep a vibrator by the bed
• [113:07] – [116:27]: 90s film showdown: Pulp Fiction vs. Forrest Gump (with LA neighborhood trivia)
• [116:57] – [120:30]: Where’s Willie next? Upcoming dates, social plugs, and closing thanks

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in mixing gritty honesty with humor, offering listeners not only a window into the resilience and insanity of a stand-up life but also actionable wisdom about self-betterment, craft, and surviving the “demons” we all fight. It’s a must-listen for anyone interested in the real lives of comedians, the hidden costs of chasing dreams, or just seeking unapologetic laughs.

---

For all tour dates and more Willie Barcena: williebarcena.com

---

[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

The vibrator, you use it like a. Like having like a little friend, you know? And like, he goes in there before you do, you know, it's like the B squad, you know, he goes in there first. Prep team. Yeah, the prep team.

[B]

It's like black dudes in Vietnam, right? You're the front line. Then I'll come and clean up the mess.

[A]

Yeah, bro. She remembers the headliner, you know? You know, she doesn't remember who opened up, but she remembers who closed. Closed the show. So, you know, after he warms up the crowd, you jump in and you. You get all the glory, bro. So I'm just trying to give you stuff that, like, you said things that I've trial and error for 30 years. So I'm telling you. Yeah, bro. Keep. Keep. Keep a vibrator by the bed. When you're kissing your. Grab it and then give it to her and let her hold it and then just hold it.

[B]

I like the advice. I can't wait for the clip.

[A]

Perfect,

[B]

Perfect,

[A]

Perfect, everybody. Yep. Yeah, we got it.

[B]

Thank you. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Dope as usual podcast. My name is Thomas Dopas. Yolo, whatever you want to call me. This is my co host, Marty o'. Neal.

[A]

What's up, guys?

[B]

What's up, guys? Thank you so much for being here. We appreciate you today. Get ready for our guests. I'm excited. As a fan, I'm very excited to talk about random things and wild things every time a comedian comes, I don't know what to expect because it can go left. It could be fun, it could be wild. But today, we'll see what happens, guys. Today's guest is Willie Barena. Thank you for being here.

[A]

Thank you for having me, brother. Appreciate you, man.

[B]

I like that you started off with a story instantly.

[A]

Did I?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. What was that? Oh, yeah, the. The be real story. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Immediately.

[A]

Yeah. No, I was telling you that I was on his podcast, and I wasn't trying to be rude or disrespectful to his podcast because I think it's actually real cool. But he had signs that said, you know, don't speak over. Don't speak over him. There were a lot of them. And. And. And then he was giving me weed. I'm not really a weed smoker, but I was in, like, you know, when in Rome type of thing, right? So I said it. I started smoking. I got high right away, and then I would talk to him, and I look at the signs, talk to him. So now I didn't know, like, should I talk now? My brain's like, don't talk yet. You know, when. Wait, you know, So I was just kind of freaked out a little bit. Then I said that on another podcast. And then I guess they took it as disrespect, you know, And I wasn't, I was being playful. But whatever, bro. A lot of people, I have so many stories like that, bro.

[B]

Who else have you pissed off?

[A]

I'll give you one like that, bro. And by the way, like, I have a Mario Lopez story, right?

[B]

Oh, let me know. So we love that fool.

[A]

No, no, I love, I love Mario, bro. Again, another thing, bro, I, I didn't

[B]

mean to be respectful.

[A]

So he came, this is about seven years ago, he came to my show. I was at the Ice House and that's when I was drinking heavy, bro. And I, I was drinking tequila. I was after two shows and I don't even think he was married yet, so it had to be longer than that. And we were drinking tequila and, and, and then that lady he was with, I think it was just his girlfriend at the time. And we were drinking and then we're leaving the Ice House together, right? And. And Mario, Mario's a wrestler, you know, Mario wrestling, he's a serious wrestler. At the time, he hadn't started Jiu Jitsu yet, so I, I had, I had my blue balance Jiu Jitsu, you know.

[B]

Oh, damn. All comedians know how to fight for some reason.

[A]

So we were all tequilaed out. It was the grass in front of the Ice House back then. And then I was like, hey bro, let's see how good your wrestling is. And he's like, yeah. So we went at it, bro. Look, I was bleeding. Mario the dog, bro. Mario had no quit on him, but. But I don't care how good you are in wrestling, if you don't have submissions, you don't, you know, you can only squeeze someone to death, you know. So he was just squeezing my head and I was just waiting. I was like. And, and wrestling and Jiu Jitsu, they call cooking someone. You wait till they get cook like, you know, they get like, like gassed out. So I was like, all right, I could take this pain. So as soon as know like we're going at it. And I got him in. Another simple move, bro. But anybody in Jiu Jitsu, you guys know, it's a simple basic umo plata. All right? And. And I got him in this move and then he wouldn't tap cuz it's Mario, he's stubborn. And then I said, mario, I said, and then I was drinking, so I shouldn't have said that, cuz this lady was there. So I said, tap you. You know, I said, tap or I'll break it, right? But it was the adrenaline, bro. It wasn't me angry. It was the heat of the moment. I was only screaming, you're resty, bro. Especially Mario. Like, he's a dog. He can, he's got stamina, man. So I was, by that time, you know, I was gassing and, and I finally caught him. And it was, it wasn't me saying tap like that. It was the adrenaline. And then I thought we were cool. And the next day I called him. The next day I called, like, homies, you know, like when I was a youngster, bro, I used to always, like, box with my friends and bust each other up. The next day we're like, oh, you got me, bro. That was up. I have to eat soup. You know? You know what I mean? And then, so I thought it was gonna be like a homie thing, but he blocked me, he blocked me on, on, on the phone and blocked me on everything. And we were, we were friends, bro. We're like, I mean, bro, have you seen him since? Okay, our last, our last. My last thing with Mario, bro, was it was about a year ago where I, I on Instagram, I followed him and then I sent him a mess. And I said, hey. No, I said, hey, brother, a long time ago, Mario, hey, I apologize. You know, we were drinking tequila. Let's just squash it. And then he put, all he put was, we're good, bro. I love Willie. That's what he put. But that was like eight years later, you know, that's my Mario story, bro.

[B]

I just think it's funny. Like, yo, who are you gonna go see? Oh, this little Willie. He's real funny. I, after I saw him wrestling Mario Lopez in the grass and one of them was bleeding.

[A]

No, bro, I'm not. No, bro, it was a tequila with tequila, man. I'm a big, you know, tequila makes you think you're better than you are.

[B]

I want to be disrespectful. I just willied him a few times in the face. I should have done it. Yo, that's, that's a great story.

[A]

Mario's a good guy. I got, I, I, I've known forever. He had, we had the same acting coach years ago. Little old Mexican man named named Danny Mora. And Danny Mora was in, was in that movie with Kevin Costner where they had the Runners. The Mexican runners. There was about a. From Northern Cali. There were all these kids who ended up being. It's. Was it McFarland? McFarland. It was a great movie about these Mexican kids that are immigrants that would, in the morning, go work the fields and then still run. Run cross country. So the coach was this obvious Kevin Costner, who got kicked out of these. You know, he had a bad temper, so he. He ends up in Central California and. And really reluctantly so. And he's, like, mad that he's, you know, in the middle of nowhere. And then these kids, he's always like, why you guys so tired all the time? And he finally figures out that they got to get up at, like, 4 in the morning and work the fields before they go to high school. Christ. But they end up being state champions, bro, you know, for, like, four or five years. And there's a. There's a great. Like, on the 99, when you're going towards up north, like, Sacramento. There. There's a bridge, and then there's all. There's like. There's this on the bridge. There's all these runners. It's just like.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that one.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, There's a bridge. Yes. When.

[B]

Outside Merced.

[A]

Yeah, it's when you're driving to Santa Cruz. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's for the. That's for the run. I didn't know that.

[B]

I always wondered why that was there.

[A]

Yeah, man, but it's a great story, man. It's. And it's more stories. We should. Hollywood should have more stories like that of. Of Latinos, not just stand and deliver. No. Yeah. All right. Yeah. No, listen, man, I've been around forever, bro.

[B]

We got Apocalypto once.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we get. It's funny. Like, they give us. They throw us a bone, like, every 10 years, you know?

[B]

Yeah, but what was the last one they did? I can't even tell you.

[A]

Selena, was that the last one? I don't know, bro. 30 years. I know, right? It was. We can try to think, man.

[B]

Every decade we skip three decades.

[A]

No, I don't know. But, you know, Hollywood, they, you know. I don't know, bro. You know, you got to be pretty

[B]

as, like, Jay Hernandez or some, like, I like this Mexican.

[A]

No, they'll let one in. Well, look, they got Edward in there. He's not an attractive man. You know, Edward James almost wrote that too.

[B]

Damn. Get him in here. Yeah, he's this guy who's saying, deliver.

[A]

Yeah, but no, no, we. I don't Know, man, I don't, I don't know what it is, but we, we, we. We get over. It's funny. We get overlooked so bad, bro. I've always said this. They'll do a movie of LA and they'll have the scene downtown la, and it's a chase scene, right? And there'll be somebody be running, and then they get in their car and they crash the car and the whole scene. And I'm like, you don't see one Mexican, like, really can't at least use. Use us as ambiance.

[B]

I never really thought about that.

[A]

You know, have like a Mexican. They're going like, falling down.

[B]

Yeah, that's the last one.

[A]

Falling down.

[B]

Remember, remember when he gets in the shootout, it's nothing but Mexicans that didn't even know they were in a movie. And everybody just saw shooting. Nobody let him know that. That's just Sean Pan. Don't trip. Yeah, it's Robert Duval. Don't worry.

[A]

No, I'm thinking colors. I'm thinking colors.

[B]

Sorry, I'm thinking Michael Douglas falling down. But I'm talking about the scene where he shoots up the gangsters in the car, then they crash and then he takes their Uzi.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's when he.

[B]

Yeah, all those Mexicans, nobody. Everybody's shocked. Yeah, that was a real scene, man.

[A]

Yeah, I know, bro. Those, those guys, I don't think they got any lines, so. So they won't have to pay union dues. You know, Only one of them had a line. Yeah. The other one went, yeah, no, no, bro. But no, I mean, hey, listen, man, you know, I'm proud of what you're doing, bro. And I think that that new generation of. Of Latinos, like you cats, man. You know, I. I mean, because I, I know when I was coming up, you always heard, when I was a youngster, you always heard, all right, man, the waves coming, you know, Latino projects. And you're like, yeah. And then, you know nothing, man. You know Selena. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Bro. I remember when I was. Again, when I was a young comic, I had a. I had like, probably like 10 deals, man, for sitcoms, you know?

[B]

I noticed you were on a lot of random sitcoms too. Like, a lot of like.

[A]

Yeah, iconic ones. Yeah, I was like, I'm a wisha. Like, I had a little spot on Moesha. I had like a little spot on with the weigh ins, you know, little things like that. But I had. Back then, they call them the development deals where they give you money, they give you a chunk of Change. So they can hold you. The studio or the network can hold

[B]

you, you know, like a retainer.

[A]

No, they're just called holding deals. That's what, I don't know what they call them now, but they're called holding where they just gave you money X amount of money. And they just, they, they, they try to work a project with you. And I had a bunch of those that just never went through. I remember the one I had with abc. I had one with ABC and I was so excited, man, because we're working on the project. We, we. The idea was down and then I get a call from my agent. This is because this is how dated it is. And he goes, hey, Willie, they're not going to renew your project, right? It's going to sound like a, like this, it's going to sound like, like, oh, yeah, it all happened like this, but this is exactly how it happened. So now I'm depressed, right? And this suicidal. You know, when you're young, you're just like, think, oh, how am I going to take care of my family? Right? So I walked down to 7:11 to grab some beer and it's like 11 o' clock in the morning, right? It shows you how bad you were. Yeah, I was depressed, right? And then I go down there, grab. And there was used to be a magazine called the Variety magazine. You get a 7 11. I don't think they don't have that. It's just online magazines are obsolete now, right? So, so I grabbed the magazine, bro, and the magazine says, oh, ABC just picked up a new comedian named George Lopez. A sitcom will be airing next week. Oh, and like these, man, they just paid me to, to get me out the way. Do you know what I mean? And, and I don't know, bro, but that was, I'm just sharing with you, when I was a young comic, man, you know, of the holding deals. So now you learn something new about the 90s.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, speaking of the 90s, we, we can't seem to get out of it. We. All we do is talk about from like 1993-97 for some reason. All right, so we have this segment called Only if the person was alive in the 90s. So you know what I mean? Yesterday we had a guest. He's like, I was born in new 2000.

[A]

Like, oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[B]

So we have the segment called who are you in the 90s. So I'm gonna ask you between, I'm gonna ask you a question, all right? Pick between two things, but not the, you know, now, all right? It's who you like. You can't say, oh, R. Kelly, he's in prison. But you didn't know that. In the 90s.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

See the difference?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so already back in the 90s, what were you going with? Is it McDonald's or Burger King?

[A]

It's going to McDonald's. All right?

[B]

But back then, it wasn't because the toys, you know, it's just. They just had better marketing.

[A]

No, yeah, you know what? No McDonald's for sure, because it. It's. They knew. They had hired people like, kind of just like the government does, you know, they know how to program you. So. So McDonald's was already way ahead of the Game of Mind programming. If you watch the movie with. Of, like, the making of McDonald's. I forget what the movie's called.

