13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 2, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger dissects the recurring theme of ex-partners attempting to reenter their former partners’ lives. Drawing from an article by Holly Riordan published in Thought Catalog, Dr. Laura offers both the article’s insights and her own candid advice on why exes come back—and why, most of the time, you shouldn’t welcome them. The tone is direct, humorous, and sometimes tough-love, with a continuous focus on self-respect and making healthy relationship choices.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections on Exes Returning

• [02:39] – [04:14]
  Dr. Laura introduces Holly Riordan’s article and frames the discussion:

  • Exes generally want to come back for a variety of reasons: loneliness, jealousy, manipulation, or unresolved issues.
  • Dr. Laura warns against getting back together solely due to “history.”
    • Quote: “Hold out for someone who deserves you and has earned you. Not just because there’s a history. That’s stupid. You don’t go back because there was history—the history included some ugly stuff. Because remember, you broke up for a reason.” — Dr. Laura [03:55]

• On Change:

  • Even if time has passed, people rarely change meaningfully.
  • “If you get back, they could end up hurting you in the same way. So don’t be a wuss.” — Dr. Laura [04:16]

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The 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back (Article Points + Dr. Laura’s Commentary)

• [04:31] – [12:31]

  Selected Reasons with Commentary:

  1. Jealousy of Your New Relationship:

     • Some exes can’t stand to see you with someone else, even if they don’t want you themselves.
     • Dr. Laura jokes about the “If I can’t have you, no one will…” trope.
       • “They might just be trying to ruin your new relationship so that you’re alone just like they are.” [04:56]

  2. Seeking Comfort in Hard Times:

     • Exes may reach out when their current love life, career, or family is in trouble.
     • Often, it’s about wanting emotional caretaking, not reconciliation.
     • Dr. Laura emphasizes women’s tendency to fall for this, recounting stories of women being pulled back in for everything from minor to major crises.
       • “All kinds of reasons to sucker you back in to take care of them.” [05:57]

  3. The Rebound Didn’t Work Out:

     • Their new relationship fizzled, so your reliability and kindness seem appealing.

  4. Nostalgia for a Significant Life Chapter:

     • People “rosy up” the past, forgetting the reasons for the breakup.
       • “People miss substantial portions of life and tend to rosy it all up.” [06:52]

  5. Difficulty Finding New Love:

     • The dating world can be rough; returning to an ex is easier than starting over.

  6. Ego Boost:

     • Sometimes, they just want to know they could still get you back.
       • “Makes them feel good.” [10:08]

  7. Sex:

     • Perhaps the physical relationship was particularly good for them, and they miss it.
       • “Sometimes they just want to have sex.” – Dr. Laura [10:14]

  8. Recent Breakup/You’re a Rebound:

     • Their most recent relationship ended, and you’re the fallback.

  9. Impressed by Your Social Media:

     • Seeing you looking great and happy triggers a desire to reconnect.

  10. They’re Drunk:

      • Impulsive late-night contact after drinking rarely means anything genuine.
        • “Drunkenness is not truth.” [11:04]

  11. Lingering Feelings (But Not Changed Behavior):

      • They may care, but that doesn’t mean they’re willing or able to treat you differently.

  12. "Searching for Answers":

      • Claiming to not know why the breakup happened.
        • Dr. Laura calls this out as disingenuous:
        • “You know exactly why you were dumped… Don’t call me and tell me you don’t know, because that’s nonsense.” [11:43]

  13. They’re Actually a Changed Person:

      • The rarest case: genuine growth and change after a significant period.
        • Dr. Laura’s caution:
        • “That doesn’t happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.” [12:23]

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Practical Advice from Dr. Laura

• [12:31] – [13:03]
  • Don’t rush back into a relationship the moment an ex reappears.
  • Take time to consider whether it’s good for you—even if saying no is temporarily painful.
    • “Make sure you’re doing what’s best for yourself, even if it might hurt in the short term to tell them no.” [12:51]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Don’t be a wuss.” — Dr. Laura [04:16]
• “You need to remember to hold out for someone who deserves you and has earned you. Not just because there’s a history.” — Dr. Laura [03:55]
• “All kinds of reasons to sucker you back in to take care of them.” — Dr. Laura [05:57]
• “People miss substantial portions of life and tend to rosy it all up.” — Dr. Laura [06:52]
• “Drunkenness is not truth.” — Dr. Laura [11:04]
• “You know exactly why you were dumped… Don’t call me and tell me you don’t know, because that’s nonsense.” — Dr. Laura [11:43]
• “That doesn’t happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.” — Dr. Laura [12:23]

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Timestamps for Core Segments

• [02:39] – Introduction to the episode’s theme and article overview
• [04:31] – Listing and interpretation of the 13 reasons
• [10:07] – Ego and sex as key motives
• [12:21] – The rare case of real personal change
• [12:51] – Dr. Laura’s closing advice

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Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s main message is clear: exes often return for self-serving reasons rather than genuine love or growth. Don’t get back together simply because of the past, and don’t mistake temporary feelings—or their loneliness—for true transformation. Prioritize your emotional well-being, and don’t be afraid to say “no,” even if it’s hard in the moment.

