← The Dr. Laura Podcast
The Dr. Laura Podcast
7 Things Men Want in a Relationship
00:16:15
Listen to my Morning Monologue: I’m sharing my take on pressing issues, enlightening research on human behavior, answering questions I get by email, and my favorite, most instructive interactions with callers. Everything you’ll hear is designed to help you become a better spouse, parent, family member, co-worker, friend, and human being. It’s the free therapy you need! Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com
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Who knew when you give gifts, you like to knock them out of the park. Airwick Essential Mist Diffuser's chic design, long lasting scents and effortless setup makes it the kind of gift that feels complete the most moment it's unwrapped. Perfect for your favorite dinner party host or that friend who loves a cozy night in. Plus its cordless design means you can easily take this gentle fragrance with you from room to room. Airwick Essential Mist Ready to gift Ready to uplift. Not as much as women, but they've been listening. So men are often reluctant to talk about their needs in their relationships because they get quickly dismissed. Remember when I was in private practice, a guy I would try to help the husband try to talk about his feelings, his needs, his hurts. You know, it takes effort to make a guy feel safe enough to do that. And immediately most of the wives in my clinical that clinical experience were dismissive or competitive with it. Yeah, but you so suddenly he's expressing his needs, his feelings, his hopes and he's jumped on and criticized for something he does that was typical of women. Very eye opening for me. Brought it onto the radio program. Don't get much of that anymore. The complaints that I'm anti women, I don't get much of that anymore. It's pretty silly because most people listening understand I try to help both from the position that they are in their lives, whether they're male or female. I'll show you that as things go on. Here are seven things the article written by Jordan Gray Men have infamously tender egos. Their feelings are hurt. Men like he writes, we like frequent reassurance about ourselves, our jobs, how good we are as spouses, our sexual prowess and our attractiveness. And so it goes. They need feedback. Meanwhile, women demand it all the time. Think about that, ladies. We go and get dressed for a night out. We come downstairs and go so what do you think? Do you like it? Is it gorgeous? You didn't say anything about my hair. You didn't say anything about my dress. Do you like this new lipstick color? We are just trying to suck the guy dry Trying to get all these compliments. Meanwhile, do we say anything about how he looks?
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No.
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There's no expectation in our minds that a guy even cares about that kind of compliment. They do. The guys were complaining that their wives rarely let them know what they like about him. How often do you tell your husband what you like about him? Then he writes, why? It may be true that men need relatively less frequent verbal praise than female counterparts. Don't keep score, just do it. And something I always say, if you're trying to get more out of a guy, you're not going to get there with compliments. You're going to get there. I mean, I'm sorry, I got it backwards. I mean, I gave it away, got ahead of myself. Okay, you're not going to get it with criticism. But everything you compliment, you will see more of two, Respect. Men feel respect as love. It's one of the ways they feel loved. When they see you look up to them, you admire them. You admire their competency, their strength, their intellect. The more you admire and respect their thinking process, their decision making, the more you show respect, the more they feel loved. Which is very different from women. We like to hear, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. You're wonderful. I love you, I love you, I love you. Men need respect. That's how they know they're loved. We do more on the emotional side. So if he feels like you disapprove of him, his career, the things that he believes to be integral to who he is as a person, he's going to have a hard time loving and trusting you back. And the writer points out that reheating his dinner or picking up his dry cleaning is considerate, but it doesn't show respect when you roll your eyes, when he's explaining something. When you contradict without hearing things all the way out, you're questioning his competence all of the time. He doesn't feel loved because he doesn't feel respect. The respect makes him feel loved. If you have faith in his capabilities, you know you can rely on him. That makes him feel loved. So men feel loved on a very practical level, not an emotional level. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. Number three, sexual connection. Men and women both connect through sex and communication. Here's where things often go awry. Women connect better through verbal communication. Men connect better through sex. We all kind of know that, but we don't know what to do with it. And he writes, does this mean that men need to have sex with their wives every day in order to Feel connected. No indications of sexuality. Doesn't have to be all penetration and everything. Indications of sexuality. Cuddling, making out, touching each other, arousing each other, snuggling. This is great for both men and women. And he writes often, a man will initiate sex just to make sure that you're still sexually available to him, that you're his woman. You know that song I had Carson play 82 times? I'm just kidding. That very country music song. When he tells her to dim the lights and he can't really express how fabulous it makes him feel to be her man. That's what men need. So if he reaches across the bed for you, the article goes on, even showing the willingness to embrace him, to kiss him deeply, to engage him, could be enough to make him feel loved. Not that follow through isn't great. And I'd like to read this couple of sentences here. This lack of awareness around women needing to connect through words and men needing to connect through sex can sometimes turn into an unfortunate and rapid downward spiral. She doesn't feel like opening sexually until she feels connected to him, but he feels it difficult to communicate with her because they haven't been physical in each other, with each other in days. So it requires men to be aware that making his wife, his woman, feel more sexually interested is in gentle, thoughtful communication about all kinds of things. How did it go today? Well, he's just touching her back, And the wife needs to pay more attention to when they're communicating, that she's touching his hand. I went to lunch the other day with a couple, and through the whole lunch she had, after they finished eating, I should say, when they were just doing coffee, she just gently, casually would touch his back, over his knee, had his legs crossed, you know, just making contact. That's physicality, evidently from this article. Men need and like that a lot. Okay. Emotional intimacy. Yeah. This is simple. You've got to be your husband's safe place, which means if he gets feeling down or sad or crying that you don't put him down, that you're compassionate, you show empathy so he feels safe. Men don't do this a lot, but if they feel safe, then when it's really important to let down with certain feelings, they'll do it with you. Typically, when women are in a bad place, they go to what the article called the tribe, which means your sister, your mother, your cousin, your friends. Women, when they're upset about something, almost instantly turn to friends and mothers and sisters. Men in that state of mind almost instantly want to be alone to think. They don't call up their dads, their brothers and their guy friends. They don't. They need some space to think. It's just totally different, just a totally different way of being. The brains are just organized differently. So. Author Deborah Tannen, the writer says, has written brilliantly on the masculine and feminine divide between independence and intimacy, masculine being primarily drawn toward independence and the feminine drawn toward intimacy. Which is why. Let me read the article. But rest assured, suffocating a man, even by failing to allow him free time or with overly jealous behavior is the fastest way to end a relationship. Men need breathing room in a relationship. We need, he writes, time for our hobbies, time with our friends, time to toil away in the garage, our projects, to feel fulfilled, spending time with guy friends without having to text you every hour to reassure you. He's got to have. He's got to have a woman who is secure. And he in order for him to feel secured, he needs his time away. And you don't feel the need to call or text him every half hour to check in. God, I've gotten so many calls. He doesn't respond to the text in a timely way. He's a guy. Get yourself a girl. Girls like to do that. Guys don't. All right, that's that again. It's good. Let me see if I get it right. I don't want to say it wrong and correct it. Goodmenproject.com A lot of very good articles about how to understand the man in your life. Okay. And how to help men relate to women. It's a really good place to go to learn again. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.
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Family movie night just got easier with Fandango. Reserve seats in advance, skip the lines, and even cancel if plans change. Plus, with Fandango's fan club, save on every trip to the movies. Want to stay in? With Fandango at Home, you can stream your family favorites right from the couch. Whether it's a weekend outing or a cozy night in, Fandango makes movie magic simple for the whole family. Download the Fandango and Fandango at Home app today.