A Mantra To Cope With Sadness

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: A Mantra To Cope With Sadness
Date: January 28, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Jessica

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Overview

This episode centers on helping Jessica, a listener going through post-divorce emotional struggles, craft a daily mantra to better cope with sadness and move forward. After leaving her alcoholic husband for the health and well-being of herself and her teenage son, Jessica seeks Dr. Laura’s guidance on emotional detachment, recentering her moral compass, and how to model resilience for her child.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Jessica’s Background and Emotional Struggle

• [01:32] Jessica explains: She divorced in 2022 due to her husband’s deepening alcoholism, after years of marriage that began in 2011.
• [02:13] Jessica has one 14-year-old son. The father-son relationship is “very, very awful.” Her ex-husband’s health deteriorated drastically due to alcoholism—hospitalized with kidney failure and strokes, needing emergency intervention from Jessica.
• Emotional Anchor: Jessica didn’t divorce due to lack of love. She still cares for her ex-husband when he is sober, admitting, “when he is sober, he’s really, really good... [but] it’s very infrequent.” The attachment lingers and hinders her ability to move on.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance on Emotional Setting

• [03:33] Dr. Laura reframes: “You have to sit there and go, he’s hopeless. But for what it was in the beginning, I still have affection, but I’m getting on with my life and taking care of my boy… It’s a tragedy, it’s very sad. But don’t die over this.”
• [04:28] Jessica struggles with “leaving this in the rear view and looking in the windshield.” Dr. Laura reassures her: “You’ll get used to it. You’re overthinking it.”

The Mantra: Focusing on the Present and Letting Go

• [06:59] Dr. Laura prescribes: “Every day, Jessica, get up and say, he’s a lost cause, but I got a great son out of it and some good memories. Now what am I going to do today to cherish the fact I’m alive and free from it?”
  • Memorable Moment [07:53]: Dr. Laura insists Jessica recite the mantra herself, correcting her repeatedly until she includes all elements: acceptance of loss, acknowledgment of good memories, love for her son, and embracing daily joy.
    • Final version, Jessica:
      “I’m going to get up every morning and say, he is a lost cause and very sad. But I have some great memories and a wonderful son. And today I am going to show joyousness for all that I am capable of.” [08:38]
  • Dr. Laura: “You have to say [the mantra] every day, like a rebooting computer. Because you’re going to get up and be whiny mony in your head, on and off. So if you go directly to your mantra, it is a big change in direction.” [08:53]

Supporting Her Son

• [09:30] Jessica asks: How do I help my son not cling to hope regarding his father?
  • Dr. Laura responds: “I'd have to talk to him. I can't do that through you. I don't know him.” [09:36]
  • However, she emphasizes: “The more positive an outlook and progression you make, the better it is on him and for him.” [09:47]
  • “Because he learns it from you.” [10:00]
  • Dr. Laura corrects Jessica’s belief that her son does not see her struggle: “Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. You’re incorrect. Of course he does… You think you’re hiding it. You’re not. We don’t. We can’t. So you really have to do the work. You can’t fake this.” [10:09-10:19]

Mourn, but Move Forward

• [10:46] Dr. Laura (emphatically): “Yeah, well, sorry. That’s what happens when we marry a drunkard.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura on Detachment:

  “You don't have to get more dramatic. It’s a tragedy, it’s very sad. But don’t die over this.” [03:33]

• On the Mantra:

  “Every day, Jessica, get up and say, he’s a lost cause, but I got a great son out of it and some good memories. Now what am I going to do today to cherish the fact I’m alive and free from it?” [06:59]

• On Teaching Her Son by Example:

  “The more positive an outlook and progression you make, the better it is on him and for him. Because he learns it from you.” [09:47-10:00]

• Regarding Children Noticing Parental Struggles:

  “You think you’re hiding it. You’re not. We don’t. We can’t. So you really have to do the work. You can’t fake this.” [10:09-10:19]

• Hard Truth About Past Choices:

  “Yeah, well, sorry. That’s what happens when we marry a drunkard.” [10:46]

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Key Timestamps

• 01:32-03:26 – Jessica’s story: Divorce, son, ex-husband’s condition, and residual emotional pain
• 03:33-04:28 – Dr. Laura refocuses Jessica’s thinking, highlighting acceptance and the need to move forward
• 06:59-08:53 – Crafting and repeating the daily mantra for coping with sadness; Dr. Laura’s insistence on precision and full meaning
• 09:30-10:19 – Conversation on how Jessica’s choices and inner state affect her son, and why authenticity matters

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Episode Takeaways

• Grief Over Addiction-Driven Loss is Valid
  Acknowledge sadness and lost dreams, but avoid being emotionally mired by another’s choices.
• Daily Mantra as a Mental Reset
  Accept what’s lost, appreciate what’s good, and consciously choose joy and forward motion each day.
• Model Resilience for Children
  Kids absorb parents’ emotional states. Genuine self-work benefits both parent and child.
• Authenticity is Essential
  You can’t hide your pain from those closest to you. You must do the inner work for real change.

