Am I Raising My Son to be Soft?

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Am I Raising My Son to be Soft?

Date: April 7, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Key Caller: Jason (Parent of an 8-year-old son)

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on a parent's concern about whether his 8-year-old son is “soft” – specifically, whether the child is overly sensitive or lacking resilience, especially in physically demanding or emotionally charged situations. Dr. Laura guides the discussion towards exploring the difference between genuine softness and heightened sensitivity to embarrassment or criticism, giving actionable parenting advice on nurturing emotional strength and self-confidence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Concern: Moments of Emotional Reactivity

• [01:29] - [01:59]
  Jason, the caller, describes situations (specifically in Jiu Jitsu) where his son becomes tearful after minor injuries, such as bumping his head or his mouth, even when physically unhurt.
  • Quote:
    Jason: “Yesterday at Jiu Jitsu, he was drilling and ended up just kind of on his back and bumped his head a little bit… and he just kind of breaks into tears. Instructor kind of took him aside and she talked to him and he calmed down, he was fine, and got back in.”
    Jason: “A couple weeks ago… sparring, rolling and kind of bumped his mouth… a little bit of blood, fine, kind of came off the mat. Say, hey buddy, you're okay… but, you know, crying and stuff.”

2. Dr. Laura’s Follow-up: Signs of Bravery

• [02:55] - [03:40]
  Dr. Laura requests examples where Jason’s son shows resilience or bravery to assess whether the label “soft” is fair.
  • Quote:
    Dr. Laura: “Give me some times where he shows a little resilience or courage or isn’t reactive to a little discomfort. Give me some examples you’ve seen.”
• [03:08] - [03:40]
  Jason describes his son excelling on high rope courses and skiing—a demonstration of courage and perseverance.
  • Quote:
    Jason: “We’ve done those rope confidence courses… he went all the way across, no issues. …this past winter and went all the way to the top of the mountain… really impressed, he went all the way down by himself.”

3. Core Insight: Embarrassment vs. Softness

• [03:40] - [04:08]
  Dr. Laura reframes the “softness” concern:
  • Quote:
    Dr. Laura: “He may not be soft. He may be embarrassed. He's not a soft kid. He's a strong, brave little kid. But it seems to me he gets embarrassed… So talk to him about giving a damn what other people think.” (03:40)

4. Advice for Parenting Sensitive Children

• [05:18] - [06:31]
  • Dr. Laura suggests having a non-critical, empathetic conversation that highlights the child's bravery in some settings and his heightened embarrassment in others. She encourages using specific examples to differentiate between “real” fear and embarrassment caused by an audience or fear of criticism.
    • Quote:
      Dr. Laura: “You’re first pointing out how brave he is at X, Y, and Z, and then you’re pointing out the difference in the two situations… The difference is an audience, judgment, and criticism.”
    • She encourages parents to help children articulate feelings of embarrassment and emphasizes praise for facing fears—making it clear that “softness” is not the issue.

5. Caller’s Response and Dr. Laura’s Personal Anecdote

• [06:31] - [07:05]
  Jason appreciates the insight and says he will implement Dr. Laura’s advice.
  • Quote:
    Jason: “Very insightful. Awesome. Just took some notes on that. I will do that. Thank you.”
  • Dr. Laura shares a humorous story of her own experience on a mountain and zipline, demonstrating that bravery isn’t the absence of discomfort or embarrassment but the act of moving through it.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He may not be soft. He may be embarrassed… So talk to him about giving a damn what other people think.”
  Dr. Laura, 03:40
• “You’re first pointing out how brave he is… then you’re pointing out…the difference is audience, judgment, and criticism.”
  Dr. Laura, 05:45
• “I don’t think you have a soft kid there, but I think you have one hypersensitive to criticism…”
  Dr. Laura, 05:18
• Jason’s parental relief:
  “Very insightful. Awesome. Just took some notes on that. I will do that. Thank you.”
  Jason, 06:31

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:29] – Caller introduces the issue and describes son’s emotional reactivity in sports
• [02:55] – Dr. Laura asks for examples of bravery
• [03:08] – Caller gives examples demonstrating resilience (ropes courses, skiing)
• [03:40] – Dr. Laura reframes the problem as about embarrassment
• [05:18] – Dr. Laura outlines strategies for broaching sensitive topics with children
• [06:31] – Caller thanks Dr. Laura and commits to her advice
• [06:40] – Dr. Laura shares her own relatable story about overcoming fear

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Summary & Takeaways

Dr. Laura’s advice in this episode reframes parental worry about “softness” into a more nuanced discussion on emotional sensitivity and the natural embarrassment kids may feel under public scrutiny. She encourages parents to distinguish bravery from the ability to manage embarrassment and to foster healthy coping through conversation and unconditional support. Her guidance is pragmatic, supportive, and aimed at building up children’s internal confidence rather than pushing them to suppress emotion.