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Transcript

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[Co-host or Guest Commentator]

A well done article in thoughtcatalog.com thought catalog.com the title is 13 Real Reasons X's Want to Come Back.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I thought.

[Jeff Lewis]

Hmm.

[Co-host or Guest Commentator]

Interesting.

It's written by Holly Riordan.

R I O R D A N R I O R D A N.

Starts out by asking, why do exes want to come back? Especially when you're finally healing from the.

Pain they brought you.

She sort of summarizes it, but it's worth going through her points. So I'd like us to spend the time together because a lot of you.

Have to think about this.

Oh, and we got back together and we got married again.

Oh my God. Did anything change?

Well, no. And the devil we know is why.

We let them back.

So let Me just quote this one thing and then I'll just go through her points. It could boil down to a few different things. Maybe they genuinely miss you and want.

To get back together with you.

Maybe their heart is broken from another relationship and they're using you as a rebound. Maybe they're manipulative and want to keep you interested even though they never are.

Going to treat you right. That's just a few of the many reasons. And let me give my own. Bottom line, you need to remember to.

Hold out for someone who deserves you.

And has earned you. Not just because there's a history. That's stupid. You don't go back as there was a history because the history included some ugly stuff. Because remember, you broke up for a reason.

Even if time has passed, it doesn't.

Mean they've actually changed. If you get back, they could end up hurting you in the same way. So don't be a wuss.

Okay, I'm going to quickly go through.

Her points as to why they want to come back.

Your new relationship made them jealous. You've seen movies like this.

I can't have you. No one else will. I'm going to kill them.

Or. And. Or you. You've seen bad movies like this, okay? Even if they don't want to be with you, they don't want anybody else.

To be with you.

Either hurts their ego. Or they might just be trying to ruin your new relationship so that you're.

Alone just like they are. Or they're screwing somebody else. Doesn't matter.

Another point, they might be going through a hard time in their new love life, in their career, in their family. And since you were always there for them, they want you to take care of them. Even though they screwed you over bad.

And you dumped them.

Take care of me. And of course, women in particular are.

Really weak at holding that one off and at bay.

But he needs me. I've had everything from, you know, his toenail is ingrown, two, he has cancer, two, he lost a job, two, he's just sad. All kinds of reasons to sucker you.

Back in to take care of them.

And women are typical types to make that decision. Okay, you dump them. Their rebound relationship, not so good. The honeymoon phase was over with that and they realize that you treated them very well. So it's not that they love you and want to do good by you again. They want you to fill back their lives with what they got from you.

Minus, of course, what they were giving in return. Sometimes you just have to, you know.

Whether it was good bad or indifferent. It was a substantial portion of life. People miss substantial portions of life and.

Tend to rosy it all up.

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So it's not that they really want to take care of you in a new and better way. It's that you played an important role in their lives. They miss that. Another point. It's extremely difficult to find love in the modern world. That's why coming back to you might look more appealing. They don't have to start fresh. They don't have to get back into the dating game. They don't have to swipe the dating apps.

They can just get the goodies back from you.

Sometimes they want an ego boost.

They want to just see if they can get you back. Makes them feel good.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sometimes they just want to have sex.

[Co-host or Guest Commentator]

If it was particularly good with you.

You might not look at the sex.

As though it were particularly good.

But they are. So they'll send you a text or.

Something and just try to get some nookie back. Doesn't mean they have changed and want to treat you right.

Could be their most recent relationship ended and you'd be the rebound because at least they know you. Maybe you've been posting a lot of stuff on social media. And of course you spend six hours with the makeup and the clothes so you look fabulous. And they look at that and go.

Yeah, I think I want that back.

Not because they really want to be.

Your best person.

Maybe they're drunk and so they're connecting with you out of drunkenness. And drunkenness is not truth. Maybe they still have feelings.

For you.

Of course they don't want to treat.

You the way you wanted to be.

Treated, but they have feelings for you. Maybe they're still just searching for answers. You dump them and they're not really sure.

I consider that a line of bs. You know exactly why you were dumped.

Don't call me and tell me you.

Don'T know, because that's nonsense.

You had complaints and requests. Complaints about behavior. Requests for behavior.

Yeah.

Go through those texts. Okay? Now the least plausible is they're genuinely different. They have spent a year or three growing introspecting. And maybe they weren't able to give you what you deserved in the past, but they're capable of fulfilling your needs now.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Maybe that's so.

[Co-host or Guest Commentator]

But that doesn't happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.

So please don't jump back into a relationship with them the second they come crawling. You have to really consider, is this good for me or am I spending more of my life being miserable? Talk to them about what getting back together would really mean. And make sure you're doing what's best.

For yourself, even if it might hurt in the short term to tell them no.

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