[B]

It's with Michael Keaton.

[A]

Yeah, Michael Keaton. If you watch that movie, they. They kind of. They kind of lead into it a little bit, but not too much where they say, oh, we put a flag up because America. Because it feels American. You know, you feel the flag up, and it feels like you connected with church, connected with America. You make it. So that's already a little bit my programming. But there were ahead, like, with the. With the toys. You said the toys. The toys were. Because, remember when you're 5, 7, 8 years old, bro, that is your heaviest programming. Which is why as adults, we're all up. Because that happened to us when we were little, stays with us. So when you go to therapy, bro, the first thing they say, first thing you're gonna start. When you start, like, sharing stuff about your life, even though as an adult, it'll be connected to your childhood in some way or some way. It's connected.

[B]

That's why I'm fat.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

So. So the. So you're going back to McDonald, bro. It's like, you know the reason I was going to McDonald's, you asked me what would I have taken McDonald's? Because I had already been programmed with the. The toys and the commercials. And then back then, Ronald McDonald would travel to McDonald's and do a little show. And you're like, oh, my God. You know, it was like a rock star. It was like Ronald McDonald. So, you know, as an adult, you feel as an adult, you're like, I gotta pay the rent. I. I got to feed these kids, man. Then you go to McDonald's. Oh, happy time again. You know what I mean? You're right. Like, no bills. You're not thinking about bills. You're not thinking about nothing. You think about, oh, my God, this delicious and some more, you know, drinking high sea. Yeah, you're not. You're not think st. So I guess, yeah, you're all right. So the answer. McDonald's.

[B]

McDonald's, man.

[A]

That was the most thorough, best answer.

[B]

My therapist told me to just explain every single thing I have in my head. That was great. No, you're right, though. You're right. I think that's why when I see people do cocaine, like, oh, those times, man, I'm good for you. Be careful.

[A]

We're just trying to escape, man. Yeah, people are. I think when, when you're drinking, when you're doing coke, when you're smoking weed, you're. You're really just trying to take a vacation without going anywhere, man. You want to just go, you know, it's like, people go, oh, man, you know, I went to Europe. Or you went to get away from everything, you know, and, and you come back and you're like, all right, it. I'm ready. I'm ready to take on whatever, you know, these challenges. And when you get drunk, you really go. Your mind shuts down, you know? But the bad thing about it is that you tend to up, you know? You know, you tend to do some that. That's up. And now you kind of. You still have the same issues, but you just added some more alcoholism, stress, you know, So I, I get that.

[B]

I think so. I think for me, just because I smoke a lot of weed, I think it's just. It's just so fun.

[A]

No, bro, I, I have nothing, I have nothing against people who smoke weed, actually smoke weed people and drink, and they're cool. Coke people. I'm a little leery. If you're really heavy into coke, you know, you tend to lie a lot more. People that do coke for me, for my, My experiences with coke, people tend to be you. I trust them less for sure. Like, I'll trust what to do with this. A drinker. A drinker. I'll. I'll trust you because you can see everything's in front of you. You know, you're like, bro, you're up. Like, oh, I know. All right. Sit down. Take it. Someone that's high, it's kind of mellow, but someone that's, like, coked out. Like, I'm more talking like, you know, like, maybe has a. More of an issue than the regular. Yeah. Casual user, you know, that. That guy tends to like, I, I, I don't really get. I Don't know. I don't really get close to people that are coked out, but I think you can.

[B]

Those motherfuckers are always moving.

[A]

Drink drinkers. I can. Drinkers. I can. You know, I understand you. Pot smokers. I understand you, but. Yeah, that's my thing, man.

[B]

All right. Speaking of McDonald's. No, I'm just kidding. All right, on to the next one.

[A]

You ready, bro?

[B]

Freddy Krueger. But I. I only call him Pennywise. I just call him IT. Remember the original IT movies? Freddy Krueger.

[A]

It's the 90s, okay, bro? And here's. Here's what I'm gonna sound like. Like a dick. Because I didn't like any. I don't like any scary movies.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

At all.

[B]

Watch them.

[A]

I don't like any. I like.

[B]

Done.

[A]

I like. I love movies that start off based on a true story.

[B]

You know, those monsters are coming out.

[A]

No, no, no, no. It's not that. It's like, okay, bro, you see, with me, when I'm watching a movie, a scary movie, I'm thinking of the. The. The. And the guy's going like, ah, right. Or the guy's getting stabbed. I'm going, man, I wonder. The. I wonder where the cameraman was saying to himself right now, you know?

[B]

Oh, you don't see it as realistic?

[A]

Yeah. I'm thinking, I wonder if that. Any of that blood got on the. On the camera, you know? I wonder how. How dark was in there or how many people were in there when they filmed this scene, you know?

[B]

Oh, wow, you just. The layer's gone for you.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know why, bro. Yeah, but it's a g. Oh, yeah. But when. When they say based on a true story, then I feel like I'm getting some knowledge about what happened, you know? Like a Johnny Cash, right? Like, I never knew that he lost a brother. A little brother and Johnny Cash, you know, I don't know if you guys ever saw a movie, but. But he loses a brother and then he. He has that conflict with his dad and that. I didn't. Never knew. I never knew why he. Why he was the way, you know, he was. He was kind of aloof, you know, so. You know those kind of movies, you know, like. Like I got. I. I get to know that person or that situation a little deeper. But I just never been a fan of that genre, man. If you say Freddy Krueger, all that. I just never really been. Plus. Plus, it doesn't scare me because I had. My mom was. Would always Talk to me about ghost and the devil. And so, so, so I knew real so that was like, nah, that's make believe. I had real demons in my house.

[B]

In which way is your mom, can your mom see you?

[A]

No, my mom would like I saw move bro. In my house. I saw a chair one time just move by itself.

[B]

Let's talk about it.

[A]

And, and when it moved, man, happened when I was 12 years old because my mom would always say, if you see ghosts, let me know because I feel that you have the power, right? Me and my mom had this horrible connection. Like me and my mom never connected, bro. Like I, I, I've said this on stage where I, I called my mom a right, I said because we never connected. I just one of those guys that never connected with his mom. Are we related? And so, so on stage I would go, I go, I'd go, yeah, my mom man, her right. I would say that on stage and the audience, and the audience would go, oh. And then I had to look it up and I realized that 85 of people get along with their moms. So now I understand why they were like, what's wrong with this guy? Yeah, you know, but I didn't know there was only between 15 to 10 of people don't, didn't have that, that nurturing thing with their, with their mom. So my mom was very, we were, we were never very. I don't think she liked me. I look like my dad and she hated his ass. And so I think I was, I was a constant reminder, I think since I was a kid she would look at me because I look like, I look like a, like a twin of him. So I think whenever she saw me subconsciously, I, and I believe it subconsciously that she couldn't help herself but hate me. You know, like she didn't say, oh, I hate this. I hate, I, I, I, I think in her mind every time she saw me, you know, it brought back those memories of the mistreatment that this man did to her. So it now hindsight 20 20, I go, okay, maybe you know, this woman needed some therapy. But, but because I was, you know, the brunt of, I took the brunt of her anger and whatever you know, therapy she might have needed. I, the only way I could defend myself was like, well, you too, you know, so, so I never really got any kind of like loving connection. So one time she was like, you know, if she goes, if you ever see ghosts, let me know. And she talked to me very tender, right? So I was like, oh, this Is my way in. She's gonna love me. So at one time she came home from work and I told her I saw a ghost. And she goes, really mijo? Where? She's being real kind and sweet, right? I was bullshitting, bro. Oh no, I was making it up because I wanted that, that we connect now. I wanted her to love me, you know? And then so the next week she's like, have you seen anything? And I said, yes, mom, I saw. I saw this ghost and I saw something walk from here to there. And she was all sweet with me, right? So then like a week later, I'm sitting there, you know, I'm by myself, you know, get home from school like 11, 12 years old, just watching cartoons and a chair moves like that by itself across the room. And I was just like, oh man. I go, that's the ghost. They know I'm lying. Like, really? You want to see a real ghost? And I believe after that I. I never said to my mom, bro, I never. Like she asked, even though I saw that. You even tell her, she goes, hey, have you seen anything I hadn't seen? Because I didn't want those ghosts to with me, bro. But yeah, I believe you. Yeah. And that's why. And then my mom would take me to this lady and get. Put oils on me.

[B]

Oh hell.

[A]

And. And. And then she would like to take out the demons from me and put these, these creams that would smell nasty. Yeah. And then. And we were poor as. And I used to get. I was always mad because I would say, barely have any money to eat. And. And I would see my mom paying this lady cash and I would get mad, man. Cuz I would go, these are swindlers, man. I go, they're just taking her cash, you know. I go, cuz we need that for groceries, right? And then so I would have this surly face, you know, I look pissed off. And then the lady that did the cleaning, the cleansing, she would look at my face and then she'll tell mom, look at him. You see, she that's. It's working, you know, like the demons are coming out like that. And I was more like this, you know. And I couldn't say I wanted to say more, but my mom would me up, you know, like really me up, bro. Like people go to jail now for those ass weapons, you know. And so I was just mad and sit in the car on the way home and. And. But I did see all this, you know, I did hear about all this spirits and, and I did, I do believe in that, bro, I believe that there is demons out there. My mom would talk about it, so I, I would see things, man. And so going back to. So when I would see a movie, I would never really like, you know, get into it. We're.

[B]

We're long lost cousins or something. Your story sounds like mine, dude.

[A]

It sounds people like, well, you, you didn't.

[B]

You called your mama like, so. I don't mean it that way. I mean, like, she's a dick. I just mean. Oh, that is crazy. I don't. I forget that I say. But I mean, mom, my bad.

[A]

Was she. Was. Was she hard on you?

[B]

Yeah, me and my mom were not very. We recently got to the point where I'm like, shut up. You're old now. Just. No, you're not mean anymore.

[A]

Shut.

[B]

My mom's like Rosie Perez and then Joe Pesci. Oh, she like. I got. I'm not scared of her. After she punched me as hard as she could in the face and it didn't hurt. That's what I was like, what the. Do I gotta be scared of you now? Because she me up with belts, but like, the studded belts wake me up. Me up. I mean, maybe I was doing something bad, but.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's kind of like that. My mom's a little.

[A]

What the.

[B]

That's your. Everybody thinks that my sister's the way I like we treat each other. I'm like, no, it's my mom. She's a. So now it's just like, hey, shut up. I'm an adult. Shut up.

[A]

Let me ask you something. Have you gone to therapy, bro?

[B]

No, I just like to. I talk about it to her. I had her on here for four and a half hours once and I said everything I wanted to say. And I was like, I've told you this before, but now you have to sit here and take it. That was the only thing I asked her for. Like, I never asked.

[A]

Did she cry?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

It's more funny.

[A]

I thought she would cry.

[B]

No, I think it's more fun.

[A]

My mom would cry if I would confront her. Oh. First of all, if I would confront her in front of people, she'll snap, bro. She'll snap. Tell me to eat a dick and. But privately she would cry. That's. That's how she. My mom would have handled it. And the reason I asked you about therapy, because I'm always against it, man. Growing up, like, especially in the Mexican American culture, bro, it's always taboo, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, if you go seek counseling. It's like, what are you crazy? Or what are you a. Right, the female, the, the, the, the, the women are like, you know, you're not crazy. And the men are, you know, what kind of are you? So it's, it's not something, counseling and therapy and all that. It's not, you know, they don't, you know, you know, they're against it. So, but late now, I, I, I, I believe that there's people that they go study. I mean, their whole purpose of going to college is to study our behavior and why we react. So even if the person who you go see and you're like, all right, well, look at this, you know, if you even go, you know, unwilling, right, with a bad attitude and the person is listening to you because you start talking, let's say they tell you 10 things, and out of those 10 things, two things were good. Key problem solving skills for yourself. Those are two things that you didn't have in your arsenal before and possibly make you a little, I like that. A little healthier, you know, maybe. And, and I believe the more, the healthier you get. Like, I was a heavy, heavy drinker, bro. Heavy drinker. And not, not to say, and the, the healthier I got mentally, the, the less I drank. Do you know what I mean? Because, because the drinking, you're trying to drown yourself. And the less the, the healthier you get, the more you could be in shallow water, I guess. You know what I mean? With the, with the, with the alcohol.

[B]

Yeah, it's a good way to put it. No, I just think it's funny to me.

[A]

Yeah. You know, the fact that, that, that you mean that, kids, that's sad.

[B]

Look at that. I think it's funny. Like, Dan, that's up. How do I make this funny?

[A]

Yeah, I agree. No, taking it on stage, bro, and making it funny. That is where the magic is. That's where a comedian, that's where you can see a real comedian, a real, to me, I say a real comedian that grabs something that really happened in his life. And if you take the funny out of it, you can, you make that person, that you can make people cry, but if you interject the humor and you get everybody to laugh at a, a situation that happened to you, I believe that's where a real comedian and, and, and discipline comes in, you know, because it takes discipline to be a good, a good writer, as a comedian and performer. And, and what you said to make that funny of your mom, of the situation you have with your mom. And you actually make it funny. That's. To me, that's talent, bro. You know where I see a lot of young comedians today, I'm not trying to dog this new generation, but listen, bro, getting stuff from the audience and bringing them up, I can do all day, bro. Yeah, I can do it all day. And then going like, like, hey, motherfucker, blah, blah, blah. You, you know, like that, bro. I could do that in my sleep. But you know me, man, you think of like, like, you know, we, you know, my generation love Bill Hicks, man. You know, you know, because you hear these. I mean, to someone, make fun of cancer and make it funny. Make it funny. And Bill Hicks to talk about dying and, and, and, and, and, and these bits, you know, George Carlin, another one, like situations like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, he could take a, a stupid subject, like stuff. I don't know if you ever heard his bit about stuff. Stuff. Stuff.

