13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger dissects the recurring theme of ex-partners attempting to reenter their former partners’ lives. Drawing from an article by Holly Riordan published in Thought Catalog, Dr. Laura offers both the article’s insights and her own candid advice on why exes come back—and why, most of the time, you shouldn’t welcome them. The tone is direct, humorous, and sometimes tough-love, with a continuous focus on self-respect and making healthy relationship choices.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections on Exes Returning

[02:39] – [04:14]
Dr. Laura introduces Holly Riordan’s article and frames the discussion:
- Exes generally want to come back for a variety of reasons: loneliness, jealousy, manipulation, or unresolved issues.
- Dr. Laura warns against getting back together solely due to “history.”
  - Quote: “Hold out for someone who deserves you and has earned you. Not just because there’s a history. That’s stupid. You don’t go back because there was history—the history included some ugly stuff. Because remember, you broke up for a reason.” — Dr. Laura [03:55]
On Change:
- Even if time has passed, people rarely change meaningfully.
- “If you get back, they could end up hurting you in the same way. So don’t be a wuss.” — Dr. Laura [04:16]

The 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back (Article Points + Dr. Laura’s Commentary)

[04:31] – [12:31]

Selected Reasons with Commentary:
1. Jealousy of Your New Relationship:
  - Some exes can’t stand to see you with someone else, even if they don’t want you themselves.
  - Dr. Laura jokes about the “If I can’t have you, no one will…” trope.
    - “They might just be trying to ruin your new relationship so that you’re alone just like they are.” [04:56]
2. Seeking Comfort in Hard Times:
  - Exes may reach out when their current love life, career, or family is in trouble.
  - Often, it’s about wanting emotional caretaking, not reconciliation.
  - Dr. Laura emphasizes women’s tendency to fall for this, recounting stories of women being pulled back in for everything from minor to major crises.
    - “All kinds of reasons to sucker you back in to take care of them.” [05:57]
3. The Rebound Didn’t Work Out:
  - Their new relationship fizzled, so your reliability and kindness seem appealing.
4. Nostalgia for a Significant Life Chapter:
  - People “rosy up” the past, forgetting the reasons for the breakup.
    - “People miss substantial portions of life and tend to rosy it all up.” [06:52]
5. Difficulty Finding New Love:
  - The dating world can be rough; returning to an ex is easier than starting over.
6. Ego Boost:
  - Sometimes, they just want to know they could still get you back.
    - “Makes them feel good.” [10:08]
7. Sex:
  - Perhaps the physical relationship was particularly good for them, and they miss it.
    - “Sometimes they just want to have sex.” – Dr. Laura [10:14]
8. Recent Breakup/You’re a Rebound:
  - Their most recent relationship ended, and you’re the fallback.
9. Impressed by Your Social Media:
  - Seeing you looking great and happy triggers a desire to reconnect.
10. They’re Drunk:
  - Impulsive late-night contact after drinking rarely means anything genuine.
    - “Drunkenness is not truth.” [11:04]
11. Lingering Feelings (But Not Changed Behavior):
  - They may care, but that doesn’t mean they’re willing or able to treat you differently.
12. "Searching for Answers":
  - Claiming to not know why the breakup happened.
    - Dr. Laura calls this out as disingenuous:
    - “You know exactly why you were dumped… Don’t call me and tell me you don’t know, because that’s nonsense.” [11:43]
13. They’re Actually a Changed Person:
  - The rarest case: genuine growth and change after a significant period.
    - Dr. Laura’s caution:
    - “That doesn’t happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.” [12:23]

Practical Advice from Dr. Laura

[12:31] – [13:03]
- Don’t rush back into a relationship the moment an ex reappears.
- Take time to consider whether it’s good for you—even if saying no is temporarily painful.
  - “Make sure you’re doing what’s best for yourself, even if it might hurt in the short term to tell them no.” [12:51]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Don’t be a wuss.” — Dr. Laura [04:16]
“You need to remember to hold out for someone who deserves you and has earned you. Not just because there’s a history.” — Dr. Laura [03:55]
“All kinds of reasons to sucker you back in to take care of them.” — Dr. Laura [05:57]
“People miss substantial portions of life and tend to rosy it all up.” — Dr. Laura [06:52]
“Drunkenness is not truth.” — Dr. Laura [11:04]
“You know exactly why you were dumped… Don’t call me and tell me you don’t know, because that’s nonsense.” — Dr. Laura [11:43]
“That doesn’t happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.” — Dr. Laura [12:23]

Timestamps for Core Segments

[02:39] – Introduction to the episode’s theme and article overview
[04:31] – Listing and interpretation of the 13 reasons
[10:07] – Ego and sex as key motives
[12:21] – The rare case of real personal change
[12:51] – Dr. Laura’s closing advice

Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s main message is clear: exes often return for self-serving reasons rather than genuine love or growth. Don’t get back together simply because of the past, and don’t mistake temporary feelings—or their loneliness—for true transformation. Prioritize your emotional well-being, and don’t be afraid to say “no,” even if it’s hard in the moment.

