A (2:58)

And you never let on or mentioned or stayed with your mother instead of being alone with him?

B (3:07)

No, because I had my own issues with my mother. I was afraid of my mom and resentful about many things. And I.

A (3:15)

You. You were not afraid of your stepdad or you took that as.

B (3:20)

No, I thought, I thought, I thought it was affection and my stepdad, so I thought he was God in my eyes.

A (3:30)

And why did it stop at why did it ever stop?

B (3:35)

Because I got old enough where I felt very, very uncomfortable and, you know, I wanted to have a normal life.

A (3:47)

So did you miss the woohoo? Did you miss the affection though?

B (3:57)

Yeah.

A (3:59)

How did you deal with that? How did you deal with missing the affection?

B (4:06)

I threw myself at strangers and was pretty promiscuous and reckless with my life. And then I met my husband.

A (4:17)

And how did you meet him? Where did you meet him?

B (4:22)

We met at an event where we both went by ourselves. We both love this artist and that's how we met. And he was the first example what a real man was I had ever met. Like, he's on it.

A (4:41)

How did you know? How did you know he was a real man? Just meeting him like you met all the other guys. How did you know he was a real man? Did you know that Skin Care can start in the laundry room the Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear laundry detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear. Your skin should never come second. That's why PACT makes everyday essentials from the purest organic cotton. No toxins, no harsh chemicals, just softness you can feel good in. Because wellness isn't just what you put in your body, it's what you put on it too. From the first layer to the last, getting dressed should feel like self care. Visit wearpacked.com and use code dresswell for 15% off your first order packed. Dress yourself well. Shoes aren't really built to last anymore. Seriously. Some footwear barely survives a season, but L.L. bean doesn't chase trends. They've been crafting quality boots for over a century. With full grain leather, durable rubber bottoms and triple needle stitching. Bean boots are meant to last and built to easily handle the great outdoors. Each pair becomes more personal, more distinctive and uniquely yours. L.L. bean boots are simply best worn. Find your pair at llbean. Com. Well, this is pretty cool. When you switch to Mint Mobile's super great 3 month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month you get to BYOE bring your own everything. Yep, when you switch from your old wireless plan to Mint Mobile's 5G network, you can bring your phone and your number with you, but you won't be bringing our jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages. All Mint Mobile plans come with high speed data, unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. And new Mint Mobile customers can snag a three month plan for just 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com drlaura that's mintmobile.com drlaura upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customers offer for the first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. This episode is brought to you by Almond Joy. With its perfect blend of real creamy coconut, rich chocolatey taste and a satisfying almond crunch, Almond Joy is the taste that simply takes you away. Blissful tropical flavors will have you feeling sunny vibes and ocean breezes in every bite. Almond Joy is the ticket to a sweet, indulgent, laid back escape. One you'll want to return to again and again. Grab the creamy coconut and chocolatey crunch of Almond Joy today and taste paradise.

B (8:09)

Because sex wasn't the first thing that he wanted. He actually very directly told me when he first met me that he wanted a family and he wanted, he was looking for a wife and wanted someone to have children with and someone that believes in God and, and he taught me a lot when it came to integrity, when it came to what it actually means to be honest. I always thought I was an honest person and meeting him made me realize how much of a lie my life was. Because I didn't, I didn't confront any of that. I just kind of shoved it to the back of my mind. I wanted to go to medical school. So it was school and smoking weed every day. And my husband was so open and kind and loving that it made me want to open up to him. And I told him everything, Dr. Laura. I told him literally everything that was important to do.

A (9:16)

So that was brave of you and that was the right thing to do. Proud of you. How did he react?

B (9:24)

He was freaked out a little bit because it was a lot. But he was very supportive and his first reaction was, you need to let your family know because my sisters still lived at home, because he encouraged me to move out of the house and I did. And it wasn't until I moved out that it kind of all crashed onto me, the realization of my home life. And I feel like I didn't really process a lot of it because I found out I was pregnant. And then I told my family, and my mom decided to stay with my stepfather. My sisters. I don't even know what to say about my sisters. And now my marriage is falling apart. And that's why I'm calling you, is because, like, I know I have all this trauma that I have to deal with.