[B]

Yeah, Just the actual title of it, right?

[A]

Yeah. And he goes, we all have stuff, and we go to the store and we buy more stuff. And then we have so much stuff, we put it in the garage. And then you have so much stuff in the garage, you go rent something to put more stuff. And then when you die, people trying to get rid of your stuff, you know, I mean, it's just like a simple thing in life which to me is like, creative. Right? You write. You. Right. Like, by the way, that's not exactly how I was paraphrasing George Carlin's bit it up. Right? But to me, I get influenced by that, you know, by someone who writes a good bit like a, like, like, oh, how do you think of that? You know, I mean, the guys today, you know Dave Chappelle, right? He'll, he'll, he'll write some really good.

[B]

Yeah, it'll take 40 minutes. Go. That's where you started.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I love that. I love it. It's like. But, you know, anyways, man.

[B]

No, I agree with you because the one thing, because I like when people say crowd work, do more crowd. Like, but what if the crowd's not funny? What if that day, everyone's a nurse, right? Then your whole set's like, what do you do? Like, oh, that's cool. I think it's a real fun muscle to have.

[A]

No.

[B]

You know, super funny to watch sometimes.

[A]

I, I believe that one of the reasons I, this is my, my, my reason for, like, the younger comedians not writing. And I believe it's because they, they come from that. The phone generation. And the phone generation, you Know, your. Your ability to focus on something you know is small because the window. Because. Because the phone. The phone purposely has you. Has you thinking everything in like a minute or a minute and a half. But when to sit down and write, you gotta sit down and write for, like, two, three hours, you know? I remember when I was younger, I used to write for hours because I heard Seinfeld say that he wrote and worked for, like, eight hours.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Yeah, because he said he was walking down. He said he's walking down New York one time, he's going to. I guess, gonna go, right? And then he sees a police officer, he sees a construction guy, sees a business guy going to his office, and he goes, man, all these people work eight hours. I should be working eight hours, you know? And then I remember when I saw that interview years ago, I said, yeah, he's right. And then I should work eight hours. So I started.

[B]

Yeah, like, job.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, when I was a young comic. When I was a young comic, I. I got. I got the Tonight show, right. When you was young comic, I was a baby comic. Biggest thing. Yeah, back then was. It was a big deal, man. And I remember Leno telling me, hey, Willie, how hard did you work to get here? He told me this in my dressing room before the first Tonight show because I did it like 10 times, bro. So he goes. I said, I worked hard. He goes, okay, well, if you want to come back, you got to work twice as hard, you know? And I. And. And I want to see your set. So. So he's already telling me that he wanted to see me again, you know? And. I don't know. Work ethic, bro. For. For. For. For. For young comedians and. And writing bits. And you talk because you're talking about your mom and how you. You. You do stand up, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So I've been very, very, like, I don't want to put anything out. I just want to practice as much as I possibly can to where I throw up 20 minutes of sub. Like, it's fine. I'm just. I want to. I want to work at it and not use. Oh, you're popular in that sense, bro.

[A]

You're so. That's. Bro, you. You're on the right track, man. I've seen all these guys that are like, YouTube wonders. And then I go to the club and I talk to the person. He goes, yeah, they kicked ass. And they guarantee. No, no. He goes, they kicked ass. As far as bringing a crowd, yes.

[B]

I'm saying.

[A]

He goes, but I guarantee those people Won't be back. Do you know? Because it was like the longest hour of their lives, you know, because once the novelty wears out of. Oh, that's the guy from the.

[B]

There you go. That's the me.

[A]

And they're like, whoa, whoa. And there's this. Whoa. Lasts for like seven minutes. Right. And after. Whoa. And you're like, all right. And then now. It's a long time.

[B]

An hour is a long time to watch a set.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But go to a lot of shows and just watch them. There's times we're like, that was an hour. Holy. That felt like 20 minutes.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

That's what I want.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you know what, man? Listen, I mean, I know I'm. You know, I'm giving unsolicited advice. I'll take to a young comic. Thank you. But the key is failure, bro. The key is failure, bro. I mean, you gotta fail and feel like. And feel it. Yeah. And go home. And you're like, what the. I'm not a company.

[B]

Six in the morning, you're just staring at the ground.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, I did it. I suck. And then all those. And then what happens when you fail on stage and you let me know if this happens? You don't know. But anybody who ever told you you were comes to the surface because you've just failed it. So without. Without knowing, you're like. You're. You're like, why am I feeling like such a loser? You know, because you fail in front of people and they're all. And you can see everybody's eyes. Yeah. And then. And. But once you get through this part, if you can get through this part, challenging yourself, saying, you know what? The next time I'm gonna suck less. That's it. You don't have to say, I'm gonna kill. Just say, I'm gonna suck less. And if you do suck less, go home like a winner, man. Like a champ. And then. And. And I tell comics. This is what I tell you on comics. Did you record yourself? Oh, no.

[B]

What the.

[A]

So. So you ate for no reason. Yeah. When you eat, it better be for a purpose. Okay. Now you gotta come home and listen to it. And comments are like. They want to get away from it. Right. Because you just sucked. You got embarrassed. Your ego got kicked in the nuts.

[B]

It's hard to watch.

[A]

Yeah. So now you gotta come home and you gotta watch it. All right. You gotta listen to it or.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know if you did audio or video. I do both every time. Okay. But here it Is, here's what, here's why comics don't like doing it, right? Because they want to disassociate themselves from that guy and that guy. So you're like, okay, so this is why. This is what's gonna make you better, bro. When you listen to it, forget that it's. You say, I just purchased this from this up and coming up, and I'm listening to this guy, give him a name. See, I'm Louie. I'm gonna listen to Louie, see what he's about, and, and I'm gonna say, I'm gonna critique him. So when he's talking, you say, oh, I would have done this. And then you write, I would have done this. And then, okay, start play, it's really useful. And then you go, oh, I, I wouldn't have said that. I would have said this. And then begin. And then, and then you listen to this and listen, why is he saying that? I would have deleted that. Oh, delete that. Play it again. So it'll. So a 10 minute set. I love that a 10 minute set is going to take you literally an hour to two hours to go over it because you're gonna go beginning to end, beginning to end. And by, by the time you're done, bro, you have these cool notes on yourself. So, so, so then now you put your, your for me, bro. Everybody has their own system. And then you go up on stage and you just remember what you critiqued yourself or how you're gonna change it. You know, how are you gonna. How you. And, and what I do. Because you don't want to learn word for word of a joke. It's hard because if you learn word for word, you're gonna sound like, hey, why did chickens cross the road? I'll tell you why. And then, you know, no, you know, it's, it's. What I do is I'll put the title of my joke and then put bullet points, like maybe four bullet points to that story. And all I do is remember, yeah, how do I get from A to B to, to C to D? And let's say I'm talking about, you know, going to church, right? I have bit about going to church. And I remember, oh, yeah, you know, I used to go to this black church. And I remember. So I remember how the bit starts. So I don't. I'm not remembering the words as much as I'm remembering what I was feeling. And I'm not actually saying that I was at the black church. I'm feeling it as I'm Saying it. I'm at the black church. I'm, I'm, I'm there, you know, I'm losing myself and my story every time. And this is where I see comics up the whole time they're talking. They're waiting for the audience to like them. So even in the middle of the joke, they're like, so, yeah, so my mom. Oh, there isn't one, right? So. So my uncle is gay. Anybody have a gay uncle? Anybody? So what they're actually doing is, is asking for permission from the audience to say that. You know what I mean? And now you lost your power because now the audience knows that, that, oh, this guy needs me. You see what I'm saying? That's how I start looking away.

[B]

Really good way to look at it.

[A]

They don't pay attention to you. But if you say it as a statement, I have this gay ass uncle, man. Let me tell you, right? Let me tell you. You're telling them, you're, you're telling them your story. You're. You're in charge, you know, and if you don't, like, get the out of here. But I'm gonna tell you about this guy. Blah, blah, blah. But watch young comedians do this, bro. This is a big one. Yeah, so me and my girlfriend got in a fight, man. You guys ever got a fight with your girlfriend? You know? Oh, now you're just a big, you know. You know, now you're just like anybody with me. Anybody holding my. Can any. Everybody hold my hand while I tell this story? No, my girlfriend got. We got into a fight. That's annoying, man. I was going up the street, I was driving, and she's cussy. You know what I mean? Anybody getting a fight in the car with their girlfriend. Oh, you know what I'm talking about, right? You know? Okay, yeah. No, no, tell your story. It's your story. If they don't like. If they don't like your story, them. Look, bro, it's got to be about it. This is, this is the key to. I went up on a tangent, bro.

[B]

No, perfect, keep going.

[A]

Because I, I love stand up, bro. So this is the thing about stand up, right? I'm really good at the stand up. I'm back. It took, bro. I still suck balls at the business part. Show business. I never connected. I always thought Hollywood, right? But I. It kind of goes together. It took me forever to realize that until my son put it together. You know, he's the one that said that it's called show business. So you need to do the Business part. But here it is as a standup. You got to be one selfish. It's got to be about you, bro. It's got to be about you loving you. And the audience will not love you until you love yourself on that stage. If they see that you're needy, if they. Audience, man, they're like sharks, bro. Believe it or not. They're. They're. They're looking for a crack in. In. In. In your armor, man. And the minute they see weakness, the minute they spot, like, this guy's insecure, they got you, bro. They got you on the next line and the next line, and they only. The. The armor. The. The. That crack in your. In your armor gets bigger and bigger because now, you know they needed you on that joke, and you. And. And you let them know, right? Like. Like you told the joke and it didn't work, right? And then you're like, you. Like, there's a pause, and that pause says a lot. It says, you know, I up. I'm not really a comic where as. As. As. As you should say, it should be like, okay, let's say that the joke ended with. With, you know, and. And. And I missed the flight, right? That's the punchline to a bit that you wrote. And it usually gets the big, ha. You fucking a genius.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So. So you do the joke. You go, yeah, and I missed the flight, right? So you say, and I missed the flight. All right? And now you look like you're a. Like. You know what I mean? Like a deer in headlights.

[B]

What's the way out of that? Yeah, that happened here the one time I did real bad. I'm like, I'll tell you guys.

[A]

I'll tell you. I'll tell you, bro, don't. Don't tell your jokes like they're jokes. Tell it like it's a story. So I missed the flight. And, you know, for me, missing flights, man, I don't know about you guys, but I ain't got. I ain't got the time, you know, to. To miss. To be missing flights, because I was. Now it's like a story. Not. And you keep going, bro, I'm talking

[B]

about if you end it and you ended on the thing that you.

[A]

No, no, just keep talking. Just. They don't know. They didn't know. They didn't know where you were ending that story. And then you could say, listen.

[B]

Rambling.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And then you can say, hey, listen, I had a lot on my mind. All right, all right. And then. And then as you're as you're embellishing as you're adding to the story that ended with. And, you know, you know, and I missed the flight, right? And instead of doing that, you say, I missed the flight, man. I, I, you know, whatever.

[B]

You just.

[A]

Just talk, man. I get it.

[B]

It's like tripping and going, nah, it was a roll.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I'm still walking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro.

[B]

I like that. Because I will say, because you say, you gotta fail. I've. I've. I've did this show I probably shouldn't did. Just because the audience, like, yo, that is. They're not gonna. With me. Just because based on who this headliner is, I did it anyway. And I ate. So I'm up there for 30 seconds. I'm like, oh, my God. In my head, like, this is awful. And I just kept talking, and I can hear the people that are under 70, your pops, of them dying. And I'm like, yeah, thanks, guy. I just kept talking to them like, thank you, man. You guys. And I kept talking to these people like, this is going bad. And I just kept talking, and then halfway through, I realized, like, I get to go home. I'm done after this. You. You don't like it.

[A]

You said that?

[B]

No, I was like, you guys.

[A]

Oh, no, you should have said that.

[B]

You guys.

[A]

I think that would have been brilliant if you would have said, hey, you guys, you know. Yeah, I don't have a real job or whatever, you know? You know what? Saying I'm. What? When I was younger, I would tell people. When I was younger, right, I would tell people, you got to start. Start at black clubs, you know, because I started in South Central on. On Crenshaw 43rd, bro. And these. All these comedians were babies, bro. Di Hughley, Faison, Love. Chris Tucker. What's. What's it. Mark Curry, all these, These. These dudes were all young back then, bro, you know, And. And a black club, bro. Okay, if you go to a white club, right, let's say you're at the Improv on Melrose on Saturday night, right, As a white audience. And I. I hate to break people up like that, but it matters. But it's the reality Arizona way different than Miami, so. So. Yeah, exactly. So a white audience, bro. They don't like it. They're gonna be quiet, and you might get a. A courtesy golf clap at the end, like. Like, all right, man. Like that, right? But they're really saying this, this. This. This little clap from white people is, you suck, you know, And. And please bring on the Next guy. And then a Latino audience, right? And I'm not talking about. If it's predominantly a Latino audience, they'll start talking with each other, you know, they'll be like going, man, Jaime, your cousin's funnier, you know, and they'll still start talking loud, right? Oh, yeah, he is, bro. You should get Jaime over here. You're like, what'd you say? No, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, bro. Keep talking anyways, man, you know, I mean, and then you feel totally disrespected, right? Because then. Then you lose the room. But a black audience, bro. Black audience will talk to you, bro. Man, you suck. You know what I mean? They're, man, you know, right away, you ain't, you know, you know, I remember me, man, it was like practice at home, you know. Damn, that's a good practice at home. Yeah, bro. And. And they'll tell you. So I, I, as a young comic, bro, I would say do, do all the rooms, man. Go find a room in South Central, you know, Find out. And, and, and get the vibe of everything, bro. And, and I'm not, I'm not saying to make yourself appeal to everybody. I just say get the different vibes of people. And, and it'll mold you, man. It'll create. It'll get more. It not moldy. It'll make more of who you really are. Who you really are. A come out.

