Sick Ass Foo! w/ J. Valentino

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL PODCAST SUMMARY

Episode: "Sick Ass Foo! w/ J. Valentino"

Hosts: Thomas "YOLO" Araujo & Marty O’Neill
Guest: J. Valentino
Date: October 21, 2025

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Episode Overview

This high-energy episode features DJ, comedian, and all-around entertainer J. Valentino. The crew dives into stories from the comedy and music world, tales from strip club DJ life, the challenges of aging and health, wild audience moments, experiences with racism, the evolution of hip hop and strip club culture, and a playful “Who Were You in the 90s?” lightning round. Throughout, the conversation blends authenticity, plenty of laughs, and candid advice with nostalgic and sometimes outrageous anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Respect for the Craft & Comedy Memories

• J. Valentino opens with heartfelt praise for the podcast, applauding the studio and the hosts' work ethic ([00:37]).
• Shares the story of his first big "bomb" on stage in Chicago, having to follow the late Ken Flores:
  • “First time I ever ate a fat one on stage, out of town, was in the Shy… had to follow a beast, come in his house, in his living room.” ([01:36])
• Discussion on the importance of comedians not being “too cool” to go over their notes, regardless of experience ([01:48]).
• Reflects on the uniqueness of Ken Flores’ laugh and presence in comedy, stating, “I want to get those big Ken Flores laughs. Cuz those laughs were electric. Different, bro.” ([02:52])

2. On Comedy Specials & Performance Authenticity

• The hosts get candid about editing comedy specials and how poorly handled crowd audio can undercut the impact of the set ([03:31]).
• J. compares Jo Koy’s investment in audience mics to the way crowd energy can make or break a special:
  • "Sometimes the laughs don't do justice… That was a dope ass joke. You mean to tell me it's gonna get that mediocre lap… the laughs should have matched that energy." ([03:48])

3. DJ Life, Strip Club Stories, and Comedy Crossovers

• Transition from DJ to comedian: J. got his start as a strip club DJ at 19, lying his way in by using a closed club as his reference ([53:16]).
• Talks about using humor to hype the crowd, that “strip club DJ” energy translating easily into standup ([15:13]).
• Reminisces about memory for club taglines: "An eighth lastes me like two months" ([16:26]).
• Strip club realities:
  • Outrageous crowd/performer requests, including fetishes ("Asian men… have a fetish of sniffing and smelling… Going to town on some girl's butt crack" [53:40])
  • Odd rituals like girls scrambling for tips (“It's like when you feed puppies… made me sad.” [61:16])
  • Economics: Strippers tip DJs; those who tip more get preference ([60:10])

4. Navigating Health, Weight, and Body Image

• All three exchange self-deprecating stories about aging, weight gain, and trying to stay healthy amid busy schedules ([06:06], [06:57]).
• Thomas jokes, “I always say the only thing I don’t have OCD is being fat,” ([06:06]).
• J. shares he’s a light, nighttime smoker and drinks little—reflects on why he gave up alcohol ([16:36], [102:56]).
• Addresses health in Latino culture, especially diabetes and the legacy of sugary diets ([83:34]).

5. Racism & Social Tensions on the Road

• The crew swap stories about being in environments where they felt out of place or outright unsafe, highlighting the reality of racism in various American towns ([29:00]-[30:21]).
• Thomas recounts a tense show in Torrance involving racial slurs and a fight breaking out in the audience ([25:45]-[27:45]).
• J. recalls walking into a bar with Latino and Black friends and receiving chilling stares: “I've never felt that before. I was like—everyone in here might fuck me up.” ([29:42])

6. AI, Social Media, and Modern Loneliness

• Brief segment on music production and the rise of AI, and how it may soon marginalize traditional music producers ([40:12]).
• They joke about technology making people more introverted and killing social interaction: “Extroverts, get a personality, bro.” ([42:59])
• Amazon and the shift away from in-person shopping: “Kids at heart—we get home, brown box, yeah!” ([44:50])

7. Dating and Relationship Advice

• J. delivers frank dating advice: "Enjoy, bro. Enjoy… 35 ready to settle down… I can't blame Kobe [for allegedly cheating]…" ([36:12]-[36:58])
• Discusses FaceTiming dates to save time and money: “I want to feel their energy. See what they're like… I'm a grown-ass 43-year-old man. I can't waste time, bro.” ([45:55]-[47:37])

8. 90s Nostalgia Lightning Round

• Rapid-fire questions about 90s pop culture preferences:
  • McDonald’s or Burger King? “McDonald's—Happy Meal toys and the play place, bro!” ([71:35])
  • Freddy Kruger or It? “Freddy all day.” ([72:06])
  • Full House or Family Matters? “Family Matters, bro.” ([73:01])
  • Tupac or Biggie? J. says, “Biggie mercs Tupac lyrically… but Tupac all day.” ([74:50]-[75:25])
  • MTV or VH1? “MTV. Easy call.” ([76:14])
  • Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey ('90s only)? “Jim, bro. Unstoppable. Too many classics.” ([76:28])
  • Pulp Fiction or Forrest Gump? “Forrest. I love Tom Hanks.” ([79:53])

9. Drugs, Sobriety, and Addiction Culture

• Long exchange on the dangers of hard drugs, especially crack/speed: "Don't smoke crack" ([101:45]).
• J. details the moment his brother physically intervened after J. tried speed at 15: "That’s love… now looking back as a 43-year-old man, I was like, that's love" ([101:33]).
• On quitting alcohol: “It’s always free, you know, Yola gets it... But is it cool? I just couldn’t anymore, bro... Now I’m more confident than ever sober on stage.” ([103:06]-[104:49])

10. Working Out, Manhood, and Male Insecurity

• They poke fun at Joe Rogan's comments on masculinity and physical benchmarks: “If you can't do 50 pushups as a man, you're not a man.”
• Discussion veers into how working out becomes a priority for testosterone and confidence: “At 43, I like to work out for that T, bro. Testosterone” ([66:20], [67:44]).

11. Audience/Comedy Club Mayhem

• J. recalls the wildest things he's seen on stage, including fights between comedians and audience members and even one of his friends being choked out during a bar set:
  • "My buddy got choked out, but I didn't get close enough. He talked about it, too, he’s like, yeah, some fool choked me out. I passed out. I woke up well rested, bro!" ([24:25]-[24:40])

12. Culture, Clothes, and Growing Up Mexican-American

• J. and Thomas geek out on iconic brands of their youth—Echo, Diamond, Shawn John—tying memory to culture and class ([34:27]-[35:18]).
• Hip hop, sampling, and DJ technique—J. stresses his love for classic funk and the DJ’s respect for craft vs. modern trends ([12:42]-[13:56]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• J. Valentino on Following Ken Flores in Chicago:

  "First time I ever ate a fat one on stage, out of town, was in the Shy… had to follow a beast, come in his house, in his living room." ([01:36])

• On Bombing & Growth in Comedy:

  “I’m happy to say that I bombed that way in Chicago.” ([02:36])

• On Comedy Special Editing:

  “Sometimes the laughs don't do justice… the decibels were right here on the laps. The joke was right here.” ([04:03])

• On Strip Club DJ Life:

  “An eighth lasts me like two months… I’m a little bowl smoker, bro. Four hits and I'm good for the night.” ([16:26])

• On Quitting Alcohol:

  “I have an addictive personality… alcohol’s a progressive drug… what got me drunk last week wasn’t getting me drunk this week… Now I’m more confident than ever sober on stage.” ([102:56]-[104:49])

• On Racism On The Road:

  “I've never felt that before. I was like—everyone in here might fuck me up.” ([29:42])

• On DJ Tips in the Club:

  “The girls with natural bodies still get love... I like a girl that I could take to a parent teacher conference, Yola.” ([60:10]-[60:15])

• On Dating in the Social Media Era:

  “I FaceTime them… I want to see their energy. I want to see them without makeup. If they're cool, if they're funny because I'm in a time meet them. I'm a grown-ass 43-year-old man. I can't waste time, bro.” ([45:55]-[47:37])

• Funniest Fetish Discovered as Strip Club DJ:

  “I see this Asian man just going to town on some girl's butt crack… then lifting her arm going [sniffs]… Another guy liked getting kicked in the balls…” ([53:14]-[54:51])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro & Giving Flowers to the Hosts – [00:37]
• First Bomb Story in Chicago – [01:36]
• Ken Flores, Comedy Special Editing – [03:31]-[04:22]
• On Health/Weight Struggles – [06:06]-[07:08]
• Comedy, DJing & Strip Club Stories – [12:22]-[16:26]
• Dangerous Moments in Comedy/Bar Shows – [22:39]-[27:45]
• Experiencing Racism in Small Towns – [29:00]-[30:21]
• Music AI & Technology Changing Culture – [40:05]-[42:23]
• Dating/Aging/Dating Advice – [36:08]-[47:41]
• 'Who Were You in the 90s?' Lightning Round – [71:03]-[83:26]
• Sobriety, Addiction, Drugs – [102:25]-[104:49]

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Conclusion / Final Thoughts

The episode is a freewheeling, hilarious, and unfiltered deep-dive into the intertwined worlds of comedy, music, and Latinx culture—with moments of true vulnerability and honesty about addiction, struggle, and growth. J. Valentino thrives in the grey areas between stand-up and DJ work, and the crew’s chemistry keeps the momentum both entertaining and thoughtful. Whether it's advice on dating, surviving disastrous gigs, or health and wellness as you age, the episode offers a mix of nostalgia, outrageous stories, and motivating takeaways, always with a “dope as usual” vibe.

Transcript

[A]

Told you. Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the dope as usual podcast. My name is Thomas Dopas. Yolo, whatever you want to call me. This is my co host, Mario Neal.

[B]

What's up, guys?

[A]

What up? Let's hop right into it because we already started. Guys, give a warm welcome for this fool. He's about to do a dance on the table. A bunch of crazy things. Say what up to Jay Valentino.

[C]

What's up, y'?

[A]

All?

[C]

How you guys doing, man? Jay Valentino, right? I just want to give you your flowers real quick, man. Just for real, man. Life is too short not to get flowers. I love to give credit when it's due. I walked into the studio and it's beautiful in here. If you guys. I wish you guys could really see this because the. The camera never catches the full effect and the size of the studio. So it's beautiful in here. Congrats to you guys. You guys are doing your thing. There's a lot of work behind this, and I just wanted to. Yeah. Give you.

[A]

Appreciate it.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Five year anniversary.

[C]

Five year anniversary. You ain't got to brag now, but, like. No, but it's super cool, man. Of course. And keep it going. This is amazing. I love it here.

[A]

Appreciate it.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Do you know any of those toys on that shelf?

[C]

Yes. Gremlins, Terminator, sharks. Yeah, the 100,000 play button. I have one of those, too.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I just want to make sure, because there's certain ages.

[B]

Go.

[A]

What is this monster? Gremlins, dude.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[C]

I was born in 82, man. Gremlins. Tony Hawk.

[A]

You know what's going on? Let's go.

[C]

Let's go. Rest in peace. Ken Flores. I see the picture right there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

As a matter of fact, I'll be in Chicago next month, man. And I have some unfinished business with Chicago. You guys want to know why this. This first time I tell this story on the podcast, first time I ever ate a fat one on stage, out of town. Was in the shy. But I gave myself a pass. Why? Because I was one year into comedy and I was a little tired. I didn't go over my notes. I go over my notes now more than ever. I do. You know, if comedians don't be too cool to go over notes, there's comedians that have been doing it for 30 years that still go over notes. Anyhow, I wasn't prepared fully a year into comedy, nervous as hell. And then we had a guest drop in, and guess who it was bro Ken.

[A]

She had to go after her.

[C]

I had to follow a beast, come in his house, in his living room. Bro.

[A]

Oh no.

[C]

Where everybody laughs at anything he says. And he's a. Obviously he was ob. Obviously a killer and sucks. You know what? I'm happy to say that I bombed that way in Chicago.

[A]

That's fine.

[C]

It's a great story.

[A]

How long ago was that?

[C]

This is like two and a half years ago. Yeah.

[B]

Was he well known at that point?

[C]

Yeah, he was already can. He was like three years into the game, so he was already feeling good. You know, it was. I think it was five, six years before he passed, right? Yeah, something like that.

[A]

I think six or seven.

[C]

Six or seven. Okay. And he was like four years in, so he was butter up there. He felt great up there. Big laughs. And I used to call big laughs Ken Flores laughs. I never said this before on the podcast either, too. I call him dude. I want to get those big Ken Flores laughs. Cuz those laughs were electric. Different, bro.

[A]

The first set we. The first time I ever watch, I watch everyone said, even I've seen it 10 times. I sit in the back and see it.

[C]

I don't know why.

[A]

I just like seeing it.

[C]

No. Sometimes we word it different. Sometimes.

[A]

Oh yeah, you can catch it.

[C]

Different demeanor.

[A]

The last, his special, he worded it different than when we did it, than when we did it at the haha. And it was better on the special than it was written at the haha. And it's the one thing I like to say. Did you watch the special?

[C]

I've seen just bits and pieces of it on the.

[A]

The one thing I just want to say, whoever edited that kind of bugged me. I feel like some of the shots, it made the room look like they weren't. Like it wasn't hyped. And I'm like, what the. Don't do that to him. You know, I don't know why it pissed me off.

[C]

You know what the jokes were. Were big, obviously. And the laughs should have matched that energy, you know, Like, Joe Coy is big on audio, on the audience. I believe he dropped something around like 20k on just audio mics for the audience for his first special.

[A]

What do you mean?

[C]

Or like he makes sure he wanted that to be like, yes. Mind you, Jo Koy is a beast in his own and he's funny as hell, but sometimes the laughs don't do justice. Man, that was a dope ass joke. You mean to tell me it's gonna get that mediocre lap the decibels were right here on the laps. The joke was right here. Yes, that's a good point. Yeah.

[B]

It's like, that's the whole point of performing it live, is to get that feedback for the video.

[C]

Hell, yeah, man. Yeah, you're right. That laughs didn't do it justice.

[A]

Piss me the. Yeah, I'm sitting there going like, we can't redo this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He sat here and told us how he, like, stopped the whole show. He got the audience on his crowd. He told the producer to himself he wasn't gonna.

[A]

Because they wanted him to. To dumb down a joke because it was too offensive. And then you can hear him in the back. No, he told the story here. I don't remember exactly.

[B]

It sounded like he had the crowd fully on his side.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Oh, they wanted to come out and do a joke again. He's like, that's corny. I'm not going to do a joke again. They just laughed at that joke. That. All right.

[C]

That's so dope. You see? They'll never be another, man. He was truly a rock star, man. That's some rock star right there. Because, man, I don't know. I'm like, I, I. I don't know if I would have probably done it again. And I'm not even like, I would have just probably been, like, playing the game. All right, let's do it.

[A]

No, for sure. I, I feel.

[C]

I feel that.

[A]

But I'm saying, for him, I think he was just like. No, I'm. I'm just. It's just feels. I get it. Because it's like. I mean, you do commercials.

[B]

They wanted him to change something.

[A]

They wanted to change something to make it not as offensive. I think he said something like that and then don't do it again. Was like, well, no, that. I. I get it. But, like, when it comes, like, you kind of play the game thing. I get it. If it's for a special, like. All right, well, the shots got. I do video. We do video. Like, cinematography is our thing, so I'll do that. I've done a scene 84 times for a YouTube video. It's like, this is a free YouTube video. It's just I have to make sure shit's perf. Like, like you said about that. TV's off. Like, redo it, dude. There's no point to doing it off.

[C]

I love that. It's a. It's a. It's a good and a bad thing. It's a gift and a curse, you know, being ocd. But that's why you're where you're at, yola, you know, big time.

[A]

I always say the only thing I don't have OCD is being fat. Other than that, it's like, dude, everything's perfect, perfect, perfect.

[C]

Like food. Give me all the grace now.

[A]

Yeah, sugar. Now my body's like, hey, you want it? I'm gonna hold on to it for three years. Even if it's good for you. You. I don't know what it is, man. I got that Holocaust victim where they don't eat for a long time. Don't you eat again. Your body retains. You ever see that?

[C]

Right, right.

