Are You Driving Your Kids Crazy?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: “Are You Driving Your Kids Crazy?”

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: December 14, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on an in-depth, real-life call from a mother seeking guidance about her 14-year-old daughter’s growing “sass” and attitude at home. Dr. Laura dissects the dynamics of parent-teen relationships, addressing the root cause of adolescent disrespect, the impact of parental behavior, and the necessary shift in parenting as children mature. The episode demonstrates Dr. Laura’s direct, insightful counsel, geared toward helping parents recognize their own contributions to family tension and offers practical strategies for fostering mutual respect.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Background & Ongoing Challenges

• [02:25–03:53] The caller, a mother to a 14-year-old girl, shares her family history:
  • Divorced; ex-husband not present in daughter's life.
  • Past struggles include the mother’s cancer battle and ongoing recovery from a brain injury.
  • Daughter has endured significant instability (absent father, mother’s illnesses) but has generally behaved well: “She follows rules. She does well in school.”
  • Insight: Both mother and daughter have overcome adversity, but there’s a subtle erosion of respect manifesting as daily “sass.”

2. The Sass Issue & Parental Dismissal

• [04:16–04:40]
  • The mother admits to repeatedly dismissing the daughter’s “sass” because her other behaviors are exemplary.
  • Dr. Laura intervenes:
    • “You cannot dismiss sass because it's disrespect... Disrespect to your mother is unacceptable.” — Dr. Laura (04:40)
  • Insight: Dr. Laura highlights the danger of excusing disrespect, regardless of a child’s overall behavior. She links unchecked “sass” to long-term relationship challenges.

3. Demanding Specific Examples of Sass

• [05:00–08:29]
  • Dr. Laura requests concrete examples; the mother struggles to articulate specific incidents but describes constant low-level attitude and resistance, especially around bedtime routines.
  • Dr. Laura’s push for specificity stresses the need for parents to objectively identify problematic behaviors instead of responding to vague discomfort.

4. Challenging Parent’s Habits & Ensuring Respect

• [08:29–08:44]
  • Dr. Laura critiques the mother:
    • “Okay, why are you doing that? She's 14. She's not a baby.” — Dr. Laura (08:29)
  • The mother cites potential ADHD, to which Dr. Laura responds:
    • “Stop with the excuses. There's a divorce. I married a jerk. She's got ADHD. I would have been diagnosed as ADHD now if I was a kid now. I was just bored anyway.” — Dr. Laura (08:45)
  • Insight: Dr. Laura spotlights the tendency of parents to rationalize challenging behaviors based on circumstances or diagnoses, and urges self-reflection.

5. Transformational Advice: Mutual Respect as a Game-Changer

• [08:44–10:42]
  • Dr. Laura offers practical guidance for adjusting parenting to reflect a teen's growing autonomy:
    • “Tonight you're going to say, you know, I've been treating you with disrespect, telling you at 8:00 you had to be in bed at 9:00, like you were 4 years old. I apologize for that.”
    • “I'm going to count on you to do the right thing because you do so many right things... So I apologize. I'm going to get up to speed now in treating you with respect. She will turn around and give you the same favor.” — Dr. Laura (09:10–09:48)
  • Dr. Laura draws a direct link between respectful parenting and respectful children:
    • “Some of the sass our kids give us is we drive them to it.” — Dr. Laura (10:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s “wake-up call” to the mother:
  • “I would give you sass too if I were your 14-year-old daughter and you were doing that like I was three.” (09:55)
• On parental change:
  • “You have to adjust with your respect... I'm going to get up to speed now in treating you with respect. She will turn around and give you the same favor.” (09:27–09:48)
• On mutual responsibility:
  • “Some of the sass our kids give us is we drive them to it.” (10:12)

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Important Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:25 – Caller outlines hardships in her and her daughter’s life
• 04:16–04:40 – Admission of dismissing “sass” and Dr. Laura’s first response
• 08:29–08:45 – Dr. Laura questions bedtime reminders and confronts overusing excuses
• 09:10–09:48 – Dr. Laura’s step-by-step advice to directly resolve the issue
• 10:12 – Insightful reflection: Children’s behavior is sometimes parent-driven

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Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura offers candid, tough-love advice to a mother grappling with her teen’s attitude. The takeaway is clear: respect must flow both ways, and parents need to evolve their approach as children mature. Dr. Laura’s prescription is to model the very respect you wish to receive, demonstrating humility and trust, thus “driving” better behavior through empathy and example.