[B]

What's up, guys? Taking a moment to talk about the sponsor of this episode. And this is Puffco. Introducing the proxy core. Look at this thing. Literally, palm of your hand. You do not need to have a glass. You do not need to put it into something. The pipe, the bubbler, nothing. This is. The whole piece also connects to the app. One button technology. Guys. This right here is the most portable thing I could think of. Like I said, the pivot is cool too. This has a 3D chamber. I mean, I know it's packed, but there it is. Core mouthpiece, the core itself, the cup. Also inside is a joystick cab and also terp pearls. This is already packed, but I know you're seeing this right here. This is a brand new hot knife. Also a little latch in case you want to hook it to your Puffco bag. Pretty cool. So the difference between the last proxy and the proxy core is this is self sufficient. It's by itself. It could smoke by itself. You don't need glass. You don't need a bubbler attachment. You need nothing. The other proxy you attach is to one of those Pieces. This. That's why it has the cup. But it's also modular. It goes to every other piece. You could use this with everything, just like the other proxy. No difference, except you could actually use it by itself. Portability, battery life connects with the app. You can customize everything just like you do the peak, just like you do everything. Thank you for being here. Back to the episode.

[A]

We. We tend. As a comedian, you tend to hide a little bit, right? Like, you hide behind the jokes a little bit. But the more. And the better you get at it, the more the you comes out. And I. Sinbad said it the best years ago. And I'm talking about when I was a young comic. I heard Sinbad. I don't know if you know who Sinbad is. Of course you know. Okay, okay. I don't know.

[B]

You know Mr. Cooper?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Movies, bro. He had a sitcom on it years ago. And as a matter of fact, I got booed out of the Apollo when Sinbad was the host, you know.

[B]

What did you say?

[A]

I said, while my opening line worked in South Central. Worked it.

[B]

It's still working.

[A]

The Apollo, bro. I won a black comedy contest in South Central.

[B]

I got the pass.

[A]

No. Yeah, bro. That's how that. That's how the producer got me to the Apollo, because he saw the contest. And I said. I opened up by saying, black people, you know why I don't like you, right? That's hot. But in South Central, everybody will wait like, oh, what this gonna say? And I would say it, right? And then. This is a joke I wrote 30 years ago, man. So then I. I went to New York to. And at the Apollo. And Sinbad goes, hey, man, come up to stage. Is. I remember the producer things. I think his name is Charles Summer. Is. Was a producer, but Sinbad was the. The host. And he goes, hey. He goes, first of all, this didn't help. He goes, are you guys ready for tlc? Because TLC had just come out with one of their hits, and the audience was like, going crazy, right?

[B]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He goes, okay, well, before we bring them out, we got a comedian, Mexican. And then I came out, I go, hey, black people, you know, I don't like you. And they're like, oh, and I was a young kid, bro. And then I was so mad because I knew the joke was funny. So I was. I was. I was. They booed me so bad that I was, like, on the side. Just. Just pissed. I was pissed, right? And then Sinbad goes, hey, Willie, you gotta say black people, you know, What I love about you. Change it up, man. And I'm gonna bring you back again, man. I know you're funny, Willie. And that I've talked to Sinbad about this, bro, about two, three years ago, and he goes, bro, I'll never forget that night he was telling me. So Sinbad goes back out there and he goes, same night he brought you out, same night. No, we're talking about 15, 10 minutes later. So, so, so Sinbad goes, all right, everybody chill out, all right? You didn't even give this man a chance. This man is funny. I'm telling you. You guys gotta give him a chance, man. You guys don't give him a chance. And then they're like, come on. And they're like, yeah, clap it up, people. And they're clapping, right? They're like, pumped up. And I come out, bro, and I said, black people. You know what I don't like about you? And they move up out of me again.

[B]

Did you forget to say the joke?

[A]

What? No, let me finish it. Too loud.

[B]

Twice, bro. That should have been the joke. It's too loud for me to even get my joke off in here, bro. That would have been funny.

[A]

Okay, so I'm, I'm in. I'm. That same night, I'm, I'm leaving, right? I'm going to the airport, catching a, a red eyed flight, all right? And I jump on the A train. I don't know if you know, New York. You catch the A train in Harlem on 125th Street. You go to, to the airport. But the whole crowd of the, of the Apollo had gone out. Got out too. And they were all in, in the subway, in the train with me. But I have my head down, right? And then one guy goes, hey, that's that right there, right? And everybody's like, oh. And they were all like, oh, you crazy, man. They were all. And they're giving me props.

[B]

They should let you do the joke

[A]

right then and there.

[B]

Yo, let me do the A joke that.

[A]

But anyway, going back, bro, this, the tiger bot was Sinbad, okay? Something that, that Sinbad said that stayed with me. And he said it takes five years for it for an actor to learn to play other characters. And it takes five years for a comedian to play himself. So I always, I. And when he said it, I, I, I, I kind of like, you know, I'm like, you know, you're in deep thought about, about it and like. Yeah, because you as a comedian, you know, I've seen comedians play a character, right? I see when they play a character. And those guys don't really hit. You know, when you see, when you see, like, Bill Burr, right? Bill Burr is Bill Burr, bro. I, I, you know, that's him from watching Everything bothers this guy, all right? That, that's just who he is. Like, he, he, he's very vocal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very opinionated. He's, you know, Irish guy that talks a lot of. That's really who he is, you know, and he's, he's, he's that guy on stage. And what happens is when. And you'll see this, man, you, you become more of yourself on stage than you do off stage because you're so tired of being yourself on stage that you're on stage. Oh, man, we love you very. Oh, thank you, bro. You know, you kind of just relax because you've already, you know, let yourself out loose on stage.

[B]

I'll say this. Sometimes I'm like, in a mood, but I get up there like, oh, yeah, in a shitty mood.

[A]

I forgot.

[B]

And then I get back up like, yeah, I forgot. I'm in a shitty mood. Isn't that it's, it's odd. It's like, no, but up there, I'm like, shut the up for a while. I get to do some stuff for. I don't know. I just feel like it's. I've done a lot of drugs, man. None of them are the same.

[A]

Look, bro, for sure, this is, this is one thing I'll tell you. If you ever get yourself in a hole, like, as far as writing, like, what do I write about? Don't ever write funny, all right? I'm not saying don't ever, okay? But this is a. I suggest this to you, all right? Okay? Just relax. Smoke your weed or drink coffee. I don't know what it is you do, bro. Chill out. Get your pen. And by the way, they've done studies, bro. Pen and paper. Remember it more the mind. There's more activation in the brain than you are on a computer. Yeah, I mean, way more. I think triple the activation with the brain versus computer when you're writing. And you, you could look into that, bro. So what I would tell you as a young comic, don't think funny, bro. Just sit back and have memories that hurt you or that bother you, right? Like, like, just go, oh, yeah, I remember that first girlfriend I had. It's embarrassing, man. And you know that moment. And write, Write the sentence. Write the sentence of that moment. Write the sentence of your childhood. Write 10 sentences, man, of things that bother you, and then you leave it alone. Cuz it's really close to you, right? Because you might even cry, right? Reflecting on something and then come back to it another day and then read it again. And then those, those sentences are stories now. And now those stories, you write them out and then now you have the power of creative license as a comedian to delete, to embellish and make that story funny. But I think the hard part is to say, I'm gonna write something funny. I'm gonna write something funny. And I think that's when it comes out corny, you know. But if you start off by saying, oh, I'm gonna, I remember what hurt me. Oh yeah, man, I remember when you know, whatever situation and remember, listen, man, there's a book written by Richard Pryor called Prior Convictions where when you read the book, it's actually a lot of things about Richard that we didn't know. You know, like painful, you know, like I never knew that he was sexually abused, you know. But he writes it in this book, man. And you like tears were coming down my, my eyes. And I said, man, he never talked about this on stage. And then what I got from that is that when you write these 10 sentences, remember, don't, don't, don't edit yourself. Once you write them, then, then you can say, okay, I don't want the people to about my life. Yeah, right. But at first, just put it all on paper, bro. I don't know.

[B]

No, I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. If you advice.

[B]

No, this is advice that is a long time coming. Like it took you a long time to figure these things out and you just give away.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

It's, it beats years of people going, I had to figure out myself.

[A]

Yeah, no, no, bro, I've been at it 30 plus years, bro. And, and I've always love the art, you know, and I, and, and I, I know comedians that want fame, that they just want fame. I just wanted people to, for me to say that guy's funny. I guess that guy's a good comedian. I never, you know, man, look, if, if I wanted to fame when I was a young comic, I don't know, I had a reputation for punching people.

[B]

Oh shit.

[A]

When I was, when I was a young comic. Yeah, you ask older comedians, bro, I was kind of a hothead. I didn't give a, about Hollywood and I did a lot, you know, stupid. And I mean for me, I just love being a stand up. And then I, and then I, I. But more than being a Stand up, bro. Because I grew up without a dad. I always wanted my sons to have a dad, you know? So it was more important for me to be a dad than it was to have any type of fame. But I did have to still have to be good so I can support the family, so I can pay for everything. Exactly. But I was their baseball coach. All of them. I was their. Their coach, you know?

[B]

You really took your time.

[A]

I was on hands. I would cancel gigs, bro. And my agent at the time, I was driving crazy. He'd be like, willie, you got this gig in Dallas. And I'd be like, oh, I can't make it. Why? Oh, I got a funeral, man. This is. I had no funeral. I know. It was the playoffs, right? And then. So it was to me, growing up without a dad, I've always felt a void, man. When you grow up without a dad, subconsciously, you not only, like, he didn't die, bro, you know? I mean, like, he didn't die in a war where you could say, oh, my dad's a war hero, you know? No, the. Just never left, never came back, same town. No, no. He left in Mexico. He left in Mexico. But you feel something about you feels. When you don't understand it, you feel like you're not. Not like, you know, you don't feel valuable. You know what I mean? Something about you feels. Makes you feel less. Because this person did not care enough to stay and take care of you. This is all subconsciously. You don't. You don't realize that you have these feelings. You're just going through life, maybe for people. For most people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And then why is why, you know, sometimes, like I said, I would. You would drink, and then, you know, and then you get in a fight. And then. But anyways, for me, it was the boys, you know, My older boy played pro baseball, went to college. Pro baseball in Europe. Right. And now he coaches. My middle kid played Division 2 baseball. He was a third baseman in college.

[B]

Yeah, Everybody's just athletes.

[A]

Yeah. They all went, bro. I came here from Mexico, bro. I used to sell oranges in. In both heights.

[B]

Stereotypical.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I was a little paisa. That was me, bro.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah. And I always wanted to play sports, but my mom was always like, oh, we don't have no money. We have no money, you know, and we never had money for. Yeah. So I was like, man. And then. And like. And so when I had the. The boys, you know, they were all into. They did a lot of stuff I wanted to do and then now that they're older now, I realize that some of them like some of the stuff they didn't want to do. They're like, yeah, you know, this was a little hard, dad. You know, like three seasons. I thought. I thought you liked it, you know?

[B]

Well, dude, that's an American dream. I went from selling oranges, now I'm talking to Americans on stage, and my kids are beating your kids in baseball. Hey, man, that's pretty cool. You went to Dominican route with the sports.

[A]

Yeah, I did. Yeah, you did. I did, bro. I was a little rough on them, but. You have kids?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. Oh, yeah. Don't have them, bro. No, bro.

[B]

And now you're over here.

[A]

Don't have them. Dude, I'm in the.

[B]

I'm doing this every night for almost a month. Me and my wife been talking about it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, no, wait, wait, wait. You guys. You guys go have fun.

[B]

That's why.

[A]

Go have fun right now. Yeah, fun, bro. Have crazy sex in the house. Wrestle. You know? You know what I mean? Writing right now, just. Yeah, have a lot of fun, bro. Have a lot of fun. Go, go. Wait, wait another 10 years at least, bro. And then. And then. And then.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know if I have that. I'm. I'm like. I'm 36.

[A]

That's. All right. Wait, bro, everything. People are living longer now, bro. People.

[B]

That's what I said.

[A]

People are living longer.

[B]

People.

[A]

Five extra years, people are realizing, like, oh, you know, you got to take vitamins. Why? And you know. Exactly why. You know.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So. So, yeah, you. Hey, bro, you're actually 26.

[B]

Thank you. If I have five extra years of. I was just saying it. We're smoking a joint in the house last night. We would never be able to do this again if we have kids. You know that, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everything we do go. We couldn't do this with a kid.