[A]

A lot of those folks died right after they started eating again.

[C]

You know what? I never knock a chunkier dude. I never knock a chubby person, a bigger person, because it's hard to get into the gym. I'm 168lbs and it's hard for me get into the gym. So I'll never knock anybody. That. It don't. That. You know, that doesn't.

[A]

I just wish I had the boredom mentality to go, yeah, let's hit 90 of these right now. I'm just so bored down there. I'll do it, but, God, it's boring. Yeah. For weightlifting. I used to weightlifting competition in high school. I used to be.

[C]

I'm.

[A]

I'm strong, but I used to be in shape. And I was with my trainer. Today I started a trainer, and he's like, stretching. I'm like, you're helping me stretch my leg. This is pathetic. What am I doing? I just felt so.

[B]

Like, that's what trainers do, though, I'm.

[A]

Saying, like, I couldn't get my leg that. You know what I mean? Like, when you're young, you're like, I'll never be a fatter, older dude. Like, God, it happened. Dude, that sucks.

[C]

But you're not. You're not a sloppy, lazy.

[A]

No, I'm doing. I'm doing. I need to figure it out. I'm on the way. Just annoying as hell, dude.

[C]

Yeah. You just gotta eat like a. That's it.

[A]

Yeah, I know. This fool just grew up getting notes from girls, and you have a whole different life. For real. I guarantee that's how he grew up.

[C]

You know what? Not so much. A little bit. A little bit? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, that fool.

[A]

They're asking him to come up.

[B]

I tried to tell my kids about hand things. What do you call them?

[A]

The paper things.

[C]

I have no idea. Text my sister for that. She was born in 79. She'd for sure. Know how to. She knows how to make them a goody catcher. Got it.

[B]

No, that was Rocco saying that was his name in high school.

[A]

Oh, you're stupid. Yeah, I dated the out of myself with that for sure.

[C]

No, but you're.

[A]

You know what I'm talking about.

[C]

I thought he was like 28, remember?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I just look like a little kid. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I still get Carter sometimes.

[C]

That's a good thing.

[A]

It's funny.

[C]

It's great because a lot of people, guys our age look like senores.

[A]

I met some.

[C]

You know, I met some.

[A]

Damn. Well, you, you, you're. Put on some sunscreen.

[C]

You're a real deal, dog.

[A]

Damn, dude. Yeah, because you remember what it's like being 16, going dance was 38.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What have you been doing for 20 years? I remember my ass, like going to my 20 year high school reunion. Like, you're old as.

[C]

And now yours is approaching. And now I'm like, yeah, we're here.

[A]

Where's the adult?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I don't see. I don't feel it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, when's it gonna, like. Remember, in beauty the beast returns back into the guy. That's how I feel like adults. It's never gonna happen.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, that's why, like, you know, we're fortunate enough now to like, you know, get all the nostalgic. I'm getting all the nostalgic now that I couldn't afford when I was a kid, you know? Look. Look at all your toys.

[A]

You can drive him.

[C]

Yeah. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I just got a Michael Jackson doll. My boy bought it for me. Yeah.

[A]

One with the one glove and the real clothes.

[C]

It's, it's. He's wearing the red jacket, I think.

[A]

Okay. Does he come with a little child? Because if so, you connect them at the dick and hips. You know how they pop GI Joes.

[C]

That's funny. I just saw a meme, I mean, a video yesterday. They're like, dude, if you guys watch that Michael Jackson thing and the movie, the documentary, and you're still listening to his music, you're a piece of.

[A]

I see a bunch of fools talking about a guy that can't say nuh. So I don't trust them.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

All these kids, like, yeah, you molested me, dog. I went over there all the time. Like, if someone tells me, give me your phone. I ain't going back to that house, let alone penetrate me. I'm not going back. Are you?

[B]

No, no.

[C]

There it Is dude never go to the Neverland Ranch? Why do they call it the Neverland? Isn't it the Neverland? Neverland.

[A]

What a badass place.

[C]

Yeah. Santa Barbara, right? California.

[A]

Is it in California, I believe.

[C]

Yeah, it's in California.

[A]

I had no idea.

[B]

I never thought about that.

[C]

Yeah. I've never been. Neverland is such an honor at the. On the outskirts. That's. That's crazy. Anyhow, RIP Michael. I still like his music.

[A]

Music's great. Also, I heard. I was at the gym today. I heard this song. Like, who the is this? Sounds like Michael the weekend Sounds just like Michael Jackson. I don't listen to his music.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you Me?

[B]

Yeah, same.

[A]

It's almost just. It's like he's got the picture. That's the song that was on today. And I go, is Michael. I never heard this Michael Jackson.

[B]

So songs don't know who MJ is. All like that. So same works on them. You know what I mean?

[C]

That's true.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

Yeah, bro.

[A]

You hear a lot of. I mean, you're a dj, so how many songs you hear? People. I love that song. Like, that is a 1984 classic that is being redone by a trapper. Like, it's different. Yeah. I hear so many remixes.

[C]

Yeah. A lot of songs have been sampled. My boy made a whole. Is making a whole living off of that. His name's at J J Main. He's like at 4 million followers on Instagram.

[A]

Just DJ, just.

[C]

No. Yes and no. He. He plays a sample and the original and he just does that.

[A]

And.

[C]

And then he. He's. He. He's evolved. But. Yeah.

[A]

You ever heard of a permanent named Girl Talk?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I love that fool's music.

[C]

I've heard him. Yeah.

[A]

Mixes two genre. Like, he'll mix like a Metallica song with the tempo Michael Jackson song. But worked so well.

[B]

Some DJs are doing so much up there. They're blending, they're mixing, they're doing all this. And some DJs are not doing anything up there.

[A]

Texting.

[C]

Yeah. So I'm half old school. Have new school, man. I'm. I'm big on scratching, so I'm actually doing a lot up there. But, yeah, there's some DJs out there that are just. Let's just say. All right, I don't want to knock on them, but, like, female DJs that are just really hot, they get booked just based on their looks. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're just one.

[C]

Yeah. And they're titty out and. And that's why they get. You know, I've literally seen. I literally seen girls get booked because they're up there with pasties on and it's fine. But my thing is get the skill down, respect the craft, you know what I mean? It's just like, you know, just cuz we have platforms, we're not just going to do comedy and cuz we. We're going to get a crowd to go see us. No, I respect the game. I know you respect the game. Yeah, respect the game.

[B]

You're not going to go up there, just play a playlist of your comedy. No.

[A]

Could you imagine watch this laugh? Yeah, that'd be kind of hilarious.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have a track. Laugh track. No, man. But yeah, these, there's. I, I'm. For me it's respect the craft, man. You know, I'm an old school dj. I'm about scratching, mixing doubles and all that turntableism.

[B]

And what's your favorite to go to?

[C]

Like, I like, I like funk. I like all genres, but I like funk because of that hard clap. Boom, boom. Just that gangster. It's just those bass lines just. Yeah, that hit. Yeah, that west coast I just hear.

[A]

Think of like Suzy Q and when I hear DJ music. How is it called house music? Still house.

[C]

Yeah, that.

[A]

That's why I grew up on that shit's hard. That's the only stuff I imagine DJs playing. Unless I've been to a rap show. I'm like, yo, he's just playing unpopular song again. You know what I mean? Like he running it back. You ever been doing rapture? Like, all right, they're coming out. Oh no, they're not. Yeah, it's 48 minutes of the radio every time. Is that. That's just from your perspective, that's just to kill time, right? What like to wait for the artist isn't showing up. You're like, all right, let's run another song.

[C]

Yeah. At concerts, I mean, for the most part we have a. An itinerary and everything. Everybody set times. But there's times where yeah are late and, and we have to kill time. You know, there's time. There was one time where it was me and Concrete filling the gap for somebody that was late and he's like, what do you want to do, fool? I'm like, let's do this part. Whose birthday is it? Let's do this. Let's kill time. We had to kill like 25 minutes of time. A little bit of jokes. At the time. We weren't really doing stand up like that. So we're just jokes, hyping the crowd, Me spinning.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

So you knew Concrete before you ever stepped into comedy?

[C]

Yes, yes. He actually inspired me to do it.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

He started. He got his feet wet before I.

[A]

Did, because I remember because we had him on here, and he was talking about how he used to. All the music videos and all. All of that, which is a huge lane.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's how you met him? Through the music.

[C]

Yeah, I met him through the music videos at a Frankie J. Video shoot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Frankie J. The little, little Mexican fool.

[C]

Yeah. Sings the Sugar, sugar.

[A]

There you go. I was like, I know that song. I know that name.

[C]

He's a cool dude, man. He's like an actual. Like, a real friend. And he. We had shot a skit. He's like, all right, man, I don't mind shooting the script, but, you know, can you be on my music video? I'm like, no, of course. Of course I want to be in your video, man. Let's do it. He's like, all right. Bet it's this day. And Concrete was shooting it, man. And Cheeky's was there, too, which is Jenny Rivera's daughter.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Damn. She passed away a long time ago.

[C]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Yeah, on the news. She popped up on the news.

[C]

She was a family friend.

[A]

Oh, man.

[C]

My uncles were her hair stylist, and the other one was her stylist.

[A]

Oh, random.

[C]

Yeah, my uncles don't like women either. They. They prefer men.

[A]

There's just regular Mexicans like that. We just don't care about them.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, but I met him at a set, and, yeah, ever since then, he used to film my videos at the beginning. And the Pandemic hit, he started shooting his own stuff, and, man, here he is today, man, killing it.

[A]

So obviously you're. You're cracking jokes, being for everyone out there. Jake, start.

[B]

You.

[A]

You told me what you told me. You tell me more. But, like, I used to just. I was a strip club DJ. Yeah, a lot of strip club DJs, and those guys are always cracking jokes. So I understand the little transition Lake. Kev was a strip club dj? Yeah. No way.

[C]

He looks like one.

[A]

He looks like Marty, just a little bigger. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like a bigger head. Like. Like.

[C]

Like a bootleg.

[A]

Bootleg, yeah.

[B]

That's what I saw.

[A]

Like, if. If you took the mushroom from. From Mario. That's bootleg cab.

[C]

She's just like a little Panozympic. No way. I didn't know I could see that on bootleg. Kev. I could totally see him being like a laid back. That's right, guys, here she is. Enjoy the show. Song number one of a two song set. You do the tip and cheat is a stripping. It's song number one with do me diamond on stage. After this, we got a two for one special two for one erection session.

[A]

How on earth you know, do you smoke a lot of weed or.

[C]

No, you know what? I'm a light smoker. Yola, bro.

[A]

I was like, how do you just remember all of those little taglines like that? That was just so much. I can remember every movie I ever watched. Can't remember to say things. That's insane. That's so much. I bet you had 40 of those.

[C]

You know, I'm a as far as SM. Well, I did it for 18 years, that's one thing. And as far as smoking, I'm a light smoker, bro. I'm a light bro. An eighth lastes me like two months.

[A]

Epic.

[B]

Awesome little bowls.

[C]

A month and a half. I'm a. A little bowl smoker, bro. I swear, bro, just a little nug like this, like four hits and I'm good for the night.

[A]

I would love that. That sounds so much a better life. Just like, oh, it affected me.

[C]

Not only that, and I'm. I only smoke at night, bro.

[A]

That's amazing.

[C]

I only smoke at night. Yeah, like, oh, and I smoke. You could smoke before you go on stage, right?

[A]

Okay, so I don't. Because I'm like, nah, dude. What do they expect? Like all the high guy forgot where he was, dumbass. That's why I don't smoke before. The one time I did was with a set with you at the Covina Covina. And for about three seconds I went.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

In my head, like, no, because you know when you blank and you go, I don't even have a avenue where I was like, it's blank. I don't even know what's my name. Like that happened for me. Nobody he saw. He's like, I saw you, like. But nobody know. I just like walked around and played like. I was like, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, there it is. I never want that again.

[C]

I think that when Thomas finds his voice 100 on stage, bro, you're gonna be like the Felipe. That's gonna be like smoking a fat blood before you get on stage and destroy.

[B]

That's what Josh Wolf was saying.

[A]

He's like, yeah, Josh Wolf. You know who, the comedian Josh Will.

[C]

No, it sounds familiar.

[A]

He's been on here. He's our friend. He does The Comedy Store a lot. We watched him take, what, three and a half grams of mushrooms? And he's like, all right, my set's in, like, 40 minutes. I gotta take off. And he'll be up there just on masculine. And 5. 5 grams. Just killing playing guitar, all this. Watch Josh Wolf. Half of the time, he's on mescaline and mushrooms.

[B]

Not to mention the edibles.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And I keep. I just can't. I. I just don't want to be a dumbass because, like, I. You get high. Oh, you forget everything. Like, no, my memory's impeccable. You should watch my stories. Yeah. I watch you blank out on stage. Like.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't want that to be the impression for people.

[C]

No, bro, I think right now, since you're still in your head and you're still in your beginning, by the way, he's still a killer in his beginning stages. Like, I've seen five times. And you're like, I remember that when I met you at the. For the first time in Covina. You're like, this is my seventh time on stage. I was like, damn. And then he went up there and he killed. He did good. I'm like, seven times. I'm like, that's great, dude.

[A]

I think I've been talking to camera for 10 years. That's why.

[C]

Yeah, no, 100. This is. This is.

[A]

This is it.

[C]

This is where you work your chops right here. I encourage all comics to do a podcast. To start a podcast. Mind you, it's not easy. It's not a walk in the park if you want to do it right. But it works your chops. 100.

[A]

For sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't realize that, like, you. You can sh. Like when you see a full freestyle. Like, how.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Do this every day?

[C]

Like, okay, yeah, I wrote that on my. On my notes. Repetition is the father of learning, man. True repetition. Just.

[A]

And thing is, I have, like. I don't know what it is. Do you. When were you born?

[C]

82. July.

[A]

July. Okay. Completely different. I'll say. Is it a Virgo thing, but, like, full. I know I have 90 things to do, and I'll wait till four seconds before and go. I get to get 90 of them done right now. I've just. It's my whole life. I've just been that way. So, like, for sets, I'll start practicing four hours before. Just because we have so much to do. I'm like, all right, cool. Write it out. All right. That's why you see me just. I'm just by myself, pacing every toe I've ever done. Like, I'm burnt. Leave me alone. I gotta remember before TED Talk. Yeah, we did the TED Talk. We're sitting there. We changed the whole 18 minute speech two days before the event. I've never. You've had those pan like panic moments where I just. I just don't want people. Yeah, he's the high guy. Of course he forgot.

[C]

I just don't want that. Oh, I keep forgetting, Thomas. I keep forgetting that you're the weed guy.

[A]

Yeah. On the other side.

[C]

Because you're just. You're Ola to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know, I kind of just don't. I don't see that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I keep forgetting you're a big weed. The weed brand ambassador. Like, you're a weed.

[A]

Yes. I don't want people like, yeah, of course he forgot. He's the stoner.

[C]

Yeah, he's a.

[A]

And plus, I went on a show with you. I've been on a show with concrete. I'm like, I don't want to go. Like, we brought this idiot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't want to mess up anybody.

[C]

Like when girls are fading in the crowd with me. Of course he's a sex appeal.

[A]

Like, I get it.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

I understand.

[C]

Yeah, he's a. Yeah, he's like that.

[A]

One bent over naked during his show at Basos. Remember that? The old lady.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'm kidding. Right? It was smart. He's like, really? You didn't tell me.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, she was in a shape, but it's the thought that she was a shape. For sure it was a shape around. Yeah.

[A]

Like pears.

[C]

I don't say that anymore. Did you ever hear me say that?

[A]

No.

[C]

No. What happened? I see some bit about the strip club. I'd be like, yeah, I'm a strip club dj. You know, there's always that one stripper that wants to be called something that doesn't fit them. Like some girl went up to me, she's like, can you put me up as cherry? Can you put me up as chair? And I was like, you look more like an upside down pair.

[A]

I got you.

[C]

And then I say, and I take a beat. It takes like a. It gets like a little laugh. And then I go, you know, I'm just saying, ladies, I'm just trying to help you guys. Like, if you ever get a liposuction, make sure they get the shoulders too.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It looks like when you're squeezing a cartoon into a tube.