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Perfect for parents concerned about resilience, this episode offers reassuring, actionable advice—and some trademark Dr. Laura warmth and wit.

Transcript

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[Caller/Parent]

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[Dr. Lora]

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[Caller/Parent]

Hey, Dr. Lohr, thanks. Thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Lora]

You're welcome. How can I help?

[Caller/Parent]

Sure. So I've got a son who's 8 years old and I'm just concerned that he is, he is just a little on the, on the soft side. And I, I think it's, it's, you know, having some time to kind of think about it.

[Dr. Lora]

What do you mean on the soft side exactly? What do you mean? I'm not sure.

[Caller/Parent]

I give you an example. Sure. So yesterday at Jiu Jitsu, he was drilling and ended up just kind of on his back and bumped his head a little bit. Nothing, nothing happened. I was watching the whole time and he just kind of breaks into tears. Instructor kind of took him aside and she talked to him and he calmed down, he was fine and got back in. Second example is again at Jiu Jitsu a couple weeks ago. He was sparring, rolling and kind of bumped his mouth just with another little kid, his arm, a little bit of blood, fine, kind of came off the mat. Say, hey buddy, you're okay. You're doing okay. And he got back in there, but, you know, crying and stuff. So those are. Those are on my mind. And I just. I don't know. Maybe I'm overact.

[Dr. Lora]

So give me some times where he shows a little resilience or courage or isn't reactive to a little discomfort. Give me some examples of when he's shown that to you. You've seen it?

[Caller/Parent]

Absolutely. Yeah. So we've done those rope confidence courses when you go like three stories up and you're kind of hooked in and you walk across the rope. And even for me, I was scared. I'm like the third level. And he went all the way across, no issues. And another example, I think that he's really shown his resilience. We were once again this past winter and went all the way to the top of the mountain. Still kind of learning. And I was really impressed. He went all the way down by himself.

[Dr. Lora]

Okay. He may not be soft. He may be embarrassed. He's not a soft kid. He's a strong, brave little kid. But it seems to me he gets embarrassed. He knocked his head. He got embarrassed. Knocked his head the other time. Knocked his mouth. People were all around. He got embarrassed. So talk to him about giving a damn what other people think.

[Caller/Parent]

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[Dr. Lora]

I don't think you have a soft kid there, but I think you have one. Hypersensitive to criticism. I don't know where he might get that. You get my point. He can climb and do that stuff better than you can, and he's brave, but he's embarrassed. But that's just you, him, and a mountain. Okay, now he's in a room and he's in jiu jitsu and it's embarrassing. So help him with embarrassment. So, you know, I notice you can climb a mountain and you're like, you're not scared? I am. And if you are, you're just pushing through it. But I noticed that sometimes if you just bump your head and other people can see it, I think maybe you get embarrassed because you cry. And I don't think you're hurting. So I'm wondering if you're embarrassed. You want to talk about that? So it's not critical sounding. You're first pointing out how brave he is at X, Y, and Z, and then you're pointing out the difference in the two situations and what the difference is. And the difference is an audience judgment and criticism.

[Caller/Parent]

Very insightful. Awesome. Just took some notes on that. I will do that. Thank you.

[Dr. Lora]

You're very welcome. Yeah, I did that going up a mountain and I did it in record time. This small cliff thing, I did it in record time. You know why?

[Caller/Parent]

I wanted to get off, wanted to

[Dr. Lora]

get out of there. Came down. He said, oh, you did that very fast. Would you like to do it again?

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[Buffalo Wild Wings Announcer]

Bottomless apps for $9.99 are back at Buffalo Wild Wings. And I need everyone to know that's why I stole this megaphone from a coach to tell people. Attention, team. There are bottomless mozzarella sticks and fried pickles. To eat at BDubs. Hey guy carrying equipment by himself. Go make friends and share some bottomless apps with them. And you fans watching sports is better with bottomless hatch queso. So go get bottomless apps for $9.99 at Buffalo Wild Wings now. And don't make me repeat myself.

[Walmart Pharmacy Announcer]

Limited time. See Weber app for details.