A Lesson for Young Moms on Keeping Control

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – A Lesson for Young Moms on Keeping Control

Episode Details:

• Title: A Lesson for Young Moms on Keeping Control
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: July 11, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the challenges faced by young mothers in maintaining control and harmony within a bustling household. The episode features a candid conversation between Dr. Laura and a distressed caller, Kayla, who seeks guidance on managing her family dynamics involving three young daughters.

Caller’s Situation: Kayla’s Background and Challenges

Kayla introduces herself as a mother of three daughters, the youngest being three and a half years old, who was born eight months ago. Since the arrival of her latest child, Kayla has felt overwhelmed and believes she has lost control over her household.

Kayla:
“… I have three children and just had my last little girl. They're all girls about eight months ago. And ever since then I feel like I have lost control of the home, the home front situation. I have a middle child, she's three and a half. And she's been very challenging for me to deal with since I've had the baby. And yeah, it's just been, it's been hard for me, hard for the family.”
(00:49)

Initial Discussion on Control and Sibling Rivalry

Dr. Laura seeks to understand the specifics of Kayla’s sense of lost control, probing for details about the household dynamics.

Dr. Laura:
“I don't know what you mean, lack of control. Until I understand that, I don't know how you get it back.”
(01:29)

Kayla elaborates on her concerns about her middle child’s behavior, suggesting possible separation anxiety, which has led to aggressive actions like biting her baby.

Dr. Laura’s Advice on Empowering the Challenging Child

Dr. Laura identifies sibling rivalry as a central issue and proposes empowering the challenging child by involving her in decision-making to reduce her need to act out.

Dr. Laura:
“…putting the difficult kid in charge. Not you, the kid. She's going to be acting out less if she doesn't have to fight against something.”
(02:26)

She advises assigning the middle child small responsibilities, such as choosing the baby’s clothes or selecting meals, to make her feel important and reduce disruptive behavior.

Managing Overwhelm and Reality of Parenting Multiple Kids

Kayla admits feeling overwhelmed, especially when trying to juggle attention between her children. Dr. Laura empathizes and reframes the situation by highlighting the unrealistic expectation of maintaining total control with three young children.

Dr. Laura:
“Your problem is not how to handle it. Your problem is thinking you can handle it.”
(03:45)

She emphasizes that feeling overwhelmed is a natural response and reassures Kayla that her efforts are commendable.

Handling Social Life and Friend Visits

Kayla expresses reluctance to host friends due to her children’s behavior. Dr. Laura suggests practical solutions like arranging for a sitter or involving her spouse to allow time for social interactions without the stress of managing the children’s attention.

Dr. Laura:
“What you can do is get a sitter, say, husband, I love you. You want great sex later? Here, you watch the kids.”
(06:58)

Addressing Children’s Need for Attention and Love

The conversation shifts to the emotional needs of the children, particularly how the arrival of the youngest can lead older siblings to feel less loved or attention-starved.

Dr. Laura:
“They think it subtracts. So now each one of them, the youngest one doesn't think about anything, but the other two think, okay, I only get a third of the attention and love.”
(07:56)

Kayla finds this perspective heartbreaking but acknowledges the truth in it, understanding the importance of balancing attention among her children.

Implementing Positive Interactions Between Siblings

To foster positive relationships and reduce competition among her daughters, Dr. Laura advises Kayla to encourage and recognize acts of kindness and cooperation between them.

Dr. Laura:
“Compliment each kid for doing something for another kid. Like, for example, when you hang up, are you on a cell phone? Walk over to where the kids are coloring. Wait till I give you your assignment… ‘I like that you shared your crayons. That is so sweet of you.’”
(09:33)

Live Application of Advice and Positive Outcome

In a live demonstration, Kayla follows Dr. Laura’s advice by complimenting her daughters on their cooperative behavior. The positive reinforcement leads to immediate and heartwarming responses from her children.

Kayla:
“Hey, Ava. I really like how you showed Haley to write mom a couple minutes ago. I really like that and appreciate it. Thank you so much.”
(10:42)

Both children respond with smiles, indicating a successful reduction in tension and improved sibling relations.