[C]

Yeah. And then it's all big, up top. Shout out to my boy. He's a good friend. Like a real friend. He's like, hey, bro, that joke was hilarious. I loved it. I left my lap. I laughed my ass off. And I got stairs, too. But the crowd and the girls in the crowd got super tight.

[A]

I'm like, that's what they want. Loose ass, right?

[C]

I was like, I'm like, all right, I'll stay away from it.

[A]

I should brew it back. But you just smack one of them. And then, like, right when you start off, this is how we're gonna do the set. Okay, guys. You pear shaped?

[C]

Pear shaped? Yeah. So I, you know, I want to love my crowd. I want to be edgy. I'm, you know, I'm a little. I'm not super clean. I'm not super, like. Yeah, you know, but I'm. I'm not that guy. I want to make them feel good to when they come out to my show. These are the people that spend money to come out and see me. I don't want to make them feel any type of way, you know?

[A]

Well, speaking of that, what's the worst audience thing you've ever seen happen while you're at a show? Cuz I just witnessed mine. What is yours the worst audience thing, the worst thing you've ever seen at a comedy show? Like, yo, this shouldn't happen here. Why, like, did somebody run up and try to sock a commute? What's the craziest thing you've seen in your.

[C]

Oh, not to me. Just in general.

[A]

Just like, you've been there. Like, damn, that. That just happened.

[C]

Oh, you know what? I'm not gonna say any names. I've just seen a comedian that was a little flamboyant, you know, get into it with a girl. Yeah. It makes me like, because, you know, still a dude. Yeah, you're still a dude. And it's like, I've seen it where, like, he's like, wait, you know. Well, you. I'm that you. And I'm like, yo, yo, chill, chill. And I seen that. And it was at one of my rooms. I had a room in Santa Ana called the Paradise Room at the Yoast Theater. My buddy owns a Yoast. It's a speakeasy. It's a beautiful, sexy room. I did it weekly. It was good. You would have been amazing there. Great workout room. I'll get it started again. And yeah, and the thing is that it's super intimate, so the first row is right there, dog. So he was like, you don't Know who the fight. Yo, you have a penis, bro. You could lay her out, you know, that was really uncomfortable, especially because it was my show, and I felt like I had to be the mediator. And I'm like, yo, did you have.

[A]

To go out there?

[C]

I just went, like, right there. I was like, I think I. I'm that guy that the last thing I want to do is be the dick. So I'll use the whole security thing. I'm like, hey, man, can you go say something? You know, I'm that guy.

[B]

You know, that's what they're supposed to do.

[C]

Yeah, I know, because I'm always proactive. I'm always. I. I don't mind wearing a thousand hats. You don't either. I see it, you know, and I. I would have back like three years ago, Julian would have been like, oh, hey, man, don't. Ah, let's not do that. You know? But that's making me. That's putting me in the middle. So now I outsource. I'm more efficient at 43, bro. Yeah, I pick my battles. I pick battles. So, yeah, I. I told the security. I was like, hey, man, can you handle that real quick? He's like, all right. Security was smaller than me, but he handled it.

[A]

He had a knife. He had a knife. Yeah. Every little Mexican's got a knife. Just to let you guys know that.

[C]

A rubber bullet gun.

[A]

Yeah, they got something. And six kids in other states. That's the craziest thing you've seen.

[C]

That's one of them. I can't think off the top. That state stands out, man. My buddy got choked out, but I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

[C]

I should. I should open up with that.

[A]

But he got choked up, but I didn't get close enough.

[C]

And he talked about it, too. He's like, yeah, some food choked me out. I passed out. I woke up well rested, bro.

[A]

He went to sleep.

[C]

Yeah. But my buddy.

[A]

He was out there for seven to eight seconds choking.

[C]

But my boy is that guy. He'll do this to you.

[A]

Is he small?

[C]

No, he's like, you know, 5, 10, you know, 170 or whatever.

[A]

But it's like regular size, man.

[C]

But it's. But it's. He's. That. He's a crowd work guy that. Just like, oh, look at that hideout, Thea. Look at those Loan house. Like, he's that guy. So there's. You're gonna. Yeah, habitual. Exactly. So he's. He's. He asked for it, you know, But.

[A]

I want to know what the position was where he was like, all right, you know, because you have a mic, you got the high ground.

[B]

It was like Tim Kennedy and Steve all up there.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

So no, don't think this was at a comedy room. This is a bar.

[A]

He was doing a set.

[C]

He was doing a set.

[A]

Oh, that's, that's, that's a little different.

[C]

A little different. You know, there's no security that's going to run up there and save you. No, it's a bar.

[A]

It's a mom and pop to sleep.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So embarrassing.

[C]

I encourage you to start doing stand up, like at bars and stuff like that.

[A]

So let me tell you mine.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Last weekend I played Torrance at a bar.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

With this. Well, David Lucas, he's like, yeah, we should do the small room. It's like 200 people. Fifteen.

[C]

I know David. Yeah, he's cool.

[A]

I told the story last week, so I'll make it brief. One black person in the entire room, right? David's black guy, obviously. There's one light skinned black fo that's barely black to be called black. Like, he's a, he's a quarter black, but, you know, dresses like a black dude. These four white dudes behind him, he, the black guy would not stop heckling for 15 minutes. David had to ask him 19 times, yo, shut the upper. Because he's doing his roastings like, get up here or shut up. Come on. Interrupt, interrupt. And the guys behind him start saying something to him. I didn't know till later, but they called him the hard R under their breath to him, like, yo, shut the up. To him when he. Nobody heard it. These awful. Stand up. All four of these fools try to fight this guy. And then David gets in the middle to stop it, but he has the mic. So I can hear everything getting projected through the whole building because he's got the mic right in the middle. So you can hear all this talk. Some girl you try to fight a. The guys are trying to fight his girlfriend. Girlfriend was trying to fight these guys and somehow they calmed it down. There's no security, just guys that worked at the bar with a jersey on. I don't even know he worked there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And he walked up, he broke it up. Two minutes goes by, someone says something, Bam erupted. Dude, I didn't know. They should have threw all those white dudes out. I didn't know that what they were saying. But the guy was so drunk, he was like, David's roast him so bad. I'm surprised he didn't Start crying. Like, it was. It was. The whole room started chanting, you know? You ever seen that happen? Yeah, it was. It was bad, dude.

[C]

It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable.

[A]

Like, dude, this guy's gonna kill himself. Stop. Anyway, he was just trying to fight all these dudes, and they end up throwing him out. Like jazz. They picked him up. Yeah, out the door. I saw the cops during the last part of the set. And then at the end, the guy that dropped the hard R, I saw him like, 15 minutes later, told Marty. And he was just standing there drunk by the bar, doing this like that. Just throwing his hand up like this. And I was like, yo, get the. Get us out of here, dude.

[C]

Look at this guy.

[A]

And like, I said, whether or not he was like, nice song. The position of his hand made me go like, oh, this fool's tripping. Can we get out of here? And I told somebody's in torrents. Like, oh, yeah, it's racist. Holy.

[C]

No, I thought Torrance was, like, predominantly black some areas, right? No, no.

[B]

I thought it was Mexican. Yeah.

[A]

All white people. I saw I was the darkest guy besides David.

[C]

So David Lucas's. David Lucas's demographic is mainly Caucasian.

[A]

Well, I mean, I think just this place, like, because I've done, like, Arizona with him, Miami with him, there was hell of black fools. I think he was just torn. But, like, to watch fools, like, they were going to stomp him and his girl out, that's the craziest thing. Or at the. At the comedy clubs, how long till.

[B]

It was, like, not joking anymore? Like, immediately?

[A]

Or was it like all these fools stood up because he saw him? He said they took three shots back to back to back. All the whole table. I'm like, oh, they have pictures, empty pictures all over the table. Like, these fools are. They're like white boys. You know what I mean?

[C]

You know where you're at, boy?

[A]

Thank you. Do you know where you're at if you wait. Traveling. Have you experienced one of those yet?

[C]

Modesto, like, back in the day.

[A]

Horrible, bro.

[C]

I just. I mean, granted, I went back 20 years later, 15 years later, which is like two weeks ago, and I sold 280 tickets. So that was cool. That. Yeah, I'm super.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

Super dope. So I'm just playing.

[A]

What happened? What happened? I got to know.

[C]

It was. I walked into, yeah, the outskirts because there's a lot of Latinos.

[A]

A lot.

[C]

And they were. Yeah, I. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a sign outside of the window that said, no Cans Mexicans, Puerto Ricans. I went in there with two of my boys. One of them was black, super whitewashed. So he thought he was a part of the. No, you're not, you're black. And the other dude was Latino. Two Latinos in a black dude walking to a bar. Sounds like a joke. Two Latinos in the black dude walking arrested.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

We felt like the, the whole you know where you're at boy energy. All the restaurant just eyes on us were like. I've never felt that before. I was like.

[A]

But when you do feel it, you realize that it's real. Is.

[C]

It's real, bro.

[A]

Sure people give me the looks, but like were you like everyone in here.

[C]

Might me up and then we go to some other restaurant and we see a mannequin hung in front of a store that was. Had white features. It was a part of the, the display like a hangman. But it was painted black. Yeah, painted black.

[A]

It's just hanging, noosing black, lynching black people.

[B]

Oh Jesus.

[A]

Cuz. Where I'm. Where I'm from, Mercedes up in Snelling in Mariposa. These folks to burn crosses on their Lawn and they're 40 minutes away from the biggest Mexican. It is the weirdest when we go to Maripos. I know you're from there.

[C]

You don't have a small town vibe at all. Yeah, no you don't, bro. You, you weren't meant to be born there, bro.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Glad you're out here now.

[A]

Me too, man. Because small towns make everything close at 9:30. That's all I know about.

[C]

If you would have told any of your buddies. Yeah, I'm gonna have a successful podcast in 2023.

[A]

A lot of packs back then, man. That's all I ever thought I'd be doing was like more packs, like oh, I'm gonna have a grow. That's all I ever thought. Like the end goal was.

[C]

Yeah, they would have probably. They would have looked at you like yeah right, boy.

[A]

No, for sure, for sure. Over there it's. It's 99 Mexican though. But like right up the mountain, my homies, Monica's husband, granted they paintballed the guys all bunch of white dudes standing around one of those crosses. They paintballed them and they shot back with shotguns as they drove by like they were serious man.

[B]

Wait, hold on.

[A]

He paintballed these. All these white dudes outside their lawn in Mariposa with the cross in the lawn like you fools as they drove by. And he said they came out shotgun in the back of their. Like they were serious. That shit's scary as hell. Yeah, bro. It's. It's to this day. Till this. It's to this day 25.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought that was left like when Denzel was doing movies about racism. It's not. It's still here. I was in right out of Seattle, Washington, which seems cool. I pulled to a gas station with that black pimple. This one black dude. Me and my wife, we pulled in, I saw a guy with his shirt up and he was just touching his stomach these big, like a big hick dude. It was a tire changing place with two pumps, you know, like, like in the middle.

[C]

Oh yes, old school pumps.

[A]

Yes. Pulled up and there was two dudes next to him. One was just touching his gut like this and the other two just stared at us like that. It was like seven in the morning and I was like, get us the out of here right now. And we didn't even get gas. I. I was like, he's like, no, I'm getting out. He hopped out and then he saw him like get in the car. And this is the middle of the day. Like there was a McDonald's across the street and these fools were looking at us like, you're not gonna leave. It's.

[C]

And it was their establishment.

[A]

It's their bill.

[C]

We're. You're gonna give.

[A]

You're going to spend their money? Hell no. Exactly. Like I'm not giving you my money. Second off, what if I don't live? Where do you got to go for you to feel this, Marty?

[B]

I've felt this before.

[A]

Have you? Where? How?

[C]

You're Caucasian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It works the other way too. Like you walk into a all black bar. I've been there before. My girl and her girl. I walk in, record scratches, everybody.

[A]

Marty starts freestyling over everyone.

[C]

Yeah, like Everybody from the 313.

[B]

Exactly.

[C]

He ate miles.

[A]

That's Marty's from Buffalo, New York. From the ghetto.

[C]

Oh, is that ghetto?

[A]

Well, the ghetto part of Buffalo.

[B]

There's a nice part in Buffalo somewhere.

[C]

How did you get out of that situation? You just walked your ass out of there or what?

[B]

Just threw all our in a U haul and drove out here and made it happen.

[C]

Oh no, I'm talking about that bar.

[B]

Oh yeah, that. No, that wasn't. That was just like. That was just regular awkward.

[C]

You're right.

[B]

Yeah, it was just. It was just funny cuz like it was that moment where literally I walked in.

[A]

Were you dressed like Marty back then?

[B]

I've been Dressing like this my whole life.

[A]

No, no, this is. This is OC.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that was. That was full. 10.

[A]

Fabulous.

[C]

Wait, how old are you, bro?

[B]

39.

[C]

Okay, cool.

[A]

Fabulous area.

[C]

He was rocking a Nietzsche, huh?

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Type of. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You're the white guy that wore fubu. That's cool, man. I'm kidding.

[B]

Not fubu. Tims.

[A]

You wear Tim's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's right. You said fubu. I ain't doing that bad. That's right. You didn't say that.

[B]

Dickies, Nike, that type of Sean John.

[C]

Anybody was okay too.

[B]

Sean John was like. Had a stretch where it was like the expensive.

[C]

The velour suits. 200 for little.

[A]

Like a towel.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I love that. Dude. I never wore it. It was too expensive for me. But my homies had it. I remember the white. The white Shawn John outfit with the stripe on the side. I remember my homie wore to school. Like, you sell bricks or something. You look like you look baller.

[B]

I was looking at East Bay. Like, that was too expensive.

[C]

I wanted to remember Echo Unlimited.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

[C]

I sold it at Pen off Mark Echo, bro.

[A]

He crushed that like 2002, 2007. He's like, Mexicans, you're going to love me. It's like, let me give you 70 pictures of a rhino going over your shirt. Some like, I. I swear to God, dude, every Mexican in The world had 15. Yes.

[C]

They were sick as cargo shorts. He knew. He knew the market.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That were like reboot classics, but they were Echo.

[A]

I never saw those. Oh, no. I. Those were expensive to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know that was Mexican, though. Echoes.

[C]

I mean, looking back now, I'm like.

[A]

Okay, yeah, everybody, my town's Mexican. They all wear it. So I just always say, that's Mexican. I don't have a very good Democrat. Diamond clothing is Mexican to me. So is it? Yeah. Because every Mexican kid in the world wore it in my town. I don't have a different demographic to grasp on.

[C]

That's funny, you know? How old were you when you moved out here from the bay?

[A]

It was 10 years ago. Oh, almost 10 years ago.

[C]

That's recent.

[A]

Yeah, almost 10 years ago now.

[C]

That's 2015. 2016.

[A]

March 2016. March 16, 2016. I removed.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I remember that.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

It's been a minute, dude. Feels like I used to live here. I was a kid too, though. My mom, my family's from here, but I'm. I'm up in the.

[C]

I'M glad you're out here, bro.

[A]

So much better, man.

[C]

Glad we have you out here.

[A]

Yeah, so. It's so much better, dude. Okay, real quick, I want to ask you something. You want something? I get a lot of attention from younger ladies. Remember you said they'd be like, they like me. Remember you said I'm like, okay, that's cool. And you're not. I mean, every time I've ever seen this, just little like some chicks like following Jay somewhere. All right, cool. What's your dating advice to a 21 year old?

[C]

21 year old.

[A]

He has a girlfriend, though.

[C]

But still my dating advice.

[A]

In this era of life with them.

[C]

Being on the rise, bro, we didn't. We didn't have dating apps like he did.

[A]

Every generation's more hy than the next.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

But like, it's just. There's just standouts. Like, that is just a big. That's why you think everyone is.

[C]

So it's just the advice to a 21 year old man on dating right now. Now. Enjoy, bro, enjoy. Because 30 sounds old to a 21 year old kids, you know, it's not old at all. I say maybe 35. If you were looking for it. 35, ready to settle down.

[B]

You know, that's what humans are supposed to do. I agree.