[A]

Yeah, you couldn't. All that fun, all your fun, all the fun. And then she starts acting like an adult. You start acting like an adult, and then, like, two adults on each other instead of. The whole trick is to be a kid your whole life, man. You know what I mean? Thanks, man.

[B]

Yeah, I just bought that.

[A]

Don't ever. Yeah. You know, just. Hey, if you look at people. I remember when I was doing cruise ships, because I would do anything when these guys were young, they would send me on a cruise ship. Like, okay, you gotta go. You can go from Monday to Thursday. Okay, do the cruise ship Thursday. I'll be back Friday. For the game. See what I mean? So I would do comedy clubs and I would do ships. But the one thing I remember about, about other cruise ships is when, when they would have like, these old, old people cruise ships, right? And they're up, like between 70 and 90. And they were up, bro. They were like, could barely move. They're like, just up, bro. And they have excursions, right, where you go out and you go ziplining or you go jet skiing or you go, you know, you have to go up this volcano. But these guys can't do. They're all up, man. You know, and they're all like, because I worked, you know, they worked their whole lives. Their whole lives. They save money so they can do this. And now that they're finally spending their money, they can't move. They can't do. But the people that were in their older and were still active, there was a common thread with them and it was that they were youthful, man. That they, they didn't, they didn't take life serious. They didn't, didn't, if that makes sense.

[B]

They're responsible with also not being an old.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And, and it wears on, it wears on your face when you take life. You know, look at the people that, that, you know, the presidents. Yeah. The people that, that take their, you know, they look all up bros. Because everything, you know, is, is serious. And it's really not, bro. I mean, look at this. We're doing this podcast. We're talking, you're gonna smoke weed after. I'm gonna grab a burger and, and we're gonna have a good time. And it's, it's, it's, it's easy as that, man.

[B]

So all I heard was those kids. That's all I heard right now. Go get a burger. Smoked weed.

[A]

That's crazy. I, I, every time I say that, you know, because I say it on stage, you know, like, like, like if you have those kids. And my son's right there, he's like, you too, man.

[B]

But you're like, I get it, I get it. Those kids, I ruined your, man. Yeah, you missed a gig because of my baseball. No, I get it, dude. Cuz, like, that's the reason I didn't have kids. I don't have kids because I remember watching Hook and like, damn, he missed the baseball game. He's on the phone all the time. I'm not gonna have kids until I don't have to work like that. That's not the way the world works. So I'm like, do I really want to go, hey, man, I gotta hang out with you.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I guess I'm not gonna do anything I want ever again. It's like, having a dog doesn't die.

[A]

That's fucking hilarious.

[B]

One day.

[A]

Dude, that's. That's. That's scared. Scared? No, no. I was gonna tell you. Get a dog. They're. They're more grateful, man. Yeah.

[B]

They only have them for a certain amount of time.

[A]

What's. Right? It's that old saying. Like. Like, it's. This is. This is an old saying, right? It's not. I'm. I'm not making it up. And it's not mine. It's like they say, like, how do you know who loves you more? Your. Your dog or your wife? Have you heard that one? You put your dog and your wife in the trunk and lock it and leave them in there for a day. And when you open it up, see who loves you more? Oh, my God.

[B]

That's a. That's a horrible, horrible experiment.

[A]

Your dog will be all over you. I'm mad, bro.

[B]

But also, we talked about this the other day. If dogs could talk. Oh, God.

[A]

Oh, it'd be over.

[B]

Everything would be over. Dude, every murder solves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

No, I always say that, man. If my dog could talk, it would be like, man, don't leave me alone with this dude.

[B]

He's naked in front of me, man.

[A]

He's a. Guy's a freak, man. Look, watch. This guy watches a lot of porn, man.

[B]

We watch a lot of porn, man. It is kind of odd, but. Hey, dog, my dick is out.

[A]

Don't worry about it. Okay.

[B]

You're also a. I. We started that off with Full House. I mean, of Pennywise, it. Or Freddie. That's how that branched out into Lightning. It just kept going other places. I love it.

[A]

Well, I have ADD, I guess. Me too. PhD. All that other. That's why we're still talking about.

[B]

Yeah. I made hd. My mom. We just didn't get along, man. Like, ah, I feel you. Yeah, I get you. But no, now that it's different, now that we're. That we're back, we finally caught it again. Who were you in the 90s?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Smalls or Tupac? Well, not a.

[A]

Not a Coast. No, I'll say Tupac. Tupac, because he kind of represented West Coast. And see, like, I like. I like east coast music, the rap. But I kind of connect, like, connected more with. With. With the west coast, you know, Always talking about the. We know Snoop Dogg and. And He. He's an east coast guy, I think Tupac, right? Original, born in New York. Yeah, but. But he gravitated towards more the. The west coast style because there was different flavors, right? And I think Snoop Dogg. And then we were. I remember getting NWA album, that first album when it first came out, and, like, it was like something you had never heard before. Hen people just talking, you know. You know, the police, right? And so that as a. As a youngster, man, I was like, yeah, I remember me and my friend were listening to. To that NWA album on our way to a party and just had the. We had that. We're just listening to it. It was cassette, bro, right? And we both ended up getting arrested that night. And I believe it was because of the song. We got in there. We walked in all gangster, bro. Gangsters, we walk. You walk in there with that mood, you know, man. So now. Yeah, well, yeah, I'm going back. Yeah, Tupac, bro.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Listen, I'll give you a Tupac story, bro. He used to go to the Laugh Factory, and. And I was there and I got off stage and I went upstairs. He was up there with his entourage, and he always had a bunch of dudes, and he saw me and he went like that. He went, what's up? And I went up to, you know, shake his hand, man, you're funny about. Thank you, bro. All love. Boom, boom. So, yeah, I guess I have a little. Little extra love towards you.

[B]

And then, you know what I said?

[A]

I was.

[B]

You know what I hate about black people? That you should start it off. So. I love your music. You know what I hate about you?

[A]

No, he would have liked it, bro, for sure.

[B]

I'm going to let you finish.

[A]

Oh, hold on.

[B]

What don't you hate about black people?

[A]

No, what's the joke? Oh, what's the. The joke went like this, bro.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

You gotta remember, I wrote this joke 30 years ago, bro.

[B]

Still funny. I don't care if it's racist.

[A]

So I said. I said the joke went like this. I said, black people. You know what I don't like about you guys? Because I've seen you guys walk. Walk into a Mexican restaurant and you guys start acting like Mexicans. Like, like, hey, Jerome, you know what, man? Let's check this out, man. Yo quiero those tacos, right? So I do the joke like that and I said, black people, don't worry about it, because we do that too. Mexicans, we do it when we. When we order chicken, you know, were like, pablo, Check this out, bro. Yo, yo, yo, give me some chicken. Anyway, that was the joke, bro. And, and I got big laughs and I wrote it 30 years ago. So, you know, my comedy's evolved right

[B]

from the low, but still, I think it would have crushed.

[A]

No. So I'll, I'll try it. I'll try it. I'll try it this weekend, man. I'll try, I'll try it this weekend. Before I was young, how did you

[B]

guys feel in 1995? Well, pretend it's 1995. Here we go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, but you're not wrong. You know how many black fools I heard say broken Spanish? They do it. They laugh about it.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

It's funny.

[A]

Do it. The reason, okay, the reason, the way I came up with that joke is when I used to work that club on, on Crenshaw, I would see the black comedians make fun of Mexicans. So, and they would make fun of like our, the food and everything. So I, I, I, I, that's how I came up with the bit. And, and, and I didn't. I mean, the, the comedy act theater used to hold 400 people. And it was black, black deep, bro. I mean, you know, if, if they booed you, you, you, you, you're chest, your chest shook, bro. You know, but that's how I got, that's how I came up with the joke because the brothers would be up there, Faison and all these guys, Pierre, and then, and you know, they would, they would do jokes about Mexicans. It was funny. So then I, I put my little twist to it, you know.

[B]

They didn't even let you finish.

[A]

In Harlem, they did it. They listened. Yeah, yeah. In Harlem, they wanted to like, can we hit him? No, no, it's funny.

[B]

Some racist. Yo, if you're a racist, you could probably disguise it right now on stand up comedy because there's some fools out there. I see on Tick Tock, I'm like, that's not a joke. That was racism. Oh, yeah, that's not even a joke.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

There was no punchline. There's no ending. You just say, I hate black people. Yeah, yeah, I've been seeing some on there. There's a lot of, there's a lot of comedy I see in clips. I feel like comedy's. The younger generation is more like, oh, that's that guy. From those clips I've seen. That's, that's more like, oh, that's the guy. I saw such.

[A]

Well, bro, listen, I got to tell you something. I, I got a Resurgence in my career because of it. Because of. I give the props to my son because, I mean, he took, like, the stuff you guys do here with the cameras and all that. He took these classes in college, and he took them because. And we talked about it because he doesn't like to study. So he took classes that were easy, right? And then. So once he's done with college, he asked me. It was like four years ago, bro, about four years ago. He goes, hey, dad, can I get some of your clips? And put. I didn't have no social media, bro. Like, nothing. Like everybody. I mean, I had a club. I. I started a club back in. Back in the day. And I would have Felipe in there. Sparza. I have Fluffy. They were. I remember pissing to this day. Fluffy, don't is mad because.

[B]

What else did you do? No, I wrestled him to the ground.

[A]

No, Fluffy. Fluffy was like. He. I. Okay, I grew up talking and bagging and. And in the hood, right? And you grow up a little rough around the edges, you know, And. And Gabriel didn't grow up like that, you know. He's very sweet kid. He's adorable, man. You know, he's fluffy. He's adorable. And I would bust his balls. And I remember one time taking his car, and he caught me, right? Because I was gonna go hide it.

[B]

Taking or stealing?

[A]

No, no, no. We would do that in the hood. People would do that to me. We take someone's car and you hide it around the corner. And then everybody's like, you look for that car, and everybody's like, hey, have you seen car? And then everybody. And then everybody gets. Everybody's on it. Everybody's on the joke. Everybody's in the joke, right? It was like. Like what, dude? Let's call the cops. And then one guy gets the phone. He goes, I'll call for you, bro. But you never make the call. It's all right. So we were going to do that to. To Fluffy this before.

[B]

That's a good one.

[A]

That's a great one, bro. So. But I got. He. He saw me get in his car, and he saw me drive around. And they see the little chubby running after me, bro, in the parking lot. And it was adorable to me because I could see him in the rearview mirror. And could you imagine having Fluffy running after your. Like that? And just watching him, bro? And I was like. I was just laughing. And then finally I parked it and he was irate, bro. He was like, fuming. And I was, bro, it was a joke. Gabriel's a joke. And Then he never took it as a joke. And. And anyways, I did. I remember just little things like that, you know, I remember yelling at him with. At one time, because he did this joke where he would put the mic stand in front of him and going. And he would say, okay, let me get this out the way, so you could see me, right? Just an old corny joke. And I go, don't do that. But I had a different way of speaking back then, right? I. I didn't. I didn't have a. I didn't know that tone is important. I didn't know that, like, as a

[B]

comic, I didn't know Toad was important, you know?

[A]

You know, I didn't know. You know, I was just being. I was still being a coach, right? And I was like, you doing, dude? You know, I kind of said it like that probably like, that's Louie Anderson's joke. Hack. Really? You get the mic, dude. That was a dick about it. And you could see like, Gabriel would get hurt, but I just thought, ah, he'll toughen up, you know what I mean? And. But what happened was we just kind of not really ever connected. But he would do the room I had in east la. You know him, Felipe, all those guys, any. Any Latino comic from the Southern California work this room, bro, they all know about it. The room was on Wednesday nights and it would be a line around like, corner, and I would host, you know, Jeff Garcia, you know, all these cats, I mean, anybody you could think of that you know would do this room. It was like Wednesday nights. It was pretty, Pretty badass night to. We were all learning, everybody. But check this out. Gabriel was the first one to pick up on show business. Like he put together, oh, you gotta have a business site and connect it to being a comedian. And then. So he was the first one and I was just, ah, it. You know, they'll find you, they'll find you. And he got. He killed it on MySpace, right back then. And I didn't give a. I never even had on my space.

[B]

You just got an Instagram?

[A]

Yeah, I just got an Instagram, bro. And then Felipe used to open up for me and then he started opening up for Gabriel for. Right. And then from Gabriel he learned the business side of it. So then Felipe caught on to show business. I was still like, ah, all that, you know. And then, little did I know, I was like falling by the wayside. And then. So, going back to my son about four years ago goes, hey, dad, can I get one of your videos and put it up and he put an old video up, bro, and it got 20 million views. So I was, I was like, all right, put another one up, right? So he put another one up. Put another one up. And then I said, hey, let's see if people are like, are gonna go to a show. So we did a show at the HAHA in North Hollywood, and it was like a Thursday night, and I go, hey, can I get there? So we put it. And he. We put it. I don't even know how to use my phone. So he. He does it and we sell it out, you know, like, we sell out.

[B]

It's like 250, 300, right? Two.

[A]

It's like 150, bro. It's 150. But it was two shows. Two shows. It was 152 shows. And it was like a Thursday night. And I was like, all right. So my. So my career started. Started coming back again, you know, so. And it was all because of social media and because of my son. So.

[B]

So have kids is what you're saying. You better have kids.

[A]

So. So, yeah, I guess that one paid. That one paid off.

[B]

All those, all those days of driving the baseball fields.

[A]

Yeah. Hitting ground balls.

[B]

So you're the actual coach. Do you still do it?