Conclusion and Contact Information

Dr. Laura concludes the session by acknowledging the progress made and providing her contact information for further support.

Dr. Laura:
“My number one, 800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram… you can find me at facebook.com DrLaura and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.”
(12:05)

Key Takeaways

• Empower Challenging Siblings: Involve the child in small decisions to reduce the need for negative attention-seeking behaviors.
• Realistic Expectations: Acknowledge the difficulty of maintaining complete control with multiple young children and practice self-compassion.
• Utilize Support Systems: Engage spouses, sitters, or trusted individuals to create opportunities for necessary personal time and social interactions.
• Foster Positive Sibling Relationships: Encourage and recognize cooperative behavior among siblings to build a supportive family environment.

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Notable Quotes:

• “Your problem is not how to handle it. Your problem is thinking you can handle it.”
   — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (03:45)

• “Compliment each kid for doing something for another kid… ‘I like that you shared your crayons. That is so sweet of you.’”
   — Dr. Laura Schlessinger (09:33)

• “Mommy, Mommy. This is how you keep control.”
   — Kayla (11:56)

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This episode provides valuable insights for young mothers navigating the complexities of parenting multiple children, emphasizing empathy, realistic expectations, and proactive strategies to foster a harmonious household.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Kayla, welcome to the program.

[C]

Hello. How are you?

[B]

Hi. How can I help?

[C]

Basically, I am calling today a little bit of backstory about me. I have three children and just had my last little girl. They're all girls about eight months ago. And ever since then I feel like I have lost control of the home, the home front situation. I have a middle child, she's three and a half. And she's been very challenging for me to deal with since I've had the baby. And yeah, it's just been, it's been hard for me, hard for the family. And my question for you is, how can I regain control back of the house and looking like.

[B]

I don't know what you mean, lack of control. Until I understand that, I don't know how you get it back. What is that? I'm sorry. There are some people have total control over their house. With three small kids, I want to see that family.

[C]

Basically my little one's acting out and I feel she has separation anxiety. So she sometimes hurts me. Hurts me.

[B]

Oh, my God. She's diagnosed.

[C]

And even when we have people over the home, like, I feel like I'm losing my social life because as soon as they come through the door, she acts out and she just bit the baby's toe the other day. And I'm looking for help on how to handle the situation.

[B]

You know, this is not my field of expertise, so I'm going to ask you to talk to your pediatrician, maybe talk to a licensed social worker who helps new mommies with a bunch of little kids and how to handle the sibling rivalry, because that's basically what it is.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

Each kid wants to be a God and there shall be no gods before me is basically what each kid is saying. And when the last kid came in, that one said, no, it's about me. Now, one of the things that I always have thought, well, is putting the difficult kid in charge. Not you, the kid. She's going to be acting out less if she doesn't have to fight against something. So if you say, hey, you want to come with me and you tell me what clothes I should put on the baby, do you think I. Here, you want to look at the food I was feeding the baby? Should it be carrots or peas? Can you do me a favor and pick it? The more you put that kid in charge of making decisions, the less she feels she has to act out to be important.

[C]

Yes, that makes total sense to me.

[B]

Are they both around right now?

[C]

Nope, just. I just. I just gave them something to do. They're coloring the other two kids.

[B]

Oh, okay. She's not. So you're here, you're holding the baby and she's coloring.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Well, you see, it's not all the time.

[C]

Okay. I think I've just felt overwhelmed with it lately and because I'm so focused.

[B]

Of course you're nutty. I thought I was heroic with one kid. I do not comprehend how any woman sane thinks she's going to be in control of everything with three little kids.

[C]

Fair.

[B]

That's a nutty thought. Your problem is not how to handle it. Your problem is thinking you can handle it.

[C]

True.

[B]

You're nuts, woman. You're doing fine. She's coloring.

[C]

Yeah, okay. I just feel like she's.

[B]

No, I don't care how you just feel. Feelings are irrational proof. She's coloring. You're A on the phone and B with the baby. That's two reasons your three year old should be giving you shit right now and she's not.

[C]

See?

[B]

It's doable.

[C]

It is doable.

