Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Am I Doing Enough for Dear Old Dad?
Date: September 2, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Joe

Episode Overview

This episode centers around a heartfelt call from Joe, one of six adult siblings caring for their aging father whose health has declined significantly in the past year. Joe expresses concern and guilt about not being as present to help as some of his siblings are, given his demanding family life and travel schedule. Dr. Laura offers her trademark no-nonsense, compassionate advice about navigating sibling dynamics, parental expectations, and personal guilt during elder care. The episode highlights themes of responsibility, boundaries, family traditions, and the ways caregiving expectations are shaped by both guilt and love.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Dilemma: Balancing Responsibilities

• Joe explains his family dynamic:
  • One of six adult siblings, all with their own families and commitments
  • Father’s health has sharply declined, needing increased care
  • Two sisters (who don’t work) provide most of the hands-on help
  • Joe travels frequently for work and can rarely be present
  • Other siblings express “guilt” and criticize Joe for not doing enough
  • Joe is troubled by their criticism but wants to fulfill his obligations
    • [01:03 – 02:15]
    • Quote:
      “I travel half the month… I don’t spend much time up there helping out. And a couple of sisters are getting on me about lack of participation… I deeply love to be there when I can.” — Joe [01:11]

2. Dr. Laura’s Blunt Wisdom on Sibling Conflict

• Dr. Laura addresses the realities behind sibling accusations:

  • Sibling criticism often stems from their own guilt or emotional processing, not from objective truth
  • Each sibling has different perspectives and expectations
  • Ultimately, each person must decide what is appropriate based on their own life and values
    • [02:20 – 04:41]
    • Quote:
      “Siblings with an elderly or dying parent all have different motivations for what they say and do… Their opinions are thin, almost wet toilet paper. Unless we’re talking about life or death.” — Dr. Laura [02:25]

• Emphasizes autonomy:

  • “You make a decision based on your life. They don’t know your life… Anything you agree to do, you better be willing to tell your children they better do it to you.” — Dr. Laura [02:35]

• Shares her own view as a parent:

  • She would never obligate her children to put their lives on hold for her
  • “I gave them lives so they would have lives, not so I could control their lives.” — Dr. Laura [02:50]

• Reassures Joe:

  • The pressure is more about sibling expectations than about what his father wants or needs.

3. Generational Wisdom: The Bird and the Flood Story

• After the break, Dr. Laura shares a parable she once heard in synagogue:

  • During a devastating flood, a daddy bird saves his chicks one by one.
  • Each rescued baby bird promises lifelong devotion to the father—at which point the father drops them.
  • The third bird promises, instead, to care for its own young as the father did, and is successfully brought to safety.
    • [07:54 – 09:59]

• The moral: Parental care is paid forward, not backward.

  • “It passes down, not backwards.” — Dr. Laura [09:55]

• Quote (Joe’s reaction):

  • “Perfect.” — Joe [09:54]

4. Addressing Guilt vs. Responsibility

• Joe expresses ongoing guilt about not doing more.

  • “There is obviously some guilt that I’m not participating as much as I would like to.” — Joe [09:59]

• Dr. Laura reframes it:

  • It’s not guilt, it’s sadness at not being able to do everything.
  • “I feel sad that I can’t be everywhere doing everything. But gosh darn, he’s being taken care of. I don’t have to worry about that. And I’m doing what he taught me to do: I’m taking care of my family.” — Dr. Laura [10:14]

5. Resolving Family Tension

• Dr. Laura suggests how to handle pushback:
  • Vocalize your limitations to your siblings clearly and without apology:
    • “So you tell them I’m doing the best I can with all my other responsibilities.” — Dr. Laura [07:27]
  • If conflict persists, she wryly adds:
    • “And if there’s any more strife after you’ve said all this to your siblings, give them my phone number.” — Dr. Laura [10:37]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s “wet toilet paper” analogy:

  • “Their opinions are thin, almost wet toilet paper.” [03:16]

• Bird parable punchline:

  • “In other words, it passes down, not backwards.” [09:55]
  • Joe’s response: “Perfect.” [09:54]

• On parenting and independence:

  • “I gave them lives so they would have lives, not so I could control their lives.” [02:53]

Segment Timestamps

• Joe’s Story & The Family Context: [01:03 – 02:15]
• Dr. Laura’s Analysis of Sibling Motivations: [02:17 – 04:41]
• Bird Story & Wisdom on Intergenerational Care: [07:54 – 09:59]
• Discussion on Guilt vs. Sadness: [09:59 – 10:32]
• Advice on Handling Sibling Strife: [10:37 – 10:46]

Summary and Takeaways

• Sibling criticism often reflects their own feelings, not your actual failings.
• Each adult must balance familial obligations with their own immediate family responsibilities.
• True parental legacy is children caring for the next generation, not sacrificing their own families for their parents.
• Clear communication and self-acceptance can resolve guilt and sibling tension.
• Dr. Laura affirms that Joe is “doing enough” if he is honestly balancing his own life and caring as best he can.

For listeners caring for aging parents, this episode is a reminder to value your efforts, set boundaries, and trust your judgment—while treating sibling expectations with, as Dr. Laura says, the weight of “wet toilet paper.”