[A]

No, bro, I don't. I know I barely do Jiu Jitsu now, man. I, I say I. I do it once a week, man. Any. Any of your guys do Jiu Jitsu or anything? No, no Jiu Jitsu, No. I just do it just so I could do. It's my way of doing yoga, bro. You know what I mean? Like, I. When I see the youngsters there, they're like, they're into it, man. They want to kill you, you know? And I just. I just get my. I just, I position myself. I position myself. I could get like a. Get on topic, get my fat ass on top, and I just sit there like, ah, right. All right. Try to get. Try to get out, you know? Try to get out. And I'm like. And then when I'm done, I go, all right, I worked out, you know, So I love. It's my yoga. Yeah, exactly. It's my, my yoga class. So many times have you had to activate the Jiu Jitsu, like, in real life? Yeah, I don't think I've ever. In real life, bro. It's never. I, I. My record on the streets, street fighting. Real, Real record, bro. If I had to give you a real, actual record is five and five. Oh, right, right.

[B]

That's the most honest I've ever Heard anybody talk?

[A]

No, no, I won five. I won five street fights and, and I lost five and.

[B]

Yeah, ten confrontations. What happened?

[A]

Well, no, no, we're talking about from when I was a young. From 20 years old, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're young, you're drinking at bars, bro. In la. Come on in, bro. Really?

[B]

I just get drink.

[A]

And then with chicks, bro. Drink him up, you know, Brutal.

[B]

Yeah, sounds terrible.

[A]

I guess I, I don't know, I probably went to the wrong parties, you know, I don't know. But I always loved going to. And you're talking and talking and you're drinking.

[B]

Yeah, I punch fools sometimes. What do you want?

[A]

No, I was never that fighter. I was always real sneaky, man.

[B]

I was. Sucker punch me.

[A]

I was a, I, I was, I was good at that. I was good.

[B]

Yeah, that's why the five and a sucker punch.

[A]

Yeah, no, the five that I lost, the five that I lost, I didn't suck be able to get the shot first, you know, I won five.

[B]

I. Back of the head. Yeah, no, I've only been to like a couple street fights and after every time like, that was disgusting.

[A]

That was stupid. You feel, you feel like afterwards, you feel like was I doing cuz all this negative energies around you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're like, I got could talk.

[B]

Can't talk this out. I don't think I'm that good.

[A]

I can't talk. No, bro, no, no, not, not like now.

[B]

See, we shoot people.

[A]

We're talking decades now. We're talking decades now. Now I, I'm, I'm, I'm like. I can find the peace in, in anything. All right, bro, my bad, my bad. Sorry about that. He spilled my beer. I ain't buy you another one, you know what I mean? Like, hey, well, no, the man, you kind of. I'll buy you two beers, man. You know, like that, you know?

[B]

Yeah, just keep the peace.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can de. Escalate the situation now.

[B]

Have you ever had a de. Escalated on stage?

[A]

Am I, I,

[B]

I won't see one fight in like in this club.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, no, on stage, the, the. I had somebody throw a beer at me. That's, that's the one that's the most. I think you were there, Fabian. We were in San Diego. It's two years ago recently. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What did you, what, what president did you make fun of?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I feel it's the only way to get people mad now.

[A]

No, I had a joke, I had a joke and there was all these gang bangers like sitting in the front. And there was a young one and there was three or four older like veterano ones, right, Guys. And, and they're all laughing. And there was the younger one. By younger I mean he was in his 20s, right. The other guys were in their 40s or 50s and they were like, they were all having a good time. And then I, I, I said the word leche is milk. And I talked about a joke about my, my mom hitting me cuz I spilled milk. You know, it's the whole thing about how I have PTSD when someone has me a drink going back to childhood. So it's a long bit, right? So all of a sudden this beer comes in, in, in the bottle and it, it hits me here. Boom. And it's the guy in front. I go, what the. And apparently that word means is derogatory to that gang. So. Yeah, so it had nothing to do with the gang. And, and, and then I looked at the older guys like, like confused, you know, like hey bro, I didn't mean. And they knew. The older ones knew, bro. The other ones like me, like we knew it's just a joke. But the younger one took it like I was being disrespectful by saying milk.

[B]

Are they fighting the calcium or calcium game?

[A]

No, they gave me the background. Background? What is the, the background? Is that, that Vario, Right? That neighborhood apparently was, was originally like a, like a milk, like a factory. Okay. Yeah. And, and so other gangs. I don't know, bro. Some San Diego stuff. I'm from la. I don't know, dude. I was just telling my joke. And then the cool part was the next day I, I on Instagram, some guy leaves me a voicemail. You could tell he's an old school gang banger. And he told me. Exactly. Went on, he goes, look, Willie, I know you don't know what happened. You said the word. He explained everything to me.

[B]

So it really did mean something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but he knows, he knew that I, I wasn't being, I, I wasn't trying to make fun of, you know, this gang, this guy who left me. And he goes, don't worry. Chances are they're gonna, someone's gonna go up to that youngster and check his, Check them. Yeah. And hit you with a beer. Yeah. Yeah, because he's. Yeah, he was out of line, man. It's crazy. Yeah.

[B]

Did he have to leave?

[A]

What?

[B]

Did they make him leave?

[A]

Yeah, they did make him. He, he ran out himself. He threw it and ran away. He threw it, ran into the Green room where not supposed to go. Yeah, he rents. I was a George Perez and all these homies. Yeah.

[B]

Also, there's some other.

[A]

Yeah, bro. So they beat his ass. No, that was crazy. It was a crazy night, bro.

[B]

Imagine running into the.

[A]

Oh. Oh, man. Insane. That was a crazy night. But you know what? Let's check this out. I'll tell you what I did. So I got some beer on me, right? The bottle didn't break. And a lady had brought me roses, bro, Like. Like a gift, you know? And when she gave them to me, that I was on stage, and she goes, I tell you I love you, Willie. I got the roses in that beginning of the. Of the set, and I put them on the side of the stage, and I said, just on the side, bro. Right there. And I say, I want to thank you. Boom, boom. And then as the night went on, is when they hit me with the beer, and there was weird energy now, bro. Weird. If you can, like, say weird energy, like, something could pop and this. So I told everybody, look, everybody, chill out. I have an option here. And I picked up the bottle, and I picked up the. The flowers, and I said, we can continue and talking about what happened here, or we can talk about these roses that this lady gave me, you know, so we could talk about this or we could talk about this. And I threw the bottle and I said, let me talk about the roses. And I put the roses down, and I started talking about bits about roses, about, like, when I gave a girlfriend roses when I was young and I did a rose. A whole bit about the roses. And now everybody forgot back on it, back on it, back on track. That was.

[B]

That could have been the Night Ender.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It could have been like. I think court is hell, man. Yeah. But I think anybody would. I. I, you know, not. Not to put feathers on my own hat, but I think any other comic would have been like. Or other comic that's not experienced would have been like, it. I'm out of here. You know, you can wet me with a beer. I'm out of here. But n. That was my take on it. And. And, you know, I mean, you're gonna have things happen to you, bro. You'll see. You'll see. You just. You just got to be. You got to be.

[B]

It is what it is.

[A]

Yeah. You got to be.

[B]

It's like being in traffic.

[A]

Yeah. And there's times that. There's times that you can't do nothing, bro. There's times you can't do nothing but go, security, get Them out. There's just nothing you can do about it, bro. You know, because the guy's drunk. Like you and I you right. Like you ain't funny. I don't give a. And you're like, there's nothing, bro. Nothing you can do but get that guy out, you know? And you can be as creative as you want. You can have the best comeback. You can, you can, you, you can come up with a great bit to attack the guy. But at one point, that comes to a point where you just have to

[B]

like, let it go.

[A]

Like, like, yeah, get them out, you know? Yeah, like cancer. Like, get rid out, you know? Yeah.

[B]

I've only seen a few things like that where, like the audience just started fighting for the guy that was on state. I, it was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I was here in Torrance out of all places. I don't understand.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Torrance. Which, which club was it that.

[B]

It was the. It's like a bar. Mom said yes, one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it got, it got real hard R real quick.

[A]

Oh, really? Oh, damn.

[B]

It got wild in there. Really? Yeah. I was shocked.

[A]

Was it, was it a comedian? A comedian?

[B]

No comedian has somebody on stage talking

[A]

to him and they said the hard.

[B]

They said something to the guy in the front and the guy in the front behind him. We didn't know the only black dude in the thing. We didn't know the guy was saying to him. He said the black guy was acting irate. They're like, calm the down. You're the only black guy. You're making it look bad. Like you're the only black guy. And you're screaming. And the, the committee was black. So he was, it was kind of like going back and forth. He's like, come on, man. You're the only one here. Stop. And he knows. You hear him, like, shut the up. They were slop drunk, but the whole time the guy was calling the hard R. We didn't know that. So it just erupted. And there was no security dudes and just Rams jerseys, everybody else. They don't got security there, man. Come on, man. Anyway, I've only seen a few things, but I'm sure there'll be more.

[A]

I know there will be no bro

[B]

and it'll be fine.

[A]

Hey, listen, I, I, you know, there's a reason why, like, I didn't, I didn't want my son to be a stand up. Not now he's into it, but I didn't want him to be, bro. Like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't push this on my best Friend, you know, because it's got highs and lows like a drug, bro. Because the highs, man, you skip home, you know, you're laughing, you. You love your best friends even more, you love your wife even more. Like everything is just beautiful. Beautiful. And then when those nights where they don't like you or none of your works, bro, you. You just. You feel, you know, you feel like a loser dude. Up all night. Yeah, yeah. Calling friends. Hey, I'm funny, right?

[B]

Oh, I just sit there, smoke weed, go. Are you kidding me? And I think of every face that stared, like that lady and that guy. That guy too, man. That's all I can think of. Like, fuck you, dude.

[A]

So. So what. What made you want to be a stand up, bro?

[B]

I've just been. Honestly, man, I've been writing shit since like 2014. Just writing stupid shit, right? I think, I think it was funny writing stories. I've had. I do a lot of stories on my other YouTube. I've been doing stories for so long, and I just felt like, yo, if I just told this on stage and I adapted this to no editing, you know, on YouTube, I can edit out my ups. I can edit out me coughing, I can edit out me. I only wore that differently. You can't do that up there. And honestly, I've been writing stuff. I'm always. I was just nervous to do it for so long. I never did it.

[A]

When. When did you finally do it? Where did you are in this room?

[B]

Our homie Ken Flores.

[A]

Which one? Ken.

[B]

Homer Ken. Yeah, he. He's like, dude, you should open. You should do a show with me.

[A]

I go, he's the one that died, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he passed away.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

He's like, you should do a show with me. I go, he's like, I already have a book. You're gonna do it with me. Like, he was sitting right here. I was like, all right, I'll do it. Damn it. And I'm just nervous to get on stage. I'm like, I've never been on stage before, man. It's kind of weird.

[A]

And then you did. You did it with no audience?

[B]

No, no, I've never been on stage before. And he's like, yo, let's go do the brea. So he. No, we still did the Bray Improv.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it was my first time doing anything on stage, so I'm like, Damn, 20 minutes.

[A]

You did 20 minutes.

[B]

I had 20 minutes. It's like. And I ended up doing like 14 and a half. I'm like, on your first.

[A]

On your first go, dude.

[B]

Scary, bro.

[A]

Dude, that's like a scary. That's a. That's an hour in comedy time.

[B]

I get you.

[A]

That's an hour, bro. Because I started with two minutes. Two minutes at the Comedy Store. Oh, wow. Or was it a minute?

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

It was like. Yeah. When I started, we all, like, did a minute or three minutes, and that was it, bro. I remember when. The first time I did three minutes, I was like, when is the light gonna come on? You know? Okay, I gotta get the out of here.

[B]

I just did my first three minutes in the mothership.

[A]

Oh, you did three minutes? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Fool.

[B]

I can't even tell a story in three minutes, so I had to just revert.

[A]

So you did three minutes at the mothership?

[B]

Yeah, but I'm like, damn, three. And I did fine. They did not. You know, it's Austin, right? You know, it's comedy. They go hard there. I said some black that I think is hysterical, and they went silent.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

One guy on the side was like this.

[A]

They're politically correct.

[B]

Are you kidding me? No way. I said it went. All of you guys. There's no way. You. All right. So I thought I was in the city for this, because I had this. I had this bit where I'm talking about, like, I can't tell black people from Dominicans. I've never been to Miami, but I thought.

[A]

But Dominicans are black.

[B]

Well, I've never been to Miami, so I'm like, why do all these black people know Spanish? I'm confused. How so? Like, the bit is like, I don't know if this was a shortstop or a point guard, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not. Not a peep.

[A]

Really funny.

[B]

Dead silent so much. My three minutes, and I just kept going. I just rolled into the next one. You guys, here's the next. And three minutes is a short. They're so short, man.

[A]

Yeah. You know, bro, some of those. Some of those artsy fartsy. Austin didn't used to be like that.

[B]

No, but the regular room, nothing but horrible things, and everybody was dying. So I'm like, ah, I got the wrong.

[A]

You got the wrong crowd. You got the wrong. Yeah, it could happen, man. People ask, people always go, what's your favorite city? Like, I go, is. I don't have a favorite city. It was. I could tell you I could be in. In Miami. I go, first show, kill second show. Then, you know, they didn't like me, so. So I don't have a favorite city. I have a, you know, favorite crowd times. Yeah, I remember that. Time. Yeah.