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: November 2, 2025

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections on Exes Returning

[02:39] – [04:14]
Dr. Laura introduces Holly Riordan’s article and frames the discussion:
- Exes generally want to come back for a variety of reasons: loneliness, jealousy, manipulation, or unresolved issues.
- Dr. Laura warns against getting back together solely due to “history.”
  - Quote: “Hold out for someone who deserves you and has earned you. Not just because there’s a history. That’s stupid. You don’t go back because there was history—the history included some ugly stuff. Because remember, you broke up for a reason.” — Dr. Laura [03:55]
On Change:
- Even if time has passed, people rarely change meaningfully.
- “If you get back, they could end up hurting you in the same way. So don’t be a wuss.” — Dr. Laura [04:16]

The 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back (Article Points + Dr. Laura’s Commentary)

[04:31] – [12:31]

Selected Reasons with Commentary:
1. Jealousy of Your New Relationship:
  - Some exes can’t stand to see you with someone else, even if they don’t want you themselves.
  - Dr. Laura jokes about the “If I can’t have you, no one will…” trope.
    - “They might just be trying to ruin your new relationship so that you’re alone just like they are.” [04:56]
2. Seeking Comfort in Hard Times:
  - Exes may reach out when their current love life, career, or family is in trouble.
  - Often, it’s about wanting emotional caretaking, not reconciliation.
  - Dr. Laura emphasizes women’s tendency to fall for this, recounting stories of women being pulled back in for everything from minor to major crises.
    - “All kinds of reasons to sucker you back in to take care of them.” [05:57]
3. The Rebound Didn’t Work Out:
  - Their new relationship fizzled, so your reliability and kindness seem appealing.
4. Nostalgia for a Significant Life Chapter:
  - People “rosy up” the past, forgetting the reasons for the breakup.
    - “People miss substantial portions of life and tend to rosy it all up.” [06:52]
5. Difficulty Finding New Love:
  - The dating world can be rough; returning to an ex is easier than starting over.
6. Ego Boost:
  - Sometimes, they just want to know they could still get you back.
    - “Makes them feel good.” [10:08]
7. Sex:
  - Perhaps the physical relationship was particularly good for them, and they miss it.
    - “Sometimes they just want to have sex.” – Dr. Laura [10:14]
8. Recent Breakup/You’re a Rebound:
  - Their most recent relationship ended, and you’re the fallback.
9. Impressed by Your Social Media:
  - Seeing you looking great and happy triggers a desire to reconnect.
10. They’re Drunk:
  - Impulsive late-night contact after drinking rarely means anything genuine.
    - “Drunkenness is not truth.” [11:04]
11. Lingering Feelings (But Not Changed Behavior):
  - They may care, but that doesn’t mean they’re willing or able to treat you differently.
12. "Searching for Answers":
  - Claiming to not know why the breakup happened.
    - Dr. Laura calls this out as disingenuous:
    - “You know exactly why you were dumped… Don’t call me and tell me you don’t know, because that’s nonsense.” [11:43]
13. They’re Actually a Changed Person:
  - The rarest case: genuine growth and change after a significant period.
    - Dr. Laura’s caution:
    - “That doesn’t happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.” [12:23]

Practical Advice from Dr. Laura

[12:31] – [13:03]
- Don’t rush back into a relationship the moment an ex reappears.
- Take time to consider whether it’s good for you—even if saying no is temporarily painful.
  - “Make sure you’re doing what’s best for yourself, even if it might hurt in the short term to tell them no.” [12:51]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“Don’t be a wuss.” — Dr. Laura [04:16]
“You need to remember to hold out for someone who deserves you and has earned you. Not just because there’s a history.” — Dr. Laura [03:55]
“All kinds of reasons to sucker you back in to take care of them.” — Dr. Laura [05:57]
“People miss substantial portions of life and tend to rosy it all up.” — Dr. Laura [06:52]
“Drunkenness is not truth.” — Dr. Laura [11:04]
“You know exactly why you were dumped… Don’t call me and tell me you don’t know, because that’s nonsense.” — Dr. Laura [11:43]
“That doesn’t happen in minutes or weeks or a few months. That happens in years.” — Dr. Laura [12:23]

Timestamps for Core Segments

[02:39] – Introduction to the episode’s theme and article overview
[04:31] – Listing and interpretation of the 13 reasons
[10:07] – Ego and sex as key motives
[12:21] – The rare case of real personal change
[12:51] – Dr. Laura’s closing advice

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Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections on Exes Returning

The 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back (Article Points + Dr. Laura’s Commentary)

Practical Advice from Dr. Laura

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Core Segments

Takeaway

Transcript

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Reflections on Exes Returning

The 13 Real Reasons Exes Want to Come Back (Article Points + Dr. Laura’s Commentary)

Practical Advice from Dr. Laura

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Timestamps for Core Segments

Takeaway