[C]

Yeah. Enjoy. Bad. I mean, rest in peace, Kobe. You can't blame Kobe for cheating on his wife.

[A]

Allegedly.

[C]

Allegedly. When he. That was the first piece of ass he got before he got super popping. And bro, that's. I don't give a. How beautiful she is. I love sushi, but I'm not gonna eat it every day. I'm not gonna eat it it every day, bro.

[A]

I'm not.

[C]

I love it. I love Japanese food. All kinds, but all kinds. Enjoy your life, man. 21, bro. Come on. 20, right? 21, bro. I mean, it's cool you have a girlfriend right now, you know, but cheat on her.

[B]

You're.

[C]

Enjoy, bro. Enjoy, man. I mean, you don't want to have kids anytime soon, right? Of course not, bro. 30s, young. 35 is young, you know, even 40 for men, not for women. But 21 is a great age for a guy. Now for women on dating, like, for them, they could. I think, you know, women mature faster than men, for sure. I mean, I think their frontal lobe comes in at 25 a little too late.

[A]

A little too late, yeah.

[C]

For men, 43.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

But I think women, you know, because now they're the mothers of our children. They.

[A]

I.

[C]

When I see a 22, 23 year old woman married. It's not like a big deal. When I see a 22, 23 year old man married, I'm like, what are you doing? I'm right there DJing at his wedding. Don't do it.

[A]

Oh, no. How many times have you seen that happen?

[C]

I've seen it a lot.

[A]

I've seen a couple of times. Have you ever seen him fight at the wedding?

[C]

Yes, I have. Not young couples. They're actually the older couples, but the younger couples, they. Yeah, I've seen it. Which is cool for me because two years later, I get to DJ party. Yeah, yeah, bro, I've seen it. I. I feel bad.

[B]

Have you done multiple weddings for a guy before?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No.

[A]

Oh, how epic would that be? Hey, good to see you again, dog. Same playlist.

[C]

My rate went up, homies. Yesterday's price is not today's price. Yeah, but I've done a few of those, man. And you know, it's to each their own, brother. To each their own, man.

[A]

Hey, what's up, guys? Taking a moment to talk about one of our sponsors, and this is my bookie. So the NFL is very up and down, as you can see, for some of the best teams losing and some of the worst teams winning. But that's the way it goes. So. But this week's going to be different, guys. So make sure if you're going to bet, you use our code dope as usual, it's going to match you up to $11,000. Also for all you tech dudes out there, my bookie also accepts crypto. And on your first bet, if you bet up to $1,000, they'll match you up to $1,000. Same as our deal, but for crypto. And if you sign up for the bet back bonus, basically you can bet on your first time and it's going to give you basically like a get out of jail free card. If you lose, they'll refund you your money. If you opt in, if you win, you keep it just like normal. On your first bet, if you just want to test it out, sign up for code dope as usual, use the bet back bonus and it's going to cover you up to 500 bucks. Say you want to bet 100 bucks, but you're kind of timid. Use the bet back bonus and no matter what, if you lose, you get your money back. Dolphins versus the Falcons. A bunch of animals are fighting this weekend. All right, and if you bet right and use our code, you can get match up to $11,000. Guys, thank you so much. For being here. We appreciate you supporting the brands that support us. This is my bookie. Have a dope ass day.

[B]

Have you been dabbling with like Suno or any sort of like music AI at all?

[C]

No, I haven't. No.

[B]

It's. I. I went down this rabbit hole of Suno AI these past couple days. It's ridiculous.

[C]

That new app, right, that everybody's using.

[B]

So sick. I heard to make instrumentals to just make music and like, and videos.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Well, SUNO is just music videos. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, Sora, I got ah, just see it constantly.

[B]

But that is sick. Check it out. Like the music industry is cooked. If you're a music producer, you're. I'm sorry. Like, it's too good. It's so good. Can just sit there and make your own beats just by typing it out.

[C]

Oh man, that sucks. It's cool then. It's not. But you know, but we're not. Okay, I'll defend the music industry a little bit. You're not going to get that Kanye feel. You're not going to get that college dropout. Of course you're not.

[B]

They're going to forget what that feel even feels like.

[A]

That sucks.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

You just did TV dinners versus cooking at home.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And 20 years. Like what? Cooking at home.

[B]

Yeah, we forgot what that was.

[A]

What do you mean? Paying producer dog. What's this?

[B]

Yeah, it's gonna make the really talented people fewer and far in between. Make them more special.

[A]

Maybe it's good.

[C]

That's crazy.

[A]

It's a good thing. Wash out all the fools that are barely doing it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

My. My intro song to my podcast is an AI song.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Fun fact.

[B]

I don't. I don't really see anything wrong with that. Like if you sit there and craft it, it's not like, I don't know. It depends. Depends what it's for.

[C]

Oh, that's so Caucasian now. You know what? No, I get it, dude.

[A]

I mean these maxis want to work. Let them work.

[B]

Creative business. Like, I get why people don't like AI, but I also feel like it's a tool for creative people that isn't going away. Like we could have got butthurt about the Internet before it got here. The wasn't going anywhere.

[C]

I am glad that it's getting old fast. Low key. Like that Sora thing. I'm over it.

[A]

Oh, I was over it within two scrolls. I was like, so it's all fake. So everything's fake. I'm back to what I was doing now.

[C]

There's some funny stuff out there. Funny AI stuff. That's cool.

[A]

But like, yeah, I only like AI for making Arnold Schwarzenegger sing Bone Thugs. And his voice, that's. I crack up every time. Have you seen Start? It's him doing that. That's my face. Every time. Every time. Other than that, I don't really like AI. It's okay.

[C]

That's. Yeah, I'm like, I'm. Whatever about it. The music, like I said, I have the intro to my podcast is an AI song and it's pretty cool. It fits it.

[A]

She's not into you.

[C]

Yeah. If it's the visuals, I like it.

[B]

Cuz working with producers and having to collaborate with humans sucks a lot of times.

[A]

Yeah, it really.

[C]

Okay, okay. So you know what? A lot of people I want to say more now than ever are introverted. So I think it's going to be a hit because a lot of people hate communicating.

[A]

Communicating, yeah, Totally off bat, I think it's the. You're ruining it for everyone. Making people scared to go outside.

[C]

Extroverts. Get a personality, bro.

[A]

Yeah, get a personality. Take shots.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was with my buddies, my buddy the other day and somebody asked him why I bought a Tesla and he's like, really? I think I bought it because I didn't have to talk to anybody. I could just go online and order it and then ship it to me.

[A]

Oh yeah, you buy it that way. Have you seen that? Yeah. You'll pick up your car. That's dumb. They deliver to you to deliver it to you. That's. So you're telling me I can get face drunk downtown, sleep somewhere, come pick me up and my car will come get me.

[B]

Oh no, I'm talking about just ordering.

[C]

Ordering.

[A]

No, I know, I know, but saying the Tesla, what's the. What's the perks?

[C]

Oh, I'm sure that's. We're not far from that.

[A]

We already have all park way though, right?

[C]

I heard about that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wish you just go farther.

[B]

Come pick me up.

[A]

Don't get my ass full. Yeah, I got stuff in my ass. Come get me.

[B]

I just asked that the other day, but.

[C]

Sorry, I just, I just, I got me thinking like no wonder Amazon is the biggest company in the world because you don't have to talk to anybody.

[A]

Exactly. You know when's the last thing you went to the score by a store to buy toilet paper? Like in bulk.

[B]

It's the worst.

[A]

Unless you like if you're on a recycle, like I haven't been in the store in how long? That's where the stores are dying.

[C]

Well, the thing is that I've noticed also that we don't need everything then and there. Like, I'll. I'll wait overnight for a case. I don't need it right now.

[A]

I know.

[C]

That goes. Yeah.

[A]

Social media going, I can't. Can't do it now, bro. But I don't order it now.

[C]

First time I discovered Amazon, like in 2015, bro, I was ordering. I didn't need. I'm like, I'm gonna get these Magnum condoms for my arm. For my arm. For.

[A]

I have to dig, like, everything.

[C]

I was buying everything. Coasters, I need a coaster. Oh, wait, dj, coasters. I got vinyl coasters. Yeah, dude, order them right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I have the same one, dude, and I got him like it. Why not? Let's just say why not.

[C]

Damn it. Yeah, it's sick.

[B]

I'm addicted to, like, waiting for to come in the mail like that.

[A]

Oh, oh. The. The.

[C]

Yeah. We're kids at heart.

[A]

We're kids.

[C]

We get home. Brown box. Yeah.

[A]

Like, more workout clothes for Rosie.

[C]

This box, it's like orgasm Amazon package. They're like, right there, dog.

[A]

Canceled plans.

[B]

Right there. Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. Somebody says I can't make it, so no worries, man. You know how excited I get when I. It's like snow day. I hear snow day. But even if I wanted to go do the thing, I'm like, oh.

[C]

I'm like that with dates. Oh, they can't tell me. I'm like, yes. I'm like that guy that clean shoes. I just saved 150 bucks.

[A]

What are you talking about? I never seen the guy that clean shoes.

[C]

No. On commercial, on Tick Tock. He's a shoe cleaning guy. He's seen him before. He's 21. Yeah, he's like, he cleanses. He buys shoes from like, this.

[A]

The good. Oh, I have seen.

[C]

And it brings him back to life.

[A]

Like he's a professional.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

I just saved myself 150 bucks. Yeah, I'm that guy. Canceled plans. That's funny.

[B]

Dating sounds horrible. You need a online. You randomly meet her in person. You gotta drop a buck fifty on her just to figure out if you even like her.

[A]

So you know.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Yeah. So you know what I do now, Marty? I FaceTime them.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

Why not?

[C]

You know, various reasons. I want to see their energy. I want to feel their energy. I want to see them without makeup. I want to see how. How they are in general. If they're cool, if they're like funny because I'm in a time meet them.

[A]

If you don't know any of those questions yet.

[C]

How do I meet them?

[A]

How'd you meet them? If you're like I don't even know how you.

[C]

Oh yeah, through text. But any.

[A]

Here's the thing about how'd you come across them?

[C]

Social.

[A]

Oh, okay. So you're like you don't know her.

[C]

But you don't know social. Like you know mutual friends, social, whatever. You know, you message. But here's the thing about social and messaging. You have time to think about what you're going to say before you respond on text using hieroglyphics.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

You know, so we have so everybody could be cool on online, you know, so that's cool. But how are you like this? Because we're gonna be face to face. I don't want it to be weird. I don't want to be the only one doing all the talking. Yeah man. Make eye contact. Jen Alpha. Whatever the you are.

[A]

Gen Z. I don't know what they are. I don't know what the what the.

[C]

Gen Z is his age and Gen Alpha is my son's age. He's 10 to like 15.

[A]

Gen Alpha. So if they're not all dope as hell. It's a whack ass name.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Beta. Beta. Could you imagine being a weak like wasn't Reservoir Dogs. Why do I gotta be Mr. Pink? Yeah, exactly for what the man? It's like you guys all get cool names. What are we millennials? That sounds like a spaceship. I like that.

[C]

I like it. But yeah, I want to feel their energy. See up there, see what they're like and see if they're cool, man. And there's been times where I'm like I'm good. I just don't hit them. Of course. Yeah, I'm not gonna waste my time. Yo, I'm a fucking growing ass 43 year old man. I can't waste time, bro.

[A]

I think well I'm not gonna hit you back waste save myself 150 like you just said.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What it is like I gotta park, walk up to the building, tell the hey I'm here to meet somebody. Oh, let me find it. That sounds all like chores. I'm good off all of what you just said. Y' all sounds terrible.

[C]

You have yourself an amazing wife. I met your wife. There's nothing out here, bro. You are in the green.

[A]

I'm good.

[C]

You're fine.

[A]

It just sounds so. You are winning exhausting.

[C]

You're winning, bro. Beautiful, supportive wife at home that supports you. I've seen her at her shows all the time. Super cool. She. She. After the show, she compliments me. She says hi to me. Super cool.

[A]

She's awesome.

[C]

She represents him well. There's nothing out here.

[A]

It's just weird. I couldn't even imagine.

[C]

If you ever do anything bad to your, I'll snitch on you.

[A]

Quick, quick on you. You know what he did? You're not even with this. You know what he did? Dude, I've seen some devious. The craziest things you've ever. Dudes are so off. I've seen the most devious things. He's not with her anymore. I'll tell you the craziest. I moved to. I went to Portland. My uncle lived in Portland for years. He started a business, became a millionaire. I don't know how he crushed it. Moving business. Hell trucks. Hella moves or whatever.

[C]

Super cool.

[A]

His wife, they've been together since high school. So my uncle takes me on trips. My uncle's kind of the Joe Pesci of our family. Like Joe Pesci and casino.

[C]

Like, different hustles.

[A]

That and more of like, you're kind of untrustworthy, but I trust you with my life. But also, don't shoot me. You know, at the end of the movie, like, oh, he got murked because he was a bastard. My uncle's cool. Just. He does things that make you go, I trusted you. So anyway, I'm with him. He's like, stop at a Winco. It's like the great grocery store. I'm waiting in the moving truck, and he gets out. And I'm like. I'm like, trying to be really, like, polite. So I was making sure when he comes back, change his radio station back. I'm like, I'll put on my. I want to put on oldies. This fool's listening to a bunch of hip hop I didn't like at the time. So I was like this. I'm changing it, and I'm looking at the mirror, make sure what story he goes in. So, like, when he comes back, I know. And I see him just do this and hop into a car. And I was like, what the was that? He's like, I'm just gonna grab something from the store and I'll be right back. An hour, 10 minutes later, I'm like, yo, where is this? Then I. I see him pop up out of a car. I'm like, he was in the car the whole time. I didn't know what he was doing. I was like, maybe he's talking to himself. I don't know. What the store, man, he came back with nothing.

[C]

Did he party back in the day?

[A]

You're spanking some girl in the parking lot.

[C]

Oh, that's dope.

[A]

Yeah, it's cool. But I'm like, wait, do that after me. Right? When he hopped back in the truck, I'm like, hey, what's up, man? But he saw me, like, move over. So I thought. I think he thought I was looking at him. He goes, what's up? Nothing. What's going on? You were there for a long time.

[C]

He's all winded.

[A]

And he goes. He goes, yes. You saw that, right? What? He goes, you saw what happened? And go, what?

[B]

All right.

[A]

Just took off.

[C]

Was he like, the young uncle was your mom's brother, your dad's brother?

[A]

He's a grown man.

[C]

That's cool.

[A]

He has six children. But I remember just thinking like, damn. Flew in the parking lot. It's not like they were in the back of the parking lot. There was other cars parked right next.

[C]

To them, like windows.

[A]

At least. I don't. It was. It was like three lanes behind where I was looking in the trucks. I went, why the.

[B]

There's people with groceries coming and going next to him.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, he's a savage.

[A]

But I remember he came back. I'm like, damn, fool, you look hot as sweaty. And this is weird. I just remember thinking, like, we're going to go back to your house. This is weird. I'm gonna just leave. And I remember it's the first time I saw some devious, like, damn, you can just lie like that. Crazy dude. But yeah, anyway, that's. That's some devious I've seen. But, yeah, fools are wild, man.

[C]

Oh, I've seen it. I've. I've been on the road with some comics. I'm not gonna say nothing.

[A]

Yeah, no, I mean, I. I think, Yola.

[C]

My thing is, bro, like, now we're growing. Most of us are grown as men now. You know, it's like, if you're not going to be in a committed relationship, why be in it at all? It's so black and white to me now. Yeah. And this is coming from the guy that was never faithful in his 20s. I give myself a pass. I give myself a pass for that. But now, anything over, like, 35. Come on, dude.

[A]

Grown up.

[C]

Yeah, you're a grown ass man. You know? You know, it sucks being hard, breaking somebody's heart or being heartbroken. Know what it feels like to be your heart. Get your heart broken, you know what I mean? Like, my thing is just. Man, everybody wants to have their cake and eat it too.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, People are weird, man. I just think it's funny to watch sometimes. I think it's like, you're a beast. The you do is you should be an actor, dude. Like, I've seen fools lie. I'm like, you just lied like that. You're amazing.