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For more episodes and daily insight, listen to “The Dr. Laura Podcast” via your preferred platform or visit DrLaura.com.

Transcript

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[Caller (Mother)]

Yes, hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. I've called you. Thank you. I've called you a few times in the past and you've always had really great advice. So I'm calling you again, and I just want to know if I handled the problem, the situation with my daughter well or if. What should I do differently if I didn't? So I'll give you a little bit of background. My daughter's 14. She has not had an easy life. She has a mother who didn't make great decisions for her. I am divorced from her father, who is not in her life because I chose a bad man to be her father. And even though we live in the same city, we're very close with all of his family, but he's not in her life. When she was nine years old, I was diagnosed with cancer and was in chemo for about three years. And right after I was. But I'm actually. I called you. The last time I called you, I was. She was having these outbursts, and it was about. Really about me dying. And you helped me to realize that and made a big difference in our relationship moving forward and in her level of anxiety through. Through my illness and after. Once I was in remission, I went back to work, and within three months of being back at work, I had a pipe fall on my head. And I've been dealing with a brain injury since then. And so she's had.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't catch a brain.

[Caller (Mother)]

No, I'm telling you, I've just had just a stream of things for me. But, like, it's. It's. You know, it's just her and I. Right. So she's. She's really been dealing with it as well, and it's not easy. And so. But she. Overall, she's really. She's been such a great kid. Like, she follows rules. She does well in school. You know, she has like, why the.

[Dr. Laura]

Hell are you on the phone with me?

[Caller (Mother)]

Well, for the problem that we have now. So she's 14 now, and, like, just slowly, there's just like this. This level of sass that has just been building. And. Because, like, she is such a great kid or like, I've been just kind of dismissing it over and over because it was sort of like, it's such a small thing, you know?

[Dr. Laura]

You cannot dismiss sass because it's disrespect. I understand she's getting older and wants to feel more powerful and independent and all of that, but disrespect to your mother is unacceptable. So you can't just let it pass because other things are good. So give me an example.

[Caller (Mother)]

I realize that now.

[Dr. Laura]

Give me an example of sad. Yes.

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[Caller (Mother)]

Of Sass. I'm trying to come up with my best example. Well, so it's an every, it's an all day everyday thing now. And let me, I'll just give you an example of something small that she does consistently throughout the day. So for example, if I say like she has to get, she has to be in bed at 9 o'. Clock. So I'll, I might tell her at 8 o'. Clock. It's, it's 8 o'. Clock. Like just telling her the time. Saying like now you manage your.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, why are you doing that? She's 14. She's not a baby.

[Caller (Mother)]

No, but count on her to go adhd.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't care what she has. When you are not in her life, she is going to have to get up on time.

[Caller (Mother)]

True.

[Dr. Laura]

So stop with the excuses. There's a divorce. I married a jerk. She's got adhd. I don't know if she has adhd. I would have been diagnosed as ADHD now if I was a kid now. Yeah, you know, I was just bored anyway. That's annoying. If you did it to me, I'd give you SAS too. So you've got to realize she's getting, you got to realize she's getting older and you have to adjust with your respect. So for example, tonight you're going to say, you know, I've been treating you with disrespect, telling you at 8 you had to be in bed at 9, you know, like you were 4 years old. I apologize for that. I'm going to respect that. You know, school night, nine o' clock and I'm just going to count on you to do the right thing because you do so many right things, do good in school. You're a really good kid around the house. So I apologize. I'm going to get up to speed now in treating you with respect. She will turn around and give you the same favor. I'm not going to allow you to ask me anything else. That's a way of looking at things. Now I want you to embrace. I would give you sass too if I were your 14 year old daughter and you were doing that like I was three. So some of the sass our kids give us is we drive them to it. My number one, 800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to DrLaura listeners like you.

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