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This episode is a clear, practical demonstration of Dr. Laura’s direct, no-nonsense guidance on overcoming grief and regret after leaving an addict, especially when children and deeply held memories are in the mix. The central “mantra” provides a powerful, repeatable tool for anyone struggling to shift from sadness toward hopefulness and action.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day brought to you by Vibriance Super C Serum, the skin care product I use twice a day. Visit vibriance.com drlaura to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio program Daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Jessica welcome to the program.

[Jessica (Caller)]

Good afternoon Dr. Laura. How are you today?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. How can I help?

[Jessica (Caller)]

I'm hoping you can help me with some emotional detachment and recentering my moral compass. Just to give you a little bit of background here. I was married in 2011 and divorced in 2022. I made the decision because I married a functioning alcoholic and his addiction got sincerely worse and it started to change the overall health and financial outcome for my family.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I Do you have kids? If so, how many? How old are they now?

[Jessica (Caller)]

I have one son and he is 14 years old and I had what's.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

His relationship with his dad like?

[Jessica (Caller)]

It is awful. It's very, very awful. He is still a struggling alcoholic and since I divorced him in 2022, spent some time in the ICU, he had total kidney failure and suffered three mini strokes and laid on the ground for a day and a half and I actually found him and called 911 and saved his life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So this is all about him being an alcoholic that has caused all these other health issues. Got it?

[Jessica (Caller)]

Correct, Correct. And I think that that's where my emotional attachment is remaining because we didn't divorce from a loss of love. We divorced because he's an alcoholic and made really, really poor choices. And when he is sober, he's really, really good and he's really present and is all of the things and refills the.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but that's, that's, that's, that's minimal. So don't go there.

[Jessica (Caller)]

And it's very infrequent, but I find myself always trying to get a better foot forward.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is a rational moment. All these other ways you put it, you have to sit there and go, he's hopeless. But for what it was in the beginning. I still have affection, but I'm getting on with my life and taking care of my boy. That's how you talk to yourself now. You don't have to get more dramatic. You don't have to get more dramatic. It's a tragedy, it's very sad. But don't die over this.

[Jessica (Caller)]

I think right now where I'm struggling the most is moving on with my life and leaving this in the rear view and looking in the windshield because I have the potential to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You'll get used to it. You'll get used to it. You're overthinking it.

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[Jessica (Caller)]

Do I need to continue every day?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Every day, Jessica, get up and say, he's a lost cause, but I got a great son out of it and some good memories. Now what am I going to do today to cherish the fact I'm alive and free from it? Let me hear you say that. Let me hear you say that right here and now, ma'.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are you going to work with me or are you just going to keep finding ways? It doesn't work.

[Jessica (Caller)]

I'm ready.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you give me your version of what I just said. Get up every morning, and I'm going.

[Jessica (Caller)]

To get up every morning and find a way to work for me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, that's not all of what I said. But it was interesting to hear where you went with it.

[Jessica (Caller)]

Remind me, please get up every morning.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And say, he's a lost cause. Very sad. But I have some good memories and a great son. And today I'm going to do something which shows joyousness that I'm alive and free from that.

[Jessica (Caller)]

I'm going to get up every morning and say, he is a lost cause and very sad. And today I am going to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No. And I have some wonderful memories. But that's what they are. Memories. Memories are not spelled. H, O P E. Memories don't have those letters in them. So you left out the memories part and the great kid. So let's start from the top again. Come on.

[Jessica (Caller)]

I'm going to get up every morning and say, he is a lost cause and very sad. But I have some great memories and a wonderful son. And today I am going to show joyousness for all that I am capable of.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I like it. One final prescription is my. Not until I know you've absorbed this. This is something you have to say every day, like a mantra. It's like rebooting a computer because you're going to get up and be whiny mony in your head, on and off. So if you go directly to your mantra. It is a big change in direction.

[Jessica (Caller)]

How do I give that big change of direction for my son so that he doesn't hang on to the enemy?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'd have to talk to him. I can't do that through you. I don't know him.

[Jessica (Caller)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But the more positive an outlook and progression you make, the better it is on him and for him.

[Jessica (Caller)]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because he learns it from you.

[Jessica (Caller)]

Right. And he doesn't see my struggle. He sees me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. You're. You're incorrect. Of course he does. Just like your dog does. They know. They feel it. They could see it. You think you're hiding it. You're not. We don't. We can't. So you really have to do the work. You can't fake this.

[Jessica (Caller)]

Right? And I can't fill his shoes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, well, sorry. That's what happens when we marry a drunkard. My number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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