[B]

You got to hope this ruin your life now.

[A]

Not even ruin the knife. It's just like, my thing is, like.

[C]

If you could lie about something so simple like that, that's. That's crazy. That's. That's just the intermediate right there. That's weird.

[A]

So with that being said, it's weird. It's the crazy you see in a strip club.

[C]

It's super cliche, Thomas. It's super cliche.

[A]

Boyfriend's running and pissed.

[C]

I've seen a wife go in there, piss. I've seen a wife.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I. I could see that. It's more rare, though. I was talking about the stripper's boyfriend. Like, no, hey, get out.

[C]

No, the stripper's boyfriend's usually collecting some money too.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Are so dumb.

[C]

So my. The craziest thing I ever seen was. All right, one of. I have, like, a few of them. I. I did it for 18 years, bro. So one of them was.

[A]

So, wait, you started hella young.

[C]

I started when I was 19, bro.

[A]

How they let you in?

[C]

Bro, I lied my way into the industry. I had used a strip club that had been shut down two months prior as reference. So they went.

[B]

Smart.

[C]

Yeah, thank you, brother. I appreciate it. And so one of them was an Asian dude. Asian men. I, from what I know, don't come at me in the comments. They have a fetish of sniffing smelling. Yeah.

[A]

Why is that real? In Japan, they sell used underwear in vending machines.

[C]

There you go, doggy. I didn't. I had no idea. So you see how this piece together, That's a real thing, dog. I. I walked by the dance area because DJs, we have to mark dances because most of these, you know, these spots, they. They charge women the rent, and they also get a percentage of each one of the. Of the dances.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

In this case, it was. For every three dances, the house took 20, and that was. That was a 20 dances. Anyhow, I'm back there marking dances, and I see this Asian man just going. Going to town on some girl's butt crack, just turned her around and then. And then lifting her. Lifting her arm going. And I'm like, holy. I was laughing. I was like, yo, let's go. That's great.

[A]

You are what you eat, dude. Dogs. Damn. I thought you guys didn't get that one in me, all right? When I said that sorry, Asian guy, that was funny to me. That's disgusting.

[C]

Yeah. And then the other one was a white dude, Marty. So this a white dude. I like getting kicked in the balls. Kicked in the balls. That's the other one.

[A]

That's a real thing.

[C]

A real thing, bro. A real thing.

[A]

But, yeah, it hurts so much.

[C]

Yeah. And then that same guy had crazy fetishes. He would see dominatrix chicks and he would get recorded doing dominatrix stuff. He showed us a video, and this is.

[A]

He's all hyped about it, bro. Check this out.

[C]

He showed us a VHS. This was in early 2001, but still.

[A]

Where'd he break. He brought a VHS to the Strip club.

[C]

To the strip club. And the reason we had a Of video players because the cameras back then were vhs. So we played it, and it's a black and white video of this fool getting his balls inflated. I'm done.

[A]

With air.

[C]

With air, bro. It's a waiver he has to sign at a D. Natrix place. And that was a real thing, bro. It's embedded.

[A]

Stab with a knee and pump up your scrotum until it gets huge. Dude, for what? Because you're weird.

[C]

Because people are weird, bro. It was for pleasure.

[A]

I think I'm gonna stab my balls up. I'm gonna fill them up real.

[C]

Like, what? Yeah.

[A]

Also, what if it's just real funny when he deflates them?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a whoopee cushion or something. Because you never know. Like, you're like. The dig is the whoopee cushion and it makes a noise.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, what happens?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

That's like farted out, dude.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Fart out of your dick.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. It looked like they had. They had hit him up with some. With some Botox. It looked all shiny anyhow. And then the. Was just your cliche. I caught people having sex. I call a stripper, you know, doing it with the customer. But it wasn't even the act of me catching it. It was how she reacted to me. It was the craziest ever. For her, it was Tuesday. Like, it was nothing to her. I just. She was doing this. I walk by with the pin and pad, and I'm like. She's like. Like nothing. I'm like, damn, I'm gonna hug my daughter.

[A]

Yeah, I know him. Related.

[C]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, I saw some. Man, you know, I can't knock the strip club game environment too much because I made a great living. I.

[A]

Trips are fun as hell when they're done, right?

[C]

Yeah, they're fun. I mean, me, I was on the mic the whole time. It was cool, but. It was cool. I made good money. But it's a dark environment, dude. It's, you know, it's shallow. It's dark. Everybody, all the customers of the guys are all compared dick sizes. Like, I have more money. You. You know this. It's dark.

[A]

Oh, good. They haven't gone to those.

[C]

Yeah, no, man, you're strip clubs.

[A]

But not those shitty ones.

[C]

Oh, no, no. I DJed some shitty ones, bro. Ghetto ones.

[A]

Oh, say it has to do some. So the last five years, compared it to Sam's. Oh, yeah, I told you.

[C]

So the last five years of my career as a strip club dj, I was at Sam's, so.

[A]

So you were there when I was there for sure.

[C]

Yeah. They used to call this guy Mr. VIP man.

[A]

There not even a VIP. Oh, yeah.

[C]

PP now Sam's. You see, that was a fresh breath of. Fresh breath of air before Sam. Yeah.

[A]

It was so dark and scary in there.

[C]

Dude, it is dark.

[A]

It's like getting put in time out.

[C]

Red lights. Yeah.

[A]

I'm just told you they serve food. One of the first. I told Marty the first time I walked in. Oh, that she was shaking her ass and she was eating a burrito.

[C]

That's funny.

[A]

That blew my mind. She liked the. From Norbit, the black chick. She was this big respucia.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

I was like, do you know who I'm talking about?

[C]

Sounds like a big name.

[A]

I saw another eating wings. Yeah, well, she was dancing on somebody. I would push you off of me and leave me. Like, I. I'm fat enough. I don't need this. Yeah, like, I don't need it, dude. You digesting on top of me. What the.

[C]

So that was a fresh breath of air, dude. Sans, I was like, at my lowest financially before I got in there. So it was like a. My boy threw a bone at me. He's like, hey, man, we're gonna start this Monday night. It's going to be dope. It's going to be called, you know, Money Mondays, whatever it's called. And. And that, bro, that Sam's is like a movie. Especially back then. Yeah. Yeah. That's when the future was out. He was.

[A]

Oh, you told me that he was.

[C]

Popping at the time and. And just people were making it. Making it rain became a big thing and. And bbls were really in style, man. It was dope, man. It was dope.

[A]

You reversed that.

[C]

Yes, but it's. It still looks a little funny, I think, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because that stretches out your skin. I don't know, I'm just. They were cool, man. I like natural bodies.

[A]

Some girls go so hard that it's like. It's like watching. You ever see those dudes that inflate their arms? But you know, there's not. It's like huge and skinny. Is it me?

[C]

I've only seen Indian guys do that.

[A]

It's only Indians. And so they can type fast from their stealing your credit information. That's why they do it, dude. It's all the information is actually in there. It's all your credit.

[C]

This is all data right here. It's all data.

[A]

It's always Indian.

[C]

This is a hard drive, right?

[B]

For real.

[A]

It's always India with a mustache. And he's like. He looks like he works at the liquor store, but he's just. There's always some ugly ass girl holding him. Yeah, that's like the weird guy sniffing strippers asses.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is the BVL a requirement in strip clubs these days?

[C]

No. And I mean, even though it was BBL driven and still is, I mean, the girls with natural bodies still get love. I'm all about the natural now, man, more than ever. The girls I was dating last was like a buck 15. It's light, you know, And I liked it, you know, Cute little bubble butt, perky little boobs. I like that. I like. I like a girl that I could take to a parent teacher conference. Yola.

[A]

I want one I can hold down on the floorboard of my car if she gets crazy.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Without all the. Mom's going, look at diamond over here. She's about to step into a VIP with a teacher. Yeah, it's bad, dude. But shout out to my strippers. They made me a lot of money. By the way. The strippers tip to DJs. I don't know if you knew that.

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

Yeah, we like. Kev explained that.

[C]

Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. That's a fun fact.

[A]

You know that. That's why they're so stoked.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's where they go harder for certain girls like this tips me. This girl tipsy sucks.

[C]

Yeah, some girls. The minimum at Sam's was $10 per girl. And, you know, if, you know, getting good with them, they should do that. 20, 30, 40, whatever. And at 40, 50, 60 girls a night, it's pretty cool, man. Damn, that was cool, man.

[B]

40 girls a night at one club?

[C]

Yes, sir.

[A]

The 20 girls.

[C]

Our limit on stage was 25 girls. The manager used to get on my ass. Valentino don't let more than 25 girls on stage.

[B]

There's 25 in a. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But also, what's up with the Sam's thing? It's like, you ever seen those. Those Mexican toys? You press the button and they go. They flop. Those little wooden toys from Mexico. You press the button of the guy standing and he flops down.

[C]

Oh, I think I have.

[A]

You let it and you let it go and he stiffens back up.

[C]

Uhhuh. I think I know you're talking about.

[A]

So at Sam's, the second someone drops money, they all follow the ground immediately and start. It was the. It's like when you feed puppies and they all start lifting their legs when they start eating too fast. It was. It was sad.

[C]

Like when you throw bird food.

[A]

It made me sad.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It was like a thing like, hey, bitch, there's money. It's like when you crack a pinata.

[C]

It's full of candy.

[B]

The strippers were all going for it.

[A]

Yeah. Even their mid dance, they jump.

[C]

There's 25 girls on stage, bro.

[A]

So.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

So when they make it rain on stage, where whatever you could grab is what you keep, bro.

[A]

But even if I did it to some girl and I went, oh. And all these girls smacked the ground with. Oh, my God, I feel like a piece of this. And I just, like, stepped away.

[C]

If you like a girl that you want to tip, just hand her the stack.

[A]

Maybe. Maybe just do that, huh?

[C]

Just do that if you like. That's the way it is. Oh, So I understand. That looks funny. It's second nature to me. I forgot that. That's weird. You're right. It is weird. It's crazy. So the time. The first time Floyd Mayweather went in there and he saw that, he's like, hey, hey, I don't want that. That's weird. He's like, just wait till we're done partying and then you guys can split it. However the you guys want to split it. He told the manager that. And then. Yeah, the manager had to get in there and be like, hey, don't leave the money alone. You guys will split it afterwards.

[A]

Yeah, he's dropping crazy houses, though.

[C]

Yeah, that's crazy. The first Time he stepped in, there was 40k, man. Yeah. And 1k was for me.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[B]

48.

[C]

0.

[A]

Just over and over and over. The best right hook in the game.

[C]

Best defensive boxer in the game.

[A]

Watch him run. Watch him run around.

[C]

It was 50 and 0 when he retired. Oh, he was. I think he was at 48 around that time.

[A]

I was just guessing.

[C]

No, that was good. That was good.

[B]

That was good.

[C]

He's actually really cool, man. He's really cool. Like, I had that little whatever, Floyd. Then I got to meet him. He's just. Chill, bro. I think that that Persona is just to sell tickets, bro.

[A]

Of course. Who's going to beat him up?

[C]

No, he.

[A]

He will beat the out of you. If that little Filipino couldn't be in, dude, none of us. Yola.

[C]

His waist is like this, bro. And he's. At the time he was sexual thing. You know what?

[A]

You know his waist is like this.

[B]

His chest.

[A]

When I grabbed him like this, it was.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Like, bro, I did low key, but I'm trying to say he's like super fit. When you see him in person, he's like. He's all nerve. Like, he's all just like a football when they're all, yes, bro. And then I. There is one time where I. I saw him stretch out.

[A]

He. He was.

[C]

He was standing up and he was doing this stretch, but his movements were tight. Just. He moved like a robot.

[A]

Just like, Like a really.

[C]

Like, how do you move like that, bro? How do you move that agile. At 41 at the time, I believe agile as well. He's a black guy.

[A]

He's like 21.

[C]

He got all the black jeans from all of Africa.

[A]

For real, dude.

[C]

Just for him.

[A]

Shout out to black fools, man.

[C]

Evils just don't age no, man.

[A]

Good, good, good.

[C]

You know, we're pretty lucky too. I mean, black, we're lucky, but brown don't.

[A]

Saw. I saw Marlon Williams in the. And I told him I was hopping on my plane the other day. It fool's 53 years old.

[C]

Great.

[A]

Oh, yeah, same age. Yep. I looked him like, shut the up, dude. For real. From scary movies. Still damn full black fools are lucky. So I thought, like, God, I need to start using cocoa butter or whatever the these fools use and just lather myself because when I'm 60, I'm trying to look like Mario Lopez's ass. For real, man. I tell him every time I see.

[C]

Him, like, shout out to Mario one day, man.

[A]

No, no. Lies in my office, a picture of his Ass like, I gotta get buff. My, my life will change for the better. It's him in colors, so it's not like he's buff yet, but still, like, that's what you use him. That's how we got him on the show. We literally, I talked about in the skit and the clip, like, there's no Mexican guys that anybody's ever looked up to growing up.

[B]

You were standing up for him because they were talking.

[A]

They were talking. They were talking about Marlon Lopez not being a real Mexican. And the people forget, he can beat your ass.

[C]

You guys forget, oh, man, he's a man's man, bro. He's a super alpha.

[A]

Eat your ass, eat a steak, drink a beer, and then go, I don't want your girl. But if I want to, she's. She's mine.

[C]

Then do the Today show the next morning.

[A]

No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, dude. His schedule makes me feel so lazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But anyway, that's where I'm trying to be. Like, I don't know how we got onto this, this. No, I don't how we got on this, but I'm lost. What the.

[C]

We were talking about the strip club and Floyd Mayweather.

[A]

Thank you. Floyd Mayweather's buff as hell at 41. Of course, man. That's cool. Remember Jack Lalanne?

[C]

No.

[A]

Juice guy. The old white man in the infomercial. The juicer. The buff, fast, like 80, 90 year old man. We were kids.

[C]

Oh, my God. No, no, the infomercials.

[A]

Your juice in the morning, he went, he swam like the Minnesota lake. He's like 90 year old, buff ass man. That sold the juicer.

[C]

Okay. No, but you know what? I, okay, so as far as, like, being a man's man, I was just thinking about it right now, and I told this to some girl that I'm talking to, right? I was like, so I heard Joe Rogan say one time that if you can't do 50 push ups as a man, you're not a man.

[A]

What if I can beat you up for real, though? Right?

[C]

Right, Right, right. And I was like, you know what? He might be right? So, I mean, I try to, like, I mean, I don't, you know, I like to work out. I'm not super, you know, structured with my diet all crazy and anything and everything, but I mean, I, I Honestly, okay. At 43, I like to work out for that. T, bro. Testosterone.

[A]

Oh. I was like, what are you saying?

[C]

Is that a drug? Where's it at for that tea, bro? T, I, I, it's important for. Let's Face it, one of the dopest things in life is sex, you know. Besides, I don't know if sex and family. I don't know what comes first.

[A]

Depending where you're at, sex with family.

[B]

Could be just which one's coming first.

[C]

Which is coming.

[A]

Whoa. The dad.

[C]

No pun intended.

[A]

Dad. For sure.

[C]

But yeah, I like to just keep that tea up, man. As a man, you know, that's, you know, you're. If. If you're a man and you can't be aroused. I've heard about doing dudes having ED. Like at my age, even younger, 38, having ED. That sucks, man. It's the only instrument that you know.

[A]

It's the only instrument that you know, you know, we.

[C]

We enjoy playing. There you go.

[A]

Some fucking wind instruments for some. But yes, I get you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Working out increases your testosterone.

[A]

100.

[C]

You gotta lift heavy things.

[A]

Yeah. I'm saying 50 pushes, like full. Mark Henry's this world's strongest man. He can't do 50 pushes.

[C]

So.

[A]

That's a weird thing to say.

[C]

Yeah, well, that's, that's, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like Joe Rogan is. He's Joe. You know, he has some weird.

[A]

But he can also do150,000 push ups and beat the dog out of you and go. By the way, my numbers are crushing. Damn it. All right. I don't know what oma plata is when it's done right. All right. You're a man's man.

[C]

He's also eating. What?

[A]

What is he straight? Deer heart.

[C]

Deer heart and eat the one Live the Other Day Bison. What the. I eats everything, bro.