[B]

But yeah, no, the brand that shit's. It's a big room. So my first time it was. It was pretty scary. But that's why cuz Ken was like, do it. And then as soon as I got off stage I'm like, oh, I get why you do this. This is so fun.

[A]

Yeah, that's it. And his next show was the sold out Hollywood Improv. Oh really?

[B]

Yeah, I've been doing a lot of rooms.

[A]

So you sold the improv?

[B]

No, I'm not doing my.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

As I'm not using my whatsoever.

[A]

I was basically an opener.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like feature. Who's you? Who's you open up for, bro?

[B]

I've done like a lot of people at this point, like Trevor Wallace. Trevor Wallace, Ralph Barbosa. I've done a lot of David Lucas, you know, Concrete Duno.

[A]

You said Josh Wolf.

[B]

Josh Wolf. I did in Vegas.

[A]

Yeah. Josh works with his son too, right? Yeah.

[B]

Jake, Josh.

[A]

Funniest cool dude. I've known that guy forever.

[B]

So good, man. He's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He said when he started tour, he's like, you know, I toured with Mexican comics when I started. That's what he said to me. And he mentioned you go, oh. And that's when I say, put that guy on the list, dude. We need that full on here.

[A]

I think Josh used to work the club in east la.

[B]

He said he's. I used to. On Mexican rooms. Yeah, yeah, that's all those. Must love you. But you have three kids, single white man with abs. They love you, dude. Love white dudes like that.

[A]

He's a good. He's a good people, bro.

[B]

He's great, man. He's our first guest we ever had on here. What? He's the most reoccurring guest I think ever. Besides our homie OG.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. We had Josh on here. We've. The last time I did mushrooms and decided to never do mushrooms again on in here was with Josh, dude. Because he'll eat so many.

[A]

I did mushrooms one time because of my son, because he goes. He goes. He goes, hey, dad. He goes, hey dad. He goes, you know how you always talk about writing, being creative? He goes, you should do mushrooms. And then a friend of mine grows them and up north. So she brought me like this big bro a jug. Yeah. And so I was watching TV and I go, wow. He said to get. I'll get creative. I was watching TV and I was nibbling on them like. Like you do nachos or. Or like. You know what I mean? Like yeah. Like. And I was dying. I was waiting for. For it to kick in. And I told myself, when it kicks in, that's when I'm gonna stop. So it wasn't. It wasn't kicking in, man. And. And all of a sudden, bro, I was like, something. There was a voice that said that was gonna die. And. And I was like, oh. And it goes. And the voices. You have to tell somebody that you're gonna die. So I'm so, like, I'm. I'm crawling around the apartment, and. And I remember, I look in and I was, like, trembling, man. Like, I was gonna die. And I looked in the mirror, and I was like, 100 years old. Did you do that, too?

[B]

That's my favorite thing.

[A]

Oh, when you look older, I love

[B]

to look in the mirror because I'll start age. White hair, wrinkles, bro.

[A]

I was a hundred years old. No, but. And I went like this.

[B]

I go, holy.

[A]

I'm 100 years old. And then the voice said, don't worry, you're not gonna live that long. Oh, yeah. And then. Oh, my God, dude. Bro, what a. Well, I don't know how mushrooms are those, man. And then. And then I went back to bed, and I thought I was gonna die, and I caught. I called a friend and I said, listen, you gotta stay on the phone with me, man. And I said, I'm gonna die. And they go, no, you're not gonna die. I go, what did you do? Then? I was like, look, took mushrooms, man. But. But I just.

[B]

I just.

[A]

I know I'm gonna die. You're not gonna die, okay? But please stay on the phone so this person stay on the phone with me till I. Till I fell asleep, I guess, or. I don't know.

[B]

What a good friend.

[A]

But. Yeah, bro, but you feel like you're gonna die, dude. Yes.

[B]

Or mushrooms. They're gonna kill you.

[A]

Did you feel like you're gonna die at all? No. No.

[B]

Oh, dude, I have never experienced that. I've never experienced. I think I'm gonna die on mushrooms. I've experienced that on other drugs, but not on mushrooms.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that your first time doing mushrooms, too?

[A]

When you're already up so even, like,

[B]

oh, that is the Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn, dude. Think you're gonna die.

[A]

What did this guy always buzz because he. I didn't do edibles or anything until this guy came into my life with this.

[B]

Ever since I had him and brought him into existence. He's gonna get me high as.

[A]

Hey, what was the time? He said I was giggling like a little Teenage girl. Oh, yeah. It was up your show, Mushrooms. And I read this other comedian and then tripping out, and then he's like, hey, man, these mushrooms taking. I don't even feel it. He said I was giggling like a teenage girl, bro.

[B]

Yo, the giggles on mushrooms are never ending. It is impossible to stop them. Well, I like to hear that. You get. You like to have fun. I like to hear your bad influence on your dad. This is great. I love the opposite effect.

[A]

Yeah. But it's funny because he told me me that if I do mushrooms, I, I've. I've become a creative writer. But I didn't write, bro. I like, honestly, I, I just. I wrote. I, I talked about Microdose. Yeah. Micro dose.

[B]

He said, oh, you. Oh, yeah. But if you keep eating. That's insane. That's a. What a while. What other drug? You're like, let me keep doing it until I feel the. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah. No, but, yeah, you know what? No, I'm, I'm cool, man. Okay.

[B]

So psychedelics. We're at that stage of your life where you're like, yeah, I'll start now. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's cool. I'm almost dead anyway. So.

[B]

Yeah, according to the voice in my head, I'm not making it double this. Okay, back to it. It's the 90s, man. I like this. The whole theme of the show. Let's stay in the best decade. Okay. It's the 90s. VH1 or MTV.

[A]

Oh, I, I, I got. I'm split because MTV was like, the first one, and we actually saw videos. Right. So I would have to say mtv, man. Right. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Although I have a little soft spot for VH1, because there was a comedy show years ago called VH1, Spotlight. They did stand up on it, man. And I remember that, that it's the first time really connected with VH1, because I was on the show, you know, I was like, man, it's cool for that. Yeah. Like, I had a little love for them, but no mtv, man. For sure. Yeah, it was. Yeah. When it first came out, bro, I was that, you know, when they were, you know, I was one of those, you know, people that saw. Because it was. When you were a youngster. It was already out, right?

[B]

When I was a kid, it was out, but it was nothing but, like, world premiere. When she was like, oh, good. Kurt Loder was the guy. Hi. Today in today's news.

[A]

Yeah, the news. They have the news. I love it. Like, world premiere. Yeah.

[B]

Tlc, like, you Said, yeah, coming out like, oh, wow, I caught the world. And then it's. Before you got saturated with. Yeah. I saw nine world premieres on, like, World Star today. Easy.

[A]

Those aren't even.

[B]

MTV's done. You know that, right?

[A]

No.

[B]

As of January 1st, MTV will no longer. It's done. They can't. They're not network that shows TV or that shows music anymore. They only kept their shows, so now it's just shows. There's never going to show any music videos again. They set down the music section of mtv, which is like, music television. So now it's just television. It's just TV.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Isn't that weird? January 1st was the last time they played it, man.

[A]

So this is not. They're not having a video is. What is that? That's old school. Considered old school to have a video with. With your song.

[B]

No, it's just on YouTube now.

[A]

Oh, it's on YouTube? Yeah. You can make a video with. With phones, man. That's right. We're like less than everybody. A thousand bucks, right?

[B]

Everybody can do that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's too easy. No, I can see. I can see that dying out, man, you know, but.

[B]

Or coming back in a cool way. Yeah, we'll see. I don't know. We'll see. I thought I smelled hash. I was like, what the hell? I smell something. Okay. It's the 90s. Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey.

[A]

Oh, man. Jim Carrey, Jim.

[B]

That's the quickest answer you've given.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jim. I was Jim Carrey fan, man. Hey, by the way, okay, is he dead or is he not dead?

[B]

I got to be honest, man. I think he just got bad plastic surgery. We just talked about this recently. I think he just got real bad plastic surgery.

[A]

You think so? You think that's him?

[B]

If it is him, it's just real bad plastic surgery.

[A]

It does not look like him, man.

[B]

It doesn't.

[A]

They put the pictures right next to each other, like, side by side, and it's not the same. Same person.

[B]

It's like he got real bad plastic surgery. They switched him out. Like Zac Efron, remember? He's like, oh, yeah, I got this big crimson chin jaw because I fell while drinking. Like dog. He has a new.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What the is going on, man?

[A]

When he played that wrestler and he played the wrestler.

[B]

That was a good movie. But yes.

[A]

The claw.

[B]

Yeah, Iron Claw.

[A]

There you go. Iron Claw. He looks. He just look. He looks. That's a real j. Yeah.

[B]

Like.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't buy.

[A]

Did you ever get plastic surgery?

[B]

I don't think so, man.

[A]

No, no. I mean. Or you just.

[B]

If I got plastic surgery, you looked at me like, damn, that's not the fool from the Matrix. Is that Neo? Like, yeah, then I would do it, but is that John Wick? If I can make me look like John Wick, I'm like, yeah, make me look like John Wick.

[A]

How about the guy who tried to get a bigger dick and he died?

[B]

Yeah, I saw.

[A]

He's a billionaire. Yeah, billionaire. That was. That's. That's a. Sorry, man. Okay. Okay, bro. What I think about is the doctor, bro, when they're like, he's like. Like, messing with his dick, right? And then he. And then, like, he's the last one to know, right? Like, there's somebody watching the monitor, right? Oh, right. So someone's got to relay the message to him. You know, he's down, like, leave me alone. I'm already working on the day, touch this guy's dick. No, this is a little problem, right? He's like, what? What? What is it? He's dead.

[B]

What?

[A]

Right? He's like, oh, man.

[B]

Also, dude, like, if you. If you win the lottery, you don't go, let's go to the casino and put it all on black. No, you don't. Why? If you hit the lottery as a billionaire, you go, let me do something where I could die. Find a that likes the size of your dick or something. At a billionaire? That's crazy.

[A]

But he must have had a little. Little dick.

[B]

He must have a. Come on.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, your dick's got to be real little bro.

[B]

If you have a billion dollars, you're

[A]

still worried about it, Bro, if a billion dollars does not make you feel good, your dick's gotta be little, dude. I mean. I mean, you can't get. I mean, where. You can't give a woman enough money to say, that's a big thing. That's a little dick, bro.

[B]

There's not enough money in the world. Like, all right, I'll be back.

[A]

What were they gonna do to make it bigger, bro? I mean, you know, listen, the. You've seen little dicks, right? I've seen. Not that I look for little dicks.

[B]

You take a little dig before, right?

[A]

But I've seen little dicks. When you're watching porn, they always have that. That. That little commercial, like, before you watch the porn or have, like, a little dick, and they'll say, hey, buy these pills. And the dick is this.

[B]

You stupid.

[A]

It'll show like the big dick. Like, like the guy takes a pill and goes, big dick, right. Anyways, so you see, so I'm trying to tell you that. Because I'm trying to tell you I don't literally look for little dicks. It just. It comes.

[B]

It's not a history. It's just an ad.

[A]

Yeah, it just comes in my traffic. But I go, little dick. I got a dick that day. I can live with that. You know, I just, you know, be a little sad at times, but. But I can survive.

[B]

I have a billion dollars.

[A]

Yeah, but. But I don't think if I had a billion dollars. I don't. I don't know, maybe. Maybe if I had a little.

[B]

But you know what's crazy? There's dudes out there in the same situation but don't have a billion dollars.

[A]

It's like, yeah, man.

[B]

If anything, they should be the ones getting this.

[A]

You know, I always. I have this thing where. Where guys. You ever been around a group of guys?

[B]

Where is this?

[A]

No, no, it's. It's in the same context. It's like, like if. If there's a group of guys and there's a guy who's like, like super charismatic, he's a guy that is telling, like, he's witty, telling all the jokes, he gets all the attention, I always think that guy has a little dick.

[B]

I don't know any comedian that's more charismatic's got a little dick.

[A]

No, no, No, because I'm thinking. I'm thinking if you. If you.

[B]

What are you hiding with that good personality, man?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I think he's making up for something. You know what I mean?

[B]

What if I can instantly, like, I'm gonna find the worst thing about you, man. You're too nice. You have energy, that you have a little dick for sure.

[A]

Yeah, I've said that before. The people. I go, you got a little dig up, bro. They're like, what wrong with you, dude? I got no telling, man, to be honest, you know?

[B]

Pull it out, dude. Pull it up, man.

[A]

I told my friend one time, I go, dude, we're taking a piss. I go, dude, I bet you have a little dick. He goes, shut the up. I go, let's see it. And he goes, dude, you're a weirdo. And I said, dude, you can see my dick, you know? And he thought it was weird, man. And I think guys are big dicks. We don't care. We're a little cocky. We're a little cocky about our US guys, man.

[B]

Us guys.

[A]

Us. Those guys are Big dicks.

[B]

We want to see them all. So we'll show you how much bigger ours is.

[A]

It's not gay. I think that's what it is. My friend was like, bro, you. My friend's like, you're a weirdo, dude. Hey, shut up, Dick. Why? Take a look, dude. Take a look.

[B]

You know, what is it with Mexican fools? Like, hey, dude, fool. It's always dick. Hey, what's up, man? Oh, my stomach hurts, dick. Stomach hurts, dick. My homies will not. He will not not say. He's like, yo, my dick hurts, bro. Oh, my dick hurts, dick.