A (10:22)

Explain to me why your marriage is falling apart. Why would it fall apart?

B (10:29)

Because I think I took out a lot of my anger and resentment out on my husband. And it was almost like I resented him because I opened up about it and it felt like I didn't get justice or the people I thought that would be by my side weren't on my side.

A (10:49)

And I'm sorry. Who did you think would be by your side?

B (10:56)

My mom.

A (10:57)

Why? Stop, stop. One at a time. One. Ma', am, if I'm going to help you, you have to stay with me. Don't jump ahead, okay? Your mom. You already hated her. She wasn't warm and loving to you. So why would you think of your mom? Your stepdad, he's the one who molested you. Why would you think he would be by your side? Your sister, who now is in the position of getting the affection you gave up. These people are too whacked out to be by your side. You have somebody. This man you married, he's the one you have by your side. The people who hurt you and didn't care if you were hurt, of course they're not going to be by your side. It's irrational to imagine they would. But you got lucky. You seriously got lucky, woman, and found somebody to be by your side. So you can decide to be sweet, loving, affectionate, appreciative, kind, considerate, and do nice things for him in gratitude or be crazy like you're doing now.

B (12:24)

Yeah.

A (12:27)

So give me. Give me three loving things that would shock the crap out of him if you did them today to him. Three loving things. Come on, tell me three loving things. It would shock him because you've been such a. So, three loving things.

B (12:45)

Make a dinner that he likes.

A (12:48)

1. Beautiful. Number 2.

B (12:55)

Give him a massage without asking him.

A (12:59)

Number 3. You're good, baby. You're good. 3. Something small.

B (13:16)

Write him a letter, telling him, humble, beautiful, beautiful.

A (13:22)

Every day you're going to do three things for him. And this is your treatment plan. And I want you to remember that you got seriously screwed, literally and figuratively, by those people that were supposed to be caretakers. However, you seriously lucked out and brought into your life a wonderful person. And I'd like you to enjoy it. And the way you're going to enjoy it is to do things for him. Because it makes us feel so good when we are thinking positive, beautiful things and doing those things for someone we so greatly appreciate is in our lives. You are going to feel wonderful every three days. No matter if any of these stupid other feelings come in, you're still going to do these three things. Is that correct?

B (14:26)

Yeah. Yes. Yes, Dr. Lohr.

A (14:31)

One month from now, if you do these three things every day, they can be very tiny. They don't have to be huge. A kiss on the cheek. Three things that are loving toward him in one month. If you listen to a tape of you today, you're not going to recognize yourself.

B (15:00)

I'm gonna do it.

A (15:02)

Good.

B (15:02)

May I ask you one more question? Sure, if that's okay. It's related to my mom. I know that I did say that I have all this resentment from my mom, but it's almost like I. I can't help but love her because she can be kind and sweet with me. She's a part of my life, Mela. Yeah.

A (15:28)

She's a dangerous, destructive person who is staying with the man who devastated your life that she cries and does. This little shtick for you is manipulation. Don't kid yourself.

B (15:46)

Yeah.

A (15:48)

What you need in a mother and a father dash stepdad you have in your husband. Don't go backwards. Don't go backwards for sick affection. Don't do it.

B (16:01)

Yeah.

A (16:07)

The key to the truth of what a piece of crap she is is she kept him.

B (16:13)

Yeah.

A (16:14)

So anything else she says or does is bull. And don't fall for it, please. The love you need you're getting from your husband. Focus.

B (16:27)

Yeah. Okay.

A (16:32)

Gotta let the dreams go, babe. Let the dreams go. And you're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram so I was just parking my car and then I saw you. The gecko. Huge fan. I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild. The honor is mine. I just love being able to file a claim in under two minutes with the Geico, apparently. Well, the Geico app is top notch. I know you get asked this all the time, but could you sign it? Sign what? The app. Yeah, sure. Oh, that means so much. Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it. Could you sign it again? Anything to help, I suppose. You're the best. Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.