[A]

He trapped a deer, ate it. Live on. Live the other Day. No, I'm just kidding.

[B]

He choked.

[A]

About choked it out and started eating like Komodo.

[C]

My words. Joe Rogan's going to be the next Chuck Norris, bro.

[A]

For sure. See, Chuck Norris just climbed that mountain at 89 years old. The picture of the top of mountain with a stick. Old as on top of a mountain. And it said at 89, Chuck Norris climbed.

[C]

But we went straight to the comments, huh? Oh, for sure.

[A]

But also mountain thanked him. Yes, exactly. The mountain lowered himself for Chuck Norris.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

I love that era of the Internet. Chuck Norris did that. Like. Yeah, I like that. He must have been had the best manager ever, Right? I'm gonna start a meme thing about you joke. Just wait, Charles. Like what the. But remember, Bruce Lee did kill him and enter the drag or in Return of the Dragon, he did. He broke his neck, ripped his chest hair off. Broke his legs and his arms and killed him at the Roman Coliseum.

[C]

So remember that what you said or how you said it? That was funny.

[A]

Even though Bruce Lee was probably sniffing underwears because apparently Asians love underwear sniffing. But yeah, he kills junk doors.

[C]

He kept the hair and sniffed it. I forgot about that. Bruce Lee fought Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Remember Kareem Abdul Jabbar was in one of them.

[A]

And then. Is it the game is. Maybe it's not Game of Death. He fights him in a movie and kills him, breaks his neck and he kicks him in the chest. And the footprints like that on Bruce Lee. And he looks down and he sees how big. Oh, man, what a good movie. Yeah, he was his instructor. He taught Korean JoJo Boy how to fight.

[C]

That's. Oh, I forgot about that.

[A]

I heard that. Yeah, I know so much about. I love that man. Dude, love that guy.

[C]

Yeah, and that's. That's actually like my, my. That's been like my ideal type of physique that Bruce Lee cut.

[A]

You know, greyhound dog.

[C]

Just real cut and lean on his feet. Kill you with the 2 inch punch.

[A]

Have you seen that? Yeah. When he kicks that big guy and enter the dragon in the chest. He broke his sternum because they got in a rock. Real fight talking to each other before the scene. And Bruce, like you, he kicked him in the chest, broke his sternum. The guy that caught him, he broke his forearm. Nobody's with Bruce Lee. Sorry, I'm all here to struggle.

[C]

Here's the thing though. He was a buck 30. Maybe, maybe that a buck 30, bro. Breaking bones, bro. This is when calcium. What is at an all time high. I don't even drink milk anymore.

[A]

Like this is cows, dude. He was doing something. He was doing something. Sniffing. He was. He had something going on. I'm never gonna not think of it now. Yeah. Okay, real quick. I got this little. We had this thing. We haven't done it in so long. Super so excited.

[C]

All right, cool.

[A]

Do you have the list popped up. Do you see my third to last note? Can you pop that up real quick?

[C]

Oh, you guys are super organized.

[A]

Are you ready? This thing is called Jay. Yeah, it's called who are you in the 90s.

[C]

Oh, that's cool, man.

[A]

So I'm gonna ask you a question. It's going to have two options, all right? You pick that option based on who were you in the night? Don't say like, oh, I love R. Kelly. But you know what he did? Like. No, it's not 20, 25. It's the 90s.

[C]

It's the 90s.

[A]

R. Kelly's at the man Still.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So who were you back then? Are you ready?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. McDonald's or Burger King?

[C]

McDonald's.

[A]

Okay. Was it because of the toys? You were not a child. But still fun.

[C]

Yeah. You gotta elaborate. When you say toys, our minds go straight there.

[A]

Child.

[C]

Oh, 100, bro.

[A]

Happy meal. Toys.

[C]

Toys. And. And the play place, bro. McDonald's to the play place. In the 90s.

[A]

You've seen one lately? Oh, don't exist. I haven't seen them.

[C]

No. That's why these kids are.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Ready? Freddy? It in the 90s. In the 90s came out.

[C]

Okay, good. Thank you for Freddy. All day.

[A]

All day. All right.

[C]

I just started liking it, like. Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah. The new ones are okay. Then he's pet. He's like a pedophile in the new ones. The old ones, he's scary as hell.

[C]

Yeah. Dark. Okay.

[A]

It's Tim Curry. You know, he's real funny. So he's real funny about being demonic. He's like, oh, okay.

[C]

Get the.

[A]

Away from me.

[C]

Yeah, got it.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Also, Freddy Krueger is a pedophile. If you guys don't remember that, no way.

[C]

Remember?

[A]

That's how the. Remember? That's how he became Freddie. He was doing a bunch of. To all the kids in the neighborhood, and the parents came and burned him to death.

[B]

Ah.

[A]

That's the plot of this movie, guys.

[C]

Man, that's a nightmare.

[A]

I like it. I like the freeze.

[C]

I like that.

[A]

All right, ready? Full House or Family Matters.

[C]

Oh, my God. You're a jerk.

[A]

Fool. I know. It's.

[C]

I hate you for this.

[A]

You love Uncle Jesse so much, but Urkel's so cool.

[C]

Nah, family matter, bro.

[A]

It's more fun. Yeah. Also, Laura's a. In real life, all you did was take the glasses off and she's trying to bang him. Yeah, all he did was take the glasses off and put on a blazer. I don't.

[B]

With her. I saw a meme the other day that had Joey Gladstone. It was like when you remember Alanis Morissette, all those songs she wrote about. About this fun guy.

[A]

Isn't that crazy? It wasn't smash.

[C]

It was about Joey.

[A]

Oh, all those songs were about Joey Gladstone. Uncle Joey with the chipmunk. He had this heart. He had this superstar going. I'm gonna kill myself over here. He was a menace. No, she broke up with her. And, like, she loved him so much, she's like, I'm gonna write a Grammy award winning album about you, but you ain't get no money. And also, it's the only show you're ever gonna do. You know why? Cuz Jeff Daniels is just better. And that's why he's basically Jeff Daniels light. Oh, wow. Wow.

[B]

That's.

[C]

It's pretty accurate comparisons to Thief of Joy. Yola.

[A]

He's just not as good as Jeff Daniels. And he looks just like him. They do.

[C]

I can't, I can't.

[A]

They're both funny, dude.

[C]

I can't unsee that.

[A]

He was like, on tv and Jeff. Daniel's like, no.

[C]

Jeff Daniels has way more range.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. As an actor.

[C]

As an actor.

[A]

We will never know. Maybe Joey Gladstone would have been Breaking Bad. We never know.

[B]

I don't even know his real name. Oh, David.

[A]

David Faustino. Oh, no, that's, that's, that's Bud Bundy. Dave Goulier.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do I know? Okay, are you ready?

[C]

Jesus. No one has a impeccable photographic memory, right?

[A]

Yes, big time.

[C]

He saw the font too.

[A]

I actually did see the font. It's from marriage, children. I saw the yellow font.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, faustino. Okay, you ready? Big year. Tupac. Even though. Well, it's. It's 90s.

[C]

It's the 90s. All right, bro. Okay. Let me just say that I'm a DJ before anything. And I know that Biggie Mercs. Tupac. Lyrically.

[A]

Finally someone said it. I had to take my headphones off. Thank you.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I love Tupac so much. He's way cooler. But lyrically, what are you supposed to do?

[C]

No, bro, I, I.

[A]

Those are poems. This feels rapping his ass off. I still like to.

[C]

I'm a real dj, man. I'm a real hip hop dj. I'm a real dj. So I. Biggie Records. I, I love biggies right here in my heart. Tupac all day.

[A]

Finally. I love Tupac more. Harder rapper.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's just a fact.

[C]

Yeah. Thank you, Hard, bro. You can't touch him.

[A]

No, you can't. All right. Also, MTV ends in a couple weeks. They are stopping it. It's over. No more MTV shows. Everything's gone. 44 years, 45 years. It lasted.

[C]

They. Why don't they bring it to YouTube?

[A]

Like they just done everybody. It's had its run. And then I thought, as everything. Yeah, as a whole, they're done. It's going to end in a big party in Europe. The reality shows, everything MEMTV is, is holy.

[C]

I Hope all the old school, you know, hosts, go DJs. Carson, Polly Shore.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Damn. It was Paul.

[C]

Yeah. Polystore, remember?

[A]

You're right. So, dude, MTV or VH1?

[C]

Oh, MTV. Easy call.

[A]

Yeah. It's not. No one's ever said VH1. No.

[C]

No.

[A]

You ready for the hard one?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Adam. And it's the 90s.

[C]

It's the 90s.

[A]

Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey, you already knew.

[C]

No, no, no. That's an easy one.

[A]

That's go.

[C]

What? Jim.

[A]

Okay, Jim.

[C]

Jim.

[A]

Okay, Jim. Adam sounds my favorite, but Jim Carrey wins the 90s.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No.

[C]

Jim, bro. Unstoppable. Are you kidding me?

[A]

Too many good classes.

[C]

Hi, I'm looking for Ray Finkel and a clean pair of shorts.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

Somebody just pulled an Ace Ventura face on me the other day. I went, I like this guy way more now because he went and did the whole thing like I don't even know.

[C]

Nah, man, but I like it. Jim, bro. Jim.

[A]

He did. He had too many hits with Liar, Liar and Dumb and Dumber and Living Color Mask. Everything of the 90s. Adam Sandler did this in the 2000s.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So you have to know. You can't earn two kids. You can't ask a 25 year old this question. Like, well, no, no.

[C]

The 90s, Lyle.

[A]

I was 97, man.

[C]

Nah, man. And characters. I mean, crushes. Adam does characters, but he's.

[A]

Every movie is a character.

[C]

But he's almost, you know. No, I get every character. Jim Carrey does characters. Vanilla Ice, the, the she.

[A]

Oh, the Living Color. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God, bro. Fire Marshall Bill. Huh?

[B]

Up through the Grinch.

[C]

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? And then he, he, he, he. His demographic is crazy. My son likes Dr. Robotic on Sonic.

[B]

Sonic. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's racing. So I never seen. Bro. I've never seen them.

[C]

I mean, because I have a 10 year old. I've seen them all.

[A]

They're cool.

[C]

They're cool. Yeah. And I, I'm gonna. Just because Jim is in it too.

[A]

I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll go watch it. Jim Carrey's. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

They know what they're doing, man.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What, the 40 year olds and 50.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then bring their kids.

[C]

Not only that, but my son, he's been liking the Grinch since he was three, you know, so he, his demo reach is crazy, bro.

[B]

Did you have him watch Dumb and Dumber and yet.

[A]

I wouldn't go there yet.

[B]

I, I, no, it's good.

[A]

Not a 10, though. Yeah, no, I know.

[C]

Well, I mean our 10 was different from today's 10.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[C]

And then their attention span is different.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

You gotta let them.

[B]

You gotta have them watch like a couple times.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Full yesterday. Oh, sorry, sorry. We tried to do that for years. My bad. Sorry. But yeah, 10 year olds, you can't let them watch. I watched all that at like 4 or 5. My mom was a child when she had.

[C]

Yeah. I just introduced my son to the sandlot the other day. Like a month. Like a month ago, dude.

[A]

And yeah, he was like, life is completely different.

[C]

Oh yeah. No, he was locked in.

[A]

That's better now.

[C]

Yeah. But the sandlot was ahead of its time.

[A]

What a good for.

[B]

Damn. Sure.

[C]

It's like you can't classic anything. Nothing, nothing perfect.

[A]

And it's like a good paper.

[C]

Like if there is. I think there was a spin off on the sandlot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who? The who?

[C]

Show me the people that watch the spin off.

[A]

Not even the fools. They didn't watch the spin off.

[C]

No, no.

[B]

The only other acceptable movie like that is Rookie of the Year. And it's kind of.

[A]

It's good, but it doesn't have the.

[C]

Camaraderie like Angels in the outfield. Rookie of the Year, great. But it's like the salad is just.

[A]

I really thought if I broke my arm that I could do that. I really did. When he broke his arm at school. Mike. So you're saying you can throw fast as after when he slapped his doctor went, I'm breaking my arm. I remember all those things. I stepped on a nail because Bart Simpson stepped on a nail.

[C]

I thought I had a flat top because Bart Simpson had one.

[A]

I had a flat top until I was 12 years old. From Terminator 2.

[C]

Yeah. From 6 to 13. 12.

[A]

13, 13 is when I was like, you know what?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think I'm done with this military ass haircut. That's. That's when I stopped.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

See, me too. I'm so heavily influenced by Shizuk Kid.

[C]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

Pulp Fiction or Forrest Gump? Two opposites.

[C]

I'll be honest with you.

[A]

Someone's getting both of them.

[C]

Don't. Don't hit me. Go ahead. Pulp Fiction never got my attention, but I got to visit it. I'm not. I'm not closed off to it. I'm not closed off to it. But Forest is just. I. I love Tom Hanks, man.

[A]

It's classic.

[C]

He's. I love Castaway. I love.

[A]

Even though he's got 19 words.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And he Just was like at the end, he's like, I'm gonna return this package. Like you soft.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That pissed me off. Like, you didn't tell her you were lost for eight years. She just thinks, damn, my was late, dude. I was gone for on an island. He should have explained it.

[C]

But Tom was just. I. I love Tom to this day as an actor. Once again, he has range. He's Woody, of course, you know as well. And yeah, Jenny was my best good friend.

[A]

Yeah, she was such a friend.

[C]

She was trying to give him AIDS.

[A]

And was like, actually, just. Just take my kid while I go die. Yeah. What a lazy mom. She's gonna go die. What a stupid. That's as I'm gonna say on the stage. You see Forrest Gum, wasn't Jenny a. What kind of mom Just dies right in the front row. They'll love me, dude. Yeah, I started smoking weed before I get on. That'd be hilarious. Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, man.

[C]

Just come out, Forest Gump.

[A]

First person you see.

[B]

Willie.

[C]

You got legs.

[A]

Oh, man, that'd be crazy. Lieutenant Day. Good movie. Lieutenant Dan, actually. Has he raised, like, what, over 30 mil for vets with missing limbs already? Just saw that article the other day.

[C]

Oh, in real life.

[A]

In real life. After that. After that movie's like. I met so many people that came up to me about the movie that I was. That he started a foundation.

[C]

Oh, that's dope. Super dope.

[A]

Yeah. All right, Are you ready for the last one? This one. We got to put this up higher. This one's random.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Okay. Light skinned ass rabbit. Nesquik, Sunny D.

[C]

Rabbit, Nesquik.

[A]

Remember the Nesquik rabbit? He's all light skinned. Like Steph Curry.

[C]

Huh?

[A]

Him or Sunny D with no mascot. I think it's as a kid.

[C]

NES Quick.

[A]

It was because you make it yourself.

[C]

Yes. 100. You had control Scoops. Oh, bro.

[A]

I would make that powder at the bottom and then put milk and it would even get through.

[C]

I was always sleepy, as on my third grade. Like, as in elementary. I look back, I'm like, oh, yeah. We had no nutrients. Yeah. We have Tampico and milk and Lucky. No, not Lucky Charms. My mom couldn't afford that. But we had stuff. One sugar.

[A]

Yeah. The generic Lucky Charms has a fewer marshmallows. Yeah, that's what I remember.

[C]

And Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes. We had the big bag version because my mom couldn't afford the Mexican store. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it was like a three liter, basically, bro.

[C]

And I had that and milk for Breakfast bomb. Maybe a banana. And I was like. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, I had no.

[A]

So I don't know math.

[C]

Look at Marty's. I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, like, I had protein and veggies.

[B]

I wish. No, I'm thinking. I was just wondering, like, damn, you probably got a healthy ass routine now.

[C]

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, yeah. I went. I remember I bought a property with my brother when I was, like, 23. Lasted for a couple of years, and I moved back in with my mom, and of course, I took care of all the stuff and everything, all the bills and everything, but I. I went back into her house, and Latino moms have horrible nutrition, man. And I went in there, I'm like, mom, you can't have this anymore. Look in this kitchen. I'm gonna get rid of a lot of. She's like, okay, don't throw it away. You know, mom's Latina. Moms hate wasting food. I'm like, mom, this is horrible. But, yeah, even to this day, I still have to like, yo, you can't eat that, dude. Yeah, and she's 70. Something like, yo, chill.