[A]

What's that? Listen, bro. No, I just think it's an LA thing.

[B]

I've never heard anywhere else.

[A]

No, I asked my son. I go, hey, dude, you have a little dick, dude. Telling the truth, right? And then you never took care of me. He goes, and then I go, I know you didn't have a little dick. And I said, you're welcome.

[B]

And I got a curve. It's from throwing those oranges to. In traffic. That's where he got it from.

[A]

I don't know. How do we get there, man? We're talking about plastic surgery. And I thought of that guy who. Who died.

[B]

I'll just get it. I'll just get a dick somewhere else for plastic surgery. Like, yo, I'll just get a adjustable one. I can pop it out of my head.

[A]

Yeah, extend those.

[B]

Lesbian stuff, right?

[A]

No, no, no, no. You actually put your dick in it and it goes. And it's longer and thicker. Like a robo dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, strap on.

[B]

With a hole in it.

[A]

No, not a strap on, bro. It's. It's. Yeah, it's like.

[B]

Okay, let's say it's like Robocop suit.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a robo. Like, you get in there,

[B]

Hold it in your ass so it doesn't fall off.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's. No, it stays.

[B]

I have one here.

[A]

I have one, bro. I tried one, bro, and it was just too big, dude. It was just too big. I said, okay. I was with this girl. She goes, take that thing off, bro. You're hurting me over here. Also. Who are you?

[B]

That's what she said.

[A]

It was too big, dude. It's ridiculous. I was like, dude, look like a elbow. Look like a arm. It's like, all right, try one, dude.

[B]

Hey, man, you're very charismatic. I think you're lying right now about the dick size.

[A]

Pretty sure.

[B]

Pretty sure. At this point, all this charisma, man. What are you hiding?

[A]

Would you ever try one, bro?

[B]

Envy or on. I'm kidding.

[A]

You know, he says, I don't know.

[B]

No, you shouldn't.

[A]

And then come get a burger. Come back and give the results, man. Give it to tell us what the lady said, you know, Right. You know, the sad part about it is like leave review on my page. No, the sad part about it is she really likes it. And you're like, you always.

[B]

You only like me for my room.

[A]

You always have to use it all the time. Yeah, it hurts.

[B]

Thought this through.

[A]

Hell, I tell you, I wore one one time. They're tight as. Dude, I believe you. I believe you.

[B]

But also, like, why?

[A]

I don't know, bro.

[B]

Listen, it's like a little kid when they put their finger in the bottles.

[A]

Bro, you ever go to sex shop with your chick?

[B]

Not really.

[A]

Really? Dude, do it, man. Go to. Honestly, she'll love you for it, dude. Not that she don't love you already, but listen, man, go in there and

[B]

do it like snacks in there to

[A]

do it like a. Like, like, you know, hey, baby, why don't we go here? So you go. So you take. So you go through the whole store together and you look at stuff like, hey, what do you think of that? And then, you know, and then you take all these toys home and you know, do your mushrooms and all of a sudden you have the greatest night of your life and.

[B]

Or I think I did.

[A]

Or you might.

[B]

Or hallucinated.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

It depends on what kind of mushrooms they are. What do you call envy? Penis. That's what that thing's called.

[A]

What's it?

[B]

That strap on thing. It's called penis Envy. Like the mushrooms.

[A]

I don't know. What's it called? He's called it something. What is it called? Extendos. Call it extendo.

[B]

Is it really called that is a real thing. Are you with me? It's a real thing.

[A]

That's a real thing.

[B]

Okay, all right. With me or not.

[A]

No, it is a real thing.

[B]

I just look up some. It's like not even real.

[A]

I told you I tried one, bro. You know, I get it, but I thought you were with me at this point, bro. I think every guy needs to have a. A vibrator on the side with his when he's with his chick. You need one, bro. I mean, youngster,

[B]

you.

[A]

Listen, man, listen to me. Look, it takes women for like. I'm not telling you guys information. You don't know. It takes women a long time to climax. Longer than us. So you know, You. You use the. The. The vibrator. You use it like a. Like having like a little friend, you know? And like, he goes in there before you do, you know, it's like the B squad, you know, he goes in there first. Prep team. Yeah, the prep team.

[B]

It's like black dudes in Vietnam, right? You're the front line. Then I'll come and clean up the mess.

[A]

Yeah, bro, that's. Yeah, bro. And all of a sudden. All of a sudden, you get these props, like, you're amazing, but the little. Your lady. Your lady never remembers the opener. She remembers the headliner. You know, she doesn't remember who opened up, but she remembers who closed the show. So you come in, you. You know, after the opener, gets done his business, you know, after he warms up the crowd, you jump in and you. You get all the glory, bro. I'm just trying to help out.

[B]

I'm just trying to help you, man. With comedy career and dicks. Yeah, man, I love it. I like the information today.

[A]

Hey, bro, you know, listen, it. So many women complain about, oh, he didn't last long, you know, or he. You know, right? He doesn't. Yeah. If you hear women comedians, that's all they ever about is our dicks, right? Oh, you had a little dick. You know, wish, you know, whatever, right? Just listen to them. So what? So. So, I mean, think about it. They had to come up with pills for us to last longer. You know, the. The. The Viagra and Calis is. Is awesome. We can keep up with. With women. Keep up with the vagina. So I'm just trying to give you stuff that, like, you said things that I've trial and error for 30 years. So I'm telling you. Yeah, bro. Keep. Keep. Keep a vibrator by the bed. When you're kissing her, grab it and then give it to her and let her hold it. And then just let her just hold it.

[B]

She, like, remember this. This is no electricity. You're. I like the advice. I can't wait for the clip. Yeah, bro, this bleeding into this advice, it's incredible.

[A]

All right. Educational.

[B]

Educational. Okay, I think we're almost out of this for one second.

[A]

All right?

[B]

It's the 90s. Fiction or Forrest Gump. Was that Pulp Fiction or Forest Gump? Speaking of dildos and gifts.

[A]

Pulp Fiction, bro. Yeah, yeah, that was. I think that was. That was a classic. I didn't. I never knew that he wanted Michael Madson as the original guy, to be Vinnie.

[B]

To be. To be John Travolta, Right?

[A]

Yeah. Chalto I think the character was named Vince. Right?

[B]

Vince.

[A]

Vince.

[B]

Mega.

[A]

Yeah. And, and I think Michael Manson would have killed that role for sure.

[B]

He crushes everything he's in, man.

[A]

He's a. Yes. He passed away not too long ago. He did, right? Michael Matson.

[B]

Oh, he, he did.

[A]

Passed away like, a couple months ago.

[B]

That's weird.

[A]

You're right. Yeah. Really good actor. And. Yeah, yeah, he's, he's, he's, he's one of the reasons, you know, well, Tarantino fan and going back to Pulp fixing, though. But, but yeah, yeah, Travolta did a great job too.

[B]

That was his resurgence again.

[A]

The gimp just died.

[B]

He just died last week.

[A]

Yeah, he died last week.

[B]

The guy in the suit, that guy died. It's such an iconic movie that the guy's face you don't see, that's a sex slave. No way. He died. Like, that's a good movie, man, if you connect with that guy.

[A]

Because I, I, he's not really recognizable. He's not, he's not a face. He's not a face. Where you go, oh, man, I saw you in that movie. You know, he'd have to be at a party and, like, you know, partying, like, like, hey, you know, let's say he's next to an actor, right? Oh, yeah. I love your movies. And you're an actor. Yeah. You know, have I seen anything? I was the gimp, you know, he goes, yeah, the game, man, it's for a mask. So you really don't. Did he wear a mask on it or. No.

[B]

Oh, he was completely covered.

[A]

He did, right? It's completely covered, right? Yeah, yeah. I remember the, the cop grabbed him by his face the one time, Right. I don't know.

[B]

I just remember he gets hung up by the collar and gets knocked out and chokes himself to death also. He just stays in that box all the time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That was kinky, bro.

[B]

Oh, man, that guy. Where is he? And piss.

[A]

Oh, you know that, you know that scene in Pulp Fiction where, Where they run over the main guy? Yeah, yeah. Was, was the black guy's name. He gets run over by Bruce Willis. Jules. Yeah.

[B]

You're talking about what's, what's being made. Marcellus Wallace, Okay.

[A]

Where he gets hit by the car. Yeah. That's four houses from where he lives.

[B]

Out. Water Village. Oh, yeah, Right down there.

[A]

Yeah. By the Foster Freeze.

[B]

Oh, right on Outwater. Right, Right on out. It's Outwater Villa. What's that street? It's, it goes right Avenue.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't realize that's Water Avenue and that's.

[B]

Oh, where that little hipster spots at? Across the street from the out of the closet.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's super hipster.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, like that.

[A]

Like that.

[B]

Yeah, next to Hugo's tacos. The same street.

[A]

Okay. But it's all the other side. Yeah, on the other side.

[B]

I stopped eating there. I'm sorry. Hugo Stocker. Well, at least that location. There's another one. That wasn't too bad. I'm sorry for up your business. Honestly, though, how you up beans?

[A]

That. Yeah, you know what, bro? I mean, I don't want to, like, jump on the bandwagon, but. Yeah, that. That. Those tacos suck.

[B]

It's the one that we ordered here one time.

[A]

We're like, oh, there's always a line, though. But it's all like, white people. Oh, why y' all get racist, bro? We got two white people here, man.

[B]

Every time.

[A]

Damn, bro. Damn. We're not known for our tacos.

[B]

Not known for your target. He's known for taking over the earth, which is a lot better. Just pay a little Mexican. Okay, so where are you performing next? This is good. I'm not sure when this will be out. We'll let you know before. But website.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Website.

[A]

Easy.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Yeah. Williamarsena.com. yeah, damn.

[B]

You the one that started the website, I hope.

[A]

No, he helped create. He's been modest. He helped create everything, bro. That's crazy. Everything. Everything that I've done. Ye. So. So you don't know what. What day if this doesn't air this week?

[B]

No, no, it won't be offered. Not this Tuesday, the next.

[A]

Really? So you're like a week ahead, bro.

[B]

Always one week ahead.

[A]

Really? We should do that? Oh, yeah.

[B]

You try to put up the same

[A]

day, we do it the next day we shoot on Tuesday night.

[B]

Do you lives do live switching?

[A]

This helps.

[B]

We just started two months ago, changed everything. We just have two more cameras. So he says six 4Ks and edit. Marty would edit. But that's why we did a week out. Because it takes four days to edit.

[A]

Yeah, no, we shoot the night before the night pretty quick.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, if you can't shoot one week out because what if you're on the road? You go, hey, that one from last week. Pop that in. Or just film two in one day. Change your shirt.

[A]

Done. All right. He's got so many dates, but starting. It'll be starting in Modesto.

[B]

Oh, what?

[A]

Yeah, I'm in. Is that your. I'm from. Yeah, yeah. The state Theater in Modesto. So can we plug that?

[B]

Put.

[A]

No. Everything.

[B]

So he's. He's reading it off right now.

[A]

Yeah. We got fire. Texas. Bridgeport, Connecticut. New Brunswick, New Jersey. Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Morris Plains.

[B]

What's the date? Was it, like, the beginning?

[A]

Everything I'm saying is March and April. Boise, Idaho. Fort Lauderdale, Florida. This motherfucker's on the road. Vegas. Damn. El Paso. This is all April.

[B]

Film, a podcast on the road. Your car, it's.

[A]

Yeah, we'll take it on the road, bro. We're gonna do some of those on the road.

[B]

Yeah, dude, people would love. Like, today I'm in Connecticut, and this is what we're talking about. And it doesn't really change for the audience, except you're getting more content out.

[A]

I mean. Yeah, no, bro, thank you, man. Thank you for having me, bro. I. I. Nothing but love and. No, I appreciate it. Yeah. Unsolicited advice, bro. You know, if I get. If we talk about baseball or we talk about comedy, I got it. Kind of like, same thing. I just. I just. I just. I have this passion for it, you know, and. And you being a young comic, man. And I know what, you know, all the obstacles you're going to face. But I'm. I'm at. I'm in Bellflower this weekend, man, if you want to roll by, bro.

[B]

What's the day?

[A]

It's called Saturday. Saturday, Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me know if you want to roll by. You know, we'll put you on, man.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I think probably. I probably do. Saturday, Sunday.

[A]

Yeah. Come down.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm gonna watch you, bro. I'm down.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I want to watch you work, bro.

[B]

I'm down. That'd be fun.

[A]

No, no, that'll be good, man. So.

[B]

All right, well, cool. And then it's Willie Barcelona on everything, correct. All socials.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then dot com for all the tickets.

[A]

Yep. Website's cracking.

[B]

Damn. You have how many dates in the next month? Yeah, you're.

[A]

You're busy. Yeah, right there.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

Road Warrior, bro. Hold on. So, yeah, just. Just.

[B]

Just from right now.

[A]

That's March.

[B]

Every other day you have a show? Damn near, yeah.

[A]

That's a lot.

[B]

Okay, well, guys, williebarsana.com to see everything. And we'll link it in the description and everything, too.

[A]

Hell, yeah.

[B]

I appreciate you.

[A]

Thank you, guys, man. Your whole crew. Appreciate you, sir. Thanks, bro.

[B]

Thank you, guys. Guys, thank you so much for being here. We appreciate you for Marty, Willie and I have the best day.

[A]

Perfect. Perfect.