[B]

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[A]

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[C]

Get more than you expect on your favorite medium drinks, like frozen Fantablue, raspberry iced coffee or lemonade. Now, at just 229, price of participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. And I guess when I have friends over, like, I feel like I don't want to have friends over anymore because I'm gonna have.

[B]

No, you shouldn't have friends over with three kids running around. They're too little. What you can do is get a sitter, say, husband, I love you. You want great sex later? Here, you watch the kids. I'm gonna go out with my girlfriend, have lunch. I mean, you can't expect to have adults over and not have kids vie for attention. Well, that's a crazy thought.

[C]

They have kids.

[B]

Yeah, but their kids are the same age. Then they have no energy. I'd rather a kid that was like your daughter in the middle.

[C]

Okay, well, thank you for clarifying that.

[B]

Because your daughter, who's not complacent. And they're all different ages, by the way, so they're all different levels of development. So the three year old, that she has that much spunk. See, I like kids with spunk.

[C]

So then you also have my older daughter who's sick now, hurting the middle child when she starts acting out. Nobody told you to have three.

[B]

Nobody told you to have three. What do you expect? They don't understand that love, it multiplies. They think it separates, it subtracts. So now each one of them, the youngest one doesn't think about anything, but the other two think, okay, I only get a third of the attention in love.

[C]

Yeah. And that's a little heartbreaking for me, but I'm learning to move through that.

[B]

It's life. You see this all the way through the animal kingdom. This is nothing new. Survival, number one issue of a live being. Survival. And survival means turf food. And when you get older, turf food, sex, make new babies. That's not what your 6 year old is thinking. But you know what I mean, if you're.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're in the wilds, that's what would be going on.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Procreation, not sex. Procreation. Honey, you're probably doing as good as can be done with three.

[C]

Okay, well, thank you so much.

[B]

Are you gonna have another one in three more years?

[C]

I don't think so.

[B]

Because then we'd have nine. Six. Three. A newborn. And then you'd be calling me and I'd be. What did I warn you? I told you.

[C]

Okay, well, thank you.

[B]

The thing that you're supposed to do is juggle. So three of them are busy. And you compliment each kid for doing something for another kid. Like, for example, when you hang up, are you on a cell phone?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Walk over to where the kids are coloring. Wait till I give you your assignment. When you get there, look at something to compliment each one about the other. Like, I like that you. You shared your crayons. That is so sweet of you. Oh, I like that you showed her how to stay within the lines. That was really great. Thank you for helping her. If you just, like, pick the clothes out for a kid, the more you have them do for each other, the more. The less hateful competition there is. So take me in the other room. Maybe they did something a few minutes ago that you saw go in there. Let me just hear you compliment each one. Go ahead. This is your test.

[C]

Okay, hang on. I'm in another room. I'm gonna go. Okay. Yeah, They've separated.

[B]

Are they in the same room?

[C]

No, they've separated.

[B]

That's okay. Whichever one is in front of you, do it.

[C]

Oh, wait, hang on. Hey, Ava. Ava. I really like how you showed Haley to write mom a couple minutes ago. I really like that and appreciate it. Thank you so much. Thank you. She just smiled, like glowing and looked at me.

[B]

That's right. Now, she doesn't hate her sister right now. Now go to the other one, wherever she is.

[C]

Okay. Oops. I'm trying to think of what she helped the old one with lately. Give me a second. Let's see. Haley. Haley. I really like how you included Ava in the castles. You made this morning with the sponges. Thank you. Yeah. Aw, she's smiling, too. They, like, bashfully smiled at me.

[B]

Mommy, Mommy. This is how you keep control.

[C]

Okay? That is so golden. Thank you.

[B]

Okay, I lied. It is my expertise, but go ahead. My number one, 800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

[A]

Hershey's milk chocolate with Whole Almonds makes for a wholly amazing, wholly delicious experience that's well holy Hershey's, everyone. To get to experience the satisfying surprise of a whole almond tucked inside creamy Hershey's chocolate. So don't wait your whole life to try Hershey's Milk Chocolate with whole almonds. And if you've already had it, then chances are you're already a lifelong fan of this confectionery delight. Find Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Whole almonds wherever candy is sold.