[A]

I feel you. Yeah. Like I said the other day, what was it? The two worst enemies of Mexicans. This big ass wall and diabetes.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, number one. As we said that, did you see Shout out to Jay Webby? And there's a lot of people in our chat. This guy's always in shapes. Like, I just lost my leg to diabetes. They just cut my leg off. Feels not old at all. So it's like, it's very prevalent. Like, yo, you people don't understand. Like, if you get diabetes bad enough, you just lose limbs. This fall off. Nobody really thinks about it. I could take a shot. Like, no, fool, you're gonna lose your legs. Be careful, guys. I don't know.

[C]

What are you, a big sugar guy?

[A]

Not like, really. That's good. I mean, well, you see, that's.

[C]

It sounds like it's not even your print.

[A]

Really care. Yeah.

[C]

You don't. Do you get sweet tooths?

[A]

Yeah, but every time I eat gummies now, I'm like, what am I eating? I'm over it. So I kind of just stopped that. I just feel like if I'm eating it, I'm like, where's it? What is it gonna do?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It's kind of like a video game. Like, that doesn't mix with that. You can't even take that in your pack.

[C]

Okay. Like, not with me. Like, I'm not gonna lie, bro. Like, I'll crave a Cheesecake Factory cheesecake.

[A]

Like just try for the first time. Oh, it's, I'm pretty insane. I don't need this big of a piece on you. As I'm like this, I'm a fat piece of dude. Because it's different. Like you eat a big burger, you're cool. I eat, baby. I'm like, do I need to eat all that? You know what I mean? It's different because I'm like, well, now I gotta change my shirt. Yeah, look, this is small though. That's, I don't know. That's how I feel.

[C]

No, I mean, I stopped drinking alcohol. It's been a couple of years now. 762 days, nobody's keeping track.

[A]

That's vodka. You didn't even notice.

[C]

And, and, and when people stop drinking alcohol, the alternative, the alternative sweet sweets.

[A]

My dad.

[C]

Yeah, bro, so I got to take it easy on that. I've been chill. But yeah, dude, I dried, dried fruits, bro.

[A]

I keep my.

[C]

No, I love fruits.

[A]

I'm saying dried fruits, it's like, it's like gummies. Oh, it's just like gummies too. I go like this, like, this is about how many gums I would ate it. It's one big ass peach. Little pieces of c. Oh man. Whatever they sell at Whole Foods, you need to go find those candies. Because I'm like, oh, the alternatives.

[C]

No, I mean I, I shop at sprouts and all that, you know, I make good.

[A]

There you go. So they always have an alternative for candy.

[C]

Yeah, no, there's, there is, but I mean, it's still, there's still like in fruit. Fruit still has sugar for sure, you know, for sure it's better, but it's better natural.

[A]

If you're gonna freak out and eat 90 gummies, might as well be like eight fruits.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I crave sweets, bro, that.

[B]

Like chocolate peanut butter or like more like gummy sour.

[C]

Can you not say all that unless you have any? Yeah, chocolate peanut butter. Yeah, dude, I like trail mix. So look, I, I do, I do trail mixes and I, I, I try.

[A]

To get rid of extra M M's in it. I do that.

[C]

I get rid of the M M's now. Especially now. Now I'll keep like one or two in there and a little in a handful because the raisins, now that does the job too. And I feel old as saying raisins because I used to hate raisins when I was a kid, you know? Now. Yeah. And then how about Remember back then when you get a cookie and you think. And you thought it was chocolate chip, they were just raisins, you know? Now as an adult, I bite into that same cookie, thinking it's chocolate chips and it's raisins. I'm like, oh, okay. It's not bad. It's raised.

[A]

Good for me.

[C]

That's good for me.

[A]

Yeah. I eat a lot of. And I chase it with other. Because I know it's not good. Like, I'll eat a tomato, eat something else with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I hate certain things, but you have to be an adult, dude. You have to eat it. I hate it so much, man. Like I said, I need to find a medium cheese that just, like, it makes you skinnier every time you eat one. Like, damn, you're buffer. I would pay so much for that.

[B]

We gotta invent protein water.

[A]

Protein water. You have it in my fridge right now. Oh, that's isolate in your. In your water. Yeah.

[C]

And Starbucks just came out with the protein.

[B]

That's what made me think of it.

[A]

Oh, wait, you just drank that?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Is it heavy?

[B]

I didn't even know it had protein in it.

[A]

No, full. Snorted it. Oh, yeah.

[C]

So, I mean, they know me at my Starbucks. It's not a flex. And they know that I go to that gym right there. So all the baristas are like, hey, we got a protein shake. I know. We know you work out. Just letting you know that we have it.

[A]

I'm like, they know you?

[C]

Yeah, they know me. Two Starbucks locations know me.

[A]

I just started trying Starbucks. What was it, two, three months ago? You're first time in my life.

[C]

You're hooked.

[A]

I don't drink coffee, but I was.

[C]

Like, the little egg bites the bomb. My son's been eating those since he was like, three.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's a problem.

[C]

And he knows. He knows it's not a flex. He knows the Starbucks menu pretty good. Like, the. Because the breakfast is our bomb. And here's the thing. We travel a lot. We travel a lot. And, you know, we're getting older, so our stomachs are sensitive. My stomach's pretty delicate, so I know what the. That food does to me.

[A]

So it's the same everywhere. So you know you're gonna be good.

[C]

Same distributor, dude, so I know I'll be good. Yeah. So. So, you know, Kevin Hart does the same thing. He. He's not a big foodie, so anywhere he goes throughout the around, even out of the state, out of the country, he'll eat McDonald's because it comes from the same amount of.

[A]

Over a millionaire. Like over 100 mil.

[C]

No.

[A]

Punch me in my mouth if you find me. Catch. Eat McDonald's.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Oh, McDonald's breakfast max.

[A]

Punch face. If you find me. We're over a hundred mil in my bank and I'm eating. That kills me. You better punch me in my face for squandering.

[C]

I'm not talking on my boy, but.

[A]

Kevin hart, stop eating McDonald's. You have heart house. Eat heart house. What the. Dude, look up at the aisles dog.

[C]

Was her house vegan? Yeah, it was. Speaking of vegan, I was just on the road with Felipe Esparza.

[A]

I know he's vegan as super. I was being for nine years. I just thought, this shit's not good for you.

[C]

Speaking of millionaires eating at fast food restaurants. But you know this. To his defense, there's an impossible burger at Burger King. Have you tried it on the road?

[A]

Yeah, I've eaten it. I took a couple bites with. What am I eating?

[C]

Yeah, impossible burger from Burger King. You know what? 7 out of 10. It's not too bad. Felipe introduced me to it. He's like, I'm gonna get a. I come here because they have the impossible burgers food. I'm like, I'll try it.

[A]

It's Max.

[C]

I'm not gonna lie, bro. But also I'm like, okay, but you're. You're rich, bro. Why can't.

[A]

You're rich. Stop it. That's how I feel like. Stop it.

[C]

Here's the thing about Felipe. He's super humble, man. And he's super humble. He's chill. He's not about cars. He's not about fancy stuff. He's still that dude from la, that.

[A]

Mexican from la, the wild things are guy.

[C]

I don't even know if he. I don't even know how. I don't even think he knows how rich he is. I don't even know if he turns.

[A]

Out he's not getting paid at all. Just goes somewhere. He's like, whatever.

[C]

Is there vegan food? Cool dog. Like, yeah, he's. He's super simple. But shout out to Felipe, man, thank you for having me on that show.

[A]

Yeah, the vegan. The vegan is not healthy.

[C]

No.

[A]

Don't eat processed vegan food. Don't eat vegan meats. Don't eat any of that. I gained almost a hundred pounds in nine years for eating vegan.

[C]

For being.

[A]

I went vegan to gain almost 90 pounds.

[C]

Holy.

[A]

I'm just shaving it off trying now, dude. It's not good for you. Let's just say that. Don't eat all that. Like, oh, it's a substitute. What's it made out of? Worse. I swear to God, I feel like vegan coagulates everything in your stomach and holds on to it. I felt like every time I ate something, like, why am I getting gaining weight, bro? I'm telling you, it's. I just saw being vegan. Stop. Don't do it. Yeah, bro, don't. Don't both be full vegan. It's not sustainable. Unless you're like, a white woman that eats salads of fruits every day. Then you're crushing.

[C]

There is. All right, there's one.

[A]

Raw vegans you crush.

[C]

So look, there's a couple of times when me and Martin Rizzle. Which is Felipe's opener.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Martin.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, Martin Rizzo. He's a super hipster kid, you know, skater, you know, from la. Super hipster. He likes vegan food here and there. He's not vegan, but he'll eat vegan food. He's. He went on. On Google. He found a bombass Mexican vegan restaurant in my house. Smacks yola, bro.

[A]

Just take the meat out. Everything's vegan.

[C]

Yeah, no, yolo. You'll eat that and be like, okay, this is. This is Carnesada.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that.

[C]

Yeah, I would notice. It does feel lighter in your stomach. Quote, unquote.

[A]

Yeah, you don't feel heavy.

[C]

He doesn't feel heavy. But.

[A]

But you're not getting any of the nutrients that you would have got from meat from that same hunk of. Yeah, and I was eating fake meat every day.

[C]

Damn.

[A]

Telling you, bro, I'm a perfect, perfect example. Everything stay the same.

[C]

Does your wife cook?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, she does. Crazy. She. She eats meat now. She went vegan for me too, but she eats me now. She's fine. I just can't eat meat, man. I'm not. Just not there yet.

[B]

So are you tracking macros like your protein?

[C]

Like I said, that's the thing, Marty. I work out five days a week. I do cardio. My things on cardio is Stairmaster bike riding and running. I love that. I lift weights four times a week easily. But I'm not that guy, bro. But I mean, here's the thing, all right? If I do in and out, it's hard. I'll do this. This is tough to do. It's not easy. I'll do protein style, double single, no fries with water or a Diet Coke. That's tough to do because you're A in N out. You know, you want buns and you want animal style fries.

[A]

I ate that last night.

[C]

You know what I mean? It smacks. It smacks. But that's how I. I'll eat. Example. I was on the road with concrete a couple of years ago and we stopped by. What, what's that? Canes. Raising canes. Oh, yeah, you know that. Oh, it's kind of heavy. No fries, only chicken. That's it. And a Diet Coke. Yeah, it's still not healthy because it's fried chicken.

[A]

But that's better than double fried.

[C]

It's eating double. Yeah, but then eating those, it's so funny.

[A]

And we're all talking about health. I'm just too in shape. Peoples like, yeah, man, you gotta stop eating that.

[C]

I mean, little. Little things you could do on the road to avoid. Yeah, all those carbs and all that, you know, empty. All those empty calories.

[A]

You know, it takes 10 more minutes to stop at a grocery store. That's why I've noticed when I've been on the road, so I used to sell so much weed, I used to go up and down to LA three times a week. So I'd be stopping eating. I was like, let's just go to that grocery store across the street. Give me 10 minutes. I'm always in the hurry. Like, no, I have packs in the truck. I'm not gonna get out of the car. I'm like, you stay in the car. I'll go inside and get some. It's just so much easier when you think, I know a full that carries, like, cooking in the trunk. Like, oh, if I need to cook after the gym, like, oh, all right. I don't work all the way home. Like, hot plate. You're crushing, dude. Yeah, there's ways around it. Because there was cavemen at a point, those in cars.

[C]

Yeah. Like, today's lunch was teriyaki chicken with veggies. Brown rice instead of white. White turns into sugar.

[A]

And we'll kick you out of this country eventually. So it's gonna go brown rice, dude. Eventually. Dude.

[C]

Eventually.

[A]

They're gonna build the wall.

[C]

Eventually.

[A]

They're gonna build a wall. No, you know what? Build the wall. Who's gonna build it?

[C]

Mexicans.

[A]

American Mexicans.

[C]

Americanized Mexicans.

[A]

And you know what they're gonna do? They're gonna pay coyotes to get their cousins back over this wall. They built it and know where the holes are. You really got to think about what you're doing here, guys. It's like when they used to do King's tombs, like, kill every construction worker that built it so they don't know how to get back in. That's crazy now. No, they're gonna pay. Mexican Americans get their own family back. Like, actually, I didn't even bolt that part down. I built this mother. Yo, what a fun little skit. That's great, dude. You concrete should do that. You should do some wild ass. Where do you guys find so many wigs, man? Where do you find so many wigs?

[C]

He has his own costume store by the Valley where he lives that he goes to. And I have. I do Amazon. And there's a. There's. I think there's a Halloween club on my house that's open365. Yeah.

[A]

It just never goes away.

[C]

Yeah. And then I have a downtown area. Downtown Fullerton. I live two miles away from there. Cal State Fullerton is like three miles from my house. And there's a thrift store in there that has. And I. I'm a big fan of yard sales too, bro. Don't ever. I never downplay a yard sale. I see right there. I see props. I don't see bird show. Yeah.

[A]

Cash out in there. Yeah, I've seen it.

[C]

Yeah. So that's what.

[A]

It's so fun when you're just in shape. Like. Yeah. I buy stuff anywhere because it'll fit me. Like, I gotta find a special costume store that makes for refrigerators for. To put sheets on them because nothing fits me. I'm shaped like this.

[C]

You're XL2X.

[A]

I like this guy. Nice thing to say. What are you, an Excel? That's like asking an old woman, what do you want your sister. That's what you did.

[C]

This is.

[A]

This is what you call a 3x3x. Yeah.

[C]

And it fits you a little loose.

[A]

This feels good, dude. So you must pull every. You ever met in your life. Like, it looks good on you. Her, not so much. Damn, you're good.

[B]

Selling you this.

[A]

Yeah. He's selling your own shirt. I love it, dude. Look at that. I'm not.

[C]

I'm optimistic, Yola. I am. Dude. I'm like, dude, you're tall.

[A]

Sideways dog at school like.

[C]

Like that. You like clean eating for a month and a half. You'll lose 20 like that, bro.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, for me, all this is getting up because I have a real bad back. So I try not to do. Because it hurts. But I've been getting up. It's just. It's not gonna not hurt. So I'm trying to fix it right now.

[C]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just sitting here.

[C]

Just. Does it hurt when you ride bikes? Can you ride a bike?

[A]

I have a machine in my house. I ride that.

[C]

I mean. I mean, you're OCD kind of ADD as well. Like, me, I. I can't stay stationary and ride a bike. I can't. I need a See, you know.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[C]

I have. I have six. I own six bikes.

[A]

Do you really? Can you do a Willie?

[C]

I can't hold it that long.

[A]

But you can do.

[C]

I can do one.

[A]

Well, I can almost fall, basically, what that means.

[C]

I could catch air, though. I could catch. I go down Mountains like 40 miles an hour.

[A]

Damn. That's why fool's like, they told me I grew up in those sea. They're like, you're not really Mexican. But I go down.

[C]

Yeah, we have trails down the street. A mile from out. I have trails.

[A]

That's Mexican American things.

[C]

Yeah, Fullerton Loop.

[A]

Yeah, Fullerton Loop dog. My name is carved in the second tree. For real.

[C]

My son has some. Some battle scars from that place, man. But it builds character. Builds character. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I talk about that on my stand up. I love bikes.

[A]

I love bikes. I have a homie that collects bikes, but just to, like, trade for. Oh, and called drug addicts.

[C]

The thing about bikes is, like, it doesn't feel like cardio, bro. It doesn't feel like cardio. You're just dipping. You have your headphones on. You could be high. Headphones on. And just when I see a fool.

[A]

With headphones and you smoke a weed on a bike. That was chilling. Oh, yeah, that sounds fun. You're by yourself at that point.

[C]

Weed works. Like, I don't know how Adderall works. I've never done it, but I would assume that it's. You get hyper focused. Right. And energetic. Right. That's how weed works with me. I smoke weed before I go work out, lift weight. Sometimes I get some amazing workouts. I just zone the out.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Just.

[A]

I just want to not be there in my head. That's what I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm here. Yeah.

[C]

I zone out. And yeah, I'll be on the StairMaster for like, 30 minutes. I'm like, oh, 30 minutes blew by. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

See, the thing is, like, I've noticed you ever. I mean, you don't smoke a lot of weed, but you smell it. Oh, I'll sweat my ass off. And you can. It just reeks like weed. Like it.

[C]

How long have you been smoking for?

[A]

Oh, a long time, dude. I was a kid, probably.

[C]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Like, I was 13, maybe.

[C]

That's. That's a long time.

[A]

Yes, I was a kid.

[C]

Oh, you said a long time, I think.

[A]

Yeah. No, a long time. Since I was a little kid.

[C]

Yeah. I was 12 when I tried it for the first time.

[A]

Yeah. See it all. Also one of our cousins or family members. Us up?

[C]

No, we ditched school, seventh grade. And it was a big old group. Yeah. We went to a little park and it was swag. We're swag with seeds. And was you smoking a seed pops? Yeah, the loose ass joint that we didn't know. Nobody knew how to roll. Loose ass joint. There was girls in the group, so I couldn't not smoke, you know. You know, I was 12.

[A]

I had already got all their notes they handed you. And you needed the weed. You already had a deal. You had a seal.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't know if the first time I smoked weed, I didn't get high. I didn't. Did you get high?

[A]

I got, like, very, like, lost spacey.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know if I was super high, but I was very, like, spaced the out. Like, I disconnected with what I was doing.

[C]

Yeah. That's how I felt. No, but I went home and I could have. In my. In my eyes, in my head, my mom knew I smoked weed. Like it was a rap. She knew, you know, her cinco, Santino and Latina powers.

[A]

I'm sure you knew.

[C]

Oh, I thought, yeah, I should have, you know, just told her. But. Yeah, I remember that like it was yesterday, man. So now I smoke crack.

[A]

Nice. Have you ever done crack?

[C]

No. Oh, speed. I was 15. So bad.

[A]

Cocaine.

[C]

I thought it was cocaine.

[A]

You mean speed, like in a pill and they busted up?

[C]

No, it was speed is like. It looks like cocaine.

[A]

Okay. I always said people speed, but what is the different molecule?

[C]

Oh, I don't know. But speed is like this. You're this guy.

[A]

You got some crystal meth?

[C]

No, I think. No. It was my brother confirmed. Yeah. I couldn't sleep for the whole night. I was 15, and I remember the guy being, like, hesitant about giving it to me. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I want to do coke.

[A]

He's like, was it cheap?

[C]

It burned the out of your mind off.

[A]

That was Christmas.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

It burns back here. I don't say when you did it, it burned up. Like, up.

[C]

I just remember my eyes being wide open. I couldn't sleep. Yeah.

[A]

That's what.

[C]

The heart was racing.

[A]

That's what that was, isn't it crazy. People like that feeling. Oh my God. Isn't that nuts? If I was a vigilante tracking fools, now I'd be doing meth because what else do you need that for?

[C]

My brother, you know, at the time I was 15, I was spending the night at my brother's house in LA because I was already living in OC and he's like, what did you do last night? I was like, I don't know, just. I was hanging out with my friends and he pushed me against the wall.

[B]

Boom.

[C]

I made a hole in his wall. The first time he ever like showed me tough love, you know, he's like, he's like, I don't give a what you do. He's like, I don't give a what you do in your own time. But if you around with that weird, I'm gonna you up next time. I'm a, I'm not, I, I feel like punch you in your face right now. I'm not gonna do that because I'm your brother and I love you. But I'm gonna you up if you ever like, I have pounds of weed he used to sell. I have pounds of weed. You could smoke all my smoke as much as you want, but don't touch that weird ass ever again. And I'm like, do we have a deal? I'm like, good. The first. Yeah, it was actually pretty cool.

[A]

That's. That's awesome.

[C]

He put a hole in the wall. I'll never forget that push. But it's like now looking back as a 43 year old man, I was like, that's love. It was like love. And you know, we're still tight to this day, but yeah, I was, yeah, don't smoke crack.

[B]

Did it work? Did you listen to him?

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, that was weird as.

[A]

That's the worst. All of it. It's all bad. It's never. None of it leads to positive things, I'll tell you that. Not one decision made like that ever was good. No, it's just like, dude, do you like losing all your money in your life and stuff then, dude, crack.

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

Like, it's the worst. It's the worst thing you can do. Besides, I'm gonna shoot myself today because that's where the I'm going. It's not certain drugs. I don't understand. Like ecstasy. I get it. I understand why you guys do ecstasy. That shit's fun. But it's not good for your body. So do hard drugs no more.

[C]

I did it three times my whole life. That's it.

[B]

So I would have thought being a strip club, it had been everywhere.

[C]

Oh, yeah, it was every.

[A]

Oh, Molly.

[C]

Yeah. When that came out, yeah, for sure. But nah, it's just. Anything man made scared the out of me has always scared the out of me. Anything man made, I'm like, oh, now.

[A]

Sometimes some of those men made shits. They got it right. Sometimes.

[C]

Sometimes, dude, no, that man made that scared the out of me. So it's always been weed for me, man. Or alcohol. When I did drink. Excuse me.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's the way to be.

[B]

Did the alcohol get out of control?

[C]

It wasn't so much out of control. I wasn't blacking out or anything crazy, but I was consuming four or five times a week, man, easily.

[A]

And.

[C]

And everywhere I go, they treat me like a hot chick, man. It's always free, you know, and, like, you know, Yola gets it.

[A]

Yola, what's up?

[C]

I love your podcast. Take a shot with me, bro. Here. Hey. That's how they treat us. And that's cool, but it's not. Is it cool?

[B]

No, you straight up just. I'm good. I'm good.

[C]

Stop. Cold.

[A]

Cold turkey. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I don't. I'm not that. Oh, I don't drink alcohol, but I'll have wine here and there. No, that's alcohol. Yeah. Like.

[A]

No, it's true. It's. It's. It's. No matter Even if it's wine, there's white ladies right now dead from drinking from wine. It's all alcohol, no matter what.

[C]

But I don't knock it. I'm not that bitter sober guy. That makes it my identity. If my name was Sam, I'm not going to put sober Sam on my profile. I'm not that guy. I. I'll be that. I'm that sober guy that actually says that alcohol's dope. Yeah's pretty.

[A]

Dope is the best drug in the world. Just don't do it right.

[C]

Yeah, a couple of times that I did. It is actually pretty good.

[A]

Kill you.

[C]

Alcohol's super dope, man. But I just. I have an addictive personality. Alcohol is also a progressive drug. You know what got me drunk last week? It wasn't getting me drunk this week. So two shots, turning to three and so forth, you know?

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah, man. And then I was doing stand up with it, you know, and it does take the edge off. You take a couple of shots about.

[A]

Doing that, having a drink, and then like 20 minutes later doing myself. Hey, what's up?

[C]

You feel good? And Then I got in my own head. I was like, no, that's false confidence. Am I really? No, That's. That's alcohol courage. That's not me. And then I stopped. In the first two weeks after I stopped drinking, alcohol was bombing bad. My. It's like somebody just took my mojo. Nope.

[A]

No.

[C]

Nope. And then after that went away. Now I actually am more confident than ever now. Sober on stage.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[C]

But yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I don't even tell people I'm sober like that. Even when they offer me shots. Like, trying to explain to a sober person that you're. That you don't. To a drunk person that you don't.

[A]

Drink, it doesn't go, but I'm about to drive. Well, I'm good.

[C]

Yeah. No, no. A drunk person. What? You don't drink.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Or those people that are. That are cool, they. They still act fake happy for you. Oh, you don't drink. Good for you.

[A]

As they chug that 150 is what they're saying. Exactly.

[C]

Good for you.

[A]

That's good. Yeah. Like, the last time I ever chilled with Ken, I told you what he told me what's my. The improv. He showed me. He introduced me all the people. I just did. Did Ralph Barbosa show. And I saw him, and then we went upstairs, and he's like, take a shot me. I'm like, all right, it. And I was trying to pay that. He's like, don't. No, you're good. I'm like, what? He's like, no. So it's upstairs. You're good. It's a comic. You're fine. I go, you free alcohol?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then he took a shower. He goes, I know, fool. That's why you almost die. Almost die all the time. Too fun. And he hit, like, two or three. I was like, this is what you do all the time. He goes, it's too much fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, damn. That's the last time I saw. Ken literally told me that.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I told him was like, I can see how fools get out of control. You go up and you crush and you get off. Like, I have two shots. My job's done. I killed it. I get it, dude.

[C]

Yeah. And let's see Yola on top of that. I'm a dj, bro. They gave me a bottle every time I dj. That's on my writer. It's on my writer. I could throw two bottles in there if I want. I'm just not that guy. I'm like, oh, give me two bottles and some Air Force ones. I'm not that guy.

[A]

I heard about the certain comedian that does that.

[C]

Yeah, I don't want to say his name.

[A]

I don't say his name. It rhymes, like, with Schmedy schmiffen.

[C]

It rhymes with muno.

[A]

For real.

[C]

He likes airports.

[A]

One stop. I was talking about somebody else.

[C]

Yeah, Eddie Griffin does that. That too. Yeah.

[A]

Duno, go buy your own shoes.

[C]

No, it does come out of his payability, but he just wants his.

[A]

Oh, that's different.

[C]

Yeah, it's cool.

[A]

That's not being a dick. That's just like, dog, I don't want to go to the store. Yeah, yeah, that's.

[B]

It's convenient.

[A]

As the other way was. I heard way different.

[C]

Yeah. And it's not on. I think it's not on the show. Yeah. Marty will tell you. It's funny. But, yeah, as a dj, dude, I get free alcohol, so. Free alcohol is a dj. Free alcohol has a comedian. I couldn't anymore, bro. I'm, you know, I'm 43, and I'm trying to do something with my career in my life. Doing.

[A]

That's not gonna do it.

[C]

That's not gonna do it, bro. And then I eat healthy during the day, and then I put poison at night. That me up.

[A]

I started taking all these health shots, and he's like, you can take shots of liquor. Oh, you're right. It's so much worse. You ever try some gym ginger? I'd rather drink tequila. I'd rather drink tequila straight than just ginger chunks. That shit's not supposed to be in human body, dude. It hurts so bad. Anyway. Yeah, that happened. You have a show tonight?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you gotta go now.

[C]

Oh, in a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, you have to go right now, actually.

[C]

Yeah, I do. Okay, wait, hold on. Let me see how It's.

[A]

It's about 55 minutes as of now. Yeah. You need to go right now, actually. Okay. So for everyone on all socials, it's.

[C]

Jay Valentino at Jay Valentino on All socials.

[A]

Also, brand new sponsor call Jacob. Let's go, Skull. Jacob, the guy I told you about. That's it. Every game ever. He stands as if he bought every stadium. And I'm like, I feel like you did, man.

[C]

Bro, that bro is a. He's a boss. Bro. He's a boss. I told you about. You told me there was an eerie site where we're at the Rams game at the bottom suite next to the Runway where the Rams run out. Right? They all know him too, by the way. They all know for sure. There's a. There's a scene. There's. It was a scene, bro. It was a movie. Jacob was like this with his arms crossed. I was behind him and he was looking at the stadium, and it was all his logos and his face. Throughout the Ram Stadium in Los Angeles. On the opening game, Yola, this fool was flexing without moving a muscle, bro.

[A]

Go to school, guys. Persian King, for real. Go to school, man. That's Jafar if I've ever seen Jafar. It's just regular dress Jafar and here taking over the land.

[C]

But here's the other thing. He's the nicest, dopest studio.

[A]

The best thing you can ever hear.

[C]

His family sweet. His met his wife, his brother, his kids.

[A]

I've never heard one bad thing.

[C]

He's cool as. Dude.

[A]

I love hearing rich people that are nice. It's the coolest you ever heard.

[C]

Hey, what's up, man? Hey, there's sushi, there's pizza, there's burgers, there's alcohol. Get whatever you want. Thank you, Jacob.

[A]

Appreciate it. Now.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Isn't that cray? It falls on every billboard I've ever seen. Ever.

[C]

Yeah. So can you guys clip this for me?

[B]

Call Jacob.

[A]

Yeah, call Jacob right now. I say it to be yeah, yeah. You know what? It's all good, dude. Call Jake. What a. What a sponsor. Everyone in LA goes, yeah, I know. I've never used him, but of course we know. Called Jacob.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then there's one next guy that's like Will Ferrell and Anchorman. You ever see that guy? The next guy with the short curly hair. It's just like Anchorman. And then Veronica with a dog. She always has a dog.

[C]

And, like, her and her sister are in a competition. I heard.

[A]

I don't know who the other one is.

[C]

Veronica.

[A]

Her name's Veronica, too.

[C]

Veronica.

[A]

So they both have the same name, but bitter sisters.

[C]

Yeah, I heard this. Yeah, I heard about that.

[A]

You know what?

[C]

I'm sorry. No, but Veronica has a bigger dog. Like a.

[A]

Shut the.

[C]

Like a canine rottweiler. Ish dog. And then Adriana has a small dog, so there's like a little thing there, like my dog will eat yours type. Yeah.

[A]

Combine forces, save on billboards. It's the same font. Oh, two chicks, two dogs.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Split the money. Yeah, I just saved you guys only 8% of whatever you spent on billboards. Yeah.

[B]

For the 22 girls 2 dogs campaign.

[C]

But I do have a buddy that DJs for Adriana's insurance, holiday parties. He said it's baller as to be a lawyer Baller.

[A]

If you have a personality as, like, a legal agent, you could be the bro.

[C]

God.

[B]

And.

[A]

And if it's just for car stuff, you not even have to be, like, a murder guy. Taking murder wraps off of people that did it. Defensive, you know, defense lawyer. Oh, man, I need to be. No, I don't want to do that. But yeah, Baller called Jacob.

[C]

Yeah. And he's like, oh. He's like, you go to Laker games? I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh, when the season starts, we'll. We'll go.

[A]

I'm like, you're gonna be point guard. That's what you're gonna tell you?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Your opening point guard.

[C]

Where do you need me? Yeah, it's really cool, man. Shout out to Kyle. Jacob.

[A]

Let's go. Hell, yeah. So, Jay Valentino on all platforms, when you do comedy shows, just your Instagram. You're posting everything, or do you.

[C]

Yeah, I post all the links on my bio, man. It sounds like a. Like, I'm offering an Only fans.

[A]

You'll see his butthole and his tickets.

[C]

Yeah, man, exactly. It's only mans or what was it?

[A]

Only bros only, bro. You, Your friends. But it's not weird because you're friends. Would you guys split the money?

[C]

I will. Because you guys aren't making eye contact. There's some. I'm in Pennsylvania coming up on the 22nd, I believe.

[A]

22Nd. What's today?

[C]

Oh, wait, 23rd. I'm in Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, yeah. Chicago. I am there November 12th. And I'm in Boys, Idaho. November 8th. DJing. A lot of cool stuff on the way, man. A lot of cool stuff. Just be on the lookout. I post everything on my social. Jay Valentino to see you guys there, man.

[A]

On everything.

[C]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Thanks for coming.

[C]

No, man. Thanks for having me, dude. Yes.

[A]

So cool. Now, dude, you're chill, dude. Don't worry. We're gonna post this on only fans, only little do you know, AI shirts off. You're gonna be shirtless in AI.

[C]

I don't even want to laugh with this mic in front of me right now. He's gonna.

[A]

I have a thing in all my. I told Marty, any picture, using me, any promo, my mouth can't be wide open.

[C]

Why?

[A]

Because somebody put a dick in it.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I did a billboard and I specifically changed the face because of that reason. I draw a dick in it. You know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna laugh and go. And that's it. I already know my reaction. I just know because I'm gonna laugh. Well, that's funny. But it's me, damn it. Yeah, I know. I can't be biased. That's funny.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, Jay, Valentin on everything. Marty, thank you so much.

[C]

Thank you so much, man. Appreciate it, man.

[A]

Thank you so much, guys. This has been the dope as usual podcast. Thank you so much for watching. Oh, have a dope.

[B]

More.

[A]

You can. Perfect, perfect.